#dilla made me do it

[wumblr]

the way house of leaves has been revived for a cult following is so funny. it's completely backwards! it was a music industry book. the singer poe, who made waves with her debut for having a few tracks produced by j dilla and then if i remember correctly doing a 500+ show tour, essentially tanked her career to promote the book (written by her brother)

not like on purpose but it was supposed to be a paired project and there was a remix with a book excerpt read by mark (the kyrie bmw sex scene) and like, i don't know, a tie-in website -- but then her label got sold or merged or acquired and the project was eventually cancelled after languishing in limbo for a few years. there's also an aspect of this where like, a texas oil executive posed as a friend of her late father (possibly true) in order to manipulate legal proceedings (?) to ultimately own her writing and recording copyrights post-acquisition (dubious allegation, which also relies on her having signed away both types of copyright to her label in the first place, arguably a larger problem spanning the whole industry, even today, still coming up in legal proceedings from kesha and taylor swift and so on)

anyway the album (haunted) and the book were both inspired by the same event (death of their father, tad danielewsky -- as an aside, a professor of theater at brigham young university). the album features samples from a box of cassette tape recordings of his voice. and also some fake samples from a couple of guys pretending to be tad danielewski with an obviously ridiculous accent and a couple of kids pretending to be her as a kid. and it takes place inside the house. the growl is there and everything i swear

it really was one of the top tier 90s concept albums (it was released in 2000 actually) but it is usually FAR too much to handle for casual listening and a lot of it comes across difficult for being so sincere and so unfocused (it is a love letter to her dead father where one of the songs is a list of places she's gotten fucked, because, uh, this is a conversation she wanted to have with him. shrug). and yet it's hard not to take it as it is because it's so consistently well produced

so i know nobody's computer comes with a cd player anymore but to read the book without listening to the paired album implicitly packed in the back of the book jacket is kind of like missing the whole point. there's a whole second act of rashomon you guys are missing. and a third act hello the etsy teleplays. ANYWAY the point i wanted to make is that there are a couple of things about the album sticking to the roof of my mouth as being somehow prescient. there's a distorted "why (are you) so serious" sample that would have come across VERY differently post-joker, but there's also "tell me something dangerous and true," a far more interesting variation on the theme currently circulating. and i'm speaking to an empty room here because it's only the celibate 60% of this website who is reading the book because it allows them a patina of literary validity and several nested unreliable narrators to distance themselves from the sex scenes, but haunted is very authentically, directly and exclusively written in first person and to be honest it fucks too hard for you guys. i'm sorry

[calcifiedunderland]

Holidays in Clock Town~

— snapshots during the time you spend in Clock Town with Deuce for the holiday season.

Note: this was written for @the-banana-0verlord’s Secret Santa event last year! This fic was for @thekitchenywitch, and I edited it for length/flow to post it. Enjoy!

i. Invitation

You couldn’t deny that you were excited. After one insane year of dealing with overblots, you could finally rest, and if that wasn’t relaxing enough, you were personally invited by none other than Dylla Spade to spend the winter holidays with her and Deuce. Earlier on, the blue-haired boy had knocked on your door the day before Winter Break, beaming at you.

“C’mon, (name)! It’ll be fun with you! Plus it’ll beat spending the break at Ramshackle!” He put his hand on his chest, smiling, “Mom said she didn’t mind! She really wants to have you over!” It didn’t take you long to agree. So, you and Grim packed up your things. One step through the Mirror later, you were enveloped in Dilla’s arms in welcome. “I’m so glad you came dear!” Over your shoulder, she smiled at her son, who looked at you softly. “We’re both glad you’re here.”

ii. Decorating

The next few days were sheer bliss.

The day after you arrived, Dylla drove you all to a local tree farm in Clock Town. It was easy to say, between the scent of pine and greenery, you could’ve gotten lost in the farm easily. Luckily, Deuce took it upon himself to escort you, looping his arm through yours and taking his job of ‘finding the holiday tree’ very seriously. You chuckled to yourself.

He had the same serious face when he was busy studying. When you both found one, he insisted on hitching the tree to the car roof himself. Dylla chuckled to herself at her son being ‘a true gentleman’ but when the tree almost fell on top of Deuce, you decided to intervene.

After wrestling the tree inside the house, you, Deuce, and Grim pulled out every single box containing decorations that Dylla had. You looked inside, suddenly smirking. “Aww, is this you?” You asked, taking out a small frame ornament that had a younger Deuce (missing teeth and the without the spade over his eye) and his mother, grinning at the camera. Deuce turned pink, grabbing it from you. “N-no…” A small crash interrupted you both, and you looked over at Grim, looking sheepish with a broken glass ball ornament on the ground. “Nya, it was shiny! S’not my fault…”

iii. Gingerbread

By now, the entire house was decorated. You and Deuce lounged on the couch, while Grim snored softly on an armchair pillow. Dylla had gone out to do a few last-minute deliveries for work, so the two of you decided to make some hot chocolate while you waited (not forgetting to make her a cup, too). “Y’know, it’s against the rules to not have cookies with these,” you say distractedly, stirring the marshmallows.

Deuce’s eyes widened, “w-what? I don’t remember that in the rule book!” He muttered to himself, “I should’ve memorized them better-“ you laughed, cutting him off. “No, no, not literally,” Deuce visibly relaxed. “I just think it’d be nice to have some,” you gazed fondly into your mug. Deuce thought for a bit, then said “who says we can’t?”

So now, your hands were covered with spices and flour, and the entire house smelled like gingerbread. You and Deuce were no Trey Clovers, but you both did a good job following a recipe, at least. While you removed the tray to let the cookies cool, you smiled at Deuce. “Y’know, I wanted to thank you.”

Deuce’s eyes widened, “why? If anything I should thank you, I almost put salt instead of sugar. I just did what you told me to, you understood the recipe.” You giggled, “no, not about the cookies, but I couldn’t have lifted that bag of flour without you,” you gazed at him softly, when the front door opened.

“I’m back!” Dylla walked in, shaking off her coat while Grim stirred awake. “Nya, is that…!” Eyes sparkling, he bounded to the kitchen. Dylla walked behind him, taking a cookie, “you two made gingerbread? It tastes wonderful!”

You nodded, “I couldn’t do it without Deuce. He learned a lot under Trey at school.” You didn’t miss Deuce’s proud glow at impressing his mother. Deuce picked up a cookie in both hands, offering one to you with a grin, “Eat up, (name)! We’ve earned this!”

iv. First snow

The morning after, you woke to a strange crunching sound. You rubbed your eyes, looking out the window, and your jaw dropped. “How did it snow so much outside?” You mumbled to yourself, shocked. It had to be about a foot high - and to your surprise, you saw a bundled-up Deuce shoveling it out of the driveway. Why was he out so early? It was still dark out.

You threw on your warmest clothes quickly. You opened the door, calling out “Deuce! What’re you doing up so early?! The sun’s not even up!” He huffed, breath clouding, “my mom has to go into town today, n’ the driveway’s blocked. I thought I’d start early.” You sighed, but felt touched at Deuce’s thoughtfulness. “I’ll help you, then.”

You took to scraping the ice and snow off of the car while Deuce shoveled the rest of the snow away. Finally, you both rested on the porch, shoulders pressed together, watching the sun slowly rise. Your breaths turned to misty clouds in the cold as you both breathed heavily after the work. Some time later, you pulled him up and were well into making a snowman when Dylla finally woke up, opening the front door. “What are you-“ Dylla stopped, watching the two of you continue without noticing her.

Deuce was carrying a large ball of snow while you were poking rocks and sticks into the snowman. Dylla leaned on the doorframe, and couldn’t help but smile as the two of you laughed, now running around in the now-clean driveway and throwing snow at each other. She could guess what happened.

v. Mistletoe

“The Town Square is fully decorated now,” Dylla said as she slid you your breakfast plate. “I saw it during deliveries yesterday. And they’re having the lighting festival tonight.” Deuce munched on his bacon, eyes wide, “oh! I remember those! It’s been a while since we’ve been. They light the tree, and have holiday drinks and snacks.” Deuce swallowed his food, turning to you, “we should all go, it’ll be fun!”

Grim cheered at snacks. “Sounds good to me! Let’s go now!” Dylla hummed, stirring her cocoa. “I won’t be able to go until after my deliveries for today, but it won’t take too long.” She patted Grim on the head, “how about you come with me Grim? We can ride around the town, and we’ll get there later. I’ll even take you to get local tuna,” she sing-songed. Grim’s eyes lit up, and he nodded rapidly.

Dylla chuckled, “Alright. Deuce, you should take (name) out,” Dilla smiled at Deuce. An hour later, the two of you were out on Deuce’s blastcycle, while Grim and Dylla stayed back. The wind ruffled Deuce’s hair, and you nuzzled him softly from behind. Soon enough, you two reached a clock tower with a large arch, and Deuce parked, helping you off. “Such a gentleman,” you teased, and he flushed.

You could see the glow of lights up ahead, probably the small holiday town gathering Dylla mentioned to Deuce. As the two of you walked, Deuce grabbed your arm, looking straight up with a blooming blush. “What?” You asked, slowly looking up until you saw some red berries and green leaves hanging from the arch. Oh. Oh my.

“I- um…” Deuce gulped, “W-we don’t have to, if you don’t want to, Prefect, um-“ you grabbed his hand. “Well, it wouldn’t be good to break the rules, right? Riddle will be extremely upset, after all,” you tried to joke, if only to get Deuce to ease up.

You bit your lip, “Yknow, I don’t mind if you don’t. But, only if you want to too.” You softly put your hands on his shoulders, trying for a smile to relax him. Poor Deuce looked so flustered.

Deuce’s eyes widened, but a small dorkish grin spread on his face. He gently wrapped his arms around you, pressing his forehead to yours. “Only if you’re sure, Prefect.” You responded by pressing your lips against his. You felt him smile against lips, and you couldn’t help but smile too. Around you, you heard cheering as the lights in the Town Square lit up. You and Deuce gently separated, and you couldn’t help but giggle at his flustered face.

“Happy holidays, Deuce.” You softly kissed his cheek, hugging him. You heard him laugh softly before hugging you back tightly, “Happy holidays to you too, Prefect.”

Reblogs and comments are forever appreciated!!

Happy holidays everyone!! Xoxo, ~Calci

[mariacallous]

When was the last time you made chicken soup without adding in a bunch of dill? If you are making an Eastern European version of it, don’t even think about it. Chicken soup without dill is like chopped liver without onions, tahini without lemon or marriage without love. It is an essential supporting ingredient, one that enriches all parts of the whole.

Dill never takes center stage; it is a modest herb, which is part of what I love about it. But only part. Would my mother be offended to know that it reminds me of her? There is that along with so many other reasons, which is why you can always find it in my fridge, at the ready, in a glass of water, waiting to be plucked.  

Here are the many reasons why I love dill, and why it deserves your love, too.

1. Dill is beautiful.

Not to be superficial, but let’s just get that out of the way. Dill is feathery; I love its muted green color and the languorous way it spills over the glass while it waits to be called into culinary duty. If you grow it in your garden, watch out for the yellow, lacy flowers that appear when the plant matures — they’re lovely enough to add to your flower arrangements and edible, too. 

2. Dill is Jewish.

According to Gil Marks, author of “Encyclopedia of Jewish Food,” dill was cultivated in Judea, a part of the land of Israel, more than 2,000 years ago. And in modern times, dill is an essential ingredient in many classic Eastern European Jewish and Persian Jewish dishes as well. Really, what is more Jewish than dill pickles? 

3. Dill reminds me of my mother (and maybe your mother, too?)  

Aside from the occasional bunch of parsley, dill was the only herb she ever bought in close to 70 years of cooking. No fresh mint, basil, rosemary, or tarragon. When dill was in the fridge, I knew it meant chicken or split pea soup was in my future. And like dill, my mother was beautiful, modest and Jewish.

4. Dill is old school.

Dill was one of the few herbs used in Eastern European Jewish cooking. In “The Vilna Vegetarian Cookbook,” written in 1937 by Fania Lewando, dill’s the herb that shows up most frequently. Lewando used it on potatoes, in cauliflower soup and in cucumber salad. If I can sneak it into a dish — particularly traditional Jewish dishes like potato kugel — I do; it gives me Poland, my grandmother and my mom in one handful.

5. But dill can be new school, too.

You haven’t lived if you haven’t treated yourself to dill pickle popcorn. This low calorie snack combines the flavor of pickles with popcorn and the results are triumphant. Find it at Trader Joe’s during the summer or Amazon year round. (You can also find dill pickle potato chips and array of other pickle-flavored snacks on the shelves of supermarkets these days!)

6. Dill helps to settle your stomach.

The herb’s name comes from the Norse word, “dilla,” which means to soothe. Since ancient times, dill has been used to calm roiling stomachs and even to help nursing mothers with breastfeeding. There was even mention of its medicinal properties in an Egyptian papyrus from 3,000 years ago.

7. Dill stays fresh a very long time.

Fresh dill usually lasts about two weeks in my refrigerator. When I bring home basil, the pressure is on. Use it or lose it. But dill waits for me. I snip the bottom, remove the rubber band holding the bunch together and stand it up in a glass of water. Others swear by wrapping dill in wet paper towels, placing it in a bag and putting it in a vegetable bin. One summer, when my garden exploded with a forest of dill, I cut bunches and froze them in ziplock bags to be used in the heart of winter when my soups called out for the grassy, vegetal flavor. 

8. Dill will clarify your chicken soup.

According to food writer Adeena Sussman, when cooking chicken soup, adding a bunch of dill attracts small particles floating in the liquid. Gently remove the dill for a clear broth once it’s done cooking.

9. Dill is healthy.

Dill is more than a pretty face. It’s a good source of Vitamin C, manganese and Vitamin A, and is rich in antioxidants, too. Could dill be part of why chicken soup is considered to be good for you? I put nothing past it.

10. Dill is my very own sleeper hit.

For many years, dill was my secret. There was nothing trendy or cool about it. But something changed of late. Food writer Alison Roman wrote a recipe that featured dill in potato-leek soup. It went viral, so much so that when I tried to buy a bunch of dill the week the recipe came out, there was none in the stores. The word was out. Dill is GOOD, and  I will remain forever loyal to its charms

[zestysthoughts]

Tep Tons: Albums

10. The Break of Dawn (Blue In Green) Smooth all the way through, this is full of music to just kinda vibe to, similarly to what you'd find hosted by Lofi Girl. Along with much of Gramatik's early work, it's the album that helped fuel my initial interest in the hip-hop style, especially with jazz elements. Here's a taste!

9. This Time (Los Lobos) I don't often listen to rock, but it's actually what I grew up with. At the center was AC/DC, Smash Mouth, and Linkin Park. In the periphery and having at most a single album I'd listen to, were Crossfade, 3 Doors Down, Finger Eleven, and Los Lobos. This Time sticks out as being not emo edgy and full of cringe-worthy self-pity. It's got energy, variety, and good vibes all around. Here's a taste!

8. Small Plates (J3PO) Short and sweet, this is one of those sketch albums, filled with some of the many snippets thought up and created by the artist. I love the existence of albums like this, as some of the real banger ideas that never get a full produced song can see the light of day while the artist is still alive, Small Plates (and Sweet Treats) having some of my favorites by J3PO. Here's a taste!

7. Fantastic (Slum Village) I couldn't pick one of the volumes, so I'm going with all of them lol. I love the wonky Dilla-time, as anyone who's seen my music recommendations would know. I love the unfinished feel of Vol. 1 with a bunch of really bumpin' beats that unfortunately never made it past this point, and I love that they revisited and polished a bunch of them and for Vol. 2, then there's the further edited version of 2, complete with hilarious and heartfelt testimonials at the end of some of the tracks. Here's a Taste!

6. Funk Blaster EP (KOAN Sound) While there's no one album that incapsulates my dubstep phase, this one was definitely the most prominent. It's funky, wubby, and well-composed. I'll admit I am "that guy" when it comes to KOAN Sound, I liked them better during their early experimental days, until Polychrome when they made a habit of putting 2 different songs in 1 track. Honorable mention to Risky Endeavors Here's a taste!

6.5. Planet Neutral (Getter)

5. Things Fall Apart (The Roots) One of the newest additions, The Roots has become one of my favorite bands ever. Through and through, this is but one of the masterpieces created in the Soulquarians sessions at Electric Lady Studio, filled with banger after banger. Honorable mention to the Deluxe Edition, featuring some of my favorite Roots songs ever. Here's a taste!

4. Astro Lounge (Smash Mouth) Yes I know, it's the one with All Star. Like I said, Smash Mouth was one of my favorite bands growing up, and Astro Lounge just has a special place in my heart. The title I think sums it up best, feels like you're in a cozy futuristic lounge, or at least the idea of futuristic people had in the late 90's. Here's a taste!

3. Random Album Title (Deadmau5) Another one I'm nostalgic for, this is the ultimate vibe album for me. The somewhat droning and repetitive nature of it, plus the seamless mix between songs, gives it a video game soundtrack quality in that it's great for just putting on in the background while you're doing stuff. Unfortunately Spotify is being weird and there's like 3 slightly different versions of it with the same name. Here's a taste!

2. Plastic Beach (Gorillaz) Aright it's another nostalgic one, this I think is the first physical CD I ever bought. I love the metaphorically nautical/maritime theme, and as per usual with the Gorillaz, there's a great variety in musical styles. Plus there's a kickass music video for Stylo. Here's a taste!

1. Djesse (Jacob Collier) I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Jacob Collier is the greatest musical mind of our time. This album has such a profound effect on me I can't fully describe. Whenever I sit to listen to any part of it, it feels like a hug that gives you the warm shivers, it tickles my ears, and almost always I well up. Djesse is the work of a man who thoroughly explores the depths of music and sound, travels the world to learn, combines it all in unique ways, and all the while exuding this infectious energy and curiosity. Here's a taste!

[puckpocketed]

Hi! Sorry if this is weird but do you have song/video recs? I have enjoyed what you recommended in the past. Please ignore this if you want, I know this isn't really a hockey ask :')

so does everyone else have a playlist where they store all their favourite essays/documentaries miscellaneous vids. or is that just me?? anon i hope u like hearing from me, if u wanted short answers u came to the wrong person. here are various faves from over the years:

Dawn from Pride and Prejudice (2005). i think about it often. it's a beautiful piece. i listen to this song and experience the movie all over again. the mud on elizabeth's skirt. dancing at parties. lovely potatoes. darcy and his cleavage. the mist in the morning. "you have bewitched me, body and soul. and i love, i love, i love you." the sun rising as she kisses his hand. HELLO!!!!

minesweeper is literally causing me health issues by i am error. a harrowing look at addiction through the lens of a minesweeper fixation. very funny and warm video.

The Best Food Movie Scenes Supercut by William Adiguna. fascinated by this. also i have used it for painting study reference.

How J Dilla's Timefeel ACTUALLY Works by Digging The Greats. right so. i know everyone's been making posts about black artists in the wake of the Kendrick-Drake beef and white tumblr subsequently figuring out that rap exists outside of Hamilton and music as a whole exists outside of uhhhh taylor swift. I don't think I've seen anyone mention J Dilla in my circles yet so here's a small essay about how he changed music history forever and you should absolutely listen to him. we lost him too fucking early, but his legacy lives on in the beat!!

The Lincoln Highway: Across America on the First Transcontinental Motor Route by Noah Caldwell-Gervais. this is a 7 and 1/2 hour travelogue by one of my favourite writers of all time. he has shorter videos about games and travel, but this one is an all-timer for me. I admire him so much. His writing voice is so lush and intentional, he weaves narrative with every sentence, and yet nothing feels superfluous. i have listened to this video multiple times and always find something new to think about.

Savestate vs Armada - The Quest for the Frozen Turnip by Melee Stats. if you made it this far down the list we are either best friends or you are super bored and want something to watch. here's the sell: Armada is one of the 5 Gods of Super Smash Bros. Melee, Savestate is this weirdo who does speedruns and loves to break the game. they go head to head at a tournament, super smash con. the frozen turnip is a bug that sort of breaks the game. chaos ensues <3

Stylish Academic Writing a lecture by Helen Sword (Harvard University). I think about this video a lot. As someone who writes a lot of academic essays and For Fun essays, this lecture was formative.

Time and Again - How to Write and Understand Time Loops by Replay Value. dissecting and categorising time loops, and teaching you how to write them in the process. excellent video even if you aren't a writer or don't have an interest in writing sci-fi/time travel!

With Love by Harbour. this song makes me so happy. i will dance to it with my future wife in our kitchen. i will sing this to her under under our pink lights. that kinda vibe <3

thank you for dropping by!! <3 and giving me an excuse to inflict a bunch of recs onto my followers!! hit me up for more recs any time ig??

[ryansholin]

And in the closing weeks of my sabbatical project, when I should be focusing on finishing and mastering songs and idk like releasing an album in some manner, I bought a used Korg Volca FM to fiddle with, and it was good.

It’s making the twangy/clangy sound here. The drums are from the Volca Beats, and chaining them together made me instantly see the appeal of buying more little physical boxes to hook up and tweak knobs.

There’s a Prophet V-based Analog Lab preset doing a wah-wah thing with a longer attack, and a “Dilla Marimba” Ableton instrument from some free sound pack I downloaded a while back. (RIP JD.)

And now, back to mild stress about finishing the missing verses of things and shoring up the mixing, mastering, and sequencing of the “real” project.

[fineartsjournal]

213341 Art Studio IIIA ⋆ Week 5 - Dire, Dire, Dire...

We find ourselves in the present day. Not for long, I still haven't even covered J Dilla. I have, however, stumbled across these two albums, both from 2023, and both from Brazil, where half my family is.

These being: Mimosa by cabezadenego, Mbé & Leyblack, and Sexto Dos Crias by DJ Ramon Sucesso.

Both these were found browsing RateYourMusic for plunderphonic essentials, to which I was pleasantly surprised to find two Baile Funk albums in the ranks.

I wrote about this for Contextual Studies last semester, so I'll quote myself for the following:

[Baile Funk is] "...a music genre of hiphop and Miami Bass sensibilities that originated from the Rio de Janeiro slums - or favelas - in the early 1990s, with a jumpy, vulgar and generally fun attitude."

This was referring to the album Mimosa in particular, which-

"...uses energetic sampling of Afro-Brazilian music new and old, particular the genre Baile Funk..." "The sampling approach, as well as very straightforward lyricism about gay sex; entails an incredibly danceable musical experience of black queerness in Brazil..."

In an interview with Gabinete last December, group member Luiz Felipe (seen pictured on the album cover) outlined the motives behind Mimosa:

“For me the sample has the function of reframing (?), you recount the history via a new perspective […] I find that the sample has a profound connection with black culture through its principles […] it is based on our very own history. And the sample for me isn’t just in music, it is in the argument; you can sample video, you can sample ideas, you can sample words, the way in which we created this project was entirely sampled.”

Sexta Dos Crias is much the same, with DJ Ramon Sucesso using his DJ controller to zoom across fragments of funk at lightning pace. No sample sticks around for long, instead, you find yourself tumbling between- "...firework-like bursts of classic funk carioca samples, his own productions, mainstream tracks, nonsense TikTok sound bites, and tons of his trademark beat bolha. All contained within an unparalleled, mischievously non-linear rhythmic flow."

Now in working mode for the next presentation, I tinkered around with the Super Mario 64 soundtrack in Audacity until I came across a neat sound.

Sampling the first four notes in the track Dire Dire Docks, I slowed the speed by 95%, and again by another 95%. Doing this required me to segment the piece and individually slow each of the segments, as doing the whole thing at once would cause Audacity to crash.

I then divided the resulting track into a left-ear and light-ear channel, playing at a slight delay to each other, forming a 'panning' effect.

Over this year, I've learned some audible differences in 'slowing' techniques.

A regular 'record' slow lowers both the pitch and tempo at once, sounds clean, and takes very little processing power to perform.

Just shifting the tempo is a little trickier; a low-fidelity tempo slow repeats small sections of the audio every fraction of a second, creating this ssttaaggggeerreedd ssoouunndd.

The high-fidelity version of this sees Audacity artifically 'filling in' these staggered gaps. This results in a stretchy, metallic sound.

A "paulstretch" also doesn't affect the pitch, but drenches any slowing in cavernous reverb.

Here's a little comparison I made:

For this next one, I took the "yahoo!" sound that Mario makes when performing a 'long jump' action in-game, and slowed it using the lo-fi tempo slider, shaved off the latter 8 minutes, and slowed it again; until it was 3 minutes of repeated "ya-" noises; otherwise representing a fraction of a millisecond.

Experimenting further, I added a 'delay', pitch-shifted so that each 'echo' would play at a lower key. Reversing this sound created a turkey-like noise, which I then looped in turn.

I then took the theme from the game's "File Select" menu, again slowing it down to a 20th of its speed. From there, I took the opening fraction-of-a-note and looped it, lowering the key each time to create a jiltery progression.

Press play on both tracks and they... kind of work together!

Ruby, Ariel and I caught up with Mike for a brief talk on materials, which we mapped out to the following:

Then I remembered something cool. Being a fan of Aphex Twin would come in handy eventually - meet SampleBrain.

It was available as a free download on Github.

After loading it up (and convincing my PC that this was not malware), the program looked like this:

I followed the instructions and placed the shorter tracks from the SM64 soundtrack into the "brain contents", and loaded a loop taken from OPN's Zebra into the "target sound".

⚠️ PLEASE LOWER YOUR VOLUME! ⚠️

Will this be my go-to sample-processing unit? Time will tell.

Being the algorithmic hymns of a straightforward piece of software, it gets loud. REALLY quick. Using this software more in my work will require a lot more effort in the mixing department.

𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕒 𝕓𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕗 𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕜 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕖𝕞𝕞𝕒!

I showcased my current project, sketches, different audio methods I'm using (SampleBrain included), as well as playing what I've made so far. This was mainly a catch-up for prodding into my own motives, rather than critiques.

The qualities of Super Mario 64 (SM64) are a hallmark of internet-era nostalgia; and for me, a nostalgia not just from the unreal, but the unlived; to be nostalgic for I game I haven't played, from a time before I was born.

The development of the presentation side of my work following the Week 3 critique came with a need to tear down barriers in audience interaction, remove that digital suspicion that we hold onto through the introduction of the familiar to the modern.

This will be a very 'modern' piece, but I still will be using MP3 players; like a letter symbol on your Gmail app, or a rotary speaker on your Phone icon.

I was listening to the Runescape soundtrack the other day.

It's this fantasy game from the early 2000s that I know jack-shite about, but the music is nice.

Nevertheless, it's clearly evoked a longing for those that grew up playing it, as every comment is reminiscing on lost times.

So I thought - what if I took one of these comments and just... removed any and all reference to Runescape, video games and even music - from it? What is left?

Runescape was, and is not a real place, but these are very real feelings.

[kickmag]

The Detroit Pistons Collaborate With J.Dilla's Estate & Royce Da 5' 9" On New Merchandise

Rapper Royce Da 5' 9" has collaborated with the Detroit Pistons on a retail capsule collection inspired by the life of J.Dilla.  The announcement was made on Wednesday (February 7th) on what would have been Dilla's 50th birthday. In the 18 years since his passing, from lupus and a blood disorder, his legend has grown as his genius has become more recognized. The Pistons' decision to honor him on his 50th birthday coincides with the 50th anniversary of hip-hop. Bilal Saeed, VP of Brand & Marketing Strategy for The Pistons explained the motivation behind the capsule, 

“Those familiar with Dilla’s musical genius understand his impact on hip-hop but there are still so many who aren’t familiar with his legacy. The Pistons wanted to tell his story in a creative way while also continuing to shed light on the city’s impact on music around the world.”

The team connected with Dilla's friend Frank Nitt, who also recorded with Dilla as one half of Frank N Dank, and he introduced to Dilla's mother Maureen "Ma Dukes" Yancey, his brother John "Illa J" Yancey,  and his daughters, Ja’Mya Yancey and Ty’Monae Whitlow. 

"It has honestly been a long time coming,” Ja’Mya Yancey said. “I am just so glad that we were finally able to do something so major through the appropriate channels and highlight my dad in a way that was fun and exciting while respecting his estate at the same time.” 

“It means a lot to see the estate and the Pistons collaboration in celebrating and continuing my father’s legacy,” Ty’Monae Whitlow said. “Seeing the love Detroit has for him and for us as a family is heartwarming.  I can’t wait to be a part of and to see what the collaboration entails.”  Royce, who also worked with Dilla, served as the art director on the project. "Dilla's enduring legacy is a treasure that must be safeguarded at any expense,” said Royce. “It is a great honor to be responsible for curating his likeness in this exclusive merchandise drop entrusted to me by his estate and the Pistons. This campaign holds major significance not just for myself but also for the city of Detroit and the hip-hop community as a whole." 

The capsule will be available March 13th at the Pistons's online shop. 

[thekitchenywitch]

Package delivered: Secret Santa!

Deuce Spade Edition

i. Invitation

You couldn’t deny that you were excited. After one insane year of dealing with overblots, you could finally rest, and if that wasn’t relaxing enough, you were personally invited by none other than Dilla Spade to spend the winter holidays with her and Deuce. “C’mon, (name)! It’ll be fun with you! Plus it’ll beat spending the break at Ramshackle!” It didn’t take you long to agree. So, you and Grim packed up your things. One step through the Mirror later, you were enveloped in Dilla’s arms in welcome. “I’m so glad you came dear!” Over your shoulder, she smiled at her son, who looked at you softly. “We’re both glad you’re here.”

ii. Decorating

The next few days were sheer bliss.

The day after you arrived, Dilla drove you all to a local tree farm in Clock Town. It was easy to say, between the scent of pine and greenery, you could’ve gotten lost in the farm easily. Luckily, Deuce took it upon himself to escort you, looping his arm through yours and taking his job of ‘finding the holiday tree’ very seriously. When you both found one, he insisted on hitching the tree to the car roof himself. Dilla chuckled to herself at her son being ‘a true gentleman’ but when the tree almost fell on top of Deuce, you decided to intervene.

After wrestling the tree inside the house, you, Deuce, and Grim pulled out every single box containing decorations that Dilla had. You looked inside, suddenly smirking. “Aww, is this you?” You asked, taking out a small frame ornament that had a younger Deuce (missing teeth and the spade over his eye) and his mother, grinning at the camera. Deuce turned pink, grabbing it from you. “N-no…” A small crash interrupted you both, and you looked over at Grim, looking sheepish with a broke glass ball ornament on the ground. “Nya, it was shiny, s’not my fault…”

iii. Gingerbread

By now, the entire house was decorated. You and Deuce lounged on the couch, while Grim snored softly on an armchair. Dilla had went out to do a few last-minute deliveries for work, so the two of you decided to make some hot chocolate while you waited (not forgetting to make her a cup, too). “Y’know, it’s against the rules to not have cookies with these,” you say distractedly, stirring the marshmallows. Deuce’s eyes widened, “w-what? I don’t remember that in the rule book!” He muttered to himself, “I should’ve memorized them better-“ you laughed, cutting him off. “No, no, not literally,” Deuce visibly relaxed. “I just think it’d be nice to have some,” you gazed fondly into your mug. Deuce thought for a bit, then said “who says we can’t?”

So now, your hands were covered with spices and flour, and the entire house smelled like gingerbread. You and Deuce were no Trey Clovers, but you both did a good job following a recipe, at least. While you removed the tray to let the cookies cool, you smiled at Deuce. “Y’know, I wanted to thank you.” Deuce’s eyes widened, “why? If anything I should thank you, I almost put salt instead of sugar. I just did what you told me to, you understood the recipe.” You giggled, “no, not about the cookies, but I couldn’t have lifted that bag of flour without you,” you gazed at him softly, when the front door opened. “I’m back!” Dilla walked in, shaking off her coat while Grim stirred awake. “Nya, is that…!” Eyes sparkling, he bounded to the kitchen. Dilla walked behind him, taking a cookie, “you made gingerbread! It tastes wonderful!” You nodded, “I couldn’t do it without Deuce. He learned a lot under Trey at school.” You didn’t miss Deuce’s proud glow at impressing his mother. Deuce picked up a cookie in both hands, offering one to you with a grin, “Eat up, (name)! We’ve earned this!”

iv. First snow

The morning after, you woke to a strange crunching sound. You rubbed your eyes, looking out the window, and your jaw dropped. “How did it snow so much outside?” You mumbled to yourself, shocked. It had to be about a foot high - and to your surprise, you saw a bundled-up Deuce shoveling it out of the driveway. You threw on your warmest clothes quickly. You opened the door, calling out “Deuce! What’re you doing up so early?! The sun’s not even up!” He huffed, breath clouding, “my mom wants to go into town today, n’ the driveway’s blocked. I thought I’d start early.” You sighed, but felt touched at Deuce’s thoughtfulness. “I’ll help you, then.”

You scraped the ice and snow off of the car while Deuce shoveled the rest of the snow away. Finally, you both rested on the porch, shoulders pressed together, watching the sun slowly rise. Some time later, you pulled him up and were well into making a snowman when Dilla finally woke up, opening the front door. “What are you-“ Dilla stopped, watching the two of you continue without noticing her. Deuce was carrying a large ball of snow while you were poking rocks and sticks into the snowman. Dilla leaned on the doorframe, and couldn’t help but smile as the two of you laughed, now running around and throwing snow at each other.

v. Mistletoe

“Deuce, you should take (name) out to the town square,” Dilla smiled at Deuce. An hour later, the two of you were out on Deuce’s blastcycle, while Grim and Dilla stayed back. The wind ruffled Deuce’s hair, and you nuzzled him softly from behind. Soon enough, you two reached a clock tower with a large arch, and Deuce parked, helping you off. “Such a gentleman,” you teased, and he flushed. You could see the glow of lights up ahead, probably the small holiday town gathering Dilla mentioned to Deuce.

As the two of you walked, Deuce grabbed your arm, looking straight up with a blooming blush. “What?” You asked, slowly looking up until you saw some berries and green leaves hanging from the arch. “I- um…” Deuce gulped, “W-we don’t have to, um-“ you grabbed his hands. “Well, it wouldn’t be good to break the rules, right?” Deuce’s eyes widened, but a small dorkish grin spread on his face. “…guess not, huh?” You responded by pressing your lips again this.

Xoxo, ~your Secret Santa!

Jzhzbshsbdjdbfbxbdbdjjfdjdbdjjddb THANK YOU!!!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS SECRET SANTA

[maester-of-spreadsheets]

Good being rhythmic and bad art being obsessively anti rhythm is so interesting to me because it weirdly has me thinking of J Dilla and how he popularized mixing up straight and swung beats. Nowadays you will see his fingerprints on pretty much all lofi beats to relax to/succumb to the void to type of mixes on YouTube. And that’s just off the top of my head. But there were definitely people going “le gasp!” at him initially. Because yeah they thought it was “obsessively anti rhythm” for the sake of it.

But it also just wasn’t true lol. Having made lofi beats of my own and looking up drum patterns for common lofi beats in order to do that…. There’s totally a repetition of rhythm there. Dilla type beats are like a classic example of someone who clearly knew the common rules for their art like the back of their hand and then used them to innovate. Video below that shows how straight/swing mixing rhythms ARE a rhythm lol

[katerinaaqu]

Girl! As always thanks for the mention 😊 ✨️🪷✨️🤗 and for this amazing insight of your character creation! 👍

Yup makes sense since we always need an antagonist for every story that involves this thematic so makes sense how certain characters were not thought through beyond that point of their role initially but that is the great thing with characters that are created; they grow like babies grow! You start with an idea and the rest of them accumulate together to create a character more complete! And Diego deserves sooooooo much more attention than what he gets!

Makes sense that this is indeed a really valid starting point for a character whether that is writing or designing and all for elements like these tell a story and absolutely all that makes sense! He is more subtle of personality so his body and style also respond to that plus the way he slips through the cracks almost literally is also his own nature as a spy or actor as he needs to fill many roles. Even if one calls him Chameleon it still works given how agile the animal can be.

Hahaha elf ranger indeed 🤣 😂 😆 but I so see that on your sketches dear! Yes his clothing are still so practical (as opposed to others like Phobos who wears extravagant robes that normally wouldn't be used in battle with sleeves and details that have no real practical use apart from concealing the body and have a dramatic effect). Diego wears his tights tunics or boots clearly for practicality and function. Even his capes robes or mantles can have a practical purpose as proector against the rain or to hide one's features when walking about the city but generally speaking they can also be a bit more extravagant in subtle details than other characters than Caleb who apart from the fact that wears clothing that are flattering his figure and bring out some of his good characteristics he doesn't seem to wear decorations to his clothing.

Some cliché exist for a reason dear. Color red was always linked to something powerful or passionate so of course if someone appears in red is obviously to stand out and bring up this explosion of color in a room. That alone has a passionate assertion to the situation. If anything there is something instinctual regarding intense colors like red or yellow and nature for instance many creatures or plants that have intense red color are associated with poison and danger. Which makes sense why red hair or red clothes are generally associated with intense personas (and let's face it if someone sees red is not the first instict to feel calm as opposing to blue or light green)

Oh he definitely loves fiercely and that is the reason of his downfall. The intensity of emotions was mostly his worst enemy. His own personal exaggeration in his heart. It is so great that his color scheme was built basically from the red of his hair! 😍❤️🔥

And yes it makes sense how often we must focus on colors that compliment each other so the eye will not get tired. Of course there are designs that use the same color scheme through and through (like some white haired anime characters for instance also dressed in white giving them an "all white" essence one character that comes to mind is Shizuka Hio from Vampire Knight or characters from Deadman Wonderland) but i see why it is preferable in your head to keep balance. Would I find interesting to see Diego in intense colored clothing? Perhaps but yes earthly browns are definitely complicating him. Likewise blues or greens would do that same job. As opposing to black colors that would give him a more pallid nature. Surely it would bring up the red in his hair but somehow Diego wearing all black would give him a much more intense "villain vibe" than it should be averting the point of his complicated personality

Awwww Dilla is mentioned yay 👏 🪷✨️🪷✨️🪷✨️🪷👏 you definitely made that idea soar girl!

Oh shush girl you always flatter me so much!

You are so sweet! Best team effort ever! 👌

Hey! I want you to know never doubt it, your art is FAN-TASTIC 👀 and it deserves all the praise it can get! 💖✨️❤️

How do you come up with your designs for the characters? Diego in particular; how did you come up with the design or the color scheme and the like! Seems a complicated process of thought!

Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words, it means a lot!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh gosh, there's a bit to unpack here, but I'll try not to drag it! Diego is an interesting choice, not many people ask me about him, you are very attentive stranger! It's kind of funny because when I first created him he had a simple antagonistic role, mainly because I didn’t have much experience with character design or storytelling at the time. Both him and my skills are still growing.

When designing a character, I start by exploring their personality, background, and role in the story. So now I aimed to capture Diego's inner qualities and flaws, as well as how his environment and relationships influence him. From his pose, to the way he carries himself, his expressions, the silhouette of his body e.t.c. all of that must hint to the viewer who is is as a person.

For instance Diego has mostly the role of an archer in the rebellion, so he should have well-developed upper arms and shoulders. However, given his stealthy and cunning nature, I imagined him to be toned and athletic rather than overly muscular despite being a warrior. Additionally, Diego has a subtle 'posh' vibe to him even when he's being erratic, which I try to show through small details like elegant movements or the gestures of his hands.

After deciding his body structure I move over to all the other details that add to his character. For example I also wanted his clothes to balance his personality with his role in a rebellion, so they are a bit more elegant for a rebel, reflecting his slightly vain nature, but I also tried to portray them as practical. Everything he wears has a purpose, whether it’s for mobility, stealth, or durability in battle. The elegance in his attire is subtle, maybe in the cut of his tunic or the way his boots are laced, but it’s there, showing that he’s someone who cares about how he presents himself. Now that I think about it Diego is pretty much like an elf ranger 😆

As far as his colors go, one of the first things I knew I wanted for Diego was red hair. Even though it’s a bit cliché, I felt it symbolized the fiery aggression he carries inside. As his character developed, the red hair came to represent not just aggression, but also his passion, determination, and his intense need to prove himself (feelings he often keeps hidden). The color also reflects how he loves fiercely, sometimes to the point of self-destruction. I focused on keeping his hair red and built the color scheme around it because having that one fixed detail made the rest of the design process easier for me.

After that I used complementary and softer colors such as greens and earthly browns to highlight his outfit, eyes e.t.c.

It can definitely seem daunting to create something from scratch, I always try to go back to basics so things don't turn into a rumble in my head. For example, when I'm choosing color schemes for either characters or environments I tend to just look back at color theory, and I know that might seem dull, but it’s incredibly important and useful for understanding how colors interact and complement each other (just like it is important to understand anatomy for drawing figures).

I won’t dive into the technical details since there are plenty of online tutorials, but one reference I highly recommend is James Gurney’s book Color and Light. It’s been a game-changer for me and it's a tool I frequently return to when I feel stuck in my coloring process:

Palette generators are also useful resources:

https://color.adobe.com/create/color-wheel

Even stuff like character creator and dress-up games can be surprisingly effective for inspiration and kick starting a base for character designs and color schemes if you are feeling stuck. Some of our most beloved original characters started from this, combined with the techniques I mentioned above. For example, Dilla was initially created by @katerinaaqu using one of these games (left). I then drew her and fleshed out her body structure and tailored her appearance to better fit her personality and physical descriptions, as we both envisioned her (right) :

With this I also must point out that the development of Diego and the entirety of Chronicles of Metamoor was a team effort. My friend @katerinaaqu, an awesome writer who collaborates with me on this project, played a big role in shaping these characters. Her detailed descriptions, stories, and insights were very important to bring them all to life ❤️

I think this is all for now. I apologize if this explanation was a bit general, but if you (or anyone else) have more questions about Diego’s design or any of our other characters, or even just any general question feel free to ask! Your support and interest in my art and our story mean a lot to me, thank you so much! ❤️🌹

[loco-bird]

Oh man even after reading part of this it was still such an insane ride and soooo good girl!! The fact that this does not have more attention is a crime! Such a fantastic narrative of sorrow and pain for the poor man 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨ A heartbreaking and yet deeply emotional conclusion for story!

Gosh the poor guy started out with a bad hangover after she made him drink so much last night!! He really was shaken and turned badly! And damn the bright white place strikes again hahaha in a much more scarier note this white environment truly starts to become like a pretty nightmare bit by bit!

And it's so sad already that he's ashamed at being drunk and opening himself up to her, when Calypso was the one who manipulated him into doing so and he can't grasp that yet 😢man the conveniently placed medicine for his hangover! Another red flag that this was orchestrated with his present condition in mind! I like how his sharp mind even under the spell notices it's a bit off.

Don't know if this has anything to do with it, but the fact that the medicine works well with the nausea but not with his dizziness also seems to work in Calypso's favor to maneuver him! Maybe it's also connected to her mind spells. Poor man doesn't have a clue how much she wants to be sleeping next to him lool she's giving her prey space to come to her it seems!

Gosh even the fact that she has hangover medicine ready gives her a reverse Dilla vibe hahaha sorry 😂 but man he really got a bad one! It must have been Calypso's spell as well which made him so accepting of more and more drink, he's definitely catching on to something now, even if he's yet to know her motivation! Gosh 😂😂😂😂 the "You're not mature enough" always gets me hahaha perfect for him, and silver fox Caleb hahaha

Oh man it's so scary and sad how he's always making excuses for her still, even with all the hints there, yet it's so realistic in a scary way how his instincts are telling him something is wrong in the way she made him drunk, but he feels he doesn't want to believe them since this woman helped him survive, and also how afraid he is to have more issues with the Gods 😢 And the fact that shame starts to become a prevalent thing more and more... Calypso definitely uses shame as a tool to get to him as well. Hin comparing her to Circe and how that was scary for him already 😢

Oh boy Calypso posing like a painting again, and yet like a lion in her den awaiting her meal once more! It's interesting how she's probably trying to manipulate him into believing he's in a relaxed environment with her, but Odysseus gets more and more creeped out as time passes, even tho he's still trying to convince himself the fear is misplaced.

That "I am glad to see you are up" she was expecting him to stay down a while damn woman 😂 and the way the maids handle him seems almost like another hint he is losing his autonomy. That smirk of hers at him saying his throat is dry, she's a bit of creep even in the little things hahaha or I'm just too antagonizing of her at this point 🤣 even that "I would hate to see you struggle with nausea" seems so mocking from her!

I really like how you make Calypso's emotions for him genuine and yet that doesn't make her any less of a creep, she definitely admires him and likes him truly, but she still is maneuvering him with no regards at his true feelings, plus she looks at him like a piece of meat, and the simpleton comment oh boy... Basically she fetishizes his body and personality yet she's not caring about what he wants, something that gets more and more apparent as the story continues, the more she figures out he doesn't want her after all, the more she takes him without consent, that was a very well made yet terrifying and tense build up!

Oh gosh her patting her own back for not jumping on him yikes! Plus the fact that she admits that the idea of doing it while he was vulnerable was tempting and she just didn't because he would remember!

Man the way she keeps reminding him how she likes it when he opens up to her feels more like she's opening up a shell by force! And how easy she lies by even mixing it with omissions, calling him darling gets more and more scary now!

That tense build up of Odysseus refusing her praises and her pressing more and more how she wants to be a friend was progressively so uncomfortable... You can see how she's already fooling herself thinking that coercing him to drink was somehow good as a way for him to talk to her, and not a violation of his free will already, and the way she suddenly puts her hand on his felt as tense as a lion putting his paw on a prey like testing if it would run away or not 😶 especially since she felt like jumping him at that moment too!

It's so interesting how you made her open up about her loneliness now, since it's something so connected to this particular Goddess, and it makes her actions more understandable even if not justified or less creepy in the slightest! I can imagine that spending her time isolated there was toxic, even her nymphs don't help much because they serve her blindly doing everything she wants, Calypso is a lonely deity, without much experience of relationships and very used to having whatever the hell she wants with a snap of her fingers, so she doesn't take a "no" for an answer well, and she truly is projecting into Odysseus all the solutions and cure for her loneliness, especially after the first time she rapes him. There's definitely a bit of tragedy behind her aborrent awful actions even if you still loathe her haha

Oh man and poor Odysseus feeling sorry for her loneliness comparing it to his own, but as he tries to give her a hand Calypso takes the chance to pull his whole arm! 😶 Poor guy was put against the wall in 3 seconds with her pleas for him to stay with her! I love how Odysseus is so confused by her change in tone and demeanor dropping the motherly mature image and getting more and more needy and clingy like a little girl now! The way she so confidently tells him she understands him is so arrogant coming from her lips, and the way she says "you are worthy" is so demeaning, yet so perfectly written for a Goddess such as her who is used to her status (especially in comparison to humans)!

Odysseus initial reaction was so fitting as well, who would not be flattered and blush at a beautiful Goddess praising you, a mortal, that way! Even confessing her feelings to you so boldly! Especially Odysseus who is thinking about his fleeting youth and reputation as well! And yet the poor guy is already trying to break free from her grasp and trying to tell her he wants to go back...

I love how you wrote Calypso accusing mortals of being petty when she herself is one of the most petty beings around hahaha it was such a great way to hint at her being hypocritical too. And the way she immediately ignores the fact that he has another life to return, and starts off by accusing his dead friends...

Gosh it starts the first strike! The way she uses Odysseus's pain to her advantage... And even tho it's true that his men made their own mistakes it's heartbreaking the way she is purposely trying to antagonize them more, make them seem as simply backstabbing monsters in her words when the truth is much more complicated than that... Also the way she was keeping the information of Eurylochus as the one who had the idea to eat the cows and open the sack, just so she could weaponize it to manipulate Odysseus more, not even caring how much this hurts him 😢

Oh man the vision must be so brutal, Calypso really chose the worse spot for her own convenience! 😢 And even tho Odysseus knew his men did this, him hearing Eurylochus basically start a mutiny while he was away searching for food must have hurt his mind and heart too deeply... yet Odysseus still understands them seeing how much they are suffering and starving, afraid of dying in the worst way possible withering away, while watching food grazing right next to them!

As always it's so touching how Polites is one of the few attempting to defend Odysseus... Eurylochus rage is so raw and understandable even if very harsh and unfair as well, since he does not carry the weight of leadership and the choices Odysseus had to make, but man his suffering is surely palpable and genuine as well! But hearing all of his accusations must hurt like knives in Odysseus hears even the cave of the Cyclops and all... Especially since his comrades are dead now and he can do nothing but despair at these words and their loss. And watching the cows being killed and presented in such a bad manner of sacrifice was just more salt to the wound, just watching knowing he can't change the past and prevent what happens next 😢

Man Odysseus pain is definitely so apparent in your writing! The way he almost scratches the skin from his face in pure agony.. the way he laments what his comrades and friends did to him, but also what he did to them, all the sacrifices and choices he had to bear for them which makes their words and actions sting more, but also the path of destruction he followed with them and that he blames himself for choosing 😭 cursing his very own birth was definitely the limit oh man...the mix of feelings of blame but also trying to defend himself internally is so sad, a true battle with his own rambling emotions 😢 and now he remembers how Skylla in particular hit Eurylochus hard...

Oh man and if the vision was brutal this flashback is definitely insane!! The way it starts with Odysseus fully armored when the ship passes the area, looking up while his comrades are confused and anxious already points out to the danger about to come, as well as the unnatural silence as the calm before the storm... And how gutrenching the way the men get terrified at Charybdis when their true doom comes from the other side...

And gosh the baby cry is definitely such a creepy touch for this monster attempting to lure prey! Odysseus' hope surely was crushed with him hoping that the beast wouldn't wake up... Now he sees the eminent danger and how helpless he is to avoid it, for Charybdis would just swallow them all! Poor Polites not knowing and warning him about the baby must have been so hard for Odysseus... And it's so fitting the way Odysseus compares the cry to baby Astyanax wanting some sort of retribution for his death... how raw is his pain when he looks at Polites and asks forgiveness right before taking him to the ground as the worst happens!

The way you described the faces on the necks is surely horror movie material, the mix of women and dragon features sound both interesting and horrifying especially with the long necks just snatching the men so quickly like that! And man how gruesome that she does not kill them first and eats them alive in the middle of agony and pain and suffering! The adrenaline rush not letting them even pass out or anything 😰 and the panic of the men throwing up and everything is so realistic for such a situation...

Gosh the silence of the men as they try to process what happened while Odysseus guilt engulfs him already! And of course Eurylochus jumping right in front of Polites screaming his lungs out, which is understandable but oh man... The way he almost spits "king of Ithaca" and "equal to Gods" with such irony! I love it how you understand both sides' perspectives and mistakes, yes Odysseus lied to them about their fate, taking that right away from them, tho he did it to spare them and there was really not much of an option at that point. You wrote all their emotions so well as always ✨✨ you can feel both Odysseus struggling feelings and Eurylochus terror and rage even while he shivers!!

And I assume Eurylochus pictured himself dying in place of his comrades in such a dreadful way and it twisted his insides completely... Now he will definitely fear his shadow and distrust everything... He fears for his life like never before and that fear, ironically, could perhaps be considered part of the reason they were doomed, when he killed the sacred cows to survive... the request of trust from Odysseus definitely was not well taken right now! It's again so much when Odysseus is feeling his guilt eating him up alive yet he keeps telling himself again and again that he can't show weakness, mirroring the events of Troy... So he takes the attitude of a harsh leader stepping up his authority to keep leading them home, despite feeling himself breaking deep inside too 😢

Gosh the way Odysseus is curling himself more and more like a ball in his pain and memories in front of Calypso 😭 both his guilt and his heartbreak from the choices of his dead friend against him stabbing him so much, connected with the awful days of him trying to survive alone drifting at sea 😢 and man here she comes! The comparison of her enclosing him like the sea that drifted him is so scary and the way she circles him like a lion after bringing him down to the floor with despair 😭

And she keeps spitting more venom mixed with sweet words to lure him... It's so low how she used this to attempt getting him. This once again reminded me of a reverse scene you wrote with Dilla, how she once cleaned off the tears that Caleb did not realize he was crying telling him that he still had other people there for him... While here Calypso cleans his tears but tries to separate him from any other person isolating him only to herself alone... Those 2 scenes really point out to the difference between a healthy vs toxic relationship 👀

And here finally comes the request to join her in immortality, and how human of Odysseus to actually consider it, after all which human does not dream of that, to not worry about such pains! Even Achilles memory pushes him to that thought! But of course much to her frustration he must deny her! It's incredible how this made him sober up from his despair just moments ago on the ground! He speaks clearly to her now completely sure he wants to go home.

Oh gosh her "looks like she was slapped" face seems too good 🤣 she can't understand how someone can even tell her "no" especially a mortal! And man Calypso surely attacks back with her last hurtful weapon, questioning the wife that he so badly wants to return too! And the fact Odysseus actually moaned at the painful thought! Agamemnon's example truly was dreadful to him at that moment!

It's again so dark how Calypso uses words that do make sense but for her twisted interests, it does indeed make sense that 12 years is too much to wait for someone especially if a throne is empty, yet she does not present this as a very possible warning but instead as a absolute truth in hopes he gives everything up in her favor, again not minding hurting him more if that means he will remain by her side.

Man and the disgust hitting him mixed with her lure is definitely gut wrenching! The poor man does not want the proximity and her insistence! And it was her telling him that he can't wait either that pushes him up and away from her! Oh boy and her mentioning the bed, his special bed! Poor man being hunted by his doubts now... Him begging her to stop talking 😭 his brain and heart having a battle like that over whether Penelope is waiting or not... And it's sad to realize it does make sense, he doesn't know yet he must hold on to it!

Calypso is definitely cheering for him to let go at this point, but gosh another slap to her face, Odysseus surely doesn't want to give up even when faced with the worse odds! And now she's boiling... She can't take the refusal and unfortunately her envy only makes her more dangerous for him! Her rage at being jealous of a mortal woman and weakness reminds me of Assara a bit! And gosh of course instead of accepting his emotions and wishes she now takes this as a challenge!

How angry she is to see that her spell is fading and that his mind was strong enough to go over it... Her banging her hands on the wood hint to her short fuse but it's so much scarier than that in a violent way... yet it's interesting how her feelings are genuine and how it also confuses her how much he desires him, which is just one more scary reminder of how she completely acts upon these feelings so abusively.

And here comes the guy trying to ask for a ship, for her to help him go home even in the middle of praises... and despite his now very alert red flags he still hopes that with enough reverence she will understand and help him when he needs her the most, after all she helped him before so he still hopes she can do it again now 😢

And her first denials came almost like an offended little girl angry that she must return a lost toy that was not hers! She can't have his consent so she decides to make his life difficult until he gives up on leaving... Man it's so heartbreaking that Calypso is not even moved when Odysseus opens up about missing his child and wanting to hold him, she becomes more angry and petty instead... The selfishness of a Goddess that can't take being rejected!

Oh man and here comes her first lie or at least it becomes a lie for she has no intention of letting him go even after he gave his part of the gifts of Xenia! And gosh how conditional was her love and help! How quickly she threatened him to give back for her kindness, even if he didn't ask for any of it in the first place and just woke up in her home after being dragged by the sea... And man she knows damn well he has nothing of value and is fully expecting him to give himself up as if he was an instrument and object of her pleasure 😢

And the poor guy is actually curious about what he can offer before his world crumbles once more 😭 the way that kiss was robbed from him in such a gross way, and it's not even the worst of her yet!! And she asks this "entertainment" of him so lightly like she's asking for a glass of water, like it didn't matter much! Poor terrified guy trying to back away begging once again!

And men here comes his past to haunt him again! He suffered with Circe therefore Calypso thinks it's fair game for her to do the same as well! It's almost like "You were abused before to save people, what's the big deal now?" Yikes so chilling 😰😰😰 and man for real right now even tho he doesn't know it yet there is no exchange whatsoever, Calypso gets to abuse his body, and he gets suffering until the Gods remember to set him free...

Gosh and he thinks of his family again 😢 and in her cruelty of course Calypso attempts to use his fear of the power of Gods to force him into doing what she wants... How ironic! Her basically offering violation with no regards to his emotions (even if she's delusional enough to not realize it goes against his free will) and retorting that somehow that would not be bad because it's with her!the nerve! But damn once again amazing writing and portrayal of such a Goddess's attitude!

And poor guy terrified of what she might do in her anger 😭 his pleas of doing so much more for her and her disregarding them and his distress with chuckles makes her so much more abhorrent as a person, truly vile! His begging for mercy almost falling to the ground without nothing truly is too much, the fact that she completely disregards this suffering for her own interests shows how distorted and toxic her love is despite being real or not! That "otherwise it will be much harder for me to keep refusing you" is so infuriating, as well as her now listing his "sins" with Troy and such when before she was making him out to be blameless while his comrades were the traitor monsters! The blackmailing really hurts in this one!! 😰

And using the only thing he has left, his faith and fear of the Gods... Poor desperate man cornered finally realizing the kind of beast he's facing 😢 The "I'm just a man" phrase fits so incredibly well here!! 😭😭 Completely powerless before a Goddess who is using his vulnerability without mercy... He's so tired and the way he describes his honor being trampled sure is painful to no end!

And of course it's so painful to hear this from someone he thought was helping him... Who he believed to be kind but turns out she want to use him in the worst way possible as a price... His heart and trust are definitely in pieces with everything happening around him 😢

And finally here it is... The first of more than 2555 times 😢 Jesus the contrast of their demeanor is already so visceral... She's relaxed and actually looking forward to it excited and lustful like a creep not caring if the guy before her is completely terrified and panicking, and with his psychological state in destruction... And he's actually shaking in distress feeling her looking at him which is violating enough! And him asking the Gods to not feel anything and trying to drink and drink to get numb 😭😭 the beautiful and terrible description is so on point!

Oh man and the struggle he is having in taking his clothes off, the sheer feeling of nauseating discomfort here portrayes so well what the poor guy must be feeling at this moment 😭 man he just wants to pass out 😢 and gosh her ripping his clothes apart was definitely a jump scare for his heart she's definitely not going to even try making it easy for him, just suffering... And man this is mirroring the moment she touched his chest when he was unconscious, but now with him fully aware it's so much worse... Especially as he tries to avoid it even the kiss with his lips closed...

Him nearly breaking down crying when she tells him "like you mean it" that phrase is really terrifying because of the lack of consent 😢 and the hair pulling that for Calypso must be just a passionate action just turns into a violent act of aggression and abuse 😢 and oh boy him trying to convince himself that he can endure this, using his most beloved title of Father of Telemachus 😭

This is definitely the worst part for him... The way he feels that even his body is betraying him! The way it reacts to her violation despite his horror and disgust, which must add so much resentment and confusion to his poor tormented mind 😢😢 and he doesn't even want to give her the satisfaction of making sounds even if such sounds would be more from pain and distress than anything else 😭 the rage and confusion... and it's so sad him trying to remind himself of who he is or who he is known to be as an attempt to not be broken!

Man it's definitely so ironic that this woman that could have other Gods and mortals alike prefers to force herself on this man so selfishly thinking her feelings have the right to overthrow and disregard his own... In her Godly arrogance she thinks she has the right to make choices for him and that his emotions are meaningless because she's "clearly the better choice" you really did such a great job with this character being both complex and despicable! She can't even realize how he's closing his eyes to hide himself and his emotions from her! And he cries for Athena and why she left him alone 😭

Oh man him remembering Circe and that at least Circe thought he had consented, even if it was still rape for lack of choice, definitely makes this whole situation more vile, Calypso restraining him with her strength, and his poor heart breaking at the act itself 😢 it's so sad to see something that was meant to be enjoyable for couples now being such a horrid weapon to hurt this man... And how her faces of bliss are seen as distorted and monstrous to him while he endures it all... Especially how he remembers her helping him in contrast and now sees all of those memories ruined by her perverted actions against him 😢 and her hand near his Adams' apple is so scary too having in account her strength!

Gosh the end must have been such a double edged sword... It's finally over yet it must have left him so weak and destroyed and ashamed 😢 her "Equal to Gods" dirty joke is really disgusting in this context, the way she can airly joke from this and kiss him like it was nothing while he cries 😢

Damn woman truly is delusional humming and arranging herself like a teen in love as if she didn't just get forceful on someone! Poor guy so ashamed and still exhausted and in pain 😭 and of course she has completely manipulated him into believing she would let him leave if he just did this horror for her, and now simply pulls the rug from under his feet! Of course she'll force him to sell himself again and again because she is not interested in ever setting him free... How cruel of her to just take from him like that with no escape 😢

Once again the way she doesn't care how much he is feeling for his family and now his shame... and it's even more scary and insane the way she is so sincere about wanting him to love her by force, and blushes like she is having the time of her life confessing her feelings to her crush, completely ignoring the distressed man in front of her that she claims to love but that she hurt so much! She's the equivalent of a toddler covering her ears going "lalala" each time he makes it clear he doesn't want this, and her inaptitude to accept a "no" is so maddening! Her calling him pious is definitely a limit there!

Man her repeating the words from her rape as he holds her neck... And the fact that she seems so easy to kill but is so indestructible is horrifying! No escape from this prison! And one more heartbreak as he tries to run away from the island even by swimming but is denied even that 😭

Gosh her motherly act is even more twisted and sick now... Calling him "my love" in such a condescending way, calling him for dinner like a disobedient child, and attempting to make him scared of her Godly anger again... Poor guy suddenly becomes scared for his home and what she might do to it 😢😢

Him crying at the beach for the first times 😭 robbed of all his agency and free will like it was nothing... His suffering after his great reverence to the Gods is so painfully deep, poor guy feels abandoned by them and the whole universe... And man you used the idea of Calypso using the smell of food to lure him in with his hunger 😢 it's so ironic in a bittersweet way that this makes him remember his men's suffering with hunger themselves... And he realizes her spells making him forget the mourning for his companions 😢

Gosh this is definitely one of his more meaningful moments, the way he suffers from not being able to give his men a proper burial (also love the detail of his curly hair almost forming natural locks). Him cutting his hair with a simple rock here is so deep, heartbreaking yet touching, the way he sacrifices his hair as tribute to the fallen ones and promises to survive and endure the horrors to return, also for them and their legacy 😭

Once again the contrasts between Odysseus and Calypso's demeanor are great! She smiles, disregards his sad tormented eyes and even his cut hair of mourning... She keeps fooling herself that her abuse can make him love her. The ending with him letting go of a last tear and taking her hand like taking death as the ultimate sacrifice is such a brutal close for this part, yet so meaningful in his determination knowing he is alone yet needs to look forward... This reminds of a dialog from the "War Horse" film:

" To get to their destination they must fly over a war. Can you imagine such a thing? Flying over so much pain and terror, and yet you know you can never look down. You have to look forward or you'll never get home. I ask you, what could be braver than that?"

I always imagined this quote for Caleb and definitely for Odysseus too now, since they connect so well 😭😭 The survivors duty reaches his perfect pinnacle here 😢❤️

Oh gosh girl you definitely should never regret this amazing beautiful writing and tribute to these ancient takes ✨✨❤️❤️❤️💎💎💎 man that soundtrack especially with the eerie notes and choirs of ominous voices is so perfect for Calypso weiveing and messing with the poor man's mind with her spells!

And of course a great choice in adding both the Skylla moment and Calypso showing him the vision! Ads to the poor guy's trauma so much more deeply 😭

Man and the after note is of course the cherry on top of this incredible heartbreaking narrative!!

Oh gosh to know that he's not even over with half the years of his torment, yet he already passed double the time as Calypso's prisoner as he was with Circe 😭😭 the way he seems so broken yet so exhausted as he lifts himself... The way his emotions run dry while he is by her side in that narrow bed and how the beautiful Goddess only gives him feelings of asphyxiation, rage, sorrow and disgust even by her breathing... Your comparison of her hair to Skylla is so on point and how he sees her no better than the monster that tormented him and his comrades! It's also so sad that he does not even care about being naked anymore, as if shame was robbed from him because it doesn't matter in his situation anymore... Man and she hurts him during the act too, apologizing for it but just continuing the abuse 😭 the fact that he even tried to resist her still and beg just for a night of peace, which was probably completely ignored in the most condescending way...

His hair getting longer with the passing of time seems to be mocking his tribute to his men in a way which is even sadder 😢 and of course the idea of the nymphs grooming him like a pet even tho he preferred to be completely undesirable to Calypso... This of course leads to him having an aversion to being handled by servants bathing him gosh! It's heartbreaking in an ironic way, that his desire to go home is now eating him alive from the inside with longing, and what was keeping him going to survive is at the same time weakening his hope 😭 I can't even begin to imagine how many words of doubt she kept bombarding him in the last 2 years... This definitely explains his lack of trust later on mixed with his already long list of tragedies 😢

Oh man and once again the fight between the heart and mind of whether Penelope could wait for him for so long or not 😭 the way his poor brain keeps twirling and twirling counting the years imagining his son has grown now, and how much he has missed, feeling the time slowly running out as he's kept there 😢😢 and the stress being so much that even his hair turns gray in short years! Him looking at himself in a mirror and being surprised with his fast aging is so saddening... Even more as Calypso fetishizes it not caring that she's the one sucking his life with each night...

The idea that he hardly cries at night because he has dried all of his tears during the days hits very hard... Oh man "he felt like nobody", it's like the fact he called himself "nobody" to the Cyclops came back to haunt him too... and there you go Calypso, he doesn't learn to love you as you so foolishly wanted to believe, all he wants to do is kill you and you're just lucky that he can't lol Man his rage is definitely so palpable here!

And now the devoted man completely curses the Gods existence, and the suffering they cause to the mortals... It's so sad that now he has hatred for the night, for it is always the time for his torment, feeling so empty even without his nightmares 😭 the complete switch with him cursing Athena for abandoning him with the passing owl, but breaks immediately with his own broken faith feeling he must not loose himself like that 😢

Man it's incredible how much regret he came to feel with Troy and yet he wishes to set this place with the same fire of rage killing everyone from the nymphs to Calypso! Shows how much he had to suffer already with his abuse which is not even close from ending 😭😭 and the way he fantasizes about killing Calypso is full of so much raw accumulated emotional from pain and sorrow! I can so understand how in his perspective it's so unfair that she sleeps peacefully after her abuse while he is the one to bear it all, it would make anyone feel like committing revenge and murder like that... And he is so ready to do it! She turned this poor man into such a vengeful soul thirsting for blood, he does not even fear or care he's so ready to go through with it all and add just one more "sin" to his karma! But of course he's not lucky... she's always too strong and him too powerless 😢

Oh man that's definitely another jump scare the way she grabs his throat... The way he's reminded he's unfortunately dealing with the daughter of Atlas 😭 and how twisted can this get that she considered this act of him as him desiring her, along with his attempt of pulling her hair to hurt her back as a touch of passion in her twisted deluded mind... She simply can't see the man tired from abuse, anger and grief and that's truly terrifying how she is twisting her love and bliss while Odysseus is in a never ending battle to survive and return home 😢😢😢

Gosh and the way it ends with him shutting down his emotions like a cold curtain close...

What else can I say other than what a crazy good, and intense ride this was!! This is such a controversial theme to write and you did it so flawlessly! His pain and anguish and hope and love of his family plus his sacrifice... And Calypso as well being such a complicated character, with her own inner tragedies of loneliness yet so delusional and vile in her approach to love, ruining and twisting and corrupting it all to the rotten core! Amazing job girl!!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️💎💎💎✨✨✨✨✨

Survivor's Guilt and Survior's Duty (P3 + After Note)

Continuation from Part 2:

Swift fingers were moving constantly through golden thread, mixing the different shades perfectly. The hands were moving to and fro as the humming of the sweet song kept on interrupting the rhythmical sound of wood against wood as the tapestry was slowly gaining shape in the loom. It was the skillful fingers of an ancient being beautiful like spring and deadly like winter that was weaving this. Somewhere among the sea of gold and crimson there was a pair of threads that didn’t match in color or texture.

One jet black

And one silver white…

*

Odysseus slowly opened his bruised eyes and he wished he hadn’t. He barely opened them a tiny bit and he shut them closed once more as his sight was mercilessly attacked by the brightness of the white grotto. His stomach was turning and he felt like throwing up everything he ever had eaten in his life and his head was turning around as if someone was spinning him at a whirlpool. He moaned holding his head with both hands, slowly rolling to the side. The headache and dizziness were pounding him relentlessly.

“Gods…my head…” he thought hoping the nausea would leave him alone

The events of the night before were also present in his mind and the embarrassment didn’t help his condition at all. He had drunk himself to the point of oblivion that much he knew. Normally he should know his limitations but he was unable to refuse the goddess who was filling his cup. Once he dared to look around (and of course seeing everything moving around him) he spotted a goblet next to the bed containing a bubbling liquid. Odysseus eyed him more suspiciously than what he would originally have wished to.

“Well…that was awfully organized…” he thought again

Either way downing the drink seemed to help a lot with his unsettled stomach although not spectacularly with his dizziness. The first thing he noticed was that Calypso was not working in her usual spot. That’s odd, he thought, but then he fathomed she wouldn’t sit around and sleep or work by the side of a severely drunk human especially given the whatever the heck would turn out to look like the day after! He moaned once more as he forced himself, excruciatingly slowly to sit up on the bed and place his feet on the floor.

“Gods…never again…” he mumbled holding another gag back.

But it was true that Calypso’s potion was working wonders although he needed at least a couple of more minutes to stand up and start practically staggering until he reached a wall to support himself and walk out, possibly hoping some fresh air would do him good. As he walked down the grotto to his best abilities he surely was wondering how the hell he managed to get so drunk even with the goddess practically encouraging him. He should know better than that. Stopping at a sudden wave of dizziness he sighed and wiped some sweat off his face.

“Alright, Odysseus…no more wine for you…” he mumbled to himself, “…you clearly are not mature enough…”

Beneath his layers of self-sarcasm, though, he did feel like he had embarrassed himself before the goddess. Not only had he drunk himself to stupor; true it was Calypso the one to keep serving him but perhaps she didn’t know the human limitations to drinking. Perhaps she overestimated his tolerance or perhaps… (Odysseus always had one random ominous thought to the back of his head but he always chose to dismiss it, especially now that he needed all help he could get from some god given that he already had half the pantheon chasing after him!), but he also cried like a baby, opening up things he never wished to share in the first place, yet alone in front of an immortal goddess and her immortal nymph entourage. His situation was already bad enough; he was a beggar without anything to offer to the goddess; he didn’t need to be seen as an uncontrollable drunk as well. And this goddess somehow gave a different energy than Circe (and by gods wasn’t that experience scary enough).

He found Calypso lazily laying upon her sofa as her maids were attending the room. His heart was clenched by an unpleasant feeling once more but he dismissed it as his natural aversion towards the fear against the divine. Not to mention he was still feeling ashamed as he couldn’t be more. Calypso sensed his presence and smiled almost maternally at him.

“Good morning, Odysseus” her melodic voice reached his ears. “I am glad to see you up”

“That is a way to put it, goddess…” Odysseus mumbled as he was practically assisted by the maids to sit on the couch opposite her

His dizziness was still awful but he felt better already.

“My throat is dry…” he admitted, “Could I perhaps…have some water?”

Calypso smirked.

“Bring him some water” she ordered

As the cup was given to Odysseus he basically drained it, feeling the cool liquid settling down.

“Blessed you be, goddess…” he whispered again, “And thank you for your treatment. It worked wonders”

“I am glad” Calypso said with her usual feline smile. “I would hate to see you struggle with nausea”

Odysseus drew a deep breath to calm himself a bit. Calypso once more observed him and her heart was flattering. She discreetly tasted her lips imagining that chest moving up and down with his breathing. She looked upon that man that was now monopolizing her dreams and fantasies stand there in the light; his hair appearing almost auburn as sunlight was showering them. He was looking at her and if she hadn’t noticed his eyes shining with intelligence and wisdom she would have sworn he was a simpleton till he would start to speak. Odysseus was a man full of contradictions; darkness and light, quick wits and aloof thinking, braveness and fear…strength and weakness…

“Goddess…I…” he started, “In regards to the events of last night…forgive me I shouldn’t have broken down like this…”

Calypso congratulated herself deep inside for holding herself back.  She was right and indeed Odysseus could remember everything clearly from the night before. It would have ruined everything if she had advanced onto Odysseus while he was vulnerable.

“Why not?” Calypso asked airily. “I am glad you decided to open up with me. I am just sad you had to get drunk you let yourself go and trust me”

Odysseus winced at the reminder. Yeah, that was the last thing he needed to be reminded of… As if reading his thoughts, Calypso spoke again;

“Don’t worry too much, darling. I myself actually drank more than what I intended, last night,” the half-lie came easy to her lips, “You are a very pleasant company, Odysseus. One can forget himself when they are with you!”

“Me?” Odysseus asked in disbelief, “Hardly, goddess…hardly…”

He sighed, rubbing his nape nervously.

“I just...didn’t want to burden you with my troubles…”

“Odysseus…” Calypso said sincerely, “You are never a burden… I really want to help you… Not as a goddess, as a friend, I am glad you took some of that weight off your chest”

And then she took a bold step, more to herself than anything, and placed her hand on his. She felt him tense at the sudden contact while she felt his mortal flesh beneath her hand and she almost lost control of her emotions but her face was kept stone calm.

“Don’t you ever, ever apologize for your emotions, Odysseus,” she said sincerely, “It is what makes you mortals and us immortals similar…”

She felt him almost drawing his hand back or at least she felt his muscles signaling for him to do so, as he looked at her with those eyes that hid so much wisdom that indeed made her wonder what kind of mortal person has so much in their mind. She drew back and leaned on her couch again, casually.

“Oh, yes” she said, “Even us gods have feelings, Odysseus, our own torments. You may say that ours are sometimes more unbearable since we have to live with them for all eternity. We have no way of escaping them. One can see that from this very island too. This little paradise that is so left alone from the world…sometimes loneliness is so much to bear Odysseus…so much…”

Odysseus raised his brows. Suddenly the immortal nymph Calypso seemed almost…vulnerable. He saw her honey eyes reflect genuine pain and sorrow, sadness and isolation. He felt somehow stupefied for a second to react. How can someone consol a god?

“I…I understand, beautiful Calypso…” he whispered, “It is piercing the bones of any person to be isolated…”

“Yes, you do understand, don’t you?” Calypso eyed him, “You were a gift to me, Odysseus. It was the first time in hundreds of years that I felt someone actually connecting to this sorrow; the first time I felt someone truly understands loneliness as I do…”

Odysseus suddenly felt uncomfortable. He didn’t know where this conversation was heading to but it seemed like it was about to take a turn that he wouldn’t really wish it to. And apparently he was right for Calypso held his calloused hand in both of hers; caressing his fingers with her delicate, unnaturally smooth ones.

“Why don’t you stay here with me, Odysseus?” Calypso whispered

Her tone resembled a little girl talking to her first crush. It felt so unnatural to Odysseus that the goddess that nursed him back to health, the goddess that always kept a maternal visage now she was talking to him like he was an eternal god and she a young maiden trying to keep him with her.

“Stay…” Calypso repeated, “You understand how I feel and I understand you. You could live a happy life here; free from all the sorrows and this mortal coil. You wouldn’t need to worry about a thing here.”

As if that was not enough, Calypso raised a hand to touch his chin, making their eyes meet.

“I like you, Odysseus” she confessed naturally, “You interested me from the moment I saw you; your will to survive was unparalleled, however now I see how genuinely worthy you are.”

Odysseus felt his cheeks flush with color. It was rather flattering, he couldn’t lie, that this beautiful immortal being that could have any immortal god she wanted on her feet was now showing some interest in him in whatever way; him the man who was no longer young, who never considered himself the handsomest on earth in the first place, the man who was considered by many cunning, sly and without honor; now pique the interest of an immortal goddess. However…

“Your interest in me is beyond flattering, goddess…” he replied as he softly covered her hand still holding his with his own, discreetly drawing it away, “However I must refuse. I must go back…”

Calypso’s face again changed for one briefest second. It was as if someone had punched her in the gut. She slowly withdrew and sat back to her sofa.

“Go back…?” she echoed, “Why? What’s left for you out there, Odysseus? Poseidon wants your life and everyone you know might as well be thinking only of your harm. Mortal minds are so petty sometimes! Why would you want to go back to that world?”

“I have a kingdom I am responsible of” the king of Ithaca replied, “I have a family, friends that I have to return to.  I made a promise I would. I am a mortal too, goddess, I belong to that world”

“Friends!” Calypso said as if the word had no meaning, “Your friends were responsible for this adventure that almost cost your life!”

Reading the expression of shock to his face, Calypso elaborated.

“You do know, it was Eurylochus the one to persuade your men to eat the cows of Helios Hyperion, right? Not that the rest of your men had vastly different opinion, but it was him the one who betrayed you in the first place, the same way he betrayed you when he opened the sack of Aiolus!”

The Man of Many Torments felt his heart clench as all color left his face.

“What?” he croaked out

“Look in your cup” Calypso encouraged him, “and see the truth”

Odysseus looked down at the ceramic cup in his hand and gasped. Indeed the water surface of his cup had turned into a reflective mirror and now he could see as if he were there himself, the dreadful scene that preceded the slaughter of the sacred animals that led to his last ship to be gone forever and his men drown…

*

The men were tired; dark circles had formed under their eyes from sleeplessness and hunger and it had given them a rough look. They seemed like shadows of the men they used to be. Hunger, fatigue and sorrows had brought them on their knees. The sacred cows of Helios Hyperion were always grazing at the field next to the beach, filling their fat bellies with grass rich in salt and essential minerals. His hungry comrades were often looking at them, longer than it would be proper; way too long for comfort. Everyone was of course considering this source of nutrition ever since their rich provisions were gone. They were holding on the promise they had given to Odysseus and the fear for yet another god’s wrath but this time they were all at their limits. Eurylochus suddenly shot up from his sitting position on a rock.

“I’ve had enough of this!” he exclaimed suddenly

As all heads turned to face him at the same time.

“Hear me out, my friends, because I believe you shall agree with me that this cannot go on! We will starve to death if we wait here doing nothing! I don’t know about you, my friends but I refuse to die here of starvation!”

“Eurylochus!” Polites cried out, “What are you saying! You can’t be implying-…”

“All forms of death are terrible, Polites!” Eurylochus replied again, “We mortals are trained all our lives to fear death but death of hunger? Is there ever a worse form to die than that? We once conquered Troy and all its assets and we were praised by gods and humans and now we are in this godforsaken island and we die day by day on the beach like animals that lost their feeding grounds!”

“Eurylochus is right” Lycaon now spoke, “This can’t go on! And Odysseus is nowhere to be found!”

“He went to hunt” Polites replied again, “And pray for us!”

“Pray! Pray!” Eurylochus suddenly started screaming on top of his lungs, “He does nothing but pray! Have you seen any god favor us?! Have you seen anything good coming out of his prayers?! He calls himself pious and religious, he offers sacrifices! The problem started when the sacrifices became us!”

“Now now!” Alkimos now spoke, “That’s too much! Calm down!”

“Don’t you tell me to calm down Alkimos!” Eurylochus growled, “Odysseus will not do anything, once again! All he can do is pray and his prayers go on deaf ears! And that is all because of him! He only is killing us bit by bit!”

“Now listen you!” Polites had enough of this.

He was hungry too and starving but that was way too much.

“Don’t you dare to say that! Odysseus only tried to protect us all in various occasions! True he made many mistakes but-…”

He was stopped when Eurylochus grabbed upon his collar.

“YOU WEREN’T THERE, POLITES!” Eurylochus bellowed and his eyes already shining with primitive hunger were now beyond any form of madness one could express, “You weren’t there! That monster smashing the heads of our comrades! All we could do was watch as he indulged himself in their flesh! We were in that cave because of Odysseus in the first place! We could survive with the wild goats of the island! He just wanted something better! He always does! And WE pay the price! Never him! Never!”

“Now, now everyone calm down!” Amphidamas came between them to separate them, “If we kill each other now, the conversation will have no meaning in the first place!”

Eurylochus was forced to step back but he continued.

“I refuse to die here of hunger! My friends, let us satiate our hunger with these cows. We shall offer a sacrifice to the god Helios here and if we make it to Ithaca then we can build him a great temple, with our own hands. We can make a solemn oath here for that.”

“And if we don’t?” Polites glared at him

“If we don’t…well in that case I prefer to die from a wave and drown rather than die here like a beast from hunger!”

*

Odysseus watched the scene as if he were there.  He watched his comrades grabbing the cows, slaughtering them and offering their sacrifice. But they had no wine left so they used water to rinse the parts of the animals. They had no barley to use and they plucked the leaves of an oak… He watched them set their feast which was not even proper sacrifice to begin with and he knew very well what followed. He was there after that. He could see no more as his eyes filled with tears once more. Suddenly his hangover was forgotten. The pain in his heart was greater. The ceramic fell from his hands and shattered to the floor. Odysseus grabbed his head with both hands, leaning forward in lament.

“Oh, Eurylochus!” he whispered between his sobbing, “I know, my friend, I know I made mistakes…I know I wasn’t perfect but I didn’t deserve this! I didn’t-…deserve…”

His nails nearly broke the flesh of his face as he cried. Yes, there was no point keeping his mask of carefree man anymore. Calypso had already exposed the pain in his soul. He might as well indulge into it again! His men had suffered and died and he was left alone to fight the elements and the storms holding upon the remains of his ship with little to no hope left; alone in fear and in pain, in hunger and in thirst to the brief of death and madness… He felt the injustice in his flesh; he had sacrificed so much! He was always there when they needed him; he went to face gods, creatures, even descended to the Underworld for them and faced the horrors that expect the dead in the afterlife while he was still living himself. He had sold himself to a goddess hoping to get freedom for his men; he had stayed up 9 days to protect the sack of Aiolus to make sure it wouldn’t be opened and that they could get back home… He had been ready to face Skylla and Charybdis for them… Their accusations seemed so unjust in his ears and yet…the other part of himself admitted they were right; nothing would have happened if he hadn’t let his anger speak and brag on Polyphemus…no, nothing would have happened if they never entered his cave in the first place… Perhaps nothing would have happened if he never had that scheme to take Troy! Or what if he was never there! Oh, cursed Troy! Cursed war! But then again, Odysseus felt like he had himself to blame again for what happened…

“Cursed oath!” he thought in despair, “Why did I have to do that! Why did I have to suggest to the old man Tyndareus that we would all defend Helen? If it weren’t for that I would be in Ithaca! Raising my son and embracing my wife! My men would be alive in their houses and villages! Cursed oath! Damn the moment I invented it! Damned the moment I was born!”

He broke down. No, this was too much to bear! He wanted to save them and ended up losing them all! And he had suffered himself. He nearly lost his life… No, it shouldn’t be all his fault now should it? He had specifically told them not to open the sack…he had told them not to eat the animals belonging to a god… He had warned them! He couldn’t be the one to blame for those, right? He knew his comrades made their own mistakes but he could also understand them. They have been through much more than what any mortal was supposed to endure… But that type of mutiny? Why? Why so much hate…? He remembered though how much Eurylochus was affected during their trip. In particular the adventure of Skylla had left them all with scars…

*

The area was quiet; WAY too quiet for anyone’s liking! The men had watched nervously as Odysseus had stood to the fore-deck fully geared up in his armor and holding two spears. Why on earth would he want to be armed? Odysseus seemed ready to collapse in their eyes. He was constantly gazing to the rocks around as if he expected some unknown attack from the sky! As they entered a narrow path, Odysseus seemed to be very weary. As they passed from below a cave at a high mountain, from the other side a terrifying rumble drew their attention and a whirlpool was formed, sucking in the sea water. The men cried out in fear and despair and yet they could not take their eyes off that dreadful sight! And when he had hoped that would be the end of it, the cry was heard over the rumble.

“A baby?” one of the men asked

Odysseus winced. No, no…he thought. His hands clenched upon his arms. Suddenly he remembered Circe’s advice that he had forgotten; there was no point at him being armed; Skylla was immortal. He could do nothing to her even if he wanted. He could only pray that she wouldn’t wake up for her daily meal while they crossed but now that baby cry just shattered all his hopes and prayers. It was too late. He could only steer the ship close to Skylla’s side to avoid Charybdis and now…Skylla had decided it was her time to eat…

“Odysseus!” Polites called out as his face was pale and wet from sweat; one eye to the whirlpool and the other to Odysseus, “Odysseus, there is a baby up at the grotto!”

A baby up… For a moment Odysseus felt like it was Astyanax who was crying from the underworld…Astyanax had come to claim something of him as punishment for he took Troy leading to his death…

“Odysseus!” Polites urged again

Odysseus looked up at the cave and his eyes were liquid. He looked at Polites and his face could be the same as a wounded animal, facing the hound that was about to take his life; pleading for one last time… He was almost shaking.

“Forgive me, Polites…” he whispered, “GET DOWN!”

And he dropped to the deck, taking Polites with him and leading a few men do the same in panic (of those who weren’t still hypnotized by the terrible whirlpool at the other side). Everything happened too fast; Six necks longer than their entire ship probably twice as much, bearing terrible heads; a mixture between a woman’s head and a dragon with mouths open with sharp teeth. The heads rushed to the deck like deadly snakes and they grasped one man each who screeched in pain, drawing the attention of everyone on deck. They watched in horror.

“CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN!” the men who could still speak screamed, “ODYSSEUS!”

Odysseus was unable to take his eyes off this sight which was so similar to the cave of Polyphemus but this time seemed harder to grasp. At the beginning of the grotto Skylla began her feast by cutting off flesh and guts off the bodies of his men who were still alive and screaming from their adrenaline rush; nothing like when Polyphemus had smashed them to the ground, making sure they were dead first. Skylla had no such problem as her six heads were tearing apart what was left of his 6 best men on the ship. The men were wailing and screaming, calling his name. His men pale in horror; one or two of them doubled over and threw up on the deck. Odysseus nearly did both himself. The seconds passed like eons as the screaming finally silenced and the ship drew away from that terrible passage. They could still hear the moaning of Charybdis as she was throwing up the seawater again…

There was silence afterwards… His men hardly dared to breathe…not even the oars could be heard anymore as the ship was probably moving by the stream at that point as no one had the courage to move. Odysseus was frozen there like a statue… He didn’t even have the strength to drop on his knees. Forgive me, he thought, forgive me I had no choice… Polites was probably the first to come out of the trance as he croaked out in a barely audible voice;

“What…what the hell was that…?”he was as pale as a cloud, “Odysseus…? What the hell was that…?”

Odysseus turned his head to him, trying to find the words to answer but Eurylochus pounced at him like a furious tiger ready to eat his throat.

“YOU BASTARD!” he bellowed beyond himself, grabbing him by the front part of his armor, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING?! YOU STOOD THERE DOING NOTHING! WE ALL DID! SPEAK UP!”

His head turned to the side. He couldn’t face him.

“I HEARD YOU SPEAK UP! IT WAS AS IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COMING! SPEAK UP ‘KING OF ITHACA’ AND ‘EQUAL TO GODS’! WHAT WAS THAT!?”

“That was Skylla…” Odysseus whispered, “…Daughter of Echidna and Typhoon… A creature that pries on dolphins and seals when she can…and waits for ships to pass her grotto…”

Eurylochus was hyperventilating; his face was red in fury.

“You knew!? YOU KNEW ALL ALONG AND SAID NOTHING!? YOU KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHEN-…”

“If I had picked Charybdis we would have died all!” Odysseus yelled back, “I had no choice I had to do this! There was no other way!”

“You kept your mouth shut! YOU SAID NOTHING AND LET OUR COMRADES BE SACRIFICED! YOU DIDN’T SAY A THING! WE HAD TO KNOW!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!” now Odysseus bellowed, higher than anything Eurylochus did before

His men all silenced before his woeful and furious cry.

“What do you want me to say! That I hoped this monster would never come out? That I wanted us all to suffer as little as possible…that I could find no proper words to explain what was in store for them…that I hope I was them…?”

He was heroically holding his tears back. He was feeling his body turning into stone again under the layers of his armor that had been useless in this adventure.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“…That I am sorry…?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

Eurylochus had his eyes ticking in rage and fear. Odysseus could see the panic settling in him more and more like the waves at the sea. He was shivering all over.

“Sorry…?” he echoed, “You are sorry…?”

The way he grabbed him later, made others even wake up from their shocked state and arrive to their assistance to see which of the two would be hurt next!

“YOU ARE SORRY!?” Eurylochus bellowed, “IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY OF US, ODYSSEUS! IT COULD HAVE BEEN-…”

He froze again as if the terrible realization hit him. He seemed ready to throw up himself. He let go of Odysseus and stepped back. Suddenly he was vulnerable and frightened.

“Oh my gods…” he mumbled, “We’re not going to survive this, are we? We are all gonna die in this journey! We’re all doomed!”

“No! No!” Odysseus shook his head, “No, this can’t end like this! We shall make it! We must make it! If we follow the instructions Circe gave us, we can make it. Trust me…”

Apparently that word was the worst he could use because Eurylchus gained his fighting spirit back and he was held by another comrade so he wouldn’t rush on him again.

“Trust you?! TRUST YOU, you say?! Six of our comrades are dead! And you said nothing! How can we trust you Odysseus!? HUH?!”

Odysseus lowered his eyes. He fixed the helmet on his head, as if he wanted to hide his gaze from them; from all the judgmental eyes and ears around him.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did what I thought it was right…” he said in a cold tone, “If I had chosen Charybdis we would all be dead now…”

He turned to leave but Eurylochus was not done releasing the anger inside him.

“Who else is to be sacrificed next then, Odysseus? Huh? Tell me, King of Ithaca, who is to be sacrificed next?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did it to save us all!” Odysseus whispered dangerously, stepping closer to him, “I did it to save this vessel! Our last ship! Our last hope! If we lose it, we’re lost! I did what I had to do! We can survive this! But we must stick together!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If you cannot trust me, then obey me!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If I everything I ever done is not enough for you to have faith in me then you must remember that I am still your king!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“For as long as we have this vessel, I am still your captain! And we still have a chance!”

If I show weakness…

*

Odysseus moaned lowering his head almost between his knees as he remembered what had befallen between them. No wonder that it was Eurylochus the one to initiate that mutiny! However it still hurt every thread of his heart. It still led to the outmost destruction! He had roamed 10 days aimlessly in absolute terror in the elements with no hope; nearly losing his mind in the process…and his very life!

“Our last vessel…our last hope…” he whispered, “…It’s gone…gone! We… Gone… All of our hope was gone…! Why, Eurylochus! Why! Why!”

Calypso walked around his bench. She was as alluring as she seemed dangerous…like the sea that enclosed him. Her touch on his shoulder as she circled him, made him feel fear for the very first time he was with her. It was as if some cloud was lifted from his mind; a cloud he had no idea it existed.

“My poor, tormented darling…” Calypso whispered again, “These men rebelled against you…they disobeyed your orders and ignored your suggestions… Surely you are not the one to blame for their carelessness and arrogance….”

Her hands cupped his cheeks and made him look at her. She had kneeled before him and she wiped tears with her thumbs; tears he had no idea he had shed…

“You nearly lost your life out there, darling… Why must you torment yourself over them? Why must your heart always mourn? Forget about this…mortal coil. Stay here with me…stay and rest, finally, Odysseus… You shall not want of anything here… I could offer you the gift of immortality… Never shall you fear sickness or death again! Never shall you find yourself in the same pitiful state that you were when you first showed up at my doors! You shall be my equal! All you need to do is ask…”

Immortal! The word rang to Odysseus’s brain like a bell; immortality was the dream of every human being! And if immortality was linked, as she said, to no more of this heartache and torment… Oh, how desirable that was! And yet his mind rebelled to this. He remembered the Underworld; that dreadful place of wandering souls…he remembered Achilles who had told him he’d rather a thousand times be the last servant and alive than a god-king and dead… Why was his mind rebelling this when every mortal instinct he had was telling him to accept that? He held her wrists and softly removed them from his cheeks.

“Goddess…I immensely thank you for your proposal…there is indeed nothing sweeter echoing in the ears of a helpless mortal than immortality free of sorrows but… I cannot accept this… I must go back…”

Calypso seemed like she had been slapped as she looked at him.

“But…why!” she finally asked, “Why would you choose that? When you have been tormented so much and hurt so badly?”

“I must return to Ithaca!” Odysseus insisted, “My wife…my son are waiting for me there… And if I give up everything now, all we have been through with my companions will be in vain! I cannot just abandon them….”

Calypso stood up. Suddenly her face resembled indeed a statue; perfect and yet cold and emotionless.

“And are you sure, Odysseus, that your wife remained faithful to you? Are you sure she hasn’t betrayed you too?”

Odysseus moaned helplessly. That thought stabbed into his brain like a sword. For some reason Agamemnon’s words came to his mind that one can never trust their spouse, for he had been murdered by Clytemnystra and her lover. He shook his head. No, not Penelope! Penelope would never!

“No!” he exclaimed, “Not, Penelope! We chose each other! There is a special bond between us!”

“And yet, how do you know?” Calypso pressed, “You have been married almost two decades and yet you lived but a couple of years together. How can you know that your sweet Penelope holds your marriage the same as you do?”

“She does! I know she does! She promised she would wait! She promised me!”

“Darling! Listen to yourself! You have been away from home more than 12 years!” she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her beautiful head over his, “At best possible scenario she honored your marriage till they finally denounced you dead. Who can leave a throne vacant for so long?”

“No…” Odysseus whispered in denial, “No…no!”

“Just face the truth, my darling…you cannot deny it that over a decade people die… Your sweet Penelope might as well have found a new husband to rule your kingdom. No one can wait so long, my darling…” she whispered in his ear, “Not even you…”

Odysseus shivered. Her hot breath in his ear ringed weirdly in his soul. A natural feeling of repulse mixed with the sweet allure of her voice made him release himself from her embrace and stand up.

“I would! I would wait! I did! I still do!”

“And you are absolutely certain she would do the same? How can you be so sure that your sweet Penelope hasn’t found someone else to warm that empty wedding bed of hers?”

His bed? That bed he carved with his own two hands would be taken by someone else? That thought terrified him. No, he didn’t even want to think about it!

“Please goddess, stop! Say no more, I employ you!”

Suddenly he felt the need to defend himself against her accusations even if he had no real logical argument to repel them. It was as if his heart knew what his brain was repelling. His mother in the Underworld had told him that Penelope was enduring still and he held onto that for dear life. But, the other part of his brain was asking, how long has his mother been dead? If she met her end years ago then what guarantee did he have that Penelope hadn’t really remarried? He had none and he knew it, but he still wouldn’t want to accept such a scenario!

“But what if I am right?” Calypso insisted, “What if you are right and she endured but eventually she had to bend? What if your sweet Penelope has found a new husband?”

“Then…” the king of Ithaca whispered, “…that is one more reason for me to go back! To claim what is mine; my land, my kingdom, my palace…and my wife!”

Calypso frowned and lowered her head. She was astonished by his seer stubbornness and his refusal of seeing what he was truly refusing! She felt anger rising inside her. She adored him and she desired him. She had tried everything the past weeks to make him see it but apparently his mind was captured by his wife for an eternity and regardless of whether she managed to read his heart or not, Odysseus was once more distanced from her… She felt an anger she never felt before in her long life; was this the emotion humans named “envy”? Was she envious of a mere mortal woman? A woman that would eventually grow old and die? No, she refused to accept such weakness! And she wouldn’t lose to a mortal woman to the fight for the heart of this man she had come to adore to her bones!

*

Calypso was working her loom. She could feel the enchantment had faded; the sweet lithe that wanted to give to Odysseus so his pain would heal and he wouldn’t need to think so much of the things he would leave behind, had started to fade. It was as if, indeed, Odysseus’s mental and emotional strength were enough to make him indeed Equal to Gods… She banged her fist on the wood frustrated. She had seen his heart, she had saved his life, she had helped him and yet she still was so far away from him and all this time Odysseus had been resisting her incantation by seer will and emotion without even knowing it! No, she couldn’t let him leave, not before her questions were answered! What made him tick so much? What made his will to survive so strong that he managed to come out alive out of the greatest of hardships? Why was she so helplessly trapped in his charms when he was just a mortal man with no intention to seduce her in the first place? She sighed. She didn’t need to look behind her shoulder to realize it was Odysseus standing behind her.

“Calypso…” he whispered, “Great goddess of Ogygia…please…give me a vessel…give me a small ship to go back to my country… You nursed me back to health, you gave me valid answers to some of my questions… I can no longer stay here… Please, beautiful nymph I employ you…give me a ship to govern”

“There are no ships in Ogygia, Odysseus!” Calypso replied almost coldly, “No one ever comes or goes from here… Ships do not cross this sea…so full of danger”

“Then…please give me the tools to make one” Odysseus insisted, “Please, I have to go back, do you understand? I have been away from my wife and son so long! I want to embrace my precious Telemachus again! Tell him how sorry I am for missing all his life! Please be merciful, powerful nymph…please let me go…”

Calypso sighed. Her fist clenched.

“Fine…if that’s what you want to do…” she stood up to her full height and turned around

She was a tall woman; as tall as he was in total. Perhaps even a few centimeters taller. Her look was magnificent under the pale light of dusk. And yet her honey eyes shone in a dangerous way that Odysseus never saw before.

“But first, before you leave, I need something from you, Odysseus”

“Anything, goddess!” Odysseus replied almost immediately, “As long as it is within my power to give it to you”

“The gifts of Xenia, I gave you…” Calypso immediately replied; her eyes resembled now a predatory bird that had caught a mouse in her claws, “I took you in my house, I gave you my bed to sleep, I gave you my wine and bread to satiate your hunger and quench your thirst and clothes to wear. I believe you owe me some gifts of Xenia back.”

Odysseus’s heart sank in his chest.

“Goddess…” he began, “I have nothing to give you! I lost everything. If I had my vessel I would have given you all the treasures I got from Troy and every land I encountered in-between! I would give you the best wine and fabrics, jewelry and pearls from all ends of the world! The price would be too little for the good you did to me! But, alas, I have nothing. I am a ruined shipwrecked man! I have nothing to give you, to repay your hospitality!”

“Ah, Odysseus, Odysseus… There is something you can give me, something much more important than those soulless things. Wine…jewelry? Why would I need any of those? I already have plenty. However there is something you can give me, Odysseus, that nothing of those can buy…”

Odysseus eyed her curiously.

“What?” he genuinely asked, “What is it that I have that is so precious to you, good goddess?”

Calypso slowly walked to him. And then Odysseus froze because what she did next was something that totally took him aback. Her hand softly touched his cheek and then her lips landed upon his. Odysseus felt his eyes widen like a rabbit before the sight of a fox. No…no it couldn’t be! Calypso pulled back smiling seductively.

“Entertain me, Odysseus!” she whispered, “Give me what your wife enjoyed for a little while… Show me how mortals make love!”

Pale as a sheet, Odysseus took plenty of steps back.

“No…!” he whispered, “No, no! Please, I beg of you goddess!  I-I can’t give you what you ask!”

“Why not?” Calypso pressured, “You gave this to the divine daughter of Helios.”

Circe’s name came back to haunt him. Yes, Odysseus had shared a bed with Circe but then it was different! Hermes had told him not to refuse her and he had his men to protect. Right now he was alone. He had no one else to protect but his own skin and right now his decision would mean so much more than just an exchange and somehow he knew it!

“Please, spare me, good goddess!” Odysseus begged, “Ask for anything else, but not that, not that please!”

Penelope…Telemachus…

“It seems like offending gods has become a second nature to you, Odysseus!” Calypso retorted, “You make it sound like the worst thing that can happen to you is to bed me!”

Odysseus turned pale in terror. No, he definitely did not mean to offend her and yet what she asked of him…

“I’ll…I’ll do anything else, goddess. I shall delay my departure to make you a magnificent palace with my own hands if you wish…”

“Why would I need such thing, Odysseus? As you see I am missing nothing in my godly grotto. Why would I need a palace in my isle?”

“I…I shall build you a temple in Ithaca once I arrive!” Odysseus desperately tried again, “I shall make you the greatest goddess of all the Cephallinians, but please spare me!”

Calypso let out a light chuckle.

“The gifts of Xenia are not something given after 10 years, Odysseus!” she said as a matter of fact, “Not to mention that there is no guarantee that you will even make it back to your little island. The way Poseidon wishes your demise, I highly doubt you will make it beyond my bay! Nay, Odysseus. Besides why would I need worship? I live content on my island like that. I’d rather get what I wished for”

“Spare me!” Odysseus cried out, “Spare me, goddess, please! I’ll fall on my knees for you, beggar at your feet, but please don’t make me do this!”

He would have indeed dropped on his knees to hug hers, to make sure that she would not push him any further but she stopped him. She had come to know him.

“Please, Odysseus, no more, otherwise it will be much harder for me to keep refusing you!”

“Please, show mercy!”

“I have stated what I want from you and that’s it” Calypso replied relentless, “Are you going to trample the laws of Xenia as well? Wasn’t the taking of Troy enough when you fought at night using trickery? Wasn’t offending one god enough? Do you now wish to trample this sacred law dictated by Zeus as well?”

Odysseus froze in place; the law of Xenia…the law that he lived on all his life with. The law that he honored above all was now brought before him. He knew he had nothing to give her and he knew he could not offend her any further. He grabbed his head in desperation.

“If I want to see my wife and child…I have to appease her… Oh, Penelope! Forgive me! I am just a man; a weak, mortal man! I cannot fight with gods! I am tired! I can’t do this anymore!” he thought in despair, “My honor…trampled so many times! Gods, mercy! No more! Please no more!”

He knew everything had a price; he had learnt that the hard way! However seeing also Calypso; the kind nymph that took him in without asking anything before; the person he thought might be the exception, now bringing such a horrendous price for him to pay stroke him harder than anything. Suddenly his heart ached and then he felt like it broke. They are all the same, he thought, all gods and humans are the same! They all require a price and they ignore the distressful pleading!

*

Calypso’s chambers were dimly lit in moonlight only one or two torches lit the room. Calypso was casually leaning in her bed, observing him with an unreadable look; it was a mixture of lust, amusement, curiosity and wonder… Odysseus was shaking as he turned to the low table. He poured a cup of wine for himself and he downed it. Then he took another one. He breathed heavily. Gods let me go numb tonight…he thought, let me not feel this that I am about to do…. He could feel her eyes burning holes to the back of his nape, as if she was gaining strength from his distress. As if it as amusing to her. He turned around to see the nymph; so beautiful and so terrible, staring at him.

“Take off your clothes and join me, Odysseus…” she whispered seductively

Odysseus mechanically breathed in and out and then slowly opened his chiton, revealing his wide chest. He wished his mind wasn’t so frozen and yet so aware. For the first time in his life he wished to faint here and there; black out so he will not be conscious when it happens! Calypso shot up from the bed and grabbed the cloth, tearing it apart with one single move. Odysseus winced before her strength but even more he winced when her hands touched his chest, burning his flesh like fire as she felt the curly hair that adorned it. She felt every detail, every muscle, every scar… She shivered in delight finally feeling his flesh beneath her fingertips and the reactions that came with it… She felt every tremor, every jerk that strong mortal body was emitting! She sealed his lips with hers. Odysseus had kept his mouth as tightly closed as possible. Her lips burnt like coals…his soul hurt like being torn apart! Calypso softly pulled back and whispered against his lips;

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…like you mean it!”

Odysseus nearly broke down in tears as her lips sealed his again. He tried really hard to respond, feeling a jerk to his hair by her strong hand.

“I am Odysseus of Ithaca! Father to sweet Telemachus…son of Laërtes…There is nothing I can’t endure!”

The strokes came even lower. Odysseus prayed with all the power of his soul that his body wouldn’t react; that she would lose interest in him…however, as always, the gods were relentless. He felt his body responding to her caresses and her forcible seduction. He held back himself; no he wouldn’t moan! Be it pleasure or pain; he wouldn’t react! He wouldn’t give off the storm inside him!

“I am the Man of Many Turns…Goodly Odysseus! I am the Sacker of Cities! I am the spawn of Hermes…grandson of Autolycus! I shall not…I cannot be broken…!”

The touch nearly drove him insane in rage and confusion! He sighed as he nearly felt himself losing his footing.

“Endure my heart…please endure…! You have endured worse…!”

She led him on her bed…to which he was forced to lay and she threw her dress off her body revealing herself to him as pretty as she was terrible. As she climbed over him Odysseus wanted to shut his eyes closed, to hide those small tears that escaped his eyes and got lost in his curly hair.

“Oh, Athena! Oh, Pallas! Why! Why! Why! Please guide me to take this bitter cup upon my lips! Why are you silent, Athena? Why did you abandon me?”

As more kisses cascaded his body and he felt those arms almost pinning him on the bed, Odysseus remembered Circe… She had led him to her bed thinking she had his consent… Calypso knew she didn’t. She knew he couldn’t escape and yet it was as if she wanted to make sure! As she slowly raised herself to a position that was comfortable, Odysseus felt his heart break. The sudden rush made him almost lose his breath. He threw his head back in a silent scream. He wanted to close his eyes and yet he couldn’t avoid the terrible sight; he saw that face that was always calm and collected; maternal even now distorted in a mask of forceful bliss and a cascade of sighs and hums. That body that supported him before and helped him move about in the cave when he was weak was now moving over him making a series of sensations rush through his veins…those hands that so gently and so strongly supported him were now pinning him down; her left hand resting somewhere behind her back, close to the scar that adorned his leg and the other pressing upon his laryngeal prominence. He clenched his jaw till it hurt so he wouldn’t groan in distress; his body reacting to her treatment was much more terrifying even than the sight of hers on top of him.

“No more…please gods no more…”

And then it was over! He nearly fell back to the pillows breathing heavily like wounded. Calypso was breathing as well; only in delight. She didn’t seem half as tired as he was…

“On my word, Odysseus!” she panted softly, “You really ARE ‘Equal to gods’!”

He felt nauseous! He wanted to scream. He remained on the same position…not daring to look at her anymore as she kissed his cheek tenderly, hands tracing his body. Only one tear escaped his eye.

“Why…? WHY!”

*

Calypso was humming softly as she was arranging her hair. She had thrown a robe around her naked body, looking at her reflection at the bronze spectrum. Odysseus almost staggered in the room. He had thrown a new chiton over himself but he still felt the shame around him. He was breathing irregularly in rage and sadness.

“Now…” he panted, “Give me a vessel, goddess! Let me go home as you promised…!”

“Promise?” Calypso asked almost innocently, “I don’t recall promising such thing!”

Odysseus felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart.

“What?!” he croaked out, “But you said…”

“I said that you need to entertain me, Odysseus, to return me my gifts of Xenia but I did not promise I would immediately give you the means to make a vessel. And besides did you honestly think that one night is enough to buy your life’s worth?”

“I am ruined!” Odysseus cried out, “I am ashamed! I will probably never be able to face my wife and son again! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!” he finally yelled beyond his wits.

Calypso looked at him sincerely.

“I want you to love me, Odysseus!”

She stood up, taking advantage of his sudden shock.

“At first I was curious…I was not sure how mortals make love; this desperation that is linked to your temporary nature… Does it feel better for you that you know you are doomed? To us is just another pass time sometimes but to mortals it means so much more… But…”

She actually almost blushed! Odysseus though felt disgust and hatred.

“…But now, I am not sure if I can let you go! After feeling you…I just confirmed what I knew. You cured my loneliness…you filled an empty spot I never knew I had in my heart! I love you, Odysseus! And I want you to love me like I do…”

“Love?” Odysseus chocked in the word, “You call this love?!”

This was the only way the immortals knew to show love? Tormenting the mortals?

“I know I can win your heart, my love…” Calypso ignored him, “I know I can help you live here…with me…how to make you mine…and I shall be yours as your wife!”

“You will NEVER be my wife!”

“Oh but you are wrong, my dear. We united before gods and witnesses! You are my husband now, by the laws of gods!”

“Never! I have a wife! She waits for me! You are not my wife and you shall never be! I want to leave! You can’t hold me here!”

“You stayed one year with the witch Circe! Why acting so pious all of the sudden?”

For one moment the king of Ithaca saw only red. His hand grabbed her throat before he would realize it. Calypso was shocked only for one second but then a smirk crept to her lips.

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…” she whispered in a mocking manner, “…Like you mean it!”

Odysseus was shivering in anger. Oh, how easy it seemed if he could snap that neck that seemed so delicate! And yet he knew the truth; those bones beneath were not mortal bones and he would never manage to do anything to them and even if he did, she wouldn’t die…no, she wouldn’t die…! He let go of her running out of the room.

“You will never leave this place, you know…” Calypso’s casual voice stopped him in his tracks, “This island from the land till the currents around the sea respond to my will. Every single breeze and wave shall bring you back….”

Odysseus did not want to believe this! He ran out of the grotto. At the beach he knew he had no vessel but at that moment roaming the sea like he had come to this island didn’t seem as terrible as the fate that awaited him here. He threw a log in the water and tried to paddle away on it but, indeed the waves pushed him back on shore. He tried again with no avail. He desperately jumped into the sea to swim with all his might but the result was the same. Exhausted and exasperated Odysseus was once more pushed to the shores of Ogygia.

“No!” Odysseus yelled as he paced up and down like a wounded tiger in the cage.

In his anger he roared and threw a rock to the waves but that’s all he could do. He gave up. He sat down the sand, drawing his knees to his chest and remained silent under the stars…  In what seemed like eons, he heard Calypso’s light footsteps upon the sand and the pebbles.

“Odysseus…” she called for him, “Come inside, it is getting late”

“No thank you!” he replied in a low dangerous voice

“You shall need to eat something, my love, come back inside.”

“Your price is too high to pay!”

“Come inside, Odysseus” she repeated, “I will order for your meal to be prepared.”

“I’d rather die of hunger and cold!”

Calypso sighed. It was the type of sigh a disappointed mother would give to a child.

“As you wish” she said, “But remember you should know better not to cross with me that much, my darling. I love your spirit, I really do, however you should know better that I shall not ask twice…”

Odysseus turned to look at the waves so she wouldn’t see his jaw shiver…so she wouldn’t see the fear in his eyes. Yes, he knew. Achilles was just a mortal man and yet all he needed to do was to plead his goddess mother to bring misfortune upon all Achaeans…  He didn’t even dare to imagine what this immortal could do if she wanted. What if she ordered immortal nymphs of the oceans to drown his beautiful little kingdom? What stopped her from doing this…? Finally he heard her footsteps as she walked away. Odysseus was left alone…

*

As he was sitting there…his tears began to flow in the middle of the cold night. He buried his face in his folded arms.

“Gods! Is this, then, my fate…? Being the lapdog of a goddess every time she pleases? Shall this be the fate of Odysseus of Ithaca? Alas! Why! Why gods! I only made one mistake! I only…why! Why! Haven’t I graced you all with sacrifices and worship? Why did you abandon me? Over one mistake…?”

The smell of cooked meat came to his nostrils. His stomach growled in hunger. Once more he lamented himself and his mortal nature. He was hungry and Calypso knew that and she was using it to torment him. He clenched his head with his hands.

“Oh, alas! Is that what my men had to suffer out there…? Is this why their mortal bodies could take no more?”

He wondered why, how could he forget his lament over their loss for so long!

“That cursed witch and her spells!” he lamented, “Taking away this sorrow…putting my conscious to sleep!”

He remembered his promise…

“I have to survive…If I die here who is going to remember them? Who is going to know they were here? Who is going to tell their story? I am the only one left! I am the only one who can remember them…”

He heard the waves…his heart felt cold and heavy like the stones residing in the ocean. I don’t even have a tomb for them…he thought, I can’t even build them a funeral pyre… He felt his curly hair with his hand. His long hair was the crown on his head; thick and long; they had tangled a lot from the wind and the salt water while he traveled, almost forming natural locks. Ever since he arrived to Calypso’s isle it was always neatly combed and washed. His hand searched the beach and caught a sharp stone. He held his hair with one hand and then with the stone, slowly and methodically he cut it short as his nape… He held that hair in his hand before throwing it in the sea…the last funerary tribute that he could give them. He would survive. He would survive even if he meant to do anything for it! He would try to reach Ithaca! He would continue their legacy!

*

Calypso was sitting by the fire as her maids stirred the stew in the cauldron. She looked up and smiled. Odysseus was standing there. His face was like stone; his eyes bottomless and liquid. His hair that used to be thick and long now it was cut. His eyes were stained and burnt from tears. Calypso though smiled. She had confidence in herself that her spouse would learn to love her. It was only a matter of time and she had all the time in the world.

“Odysseus!” she whispered, “I am so glad you decided to come…”

She extended her richly adorned hand towards him. That hand that had given him life now it seemed ready to severe it.

“Come…” she urged softly, “Come to sit by the fire to get warm…we have dinner almost ready…”

One last tear ran down his cheek. Yes, he would survive no matter the cost; even if that would be his sanity and honor! The gods were silent to his prayers. He was alone. He had to survive alone…

He spoke no words anymore…

He walked in the grotto…

~~~

Oh my gosh! What have I done indeed! TT_TT but yeah...I do not fully regret! I believe this wll be the 3rd and final part of Sirvor's Guilt/Duty and I hope you enjoyed the wild ride!

Calypso weaving was inspired by this amazing soundtrack from "The Perfume"

Calypso showing Odysseus the events that occured before he arrived was inspired by the Odyssey since Odysseus mentions in his narrative how he was filled in the details by Calypso

I just HAD to include the Skylla moment because it was one of the most brutal description in the Odyssey so one can see how much Odysseus was traumatized!

Now as for how Calypso knows the details well...gods are often depicted to know things even if they aren't there (even if at other times they don't!)

And my extra explanation as to why Odysseus could not go anywhere.

The After Note was inspired by the clip from nbc Dracula (particulary the expression of poor Odysseus so read at your own accord! xd)

~~~~~~~~~

(After note)

The night was silent as always on Ogygia. The silence could strangle you. Odysseus slowly lifted himself from the narrow bed. His expression was unreadable. It was as if the pain and sorrow had left a permanent dark scar to his face that would never allow anyone to see him smile again. His hair was tangled and his beard untidy almost just like the bed that seemed even messier. He looked to the side and his eyes darkened even further, if that would even be possible, as he gazed upon Calypso’s body. She was sleeping on her stomach, with her head towards the other direction, one of her beautiful legs drawn slightly towards her. Her dark hair adorned with gold, seashells and pearls were flowing all around her like second layer of jewels and yet to Odysseus they seemed like deadly tentacles; like the heads of the dreadful Skylla that consumed his comrades when it seemed like an eternity prior. Her soft breathing was barely heard and yet to Odysseus it was echoing in his brain driving him mad. He was choking. He needed fresh air! He slowly got out of the bed, feeling the light pain down his back. He walked out of the room, feeling the cold stone of the grotto under his bare feet. He didn’t care at all that he was absolutely naked at that moment; he didn’t bother to cover himself even if there was a possibility one of the nymphs of Calypso to be around. Odysseus felt there was no sense of shame in him anymore. He ignored the nudity of his body as well as a few small scratches and bruises upon it that were accidentally caused by some miscalculation on Calypso’s strength during some of their endless nights of her passion and intercourse. Calypso had apologized of course. But then again Odysseus had stopped caring. He had tried resisting her before but with no avail, as she was much stronger than what he was. He had even tried begging her; one night! Spare me at least one night! However long now, Odysseus had stopped caring. There was no fight in him anymore.

It had been two years already, the king of Ithaca had calculated; two years of torture and despair. His hair that he had cut as a tribute to his dead men had already started to grow longer. If it were in his hands he wouldn’t even bother to brush it anymore. He didn’t feel much like grooming himself or taking care of himself. He didn’t seem to see the point in it anymore and, besides, there more unattractive he appeared in her eyes, the better. If it weren’t for the nymphs who prepared him regularly for these nightly torments of his then Odysseus probably would have stopped doing anything. The longing for return was eating his guts like a worm eating the flesh of a rotten apple; he could almost feel it through his gut! However the hope for his return was getting slimmer and slimmer. And it wasn’t just his bitter nostos that was eating him up. It was also haste and doubt. Calypso had planted that seed of doubt before and now she kept watering it with every night of abuse that Odysseus had to suffer. He was closing in that island as long as he took to travel there. Ten years he was away to Troy, three years he was traveling, losing his men one by one and now two years of imprisonment. He was away from home 15 years. What if Calypso for once was right? What if Penelope out of seer coercion decided that he was long dead and had to marry again? What would happen to him then if that last piece of him was uprooted from him? Or, much worse, what would happen if… No, Odysseus thought, that scenario he didn’t want to accept! Not Penelope…Penelope was different! She would never cheat on his memory, right? She had promised to him she would wait for his return…

“And how long is she supposed to wait for you?” there was a voice in the back of his head, “You left her wait 15 years…who would wait that long?”

Who indeed? Who would remain faithful to a man who disappeared for so long? Odysseus shivered. He didn’t even want to think about it, despite the doubt biting his heart like a snake. He remembered Agamemnon, whom he had met in the bitter ends of the Underworld. He told him to beware for his wife murdered him upon his return…with her lover.

“No! Not, Penelope! Penelope would never…”

This thought he had made so many times while residing at the beach crying or even within the arms of Calypso at night. These thoughts constantly twirling in his mind. Penelope was a kind woman when he met her. A nice soft bride. However as Calypso had said; they were married almost 20 years and yet he had known her for around a handful. What if she wasn’t who he thought she was? What if she was coerced to change? And his sweet Telemachus…his son would be now 15 years of age; around the age he was when he got his infamous scar by the boar at Parnassus. His son would be practically a man now; independent and strong. He had missed a quarter of his life; his son probably feared his father would be dead. He felt like every single day he spent on that island would be a tick to the clock against him; Penelope marrying again and Telemachus never knowing his father or hearing his voice… This was way too much to bear… His whole life moving on without him was way too much to endure. His pain was eating him up. His hair had started to grow gray. He knew his own youth was long gone however the silver edges to his temples shouldn’t normally appear so fast. His father never grew white. Even when he left for war he had his black hair almost intact and barely started to grow gray. However Odysseus felt like his own features had changed over the years. He saw himself at a polished bronze mirror once and he was surprised. He could hardly recognize the prematurely aged man inside the copper surface. Calypso didn’t seem bothered though. She even seemed to enjoy this change that his torment had brought about him; perhaps she was charmed by his mortal nature; this nature that showed how helpless existence was, that no matter what one did, their time on this earth would be counted for anyways.

Eventually he reached the entrance of the wide, white cave. He was greeted by the sounds of the night and the cold night breeze. Odysseus, though, didn’t shiver nor did he feel it. It was as if his body had turned into marble; his heart into stone. It didn’t matter if in the mornings he was seeking sanctuary to the solitude of the sandy beach and there he would bawl his eyes out almost all day; having nothing else to do but gaze at the waves and cry. In the night Odysseus was a cold statue; as if he had no more tears to shed. As he stood there, listening to the song of the crickets and the waves to the far beyond he felt weak…he felt helpless…he felt like nobody…Oh, how many times had he wished he could get in her room and kill her! How many times he wished he could snap her neck, smother her with a pillow or open that delicate throat with his sword! But he knew it would be impossible. He looked up and noticed a night bird flying to the sky. His furious eyes became liquid and his fists clenched painfully.

“If only you never existed…!” he thought bitterly, “If only you gods never existed! Then us mortals could live our life in peace!”

He was always faithful to the gods. Many people had said he was the best when it came to sacrifices and respect. But now it all seemed pointless in the cover of this dreadful night and all the nights before. Odysseus had come to fear the night and its creatures and feeling disgust by them and he came to hate the day because it only held solitude and sadness. He didn’t even get his usual nightmares as he often got when he slept for the past years; it was as if he was completely hollow. There was hardly anything left of him anymore. Not even his faith. He watched the night owl fly soundlessly in the moonlight and his heart was filled with anger and despair. Athena, why did you abandon me, he thought. Curse you too! How can you leave me like this! However as if he realized the severity of his own mind his eyes watered and a tear ran down his cheek.

“Gods, I am turning into a monster…” he thought, “If I lose my faith to the gods…then…then what’s left of me then…? Is there anything left of Odysseus of Ithaca, father to sweet Telemachus and son of Laërtes?”

He looked back at the grotto that had become his salvation and now his prison and torture. Oh, how he wished he turned that place into a second Troy! How he wished he had his trusty bow that he left to Ithaca, to shoot his arrows to all these creatures that tormented him and set this place in fire! If only he could! He visualized so many times driving arrows to the sensitive flesh of these women and leaving Calypso for last… He would enter her rooms dripping the dark blood of her companions; naked sword in hand so she could see; take a good look on what she did to him and then she would feel the kiss of the metal to her tender throat… He visualized her death so many times that he could almost taste it… Something in his mind snapped. He could almost feel like doing it. Eyes on fire and dripping hot tears he clenched his fists to the point of almost breaking the skin with his nails. He slowly marched to the room only to find her sleeping in the same position; totally unperturbed by his torment.

“Why am I the monster…?” he thought, “And she can sleep peacefully…? After everything she did to me…?”

As madness crept even more into his heart as his infamous temper was about to explode his hands were clenching in a painful grip but he refused to feel the pain. Maybe he could do it tonight. Maybe he could try… Perhaps she was a normal nymph after all; immortal but not indestructible! Maybe he could take his vengeance from this magnificent being that tormented him in the cover of the night, why not? He had done this before. One more sin to add to his miserable life; one more attempt! He could at least try. If it didn’t work, the worst case scenario would be that he would be liberated from this if her anger turned against him! Slowly and soundlessly like a lion in the night he crept on the bed over her. His onyx eyes were even darker than the night around him; yes, he could try! Slowly and carefully he crawled over her when…

An iron hand grabbed his throat, cutting his breath for one second.

Odysseus felt his heart skip a beat. He recognized that soft hand; it was smooth and sleek like silk but held the power of three men in that tiny touch. Suddenly all his previous resolve; his madness evaporated in thin air by the reminder of her strength. No, he had absolutely no chance of doing anything to her. She was no ordinary nymph. She was the daughter of the titan Atlas, the man who held the sky… That grip on his throat lasted for only one second because immediately after it turned into a tender touch to the sides of his neck, followed by a second hand that held him there; softly and yet demandingly. Calypso raised her body to meet his face with hers; her eyes glistering with love and passion.

“Odysseus…!” she whispered

Her voice was barely audible and yet Odysseus didn’t really feel like reacting anymore as those lips sealed his and kissed him deeply. Odysseus felt exhausted. It was as if all his previous anger had taken the life out of him. He knew he had no choice but to respond to her kiss. He had come to know her. He grasped her hair to the back of her head and pulled desperately; in a weak and pitiful attempt to hurt her back. It was his way of showing the weak resistance he could; he would often grab or pull her hair when she kissed him or grasp her in what would have been a bruising grip for any other grown mortal man but it didn’t work on Calypso and he knew it, if anything it was almost like confirmation to her that he was equally passionate, giving her the wrong impression. He knew it was doing nothing. It was just his last way to show his will. As Calypso wrapped her beautiful legs around his waist she pulled him down with her.

Odysseus felt his tears dry in his eyes.

He was once more a statue.

He chose not to feel…

[dreams-in-blk]

“He used his MPC like Jimi Hendrix played guitar or John Coltrane played the saxophone. It was an extension of himself. That’s probably why out of all the MPCs used by countless hip hop producers and beat makers over the years, J Dilla’s is in a museum.” - Brian “Radar” Ellis

This is J Dilla

Video: How J Dilla Humanized His MPC 3000

Playlist: Dilla Made Me Do It

[imnothinginparticular]

#finishedbooks Dilla Time by Dan Charnals. With no space left in my suitcase...I just had to get this. You figure with books on musical artists you got three angles: musicological, cultural, or biographical to approach the artist...and what immediately hits you is how complete this is in doing all three...and more from the introduction of syncopation by enslaved peoples, the history of electronic music, the abandoned triangular urban planning of Detroit, to Dilla's family's migration north, Detroit's musical history, and finally Dilla himself this is just the first fifth of the book. Going back to "Playing Changes" a book I reviewed on contemporary jazz, I mentioned in the review I was suprised to see a whole section on the Soulaquarians who I love I just never listened to them like I would a Thelonious Monk...and this book now has me listening to Dilla like a Monk and hearing music since him differently. That's a bold claim, and going into this book I was seeing the music notion of "Dilla time" in relation to standard and swing time and initially to an extent I just thought they were going to highlight what jazz musicians have long done in "back phrasing." I talked about this in my review of the "Black Music" book when comparing Hawkins, Young, and Parker mentioning Young's innovation was playing behind the beat...I always joked calling it playing in black time because it is like I am going to get there, it is just not on YOUR time (standard western musical time) but on mine time and it is still on time haha. You can always hear this in Dilla's music his snares are always rushed while at times his kick's are jumping around everywhere yet always sounded perfect. I had just attributed it to RZA who also never quantized beats but I realized for RZA it was genuinely random, for Dilla it was cultivated. And the thing with back phrasing, it was always a solo instrument or vocals like Billie Holiday to some extent...Dilla back phrased the WHOLE rhythm section and THAT changed music. I mean you can hear it of course in any underground hip hop music since but also Neptunes in the stuff they were doing for N' Sync and David Bowie's Black Star album, but jazz really embraced it and it was all over that Norah Jones break out album, but from there Roy Hargrve, Glasper, and McCraven to Kamasai, Jason Moran, Christian Mcbride, and even the current ECM golden child Vijay Iyer wrote his doctoral thesis on it, instead coining it micro time but is Dilla Time, so in effect he defined the pulse of jazz this side of the millennium. So going back to my inital statement in my review, about listening to Dilla like Monk...Monk's music is exciting because he never lands where you would expect from his percussive spliced finger way of playing the piano that creates this beautiful conflict due to his underlying logic...Dilla is the same. But straight and swing time came from Dilla juxtaposing the two feels even and uneven simultaneously creating a new disorienting rhythmic friction. From my autodidact music education when I made beats 20 years ago (with no public school music programs) I worked expecting to hear a beat counted in fours, I'd quantize the hi-hat that really acts as a metronome because it hits two times for every four beats setting the rhythmic current at eight...and I'd play out the kick and snare over 8 bars and loop...Dilla cuz his snare is rushed it messes up the whole structure so instead of 8 slices per a measure in something like "Go Ladies" you got 192 and he shifted that snare by five of those slices or precisely 128th note triplets...and all our ear hears is oddness because it is ahead. What Questlove had to learn playing on D'Angelo's "Voodoo" (which really is what everyone references as the start of Dilla Time on an instrumentized stage) was that to mimic it, he had to do something crazy like naturally saying to yourself, "ok im finna keep my right leg in straight time, swing my right arm at 66 percent, and with my left rush the snare by 1/7 of a quarter note."

[frankbedbroken]

here's also the final update for the frankcore spotify playlist with my favourite songs of this year! and since i never actually went through and made a monthly writeup for the tracks on the playlist after january, under the cut is a list of the songs i heard the most during each month regardless of release year (i wanted to link all of the songs but apparently tumblr is not a fan of having 280+ links on a single post so uhhh look them up on your own i guess sorry)

happy new !

february: kelela - enough for love oneohtrix point never - replica ana caprix - blood moon [bonus] howie lee - eyes on the mountains! j dilla - lightworks dva - pink22 (feat. clara la san) bodygaard x exodus1900 - auto salon✱✱ deftones - bloody cape raye - escapism (feat. 070 shake) caroline polachek - pretty in possible onlyoneof - chrome arts boys noize - rock the bells moor mother & billy woods - the blues remembers everything the country forgot (feat. wolf weston) fka twigs - honda (feat. pa salieu) danny brown - blunt after blunt (pham remix) [bonus] aamu kuu - aaa dreamcatcher - wonderland beyoncé - america has a problem babyfather - 1471 (feat. tirzah) evian christ - fuck it none of ya'll don't rap [bonus] dj deeon - 2 b free pinkpantheress & ice spice - boy's a liar pt. 2 bwwwoys - #longliveinternet (summer of haze remix) [bonus] losco & onhell - carnal liv.e - reset! skrillex, swae lee, siickbrain & posij - too bizarre (juked) sleepnet & former - void song djrum - hard to say serum, paul t & edward oberon - take my breath away bloodclaat gangsta youth - kill or be killed [bonus]

march: hum - dreamboat sumin - in dreams ras g - one 4 kutmah prison religion - torn up body fitnesss - f20 / faith evian christ - ultra the alliance - producer army - dis makes u move (prod. da soul beat) [bonus] bby goyard - loss of words (underworld) [bonus] bree runway & yung baby tate - damn daniel chase plato - rip kobe sangam & thugwidow - tempered heart bébé yana - 64 coucou chloe - nobody felix da housecat - silver screen shower scene orgasmic - the sixpack anthem (instrumental) sister city - rites of dacia tsuruda - corrupted vip kali uchis - moonlight katy b - katy on a mission mutant joe - terrifier (feat. onoe caponoe) yves tumor - in spite of war eprom - hurricane boe strummer - brigade anti france nia archives - baianá conquering lion - power of trinity [bonus] gyrofield - midnight minus one dom & crystl - stimulant [bonus] billain - newgrooveorder dj taye da vila galvao - cobertor de orelha ft eprom da ct & alix perez do continental [bonus] gasker - ask the universe

april: odd nosdam - bow they will ! ! ! kelela - the high material girl - funeral parade of roses (feat. coin locker kid) jabu x skrs - bwoytestvip hellcom - unity2000 [bonus] taichu & álvaro díaz - presión safety trance - cuando suena el dembow fiona apple - the first taste cities aviv - if i could hold your soul tim hecker - anxiety caetano veloso - nine out of ten drone - cyclone overmono - is u addison groove - fuk tha 101 jim legxacy - block hug the bug - poison dart (feat. warrior queen) bengal sound - move like ghosts [bonus] magdalena bay - top dog traxman - footworkin on air heartgaze - nunca+ (feat. fco chandia & carliane tamara) thursday - standing on the edge of summer dj ride - smthingnew dbridge - creatures of habit gyrofield - b-muth pendulum - plasticworld phuture doom - doom terror corps kaizo slumber - you wouldn't download

may: hype williams - ooovrrr [bonus] ghost phone - hotline [bonus] deftones - my own summer (shove it) d'eon - transparency stray - movements (machinedrum remix) mitomoro & ricco harver - grind (dog noise bootleg) [bonus] aaliyah / ace of base - barnacle bounce (lsdxoxo remix) [bonus] avalon emerson - sandrail silhouette the pharcyde - i'm that type of * cobrah - debut tim hecker - virginal i sbtrkt - lfo (feat. sampha & george riley) the saturdays - all fired up west norwood cassette library - (everytime you touch me) i get hype sango - me de amor pabllo vittar - calma amiga interlude (feat. anitta & dj ramemes) d.silvestre & mc denadai - agressivo desgraçado moody good - musicbx (feat. eryn allen kane) kelela - rewind nenagenix - igual chini.png - tonto yves tumor - lovely sewer billy woods & kenny segal - facetime the khan - uptowndownbottomshawty mutant joe - ak47 (feat. apoc krysis) jessy lanza, dj spinn & dj rashad - you never show your love (teklife mix) blackstreet - no diggity (aphrodite remix) [bonus] infinity knives & brian ennals - the willower underscores - cops and robbers blood of aza - cusp demo [bonus] [krtm] & tripped - heckler

june: fehnicia - mago de oz king geedorah - fazers four tet - three drums caterina barbieri - math of you sebastian - love in motion (feat. mayer hawthorne) gabriel ramon - timido the micronauts - the jag dabrye - prospects (marshall law) health - hateful (feat. sierra) eprom - x-fade strategy quavis - angst [bonus] k4 - abrazame gia love - sigues tu (eros white remix) dj lycox - dor do koto d.silvestre & mc denadai - mata rato do casarao mag - para que nookie - give a little love ('94 lick) dreamcatcher - bonvoyage fracture - get raw clara cava - bf4e simona - pretty collage (feat. anyi) dom & roland - can't punish me robyn - cobrastyle seekersinternational - no parasites (lickshot!) deutsch amerikanische freundschaft - verschwende deine jugend six impala - hatehatehatehatehatehate

july: flying lotus - i feel like dying [bonus] tainy, bad bunny & julieta venegas - lo siento bb :/ lara91k - pegaíta yayayi - \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 12 s.e.s. - s.ii.s (soul to soul) air - soldissimo (edc mix) dabrye - hyped-up plus tax shapednoise - family (feat. armand hammer) cities aviv - escorts earl sweatshirt - making the band (danity kane) kaizo slumber - my head is spinnin' chief keef - save me millie & andrea - stay ugly indie - apollonia [bonus] dj arana - montagem silent hills guitarbaby - arizona (feat. olhosdagua) aleph - if u want dbx - good love [bonus] odd eye circle - air force one jaime roos - quince abriles tek genesis & quiet bison - petrichor tinashe - talk to me nice terra & cimarron - agua bendita machinedrum - wait 4 u (dj phil remix) (feat. jesse boykins iii) heartavi - rip it! london elektricity - the great drum + bass swindle 8485 - scribbles (feat. drainpuppet) charli xcx - speed drive

august: two fingers vs. muadeep - blood moon beyoncé - partition blawan - toast la cruz - quitate la ropa sd laika - great god pan max tundra - lysine me oh myriorama - southbound rochelle jordan & keys n krates - what you done amaka - cruisin hannah diamond - perfect picture iceboy violet - urban ambience rezz, shadient & fknsyd - blue in the face brown eyed girls - abracadabra rae sremmurd - flaunt it / cheap (scamp edit) [bonus] zxph xllxs - xcxd bxmb underscores - old money bitch wrrn - balvanera art school girlfriend - a place to lie klahrk, roxas & anti.negative - aramla999 by storm - double trio bickle - heartbreak sedative kavari - attachment style forever ☆ - rain forever evian christ - salt carousel asia menor - doce sade - pearls

september: tinashe - treason ash koosha - i feel that utada - easy breezy loona / olivia hye - egoist [bonus bc boycott lol] ras g - been cosmic the radio dept. - the worst taste in music namasenda - maserati ralphie choo & mura masa - máquina culona lila tirando a violeta & sin maldita - accela lady gaga - starstruck (feat. space cowboy & flo rida) sami baha - chunk tirzah - devotion (feat. coby sey) robyn - none of dem loossemble - colouring dem 2 - destiny todd edwards - thru the pain [bonus] tori amos - raspberry swirl evian christ - on embers courtesy - you're not alone (feat. erika de casier & august rosenbaum) hudson mohawke & nikki nair - set the roof (feat. tayla parx) vessel - paplu (love that moves the sun) 2hollis - god kavari - someone loved it yung lean - volt asia menor - la naturaleza tommy genesis - execute chase plato - set you free

october: om unit - healing rain lee gamble - blurring nilufer yanya - crash jim legxacy - amnesia111 james k - drunktrack dolorio & los tunantes - dj de la muerte kfc murder chicks - rage entre rios - hoy no snow strippers - passionate highs ojerime - 56 plate corsa (interlude) family - sentimental (1991 demo) lila tirando a violeta & sin maldita - idioglossia eprom - trust g jones - liminality yves tumor - echolalia florentino - pressure (feat. shygirl) pangaea - installation daphni - cloudy (kelbin remix) dj alyx - 🤘🤘🤘🤘 rock no pelo 🤘🤘🤘🤘 - remix de te amo da bonequinha c mu540 [bonus] evian christ - nobody else pinkpantheress - capable of love kode9 - 9 samurai nikki nair - it goes plata - maritimo [bonus] perfume genius - your body changes everything (boy harsher remix) danny brown - tantor efectodeviaje - geoda (this originally had funeral parade of roses in it as well, forgot that i had it on a previous month)

november: bjork & rosalia - oral torta relena - el suicidi i el cant material girl - mikahel (feat. childboy) james k & hoodie - scorpio doss - here tonight vanishing twin - afternoon x gary bartz - i've known rivers rainy miller & space afrika - 00-down / murmansk, 12 estratosfera, qiri & six sex - racecar broadcast - come on let's go alvvays - belinda says the deep - bappi ivy lab - backshifting todd edwards - god will be there the postal service - sleeping in dj arana, cacau chuu & mc nina - chuva de perereca dntel - (this is) the dream of evan and chan grrl - honeybee sumin - kiki george riley & hudson mohawke - s e x fracture - all of the massive kinoteki - the line (kelbin remix) dj paypal, tielsie & keiska - say goodbye evian christ - the beach dazegxd - say ya prayer [bonus] 99jakes - 9 is the master gabba front berlin - lacrima mosa est [bonus]

december: the softies - hello rain portishead - cowboys haseul - plastic candy mitski - the deal cocteau twins - sugar hiccup a.s.o. - my baby's got it out for me oliva - viva pues liv.e - wild animals touché amoré - gather kara jackson - liquor tyler icu - mnike (feat. dj maphorisa, nandipha808, ceeka rsa & tyron dee) nourished by time - shed that fear kelela - closure (flexulant x bambii remix) (feat. rahrah gabor & brazy) luomo - synkro chiko alfa, jairo vera & giuliano yankees - panamera (gzs bruxaria edit) [bonus] reverend kristin michael hayter - i know his blood can make me whole soul mass transit system - break ur heart xaviersobased - vibrator [bonus] skepta - man kwengface - freedom 2 sam waitin & faffi - wrecking boom asia menor - defensa / cortar minor science - workahol dolorio & los tunantes - gata ganter ivy lab - idols fall von bikräv - je suis l'ecstasy tank jr. - bass terror w/ nondi_

it is that time of the year everybody !! frank's favourites from 2023, lps (albums and mixtapes) and eps