#differentiating platonic and romantic feelings

[our-arospec-experience]

Do you have any advice on how to tell the difference between romantic and strong platonic feelings as an arospec person?

I'm (I think) demi-aroace, and I don't really ever feel romantically attracted to anyone. I have a close friend (who is also aroacespec) who I think I have romantic feelings for. I don't think (or at least don't really remember) having experienced romantic feelings, so I'm finding it hard to understand how I feel.

I'm really really sorry if this is the wrong place to come, but I'm not really sure where else to ask. I've not come out to anyone as demiaroace, and the only other aroacespec person I know is the person I've mentioned above. And actually they're probably one of the only people I'd be comfortable telling.

Thanks so much if you can help, I hope this is ok to ask.

the best resource for differentiating attractions I've found so far is this one:

However, you can define your attraction however you want, or even just leave it without a label. It's okay to be confused, take your time and figure things out when you are ready.

Good luck :)

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What kind of attraction am I feeling?

It can be difficult to figure out exactly what we are feeling toward someone, especially since we can be feeling multiple types of attraction at the same time. To help you out, here are some things you might think about someone when feeling certain types of attraction.

Romantic attraction:

"I feel a physical magnetism to this person"

"I think about them all the time"

"I can't help but imagine a future with them"

"I fantasize about kissing them, marrying them, moving in with them, etc"

"I desire for them to be romantically involved with me"

"The feeling I have for them is distinctly different from how I feel about friends or family"

"I have physical reactions to them, like butterflies when I'm near them or an ache when they're away"

Sexual attraction

"I feel a physical magnetism to this person"

"I can't help but fantasize about being sexually close with them or imagining them naked"

"being near them arouses me a bit"

"I feel my loins react to their presence and I am extremely aware of how close they are to me"

"It's like everyone is in grayscale but this specific person is in full colour"

Platonic Attraction:

"I feel an emotional magnetism toward this person"

"I feel like we are on the same wavelength and I can easily understand them"

"I feel like we are vibing and it's easy to talk and share with them."

"I feel drawn to their energy"

"I am very comfortable hanging out with them and I desire to get to know them and have them get to know me"

"I can easily spend time together without a lot of effort or emotional drain"

Aesthetic Attraction:

"this person has a really cool style or a beautiful face/body

"I appreciate their beauty the same way I appreciate a beautiful sunset"

"I want to be around them in the same way I want to be around beautiful art"

"I feel a desire to stare at them or maybe even draw them"

"I enjoy how our styles compliment each other"

Sensual attraction:

"This person makes me feel like I do when I see a big floofy dog - I feel a strong desire to snuggle them or hug them or just be near them in a non-sexual way"

"I may fantasize about cuddling them or being close to them"

"I may feel inclined to physically interact with them more than other people."

end id.

[unfogged-arc]

i don't have twitter anymore so you guys get all my late night nonsense posts.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

There are two wolves inside of me. One headcanons Marcy as a lesbian because of her obsessive, possessive and codependent tendencies with her friends. The other headcanons her as aroace. Because of her obsessive, possessive and codependent tendencies with her friends

[sirlancenotalot]

the fact that people still use the "no one would talk to a friend that way" "no one would grieve for someone like that if it was just platonic" etc arguments to prove a ship is canon is so annoying to me. yes i get it, we got queerbaited hard but where does it say that romance has to be higher than a friendship or no one said friends couldn't also be lovers or vice versa....? i normally say "popular media tropes that usually are for romance" when i talk about fiction but pulling a blanket statement like "NO ONE talks to a friend that way" is so invalidating to so much of our queer experiences. the beauty of queer friendship literally lies in the emotional fulfilment we get from our friends in a way that i don't normally see in cishet friendships for whatever reasons. so idk it's just been bothering me to see these kinds of posts every now and then. "you wouldn't do [x] for your friends" i would actually. i would sell my soul for them. i would kill for them and kill myself for them. i would do anything for my friends that i would do for a partner. the "proof" for a ship doesn't have to be by invalidating their friendship. also like aren't most of the ships so powerful when they're also each other's closest friends? do y'all not think of your partners as your best friends?

[mysticaledelusion]

listen... ive done my moping, ive sulked for long enough about spocks forced female love interests.

it is infinitely funnier if you consider the idea that literally EVERYONE in the federation has the hots for either spock or kirk and then the two idiots get together with each other they break a trillion hearts.

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

People far more eloquent than I am will be able to explain this better than I can, but I know I'm not the only one who head cannons Blitz as demiromantic and theorizes that this is the first time since Fizz that he's felt this way.

There was something so... Idk. The way he said "I guess" in answer to Millie's question. Could be just him being reluctant to admit it, but it hit me like... Like this feeling is so unfamiliar to him that it's like "I guess these feelings I am having are that? This feeling is so foreign to me that I'm inexperienced at naming it."

I am probably explaining this terribly but that answer was so demiromantic to me and I felt it in my soul.

[altschmerzes]

'you're platonically married and you write about platonic sex, how can you possibly care about the distinction between platonic and romantic, what's the point, isn't that silly' is a late but strong contender for most mystifying and vaguely hurtful thing someone has said to me in 2024

[zoppzoop]

Hmmm introspecting after reading a post lmao but I've come to the realisation that like I don't particularly care to differentiate between platonic and romantic relationships? Like i love my friends and I guess that's it? I am also having the realisation that i probably have not had an actual crush in almost like,,,, over a decade at this point and the last 'crush' i remember having g was one of those made up ones that you make you to be able to talk to and relate to your friends with yknow. I almost wanna say I think i might just be aro? But also at the same time I absolutely do get flustered when someone I find cool or pretty talks to me so like idk? I don't care about getting into a romantic relationship with them so like eh??

And other than that when I think of getting into a romantic relationship with any specific person it just doesn't feel appealing to me but then I yearn for the vague concept of it all if that makes sense???

And then there's also the thing about intimacy? Like i feel like hm how do I explain it. Like if a friend wanted to hold hands or cuddle or kiss or sth I wouldn't have a problem going along with it without it having to be explicitly romantic? And if a romantic partner didn't want to have any of the intimate stuff I'd be okay with it? Which brings me to like,, how do people even differentiate between platonic and romantic relationships?? Because to me they're pretty much the same. Unless ofc I'm straight up missing something

[mcybree]

Was Jimmy ever truly in love with Scott any smp yes or no

depends on how you want to define it. Jimmy has a tendency to hype up the people he’s teamed with, and that + the way he very openly admires Scott / puts him on a pedestal in Third Life* can be easily read as “falling in love” with him. I personally believe this is the case, considering the way this dulled out in subsequent life seasons, but honestly it’s all up to interpretation? You could make a good argument for this being a platonic crush of sorts, but I think 3l!fh is more compelling if read romantically on Jimmy’s side, especially with how fh fucks with the expectations of what romance is (see: scott’s oddly traditional idea of romance, while Jimmy just seems happy to exist around him). For esmp1!fh though i think jimmy was just happy to be given attention LMAO he alliance-zoned that guy

*im referring specifically to how jimmy complimented scott’s building abilities on at least three different (but probably more) occasions, even when scott specified that he took his house’s design off google

It is very interesting to compare how Jimmy is w/ Scott VS his recent(ish) interactions with Joel, though. bc despite both relationships being often read as romantic, Jimmy expresses that very differently with each of them. I’m inclined to think that this is bc there is an air of un-seriousness with Joel, where it could just be brushed off as “bros being bros” instead of a serious romance, bc serious romance comes with standards attached that jimmy likely doesnt give much thought to or even care for. Like. Smallidarity to me isnt even dating I do just think they���re like that

[spookie-puppy]

how do I write a cupioromantic character?

honestly I have no clue. (I'm not entirely sure if I am that or not tbh) but I've heard that Mina from Mha is Cupioromantic so I'd look at her for inspo.

If you want to know what I do or how I act for inspiration (even though I ain't sure) I do what most aro people do when people flirt and just don't realize it. I daydream about relationships and still try to date. I just kinda get a little confused when people mention 'feeling' love cuz it all feels the same to me

(Ps if you haven't seen this yet, I'm really happy you came to ask me even though I'm not sure of myself ^-^)

[aoyagi-vbs]

Are you

A homosexual?

I'm not exactly sure where I stand. I think it's termed as being in questioning...?

[lostusagis]

( what if i just made kagura gay, huh??? how about that? WHAT IF MY PORTRAYAL OF HER WAS GAY???? )

[uselessnbee]

look i love sibling coded madwheeler more than anything but also also

queerplatonic madwheeler?

queerplatonic madwheeler.

the way stobin are (in my mind they are just at least a tiny bit queerplatonic i don't take criticism)

like are we friends? are we like siblings? are we just two souls who somehow merged together and we understand each other in this special way and we're so close and have this weird special bond and people are often confused whether we're friends or siblings or dating and the truth is that it's just us

yeah i like that with madwheeler very much

[zapsoda]

btw i tried whole milk for the first time recently and it wasnt very good i dont like plain milk

[daffodi1]

Kinda related to that last post but again I don't wanna derail-- y'all have got to stop diagnosing shitty cishet men as aro as an excuse for them being unable to commit and treat their girlfriends/wives w/ respect. Aromantic people are capable of being in loving relationships and committing to people. That fuckboy who won't commit isn't aro, he just wants to use people and I guarantee you he'd lose his shit if one of the many women he's two timing went after someone else.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

the writing fanfic to "huh? this doesn't seem like how romance is normally written" to "am i somewhere on the aro spectrum" to "oh god the reason i dont identify w the generic aro label is bc i need a microlabel" to "fuck i need to rewrite this whole fic" pipeline