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honestandveiled · 2 years ago

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Part I - Spinach Lasagne

The first thing I noticed about him was the tattoos on his fingers when he served me my spinach lasagne. Yum, I thought to myself referring to the fingers. I live right across the restaurant and I come here every evening and order the same thing but those fingers are new. I usually bring my papers in a binder to read while I eat and stay a little longer and watch people. I look up to see the fingers' owner, new guy. He's got these chiseled arms, dishelved curls and sheen of hardwork on his face. He looked distracted. I smile at him and thank him, trying to hide my perving. Oh God, its been so long since I've gotten laid. Im perving on random guys who are serving me food. Ever since I started my PhD program, I barely had time for anything else - which is also why I get my dinner at this place everyday - its cheap and delicious and I'm too busy to cook.

He nods in acknowledgment with a slight smile. Bon appetit he says and leaves. Usually I never stay until the place closes because id like to give the staff their space while closing it up, today however, I wanna see him again, even if it's just briefly. I had my papers to keep me company. Unconsciously curling my hair with my fingers with one hand and using the other to fidget with my pen, I was deeply engrossed in my papers. I only looked up because I noticed a sound at the counter - there he was. There's nobody else around. It was closing time. I lost track of time, I apologize and try to organize my mess of papers and ready to get up.

"Um-uh you can actually stay longer if you'd like? I mean-n, we are closed but ill be around to finish up some cleaning and stuff. you're welcome to stay."

"You sure?

"Yeah, you look like you're in the zone with your work and I won't be done for another 45 mins so you're fine until then."

"Thank you, that's so considerate! But that's okay ill head home - I need some coffee anyway." I know they don't sell coffee and I feel bad for imposing without buying anything extra.

"I can make you some coffee. God knows I could use a coffee and cigarette before my cleaning"

"Huh. I didnt realize you folks sold coffee"

"Oh we dont. But I can make you one"

"Aw, thanks! Can you let me pay for it at least?"

"Do you smoke?"

"Mhm" I nod, embarrassed of my infinite attempts at quitting. In fact I successfully quit before I started my phd only to pick it back up.

"You can pay me in company when I'm done making the coffee"

---

We are standing at the back of the building in the biting cold, with the coffee warming our fingers and cigarette smoke our faces.

"I'm y/n btw." I extend my hand.

"Carmy". He closes in. Those fingers again.

"Im actually a regular"

"Oh I know. Spinach lasagne. You know I have like 8 other things on the menu right?"

"Haha what can I say? The chef in there knows what theyre doing. Id marry them for the lasagne"

He laughed. "No, im serious. This is most pleasure I've experienced carnally in literally 10 months. Thank your chef for me - the lasagne has been a sex replacement for a poor ol phd student." Ugh I'm so horny its showing. I should probably shut up.

He blushed, blowing smoke from his mouth. "The chef's probably super deprived himself and uses food as a replacement too"

"What if the chef is deriving his talent from deprivation". We are talking about sex (or the lack thereof) very nonchalantly and I need to get used to it but my vagina is screaming.

"Or- or - or hear me out. What if he actually gets a real good fucking and and - " he pauses and laughs "actually i have nothing to add. I think he needs some fucking"

"Id fuck him" i say without thinking. Clearly we are not talking about the chef anymore

"Right now?" He asks coming tad bit closer.

"Right now."

He comes closer, kissing me desparetely, lifting my thigh to wrap it around him. I can feel him grow against me while he's thrusting into me. I pull his curls closer and moan.

"Inside. Now"

We sloppily move through the kitchen dropping our clothes as we head to an office thats dimly lit and scattered with papers. He pushes some papers to clear some space and puts me on the desk. He tries to go down on me. I pull him by his curls stopping him.

"Um-uh im very hairy down there. Havent exactly planned for this"

"Even better" he replies and goes to town. I bite my lip, conscious of my moaning sounds

"I like it when you're loud. Tell me how much you want this"

"Oh please keep going, i want you so bad."

He's moaning while he's eating me. "That feels so good. Please keep going", I mumble between my moans. He is flicking his tongue on my clit so firm and hard that it almost kills me, then he digs his finger into me while sucking on my clit.

"Tell me what you want" he demands.

"This is so good. Keep going". Im going feral!

"Tell me or ill stop" he says almost pulling out his finger".

I let out a small cry. "Fuck me with more fingers!"

"Tell me how"

"Harder!"

He adds one more finger and fucks me really hard and fast with them.

"More?" He asks and before I could say anything, "of course you'd want more, don't you my poor ol desperate student?" He mocks.

"Tell me exactly how many" he asks using the same demanding voice

"All your fingers. Please"

"I knew it" he quickly changes his stance to fist me hard and lifts his head up close and sucks on tongue and biting my lip lightly. I hold him tightly by his hair while he's fisting the daylights out of me. "You're driving me crazy" I breathe into his mouth. He kisses harder

"Ready to be fucked?" He asks almost earnestly

"Not yet. My turn" I try to grab his cock

"We are fucking. Im going to go inside you and thats the way this works"

"Nope. You don't make all the rules here.' I look at him sternly while I hold his cock tightly in my hand pulling him towards me. Touching his balls lightly while I hold his length hard. He holds my jaw tightly "You wanna play hard? I could do hard" he says and before he could do anything I push him back to the wall, get on my knees and put him in my mouth.

He moans as I suck on his tip and squeeze his ass towards me, lightly touching between his cheeks. He stands there accepting temporary defeat. I look him in the eye and say. "Grab my hair and make me go at the speed you'd like"

He uses my mouth to fuck hard and fast as I make glucking noies. "Fuck. You're so hot."

He pulls my head away from his and brings me to his lips. "I need to be inside you." He pauses before he says "please"

I kiss him back while he puts me back on the counter. I put my legs over his shoulders but he holds them by the ankles and moves them above my head and fucks me like its his last. When he finally comes he lets out one last groan and drops his head into my chest and gives small kisses. I kiss him on his face, my legs shaking visibly. He laughs and rubs my thighs along the sides and kisses them "sh sh calm down. You did so good" I laugh a little embarrassed by my legs.

"Water?"

"Water." I reply

"I'll be back" he comes back with a glass of water for both of us. He kisses me with his water filled mouth. Spitting into mine and slowly moves away while I quench my thirst.

He drops a mattress on the floor

"You had a mattress all along?"

"Sorry yeah." He runs his fingers through the back of his head sheepishly. "Got carried away. Come lie beside me"

Our naked backs to the floor we look up while he plays with my long curly hair while I his tattooed fingers.

"Whats your phd in?" He asks

"Computer science. Specifically machine learning. Statistical modelling that kind of thing"

"Tell me more"

"Some other night. Tell me about your finger tattoos"

"I got them when i was in juvie. Don't mean much now. Some other night"

We lie in silence and slowly drift away to sleep.

An alarm goes off around 4.30 am.

"Fuck!shit! Im sorry arrghh" he curses while trying to shut it down. I make sleepy noises and see his face looking at me.

"Darling. Hey- hey mwah, darling. I've got to leave now. Okay? Got some errands to run". I nod trying to make sense of my surroundings.

"Im really sorry but you probably should too. My crew is gonna come in a couple of hours." I stretch my body while he runs his fingers against me and kisses my stomach.

"What errands at..."I look at the watch "..4.30 in the morning?"

"Gotta pick up produce for today. Need spinach for your lasagna" he smiles

"What kind of chef makes his waiter get produce at 4 in the morning and clean up at the end of the day?" I ask while we are putting on clothes. I steal a last kiss on his bare back before he puts his shirt on.

"The chef who is deprived, remember? Actually not anymore apparently"

"You're the chef?" I laugh thinking we are still joking "why were you waiting tables?"

"Short staffed yesterday"

"You're being serious? Omg. I said stupid things about the chef, sorry"

"I did too. Don't be sorry. It's all true. Ill walk you home?"

"Yes please".

#carmy smut #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x you

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forestryfae · 2 years ago

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like i LITERALLY JUST want to be able to get rid of the house. i just wanna get rid of it and not have to keep paying for i ad i wanna move somewhere i will actually like living and im not stuck at home unless someone "graciously" drives me, and get a job so i actually have money and can afford to save up money for thing i genuinely want and havent just taught myself to want because its cheap and its decent so i should like it, and to actually have a nice clean tidy house, and a car so i can buy some FUCKING boxes and plasic bags so i can get rid of all the shit i dont want and maybe even just straight up sell or give away the nicer stuff i dont want. like thats it. but i just straight up dont have that option cus i gotta make food for myself so i dont starve and i need to relax too so i dont literally burn myself out and i need to sleep and i have to shower and pee sometimes too like i JUST want to be able to clean the house non-stop for like a week straight. i just wanna put shit in garage bags and throw them out. noones gonna want fucking 1 year old hairdye or unused makeup or three identical mugs or a fuckton of reuseable straws and i dont think i have the patience to sell a bunch of clothes even tho theyre perfectly fine and barely used. unless people come pick up the shit themselves, in which id be more than willing to just give shit away if they did that so i dont have to deal with the fucking transport or shipping.

i just have SO MUCH SHIT and its mostly garbage or shit i dont want or use anymore. or its fucking gifted shit i dont want anymore because frankly, why is my only option to get any furniture always to either buy thrifted shit or be given secondhand shit from my family. its one thing if i want it but they dont even ask or show it to me first and they dont help me when i want something new and actually useful. they just show up and theyve brought me something and we thought maybe youd need it so well just leave it here and you can get rid of it if you dont want it. I PHYSICALLY CANT GET RID OF IT. I DONT HAVE A CAR. and im not throwing perfectly useable but ugly lamps in the regular trash. take it to a fucking thrift store you morons. get rid of some of your shit instead of giving it to me. if you cant manage to get rid of it without giving it to someone so youll know its safe or whatever the fuck then just. dont get rid of it. keep it yourself. dont give shit to me so i can borrow it indefinitely. like i JUST. want MY OWN PLACE. THAT I CAN FEEL OKAY IN. and not feel like its a pissing contest every fucking time someone comes over cus they GOTTA fill my house with shit, they just HAVE TO do shit without even discussing it with me, i literally cant say no i dont want visitors today without them showing up and throwng a bitchfit when theyre not welcome the one day i said i didnt want to see anyone, they dont take a no i dont want help with that as an answer and do it anyways, i cant even buy my own shit cus they take over and do everythig for me.

no fucking independence or control or boundaries or respect or basic fucking decency and absolutely no empathy or compassion at all.

i have to BEG them to come visit me and they still wont do it, but when i go grocery shopping and need a ride i dont get home until after 9pm and more often than not close to 1 am, and the ONE time i explicitly said i didnt want visitors was the one day mom showed up and threw a bitchfit cus i was upset. i told mom i spent literally hours every day crying and feeling anxious and awful and she just ignored it and forgot to call the doctor the one time she offered to do it for me. i dont even get to be a part of renovating the house cus mom and stepdad took over and wont talk to me and spent all the money and wont even talk to me about the money or tell me whats in the bank accounts unless someone else asks on my behalf. noone is willing to teach me to drive even tho mom nagged me when i was 17. i can literally not talk to anyone about my feelings or shit im worried about, i literally only hear about how its my fault somehow, or i get some useless advice that doesnt help cus it doesnt fucking apply, or i get an empty promise that theyll help and then nothing happens and im selfish for asking and nagging them cus they have their own lives and their lives cant revolve around me. which is so fucking ironic cus i dont even get a phonecall once a month to see how im doing or talk about things and i certainly dont get visitors unless its got to do with the house or that one time mom had a day off and apparently that means she can come visit with no heads up just so she can sit there and bitch about my dad or my brother. she doesnt ask how it was like living with them or how i feel about the situation or anything, its all them and their fucking feelings. its never about me and im made to feel stupid and embarrassed and childish and like a fucking moron any time i have emotions they dont want me to have.

and on top of all this i didnt even get talked to as a kid. i was practically useless and just something they leave unattended until they felt like yelling or screaming at me or wanted me to do chores or some other boring fucking activity that i didnt want to do. asking me how my day was or having a conversation or talking to me about something i liked or just regular conversations about stuff? nah fuck that do your homework and also dinner today is a fucking sandwich cus i wanna be in the garage doing my hobby and fixing cars.

and then i come home after having had a really good time at the inpatient unit im at, and its a mess and theres shit in places its not supposed to be and im up to my fucking neck in laundry and dishes and shes done something i didnt want her to do again, and i cant even complain cus i risk not having her help with the shit i actually need help with that i have no option in asking for, like grocery store rides or someone to feed my cats while im away or help renovating the house. i cant even ask for help to buy some fucking boxes or i risk never getting them.

like i JUST want a fucking car and license and i wanna get rid of this house and i want some godd damn boxes. literally the only things i need in life to be happy rn.

#talkie

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letmeoutofthebasementt · 1 month ago

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can I ask your honest advices on something personal? so I get next to no communication from a now former friend, I had some hunch to ask a reader if said friend dislikes me and the answer came back as yes so I recently googled if ignoring someone or not reaching out to them via texts can count as them being jealous or having some dislike? yet they still send the bday present and xmas card or present as do I but I feel like its a cheap way when I know she practically lives online but I barely here from her so I dont really know what to do? we havent met in years and she makes next to no effort to seem interested in what im doing even if I try to take interest in herself as a friend it feels very one sided even when we used to meet up it would always be about her and never any follow up questions.

I know she has a disablity of some kind however the effort she puts into her other friends is vastly different. if she messages me its once in a blue moon and only to ask if I want to do a quiz, now I stopped checking my online profiles so much because like it seemed she was much more into what she got from others i dont want to feel desperate by constantly trying to fix whatever this "friendship" was supposed to be. do i ask her or do i wonder about it? if she dont tell me how am i gonna know what to do about it because many ppl been like her even when I was in school I was always dealing with ppl who pretended to care when they didnt. I didnt know any better then so it feels like ppl r just only using me if they need me for that certain point otherwise they fuck off and find "better friends" elsewhere like am i that replaceable or weird?

is this petty of me to want to ignore her back or is it mostly her behaviours towards me? the thing is I have dealt with many ppl like her and it doesnt put her in a good light it gives trying to be nice to my face but for all I know she could be chatting shit with someone about me? and shes quite popular online. hence why it feels like im always bottom of her priorities since always having to instigate a conversation felt like conversing with a brick aka it was going nowhere. I know her disability cant prevent her from being a decent person but do I just leave her? yet this whole present giving thing really isnt it for me. its giving oh I will just send her something to make it seem like she cares when she dont message or try to get in touch nor does she want to meet up. all her messages in recent years have been so short almost too blunt

does this sound like jealousy or regular dislike? sorry for rambling again but im so effing tired of these types of ppl who act like they care to have a friendship but then half ass their way out of it, it doesnt help that we moved since long ago so we cant be closer physically as friends. But I feel like my existance bothers her for some unknown reasons. as I told the tarot reader im nothing special heck im not the popular one she is if anything I would guess she was quite popular that she simply didnt need me? You would think if we was real friends she would make a bit more effort cause sometimes theres things I wanna tell her but am like wait she dont care so im not gonna bother cause she want certain replies and comments yaknow?

thanks so so much in advance if you read all of this!!! I love your blog and readings so felt comfortable to ask you for your thoughts hope you dont mind the rant there!

Honestly that’s an awful situation to be in. In my opinion, it’s not necessarily jealousy. She just doesn’t like you, point blank period.

Now, I can admit I’m the type who’s on my phone a lot but can sometimes miss people’s messages, and I’m not good with reaching out first. But that’s not a good behavior. And at least if she liked you she’d be interested when you’re talking, which is something I do. And she’d be there for you. And at least she could come around to responding eventually instead of flat out ignoring you and only contacting you when she needs you.

It seems like to me she’s keeping you around so she can have more people clinging to her and chasing her to fuel her ego. It’s more an ego thing than a genuine like. She does not like you. I’d bet she doesn’t even necessarily tolerate you. But she likes your attention.

She likes the experience of being worshipped and chased. Knowing she doesn’t have to try and you will just chase and follow her to the ends of the earth.

#advice

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7fckingidiots · 4 years ago

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Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

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bro-strider-hate-blog · 4 years ago

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YOUR TAGS ON MY SIS POST??? IMMACULATE

I will include my tags again but only because i cant get enough of myself and not to sound like im tooting my own kazoo but this is the one time in my entire life that ive been objectively correct in every way

Lengthy and unrelated thing under the cut:

Let me talk about canon bro for a second 😌 even though its barely and tangentially related to this and you dont have to read it <3, in fact i would encourage you not to read it i just wanna run my mouth. People love to use him as a cheap villain in their dave angst fics which is like... hilarious to me. Like i get it, since hes abusive he must also be misogynistic and homophobic and transphobic and also genuinely hates dave and revels in his suffering right? Lmeow no, hes just some guy and despite everything he is in fact trying his best. Hes naturally intense and aggressive and this doesnt translate well to child rearing, especially since his one goal is to make dave strong enough (physically and mentally) to Survive whats coming. The random sneak attacks ? The traps littered around the house ? To keep dave on his toes and buff his spatial awareness. The cameras ? To monitor his progress (if hes not up to standard then we’ll just up the “training”) and / or film some puppet snuff (puff ? Snupp?) so he can keep running his dumb website and like provide for them or some shit , or ig to buy random crap and throw it around the house. Who cares if the kid sees the porn anyway its just puppets, plus hes seen way worse at that age and turned out fine (no he didnt). Dave has to be resourceful , he has to be creative and think on his feet , lets have impromptu rap battles and scrabble games. He has to know numbers like the back of his hand (idk why this is even a phrase do any of you memorise what the back of your hands looks like) to effectively utilise his sylladex.... actually nobody even uses that shit idk why bro was so insistent on it. Dave is his protege, his charge, dave is NOT his friend and hes not gonna let him forget that. He teaches him all he knows, in the way he knows. Making comics, mixing music, ironic jokes, being cool and getting shit done. Actually its GOOD that the kid is terrified of him, if hes the scariest thing in the room then dave wont fear anything else. Lets spar then, if dave wins then hes trained him well. If dave loses then hell become resilient. Either way he has to be strong or else hell die, training is necessary. Its either this or failure and failure equals death. Do your own laundry, ration your own food, become independent as fast as possible because i wont be around to take care of you forever

Nothing bro does is without reason, neither is it “sadism”, its all very logical to him despite being horrific to any sane person because his only friend is the mansplain-manipulate-manspread puppet that raised him and he has awful coping mechanisms that barely stretch past beating himself 1. up 2. off. Like he kept his baby alive to the point where it could keep itself alive (kind of alive) and thats a win to him.

That was my thesis on why bro is not a bigot like ,, he makes porn of fucking smuppets, that gives him zero chance to fetishize The Ladies. I doubt he has porno mags littered around the house its just endless plushie dicks and asses (and the two puppets handcuffed together were legit kinda funny like Why). So why would dave have internalised homophobia if it did not stem from his brother ??? Acting as if his only friends werent exuding anti gay vibes, like christ, john “im not a homosexual” egbert, him and rose’s competitive flirting gag (before they found out they were related >.>), just generally the three of them accusing each other of being gay, yknow, as kids do (jade is exempt from the argument we love jade here). Things were just more homophobic back then and its not like bro and dave had a sincere talk about gender and sexuality in the 13 or so years they lived in the same house like why would you even come out to your younger sibling if you could just not !!! Lol !!! I could be getting all this info wrong lol so correct me if im wrong but bro has this cute comic artstyle and it was about someones charge (? Sibling?) straight up dying and the saw guy makes an appearance the end , like there was no sex or gore or whatever but if you look at sbahj the second page literally has an incest sex joke like where does dave even get his material from , which online sites has he been trawling , well haha its not bros job to monitor his kids search history lets ignore it and move on if the kid wants to be gross and make dumb jokes who is he to judge , spread your problematic wings and soar into the cancel clouds little guy

Anyway heres a disclaimer: if youre gonna clown on this post and tell me im an abuse apologist or some shit just understand that i have a lot of free time and love being a huge asshole when provoked but like youre so welcome to add to the discussion i love bullying my favourite character bro strider by steamrolling him we’ve talked about trans rights for too long now is the time for trans wrongs

#//1 #sorry for airing my grieviances on your ask addie Q_Q i hope you do not mind </3 #Bro strider #sometimes i do want bastard trans rep like we cant all be purrfect #Heres more bastard trans guys in homestuck: eridan cronus sollux karkat equius gamzee caliborn hal

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thunder-and-lighting · 3 years ago

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i think it’s finally time i share what happened with the field office i did with @a-song-of-flowers. it happened a few days ago, so not everything is going to be fresh on my mind, but i’ll do my best to recall the events as they happened.

this all began when rose and i entered the final story of the fo, with the boiler. for those unaware, the field office has 5 stories, with two stories filled with battles and two filled with some sort of minigame designed to help you unlock gag tracks since you aren’t allowed all of them in the beginning. my laff is pretty high, im probably missing maybe 10 laff points at the most. this battle was awful for everyone, especially me.

the boiler boss was a 2 star and kept on attacking me and i lost so much laff so quickly. my laff went down to less than 30 and i asked kindly for a toon-up, which rose gave me. it didnt help much though because the next round i went back to the laff i was just at, to which rose tried again for a toon-up, but failed. i thought i was going to be okay, but when i saw what was happening, i knew it wasn’t going to be okay.

i begged my team for a unite, but it fell on deaf ears because no one gave it. rose later told me she didnt have any tu unites or she def would have used one. to one’s surprise, i went sad and was sent back to the brrgh to get my laff back, but of course, i lost all of my gags, including all my level 7 gags, which i had for each track. thankfully, i was able to get them back easily because i had organic trap and the rest were at 0 to go.

it doesnt change the fact that bc players were cheap or didn’t want to listen, i went sad. as a higher level toon, it’s unacceptable that i went sad. im not saying that im angry about the gags. im angry that they thought it was okay to do that. what if i was a smaller toon, with less laff and that was my first fo? i def wouldnt want any toon to feel like it’s their fault the battle went sour when it wasn’t. as a higher laff toon, its your responsibility to first listen and to help your team. you should know better, especially with a facility like a fo.

lesson of the story: listen to your team and their needs. it’s not like it was one toon screwing things up for everyone. it was 2 toons. please don’t do this to other players.

#ttr #tto #toontown #toonblr #dont do that shit #listentoyourteam

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #*dont call me western ever #a thot

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prettyflyshyguy · 4 years ago

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I just wanted to say that I absolutely love ur Leon AUs and am forever in awe of how well u manage to blend together insect and humanoid parts. I've always liked the human-with-mandibles aesthetic but could never figure out how to draw it realistically. How do u do it? Love the art, u deserve more recognition!

AW HECK THANK YOU ;_;

Honestly Im always really nervous posting stuff cause its niche and obvs not everyone's cup of tea but I’m really glad people like it! I think i’d die if I got more recognition lmao

As for how I do it......... :^) that’s the fun bit, I put this simple tutorial/breakdown together so I hope it helps!

Disclaimer: Its extremely not anatomically correct but I throw that away a bit for the sake of fun, but it’s important to keep in mind when designing anything you want to be believable! A key to this in body horror I think is it looking like it could possibly work (a lot of factors go into this though)

First the basic structural breakdown of placement. I usually default to this style because it hugs the face nicely and gives you a lot of range. I use really simple shape language to get started, each mandible can be broken into three lines. The beginning segment, the middle, and then the third which extends to the tooth/claw/thing

Expressions are the best way I think to sell it as feeling realistic. They’re part of the body, and specifically the face! They’re gonna react to emotion or whatever the character is doing (i.e. if they’re eating a burger, have those bad boys help out! grip the foot etc.)

Let them move dynamically! Use them expressively! Its extremely fun! I like to think of them as weird fingers that stick out of the face, but give them some limitation. Think about how joints, muscles and ligaments work and how they allow and constrict movement. My rule of thumb is to have limited movement on the 2nd and 3rd joints, just up down movement like your fingers. But where they connect to the face they have a little side-to-side too like your thumb! If you grip your hands but leave your forefinger and thumb loose and try doing a crab pincer thing with them you’ll see what I mean. You can Sort of rotate your forefinger at its base, not as much as your thumb but the joints beyond that really only go in an up/down motion.

An alternative design option if you want to go more traditionally looking insectoid is to have them extend outwards from more inside the mouth

You can do a lot with this but keep in mind there isnt much space in there if you want them to fold up inside the mouth, but that makes for a fun surprise!

I think a good exercise for getting started is have your character you want to apply mandibles too, draw them normally and then toy around with stick lines on their face as like a very basic bone drawing of where they would sit, where on the face do they start (top and bottom jaw near the ears for me) and where do they extend? I always start with gesture lines when I sketch to get the placement looking good and to determine how I want them to sit on the face so I don’t obscure much of the nose/mouth depending on the camera angle of the picture.

Here’s some extra goodies for fun, a creature design I made in 2017 and my halloween costume from 2019 (on a very tight budget lmao I didnt have much work at the time BUT you can always make a fun costume from basic cheap materials! We had a mini party at our house and handed out candy to trick or treaters while we were all in costume)

Remember none of this is a rule or ‘correct’, its just my approach for fun and there’s so many ways you can do it depending on how far on the uncanny valley/body horror scale you want to go!

#tutorial #mandibles #mandibles tutorial #body horror #YES I WAS A MANTIS MAD SCIENTIST FOR HALLOWEEN #it was extreemly fun #we also gave away 3D printed pumpkins #our goal is to become a famous halloween house #I hope this helps!!!#Anonymous

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years ago

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So on the last day of july i went clubbing

Almost immediately met a cute boy and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I debated but ultimately went with him. He asked if i wanted to go on a date because fucking japanese assholes equate date with hotel.

Went. Hooked up. Then. He said he wanted to go back to the club because otherwise “it would be a waste of his night”

Yeah

So... went back.... watched him look for another girl. And felt like shit

Eventually a boy that was ok looking talked to me. I didnt ignore him and he got excited over me talking to him after having ignored other boys. I didnt intend to continue talking to him but he was so excited the entire time and was nice so i just stayed with him.

We left together and sat on some sidewalk and talked. I saw that both his arms had cut marks all over them

And as a fucked up person... i stupidly think that other fucked up people will be as empathetic as i try to be and my depressed friends back home

He told me some of his shitty homelife - apparently he doesnt have parents

He asked me to go to a hotel with him and i said no... so we went to eat instead...

He kept being overly nice (in words) told me that he works at an old folks home and that he wants to learn english and come to america and help me take care of my mom.... in a sudden way

Rationally im not stupid and know that was a line. But im pretty stupid in general

He kept asking me to be his gf and i told him id need to go on a date with him to decide that

I just wanted to say no but...

He didnt pay for my meal - ya im one of those girls that that bothers

We seperated and he continued to text my the next few days. We set up a date. He asked me to go to him in yokohama - an hour away from tokyo

Since id never been there i said yes. But this meant i had to pay an expensive train ticket

He did pay for dinner and afterwards convience store for me... mostly... asking if i had change

He wanted to drink at the pier and insisted i get a drink but didnt pay for it

And then took me back to his apartment

It ended up being fun

The next morning while he was showering i was just poking around at his stuff. Not actually looking for anything just curious about the things he has

I looked at his wallet (honestly to see the design but i also always wonder why japanese guys are so comfortable leaving money around who is generally a stranger)

And then. I found. Picture from a photobooth. Him amd soem girl. It was dated from a week before.

He told me the night we met that he broke up with his ex a year ago. But this picture looked very much like a couple

I asked him about it and he just said sorry and threw it in the trash (not a real trash. It could easily be taken out) he said it was from a year ago

After. Bit i took it out amd pointed at the date. He literally hummed and refused to comment ...but he told me hell only see me...

I shouldn’t take that as enough but i did and told him when i got home that ill only se him too. I told him i liked him - and to this point he kept saying he likes me over and over. He has not said it since this. Just said he was happy that i used his name.

After that i went to okinawa for a few days. He told me his sim card broke and he doesnt have wifi unless he goes to a convience store (as an excuse to text slow)

I got back the next week and stayed home all week from a yeast infection that i think he gave me. When he barely responded i told him that

Then he responded continuously telling me that i just got it on my own and hes healthy so it wasnt him

That weekend i went drinking with some friends and messaged him. He responded immediately and i called him. Asking when his phone got fixed. He told me the day before

Then he told me he has pink eye and sent a picture. He said he cant go out of his house because of it

The next week was my birthday. He said hed be cured the day after and we could celebrate. Then he cancelled saying the doc told him hes still contagious

A few days after he sent me a picture of him with makeup on and contacts in saying he went to the salan. I responded immediately asking if he was still contagious and tried to call. He ignored me

I tried to call more throughout the day

Nothing

Over 24 hours pased so i used another account to say hi to him. After 2 hours he responded to the fake account asking who it was

And i flipped the fuck out. I told him a bunch of reasons why he sucked and that he did and fuck him

Then he responded to me with long messages. Many of which i couldnt understand (hes used incorrect kanji before that which makes translation strained)

His excuse was that he felt sick and slept for 20 hours (but he ignored me for over 27)and that he wanted to answer his texts in order. That he doesnt look at him phone much and then got mad at me for not being worried about him and instead getting mad

He didnt addresss any of my complaints like the fact that if im his gf i should be a priority

But because im a sucked i felt bad for trying to hurt him and apologized.... he said hed forgive me if i buy him an accessory next time we hung out...

Yeah. Red flags. I too if i had other options... would have said. Thats a weird way to accept an apology.

Also before (on that first date) when we talked about our bdays cause his was a bit before mine. I asked him what hed wanna do as a late celebration. He immediately told me he wanted yakiniku (an expensive meat meal) and clothes or accessorys from an expensive brand he likes...

So he continued to take over 24 hours to reply to me. With very small responces - he never asks me questions. I asked him to call the night before i went camping and he said he couldnt because he was too drunk from drinking with friends. I went camping and came back and got him on the phone. I demanded him to call and he said he couldnt cause he was tired from work and would the following day

I told him it makes me upset that he doesnt talk to me and that i constantly dont feel good because of him. He just said sorrry. I planned to say this is over if he didnt agree to meet me. But he agreed to a date the coming sunday... the day before i began work again. He said hed come to tokyo and and had a plan. It sounded fun.

Well come sunday morning.... he cancelled. He said he didnt have money. I tried to call him several times and he ignored me.

I confronted him in person. He got mad at me for it. Said he got some sort debt collection and got frauded... someone used his name to take out money and he has to pay court. He said he doesnt have money because of it.

I asked why he never tells me whats going on with him (because im dumb and beleive this... actually i dont. I hope hes being honestly and just has really bad luck but)

This time like last time i told him the way he treats me is how really awful boys who are using me and playing with me treat me. And i cant trust him if hes like this but doesnt tell me why

Well...i was there... i offered to pay for out date.... besides the 11 dollars it takes to get to him

He asked me to put 5 dollars on his train card.... it takes 3 dollads to get to and from where we went. He... mad sure no matter where we would eat it would cost 40 bucks - wanting to drink alc and such. It costed 43 dollars. He wanted starbucks but i kinda said no by saying i dont rlly like starbucks - but he still wanted to get a dessert - 3 dollars

And... he wanted me to buy him that aftermentioned accessory... a ring. He looked at very expensive ones... i... would not have paid for even as stupid as i am.. the one he got was 15 or 25 I forget which...

The thing is... if he wasnt actually... if i wasn’t comfortable being with him i woulda stopped this before... unfortunately. As usual. Despite initially not being attracted to him i really enjoyed his company and find him to be fun...

He said that we should go home at 8 i asked about going back to him place and he said no because hes tired and has work the next day. He knows i also do too. At the same time. And i tried to convince him and he kept saying no. Then i asked doesnt he wanna have sex. He said that we should go to a hotel. And i protested that hotels are expensive and his apartments free and just a cheap train station away. He said hes too tired and just wants to sleep at his apartment but hotels are exciting so hed be awake at a hotel.

He pushed them and i said at that point id be spending like 100 dollars on the day and he knows i also dont have a lot of money.

We awkwardly went to a manga cafe that was only 5 dollars but it wanted you to make a card that costs 5 more dollads. And then i got fussy because too much stress literally makes me lose control of my emotions.

It fucking sucks and i hate it. I have no fucking control over my emotions when my stress is bubbling (which it almost always is) and boils over.

I asked him if he can even pay just the 5 dollars and he said he has no money. I asked how hes gonna get to work with literally no money and he said his conpany pays for it (yea japanese conpanies pay AFTER you go )

We left. It was a bad mood. He didnt storm away from me even though i was basically crying in the street (i have had this happen with even friends. I start crying and they just walk away so even though it should be expected of someone claiming to be your bf... ya)

Anyhow i told him i just wanted to cuddle and talk and kiss

He looked annoyed but i guess he thought those wants were cute and looked for a isolated place

Because were in japan

Couldnt find one cause we were in a city and he again just started saying lets go home. That hes tired and not in the mood.

But we were in a quiet enough play.

And im bitching here but ill take a quick break to say i kept hugging him and stuff which he liked despite saying he was really embarrassed

He told me ealier ok that because of this debt thing hes gonna work two jobs

Which. Terrified me. The first guy I went on a date with in Japan asked me to be his gf and to move in with him and said he had to work two jobs for a month to afford to move so he wouldnt have time to see me. He told me his progress for two weeks and then ghosted me.

This boy told me hell make time to see me when i complained about not doing anything physical when i wouldnt see him again for who knows how long

Welp. Todays saturday and that was sunday. And while at first i thought he was trying because he replied to my messages in or at 24 hours for a few days. Its gone back to the 17 hours

And i asked him to talk on the phone

And he just said not tonight because after his current job hes working at home too

And because im dumb ive waisted my whole saturday waiting for him to reply and crying.

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lambvein · 5 years ago

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Cheerful Host-part 7 (Reupload)

I have been working full time at the velvet spike for a week…I want to leave so bad but these skanks are in charge of me now. Ive been cucked for so long now to the point where even the slightest touch in a sensitive area puts me on the edge, the girls love to take advantage of that. Its now the end of the week. They sat me down in a leather seat in our change room whilst fondling me and discussing the future of my body…

It wasn't until boulders spoke up that I wanted to scream my heart out “Hey girls, I think I have an idea for new upgrades for our perfect bimbo”.

“What could that be, hun?” Ariana asked with anticipation.

“Why not get this bitch some breast implants?” Boulders suggested.

The bimbo crew became excited. I could tell because my body began to electrify again…it felt…so amazing…

“great idea boulders!” Jugg’s, the slut commander agreed.

The horny controllers took my horny haze as an opportunity to exit the strip club and recieve my implants.

We approached a new house in the ghetto where I recieved my kim kardashian sized booty…I cant believe I just called it that.

“Ready for your upgrades, mountains?” Candy tauntingly asked.

"Please girls I'll do anything please, please dont make me any bigger!" I begged and begged with no success.

They opened a large crate in the living room which held four implants. Both equally as large. Two times the size of watermelons.

“Wait four implants?” I began to panic at what was infront of me.

“Aw hell yah!” Boulders, kim ,nicki and ariana began to celebrate in anticipation for their inevitable size increase.

“Knock her out candy” Jugg’s dictated.

“With pleasure” candy spoke with lust in her voice.

My cunt pushed into overdrive…it was mezmerizing…candy pushed me to my limit without giving me the satifaction of climax. I tried as hard as I could to control it but nicki and ariana didnt stand for that and began to make my tits feel like they were being fondled by a million little hands…I was drooling and dripping with cum out of my sparkly short-shorts and skin tight thong. I needed release. I couldnt take it anymore and gave in…everything went black…but not for the sluts…

I woke up to exactly what I expected…titflesh now took up my entire view. Nothing but cleavage as far as the eye could see. There was also the constant feeling of sitting on a couch even though I could feel nothing but hard floor against my dainty hands. The implants were indeed now inside of me sloshing around with my already massive amount of tits and ass.

“Cmon hoes lets show mountains her new mountains!” Boulders commanded.

The whores happily complied and lifted me off my feet with my body and strutted me over to the bathroom to get a full view of my situation. On the way they made sure to bounce me as much as possible which for some reason felt even better than before…

“LOOK AT US!” Juggs exemplified her point by showing off the shear amount of fake, plastic flesh I now sported. She took several hand fulls of my tits and ass groping and posing me in what felt like a million different ways…and it all felt...so good. she then made a pout with my face and spoke “I think we can do even better”.

Jugg’s then pulled out a small sparkly chest full of makeup and beauty appliances. Jugg’s took to work on my lashes first increasing their length by first applying several layers of fake eyelashes until it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. She then gave me baby blue contact lenses and applied cheap whoreish eyeliner to top it off. The face wasn't done yet. She applied TEN layers of hot pink lipstick to assure no matter how much cock I sucked it wasnt gonna come off. They then proceeded to adhere glitter to my lips to give them a perfect slut sparkle. Lastly, long fake hot pink nails were glued to my hands.

“Were not done yet slut” jugg’s reached all the way to the bottom of the box and pulled out a foot long dildo.

Jugg’s purred while viewing its sheer girth before firmly placing it inside my vagina.

“OH FUCK THATS GOOD” Candy was in ecstasy.

I could tell because I now had no choice but to feel her pleasure.

“Ferfect!” Jugg’s giggled in a high pitch tone while fluffing our hair and fucking with our tits once more.

“Hhmmmmm, im still not satisfied” Jugg’s spoke in a distrot voice. “We look good but I feel like we can look even better than any slut could ever hope to achieve”.

What was Jugg’s talking about? Regardless, I was about to find out as I was escorted out of the whore house into the streets to presumably have more changes made to my figure and appearance. As I was forced to bounce down the street I recieved many unwanted catcalls, whistles and hollers from several men and even a few butch women. I hated the attention but the tingles I could feel all over my assets indicated the bimbos LOVED IT. The bimbos only fed the perverts by flaunting and flashing me as much as they wanted too. This is pure misery…but it felt so good…

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jackandmarksavedme88 · 6 years ago

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Anything But Average

TW: Alludes to some violence. @weirdmixofweirdness i had a brain and thought: why not pull up desktop mode ONTHEFREAKINPHONE. DUH 😂🙈

Formatting sucks but. Yeah.

@ashphoenix06 @nekob00

**************************************

Chase sat at the bar, his second glass of whiskey in his hand. He didnt want to go home, JJ and Jackie would want him to talk. And he just didnt feel like talking now. Itd been so long since she left it seemed...but seeing her today, across the street, holding hands with some guy theyd gone to school with, it seemed she was his just yesterday.

"Oh suck it up. She didn't want you. Youre here drowning your sorrows, and shes onto the next dick..deal with it" he thought to himself, draining the glass and waving for another.

"Ya know. Thats the cheap crap. You really wanna get blasted theres better stuff.." The bartender said "Yeah well. Im just drinking. Not getting crazy."

His phone buzzed and he looked down, laughing to himself at the meme Jack had sent him. Then a text came through from Alison She was Jacks friend that had become close with the Septic guys over the last few years. Based in Texas in the US they didnt see her in person much, but Chase and her communicated almost daily

A:Heyyyy. Whats up?

C: *picture he took of Stacey and her boy toy* Thats a guy we went to school with 😑. They were 'friends'

A: Dude. Thats a downgrade. Although she was never good enough for you anyway. Only good thing was the kiddos

C:yeah. It still hurts like hell though.... I need to run away. Get out of here. Theyre going to her moms for a month or so for school holidays and i dont want to be here.

A:well. You could always come here? My Dad and step mom are leaving so i have my cabin on the ranch plus the main house to myself for like a month. You should come!

Chase sat and pondered this. Him go to Texas? With horses and a lake and a bunch of land to explore with fourwheelers....that sounded like heaven

C: Are you for real? Because i could seriously use that lol

The phone rang with Alisons ringtone "Hello?"

Alison: Hell yes im serious! Itd help me out because i don't really want to be by myself out here that long. And you sound like you could use it. Seriously. Fly in, ill come get you and we can tear some shit up

Chase laughed 'alright. Be careful what you ask for Allycat"

Her laugh echoed across the line "Ohhh im shaking Mr Brody. Figure out a flight and let me know!"

Chase told her ok and hung up with her, immediately finding a flight that left in a couple of days "I am outta here" he said

************* 'Wait. So youre going for a month??' Jackie said in shock , 'Just like that??' He was standing in the bedroom door watching Chase pack. He had to be at the airport in about 2 hours

"Yeah. I need to get outta my head and Ali offered. So Im going. I think it'll do me some good. She has a computer and Stacey said i could skype the kids, they wont be in town anyway... I just need this Jackie" The hero stared at him knowingly and then nodded 'ok. Just be careful.... Hey..She ever say anything to you about her going MIA a while back?'. Chase shook his head. Thats one thing he hoped to get out of her. Even Jack had tried to get her to tell him where she'd been, but no dice. 'Hm. Ok. Well, let us know when you get there man...'

Chase zipped his suitcase and grab his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. 'I will bro. Thanks for understanding' he hugged his brother hard and then grabbed the suitcase and left.

******* Chase sat in the passenger seat of the truck, still speechless at Alison's appearance. He was expecting the Alison hed seen two years ago; but shed been training and gained muscle and holy hell. She was dressed in cutoff red shorts and a sleeveless black shirt. When she ran up to him at the airport hed almost stepped on his own bottom jaw. Her auburn hair gleamed in the sun as she talked about everything she had planned for this weekend

"Uh...chase..you ok? Awful quiet there bud" she looked over at him. Chase shook his head to clear his brain 'yeah. Yeah im good.... Hey. You look incredible!"

Alisons face flushed 'aw. Thanks' she laughed. "So. Here we are" she pulled the truck up to a gate and punched in a code. As she drove onto the ranch Chase stared out the window.

'Holy hell Alison. This is gorgeous.' They drove for another fifteen minutes, passed the huge main house and pulled up to a log cabin.

'Alright. Let's go in.' She grinned and stepped out of the truck. Chase smiled and followed her. She walked up the steps and unlocked the door. As Chase walked in he laughed. A Sam pillow and Pink Mustache pillow decorated the couch on either end.

'Really Alison?' He said, picking up Septiceye Sam "Hey! Yes really!' She said laughing. 'Just because im friends with them doesnt mean im not going to buy their shit!' He shook his head, all awkwardness gone.

There was the Alison he knew, a goofball with an affinity for Markiplier and Jacksepticeye.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling some steaks out. 'You hungry?' Chase nodded. 'Hell yes, ive been needin some of your cooking!' He said, his smile lighting his face. 'You know. Im gonna have to teach you how to cook Mr Brody.' She grinned at him. And he looked at her wide eyed "um..alison. You sure you wanna do that?' "Um. Yes" she said. Grinning at him. 'First lesson..music!' She pulled up an app on her phone and music began drifting through the room. Chase shook his head. Yep. Still Alison

****** Chase watched as Alison danced in place as she cut up some vegtables and potatoes. She was barefoot, singing along to the beginning notes of 'Small Town Boy' by Dustin Lynch, he smiled as he stood up from the barstool he was sitting on... Vegatables could wait He walked up behind her and took the knife from her hand, she turned to him 'what are you-?' Chase grabbed her hand and pulled her to the open kitchen floor and started dancing with her. She threw her head back and laughed as they swayed and Chase sang along

* I'm a dirt road in the headlights I'm a mama's boy, I'm a fist fight Kinda county line, kinda cold beer Little hat down, little John Deere I kinda give a damn I kinda don't care You see that girl standing right there She loves a small town boy like me She's my ride or die baby She's my cool, she's my crazy She's my laid back in the front seat She's my with me to the end girl My turn-it-up-to ten girl....* Alison laughed and sang with him. She was in trouble if her stomach and heart were going to continue playing Zoo escape with him here. Shed been friends with the guys a while. But this was out of left field. She hadnt expected her heart to try to beat its way out when she saw him standing there at the airport. His green hair had been replaced by a natural brown and his eyes shone as blue as ever. When he saw her and smiled as she started to run toward him for a hug, shed almost fallen over. This would be a very interesting visit.

*********** They were sitting on the back porch after dinner. Chase was watching Alison animatedly talk about training with some of the guys in her Dad's work, laughing when she knocked over her water glass when her hands flew into it 'Oh shit!' Alison cried out. Then she just started laughing and Chase couldnt help but laugh along with her as he went inside the sliding glass door to the kitchen and grabbed a towel and handed it to her. She mopped up the mess and then sat back down, still giggling.

'Well. Still gracefull as ever i see Miss Calaway' Chase said teasingly She stuck her tongue out laughing 'oh fuck off Mr Brody' They laughed and then sat in silence, watching the lake.

'So.' Alison said quietly 'how are you...really?'

Chase smiled at her 'you know.... Earlier this week i was in hell. Seeing her with him opened old wounds...but being here now i feel a little better. Like i can breathe. It hurts still. But i can breathe' Alison nodded and reached over and squeezed his hand 'im really glad you came. I needed some company...'

She dropped her hands to her lap and stared out at the water. The energy around them shifted and Chase could sense something hed been feeling all evening. Something was weighing heavy on her. 'Alison....whats going on? You never told me what happened that two week span you quit replying to anyone..and ive left it alone this long but.. i can tell now sitting here it wasnt a case of being too busy with fun stuff to look at your phone' Alison looked down, a mixture of sadness and guilt shadowing her face. He was talking about last year. Even Jack had tried to get out of her where shed been...but she hadnt told a soul. Only her family knew. Tears welled in her eyes... that had been during a bad time for Chase...she remembered the pain in the drunk texts from him that shed read when she got the phone back...

She stood and walked over to the railing. Trying not to cry and failing 'Hey...alison im sorry. I didnt mean to-..' Chase stood and walked up beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. She turned to face him and burying her face in his chest, silent tears rolling down her face for a moment. Then she took a deep breath, stepped back and wiped her face 'Sorry...its just... I never apologized for not being there for you. I read those texts a million times after the fact and... Im so sorry Chase'

Chase stared at her shocked 'thats whats upsetting you? Alison, i send angsty texts to my brothers every time im freakin drunk' he laughed. "You dont need to apologize. It was a bad point but nothing for you to feel guilty for being absent for... But i would like to know where you were. We all know when you reappeared you were different." Alison stared into his eyes, hed had never noticed how green they were. She was searching...but for what? 'Chase.... Not even Jack knows what happened...' She took a deep breath '....i was in the hospital.' Chases mouth dropped open in shock 'What?! Why???'

She stared at her feet and was quiet for a minute. 'Do you remember Chris?' She asked. Chase grimaced at the name, he remembered Chris. He also remembered the broken nose and black eye he gave him a couple years back when he saw him shove Alison to the ground "Yeah. Your boyfriend that no one liked?' She nodded 'yeah. That one.... God i shouldve listened to yall. ' Chase put his hand under her chin and lifted her gaze to his and spoke softly 'what did he do ali?' She swallowed hard. 'Short version? Got mad that i wanted to leave the country to come see yall.... Tied me up and used me as a punching bag for 3 days....'

Chases eyes widened in horror 'what the fuck....howd you get away???' She snorted 'my Dad came to find me.... Imagine for yourself how pretty that was' Chase knew it hadnt been.

Her father was famous for being called The Undertaker. Almost seven feet tall and 300lbs...and Alison was his little girl. His first daughter. His pride... Oh lord that couldnt have been good....

'So' she continued 'i was in the hospital for a good while... Actually the first time i texted you i was still there for another week.... ' Chase pulled her into a hug 'Ali im so so sorry..my God if i had known...' Alison laughed 'if you had known you wouldve been deported and arrested for murder...no i didnt want anyone knowing. Im the one who stayed when yall told me to leave. I'm the idiot.' Chase leaned back, arms still around her. 'No! Its not your fault. I dont care what we told you to do. You want to see the good in people. You want to believe everyone is good and thats an amazing trait. You should never think thats stupid' She smiled and leaned into his chest savoring the warmth and safety.

Later, after they had said goodnight and gone to their rooms, Chase lay there awake. He could still feel her head on his shoulder, feel the warmth from her, and his heart skipped. "What the hell is going on ??' He hadnt felt that since high school...that first skip of the heart when you find someone.... 'Oh grow up Brody. Shes your best friend and doesnt need your damaged ass complicating her life..' Little did he know she was in the room at the opposite end of the hall thinking along the same lines...

****** A week had gone by, they danced around the flirtation and the obvious tension that lay under their banter. The day before it had rained, creating mud puddles everywhere. Now it was sunny and muggy out. Alison excitedly threw a pair of 4-wheeler keys to Chase and grinned as she pulled her ponytail through the back of the hat she was wearing. Chase watched as she bounded down the front steps and followed suit. They were both in jeans. The day before Chase had bought a cheap pair of boots he could get muddy. They were heavy but at least it wasnt his sneakers. They headed down the path between Alison's and the main house. Chase studied her as they walked. He hadnt been as brave since the first night. He wanted to say something....anything. But he wasnt sure where to start. 'You good ?' Alison stopped walking and looked at him, his face flushed slightly "Yeah, im good. Ready to tear up the mud' Alison laughed 'well the shed is right over here. I keep mine here since its closer to my place' They rounded the bend in the path and came upon the metal shed. She unlocked the door and walked in, pulling the tarp off the two four-wheelers. She threw a michevious grin at Chase as she climbed on hers "You ready to get dirty?' She laughed Chase grinned 'Hell yeah!' He climbed on his and they roared to life, Alison shot out of the building and took off, he threw his head back laughing and started after her

****** After about an hour or two of flying through mud and water puddles, they were sitting on the edge of the lake on a blanket Alison had laid out under the big umbrella. Chase had his shirt off as it was wet and muddy. He looked over at her and couldnt help but laugh. She had mud streaked down her arms and some on her nose.. The only part that wasnt spotted was her legs. Shed taken off the jeans and was in her swim shorts that had been under them.

'What?!' She said

'Youre a little...uh...dirty there girl' She laughed 'you should see yourself, your floofy hairdo aint cuttin it kid' she said as she reached over and messed up his hair, dirt falling out 'Hey!' Chase cried and grabbed her hand as he chuckled 'you leave my hair alone. Youre just jealous' Alison laughed and rolled her eyes. 'Yeah. Ok' They sat next to each other in silence, her knees pulled up and arms wrapped around them. She leaned against his side and looked like she was ready to fall asleep on his shoulder. Chase scooted over to the far side of the blanket and laid back, then pulled her down so her head rested on his chest and an arm was around her. His pulse raced and she easily fit in his arm and curled against him.

She sighed contentedly 'hey Chase... Anytime i need to lay with someone im gonna find you. Because youre really comfortable' she said giggling. He laughed 'ok. But youll have to come across the pond a lot' 'Hmm' she said thoughtfully 'ok. Im good with that. Ill come over there for some Brody cuddles' He squeezed her and smiled. 'Hey....Ali?'

'Yeah?' She shifted her head so she could look up at him. Her heart raced as she caught his eyes. Shed been having trouble concentrating on anything since he took his shirt off and this wasnt any easier.

'What are we avoiding here?' He asked... He hadnt meant to be so blunt but it just kind of came out that way. 'I mean. We're good and normal and then other times its so freaking awkward..i dont get it' 'I-.' Alison didnt really have an answer for that. She knew what she thought she was avoiding. But she wasnt 100% sure. 'I dont know.. I mean... I think its obvious theres something to talk about. But neither of us wants to say it'

Chase stared into her green eyes intently 'Well if you want to say what i want to say, then fuck this silence. Tell me'

Alison sat up and looked the other way and he followed. 'Its not just that easy for me Chase.... I dont know what you want...i dont know what im supposed to do..i dont know wh-'.. '

He grabbed her chin and turned her face towards his 'what i want is for you to shut up and kiss me...what youre supposed to do is stop rambling and let me show you'

With that he pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her. Slowly at first and then harder. She sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back. They pulled away breathless and stared at each other.

'Now alison' he said, his voice husky "Whyd you wait so long to do that?' He grinned and pulled her to him again and kissing her deeper, laying back, her laying halfway across his chest. After a moment she pulled away and laid her head down on him and laughed 'Holy crap' He laughed out loud, 'yeah... Thats one way of putting it' He kissed the top of her head and wrapped her in his arm, they both drifted off..

****** It was a month and a half later. Chase stood by the front door. Nervous. He didnt want to leave. They hadnt been what youd call official..neither of them labled it . Sure they had held hands, slow danced with each other, kissed and gotten close..but it wasnt like *that* was it?... And now he was going home. He wasnt supposed to feel this way. His heart wasnt supposed to ache like this....

Alison stood in her room making sure she had her keys and phone...stalling. "What the hell...why is this so damn hard. Hes my best friend....a great kisser...but my best friend! Its not supposed to be like this' she thought to herself. Walking out she caught his eyes and saw her sadness reflected there

'Are you ready to go?' She inquired, trying to sound happy

"....you want the truth or the answer thatll make you feel better?' He chuckled.

'Chase...' She stood by him and grabbed his hand... 'I know, i know. We live a million miles from each other... I just didnt think it would-' 'Hurt this much?' She said, staring up at him He sighed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in and kissing the top of her head. 'Yeah' She opened the door and they walked out to the truck.

******** 'Seriously. Come out sometime, the boys and me will show you a good time' Chase said Alison smiled at him ' Definitely...ill miss you. Thank you for coming. I had a blast'

Chase smiled and her 'And stop standing so far away.' He grabbed her hand and pulled her close 'its harder to kiss you goodbye from over there....if thats okay.... Just one last time?' She smiled and nodded as a blush crept to her cheeks he leaned down and kissed her, both of them holding on longer than they intended. 'Alison...dont be a stranger' he said. Hugging her one last time and picking up his bags. 'I..i wont Chase. Tell everyone i said hi'

She waved goodbye and watched him walk toward his gate, then turned and headed for her truck. When she got inside she let go of her control and cried. The tears didnt stop until she was back to her place. She walked into the room Chase had been staying in and found one of his worn shirts folded on the bed with a note and a small bottle of cologne. She smiled and cried a little reading it

'I know its not the same as falling asleep on me. But this is the cologne i use, you can wear the shirt or use it as a pillow case... Ill miss you' She laid down on the bed and could still smell him as she drifted to sleep

******** 'Dude. You were supposed to go over there to get happier. Now youre just more mopey. What the hell happened?' Jackie asked Chase

They were in the living room, Chase sprawled on the couch. It had been almost two weeks since he came home 'Jackie. Just leave it alone man. Ok? I dont want to talk about it'

'Chase, you need to talk about it. I havent seen you like this ever. When Stacy left you cried and drank and talked about it... You dont even drink anymore. You just sit and watch tv or sleep' Jackie said, worry coating his words.

Chase sat up 'look man. Im an idiot and i caught feelings at the wrong time and the wrong place. Ok? And it hurts because i cant be where i need to be and where i want to be at the same time! I dont drink because then i dream about her and....'

His words drifted off Jackie came to sit by him and put an arm over his shoulder ' you always dream about Stacy though. I thought the sleeping pills helped with that'

Chase put his head in his hands 'Bro. This isnt about Stacy. I never thought id say this but i think this hurts worse'

Jackie was shocked. He couldnt believe what had just come out of his brothers mouth 'Then...who? And what did they do that was so bad???'

Chase shook his head 'thats just it. Nothing bad. It was all amazing... But.. Damnit man. I just wish it wasnt so fucking far, you know?' Jackie thought for a minute and his eyes widened and mouth dropped as he caught on

'Holy shit you mean Alison???' Chase's head shot up 'Jackie if you tell anyone so help me ill strangle you' Jackie put his hands up 'No no. I wont..but..what happened?' Chase laughed 'nothing like that... We just kissed and cuddled a lot and... I really think i fell for her man and i dont know how to process it... I feel like I'm losing my mind.' Then he opened up and told Jackie everything about the trip. His brother just sat and listened.

*************** Two weeks later...

'Alison!' Jack ran over to her, shed begged him to pick her up at the airport but hadnt wanted anyone to know. Hed been happy to oblige. Confused. But happy

'Jack!' She ran over to him and hugged him hard. Shed missed this goofball

'Ok so are you going to tell me whats going on?' Jack said as they grabbed her bags and walked outside to where the Uber was waiting for them

' um.... Its a little hard to explain. But.. I just had to come ok? Im actually meeting my Dad tomorrow. Theyre here because of a movie shoot. We are all staying a month or so.'

Jack shook his head 'i know when youre lying. Theres something youre not tellin me Ali' She looked at him. Knowing hed either laugh or help her... Well only one way to find out

'Jack....when Chase stayed with me for that month... We..I.... I fell for him ok? And i think he feels the same way. And this last month has been hell because i cant stop thinking about him. I know it sounds crazy but i had to come see him, and yall. ' it came out in a rush.

Jacks mouth dropped open in shock. 'You mean...youre the reason Chase has been so mopey? Thank God i thought he was on about Stacy again' and he laughed 'So. Wanna suprise him?' His smile conspiratorial Alison grinned. She shouldve known she could count on him.

*********** 'Well why do i need to go Jack? Why dont you?' Chase whined into the phone 'i dont feel like talking to anyone about filming man. I dont have it in me' 'Chase. Youre going. Trust me. Just meet the agent at the park. Theyll be by the river. Itll be a good opportunity for you man' Jack said on the other end of the line, trying to keep from laughing. 'And what about the others? Jackie and everyone left the house today. They said they were staying with you tonight because you were filming some stuff. Why cant i help?' Chase questioned 'Look Chase. I need you to do this for me. Ok? Please bro?' Chase rolled his eyes 'fine. But this better be a good meeting' Jack hung up the phone and laughed 'oh trust me Brody. Youll love it' he said to himself. Shooting alison a text. 'Now we wait'

At the house Chase threw the phone. He wanted to be mad but he knew Jack was just worried. Hed been holed up in his room since he came back, hadnt touched his skateboard in a month, hadnt even looked at his PS4.. All he could do was go through the photos from his trip. Hed talked to Alison on facetime and she seemed to be happy, was training and riding horses. She had sent him phtos of her and her Dad and little sisters... He felt like he was lying to her. He said he was okay, just more tired...but the reality was he wanted to beg her to come to him. He wanted to tell her he thought he loved her-- but he just kept a smile on his face because as long as she was happy, thats all that mattered

****** Later that night Alison sat on the bench. Nervously playing with the hem of her dress she had bought that morning. He should be here any minute.... What if he was mad...what if he didn't want her here? What if.... She recieved a text from Jack

J:Hes there.

Her heart pounded. Now what? She sat and waited...hearing footsteps

* Chase could see someone on the bench by the water and headed that way. As he walked his eyes focused on the figure. Their hair was an auburn color... That thought made his heart ache as he remembered brushing Alisons from her face... He got close enough to the bench and the figure stood and turned toward him. His heart jumped and he almost fell down 'Al-alison?' He whispered. Not believing what he was seeing. 'Chase..' She said softly. Her face broke into a smile as tears filled her eyes. She ran to him and he embraced her. He finally let go and looked down at her grabbing her face with both hands "ali what the hell are you doing here?!' Tears rolled from her eyes 'Chase....i couldnt stay away anymore. Im sorry...i know i shouldve told you but i didnt know if you wanted me here and-' her words were cut off as he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. When they pulled back he looked at her for a long minute and then spoke as he wiped her tears 'Dont ever apologize for making me this happy...ever. Of course i want you here. Its been hell just talking to you on FaceTime and not being able to say what im thinking. My God Alison i missed you more than i thought possible' She smiled and kissed his cheek and hugged him again. Savoring the feel of his arms around her

'Cmon. Lets go talk' he said pulling out his phone to call a ride 'I got it' she said grinning 'My dad loaned me a driver for my trip' she called someone and said whered they be. As they walked to the road Chase saw a black limo waiting and laughed 'Well. That beats an Uber'

As they rode he just stared at her. She was looking out the window. His heart beat faster. She came....she missed him so much that she came all the way here. He smiled to himself and then shot Jack a text

C:'Youre an ass for letting me walk into that unwarned....but thank you man'

J:no thanks needed. I did it for both of you. You both deserve smiles on your faces man. Now put the phone down... Also Jackie said to tell you 'stay in your own room' 😂

Chase laughed out loud and covered his face. He was going to have to smack him Alison looked over 'whats so funny?' She reached for the phone and snatched it before Chase could stop her 'alison i wouldn-' he warned laughing 'Oh my god.... Im gonna have to smack him when i see him' she said laughing as her face turned red. They both giggled and Chase grabbed the phone and turned it off after sending 'tell him i said ..' Followed by a couple of middle finger emojis

***** They walked into the house and Chase locked the front door before grabbing Alisons hand and kissing her again. He couldnt believe she was here. Alison leaned into him and kissed him back and then said smiling 'i cant believe im standing here' Chase laughed 'i cant either! I mean...why would you come all this way??' Alison locked eyes with him. 'Because... I never knew i could miss someone so much Chase. Honestly it was driving me nuts. I got tired of having the pictures from your trip and FaceTime with fake 'hey buddy' bullshit..... But i wanted to say it to your face.

Chase nodded. He knew exactly what she meant.

** Alison had been there a week and couldnt get over the fact that she was with him. Chase was sprawled out on the other side of the king sized bed and snoring. They had both decided to stay in the hotel room she had reserved for her time here. Chase wasnt used to such a huge bed and Alison laughed thinking back to his face when he first laid on it. She laid her book down and reached over, brushing his hair back and smiling. He stirred and blinked at her sleepily "Ali-- you ok babe?" Her heart jumped at that name. She felt a blush spreading as he sat up and his bare chest became visable. "Yeah- yeah. Was just admiring how cute you were when you sleep" He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair "what. Are you saying im not cute when im awake? " "Well....when youre asleep youre much quieter" she said laughing. His mouth opened in fake offense and then he grinned mischeviously "Oh. Okay.." He rolled over and caught her and tickled her and she laughed and squealed. 'Chase! Chase! Okay i give i give!!" He stopped and looked down at her as he laid across her and laughed 'youre pretty cute yourself Alleycat " he kissed the tip of her nose and she craned her mouth up. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around him. He still wasnt used to the sparks that went through his brain with her. That first night hed stayed with her they... Caught up.. quickly. He was still addicted to the taste and feel of her even after as many times hed experienced her. "Ali-" he whispered as he placed his forehead to hers "Yeah Chase?" "I...i think... This is gonna sounds insane' he laughed She pushed him up so she could look in his eyes "Baby...what?" Chase stared into her green eyes. Never having been more sure of what he was about to say...knowing if he didnt hed never sleep "Alison..... I love you...and i know thats crazy. I never thought id ever say that to anyone with this feeling behind it after her....but honestly if she walked up to me right now and asked me to come home...id say no. Youve made me feel whole. You make me the man i want to be. Even my kids when i saw them yesterday asked why i was so happy... ' He stopped and grinned sheepishly "i kinda talked about you a little...they want to meet you. I told them maybe in a couple of weeks..but thats up to you..Stacy was cool with it if you are..' She stared at him, not knowing what to say. A smile broke across her face and her eyes misted over "Chase...id love to meet them..." She pulled him to her and kissed him before saying quietly 'and Mr Brody...you should know. I love you too.." *****

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missjackil · 6 years ago

Text

My 14x11 Opinion

Damaged Goods

I have so many feelings about this episode!! Its been the hardest one to wait for all season because we were teased all week about this mysterious hug!! I am trash for brohugs, I wont even lie. Any episode that includes a brohug gets bonus points from me!! But what was different about this brohug than others? It was a slip in from behind hug that Sam wasnt expecting. Gentle, and cautious, yet full off angst and despiration.

The scene was set in a way that assured me this episode would be emotional. The library dimly lit while Sam while Sam researches for ways to help Dean. Dean wont even answer the question when Sam asks how hes feeling. Dean just doesnt want to talk about this. He makes it known though that he appreciates the effort Sam has been putting into trying to help, and Sam responds, “of course... always” . He’s not looking for praise or appreciation, its just something he is gonna do. He’s gona help Dean. Thats all. To him its like getting up in the morning and going to the bathroom. It doesnt matter what else is going on in the world, this is what’s gonna happen.now.Deans in trouble. Sam is gonna help.

Dean tells Sam he’s going to go spend time with Mom, Sam is gonna get packed up and go too but Dean wants to go alone. Sam looks hurt. This isnt surprizing. As much as Sam doesnt need to be, as we all know, he still gets insecure with his ploace in Dean’s world and he doesnt like to be left behind for anyone, even Mom. but in the traditional character of Sam Winchester, he isnt going to make a fuss, he’ll swallow it up and let Dean go if he feels he needs it. Dean isnt cold, nor blind to this. He wont tell Sam its a farewell tour, but he needs Sam to know hes loved. So he just comes around behind him and holds Sam’s head to his chest and face, and tells him to take care of himself. As sweet as this was, did Dean really think it wouldnt sound every alarm in Sam’s head? However, this hug will go down in my heart as a classic. One thing I love most about the brohugs, is that J2 deliver a fresh one every time that say their own things. Theyre never cheap, never lacking a message, and always packed with feeling.

Sam was pretty adorable when he tried to tell mom about the hug.I know he said they dont hug unless its literally the end of the world. but how was he really gonna tell him mom that they hug for many reasons, but this one was very different? Im sure she understands that theyre close, but does she even have a clue at how close and co-dependant they are? I dont think so. Sam gives her fair warning, and shes gonna keep an eye on Dean.

Meanwhile, Nick is being a dick, and has a run in with Donna. Now I know many of you all dont like Donna and Jody, mainly for the Wayward crap, but I still like THEM, I just hate that story. I really like this new, tougher Donna that came to be last season in Breakdown. The bubbly silly blonde from The Purge and Hibbing 911 got on my nerves and served no purpose but comic releif. I cant stand those characters. Thats why I dont like Garth, and never liked Ghost Facers, because all they did was assure that the episode wouldnt get very serious.But lets move on.

Mary makes Dean something he loved as a kid, Winchester Surprize. This is the first time we heard of this dish, and I would call “bullshit” on Deans ability to remember something like that from being no older than 4 the last time she made it, had he not mentioned how Dad apparently made it also, but when he and Sam tried, they messed it up and Dad got pissed and tossed it out. Dean laughed about it, but Mom was uncomfortable, and so was I. Im not a John hater as y’all know, so new negative information makes me sad. I guess before John comes back in 2 weeks, Mary will need to know that he changed a lot after she died and wasnt the greatest father to the boys.And to assure us that the reuinion wont be all rainbows and butterflies. There’s gonna be some angst.

Now Im gonna talk about how HOT Dean was while welding. the flipping of the face shield. the sparks flying around his feet, the leather apron.... mmmm Magic Mike moment y’all?? It was a great music montage, something we dont get a lot of. No Time Left For You is a good song, and for any of my readers under 40, that was an 8 track tape Dean was playing.😉 we also see that Michael is still pounding on the door in Deans head. Jensen is really doing a great job of showing us in his expressions and posture that he’s barely holding him in.

Now Sam has looked around the bunker and noticed things missing. Okay... Dean is definitely up to something. Mary waited till Dean was asleep and went to see what he was doing in the shed, she sees he’s built this box with the plan to lock himself in it and be dropped at the bottom of the ocean so Michael cant escape the box once he gets out of Deans head. Mom calls Sam, but he’s already on his way. and during this time Nick kidnaps Mary.

Now, I think Mary was just being stupid for most of this, she had no reason really not to comply with Nick. Theres a time to be tough and a time to just be practical. A big part of being a hero includes not trying to get yourself killed for no good reason. But hey, its ok because your sons are fucking suoer heros and they’ll come save your ass! So Abraxus gets released and reveals Lucifer had him kill Ncks family. This leaves me with wonder. Will Lucifer come find Nick but Nick say no to him now that he knows Lucifer had his family killed? Leaving Luci without a vessel and heading to mess with Sam again? Possibly even Jack? Hmmmm

So Donna shoots Nick in the leg, he’s arrested. Sam goes to talk to him. I didnt like that Dean bitched at Sam for letting Nick go, though Im glad Sam got to tell him why. though he’s feeling guilty about everything that happened now. Im also pretty sure that Dean was telling Sam when people cant be saved, you just walk away, more for himself than anything. So Dean barked, but he didnt stay angry and thats good.

Sam confronts Nick and apologizes for not being able to help him which is so very Sam, but, my boy is getting harder around the edges, he’s really 1000% done with the bull shit. He tells Nick he doesnt feel sorry for him, he feels sorry for the people he killed, HE can burn.

Meanwhle mom confronts Dean and tells him he knows what hes up to... and if he doesnt tell Sam, she will. Im so glad it didnt become some secret between Dean and Mom being kept from Sam. That never ends pretty.

Now, this scene, is my favorite scene so far of the season. Sam just not holding back at how horrible he thinks it was for Dean to plan to kill himself and not tell him. “Not tell me?? ME??” Do you realize how messed up that is? How unfair??” it took me back to when Dean sold his soul for Sam and Sam figured it out. Sam knows first hand how awful being trapped forever with a crazy archangel. You could see it in Sam’s eyes when he said it, he knew what Dean would be up against for eternity. “Do you know how INSANE this is?”

Dean is set in his choice and tells Sam he couldnt tell him because hes the only person who could talk him out of it💖💖and he loves hm for trying to help. Thats a very big statement in this show. So he gives Sam a choice, either he helps him, or he does it alone. Of curse Sam agrees to help. He cant save Dean if he walks away, and he wont let Dean die alone 💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭

Thats gonna kill me all week!! Next weeks trailer looks like a real kick in the balls, but, Im fairly sure the brutality will be over early in the episode because Donatello’s issue is the headliner. Its hard to see Dean freak out when his phone dies when hes in the box, but Im thinking maybe he’s testing it and gets a dose of what being trapped feels like, and maybe that changes his mind. So I dont think the whole episode is going to be super heavy, but we’ll have some good brofeels anyway. In conclusion I loved this episode. It could have used more Sam but Sams parts were all great! So on a scale of Bloodlines to Who We Are, this gets a 9. the heavy brolove got it massive points and more Sam COULD have taken it to a 10. See y’all next week :)

#my opinion #spn 14x11 spoilers #damaged goods

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