#didn't they get the memo from nopes?

[randomnameless]

I think the example of the aqueduct in the Red Canyon alongside with how among Seiros's miracles was creating a canal through Enbarr that was vital to it's growth, couple that with how humanity flourished due to Sothis sharing technology with them, I think the game might be hinting that technology regressed under the rule of Nemesis and the Agarthans, the latter keeping their own tech away from those they deemed as base animals.

TBH I'm always a bit miffed by the "technology" talks, because while Agartha sure kept Sothis' more advanced tech and current Fodlan was supposed to be "age of discovery" developed, we still have magic, like, people can warp around...

Tech in general regressed post Sothis vs Agarthans war, but we don't know how advanced/far Enbarr was before the WoH - of course they didn't have elevators, but indeed, I suppose that, in general, after this war, Fodlan had to rebuild itself without Sothis giving tech bonuses anymore to accelerate the growth and development of humans - and here would come the sci-fi principle of "giving tech when people are mature enough" or something, so maybe the Nabateans wanted to let humans develop themselves first, and then would have helped later on?

I still find it fascinating that when Rhea was apparently "roaming around Fodlan clinging to her desire of revenge", instead of directing the Enbarrites to build thousands of mecha-golems, she... made a canal for them.

[reginaphalangelobster]

(Grand)Father Figure

After Peter messed up big time Steve is giving him a 'Captain America Talking To' Steve: Kid, you can't just blow up a building. Where is your father? Peter: He's dead Everyone turns their heads to Peter with a mix of shocked and sad expressions: WHAT?! Bruce: T-Tony's dead? How could this happen? He was my best friend Thor: He will certainly be missed, he was a great man Tony, walking through the door: Whoa, who died? Everyone lets out a small scream or gasp Clint: YOU! Tony: Well I didn't get the memo Steve: Peter, why did you say he was dead? Peter, who is utterly confused: I didn't Thor: You did Spiderling, you said your father was dead Peter: He is. Wait, did you think Mr Stark was my dad? Everyone: Yes! They all turn to Tony who has his head tilted down, trying to hide his blushing face Tony: Uh, I have to go, do something, in the lab, that's right, the lab Tony practically flies out the door but he secretly smiles to himself Peter: Why would you think he's my dad? Bucky: Last week you called him dad Peter: That doesn't mean anything! I-I was just tired and I misspoke Sam: Yeah, was that the same time you called Nat mom? Nat, wrapping an arm around Peter's shoulders: Leave my son alone Peter: No, it was around the same time you called Steve babe Sam, now very embarrassed: I n-never did that! Steve: You told me you said bud Sam: I did! Nat gives Peter a little high five Clint is standing behind them laughing Peter: What are you laughing at? You called Bucky sweetheart Bucky, visibly uncomfortable: He what? Clint: He's making that up! Peter: Am not! Thor: I do not see the issue here. We are all a family of sorts, I know that the Maximoff twins have both called Barton their father on multiple occasions Wanda & Pietro: Thor! Clint: Aw! Kids, that's so sweet, you see me as a father figure Pietro: Pfft! More like a BOTHER figure, am I right Wands? Wanda: I'm not getting involved Wanda then uses her powers to fly away Pietro: Not fair! Wanda: You have super speed dumbass Pietro: Oh yeah Pietro runs away without another word Clint: What just happened? Everyone continues arguing over each other Steve: Peter called Fury grandpa! Everyone fell silent Peter: Steve! Steve: I'm sorry kid I didn't mean t- Wait a second, did you just call me Steve? Peter: Yes, I no longer see you as an authority figure I can look up to and trust, Steve Sam, quietly: Daaaamn Bucky hits Sam in the arm Sam: Hey! Bucky: Shut up, bird brain Steve: Don't worry kid, I once called him dad, to his face. But I don't think he heard Peter: That's pretty bad Steve: Yeah, Nat wouldn't stop teasing me for years, I still don't think she's done Nat: Nope Suddenly Nick Fury walks through the door, in a knitted beanie and scarf Peter: Grandpa! Peter runs and hugs him Fury: You told them? Peter: Steve found out Steve: So he knew? I told you that I called him dad for nothing? Fury: You called me dad? Steve: Oh no Fury: Do you see me as a father figure Steve? Steve: Pfft! No! More like a BOTHER figure Steve looks around before escaping the situation as quickly as possible Fury: You did that on purpose, didn't you? Peter, smiling brightly: Yes

This was inspired by posts from @thewrittenpodcast and @ineloe thank you and I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Tags:

@everyonesfriend @impetusofadream @goldfishthegr8 @avengers-official-recruit-agent @goreygirl03 @xenasolos @sparklyturtlefox @rios-sythe @nekoannie-chan @ilovemarvel12 @hayneyney @n3ponen @8812-342 @pinkthick @craftytacopiecash @meryuniverse

[illusionsdelusions101]

MAKEUP~Lando Norris

More uploads, more F1!!!

!!!NOT PROOFREAD!!!

Type~Fluff

Lando Norris x fem!reader

You always did your makeup in front of Lando. Even once you started dating and he would spend the night, you'd go to bed all natural and wake up, have breakfast, do skincare, blah, blah and do your makeup. Lando always watched closely, watching you do full glam on nights where you went out on the town and clean girl makeup when you went to go visit his family. He always admired your work. The way you sculpted your eyebrows, the way you'd always put three small dots of liquid blush on your cheekbone and the eyelash curler which he called a "eye tourture device." One day, you were being unproductive, everything was cleaned by you and Lando around and inside the house the day before, so now you had nothing to do. But then, you had a creative idea. You get up and watch towards your bathroom. You get out your makeup supplies, setting it all on the counter before you hopped up on the bathroom counter and sat in the sink, almost like you and the mirror were having a very close and intamite talk. You hum as you slowly start putting on your makeup, you were trying out new makeup style, just going with the flow and seeing if you would try anything new. Lando was orginally next to you on your shared bed, once you went to the bathroom, he paid no attention, just scrolling on his phone, but then he heard clinking and the humming. He always knew you were doing your makeupif you were humming. You didn't put on music while you did your makeup, finding it too distracting and scared you would mess up with your makeup. Lando get up and walked into the bathroom, he looks at your seating arrangment and starts laughing. "Hey gorgeous." He says, chuckling. "Hi sweetie." You mumble, blending out the concealer under your bottom lip. You go back to hummong and doing your makeup as you still hear Lando snicker from behind you. "Can you notttt?" You whine and turn back to face him. Then suddenly, you had an idea. Lando looked at you nervous and confused as you smiled wickedly at him. Then, the gears all clicked into action and he got the memo. "Oh no. oh no no no no no, your not doing my makeup!" He starts backing away as you hop off the counter and start slowly edging towards him. "Nope!" He yells before running away, but you chase after him. After a little wild goose chase around the house, you back him into a corner, and get you eyelash curler our of your pocket. "No escaping now." You smirk. Before he has a chance to slip past you, you jump on top of him, causing you both to land on the ground. "Let's do this." You giggle." "Ugh... no...." Lando complains. "And....done!" You exclaim as you back away from Lando. His eyebrows were done, highlighter on his nose and corner of his eyes and eyelashes were done. He looks at himself in the bathroom mirror, looking from all sides before he gives a nod of approval. "I look soooo sexy.." He puts out a couple of poses, a flash goes off and Lando looks at you. Your phone in you hands as you start to laugh some more. "Don't post that." Lando warns you. "Hm..." You pretended to think. "I'm serious!" He starts to sound desperate. "Instagram is gonna love this!" You giggle and Lando starts chasing you, this time, causing another chase.

[daylighted]

I just had an adorable idea of dean being half asleep and taking his sweet time with coffee ( his four hours of sleep didn't go as well he wanted them to ) so he's all stiff but he's not gonna say a word and finish his coffee and get to work bcz of course but then baby walks in all squinty eyed and not quite awake either and wordlessly curls up under his arm and slowly it eases the tension in his body and maybe he falls asleep for another hour or so ( lore totally took pictures )

have to write this instantly i’m afraid.

dean didn't sleep well. it wasn't a new development, but one that seemed to instead worsen with time. the addition of you into his life didn't help, either, but he'd never blame you for it. he was just a worrier. he worried, and he stressed, and all of that transcended into his dreams, morphing them into nightmares, which all added up to him being an insomniac.

you were the opposite. you slept heavily and deeply, refusing to let him go in the mornings like innately, you knew he hadn't had enough, either. it was the same that morning, too: eyebags deep under his eyes, head aching from the exhaustion still heavy on his bones.

the smell of bitter coffee fills his senses, his palm pressed against the edge of the countertop to hold himself up. the drip of the coffee into the pot was agonizingly slow, a sigh loosing from his chest.

he doesn't even notice your approach. one second, he's trying not to doze standing up, and the next, you've nuzzled your way underneath his arm, small enough to fit in the crevice with ease. he peeks an eye open, watching as your arms encircle around his waist and your sleepy eyes fall closed again.

"nope," dean grumbles, his voice rough and gravelly with the weight of his tiredness, "no curlin' back up. got shit to do."

but you don't let go, and neither does he, so that's that. he maneuvers around you once his coffee finishes, taking a sip of the scalding liquid in the mug. your arms fall off of him and instead, your fingers curl into his free hand's in a loose grip as he leads you toward the couch. on the coffee table, still, is his spread of abandoned research.

he sets the mug down, flopping down into his spot on the plush, his lips thinning when you do not, in fact, catch the memo that your adorable sleepiness was not doing him any favors when it came to trying to get moving.

instead, you've curled your way up and under his arm again, this time tucked into his side like you were a part of him. dean guessed, in a way, you kind of were. still, all he manages to do is sigh in reaction and tug you that much closer.

on his leg is a research book, balanced on his knee and carefully placed to not disturb your slumber. he could feel every slow, deep breath against his chest, your arm resting lazily over his stomach. dean tries to push it all to the back of his mind. i've got shit to do plays like a looping mantra in his head, the voice growing quieter the more he finds himself focusing in on your sleep.

he'd never been lulled to sleep like this. he didn't know if it was some indication of just how tired he was, or if you were just something special, though dean figured it was probably both.

it's with great reluctance that he shoves the book back onto the table. even more resistance and despair that he wraps his own arms around you and yanks you farther into him, your head on his chest and your leg half strewn across his lap.

he's out like a light. the coffee is abandoned to cool on the coffee table, his phone idle next to it.

dean finds the pictures later, because they're hard to miss, and even easier to know who took them. thirty or so of him knocked out with you draped across him, and ten more with lore's grinning face in them, like an artist tagging her work.

not that he minded. dean just picked his favorite and made it his phone wallpaper and pretended that was a totally normal and platonic thing to do.

[wasteofbandagesxx]

Baby I'm yours

{Chuuya x Reader}

Chuuya was going to surprise you. He wanted to do something special for his girlfriend. He adores you, he cares for you, and he loves you. Today he was going to treat you like a queen, it's the least he can do for all your hard work and care. You've always been concerned for his health and gave him as much affection as possible. You've been so sweet to him ever since day one, he wants this surprise to be an appreciation gift. He just wants to show how grateful he is to have a partner like you.

You've been unwell, this weak was pure trash because of constant missions, errands, toxic friends, ect. You just needed time to yourself, or time with someone you love.

Luckily your guy's 2 year anniversary was today, and there is no way in hell Chuuya would let anything ruin your guy's special day. He made Mori give you fewer assignments, Chuuya threatened anyone that was bothering you, and for some reason you didn't have to run any errands today. Obviously because your beloved boyfriend did all the work for you. He didn't get much sleep from staying up till 4 am planning your special day. Where are the reports? He did them all. Is there anything big you need to do today for work? Nope, Chuuya's got that covered. He's such a sweetheart, he would do anything for you to make sure your in the perfect mood to spend time together.

"Babe! Babe! I'm off work now, let's go get some ice cream." Chuuya couldn't be anymore cuter as he jumped at you and clings onto your arm like a kid winning a prize. "I don't see why not. There should be an Ice cream shop around the corner, good thing we're done with work because it closes in half an hour." You kept him close and made your way over to the ice cream shop called "Takeaway. " It's an ice cream shop that apparently brings people together. Rumors say that if you eat their ice cream, you will fall in love and find your soul mate, but again its just a silly rumor. Chuuya was all giggly and happy, you didn't know why or what he was up to, but you just went along with it.

"Heyyy welcome! What can I get for you guys today?" Asks the girl that was serving Ice cream. "I'll have 2 cookie dough, one for me and the lovely lady right here."

"Ohh lovely lady huh? I thought she was your friend or something, good for you though." She had a slight look of disgust on her face but you didn't mind it at first. Some girls always react like this, Chuuya is attractive after all. "You should come by sometimes, you seem like an interesting person. Where do you work?" The lady asks while getting the ice creams. "Your guy's ice creams are amazing, this is my favorite shop after all and I work at uhh...mcdonald's?"

You found it suspicious how she suddenly wanted to get to know him more, but your thoughts were cut off the moment your boyfriend lied about his job. "Oh...mcdonald's? That sucks, but at least you get paid more than I do. You should probably work here as your 2nd job, we could have a lot of fun together. You can get free snacks and ice cream as well." The lady said with a hint of flirting in her voice, her eyes fluttering as she talks to your man in a "friendly" tone.

She hands you your ice cream and continues having a conversation with your boyfriend. You looked at her from head to toe, you realized how pretty she was. You felt a bit insecure and you didn't want to get the wrong idea, maybe she was just being friendly but then you second guess yourself into thinking she's interested in Chuuya.

Chuuya was showing slight discomfort towards the lady once she started asking personal questions but she didn't seem to get the memo that he's not interested in her. He noticed your discomfort and well and thought to himself that they should leave. But then an unexpected question came out of the lady's mouth.

"You wanna come drink with me at my house tonight?"

He couldn't be any more disturbed. He grabbed your waist and pulled you close and gave the lady a nice smile before saying, "No thanks, it's our anniversary and I want to spend time with my beloved girlfriend." Your face turned slightly red at his bold move in front of the girl. She scoffed and rolled her eyes but then played it off with a smile, "Alright then, enjoy your ice creams."

Chuuya snickers and walks off with you by his side, enjoying his delicious ice cream, he noticed how sad you looked when you weren't saying anything, you hardly even touched your ice cream. "Hey baby, I'm sorry that happened back there. There's no need to be jealous, I promise your better than her and I'm yours forever." He said, trying to comfort you. "I don't like girls who are that bold, it's disgusting. I like you because your fucking amazing and so much more. Cmon, eat your ice cream before it melts, or before I eat it because I am very tempted to."

He playfully reaches for your ice cream and you pull away while laughing at him. "No, it's mine you pig!" You immediately ate your cookie dough and he gasped dramatically with a hand on his chest. You eventually got home, and you were expecting to go to sleep or watch a movie before bed. But Chuuya has other plans, he quickly drags you inside the apartment with your eyes closed, and closed the door behind you guys. "Ready love?" He whispers in your ear, making you blush and turn red like a strawberry. You slowly open your eyes when he tells you to, and you couldn't believe what you saw in front of you.

Candles were lit up on the table and counter, on the table were delicious food and a small jewelry box with a bow on it, a teddy bear was sitting next to the jewelry box with a bouquet of flowers leaving against it. Music suddenly starts playing, it a romantic song, one of your favorites. You couldn't be anymore happier. "Aww, honey." You immediately hugged him and giggled in joy, thanking him for the lovely gifts. He lifts up your chin and leans in close before pressing his soft lips against yours. You kiss him back, arms wrapped around his neck with your leg getting wrapped around his hips. He holds onto your leg and lower back as the kiss started to get heated. He couldn't get enough of you, he just wanted to melt right into you. He grabs your other leg and wraps it around his waist as well and pins you against the wall while he kisses you like a man starved. Your fingers caressed his beautiful ginger hair, getting lost in the feeling, but it soon came to an end as Chuuya pulled away with a shaky break, admiring you. "Let's eat yea? I've had someone prepare the food for us before we got here so let's eat before it gets cold." He gently puts you back down on the ground and takes your hand before guiding you to the kitchen.

The food smelled and looked amazing, you were basically drooling and Chuuya chuckled. "Come sit." He pulls the chair back for you to sit on before scooting it close to the table once you sat down. He took a seat across from you and you both began to enjoy your meal.

Later on, you were admiring the gifts. In the small box was a golden necklace, a locket with a picture of you and Chuuya inside. Of course, you didn't forget about today. Of course you've been stressing about a lot of things but you didn't forget to surprise your boyfriend with gifts as well. You gave him a teddy bear that matched his hair color, a golden watch with your initials carved in the back, and a rose. He couldn't be anymore happier. "Thank you love, you didn't have to. I love your gifts, I really do. But the gift that makes me the happiest, is you." He quickly got up and walked over to your side of the table before picking you up again and kissing you. He made his way to your guy's bedroom as you cling onto him tightly, you guys didn't dare to break apart from the kiss. Chuuya kicked the door open and made his way over to the bed before gently putting you down.

He climbs on top of you and kisses you again, and again, and again. You were like a drug, he was addicted to you. His tongue slithers inside your mouth, the kiss became more passionate and dirty, as if it was never going to end. He pulls away and attacks your neck with hickeys and love bites, marking up your neck. It was his favorite thing to do, as if you were a lollipop, a favorite candy of his. He took the time to worship your body, taking things nice and slow. He slowly removes your shirt, and you began to unbutton his shirt, sliding it down his shoulders and grabbing his hands for a quick moment. He looked at you confused but soon got the memo as you began to take his gloves off with your teeth. "Fuck doll, your so sexy yknow that?" He throws your shirt onto the floor and continued to worship you, you couldn't help but giggle at his words, and he found it adorable. He stopped for a moment to admire your beauty, everything about you.

He cups your face and gives you another kiss, a gentle, loving kiss. It wasn't any normal kiss, but a slow yet passionate one. He gives you a quick peck on the lips and smiles softly, he couldn't get enough of you.

"Baby I'm yours."

[violettavonviolet]

Cedric/Harry fic recs

This is what started my deep dive back into Harry Potter, there are some truly fantastic Cedric/Harry fics. Go show the authors some love!

All fics are completed and the word count goes up as you scroll! If you want to see some recs for a specific ship, just one due an ask or a DM.

whose here (is always worse than naught)

Ellory

Summary:

As Mister Cedric Diggory is spinning them in place to Disapparate, Heiress Harriet Potter can just make out a low, raspy voice saying, “Kill the—”

1k cedric/harry fem!harry

Courtship Rituals

ImpishTubist

Summary:

Cedric starts courting Harry.

Harry, of course, has no idea.

4k cedric/ harry

had you figured out

aroceu

Summary:

In which Professor Sprout definitely has a cannabis garden somewhere in the greenhouses.

This isn't about that, though. This is about how one day Cedric invites Harry Potter to smoke with him and some other Hufflepuffs, and they get through the Triwizard Tournament together.

5k cedric/harry

Nope, Nope, Absolutely Not.

ATiredAndDeadWriter

Summary:

Harry's name shoots out of the Goblet of Fire, but he is determined not to participate no matter what anyone says. If he finds himself a boyfriend along the way, what's the problem?

The Goblet of Fire told in a series of scenes where Harry refuses to participate and Cedric is very confused and very smitten.

5.7k cedric/harry

Why He Said Yes

nagi_blue

Summary:

Original request was: "Harry discovers that his fellow Champion is actually a neurotic ball of insecurities." Unbeta'd, since, well, it's for my usual beta 

rotaryphones. A belated Merry Christmas!

7k cedric/harry

(honey) there is no right way

sincere_lies

Summary:

‘Have you tried everything?’ Hermione asked insistently.

‘Yes! Every time I get to the cup and Cedric doesn’t take it with me I go immediately back to my bed in the morning. But all the times he is with me, he dies and after I fall asleep I return too.’

‘I guess it is obvious then, isn’t it?’ Both Harry and Hermione turned to stare at Ron, who looked at them defensively and shrugged ‘You have to go with Diggory and make sure he survives.’

Harry/Cedric - Groundhog day AU

25k

Paranoia and Puns

You_Light_The_Sky

Summary:

Harry makes three rules to survive fourth year: 1) watch the new DADA professor like a hawk, 2) suspect all animals of being animagi, and 3) avoid Cedric Diggory at all costs. Shame Diggory didn't get the memo. 

For a tumblr prompt by johnlocked-starkid: maybe a Harry/Cedric thing where the Triwizard Cup isn’t a portkey and Voldemort doesn’t happen, and instead they just win together and are happy and celebrate together. (bonus points for shy confessions of a crush from one or the other)

Harry/cedric 25k

 Two Can Play For Hogwarts

ChannelTheFlannel

Summary:

Both Harry and Cedric are chosen as the Hogwarts Champions, which is the first of many things that go awry. When the two become romantically interested in each other, they screw up the Tournament politics.

But that's not the only thing they mess up. Their actions in the Tournament end up spoiling the Dark Lord's plans, preventing his return to the Wizarding World.

Cedric/harry 30k

The Best

say_no_more

Summary:

Cedric demands only the best of himself, and for himself. The best marks in school, the best position on the quidditch team, and the best reputation. When it's time for him to begin dating, he won't settle for less than the best partner, as well.

80k Cedric/harry the best

The Medium Between Life and Death

 NinjaPandaScholar

Summary:

There were very few things in Harry Potter's life that he was certain of. There was one absolute certainty though; he'd felt it in his bones for as long as he could remember. He, Harry Potter, was dead. The living people around him might not believe, but the dead sure did. Oh well, it doesn't impact his life much. Besides, it's nice to get help with his schoolwork from his parents.

250k Cedric/Harry

[emilysslvt]

You're Hotch's daughter and you have a thing for Emily Prentiss. You've been on the team for a couple of years, and you never saw it going anywhere considering your dad was strict and they were best friends.

guys i've never posted on here before LMFAO so bare w me, i gotta figure out how to use this app

---

The BAU team was gathered around at their desks, doing the rest of their paperwork before going home. It wasn't too late, it was just a very long case and everyone was tired.

"Who want's drinks?" Rossi stood near the door of his office, looking down at everyone.

"Only if you're paying." You half joked. He smiled, and your dad came out of his office once he heard drinks.

"Not for you, y/n. You only turned 21 a year ago." He said sternly. Not cool.

Derek laughed, "you're not serious, are you, Hotch?" He didn't answer, but instead he raised his eyebrow. You knew he was serious once he did that.

You rolled your eyes, sick of his bullshit. "Well, I'm still going whether you like it or not."

He made his way down the stairs, Rossi quickly followed him. Everyone grabbed their things, and made their way out the door.

"I'll sneak you some alcohol, don't worry." Emily whispered, leaning over your shoulder. You smelt the perfume she was wearing, it was so intoxicating. Sure, it was a just a small crush at first, but over the years it became more than that.

You smiled, looking back at her. "Ohh, going behind your best friend's back? Risky."

Emily ran her tongue along her bottom lip, pulling it between her teeth, she then smirked. Your eyes followed her tongue, she drove you crazy doing that. "I've thought about it multiple times." Emily shrugged, and she ran off to catch up with the team.

That left your mind wondering on what she meant. Thought about it multiple times how?

"You walk so slow." Garcia grabbed your arm, linking them together. She had gotten the memo of you all going for drinks, and she quickly left her office.

You smiled, leaning your head on her shoulder. "I'm just tired. Also, my dad won't even let me drink. He's so weird about that stuff." You whispered, so your dad wouldn't hear.

Garcia ran her fingers through your hair as you waited for the elevator to open, and you felt Emily's eyes on you.

"I think I deserve one drink, considering I caught the killer. Just saying." You said, lifting your head up. Your dad rolled his eyes.

"One."

You smiled, kissing his cheek. "Thank you, old man." Derek and Emily immediately started laughing, as they find everything funny.

"You're pushing your luck." You felt his eyes burning your skin from the dirty look he gave you. You shrugged, holding back your smile.

Once you got to the bar, you ordered your drinks and sat at a booth. Derek, Penelope, and JJ forced Spence to dance, and Rossi forced Hotch to dance. Leaving Emily and you alone at the table.

You felt awkward, to be honest. With your crush on Emily growing, you couldn't be in a room alone with her without blushing or staring at her. So, you didn't look or talk to her. You focused on your drink, not paying attention to Emily's wandering eyes.

"Something on your mind?" You heard Emily. Not ready for this conversation, you chugged everything in your glass. Faking a smile, you turned to look at her.

"Nope. I'm just tired, it was a long case." You responded. She squinted, trying to read your face. You needed another drink, or better yet, shots. Get's the job done quickly. You smiled again, excusing yourself from the table. You saw your dad looking the other direction, so you made your way to the bar.

"What can I get for you?"

"Cherry cheesecake." You've never had it before, but it had vanilla vodka and it sounded good. He nodded, and he started to make your drink.

As he put it in front of you, you saw Emily sit next to you out of the corner of your eye. You downed the shot, preparing yourself.

"I'll have what she's having." Emily told the bartender. He nodded, and she turned to look at you.

Emily watched you as you took the shot, and she smirked. "Looks like you don't need my help sneaking alcohol."

"Rossi will keep him busy for a bit. Might as well take advantage of it." You responded, putting the glass down. The bartender handed Emily hers, and you ordered another one.

You watched her as she put the glass to her lips, leaning her head back, and how she closed her eyes as she drank it. She looked so fine doing anything, you felt like you were a kid in a candy store every time you looked at her.

Everything she did was intriguing to you. You couldn't keep your eyes off of her, but thankfully the bartender placed your drink in front of you.

"Can I get 4 shots of vodka, and whatever she wants." You said, looking at Emily. She smirked, and ordered shots of tequila.

"And what if Hotch sees how drunk you are once he stops dancing. Or whatever it is he's doing." Emily looked over at him, then back to you. You shrugged, taking the drink he placed in front of you.

After you drank it, you placed it down and turned to look at Emily. "What is he going to do? Ground me?" Emily chuckled, shaking her head.

"No, but probably yell for not listening. You have to admit, he's scary when he yells." Emily replied. The bartender came back with the eight shots, and he placed them in front of you two.

You thanked the man, then grabbed a shot. "I know. One time he caught me sneaking back into the house, and I've never been so scared in my life. The whole neighborhood could hear his yelling." Emily tilted her head as she listened to you talk, and you felt your cheeks heating up.

"He told the team about it, actually. You were what, 17?" She asked, grabbing a shot. You nodded as you took the shot, then whinced at the taste. No matter how much you drank, that first shot of vodka was disgusting.

You quickly took the rest of your shots, wanting to go back to the table before your dad got back. Emily got the memo, and she took hers too.

You watched Emily as she downed the shots, not taking your eyes off of her once. She felt your eyes watching her, and she hated to admit it, but she liked the idea of you fantasizing over her. Emily licked her lips, getting the rest of the alcohol off of them. As she looked up at you, you looked away.

Emily placed her hand on your arm, "you don't have to look away every time I look at you. I think it's cute how much you stare at me." Your mouth slightly dropped, was it that obvious?

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Emily slightly scoffed, rolling her eyes. "It's obvious. Every time I come into the room, you look away or you stare at me until I look at you. You will talk up a storm until I walk in, then you're silent. You blush when I look at you, or compliment you. Shall I go on?"

You bit your lip nervously, not knowing what to say or do. "No, I think I got it." Emily moved her hand from your arm, and she placed it on your upper thigh. She looked over to the team, making sure they weren't looking, then she looked back at you.

"Want to explain to me why you do that? Why you get nervous when I talk? Or why your eyes follow my tongue when I lick my lips?" Emily asked in a low tone.

You looked at her hand as she rubbed your thigh, and you tried to form words. The alcohol hitting you like a truck, and Emily touching you and flirting with you. It felt like a fever dream.

You felt Emily lift your head, "my eyes are up here, y/n." Emily had a smirk plastered onto her face, and her words danced in your mind.

"Sorry.."

Emily ran her thumb along your bottom lip, and she had a mischievous look on her face. You grabbed her hand, pulling her up from her seat, and you dragged her to the bathroom.

Once the door shut, she pushed you against the door. Emily's arm was around your waist, holding you in place, and with her free hand, she pushed your hair out of your face.

You tried to read her face, wondering if she wanted this as much as you did. But your thoughts were cut off once she slammed her lips against yours. You never imagined this would be how your first kiss with Emily would go, but you weren't complaining.

The kiss was everything you dreamed of, it felt like you were high from her touch. Emily ran her tongue along your lip, slightly pushing her tongue into your mouth. You let her take full control of you, as you knew she would win either way.

You felt her hand trail down your stomach, and under your shirt. Her fingers danced along your chest, getting closer to your breasts. You were glad she was holding onto your waist, because you felt your legs lose feeling.

As her hand grazed your nipple through your bra, you slightly moaned against her lips, making her smirk. Emily pulled back, leaving sloppy kisses along your neck. You leaned your head back against the door, and Emily pushed your legs apart with her knee.

Her knee pressed against you where you needed her most, her hands all over you, her sloppy wet kisses along your neck. God you wish she would fuck you, even if it meant in this public, and dirty bathroom.

Your hands found her hair, and you gripped it tightly as she slid her hands under your bra. You pressed yourself against her knee as she pinched your nipples, as you needed more friction.

You couldn't help but let out a moan, but it only made Emily let out a low chuckle against your neck. As you used her knee to pleasure yourself, and her working your breasts, you couldn't help but let out low moans.

You were too focused on Emily that you didn't hear a knock, "are you two in there?" You heard your dad's voice. Emily used one of her hands to cover your mouth, and with the other, she kept pinching your nipple.

"Yes, just had to use the bathroom. We'll be out in a second." Emily responded, keeping her eyes on you. The risk of being caught only turned you on more.

"Ok. Just wanted to make sure you hadn't left." You heard his muffled voice. Once you two heard his footsteps leave, she removed her hand from your mouth.

Emily immediatly slammed her lips back onto yours, and you moaned against her lips. You felt her smile against your lips, but then she stopped touching you, and she moved her knee.

As she pulled away from the kiss, you whined from the loss of contact. "Don't be too disappointed. I want to take you out to dinner before I fuck you senseless, and plus, I'm not going to make you sit on a dirty ass sink."

You smiled, pulling her into another kiss. "It's a date then." You mumbled against her lips.

[gothicthundraog]

RANDOM TALES OF DRAKGO

Chapter 1-5

Random Tales of Drakgo

Chapter 1 Before

Shego slammed her empty glass down in anger, flipping through her magazine again. There she was—a full article mind you—but still as vague as ever for Villains Weekly. She should be flattered but she was furious. They made her sound like she was a group versus a single person, so when she got any job offers and she arrived for the interview, they seemed shocked. She rolled her eyes and groaned. It was a male-dominated field she was in, so would it kill them to at least put words like, 'She' or 'Her' in the article? She supposed they were trying to not make it seem sexist, but it would help her out a lot more if the moment she showed up to meet with a new job, she could avoid all the inappropriate jokes and references.

"Another, Shego?" asked the female bartender at the Villain's Inn. Shego had become a regular, which wasn't Shego's goal.

"Yeah," said Shego with a sigh. "Did you see this crap?"

"Hey, don't complain, at least you're getting recognition. Most hench-women end up turning into 'villain hoppers' just to get a foot into decent villainy. Sure, there're a few villainesses who didn't have to. You're lucky, you are getting your name out there without having to crawl into bed with anyone," said the bartender…what was her name? Lisa…Deena…Mina.. Gina?

"True," said Shego with an eye-roll. "Not that most of the villains I've done a few jobs for haven't tried. The last one was the worst. He acted like it was in my job description. Uh, no, my contract was for one job. Steal some sort of graphite laser out from someone else. Done. End of the mission."

"How long did it take you?" asked the bartender—maybe it was Deena?

"Knowing Shego, an hour, tops," said the male bartender as he brought over clean glasses. Kyle... Conner... They really should wear name tags.

"Half," smirked Shego, then groaned. "You know, you can be a villain without being a creep."

"Someone send them a memo," said…Casey? "So any new contracts?"

"I haven't decided. I was going to look through the want ads and see who tickles my fancy this time," said Shego as she held up the magazine. "I removed my contacts from here. The magazine did do one thing—it got my name buzzing, so now I have choices. Though I am hoping to find one that pays for a room this time. No offense, but this place is an overpriced dump."

"We know," said the two casually, before they attended the other bar patrons as the regulars arrived.

Shego sighed and flipped through the articles, smirking as she saw Dementor's face on the 'Busted' list. Whoever this Kim Possible was, she was taking out villains left and right.

Good for her.

Shego smirked, glad for once it wasn't some Global Justice punk who was poorly trained or Team Impossible—a bunch of showboating guys trying to act like a GI Joe. She looked at the hiring ads.

Housekeeper. Nope. Side-Kick. Nope. Too long term.

Accountant. Yeah, no.

Henchman. Could be something quick.

Jewel Heist. Easy money.

Assistant. No, that means long…wait.

Shego looked at it again. It had short-term and long-term listed. Benefits. Room. Vacation. That implied more than a month, but it said negotiable. She read the short article and shrugged. There was an asterisk by the article, she flipped back through and found herself reading Dementor's article.

"Dr. Drakken?" asked Shego, so that's who she'd had to out-steal under for Dementor. The name sounded familiar; a past article she was sure.

"Did you say Dr. Drakken?" asked…maybe it was Gina. "I hear he's a bit of a contract nut, really over-complicated at times. Conner, didn't Paulson and Wayne work for him?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess he's the mad scientist type, you know. Keeps to himself, kind of a loner, crazy schemes, odd inventions. Though I guess he's got really good healthcare, he's super picky," said Conner as he filled someone's drink. Shego looked at the clock.

"Hmm," she looked at the article again. "Resume?"

"Yeah, he's old school," said Conner, and Shego tapped her nails against the bar in contemplation.

Negotiable?

Chapter 2 Beginnings

Drakken spun his triangle ruler on his workspace for what had felt like hours. He was looking at his new plan to take over the world. Or rather, his revised 22nd plan, but who was counting?

…His last assistant, that's who. He rolled his eyes. Peters, Pauls, whoever… He forgot their name now. Assistant number four was a total bust, and making a robot to do his work hadn't gone over well. He rubbed the scar on his eye—no not well at all. He'd put an ad in Villains Weekly, but the reality was, good help was hard to find. He'd given thought to just hiring a mercenary, but he didn't like the idea of competing with other villains and most mercenaries weren't exactly secret keepers, contract or not. Besides, all the good ones were always booked.

He spun around in his chair. He supposed attempting to get the things he needed on his own wouldn't be the worst thing. In his beginning of villainy, he'd been able to scrape by.

"Yeah, no," he grumbled to himself and grabbed Villains Weekly's new issue and flipped through it. It had all the latest successful schemes and failures. He'd managed to get in the magazine once or twice, mostly just mentions and shade thrown by Dr. Dementor.

Drakken glared at a picture of said villain and grinned. He'd been defeated by some teenager. The humiliation brought a little joy to Drakken.

He flipped to the ads again and stopped as he glanced past the 'Featured Hench' section—yet another mention of the up-and-coming Shego, who got a whole page this time. Drakken glanced over it. This person had more mentions in the magazine than any other mercenary, hired hand, or henchman than most had had in the last year or so. Whoever they were, they were no longer listed in the 'Hiring' group—probably booked for the next few years. He found his own article and re-read it.

Assistant Needed

Looking for a Full-Time Assistant.

Competitive Pay and Benefits.

Looking for general villain assistance; combat, stealth, theft, and general villainy.

Short-term or long-term acceptable; one-year contract required.

Vacation Pay for longer terms.

Negotiable.

Drakken kept reading. Perhaps he should have spent the extra and just made it more detailed. He only had a few more sentences, mostly talking about himself in a briefing and then his contact information to send the resume.

He noticed an asterisk near his name and frowned as he flipped back through the magazine. He growled and closed it. Of course, Dementor had to throw shade at out-swindling him in getting the graphite laser he needed for his latest magnetization plan.

He grumbled. He needed to figure out something else for his hovercraft in the works. He tossed the magazine and looked around his lab. Several unfinished projects lay around, and he'd started looking more and more at Henchco products—speaking of which, he should go get the mail for his latest recipes.

"Something to look forward to, at least. I hope it's banana nut muffins this week. I need a better recipe," said Drakken. He was used to talking to himself or to his tools. Perhaps he should make something that could respond.

As Drakken mused he was even more excited to see he had been sent resumes for two new applicants in the mail. His excitement turned to bitterness rather quickly. Just two henchmen trying to find work, one a former agent of Dementor's. Drakken tossed it in the trash. Dementor would find a way out of lockup and that henchman would most likely run back squawking all the details about Drakken's devices.

He stopped as he came across a package with a signature request. He hadn't ordered anything, and he had a P.O. Box for anything from his mother. And he was not dealing with her with the mood he was in—it was bad enough he spent his Sundays mocking-up fake clients and radio static. He then remembered this week was a theme week for that. He groaned; why had he done this to himself? He could have simply told his mother he was working with orphans or something in a country far away. She wouldn't have known.

He picked up his phone and dialed the number for the package.

"Are you sure this is mine?" asked Drakken as the delivery person handed him a clipboard. A large box sat in his entryway now.

"You're Dr. Drakken? This is your address?" asked the delivery man. Drakken nodded. "Then, yes, it's yours."

"Thank you for your astute observations," glared Drakken as he shoved the clipboard at the man as he left. He turned and looked at the box. "What is it?"

Drakken shrugged and opened it. There was no return address on it, nor any note. He watched as the cardboard fell away and just stared. He felt like this was some sort of joke, or... He was so confused. There stood the graphite laser that Dementor had taken out from under him.

Drakken was a mixture of excited and nervous. This seemed like some sort of trap. What if it was a trick from Dementor or another villain? He walked into his lab and froze at yet another surprise.

They're sitting at his lab table was a woman, her legs crossed and her face looking a mixture of bored and smug. Drakken had a series of questions filter through his head as he stood there. Where did that laser come from? Who's she? How had she gotten in? Is she green? What do I say? His mind ran a mile a minute, and he kept his face as neutral as he could.

"May I help you?" asked Drakken, keeping his distance as he walked around his lab.

"I believe you're looking for help?" asked the woman as she held up a torn-out page of Villains Weekly.

"I am," said Drakken, and he took a few steps closer. The woman was, in fact, a pale green. "Did you send in a resume? How did you get in here?"

"It's kind of my thing," shrugged the woman. She took a drink of his coffee. "Is this Colombian? I think a resume never does a person justice; actions speak louder than words. Did you get my package? First one's always free."

"You... You sent me the laser?" asked Drakken with a raised brow, and she shrugged. "Why?"

"Well I saw Dementor's little statement about it, and he's not using it. Honestly, it was like taking candy from a baby." She shrugged and stood. "That is the graphite laser you need for magnetization, correct?"

"Yes, it is," said Drakken. He wanted to thank her for it, but he was well aware he had to be skeptical of gifts in the villain world. "How much?"

"As I said, the first one's a freebie," said the woman. "After that, I'm rather fond of green."

"I see that," he smirked, as she indicated to herself. "I usually require a paper resume...but, terms?"

"I don't do long term, normally a standard one-month, one-job deal. But depending on the benefits I may be swayed," said the woman.

"Health. Vision. Three paid sick days. One week vacation, depending on term length," said Drakken. He moved around the desk and opened a drawer and pulled out a copy of his standard contract. "In case you care to read it over."

"Always," said the woman. Her eyes were fixed on him as she took it. Drakken noticed her gloves had claws on them.

"Titanium?" he asked, and she smirked. "Combat?"

"Fashion," she grinned in return. Drakken raised his brow, but by her expression, it was a joke.

"Experience?" asked Drakken, and she rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, did you send a resume?"

"You expect me to steal a laser, ship it, break in here, and type up a resume in the five hours the magazine has been out?" asked the woman. Drakken opened his mouth to agree that was a bit much, but she spoke first: "Because I did."

"Really?" asked Drakken as the woman handed him a thin black folder.

"Hope a functional-grade resume is what you are looking for. I find my skills to be more of an attribute than who I may or may not have worked for," said the woman. "Just to make sure we're clear—I have worked for Dementor in the past. Unfortunately for him, he's a leech, and I don't work for pond scum."

"Hmm?" Drakken looked at the woman and then at her resume. He thought about the laser, and then his eyes fell to her name. "Shego? I'd assume someone of your caliber would be booked with mercenary work."

"I'm very picky," said Shego. "Meaning, I choose who I work for. No one calls me."

"How did I get so lucky?" asked Drakken. He was skeptical, but a part of him wanted to re-read that article in Villains Weekly again.

"I happened to be free, you made a post, I had access to a laser," said Shego. She raised a brow. "Also, I hear you're a stickler for contracts. Not many villains are."

"There are guidelines for a reason..." Drakken glared. He'd been getting crap for his contracts for years, but a written contract, unless amended... He shook his head. "Contracts are often ignored nowadays. We are villains, but we are not savages."

"Six months," said Shego after a minute. Drakken raised a brow. "I don't do a year contracts. In fact, it's normally a month. But I would be willing to do six months."

"I suppose I could work something out," said Drakken. He tapped his fingers on his desk where Shego still sat in his chair. "If I could get to my papers, Shego?"

Chapter 3 Awkward

Shego walked around the lair trying to familiarize herself with her new temporary place of employment. The island was isolated and it was a reality that besides the postal boat, she and Dr. Drakken would be the only ones on it for a majority of the time. The place was also massive, with a series of long halls with secret doors and chambers. Typical villain overcompensation; she added to her list for figuring out her new boss.

Shego found herself in the lab as she heard a noise that turned out to be the graphite laser. She watched as Drakken fiddled with it, muttering away to himself. Perhaps he'd forgotten he'd asked her to start today.

"Dr. Drakken?" asked Shego. Drakken dropped the tool he was working with and hit his head as he stood up. Shego covered her mouth to hide the grin.

"What?! Oh, Shego." He looked shocked to see her there, and his apparent anger faded as he rubbed his head. "When did you get in? I said 7 am, it's..."

"6:58," said Shego. She'd been there longer but why bother?

"Oh, so it is," said Drakken. Shego noticed he looked a little uneasy compared to the other day, but he seemed to shake it off. "Have you had a chance to look over the final contract then?"

"Yes, signed and dated," said Shego. She indicated to his desk where she'd dropped it. "For the next six months, I'm all yours."

"Ah, yes," said Drakken. Shego watched him closely. He hadn't made an inappropriate comment. Point to him. "Well we should get you settled then. It shouldn't take long to get the laser polarizing the metal for my hovercraft. I will need a few things yet, though."

"Am I following you?" asked Shego as Drakken drifted out of the lab. He was still muttering to himself. "Guess so."

Shego followed behind him as he seemed to be ticking things off verbally, things he would or wouldn't need she supposed. She wasn't sure this salary-based pay was going to be better or worse than a single job, as he seemed to be saying a long list of things. She walked casually behind him, waiting for him to say something specific to her. She rolled her eyes as he prattled, but said nothing.

"Right, so here you are," said Drakken as he indicated to a door. They had walked to the other side of the lair. "I had it cleaned, so all you have to do is fill it."

"What?" asked Shego, as Drakken messed with the door handle of the room.

"I will have the handle replaced, sorry," said Drakken as he tinkered with it. Shego gestured for him to move and he did so. "I can get—"

"I got it," said Shego and with a small plasma blast the door came loose. "It needs a new knob now."

"Did you...? Well that's rather...fascinating," said Drakken. Shego saw him look at her hand. "Is that natural or induced by a power source?"

"Natural," said Shego with a shrug. Well as natural as it could be. He didn't look terrified like most—something she would have to work on later.

"I'm sure that's very useful," stated Drakken. She noticed his grin, which he quickly shook off and looked in the room. "Well I'll get this changed tonight then, but here you are. Mi casa es tu casa."

"Mi casa su casa," corrected Shego. She smirked, he raised his brow as she looked in the room. "Is this an apartment? In the lair?"

"Yes, it makes commuting far easier and in case of emergency...I find it gives more privacy as well. There is your own entrance and exit too," said Drakken. Shego noticed him shift a little like he was trying to remain on topic or avoid saying something. She frowned. "Is… Is this okay?"

"Depends. Are you a creep?" asked Shego. She gauged his response: shock, confusion, and then an eye roll.

"No," he said firmly. She shrugged and walked inside her new apartment. "Have you run into many?"

"Unfortunately," said Shego as she looked around. The room held a dresser, single bed, television, and lamp; standard.

"I assure you, I have far too many things to do than harass my assistant," said Drakken. Shego smirked and nodded. "Once you get settled, I'll be in the lab."

Drakken made his way back to the lab and let out an audible breath as he relaxed. Or, tried to. Why was he so nervous around her? He hadn't been the other day.

He went back to his laser and rolled his eyes. He knew why. Having a bumbling assistant wandering around was one thing, but she was not an idiot. She was a sought-after mercenary and he'd managed to secure her for six months as his assistant. The last thing he wanted to do was have her think he was a creep and book it, and he wasn't one. Evil megalomaniac, twisted, conceited, and petty at times. He wasn't delusional about being those things, but a creep he was not. He also didn't need that gossip in the villain community. He smirked as his laser began to glow the proper color.

"Finally, took long enough," said Drakken as he twisted the laser spectrum and placed a test metal under it. "Won't be long now and the hover car will be running flawlessly. I do need a couple of parts, but first the metal. How much fuel do I have from the first test? Uhg! None? How, but when? That idiot Piers or Paul or…doesn't matter, he's gone."

"Do you talk to yourself a lot?" came Shego's voice. Drakken spun around. She sat in his chair watching him.

"I find myself to be great company," said Drakken with a shrug. He waited for her to say something, but she only sat back in the chair. "Unpacked already?"

"I travel light," said Shego. "Anything I can assist you with?"

"I'll have to move the hover car closer after I've stabilized the laser, so if you could get the pallet, that would start the process," said Drakken. He indicated to where the pallet sat. "Do you know how to use one?"

"Why wouldn't I?" asked Shego. Drakken saw her brows furrow.

"Well, I ask, because my former henchman and assistants did that," said Drakken, indicating to a large dent in the wall. He watched her un-stiffen. "It's automatic, but it has a kick to it."

"I can handle it," said Shego as she got up and walked over to the area he indicated.

"All right, so let's test this... Oh...okay, that's not good," said Drakken as the piece of metal seemed to vibrate. With a loud shuffling sound, the round test metal flew and connected with his belt. "Oh come on... Nope... Ow. Are you kidding me? This is not what it's supposed to do."

"Where do you... What's happening?" asked Shego as she halted with the hover car on its temporary lift.

"I seemed to have reversed the polarization on the laser," said Drakken. He attempted yet again to remove the large circular plate.

"Have you tried clipping your belt off?" asked Shego, tilting her head as she walked over to him.

"Can't reach it at this angle. Shego can you turn that laser head and switch the knob to yellow? I'll just have to neutralize it," said Drakken. He saw Shego's eyes go wide. "What?"

"You're going to have me fire a laser at your crotch? Is this some sort kink or something?" asked Shego. Drakken froze in horror. "I mean, it's not the first time I've come across it, but most slide this in at the end of my contract terms...except that one time."

"No, this is not—what?" asked Drakken. He had a serious concern about other members of the villain community at that moment. "I just want this thing off of me so I can finish working."

"Just checking. At least you don't have to go to the bathroom," said Shego as she fiddled with the laser.

"...Why?" asked Drakken. The mere mention of not having to go made him remember the four coffees he'd had that morning.

"Hmm, this isn't going to work," said Shego, flipping the switch up and down. "The toggle is broken."

"Oh, just great," scoffed Drakken. He went to kick a nearby stool but found his leg could only move so far with the plate.

"Calm down," said Shego. "I'll get your belt. You know I usually charge extra for this."

"Excuse me?" asked Drakken. He felt a wave of discomfort hit him.

"I'm kidding." He rolled his eyes as her hands reached around him from behind. "So does it latch or clip?"

"Both," said Drakken. He grabbed the plate. "If you can clip the top and bottom, I can pull this and it will let go."

"Uhm hmm," said Shego. She was attempting not to touch him, but if anyone walked in it would look like she was hugging him from behind. "Hey Dr. Drakken? Fact. I have gold in my claws."

"Why is that... Your claws are titanium with infused gold? So they're magnetic and you're stuck then," asked Drakken taking a deep breath. "May I ask why?"

"I liked the sheen and they were out of diamonds," said Shego with a sigh. "So, how fond of this belt are you?"

"Not too much, but I'd rather we'd fired the laser than you using your nifty powers near my lower half," said Drakken. He knew that was what she was going to do because her shoulders slumped. "Can your gloves come off?"

"Can you pull the release switch for them? It's under the flap of the sleeve," said Shego. Drakken looked down and began fiddling with her wrist armor. "Hey Dr. Drakken?"

"Yes?" asked Drakken, as he felt the clip on her wrist.

"This is awkward," said Shego.

"I agree," said Drakken. He felt shaking. "Shego? Are you...are you laughing?"

"No," but she was.

"I'm glad you find this funny," Drakken grumbled, but he smirked a little.

"Is this going to be a normal day around here?" asked Shego.

"I hope not."

Chapter 4

Observations

Shego walked through the large shared kitchen of the lair. It was late—really late. But tomorrow was Saturday.

Officially her second week with Dr. Drakken was over and she didn't have to work till Monday morning. Apparently, they would be initiating his new device or something. Something about a tick or whatnot. She rolled her eyes. She'd just stolen the plans, she didn't ask why or how it would take over the world. She was sure he'd shared it when he was ranting and muttering to himself.

She looked in the fridge. Not a single thing quick she could pilfer.

He hadn't said anything about food to her and she'd yet to have time to do shopping. That was a lie, she had loads of time. Most of her time was spent sitting around, and watching him work. A few errands here, steal a plan there, jack a circuit, and run to the hardware store for bolts. She shrugged. This assistant work was cake honestly, but a little lackluster.

She opened the freezer and smirked. Frozen yogurt galore. She yanked one out and grabbed a spoon, debating on heading back to her apartment before sitting at the small table instead. On her way there she hadn't seen Drakken in his lab working. So she expected he might be sleeping, for once.

"About time," she muttered to herself.

She honestly didn't know when he slept. When she left he was in the lab every night and when she got there in the morning he was already working on his projects. He was definitely unusual, even for a Mad Scientist or Evil Genius as he claimed. She'd only worked for two others who were labeled like that in the villain world, but they were both weird in their own ways: overly chatty, uncomfortable talking to her, no boundaries for personal space, and normally much...much older.

Drakken was chatty, but mostly to himself. On the off chance he remembered Shego was there, he'd get quiet and mostly mumble. He had no problem barking orders at her or giving her lists of things to do, and occasionally he tried to make a joke about something she had no idea about. He seemed pretty aware of boundaries. In fact if she got too close, he'd take a step or two back.

She realized he kept to himself more than seemed typical. Most villains at least went out and socialized—that's how she had met most of her early clients. Villain parties, clubs, lounges, social events... In two weeks, she'd yet to see him leave the lab let alone the lair. And she noticed that he tended to forget the days, like today. When she said she would see him Monday, he looked confused and then looked like he wanted to say something, but nodded and went back to the...nano-tick thing.

She rolled her eyes and ate her frozen yogurt. She heard the sound of a wave runner from outside.

"It's three in the morning," muttered Shego as she left the kitchen and went to the large balcony on the side of the lair.

In the moonlight she could in fact see the light of a wave runner headed towards the lair. Her brow rose and she put down her frozen yogurt. She was glad she opted to stay in her normal attire when walking around the lair outside her apartment; it felt too casual and uncomfortable otherwise. It was part of her job description to be a bodyguard when needed, so off for the weekend or not, if she wanted to get paid...she needed Dr. Drakken to be alive.

She wondered then...apart from Dementor, did Drakken have any other villain rivals? Most villains did, but only a handful were actually plotting each other's deaths—something she herself was not going to partake in. That's what henchmen were for.

She scaled the side of the cliff with ease, getting close to where the wave runner pulled into a tunnel to the inside of the lair. She didn't know there was an entrance there, and she followed.

She made it just for the door to close in front of her. Now she was a little annoyed that Drakken hadn't told her about this entrance; she'd had to take the stairs, and frankly, they were tedious.

It wasn't hard to figure out it was her boss on the wave runner, so she casually walked the rest of the way as she saw him getting off of it. He was muttering to himself as he did so, seemingly in a pleasant mood. She walked up behind him as he began taking bags off the watercraft, still humming away with delight.

"Do you like piña coladas?" asked Shego as she recognized the song. Drakken yelled and jumped, his apparent purchases flying out of his hands. Shego caught a few things before they fell.

"Shego! What...what are you doing up? Doing here? Why?" asked Drakken as he caught the rest of his almost-falling bags. "I mean, don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I didn't know there was a ground entrance," said Shego, deciding to ignore his anger as she gestured to the door.

"It's on the cameras," sighed Drakken. He took a deep breath and began walking up the stairs, then turned noticing Shego wasn't by him. "Are you coming?"

"There are cameras?" asked Shego, a little agitated and a little annoyed.

"...I forgot to show you that," said Drakken. He nodded. "Monday morning, first thing."

"You went grocery shopping in the middle of the night?" asked Shego, walking up the stairs behind him.

"No, I went shopping earlier. I went out in the middle of the night," said Drakken. He gave Shego a strange look. "You know I've yet to see you leave apart from missions. You should get out more."

Shego shook her head in shock as Drakken shrugged and walked up the stairs casually. I need to go out? Her last two weeks played back in her head. Had she pegged Drakken wrong? Did he have a social life? Was he playing her? Where had he gone? He didn't smell like alcohol, so clubbing hadn't happened. His clothes weren't a mess; a little wet from the wave runner, but that meant no casual evenings with someone. She was both intrigued and confused.

"I will figure you out," said Shego with a smirk, "Dr. Drakken."

Chapter 5

Music

Drakken drove the hover car in deep silence. This was not supposed to be how the day ended, and honestly, he felt like he had embarrassed himself in front of Shego. They'd only been working together for three weeks now, and their first big plan had been foiled by a teenage cheerleader and her bumbling sidekick, who apparently couldn't even remember the name 'Dr. Drakken.' He glared at that even harder. How hard was it to remember that? He knew their names: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable. Well, two could play at the game, Stoppable...

His thoughts fell flat as Shego shifted awkwardly in the seat to his left. Maybe putting the steering column in the middle wasn't the best idea, but it was the only way they could keep the craft balanced.

"So, that didn't go as planned," said Drakken. Shego's eyes flared and she nodded as she looked over the edge. "How's your eye?"

"I'm fine," said Shego as her hand reached for her eye.

"You..." Drakken was cut off.

"You don't have to fill this awkward silence with chatter," said Shego. Drakken nodded.

He drove on. It was probably one of the most awkward drives of his life. He wanted to get to know her a bit better considering they resided in the same lair; her apartment was on the other end of the living quarters, but they would be working together for six months. Six awkward months. They were strangers, and she seemed hell-bent on keeping it that way. At least the distance between him and his past assistants had been from his end. More often than not, they shared far too much about their lives with him. So much so, he'd banned them from the lab. Something was unsettling about living with a stranger, working with a stranger... He was starting to see why she only did one-month contracts. She seemed to not like company at all.

"Mind if I turn on some music?" asked Drakken. He was being courteous. She shrugged.

"Knock yourself out," said Shego through a grumble.

"Thank you," he said and turned on the radio.

Shego idly watched the landscape as Drakken bumbled with the radio. What had she been thinking... A six-month contract? Really? Just because he didn't come off as a creep... She glanced at him and shrugged.

At least he wasn't a creep.

Too many villains had turned out to be just that: over-egotistical, dramatic, creeps. She could live with egos, with drama, with whiny demands, and with full-blown temper tantrums...but she couldn't deal with creeps. It was hard enough being in a male-dominated field. Your boss making sexual advances and suggestions was not something she could tolerate. She kept her distance for that reason. No ties, no connections. Job done. Gone. She heard music and sighed. At least the radio was working. She found her foot tapping to the beat; she knew this song. She was almost going to hum along, but instead, she heard the music go up a bit more, and then the person next to her began singing.

"It's my life. And it's now or never..." Drakken sang along as if he'd forgotten she was even there. Normal, really.

She looked at her blue boss next to her, singing without a care in the world to Bon Jovi. She was waiting for him to remember she was there, so she turned. He glanced at her in mid-verse. Her raised brow did nothing to discourage him. In fact, he shrugged and nodded to her still-moving foot, as if indicating that she should join in. Shego shook her head and looked back over the edge. He sang on, and she just stayed silent. The next song came and she thought he'd stop, but he sang on... Her brow shot up. Was he rapping? She spun in her seat and just stared at him.

"We ain't nothing but mammals, well some of us are cannibals…" he sang.

"Are you seriously singing Slim Shady?" asked Shego as Drakken continued the verse.

"It's not singing Shego, it's poetry to a beat and tempo," he said before continuing on. "Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records..."

"This is happening," said Shego. She heard herself snort, and didn't miss the smug grin on Drakken's face. The signal changed.

"Oh," said Drakken and he fiddled with the buttons. A different song started. "Well, this will work... "This is the story of a girl. Who cried a river and drowned the whole world…"

"You know, you're actually pretty good," said Shego. Drakken shrugged and kept singing. He nodded towards her tapping foot again.

"Your clothes never wear as well the next day. And your hair never falls in quite the same way…" he sang confidently. Shego listened a little bit more and found herself muttering.

"This is the story of a girl…" Shego sang quietly.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" asked Drakken. Shego glared at him but he sang louder.

"Who cried a river and drowned the whole world," said Shego loudly, "And while she looks so sad in photographs. I absolutely love her, where she smiles."

Twenty minutes later and Shego could barely keep it together as Drakken finished singing a Backstreet Boys song with as much dedication as a band member. She'd been on board for half the song, but her fighting laughter had gotten in the way of continuing to sing along with the radio. At one point two songs had blended and in a moment of weakness she sang the other song, and he matched tempo. She was actually a little let down as they pulled into the underground of the lair.

"You know Shego, you should consider going to a Friday night karaoke with me," said Drakken. "It's a blast, and there's always free appetizers."

"Karaoke," said Shego. She looked at the grinning man next to her and scoffed. "That's where you go? You go to karaoke."

"Ohm, when I get around to it," said Drakken. She saw his smile fade quickly and he frowned. "Not every Friday or something."

"I'm not the karaoke type," said Shego with a shrug.

"Nonsense, Shego. Everyone can karaoke. Some shouldn't...but they do. Karaoke on Friday is not a competition," said Drakken with a smirk. As the moment drew on, his grin broadened. "But I would win if it was."

"Someone's a little conceited," said Shego with a smirk. She shrugged. "Maybe."

"Free appetizer, entertainment, half-off drinks," said Drakken. She shrugged again. "You're a decent singer so..."

"Decent?" asked Shego with wide eyes. "I think I'm better than decent."

"I mean, you're better than most there," said Drakken. She saw him smirk as they headed inside. "But not me."

"Did you just throw shade?" asked Shego as Drakken casually walked into the lair. He turned around and shrugged.

"Slim shade..." He walked out of view.

"Oh my..." Shego scoffed and smirked. "Okay, I see how it's going to be."

TO BE CONTINUED (Link above For More While Waiting to Post the others here on Tumblr)

[anna-thesimp]

My Love is Mine All Mine : 1 : New Job

"Wow you actually made it to the interview," a guys deep voice fills the room, he was the new boss for Rody who had been fired not that long ago. This was his 27-28 job now, he wasn't even sure anymore.

"Yeah I thought it be the best," Rody's hair was messy, his clothes were untidy and he didn't even tie his tie. From this, his boss was annoyed and continued on the interview.

"Well from your resumé, you know how to do your job which is good. Now I'm Vincent Charabonneau the owner of this bistro, i'm very strict on who I hired, so be greatful that I am giving you a chance to work here. Now remember take customer orders, get them to the chiefs, they'll cook it and Sever it back to the coustmers. Some coustmers well Expected faster service so they'll leave and might leave you with a dead plate," Vincent looks disgusted when talking about a dead plate.

"Thats good food gone to waste, but they still will have to pay for what they ate. So unless you have a person that has the same order as the dead plate, its gone to waste," Rody understood about 30% of what Vincent Just said but still looked like he got the memo.

"We're opening soon so be prepared, if you need me i'll be in the back," Vincent starts walking into the kitchen when Rody's voice stops him.

"Wait I have a question!" his hand Shot up in the air like he was im preschool.

"What is it?"

"So the coustmers don't exactly choose what they want, If I heard that right?"

"Thats correct our menu changes each day with a strict meal Choice, anymore questions?"

"Nope! I'm good now!" Rody smile brightly while Vincent rolled his eyes and walked away.

For Rody's frist day he did a great job not losing a coustmer and earn a great amount! Thought it was tiring to say the least, after the bistro closed up he biked home and changed into different clothes. His Apartment was messy when he got home..and thats the normal. His apartment messy as 4 of my cousins (no joke). Dishes haven't been done, toliled over flooded, music sheets everywhere, the stove look burnt ans Rody though back when he made cereal, he's not gonna do that again.

He picks up the phone like always and called her she didn't answer. He got bored and looks at his magazine, ended up getting bored after a while and slept on the couch.

Meanwhile Vince's mind was going crazy as he thought about today, this cheerful guy came to take the waiter job and he was good. But that smile was just in his head he couldn't sleep without thinking about his smile.

Vince ended up going to bed early. Rody's smile play in his head like a broken record player and when Vince fell asleep. A smile crawled up his face.

______

Thank you all for choosing this Plot i hope you like this story

[twst-drabbles]

Trapped in a Fish's Eye 3

Summary: Floyd hunts down a student that had a sandwich in his hand. A sandwich that wasn't prepared by the hands of Azul, Jade or Floyd.

(Ah, good ol cannibalism. It was bound to come about sooner or later. Had to keep from the laptop yesterday. The internet was simply not having it. Anyways, here's Floyd. He's being real mean here.)

"Oh? Haha. Caught another one," Floyd casually said after breaking down a door with a reckless kick, as though this was all just happenstance and not a hunt. "I told you. You can't eat that."

Floyd leaned in real close and whispered to the student who shoved himself into a corner. He grabbed his head to keep him from doing any funny business and swiped the sandwich. Floyd let go of the student, but he continued to shiver.

Oh look, he's starting to cry. His poor belly must be aching so much. Oh well.

Floyd stood up and flipped the sandwich this way and that. He opened it and took a good whiff of the red meat inside.

Floyd grinned, "Yup, that's not a sandwich any of us would make. Looks like it though, I'll give the cook that. Though…"

Floyd slammed his heel into the plaster right next to the student's head. He yelped and curled further inward, like he was some innocent fish that didn't do anything wrong.

"You heard the rules, didn't ya?" Floyd drawled out, "Don't take food that wasn't made by Azul, Jade or me! So why did you have something that clearly wasn't given to you by any of us? Huh?"

"…" The student gulped but said nothing.

Floyd grabbed his hair and pulled him up. "Hmm? Come on. You can tell me. And I promise I won't squeeze you that tightly, alright?"

The student writhed and trembled, but ultimately opened his mouth. "…I was… I was hungry." His voiced ended with a whine.

The food rations had to be cut down significantly to only what is absolutely needed. Floyd didn't like that, neither did Jade or Azul, but this was this and that was that. Nobody had any clue how long they're going to be trapped in this dorm and as much as Floyd wanted to do the same thing and eat whatever he sees, your word is basically law around here.

Floyd was running on empty and all that chasing, while fun, only reminded him that he too was hungry as well. But at least he wasn't a whiner about it.

"Yeah, so?" Floyd let go, already feeling gross from touching this student, "Didn't you get the memo? We have no meats."

No fish, no chicken or anything of the like. It all spoiled quickly. Too quickly.

"And that sandwich had some," Floyd didn't let the food go. If he did, he's more than sure that this student would dive in and swallow it in one gulp, "So you gotta ask yourself, where did this meat come from? Are you really going to eat some mystery meat just because you're a little hungry?"

"But… but does it matter? I just-"

"Nope. I hate that answer. Shut up." Floyd meant to tap the student's chin but accidentally kick it instead. "Whoops. Oh well."

The weak student was thrown to the floor. He snorted and sniffed then started a whiny weep.

"Floyd," And Jade walked in at just the right time, as though he wasn't lingering around the doorway, watching it all go down. Of course Floyd would notice him. Everything is getting on Floyd's nerves. "You shouldn't be so rough on the little and weak. You might very well break him."

"I'm not trying to break him," Floyd sighed everything out and leaned against the nearest wall. Ah, he's done being angry and annoyed. "It's not my fault he didn't weigh much."

Floyd wants to give a nickname, but he gave up on that too. No point anyway. This student isn't all that interesting. Has the sort of face and voice that blends with everyone else.

"So, what are you here for, Jade?"

"Hmm? Oh!" Jade pretended to be forgetful, but his smile was weird. Out of place, almost. And he wouldn't keep his eyes off the sandwich in Floyd's hand. "Here, a plastic bag. You might want to put that… lunch in there."

"Hmm, why? Is it meat infected or something?" It's mystery meat, Floyd knows that, so it's probably infected. But still, he wanted to probe.

Only then did Jade's smile truly became stuff, like he had something nasty resting on his tongue. "It could be, but that's not the concern. Azul and I have a… theory, of sorts, that this meat might actually belong to someone."

"What? Like they were hiding a packet in their jacket or something?" Floyd joked, if only to annoy Jade, needle at him. He likes doing that, spouting out dumb things just to frustrate his brother.

Floyd's knew. Suspected it from the start, really. But Azul and Jade weren't the kind to follow their instincts. No, they gotta test it out. Make sure it's actually true before even hinting that had something.

Anyways, Jade took the bait. He was right back to his polite, smiling self and even laughed into his hand. "Don't be silly Floyd. That meat was part of a person. It's one thing for us to eat the rest of our potential siblings. We were thoughtless babes, after all. It's another to butcher someone you've once known as a fellow colleague and prepare them as afternoon lunch."

What was Jade thinking, trying to word himself carefully around Floyd?

Floyd knocked against the wall, casting his gaze to the student that has went completely silent. He was biting his knuckles, completely and utterly stiff. Was he horrified? Probably.

"You heard that?" Floyd said, "That was someone you were about to eat. Might want to be careful of your choices next time, 'kay? Otherwise, I'll squeeze ya."

Now Floyd can leave this kid be and go on hunting for the others. Well, that's if they haven't eaten them yet.

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #389

BBS & Frouse Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 9 ]

SMII7Y

Now we have to figure out how to detonate it.

I might save that one for later.

Oh, there's a tool right there, kay, we're gonna try to grab it.

I see my opportunity now.

I was just gonna to shoot this, but now this makes more sense.

He's distracted, I have no idea what's happening.

Nope, it was definitely me.

Oh God, this door's locked.

We're gonna hope he's not going to lock on us.

He's not acting like he knows, but he definitely knows.

Oh God, hide in the trees.

We're gonna make the run for it.

Oh boy, we're not good, got greedy, shouldn't have gone for that.

He's literally destroying everything.

How did I destroy this last time?

What, is it invincible now?

Is there a car I can use, perhaps?

Alright, we're swimming.

You don't even have to tell me twice.

Let's see if it's worth destroying.

MOO

I don't want to do this.

We obviously have to make Pride.

It's anyone's guess.

We're back in the real world.

I can't even see what's going on.

You ain't never going to find me!

I'm not getting caught in there again.

I know, but there's only five seconds.

Oh, that was close.

Okay, so I missed a chair.

SOUP

If I want a crowbar? Hell yeah.

I ran myself over with the bike.

You guys want to hear my leaf blower?

Do you want to hear it on turbo mode?

So demanding.

My friend, I don't know.

I don't want to play this game, I don't like this game!

That's the Canadian in you coming out, you're being too kind.

You look sexy…I didn't get the bald memo.

The horse fucking killed me. 

H2ODELIRIOUS

I didn’t know you had that option!

It’s the only way you’re going to survive!

We’re dead, there was more than one.

I’m coming down, don’t worry.

Yeah, what are we doing?

I don't know what the fuck I am, fuck you guys!

They shot two of them and missed.

Someone come up here, I need backup.

I'm gonna toss a bucket in the closet.

Were you guys lying?

BYZE

No one man should have this power!

I know it does.

I did everything I could to get it away from me.

No, my artwork!

What's going on down there?

I found a thing.

I'm struggling with the input delay.

I can't control my frog legs.

Let me go, I'm one of you.

There's no way to fight it.

LEGIQN

I just jumped off the edge.

That's the worst play of all time.

Hey, are we inside each other?

He's playing the long game.

I need you to shut the fuck up.

Oh no, you did not just do that.

That's an upper decker.

Even though you're close to it.

Do you see where I'm at?

I don't know how I got there or why we can't now.

KRYOZ

Well, you know, that's what progression looks like.

Bro, just shoot it until you can't shoot it anymore.

I mean, I do hate you, as my boss, you do suck.

Okay, just let it spin.

Yeah, it sounded like mechanical failure.

Did that make any sense there?

Are we that dizzy right now?

It'd be so much less fun.

I'm part of the amusement ride, you have to turn it back on if you want me to go.

I can be here all day.

MS VIXEN

What are you doing, are you scared?

Is everyone alive?

He's dead!

We're so fucked.

Oh Lord, that means I'm gonna die.

Bitch, come out, I need to take your picture.

I took…the Goddamn picture, okay, let me out.

I hate you guys, uh-ah, I took a fucking picture.

Oh, I got it, motherfuckers, suck my dick!

Doesn't matter, motherfucker, that is three stars.

GRIZZY

You just have a shotgun pointed to your head.

Let it go, it was three years ago.

Is there only one take…and you failed it.

I see you like to do your own stunts.

That wasn't a flip.

I heard that giggle, bitch.

I like mine better.

He spent five hundred dollars on a dildo, yeah, I fucking believe it.

This is bullying.

I didn't see anything.

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

BEN Drowned with mysterious urban legend S/O. Despite he’s a creepy pasta, BEN curiously going to explore mysterious places search for S/O. 🪽

I can only imagine that this would lead to the sweetest relationship dynamic!

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben x Urban legend!Reader

Life with you is quite interesting

Ben's met quite a few cryptids in his life (or rather, death?)

But when he got in a relationship with you, his interest was piqued even more

Whenever he wakes up, you are almost always gone

Where, you ask?

Well, one of your hiding places of course!

Wether that be deep into the woods, in an old abandoned building, or even if you had slender build something for you, you spend most of your time hiding and waiting to spook curious kids

And this morning was no dfferent

BEN decided to actually sleep last night, leaving you awake and bored

So he packs a small bag with his nintendo switch, some doritos, his phone, and a can of coke

All of the essentials

And he's off, searching for you in your usual spots

You're not in your favorite tunnel, but he spots some new graffiti and takes some pictures of himself by it

You aren't at the old run down carnival, but after searching all of the rides he gets bored and plays on his switch for a while

And then the last place he checks is the old schoolhouse that's near the city in the overworld and of course, that is where you are

He sees you there, sitting on the teacher's desk faced away from the door, humming to yourself and playing with your hair

He closes the door and this causes you to stop humming and freeze completely

BEN stands there for a moment, awaiting your response

Your response is to twirl your head around 180 degrees with your face morphed and stretched into an ungodly creature

When you realize that it's BEN, your face returns to normal and you rotate the rest of your body to face him

BEN, completely unfazed, walks towards you with a smile "scaring little kids again, babe?"

You smile and begin playing with your hair again "no, i think I've scared them all off from this particular spot...i thought maybe i got lucky and someone didn't get the memo"

He jumps up onto the desk and sits with you "nope. Just me. But you can scare me all you want" he says with a grin

"You're a ghost though" you point out "anything i do to try and scare you you can also do!"

He laughs "well, i can pretend to be scared if it would please you" he says before kissing your nose and pulling the doritos out of his bag

"Gonna go anywhere else today?" He asks, mouth full of chips

"Well, i was going to go into that old tunnel..."

"Oh, i was just there! I'll follow you, and this time i promise I'll be sneaky" he says, now swallowing the chips and shoving another handful into his mouth

You giggle softly at the memory of last time you had brought your boyfriend along with you on one of your haunts

You had almost had a group of curious teens lured right into your palm, ready to scare them when all of a sudden, BEN loses his match of mario cart and yells out "stupid cock sucking mother fucker!"

That was enough to convince the teens that nothing spooky was actually in here, and that it was likely just a hangout spot

After you come back to the current moment you look at him with a smile "well....only if you promise"

[fea-resources]

Unhinged Game Commentary As RP Starts Pt.5

Time for Dick Shots.

_____ is just a butt. He's a butt.

WE AREN'T DOING THIS HERE.

Are you two talking smack about me just cuz I can't understand ________?

What else are foreign languages good for? Just ask _______.

A lot of shit happened. A LOT of shit.

Its _______. A much happier ________. Also a much taller ________.

RIP ________. Wait. I better not say that.

As soon as that tank pops up I'm just gonna be "Nope, not gonna do this guys, not today."

NOT TODAY.

Not in the stars.

I love this area... up until Furry McFuckGoat.

Who is Furry McFuckGoat?

You'll find out who Furry McFuckGoat is.

You're in for a good time.

Wow, this ice water is so pretty, just... ROLL IN IT. It's just so pretty.

I'm the reason _______ dies guys cuz I gave him hypothermia.

How the fuck--

OH JESUS.

Y'know its a good thing none of these icicles have come off and fallen cuz otherwise you'd get skewered all to hell.

There it is, I KNEW it.

Across. Across?

ITS NOT ACROSS.

I Tarzan'd my ass right down the chasm.

Was that Furry McFuckgoat?

They're coming. Soon.

o h g o d.

*sings* More water that's cold as Hell~ HYPOTHERMIA~!!

HEEEEY. THERE THEY ARE.

Nope. Stay away from me. I don't wanna get hit.

OH GOD NO JESUS--

*sings* Get the Hell away from meee--*squeals* NO.

Oh dear lord-- I GOT STUCK.

DIE. PLEASE DIE.

MEMO TO ME. MEMO TO ME. DO NOT GO INTO THAT CORNER.

AH--

SWEET JESUS CHRIST.

*gasps* you'RE A DIIICK.

ANGERY GOAT MAN.

OOoooh my god. My chest hurts. From the panicking.

SO ANGERY GOAT PEOPLE.

We can look at how weird they are-- ...okay, I'm gonna look at how weird they are by myself then.

Guess we're gonna meet the whitewalkers, guys.

...'til you died to dead.

What if the ________ had like secret vaults or whatever that were insanely complicated to get into like this?

Nah he got them magnificent rabbit legs. He Jomp.

________, its time for you to learn an important lesson on being a ______: Hardcore Parkour.

Today is the day you learn to fly, boi. Go.

"Learn how to fly, boi." Wow, is this Lord of the Rings?

WOOOW okay, I don't know how that happened but I'm gonna take it.

RIP _________. May he forever grace the afterlife with his vibrating.

Yeah, there's the fun way out of here.

Furry McFuckGoat brought his friends.

Yank that motherfucker!

JEEESUS WHERE THE SHIT-- WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM.

I-- somehow avoided that.

Theeey'rre heeerrreee. Angery goat people.

Death by Dickshot.

You missed Furry McFuckGoat, but not the ________.

Tanks for the heads up~ *wink wink*

Wanna know what I did all day today? Too bad because I'm gonna tell you anyway.

HQ to ______ -- HQ to _______ -- we have lost contact.

You're not fancy.

Fucking twirl!

Took that like a champ!

FuCK. I dropped the gun that I didn't want to drop.

Wow, you had to throw the gun that way?

Are you dead?

Peek your head out. I'm pretty sure you're still alive.

FUCKING EAT IT, SHITHEAD.

Wow, that was a fucking wake-up call.

NO, BYE, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ALIVE.

Thanks for the grenade, I need it a lot more than you.

OVERSHOT IT, but whatever, so long as you die. Byye.

Are those bullets? yeeeah. Are those grenades? YEEEAAAAH.

WHO-- WHAT--

NO, YOU SEE THIS SHIT THROUGH TO THE END.

ZIG ZAG.

Oh... I don't like that metal on metal sound.

I think that was a kidney shot, I'm not 100% sure.

Oblivion. You're going to oblivion.

Wrong game.

ROLL. ROLL A LOT.

God damn, I do not appreciate being shot at.

Come on, I would think RPG is fucking universal language! do you have an RPG?!

Watching ______ shoot people is like watching them play duck hunt. (Insert annoying dog laughter at every miss)

Was that overkill? Maybe. Do I care? No.

AAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

ZIG ZAG TIME.

FHAAAK MY LIFE YOU ASSHLE.

Its a tank, how scary can a cow on wheels be?

Hijack it. Hijack it and conquer your fears.

He went places.

RPG? PLEASE? RPG. GUYS.

RPG! NOPE. Its mine now.

Yoink.

Dramatic ass death. Clutching his chest as if he just got dumped by his baby blue.

Nice shooting, Tex.

Okay, he died. That's great.

Gottarun gottarun gottarun gottarun gottarun.

Its only death, _______, walk it off.

Oh, wanna know what I learned about myself yesterday? Too bad again because I'mma tell you anyway -- again.

How to kill an edgyboi trying to be an asshole in less than 3 seconds -- not take his insult as an insult.

OO-- AA--

We were beginning to think the 8 year old went feral and ate you.

Hey you never know. He might just do it one day. Children are statistically more likely to eat you than an adult.

Children are scary things.

I can believe it.

The entire time they were eating your fucking organs everyone else would be saying "AWWWW SO CUTE".

C A R N A G E.

Married people are wild, man.

I DON'T KNOW IF I WANNA DO THIS TODAY, I mean... first the tank, and then the cars, although the cars... I just... fucked them up. Just fucked them up, right off a cliff.

The couch is trying to eat me.

Oops-- YOU DIDN'T SEE /SHIT/.

Just threw ______ off the side of the cliff.

Took him out Achilles style.

Dodged that by the hair of your balls.

Let me see if I can... shove you... BYYYEEE.

I'm a vindictive bitch.

Bury him in the abyss.

Sounds like an old lady farting.

Goodbye to your legs.

Peek a boo with guns.

I would really appreciate it if someone would give me a grenade.

Man, he's rolling over there trying to be fancy. You're not fancy.

WOOOO, MAN, SHIT, FUCK.

You trying to gunslinger me? Heeellno.

Fancy feet.

Don't be like fancy feet, be an elite.

WHY ARE YOU ALL SO CLOSE TO ME.

No, stay your asses on that side of the bridge.

Stop giving me heart attacks over here, I don't need them.

Man, let me tell you, I would'a ended up throwing that up and I would've ended up throwing it behind me.

Did we say rope? We meant hope, as in an intangible thing that doesn't exist.

That went dark.

Not nearly as dark as my outlook on life. Or as dark as my prospects of a future. But who needs tomorrow?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO THROW MY GRENADE, WHAT.

There it go. Nyoom.

The void appreciates your contribution.

I'M STILL SO MAD ABOUT THE FUCKING GRENADE.

Look at them flappy flags -- how they so flappy? It cold as fuck.

Subtle? What's that. I don't know what that is. Not now, not ever.

The only thing subtle here is your ability to shoot everyone in the goddamn dick without even trying.

LISTEN, leave-- leave my aim out of this.

I will leave your aim out of this when you stop handing out dick shots like Halloween candy.

I believe I can flyyyyy.

Launch backwards.

Come here guy. Come hereee.

Bye. Jackass.

Maybe I should keep the SASS.

"______ you were supposed to be subtle." There was nothing subtle about this shit.

There was no reason for the yoink.

Drop down ______, Jesus, why did you have to be ExTRA.

Unfortunate. My jokes will be less appreciated due to ill timing now. Truly a tragedy in three parts. 

Everyone named ______ is Extra.

Today you taught that man an important lesson... a lesson in flight and physics. And that lesson is that people can't fly.

Well I shot him in the dick and it might've been just a little too on-point.

Long Time No Fuck My Life.

hSSSSSSSSSS.

It didn't let me-- crap that time.

SHOVE THEIR CORPSES INTO THE ABYSS. AS VENGEANCE. THEIR SOULS CANNOT ASCEND. LET THE VOID CONSUME THEM.

You jinxed it.

I hate you for having that fucking good aim.

If I heard that in my last seconds of life, I would resurrect just long enough to kick them in the balls so goddamn hard they'd invert into a Y and never return to normal.

Mmmm gratuitous ass shot.

Where is the dragon sniper because I really, really, really would like to have it right now.

I wouldn't mind getting shot by you in real life as long as I got to hear some of this quality commentary before dying.

I think ______'s just a lil bitch and died of a splinter. Can take a hole in the liver but not a splinter. Anything but a splinter.

You said no -- but mommy said yes.

Better not-- Better fucking not!! ...Okay.

WHY IS THE BRIDGE JUST NOW BREAKING.

PLOT INCONVENIENCE.

Come on _______, squirrel your fucking way up there.

The amount of splinters...

Them pants are tighter than they are thicc.

YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING YOU NEED A GRENADE, BUT WHEN THEY OFFER IT YOU'RE LIKE "Naaaaah".

(blu q. kazoo voice) SUSPICIOUUUUUSSS.

Hey ______... what brings you here... behind this crate?

That gasp of realization was the best.

No, that "FRUCK" was the best.

Heeeey did you drop your gun? No you didn't, you're an asshooole.

The eight year old ate them.

They got V O R E D.

Get outta here with that.

Gonna replace the word bored with vored now just for the fuck of it.

DICKSHOOOT. It was on purpose.

I need a word for dick that rhymes with shot.

Because that's average. Everyone expects "cock shot" but who's gonna see "shlort shot" coming?

I'm shlort sighted.

You killed me the last time and I did not appreciate that one bit.

If you're going to be launching 'nades, you gotta expect to get shot in the nads by the one and only vibrating Nate.

I'd be vibrating too if I was being shot at all day, my fucking nerves would be fried.

I did not like that-- that-- that was not cool.

I didn't see the rope and I thought you finally launched yourself. I was proud but also upset because that seemed like the most disappointing launch.

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY, RIGHT ROUND, LIKE A RECORD BABY--

Twirl hunny twiirl.

Can't believe I wanted to hang with someone who can't even appreciate Skyrim Shuffle. What a disappointment of a stoner.

Just dies and flips into the void.

New test on anyone who wants to be my friend -- has to appreciate the Skyrim Shuffle.

I wanna die that way. Just be staring into the void debating my life, then suddenly "Bye Bitch". I'd start laughing. I'd die laughing before I hit the ground.

I'd die laughing on a roller coaster if my organs weren't shoved into my throat.

Prepare to be Swiss'd.

Are you firing stink bombs?

Shot his ass off. Literally.

NOPE. Get shredded.

BABY BELL IN THE HOUSE, BITCH.

A WHITE PERSON WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE CHEESE? DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT BABYBEL IS.

Have you ever had double cream brie with black truffles? THEN GET OUT OF MY FACE, CHEESE HEATHEN.

That wasn't the ________ sound. That was the Furry McFuckGoat sound.

That's a god damn butt plug. A very sharp one.

Smooth things over with him via a shot in the back of his goddamn skull.

I slipped and it fell into the void. That's what you tell them.

I don't think they can use the void as an excuse.

IS THAT A PIG ON FIRE?

We've established that he likes me better than you.

God that'd be a great way to go...  direct hit with an RPG. Just... feel something whack me in the back then KABOOSH.

Your bullet count was 69 there for a moment and that was pretty rad.

I'll boost you! Off the side of a fucking cliff.

Oh look -- its a life-sized statue of your ego.

Prepare yourself. You're about to get one of your many wishes.

Vore? Are you sure its not vore? That's a lot of mouths.

No its Furry McFuckGoat and his friends.

I'd SCREAM OF JOY IF MY THROAT WASN'T FUCKED.

You just got pounded by a furry. How you feel about that?

Just getting straight up gangbanged here.

I'd kill him so he didn't get the satisfaction of seeing it all. DIE, CURIOUS HOE.

I am a far bigger dick than the Russian.

Good aim for being stiff.

They're fucking dead and still better at aiming than you.

_______ WAS beautiful, til ______ ruined it.

There's always time to sight-see, you stupid slut.

Catch me enjoying the scenery outside the vehicle of my killer's vehicle. Catch me asking if we can stop and get a slushie at this nice slushie stand before I die.

He's a Russian -- he's already immortal.

[punsmaster69]

1/OCT/20XX

it's officially october now, so me and paps are putting out the halloween decor.

feels hard to believe it's even autumn at all already, but maybe that's 'cuz the leaves haven't changed yet. guess they missed the memo.

after the events of last wednesday, it's been kinda hard to message tori myself. she's a stronger monster than me though, 'cuz now she's casually texting me, talking about these little paper ghosts frisk made.

"Perhaps they would be willing to show you and Papyrus how to make some. ]:)"

"don't know how much they'd wanna see me again right now"

"Then.. they do not have to see 𝘺𝘰𝘶."

"?"

"If Frisk is not here, I may need an extra set of hands to help finish decorating."

somehow, i agreed to come over before having the chance to even give it a second thought.

she must've asked frisk pretty quickly about the ghosts thing, 'cuz the kid was long gone by the time i got to tori's house.

tori was carrying these giant boxes labelled "halloween" out onto the yard.

"heya tori."

"Ah! Sans, hello! There are a few boxes left that I think you can manage, they are in the living room."

"got it."

i got the boxes from the living room and set them by the front door.

trying to detangle a black and orange garland, tori called me over.

"Sans, could you help me with these?"

nearly tripped on a vine going down the porch steps, but when i went to go see where the vine was, it was gone.

i grabbed one end, and tori untwisted the other. she wrapped the detangled garland into the branches of the biggest tree in her front yard.

we repeated the process a few more times until most of the smaller nearby trees were also thoroughly halloween-ified.

"Now we have just got to do the house!..But, it is a bit taller than either of us, is it not?"

"you got a ladder?"

"Yes,"

she pointed at a folded step-ladder resting against the house.

"but it is a human one, so I'm afraid it doesn't quite hold my weight."

she unfolded it, and set the step-ladder in front of me.

"You are about human sized, will it work for you?"

standing on the ladder, i was only as tall as toriel is while standing on the ground.

at this fact, she had to try and (unsuccessfully) stifle a laugh.

"Hehe! Is the weather much better up here?"

i poked her in the forehead.

"nope, but i can do that now."

tori leaned towards me until she was about two inches from my face.

"You know what else you can do now?"

so i leaned forward....

lightly bonking my forehead off of hers.

"headbutt you at equal height."

"Ah! You-"

"𝗛𝗘𝗬, 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗦𝗛𝗕𝗔𝗚!!"

flowey suddenly shouted from behind a closed window.

tori opened the window and scolded him.

"You should not use insults! If you wanted the window opened, a simple 'please' will do."

he just rolled his eyes.

"Please apologize to Sans."

flowey glared at me, then looked at tori, then mumbled out a small 'sorry'.

"Thank you."

she stepped back onto the yard.

"Now, what of this roof situation?"

"someone around here probably has a ladder-"

"I know! I could lift you up, and you can string the garland!"

from the window, vines suddenly shot across the yard.

they grabbed the decorations, hastily hanging them from the roof.

"Ah... thank you, Flowey."

he just glared at me.

tori opened a box containing many yard standees. me, tori, and flowey stuck 'em all across the yard.

a zombie by the tree, werewolf prowling the treeline, ghosts haunting the stairs, and... a skeleton buried head-down in the dirt.

toriel put all the empty boxes on the porch, doing one more sweep of the area to make sure she didn't miss any.

i sat myself on the porch railing near the window flowey was in.

"that everything?"

"It would appear to be! Thank you for the help, Sans."

flowey loudly fake-coughed.

"...And thank you too, Flowey. Would you two like some hot chocolate?"

"yeah, but... can flowers even drink hot chocolate?"

"YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A 𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙈𝘼𝘾𝙃!"

she paused in the front door frame.

"If you can't get along, nobody is getting any."

"hey, it was a genuine question."

flowey did something that resembled crossing his arms with his vines, but stayed quiet.

"Thank you."

she went inside, leaving me and flowey alone on the porch.

he watched as she went inside, making sure she was out of earshot before speaking.

"What's your deal, anyway?"

"bout five bucks."

"I- ...What?"

"take it or leave it."

"No, like what do you want with Toriel?"

"i don't have some secret ulterior motive, if that's what you're trying to imply."

"Well you can't just be 'friends'!"

"why not?"

"FRIENDS don't start taking off their clothes as soon as they're alone!"

"guess frisk has started spreading rumors, then."

i sighed and turned to face flowey on the windowsill.

"my shirt got caught and tore. 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙡."

"Yeah, right."

"you can ask her yourself."

"Fine! I will! ...Later!"

he went surprisingly quiet for a bit.

".....What do you see in that old lady, anyway?"

"a friend."

"Why?"

"well, she's someone i can depend on."

"Can't Papyrus be that?"

"sure. and he is."

"Then what makes her any different from him?"

"papyrus is.. very high energy."

"Duh-"

"he's got a lotta big ideas. 'head in the stars,' and all. 'course, i love him for it, but sometimes...."

"you need someone a little more down to earth. balance it out, y'know?"

flowey was silent.

"..... she's a good lady. treat her well, alright?"

"You're making it sound like you're leaving."

"guess it did come across that way."

"...nah. i'm plannin' on hanging around a while longer."

"Yeah, you're too in love with Toriel to leave anywhere even a mile away!"

"nuh uh."

"Wh- 'nuh uh'?? Are you four?"

"turned five last april."

"THIRTY-five, maybe! You look ancient."

"hey, for a thirty five year old, i'd say i'm aging pretty well. i still don't have a single wrinkle."

"You're ACTUALLY thirty five?? Jeez, you really 𝘈𝘙𝘌 ancient!!"

"right within tori's age range, though."

he socked me in the chest with a heavy vine, knocking me into the bush just below the railing.

"STOP. UN-HAVE A CRUSH."

"haven't anything of the sort."

"BACK OFF MY MOM THIS INSTANT."

"..You consider me to be your mother?"

i heard tori's voice approach.

"Y-You must've. Misheard me."

"ok mama's boy."

"CAN IT, TRASHBAG."

"..If you wanted to refer to me as your mother, I would certainly not mind."

she leaned over the railing, spotting me in her bush.

"Is that more comfortable?"

"i fell."

i got up from the bush and went back up the stairs onto the porch. tori handed me a warm cup of hot chocolate.

"Yeah, fell 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦! He totally has a giant-"

i shut the window, drowning out the sound of his voice.

"...a giant love for cocoa."

"?"

"I-I see.. I did not know you had such a fondness for hot chocolate."

flowey banged on the window, and tori opened it again.

"You 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲!"

"Flowey!"

"yeah, you better watch your damn language."

"Sans! Both of you need to watch your language. Do not make me rinse your mouths with soap!"

"i mean. you can try."

"Then.. a grounding?"

"flowey's already pretty 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥. kinda 𝘴𝘰𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 that idea."

flowey grimaced, and tori laughed.

"I suppose I will let you two off the hook, just this once. I hope this will not become the 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘵 of a swearing problem!"

"Eugh. Nevermind. Close the window back."

he used two vines to lift himself off the windowsill back into the house, taking his mug with him.

me and tori chatted until it started getting dark.

"...I suppose you have to get home soon, do you not?"

"i'd stay longer, but i'm pretty sure frisk'll probably be here soon."

"Thank you again for your help today."

"bug me anytime, ok?"

"..Have a safe walk home, Sans."

she brushed my hand with hers.

i suddenly became aware of how close together we were sitting; aware of the strange fluttering in my chest.

".....seeya, tori."

i got up and rushed home before i could say something stupid.

...

flowey's words about crushes 'n love and whatnot..

.....

..........

nah.

he probably just hit my ribs too hard.

[queenofbaws]

well i mean if you're offering...

'i keep thinking that something must be wrong with me. even right now, it feels like I'm ten feet away from myself.'

for any character(s) and/or fandom of your choice per the usual 💖

not-quite-six sentence weekend :P

Stepping through the Mirror and into the world beyond was...vertiginous. Everything was right and wrong at the same time: She knew this room! She knew the desks and the chairs and even the filing cabinets, but she didn't. Nothing was quite where she expected it to be, and because of that, her brain just kept turning in circles, cartwheeling in a desperate attempt to make sense of it all.

Emily went to take a step and immediately tripped over a cord that shouldn't have been there. Before she could react - even to fall - there was a firm hand on her arm, holding her steady and helping her to right herself.

"Yeahhh...it...takes a little getting used to," Jesse said through a wince, her eyes sweeping over her with a level of concern she'd never seen before (but certainly didn't mind). "Sorry. I guess I could've warned you better. If you want my advice? Try not to read anything."

Emily blinked. "Try not to read? Jesse, I'm sure it's not - " Oh, why did she have to go and tempt fate like that?! She didn't even get to finish the thought before her eyes landed on a memo sitting on the nearby desk, the same memo she saw right before they'd stepped through the containment cell and into the Threshold, and much to her chagrin, she stumbled again. That time against Jesse, which wasn't unpleasant on its own, but...

But that memo.

She got as far as the heading - LORTNOC FO UAERUB LAREDEF - and had to avert her eyes, squeezing them shut tight against the migraine threatening to form. "Try not to read," she said, nodding. "Got it."

"You do get used to it, I promise." If Jesse minded her leaning against her like that, she didn't show any sign, instead gently leading her through the room. "Just...try and think of it as a place you've never been before. Tell yourself it's, you know, a...a new part of the Oldest House."

"It is a new part of the Oldest House."

"I...okay, yeah, I guess it kind of is, huh? Um. Hang on, give me a minute. I'll...I'm sure I can come up with some better workplace safety tips."

Despite herself, she had to laugh. Emily chanced opening her eyes, and...nope. Nope, the uncanniness was still too much. She swallowed hard, sticking close as they stepped out of the stairwell and into a department she should've recognized. "While I'm sure that's true, I'm personally hoping we find the source of all those abnormal readings sooner rather than later. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing firsthand accounts of your, uh, professional experiences, but the sooner we're out of here, the better, I think."

"You won't hear me disagreeing," she muttered from the corner of her mouth. After a moment, Emily realized she was still holding her elbow, guiding her along.

For reasons entirely unrelated to the way her knees were shaking and her stomach roiling, she hoped she wouldn't let go.

"I...I have to be honest with you, Jesse, I'm...pretty mortified right now. I mean, I ask to get more field experience, you're obliging enough to let me come along, and then immediately after taking you up on the offer, I - "

"Uh, Emily?"

"I-I completely lose every shred of composure! Composure, by the way, that I pride myself on! There's just...there's just something off about this Threshold. I feel like something's...I don't know. If I had to describe it, I guess I'd say I feel like something's wrong with me. Like I'm here, but I'm standing ten feet away from myself. Does that make sense?'

"Unfortunately, yes," Jesse said, and all at once, the Service Weapon was in her hand. The other pulled her back, no longer guiding her but guarding her, ushering her behind her body. "Should've seen this one coming...okay, so. Here's the thing, Emily. You feel like you're standing ten feet away from yourself, because you are, in fact, standing ten feet away from yourself."

"I - what?" For a moment, her thoughts tumbled around themselves, forming a strange knot: Jesse letting go of her, the sudden movement, the...

Wait a second.

There was a flicker of movement from the other end of the department, a flurry of pages being flung in the air, and even once her eyes adjusted, Emily couldn't make sense of what she was seeing across the way - who she was seeing.

Namely, uh, herself.

"Etal er'uoy. Nedaf rotcerid," the simulacrum (reflection?!) of herself said by way of greeting, approaching them with an intention that felt nothing short of threatening.

"Emily, meet Yl...Ylim...Ylime? Ugh, whatever. Essej was so much easier to say. Anyway, I think we found the source of your weird readings."

"Why am I dressed like someone in The Matrix?" Emily asked, her shock outweighing even her professional intrigue. Surely, she should've been all but rapturous at the implications of an alternate version of herself, of what that meant for the House's dimensional shifts and connections, but...something about the sight of her mirror self had rendered her (if only momentarily) flabbergasted.

"A good question," Jesse said, motioning for her to back up as Ylime advanced on them. "Just not one I have an answer for. What else you got?"

"Am I...am I always that attractive?"

"I. Well. I-I mean - "

And then she was on them.

[megaawkwardhuman]

a bit ago I saw a post on here that said something along the lines of "there was only one bed trope but at a clown motel" and that night I decided to write the beginning of a nandermo fic with that concept

days go by and last night for whatever reason I made it my goal to drag this thing from wip hell and finish it and so here it is!

it's a post season 3 fic where we're in the good timeline™ (guillermo and nandor went on their trip) and for whatever reason they end up well at a clown motel and we learn two things

1 guillermo really doesn't like clowns

2 even in the good timeline™ the world still fucks with memo

small disclaimer: I'm really dyslexic and by no means good at this. like last time I'm clinging onto grammarly for dear life and tried my best to edit this so that it at least makes a crumb of sense

anyway here is (and yes I'm really proud of this title)

the one ring circus

“No, we’re NOT staying here” Guillermo crossed his arms staring the vampire next to him dead in the eyes.

“Come on Guillermo look at all of the clowns!” they have been on their trip now for a while. If you had to ask Guillermo at the beginning of the trip where he expected to go and what he expected to see he wouldn’t have said a clown motel. He would have said ANYTHING ELSE other than a creepy ass clown motel. 

“Nope, they're freaking me out. I REFUSE to stay here.” 

“Oh come on this place isn't creepy.”

“Isn’t creepy? There’s a fucking cemetery next to it.” Guillermo has nothing personally against clowns. But there was something about the clown signs in front of the motel that creep him the fuck out with their huge smiles and soulless eyes. “Yeah sure the house back in Staten Island might as well be a cemetery but at least there weren’t creepy ass clowns.”

“It’s only one night.” while Guillermo would like to refuse further dawn was approaching soon, a storm was rolling in, and by the looks of it Nandor for once was living up to his name and was not going to relent anytime soon. 

He sighed “Fine but only ONE night. But as soon as the sun sets we’re getting out of here.”

As they walked over to get a room Guillermo couldn’t help but notice a small grin on Nandor’s face. Was he actually excited to stay a night here? Did he like clowns? Is that why he wanted to stay here? Wait has Nandor even seen a clown before? All of these questions bounced around his head. 

As they entered the office to get a room Guillermo looked around. As to be expected there were clowns everywhere. If he didn’t have a fear of clowns before the thousands of clowns both statues and paintings staring at him now might have put that fear into him. 

All of the painted eyes staring into him, the bright colors of their clothes weren't doing wonders for his eyes, the smiles forced upon their faces mocked him, and the few that weren't smiling were sobbing which didn't help the overall creepy vibe. it felt like all of the attention in that room was directed at him. Like every clown in that room was mocking him. 

He knew he couldn’t spend another second in there so he asked Nandor to get them a room as he speed walked outside.

As he walked out eyes tightly shut he tried to think about anything but the ridiculous motel he was about to spend a day of his life in. So he pulled out his phone, popped in his earbuds, put on some music, and thought about something that he knows will brighten his mood: how this trip will end. The moment he’s been waiting for grows closer every night. A moment that would be more pleasant than staying at a possibly haunted clown motel. 

His attention was immediately snapped back when Nandor popped out and said something he REALLY didn’t want to hear.

“Is it alright if the room has only one bed?” Guillermo jumped a little as he zoned back in. 

he paused his music and pulled out an earbud. “I'm sorry what?”

Nandor sighed “I said is it ok if there's only one bed?”

“What why?”

“Uh well, the only room available only has one bed.”

Guillermo wondered what he did to deserve this. Well, he wanted to know the SPECIFIC thing he did to deserve this. He thought about all his options or rather his lack of options. “That's fine.” Once Nandor popped back inside Guillermo knew he’d probably come up with something.

However, by the time they actually got to their room, he had zero plans. He WOULD have come up with something if it didn’t dawn on him what he would most likely have to do: share a bed with Nandor. 

Now Guillermo didn’t hate the idea of being close to Nandor. In fact, that was the problem he knew he’d enjoy sharing a bed with him. He knew he’d enjoy it a little too much. He was afraid that he’d make a wrong move, getting a little too close, or worst of all Nandor getting too close. He knew it’ll be really hard to sleep with a hot vampire next to him. So once that thought entered his head it absorbed any plan he had.

Add in the clown art in the room and Guillermo has a gut feeling he won’t be getting much sleep.

“Great more clowns…” he said looking around the room like he wasn’t sleeping at a clown themed motel.

“What’s so wrong with the clowns?”

“I don’t know they look so creepy. Doesn’t help that some are staring right at the bed.”

“But they’re so happy!”

“Yeah happy they will probably be the reason I won’t get any sleep.” in a bit of a huff he went over to his bag.

Knowing the sun was going to rise soon and to distract from clowns around him Guillermo made quick work to sunproof the room by putting up some blackout curtains they bought and taping them down. Then he grabbed his pajamas and headed to the bathroom to take a shower and change. 

-

When leaving the bathroom Guillermo noticed every clown painting was either gone or covered up. Well, all but one mural but that was cause it was painted directly on a wall to the left of the bed. Without the clowns, you wouldn't have guessed this was a clown motel. you'd think that it was just a normal motel room with just a weird ass clown portrait on one of the walls.

Confused but relieved he looked at Nandor who was reading a book. “Did you do this?”

“You said they would keep you up and a bodyguard needs his rest.” Nandor didn’t look up from his book.

Guillermo was still getting a bit used to this softer Nandor. I mean he can still be a dick from time to time but ever since they boarded that first train he’s been kinder to him. “Wow… thanks. Speaking of sleep what are we going to do about the whole bed situation?” 

“Well since there is no place for me to spread out my ancestral soil and I know how you humans value your beds I was thinking we would just simply share the bed.” He said face buried in his book.

Guillermo was a bit taken aback by how casually Nandor suggested it. “Are you sure? I'm fine sleeping in the car or the bathtub.”

“oh don't worry I used to sleep with soldiers all of the time back in Al Quolanudar. Also what if a vampire killer came in here and tried to kill me? I need you to protect me at all times”

Guillermo tried his best to ignore how wrong that first part sounded. “Why would a vampire killer come looking for vampires at a clown motel?”

Nandor shuffled a little in his seat and turned a page in his book. A book Guillermo just now realized was upside down. ”well us vampires really like our clowns.“ Nandor said being reminded that he can't lie on the spot for shit.

Instead of pointing out how that's very clearly not a thing Guillermo silently accepted his fate.

so once he double checked that everything was covered he lay down on the bed.

_

He didn't know how much time had passed. all he knew was that it must have been midday and the storm outside was kinda soothing. but what wasn't soothing was the fact that somehow while sleeping Guillermo ended up face to face with the one clown painting Nandor couldn't cover. He jumped a little.

the clown was pointing directly at him laughing with the biggest stupidest grin on their face. He wanted to turn around but due to the sleeping body right next to him, he wasn’t quite sure if he could.

He lay there staring at the clown for god knows how long until a shift next to him made him realize Nandor was now on his side. which hopefully means he can shift without disturbing him.

as quickly as he could Guillermo rolled over to be greeted face to face with another more familiar clown's face. 

add in the perfectly timed thunder clap and Guillermo jumped out of the bed letting out a small yelp. 

Guillermo not really thinking instead of going back to bed or getting up and doing anything else memo chose the secret third option: sleep somewhere else. So he grabbed a pillow and a cape that was lying on the ground and bolted for the bathtub.

Whatever attempt Guillermo made to not wake up Nandor was in vain since the thud of him falling to the floor, grabbing a pillow five inches away from Nandor's face, and him running to the bathroom woke Nandor up.

half asleep Nandor followed the sounds of a clearly not ok Guillermo.

what greeted him when he opened the door was Guillermo curled up in the bathtub pillow behind his head wrapped in one of his capes trying to make some sort of attempt at sleeping.

“Guillermo, are you alright?” Nandor grumbled.

Guillermo would like to give him a proper response but at this point, any attempts to get any words out of his mouth would be in vain since he’s still a little freaked out. He didn't know it but he was shaking a bit.

Nandor saw how freaked out Guillermo is and with his two brain cells put together that the clown painting was probably to blame. Not being awake enough to yell at him for stealing his cape he left the room.

Guillermo thought Nandor must have gone back to sleep but was confused when he came back with a pillow, a blanket, and with the backpack he kept some of his ancestral soil in strapped to his back. 

Silently he made his way over to Guillermo and took the cape that was wrapped around him and tossed it aside. ”scoot over.“ Guillermo did as he was told and Nandor awkwardly made his way into the tub.

after some maneuvering, Guillermo ended up on top of Nandor in this kinda big but bearly able to fit them bathtub.

Nandoer laid out the blanket over the two of them and placed one pillow behind his backpack and one behind his head. ”I guess we're sleeping here.“ 

Guillermo didn't know how to really react to all of this. all he could do is muster out a small ”sorry...“

”It's fine. this is a lot more comfortable here. it's a lot like sleeping in a coffin.“ he wrapped one of his arms around Guillermo.

Guillermo wanting to go back to sleep at this point just hid his face in the nook of Nandor's neck as he fell back asleep mumbling about stupid clowns.

-

the sober realization as to what had just happened hit the both of them as soon as they woke up. It hit Guillermo the hardest since he woke up with Nandor’s tits in his face. So he got out of the tub as quickly as he could and checked that it was safe for Nandor to leave the bathroom.

after Guillermo made sure it was night he went back in and helped Nandor out of the tub. They both made their way into the main room to pack up and make the room look less chaotic.

”Thanks for last night. I genuinely didn't expect you to do that.“ Guillermo said while taking down the curtains.

”you were running around the room like a spooked horse,” Nandor was putting one of the pillows back on the bed “I wanted to make sure you weren’t being attacked or something.“ he turned around to go grab the cape Guillermo tried to use as a blanket almost bumping into Guillermo.

”well that was really nice of you. but you didn't have to sleep in the tub with me. you looked really cramped“

Nandor looked down and fidgeted with his rings. ”I needed to make sure you were going to be alright all night. You're going to need a good amount of sleep if you're going to protect me.“ once he was done talking he quickly walked back into the bathroom.

Guillermo wonders who is this man and what did he do to Nandor.

Once they had everything packed they got the fuck out of there.

-

”so are you two looking for a room with two beds or?“ the lady at the front desk asked. Guillermo really gave him too much power.

Nandor thought about it. ”no just one is fine. But let me check with my partner”