#didn't sleep the night before then slept almost 12 hours last night with help from a sleep aid

[saltybiowarefantears]

9 People You Want to Know Better

Tagged by @pinacoladamatata for this one. Let me see if I can even think of nine people to tag for this... Definitely no pressure to do this at all! But I think I'll go with: @elfroot-and-laurels @emmavakarian-theirin @awbutwhy @ashabellanars @drakonovisny @elphael @esmeralda-juniper @jamesspadersexposedankles @feyriane

Three Ships: Solavellan (translated as Solas and Inquisitor because we're not here for limited romance), LawLu, Shakarian. Honestly the last slot could be used for a number of different ones, but these three are pretty foundational for me.

First Ship: It's so hard for my goldfish brain to remember things back too far, but if I think about it for a bit, I have to say Daine and Numair from the Immortals series by Tamora Pierce. I'm sure there were other pairings I enjoyed seeing or wanted them to get together, but these two... Whenever I read any books set in Tortall post-Immortals series it'd be

"WHERE'S DAINE AND NUMAIR!" First time actively seeking out a ship, impatiently waiting for them to get together when I was reading, etc, etc. Probably my first real ship.

Last Movie: Hmmm I haven't watched a lot of movies lately. It's either Godzilla Minus One with Alex. Or when I had a cold and decided it was a good idea to put on Oppenheimer. Fell asleep half way through because of course I did drugged up on cold juice. Can't remember which one was the last one though.

Last Song: I Remember - Les Friction. Me with my Solavellan playlist on repeat? It's more likely than you think.

Currently Reading: Tevinter Nights very, very slowly. I've been awful with my reading list lately.

Currently Watching: Mob Psycho with Alex

Currently Eating: Just finished a tasty veggie sandwich for lunch

Currently Craving: sushi..... playing Dave the Diver will do that to a person

Blank template for your convenience below the cut!

Three Ships:

First Ship:

Last Movie:

Last Song:

Currently Reading:

Currently Watching:

Currently Eating:

Currently Craving:

[bingwriterxo]

the shakespeare exhibit - drabble 2

pairing: tara carpenter x reader

summary: in which it's the morning after

warnings: none

word count: 600+

author's note: the fluffiest fucking thing ever holy poop

previous part | next part

When Tara woke up, she tossed her arm out to the side, expecting to find you beside her and ready to cuddle for another hour or two. Instead, she found nothing but blankets, and she sat up, looking at your empty spot. She doesn't have morning classes on Monday, she thought. And she would've told me if she were working today. Where'd she go?

She slipped from your bed, threw on the nearest piece of clothing she could find, and shuffled into the living room, her feet cold against the wood floor. Her eyes glanced around the room, noting the rose petals still on the ground, until she found you standing by the stove dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of boxers, a spatula in your hand. Perfect even in the mornings.

She made her way to you and wrapped her arms around your waist. You jumped slightly at the feeling before leaning against her. "Good morning, baby," Tara murmured into your shoulder with a yawn.

"Hi, sleepyhead," you giggled, turning around to kiss her. When you pulled away, you glanced down, and Tara watched as a blush painted your cheeks pink. "You're wearing my sweatshirt."

She looked down, smiling at the graphic design on the front. "Looks like I am."

"You look good in my clothes. I might need you to wear them more often," you said.

She's gonna wish she never said that. Tara nodded. "That can be arranged." You kissed her forehead before turning back around, spatula flipping the pancake you were in the midst of making. She unraveled herself from you, standing beside you instead. "You're cooking breakfast," she pointed out. Wifey material.

"Astute observation, Tar," you teased. "I got hungry, waiting around for you to wake up, so I figured I'd make something."

"It's not that late."

You tilted your head at her. "Tara, it's almost eleven o'clock."

Her eyes widened. "Oh, shit! I have a class at 12:30."

"I know." You chuckled, plating the pancake and sliding it toward her. "I was gonna wake you up soon, but you're here." You nodded toward your fridge. "Butter and syrup are in there. Oh, and feel free to help yourself to a cup of coffee," you said, pointing to your espresso machine.

She hummed as she opened your fridge, grabbing the necessary things. "Did you know you talk in your sleep?" she asked. You turned to her, your eyebrows furrowed. There was the smallest of frowns on your lips. I want to kiss it away, she thought, so she did as she sidled back up to your side.

"Do I really?" you asked, pouring more batter onto the pan. "I hope I didn't say anything embarrassing."

Tara shook her head, slathering butter onto her pancake. "It was mostly just little grunts at first, but then you started"--she giggled as she thought about what had occurred throughout the night--"you started reciting Shakespeare."

The spatula clattered against the counter as you whipped around, your eyes wide. "No I did not!"

She laughed. She's so cute all flustered. "Yes, babe. You did. I didn't really know what it was at first, but then I looked it up and you were saying lines from Richard II."

You groaned. "That's so embarrassing." You narrowed your eyes at her. "Do you remember what lines I was reciting?"

"Something like 'with mine own tears I wash away my balm, with mine own hands--'"

"'I give away my crown,'" you finished. You groaned again. "Not the damn Richard monologue."

"It was cute," Tara said. "You're just so nerdy that you're constantly thinking about literature." She rubbed her hand down your arm. "Were you dreaming about the play?"

You shook your head, going back to making your pancakes. "No. I didn't even have any dreams last night. I slept like a rock."

She chuckled, biting her lip. "I tired you out, huh?" And I'll do it again, given the chance, she thought.

You turned pink again, waving her off. "Just eat your pancake."

"I will if you recite more Shakespeare to me."

You huffed. "'Unquiet meals make ill digestions,'" you mumbled. "The Comedy of Errors." You glanced at her, smiling at her own grin. "So, hush up and eat your food, or your tummy's gonna hurt."

"...Did you just say tummy?"

"Tar, just eat your pancake."

[whiskey-bumblebee]

12 days of winter: day eleven

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Reader

Word Count: 1001

Prompt: I am going to be honest there is no prompt <3

A/N: it's still winter nobody look at me. i can finish my WIPS! writers say it with me: ✨I CAN FINISH MY WIPS✨ Just fluff and cooking.

You slip on a sweater and sneak into the kitchen, as silent as you possibly can be, closing the bedroom door behind you. There's a definite chill in the air, somewhat irregular for the year, but you know that Aaron always sleeps better when it's a bit colder, and so do you.

Piece by piece, you assemble all of the ingredients on the counter. Ham, milk, butter, cheese, eggs, grits, salt, pepper, spices. A few weeks ago you'd called Hotch's brother and asked what his comfort food was. Although Sean wasn't completely sure, he said that a traditional southern breakfast would be good, since they'd grown up there, and Sean had a vague memory of cheesy grits and warm biscuits.

In all honesty, almost all of Aaron's weeks could be considered difficult, and deserving of special attention whenever he made it home. This week, he'd collapsed on the bed and just started crying from the overwhelm, the travel, the endless tracking of deplorable people leaving a wake of destruction.

You'd sat and stroked his hair while he cried, listened to him explain that he felt like a glorified cadaver dog, following his nose to the next crime scene, always fighting to catch up. He was strong, and this was a part of that. His infallible persona at work was only possible because he felt so safe around you, safe to be vulnerable, not embarrassed about any feeling, any reaction.

So now, the next morning, you were quietly cooking a little breakfast spread, doing your best to avoid any noise which might be startling. Aaron's hearing was pretty sharp, so you didn't expect that you'd be able to finish cooking by the time he woke up, but you hoped you'd be sufficiently through the process that he wouldn't feel inclined to help.

About an hour passes, and you start to brew the coffee, setting the table, leaving the oven on a low heat to keep the food warm. Aaron still hasn't come into the kitchen, so you walk back to your bedroom to wake him.

"Breakfast," You call softly as you walk towards the bed, kneeling on the plush duvet and leaning over to wrap your arms around him.

He hums softly, and you brush your hands over his body, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"I made breakfast," You say quietly.

"You're up early," He whispers, glancing over at the clock.

"Wanted to treat you," You reply.

He sits up, rubbing at his eyes. You notice that they're a little swollen from last night. He pats his lap and you straddle his legs, tucking your face into his neck.

"It's the weekend," You offer, trying to entice him.

"Smells good," He murmurs, starting to wake up properly. You nod.

"It's cold, do you want a long-sleeve?"

He nods, and you walk over to his set of drawers, pulling out your favourite quarter zip.

You walk back over to the bed and help him pull the sweater over his head. He slept in a t-shirt and sweatpants, so he should be warm enough.

Taking him by the hand, you lead him to the table. There's a cup of coffee in his hand before he can blink, and you bring plates of food to the table: cheesy grits, biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, smoked ham.

"Do you want juice?" You ask, before you sit down.

He shakes his head. "Thank you, darling. When did you do all this?"

You swear a slight southern lilt has crept into his voice, and you're not complaining. It makes his morning voice even sexier.

"This morning. The biscuits are from a baker in town, I didn't think I'd have time to make them myself."

"I love you," He says in wonderment. "This is incredible."

"Wait until you taste it," You say teasingly.

He gives himself a helping of everything, taking a sip of his coffee as he looks everything over.

"I don't know where to start," He confesses.

You hum and look at his plate. "You could go clockwise. That way you have the biscuits to soak up any of the leftovers."

His eyes flick over to you, a smile playing at his lips. "Beautiful, smart, and you can cook. Remind me why we're not married yet?"

You reach across the table for his hand, resting your chin in your other hand.

"Not sure. I think you're probably trying to make the proposal perfect," You tease. "Knowing you."

He's too lost in the flavours to argue with you, instead staring down at his plate as he takes bites of everything.

"You should open a restaurant," He says earnestly. "Really, this is great."

You give his hand a squeeze, shaking your head. "I only ever want to cook for you."

"I'll make a housewife of you yet," He jokes, bringing your hand to his lips for a quick kiss. "You'll see."

Your nose wrinkles. "Ha ha," You say.

Aaron eats for a few more minutes, using his free hand to trace shapes on the back of your hand. He's only about halfway through his plate when he stops, staring at you.

"What?" You smile, batting your eyelashes at him.

"This is delicious, but what if we went back to bed?"

You raise an eyebrow at him, and he shakes his head, pushing his chair back from the table.

"Just want to hold you. Tell you I love you."

You nod and stand up from the table, clearing the plates quickly, with his help.

He kisses your forehead, then leans over to whisper in your ear.

"Tell me you love me?" He says, his voice so quiet it cracks.

"I love you," You say, a wide smile on your face. "Doesn't everything I do tell you that? Can't you see the way I look at you?"

He nods. "I see it. Just need to hear it sometimes."

You scratch the back of his neck lightly, running your nails through the short hair there. "I love you, Aaron."

[nathank77]

8/18/24

2:15 p.m

Upon looking at my sleep tracking data.

I struggled to sleep 8/10, 8/11. 8/11 I had the panic attack. 8/12 I started metopolol again. And also started smoking weed around bed time..

I did not struggle to sleep 8/12 or 8/13 with weed in my diet. On 8/14, the weed didn't work and I had to double up. On 8/15 the weed didn't work and I had to double up. On 8/16, I couldn't double up bc of the risk of tolerance and nothing was working and I fell asleep at almost 2 a.m...when i smoked more pot....

On 8/17 I slept fine but also I had less than 6 hours 3 nights in a row and turned my TV down...

So it's worth noting before starting metopolol I had 2 nights of insomnia for some odd reason.

But 3 out of 6 of the metopolol nights, I struggled from significant insomnia. 2 out of the good days I smoked weed before bed and passed out due to the weed.....the 3rd final good night was last night where I fell asleep fast and didn't need any more help than the original cocktail.

I'm overanalyzing everything... but the two most important factors are:

1) i struggled from insomnia the two nights before starting metopolol

2) 3 out of 6 nights of metopolol I struggled significantly..SIGNIFICANTLY. but they were no different than the two nights before metopolol other than for the fact that I was on metopolol.

[dyeungjour450]

Week 12: A trip to Eeyou Istchee

July 24 - 28

What a week!

We started our work week on Sunday, with our planned drive to Eeyou Istchee. Chris's daughter was having a terrible day, so we left almost three hours later than planned. Along the way, the only road up north, route 117, was shut down because of a deadly three-way collision. It caused us to take a detour, which then rerouted us on an additional 5-6 hour drive. Altogether, we left around 2:30pm and didn't stop driving until 2am.

Jay and I were quite tired in the evening, so Chris drove most of the way while we slept. But we didn't stop to try and refuel until 11pm, at which point most of the gas stations between Val D'Or and Waswanipi were closed. We visited at least 10 different gas stations to no avail.

We finally had to sleep at Lebel-sur-Quevillon in the car because we didn't have enough gas to make it to the hotel in Chapais.

With only 5 hours of sleep, we left directly from Quevillon to Waswanipi, and arrived at around 7am. The original plans to meet Allan and his grandson for a tour of Chiiwetau island was also derailed. Allan's daughter, Annette's house caught on fire at 3am the night before, and they hadn't slept all night. Allan and Lola had to stay behind and help their daughter in the aftermath. It was a terrible event, but thankfully all of Annette's children made it out safe and nobody was hurt.

Thankfully, we met Clarence, another person from Wemindji who knows Allan, who took us to Chiiwetau later that day at around 2pm. Before that, in the morning, we interviewed Allan and some others at the culture camp, along with Paul Dixon and other last minute meetings.

Around lunchtime, Chris and I sorted out our stories, and he decided he'd write one on industry and its impacts on the Cree way of life.

Our visit to Chiiwetau was absolutely stunning. Chiiwetau is Cree for "Let's go home," which is a tribute to the residential school survivors and other Crees who left home and would return. It is a ceremonial camp that takes place every July, where Crees of all ages would spend time on the island. The island is the original old Waswanipi village post, where the Hudson's Bay office and store once was, and where Cree hunters and trappers would return to trade fur and other goods.

The highlight of the trip was hiking Cherry Hill, which is the peak of a small hill on Chiiwetau island. The waters and Waswanipi river is stunning, and it's so quaint in the nature. I feel so honoured to have been invited.

On our last day in Waswanipi, we met and interviewed Chief Neeposh at the band office. She told us that the New York Times is working on a similar story on Cree territory, which made me really pleased that I'd been following the same story for the last month.

After lunch, Donovan and his mom, Bridget took Chris, Jay and I on a drive into the forest where his late father's camp burned down in the wildfires. It was a three hour drive through the forest, and there was supposed to be an additional 10 minute boat ride to the camp. When we arrived to the shore where the boat had been docked, the boat was nowhere to be found. It was unfortunate, but because there was no boat, we weren't able to visit Donovan's father's camp that burned down.

At the end of our visit to the shore, Donovan and Bridget took out the meal they had prepped to have lunch at the camp. It included roasted goose meat, macaroni and potato salad, and cheesecake. They had prepared an offering plate to commemorate Donovan's father's birthday, which happened to be the same day. In Cree culture, the offering plate is usually put into the fire as an offering to the deceased, but since we couldn't go to the camp, Donovan sent it along into the water. It was a beautiful day and I feel so humbled to have witnessed it.

Overall, the trip was very successful. We were able to meet so many people, and everyone in the community embraced us and fed us every step of the way. I'm excited to start writing, and in the meantime, I'm waiting on some more interviews.

Can't wait to publish next week!

[yourmidnightlover]

lost my everything

Summary- while revealing something to spencer, you confess something during the process. he didn't know how to react, which led to a terrible accident in which he might lose you forever.

TW: talk abt mental and physical abuse, alluding to death, talk about self-harm, SAD ENDING

WC- 3,152

a/n - please don't read if you're sensitive to self-harm or talk about emotional and physical abuse because reader goes into discussion about these things. i care about you and your safety so if you need to talk about anything please seek help or my inbox is always open! you are loved and you are needed <3

masterlist

----------------------------------

one thing about being the youngest member of the team meant that the second-youngest member was drawn to you.

that second youngest member happened to be spencer reid.

you had just had another paperwork day today since you got back from one the night previous. you were currently in the conference room discussing the case before we got off-topic, curtesy of spencer's coffee problem.

"i might have a slight problem with my coffee addiction, but there are many studies that go to show the benefits of drinking coffee. supposedly, drinking coffee could extend your life period, strengthen your liver, increase your body's glucose production, and even-"

"okay, that's all for today guys. go home and get rest before a case comes in," hotch interjected and warned.

you placed your hand on spencer's arm, this time underneath the table, as his face began to fall from disappointment. he turned to face and gave a tight-lipped grin before you removed my hand and we both stood up.

"so, spence, my place or yours for the doctor who marathon this time?" you said as he grabbed his bag from his desk.

"we went to mine last, so we can just go to yours this time," he said with his natural pep back. "besides, i kinda like your apartment better," he shrugged with another wide smile.

"clearly you do," you joked. "you almost always say my place," you laughed as you both joined jj. pen, and emily in the elevator.

"hey, y/n, would you wanna go to o'kiefs with us tonight?" jj offered kindly.

"already got plans. maybe next time!" you said with a smile, turning back to see spencer wearing the same smile on your face.

honestly, you and spencer have gone to the bar with the team a few times. you weren't opposed to going with them, you just knew that going meant everyone would pressure you to drink alcohol.

last time, you had succumbed to peer pressure. spencer had to drive you home and hold your hair as you puked into the toilet, it was a very good bonding experience. you didn't remember much, but you do remember you convinced him to stay the night, although he did end up sleeping on the couch rather than in the bed with you.

"after last time, i don't blame you, y/l/n," emily laughed out, giving a concerned look recalling the memories flooding her mind.

"next time we won't pressure you so much!" penny consoled. "i didn't know how much you meant it when you said you can't handle your alcohol," she winced.

"yea... i really meant it," you laughed out, trying to shed some light on the subject. the elevator opened, allowing you to go your separate ways for the night. "have fun you guys!" you called as you walked to your car with spencer.

spencer and you have been carpooling to work ever since you learned he took the metro to work and only lived a couple blocks from your apartment complex. you couldn't stand the thought of something bad happening to him while on the train, so you've offered to give him a ride there and back ever since.

in return, spencer insisted on paying for daily coffee runs for the two of you. it was his way 'of returning the fuel money in another type of fuel.'

you and spencer crawled into the car and began the drive back to your place. it wasn't too long to your place, only a 20-minute drive, but being with spencer made it feel like half that.

"do you even remember what happened the last time you went to the bar with them?" spencer laughed.

"not exactly..." you grimaced. "just that you took me home, there was a bit of puking, and i coerced you to stay the night. and you slept on the couch, which is absolutely ridiculous! i mean, i was the one who practically made you stay, so shouldn't i have slept on the couch? it's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before," you ranted.

"you're right, we have slept in the same bed before," he clarified. "but each time we did that you weren't drunk out of your mind," he sassed.

"ha-ha, spence," you mocked. "i did say i couldn't handle my alcohol. is there anything you wanna fill me in on?"

truthfully, yes.

there was something he wanted to fill you in on.

he wanted to tell you how you confessed your past to him.

he wanted to tell you how you kissed him right after...

and he kissed you back.

he could still remember the way your lips tasted, still covered by the vodka from the shots you took hours before.

but he didn't want you to think less of him since he kissed you back.

he just couldn't help it.

he'd been helplessly in love with you for so long, yearning to be with you as more than friends... as more than what he thought you wanted. but that kiss was his hope.

it was hope that maybe you felt a fraction of the chemistry he did. it was hope that maybe even if you didn't like him, you still had an attraction towards him in some kind of way. it was hope that maybe you would grow those same feelings for him.

but no matter how much 'hope' that kiss gave him, he shouldn't have kissed you back. he knew how vulnerable you were by telling him about your history of abuse.

you told him about your parents. about how they would throw you around when they were high, or drunk, or both. you told him about how they would call you worthless, a whore, stupid, good-for-nothing, basically every name in the book. but you didn't tell him about how you coped with the abuse.

so, when he told you how amazing you are to be able to turn your life around how you did, and how beautiful you are and always have been, you couldn't help but embrace him with a kiss.

you kissed him.

and he kissed you.

in a wonderful, vulnerable moment, he kissed you back as he'd always wanted to each night you spent with each other.

"nope," he shook his head. "nothing to fill you in on."

"i guess that's good," you shrugged.

he also wanted to know if you'd ever tell him about what happened when you were in your right mind. he wanted to know that you trusted him with your darkest secret that you accidentally already spilled to him.

although, maybe you should know about what you admitted to him. it was your life, after all. it was your past that you revealed to him in a simple drunken mistake.

"actually..." spencer started, taking a deep breath as he looked into your eyes. "you did mention something."

"okay... what'd i mention?" you wondered.

"you told me about..." he tried to find the right words to say. "about your parents."

"oh...?" you began to realize what you had admitted to him that very night, still not remembering the events that followed. "i didn't want you to find out like that..." you trailed off.

"i figured you didn't," he gave a small grin. you looked over at him hesitantly.

you thought about all the ways you could react to this. you could block him out and act like it was his fault you drunkenly confessed your past. you could ignore the fact that you told him at all and just move on, burrowing all the emotions inside of you once again. or, you could try to finally move on from what happened and how you coped with it by talking to spencer about it.

"when we get to my place, would you mind if we held off on the marathon? i should probably elaborate a bit more," you asked meekly.

"of course we can. we can do whatever you want tonight, y/n," he soothed, placing a hand on your lower thigh comfortingly.

you drove back to your place in silence, the both of you anticipating the conversation awaiting you.

when you finally entered your apartment, you both shed your coats by the door, hanging them on the hook, placed your guns and badged on the table beside the hook, and sat down on the couch comfortably. you crossed your legs, your knee up in the air, as spencer sat down with his knee touching the one still on the couch.

"so... how much did i say?" you asked curiously.

"you talked about the emotional and physical abuse, but nothing too in depth," he confirmed.

"when i was young, about 12, my parents got into a minor car accident," you began telling him about your past, trying to recall the memories with little hurt or pain. "they weren't at fault, it was a drunk teenager, but they each got addicted to their pain meds from the hospital. i would be asleep when they would come home from a night out, drunk and high out of their minds. i remember the first night it happened. i wandered in the living room, curious of what the ruckus was, and was greeted by my dad's hand slapping me across my face," you chuckled humorlessly, not knowing what other reaction was appropriate.

"he told me i shouldn't have been up or seen what they were doing. he was furious," you furrowed your brows as tears began to well in your eyes at the memory as spencer gingerly placed his hand comfortingly on your knee, scooting a tad bit closer to you. "after that night it became almost a pattern of his. he would come home and then get upset from his high coming down, and take it out on me. my mom just laughed and watched as he would hit me."

"eventually, they started just belittling me. they would say i was a coward for not standing up for myself. they would say i was stupid, or worthless. they especially liked to call me 'a waste of space,' i think that one was their favorite," you took a shaky, deep breath as you knew you were about to reveal for the first time to anyone what you would do to cope with the abuse.

"eventually i started to believe them. i started to believe the things they said about me. i thought i truly was an ugly, undeserving, piece of garbage," you turned to see spencer's eyes full of tears, mirroring your own. "i would self-harm because i believed them. each night after they were done with their own abuse, i felt so... frustrated. the only way i could get that frustration out was to do that. the scars are still there, taunting me of how weak i was to not just endure the pain," you finished.

you didn't even realize tears were streaming down your eyes until you noticed the few on spencer's cheek. he reached his hand up to wipe the tears on your face, ignoring that of his own.

"you aren't weak, y/n. you are unbelievably strong for getting through that. you have to know how amazing you are," he told you, demanding you to see you the way he saw you.

because the way he saw you, you were beyond perfect. you were so much stronger for going through that. if anything, knowing you went through that made him think you were that much more amazing.

and honestly, the way you were thinking is that when you told spencer, he might think less of you. he might think you were dumb for doing that to yourself, inflicting pain upon your own body to relieve yourself of pain.

that was anything but true.

"s-so you don't think any less of me?" you asked confused, looking into his eyes for any tells of his lying.

"absolutely not. if anything i think you're stronger now that i know what you've endured," he assured you, moving a stray piece of hair behind your ear as he moved even closer to you.

"thank you so much, spencer," you said as you lunged forward, your arms immediately pulling him closer around his neck into a hug.

"you don't need to thank me, y/n," he started as he rubbed circles in your back soothingly. "if it helps anything at all... i think your amazing. i always have, and i always will."

"spencer..." you pulled back and looked into his eyes. "just... i need to tell you one more thing."

"alright," he nodded, prompting you to continue.

"i uhm, i'm in love with you," you bit your lip in anticipation for his response.

he didn't say anything.

he couldn't say anything.

he wanted to say something, but he didn't know how.

he didn't even know if you actually said that, or if you were just a figment of his imagination.

because at this point, he felt so much more for you than love.

he was infatuated with you.

but you read it as rejection, so you quickly unhinged your arms from around his neck and retreated into a ball while on the couch.

"i-i'm sorry," you said after quickly realizing the reality of the situation.

he didn't feel the same.

"you d-don't need to say it back. i shouldn't have sprung that on you. i-i've just felt that way for so long, and i thought that maybe you did too, but i shouldn't have assumed anything. i'm so sorry," you looked at him, waiting for him to say anything. to admit anything.

"oh god, and i just spilled everything to you," you ran your hand through your hair.

silence.

"i think i need to go for a walk," you said, getting up from the couch and rushing out the door after grabbing your coat.

you opted for taking the stairs to run outside, being the quickest option.

spencer was speechless, still sitting on your couch, dumbfounded.

he was overwhelmed with emotions.

you loved him?

he couldn't believe that someone so smart, so beautiful, so kind, so funny, so... everything would ever love him.

and he was too late to say it back.

he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that you loved him, so he just sat there in awe of this revelation.

by the time he realized what you had said, and was ready to say it back, you were already out of the door and down the stairs.

you were walking all too fast with tears flooding your eyesight.

you had just lost the one person you loved the most. the one person who's always there for you. the only person you've felt a connection with. you lost your everything.

by the time spencer ran down the stairs in an attempt to chase you, you were nowhere to be found. he could always call your cell, but he wanted to admit his undying love and affection in person, not over some dumb cellular device.

you didn't know where you were going, just letting your feet take you wherever they pleased. it had been a bit cold and you had left everything at your place, so you began rubbing your arms in search for more friction.

you were walking around a corner when you were pulled into an alley by some random white guy. with a harsh hand on your arm, you whined out quietly from the sudden pain.

you didn't have your gun.

"money! NOW!" he demanded. you stayed there with tears in your eyes, too emotional to speak.

your wallet was back at the house.

"are you too dumb to speak? i said MONEY!" he said, pushing a gun you were now made aware of into your stomach.

"i-i don't have my wallet," you admitted with a shaky voice, tears now streaming down your face faster than before.

the night was supposed to be another night with spencer, watching your favorite show and being with your favorite person. you were supposed to be cuddled up on his couch, probably falling asleep in his arms by now.

and now you were being mugged and were probably going to get hurt in one way or another.

"and why is that, doll?" he pushed the gun further into your lower stomach .

"i-i was in a r-rush. i s-swear i d-don't have anyth-thing!" you stuttered, trying to convince him to let you go.

"too bad... you've already seen my face. let's hope you have a nice nap," he growled before pulling the trigger, a bullet running through your lower stomach.

spencer was near you when the bullet went off. he was walking home.

you didn't even realize it, but you were walking in the direction of your love's own home when you were ambushed.

he heard the gun go off.

he naturally ran into the alley with his gun raised, ready to fire at anyone fleeing the scene. he managed to take the guy down with a single bullet before realizing it was you who was shot.

he quickly grabbed his phone and dialed 911 and demanded an ambulance at the corner of 5th and maine, alerting them that an agent was down.

"Y/N!" he yelled, running to kneel beside your limp body. "please, no..." he pleaded.

he put his hand to your neck in an attempt to find any pulse. there was a weak one. there was that hope again. he pulled you onto his lap, your body now resting atop his.

"stay with me. i-i didn't get to tell you how i felt," he cried as he put pressure on where the blood was coming out.

"sp-spencer?" you asked, barely regaining consciousness.

"it's me, y/n. i'm here," he soothed, running a hand through your hair to move it from your face.

"i'm s-s-sorry," you choked out, feeling your eyelids become heavier by the second.

"no. don't apologize to me," he told you. "i should be apologizing."

"it's n-not... your... fault," you felt your breath coming slower, the weight on your chest becoming unbearable.

"i-if i would've just told you how i felt..." he began thinking about how horrible a mistake he had made.

sirens were nearing, hope was becoming greater. spencer clung to your body tighter than ever as if holding you closer to him would will your heart to beat stronger, even if it was for just a bit longer.

"i-i..." you took another uneven breath, reaching your hand up slowly to wipe a tear from his face. "lo-love..." another breath. "you," you finished, your hand cascading down from his face and falling limp onto spencer’s lap, now accepting your own fate as the ambulance was now right outside the alley.

there was a moment when spencer thought maybe you’d wake up. you’d come back to him. but once they loaded you into the ambulance he had to accept one thing.

he had lost his everything...

@averyhotchner @greenprisca @muffin-cup

[sleepyowlwrites]

find the word tag CCCXXXXI

it's been like, actual weeks since I've done one of my beloved tags. it's also been actual weeks since I've added anything to my wips thanks to this prolonged exhaustion but I've decided 'tis time to do one anyway. I have a lot piled up in the stash, after all. @spacetimewraithwrites

easy (the illusion, 2011)

I knew they were there. There was a definitive weight attached to my ankles that surely hit the damp earth repetitively as I ran. I just couldn't feel them. Slint had said this would happen. I'd tried to warn myself against it, to remember that lies flowed out of his mouth easy as blood from a wound. Then he'd forced my chin up and I looked into his eyes. They were all wrong; sometimes Slint told the truth. After all, I couldn't feel my feet.

Sharp sunlight on the river water hit my vision like a spear. I flinched, lost my balance and tumbled down the bank. A hand grabbed my arm as my legs dangled over a great tree root. Torash hauled me back up the bank and forced me forward.

"We can't cross here, the water's too fast." Even while hurried, his voice contained a trace of humor. "They'll be on us before we reach the other side. I know your feet hurt, but keep running!"

early (29 days of october, 2011)

Only a trick, just a trick, and his sword flew from his hands, leaving him panting before me on his knees, my sword point held wavering at his throat. Another five long seconds stretched out, but I couldn't move. I had not fought with someone who didn't want to kill me in a long time. Finally my arms dropped; I blinked as exhaustion seemed to overcome me. Strange, I could go on for hours before needing rest in a fight, but here my knees were buckling, my sword falling from my shaking hands.

In another moment Morren and the other ranger had their arms on mine, helping me over to lay nearer the fire. "Why can't I stand?" I asked groggily.

"Because Alfdan put something in the wine you drank this morning. You didn't sleep last night, and you hadn't slept a whole day before that. You were supposed to wake sooner after exiting the portal, then start sleeping in the early evening. But he was right, you have a strong body. You keep fighting." Morren's voice held a note of admiration, but I was too confused to acknowledge the compliment. My head fell onto his arms as sleep claimed me.

enter (the forest deep, 2011)

Enter, stranger, into the forest deep Be wary on your journey From here to mountain steep Lurking, quiet, in the shadows of the trees Sits many an unearthly beast Could give you cause to flee Softly, stranger, treading on the moss In this forbidden hollow Where you dare to cross Moving, silent, stirring on the wind Echoes of some voices gone Perhaps they are your kin

exist (the illusion, 2011)

Now Torash came from the opposite side of the fire. "Aline! Verain, why haven't you taken care of her?"

Verain shifted her eyes to meet his. "What are you talking about?" She moved my hands. "It's incredible. There's not a mark on them. I didn't know you were so tough. Is this a spell?"

I couldn't think of what to say. Yes, it's a spell, Slint did something to my feet! I can barely see them, I can't feel them, and you say that they're perfectly whole! But nothing came out of my mouth. Torash's face was incredulous in the firelight.

"Look at her feet. How can you say there's not marked? There're blisters all over them, and--, I can see her bone on this one!" Torash reached as if to touch my left foot, but I scooted away from him, pulling myself to a standing position by scrabbling up the tree at my back. As soon as I let go I fell over, though, and tried to ignore the strange knowledge of sticky liquid running from where my feet should've been, up my legs, almost to my knees. Was it blood? Can something bleed if it doesn't really exist?

effort (white, creased, 12. times new roman, 2021)

opinions are easy to have and easier to give, but poke quite a bit upon receiving, so in an effort to save my skin and my sanity, I maintain my right to have and not share everything, to present to you that wrinkled bit of sentiment and let you divine what you will from it; if you believe something false about me in the end I still won’t mind, for I never lied to you, I never was a wall.

empty (words for a poem, 2011)

It's hard to find the picture Of what you want to say When the words that you're looking for Just seem to fade away Right when you set your hands Upon the empty page Your fingers want to roll with feelings But instead there you sit And stare And age

behind, before, below, between. BONUS: believe, beware. @blind-the-winds @athenswrites @zmwrites @zoya-writes @did-i-do-this-write @spacetimewraithwrites OR ANYBODY

[farfromsugafanfic]

Sutures - Chapter Three: Anosognosia

Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader

Warnings (chapter specific): drinking, drunkenness, light smut, sex dream, implications of oral sex, obsessive behavior from an ex, unhealthy relationship dynamic (not on part of Yoongi & OC)

Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine

There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?

Notes: This was originally written and completed on Wattpad between 2018 and the beginning of 2020. I’ll be slowly posting the chapters here. I may make a tag list depending on if enough people want to follow along with updates. Leave me some feedback if you would like added to a tag list.

Previous | Series Masterlist | Next

Yoongi saw the look in your eyes shift from soft curiosity to sheer panic. He felt the pit of his stomach fill with guilt. He shouldn't have slept with you; sure, the two of you would still have this problem, but no one would've had reason to find your shoes. You wouldn't have had reason to leave them behind. 

He'd felt betrayed, he'd felt lonely, he'd felt unloved by those he wanted to love him most. But, that was no excuse to sleep with the first attractive girl he found. 

"Have you told Bang PD yet?" Namjoon asked, his demeanor calm, but Yoongi could see the slight shock cross over his features, causing his thick lips to pout and his chin to jut out. 

Yoongi shook his head.

"I'll call him," Namjoon said. The leader placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. He blocked Yoongi's view of you. He worried in those few seconds you were blocked from his view that you would collapse into Namjoon's chest and cry the tears meant for him. The tears because of him. 

Namjoon left the room, leaving Yoongi alone with you. He tried his best not to focus on the way your tank top hugged your chest and exposed the hickeys he'd left the night before and that Namjoon probably noticed it too.

"You look tired," Yoongi said. "We can't do anything until tomorrow anyway. Try and get some sleep."

You nodded and Yoongi wasn't sure if you were just trying to reassure him or yourself. He remembered the way you'd fallen asleep long before he did. The way you'd fit against his body; how it felt like two puzzle pieces joining together for the first time. He blinked away the thoughts and tried to focus back down on your eyes. 

"We'll pay them off," Yoongi said. "We'll make sure nothing comes of this."

---

Jihee (9:00 am): Are you all right?

Jihee (9:05 am): I heard you're in the hospital

Jihee (10:01 am): None of your members are texting me back

Jihee (12:31 pm): Baby, the news is reporting something about your soulmate? What happened last night?

Jihee (2:43 pm): Yoongi! Please respond to me! I'm worried

Jihee (5:12 pm): Yoongi...what I did last night...what happened was all a mistake...

Jihee (5:12 pm): I still love you

Jihee (6:00 pm): The news said you were released hours ago! Respond to me!

Jihee (8:20 pm): Yoongi, I miss you

Jihee (9:30 pm): I know I don't deserve you. But, please just tell me you're okay

Jihee (11:50 pm): Goodnight. Love you.

---

"Baby," you moaned. Your hands slipping beneath Yoongi's shirt. They were cold, but he still loved the way they moved over his stomach and chest. Your fingertips grazing over his skin, a fingernail occasionally catching and causing him to squirm.

His hands were in your hair, messing it up and causing it to form mountain ranges as his fingers hiked the peaks and valleys. He loved the way it felt between his fingers, soft and light. 

Your lips moved from his and down to his neck where your lipstick stained his skin. He kept his grip on your hair, feeling it tug slightly as you move downward. He helped you slip his shirt off as your lips connected with his chest. 

"You don't have--"

You silenced him by tugging on the waistband of his jeans and rubbing your thumb over the button, teasing him slightly. 

"I want to," you responded, unbuttoning his jeans. 

Yoongi tightened his grip on your hair, trying not to focus on the way your lipstick was smeared above your lips. He could already imagine the way they'd look...

His head lulled back and his fingers loosened. 

---

Yoongi awoke. He was covered in sweat and ran his hand through his hair. He glanced down at his phone: 6:41 am. He sighed and headed to the bathroom. 

He slapped himself softly, trying to stop the thoughts that continued to cross his mind. He didn't have feelings for you, it was simply lingering from he slept with you. Nothing else. 

He wasn't going to deny he was attracted to you, he wouldn't have gone back to your apartment otherwise, but he felt nothing romantically for you. Yoongi knew the attraction would continue and probably only get worse, but he had to fight it. The last thing he wanted to do was break either of hearts more than they already were. 

Yoongi turned on the shower, the water colder than usual.

---

You stood in Yoongi's studio where he kept his computer. You'd suppressed your laughter at the ridiculous amount of hoops you'd had to jump through in order to enter. A doorbell, black curtain, and two doors. You respected the fact he took his work seriously though. The wall full of awards and trophies he'd won, a few even separate from BTS.

There was a couch in the corner, but you were too anxious to sit. You just wanted your shoes back and whoever took them to get their money and leave you alone. You were thankful your name hadn't been released and the only other person who knew the full truth was Eunji.

"There's many of us trying," Yoongi said. "Me, Namjoon, our managers, other people at the company. One of us will get them." 

You nodded and watched as the countdown on the auction neared two minutes to the end. There weren't many bids, but the shoes were somehow already over 300,000 won ($276 USD). You'd brought your knitting needles and some yarn and mindlessly knitted.

"What are you making?" Yoongi asked, a small smile breaking out across his lips. It was tiny and barely recognizable. You weren't sure if he pitied you or if simply trying to break the tension. 

"Nothing in particular," you said. "I just need something to keep me busy." 

Normally, when you went in without a plan, it turned out as a scarf. You bit you lip as the timer hit a minute. 

Yoongi saw your gaze shift to his screen and he readied to enter his bid as close to the end as he could. He entered one million won ($920.00 USD) and hovered his finger over the enter button. 

"That's too much!" you said. 

"No one will outbid it."

"I know," you said. "But I feel bad. I shouldn't have forgotten them in the first place." 

The timer hit twenty seconds. Ten seconds. Yoongi waited just a few more seconds wanting to time it just right. 

You heard a scream and a crash and almost simultaneously an error message appeared on Yoongi's computer. Please connect to Wi-Fi.

"Shit," Yoongi said. "Jimin!"

You followed Yoongi to the living room, leaving the partially started scarf behind. You saw Jimin and Jungkook crowded around the router working to connect the cord back into it. 

"Did you trip over it again?" Yoongi asked, his voice breathy and exasperated. 

"Sorry," he said. "I'm not used to it." 

Yoongi sighed and turned back to you. His dark eyes looked down at you apologetically and he sat down on the couch, pulling out his phone. 

"I'll try and see if I can see who won." 

---

"It looks like they're going to have to come out and fix it," Namjoon said, hanging up the phone. "We won't have internet until then." 

The members groaned. 

Jungkook walked into the kitchen and brought back a case of beer, a smirk plastered on his face. 

"Let's play a game," he said. "To welcome Sumi to the dorm."

"What game?" Namjoon asked. 

"Answer or drink," he said. "On your turn, someone asks you a question and if you don't want to answer it, you have to drink." 

Everyone agreed and sat in a circle. Yoongi sat on one side of you and Hoseok on the other side. Your knee brushed Yoongi's and you felt a small pang in your chest as you pulled away.

"All right, we'll go in order of age. Jin, you're up first." 

You didn't really pay attention to the questions. You'd fall somewhere towards the end. Between Jungkook and Taehyung. 

Jin answered the question. He didn't seem like the type to be embarrassed easily, a quality you admired in the eldest. 

---

"Yoongi," Jungkook said. "Your turn."

The room stayed silent. No one had a question for the boy and he couldn't help but smirk slightly. However, Taehyung meekly raised his hand. 

"What happened with Jihee?"

Yoongi cussed to himself. He knew she had been texting the other members about him. The other members would always consult him first before telling her anything when it was obvious he wasn't talking to her. 

"She cheated," Yoongi answered simply. 

The other boys' eyes widened and they nodded. However, it wasn't their gazes Yoongi felt boring into him. It was yours. He could feel your eyes staring at his profile. 

Yoongi had been careful the night he met you. He managed not even to tell you his name. He'd only mentioned he'd recently gotten out of a relationship. He figured you didn't need to hear his sob story. Besides, he planned on keeping Jihee's betrayal a secret. Just as she wanted. The only people he could trust with the truth were his members. 

But, you deserved to know the truth. It was unfair to keep you completely at a distance, especially when he'd overheard everything about your ex.

Yoongi noticed you drinking, you'd already cracked open another can by the time it got Namjoon. He felt a twinge in his chest. Yoongi quickly suppressed it, your drinking habits were none of his business. And based on the way Eunji talked the night at the bar, it didn't sound like you drank much. Only when your heart was broken.

"Sumi," Jungkook said. "Your turn." 

Again, the room fell silent. No one knew Sumi well enough to ask her such a personal question. But, then again, everyone was tipsy, or in a few cases, already drunk. 

"How's Yoongi in bed?" 

Everyone except for Yoongi and you laughed. 

"Seriously?" Yoongi asked. 

He knew it was the alcohol that asked the question, but it was still inappropriate. He didn't want you to have to drink. Your eyes were glazed and your cheeks rosy. 

Yoongi reached over and drank for you, crumpling the can when he finished. 

"Move on," he said. "It should be your turn, right, Jungkook?"

"Wait," you said. "I didn't answer." 

Everyone turned to look at you. It was obvious you were too drunk to notice that Yoongi had technically already drank for you. 

"He's good," you answered. "Better than my ex and I hate that cause..." 

You drifted off not noticing the seven stunned faces staring at you.Your words slurred, but they hung in the room. Your eyelids drooped and your head lulled forward into your chest. 

"I think it's time for bed," Namjoon said, standing up and helping you stand. He threw an arm around you and led you down the hall towards your bedroom. 

Despite the fact that the situation was perfectly appropriate, Yoongi still felt a small pang of jealousy. He knew he shouldn't and that it was all the soulmates thing, but that didn't stop his fists from clenching. 

"She probably won't remember this in the morning," Yoongi said. "Don't remind her."

Yoongi swallowed the rest of his drink and left the room on the pretenses of being sleepy--which he was--but he also didn't want anyone to see the blush come to his cheeks. 

---

You awoke the next morning with the worst headache you'd ever had. You clutched your forehead and glanced at the time: 10:30 am. You sighed. 

You spotted your knitting things from yesterday placed on top of the dresser. You didn't remember fetching them from Yoongi's studio, but then again, you barely remembered anything after Jimin knocked the Wi-fi out. 

"All I drank was beer," you muttered to yourself. 

You weren't known for being a lightweight causing you to wonder just how much you'd drank the night before.

As you squirmed you felt something soft move in the crook of your arm. You looked down and saw Kitty. You smiled at the stuffed cat and her droopy eye. 

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Eighteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Seventeen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Nineteen

I remember the first time I really wanted to see New York. I must have been about 12 years old and was watching a random episode of Friends that was on TV. I saw those flashes of the city between one scene and another, and I thought it was amazing, the great stone jungle.

When I turned 16, my dad gifted me with a trip to New York, not because it was my favorite place in the world, but because it was on sale. There were 10 days where the only time I stopped to rest was bedtime. We went to almost every tourist spot, took thousands of photos and it was definitely one of the best trips I've ever been on.

Now, the city that I once wanted to know and live in, like the characters in Friends, felt like a prison. I wasn't there of my own free will or for a truly irrefutable proposal. I was there out of fear and passion, the most dangerous mixture.

I believe that at some point, a few months from now, I'm going to start loving New York, but right now, I can only feel contempt.

I pass through the arrivals gate, looking at those millions of unfamiliar faces, waiting for someone. I'm looking for a sign with my name or the logo of the Hastings Agency.

I find my name in the hands of a boy a little taller than me. Dark hair and fair skin, he needs sun. In an impeccable suit, but fumbling with his cell phone and notepad.

I approach slowly, able to hear his voice, replaying a million things. He said something about waiting for me to arrive and taking me to the hotel. Something about treating me kindly and not asking questions. I stop in front of him with a sympathetic smile, watching him widen his eyes and quickly turn off his cell phone.

“Miss McGonagall, welcome to New York.” he takes my hand, squeezing it and shaking it quickly. “I'm Edward. I will be responsible for your schedule.” I can't control the smile, noticing him nervousness. In other words, he was my Noah.

“Hi! Yeah, you can call me Marnie, that's fine. I prefer, actually.”

“Oh! Of course.” his cheeks turn pink. “Well, I'll drop you off at the hotel to rest and tomorrow at 8:00 am you should be at Valentino's studio for the rehearsal of the new bag collection. At 2:45 pm you should already be at Chanel's studio, they want to take your measurements and do some color and fabric tests for the fashion show at the end of the month. Then, at 5:00 pm, you will participate in the E! podcast, and I believe that after that you will be free for the rest of the day.” he passes it on to me as we head out of the airport.

“OK!” that's all I have to say.

“Sorry if I'm being nosy, but were you the one who required a lot of work for the next two months? I mean, you have a really busy schedule. If you don't want something, I can try to help.” he flips through the calendar while we wait for a car.

“No! It's OK. I was the one who asked. I was down for a while and I need to get back to work.” I give a slight smile, debating. "Hm, was the doctor I asked for by any chance be marked?"

“Yes! Wednesday at 3pm.” he smiles proudly, making me smile too. Edward seems like a nice guy.

We got into a silver car and went to the hotel. Along the way, Edward answers a few calls, closing in on his tasks. I seize the moment and close myself in my own world. I get my cell phone, turning it on and seeing that tsunami of people looking for me. Missed calls, messages, dm on twitter and instagram, everyone looking for me, but not him.

I lock my cell phone, trying to focus my mind on the new beginning I sought for myself. I admire the city through the car window, trying to find a piece of home there. I feel the phone vibrate in my lap with Kyleen's name, but I just decline the call. In seconds, the screen lights up again and several messages come in, I believe they are hers, but I don't even bother to look. I have no courage.

The car stops in front of the Intercontinental, and just like that, Edward jumps out of the car.

“Your loft, unfortunately, is not ready yet. So you're going to have to stay here for a few days.” he explains, heading towards the reception desk.

I stand behind him, taking in the details of the hotel. Before long, I'm entering a room on the 14th floor, with a beautiful view of the city. The bags are left in the small room before the bedroom.

I smile at my new “Noah” showing that everything is perfect.

“Good! I'll let you rest for tomorrow. Anything, these are my phones.” he gives me a card. "And you can call me at any time. I live near here, I will come in a few minutes.”

“Thank you so much, Edward. You are very kind." Again, your cheeks turn pink.

As he heads for the door, I start rummaging through my bags for pajamas.

“Hm, sorry if I'm not being professional right now, but since I believe we'll be working together in the next few months, I imagine a good relationship is essential, so you can call me Eddie.”

I open an even bigger smile, seeing that Eddie was willing to make a friendship, which is perhaps the thing I need most at the moment.

“Thanks, Eddie!” he smiles and this time he walks away, leaving me alone again.

I go back to looking for a more comfortable outfit, ignoring my cell phone blinking on the table as I muted it. I grab my clothes, heading to a shower and stay there for a long time, letting the water take everything.

When I get out of the shower, I pick up the bedroom phone, dialing my mother's number, I don't want to take the risk of answering any of my cell phone calls.

"Hello?" her lost tone makes me smile weakly.

“Hi Mom!”

“Hi, my love. How are you? Marnie, what's going on? Leah came here to say you left without saying goodbye. I called Luke, but he did not answer me and Noah said something about you being to move to New York, you told me it would be just a month.” I cover the phone, not wanting her to hear my cry, letting the tears fall. "Marnie?"

“I'm sorry, Mom.” I can't control my voice and pretend it's okay.

“Honey, what's going on? You can tell me. Mom will help you.” I realize she wants to cry too, and that hurts me more.

“I needed to do this, needed to get away from him.” the revelation comes out before I can see it.

"He who? Luke? Why? I thought everything was fine.” her desperate tone returns.

“I'm sorry I can't talk.” I close my throat, holding back tears. “I just want to let you know that I arrived well and that everything is fine.”

“Fine? Marnie, just look at your voice, your condition. I saw what you did to the apartment. Honey, things aren't fine.” now she was angry.

“Mom, please just trust me. I know what I'm doing.” Do I? I clear my throat, holding back the emotion. “I just wanted to call to say I got okay. Later we'll talk.” I hang up the phone before she asks anything else.

I head to the bathroom, drying my hair. I notice that yesterday's anger is still in me as I can't face my image in the mirror, refusing to look deep into my eyes.

With dry hair, I go back to my room, thinking about taking a nap, since I haven't slept all night and even less on the flight. I close my eyes, trying to focus my thoughts on something else. I think about that taxi I saw earlier, trying to park. Or people crossing the street without looking at the sign. At the cookie shop I want to see.

I manage to evade Luke's, my mother's, John's, and Noah's voices, giving myself more and more to the sleep that finally came. Far away, I hear someone knocking hard on the door, but I ignore it, as I had the same thoughts yesterday morning. But I wake up when the pounding comes back stronger and Leah's voice enters the room.

“Marnie Elizabeth McGonagall, open this shit now before I drop it and you know I'm capable of it.” I leap out of bed, running to the door.

She can’t be here.

I open the door, revealing Leah with perhaps the worst expression I've ever seen in the world. She was furious, if not more so. As she storms into my room without waiting for an invitation, I quickly look down the hall, seeing a couple look at me startled. I smile awkwardly, closing the door.

“What are you doing here?” I question, still not understanding.

"What are you doing here? And without warning anyone. Fading in the morning. Breaking up with Luke. What the fuck was that?” she screams.

For a second, I see that my amnesia was an issue with my plan. By not remembering my friendship with everyone, I really believed that I just left and everything would be fine. I didn't imagine anyone would cross the country for me, to understand what was going on.

And if Leah did it, it's a matter of hours before someone else does. They weren't going to leave me alone, they weren't going to forget me, and they weren't going to let this story pass. I need to push them away, but I don't know how.

"Go on, Marnie. What the fuck is going on? And if you tell me it's a job offer, I swear I'll fly at you without pity or mercy, and I'll slap the truth out.” she cross her arms.

I consider the last option a lot because I know she can do it. But I won't tell her the truth, that's not an alternative. I want to believe that if I don't back off, she'll see I'm not lying and won't attack me. And even if she tries, I just run away, I'm closer to the door and there's an armchair between us.

"But it is what it is!" I shrug.

“Stop it!” she screams. “Stop lying, Marnie. Everyone. Everyone knows you're lying, so why don't you tell the truth?” she waves her hands through the air.

“Because there's no other truth, Leah. Will I have to draw it for you?” I make the same moves she does.

“Be my guest!” she sits on the couch. I sigh wearily. I haven't slept for hours, I'm angry with myself and the world and now that I thought the situation was resolved and I just had to go on with my life, she comes and messes everything up.

“Why are you here?” I stay upright.

“I do not know! It must be cause you went crazy and disappeared without saying anything. Didn't answer my calls, no one had any answers about what was going on. So I took my father's jet and came to resolve this situation and I don't leave here without an answer at least.”

In the same way I laugh at Noah, I laugh at her, thinking it will fix everything. Leah carries the same expression as her brother, neutral, mocking.

“Why did you break up with Luke?” she asks quietly.

The mention of his name makes me shiver. I notice how my stomach turns and try to ignore it. I wonder if I can subtly extract some information from his state, but I don't want her to think I still care about him.

"Cause I wasn't in the mood anymore." I shrug, walking through space.

“My God, you've actually lied better.” I glare at her. “You know you're in trouble here, I know you better than anyone. I know you are lying and that you are going through some difficult situation. I even have my theories. So you're going to have to work a lot harder to trick me or get me out of here.” she cracks a smile, feeling victorious.

"Oh do you have? What are your theories?” I mock her.

“The first is that you really freaked out with amnesia and you can't handle it. The second is that you can't handle your feelings about Luke, it happened once before. And the third is that someone put some shit in your head and made you believe that everything would be better if you were out of the way.” I feel her gaze burning into me, looking for any reaction.

I let out a laugh, not forced, nervous that she got it right. Leah raises an eyebrow.

“You really traveled on your theories. Sorry, none are right.”

As if by magic, the answer appears to me. The only way I was going to get rid of everyone and go through with the plan without a hitch was to make her hate me. Make everyone hate me, just like I did Luke.

Just considering their hate for me makes my heart ache. But I need to do this. For Luke. For the boys. It's for their success.

“You know, a few months ago you were asked to be in a movie and you didn't take it cause you said you were a terrible actress. Isn't that right?” she gets up again. “Noah told me you said you were doing this for Luke, because you loved him. Marnie, what are you trying to hide?” she comes closer.

I feel dirty because of the attitude I'm going to take. It's low, very low, but I need her to hate me.

"Look who talks about hiding." I give a cynical laugh. Leah looks at me confused. "Don't you have anything to tell too?" she still doesn't understand. “You and Kyleen?”

Hastings freezes. The bitter taste of my act starts to fill my mouth. I’m sorry, Leah. I’m so sorry.

“How do you know?” she takes a step back.

"Who do you think closed the bathroom door on Ash's birthday?" I raise my eyebrows.

“Is not the same thing.”

“It isn’t? Aren't you hiding something from all of us?” I force a smile like hers a few minutes ago.

“No! Cause I'm not pushing everyone away, I'm not telling lies. And if you asked me, I would tell you the truth. Deep down, you know why I didn't say anything. You know my dad hasn't accepted Noah yet, that this is a problem in our family, and you know he wouldn't accept me either. You know that deep down I'm trying to protect both of us.”

“Oh! Do I?” I debauchery more. Right now, I feel horrible when I see your eyes water. I'm so, so sorry.

“I know what you're trying to do and I'm not going to stage it.” she walks past me to the door.

"Didn't you want to talk? I am talking.” Leah turns to me, straining the knife I carried in my chest, letting me see her crying face.

“You're trying to make me hate you.” now I'm the one who freezes. She laughs. “See how I know you? You are very predictable, Marnie. And as much as I know of your intention, I will not allow you to reach your goal. I hope that one day, not too far away, you realize what a big shit you're doing.” she opens the door, going. “Oh, and before I forget, since it's meant to hurt. Congrats, since your little chat with Luke, he's been locked in his room, needing Michael to keep an eye on him.” so Leah slams the door and strikes the final blow.

I bite the inside of my mouth, letting the tears fall. Honestly, I didn't even have the strength to hold back anymore. The rage burning inside me gives way to pain. I imagine Luke locked in his room, lying on the bed, hating me. Hating what we had and what we thought we had.

I walk over to my suitcase, pulling out a package, with the photos I'd taken from the box and the little white box he'd given me. I open it, holding the necklace with his name on it, the one he gave me.

Even knowing what I had to do, I wouldn't get rid of this necklace, I don't have the courage. It was easier to buy an equal one and put it in his hand. What he did to me would be kept with me forever.

““Closed eyes.” he fights.

"I have my eyes closed." I rebate. “Lucas…” I chide him, when I feel his lips on the back of my neck.

“Sorry, I got distracted.” I hold back the urge to laugh. “Closed eyes.”

"If you say it one more time, you'll get hit." I threat.

"How, if you can't see me?" right now, the urge to hit him is so strong that I follow the sound of his voice, trying to kick him. “Hey! No rudeness, otherwise you'll be left without a gift.” the false authoritative tone makes me angrier. “Good girl!”

“Go!” I kicked.

I'm startled by the icy touch against my neck. It's a necklace. Eagerly, I touch the pendant, recognizing the shape. He didn't do it.

“You can open it.” his hands move to my hips, hugging me.

With my eyes open, I run my vision to my neck, finding there a necklace just like his but blue.

“Happy Birthday!” he drops a kiss on my cheek.

I hold the blue quartz, seeing Luke's name engraved on the back. I let a stupid smile spread across my face, glaring at my boyfriend with the same.

"Want to explain why we're wearing practically identical necklaces?"

“It's a little obvious. Couples wear rings and I know what a problem you have with rings.”

“It’s not a problem.” I try to defend myself.

“It's just Alzheimer's. You know, in some people, it starts before they're 70 years old.” I hit him, and he laughs, before he hugs me. "Like I was saying, I know you're not into wearing a ring, so since I already had my necklace, I thought you'd have yours. That way we'll always be close to each other's hearts.” I rest my hands on his shoulders, standing on tiptoes.

"Have I told you I love you today?" I whisper, moving closer.

“Not after 5 pm.” he pouted, looking at the clock on the wall.

I don't know how I managed to kiss him with such a stupid smile on my face.

“Why do I like you, huh?” I question, stealing a little kiss.

“Because I'm cheesy and romantic. And even if you deny it, I know you get attached to it.” he opens a victorious smile.

"Don't ever say 'get attached' again." I beg laughing.

"What is it, bae? That was awesome.” he laughs.

“No!” I scream, laughing.

"What is it, babe girl? Don't you stick to my way of get in?” he keeps teasing me.

I place my lips on yours, determined to shut your mouth and thank you that it works. My mental reminder of “we're late for dinner” evaporates when his hands reach under my shirt. I scratch the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

“We're late for dinner.” he says against my mouth as I start to unbutton his shirt.

“Just say the traffic was like hell.” I suggest kissing his neck.

Luke accepts the idea, picking me up and walking me back to the bedroom."

It's not hard to know that we were late for dinner that day. But I didn't care, I had been given a necklace with his name on it, a necklace that showed how our relationship was getting more and more serious.

I also realize that the two times I got this necklace, at least once I ended up in bed with him. In fact, in both, but only one made it to the end.

“I hate myself.” I say tiredly, going to the minibar to get anything containing alcohol that makes me forget everything.

I call the front desk for two bottles of champagne and the biggest snack they have. I pick up the small whiskey bottles, turning one after the other, as if they were shot. I shake my head, wanting the effect to start faster.

“I hate myself. Leah hates me. Kiki must hate me now too. Just like Noah and everyone else there. Everybody hates me.” I turn the last one over, shaking my head once more. “Luke hates me. Hates me too much.” I comment, hugging the pillow.

I pick up a Polaroid of ours, staring at our happiness marked there. What am I doing?

I throw my head in my hands, lost. I wonder what might happen if I crawl into bed and don't go out for the rest of the month. Probably more people will hate me, but who doesn't hate me now? I mean, just get in line.

Awakened from the thought, when someone knocks on the door. For a second, I wonder who it was, then remember I ordered room service. I walk to the door, feeling the weight of the six small bottles.

My stomach churns and I feel an overwhelming urge to vomit as I land my eyes on the redhead in front of me. Red-haired?

"Bethany?"

[oikadori]

Happy Birthday Oikawa

Oikawa x f!Reader 

Summary: It's been more than 6 months since the last time you and Oikawa had been in each other’s arms, he has been in Argentina training while you went to the United States to study. But now his birthday is coming

WC: 1,5K

Genre:  angst,fluff, a little suggestive,swearing

“I miss you so much, (Y/N),” your heart clenched at the sound of his voice lowering  “God I wish I could be there with you.” a small smile appears on your lips while you handle your bag to the airport assistant. “I know, Tooru, I miss you too.” 

“It’s just so frustrating!! I want to hold you, to kiss you but I can’t…And I just-” his voice raises and he starts to speak faster, you reach the boarding wait room knowing you’ll soon have to end the call.

“Babe, I have-” 

“You know what??” he sounded desperate and kept talking.

“Babe, I know it is hard but I really have to-” you tried to add but Oikawa’s voice didn't let you “Fuck it!! I’m taking the next flight to Boston, that’s it” you stiffened,a large sigh coming out of your lips,  you were 120% done with his complains. You shake your head thinking about your exasperated boyfriend, and how he’ll react when he sees you.

“HEY TRASHYKAWA! Listen to me, I have to go. I was supposed to work on... a group project.” the woman behind you looks at you frowning, how couldn’t she,  with that scream of yours.

“Sorry babe, I got a little carried away...wait, what?” he blinks a couple of times,  looking down at his watch, 11:20 pm.

 “But you were supposed to be the first one to say Happy Birthday to me…” even if you couldn’t see him, you could picture his mouth pouting. 

 “I know Tooru, I’m really sorry. I have to go,” Oikawa bites his lip “Okay…” his voice is barely a whisper, you take a deep breath,  not knowing how much can you keep this going. All you want to do is to tell him that, after the next 5 hours you will be hugging him tightly  “I’ll call you first time in the morning, don’t do anything stupid ‘till then, okay?” a little smile adorns his lips 

“(Y/N), what can I possibly do in the next 6 hours, plus, I do have a sleeping schedule to follow” you let out a ringing laugh, Oikawa squeals at the sound of it, seeing that gorgeous smile of yours again will be the best birthday gift he could ever ask. When was the last time he actually saw that pretty smile? Thought you never liked your laugh, he never stops telling you how cute it is.

“Who knows? You always manage to surprise me” the line of boarding moved, making you the next to show your ticket, an endearing chuckle came from the other side of the call, making it almost impossible for you to finish the conversation with him,  “I really have to go...I love you Tooru, bye.” You quickly place your phone on your handbag and turn to the counter lady. 

“I love you too” his back drops on the bed a little shocked about how quickly you finished the call. “Fuck” his forearms are crossed over his face, his mind wandering over the last time you shared dinner together, held hands , slept on the same bed to wake up next to each other.

But most painful was that he couldn’t stop thinking about how your lips tasted and how your skin felt under his touch. Oikawa wasn’t able to restrain a small sob from his lips. 

12:00 pm and not even a text from you, were you that busy to not even text him? No, you were actually updating Iwaizumi, Makki, and Mattsun about the plan the three of you were pulling out.

  A little sore made its way to his chest, This week you barely talked with each other. He didn’t know that you were busy organizing your trip to Argentina just to be with him. 

Worry written over his features, his eyelids became heavier and his breathing slowed, fatigue making its way in his bod, after all, he just has made its way back from training. He turned to the side hugging a pillow pretending he is holding you and closed his eyes longing for you to be there with him.

///

You stand in front of a door in the middle of the hall, your eyes checked the address in your phone and looked at photo Oikawa sent you a few months ago when he moved in. Yeah, this is the place, a big smile appears on your face and you knock the door expectantly. Nothing. It’s almost 5:30 am, he’s likely to be sleeping, knowing his schedule you realize today is his day off. Of course, he is sleeping.

 A few minutes after, you’re calling your boyfriend. 

“(Y/N)-chan?” Oikawa’s voice rings from the other side, hoarse and slumberous. 

“ Happy birthday Tooru!! Sorry for not telling you sooner, I- The guys stayed until just now and…” 

“Awww, Thanks (Y/N)!! Don’t worry babe, I understand... you sound tired” a huge yawn coming out from his lips, you giggle at his words, if you knew Tooru. Your heart beats faster at his soft words, hearing him always made your heart skip a bit. “Babe? Everything ok?” his words still are drowsy and another yawn makes it through his lips. Oikawa won’t tell you that his eyes are closing with each passing second because he only wants to hears your voice as long as he possibly can. And you know this. Your heartbeats speed up and your cheeks heating up.  

“Yeah, it’s gonna be more than ok” you whispered “I’ll let you sleep now, I know you need to have a good sleep to keep that pretty face”  you tease, as sleepy as he is Oikawa lets out a warm laugh and grins at the phone. Before he can fully answer, you silence your phone and knock the door with powerful thumps.

“Of course, to wake up this handsome I- What the fuck? Sorry babe, some idiot it’s knocking on my door, wait for me a minute please” 

The door opens and Oikawa’s eyes widen, his tiredness disappearing instantly. You blush at the view in front, his phone con hand, his messy brown locks framing his features, and his bare torso exposed to your eyes. 

“Guess I’m the idiot, uh? “ you smile sweetly at him “Surprise T-” before you can say anything else, Oikawa is already all over you. He kisses every inch of your face while holding you tightly, his lips brush your neck and make you let out a vociferous laugh. 

You gently push him a little, feeling his skin under your touch is hard to regain your composure “Happy Birthday Tooru” You cup his cheeks and kiss his lips, his hands move to your waist and pulls you closer. Sharing a passionate kiss that was longed for too much. 

“I still can’t believe you are here, how?” His forehead rest on yours and your fingers strike his locks and caress his neck. 

“Well, It turns out your girlfriend is amazing soo..” His laugh fills the hall and sends warmth to your stomach. 

 “This is the best birthday gift I could possibly get, you know?” he lifts your chin up, stroking your cheek, his eyes filled with tenderness “I love you so much...Fuck, I missed you” Small tears appear on both of you, a smile set on your lips.

“You are the best thing it could possibly happen to me, Tooru” his eyes dazzle while wiping your tears with the back of his hand. Both of you restrain yourselves from becoming a crying mess, slowing down your breathing. 

“Well... are you gonna invite me in? Or are we staying here the rest of the night?” you cock your eyebrows making Oikawa smirk playfully at you. He observes you, but his gaze looks ...darker.

“So many things we could do here, tho” he leans , pressing your body against the wall, trapping you between his arms. You feel his chest against yours and notice how bulkier his forearms look now. You manage to collect all your self-control and keep a playful mood. 

“Tooru” you whisper bowing closer to his ear “Iwaizumi, Makki and Mattsun are coming here in about 2 hours,” 

“Are those 3 coming too?... You guys are awesome” his face displays a big smile and shiny eyes. Is he really that shocked that his friends are coming to see him?  “In that case, love,  we should make most of the time we have left” His husky voice promises so many things, sending shivers through your body. You are genuinely surprised how easy he shifts his moods. 

“I like the idea. Maybe, after you  help me unpacking, hmm?” 

“That won’t take long, isn't it?”Oikawa hums in your neck  

“Well I’m making a whole semester here, I think I brought plenty of stuff” you coo, Oikawa steps back and his eyes glisten in delight. He takes a look at your suitcases noticing for the first time how big they are and hurries to take them in his apartment. 

“That’s just the best news I’ve heard so far. You’re making this day better and better (Y/N)” Oikawa’s hand holds yours tightly as he closes the door. “You make me so happy, babe, I’m really lucky...thank you...for ev-” One of your fingers presses his lips, you  lean on your feet to reach his cheek, planting a gentle kiss

 “ Anything for you, I love you Tooru. Happy birthday”

It is  almost a week late but I had to do something for his birthday. 

Here are some other things I made about Oikawa (⊃‿⊂) .  Ahhhhhh I’m still new to this

↳ ∴ Master List ∴

[xplrsquad7137]

How I Met Your Mother-

Colby Brock × Reader

Chapter Eleven is here...

Chapter Twelve: Room 333

**disclaimer** in this story, Y/n goes with them to the Langham hotel, the one that they filmed for their channels.

Word Count 1,653

Warnings: light angst and cussing

_____________________________________

Sam and I have been planning this trip for a long time. We have been wanting to go to this haunted hotel for what feels like forever! I want to take Y/n along with us because she has never been to anything actually haunted before. She has been to events for Halloween before but this is different, it is actually real. 

"Baby, do you want to come on this trip with us?"

Y/n "I'm down, where is it?" I told her where the hotel was and how far away it is from Los Angeles. "Yeah! What time do we leave?"

"In a couple of hours, it is still pretty early so we can stay in bed for a bit if you want."

Y/n "mmm yes please." She climbs back on top of my body and falls back asleep for another hour.

___________________________________

It is now 12:23 p.m and we are all eating before we hit the road. 

Corey "Are you excited?"

Y/n "Hell yeah I am!"

Jake "You're not at all scared?"

Y/n "Not really. I mean I'm sure it'll be scary if shit happens but if nothing happens then what's so scary about staying in an old hotel?"

Sam "She is your soulmate, Colby."

I blush and start laughing, "I know this! She is like me but a female!"

Y/n "It's the best, isn't it?!"

"It's pretty cool, baby girl." 

Sam "Well this place seems legit. Everything that I have read about it is all haunting stories. Shit flying off of the walls and dressers. Blankets moving off of guests while they sleep...it's insane."

Y/n "great….not at all scared now, thanks Sammy."

Sam "Hey, don't shoot the messenger!"

"Don't worry baby, I'll keep you safe." She leans into me so that I can kiss her forehead. This is going to be so much fun having my girl tag along with us!

….

I drove my red Corolla while Sam sat passenger, Y/n sat in the middle between Jake and Corey. The drive was three hours long, straight shot. Once we got to the hotel, we got all of our cameras and the rest of our belongings and headed to the front desk. 

Corey "This place just screams haunted..jesus!"

Jake "Really Corey? Already? We just got here."

Corey "Sorry Jake...I can't help that this place just screams demonic!"

I grab Y/n's hand and start laughing at Corey's crazy response. Even though he was being dead serious, it was hilarious the way he said it. 

Y/n "I will have to agree with you, Corey...it looks way scarier in person."

Corey "THANK YOU! We should bring her more often, now I can have someone to agree with me that this is a fucking bad idea!"

Sam "brother….it's only for the next...12 hours."

Jake "Oh yeah...only 12 hours...easy peasy!"

…

The front desk Manager "Hello, welcome to the Langham hotel!"

"Hello, yes we have a reservation for room 333 and 334"

The Manager "Oh yes, under Cole Brock and Corey Scherer?"

"Yes, that is us!"

The Manager "Very good, I'll just need a way of payment and then you all can be on your way." I handed him my credit card and then he handed me the room key.

Jake "Bro..I have to ask you, is this hotel really haunted?"

The Manager smirks "Well you will find out sooner rather than later."

Corey "Oh fuck this bro! Are you kidding me?!" Y/n's face dropped and I could see the little bit of nervousness in her face. 

Sam "This is gonna be a fun night boys!"

Y/n "haha! Yeah..super fun boys!" I wrap my arm around her shoulders to keep her close to me. 

I whisper to her, "You good baby?"

Y/n "Yeah..just creeped out."

"It'll be fine, I'm sure that nothing will even happen. It's just for fun okay?" She giggles and agrees with me. Oh I was so wrong...so wrong!

____________________________________

As soon as we got in the room, our equipment started going off the charts. The meter spiked red immediately.

Corey "I am not staying here, bro."

"Yes you are, I already paid." 

Jake "These meters are a joke. Anything electric can set it off, this means nothing." I hate how negative Jake can be sometimes during these trips. He isn't completely wrong but it has to be more, right?

Sam "Wow! Did y'all hear that?"

Y/n "I heard it! It sounded like a little kid screaming!"

Sam "Yeah! You guys didn't hear that?" We all say no.

Y/n "Babe..that was so loud, how did you not hear it?"

"I wasn't really paying attention."

Jake "I never pay attention."

Sam "Yes, we know Jake."

That made her laugh a little bit. I hand Sam the camera and go behind Y/n and wrap my arms around her waist. 

"I'm not gonna leave your side, okay baby?" She nods and relaxes a bit. She can fool the other guys into thinking that she isn't scared but not me, I know her better than anyone and she is terrified. 

The night goes on. We walked around the whole hotel, getting some spikes on our meter and heard some voices that we couldn't really pinpoint where they came from. I didn't let go of Y/n's hand the entire time, even when I filmed so that Sam could have a break I either had her hand or she had her arm latched on to mine. Once we got back to our hotel room, Y/n laid down on the bed while Jake and Corey got their room set up for the night and Sam charged the camera. 

Sam "That was spooky, huh?"

Y/n "yeah..some of the voices I heard were really strange."

"Do you think we caught everything on camera?"

Sam "I don't know here," he hands me the camera so that I can look through the footage of the night. As soon as I started scrolling through the videos, we heard a soft moan come from the bathroom. I looked up at Sam for validation and he looked at Y/n and we all heard it.

I immediately got up from the bed, pulled Y/n into my side and we got our belongings and headed to Jake and Corey's room.

"Dude, dude, dude, dude! There was a moan!"

Corey "what?!"

"There was a fucking moan coming from our fucking bathroom!"

Sam "We all heard it."

Y/n "it sounded like one of us made the noise but we didn't...that's how clear it was!"

Jake "Alright...I am kind of freaked out guys."

Y/n "can we please leave?"

Sam "We only have 4 more hours to stay here...why don't we just all go to bed?"

Y/n looks up at me with fear in her eyes, I grab her face and kiss her quickly. 

"Everything is fine baby...let's just go to bed." That's where I regretted it...we should've left when she wanted too.

____________________________________

Sam slept on the left side of the bed, Y/n was in the middle and I am on the right side. We fall asleep after a few minutes of chatting. In the middle of the night, Y/n jolts up from a dead sleep and screams.

"WHAT? WHAT BABY?" I look down and the blanket is completely ripped off of the entire bed.

Sam "Oh my god! Go, go, go!"

We all got our belongings packed up and we walked towards the door but before we reached it, the door bangs. As if someone is trying to break into it. We all scream and Y/n falls into me. 

Sam "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"HOW CAN A SPIRIT DO THAT?!" Sam walks up to the door and looks through the peephole.

Sam "there...is no one there."

Y/n "Oh my god let's get the fuck out of here!" Sam yanks the door open and we run out of room 333. The boys heard all the screaming and they packed up in a hurry and we got out of there by 6:52 a.m.

We got in the car and everyone is out of breath and really shaken up. I told Jake and Corey everything that happened and they almost didn't believe me.

Corey "I heard a loud bang..I thought it was one of you using the bathroom or something!"

Sam "No brother! That was the freaking door!"

Jake "I think that this was the most evidence that we have ever caught."

"Just wait until you all see the footage, we caught more than ya think."

____________________________________

Once we got home, we immediately went through the footage of tonight's events. We got all of the whispers and moans that we heard throughout the hallways. We got bangs and creeks that we didn't even hear! We caught the blankets being ripped off of our bed and the loud moan. Lastly, we got the bang on the door. 

Corey "I'm so glad I didn't stay in room 333 dude...that shit was crazy!"

Jake "Yeah..nothing happened in our room."

Y/n "Awesome."

Sam "Well we got the proof that we needed! I say we edit it later on today and we all shower and go back to bed." We all agree and Y/n and I go to our room.

….

"Wanna join me in the shower babe?" She sleepily agrees and we both wash each other. Once we got into bed, we melted into the mattress like it was butter.

Y/n "That was scary...I didn't believe in the supernatural until last night."

"Yeah...I haven't experienced anything like that before, are you okay?"

Y/n "Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for not leaving my side babe."

"Never."

_____________________________________

@moriartysringtone7137 @multistanimagines @kid-that-likes-to-xplr @azurebrock @taradummy @daddydobrock

[daddyimmaru]

If You're Cold, So Are They. Don't Do Crimes in the Cold.

Kraken n Maestro fluff since even i didn't escape the arctic revenge and am expecting 12 to like, 36 inches of snow god help me-

Maestro knew from the moment he woke up his day was going to suck. His room was frozen- He was certain he had left the window open when he had staggered home last night, and the wet towel over the puddle on the carpet proved that- and he made a reminder to thank Kraken for closing his only defense from the cold. He stumbled into the bathroom, and cringed at the mess in the mirror. His hair was a mess; last night he had lost his hairtie and it seemed leaving his wet hair to the forces of nature left behind a mess that he didn't want to deal with. The hero spent a good hour bent over the tub with the showerhead and a hairbrush before he managed to fix the mess his dreads had become, then another to dry his hair before he could braid it back into it's usual style and find another tie. The entire time, he was hissing quiet curses and cringing, both at the biting chill in the air and the resistance against his brush.

The next sign was the fact he had slept in far later than he had intended and would most definitely not be making it to the cafe 'date' he had been set up on by some friends to meet his 'number one fan.' (He doubted that, but had agreed if just to be left alone to his business.) Now, however, he had no doubt he would be receiving some negative feedback from the press, which would result in negative feedback in the public and in his small group of personal friends. Another glance in the mirror told him that the black lipstick he usually wore on his top lip had smeared in a dark streak over his cheek, and had gained a near drip effect from the water that had run over his face. That meant there would also be marks on his pillow, which led to another half hour of gathering clothes in his room and tearing the bedding off his bed for laundry. An hour and some toast later and the dryer was steadily humming while Maestro gathered his suit. He looked outside; it had stopped snowing once nature decided his floor was wet enough, but there was still a thick layer of powder over the ground marked with the shoes of people running from the cold.

Maestro's luck turned, even if only slightly, when he noticed that Kraken had left a sweater in the closet. Ah, pleasant surprise that made up for the wreck this had been so far. Once he had tugged his pastel yellow suit on and stumbled his way into dark blue stretchy jeans, he tugged the grey shirt over his head and let out a loud, contented sigh at the added warmth settling over his frame. His matching blue coat came next and then he tugged his mask over his face, (struggling a moment to tug his hair through the gap in the fabric he had put in specifically for when he did up in a ponytail. Final touches- bowtie and headphones, before he bounded out the door into the snow.

●○●○●○

Maestro was right when he decided today wasn't his day. It seemed with the colder weather, more bad guys decided it was time to get into action while most spiders were hiding from the frigid temperatures. He was out far later than he had intended, karma for sleeping in, he supposed, and toward midnight it had begun snowing again. Deciding that was enough, Maestro cut his final patrol off early and returned to his apartment with little doubt that Kraken would have left upon seeing he wasn't there.

Entering- (falling)- through the window, however, Maestro blinked in confusion when a metal claw sprang from the darkness to shut the window behind him. The lamp on his nightstand flickered to life and Maestro couldn't hide the small curve to his eyes when Kraken gave him a rather questioning look. The spider sprang up, taking only a moment to notice that his bed was somewhat made, before he collapsed half on top of the villain currently in his house. Kraken released a sound of disapproval, but the metal arms responsible (at least, Maestro believed) for his name seemed somewhat pleased to see him. "You're cold," Kraken hissed, pushing at the smaller without much effort. Maestro, in return, shoved his frozen hands under Kraken's shirt to press them against his sides and laughed when he squirmed away and cursed at him. "Go get dry before you soak everything!" He ordered once Maestro removed his hands, shoving a handful of clothes at the spider and pointing to the door. Maestro pouted even as he obeyed, more than eager, if he were being honest, to be warm and dry again. He never was much a fan of cold, and he worried about his headphones. Stepping into the bathroom and making quick work of settling into the given pajamas, he took the time to run a towel over his hair and clean up his face a bit. His house(apartment) was warmer than he remembered, and he took a moment to enjoy that Kraken had given him his favorite crocodile pajamas. (The villian knew him far too well, according to a few other spiders. Maestro was just happy that Kraken knew he hated coconuts and never brought him candy with it.)

Flipping the light off and grabbing a drink, Maestro hummed a quiet tune to himself as he nudged his way into the bedroom again. The light was still on, though Kraken looked on the verge of falling asleep again. The hero set his cup on the stand beside the lamp, before falling into the bed again with a low purr of approval. Kraken gave him a glare, though not in any way heated, and the arm that shut the window tugged the blanket until Maestro moved to let it throw the comforter over his frame. "You took a while tonight." Maestro hummed at the words, shifting until he could neatly tuck his frame into Kraken's side and take a deep breath. "Also took my shirt. Not cool." That didn't receive any answer, and it took the villian a few moments to realize Maestro had dozed off in the short time between sentences. He snorted quietly, his metal arms retracting before he reached out to click the lamp off and fell back into the pillows. It didn't take long before Kraken had given in to sleep as well, sighing softly as he left a mental reminder to keep all his shirts in check before he left in the mornings, knowing if he didn't they would be gone when he returned.

[Bad ending i know but this took longer than I expected and I'm tired. It's been snowing a lot lately (we've almost been in like, 3 accidents,) and there's a lot of drama happening in my fam so i busted this out to make myself feel better. Kraken is @angerydj 's, whom you should all go follow, bc he's a Cool Cat 🐊 Stay warm y'all!]

[pbandjesse]

I am ready to go to sleep. Today was a good day. But it was way too hot. And that made everything pretty hard.

Just slept okay last nightbot I woke up feeling okay. I got up and and sweet pea. Got dressed and felt okay. I had a nice morning.

I stuck to my schedule of working on a lesson plan. I'm almost done the one. I think I'm going to have to stick to you like a half hour a day because that seems to be all I can focus on. But it was something.

She spent the rest of the morning just kind of chilling. Watching videos. Playing with sweet pea. I was very annoyed about my wagon. Because I waited for it to be delivered last night and then I got a message that they lost it in the mail. So I got a refund and I'm going to wait till Wednesday when the refund goes through before I rebuy it. And it looks like it's $10 cheaper now anyway. Still very annoying.

I left here around 11 and like two streets. I got watermelon and iced tea and a cookie. And I sat outside and enjoyed my snack. I brought a mozzarella cheese from home as well and I just enjoyed the nice weather.

It did get way too hot today though. It got up to about 90 and it was very very sunny. By the end of the day there was sunshowers and that was nice. But right now I'm just kind of laying in front of my fan. Tomorrow supposed to be cooler. That'll to be nice

I got to work around 12:30. And did a bunch of cleaning and organizing. Got all the kids artwork sorted so that I could ask them what they wanted to hang in the shower and told them that everything else is getting thrown out. And we stuck to that. I also organized the coloring book so when Chelsi got there I asked her if she could get all the copies made of that. She's such a good teammate.

While I was back in our storage area I was checking on eBay because I wanted to post some stuff to my Instagram and ended up finding the last color variant of the clock Furby that I don't have. And I made an offer in the person accepted after some back and forth. And so I'm really excited that I won the last wish Furby I have wanted. So that was really cool. I'm still always going to be on the lookout but this is still very exciting.

And today was a lot of fun. The kids were good. At recess we finally got to use the basketball court again we skateboarded and worked on things. And that was nice. I got to sit and talk to Tiffany for a bit. I did fall on the skateboard and ripped my shoe which was annoying. But I hot glued it when we got back inside so it was fine.

We have to push bookbinding till tomorrow because of some printing issues. It just took longer than we thought it would. So I jumped in with the project that we were going to do tomorrow which was beading. Teaching the kids how to attach beads on fabric. When I was in grad school I took that workshop with a Native American girl who taught us how to bead traditionally and so I just adapt that.

We talked about Joyce Scott and Native American beading. The kids told me some stuff that they knew about beating. And then I have them all go sit down and wait to be called up to get their Fabric and their thread and their needle. I told each child that they only got one square of fabric and one needle and if they lost it they would be sitting for the rest of the week. I was very serious about that because our needles are kind of terrible. But we don't have a lot of time. They're all kind of chewed up on the inside of the eye so it's hard to string the embroidery floss through it. I was able to make most of it work but some of the beads which is too small and they wouldn't go over the needles. We figured it out.

They really took to it once we got the needles threaded though. At first I was saying I wasn't going to help them. I just didn't have the wherewithal to try to help every single student. But after 10 minutes of them trying I did go around and help them out. Some of them got it better than others. I switched out needles for better ones and figured out a good system. But I am going to bring in different thread because the embroidery floss is just too much to deal with. It just doesn't want to work with these needles. Hopefully they have better luck tomorrow.

They did work very hard though and they all got a little bit strong. Tomorrow I think because we're going to do a little bit of bookbinding and then we met scrap one of our projects that they can keep sewing next week depending on how well it goes on Wednesday and Thursday. We'll see. I'm not that concerned.

There was one issue because Damon stole Ahmad's needle. And then he threw it across the room. So I took Damon's needle and gave it to Ahmad. And told Damon that he can go find the needle that he threw. He then proceeded to have a hissy fit and I told Chelsi that he's not going on the field trip. It was already a close call because he's barely ever with us anymore. But after that it's just not going to happen.

We cleaned up at the end of the day and with the last 5 I had we play the vocab game. Finished up and went home.

I was able to catch the early bus and looked out because the next one wasn't coming for 40 minutes. I'm at James at Straits and we got drinks and snacks. A lemon and an avocado. And then we biked to his house

Jimenez quesadillas for dinner. And it worked on our puzzle. I'm just not good at it. I get too overwhelmed. But it's fun watching him do it. We cleaned up his apartment a little talked about what furniture is coming to his house and what's going to storage. And then I headed home.

I got back here and fed my cat. Took a shower. Talk to a kid on Instagram about Furbys for an hour. I thought they were just weird but it turns out they're just 13. Kept telling me that he was like an adult. I just kept telling him that you were 13. But he was nice and just wanted to talk about robot toys and that was cool. Seems like a nice kid

I'm going to go brush my teeth now and get ready for bed. Tomorrow is a long day. Have to be at the museum at 8:30 because I have an in the neighborhood and city builders. Another small group so we'll see how it goes. I think it'll be okay but still. Wish me luck. At least it will be cooler.

Sleep well everyone. Good night

[littleliv1]

I Was Born To Love You- Ben Hardy fanfic- Part Three

Hello, loves! Loving the feed back in getting on this series! It’s for sure a long one, but I hope you guys are enjoying it!

Summary: Leah and the crew flew to London to film the Live Aid performance. She opens up to Brian about her life.

Warnings: sadness, death, angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soon enough, Monday rolled around. It was 4 am. I grabbed my packed bags, pretty much filled with half my wardrobe and all of the make up and face/hair products I could take on the plane. I grabbed my passport, keys, purse, and phone and left for the guys' house. They were all staying in one big frat house that they had rented. After picking them up, I also picked up Bryan, Brian, and Roger.

'Austin has barely spoken to me since Tuesdasy.'

I drove to the airport. Everyone was asleep, after all, the flight left at 5 am. It was a long flight to say the least. I sat in between Ben and Gwilym. I connected with the two better anyways. Gwilym slept the whole time, and Ben complained that his back hurt and he was so tired that he couldn't sleep. I felt more like a babysitter at that moment. I comforted him and played with his hair until he fell asleep. I also fell asleep. I felt myself starting to dream.

There he was. My beautiful girl. I carried her with me for 9 months, she was 12 days early. She was so eager to get here. She loves playimg dress up. She was so outgoing. She had my eyes. I loved her so much more than I could imagine. I felt the love of my life behind me, holding me, kissing my neck. "We made that," I said, cradling his arms in mine. "We sure did." That wasn't Austin's voice. Who was this? I turned around to the familiar blonde who was currently next to me. I gasped.

I gasped so hard, I woke up. I woke up to my phone going crazy. Joe had tagged me in a picture on Instagram. It was a picture of the three of us; Gwil with his mouth wide open, dead asleep and mine and Bens heads against each other's sleeping as well. I smiled at the cuteness of the two, until I saw the comments.

'Who the hell is she?'

'Does he know she's married?'

'Her poor husband :('

They all assumed we were an item. I don't understand. "Um, Joe?" I said quietly. "What's up?" He said. "I really adore this picture, but would you mind taking it down? It's he comments," I said. He looked at it, and he looked shocked. "I'm so sorry, yes of course." He said. And with that, the picture was gone. Out of sight out of mind.

Hours later, we arrived in London. I had booked the hotel in advance, making sure the top floor of the nicest hotel in the area was reserved for them. The cast stayed in the rooms upstairs, the crew in the floor below. I figured it'd help with keeping the pap and crazy fans out. I made sure security was at its finest so the cast could from one place to another, safely. Once we arrived at the hotel, I showed everyone to their rooms. The guys requested to share a room, so I made sure they got the biggest room. It had two king sized beds. The guys, Bryan, Brian, Roger, and I had a quick meeting. I explained to all of them the plan, where everything was, and how transportation needed to go.

Rami raised his hand. "You don't have to raise your hand, Ram." I said. "Where are you sleeping?" He asked, the other guys responding with "yeah?" I laughed a bit. "I'm a few doors down. I've got the second biggest room." I said point to the direction of your room and flipping your hair. "Mmmm, no you need to sleep here with us." Gwilym said. "Who else will protect us?" Joe chimed in. "I'm your assistant, not your body guard." I said giggling a bit. I really was their babysitter. "Please, Leah? Pretty pretty please?" Ben whined. "I'll stay in here for as long as you want but I'm sleeping in my room, end of discussion. I'm married, remember?" I said, showing my beautiful ring. Ben looked at me, raising his eye brows. Only he knew what had happened. "I'm starving," Roger said. "Where can we eat?" "You guys can stay in my room and eat. My bags are unpacked and my room is ready, someone else is coming up here with your bags. I would unpack them for you but those are your personal belongings and I wouldn't feel comfortable with touching them. I've ordered some room service, I already know what you all like, so you guys can head over to my room," I said handing Bryan my key. "And chill out there for a bit. Just don't go through my stuff." I said. Everyone got up, Ben was the last out. Before he left, it was just us two in the room.

"How are things?" He said looking at my arm, the bruises had gone away. I nodded my head. "Okay. Could be better. Hasn't really talked to me. He's only come home before 3 am once last week." He could tell I had been holding these feelings in. "It sounds like to me you need to talk to someone about it. Get a second opinion." He said crossing his arms. I shrugged my shoulders. "Not much to talk about, really. He started to get really possessive and jealous when I took the job as assistant to Bryan. He's convinced that you all won't respect me. He didn't even care that I was leaving for a month or more. He only makes love to me when he's drunk, and it's not even passionate anymore. Just drunk, messy, and to be blunt, short. It's like he doesn't love me anymore but I know that's not true, I don't think." I said. I realized I had been rambling on for a while, I rambled myself near to tears.

I looked up at him and he seemed genuinely hurt by that fact that I'm hurting. I opened my mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a knock at the door and it opened slowly. "Bags, ma'am." A man said. "It's okay, come on in, leave them out infront if the beds, the boys can choose where they sleep." I said to him. He obeyed, and left to deliver more bags. "Sorry. I just can't really deal with this right now. It's best that we have this break, maybe this is just what we needed right now, a break. I don't want to focus on it, I want to focus on the movie." I said. I nodded at your comment. "Yeah." I said walking out of the room, into my room.

"Leah, you're a genius. How'd you know what we all liked?" Brian said. I laughed a bit. "It's my job to know." I said. I hadn't finished unpacking my bathroom bag, so I grabbed that and start to unpack it. "Hey, where's Ben?" Rami asked. "Probably still in your all's room. Your bags are in there, he might just be unpacking his. You all need to pick your beds." I said from the bathroom. Joe jumped up, running out the door. "I call next to Ben!" He yelled running to his room. The others followed. As I was unpacking, I saw some feminine hygiene things, which reminded me. I hadn't started yet. What day was it? I forgot when I started, but my period was never regular. I just knew I hadn't had one yet this month, and the month was almost over. 'Oh god please no...'  I thought to myself. I couldn't have a baby, not right now at least. Not until he was better. Because he was sick. That's why he hurts me. He's just sick. While I was staring at it, Brian came to the door, knocking quietly. He smiled nicely at me. "Everything alright?" He asked, leaning against the door. "Oh, uh, yeah." I said, throwing them in your bathroom box, it was three drawers on wheels to keep things in when I'm away for long periods of time. "Anything I can do you for, sir?" I asked, making eye contact. The way he looked reminded me of my parents. It was hard to look at him but harder to look away. He shook his head. "No, not at the moment. You don't have to call me sir, love. Just Brian will be okay." He said smiling again. I nodded your head. I didn't mean to seem tense, but I couldn't help it.

"It's just you and me in here right now, but I want to get to know you, if that's alright." He said. "Alright, what would you like to know?" I said leaving the bathroom, sitting at the small table provided in my room. He sat across from me, facing the door. "Tell me about when you first listened to Queen." He said. "Hmm," I hummed, I don't really remember Queen becoming part of my life, they just were. "I can't say I remember, no. My parents," I choked at that word. "My parents, really enjoyed the music. Went to concerts all over the world, followed your A Night At The Opera tour, even. You all were part of our family. When Freddie died, it felt like they lost someone. It was very personal to them." I explained, chewing at my lip, praying he wouldn't ask what he was about to ask. "How did they react when you told them about this movie?" He asked curiously. I couldn't help but to get mad, but I couldn't show it at all, the man didn't know they were gone, it wasn't his fault.

'They were gone,' I thought.

I laughed to myself a bit. Not because it was funny, just ironic. I looked down, trying hard to not shed the tears that were already coming. "They, uh," I started. He grabbed my hand, he could tell this was hard for me. "They're no longer here." I said, wiping away the tears to keep my make up from running. He squeezed my hand, looking shocked and feeling the pain I felt. "They passed away in this crazy train wreck, it'll be two years next week actually. It happened about three hours south of here." I said trying not to lose control. "I haven't tried avoiding you or Roger by any means. It's just so painful still, but getting to know you two, two people who I've considered family my entire life, it's been incredible. Unreal. I'm so honored to assist you both." I said, looking in his eyes, with salty tears in mine. Right now, I just wanted Lola.

I felt a bond with him. Obviously not in a romantic, gross type of way. But I haven't felt a connection, a family connection, with someone in a while and I knew my body ached for it again.

"I'm so sorry, my love." He said. I shook my head. "No it's okay, I'm fine. It's still just so hard. I didn't have siblings, my parents, who were both only child's, are gone. My only family now is my husband and he comes home smelling like alcohol and uses me as a punching bag and a sex toy and-" I stopped myself when that came out. Brian grabbed my hand with his other hand. "You need to leave him, Leah. We're your family now." He said so genuinely. I shook my head. "No I'm just your assistant. That's all I'm good at is doing stuff for others. Not that I don't want to, I love helping you guys do things when you need help!" I said correcting myself, not wanting to sound ungrateful. I couldn't help but to break down. "I'm sorry." I said, I couldn't help but sob.

With that, my phone went off. The touring manager calls. I think it's about the set, there's been a lot of issues with that. "I'm sorry." I repeated. I felt bad because my problems weren't his and I know that, I just couldn't help telling him. And I left the room.

Ahh! So exciting finally getting to share this series! I might post part four later today. Hope you all are enjoying! Xx

[ottermoone]

Tribute to Gwydion, Cat of cats

I lost my best friend two days ago. His name was Gwydion, and he was a few months shy of 12.

I was there the day he was born, in early 2007, when my neighbor knocked on our door and told us excitedly that her 2 cats were having kittens. I was 11 years old, in the 5th grade.

We hadn't initially expected to adopt a kitten, but the last litter of kittens had included a few white kittens, and my mother wanted another white cat, as we had lost an older white kitty who we'd both been very close to a couple years before. So we headed down and sat with a group of people, and watched the newborn kittens finally nuzzle up to their moms, a black cat named Hemy, and a tortoiseshell named Patches. Patches had a couple white kittens in her litter, and my mother asked the neighbor if we could adopt one of them when they were old enough.

5 or 6 weeks later, my mother came back up to our apartment with a small kitten. He was all white, except for his tail, which was orange and striped. I was told that he was only going to explore our apartment for a little bit before going back downstairs to his mom. I watched him run around excitedly, playing with my two other cats (Hercules and Persephone--both who hissed at him), and we laid out a shoebox filled with litter in case he needed to go, since he was so small we were afraid he'd get stuck in the regular litter box. He eventually used it, and squeezed out the tiniest and stinkiest poo I'd ever seen. I still remember it. My mother eventually took him back down to the neighbors', and a week or 2 later, he came to live with us permanently.

I didn't get to name him--my mother liked to give me the illusion of "choosing a name," which she'd then immediately reject before telling me what we were naming the animal. She initially told me we were going to name him Cernunnos, because she wanted a Celtic name for the cat, because of his coloring (white animals were considered sacred in Celtic mythology, apparently). She eventually rejected that name ("It sounds too much like 'Sir' ... Sir Lancelot, Sir Galahad...") and settled on Gwydion instead. It took me a full week before I was able to remember and pronounce his name (Gwid-ee-in).

My mother was an abusive hoarder, and we lived in poverty, so in the apartment we were living in at the time, we slept next to each other on a queen-sized memory foam mattress pad in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by trash and clothes and other junk. So the first night we brought Gwydion home, he did what all kittens do and started pouncing on anything that moved underneath a blanket. Unfortunately, when we tried to sleep, that ended up being our toes. After a half hour of him pouncing on our toes, my mother got impatient and told me to lock him up in another room for the night.

He began crying almost immediately, and when I was sure my mother had fallen asleep (as I knew I'd get in trouble otherwise), I went back in and grabbed him, took him back to the mattress pad with me, and laid him on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly until he fell asleep there, and then finally fell asleep myself. When I woke up the next morning, he was still there, and we were inseparable forever after. Every night after that, he'd come and lay on my neck or my chest, purring and kneading.

Over the next year, he got more orange coloring in his fur, and my mother gave him less attention (I think because he wasn't the pure white cat she had wanted, and also because she was jealous of the bond we shared), until it was plainly obvious that he was my cat.

We both suffered extremely abusive and impoverished conditions together over the years that I won't delve into here. But throughout those years, wherever we were living, and whether he was mainly an indoor or outdoor cat at the time, every night, he'd come to where I was sleeping, cuddle up next to me or on my chest, and stay there until I fell asleep.

For several years, he and my other cat, Hercules, were forced by my mother to be locked in my tiny room, day in and day out, never being allowed out, unless they happened to slip out when the bedroom door opened, and then ran outside (as the front door was almost always open due to broken AC). In those years, he learned what crying meant, and eventually, when I'd start crying, he'd immediately be there, forcing his way into my arms or onto my chest, kneading and purring until I stopped crying and fell asleep.

There was a day where I had basically made up my mind to kill myself. I was almost 13, and had laid in bed all day, from the time I woke up until after night time, with blackout curtains drawn. I hadn't eaten anything, and it felt like time didn't exist. It was the emptiest I can ever remember feeling. I just lay there, feeling nothing. Eventually, after hours of thinking about the quickest and easiest way to die, my mind settled on drinking bleach. As I started to sit up, getting ready to walk out of my room, he was suddenly on my lap from out of nowhere, crawling up my chest, kneading and purring. As if he knew. Looking back now, I realize he had been laying next to me the entire time, but I had been so out of it that I hadn't noticed. At that moment, all feeling came rushing back, and I began crying, horrified at what I'd almost done. I hugged him and cried some more until I fell asleep.

We moved again after a few years, this time into government housing, and he was allowed to roam the apartment or go outside as often as he wanted. Still, every night without fail, when I laid down, he'd be there next to me.

A few days after my 18th birthday, I secretly brought all my important belongings to school with me, and moved in with my boyfriend. I hadn't been able to get Gwydion out because I hadn't wanted to raise my mother's suspicions before I left--we had stopped letting him outside as often because I didn't want him to get hurt. I had planned on it for weeks, though--my boyfriend had planned to show up that morning with a cat carrier as I quietly slipped him out the door and into my boyfriend's waiting car. But the night before, I realized my mother would notice if he were suddenly gone all day, and that it might hurt my chances of getting out, and if I couldn't get out, I couldn't ever get Gwydion out. So I let my boyfriend know not to come pick him up. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made.

Those few months without him at night were rough, and I felt so guilty. But eventually, a few months later, my mother was evicted, and she asked me to take him and Hercules or they would be going to the pound. My boyfriend was super sweet and helped me pick them up, as well as necessary cat supplies, and thus began Gwydion's second life. He was 7 years old.

Gwydion had always been sweet to me, but he'd never been fixed, and he'd also been through abuse and lived outside part time, so he wasn't very sweet to other people. He also liked to spray. One of the first things we did was get him fixed and vaccinated. He immediately stopped spraying, and within a few short months, he was cuddling with my boyfriend as well.

For the first time, I was able to spoil him. He was able to walk and climb anywhere he wanted, he had multiple places to lay, he had access to a constant supply of food that never ran out, he had AC, he had a clean litter box, he had his best friend Hercules, he had two people doting on him, he didn't have fleas, and once every week, on Friday night, he'd get canned food. It took a little time, but eventually, he relaxed fully and began to enjoy himself, and he became an even more amazing cat, if that's even possible. He stopped laying on my chest every night, but that's mainly because he could come and lay on my chest or my boyfriend's chest at any time of the day he wanted. He would sometimes lay right on top of both of us at night though, which wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it was still sweet.

Hercules was put to sleep a few years later, in November of 2016. Gwydion didn't eat for 3 days, and so I eventually took him to the vet, and they induced his appetite. Thankfully he ate after that, but he was very stand-offish for the next few months.

Around the same time, we got a new kitten from the nearby shelter, who we named Crono. At first, Gwydion cuddled with Crono, but after Hercules' passing, he began to growl and hiss at Crono, and eventually, Crono learned to leave him alone. Feeling bad that Crono had no one to play with, we eventually got a 3rd cat from the same shelter, an 8 month old kitten, who we named Noctis. Noctis and Crono became immediate best friends, and within a month, Gwydion began being his old self again too, grooming the other two and even playing with them at times.

We moved a few months later, this time into a bigger apartment with a backyard and multiple windows, and we got a cat tree. Gwydion had always loved sunbathing, and so he loved this apartment. He could walk almost anywhere in the apartment and have access to a window. He also continued playing with the other two for a little while, which meant he gained a little muscle and evened out to a healthy weight. He was so happy I swear he glowed.

Unfortunately, a few months ago, he started losing weight rapidly, even though he was eating more. For reasons I don't want to explain here, including the fact that he was no longer cleaning himself, I realized a few days ago that this was it, and to keep going just because I adored him would be selfish of me. In my teens, I had seen multiple animals die without the benefit of euthanasia. I couldn't bear the thought of him having to go through that, and I realized he was getting close. So I made the hardest decision I've ever made, and chose to help him go.

My boyfriend and I were able to get a vet to visit us, as he'd always hated car trips. He got to spend his last day sun bathing, getting his favorite canned food, and his favorite treats. He spent his last hour cuddling on my lap. He was too tired and weak to lay up on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly as he lay there, and he passed quietly as I stroked him and told him I loved him.

It still doesn't feel entirely real. The moments when it does, the pain cuts deeper than a hot knife. I will be honest--I don't believe in an afterlife. I wish I did. Because then I might get some solace from the "Rainbow Bridge" poem, or the multitude of pictures assuring me that he's in heaven now, watching over me. But I will never see him again. He is gone. He'll never come up to me again, kneading and purring and booping my face. I'll never hear his sassy little voice again. It's going to take a long time to fully process. But I do know this: if angels were real, he'd be one. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for him. I wouldn't know the meaning of unconditional love, and I wouldn't be who I am or where I am now without having had the honor of having him in my life. So no matter the pain that continues to come in waves as reality settles over me, I will never regret bringing that little kitten with the stinky poop, who pounced on my toes while I tried to sleep, home.

I love you so much, baby boy. I am glad you existed at the same time as I did. I will carry the memory of you with me for as long as I live.

One of our first nights together.

Stuck in my room together. One of the few times he wore a collar. He tore it off not long after this picture was taken.

After he moved in with me and my boyfriend. Very relaxed and carefree

Pretty boy ❤️

Arm hugging and purring like crazy

Gwydion and Hercules: best friends

Part 2

Cuddling with one of our rats, Rosa

Cuddling with Crono when he was a kitten

The last picture taken, a week ago: cuddling with Noctis.

.

.

.

Rest in peace, baby kitty.

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

Day 6 of covid.

I thought I had overdone it with the netipot yesterday. There's no much junk in my sinuses! I used the netipot I think...six times? By the time I went to bed at 3AM (sleep schedule is a wreck), my sinuses were dry af. Laid down...and snot is flowing again. Netipot again, take a full dose of benadryl, and slept almost 12 hours. Got up at 1PM. Netipot because too much junk, and I feel much better.

Coughing only when I lay down and for a few minutes after I get up. I can fill my lungs with air. No issue. Yay!

Had a banana because I'm doing my best to avoid diarrhea. Yesterday's dehydration was terrifying. I did have a Curious George* sandwich before bed, which definitely helped.

Seeing as I didn't shower yesterday, I'll be showering today. I was so cold last night, under three layers, I put pajama pants on. The cats slept on my legs all morning, zero fighting, which is damn near miraculous. Woke up sweaty and gross, but no fever.

Currently no diarrhea, nor constipated, but I'm still gonna eat the bananas. They're one of the best things for me to eat when I'm sick. Full of electrolytes and other goodies.

Husband is more or less the same. Everything tastes a little off, but aside from exhaustion, aches and pains (especially in his joints), he's doing fine. Covid is weird. We have thr same disease, the same infection, and have entirely different symptoms.

*the sandwich is named for the character, Curious George.

On a slice of bread (I prefer bagels), spread a hefty layer of peanut butter. Add honey if you wish.

Cover this in slices of banana.

Top with another slice of bread that also has peanut butter on it. I don't add the extra sloce.

Eat with a drink. I usually have chocolate soy milk because peanut butter likes to stick to the roof of my mouth.