hazelparsons

[hazelparsons]

Hazel didn't look at him as he talked. She stared at her feet for a while, leaned over to pet Hooch, whose eyes were moving worriedly between the two of them, like a kid cowering back scared, caught in the corner during a parental argument, walked to the window and looked outside at the lake. She wasn't angry anymore, she realized, just so unbelievably tired that Ike's words were blending into a buzz that stuck like honey in her brain, short-circuiting every passage, drowning out the energy.

He would be done and he would leave, she hoped, and she would sleep and get better and go back to glaring at him across the community center. But then his words got more pointed, sharp bee stings on her already ransacked body and they were almost enough to make her angry again. She had to be angry, she had to make that choice, because she didn't like the alternative.

She walked up to where he was standing, their height difference comical as ever as he threw his accusations at her and when he seemed to be done she raised her palm and slapped him across the face- she knew she caused more pain to herself than to him, but at this point everything hurt so much she barely noticed the difference and all she was hoping for anyway was a falter of his smile and a sliver of relief.

None of that came. "No, Ike, I don't feel better," she said and her voice broke, tears finally streaming down her cheeks. He will think I'm crazy, she thought, followed by the liberating realization that she didn't care. "I went to the Ranch to help save this place that's supposed to be home, but it doesn't feel like home any more. And I'm angry at all of you, because I can't be angry at Oliver for dying and at Jason for leaving me and at myself for refusing to cut every root and run away when I had the time." She was sobbing through her words, her eyes gesturing around tiredly. "Maybe you should have let that Reaver kill me. Let me be a hero or a martyr or whatever instead of the girl with all that anger and nowhere to put it."

"We didn't send anybody out there on purpose hoping they'd die, Hazel, jesus christ." Ike couldn't keep the snap from his voice, and Hooch raised his head a little before putting it back down. "Which one is it? Are we little house on the prairie, or are we ruthless commanders marching you off to die? Am I so fuckin Machiavellian that I manage to be both a bleeding heart and a fascist general? Make up your mind at least, which thing you're mad at me for supposedly being and would rather hurl accusations at. Because this back-and-forth shit is making my stomach spin."

The dog duly got a treat -- which was momentarily nice, Ike liked listening to dogs crunch things up -- but then it was back to the usual dose of vitriol and Ike grated his teeth together, standing up from his chair.

"You seem to be doing fine," he said. "Since you're willfully not listening to me. I didn't say you weren't allowed to be angry. I said you didn't have anything to aim it at. And you had a choice whether or not to go to the Ranch, Hazel, just like everyone else who went. I made that very clear. So you don't get to act now like I tied you up and tossed you in a steamer trunk and had you dragged there."

Ike started heading for the door, then stopped and turned to look at her, with a laugh and a grin, throwing his hands in the air. "Or, y'know what -- go ahead! Knock yourself out twisting yourself into pretzels to make this my fault instead of having an ounce of accountability for yourself. Yes, it's true, Hazel -- you and only you were sent there on a suicide mission, in the hopes that everyone else would get out alive and unscathed and the Daybreakers would expend all their bullshit on you, just you, only you. That's exactly how my mind works, calloo fuckin' callay, whoop-dee-dingdangdoo." He saluted her, his grin more manic. "Feel better?"

[hazelparsons]

location: stables with @lxighmadxson

When Hazel walked into the stables, the place seemed empty like she had initially hoped too. Having worked as the town's vet for that long, she knew the rough schedule of the place, which meant she knew the best time to drop by when one wanted to avoid people, which was her case. She didn't have anything against the people working there- if anything, they had the wellbeing of the animals as a common goal and that was enough for her to at try to get along with them. But in moments like this, she preferred to be alone, with the company she went there to find.

Lucky was the first to neigh when he heard the door open and her steps approach, as if sensing her presence. She approached him with a smile, her hand lovingly petting his chestnut back. "I've missed you too, boy," she said, even though he was old, had been for a while. Maybe that was why Jason didn't take him with him when he fled, but she would never know certainly.

The door opened again and Hazel's head turned to find Leigh walking in. "Hey, thought I'd check on the horses," she half-lied instinctively, unwilling to share the actual reason of her visit.

[hazelparsons]

Her laughter was cut short at Ermano's question, although she didn't immediately go into full defense like she would have, had it been someone else asking. "It was bad," were all the words she could find, pursing her lips together and focusing on the sting it sent across all her bruised face muscles to keep her mind from wandering back, to keep her eyes from filling with tears. "But we all came back alive. That has to count for something." What exactly, she didn't know, but that was all the optimism she had to spare for the day.

"I'm glad you're alive, too," she said earnestly. "I would be very mad at you if you'd died and left me behind to deal with all of this without you."

Sitting in the chair only reminded him how tender his ribs still were. Slightly straightening his back, Ermano made sure to keep an unsuspecting face, watching Hazel as she spoke. "I'd bet a week's worth of dinner it's not," he commented with a smirk. Ermano admired that about Hazel - really about anyone. Sometimes he wished he didn't feel like he had to jump on the sword for others; throwing himself on a grenade like a sick Steve Rogers. His Captain did always warn him how it would land him in 'a shit pile of fucking problems' one day but he never changed.

Suddenly his demeanor hardened. "How bad was it?"

[hazelparsons]

location: graveyard with @graveseer-young

Going to the graveyard once a week had been her routine for years now and the fact that her face looked like it had been attacked by a nest of angry bees on steroids would not stop her. Even more so, she had the excuse of having to make up for the visits she missed while on the Ranch. A very needed excuse, since her days at Redwood were spent sulking in her house, convincing herself to go outside and regretting it the instant she got a weird look from someone. The graveyard was good middle ground- some fresh air, no one around to judge.

Almost no one. She saw Colin the moment she entered, but she strangely did not mind his presence. He knew better than to judge- he had been on the Ranch too. "You good?" she asked with a nod as she approached.

[hazelparsons]

random Jimmy post it : Haz , stop overfeeding Squid with hazelnuts, he poops like crazy

You can't tell me what to do, I am Squid's fun aunt.

[hazelparsons]

I feel like there's a part of you that you keep all wrapped up guarded in razor wire that would be so beautiful to see, if you trust us enough to share yourself with us. I hope that day comes and that I'm there for it. <3

🫠

[hazelparsons]

Glad I could be of assistance as the reason you never have to take responsibility for your own shitty life!

🥳🖕

[hazelparsons]

I wanna get to know you more

🫣

[hazelparsons]

Surprisingly competent.

🫡

[hazelparsons]

Anonymously tell me how you feel about me. I can't reply (except for emojis), I just have to read it and post it

[hazelparsons]

She was glad he didn't offer to help her, even though she knew how pathetic she must have looked as she all but stumbled towards the sweet calling of her medicine. The last thing she needed was the irony of pretend concern, and what she needed even less was the burden of the concern being genuine.

"I believe it, that you give a shit about everyone. In a keeping up the harmony and prosperity and whatever little house on the prairie fantasy the Council operates on," she commented and her words would drip poison if they didn't take that much effort and pain to come out. "But the ranch was half grand military operation and half suicide mission, and I have a feeling which side I was on."

She watched as Hooch lay down, looking at her with the same worried look he's had for days and her heart ached a little more- she reached over to the cupboard and took out a dog treat, letting it fall to the ground instead of prompting him to catch it mid-air. She wondered for a moment if Ike had been the raider to bring those treats to the supermarket, but his words quickly took away any glimmer of gratitude she might have felt.

"So, was I there to keep the horses alive or were you counting on me to put that anger into use and slit that throat when the time came?" she asked and she hated that she felt her eyes welling up. "Because I get to be angry, Ike. You don't get be jury on that, either."

"Changes from time to time," Ike said, choosing to pick the question up. "Sometimes I think I'm a good person who had a bad start. Sometimes I think I'm a good person who made bad choices. Sometimes I think I'm a bad person trying like fuck to be good. Jury's out on which is the truth." He eyed Hazel for a moment and then said, "--jury's not you. I'm pretty god damn sure which side you'd come down on."

Hazel made her way to the sink with significant effort, but Ike didn't offer to help her, just watched her passage and how certain her steps were, in case. He did raise an eyebrow at what he figured was past the proper dosage of those painkillers, but that was none of his business. One of the med people could check up on Hazel and give her a scolding when they counted out the pills and measured it against time.

She stayed closer, leaned up against her counter, and Hooch lay down with a doggy sigh, chin on paws. "I give a shit about everyone here," Ike said, and then, "you can believe that or not. People don't get what I'm about and that's fine, it works, nobody has to like me. It's not like the raiders do our work based on who's our friends or favourites and I don't work that way on the Council, either."

Ike gently rolled the toe of his shoe against Hooch's side. "You have skills I thought they'd benefit from," he said, looking down at the dog and not Hazel. "And you're angry as fuck. All the time. Without anywhere to put it."

[hazelparsons]

Hazel saw the medical kit open and told herself to mentally prepare for more pain in order to deal with her pain- she had never really been a fan of doctors and examinations, avoiding them to the extent that she could and she had been lucky enough to remain healthy for the longest part of her, but situations like this couldn't really have been predicted or avoided.

"With all due respect, Doc, but I got the shit beat out of me but a man twice my height and three times my weight. "Lightheaded, nauseous and dizzy is my default at the moment." She leaned her head back on her pillow, steadying herself and taking a deep breath. "Alright, do your worst, I can take it."

It seemed that, thankfully, most everyone was coming in with pretty superficial injuries. The worst were already back in the back room and she was trying to push down the overwhelming worry from seeing Clint in the state that he was. She couldn't just focus on one person. Not right now. Everyone from the Ranch needed attention, no matter how small.

Renee was opening her med kit as Hazel spoke, pulling out some clean wipes to wipe away any of the dried blood and to see the damage. "Are you feeling lightheaded? Drowsy? Dizzy? Seeing double?" Renee might be asking a lot all at once but she needed to be sure that she wasn't suffering from a concussion. She didn't know how hard Hazel had been hit in the head. "Nausea? I know I'm asking a lot."

[hazelparsons]

"Ermano, you've known me for years. You know I can vent and complain to anyone," she replied, but he wasn't wrong. It was nice to have a friendly face across from her once again, someone she knew she could trust and she didn't have to constantly have her guard on around, like she did with a lot of townspeople. Still, her face dropped at his question, as much as it could drop in her current condition. "It obviously wasn't my choice. If anything, I was surprised as well," she commented with a painful shrug. "Something about the greater good or some bullshit. Maybe your martyr complex has finally rubbed off on me."

He was glad to know Hazel's sense of humor was still intact. A humor which - some moments - made his day. Walking deeper into the room, he allowed the door to close just enough to give them privacy. "I couldn't leave you to deal with everything without me. Who else would you vent and complain to about everyone?" A smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. Pulling a chair to the bed, Ermano sat beside Hazel. "I'm glad you made it back in one piece. To be honest, I was a little shocked when they told me you were one of the ones that had gone to the Ranch. Was that your choice?"

[hazelparsons]

from Jimmy: THEY’RE A 10 BUT they think they're masking their resting bitch face in public

Resting bitch face implies that I do it without meaning to. Most times there's a lot of effort going into it.

[hazelparsons]

ASK ME ANYTHING

Questions about life? Fuck, Marry, Kill? They're a 10, but? Opinion on whether milk goes before cereal? Now is the chance.

[hazelparsons]

"And you? Do you consider yourself a good person?" she asked, mostly meaning for it be rhetorical, but choosing to leave it hanging there for Ike to grab onto if he wanted to.

She pushed her chair back and got to her feet, making her way across the kitchen counter through limited vision and muscle memory, pouring herself a glass of water and unscrewing the lid of the painkiller bottle Renee had given her before discharging her- she had certainly surpassed the recommended dose, but she invited anyone who was ready to judge her, to take one good look at her first. "To the grand freedom of choosing, then," she gave a mock toast with her glass before downing two pills, her tone as bitter as the taste they left in her mouth.

She didn't sit back down, leaning against the counter, closer to where Ike was sitting, and crossing her arms at her chest. The question he asked was one that had crossed her mind many times, but the answer that first came to mind was one that she didn't have the energy, rage, or willpower to do something about anymore.

"I've given up trying to understand why you do things for a while now," she started, carefully wiping a few drops of water that escaped her partially numb mouth, "but I do believe you wouldn't give much of a shit if I got killed."

"Me? Convince you of anything? Never." That acrid chortle of Hazel's wasn't real mirth, and Ike's joke wasn't so much of a joke, either; gentle wryness, maybe, because god knew she wouldn't appreciate it if he got all the way down into a rut of serious. That wasn't much of a natural route for Ike, either. "Either you know you're a good person or you don't. Nobody else can figure that one out for you, so far as my experience is."

Hazel's next comments made Ike tilt his head, brow furrowed. "You're more of a philosopher than I am," he rumbled, but he took a stab at it anyhow. "Before-times didn't give us much of a choice when it came to certain things. We all had to work and pay taxes and wipe piss off the toilet seat if we wanted to get along in society. It's just that was the normal and all this--" he raised a hand, flapped his fingers in the air, "--is the new normal. There's still room, though, Hazel. To do stuff we want to do. It's not all drudgery."

Was any of this helping? Ike had no idea. He wouldn't put it past Hazel to be ornery just to spite him, but she was so wounded and tired and drug-out right now, he figured her defenses were down. And when she related their experiences to each other, that kind of lent credence to the thought. "Yeah. I've had a fair amount of 'i just didn't wanna die' moments in my life. They're useful."

Ike patted Hooch a little more intensely, ruffling the dog's ears. "You wondering why I tapped you to go out there?"

[hazelparsons]

Until Renee came over, there was a mix of emotions inside her. Sadness and exhaustion and for some reason a burning rage that she couldn't put away. But when she saw the doctor, rushing between rooms and beds and patients in different degrees of desperate need of help, the anger subsided for a moment, recognizing that the woman was just doing her best to help, with very limited resources, under conditions that she could never have predicted.

"I don't think anything is too wrong with me," she started, her voice coming out hoarse after not having been used for a while. "Most of the damage is to my face, I think that's pretty obvious." She hadn't really looked herself in the mirror, but judging from how swollen and painful everything felt, the image couldn't be good. "And most of the blood isn't mine anyway."

closed starter for @hazelparsons

location: clinic

The clinic almost felt like an actual hospital. Everyone from the Ranch had made it back safely, however the amount of injuries were absolutely concerning. Renee was honestly starting to worry about beds. But the work kept her going. Some of them were easy treats and she could send them back to their homes to rest before coming back later. Others, not so much. She warned her ex-husband that he was going to have to take the boys for longer and she’d be by to pick them up when she could but she was going to be busy. Especially with Clint being as bad as he was and Nicki and Ares not being too far behind. At least Val was around to help again, although Renee had insisted she take some time after everything that happened.

She did another check on Clint before rushing over to Hazel. “Sorry, it’s been a madhouse,” she said as she sat down in front of Val and rolled up her sleeves. “Let’s start with the worst and work our way down from there.” Everyone looked like they had gone through hell and back. She didn’t want to ask what had happened at the Ranch but given the state of everyone, she could figure out it wasn’t good and there were more injuries than just what she could see on the surface.