#did you see it coming?

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[villainessbian]

Old Scratch, sulphur smoke evading his nostrils, smirked as I shook his hand. The beast was tall, imposing even, looming over me with reddish fur over black skin and cloven hooves much like high heels. I did not care much - I'd faced my share of tall figures. No, what made me nervous was the possible and likely tantrums of the divine.

It was not his stature that sent a shiver down my spine, but that of the shadow, darker than dark, he cast on my kitchen walls. Oh, I knew to fear it, and my past brushes with the divine did impart me with that instinctive fear, but they also showed me how to overcome that. My choice had been made already. It was out of my hands... the time to act was now. And that came with relief enough.

So what if my adversary was, THE Adversary? I could only do my best.

As black inscriptions spread through my palm and his lit up, he waved his other hand and my kitchen expanded, revealing twin cooking sets for use by me and him. He even produced a compact, cracking parchment despite being quite literally new - drama is as drama does - for me to sign. I'd already forfeited my soul by dealing with the devil, I knew that much, but enough force of will when deciding the terms of that treaty would decide whether I lost it immediately in the worst possible conditions, or gained it back with a serving of glory. I had taken a sharp breath in as eldritch runes had been seared into my flesh, and let it out slowly to calm myself and steel my resolve.

The damned (that was me, technically speaking, but that was obviously psychological warfare) is to prepare the better meal, or forfeit the rest of its (charming use of dehumanising pronouns) natural life for immediate suffering at the hands of the judge.

Most mortals would be cheated out of a chance to win already, of course. The Devil, a fair judge? Judge, jury, and executioner along with participant?

I bickered. I fought. I threatened to refuse the deal and only forfeit my soul at the hour of my timely death. He admitted to some corrections.

The damned is to prepare the most extraordinary while gustatorily pleasing meal, as determined by the concert of the two participants, both forced to deliberate in good faith, or forfeit the rest of its natural life for immediate suffering at the hands of the Devil, and should it win, will receive glory, magically-enhanced culinary skills, and its soul back.

See how tricky he was? But I had tricks of my own. I only accepted a cook-off, because I knew what I was able to do. I knew I could amaze even his taste buds. I no longer had to conform to a very, very qualitative "better" idea - I had to be extraordinary. And that could mean quality, origin, rarity, and so on.

And no one was better-suited for this task than I was.

I signed the contract, with a drop of blood in quill. Ah, appearances. Just as he wanted to give the appearance of a fair fight, or that I was doomed, with wording. Just as I wanted to give the appearance of his having the upper hand still, by conceding to that reductive "it" pronoun (I go by he/they, thank you very much). He wanted to make it appear like a done deal before I signed it, and one on his terms by using his tools. In truth, it's about intent. If you wager with a god, it's intent that matters. Hubris. Blood and ichor, they're just more appearances. He could be using windows 8 for the same effect (perhaps even would it be yet more cursed and frightening).

I signed it with a flourish of my own elegance and symbolism, of course. That's what names are for. I wouldn't use the Latin alphabet to mark my name. The script I used was one older than Satan's name itself, a mix of angles to be etched in stone and curves to be carved in softer wood. And I always found it more proper, though they won't teach it in schools.

Intent and symbols matter, sure. As soon as I signed the parchment burnt and burst into smoke, impossible to cross out, edit, tear. Oh, he might regret not reading the name first.

As he took to the pans, I first went to check on my son, fast asleep in his room.

The Devil huffed and smirked.

"That boy will be an orphan soon!"

"I wouldn't be so sure," I replied with a genuine smile.

I didn't have to make much effort for my meal to be pleasing. It was a recipe I knew already, and just as I, Satan had tasted ash and stone and dry sand: little prowess would be needed for either to find that a meal tasted "good". No, no, that "extraordinary" word was the crux of the matter, and my trap shut around the Devil.

He would regret not reading, or knowing how to read, the name I calligraphied in a clean, archaic Greek alphabet. He would read the compact again and belatedly learn the name of Tantalus.

You’ve accidentally summoned the Devil while cooking dinner, and he’s intrigued by your culinary skills. He challenges you to a high-stakes cook-off, with your soul on the line. If you win, you get a lifetime of unparalleled culinary prowess and the ability to impress anyone with your dishes. But if you lose, your soul is his. As you accept the challenge, you realize you’ll need to prepare the most extraordinary meal of your life.

[diadraws]

so, theres a cartoon. but, get this: i've drawn the characters as weird animals. i bet youve never seen me do that before

[atalana]

but seriously i do find it so funny that ford was like OH GOD MY PRECIOUS REPUTATION after bill possessed him around other people for all of one night

and then he gets back to this dimension after thirty years and this is now the photo the press associates with his name

[lotus-pear]

he's so crazy we can't take him anywhere 😭🤣

[talaricula]

Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :

Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources

Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)

Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women

Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women

Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)

Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)

Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community

Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS

Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough

Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media

Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards

Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories

Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")

And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue

Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)

[diableriezer]

i like senshi pantyshots as much as the next guy but this whole "danmeshi fandom is progressive and feminist bc senshi is sexualised while marcille and falin are not" is getting annoying terf-y and gross there's plenty of smutty farcelle fanworks, there's plenty of eroticism in canon. the lack of gratuitous feteshisation is good yes, but "wlw ships are good bc they're sexless and pure" is a tired and bigoted take

[akanemnon]

I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[theerurishipper]

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First <- Part 18 <- Part 19 -> Part 20

Masterpost

[cursingtoji]

“hm hello? do you need help?” yuuji approached the lady walking the hallways so slowly she seemed lost.

“huh?” you turned and he smiled, thinking how gorgeous you looked. your uniform was a lot like nobara’s, although it was lighter, like it was slightly bleached or just worn a lot, “no, i… i go here.”

“oh are you gojo-sensei’s student too?” he was excited to meet another student, it was such a big school for just a few people.

“gojo… sensei” you repeated confused.

“oh you must be utahime-sensei’s student then? from kyoto?” he tilted his head, like a puppy.

“utahime…” you whispered, “is geto here?” you asked with a certain urgency in your voice, “geto suguru.”

“who? geto?” he scratched his head, trying to remember if he heard about a sensei called geto suguru, “i don’t think i—“

“itadori!” megumi called from outside, yuuji saw him below through the open windows of the second floor he was at, his classmate probably saw him as well.

“ah fushiguro!” he greeted his friend and turned back to you, “i’ll ask megumi, he’s been here for longer than me.”

“who you talking to?!” megumi shouted.

“her!” he pointed, you were in front of him, right by the opened window too, he couldn’t see you?

megumi even moved a bit, “itadori, there’s no one there. stop playing, we got to leave!” megumi scolded him before entering the building.

“eh?” yuuji was frowning.

“sorry, i think i’m in the wrong place” you bowed and turned away running.

“wait!” he ran after you, turning corners he thought you could’ve gone but after a few ones he reached a dead end.

“hm? yuuji?” gojo emerged from a classroom.

“gojo-sensei! there was… someone…” he looked around.

“oi, we’re waiting for you, let’s go” megumi came from where he was, grabbing yuuji by the hood of his uniform and dragging him away.

gojo watched through a window as they walked down the staircase until both boys walked out of the building.

“that was weird” you murmured from inside the classroom he was in, “that boy called you sensei” you put more rice into your hungry mouth, “does yaga know you’re pretending to be a teacher here?”

satoru closed the door, lighting another incense on the table that you used to sit. where every year on the anniversary of your death he built a shrine with food you liked.

“i thought haibara was on a mission but i saw him by the tree” you pointed behind you with your chopsticks, where, outside the classroom and behind the building remained the tree you always had lunch underneath during hot summer days.

satoru undid the blindfold, letting his hair fall as he sat in front of you, admiring how you never aged a day. after all, you couldn’t.

in fact, it seemed like you didn’t realize how much time has passed. every year you appeared and every year you thought it was still 2006, when you had two kouhais that did everything you asked, a girl best friend that insisted you smoked with her and two boys that were helplessly in love with you. the last year you were alive.

“is suguru not coming?” you asked with your mouth full.

gojo swallowed hard, “no, angel. it’s just us.”

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

All he knows is flirt with men and lie.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[thetimelordbatgirl]

The police in Scotland have the chance to do the most funniest thing right now.

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

[muzzlemouths]

"sleeper agent" this and "the brainrot returned" that. those robots have had me by the throat since 2021 and they aren't letting go

[uselessnbee]

you know i think it would be absolutely hilarious if after some time Percy would get so fed up by Mr. D never calling him by his actual name so Percy would just decide to do the exact same thing to him and start calling him anything but Mr. D/Dionysus

like mr. D would be like "Hey Peter Johnson" and Percy would turn around and with a straight face be like " yes, Dave?" and everyone else is just watching horrified like wtf Percy? do you want to be turned into a cockroach????

or Percy would be talking with someone and be like " Derek told me-"

" who..?"

"you know our camp director? god of wine and all that?"

"......you mean mr. D./Dionysus "

"yeah Dylan...so anyways he told me-"

and then it would become this thing between Percy and Mr. D where they would always try to come up with the most stupid and outrageous wrong names to annoy each other as much as they possibly can

everyone is horrified at Percy and just waiting for Dionysus to smite him but Percy and Mr. D are secretely having a fucking blast

[methoughtsphantom]

silly headcannon #2 that Bruce never got the reference that Jason always made of himself being short round (he always thought it was Jason saying he was short) until after he died and Tim, avid Indiana Jones fan made Bruce watch the movies with him, only the man breaks out crying., sobbing, full on breaking down over the two second scene that is Indy ruffling Short Round’s hair as he explains they first met when he caught the kid stealing from him, and then took him under his wing.