#did you mean that at all?

[tumsa]

thrown into your tide

you know that "kitten i'll be completely honest, daddy is a fucking mess" meme? that's me, i have been a fucking mess for the past three days, and apparently, when i am a mess, i take it out on my blorbos.

have some ken/big stuff

summary: He wonders how it would feel to look at Big and not feel like his heart was slowly carved hollow, one glance at a time. warnings: canon-typical stuff, pining, feeling untethered inspired by @aikinn tags, specifically this one: #the Ken who loves Big who loves Kinn line of unrequited pain and suffering is something that can be so personal (and @snarkspawn‘s lovely art accordingly)

- - -

Sometimes Ken misses the time when Big hated him, looked at him with sharp annoyance, a slight snarl on his lips, and rolled his eyes when Ken spoke. He misses looking at Big and thinking: I want to punch you, you fucker. Feeling furious was much easier than feeling invisible. Feeling not enough, never enough.

He wonders how it would feel to look at Big and not feel like his heart was slowly carved hollow, one glance at a time. How would it feel not to hear Big laughing and have the barbed wire wrapped around his insides tighten. Ken knows he is a sore loser, never mastered the art of being okay with not being first, and so it eats at him; the void in him grows and grows, and it hungers, and it wants, and Ken doesn't know how to soothe it. 

"Do you ever wish," he asks, rubbing a bite mark he left on Big's shoulder gently, as if he could erase it with his fingertips, "that you felt differently?"

"No," Big says, and if there was a light on, Ken thinks he could see the small, gentle smile on Big's face that nobody outside of their room ever sees. "I am happy just to be near him, to protect him."

Ken hums. He wishes it was enough for him.

- - -

It begins with Chan yelling at both of them for breaking the sacred rules of peace, "no fights between bodyguards", and being childish. It's Ken's second week on the job, and he has finally lost it and punched Big in the face. The pained whimper that Big had made before pulling a gun and aiming it at Ken's chest had been glorious.

"I will not have this," Chan's voice is snappy and cold, as his eyes throw daggers at both Big and Ken, "this is not a playground. I am giving you one last chance to fix this."

He walks them to Big's room, opens the door and waits for them to get inside, pushing Ken when he is too slow to move. 

"You have until Monday," Chan says, closes the door and then locks it. He adds through the now-closed door: "If you break the lock, I will know. If either of you dies, I'll kill the other too."

"But-" Big protests pointlessly, then shuts his mouth and turns to face Ken, scowling. There's a red mark on his face where Ken's knuckles met his skin, and it makes Ken gleeful. 

"Nice one," Ken says because Big does not know how not to show emotions on his face, and right now, he looks like one of those small, angry dogs that old ladies put in their handbags. 

"Fucking great," Big says, kicking the door, "it's all your fault."

"No, mate, that's all you for being such a dick."

It's funny to watch Big reaching for his gun, only to realize that it's not there, that Chan didn't give it back. 

"Well," Ken says, because he doesn't actually want to die, and he can see Big eyeing a collection of knives on his wall, "give me a tour. Are we sharing a bed?" 

He winks, changing his mind because getting stabbed might be worth seeing Big all flustered. And then, because Big is no fun at all, he sits down on the sofa, turning away from Ken.

- - -

By Saturday, Ken thinks getting shot by Chan might be a relief. It's not the multiple fights they have had in the past two days (although Ken's ribs feel bruised and sore, and his split lip burns). It is boredom. Someone, probably Arm by Chan's request, has turned off their access to the internet so they cannot watch anything on the TV, and they are not allowed to have phones or computers, and Big has nothing else in his room that is even remotely entertaining, so Ken is dying. He can feel the time moving agonizingly slowly. Every minute feels like an eternity, and Ken might just kill Big so Chan can end the misery.

"Shoot me," he says, from where he is lying on the carpet and staring at the ceiling.

"I wish," Big unexpectedly replies, and his voice has no heat in it. They have not talked to each other outside of insults. 

"How did humans survive without the internet," Ken wonders, not for the first time. "What did they do all day?"

"Fuck if I know," apparently, they are talking now. 

Except Ken doesn't know what to say, they are not friends and have nothing in common. None of Chan's bodyguard lessons or videos included the "How to talk with your annoying coworker" tutorial.

"My grandparents play board games," Big breaks the silence. "Not that I have any."

Ken sighs, his eyes travelling down the shelf across him, full of Big's stuff. They stop at a bottle of whiskey.

"Or," he says, grinning, "we could get drunk."

- - -

"I love you, man," Ken is wheezing with laughter hours, days, or weeks later when they have emptied two bottles of whiskey and popped open a random champagne bottle.

Big is grinning on the sofa next to him. He's wearing a stupid "I <3 New York" shirt that makes Ken giggle even more. 

"That's it," Big finally slurs, looking pleased, "that's how I got the job."

"Fucking legend," Ken says, and he would clap Big on the shoulder if his arms cooperated a bit better. "If I were you, I'd sleep with my eyes open."

Big makes an agreeing noise. "I did, for like a year. He still might kill me."

From what Ken has heard about Khun Vegas in the two weeks he has been in the main family's house, he really might. 

"You'll die a hero," Ken says, looking at Big and bursting into laughter again. 

Big is fucking awesome.

- - -

Ken doesn't know who is more surprised that they both make it out alive by Monday morning, them or Chan. Or maybe it's that Ken is teaching Big how to do a backflip, and they are laughing when he opens the door. The eyebrow rise speaks volumes. 

Ken moves in with Big on Wednesday.

- - -

Ken doesn't know when things change again; there is no whiskey this time. He's used to having Big by his side, used to having Big's back during the missions; within a year, he has learned every Big's strength and weakness, he knows where to cover for him, where to let Big balance out Ken's shortcomings. They quickly go from "Big" and "Ken" to "Big and Ken". Chan takes them on missions together or not at all, and they quickly become Khun Kinn's favourites, trailing him every step he takes outside the mansion. Ken is used to it, even to the ugly parts of it, the parts where Big gets hurt and Ken worries, or parts where Ken gets injured and feels ashamed of not doing better.

It shifts, and it's a sudden, terrifying realization, and the implication of it creeps up Ken's spine like a poison ivy. It's the moment when Big enters their room, eyes wet, face bruised, red, angry finger marks on his cheek, right after he has told Ken he must tell Kinn about his suspicions of Tawan. It's the moment when Big swallows a sob as he slides down the wall, shaking and trying not to cry openly, and Ken thinks I will fucking kill Kinn that it hits him right in the solar plexus and takes his breath away.

"Big," Ken says, and his voice trembles; he feels a little untethered and a lot like the ground beneath him is moving, shifting, falling open.

"He," Big whispers, and the despair in his voice makes Ken sick, "he didn't believe me."

Ken wants to say something, anything, but his voice is drowning; he is drowning. I'm in love with you, he thinks, and the thought is like a match, setting his insides on fire, blazing its way into Ken's stomach, settling in his bones, burning.

"Fuck," he finally says, mumbles, desperate to regain some control.

"What if he dies?" Big asks as he starts weeping, trying to hold his sobs, pressing the back of his palm against his mouth, and Ken feels like someone is slicing his chest open.

"It will be okay," he says because he wants Big to stop crying and fix this somehow; he wants Big to smile and laugh about Ken's dumb jokes. "We will figure it out. I have your back, remember?"

Big nods and tries to smile through tears. Ken reaches an arm out, and Big takes it and lets Ken pull him up. Ken's skin burns under his touch.

- - -

The first time it happens, they are drunk again. They are celebrating a mission gone well. Big cannot stop grinning because Kinn had praised and promoted him to the head of his bodyguards. He looks so happy. Something ugly warms its way into Ken's bones, and yet he cannot stop grinning back.

Big leans and kisses him. It's soft and warm and nothing like kissing anyone Ken has kissed before. The gentle nip on Ken's bottom lip feels like salvation.

Big pulls away and gets up, then reaches for Ken's hand, still smiling. Their fingers lock together, and Ken thinks that for someone more used to holding a gun than anyone's hand, he could get used to it. 

He doesn't care that Big turns off the light, the soft and sweaty heat of his body, the tiny whimpers, squirming, twisting and writhing, all of it outweighs the way Big murmurs and pleads Kinn's name, between the shaky breaths, it almost sounds like Ken's. 

- - -

It happens again and again and again. It messes with Ken's head; he gets more irritable and sulky; something inside him wants to claw its way out, and it scares him. He looks at Kinn sometimes and forgets his job. He looks at Kinn and wonders how it would feel to tear him apart and have Kinn's blood on his hands, slimy and thick. 

He knows it would kill Big, so he stands between Kinn and a knife, between Kinn and a bullet, and between Kinn and the world trying to kill him. He smiles when Big hugs him after another well-done mission and swallows bitter bile when Big's eyes still follow Kinn. 

- - -

"He will never belong to you," Vegas whispers, tempting, "while Kinn is alive."

Ken gives in.

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[andstuffsketches]

girl who lives in a cave

[adyophene]

I couldn't get the idea of Alastor holding Husk like that one ferret gif during his lament in the finale out of my head.

[shotmrmiller]

sex pollen trope where you're the one affected, having been exposed to some dense gas while on an op that felt like harsh sandpaper across your throat and lungs, and now you're a feverish mess on some ratty cot in a safe house and with only ghost as company, it's miserable, as the saying goes.

hair sticking to your sweaty skin, plastered onto your forehead and neck, every swallow feeling like you've got a mouthful of sand, your fluttering pulse wild and deafening in your ears, and the throbbing ache deep in your core, the blistering heat right below your navel— it'd only been uncomfortable in the beginning, the faint throbbing incredibly familiar, but the more you ignored it, the worse it got.

and now you're here, with arousal sticking your underwear to your pussy, unable to do anything about it because your lieutenant is seated in a corner that lets him have both you and the front door within his line of sight. a quick, discreet rub under your clothes is not an option.

someone put you out of your foggy misery.

"squirmin' like a worm on a 'ook isn't gonna help." his staring doesn't either, yet he does it anyway.

"got to make sure ya aren't dyin' on me." you want to snap that you don't think proof of life is on the darkened stain between your legs, the retort pressed behind clenched teeth but another thick wave of bestial need rolls over you and god, you're about to shove your hand into your underwear, propriety be damned—

"best you don't do tha'." why the fuck not? "you'll only get relief for a moment 'fore it comes back twofold." he says as if he's reading off the morning paper and not watching you fight tooth and nail to not fuck yourself against the pillow your head is on. (soap's offer to be friends with benefits is only looking better by the hour.)

you hastily decide that it'll be better than nothing. you'll just have to rub your pussy raw until this drug runs its course and you're telling him to piss off or don't, but you've had enough. you're stuck here with him anyway, no flight home until the morn and you're not about to spend it writhing around.

"if tha's wha' you want," ghost bites his gloves off, spitting them out onto the ground before curling his hands around your ankles and dragging you toward him. "i will help." your entire world narrows down to the feel of him touching your skin, his fingers searing as they hook into the waistband of your pants, and you almost kick him in the mouth trying to get them off faster.

"but 'm not fuckin' you." the bite of disappointment is quickly forgotten, his breath warm against your slick pussy, and after three quick glides of his tongue over your pearl, your orgasm crests, pulse after pulse of pleasure so potent it stung.

in less than a minute you're burning again, need thrumming through you and with the heady push and drag of his middle finger over your sensitive nerves, curling in you until he can fit two, three—

you're lost.

(ghost telling you that he's not doing anything else because if he's going to fuck you then you're going to remember it falls on ringing ears.)

[akanemnon]

I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[brainrotcharacters]

the easy grip on the knife. the leg over the seat. the hand over the other seat. the sassy "come get it" move. you know the bitch is smiling behind that mask even as he said the line.

[stealingpotatoes]

happy mean girls day to everyone who celebrates <3

(commission info // tip jar!)

[ribbonentrails]

it's too dangerous to go alone take this~

[cozylittleartblog]

Columbo and the Knight (1984)

put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.

Autism W!

[hinamie]

恵 ; "blessing"

12/22: consider this piece my love letter to a character who has become so near and dear to me and who has inspired so much of my artistic growth this past year <3 happy birthday megumi, your name becomes you ⊹ ࣪ ˖

[evanhereonearth]

Solas, outnumbered seven to one, overpowered by a lot more than that, betrayed by his best friend Mythal who bound him to her service and coerced him into leaving the Fade and coerced him into making a weapon that would make an entire people tranquil to stop the war she started AND ignored him when he said it would create *checks notes* a blight and made him do it anyway. Solas, facing seven blighted wannabe gods who turned on his best abusive friend Mythal when she finally stood up to them after CENTURIES of him begging her to do just that and starting a rebellion to free all their multitudes of slaves: *creates the veil, imprisons the blight and the Evanuris, and preserves all life in Thedas* World: FUCK THE DREAD WOLF, GOD OF TREACHERY AND LIES *worships the Evanuris and their dragon thralls*

Solas: zzzzzzzzzz (knocked out cold from saving the world for LITERALLY SEVERAL MILLENNIA MORE)

Tevinter: *razes what's left of Elvhenan, steals all their magic, enslaves the elven people for entire length of Solas's world-saving-induced coma*

Also Tevinter: *breaks into the fucking black city and brings out the blight*

Also also Tevinter: *uses so much blood magic that the veil ends up in tatters*

The Blight: >:)

World: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck *throws everything they can at the blight, including--*checks notes again*--the blight

Orlais: you know what sucks? elves. let's kill them all

Ferelden: good shout, mes amis

Orlais: you know what also sucks? mages. put them in prisons.

Ferelden: you're full of good ideas when you're not invading us

Free Marches: MAGE PRISON, YOU SAY?

Orlais: add templars who can decide to murder them or make them tranquil on a whim at any moment

Ferelden and Free Marches: *frantically taking notes*

Rivain and Nevarra: we're just going to be...over here...

Blights 1-5: i've got a great idea i've got a great idea

Blights 1-5 after a while: my great idea didn't work :(

Archdemons 1-5: ....... :(

Evanuris 1-5: ......... :(

Solas, waking up in 9:40ish Dragon: what the...WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCKING FUCK. they can just KILL MAGE CHILDREN? AND PURGE ALIENAGES? AND ALMOST EVERY ELF IN TEVINTER IS A SLAVE? *absolutely rabid, seeks out the Dalish, as remnants of his people*

The Dalish, at Solas: *ARROWS*

Solas: ......fuck this shit, fuck all of this shit, fuck these tyrants in particular, fuck this fucking...UGH

The veil, after all this: (o.O:0oO.)

The remaining blighted Evanuris and the 99% of blight that did not escape: :)

Solas: well, that is a problem, going to need to address that ASAP, but turns out millennia of coma doesn't leave a spirit spry

Corypheus, busting out of warden jail: I AM FREE

Solas: hm, could kill that guy letting him unlock my orb, since he broke into my blight prison in the first place and defo deserves dying

Corypheus: veil needs a certain je ne sais quoi, a...bigger hole. i will make one.

Wardens: yes, good plan, blighted magister man. we are in control of the blight inside us and also heroes *in death, sacrifice = divine justinia's ritual sacrifice under thrall*

The veil:

O

Corypheus: >:( but like...not dead

Solas: well, i did not see that coming

Lavellan: *in chains, threatened with execution*

humans: KNIFE EAR >:(

Lavellan: *hole in the sky, hole in her memories, hole in her fucking hand* fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, wait, this hole in my hand helps close holes in the SKY

Solas: *.* It seems you hold the key to our salvation

Lavellan: i'm sorry what

humans: HERALD OF ANDRASTE!!!!!!!! *falls to knees*

Lavellan: I'M SORRY WHAT

Chantry: *choking in the corner*

Cassandra: time for you to decide the fate of the world

Lavellan: I'M. SORRY. WHAT???????? you know what? fine. *stops alexius from blood magicking his way through redcliffe and time itself, gets punted into a hellscape of nightmares and makes it back with the help of a rebel tevinter mage* the mages i rescued from becoming probable slaves to tevinter are our allies and dorian is my new best friend for being the only reason i made it back alive and the whole world didn't die *dabs*

Cassandra: >:(

Mother Giselle: >:(

Lavellan: ffs

Corypheus: *dragon temper tantrum*

Lavellan: *somehow escapes both dragon and Corypheus, trudges through blizzard, collapses*

Mother Giselle: *.* I FEEL A SONG COMING ON

Literally everyone but Solas: *falls to their knees*

Solas: a word?

Lavellan: OH THANK HEAVENS

Solas: these people are wack and aren't going to like that Corypheus is using elven magic *cough*, they're a hairsbreadth from executing us at all moments lol, btw here's a castle, you know, for you cos i highkey see myself in you and god i'm so fucking lonely

Lavellan: me too but wait, what the fuck is happening. you know what? fuck it. solas, what if we kissed,,, in the fade

Solas: what IF we kissed,,, in the fade *fade tongue*

Solas: ...you continue to surprise me. you show a wisdom i have not seen...since my deepest journeys into the fade!

Lavellan: don't you dare walk away from me now

Solas: okay vhenan i stay

Vivienne: this is a DEMON and NOT A PET

Lavellan: *blinks* right, no, this spirit kid who is the literal only reason we escaped Haven alive is my son now. if he hadn't read roderick's mind we'd all be avalanched or blighted dragoned, so SUCK IT UP

Vivienne: >:(

Cassandra: >:(

Sera: >:(

Bull: >:(

Varric: >:(

Solas: :D

Wardens: btw we're doing blood magic and raising an army of demons. not really our fault but also not NOT our fault? idk, blight in the blood, morally grey area. get it? grey...war--never mind, we'll be at adamant xoxo

Cullen: lotsa soldiers gonna die

Lavellan: fuck, is there another choice?

Advisors: ...no

Cory's dragon: *burninating the adamant, burninating the wardens, burninating all the people and this crumbling ROCKY BRIIIIIIDGE! CRUMBLING ROCKY BRIDGEEEEE*

Lavellan, flying through the air hundreds of feet towards the ground: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck *opens a rift into the fade*

Everyone but Solas: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WE'RE IN THE FADE

Solas: we're in the FADE!!!!!

Lavellan, after escaping the nightmare's lair: glad half the team is pissed at me, what's next, an imperial ball? how hard can that be?

Orlesians: they invited an ELF SAVAGE >:(

Lavellan: you know what, fuck this and fuck Celene for genociding the entire Halamshiral alienage and fuck you, Gaspard, you can be Briala's little French Orlesian bulldog

Half the Inquisition: *shocked pikachu*

Morrigan: allow me to shemsplain all of elven history to everyone, including Solas, yourself, and all the ancient elves in this temple

Lavellan: you know what? okay. *rubs at Mythal's vallaslin, makes eyes real big* who is this "Mythal"

Solas: *choking in the corner*

Cassandra, muttering: i do not want to do a ritual to a false god

Morrigan: lemme have the well, lemme have it, i deserve it more than you

Lavellan: ...abso-fucking-lutely not *drinks from the well out of pure spite*

Solas: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, VHENAN

Lavellan: idk vhenan, this world sucks and i wanna make it better and i love you

Solas: ...you are everything and you inspire me, hurry, i need to tell you i'm the dread wolf but am going to break up with you and remove your slave markings instead and btw they're basically a drawing of me in my true form and honestly, this whole thing is real fucked up and you're the only real person in my entire life who sees me

Lavellan: wait what

Solas: i'm bad and don't deserve you and had to harden my heart to save the world before and everyone hated me for it so i'm projecting when i say you must harden your heart to a cutting edge to kill Corypheus, I'll explain after we kill him

Lavellan: ...oh yeah guess we should do that but I gotta go meet Mythal first

Solas: wait what

Mythal: *is Morrigan's mum, is only mostly dead, also 100% cool with overriding her servants' will entirely for shits and giggles, 0/10 do not trust* i'll help you if you fight this dragon lol

Morrigan: *choking in the corner*

Corypheus: *has a mahoosive temper tantrum when Mythal's pet dragon kills his pet dragon, dies*

Solas: ;-; ilu, inky, what we had was real but i'm afraid to do to you what Mythal did to me. I MUST AWAY

Lavellan: ....

World: HERALD OF ANDRASTE!!!!!!!!!!!!*

*some restrictions may apply, like in a couple years we're going to forget everything you did and be real mad at you

Solas, somewhere: been there, vhenan

World, two years later: :D we're here to hate you, right on schedule

Qunari: you are in need of the gentle path. therefore, we are coming to kill you all

Solas: like hell you will. but come to think of it, this is a good excuse to see vhenan again

Lavellan's arm: TIME TO DIE

Solas: defo another good excuse to see vhenan again. probs should study that arm anyway

Lavellan, after several Qunari too many: CAN ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKING WORLD STAY FIXED

Inquisition, including Divine Victoria: *shocked pikachu*

Lavellan: i'm going back through the fucking looking glass to talk to some ancient elven sentinels with Mythal's magic whisper well, they're the only fucking thing that makes sense here

Qunari: *destroying everything in sight but getting hounded by the dread wolf at every step*

Lavellan, whose arm is trying to kill her but is following Qunari through her own people's magic mirror world: ...i think i'm in love with the dread wolf

Companions: pfffffft

Cole: :D YES, YOU ARE AND HE LOVES YOU TOO

Lavellan: thank god i have you, cole, my spirit son

Solas, in a statuary garden of petrified Qunari: i suspect you have questions

Lavellan: honestly, fen'harel, not really

Solas: *shocked pikachu* well done

Lavellan: i'm real tired and you could have just trusted me back in Crestwood.

Solas: this world is broken, i must tear down the veil

Lavellan: yep, i'm one "knife ear" away from putting a knife in the next human's ear who says it tbh, i'd rather live in the fade with you and my spirit son, can i help you pls vhenan

Solas: ...no

Lavellan: wtf

Solas, internally panicking because he followed Mythal wherever she went and she dragged him to literal hell and trauma and now his one true love is offering to follow him while he probably makes things worse again: absolutely not, no, but i love you forever

Lavellan's arm: >:(

Solas: ...right, i gotta take that

Lavellan: wait what

Solas: i will never forget you *trundles through mirror with severed arm*

Lavellan: oh fuck my entire life, you know what, Ferelden and Orlais? Inquisition is no more, i'm going on sabbatical to Stone Bear Hold where at least people are not insane and Storvacker loves me, and then i'm going home to the castle vhenan gave me. don't call me. byeeee

ten years later

Varric: gonna go stop Solas, who invented the veil and is From Fade, from doing things i don't understand, wish me luck, inky

Lavellan: WAIT ONE GODDAMNED SECOND I'M COMING WITH YOU

Varric: no <3 i found a complete rando who will fuck everything up

Rook: hey, what if i drop a statue on this nuclear arsenal protecting the biggest biological weapon of mass destruction known to all of thedas? that'll help

Neve, a literal mage who should know even small rituals can blow up and kill you: probs not a good idea but Varric, a dwarf who knows nothing about magic or the veil or the Fade whatsoever says this ritual must be stopped At All Costs By Any Means Necessary so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Varric: Solas I will shoot you with Bianca

Solas: ffs stop *breaks Bianca*

Varric: can you promise me your way is better

Solas: i know way better than to make promises like that, have you seen this world???

Varric: GOTCHA, YOU LYING LIAR WHO LIES

Rook: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIMBERRRRRRR

Varric: defo going to attack the guy whose millennia of existence has been centred on this massive magical problem i do not even comprehend a little after waiting ten years to ask a single question about it when he'd already got going *tries to stab Solas*

Solas, feeling everything he's spent all of world history protecting the world from breaking out of jail: turns the dagger and stabs Varric instead

Elgar'nan: >:)

Ghilan'nain: >:)

Solas: oh for fucking FUCK'S SA--*exit, stage Fade Jail*

Blight: >:)

Rook: oops

Neve and Harding: omg this could not possibly be our fault at all, not even a little. it's Solas's fault, the lying liar who lies

Lavellan: i will not murder this stupid child, i will not murder this stupid child, i will not murder this stupid child

Morrigan: we have to help the stupid child

Lavellan: we have to help the stupid child

Morrigan and Lavellan: *look at each other*

Lavellan: when this is over, i stg--

Morrigan, who has millennia of memories of Mythal abusing Solas and decades of Flemythal abusing her: yeah no i will throw you a going away party and take care of Dorian for you and help you get your boyfriend back and no way will i fight him, this is actually ridiculous

Ferelden, Orlais, and the Free Marches, all of whom turned on Lavellan ten years ago: hELP help HELP there's BLIIIIIGHT

Lavellan to Leliana: you owe me a hundred gold

Leliana: *hands over a solid gold nug*

Ferelden: X_X

Orlais: X_X

Free Marches: X_X

Lavellan: *grits teeth* i better go meet with rook

Rook: andaran atish'an, honoured inquisitor

Lavellan: yo. sure would be nice to be meeting without our gods, you know, destroying absolutely everything i've spent a quarter of my life protecting and rebuilding after the last apocalypse but here we are i guess

Morrigan: *smirks at shade*

Northern Thedas: ROOK IS THE BEST

Southern Thedas: is rook tho

Ghilan'nain: muahahaha i have so many drago---nooo you killed my dragons and i am BLEEDING LIKE A MORTAL PIECE OF MORTAL SCUM

Elgar'nan: my dragon used to be bigger :(

Ghilan'nain: your dragon's fine

Elgar'nan: Ghilly, make it bigger again

Ghilan'nain: can't, too sad. blood. :(

Southern Thedas: *throwing nugs at blight* hELP

Lavellan, with half of Southern Thedas crammed into skyhold: thanks for the castle, vhenan, we'd all literally be dead without it, again

Morrigan: erm, Inky? seems everyone's telling Rook Solas is just a big monster lying liar who lies and blaming him for everything

Lavellan: that's what people do, blame Solas. had a bad day? blame Solas. Mythal wants to sever the titans' dreams? Blame Solas. Rashvine nettle sting? Blame Solas. Bring the veil 5/7 or so of the way down themselves after releasing the blight? Blame Solas. Rook let the gods out? Blame Solas

Morrigan: Inky.

Lavellan: you want me to go pour out my heart to the person who imprisoned vhenan and let out Ghilan'nain, Mother of Tentacles, and Elgar'nan "My Dragon is Bigger than Your Dragon" First and Worst of the Evanuris, don't you

Morrigan: yee

Lavellan: FINE but you better spill every ounce of tea you've got on the stupid child before i go because i need to at least make rook squirm a LITTLE

Morrigan: i thought you'd never ask

Elgar'nan: you won't make my dragon bigger??? fine i'll move the moon instead

Northern Thedas: i'm sorry what

Anyone at sea anywhere on the planet: I'M SORRY WHAT

Ghilan'nain: *throws a temper tantrum and dies*

Elgar'nan: >:(

Solas: fuck this shit, i'm getting out of Fade Jail

Rook: :(

Minrathous: fuck fuck fuck FUCK fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK

Solas: hello, people who enslaved my people for millennia, i am here to save the day i guess

Minrathous, slapping blight tentacles out of their faces: ...honestly thank you

Solas: wait what

Rook: I ESCAPE FADE JAIL SOLAS YOU BASTARD LYING LIAR WHO LIES

Lavellan: i will not murder the stupid child, i will not murder the stupid child, i will not murder the stupid child

Solas: you know what, fair play, here's the dagger, there's elgar'nan, ima bite his dragon, you go have a great time. have fun storming the blight tentacle

Venatori, poster children for the Leopards Who Eat People's Faces Party: nooo the leopards keep eating our faces

Minrathous: wow who could have possibly predicted that

Everyone who has ever met a Venatori: yes, yes, very sad

Elgar'nan, eating every face in the magesterium and effectively cleansing Tevinter of the worst of its monsters in one fell swoop: ah, rook, you can't kill me, i have the biggest dragon ever to dragon

Dread Wolf: honestly he's kinda not wrong, this dragon is a bastard and i am like a fifth of its size and getting p tired, ngl

Rook's Blighted Companion: welp gonnae put this trauma to use for the greater good. go go gadget blight tentacles, release the Dread Pupper

Elgar'nan: *shocked pikachu*

Dread Wolf: *chomp*

Elgar'nan: *throws a temper tantrum and dies*

Solas: oh ffs finally

Rook: not so fast

Solas: oh ffs here we fucking go

Rook: i don't actually want to fight you

Solas: wait, what

Rook: i think this is all my fault but everyone keeps telling me i'm the hero and that's fucked up. and your vhenan, she's nice to me, no one really else is, i'm just everybody's apocalypse therapist, and i even kinda like you tbh, my whole team basically does fun stuff without me and doesn't even invite me to book club and emmrich's the only one who asks me about my feelings instead of just asking me to do stuff for them, and anyway, i'm going to trust the inquisitor here because i'm honestly starved for connection and she thinks you're worth saving so can we talk i don't wanna fight

Solas: what

Lavellan, out of sight, reliving the litany of "i will not murder this stupid child": oh haha awkward

Solas: look,,, i've been bound to the service of an ancient elvhen god for millennia and everything i do, whether i know it or not, is for her, so i can't do what you want and this sucks

Lavellan: even if i'm here, walking the din'an shiral with you?

Solas: ...vhenan

Lavellan: ;_;

Solas: ;_; ...I cannot

Morrigan: yo dread wolf, my mum's a piece of work and i have all her memories and everything she did to you was fuuuuuuuuucked up, anyway, over to her, honestly not pissed you killed that part of her btw, she reeeeally fucked you up, but rook somehow managed to talk her out of her essence, so that's impressive

Solas: what

Mythal: yeah i kinda tore you out of your home and twisted you from your purpose and made you do murder and worse for me for millennia and said i wanted your wisdom and then never ever listened to you ever and just dragged you through every atrocity i created and perpetuated

Solas: it hurts and i guess you're going to kill me now so here's the dagger ;_;

Mythal: it's still mostly your fault but i was there too i guess, anyway, i release you from my service, which i could have done at any point in the past several millennia but instead I tortured you endlessly, lol god of retribution, that's me. k bye

Solas: what the fucking fuck

Lavellan: right there with you, like literally forever, our love is a miracle and the only thing i can even cope with

Solas: yeah honestly fuck this shit, i'm out, i will put myself in fade jail

Lavellan: you are not going by yourself i stg take me with you i wanna go home

Solas: ...home is a literal prison now

Lavellan: sealed away from all this shit? from getting blamed for everything we do no matter how much we sacrifice? if it's you and me there together, i don't care if it's a grey box full of darkspawn

Solas: there's no darkspa--

Lavellan: ffs i said i want to go, you don't have to sell me on it. you're the only person in this world who Gets It. we go on together, forever.

Solas: *.* my wife

Lavellan: *.* my wolf

Northern Thedas: and rook saved the world from the dread wolf, who was a lying liar who lies

Southern Thedas: *busy being dead and blighted*

Lavellan: yeah, fuck this shit, we're out

You can now download this shitpost in beautifully formatted PDF, courtesy of @amburuthings. Thank u for your service *salutes*

You all have had me howling with the tags on reblogs, thank you, I am absolutely dying in deadline hell and needed that

[inkskinned]

"don't make it political!" .... what proportion of death and suffering must occur before politics are involved. if this isn't political, what is even the point of any politics, ever. of democracy. the words are "by the people for the people." if i am going to be left alone by my elected representatives to "figure it out" - to undergo damage, hardship, fear. what the fuck did i elect them for. what was their job. the entire point is that they handle this shit. this is why we were supposed to be electing leaders.

poverty is political. misogyny is political. gun control is political. climate change is political. how much aid a community gets is political. what the fuck are you talking about. it's been political this whole fucking time.

[quesocheeso]

Introducing another major character: Nezha!

For the AU I thought it’d be interesting to play with the design of Nezha having a younger appearance, since he is supposed to be the god of children and I’ve seen other medias do this too.

Nezha plays a major role in the development of the celestial realm and politics after Wukong ascends the role, admittedly this does not happen from the beginning. Nezha is allowed a role in the court around 400 years after the ascension of the throne due to his previous ties to the jade emperor and his court, his loyalty was strong until he realized he could help more from the inside and that his previous role on the court had not let him do much other than being a glorified guard.

He respects Wukong’s strength but he is not yet trustful of his abilities as the ruler of all realms, so he demands to be his assistant, to keep him on track and on the matters that are important. Although, once he does start working for him he does figure out that Wukong is not as bad as ruler as he was expecting, politically, his court is full of people who are experts in their own matters and provide a variety of discussion and solutions during meetings, and while he though Wukong had stayed the same Monkey King he knew from the wars and mayhem, he had grown as a ruler and cared about the realms in ways that Nezha had not seen other celestials had.

Nezha is closed off and even hostile for a while at the beginning, but he does start mellowing out around the time that Macaque is expecting, being the god of children he can’t help but be protective and clingy, leading to the Six-eared Macaque having a kid following him around like a duckling.

Also I find it really funny that Nezha was the first to find out Macaque was pregnant even before he did

Nezha is not shocked because Macaque is expecting, no he thinks he’d be a good parent,

He’s more in shock that Wukong procreated.

Bonus:

(Nezha becomes so close to the royal family that there is an inside joke in the court that he is the Emperor’s eldest child. Much to Nezha and Wukong’s dismay and Macaque’s amusement.

Remember this.)

[egophiliac]

I don’t think we’ve ever seen you draw knight of dawn before 🤔 what are your thoughts about him? Or take?

I've drawn him a couple of times, just really little/in the background. but I should draw him more, I love this guy a lot! I have many, many thoughts about him and the way he parallels Silver...and also I think it is extremely funny that his ghost is stuck in a ring. especially considering where that ring has been for the last 16-ish years.