#did the protagonist find a more meaningful way to live?

[maybe-boys-do-love]

A Tale of a Thousand Stars answers the age-old question: What if Hallmark movies were good?

[fujoshimenacecw]

A conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato

In our first ever translation work we share a riveting conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato! Read on our wordpress or keep reading on tumblr under the readmore

For the 189th issue of the Magazine House publication Hato yo! published January 1st 2000, movie director and screenwriter Shimako Sato leads a three way conversation between herself and her acquaintances, the anime and live action movie director Hideaki Anno, and manga artist Moto Hagio. Together they discuss their respective admiration for each other’s work, Anno’s past statements on otaku, their takes on parent-child relations, how to escape puberty, and why Anno finds it scary to be around children. 

To Me, There is 5 Ways To End a Story

Hagio: I got really into Neon Genesis Evangelion after it finished airing (laughter). I had been told by an acquaintance that Eva was a work that had “fans who were looking forward to watching the series so enraged by the developments in the final episode that they broke their TVs” (laughter). I wondered what could a work that evokes such strong emotions be like? I was really interested, so I borrowed the VHS tapes from a friend of Shimako-san’s, then I started watching.

Anno: I’m a big fan of Hagio-san’s manga, so when Shimako-san first said she could introduce us and arrange this meeting I was truly happy. The fact that you took an interest in Eva is an honor but… When I first heard “to me, there are five ways to end a story” I thought “as expected; amazing!” So after several twists and turns I finally reached a conclusion

Sato: Anno-san, when did you first encounter Hagio-san’s work?

Anno: The first one I read was They Were 11! during its serialization. In elementary school I read it at the Ear-Nose-Throat Doctor. I generally read manga at the waiting room there or at the barbers, since I didn’t really get any manga to read at home. When I read They Were 11! back then I was blown away. After that I read Hyaku Oku no Hiru to Senoku no Yoru [trans: Ten Billion Days and One Hundred Billion Nights, original story by Ryu Mitsuse]. My favorite work is Half-god [Hanshin]. The fact that such a meaningful story could be told in only 16 pages is amazing. I think Hagio-san is a genius storyteller, but her art is amazing as well. In middle school I thought that if I copied Hagio-san’s art I’d become better at drawing.

Sato: If you had also imitated her storytelling would that perhaps have changed Eva’s final episode? (laughter)

Saving the world, love and hatred

Anno: You know, I don’t have much interest in concluding a story.

Sato: Do you hate wrapping a furoshiki? [trans note: a traditional wrapping cloth]

Anno: No, it’s that I think you can do more with a furoshiki than tie it up pretty. Like break it or tear it to shreds, all kinds of things.

Sato: If we include all that, isn’t that still doing the act of wrapping?

Hagio: In your case Anno-san, I find your way of grasping the world unique.

Sato: For both Anno-san and Hagio-san, even with the differences between manga and anime you’re making a serialized work, right. When you make a long-form work, is the ending something that is already decided? Or is it something that changes?

Anno: For me it’s something like a live performance, and ends up gradually changing as I create the work.

Hagio: I’m a bit too careful, so I can’t draw if I haven’t thought of the ending. An exception is when I made Star Red. Otherworld Barbara which I made later also ended up becoming an exception 

Anno: Star Red’s ending was magnificent. I was also influenced by Star Red. Actually, I’ve written some dialogue similar to the one in Star Red’s ending 

Sato: Which of the characters do you like?

Anno: Well, the protagonist.

Sato: I like Elg. At first I thought he was a rather unreliable person, but he gradually came to play an active role. By the end he revived a dead planet through love.

Hagio: I also like characters like that!

Sato: When I watch Anno’s works like Eva I feel like you are more the kind of person who saves the world through hatred, what do you think?

Anno: I don’t know 

Hagio: That feeling of uncertainty becomes the foundation of your storytelling doesn’t it? I come to think that that feeling is something so overflowing you can’t tie it all together. 

Sato: It seems you have some differences when it comes to making a story, but I think one thing your stories have in common is perhaps parent-child relations?

Anno: That is true, Hagio-san. Your relationship with your mother appears in your work…

Hagio: When I was a child, my older sister was my mother’s favorite, I was always compared to her. It seemed my mother thought that compared to my sister I was unreliable so she always worried about me, even when I was into my thirties she’d tell me to quit making manga.

Sato: And that was during The Poe Clan’s heyday wasn’t it?

Hagio: (laughter) When I was watching Eva, something that really caught my attention was Shinji-kun worrying about whether or not he was useful to his father. Yet there was a distance between them. During that time I was very interested in, to put it into words, “broken relations.” 

Otaku Are Generally Uncool

Sato: Anno-san, in your work I think father-son relations is something that makes an appearance. Are there any real experiences behind that?

Anno: My family was normal. If I have a complex it would be that we were a poor family rather than a just normal one, and my father has only one leg. Regardless, I think stories about parents are the simplest to make, it’s easy. 

Sato: So since Eva is a parent-child story it ended up like that?

Anno: What makes it easy is that we have some preconceived assumptions about [parent-child relations], “have you argued with your parents?” and such.

Sato: What appears in your work isn’t those things, but your own internalized problems don’t you think.

Anno: That appears to be it. As for my family we truly were the archetypical lower middle class household. My father was a good person. A sensible man. When you’re under circumstances like my father was you have to live sensibly or else you’re excluded.

Sato: So in opposition to that, you became an otaku.

Anno: That might be it. Your most important model for what normalcy is is your family. But I have a younger sister and she is exceedingly normal. She doesn’t read manga, there is nothing twisted about her at all.

Sato: And by twisted you mean?

Anno: That she’s not an otaku.

Sato: Anno-san, you’ve said that you hate otaku, haven’t you.

Anno: It’s not hate. It’s just that I think otaku are uncool. To otherwise not notice that you’re uncool or purposefully suppressing that fact makes me feel disgusted.

Sato: What about The Matrix? Isn’t that a cool otaku movie?

Anno: That one is also uncool.

Hagio: Even though Keanu Reeves is cool.

Anno: Keanu is cool. Because he is not an otaku. The otaku are the Wachowskis. They can’t get out of the confinements of their otaku-ism. So for example, even if they make something cool, part of it will for certain be otaku-like Even though I say this I don’t hate it. If I truly did I’d quit being an otaku.

Sato: Hagio-san, would you say your family was normal or was it perhaps affluent?

Joh (Hagio’s manager): Hagio-san and her mother actually have a similar biorhythm. It was perhaps due to that fact that Hagio rebelled by pursuing the path of becoming a manga artist. 

Hagio: I might have been running away by drawing. But, if I had rebelled by becoming a delinquent I think it perhaps might’ve been more enriching to me as a person.

Anno: To become a creator is not something I think is a happy path to go down. In order to not be unhappy you have to work for dear life. At the very least create works as if you’re going back to zero [from the negatives].

Hagio: Is it a negative? Because you are an otaku?

Anno: Being an otaku is a huge negative. You make up for it either by relying on others or by producing creative works. With that said, I think my generation has it easier than yours, Hagio-san. This is an era where even old men read manga. My parents even now have no issues with my line of work. I appear in Asahi Shimbun, I appear on NHK, they have nothing to worry about. That is also why I will try not to ever refuse any coverage from my hometown newspapers.

Hagio: But don’t you think parents don’t truly understand? Even if I become famous, my parents will say; can’t you quit drawing manga? And just appear in the newspaper? (laughter)

Sato: But if you quit drawing manga you won’t appear in the newspaper. (laughter)

Hagio: In that context, a part of me still expects too much affirmation from my parents. Not externally but internally. Even if I appear in Asahi Shimbun I still end up thinking it’s not good enough.

Sato: The fact that you still worry so much about what your parents think at your age Hagio-san, it’s so strange.

Hagio: Yes, I think so too

Anno: Could it be that you have to become a parent to change that part of you that worries so much about what your parents think?

Sato: I don’t worry at all about what my parents think.

Anno: I also don’t care even a little bit. As far as I’m concerned, I’m bored if I get my parents’ approval. When I did Nadia: The Secret Of Blue Water for NHK I felt that feeling.

Sato: Do you have a replacement parent figure?

Anno: Well, a man without imaginary enemies is no good. For me right now, I think I want to make works that have Hayao Miyazaki beat.

Sato: Hagio-san, your worries might also be what gives birth to your works.

Hagio: That might be the case.

Sato: Anno-san, earlier, you said “you have to become a parent to change.” I personally don’t think if you don’t have children you can’t become an adult. I think that being an adult is being independent in everything you do. That’s why I think marriage or having children doesn’t change anything.

Anno: You can become a parent without being an adult. At 17 or 18 you could become a parent. To become a parent without even being an adult, that is the problem I think. 

Sato: Do you consider yourself to be an adult, Anno-san?

Anno: I guess I’m a child. 

Sato: I don’t consider my parents to be adults.

Hagio: I’m very discontent with the fact that my parents aren’t adults.

Anno: I’m not discontent.

Sato: For me realizing that my parents aren’t absolute adults was a relief during my middle school years. Until then I had played the role of an exemplary student, but when I realized that fact I stopped playing that role. 

Hagio: So you’re a child who didn’t fit into your parents’ expectations. I was also a child who didn’t fit into my parents’ expectations, but the fact that they didn’t shrug their shoulders and say “that’s fine,” filled me with anxiety. I thought that if I become an adult I’d lose that anxiety. But I want recognition from people. I continue to request affirmation. 

Sato: Anno-san, in Eva you portrayed children like this, but are you like this yourself?

Anno: The affirmation? Hmmm. That kind of thing changes with the project.

Hagio & Sato: ?

Anno: I don’t believe in the supremacy of the director of a work, but rather the work itself. What would be best for the work, I only base my judgment on the total. Although I won’t hand over the executive decisions.

Hagio: Manga is a one-man job, but with a movie there’s the director, the scriptwriter, the actors, etc. Each of them sees themselves as a leading part. Furthermore as living beings the things we do will sometimes diverge from the plan we made in our heads. The fun of living is discovering what those differences will be.

Is Eva The Rite of Passage That Will Get Us Through Puberty?

Sato: The movie Love & Pop that you directed Anno-san, the original creator Ryuu Murakami-san and yourself are both men, yet the story is about high school girls. I found that interesting.

Hagio: I thought that both of you wanted to be very similar to an archetypical girl. You said you wanted to see a part of puberty, and girlhood that you couldn’t control. After all, men aren’t just made up of boys. I believe that femininity and masculinity is something we have combined within us. Sort of androgynous.

Sato: The boys you create not having that vivid true-to-life quality to them I think is a representation of that. Anno-san, as a man, what do you think of the boys in Hagio-san’s manga? 

Anno: I think they have empathy. I think what I like the most is that all the characters are smart. Because they have such a high intelligence it feels good to read.

Hagio: Like a washing machine right at the peak of its cycle, I want to leave my characters on the verge of that kind of critical point [of merger]. To be honest, the idea that once you’re past 30 you’ve become an old lady, that sense is something we’ve left behind.

Sato: I’ve found that when men become old they lose their ability to be nihilistic in their work, is it the same as that?

Anno: In the case of men, as you age, the world view [of your fiction] rather than your characters come to reflect your nihilism. You don’t aspire to be nihilistic, you yourself are becoming nihilistic. Your world view is what gradually utilizes nihilism. Isao Takahata, for example, is a nihilistic person. Nothing is born from being nihilistic. As nihilism is Plus-Minus-Zero, eventually your heart can’t be moved.

Hagio: A world that doesn’t change, isn’t that comfortable? 

Sato: Even though in order to grow you have to fight. By asking like this, Anno-san, did you not experience puberty?

Anno: That might be it.

Hagio: I thought you were right in the middle of puberty.

Anno: I thought I’m losing it, but it might be puberty. Generally speaking, otaku don’t go through puberty.

Hagio: I thought otaku went through a prolonged chronic puberty.

Anno: It’s not what society ordinarily calls puberty.

Hagio: A never ending puberty, in this age, could it perhaps be because there are no more rites of passage? 

Anno: Sure enough, you have to bungee jump. (laughter)

Hagio: A ritual to let your childhood die and then replay it, such a thing doesn’t exist now. Taking entrance exams may be the closest to [a rite of passage].

Sato: Don’t you feel like lately that around age 30 is when the coming of age ceremony actually happens?

Hagio: For that part, that’s when the stories takes on that role I think.

Sato: As a ritual?

Hagio: It’s not a ritual, but perhaps more intuitive? A trial run on a mock life. By that definition, I noticed Eva is just like that. I had an acquaintance who is a teacher from the Kyoto Steiner school. They saw the Eva movie in theaters. At that time they found the reactions of the people watching to be more interesting than the story. They had thought, isn’t it like we’ve all come to see the rite of passage which we all failed? I thought so as well “that’s right, that is interesting.” The rite of passage to become an adult after entering puberty, be it Gundam or Eva those stories put people in a position where they are observing the world, observing themselves, experiencing war and such.

Sato: Anno-san, were you considering all this…

Anno: I didn’t make it like that. But when I was making the movie I was thinking of this a little. 

Hagio: When I watched Eva it ended up overlapping with the book Childhood [by Jan Myrdal]. It’s a book about a mother who can’t love her child. She thinks “I have to take care of this child”, but even so she can’t love him. I wonder what happens to children raised like this. Children learn from their parents. In truth there will be consequences for the parent, but the question on my mind was children who can’t find their place with the parent, where can they find their place instead? Although I thought you were such a person when you were making Eva, Anno-san. (laughter) 

Sato: Speaking of, the other day you were on a TV show teaching grade schoolers about anime, Anno-san. What do you think of children?

Anno: I was scared of being in contact with children. I don’t understand the appropriate distance to take. I believe even the most casual thing an adult says mustn’t traumatize them, I end up becoming oversensitive. In grade school during still drawing class, I’d draw roof tiles and other detailed things, but humans moved around and I found it annoying, so I never drew people. Because of that my teacher said “this isn’t a child’s drawing,” which deeply hurt me. In the end, from that experience I think it was a part of the reason why I decided on working with drawing. Even though I opposed standardized education, I really felt the difficulty of dealing with not having a basic manual.

By the way, how much longer until Zankoku na Kami ga Shihai Suru [trans: A Cruel God Reigns] ends? I made a mistake. I wanted to read it all at once, right, so I refrained from buying it but… when volume 6 came out I ended up buying all of them. 

Hagio: Oh yes, right. July next year I think. 

Anno: Understood. Then the final collected volume will be out in the fall of next year. Hmm well that means I can enjoy it for another year. Understood. 

Sato: Isn’t that great.

------------------------------

Translated by mod Juli, with assistance from two financially compensated native speakers.

A scan of the full interview raws has now been added to the wordpress version!

[notebooks-and-laptops]

Why Rooks Backstory's aren't Good Fits for this Game (and how I'd fix them)

Immediately following my last post about the companions and theming that you can find here, I also want to explore how Rooks various faction backstories are also bad fits for Dragon Age: The Veilguard and its supposed theme.

We have been told, both by developers and in game that this is a game about regrets. That's supposed to be the Big Theme. However, Rook's backstory doesn't give them a regret, it gives them a heroic mission that they shouldn't regret because they did the right thing even if some conservatives in their faction disagree with them. The Lord of Fortune backstory explanation literally says: 'His/her/their actions were correct and saved the lives of expedition members, but some Rivaini nobles were resentful'. They are framed as having made the right decision.

Now, I hear you say, the reason for this is that Rook's Big Regret is getting Varric killed! Except...did Rook get Varric killed? Rook might have encouraged Varric to talk to Solas, or warned him against it, but either way the plan they're following is Varric's and the person who kills Varric is Solas. Not Rook.

Okay, so maybe Rook's Big Regret is that their plan let the Gods free from their prison, by knocking down the statue which disrupted the ritual. Now this, I might be able to get behind, except that the game doesn't really...let you regret this? You can't be genuinely torn up about it being your fault compared to the way you can about your mother dying in DA2. The further into the game, the less the game reminds you that you were the ones who set the Gods free.

So if the above two aren't Rook's regrets then Rook doesn't actually have any regrets. Which kind of makes them a bad fit as a protagonist for this story because they can't really relate to Solas in any meaningful way. They can very easily dismiss all of Solas's regrets with 'well he's an asshole, I wouldn't have done that' because...Rook didn't do that.

So instead of having all these very heroic backstories for Rook, I would instead have each backstory be the opposite. Keep them kinda the same but instead, in each one, have Rook make the wrong choice that gets someone killed.

Grey warden rook can be worried about villagers being killed if they wait for orders, so bring down the cave...except that actually gets some grey wardens in the cave killed, and it means the darkspawn can get at the town from another opening. The grey wardens are dealing with the wardens now trapped under rubble in the cave, so they don't go to help, which leads to way more casulties.

Lord of Fortune Rook can realise that the treasure they have is very valuable and decide to bypass the usual cultural checks in order to sell it on quickly, only to find it is a deadly magic artefact that the Venatori use to kill a bunch of innocent people.

Do this for each of the backstories, make it so that in the backstories Rook is wrong. This can come up later in the game in order to provide more ways companions can get to know you beyond the hero, and how your individual Rook feels about it. But it means that Rook has a regret; something they did which maybe they thought would help but it didn't work and it got people killed that otherwise would be alive.

This way the theme of regret is fully instilled in our protagonist, which makes them a good foil/mirror etc. to Solas.

[12amphantasm]

People always meet you with reverence, “Father Andrew!”, they greet when you walk past, admiration heavy in their voices. They love you for how pious you are, friendly and loving, your patience and generosity.

And you love them, too. Just like the place you have stayed in for nearly twenty years, the huge complex composed of a humble yet luxurious church, the boarding school for troubled youths, the small but very warm house for the elderly, and the nearby university of theology - together known as The Hillset Private Conservatory.

God loves it all, every flower, every human, and whatever it might be that’s walking through these halls. __

The game is 18+ and meant for an adult audience.

Although the romance is strictly MxM, sexuality is relevant only for the romantic routes and the game can be played without engaging in intimate relationships, but at the expense of background information the player won’t be able to get in other ways. __

The game will be uploaded in parts, starting at least with 10k words. Planed release: Late April/early May 2024 ___

Written by a gay man, the romance is MxM only and stays true to reality, portraying genuine gay relationships, without stereotypes and harmful tropes.

“We Are God’s Most Beloved” is an old-school text-heavy interactive fiction novel and recommended to those who love reading.

Choices are meaningful instead of flavour and used only when they have an actual impact, this means there are long passages of text, which requires the reader to keep track of the story – just like they would with a novel. There is a lot to explore, attentive readers might find more game in this interactive fiction than one would expect.

The main genre is horror, even if nothing is outrageously explicit and often handled with a focus on the absurd, it contains horror-typical themes and tropes such as blood, body horror, surreal imaginary, and other commonly used elements.

In addition, mental illness, dysfunctional familial relationships, and physical assault play an important role depending on which route is chosen.

Hillset Private Conservatory, build in 1802, despite its long history, is a name few people know or have ever heard, and if one is aware of its existence, it’s rarely for good reasons.

Rumours have it that the owner was a paranoid man and the gigantic complex created solely to have a spacious cage for his family, namely his eight children, only for all of them to find an untimely death on this very property.

"It's haunted!", some say. "It's evil!", some claim.

Of course, nothing of that is true, the many teachers, counsellors, nuns, and priest can attest to that, and so would many of their students. At least a good portion of them. Maybe some, at least.

Now summer vacation has ended, and a new batch of fosterlings is about to arrive; frightened, misguided, and troubled teens in need of loving care, education, and a new chance at life.

Father Andrew, the only acting priest, will do his best, like always, to show them God’s brilliance and create a warm home out of these century old walls.

No railroading, no hand-holding

Life is full of choices, you have to make your own and live with them, ultimately missing out on certain things, or ending up utterly regretting what you did. There is no right or wrong, no road I, more or less sneakily, force you to take, choices are all equally valid and accounted for. ___

A fixed protagonist

Father Andrew is a fixed character, with his own likes, dislikes, appearance, and convictions. But how he navigates the world, how he reacts, who he becomes fond of or rather avoids, his interactions and how he lives his life, and, of course, what you learn about him, is up to you. ___

One end to rule them all

There are no bad endings or early finishes, all choices lead to the same endpoint, but how it looks like… is on you alone. ___

No stats

“We Are God’s Most Beloved” doesn’t require you to master stats, the story changes based on your choices, how you interact with the world and characters determines the options you will have, who likes or hates you, and how the story will play out. ___

Explicit - Yes or No?

You can choose to either read explicit sexual interactions or go for fade-to-black. ___

Romance

Three romantic interests are waiting to meet you, but you can play the whole story without romancing anyone, at the expense of sexual moments, additional plot-points centred around these characters, and potentially interesting background information.

No indicators are used, you have to find your own way, going by what you know about a character, evaluating the current situation, and acting accordingly.

Use the relationship stats to figure out what you did right or wrong, you have successfully entered a romantic route with a RO when the percentage reaches 50% and will deepen, or lessen, the relationship from then on.

There are no poly routes, entering one will lock you out of the others, and while you can’t lose a route once entered, how the couple ends up is based on your actions.

Keep in mind that “love” comes in many forms and players might find it worthwhile to forge bonds with other characters.

Profiles - Here

Father Andrew

Thirty-three years old, he was admitted to Hillset boarding school for troubled youths at the tender age of fourteen and hasn’t left the complex since. He’s very out of touch with the outside, basing his worldview, manners and morals on the old nuns and priests that raised him, often colliding with the new students’ modern ways. Friendly, polite and helpful, he’s easy to get along with on first glance but hard to truly get to know, which leaves him without friends and often rather lonely. __

Sister Lucia

Thirty-five years old, she’s one of the younger nuns but the strictness with which she loves doesn’t pale in comparison. She’s very fond of Father Andrew, who is her inspiration and has warped the image of how a priest should be until it became unrecognisable. Her hobbies are flower-arrangements, cooking things no one who loves their life should eat, taking care of the children in their school, and writing in her journal. __

Ẻ̶̛̬̲̀͋͑v̷̟̫̌̄͂ẻ̵͙̆̎͐l̸̨̙̠̻̜̐͌̓̂ͅͅy̵̡̲̼̔̑̾̀̀͐n̶̻̰̬͛͂͊̏̕͜͠

They might or might not be human. --

Moby

They definitely aren’t human, but God loves them anyway.

The love interests

Ryan Harris

Twenty-four years old and a student of Theology, he’s a graduate from the boarding school for troubled youths. While not overly intelligent, he’s diligent, curious, and not afraid of hardships. Father Andrew’s liturgy is his favourite part of the week and helping out something he takes pride in, as he does in his paintings that are full of creative flair and appreciated only by those with strong artistic sense. __

Connor Price

Thirty-one years old, he has been teaching English for eight years at a famous school and will do so from now on at Hillset - even if only because other schools refused to take him. He doesn’t like the enormous complex, dated appearance, long, dark halls, how everyone is just too nice, and Father Andrew, who somehow gives him the creeps. Connor spends his time reading, avoiding coworkers, and having long talks with the elderly in their care. __

?

You have to find that out on your own.

[tothisemptiness]

Golden Hour: Part 2 Analysis Bonus: Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?

Sorry for the long title but this was just the perfect opportunity to use my favourite art piece title of all times (even though I hate Gauguin's style). As you can understand from the title, I will discuss the parallels and juxtapositions between each protagonist's character in the start and as of Golden Hour: Part 2. This doesn't further my theories in any way and I'm doing this solely because I think it's fun to notice and compare these. If you want to see the previous posts of this series you can find them below:

Part I: The Diaries

Part II: "Ice On My Teeth" MV

Part III: The Chess Piece Theory

Hongjoong: Captain had started this journey with the main intention of getting on TV and finding his family. In the process, he used music and dance as a tool for his goal and created himself a new family thanks to this. In the end he did get on the TV and found the family he was looking for, even though he strayed away from music and dance and did this through literature. But now the family he created is scattered across the world with separate lives, barely ever communicating, just like his biological family was. Get one, lose one I guess.

Seonghwa: In the beginning Seonghwa was sick and tired of all the routine and to-do lists. The thing that triggered his attraction to art was actually how free the dancing girl seemed. However, he found solace in emergency training when he was working through the traumas of World Z. I don't know if you've ever had any emergency training, but they are basically to-do lists that you must memorize so well that you can execute them flawlessly without thinking. The thing that basically freed Seonghwa from his own mind was routine and to-do lists. In fact, he found this more comforting than vague dreams. This also manifests itself in The World diaries too since Seonghwa was the planner of the group. Maybe the road to freedom wasn't getting out of the routine, it was just planning with a goal in mind.

Yunho: Yunho's trigger was his brother's death and most of his arc was about grief and moving on. However, Yunho very clearly doesn't move on. He becomes an archaeologist after seeing another Cromer in hopes of finding more artifacts and going back to his dangerous yet glorious life in World Z. Or to take back the time and go back to save his brother again. As far as we can see, he is the only member who chooses a path in life with the direct goal of going back. Furthermore, as an archaeologist his job and lifestyle is about dead people and their lives, which becomes a bit meaningful considering his brother's death. I'm sorry if this last part sounds insensitive, I literally cannot find a way to mention this sensitively.

Yeosang: I find his character development the most interesting actually. First of all, it was never about music at all when it comes to Yeosang. He was already playing music; in fact, he was forced to play it. What drew him to the group was escaping expectations. However, at the end of the day, he plays right into them. He becomes an investor just like his father (I imagine, but he may have a different job related to finance too). He tries to prove to himself that he is different by financing arts but in the end he is the one to tell Wooyoung that he should not try again because a life that doesn't follow his first passion is not a failure and is good enough. Rather aggressively. He reminds me of a father who is concerned that his son will doom himself to failure by taking the risk of becoming an artist and wants him to just settle with a normal job. Very much like his own father.

San: In the first Fever diaries, San's big issue was moving around too fast to form meaningful relationships. He was basically being dragged around by his family. And then he decided to stay at one place where he formed them. And when everyone started moving on he realised staying at one place was not the key to this: it was what you make of the relationships you form in the limited time you have. So he starts moving around to create new relationships and experiences; because life is about sharing love, eating together, and cleaning up after your own messes. And he wants to share love and eat together with many people. He still does the same thing he used to hate when he was young, but this time he does it with his own consent and moves only when he is ready. I think it was always about consent with San: the difference between exploring and not being dragged around.

Mingi: There is a crazy juxtaposition between Mingi's poverty when he was young and his extreme wealth now. When he was young he was basically a ghost because of his social and economical status and was only noticed when he was about to be bullied, except for Wooyoung. Now he is the talk of the world and is highly praised.

Wooyoung: I am looking through the notes I took while going through each diary entry ever as I write this and I realized something: I didn't write anything about Wooyoung. Because Wooyoung is the only stagnant character. His wishes don't change, nor does his humour. And the only reason I can find for this is he is the only character who didn't manage to move even one inch to his dream, he wanted to become a dancer and he still isn't a dancer. And he isn't the type to settle too, he is an artist through and through.

Jongho: When we first meet him he was clinging on to music and becoming an idol after his dream of becoming a basketball player had failed. Now his dream of becoming an idol is through too and he is settle with just being a producer. He still believes the opportunity will present itself but let's be honest, at 24 (I take irl Jongho's age for the character's age, check Part I for explanation) it is basically impossible to become an idol with no previous media exposure. I think becoming a producer and vocal coach for new groups and trainees because you weren't picked as an idol is very similar to becoming a basketball coach because you couldn't make it as a player. Jongho can never achieve his full dream, he always has to settle.

What Is Their True Passion?

As I was writing this I realized something: The only members who pursued music/dancing for music/dancing's own sake were Wooyoung and Jongho. For all else it was just a tool to achieve what they were missing. Hongjoong used it to become famous and reunite with his family, Seonghwa did it because of the feeling of freedom and beauty it provided, Yunho only got interested because he wanted to fulfill his brother's dream despite his life being cut short, Yeosang wasn't even scouted because he was an artist but because of his engineering and accepted the group's offer because it was the only place he felt he could live up to expectations (manning drones is a fulfillable expectation for him), San was in for the stable relationships he could finally form and Mingi was mainly into music because it was a way for him to escape his reality.

We see all these members achieve their goals in the end: HJ finds his family, SH feels free one way or another, Yeosang can live up to the expectations of him becoming a successful investor, San is forming bonds his way and Mingi is no longer struggling financially so he has nothing to run away from. Yunho still hasn't achieved dream but has found a way that doesn't involve art.

We can clearly see for any of these guys it was never about art at all so they have an easier time moving on from this phase. Wooyoung and Jongho, however, are the only ones who actually did art for art's sake and in the diary they are the only ones who are serious about trying again. However Jongho is the kind of person to settle with "good enough", he likes his peace more than making his true dream come true (and who can blame him for that?) while Wooyoung will do whatever it takes to achieve his first dream, because it is his only dream. That is why Yeosang's words don't make sense to him and seem cowardly. This is where the controversy is: he can't understand the others because he doesn't know what their real goals were and the others cannot understand him because for them art was never the thing they were really chasing after so accepting to pursue another dream isn't that hard.

So clearly, when Wooyoung wishes to reignite a passion he doesn't specify, there are a wide range of passions that can be reignited within the group. And I am so curious to see how events will unfold following the latest diary. Thanks for coming to my TED talk <3

[crossdressingdeath]

Thinking about it having taken some time away, a revenge plot like Karlach's was I think one of the worst possible choices for a BG3 companion quest even before we get into what a half-assed fake drama story it is (why isn't her quest finding a damn Wish scroll, Larian, that would actually be fun and wouldn't cut into Wyll's quest or demand the player choose her ending if they want her to live, there are multiple spells that could fix this and we're given exactly zero explanation for why we aren't even trying to get one, you even brought Wish into the plot as a non-standard game over and then didn't bring it up here when it would be an ideal solution), because it really brings the massive double standard the game's got going on into stark relief. It's most obvious in contrast with Astarion. Like, think about it: the Gur's desire for revenge against Astarion is every bit as justified as Karlach's desire for revenge against Gortash; actually it's more so, given they have a real (though faint) reason to hope that they can actually accomplish something outside of his death, namely getting their kids back. But giving him to the Gur kills him and costs you a companion; it's a failure as far as his character arc goes, and in fact happens so early on he doesn't really get a character arc. All of that potential development is cut short and you have to see his corpse in the ritual and it is in general treated as a bad thing. The much better way of handling the Gur situation is to talk to them in act 3 and drag Astarion into atoning for what he did by trying to deal with Cazador and rescue the kids. This is good! Blind revenge solves nothing, having people pay for what they did by atoning and having to help the people they hurt as best they can is a much better solution! We love to see it!

Now you'd think the equivalent to that would be to dissuade Karlach from her revenge and instead get Gortash to fix the heart (either with his knowledge of the tech involved or—my personal favourite—his power and influence being used to acquire the use of one of the spells that could repair it or replace it with a normal heart because again there's more than one of those and it's stupid that none of them are even brought up as potential solutions), but... nope! Revenge is only bad when those outsiders do it, when it's a companion it's the only real solution! Like, yeah, she's got that thing where she complains that it didn't help at all but... we knew killing Gortash wouldn't help from the start. I don't remember if Karlach herself ever brings it up, but it's hard to miss that killing Gortash will not solve anything Karlach's got going on. And if you don't kill him you don't even get that much acknowledgement that revenge isn't a great solution. And also that's the most basic revenge plot outline, "revenge feels empty" is so fucking common as an ending. But it's just a moment that makes it so clear that Larian wasn't really interested in exploring the themes of the cycle of abuse and how aggressors can also be victims and all that with... anyone except the companions (and even then not always; see their complete unwillingness to ever engage with pre-amnesia Durge as anything but a heartless, crazy murderer despite the game itself including plenty of implications that that wasn't the case). It makes it seem less like a discussion on the cycle of abuse and more like good old-fashioned protagonist-centric morality, where the bad things the heroes do are forgivable because they had a hard life but anyone who hurts them is irredeemable no matter how hard their lives were. And it could've been avoided so easily (in a way that also gave Karlach's quest a more satisfying ending) by having a better ending to her quest that focused less on revenge and more on restitution. But no, heaven forbid we be allowed to engage with the act 3 antagonists in any meaningful way outside of killing them or acknowledge that the main thing separating them from the less moral companions is that no one helped them...

[fruitsofhell]

Lowkey been really fucking obsessed with the Fazbear Toddler Fun analog horror series for days now and I hate it cause it is utterly phenomenal in ways that just look goofy af to anyone who isn't incredibly in tune both with authentic recreation of niche video game visual tropes and the narrative significance of the Five Night's at Fredsy's chronology.

The final sequence of the last episode has unparalleled levels of attention to detail in replicating every ounce of old edutainment game tomfoolery, and to top it off it does not even stumble for a second in using that to tear the game's in-universe existence and the protagonist apart.

Cause its not just the period accuracy of IRL video games but the timeline of in-universe Freddy's locations and rebrands. Like it's actually a choice that the characters are based around the FNAF2 location cast, just with Foxy as well likely cause he was so iconic and The Mangle (adorably adapted as "Funtime", Foxy's little sister) wouldn't cut it. You can actually assume this is a late 90s game in context of being after the brands peak in the 80s, or honestly if you're weird like me you always got a very 90s vibe from the Toy Animatronics and assume this game was in tandem with THAT rebrand. OK OK BUT EIRHER WAY. The game as a vapid attempt at a rebrand borrows its cues from the most dramatic and vapid canon rebrand, and it makes every call back to the original tragedy sting so much more.

FNAF2's location has always been one of the furthest away from the Bite of '83 and original MCI, with the FNAF1 location existing more directly in its shadow cause it's where the story was first told even if it's ironically furthest from it. The sort of grunge and shoddiness that defines the atmosphere of the other tragedies is not present there, and its abysmally short run (canonically was only open for weeks as every other returant was assumedly for years) gives it a certain innocence and purity to it. The Toy Animatronics did not have the time to accumulate that physical and metaphorical rot which pervades the brand through the felt animatronics. They were literally retired and revived to carry the legacy of that pain, but the Toys were a genuine - and short-lived - attempt to almost fully separate.

But this all to fucking say - when the ghost of the crying child uses the games stupid little movie maker to tell the story of his death, and when he snaps the misshapen model of Fredbear atop the shiny new Toy Freddy on that stage... it's fr. It's so fr. It's so "how dare you think you can escape..." how dare you think you can run from that past while tracking prints - while not truly letting go.

It gets SO WELL at that angle of corporate whitewashing and greed that is the ONE THEME in FNAF, to the point I can (almost) forgive it for its demonization if Michael. Because he ties into it to. Oh you think it's just cute and a little messed up that they tried to overwrite the tragedy of my death? You think it's just a spooky little game to come back here, to this complete mockery and erasure of my pain? The way that you said you were sorry but I knew you never were? Like fucking christ man.

The magic of obtuse storytelling methods is how they can thread together odd symbolism and ideas into a story in a way something straightforward cannot. Stories of haunting are fascinating because it allows for the expression of harsh and terrible emotions through manipulation of symbols, and I love when internet horror takes that to the umpteenth level in the found footage/found game subgenre by twisting those symbols of the truly light and unassuming in media even when it's goofy af.

When you're dealing with death of children at a bootleg Chuck E Cheese you're most realistically going to get a Chuck E Cheese style haunting, but the point is to embrace that. Find the perversity of something that is supposed to be so light and childish being forced to bare a heavy, meaningful pain. For a model of a crusty dancing bear in a CG point and click game to be the most chilling graphic imaginable.

[neurosiscocktail]

Finale Spoilers ahead-

Processing a lot of emotions about the season finale, and I unfortunately just didn’t like a lot of aspects about it. A lot of which is about Izzy’s death, but some of it is about Ed and Stede, and some of it is about the lack of resolution.

Izzy’s death really felt like the “we ‘redeemed’ the antagonist and now we don’t know what to do with his character so we give him a gut wrenching death” troupe. That may not have been the intent, because the writers of this show are great, and because they’re great I really expected someone to say “hey does this feel like we’re writing a troupe that hasn’t been meaningful since 1980” and no one did.

I really don’t feel like Izzy’s death was necessary or even necessarily meaningful. That being said, I’m not really that upset that he died beyond he was my favorite character and that is a bummer and a half. It has more to do with the situation-

1) why do muppet rules apply to everyone but Izzy? Like, yeah the “he’s the only real human in a show full of muppets” joke is funny, but Ed got bludgeoned with a cannonball and he is completely fine. Several members of the crew have survived and recovered from cartoonish injuries, but a gunshot wound takes out Izzy?

2) There was plenty of time in that scene for Izzy to get out of the way. Or take out the prince with him. I don’t really like the take that he didn’t because he was resigned or wanted to die. I feel like it takes away from the episodes we just had of him finding his place in the crew. Maybe that’s what the writers were going for, but it doesn’t sit right with me.

3) his death speech didn’t add much for me. There’s a saying that funerals are for the living, not the dead and in media I think death speeches often reflect that. They’re not usually about the person dying, but instead it’s about giving something to the protagonist. I don’t really think it did that. It felt like Izzy continued to take accountability for both his and Ed’s actions, which doesn’t actually help Ed grow from what happened. The speech pulled at my heart strings and I think I’m a lot of ways that had more to do with Con and Taika being phenomenal actors than it did with the writing itself.

4) his death speech kind of was rendered meaningless and doesn’t really add anything to the story. He uses his dying words to tell Ed that he can move on because he has a new family that loves him and then Ed and Stede stay on shore totally alone, so either Ed didn’t hear him, or what he said doesn’t have any relevance to protagonist decision and again, not my favorite writing choice.

5) Some people have brought up a very good point that if you stick with a popular interpretation of season 1, that Izzy was a representation of Ed’s old life and that the first season was about Ed needing to choose between the relative safety of Izzy- brutal, emotionally devastating Blackbeard or the unknown that is Stede- the chance for love, trying something new, etc, then it makes sense that Izzy had to die for that to happen. For Ed to really move on. However, and don’t get me wrong, I love my toxic codependent pirates, burying Izzy on land and then living on that land doesn’t really feel like letting go to me. It feels like an extension of their codependency

6) budget cuts meant less episodes. Which is a bummer and not the writers fault. However, it kind of felt like instead of cutting things they wanted to include, they tried to speed run a 10 episode season into 8 and the pacing felt very off.

7) I am including what I personally disliked here. Everything above was sort of issues I had with narration and writing, and this point is just kind of complaining about stuff I personally don’t like in writing. I am so tired of watching shows where they kill off queer characters who have a difficult time with self acceptance and opening themself up to love. I see it so often and find it exhausting. The death was painful and on purpose to be painful. His arc didn’t have to end with him dying. No one else’s , except arguably Buttons, did. And that doesn’t mean he NEEDED to live either, but it felt less like “this is what is best for Izzy’s arc” and more like “this will hurt the audience immensely and we want the finale to pack a big emotional punch” and to me that’s just… not a good enough reason. I know a lot of people don’t feel that way, and arguably the point of writing is to make your audience feel something, but it felt like it was there specifically to garner an emotional response, rather than any real necessity to the story. And I think I feel more strongly about it because again, whether intentional or not, I hate the killing your redeemed antagonists troupe. I guess they did succeed in making me feel something, so if the writers view that as the point of writing, they did what they meant to do and that’s a well written ending. To me, while Izzy’s death didn’t make a bad story out of his arc, I would argue it prevented it from being a great one and that’s kind of a bummer. I also think I unintentionally set the bar higher for the OFMD writers because they have shown better, and that may not be fair.

All that being said, I overall really enjoyed this season, and will watch season 3 if they get a third season. My opinions might change on my third, fourth, or fifth watch when I’m not feeling a lot of emotions about it. I think everyone should be kind to each other, the writers, and the actors in the show. I think sometimes we forget that when something like a season finale is polarizing.

[doctorstrangereview]

0090: Marvel Premiere #4

Cover Date: September 1972 On-Sale Date: June 27, 1972

Doc continues to explore the mysteries brought to his attention last issue. It wasn't exactly anything voluntary as the impetus to do so is standing right in his living room. Barry (Windsor-) Smith continues art chores for one more issue. Archie Goodwin fills in as writer for this issue. Doc will get a semi-steady writer for the next few issues. The splash page credits include "Featuring concepts created by: Robert E. Howard." The central story is adapted (stolen) from The Shadow of Innsmouth and H. P. Lovecraft gets no credit or acknowledgement. The "protagonist" Ethan Stoddard is an obvious pastiche of the unnamed narrator. Even the blurb next to the title from the fictional Thanatosian Tomes sounds suspiciously like "In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming" from The Call of Cthulhu. There are more similarities along the way. Let's see what Archie and Barry have in store for us.

Doc has just entered this Sanctum Sanctorum fresh from his fight with Nightmare in the dream dimension and getting slammed by an 18-wheeler in this dimension. He's about to find out who cast the ominous shadow in the window from the final panel of last issue. He knows it's not Wong, because he passed Wong's room and evidently Wong snores.

Doc, being the polite host when he's not gruff and rude, refers to it as "the sounds of his slumber." Doc pulls back the curtain ready to cast a violent spell but only sees mild mannered Ethan Stoddard. Doc still hasn't cast any meaningful protection spells around his H.Q or even remembered to lock the door. Security, Doc! Security!

Ethan introduces himself and apologies for barging in and taking the liberty of building a fire. Never was someone so polite in their imposing themselves on someone else! Ethan tells Doc that he desperately needs his help. "Hang on minute, Ethan. I gotta take care of something else first." Doc rings a gong to (wake up and) summon Wong.

Wong enters stage left and apologizes for falling asleep before Doc got back. As he puts it: "I did not intend to retire before your return, but such exhaustion overtook me--" Doc slips back into his old ways and gets all cranky with Wong. "Get me balms and bandages! Now!" says Doc. Wong scutters off and Doc realizes that he probably shouldn't have said that in that way. He goes after Wong and for the first time Doc apologizes for being a jerk! Wong, being the self sacrificing dude he is, tells Doc it's not necessary.

Fortunately Wong won't be this big a pushover forever, but it'll take quite a while before we get there. Doc returns to the study and tells Ethan that along with things to plug up his wounds, Wong is gonna serve tea. Perhaps if Doc hadn't flown out of the E/R so fast his wounds would be in better shape and Wong wouldn't need to play nursemaid in addition to his other duties.

Ethan begins his story and Doc is all shell-like ears. Ethan and his fiancée, Beth (we meet her later,) are from a little town called Starkesboro (Innsmouth) and they both went to college together and came to the big city for graduate work. Beth was working on a thesis about the occult which is how they both found out about Doc. Beth returned to Starkesboro and started researching something called The Thanatosian Tomes. Beth put some of the crazy stuff she was researching in letters to Ethan and then stopped writing back completely and returning Ethan's missives unopened.

While Ethan tells his tale, Doc frets about the things happening. Him being really, really grumpy. Wong suddenly falling asleep. Ethan turning up out of the blue. Are these all a series of coincidences or is something going on.

Doc's like "that sounds interesting, but I gotta make sure you're not BSing me. I'm gonna probe you with my All-Purpose Amulet and then non-consensually remove your memory that I did it." Ethan appears to be telling the truth as we only see Ethan saying farewell to Beth as she departs on a bus. Then he wakes up to Wong getting Doc ready for a trip.

"You seemed tired after I did all that probing of your... mind, yeah, that's it, mind. So we let you doze off. Now lets head to that hometown that you really don't like." As they leave, Wong frets in a similar way that Doc did as Ethan narrated his tale. Doc and Ethan hop on a bus. How mundane an activity for the arguably second most powerful magic user on the planet. Ethan is amazed that Doc is doing all this for a stranger, including, presumably paying for the bus tickets. Doc replies with the platitudes that no one in danger is a stranger. Also, this may be bigger than the two of you, so there's that.

The bus stops for lunch and Doc marvels at the pleasures of consuming phallic shaped food.

Doc and Ethan arrive at Starkesboro amid appropriately freak weather. At the same time, Wong summons The Ancient One and asks him to go on a midnight rendezvous with Doc as he rudely refused to answer the phone earlier. (This happened off camera.) "Sure thing," replies The Ancient One and hangs up.

Back in Starkesboro, Doc comments how strange it is for church bells to be ringing at 11:00 PM. "Yeah, things are really effed up here, Doc," replies Ethan as they check into the crumbling old town's crappy only hotel. I'm guessing Doc is paying for this as well. Doc rings room service for tea and the man who checked them in brings it. "Is the rest of your staff attending the weird church service?" Doc asks. "This ain't no city hotel. I am the staff, you pretentious bozo!" the dude replies.

With that over and done with, Doc prepares for is assignation with his old buddy, The Ancient One. Trouble is, something's up and he has problems going ghost. With no mystic Viagra handy, he just has to struggle through and is finally able to rise to the occasion.

Doc and The Ancient One banter back and forth about books, cults and sleeping obscenities. The Ancient One departs saying he heads to his own battle as Doc faces whatever it is that's going on below in the town. What is Yao up to?

The next morning, Doc and Ethan are out and about in Starkesboro. Ethan is heading to the library when he asks a passerby if it's located where it used to be located. It turns out the passerby is an old buddy of Ethan's. But Lemuel looks a bit odd.

Lemuel looks like he's going through the same metamorphosis that the people of Innsmouth endured as they turned into deep ones. He's not at the point where he needs to breathe through gills yet so he can still service the plot. Ethan heads to library while Doc gives Ethan a knowing wink. "You and your lady friend should have some time to yourselves in the quiet back corner of the stacks. I'll check out the church for a few minutes."

Ethan has a run-in with the small town librarian who gives the typical "you don't belong here" speech. Ethan goes on in search of Beth while Doc enters the church. There's something up there because it's messing up Doc's disguise spell somethin' fierce!

That upside down cross makes the church a bit suspect. The altar with chains doesn't help any. Doc finds dried blood on the altar and realizes the lizard behind the cross means that the people here worship something called Sligguth. (I would say Dagon, but the next three issues have like three Dagons!) Behind the altar Doc finds a labyrinth of tunnels. Yeah, this church gets better by the second!

Camera two brings us back to Ethan and Beth. Beth gives the "go away outsider" comment. Ethan turns her around and: Oh, No! Beth has got that Starkesboro look!

Ethan runs out of the library and into the church to cry to Doc. He notices the upside down cross and lizard. Doc explains what it means.

Doc and Ethan are trapped in the church as the increasingly mutating townspeople gather outside. They are calling "Come out, Ethan!" This is not just a call for Ethan to leave the church or admit that secretly he likes Lemuel more than Beth. They are calling forth Ethan's Starkesboro look. They are successful and Ethan attacks Doc. The ungrateful sod!. Ethan explains that Doc's powers are being drained. Ethan and the townsfolk continue to put pressure on Doc to exhaust his power.

Doc flies around the church using his cloak but eventually he's too weak to even control that. The townsfolk break into the church. Ethan and Beth are all lovey-dovey again in their reptilian splendor. Acting in concert the townsfolk knock Doc unconscious we leave with him chained to the altar awaiting the arrival of Sligguth.

This was a lot of fun to read. Archie did well with his Innsmouth rip-off. In Innsmouth, the narrator gets stuck in the town "accidently" while here Ethan is forced to go back. The narrator doesn't have a sorcerer buddy or a fiancée to knock scaly boots with so Ethan seems to have things a bit better. Archie incorporated a nice bit of plot planning to draw Doc into this. It feels separate from the previous story, but we'll eventually see that the previous issue was a prelude to future events. It's well paced and we can probably blame Doc getting railed by a semi and then having to fight his favorite dream demon nearly to death for some dumb decisions on Doc's part. Barry continues to depict The Ancient One with a distinct lack of most clothing. Is he slowly attempting a naturist way of life or is it summer in Tibet with broken air conditioning? Part of me is sorry that this was Archie's only Doc story. The arc might have been more cohesive if he wrote a few more installments.

[yutamayo]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

Oh shit!! No I have never been asked this (you're like my fifth ask ever) so I am very grateful for a chance to share!

Alright, so favorites? It'll probs be for a million diff reasons; the characters will have shaped me/my perspective on things in life bc I'm never a fan of things I don't find meaningful. But I want to make sure this list is based on the actual character and not just scenes/the media itself resonating with me. I chose these characters BC of who they are, their choices, their feelings...

Kaneki Ken

Hideyoshi Nagachika

Biaggio (The Kings of Summer)

Effy Stonem (Skins UK)

Samwise Gamgee the Brave (LOTR)

Armin Arlert

Arya Stark (GoT)

Light Yagami

Edward Elric

Hodaka Morishima (Weathering With You)

I don't think I can put it in any specific order bc I love them all for so many different ways, but here's my lil explanations...

Kaneki: Tokyo Ghoul was one of my first anime/manga, and will always hold a spot in my heart for that reason. Kaneki I love specifically bc of his character development. I'll say it now and I will say it again: character development is one of the biggest things for me. I want to be able to look at a character on the first episode and then at the finale of the show and I want to see two completely different people. That's what we got with Kaneki, but also him as a person; I personally connect with his reserved life and his complications around being a good person vs living for yourself and whatnot. We also will never get tired of a psychological break + white hair I mean, c'mon. The anime did the manga dirty 100% so if you're reading this and thinking Kaneki is shit I really do reccomend the manga; it truly shows the depth of his kindness, his trauma and his strength. Love that for him.

Hide: Fucking ray of sunshine sunflower boy my love. Anyways, I will always appreciate a subtly hyper-aware character. His nonchalance and lightheartedness wasn't a show or anything, but it was intentionally to relax the mood of the people around him all the while taking specific note of the things happening/his surroundings. Plus his dedication to the person he loves; I enjoyed that it wasn't an obvious and intense depiction (although it sucked he got so little screentime) but I do think he's intentionally shown to be someone who doesn't need to make a show of their love or dedication. Hide was in it till the end, and he didn't ever stop to get acknowledgment for that. He didn't need to BC that's just who he was and I love him for that.

Biaggio: The Kings of Summer (2013) is a movie that I grew up rewatching, it's amazing and reccomend it 1000% but my fave character is literally the side character (not the protagonist or even the second main character he's genuinely just there.) He is magnificent. This is partly a comedy movie and Biaggio is one of my favorite versions of comedy, the kind where he is clueless and absolutely on the spectrum, so fucking wholesome deadass funny and badass (I don't want to give spoilers but mans went head to head with a rattlesnake for a friend) and he's even more important to me BC my best friend and I had a special saying from the movie that we used for like personal and meaningful reference. Even going to get the line tattooed on my thigh. "Biaggio's right here." Yes. I'm getting that tattooed. And ik I'm not supposed to hype the media just the character but this movie also has one of my favorite lines in the world that I also want to figure into a tattoo. "I have no idea where he's getting the chives." (Yes, they're talking about Biaggio).

Effy: Skins UK is also one of the shows of my youth. Effy Stonem... When I first watched it she was everything I wanted to be, which, if you know Skins is a real fucking problem. My love for her used to be kinda toxic but my mental health at the time when I zeroed in on her as a character wasn't great. That being said, she probably means more to me BC of that. Her personally; her aesthetic and the way she really did not give a shit about things, but also the way it was obvious she wanted people to know she didn't give a shit, the way she sometimes cracked and asked for help, I loved the way she looked like she was unbreakable even while looking like a fucking mess. Then she turned out to be mentally ill and I resonated even more but not in a good way. I thought ab her over the years on and off, she was also smthn that fueled my ED so when things were bad my headspace was around there. Then the final season she was still a mess, but she was an adult and she was getting her shit done and making the most of her days. I started taking inspiration from that Effy. Got some character development of my own :)

Sam: Lord of the rings is smthn I grew up on (am I gonna repeat this every time...) my fam would watch the 12hr extended edition every Christmas. My main man is Samwise the fucking Brave. This man dedicated his heart and soul to his best friend. He was a dimensional character it wasn't just plain devotion; he saw the potential in frodo when he didn't himself and Sam just reminds me of support systems in general. Also my relationship with my own best friend. I'll never forget the way he cried, the way his heart was in it for a friend. He was strong yet he thought so little of himself. He's someone I can reference when I think of the fact that there are a billion different ways to be strong. And an infinite amount of ways to show love. I'm grateful for that.

Armin: Armin was my fave AOT character from the jump and still is. I saw his potential the moment those babyblues crouched over that mf book and that dumbass bowl cut hovered over the pages. I love him. He's smart, will go all the way for his friends, even if it's detrimental to himself. He grew up, well, is still growing up, and he's pretty much been forced to become confident in himself BC he's aware there's too much on the line not to be. I enjoyed that Armin as a person had those powerful qualities from the start, I enjoyed even more having them knocked out of him and put to use like cracking open an acorn shell.

Also just fucking baby non-binary twink whore baby

Arya: Arya. ARYA. I binged all of Game of Thrones like last year, I was never into the show when it was airing it was just kinda a thing. I tried reading the first book and enjoyed it but decided I just wanted to watch. So, when I start this shit, even when reading I fuckin loved Arya. Tomboy badass who won't take no for an answer and won't say yes if she doesn't mean it. The fact that from the begginging she was my fave, this little girl with trauma and determination (we seeing a trend here?) I will always appreciate that they made her wholeheartedly devoted to her revenge. No half-measures, no room for what everyone thinks should come with revenge; dissatisfaction. She was oh so very satisfied. I love characters that aren't good or bad, just people that believe in their reasons enough to devote themselves to them. And then of all fucking things, the goddamn finale she is the one who saves the world?! My girl, who I knew from the moment she appeared would do great things... Saved everybody's ass. So her.

Light: Okay now death note was actually like the second anime I ever watched and in those days (a decade or so ago) it was even more team L or team Light that it is now, it had it's own fucking Edward/Jacob twilight energy. Anyways I dedicated myself to team Light BC I rationalized his side in the begginging. The best part ab rewatching a show is seeing things in new light. At first he was badass and smart, next watch I realized he was pissboy. Even so, I fucking love him. I love that he's crazy and evil and delusional and has a god complex the size of the fucking Library of Alexandria. I like bad people, I do. I wouldn't irl but I find fictional media is a beautiful way to appreciate the ideal of things rather than the implications of them. So yes, Light lowered the goddamn crime rate and he had a great thing going. I wanna be Misa so bad, they'd have ruled the fucking world, if it weren't for L and those meddling kids.

Edward: Ed, my love. So FMAB was my first ever ever ever anime and my eternal genuine favorite. Edward, aside from the immense familial dedication and love, just really made me smile. I liked seeing his abrasiveness holding hands with his kindness. He made me personally invested in him too?? Idk why there's one scene where he saves/does something but ends up with a metal pole through his side under some rubble and yeah they get him out and it's fine but they didn't really acknowledge it and idk I remember constantly wondering why they didn't acknowledge how far Ed just went or how far he fucking goes to help people. I also love the mecha limbs aesthetic. Can't say no to that cyborg energy.

Hodaka: Weathering With You (2019) is probs my fave anime movie if I really think about it. Hodaka, I truly love BC his actions showed the purity of wanting someone you love to be safe by your side. He took notice of things that were beautiful, like in the way he was in awe of a home cooked meal. He wasn't afraid to yell or cry or push himself to the limit, if it meant protecting the people he loved. I liked that he's a "kid" but the whole time shows his maturity BC all these heavy things were thrown his way. He's dumb sometimes, whiny and essentially unrealistic.

Unrealistic. That's what you say when you've lost the determination to hope. To know and to try anyways. He never lost those things, and we could all take a lesson from him on that one.

~

So there's my silly little (Jesus it's so long) list of the silly little loves of my life. I know I'm gonna end up remembering someone at some point and wishing I had put them here but that's just the dumb bitch juice I had with breakfast talking.

Hope you enjoyed!! Y'all feel free to drop your faves and reasons in the replies!! Inbox always always open, and thank you so fucking much for sending this my way!! ❤��❤️❤️

[ivory-lamps]

A16: The Lost Brother

Characters: Toi, Netaro, Nagi, Yodaka & Daniel Location: Hakodate Summary: The protagonist and co. arrive in Hakodate via plane. The others are intent on going their separate ways for their own sightseeing agendas, but the protagonist reminds them of their goals for the trip. It seems Toi has made flyers to aid in the search for his brother… Proofreader: Shay

ㅤ

Translator’s Notes ☽.‎˖

Goryōkaku (五稜郭, lit. 'five-point fort') is a star fort in the Japanese city of Hakodate on the island of Hokkaido.

Toi: Ah…!

Haa, haa…

…I’m on a plane.

I’m drenched in sweat…

Netaro: Toi~ Are you awake?

Toi: ! Netaro-san. Sorry, I fell asleep…

Netaro: You should’ve slept some more!

Toi: (Netaro-san is looking at me with sparkles in his eyes. Did something happen…? Ah!)

(Don’t tell me…!)

Netaro-san, um, did I say something weird in my sleep?

Netaro: Something weird… The definition of weird is very ambiguous and subjective to each person but…

Nope. You didn’t say anything weird!

Toi: I see… Thank goodness. …Stuff happens to me when I’m asleep.

Netaro: Stuff??

Toi: Oh, sorry. It’s nothing.

(I don’t want to cause trouble for everyone, so I should be careful I don’t accidentally doze off… but…)

Netaro (on the side): You did say things like, “O Great Me” or “foolish humans” but…

Toi: (Why do I get so sleepy when I’m on planes? I wonder if it’s because it feels nice flying in the air…)

Netaro (on the side): It’s not weird at all.

Toi: (Ani-sama also took a plane to Hakodate, didn’t he? I wonder if he also got sleepy on his flight…)

(I… want to see you soon… Ani-sama!)

Oh… I can see the city!

Netaro: That’s Hokkaido!? Are there cows there? It was a trend to take them home ages ago…

Toi: (Wait for me…! I’ll come find you right away…!)

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ📍 Location: Hakodate – Red Brick Warehouse

Nagi: …… *Breathes in… breathes out…*

……

Nagi: …… *Breathes in… breathes out…*

……………

Momiji / Kaede: Nagi-kun, what’ve you been doing?

Nagi: Taking deep breaths.

Momiji / Kaede: I see. Hakodate is also a port city, but it feels completely different from HAMA, doesn’t it?

Nagi: Yeah. The air is crisp and clear… It's like an entirely different world.

Momiji / Kaede: (Nagi-kun is so moved he has sparkles in his eyes…)

Nagi: Also, I’ve never left Kanto.

Netaro: Strato? The stratosphere? I have.

Yodaka: He said Kanto, as in the Kanto region.

Daniel: You’re an odd one despite having a big motorcycle. You don’t go out on long rides or anythin’?

Nagi: I do go around HAMA. But not anywhere far… I’m scared of the trouble I might run into.

Daniel: That so? What a waste.

Toi: Me, too… The only trips I’ve been on are the school ones, so I feel a bit emotional right now…

Momiji / Kaede: I see. I hope this trip will be a good opportunity for you guys to venture out of your comfort zones and to try new things in your personal lives!

Yodaka: Alright… we’ve safely arrived in Hakodate. I have a few historic sites and seafood restaurants I’d like to visit, so I’ll excuse myself here.

Netaro: You there, that rickshaw! You’ll take me to [*]Goryokaku and we’ll pretend we’re launching an attack on it!

Daniel: Ah, I wanna visit the beer houses. See ya.

Momiji / Kaede: Hey! Please wait! Why are you all doing whatever you want like it’s the most natural thing in the world!?

Yodaka: Well, we’re not children who will easily get lost. I think it would be more meaningful to visit the places we want to go to on our own. We can meet up together later.

Netaro: I don’t wanna go to the places I’m not interested in – it’s just gonna be annoying.

Momiji / Kaede: Hmm…

Daniel: People can tag along if they’re heading to the same place. As for me, Hakodate beer calls.

Yodaka: Unfortunately, it seems the one calling me is Tojikata Toshizo and fresh scallops.

Netaro: Ugh~ Such bad choices~ If a fortress is a no-go, then clay figurines are nice, too, you know? Don’t you understand that?

Momiji / Kaede: …Alright. You’re all adults and I suppose there isn’t a reason to force everyone to go together!

But our goals for this trip are to observe the tourism in Hakodate and to find Toi-kun’s brother. You can enjoy yourselves but be sure to keep those goals in mind.

Toi: Thank you for helping in the search…! Um, I also made posters…!

Yodaka: Let’s see… “I’m searching for my big brother. His name is Ryui and he’s 21 years old”... It’s a wonderful poster.

Daniel: …It looks like a poster for a missing pet.

Momiji / Kaede: (He’s right about that…)

Nagi: …You made so many.

Toi: I did! I’d appreciate any clues, so I made 800 copies to hand out to people!

Netaro: This is what Ryui looks like? He looks like one of the ikemen characters from the “romance game” you lent me.

Toi: He doesn’t like having photos taken of him, so I had to draw his portrait instead. Sorry, I don’t have the skills to bring out his charms…

Please think of him as someone who’s a hundred-times better looking in real life when you look for him!

Momiji / Kaede: I’ll split the posters up between everyone, so I’d appreciate it if you can first get some information on him.

We don’t have a lot of clues, so it’ll be a steady search on foot, but let’s do our best!

Daniel: ‘Kay. …Alrighty, I’m heading in that direction.

Yodaka: I'll search the other way, then. See you later.

Momiji / Kaede: (The breweries are that way and the other way is the Hakodate Memorial Site… Well, it should be fine as long as they actually search…)

Netaro: Yaaay, a rickshaw~!

Momiji / Kaede: Netaro-kun! Don’t go too far! You got that!?

Netaro: Okaaay~!

*Netaro speeds off in the rickshaw*

Momiji / Kaede: Sighs.

Toi: …Ah, I…

Nagi: Uh… I’m…

Momiji / Kaede: You guys can stay with me.

You two haven’t travelled much, so walking around and gathering information on your own would still be pretty difficult, right?

Toi: Yes…!

Nagi: Yeah.

Momiji / Kaede: Alright. Then first, we can walk around and I’ll tell you about Hakodate!

Momiji / Kaede: The city of Hakodate was a thriving port in the past and acted as the gateway to Hokkaido. Matthew C. Perry later came with black ships and wanted to open the port to foreign vessels and trade.

Just like HAMA, they have big red brick warehouses and they’ve become a landmark for the bay area.

Toi: I’d love to visit if there’s time… Maybe Ani-sama stopped by to see it.

Nagi: Yeah.

Momiji / Kaede: You’ll find English, Russian and French churches along the hill roads leading to Mt. Hakodate. It’s definitely a rare sight in this world!

Hokkaido is big and most people would think it’s difficult to get around without a car, but one of the highlights about Hakodate is that many of its tourist spots are all within walking distance.

On top of that, you can visit the nearby Goryukaku fortress by tram or bus… It’s a rare tourist destination in Hokkaido that doesn’t require you to have a car.

And…

Momiji / Kaede: Hakodate has lots of gourmet food! This is their local burger!

Toi: Whaa~!

Nagi: Wow. So this is what a professional tour guide is like.

Momiji / Kaede: Thanks for your lovely words! It’s almost time for lunch, too.

I figured we could have some burgers and think about where we want to go next.

Nagi: Where to go next…

Momiji / Kaede: Yeah. Let me know if there’s a place you two want to visit.

Nagi: ……

You don’t have to worry about me. …Toi, is there anywhere you want to go?

Toi: Huh…? Um… not… really.

Nagi: You don’t have to be so reserved.

Toi: It’s not that… Usually, someone from my family or my brother would decide, so… um…

I can’t think of a place off the top of my head… I’m sorry.

Nagi: …I see.

Toi: …Yes.

Nagi: I… can’t think of someplace right away, either.

Toi: Oh, I see…

Nagi: Yeah. ……

Momiji / Kaede: (It looks like they’ve both stopped thinking. I guess we can order our burgers in the meantime…)

Okay, is there a certain burger or combo you two want to get? 

Toi: Oh, right… um…

Wow…! There are so many kinds of burgers.

Nagi: This is overwhelming…

Toi: I don't know what to pick…

Nagi: …Let’s see…

Toi: ……

Nagi: ……

Momiji / Kaede: (Looks like they’re having a tough time with the menu, too…)

Oh! How about this?

It’s their most popular burger: the Chinese Chicken Burger!

Nagi & Toi: ……!

Nagi: It looks delicious – no wonder it’s the most popular.

Toi: Yeah. I’ll have one of those.

Nagi: I think… I’ll have that too.

Momiji / Kaede: (Looks like they were able to decide on something after I gave them a little push on the back… Thank goodness.)

Toi: Their slogan is apparently “Good food is the key to happiness”. It’s a wonderful slogan.

Nagi: The key to happiness…

Toi: No one can have too much happiness, right?

Nagi: ……

Toi: We’ll take this burger, then…

Netaro: Toi, you have a sort of divining power, don’t you?

Toi: Wha! …You gave me a fright. Netaro: I think you should use your divination powers to decide what burger to eat and where to go!

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[sepublic]

            During the Phantom Alliance/Entrobrai arc, there’s this subplot of just a regular human named Emily Walker, who wants to attend a school of some type of creative art, maybe music. But for all of her bright passion and talent, she finds herself belittled and just not good enough thanks to an abusive and condescending teacher, think something like that prick from Whiplash. It leads to an inferiority complex that only causes Emily to become self-sabotaging, as students compete with one another; All of the wonder of their craft has been taken out, just a desire to be better than others, but for what end? Some dick’s approval?

            Enter a respected figure of vague importance; Someone who helps fund the school. Her name is Jasmine, and upon seeing a lesson, she’s finally had enough; She comes to Emily’s defense, berating the teacher as an insecure idiot whose methods have proven far more detrimental than they have been effective.

            He’s ruined the craft, the art for its sake, and the expression of the individual; He’s bastardized the collective spirit of these bright folk, and sabotaged their potential, rather than the students sabotaging his potential by not living up to his vision. Anyone can make plans, it takes someone special to make those plans work and happen.

            The teacher is fired; Stunned, intimidated, he knows his place and leaves. Jasmine smiles at Emily, and vice-versa; She feels a bit better. Jasmine appoints a new, better teacher, and leaves.

            Jasmine and Emily eventually run into one another, start to have conversations; It’s finally addressed that Emily feels grateful, and Jasmine tells her not to, Jasmine only did what was expected of her, and what everyone should do. Everyone wants to be the best, but nobody wants to cultivate the best; Whether that’s themselves or others, is incidental.

            They have a meaningful, genuinely supportive mentor-mentee relationship, with Jasmine encouraging Emily and seeing great potential, helping her recover her passion and from the abuse. There’s a moment where Jasmine tells Emily not to subscribe to some false ideal of being ‘tough’ by doing something the hard way, because she tells her not to waste her effort on mundanities; Save it for things that actually matter, that are interesting.

            Jasmine resonates with Emily on being autistic and not getting people. But there are some red flags here and there, Jasmine casually admitting to a callous worldview about how only a select few matter, those with the vision of leaders but the performance of workers who make things happen. Jasmine of course softens these statements afterwards, and some seem innocuous enough at a glance. Emily looks right past it, she’s still a young kid just entering adulthood.

            All the while, the main conflict between our protagonists and the Phantom Alliance occurs; There’s the enigmatic, masked figure of Maerco, and her desire to control death. She has some motives and observations that seem a bit suspiciously similar… She mentions a ‘collective spirit’ which could be literal given the Spirit Currents are just that, as well as Preeminent devouring a bunch of souls and using them to power themselves.

            Jasmine makes Emily an offer as she continues to succeed, explaining to her student that she has a vision, and has and continues to make things work. And she needs others like her, others like Emily, to make that work. People like them need to rise up, and Jasmine encourages Emily to cut off other ties deemed ‘distractions’, and even projects a little bitterness. She’s nudging Emily into this elitist, hierarchical mindset where people like them must devote and even destroy themselves for a greater good, except it’s not one concerned with everyone else, just a certain abstract idea.

            As our protagonists in the conventional storyline learn more about Maerco, they learn her full, true name… And at the same time, Jasmine finally admits to Emily, going mask-off, her full name; Jasmine Maerco. She becomes upfront of what and who she really is; Maybe Emily is already connected to our protagonists, so Maerco is explaining the Phantom Alliance because she needs Emily’s help.

            Emily is horrified; She isn’t doing this! She snaps out of the delusions that Maerco has put into her, about being devoted to a greater good. Maerco tries to get Emily to calm down, insinuates she’s getting emotional, explaining that the ‘common masses’ still have a place, and even those who are ineffective but sympathetic and trying, will be regarded well and appreciated by the Phantom Alliance; They can be used for other things!

            And Emily isn’t like those common masses, nor the ones who understand; She understands and is better than them! And even if she isn’t, well, she just needs to get over herself for the sake of those better; Maerco would do the same, and she actually means it. But it doesn’t make this any less horrible and evil.

            Who cares if it’s horrible and evil? So are many things, Maerco argues. If you just step back and do nothing, horrible things will happen, wars will inflict mass death. Even if you try, it happens; Misfortune and death are inevitable facets of life. So why not make it happen anyway, but in a way people like them can take advantage of, to make it meaningful? Make it matter, make senseless loss into a noble sacrifice, an investment.

            And eventually, they can invest enough power to smash the laws of nature itself, and put an end to things like that; The Phantom Alliance’s methods mean their destruction will be limited. Not doing anything means destruction will be infinite. There’s an obvious calculus here, and if it’ll happen anyway, someone has to bite the bullet and be the evildoer, for the greater good.

            Emily refuses, Maerco sighs; She’d hoped she would understand. But she won’t make Emily do it, because then Emily will have no real spirit, and in the end a talented yet forced one is inherently inferior even to one less capable but actually willing. Maerco takes control of Emily using a combination of magic and Preeminent’s power, and/or Emily gets rescued, I dunno.

            We all know it, Jasmine and Maerco are the same; It’s not about it being a twist to the audience, it’s about it being a twist to the characters, and in particular, exploring a side to Maerco more mundane, seemingly sympathetic. It’s a context in which Maerco can recruit others, and we see what goes on in the heads of those who join her, which is the same as what goes on in Maerco’s head.

            And Emily considers, for a bit; And shakes it off, nah. Maybe Maerco played her card too early, maybe because she had no choice. It might haunt Maerco, Emily’s wasted potential… but the same goes for many taken away too soon. That will be resolved by controlling the Spirit Currents anyway.

            The tragic irony is that Maerco seems nicer, and on a superficial, immediate level is; But for all her correct lecturing on that teacher, she turns out to be infinitely worse and so on some level, there’s a bit of technical hypocrisy on Maerco’s part. That teacher was just a mediocre prick going nowhere and dragging people down to his level, whereas Maerco is a delusional mass murderer helping others be that way too. And while she’s certainly more competent than the teacher she fired, that just makes her far more dangerous because she knows what she’s doing, and has delusions beyond that guy.

            It becomes obvious; Maerco was not really kind, she was not really caring for the students; Just in cultivating their potential. At the very least that compassion was deeply conditional on them being ‘worthwhile’ just as the teacher’s approval was. Her beef with the teacher had nothing to do with the nature of the methods, just them being ineffective; Being effective is all she cares about, regardless of the method, and her admonishing made students mistake Maerco for having other priorities.

            Looking better may have been part of it, her way to salvage a bad situation. But while the reality is that honey attracts flies more than vinegar, what if that were not the case? If being vicious and cruel worked, you could not imagine just how sadistic Maerco would be; Not so much for their general well-being but this abstract idea of ‘potential’ to live up to.

[canmom]

l'aventure de canmom à annecy - épisode deux - mercredi n+1 - Sand Land

bonjour encore mes amis!

no, there isn't a secret second annecy festival two weeks later. much as I might wish otherwise! I'm just getting back to writing about stuff I did and saw in Annecy.

to start with, let's roll back to Wednesday with Sand Land!

I went into this one knowing basically nothing about it except the thumbnail looked neat, but it turns out to be an adaptation of a manga by the late Akira Toriyama of Dragon Ball fame. It portrays a dystopian (ish) setting in which an evil king controls the water supply; an ageing sheriff teams up with a demon prince to try to find an oasis in the desert, but their journey takes them into conflict with the king's army, and it turns out that our sheriff was actually a military commander who, duped by his evil commanders, participated in a genocide.

Ultimately, our protagonists defeat the evil general in a big battle and destroy the dam he's using to block up the water supply. The military is won over by the honourable ways of our sheriff, and there's a new era of peace between humans and demons. etc etc

What I liked about this movie? The visuals are solid. It's using a cel shaded cgi style, but it's done very well; the characters move in appealing, lively ways, and it allows them to stage big complex tank battle sequences very clearly. I'm not familiar with Toriyama's manga here, but comparing the pictures I can find online, they seem to have nailed the look. Cel-shaded CGI will never look exactly like 2D animation, but it doesn't need to. It's increasingly a solved problem to make a film that looks good in the style.

Sadly, the plot kind of lost me. It's a kids' movie, fundamentally; heroes and villains are archetypal and heavily telegraphed, and the heroes are too uniformly OP to ever feel like there's a lot of tension to the fights. The main dramatic conflict is over Rao's realising his complicity in a genocide, but the way this is presented lets him off the hook far too easily, with all the blame falling on the schemes of the evil general. We never have to confront the survivors in any meaningful capacity, and there's never any doubt about Rao in the present - he is the type of character to use supernatural combat skills to defeat enemies without killing them. It comes off as this rather strange strain of military apologia: despite being a dystopian setting enforced by military power, all the soldiers are basically decent guys when you get right down to it.

Beezlebub, the demon prince, is an entertaining but highly static character - his main change of heart is to think humans like Rao can be pretty all right actually. The final battle sees him pulling out a bunch of Dragon Ball-like powerups, and it's kind of whatever. His grouchy servant Thief is kind of fun, and the party banter over who gets to drive the car/tank etc is charming, and the weird desert gangs are a great chance for Toriyama to stretch his character design skills, but it was not enough to carry the larger story for me. I actually think it would work a lot better as a game, where the characters always winning feels like your success as a player, and the control of the party would get you invested.

That's OK, though! The fun of film festivals is taking a risk on things, and sometimes it turns out to be... not a dud exactly, this is a solid kids' movie, but not what I was hoping for.

The designs actually remind me a lot of Ankama's style (from the thumbnail alone I guessed this movie would be French), though I'm sure the influence goes the other way - Toriyama must have been popular in France, right? Anyway, overall, needed more weird guys, and less reassuring us that the military are actually good at heart.

[annies-scrapbook]

the story i'm writing right now started with me going through a bunch of my old things and writing down all the recurring motifs i saw in my art and writing from my childhood and teenage years. i read it over and realized how much i would still love to read a story with all of those things in it, and set about trying to write one. along the way it's turned into... almost a sort of inner child work, i guess one could say? i'm basically attempting to sit down with my childhood self and tell her a story. it's a fantasy adventure with a young trans girl as the protagonist, and i'm filling it with all the things tiny annie loved most, and all the things she most needed to hear and never did. it's turning into the coming-of-age story i so badly wish i'd had, and if i'm ever able to publish it i hope it'll be able to find its way to another young trans girl who needs it as much as i did.

so in the process of writing it, i've been returning to a lot of my old favorite media from when i was a kid, and trying to sort of take it apart and see what makes it tick, and why it appealed to me in the way that it did. and i'm finding that, while there's still a lot of things that i love about it, dear gods are there a lot of things about it that are unsettling as hell in retrospect. so much of the fantasy i loved, for instance, had plots revolving around bloodlines and restoring the """rightful""" heir to the throne. the pro-monarchy attitudes on display in these stories aren't just a background detail that can be handwaved away -- they're the core conceit of the entire plot. and i don't think any of the authors of these stories, if asked, would claim to support monarchy. even as a kid reading these, i knew that real-world monarchies weren't good to live under. it's just a fun fantasy, right? but why is that the fantasy we always turned to? why did we find it fun? why were our protagonists always fighting for a world that looked so much like our past, with all the oppressive systems still fully intact, but this time it's going to be ok because there's a good person at the top? could we really not imagine anything else? why did the imaginations that could conjure up so much magic fail us so badly here? looking at it as an adult, it feels so sinister now -- i'm just no longer capable of the sort of doublethink that it takes to fully enjoy a story like that.

the story i'm writing is still in conversation with those stories from my childhood, but it's gradually shaping itself into less of an uncomplicated tribute and more of a deconstruction, or even a refutation; not in a gritty or cynical way, but in a way that (i hope) points the way to other possibilities. the shape of the plot involves the heroine starting down the path of one of those once-and-future-king narratives and then gradually becoming more aware and agentive, realizing that the path she's on leads nowhere good, and breaking out of it to fight for something better. i didn't set out to write a political story, per se. i just wanted to write about a girl like me going on the sort of epic adventure i used to read about. but in order to write that in a way that feels honest and meaningful, i can't help but engage with the politics inherent in the setting. anything less would feel disrespectful to my audience. after all, if there was one thing little annie hated, it was adults talking down to her.

[imsailorpluto]

Call It Love (2023), Kang Min-yeong

This one makes me awfully sad. There are lots of things one can label as "wrong" and "immoral". Life isn't all black and white, no matter how hard we try to make it that way. As a woman, I tend to side with other women any chance I get, no matter if it turns out to be a big mistake.

Dong-jin, even if you're played by Kim Young-kwang, I can't let you off the hook, sorry.

Their break up makes me think it was a bit of everyone's fault. Sure, we could just oversimplify it and say they weren't compatible in the first place. We still have no idea what he did, but she cheated anyways, so this is where we should just shut up all together. Well, maybe they were both too young and inexperienced to deal with their parents' burdens. It's best to learn on other people's mistakes, but this time neither of them could escape their own selves.

Dong-jin's mother is one peculiar women nobody would ever want to meet in any kind of circumstance. Her son avoids her best way possible, but she always finds a way back into his life, destroying everything she touches. Min-yeong comes from a disgustingly wealthy family (I mean the woman drives a Maserati, that car scene alone made me weep), it's only natural her life is full of problems as well; her parents never approved of her relationship in the first place. For a girl who seems to be hurried into getting married, is there anything else that's left to expect besides a tragic ending? Dong-jin tried escaping his mother's influence, more or less, but same thing can't be said for Min-yeong. My guess is both were in great pain which they couldn't get rid off due to coming from such different worlds while neither of the two knew how to patch the void in between. Inexperience.

Dong-jin's biggest mistake was hiding his true face from his partner while insisting on keeping the relationship going. He hid his background, his childhood, his wounds, his identity. Is having a meaningful relationship even possible without taking the mask off at some point? Yet that's something he could never do but still, from his perspective it must have seemed as if he's doing fine as a partner. That's not how it works, relationship is almost like a living being, and putting up a wall is always noticeable, even when the other side turns a blind eye.

Certainly, him not letting her in on his painful past has a great affect on all that lead to their break up. While Min-yeong was looking for support in the one she loved the most, she was not getting any reassurance back and she probably blamed herself for him not opening up to her. That's something women usually do. And what do people do once they can't see a way out of a difficult situation? They become (self-)destructive. She could bend over backwards but she was just not the one he would move his emotional blocks for. From what we can see in the series, he didn't really want to discuss their future together and he kept pushing her away, presenting it as if she might be the one to push him away, some day, when she learns the truth about him (if she ever does).

From that perspective, their whole situation smells like trouble. Big, big trouble. She said herself her goal was getting married and having a family. I can't blame her for wanting those things. Is wanting something she subconsciously knows Dong-jin would never offer so wrong? Is loving a person deeply to the point of being irrational and practically dumb so wrong? Ah, but desperate measures are always wrong. Why don't we all collectively just bury this woman alive, why would we understand anything that she went through? It's not like something like that could ever happen in real life to any of us, right?

Honestly, the show presents Dong-jin as if he were an angel and not a man with severe mother/father issues. He's portrayed as a kind hearted protagonist with a high moral sense, who drowns his sorrow in alcohol while lying on the floor for days after Min-yeong's mom sent him the wedding invitation. I can't deal with kdrama mom thing at all now, they're a different kind of evil, I swear.

The audacity of "I won't let you in and I won't marry you, but I won't let you marry anyone else either" is something known for ages. That's probably why her mom sent the invitation in the first place. And all of that together makes me think he didn't treat her like a decent human being. Not because he chose that, but because he doesn't have the capacity for it. Not having the capacity, being somewhat aware of it and insisting on the relationship, because the other person displays so much affection and love, is as equally bad as cheating. That is actually also cheating. A person doesn't have to get involved with anyone else to be a cheater. It's enough to hide their wounds and not be honest about it. That alone makes me think the reason why he pretended not to notice she was out dating someone else hides behind his feeling of utter guilt. Guilt for not being capable of providing her what she needs, to compensate for building up walls and wasting her time all along.

Dating emotionally unavailable person, heck, living with one, is soul draining. It hurts like hell looking at a person and feeling as if you're staring at a blank wall. The pain of having to go through that daily is worse than your partner actually cheating on you once or falling for someone else and breaking up. At least that's how I see it; the pain it puts you through is not even comparable. The reason behind it might be in the fact that for cheating one doesn't need intelligence at all. To lure someone in your life, make them stay and to calculate how much of which part of yourself you'll give in each and every moment, well... In my eyes that's way worse form of betrayal. It takes a lot of brain. That's manipulation at it's finest. There's something very dark and vile about it; it can play with other person's mental health in the most brutal ways, where outcomes may be even fatal. And we have it right there on the screen. Min-yeong became an alcoholic. She let a man with mommy issues and extremely low self-esteem drag her down to the bottom, while he then carried on with his life as the main victim in everyone else's eyes. That's something men who hate their mothers do very often.

Her side was never shown (at least not yet), how much she must have waited for him to change, to open up at least a tiny bit, how much energy and effort she poured into their relationship. How many times she tried to get thru his walls. Sure, she made a huge mistake by contacting his mother first, but I can't blame her. Imagine how desperate she was in that moment; she went behind his back to check his phone and steal his mom's number. Even thinking of doing that is hitting rock bottom yet she went on and did it without being aware of what desperation looks like on her. As any relationship, theirs must have had a great start. Keeping his character in mind, he was most probably an amazing boyfriend at first. Once the honey moon phase ended, first problems emerged. He probably pushed it all under the rug. Min-yeong's mistake was falling a bit too hard and not breaking up with him sooner, probably thinking she could change him. Could be she wanted to prove her parents wrong as well, but for whatever reason, it hurts to watch her scenes and think about her psychological profile.

It's never one sided, that feeling when relationship reaches the breaking point. People don't want to be the bad one, breaking up first. It is a bit pathetic, not ending a relationship and enjoying the victim role saying "I've been dumped" any chance possible. Meanwhile, those same people treat their partner so poorly it's evidently there is no love left there. I'm not trying to use this drama, nor Min-yeong's character to justify cheating. Of course cheating is wrong. What I'm trying to point out is the following. Dong-jin's move - not ending the relationship and choosing to live off of his partner's energy until she turned into a wreck - is also just as wrong, if not worse than what his partner did. She obviously loved him more. What a textbook example; men with severe self-esteem (and what-not) issues pursue gorgeous smart amazing independent girls, only to ruin their psyche, changing them into something, someone unrecognisable operating on survival mode. Sounds a lot like a parasite causing a disease.

Min-yeong's left miserable in the end. She turned into an alcoholic who, even after all the hell she's been through, still thinks she might have a shot with this guy who never even truly accepted her. Oh the brain fog. Oh the twisted perception. All the excuses she must have made for him until she fell into a hole they both dig up. While he just used her for tending to his wounded inner child. She must have been so confused and so lost, how messed up her head must have been when she couldn't even get rid of him. How do you get rid of a parasite? Without an intervention, you don't.

I'm good at writing apology letters for others, so why not writing one for her? So let's wrap this one up. In all honesty, Dong-jin probably took best years of her life while she waited for him to open up. What, they're probably in their late twenties, early thirties now? Imagine yourself living in a conservative society, where certain norms are expected, are even obligatory. I get that his mom made him miserable but she is still his mother. There is no other woman out there who could fill that role. Being in a relationship for god knows how long without introducing your "future wife" to your only parent, who is clearly still around, for whatever ugly reason he should have been open about, is wrong on so many levels. Min-yeong obviously loved him deeply. All she wanted was to marry a guy she loved and start a family, and not wait for him for 10 years to finally make up his mind. He knew they were not compatible, despite all the love. She was blinded, he didn't want to hurt her so he didn't let her go even though he should have. She tried to move on, but couldn't, because she wanted him. She wanted the person she could never have. She was hooked badly.

No satisfied woman would ever cheat, especially if she wants to commit to a man till the end of her life. At this point her actions look like a desperate cry for help, but her example is just another one in a sea full of such cases, no one will care once you're incapable of getting up on your feet; however, everyone will point a finger and be the first to judge and even cheer on as they watch you drown.

[supremechancellorrex]

I honesty feel very disappointed in the Bad Batch Season 2 and its finale. It feels like none of the characters learned or did anything much this entire season. Nobody developed in a meaningful way, it's like none of the Bad Batch even have character arcs and are just passive 99 percent of the time, waiting for the plot to happen to them. And they only developed Tech as a neurodivergent person to get praise and then kill him off? Good to know only the likeable ones die.

Tech: "We don't leave one of our own behind."

Do the writers even watch their own show? They left Crosshair twice, but apparently we should forget that now and pretend that they didn't? Okay, well, I guess we're gonna. I find it hilarious that Tech promotes this mission to try to save Crosshair and other clones, then he dies on said mission to try to save Crosshair and clones, and Hunter thinks the way to honour Tech's sacrifice is to ditch Crosshair and said clones and hang out at Pabu. I was like 'oh, like you would have done regardless?'

In a story featuring slavery and human rights issues, our protagonists just don't care, as Hunter remains completely and grossly apathetic to the mistreatment of the clones by the Empire. The show treats it all as an afterthought, and Hunter has no interest in the plot until predictably Omega is taken. This is because Hunter is an awful person that doesn't care about fighting to free slaves or to end fascism unless it affects him. Ironically, even that one Imperial guy in the Imperial Summit meeting somehow gave more of a crap.

The Bad Batch are some of the worst protagonists I have ever seen in Star Wars, and that is saying something. I don't understand what Rex, Echo, Cut, Gregor and a number good normal clones see in them, especially when Hunter is never properly called out on telling Echo "When will it be enough?" as if he's collecting stamps and not saving people from enslavement, death, torture and medical experimentation. People who have their own value and worth, all individuals who deserve to live and be free. Even Crosshair shows more humanity than the Bad Batch. The fact Echo joins up back with the Bad Batch, who disregarded and dismissed his emotional, human and ethical needs to save his family from death and fates worse, is depressing.

But, they needed a new 'Tech' guy. How convenient one was lined up.

The decision to have the main protagonists continue to not care about fighting fascism and slavery until it affects them personally is disgusting. It's obvious the writers don't understand or care about the heavy topics they're writing about. There is no justification whatsoever for the Bad Batch's level of apathy, the 'bullying/isolation' excuse is weak and petty, disproven in their own show with how Rex, Cut, Howzer, Gregor, Cody, Mayday, their squads, the normal clones like Fireball working with unreg-looking Echo are all completely kind to them. 'The mean regular slaves are mean to the specials' was always a cheap, and borderline-offensive concept, especially when all the 'reg' clones liked Ninety-Nine, who was very different looking. Hunter says it's time the Bad Batch "stopped being soldiers" ignoring the fact they have no sense of duty, have no cause, have done nothing for the people who need them most, just 'natborn-like' mercs who'd rather do treasure hunts, racing and helping non-clone citizens over clone slaves.

The moral that Bad Batch is teaching kids is: 'don't care about people or fighting corrupt systems, just protect your own.' Good to know how morally bankrupt we're getting that apathy and self-centredness are the real values to teach. Judging by how many people still defend the Bad Batch, looks like the message has been received.

Meanwhile, Ahsoka in TCW: "In my life, when you find people who need help, you help them no matter what."