#did most of these in class it was nice
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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Royalty send their kids to Aflea under the assumption that they will get good magic education while also teaching their kids how to be future rulers, completely unaware that all the staff are fucking cartoon characters who choose chaos every time.
#Palladium is brewing illegal poisons in his potions lab#Wizgiz just stole a tree bc he thought it would look nice in the dining hall#Griselda is comically annoyed all the time and carries a clipboard that she will periodically scribble notes down on which scares everyone#Faragonda is faragonda we all know that bitch keeps secrets for fun and probably pops up out of nowhere#DuFour probably has half the library in her classroom and spends most of class talking about nothing of relevance#winx#winx club#winx alfea#winx faragonda#winx palladium#winx wizgiz#winx griselda#this is canon btw. not a rewrite thing#.they all did this anyway the writers just never mentioned it#trust me
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GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED UNDERGRAD 🥳
#i did nearly kill myself for this degree everyone be nice to me right now.#unless i failed my final and my class and im not graduating which would be embarrassing#i do not technically graduate until final grades come in but close enough i am celebrating Now#bc i deserve it#ok off to take the most satisfying nap of my life#/astro posts
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i’ve literally been learning french longer than i’ve been transgender i feel like i should have this shit down by now
#it’s just cause i’m not doing enough immersion. but. y’know.#service learning this semester did NOT put me with a french student for the conversation partner program so i guess i’ll just fucking die#cause they HATE me. and they want everyone in this class but ME who OBVIOUSLY deserves it most to have a french partner#it’s fine my guy is so nice. we’re gonna go to the zoo. but still#valentine notes
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Against all odds, we have survived. We're taking a university course now, because the government will pay us for it and we do need the money, but it has unfortunately been eroding at our sanity somewhat, and we are learning nothing that we don't already know. We are, however, getting money.
We have somewhat of a backlog on Discord at the moment, as it doesn't have a daily upload limit and also it's easier to stick things on while we are being told things that we already know by people who are phrasing in in ways we find significantly misleading or incorrect (note: we don't use apps for things the vast majority of the time and if we access Tumblr via browser it immediately fucks up our formatting on PC, which can last several months). We will, hopefully, be posting these soon, but all is dependant on if we can actually scare up the time between courses to conglomerate that and fix any formatting errors in thoughts and such.
If that will happen any time soon... good question! Every time that our work practicum teacher opens her mouth, we take points of physical damage, and we don't think she understands the fact that getting back after we walk to a place also involves walking. We've had a lot going on for a while now and very little of it has been good. We're on new meds, and if the gods prove merciful, we won't have to tolerate this particular clown show past March. If there is no mercy to be found, however, we might have to keep doing this until June, in which case you can probably expect the quality of this to take a sharp downturn as the short time we have already spent in this program is already having immediate and catastrophic effects on our mental health.
We do not recommend going to university in any circumstances, but we are unfortunately aware that it may be necessary to get such things as a fancy piece of paper saying you are employable. Additionally, we would tell you to calibrate your expectations for anyone with a degree lower, but apparently what we consider the basic level of knowledge you should know before saying anything on any topic is everyone else's "bachelor degree and a bit", so our estimations on what people think is a high degree of knowledge to have are probably also off.
Any donations go to the Fund To Compensate Us For Having To Correct A Teacher Multiple Times In A Lecture And Then Looking Up Her Sources Later And Discovering They Are Blatant Misinformation. We are very tired. Please do research on things before talking about them. Thank you.
#we speak#not liveblog#necessary context: we have filed three different behavioral complaints this quarter and we highly suspect we will be filing more later#and if we did not need the money for this we would have dropped out already#we keep googling pieces of information that are mentioned in class and finding out they are incorrect or misleading#which as you can clearly see is not great for us#we pulled up an article on the ways that AI is actively poisoning data the other day because that is Often Relevant To Us#as well as a handful of articles around the hideous amounts of electricity and water it uses up#that we had on hand because it's Relevant To Us And The Things That We Care About Which Directly Affect Our Life#and we were told that our teacher didn't want us to talk about that because it made her feel bad for using ai#which we don't believe is something we can actually put in a formal report but it's sure going in our petty grievances bin#most of what we're actually putting in there is stuff we are likely to be able to actually get her on#such as lack of disability accommodation#hmm. this is rapidly becoming a rant. hopefully this sheds some light on our absence. we're getting into higher education#the only things currently keeping us sane are the presence of our fiance. and also getting into fountain pens#because they're something that we can actually carry into class and they overlap enough with areas of study we were previously interested i#that we can integrate learning very specific things about their mechanics and functionality into our general workflow#your mileage may vary if you are not already experiencing this particular brand of madness btw#but it does help when the pen we're using to doodle in lectures is something it actively feels Nice To Write With#our other non-practicum teacher is fine btw. his lectures are unbearably dull but he can't help that he's lecturing#on things that we already have large amounts of in-depth knowledge on#at least he's not actively spreading misleading information
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Heddwyn "Wyn" Caldera is a freshman from Diasomnia. He's well known in alchemical circles for multiple revolutionary breakthroughs in the world of potions, the first of which he discovered at eight years old. Though invited to NRC last year at age thirteen, he waited a year before accepting a position at the school.
here he is my baby boy......!!!! been tossing this kid around in my head a lot lately and wanted to make a profile card for him to show him off to the world. imagine me as a proud parent and ive pulled this out of my wallet.
based off the black cauldron. both the movie and like. the cauldron itself. naturally he is good at potions. since the cauldron is essentially a mcguffin wanted by everyone the idea is that he's extremely good at what he does but is also pretty vulnerable to being used. he's also very stone-faced bc he's...... made of stone............ get it.............
template is from here!
#twst oc#twisted wonderland#his fave food is veggies bc i think being a 14yo boy who eats Spinch and Enjoys It is funny#im still turnign over his unique magic in my head........ i think the thing i initially wanted for him im keeping for his eldest brother#he and deuce get along well (he is a cauldron) but tbh i dont think he has many other friends#i think theyre parters in pe and i think he tries to tutor deuce in potions and i think both these things go badly. u kno how it is.#if he put as much effort into his magic as he did his potions hed be a prodigy there too. unfortunately he likes Stir and Brew.#doted on in science club. rook praises the shit he works on and he gets so excited and happy and trey is just glad theyre getting along#tbh i dont think trey realizes at first baby is literally world-famous hes just like. theres a kid in this club. ill be nice.#has a good rship with crewel overall tho theres always an odd line for him to walk btwn 'this person is a revolutionary genius at potions'#and 'this kid is fourteen and the most awkward child i have ever taught' u kno.#he ta's in the third years class sometimes. as you do#looks up to malleus and dislikes lilia (too playful/unserious for his tastes) respects silver a lot but finds sebek Very Rude#(they are seat mates)#OK THATS A LOT OF THOUGHTS FOR TAGS and i wnana lie down. think abt my baby please. ok goodnight#wyn stuff#how do you art
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I thought today was a good one..
#just some vent art idk#vent#vent art#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#the initial start was unclear#i got ready for my class like usual and my dad's mood was entirely unreadable#usually in these situations i have an internal debate thats goes something like#“is he in a good mood? is he in a bad one? is his eye irritated again? maybe he's still waking up?”#its a 50/50 kinda deal#sometimes he's emotionless until right when im dropped off and he says “have a good day! love you!” in his nice way#today there was nothing#i just got out of the truck and just as i was closing the door i barely heard a “love you” in a monotone voice#i thought nothing of it bc i did some work before class and my mood lightened#afterwards i went to the lounge and they were doing another event thing that offered free food if you did it#the food was greek food so i figured it wouldnt hurt. i got the food#it was awesome ngl and it really made my day better#then dad picked me up....#he was still unreadable but i could tell his patience was low just by the way he was driving#its crazy and kinda sad that i can immediately tell what mood he's in even through the most mundane change#but about 5 minutes into the ride my mind was a racing mess. i kept asking questions#trying to gauge what mood he's in. he wasn't projecting or groaning like he usually does so o figured maybe he's just wanting to get home#to my surprise we didn't immediately gi home: we went to his old work (family owned business)#when we got there I can't describe the relief i felt to be with other people. especially my grandmother#i did some refund stuff while we were there. dad also seemed to lighten up and things seemed fine#but when we got back in the truck it was back to being tense. we still didn't go home- we went to the bank so he could cash a check#but otw there he mentioned his birthday is this Saturday. i said i knew and that I'd be happy to spend the day with him if he had something#planned. bc id loke to spend time with him on his bday instead of my Granny's Halloween party (which i still enjoy but yknow.. dad)#there's an awkward silence and then he just goes “i guess based off your silence you're not interested in what i have planned for my birth-#day?“ perplexed i said ”i am- im just waiting for you to tell me“
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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sorry for the lighting but i feel like you can still tell what’s going on and it’s not like a portfolio picture so yay ya yay stuff from school now that it’s properly started :) we were doing self portraits inspired by books from the library and mine was a collection of sci fi movie posters which is something i’ve never done before :]
#obligatory personal stuff doesn’t get as much interaction but luckily i’m posting for ME!!! YIPPEEEEEE!!!!#artists on tumblr#sci fi art#and those will be my two tags for today :)#hoping to take a break from assignment and do a proper slimepompurin later today like i said i wanted to#not that i’ve ever been good at doing things ive said i want to do#cause i also want to print my ballot and do laundry#we did a little walk around look at other peoples work in their sketchbooks and write them sticky notes and i got six fucking sticky notes#everyone in the class had 3 each#like logically if everyone was at a sketchbook each time and didn’t double up the most you should get is three#i got six i was so overwhelmed but they were so nice#like i had to take anxiety meds but in a good way if u know what i mean#did wonders for my imposter syndrome i feel so much better#taking an illustration course btw!!! i’ve said that on my main but not here so if you look at my mess of tags you get that bit of lore#i’m an international student :) very scary but very excited i already feel good about it unless i forget to take meds in which case it feels#like i’m dying#medicated though!! i feel so excited i’ve always wanted to go to art school#and i did Not Like the US#so i’m in the Uk now and there aren’t guns everywhere and they know how to make stall doors properly thank god#more comfortable pissing here then i am in my home town#partially cause it’s illegal for me to do that in my home town
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the Starlight Express Alumni Podcast is fascinating because you have
-multiple stories of people accidentally falling into roles that suit them perfectly, in very different ways
-Reva Rice basically never got hurt and one of the only times she did was OFF SKATES when she fell down the stairs
-Dolan Jose REALLY wanting to cover the “girl components” and being SO excited to at least be Wrench
-the mental image of a 6’6 Vegas Showgirl looking guy as a couples therapist
-the perpetual challenge of casting Poppas lol this constantly comes up in different Stex interviews
#eric clausell seems like a really nice guy but it’s just REALLY funny imagining him in mundane settings#honestly i find the production history and stories behind stex more interesting than a lot of the actual canon#there is so much fascinating depth behind how the skating physics impact characters#makes me really want to get back to the rink and maybe look into classes so i can just understand that aspect of them better#stuff like “‘cars’ have to hold on VERY tight because some of the ‘engines’ will just blast off”#the poppas usually needed the most warnings/guidance for cars because some of them did unusual things#because he’s SO hard to cast they’d just work with what they could get skating ability wise a lot of the time#lon satton only braked on one side and needed to be pushed up hills/didn’t control himself well going down#it’s also funny how mykal is constantly haunting them because they’ll namedrop him constantly and assume you know who he is#but barely say anything about him and he never actually appears#i want to use that as a story element somewhere because it’s mysterious and amusing#just make mysterious comments about how great Joe Schmoe is and never elaborate assuming you know who he is already
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Alright, I need to ramble. I'm putting it under a cut for potential DATV spoilers. There's also a peek at an OC I've mentioned once or twice before but never shown, if that interests you.
In light of how the Varric and Solavellan plotlines turn out in DATV (badly), I'm considering just scrapping Amaris, my original/canon Inquisitor. I know I've mentioned it once or twice before, but I did at one point make a second Inquisitor to romance Dorian (I also had Amaris romance Cullen and Iron Bull in different playthroughs, but neither interested me as much as Dorian or Solas.) I think maybe I'll go back and replay the series sometime next year, and I'll just make him my Inquisitor instead.
The biggest thing is he'll probably need a new name. Originally his name was Ilya, which is in the same family tree as Elias. Though, come to think of it, my only two male OCs having names from the same source is kinda funny, so I might just keep it.
Anyways, yes, this is really being influenced by the fact I made him in Veilguard's character creator earlier and I just kinda went "oh 🥺 i miss him"
(Also, any resemblance between him and certain other characters I love is purely coincidental, I prommy)
#headcanons and oc lore#oc: ilya lavellan#<- fuck it i'm keeping the name#i will be changing him from a warrior to a rogue though#tempest is by far the most fun i had with a class in inquisition#i'm not restarting veilguard rn bc i'm too far in#but maybe when i'm done i'll start a very slow replay with him as the inquisitor instead#also gonna change chiara's eyes to purple now#just because i love purple eyes and if i scrap one oc with that color well...#i could just make a new oc but i think chiara would look nice with purple. matches the theme of the game.#idk now i kinda do want to go back and play him in inquisition#i never did finish his playthrough...#but no. i need to finish veilguard and see for sure how everything turns out first#but this is honestly like 99% likely. i like this more than my original canon now.
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This morning, my therapist called me to let me know she's setting up her own practice via telehealth (which is what we were using Anyways) & asked me whether I'd want to follow her there. She still has to set stuff up with insurance stuff But her out of pocket stuff is like HALF what I've been paying out of pocket for the company she was in. So I was like, Hell Yeah let's do it
So im gonna keep up with appointments, maybe once a month or so, just so I have the accountability + the ability to ramble about what I've achieved. Bc that's been rly nice for me. I'll have my therapist back!!!! And better than ever, if only because I have to pay so much less for it 😂😂😂
And ALSO, today I put in my course request for the orchestra into the form. So different from just two weeks ago, where I was practically begging to be given a chance to audition. I was sitting in the same spot of the lobby even, but putting in my official orchestra request instead of sending an email as I vibrated in hope and anxiety. I Got It tho. And the class won't even be that late in the day. It's really exciting.
#speculation nation#also general bonding with friends etc etc. very nice.#it's like. my day took a real turn for the better. my gender communication class was covering relationships today#including abusive relationships and how people express love.#the abusive relationships one had me like. actively a little uncomfortable hfkshfkd not like it was BAD bc it's important to teach the signs#but especially when it came to the Volatility sign i was just like. yup. uh huh. yeah. yup. hfksbfmsbc#because it. hit Real close to home for That One shitty relationship way back when#most days i forget i was in an abusive relationship And Then I Remember.........#anyways thankfully we didn't have a discussion over that. but we Did have a discussion over how often we say 'i love you'#professor was asking for a numerical estimate. and some people were saying like 5 or 6 times a day#meanwhile me realizing i only ever really say that to family (human-wise). and i only see or talk to family every so often.#but i say it a lot to my cats. a Lot. theyre my babies. i love them so much.#so i got kind of stressed and overwhelmed thinking about how the most i say is like 'ilu' but only to like one friend and only rarely.#even in romantic relationships i havent said it for the most part. bc it's mostly not been true and i Dont Like To Lie.#so i got to thinking about Why and had a thing of 'am i heartless??' etc etc. but i think i really am emotionally distant#which i think stems from the fact that i dont trust much of Anyone to be in my life long-term besides family#and the only non family i feel comfortable Sometimes saying this kind of thing to is someone ive been friends with for nearly 8 years now.#so i guess i trust that theyll be here longterm. so i feel less anxiety about expressing it.#my friends told me that they see i still care tho in the ways i act and try to take care of them.#so. not heartless. i just struggle with telling people how i feel.#hfmahfmshfms so yeah bit of a weird day but it got better!!!! and now i am. chilling.#gonna play more sims 2. yes.#abuse ment/
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Time to start my 5th(?) rouge trader playthrough!
I have never ended one!
The farthest I’ve gotten is Yrliet!
Primarily because the class system feels wack and I don’t like the UI!
I don’t hate the game and actually want to play it but it just gets painful!
Help!
#rouge trader#warhammer 40000#like seriously#why is there no option to just carry around a heavy bolted#the only heavy weapons class as far as I can tell is arch militant#and if you think I want to hit someone#with a sword#no#I’d rather kill you from over here with a million bolt rounds#also my pc is kinda crap so it’s super laggy and even suffers on low graphics#and playing the prologue 5 times is annoying#and when I did get to yrliet I drove her off#and immediately had nothing else to do#like#huh#what was i supposed to do#wth#arghhhhh#also the only space marine is a furry#and I don’t like space wolves (I’m a dark angels and TS fan)#and most of the characters just kinda get on my nerves#argenta is fine until she starts being religious#idiria just feels annoying#heinrix is kinda cool#Pasqual fuckin rocks#and Abelard would be fine if he wasn’t so hoity toity about my fuckin crew#like let me be nice to the lower deck crews in the name of the emperor#anyway i’m rambling#recommendations welcome#I want to love this game so badddd
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It’s been a very odd and isolating semester for me (largely out of my control, very few in person classes) but!! Today I went in had had a great chat with the delightful old man that I worked for last year and it fixed me a little bit. Sometimes you just need to show off your beetle pictures and hear some stories about doing geology in the 70s I guess.
#he’s genuinely the most interesting person I know and incredibly kind#and it was great to see him again#previous years i have been on campus working or in classes for 8-14 hours a day#and this semester I have like. one in person class per day#and it sort of feels like I never see people anymore#so it was nice#he spent his career studying beetles hence the beetle pictures and I did some work cataloging his beetle collection last year#but he has lived a very full life and has been all around the world#so it’s always fun to talk to him
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Thinking back to 2021 when I had to sit in school fists clenched eyes watering teeth grinding as I listened to everyone quote invader zim right in front of me and I couldn’t say anything because they only knew the quotes from tiktok.
#the most pain I have ever been forced to endure#I STILL LOVE THE WHEN YOU VIDEO I QUOTE IT ALL THE TIME#BUT PEOPLE ARE PROBABLY LIKE ‘dead audio LOL#ITS NOT BECAUSE OF TIKTOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ITS BECAUSE I LIKE INVADER ZIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE PAIN#I had to sit listening to all the people in my class who teased me and made fun of me by pretending to be nice#I had to listen to all the people who thought I was the weird quiet kid#quote my special interest RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.#AND I COULDNT SAY A WORD#THEY DIDNT KNOW#THEY DIDNT KNOW LIKE I DID#I WAS GOING INSANE IN MY HEAD ON THE OUTSIDE I WAS JUST SQUINTING AND TWITCHING#and drawing zim in my books#blue moments
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I CAN DO THIS!!!! I CAN LEARN TO BE A THEATER DESIGNER!!!! YES I AM JUST STARTING OUT AND DOING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! THATS CUZ IT IS A TRADE AND YOU LEARN A TRADE BY PRACTICING!!!!! SO I AM GOING TO PRACTICE DAMMIT!!!!
#i am realizing i have the capacity to be rly ambitious and hardworking when it’s something i care about#which i didn’t think i did. because adhd and academic struggles and such#but another side effect of caring a lot about this is i am rly disappointed and worried when i feel like i’m not doing well enough#which is a feeling i think most people get academically#but i turned that feeling off in my brain for a long time cuz again. at a certain point i was academically struggling#and i couldn’t be disappointed anymore#like it was just less stressful to care a little less#which i am currently experiencing in my classes right now actually. need to deal with that#anyway#idk i keep finding out how much i don’t know about theater design and then feeling so so embarrassed#and thinking i might be a fraud#but then people look at my work and they say nice things and i am deciding to take that to heart!!!#and just hope that they’re right#it’s existential about career hours rn#also mandatory acknowledgement that i’m privileged for even considering an artistic careen#and i’m definitely gonna be living off ice soup if i try to make this happen#uh. that is all . yeah#ok yk what i should probably be a theater professor#that is definitely the biggest way i’ve seen theater professionals get regular gigs (on college shows) and make enough money to live#and also have access to massive prop and set collections!!!!!#which is what it’s really all about baybeeee#ok that is all goodnjght#theater#career#rambling
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