#did i rush to go to therapy after my dad died no am i ripping through work papers to see if i start scheduling something asap

[lilgynt]

yes i’m sick to my stomach over a guy and it’s like kinda pathetic but also my nails are super fuckin long so.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Song Remains The Same: Final Part

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,934

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

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Just then, a loud-pitched noise sounded which was an angel talking. Your ears rang from the noise, but you casted your magic around the room to lessen the pain for everyone else. Your mother tried to help, but she was focused on using her magic to protect you inside of her. It became too much to bear, and everyone covered their ears just as glass and lightbulbs shattered, plunging the room into darkness. This happened for a few minutes before the angels shut up. The front door flies open, a sound of angel wings is heard, and a younger Uriel enters the room.

“Who the hell are you?” Dean glared.

“Uriel?” you asked, remembering that he died.

“So, you do know me,” he chuckled.

Sam backed up and urged Mary, John, and your mother to leave the house through the back. They turned to leave but stopped when Anna appeared.

“Alright, here goes nothing,” you muttered just as they attacked.

Both you and Dean went after Uriel while Sam went after Anna. He held the angel blade in his hands, but Anna knocked that shit right out of his hands. John saw an opportunity and took it, snatching the angel blade off the ground and going to use it. However, Anna saw this coming and threw him through the wall and into the backyard.

“John!” Mary yelled.

Turning to face Uriel, you threw magic balls that appeared out of your hands. He dodged your attempts to hurt him and grabbed Dean by the throat when he got the chance. Your eyes were the brightest they have ever been since you wanted to do maximum damage. Uriel was a lot stronger when he was younger, so he was able to overpower you more quickly. He grabbed at your throat and forced you on your knees.

Your mother took the chance to attack, but Uriel was having none of it. He held his hand out and forced her to her knees as she clutched her stomach. She wasn’t as strong as she was before since she had a baby to protect now. Anna had an opportunity and she took it. She ripped a fixture from the wall and shoved it into Sam’s abdomen.

“Sammy!” Dean yelled.

Sam began to bleed profusely through the wound since it was too much for him to bear. He slid to the floor as his skin began to pale. He was dying, if not already dead.

“Sam!” you yelled, trying to get to him.

“I’m really sorry,” Anna said to Marry who could only watch in horror.

“Anna,” John said from behind, but this time he was different.

There was a white glow around his body, and you knew that he was possessed by an angel. The question was… which one?

“Michael,” Anna gasped.

Michael placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder, and she began to burn from that spot. She quickly bursts into flames as white ones shot out of her eyes. She turned to a crisp and her body fell away in ashes. The archangel turned to Uriel once he finished.

“Michael. I didn’t know.”

“Goodbye, Uriel,” he claimed, snapping his fingers to make the angel disappear.

“What did you do to John?” Mary demanded to know.

“John is fine.”

“Who—what are you?”

“Shh,” he whispered, touching her forehead to knock her out.

She fell to the ground unconsciously. He looked at your mother before snapping his fingers. She dropped to the ground, and you were going to go to her when he stopped you.

“She’s fine, and you’re unharmed. Don’t worry,” he cleared his throat. “Well, I'd say this conversation is long overdue, wouldn't you?”

Your eyes never fell back to their normal color in case you needed to do some damage to this archangel, no matter how small it may be.

“Ah, much like me, my aunt took up a bloodline. I didn’t know that before I put her away for all eternity,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, and I’m pretty powerful.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that.”

“Fix him,” Dean demanded as he pointed to his brother.

“First… we talk. Then, I fix your darling little Sammy.”

“How'd you get in my dad, anyway?”

“I told him I could save his wife, and he said yes.”

“I guess they oversold me being your one and only vessel.”

“You're my true vessel, but not my only one.”

“Like me?”

“Precisely.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It's a bloodline,” you answered for him.

“Stretching back to Cain and Abel. It's in your blood, your father's blood, your family's blood. You’re a bit different, Y/N. Amara chose you from the very start of creation.”

“So, she is real.”

“Oh yes, she is. She belongs where she is. She has no place in this world. I’m not sure how, but she chose a bloodline while being locked away. We locked her away millennia before humans were created.”

“Let’s cut to the chase. What do you want with me?”

“You really don't know the answer to that?”

“Well, you know I ain't gonna say yes, so why are you here? What do you want with me?!” Dean yelled.

“I just want you to understand what you and I have to do.”

“Oh, I get it. You got beef with your brother. Well, get some therapy, pal. Don't take it out on our planet!”

“You're wrong. Lucifer defied our father, and he betrayed me. But still… I don't want this any more than you would want to kill Sam,” the archangel turned away in thought. “You know, I practically raised my brother. I took care of him in a way most people could never understand, and I still love him,” he turns back to you two. “But I am going to kill him because it is right and I have to.”

“Oh, because God says so?” you scoffed.

“Yes. From the beginning, he knew this was how it was going to end.”

“And you're just gonna do whatever God says?”

“Yes, because I am a good son.”

“Being a good son doesn’t mean obey every command, Michael. Being a good son means you love unconditionally and make mistakes because that’s how you learn to be better,” you explained with a sigh.

“And you think you know better than my father? Two unimportant little creatures. What makes you think you get to choose?”

“Because I got to believe that I can choose what I do with my unimportant little life.”

“You're wrong. You know how I know? Think of a million random acts of chance that let John and Mary be born, to meet, to fall in love, and to have the two of you. Think of the million random choices that led your bloodline to circle back to Amara. Think of the million random choices that you two make, and yet how each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny. Do you know why that is? Because it's not random. It's not chance. It's a plan that is playing itself out perfectly. Free will is an illusion, Dean. That's why you're going to say yes. It could be worse. You know, unlike my brothers, I won't leave you a drooling mess when I'm done wearing you. Can’t say the same for Amara if she ever comes out.”

“Well, what about my dad?”

“Better than new. In fact, I'm gonna do your mom and your dad a favor. Even yours, Y/N.”

“What is it?” you wondered.

“Scrub their minds. They won't remember me or you.”

“You can't do that.”

“I'm just giving your mother what she wants. She can go back to her husband, her family—”

“She's gonna walk right into that nursery!” Dean yelled.

“My mother is going to die by the hands of Meg!!”

“Obviously. You always knew that was going to play out one way or another. You can't fight City Hall,” Michael sighed, going over to Sam. He pressed two fingers to his forehead, and the younger brother disappeared within a moment. The pipe that was inside his body clunks to the ground. “He's home. Safe and sound. Your turn. I'll see you soon, Dean.”

Michael touched yours and Dean’s foreheads, and everything went black.

Now that you were back in your own time, things were different. Well, everything stayed the same with your mom and the brothers’ parents still dying, but the atmosphere changed between you three. The room was thick with tension as you packed in silence. The only thing on your mind was Castiel, and where the hell he was or if he was okay. Looking up, you noticed the angel in question standing behind you with a look of pain etched into his face.

“Castiel,” you gasped, rushing over to him.

Sam and Dean did the same when they heard your outburst.

“Cas!” Dean said as he hurried over to help.

“We got you.”

“You son of a bitch. You made it.”

“I… I did? I'm very surprised,” he mumbled before collapsing.

The brothers held him up, and thought the best idea was to lay him on the bed to rest. Once there, you got next to him to heal him.

“You’re going to be okay, Castiel,” you whispered, placing your hand on his cheek.

His skin absorbed your magic, and a white light shined through his mouth and nose. Whatever you did worked only a little bit.

“Well… this is it,” Dean sighed.

“This is what?”

“Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie, one dropout with six bucks to his name, Mr. Comatose over there, and a witch. It's awesome.”

“It's not funny,” you sighed.

“I'm not laughing. Want a drink?” Dean offered.

Sam nodded, but you had a strange feeling that you shouldn’t be drinking alcohol. There was something deep in your gut that told you alcohol was a bad idea.

“No thank you.”

“They all say we'll say yes,” Sam sighed, accepting the drink.

“I know. It's getting annoying.”

“What if they're right?”

“They’re not,” you muttered.

“I mean, why would we, either of us? But then again, I've been weak before.”

“We’re not you, Sam,” you snapped. His face fell at your jab, and you immediately felt bad. “I’m sorry, I was out of line.

“You’re right. I mean, Michael got Dad to say yes.”

“That was different. Anna was about to kill Mom.”

“And if you could save Mom… what would you say?” Sam asked.

“We should get some sleep. We can head out tomorrow morning,” you sighed.

“Yeah, good idea,” Dean said, ignoring his brother’s question.

Staring at the flickering 24-hour sign posted in the gas station across town, you took a deep breath. There was no one on the road, no one passing through because everyone was asleep.

Why weren’t you?

Something was calling you here, to do what you were about to do. The thought was planted in your mind before going back in time, but you tried to ignore it. There was no way this was happening now; you wouldn’t allow it.

Walking inside the place, you headed to the section specifically for these products. Grabbing two, you paid for them and headed back to the motel since you didn’t want to do it in a gas station. Making sure you were really quiet, you headed to the bathroom before doing what needed to be done.

The wait process was always the worst since three minutes can feel like hours. Nonetheless, when the time was up, you looked at the results. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing right now.

You are pregnant.

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[taehyungiestummy]

Blood, Sweat, and Tears -- Chapter Eighteen

Masterlist     Previous      Next

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 6345

         I feel like my whole body has gone numb as I stare at Yoongi. His question bouncing around my head with such velocity that I can barely think. How did he even piece together that I have been going out with someone with how careful Taehyung and I have been? How much does he know about who I am seeing? If he knew that I am with a mafia boy, would he be this calm?

         Yoongi grins as I sit silently trying to come up with an answer to his question. He knows that he is right, the bastard. “Well, when did you meet? You can at least answer a couple questions I have about the boy.”

         “At the, at the um, the viewing,” I look down at the table. “Just another person who came to give condolences and such. I didn’t think that it would build into anything else. Not with the way he acted at first, anyways.”

         “Were you together at the Halloween party?”

         “Yes, yes we were,” I turn my hands over to see the redness from slamming them on the table. “That was the first time that we, the first time that we were able to be public, but at the same time not. We were hidden from you, and we had our first kiss then. It was nice to dance without a care in the world.”

         “He drives you home after the club lets out, right? You said that it was Haru at first, but I knew that wasn’t right, and she let me know that she was not the one driving you home.

         “Yeah, he drives a motorcycle, and it gives me a thrill like no other. He’s very cautious, of course. Not a wreck on his record. I trust him.”

         “You’ve been together for a little bit then? How do you feel about him?”

         “I love him,” I say with ease like any of the other answers. “I love him with all my heart, and he loves me. I know that I had a bad relationship some years ago, but this isn’t going to end like that at all. I know him enough to know that he would never hurt me. Hurting me would rip him apart inside. If I had even an inkling of a feeling that he would end up like my first love, I would walk away without a second thought. But I have never gotten that feeling when with him. I love him, Yoongi. You can’t take this away from me. You can’t take my happiness away from me,” I shake my head to keep tears from falling.

         “I would never take your happiness away from you, Bambi. All I want to do is protect you, and I just want to know about this boy. Who gets to call my precious sister their girlfriend?”

         I slowly look up, looking over at Yoongi, “I can’t tell you.”

         “What? What are you even saying? You can tell me his name. I promise not to look too much into him. Well, I promise that I won’t tell the hackers to look too much into him. I’ll give you privacy until you want me to meet him.”

         “If I tell you his name, I fear that you might explode.”

         “Over a college book club nerd?” Yoongi chuckles. “I’d be more afraid for him, since he probably doesn’t even know how to fight, and you could kill a man with your bare hands.”

         “Well, he’s not a total nerd, brother,” I nibble on my bottom lip. I’d love to tell him that Taehyung, Bangtan’s top hacker, has come to my side, but every scenario in my head ends in yelling and crying. “This guy actually has some muscle, and I bet that he could fight me to some extent. Not that he would ever do that. He has no need to ever do that.”

         “I would hope that the one that loves my sister would never fight her,” Yoongi chuckles. “Are you afraid that I will judge you for whoever you have fallen for? I would never judge that.”

         “You know full well that judging what the heart wants would get you nowhere,” I roll my eyes.

         “Or maybe it is because you really are dating a girl.” He hums, “Well, to say I am shocked would be true, but it does not matter to me. I’ll tease you for a bit. Of course, I will get used to it after a while.”

         “It is a boy, not a girl, I can assure you that,” I sigh. “Can you just drop it? I do not want to tell you who it is right now.”

         “I would drop it if our lives didn’t depend on me making sure that you are safe at all times. I promised our father that I would always protect you, and I can’t do that if you do not tell me the name of your little lover boy.”

         “Now you are just saying things to push my buttons,” I stick my tongue out at him. “Why must you always know every little thing about me?”

         “Because I care about my baby sister,” he coos.

         “Shut up,” I roll my eyes.

         “C’mon Bambi, just tell me who he is? What are you so afraid of?”

         “I don’t want to tell you yet, so just wait a little bit. Okay? You will know when I am ready to tell you.”

         “How many times do I have to say please? I will say it as much as you want me to.”

         “There is no amount. Let’s talk about something else.”

         “Bambi,” he whines. “Please, please, tell me his name. Please, please, please, plea-”

         “Stop!” I angerly run my hands through my hair. “You want to know so damn badly? Well fine because I am sick of running around and hiding from you in this fucking mansion! I am dating Taehyung! I broke your one stupid rule of not getting with a mafia boy, and I really don’t care!”

         The smirk on Yoongi’s face instantly changes to an angry frown as my words pierce the air. “Taehyung? The hacker? Areum, why can’t you listen to me!?” Yoongi shoves away from the table, standing up with such force that his chair tumbles behind him.

         “Because you don’t always know what is best!” I slam my hands down on the table even harder than the last time, standing up with the same force to send my chair to the ground in a clatter. “I am in love with Taehyung, and there is nothing that you can do about it. You can hate it all you want, but I am going to continue to see him. I will go behind your back if I have to. He has helped me so much since dad died. I am still grieving, and I cry when I think about how he was stolen from us, but Taehyung has been there to help me through it. You can just be a sour puss about the whole thing, or you can be fucking happy for me. Don’t you want me to be happy, Yoongi? Or would you rather make sure that I stay away from mafia boys for whatever fucking reason?”

         A silence settles over us as Yoongi stares at me. I’m not sure if he can’t think of a good way to answer me, or if he is shocked at how intense my arguing with him was. Either way, the pain in my hands is going to keep me from punching anything out of the anger rushing around my body.

         I’m not sure how much time passes before Yoongi takes a deep breath and calmly picks up his chair before sitting back down. When he makes eye contact with me again, a small smile is pushing on his lips.

         “Why are you smiling?” I frustratingly ask.

         “You really love him, I can see it in your face when you were defending staying together,” Yoongi nods a few times. “Bambi, please, sit back down so we can talk about this.”

         I peel my hands off the table, carefully picking my chair up and plopping down into my seat. “I don’t like how you are this calm. Like the eye of a hurricane.”

         “I can assure you that this calm is going to last because I do what you to be happy. I would never take away your happiness, even if it makes me a bit angry that you went against a direct order from a protective older brother that does love his sister dearly.”

         “I love you too, Yoongi, and I would never go against you on purpose. This just happened. We had one conversation, and it just spiraled from there.”

         “I always had a feeling that you would fall in love with someone in the mansion, so I wasn’t really shocked when you said his name. This is your safe haven, and all these people here are family in some way.”

         “I could never love someone outside the mafia. They would never understand me. We would be on two different wave lengths going through life. With Taehyung I don’t have to hold anything back. I can speak my mind about everything. I can be myself when I am with him, and that means the world to me.”

         “That’s where we are different. I don’t want my significant other to know anything about this part of my life. As long as we love each other, then I will be happy.” He takes a deep breath, “You remember who Taehyung is, right?”

         I rapidly blink as I understand that Yoongi never forgot who Taehyung was. He never had to go to therapy to have his memories wiped. That he would have just stopped hanging out with Taehyung when around me. All because I was so weak back then. “Yes, I remembered who he was at the Halloween party. He kind of told me, and it triggered my memories. I can’t understand why he was taken from me, but that doesn’t matter now. I have him back.”

         “That’s good,” Yoongi’s smile fades in a few seconds as a wave of realization hits him. “Wait a second. That morning that I came to your room and you had locked the door, he wasn’t in there with you, was he? You two didn’t spend the night doing sexual activities, did you?”

         I feel my cheeks heat up in a split second, and I know that is all the answer Yoongi needs. “Oh, I almost forgot, there is a lot that you don’t know about because if I told you it would give away that I was with Taehyung. We created a small team to look into the Red Wolves, because they are coming for me. A woman has come up to me two times, claiming me to be the Red Wolves’ princess.”

         Yoongi’s jaw clenches, “Tell me everything. This is no longer just your problem. We are in this together, Areum, and we aren’t going to let them push us around. There’s a lot that we need to piece together, and we are going to win this fight. Start from the beginning. Even if you need to go all the way back to meeting Taehyung, I want to know everything.”

********

         “You look super cute, babe,” Taehyung chuckles as I push my glasses back up my nose right before they fall off. “I know that this is serious work, but I can’t help but want to kiss you all over your face.”

         I giggle, shifting through stacks of letters and various pieces of paper on the floor that might give us clues to what the hell is going on. “As much as I would love for you to do that, I really want to figure something out about all this crap. This is taking all my focus.”

         It has been a few days since the dinner with Yoongi where I told him about Taehyung and our relationship. I still can’t believe how calm my brother has been, but he has shocked me a lot in the recent months. There’s been a change ever since our father died from both of us. I like to think that they have been positive changes.

         As for the threats on Bangtan and myself, Yoongi has ordered that I have someone with me at all times. Taehyung, along with Cookie, is now a permanent residence in my room. He’s set up a small station to do his hacking jobs in my office, and my nightmares have basically stopped since he has started to sleep with me. It’s nice to sleep through the night and not wake up in a cold sweat.

         “I’m still a bit shocked that you just told him that we were dating,” Taehyung says. “I know that he was teasing you and all that, but I thought that you could take it.”

         “Shut up,” I pout. “His teasing wasn’t the whole reason to why I told him. I was sick of going behind his back. I was always afraid he would find out about us, and then it would just be a shitstorm. I could just hear the yells from both of us. Telling him then was the best option. I mean, I was in love with you all those years ago, and that never really left me. He must have known that I was in love with you then, so he couldn’t have been that shocked.”

         “The red string of fate,” he hums. “At least it is good to be alive. I was sure that your brother would end me for being with his little sister. The Bangtan Princess has finally been swept off her feet.”

         I giggle, “Well, I couldn’t stay single forever. Some bad boy was bound to come along and enter my heart.”

         “Ah, so I am a bad boy?”

         “I wouldn’t call you a prince.”

         He chuckles, “I wouldn’t call myself a prince either. In all honesty, I was more shocked that him learning that we had sex didn’t lead him on a murder spree. I mean, he must know that you aren’t a virgin.”

         “Please, I do not want to talk about that,” I groan, moving to a new pile of notes. Even though it is just the two of us, I feel my cheeks heating up thinking of Taehyung and I in that intimate way.

         “How can you be all flustered when I am talking about us? You were all for the act when we were doing it, but now that I talk about it afterwards, you want me to stop. Why are you like this?” He chuckles.

         “Because,” I shrug. “Sooyoung teases me about it, and you just want to use whatever I say against me.”

         “Never,” he overly gasps.

         “Whatever you say, Tae,” I sigh, shoving the papers in front of me out of sight. “I’ll open up more about it, maybe.”

         “It’s fun to tease you though,” he giggles.

         “Ugh, I just want to piece some of this fucking puzzle together, but none of this makes any damn sense,” I run my hands roughly through my hair. “I am sick of this stupid riddle. I am sick of the asshole Red Wolves. I am sick of not being able to figure any of this out. I am sick of being in the dark.”

         “Weren’t there like underlined words or something that people were gathering? What ever became of those?”

         My eyes widen as I begin frantically searching for the lists of random words that had been hi-lighted in the books in my father’s office. “Holy shit, Taehyung. I forgot about that. I remember Yoongi briefly mentioning that they had finished compiling the lists, but I have yet to take the time to look over what they found. Here it is!” I lift the multiple papers up into the air. “Now, let me see what is here.” My eyes scan over the columns of words that were found in the books. The same variations of words are staring back at me, but now they mean something different.

         “I’m sure that now with a clear mind you will be able to figure out what those words mean,” Taehyung begins cleaning up the rest of the papers.

         “All of this makes so much more sense now,” I flip through the pages. “There’s the words that mean mom or mother, which can only mean my mom. Then there is various shades of red, and then wolf is hi-lighted the same amount. That has to be the Red Wolves. There’s stuff that can be taken as twin or double, which is talking about my mother and her twin, the aunt that I never got to meet. Then the rest of the words basically mean sacrifice, which I guess would be my mother. Though, her death still doesn’t make sense to me. How was that a sacrifice?”

         “Maybe it wasn’t your mother, but instead the twin sister. You don’t know much about her.”

         I nibble on my bottom lip, “I guess so, but I could have sworn she was still alive.”

         “A sacrifice doesn’t mean that she is dead.”

         “I guess so,” I take a deep breath. “So, we figured out what the words mean, but we didn’t really learn anything new. I already knew about all this, so this was just a confirmation of the facts.”

         “That just means another part of the puzzle is waiting for you in these papers. I’m sure if you go back through, you’ll be able to figure out another piece.”

         I nod a few times, placing the papers in my hands back on the floor. I’m sure that if I were to go back through all that is in front of me, I could figure out why the Red Wolves are truly after me, or why my father didn’t want to just give us all the information outright. However, I don’t have the energy to attempt it.

         I slowly look up at Taehyung. The tender smile on his lips as he looks at me makes my heart flutter. He’s been sitting with me for however long I have been at this task, and not once has he complained. He has been doing whatever he can to help me piece things together. He really is the best.

         Without much thought, I lunge over the papers, tackling Taehyung onto his back. A huff tumbles out of his lips, but he wraps his arms around me all the same.

         “Are you okay, kitten?” Taehyung presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Not that I am complaining about this attack hug.”

         “I am done looking into those papers,” I nuzzle my head into his chest. “It took so long to figure out one little piece, and my brain is fried. I don’t want to look at that crap anymore. I want to cuddle up with you in my bed and watch something. Anything to give my brain a break.”

         “You don’t have to force yourself to figure everything out, Areum. Don’t push yourself to try and remember everything. I fear that all this is going to hurt you.”

         “How much more broken can I get?” I choke out. “I’m okay with getting hurt.”

         “That’s not true, and you know it. You don’t have to be strong around me. You can let your walls down, and I will love every part of you. We are all broken, and that is why Bangtan is a perfect family.”

         I take a deep breath, pushing away any sadness that tried to creep in. “I miss him, you know. My father was always there for me when I wanted to talk about school, or gush about the good times we had with my mother. I could vent to him about Yoongi, which always ending in me laughing. Losing him tore me apart, and I grieved, but then life had to quickly get back on track. There was no stopping. The business had to pick up where he left off, and Yoongi and I have big shoes to fill still. That time heals all wounds is bullshit, and I would know. I have so many unhealed wounds.”

         “I really wish that I knew what to say to you. You have lost so much, and I can only understand to a certain extent. I know that you don’t want to hear this, but I have struggled with your father’s death. Not because I wish he was back, because there are times when I do because he was like a father to me. He was a better father than my own dad could ever hope to be. But his death brought us together. There is no way that if he were still alive that I would be with you right now, lying on your bedroom floor. I would still be watching you from behind a computer screen and longing to be with you. I know how selfish that is, and I hate that I think that way, but I just love you so damn much that I never want to be without you.”

         “You are not selfish, Taehyung,” I lift my head up to look into his eyes. “You have had to watch me for years without the chance to talk to me like normal human interaction is meant to work. I am the one who is selfish because I didn’t even think about how you must feel. I was just wallowing in my pain. I’ll always miss my father, but at least you were brought into my life because of the tragedy.”

         Taehyung leans down to press a gentle kiss to my lips, “You said that you want to watch something in bed. How about we get to that?”

         “That sounds lovely,” I roll off him, slowly standing up. “I’ll just leave the papers. No reason to mess with them anymore.”

         Taehyung pops up, quickly picking me up like a bride. “Do you want to watch anything specific?”

         “Hm, I would like to watch something animated,” I tap my cheek with my index finger. “Would you like to start an anime with me?”

         “Um, hell fucking yes I would.”

         I giggle, “Should we watch something short until I get done with this semester, and then we can work on something longer?”

         “Whatever you want to do, babe. I will watch whatever you want to watch,” he tosses me into the middle of my bed, causing Cookie and Snow to shift around at the foot of the bed.

         “Okay, okay,” I scramble to get comfortable against the pillows. “There are so many that I want to watch, but I think that it would be cool to watch Deadman Wonderland. The one where the kid goes to prison on false murder charges, and then something about superpowers with blood.”

         “I’ve heard of it,” Taehyung chuckles, setting up my laptop in front of me. “I watched you read the manga. Then I read it because I wanted to know what it was all about that got you all fired up,” he awkwardly coughs.

         “You are too cute, Taehyungie,” I reach out for him. “What about One Piece? That is something that I have kept up with since I was a teenager, but never really wanted to watch the anime by myself, and Yoongi would rather spend his time on what he calls productive watches and readings.”

         Taehyung climbs into bed, pulling me into his side, “We can start that over your break. It will be our thing that we do.”

         “Are you sure that you can spend a few hours not hacking?”

         “If someone needs me, my phone is nearby. I’m not just Bangtan’s best hacker anymore, I have other responsibilities now. I have to be the best boyfriend.”

         I giggle, “That’s right, and I deserve to have at least half of your time.”

         “You get more than half,” he presses a kiss to my forehead. “With how much I love you, you get a lot more than half. We have other hackers who can deal with the little jobs. I’m there when things get just above their skill level, or something is super important.”

         “I love you so much too, Tae,” I sit up, quickly bringing up the anime site I use, searching for Deadman Wonderland. “So damn much that I get giddy sometimes thinking about it. I can’t wait until I do school at home and can spend all my day with you.”

         “Oh, you’ll get tired of me before long,” he chuckles.

         “No, I would never,” I whine, leaning back as the first episode starts up. “I love being with you so much.”

         “I know, I just love teasing you,” he pulls me into his lap. “When you blush, that is one of my favorite things, knowing that it is all because of me.”

         “You are such a dork,” I settle back against his chest. “Now, only talk during the opening and ending. I really want to watch this.”

         “I can be quiet as long as you don’t move around too much.”

         “Tae!” I squeal, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks. “You are so dirty minded.”

         “I’m just telling the truth,” he chuckles.

         I shake my head, “I’m sure you are. Now, shush up, it’s starting.”

********

         “It’s been a while since I have been back to school, so this has been quite enjoyable for me,” Jimin grins as he looks around the library.

         “It’s nothing special, Jiminie,” I shrug, spreading out the notes for finals on the table. “What is this, your third week?”

         “Something like that,” he leans back in his chair. “I have to protect my baby girl, and Taehyung is best hacking away back home.”

         “It’s nice that I am able to spend time with my best friend. I feel like I haven’t been able to spend a lot of time with you since all the shit has been going down.”

         Ever since Yoongi found out about the Red Wolves woman coming up to me, he refuses to send me to school alone. Jimin volunteered to come with me, acting as a bodyguard that comes to my classes and wherever else I decide to go. It hasn’t really fazed anyone. Well, other than the Fakes. The second they saw me hanging out with a new boy, they started to spread rumors that I was cheating on Taehyung, or that I had dumped him for an old friend. Not many people believed their lies since I exposed their true intentions.

         “I loved the rumors that were spreading about us,” Jimin smirks at me. “I bet that Taehyung would have let us share one little kiss to get people going even crazier.”

         “I would never do that,” I chuckle. “To give the Fakes any sort of satisfaction is not a goal of mine. I like that more people come up to me calling them delusional and petty. It is about time that karma bit them in the ass.”

         “They are petty and delusional, that is for sure. I can’t believe you put up with them for so long.”

         “Neither can I,” I sigh, running my fingers over the mousepad of my laptop to make sure it doesn’t turn off. “Every day I dreaded coming here for fear that I would run into them and have to fake who I was.” I watch as my computer flashes green before Taehyung’s chat room pops up. “Now, I love seeing their glares in my direction.”

Ari: Hello Tae, it’s nice of you to pop in.

         “Their negativity pushes you forward,” Jimin nods. “I love that.”

Tae: I’ve been missing you today for some reason, so I thought that I would send a few messages.

Tae: We’ve been apart for most weekdays for a few weeks now, but today is harder for some reason.

Ari: That is actually super cute, you know that? I’ll be home in a few hours.

         “Are you messaging Taehyung?” Jimin asks.

         “Oh, yes, sorry,” I notice a small blush creeping onto my cheeks. “Did I just stop talking to you?”

         “Sort of, and you started to smile like an idiot,” he chuckles. “I don’t mind. If I was dating you, I’d want to be with you all the time.”

         “Jimin,” I sadly sigh.

         “I’m not saying it like I want to date you,” his eyes widen. “I just mean that if I were to, that I can understand why Taehyung is gushing over you. I’m sorry if it came off like that. I got over my crush on you years ago. Gah, that sounds bad. I’m just going to stop talking,” he places his head down on the table.

         I giggle, “Oh, Jiminie, there’s no reason to be embarrassed. I had a crush on you too, remember? We made a promise, though, and now we are grown up and going our separate ways. I still love you.”

         He lifts his head, and I see a light redness dusted on his cheeks. “I still love you too.”

Tae: What is going on? You two are such weird best friends.

Ari: You are pretty weird too, Mr. Hacker.

Tae: All for you, kitten.

         I shake my head, looking back at my notes. “I really need to study, so if both of you boys could leave me alone until my next class, that would be great.”

         “Is there anything that I can do?” Jimin straightens up in his seat. “Like go over vocab words, or something like that?”

Tae: I’m leaving this chat up just in case you want to talk, babe.

Tae: However, I’ll be hacking away, so I won’t really be paying much attention.

Ari: We can talk when I get home, goofy. I love you.

Tae: I love you too. Just imagine me giving you a kiss.

         I giggle, shaking my head. “Okay, Jiminie, you want to help me?”

         “Always,” he frantically nods.

         “Go find this book,” I slide a notecard over to him with a title on it. “I forgot that I needed it for a few questions.”

         “No problem,” he grabs the notecard, jumping out of his seat. “You sure that you’ll be okay here by yourself?”

         “I am the best fighter you have ever trained; I think I can protect myself,” I smirk.

         “Don’t miss me too much then, baby girl,” he shoots a wink my way before walking away in search of the book.

         “What a dork,” I roll my eyes as a gummy smile takes over my face.

         As much as I hate studying for finals that won’t really matter in the long run, I know how much it means to Yoongi that I keep my grades up. I know how much it used to make my father happy when I would bring home a report card with the highest marks. All I want to do is continue to make them proud. Even if that means boring myself as I sit in the library looking over my crappy notes.

         “Whoa, Areum, is that you?” A boy’s voice that I almost recognize calls out to me.

         I look up to see a face that I can only decide is from the Halloween party. “Oh, um, hello.”

         “You don’t remember my name,” he takes a seat across from me. “That’s okay, I’m not all dressed up in a costume, so I can understand. It’s me, Reo Sato.”

         “Ah, Dr. Sato’s son,” I nod a few times.

         The boy in front of me is no longer dressed up as superhero, but looks like a normal college student. His black hair is just shaggy enough and barely wavy to have his bangs fall in front of his brown eyes that fit in his tan face. His oval face is sharpened by a fairly prominent jaw line, plump lips give a softer feel, and his nose is straight and smooth. He looks to be quite tall and lanky, but I am sure he is hiding some muscles. The jean jacket that he is wearing looks to have sleeves just a tad short. A fashion statement that he is trying to make, no doubt.

         “How have you been?” Reo asks, a small smile on his lips.

         “Good, good,” I feel an edge of anxiousness creeping upon me. “I’m just trying to get ready for finals. You know how that is.”

         “Gah, all that stress over a couple tests,” he rolls his eyes. “I don’t understand why they insist that we cram all the information that we learned over a few months.”

         “I’m just happy that this is my last time taking finals on campus.”

         “Oh, so you are going all online next semester?”

         “Yeah, I decided it would be for the best to stay at home and help my brother with the business and all.” I notice Taehyung sending in all kinds of messages, but I can’t focus in on them. How would I explain that I am talking to my hacker boyfriend to this guy who I want to know as little about me as possible? “Is there a reason you wanted to talk to me?” I close my laptop slightly so that the blinking of Taehyung’s incoming messages does not distract me.

         “Not really any particular reason,” he shrugs. “I just saw you, and thought I would be nice and come and say hi. Where’s your friend?”

         “Oh, I had him go get a book,” I motion behind me.

         The more I think about it, why did Reo come up to me when Jimin was no longer around. Is it just luck that he found me all alone? Has he been looking for me? I had never talked to him before the Halloween party, and it’s not like I have seen him since. What could he possibly want from me?

         “How is your boyfriend?” He asks, but the tone of voice makes me even more nervous.

         “Oh, um, he’s good. We’re good,” I fiddle with my pencil. “Even though the last few months have been hard with losing my father, he’s been right there to help me through it all. It’s nice to have someone other than my brother to go it.”

         “I never was able to give my condolences for the loss of your father,” he reaches across the table to gently grab my hand.

         I do my best not to tense up at his touch, but this whole interaction makes my skin crawl. There are only a select group of people that I ever want to touch me, let alone hold my hand, and Reo would never make the list. “Don’t worry about it.”

         “I know that my father went to the viewing and funeral, and I feel terrible that I wasn’t able to attend either. In fact, I have been out of the country on a bit of a school trip.”

         “Seriously, you have nothing to feel terrible about,” I wiggle my fingers, but he just gives my hand a squeeze. “Even if you had come, I doubt that I would have remembered you. I was in a weird state.”

         “Of course, losing a parent would do that to you. Whoa, when did you get that scar on your arm?”

         “Cooking accident,” I shrug, not even realizing that the scar was even visible. It’s become a part of me that I forgot I ever got hurt. “I wasn’t paying attention, and our cook got my arm. Shit happens.”

         “I guess so,” he chuckles.

         I let my eyes fall to look down at my arm, but then my eyes drift to our hands, and that is when I spot a tattoo on his wrist. The red ink peeking out from his jacket sleeve looks like a wolf head.

         I feel my breath catch in my throat as my eyes focus on what can only be a Red Wolves logo tattoo on the wrist of Reo. It all makes sense that he would be watching me, waiting for his chance to come up to me when I was all alone. That he came to the Halloween party, and why the enemy now knows about my relationship with Taehyung. If he is with the group that is out to get me, what is his bigger motive to getting me there?

         “Well, I have lost both parents now, so that pain didn’t really compare,” I do my best to keep my voice level. “I would say my heart is a little cracked.”

         “It is impressive that you are trying to stay calm,” Reo’s voice deepens as he lets go of my hand. “I know that you saw my tattoo. Actually, I made sure that you saw it because a lot is going to change. Enjoy your time with Taehyung because he is not your forever. He is not the one you will end up with.”

         “And who the fuck are you to tell me who I will be with?” I growl, slapping his hand away. “If you even think of hurting anyone close to me, I will not hesitate to send back the pain. Only ten times worse.”

         “Oh, I know you will, Areum,” he rubs his hand where I hit him. “I’ve been on the other end of your anger, and I would never want that to happen again.”

         “What are you talking about? I have never met you before Halloween,” I shake my head.

         “Oh, but that is where you are wrong,” he smirks. “You’ve just been drugged to forget me because of the hurt that I caused you. I was your first love. The love that was sent by the Red Wolves, because you are going to come back to us. We are going to rule together, and show Bangtan that you were never meant to be with them.”

         I feel my brain snap alive like a strike of lightning hits me. The memories that have been trapped within me breaking free. Another key to my past being twisted to show that Reo is a part of my nightmares that have been torturing me for years.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For some reason, this chapter was deleted, and thus this is a repost. I have no idea how long it was gone, so I am sorry if it has been a while. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! :D

[saleintothe90s]

384. “Mad About You” series finale (5/24/1999)

(source)

So, I remember watching the series finale of Mad About You that night, but I haven’t watched it again since it originally aired. I do remember feeling let down at the end however. This is what I remember from 20 years ago, maybe I’ll remember some forgotten details once I re watch it...which I will after I make this list: 

- Janeane Garofolo was Paul & Jamie’s daughter Mabel all grown up and she had come out with a documentary about her life? Her dad’s life? The film was everything after 1999?

-Paul & Jamie bought the apartment across from them and merged it into theirs? Which didn’t make any sense. Everybody had to walk through P&J’s bedroom to get to the expansion?

-Paul & Jamie were pregnant again with twins but she lost the babies? I just remember the scene where Paul rushes into the apartment with a double stroller excited that he found one. He sees the message light on the answering machine and it’s Jamie. I was trying to figure out if this was early on when Mabel was still a one year old, and one seat in the stroller was for her, or Jamie was pregnant with twins. 

-Paul’s dad died real early on in the episode. 

-Paul and Jamie wonder who should give her the birds and the bees talk when Mabel is a teenager, but turns out they waited too long. When Paul sits down with her to discuss it, she interrupts him and says that she’s already had sex, or she was already on the pill. Paul decides to take Mabel out for bagels every Saturday morning so he can remain closer to her. I just remember them eating bagels and sitting on a stoop. 

- Paul and Jamie separate for realz this time. Remember when they temporarily separated but then got back together and Jamie got pregnant with Mabel?  

[That episode is titled “The Finale”, please don’t confuse it for this one like I almost did. In case you’re wondering about my bitmoji dressed like a snail, our power went on and off the entire time I was writing this. I went ahead and used that save video me website so I could watch the clips offline.] 

- Jamie had become really cold at that point in her life and Paul had it. 

-The last scene was everybody watching Mabel’s documentary in a movie theater and P&J were a little embarrassed. Paul (almost crying) asks Jamie if she would like to go out for pie.

-Clearly they hadn’t shot enough because the last five minutes were “home movies” of the two and Mabel in central park. The montage seemed to last for-ever. 

-Before I re-watch, I also wanted to mention that I hate the theme song! 

I found the episode on DailyMotion, and the username of the uploader is “Magic School Bus” ... ms. frizzle is that you?  It also appears that Ms. Frizzle recorded this episode from syndication, so there might be a tiny scene or two missing. 

(part 1, part 2)

(Apparently it’s on the internet archive too, but it took forever to get the vid to play on my iPad. It has commercials though!) https://archive.org/details/MelrosePlaceHomeImprovementFinales1999 

So, Mabel’s film was titled “The reason why I am this way”. Maybe a grad school project?. Janeane looks grad school age here. 

The film starts with Paul & Jamie’s anniversary when Mabel was 1 in 1999. I was right!

A bird pooped on Paul! Nah, it was just Lyle Lovett the construction worker spilling paint. He married Jamie n Paul 7 years ago, but turns out he’s NOT an ordained minster, so they’re not officially married.  This is so dumb. Such a trope, right? 

Jamie is freaking out that they’re not really husband and wife. Paul is the rational one here, he says just go to city hall next week! Jamie is all “no, we gotta do it today, its our anniversary!”  So they go, there’s a chapel at city hall, there’s a lady named Phyllis there as a witness and who throws rice (25¢ a throw!)  

Stupidly, however, Jamie runs away. I do remember this freeze frame from the episode.

There’s lots of jumping around through time while all this is going on, I forgot about that, I just thought it was a straight up timeline.

We jump to 2005 where P&J are in therapy for the thousandth time, also when Paul goes in for a vasectomy. At first, I didn’t realize that Jamie was talking to her sister, Lisa in the waiting room since she had short hair. Jamie tries to explain to her that Mabel doesn’t need a sister, but Lisa guilt trips her. Jamie tells Paul that she thinks they made a mistake. They Michael Scott-eded it:

It’s 2011 and P&J are trying to give 11 year old Mabel the sex talk.

In 2004 Murray (remember, the dog? Yeah, the dog got forgotten somewhere in the series) got a girlfriend and they had puppies!  There is the best scene ever where Paul teaches Mabel how to shoot video and Nat the dog walker (played by Helen Hunt’s then husband, Hank Azaria) does a play talk show with the puppies. IT’S TOO CUTE, I put it on instagram. I forgot that Hank was on the show. I still remember how heartbroken I was though when Hank and Helen broke up, though.

There’s a real quick scene in the sports shop that Paul’s family owns (which I forgot about in the series). Jeff Garlin (who I like to call “Daddy Goldberg” since I love him on The Goldbergs) is teasing Paul for all his vasectomies. blah blah. You know what I noticed? That old Sketchers shoebox! Those ugly chunky metallic shoes they made in ’95 ’96 used to come in those boxes.  aw. ugliest shoes I ever had, they were most def. Airwalk Jim knockoffs. ANYWAY.

Mabel’s first film “Stabbing Bob” comes out in late 2021 when she’s 23. The whole family is there, including Cyndi Lauper who married Paul’s brother  cousin Ira. The whole family tries to get Paul and Jamie to sit together, so obviously something went DOWN between 2011 and 2021. This is when the syndicated version cuts off.

Part 2 begins again with Mabel’s documentary and her asking “Who do you think was responsible for my parents breakup? The one who ran away from the altar and changed her mind three times about whether or not her partner should have painful private surgery … or the other guy?” So when this film was made, Jamie and Paul were still broken up? Mabel is really tearing Jamie up a new one here. Jamie is the devil.

Back to 2005 and Jamie is pregnant, because Paul didn’t get that vasectomy. This is where everything is back on track with my memories of the episode. Except for those ugly ass pajamas. wow. Jamie is only supposed to be 42 here, the pajamas and glasses made her look 60.

2012, Mabel is 14 and she never did get that sex talk…perfect tribute to Whitney though, considering she had recently died.

Oh, no here comes the stroller scene in 2006. Paul is so happy, he says, “I found it! Last one in the city, and I found it! One big seat one little seat! 2 kids, one carriage! One big happy family. ” Uh, Mabel is 9.  The “one big seat, one little seat!”  makes me wonder if the writers forgot what year it was? Why would there be a big seat and a little seat?” Twins are the same size.  Those stroller seats look the same size. Paul finds a note left by Jamie, so it wasn’t an answering machine message.

In early 2021 we see Jamie’s bff Fran, FINALLY. I was wondering where Fran was! She was married to Richard Kind and he left her so he could ride motorcycles like “Easy Rider”, (remember when Fran kept calling the movie “The Easy Rider” and it drove Richard crazy, he was like, “the name of the movie is EASY RIDER, NOT ‘THE EASY RIDER!”). Riffs is somehow still open, martini glasses are taller, forks have clear spiral handles, and Fran be looking like something that walked off the Enterprise.  

Oh, and Paul left Jamie. Jamie now is wearing reading glasses around her neck. Oh, honey noo, you’re only 58.  Here is Helen Hunt in 2018:

Paul said that Jamie is unkind and that was why he was leaving.  

Aw, there’s my fozzie bear!

Costume and Makeup got Paul Reiser exactly right though!

After that, Paul & Jamie had to be straight with Mabel at all times. Ok, whatever:

 So I was also wrong about Paul’s died dying when Mabel was little.

On the way to the funeral, Paul’s mom encourages the two to pay a bribe so they can buy the apartment across the hall. She says, “Then Mabel can have a room.” …. Mabel didn’t have a room? She was 13 in the Murray’s not real scene. Where did she sleep?!  Now I remember thinking way back then that the episode left a lot of plot holes open, this being one!

I remember feeling kind of turned off by this elevator scene with the sad music after the funeral. I didn’t know the phrase back then, but now I know that it feels so forced. We get it. Paul’s mom is alone.

Casting didn’t do a good job with teenage Mabel, she’s supposed to be 18 in 2015 and it’s still the girl who played her when she was 12. w2g. I didn’t make a screen grab but I was right about Mabel having to cross her parents bedroom, and bathroom to get to her room. I was also right about the bagels! 

It’s back to the scene in late 2021 where everybody is watching the end of Mabel’s movie, “Stabbing Bob”.  I guess she was trying to be a lil Tarintino. Why did I think they were watching the documentary? Ha, at the end, Paul’s sister asks the family if they want to go out for pie. Yesss, the pie scene!

I did remember this from the pilot episode where Jamie kisses Paul on their first date when he turns to her. Jamie asks “buy me some pie?”, not Paul! I swore for 20 years I heard Paul Reiser tearfully saying, “I would like some pie” in my head!

Oh, one plot point that did get patched up was that Paul & Jamie asked the guy from city hall to come over and marry them in their apartment six seconds to midnight.

RIP, Murray the dog.

UGH, I was right about the long montage of the end that is just pretend home movies of the cast. It’s nearly four minutes long, and its set to country music. It’s hell.  I remember actually leaving the room during this part 20 years ago instead of just you know, muting the TV. It completely ruins the quietness of the episode. It’s total filler.

The ending credits are on Youtube, it’s adult Mabel giving a rundown of what happened to who.

Related:

More from the series finale series: https://saleintothe90s.tumblr.com/search/Series%20finale%20series

/edit/

I was curious and went hunting around in google groups (which houses newsgroup archives) to see what people said about it online right after it aired: 

Someone wondered too about where on earth Mabel slept until they expanded the apartment: 

>2)  Where did Mabel sleep before they got the second apartment and >turned it into a room? Shared with mommy and daddy?? Or maybe that little space before the bedroom.  Did they convert the appartments into one or move to the other side? I was a bit confused about that.

>>I wish I had watched Ally (but that's just my

>opinion).<<

Trust me, if you've watched the show at all this season, you've seen this episode.  Ally is depressed about no man, elaine whips out the video camera, the biscuit bobs his head to Barry White, does a gymnastic dismount from the toilet stall, stutters like Porky Pig, and all of the same fucking things he does every single fucking episode.  I really liked this show at first, but I'm about to give up on it because the same shit happens week after week after week.  If David Kelley cannot think of anything new to do with this show, he should hire a writing team, because it it going nowhere fast!

Brian

To know that Paul and Jamie's genes resulted in that shrewish frump Janeane Garofalo was one thing.  But to be "previewed" twenty years of their misery resulting in Mabel's therapy for bad parenting was pretty unbearable.

Crap.  Not quite as crap as the Rosanne finale, but more crap than the last

Seinfeld episode. I knew they were in trouble in the very first scene where

they set up the premise for the episode. Lyle Lovett tells them that he

wasn't really an ordained minister when he performed their wedding ceremony

and that he was drunk when he said he was. (now there's an original plot)

One problem: Lyle isn't the one who told them he was a minister and everyone

was sober at the time.

Then they have Jannene Garofolo as their grown up daughter, recounting everything thing that went wrong in their marriage, another lame plot device.

There're also a few little slips, like Paul buying a double baby carriage in 2005, when their daughter would be 8 or so.

But, to get to the root of why the episode (and the last two seasons for that matter) failed: The whole permise of the show was that these two likable, but occasionally goofy or even stupid, people were so much in love that they would always be together no matter what. Corny, naive, romantic, but also endearing. It made for a nice, comforting 4 seasons or so, but after a while the formula gets old. So they started making the characters a lot less likeable. Paul Reiser turned into Homer Simpson and Helen Hunt became a neurotic version of Lucy Ricardo, until I had no idea why these two people were staying together.

They got back to the original idea of the series in the last ten minutes, but it was too little, too late. In the previous 50 minutes, their whole marriage went to hell. Not only didn't those two people belong together, they didn't even seem to care about each other. They did something similar a few years back (marriage goes wrong, they still love each other and stay together) but it was convincing and they didn't do the gimmicky jumping back and forth over 25 years thing. That was the perfect moment to end the series.

I agree. I watched with the series finale of MAY with the morbid fascination that I would have while watching a car wreck.  I didn’t *want* to do it, but I was drawn to it.  And what a car wreck it was.

The plot of the finale should have insulted every thinking person.  Did anyone accept the premise that two sophisticated New Yorkers could believe they were legally married without having a marriage license and certificate?  For those of you who have never been married, you absolutely need such documentation for your bank accounts, health insurance, social security, credit cards, mortgages etc.   The retroactive vitiation of the Buchman’s marriage is akin to the Bobby’s dream sequence on Dallas a few years ago.

Jaime’s jilting of Paul at the “altar” was vapid.  Tim Conway’s gag in being both the marriage clerk and the justice of the peace was predictable, and as predictably stupid as Conway’s similar gags on the now ancient Carol Burnett show.  The pronunciation of “Buchman” to explain why Paul and Jaime had the same last name may have been amusing to a ten year old, but I doubt it was funny to anyone more mature.  A justice of the peace would not play the wedding march with a dime store cassette recorder while demanding that a prospective bride walk down the courtroom “aisle.”  Couldn’t they have done something interesting with the marriage witness instead of using a stock character such as the disinterested, magazine-reading rice-thrower?  From a legal standpoint, Paul and Jaime’s marriage at midnight was as ineffective as “first” marriage because there was no witness (contrary to the dialogue, a baby simply cannot be a legal witness to a marriage).  Why would a justice of the peace make a house call to perform a civil marriage?

The whole vasectomy gag was asinine.  Have either HH or PR been in a hosptial?  Did they do *any* research before they wrote this gag?  Its pretty safe to conclude that a surgical nurse would *not* lead a post- operative vasectomy patient through a waiting room while he was wearing nothing but a robe.  Moreover, given Paul’s obvious pain from the first vasectomy, don’t you think that Jaime would have known that Paul did not go through with the second one?  Wouldn’t Jaime have asked Paul if he went through with the vasectomy before she purchased and used a pregnancy test kit?  Jaime’s miscarriage was telegraphed from the beginning of the vasectomy gag.

The makeup aging of the characters was amateurish at best.  The sex talk difficulty with Mabel has been done by every sitcom since Leave It To Beaver, and most have done it better.  What was the point of the puppy urination scene?

The breakup and reconciliation was sentimental tripe.  In the real world, people that fight as much as Paul and Jaime do not get divorced and then, with one magic kiss, make everything OK.

Was it necessary to introduce a new character in the finale to narrate the Buchmans’ life story? (As an aside, I hated the casting of Janeane Garofolo (sp?).  She looked like complete crap.  Can’t that woman ever look presentable?  Someone should have given her a mirror and a comb before they began filming the episode.  She is a second rate Roseanne knock off, and, judging from last night’s appearance, she is now attempting to catch Roseanne in the weight department as well.)

The closing montage attempted to simulate a home movie circa 1960s such as that used in the Wonder Years.  But why would Paul and Jaime, a 1990s couple, have used such a medium for their home movies?  Also, even assuming the choice of medium was justified, why did they wave in quick, jerky movements at the movie camera?  Has anyone done that since the 1960s?

In the end analysis, the MAY finale was incredibly lame.  I got home in time to catch the end of the Melrose Place finale, and, IMO, even that show -- as bad as it is -- has more entertainment value than MAY.  At least they don’t take themselves seriously.  I am delighted that MAY is now over.  I hope that the poor ratings associated with the show will cause some retooling at NBC, especially in its high profile slots.

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[deans-baby-momma]

The Padackles Link-Chapter 7

Chapter 6 or Catch up with my Masterlist

Summary: Drea tells the Ackles about her past. How will they respond?

Warnings: talk of car accident; death of a parent; death of a spouse

“I’m a widow.”

This is the first time those words had ever crossed my lips.

I’m a widow. I’m almost 24 years old and I am a widow. That sounded so foreign to me. HOw can someone so young be dealt with this future. No matter where I go in life, what I do, I will always be a widow. I will never get used to those three words. Or the melancholy looks that were bestowed upon me when they are spoken.

Those melancholy looks are exactly what I am receiving right now. Jensen and Danneel Ackles look at me with sorrowful, remorseful gazes. The anguish and grief on their faces is staggering.

“I’m so sorry, Drea,” Dani says, reaching across the table to take my hand. “We had no idea.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arriving at the address that Dani had given me, I sit in my vehicle, mentally and emotionally preparing myself for the conversation about to take place. My new friends have no idea what I am about to tell them. They have no idea that my young life, the one that had really just begun, was ripped from me in the blink of an eye. With one too many sips of a drink, the future I had dreamt would never come to fruition. I will myself the energy to step out of the car and walk into their home. I have to do this. My presence with them at a stupid party has already caused them trouble. Their marriage was suffering because Dani had briefly held my hand and someone snapped a photo. How stupid is that!

Dani opens the door as soon as I make it to the top step of the patio. She welcomes me with a hug but it doesn’t calm my nerves. The simple move actually causes my anxiety to heighten. But I know this needs to be done before those silly gossip magazines and gossip entertainment programs that are all the rage right now digs the information up and work it to their agenda. Other people, and the truth, be damned!

“Drea!” Dani exclaims, smiling brightly. “It is so good to see you again.”

“Good to see you too Dani.” I paste a smile on my face, hoping it is believable.

“C’mon in. Jensen is firing up the grill. Figures we could eat and then talk. That sound okay?”

“Sure. I could eat,” I lie. The knots in my stomach and the lump forming in my throat aren’t going to let my body have any comfort.

The burgers were cooked to perfection and Dani had every type of condiment known but I just couldn’t enjoy the food. I took small bites of my sandwich and chewed until the morsels were basically non-existent before swallowing. The beer Jensen sat in front of me aided in the consumption. I watched as they devoured their food, waiting with bated breath to tell my story.

“I’m a widow.”

The melancholy looks I am receive from them are expected. As are the sorrowful, remorseful gazes; the anguish and grief on their faces is staggering.

“I’m so sorry, Drea,” Dani says, reaching across the table to take my hand. “We had no idea.”

“Why would you?” I say. “I was just some helpless person on the side of the road that you two took pity on.” “Don’t say that,” Dani criticizes. “You, Drea, were not and are not helpless. You’ve been dealt a shitty hand. But, you and I have talked these past weeks everyday and I know you are not helpless.”

“Thanks,” I smile at her. “I guess I just am down on myself because I never pictured my life to be like this.” Jensen stands up and walks around the table to me. He pulls me up and embraces me in a hug. “I’m sorry, Drea. But Dee and I are both here for you. Whatever you need. Believe that, okay? “ He lets go and I look up into his face. I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

“Do you mind if I ask to tell us about him,” Dani cautiously asks.

“His name was Chad; Chad Tyler Murphy. He was just 23 when he was on his way home and a drunk driver passed over the median and hit him head-on. They said the collision killed him on impact.”

“Oh, that’s horrible!” Dani says.

“Yes, Chad and I began dating when we were 15 years old. He was my everything from almost the beginning. It was just me and my mom. My mom got sick when I was 12, cancer. She was diagnosed after finding unusual looking spots on her arms and legs. It was in the early stages but the doctor wanted to try and get ahead of it so he immediately started her on treatments and medicine. Mom took more pills in a day than I’d ever seen. She was doing really well too. The day after my 14th birthday, we got the news that she was in remission. We celebrated by going to the movies and eating as much junk food as we could. It was a great day!” By this time, my cheeks are painted with tears. Jensen hands me a box of tissues and I dab at the moisture. “One day about six months later, I wake up to Mom sick. She’s bent over the toilet, vomiting. The bowl is splattered with blood. I rush her to the emergency room and hours later they tell us that between the therapies and the drugs she had been taken her intestines and stomach were destroyed. She died in surgery, trying to fix a hole in her lower intestines.”

“Oh god, Drea!” Dani has now joined me in the weeping. “You were 14 when you lost your mother? Did you have other family members there with you? Friends?”

“No one. Never knew my father. Mom said he knew about me but skipped town when she was six months pregnant. Guess he didn’t want me. It was just me and Mom.  I was alone in the waiting room when the doctor informed me that my mother had passed. Someone called a counselor in and social services showed up and took me to a kids’ home. That’s where I met Chad. He was a ward of the state also. His dad had abused his mom and Chad had witnessed his dad killing his mom and his dad is in prison, serving life.

“He befriended me almost immediately and we became close. We hung out every day after school and on the weekends we had movie days and would just lounge around. He held me as I cried for my mom and I held him as he cried, telling me what he had seen and heard as his dad beat the life out of his mom. On my 15th birthday, he bought me a cake and a present. This little locket,” I pull the locket away from my neck and show them. It just a little silver oval-shaped locket but it’s empty. “We didn’t have any pictures to put in it but that didn’t matter to me. It was special because my best friend gave it to me. That might we snuck out onto the roof of the building and was stargazing. He told me he loved me, he was in love with me. I gave him my virginity that night and we never looked back.”

Tears are once again streaming down my face so I grab another tissue to brush them away. Dani does the same. I dry my face as well as I can and continue.

“Chad and I were together. When we were both 18 we moved into our own apartment. Life was hard but we endured. He got a job at a local engineering agency and I was working as a clerk at the grocery store down the street. We were happy. We started saving as much as we could. We both wanted a big family. Kids, at least 4. When I turned 20, I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. We were excited. We got married a week after that. Nothing fancy, just a justice of the peace. I went to my doctor’s appointment only to find out that it had been a false positive. Chad had had to work and couldn't go with me. I told him that evening and we both cried.”

“ Oh, sweetie! That had to have been devastating,” Dee said. “I can’t imagine thinking I was pregnant and finding out different,” she said, looking over at her husband. Jensen grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it.

“We were heartbroken but getting through that together only made us stronger. We talked that night and both agreed we were going to get through this as one. That was not going to break us. And it didn’t. At first. But then Chad started working more and more. He was coming home late every night and even began working on some weekends. I thought he was having an affair. We actually fought about it. Then, the next day he comes home with a dozen roses and told me he had been working toward a promotion and had actually won it. I’d never felt so ashamed in my life. Here I had accused him of cheating and he had been working to better himself and us. His promotion took us to Georgia, where we moved into a 3 bedroom house that I had fallen in love with. The architecture, the flow, everything was exactly what I had always dreamed of us having.”

I stopped to take a drink of beer and collect my thoughts.

“I was 23 years old when the police knocked on my door to inform me that there had been an accident and my husband didn’t make it.”

Dani was full on crying, along with me, and I could see tears in Jensen’s eyes as I resumed.

“I was escorted to the hospital to rightly identify him. Something inside me broke seeing him laying there, lifeless on that metal slab. I went through the motions of identifying him, collecting his personal items, making funeral arrangements. I don’t remember much of the service, just the image of him laying in the casket as the preacher droned on. I couldn’t watch as they lowered him into the ground. I just walked away.”

A year later, I decided to sell everything and take the trip Chad and I had always discussed doing. Now I’m doing it alone. I sold the house, quit my job and just took off. I was three days into my journey when you two came upon me.”

“Good Lord, Drea!” Dani breathed out. “You went through all that, alone?” I nod at her question, not trusting my voice to actually work at the moment. Having to rehash all that had taken its toll on me.

Dani comes over and wraps both arms around me and hugs tightly. “I’m glad we found you.”

Chapter 8

The Padackles Link @xxdragonagequeenxx @darlingpeanut

[aprilraine-blog1]

Experience

Ok i have a bit more time now……im gonna start by taking you back in time…….just gonna mention im not a religious person with a label, im not one who goes to church or read the Bible….ive always known that there is another side because relatives have visited me in my dreams over the years….not crazy often but when they do its great! And usually a message for me or others….so i have been spiritual but in a different way as most…..i had a great childhood. My Dad was a police officer,detective, narcotics officer and was in the Navy, football star in high school married my beautiful Mom and had me and my sister. Life was great. When is was 13 he was out with his friends on his motorcycle and going one block after leaving where he was his wheel wobbled and he crashed into a telephone pole and two cars wearing a helmet going maybe 30 mph……brain damage severe…..he was in a coma for a month and died. Life was hard. He was my world. And still is! Taught me a lot in life….i went on in life and had two kids, became a woodworker for the last 20 years and live by the lake just like I did when i was little. I married my husband and we like to skateboard everywhere, life is good again. I bought a moped cuz i miss being with my Dad and riding with him…..it was the best, i ripped it all apart put new parts on the whole darn thing, fixed the engine etc….I felt like him and enjoyed it! I felt him riding with me every ride. I loved riding! On July 31st i was with one of my friends who also mopeds and we went on a ride to the beach. I dont remember anything of this day but apparently i was at her house, we grilled out hung out with friends and went for a ride….at some time my front wheel messed up my brake got caught in the Rotor holes…i am guessing cuz that is the one thing my mind kept telling me i needed to fix that brake……i was going 25mph wearing a helmet and my bike slid and head went into the curb with my helmet on……i instantly was in seizures and puking. My friend called the police and they rushed me to ER….my brain was swollen and bleeding but skull was not cracked so they decided to cut out my left side of my skull. I was in a coma for 8 days and had got pneumonia from puking and the air breather pushed it in lungs….i got better and eventually woke up but do not remember much of anything just tiny visions…at this time i could not walk or talk or even move my fingers…..they sent me to a rehabilitation hospital and worked with me or tried to….and apparently i was punching people and trying to escape the whole time when i got there…they had me restrained and i remember getting myself out of my restraints and pulling tubes out of my body….but just slight memories….my husband tells me all i know know about that time and i have slight visions of moments but i dont remember anything until August 13th. The date my Dad died. I fell asleep that night and actually had a dream. It started with a rock with tons of glowing holes…..then the next thing i saw was a wormhole that was fire, the next thing i seen was our universe….the whole thing and then i zoomed to Earth….the whole time i was floating, didnt feel a thing and then i realized i was floating with my Dad. Flying thru space, i felt him. I didnt see him but i knew he was there with me and then he started to speak to me about the Earth and everything that has happened here, Jesus, the wars, etc….then he started to name my family one by one and showing me them….everyone who loved me. He talked to me about my Mom and how she will be leaving soon and be one with him but not yet……he told me it is not my time. He told me i still have great things left to do on this Earth. He told me how much he loves us all…….and then i woke up! In more ways then one! I woke up that day with full love in my soul, all around me, all i felt was peace. I knew to let people into my heart and let them help me. I even called my husband that morning and he didnt know what was going on but definitely knew i was changed! My brain was working that day, all together! I could remember everything at that time and was back to Earth. I was not in between out of body any longer! I was back! I gave rehabilitation my all and i ended up leaving there in three weeks when i was sopposed to be there ten weeks! I am fully back to me! They put my skull back in three months later and that went great!! I am now finishing up therapy classes and on my way to getting back to work etc…..life is normal again but greater in so many ways. In my out of body time i dont know what they did to me but as ive come back i have no sadness, no anger, no bad feelings about the past anymore. I have peace and all i want to do is help people on this Earth! So now i even want to change my profession from woodworker cabinetmaker to a rehabilitation worker. I want to help people thru this time of such confusion and fear……I am very thankful to be back and be back without any injury besides i cant smell or taste…..big deal. I’ll take it!!!! If you have any questions…..question away:) nice to meet you all!!!!