#did i mention i flipping love 60 seconds so much it might be one of my favorite games ever

[1796samuel-seabury1729]

guys i may be hyperfixating on 60 seconds erm

[celestialrequiem]

Days of Candy Chapter 2

Warnings: CreepyDark!Duncan Shepherd, sexual harassment, dubcon/non? (just to be safe) touching, dirty talk, possessive Duncan, abuse of power, manipulative Duncan, male masturbation, forced kiss, cockwarming, mention of rape and abuse (but none in the chapter), housewife kink, implied age gap, corruption kink, innocence kink, implied homophobia, mention of anxiety, depression and mental disorders, misogyny kink, corruption kink, sexism, implied age gap, Duncan‘s dirty thoughts, sir kink, praise kink.

Summary: In the small town of Willowdale, Y/N finds her dull life as a waitress at a mediocre diner get a little more interesting when the mysterious and daunting Sheriff takes an interest in her.

Pairing: Duncan Shepherd x Naive/shy reader

This is the first thing I ever written and posted so sorry if this is bad, please give me any constructive feedback/criticism to improve! I am new to this please don’t hate it too much lmao.

Author’s note : This series will have dubious consent and sexual harassment. It is a dark story about a Corrupt Sheriff’s who manipulates people so if you are uncomfortable with that please don’t read! This story deals hugely with sexism as its based in the late 50s/60s.

Thanks to @bloodcoatedeclipse for reading through some parts of it and giving me feedback lmaoo.

I didn’t use a lot of 50s/60s slang just two besides swell and gal

Flip your lid - go crazy

Nifty/groovy - cool or cool vibes

Word count: 5.6k

“what a perfect view doll, bend down, y’ur ass stickin out, all for me all in this lonely night”, a familiar voice said seductively

You quickly get up, feeling flustered, adjusting the hem of your skirt as you hold the mop close to your body

“Sh-sh-sheriff what are you doing here?”, Feeling nauseous because of his presence, alone, at night…after that previous incident.

“What does it look like doll? I am here to pick you up.”, Duncan says with confidence as if the question you are asking him is the stupidest he has heard

You immediately, look up to him. He was wearing a brown greaser jacket, you felt it is similar to jacket Xavier might have had…this made your heart sink, what didn’t help is when you realized how attractive he is because of the result of the rain, his beard is glistering from the reflections of the diner’s lighting despite it being dull.

You felt your heart beat.

“No, its okay its a walking distance”  

“I can’t let a beautiful young dame like yourself walk alone now can I? Hop in the car once you’r are done.”

You blinked at him not knowing how to respond, you feel shy when you talk to him, always not knowing how to answer him back..maybe because he knew Xavier?

Or maybe because he had so much power as a sheriff..and you are sure he is going to be re-elected again next year. He apparently helped a lot of people to get out of debts but that makes you wonder how does he get all this money? Did Xavier know?

He seems like he is waiting for your answer, as his hands are on his waist, around his handcuffs and keys, and his lips playing with the toothpick lingering on his mouth

You easily get stuck in your head, you snap back to reality:  “it is okay, you don’t need to do - ”

He interrupts your sentence, “is there something you would like to say to me doll?, cause it looks like you just don’t want my company is that it?”  You felt his chest vibrate from how he uttered that question, it sounded nearly unintelligible.

You felt your heart pounding, sweat forming on your forehead. You didn't want to make him angry. “No no of course I want your company!, let me finish up and I will meet ya outside.”  You agitatedly vocalize your statement while looking at the ground

He loves that he can always get his way with you. You make it so easy.

He hums in approval

“No its alright I will wait for ya, love seeing you doing those house chores like a pretty little housewife. It is a sight dollface”, he chuckles while eyeing you up and down.

You pause, feeling tensed.

“Go on, continue” as he gives himself a seat, across from you to see you working and see your face.

He does love seeing your rear, but he loves seeing you flustered when he gazes at you.

You shakily start mopping the floor, every second feels like torture. Hoping he doesn’t realize the effect he has on you.

But however he has noticed, he is mused that he has power of you, makes his cock excited

“Am I making you nervous babydoll?” He cooes, shifting his toothpick on his lip, left to right with a slyish grin

You ignore him, giving him your side angle, while mopping away from him. You give him your back figure which makes me angry and hard at the same time.

“eye on me little lady”,  he says in a harsh tone, punctuating each word slowly

You respond back to him surprised with your confidence as you look at the door behind him, scared to look at him in the eyes, “can you please let me finish and you can take me home…” 

“Watch your manners baby, or you are in it for a spankin’, declares it with raised eyebrows.

You blush, why is he talking to you that way? it’s not like you were his wife….

Was he that touchy and talkative with you when Xavier was your boyfriend?

Carissa has told you no, he started acting differently ever since Xavier went missing and then declared dead.

“S-sorry sheriff”, you shift back to your older position, so that Duncan can see your face, and continue mopping

He likes when you are eyes are engaging with his eyes, he is waiting for the day when you touch yourself on his bed with your legs spread wide open for his wolf-like eyes to take in the view as you chant his name like prayer to give you the command for you to finally cum, while staring at him with your chastely eyes.

As you mop the floor, motioning it back and forth towards Duncan, your curvy body was in motion as well. He hoped you didn’t re-button your dress again, as he can take in the view of your breasts jiggling again. His eyes lingering slowly all over his favourite parts of your body, your neck, lips, neck, waist and hips . He noticed how nervous you are, there were fear in your eyes, you felt naked in his eyes because of his alpha-like eyes, giving you goosebumps.

You saw his pupils dilated not sure why.

-

After 15 minutes of awkward silence and Duncan forcing you to look at him as you were mopping the floor, you hoped the floor looks fine and that your boss Bob doesn’t get mad the next day.

You are not going to lie, you always wanted to be in his car. It was a dream car. You have seen them a lot in magazines, you don’t know much about cars but you do know this one, 1956 Chevy Bel Air, with a unique colour. White with purple around the edges, elaborate taillight and chrome highlights.

This was the first time you got close to the car, Your head started to hurt, you stood your ground, as you remember fragments of Xavier riding a similar car but in red.

Duncan realizes you might have remembered something…fuck fuck fuck, he hoped you didn’t remember what he didn’t want you to remember..

His hands grips your hand to make you snap out of it before you dig deeper into your suppressed memories.

“you alright there, doll?” Faking his concern you don’t know that, as he opens the door for you to hop in

“Ye..ah..” I am fine” you softly respond. His hand leaves your hand and goes to your back to shift you to get into his car.

You hop in his car, the car felt new, smell of leather with a mix of aged.. cigarettes smoked probably by Shepherd.

-

The car ride was silent.. he has an old song playing which makes it even more unbearable.

Midnight with the stars and you

Midnight and a rendezvous

Your eyes held a message tender

Saying "I surrender all my love to you

“How old is this song anyway?” You mention in annoyance with your right hand on the the rest that is placed near the door handle

Duncan has a wide smile on his face, happy that you are finally making a conversation with him.

“it’s from the 1930s I believe.....besides I don’t like the weird music you youngsters listen to nowadays..what was it Elvis Presley and The Beatles? They aint manly, jiggling all around with their bobby haircuts”  removing his hands from the steering wheel to motion with his hand the disapproval.

You giggle, and his heart skips a bit. Fuck. He couldn’t believe he made you giggle. Xavier always made you giggle and it frustrated him.

“The Beatles are swell….but James Dean has my heart. I loved his style in that movie, particularly his red jacket in Rebel Without a Cause.. it’s nifty.” You state swoonly as you gaze out of the window.

Midnight brought us sweet romance

I know all my whole life through

I'll be remembering you, whatever else I do

Midnight with the stars and you

He thought maybe that’s why you liked Xavier, he bought a similar red jacket as James Dean from the film several days after meeting you. Xavier also had that rebel vibe to him. He remembered his friend as well being a fan of Marlon Brando hence why he wanted to be an actor. To move out of the suburbs, to go to the dreamland..to Hollywood with you. You used to always want to be around him, he didn’t let the deputies patrol the drive in, since he always saw you there with him. He hated seeing you with his friend but he can’t help himself, he wanted to always be near you, see you and to one day feel your skin on his skin.

His jaw clenched and his brows furrowed as he starts to get jealous over a dead man.

You noticed his face seems boiling from rage as his hands gripped forcibly the steering wheel…you don’t know why. Scared to ask so you just continue gazing at the view in locomotion from the car window, as your sheer scarf around your head blowing from the impact of the window.

You loved the aftermath of the rain, the order after the chaos.

-

After a few minutes, The sheriff parks in front of your house. It’s 12 AM.

The house you lived in was basic, owned by your deceased father. It was a small house with a small balcony, it looks a little bit like a tree house. Wooden with no paint job. With a white door to enter the house, two small front steps and a small terrace, where you tend to read the Woman magazines.

He can’t wait for you to live in his house. Especially since he is a veteran who served in the Second World War, the government provided him with the perfect suburban American Dream home.

“Thanks for the ride, Sheriff.” you shyly state, about to open the door of his fancy car.

“Nah -ah -ah not too fast, you have to be punished.” He sings in a mocking tone with a daunting smirk.

You were nervously fidgeting, you don’t know why maybe because you are worried you might have done something that might be incriminating especially with your memory loss situation.

“What? What for?” you gullibly ask, looking up to him.

“You lied to me, you told me you had a doctor appointment when it fact you finish your shift late, kitten” , you see him remove the toothpick that was on his plump lips and put it on the ledge behind the steering wheel.

Oh thank God-

but why should I be punished for this? You didn’t know what to say to him so you just look at his eyes, waiting for any instructions.

He remarks that, he loves how obedient you are to him.

“Come closer, suga’r ” he taps his chest motioning you to come closer to him

What is the punishment? Is he going to spank me?

But we are not married why would he??

You timidly move close to him, refusing to make eye contact with him.

He lifts up your chin, bringing your face near his and your gaze to his.

“Kiss me or else I won’t let you leave this car”, Duncan whispers seductively as he shuts your window’s car seat and secures that your door is locked, trapping you in.

“..N…no..o” Duncan this isn’t right”,  you respond back.

As you shift back to your seat, Duncan aggressively grips your waist with his right hand and grips your chin with his left hand, forces you into a kiss and he goes deep and sensual, demanding access to your mouth but you instantly deny him entry.

This angers him, he aggressively yanks your hair, you gasp giving Duncan the chance to insert his tongue, he needed to taste your mouth.

You try biting his upper lip, he decides to lift up your weak body from your seat, manhandling you, without breaking from the kiss, you feel his strong hands spank you harsh. You whimper loudly.

This made his cock twitch, lust filling him at the thought of your spanked, bare ass turning into crimson-like imprints by his own hand; or by the paddle with his name engraved, so that his name can be imprinted on your ass…maybe next time.

He is waiting for you to make a bad move again so he can discipline you this way, even if you weren’t his bride yet.

You break the kiss gasping for air, “D..Duuncan..stop” you panted with watery eyes, trying to break away from his grasps, with your hands pushing his muscular chest. He didn’t take no for answer. Removing your hands out of the way with his claw-like hands and putting them around his broad back. He then forcefully dragged you onto his lap to straddle his thick thighs, “be a good girl now, you don’t want to be spanked now don’t you?”

He linked his lips with your lips with urgence and dominance. His tongue dancing with yours, wet and minty from the flavoured cigarettes he tends to smokes.

You felt one of his hands leave your waist and lingering underneath your skirt to cup your clothed sex.

A deep growl leaves his chest

He dreamt of touching this pussy for years. Your soft and squishy puffy lips felt so good on his rough manly hand.

You let out a soft gasp with eyes wide open in surprise, and broke away from the kiss to come up for air, a string of saliva connecting your lips.

Duncan grabs your chin, not giving you a second to breath and continues his assault on your lips and your clothed pussy. His middle finger going from your slit all the way to your swollen clit while his index and his forefinger are on your lips, touching you slowly with his hand. He wanted to make you wet before you left.

Your face flushed, you don’t remember if you reached that base with Xavier yet or not…he was your first boyfriend.

This felt forbidden, having his hands all around you.

You felt like you wanted to go to the bathroom, you were worried it might have been your period?

His tongue feels like hot water burning your skin. He claimed your mouth with intensity. You feel your knees weakened, Duncan filling all your senses.

You are so close to his body, your head in the crook of his neck, eyes closed, you feel his warmth and felt his heart beating quick. You put your hands on his golden badge situated on his right chest, reflected in the moon light, to try and push him away, but he didn’t budge.  

he left your assaulted mouth, hearing you panting heavily, and started licking at the column of your neck, his hand leaves your pussy and goes to your bared fleshed upper thigh, his hand moving in a reciprocating motion.  

You felt his beard tickling your left check and your neck, His hot soft grunts and warm breath sends shivers down your body and to your aching pussy

Not sure if it’s lust? Is this how you felt with Xavier ?

You bit down on your bottom lip trying to hold back a sob or was it a moan? 

“Duncan, I don’t feel good”

He knows he is making you feel good, you just need guidance that’s all.

“Why are you moaning then huh?” He chuckles, you felt his chest vibrating from his laughter, giving you goosebumps.

“give in baby, let me take care of you, that’s what Xavier would’ve wanted” he mutters darkly

your stomach twisting into a nervous knot, is this what Xavier would’ve wanted?

“Re-ally?”  You utter quietly with a blush heating up around your neck and cheeks.

He didn’t hear you. Thank God

he gets closer to your ear and whispers,���Knew you’d taste so sweet, just like candy, I wonder what’s the rest of you taste like hm?”

He aggressively bites your earlobe, his hot breath danced on your ear, “I bet just like those pancakes you serve me every morning, thick and creamy.” In a lustful tone.

You squirmed uncomfortably on his lap, felt something touch your stomach, he lets out a profound loud rumble, you look up at him out of shock, his wide blown eyes have now darken.

He looks at your lips that is now glistering and swollen from the kiss, he finally marked a part of you with his spit, he can’t wait to corrupt your other holes.

He decided to let go, this was enough to get him by in the meantime.

You felt his hand loosening around your waist. You take that chance to go back to your seat.

“I….I.. think you need to leave Sir, thanks for the ride”, your hands nervously twist with each other on your lap as you mentally facepalm yourself

“Sir” where did that come from?

Hearing you call him Sir made him groan silently and made his cock stir painfully against the zipper of his pants.

His already rigorous cock getting harder. Duncan trying to recollect himself and not fuck you for the first time in the backseat of his car.. he thought you deserved better than that..a shy innocent young server…probably a virgin.

Well he hoped you still were a virgin, he hoped that fucker didn’t take your virginity. he wanted to claim you for himself, every part of you.

“Why don’t you leave then birdie?”

You felt your thighs automatically clenched and your pussy tingling.

he never called you that, why did you like him calling you that?

Duncan saw your legs clamping together and took note of that. He also didn’t realize you can blush harder than that….you realized you were in his car….idiot

You got out of his car and you heard Duncan tsk out of annoyance, “where is your manners kitten?”

Whats up with him? You thought to yourself.. you thanked him before why do you have to thank him again?

You did not care anymore, you just wanted to back home without any problems and arguments

You huffed in annoyance, “Thanks for the ride Sheriff.”

You uncomfortably felt him linger at your figure as you walked back to your house.

He loves seeing you in motion.you move better than the waves of the ocean, smoothly and flawlessly. His steel blue eyes scanned you up and down, consuming in your body with hunger; that waitress dress in pale blue making you look even more innocent and seductive, an odd combination. He believes only you can do that, besides Marilyn Monroe.

He hoped he can see you from your window, with no curtains or an open curtain, so that he can watch you domestically, wondering how you look like touching yourself when you feel needy at night, if you did touch yourself.

-

You entered home safe and sound then the realization hit you…. how does he know where you live? You didn’t give him your address? But then again he is the sheriff, he probably has access to all that information but …does he know everyone’s address by hard?..you doubt that.  Maybe he visited you with Xavier?

-

After he saw you close the door, he paused for a second to relish the taste of you left on his lips and was about to put his key back to the ignition, until he saw something interesting.. that made him much harder than he already was… your arousal on the seat of his car.

He reclined his head back to the head restraint,

“Fuck.. you are trying to kill me doll?"

He was so tempted to taste your arousal… he felt like an animal as he brought his index to his seat that was tainted with your nectar and brought it back to his lips.

A hungry growl grumbled in his chest, “tastier than any fuckin candy”

His chest was full of pride, he was glad he made you wet. Not Xavier. Him

He opens his car’s compartment, there lies a stolen panty of yours covered in blood from that day, he didn’t want your fresh arousal going to waste, mixing it with your bloody panty.

After arriving home that day because of sexual urges, he relieved himself to thought of you for a second time, with his left hand holding your used panty from a year ago and his right hand unbuckling his belt, to reveal his throbbed cock. He smeared on his long length, the pre-cum leaking at the head.

Working on his cock, he brings your panty to his nose to sniff your dried blood blended with your womanhood scent, it smelled pure and sweet just like you. To make himself cum faster, he thought of you coming to his office one day during your break and cockwarming him on his lap while he finishes up paperwork, imagining your painful whimpers, you fidgeting in his lap because you are finding it hard to adjust to his cock because of how big he was, he imagines his cock bottoms out in your tight pussy, and how you wet walls clenches around his big cock.

“Dun..c.an, you are too big”, you whine with a giggle, shifting it into a squeal

“Call me sir, love it when you call me sir darlin’”,  he growls in your ear

“Sir”  , he imagines you whimpering through tears from his cock’s intrusion in your narrowed pussy

“Dollface, you are taking me so well, taking me all in” he praises you in a slightly low deep voice

A groan leaves his chest as he starts pumping his erected length harder, going from the bottom all the way to the top, twisting his tip, and then back down.

He envisions his pelvis rubbing against your mound and clit, your pussy being pink and wet engulfing his cock, while his right hand is feeling your soft and pulpous butt cheek. Your chest is heaving right in front of his predatory eyes, he decides to save the lustful images of him sucking your tits and nibbling your areola another time.

He imagines your voice in his ear, calling him sheriff, sir, daddy and begging him to start fucking you.

As he is about to reach his high, his thrusts gets sloppier with his sticky hands, chanting your name like a prayer over and over again.

Groaning louder as his cock twitches, moaning your name louder as ropes of white soaks his hand, and soaking your panty a bit with his cum.

-

Tired to change out of your clothes, you quickly go to your bed situated on the left side of your room. You feel the most peaceful in your room, the only time you don’t feel like someone is watching you despite the reoccurring nightmares ever since the incident.

With the floral window curtains. Roses and daisies on a shelf next to a concealed window, giving floral scents all around your room to help calm your nerves and help you fall asleep. At least that was what your doctor had recommended as repression memories if stayed long-term can cause emotional health problems like anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

You immediately shift to the deep slumber of sleep, out of exhaustion.

-

You wake up the next day 10:30 am. You slept well that day oddly enough, a peaceful sleep. You were happy since you haven’t had any nightmares the past few days. That happiness shifted when you realized the sensual incident that happened in public, and you don’t know how you will be able to work in the diner again, especially how small this town is. You will be the talk of the town again, because obviously that situation had to be with the fucking Sheriff.

At least for today, you had the day off today.  You told your Boss Bob that you have an appointment with your doctor at 1 pm, and since you closed the diner yesterday he decided to leave you off the hook.

You made yourself some coffee, and went to your closet that was attached to the wall to choose an outfit. You decide to go with a yellow pastel cardigan with a yellow gingham dress that has a spaghetti strap, wear some rouge lipstick and yellow pale eyeshadow with your hair tied into a pony tail.

You then passed sometime on TV watching Bewitched re-runs, and called Carissa at around 12:30 pm during her break to check in on her brother.

Your hands swirling around the cord waiting for someone from the diner to pick up.

Selma answers, “Hello, Welcome to Jukeburgers, the best milkshakes in town!, what can I do for ya today!” You could hear Venus by Franke Avalon playing and muffled voices in the distance, seemed surprisingly busy today.

You answer loudly, “hey Selma, it’s Y/N, can you pass the phone to Carissa!”

“Oh, Y/N how you been? I heard from Adam about what happened with the Sheriff, so y’all a thing now huh?… You went for the old powerful friend.” Selma teases, her laughing echoing from the speaker.

Your heart felt like it was going to burst from your chest, you knew this was going to happen. Trying to sound strong and not in the verge of crying, “Whatever Selma, pass the phone to Carissa” your fingers twisted the cord nervously.

Selma just snickers and you hear her shouting out Carissa’s name to grab the phone

“Hey Y/N?”

“Cari!, I wanted to check up on you with Richard… you didn’t get to tell me what exactly happened…. is everything okay?” You utter in a concerned tone, gripping the phone handle harder.

“yeah yeah, we had to go to the hospital again, he got beat up again, but he didn’t wanna tell me why”  you hear her voice quivering on the other side.

You know Carissa is worried about him, as well as about his town finding out about his lifestyle.

She continues,“ You know Richard, I don’t want him to get locked up again, especially this town…views anyone that goes to the mental hospital… as lunatics”, you hear her voice quivering on the other side.

You remember Richard telling you that the Sheriff bailed him out the first time so now he owes the sheriff twice.

Why twice?

Was it because of his relationship with Jim Mason?

Does his sister know?

To not worry his sister, he sometimes tells you things that she doesn’t know and you were like Carissa to him. His big sister.

You snap out of your thoughts when you heard Carissa sniffling.

You hated hearing your friend’s sadness echoing from her voice, hoping you were there to hug her. “ I am glad he is okay at least, I miss seeing Richie, I will talk to him whether I get the chance… and you are right.”

You thought about what Carissa thought.

This small boring town feeds on gossip. It made you worried about Xavier’s parents…finding out about yesterday’s incident. Between the last girlfriend of their deceased son and one of his friends in an intimate scene.

What doesn’t help is that Xavier’s parents invited you and Duncan for dinner next week.

“He actually didn’t come today its as if he knows you might-“

You look at the time while you were on the phone, It was 12:40. Your eyes widen out of anxiety of being late. You cut your friend off without letting her finish the sentence.

“Oh shoot Carissa, I have to go now, my appointment is in 20 mins!”

“I really hope all goes well with the appointment, I know I tell you a thousand times but…I don’t really trust that doctor to be honest with ya”  she admits assuredly

There was a small pause, because you didn’t really know how to  react to that. He was the cheapest Doctor that you can afford. You really had no choice.

Carissa breaks the awkward silence, “well let me know what happens, hope it goes well!” She suddenly sounds different..and hopeful. Makes you happy that you can at least end the call with her tone shifting positively.

“Yeah.. I hope so.. bye Cari” you say weakly with a soft smile

The line goes dead.

-

You have been going to the doctor 11 months ago, it was recommended by the doctor who helped with your bruises and aided your surgery, Matt Rogers. Since there was nothing particular wrong with your brain scans. He thought it might be something psychological, and he was right. Your neurologist doctor Dr.Barnes, said it is due to trauma that your memories are repressed. Dr. Barnes said it is possible to have specific memories of people, locations and events repressed when it is too hard to bear. He also said It is possible for memories of abuse that have been forgotten for a long time to be remembered….you hope it isn’t related to abuse.

You feel nervous going to his office, you are honestly terrified of the idea of regaining back your memories, what if you find something really disturbing about yourself? About Xavier? How did you get those bruises? Why were some of your clothes missing? Why going to the doctor all those months didn’t help as much? Actually at all?

His office is located not that far off from the the Police department, in the neurology department of Willowdale public hospital.

“Welcome back Miss Y/N, please have a seat” signalling you to take a seat in front of his desk.

It doesn’t help that his office has muted painted walls, changed from age and a faint smell of mouth wash.

“So Y/N, has there been any recent changes?”, He asked while he scanned over your file.

“I finally have a small fragment of Xavier..in my head..” You pinpoint to right side of your forehead.

He knew about your relationship with Xavier and that you don’t remember much of it. It's weird how your brain almost erased that incident and Xavier out of your head.

“Finally some great news, please tell me more!”  He lowered your files to give you his undivided attention

“I..I don’t remember the incident, or any memories that I shared with him, just that Xavier had a similar car to Sheriff’s car, but a red version of it.”

There was a torturing pause, you look at your doctor, he seemed lost in thought with brows hollowed and biting his lower lip, he seemed anxious while clicking his retractable pen

You felt tension in the air, when you mentioned the Sheriff..but why?

He breaks a heavy smile,“Well, that’s great news to hear, maybe being  around the Sheriff might be in your favour huh?” he chuckles with a Chesire’s smirk on his face

Oh fuck. He probably heard about the incident that happened yesterday.

Your cheeks turn red as you turn your head to the left side of the room, focusing on the wall full of his certificates and accomplishments.

“Oh sorry, Y/N, that was unprofessional..covering his face with his hand, and then went back to look at your files

"No it’s all good Dr.” You gulped and nodded.

He clears his throat and asks, “ any nightmares lately?”

You shake your head, “I haven’t had one the past few days”

He nods while holding your file, “Good, Good. Are you taking the medications regularly at the appropriate time?”

“Yes…. but I haven’t remember anything that much sadly, is it supposed to take that much of a time?” You ask confusedly

“the brain is a complex neurological system, you can’t force its responses.”  thrusting out his lips in displeasure

You feel like you are wasting not only your time but also your money. But he is a doctor that you can afford so you have no other choice?

“Ah, I see, well as long as I get some answers pretty soon.” You look down on his Brintons carpet.

You felt your chest tightened out of sadness, will you ever find out what truly happened?

“So far, we are not sure if it is going to be a short term memory or long term memory loss Y/N, so what you can do is keep taking the medications, and you will be eventually get better Miss Y/N”

You nod with a fake smile.

Do you have a choice?

-

Duncan knew you were at the doctor today, he wish he was able to follow you, but he had a huge workload today. He wanted to see what kinda doll-like outfit you wore today. He particularly liked you in pastel colours and plaid skirts.

It was his break now.  He was waiting a call from a certain someone.

Clock ticking, and his legs bouncing up and down waiting for that fucker to call.

Phone rings once

Duncan takes the call.

“Whats the update?”

“Hi Sheriff, he continues "Well, your sweet gal remembered something..”

Duncan eyes widen, and his hands grips the cord aggressively

“What does she remember?”, Duncan says in a threatening voice

“She remembers he had the red car….. the one you got rid of”

His Adam apple gulps out of nerve but he is relieved you still don’t remember what happened that day.

“You fucker, you said those medications well help her not remember a fucking thing-“ his voice getting louder.

“Hey, hey, hey calm down there sheriff, no need to lose your temper, she hasn’t remember anything the past goddam 11 months! And I haven’t even tried hypnos-

“Listen you fuckin cunt, if she remembers anything I swear to God- I will put you in jail for your multiple-“  he chastised with a harsh tone.

“Alright Alright! No need to flip your lid! I will see what I can do to not make her remember a thing”  

“You better, or else I will make you lose your fuckin job and lose your pitiful wife” Sheriff expresses in an authoritative sound and hangs the phone stridently.

The Doctor had multiple rape attempts done. Duncan was called several times because of noise complaints, hearing ladies crying or screaming in multiple occasions at night, in drive-ins, parks and carnivals. 4 out of 10 times, it was Duncan who stopped the rape from occurring but he didn’t bring it up to the police department, and instead used this knowledge in his favour and out of power to gain information about his girl, when he discovered that he was going to be her neurologist, and to use him to manipulate her medications or her so that she doesn’t remember a thing.

He will do anything to make you not remember. He is shaping you to be his perfect little housewife. He got this far and he is not going back.

some songs mentioned in the chapter

https://open.spotify.com/track/3dDtXviPnTfLUg111MuTic?si=0d4f2a331a244100 - Midnight and The Stars and You by Ray Noble

https://open.spotify.com/track/2uwP4d0aVAo90aet6UnaRK?si=dc41f548d3324c9d - Venus by Frankie Avalon

Taglist: @instincts-baby @9layerdevilfoodcake @beautyiswithinchaos  @langdons-pinkyring @bloodcoatedeclipse   @plymptxn-reborn @5am-cigarette  @anakinsslag @michaellangdonstanaccount  @rexellaaa @jimmason @devilish-hecate @angelicmichael  @car241 @kitty4860 @deliciousartpoliticsdean @sojournmichael @ritualmichael  @darkladyslytherin 

@luciahoneychurch @saamwilsonn  @chicaluna2410  @honeyblossom56 

@codysprincexx​ @thatbit5 @wasteland-babe

[sparkbeast20]

You're my Treasure (Mammon X MC) Pt6

The Blue Lotus petals (series)

As a fan of Beauty X Beast pairing, Showing your “true self” to Lover or (Monster Love) Tropes. I figure to make a (More Demonic Forms AU/head canon) story for each brothers. Heads up each brother’s Story is long as fuck. So, I’ll be posting them as parts and finishing one brother before moving on to the rest of them.

(spoiler for lesson 1-60)

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4 Pt5

Warning: Swearing, Demonic nature, mention of Pain, Violence, and Abduction..... well kinda.

Previously

Belphie look on until he can’t see them anymore, then turn to look at Lucifer who is bend over to pool of blue substance. With the tip of his finger, he dips it and examine it, then it started to turn black.

“Is he?” Belphie asks Lucifer with a worry tone.

“We just have to keep an eye on him, what ever is happen is not good for us and y/n if my suspicion is correct.”

“Keep quiet, if they see us with Mammon like this. They’re going to flip” Levi helps Satan Beel to carry Mammon’s unconscious body. While Asmo looks around, if the purgatory boys or you are out in the halls. While they sneak inside.

“Be care with his head”

“I know Satan”

“Will you two keep your mouth shut, you’ll wake him up”

“What happen to Mammon?” a voice scared Levi, Asmo and Beel causing them to stiff.

“He pass out on our way back, were taking him to Lucifer’s room” Satan answer Simeon with a casual tone.

“Then why not in his room with y/n, their already there with Luke and Solomon watch a movie” Simeon with a questionable look on his face.

“Look it’s a long story, we just have to bring him into Lucifer’s right now before y/n or Luke see him like this.” Simeon agrees and help the demons moving Mammon through the halls, quietly.

Once they got to the door, they realize something.

“We forgot to asks for his keys” Beel said it first, Satan mentally facepalm himself. So, Levi start picking on the door knob, while Asmo holds his D.D.D with flashlight on top of Levi to give a better lighting.

Suddenly Mammon stirrup wake, Beel and Satan notice “Mammon it’s alright”.

In a spilt second, he shifted to his demon form, and grab Satan and Beel by the back of their necks, and crushing their head together, knocking them out and dropping them on the floor near his feet.

“Mammon!?!” Simeon scream, causing the other two brothers to look and gasp to what they saw.

Mammon crouch down on all fours with his hands on the back of both Satan and Beel. He stares at the three standing with sclera of his eyes turns black with sapphire blue glowing iris. Feral look on his face and snarling at them.

“Mammon?” Levi muttered his big brother’s name, call to him. “I-its us. Please you know us” pleading to him. Mammon let out a low and deep growl, and slowly walk toward them. But Beel grab his leg stop him. For a second.

Mammon kicks him square in the face causing him to let go, Mammon quickly rushes forward to Levi’s direction. But Asmo tackle Levi from behind causing them to fall forward and Mammon when over them, Simeon manage to press against wall avoiding Mammon charge.

Levi and Asmo shifted to their demon forms and get back up on their feet and facing Mammon. Who just look at them watching their movement carefully? The three stares at each other in silences waiting for someone to make the first move.

“you guys are home already?” your voice broke the silences of the hall. Mammon sees you at the end of the hall behind Satan and Beel.

Mammon roar and dashes through Levi and Asmo, manage to get to you. He quickly wraps his arms around you holding you tight.

“M-mammon?” mumble his name, all you can hear is a low growling from him while his looking at his brothers.

Levi, Asmo, Simeon, and Beel who manage to get on his feet, rushes towards you and Mammon.

Mammon stretches his wings, with one loud roar he flops his wings, he flew through the ceiling with you in his arms.

You were knock out by the collision of the ceiling. You couldn’t hear the others call to you and Mammon as you two flew farther from the house.

Lucifer and Belphie were outside when it all happen. They saw Mammon flying through the cold night with you in his arms. Lucifer swiftly shifted and try to get close. But Mammon notice, sensing a threat his wings change close to his demonic form. With one big flop Mammon dashes forward leaving Lucifer fall back by the shock of his wings flop. Once he manages to balance himself in the air, it was too late you and Mammon were long gone, who knows where he taken you.

You two found yourselves in a familiar forest as he continues to fly over the woods, where he spots a mountain, he slowly decent down. There he landed near a cave on the side of the mountain with scratches around the entire way of the cave.

He enters the cave with you being carried bridal style wrap around you is his jacket keeping you warmth as he ascend the deeper into the darker part of the cave gets to the point you can see anything if you were awake. But Mammon just keeps on walking like he knows the place and his iris glow as if he can see in the dark.

Finally, you two manage reach a cavern, Mammon flew down into the cavern and keep on walking. As he takes each step a sound of coin and metal clashing can be heard. Once he got to the middle of the cavern where there is a nest made of gold, rare fabric, small statues of him, and bones and skull of humans and demons, he gently set you down and grab the nearest fabrics and place them on top of you and under your head.

Then he flew up to the ceiling of the cavern, and grab the overgrowth of vines and leaves. Using one of his newly claw hand, he starts cutting vines clearing up the hole above the nest and letting the moon shine through the hole. Lighting up the cavern revealing all the treasure inside.

Old scrolls and books, gold, silver coins, rare fabric, statues of Mammon, and bones scatter all over the place.

Then he flew back down, then circle around your sleeping body after which he curls up next to you before drifted to sleep.

“Ugh… My head…. What happen…... Mammon where is he.” Satan rub his head as he gets up, when it all comes back to him, he franticly looks around when his sight landed on the four looking up to the gigantic hole above them.

“What just happen?” Levi is stunted as he asks.

“Beel where’s Mammon” Satan walks over to them, “he flew away” Beel asks his brother.

“He what!”

“Did you see him?” Asmo’s chirpy and bubbly personality is gone, replace with worry and fear. As he stares at the hole in the ceiling.

“W-we have to find him…...we have to find them……not just because of a psycho out there, but something is happening to Mammon. Who knows what’s he’s going through o-or what’s happening to him and y/n might be scare of him o-or~” Asmo voice is cracking as he starts to go into a hysteria? When Satan grab him by the shoulder and shake him out of it.

“Asmo calm down, will find them and we will help Mammon.” Satan reassure his younger brother, as tears start to build in the corner of his eyes.

“That is our plan.” Lucifer and Belphie walking in and Lucifer start explaining what his suspicion are, and what their next course of action.

“Mammon is subconsciously reawaking his demonic side” Asmo gasp while the others eyes widen to what they just heard as Lucifer continues “after the casino incident, rumors spread a cross with the night. That and y/n injured like that and how the students…...” Lucifer trails of for a second “and our insults towards his status of being second and his responsibility of looking after y/n. all that mountain to the beast inside of him to awaking and slowly taking over”

“B-but the Blue lotus, it supposed to stop that from ever happening”

“Levi, the petals can only do so much. Seeing y/n injured is one thing, he’ll gladly take the responsibly for that. But the rumors, our insult and nagging how he can’t do anything right. Added in his own insecurities of feeling inadequate. The petals suppress our demonic forms not stopping them from taking over when they see us in our weakest state. It felt Mammon frustrated with himself and the state of his “mate” anger it to the point of Mammon subconsciously awaking it and force the blue lotus out of him. Making it easier to come out. That why he keeps vomiting out the blue substance the past two weeks, is isn’t right Lucifer” Satan look over to Lucifer for confirmation about his theory. Which Lucifer nod causing the others to gasp.

“So, his dangerous then we though, is there other way to keep that thing from taking over Mammon” Simeon asks Lucifer who only shake his head.

“The blue lotus is the only thing can suppress us from changing into those forms. And the only things can go against are Demonic form are ourselves either one of us changes into those forms and stop him or Mammon learn to control the beast inside of him before it takes full control and we might lose are brother for good.”

All of them look at each other, with fear and worry on their faces. Trying to know who has the answer. While Lucifer look through the hold in the ceiling and into the sky, wondering where is Mammon taking you and hope that the two of you are safe.

[dameronology]

to all the pilots i've loved before {poe dameron} - 2/4

part two: laughter lines on tired eyes

summary: you’re in love with poe dameron. it’s both the most complicated and most simple thing in the galaxy - and it’s all shoved into a shoe-box under your bed, in the form of a thousand love letters. here’s to hoping he never finds them. (series masterlist)

warnings: this one's pretty angsty - mentions of death + loss

enjoy :)

- jazz xx

Poe had always been terrified of losing you. It came with the territory of his job, but a lot of it stemmed from the fact you were person who he was closest with.

Dear Poe,

He tried not to think about it, really. Why would he? There was no point in pondering upon depressing scenarios when you brought enough excitement to his real life. He'd always known to some extent that there was a chance you could be lost in battle but that was a thought he shoved to the back of his head. It was locked away in a chest in a dark corner - another thing he didn't need to think about.

It occurred to me today that I'm probably in love with you. At first, I thought I was always just really happy to see you, but then I realised this morning, a MONDAY morning when I normally despise everyone including you, that I actually really wanted to see you.

But some things in life were unavoidable, and being dragged into a meeting room with a solemn looking Leia Organa was one of them. For Poe, it was an uncomfortably similar scenario to one he'd faced 25 years earlier. The General was more tired now, though - tired of fighting, tired of the war, tired of having these fucking conversations.

I'm never going to tell you, but as you know, I am famously bad at containing my emotions and I had to put this....somewhere.

They always started the same.

"I'm sorry."

Poe frowned. "What's happened?"

I'm sure it'll pass. I've had loads of random crushes in the past but they all went away. Do you remember Larry, the guy from the hangar, who I fancied for like a week last summer? And that very brief crush I had on Han Solo? Huh, maybe I have a time.

"(Name)'s squadron was flying back from Coruscant when the fleet took a hit," Leia's voice was shaky. Worlds away from her normal authoritative tone. "Three jets disappeared from our radars, including theirs."

"But you've found them, right?" He pushed. "You have to have found them-"

"- we've sent out several search parties," she cut him off. "They haven't found any wreckage on nearby planets, but that's good news, because it means they might have not been knocked down. It might be that they diverted to another planet to lay low for a few days."

I think it's the way you smile at me. You might not notice it, but you have these little creases by your eyes, and your lips always upturn even when you try to resist laughing. I really like your hugs too.

Poe sat up in his seat, heart rate suddenly picking up to a speed that almost beat that of his X-Wing. Clammy hands, sweaty palms, little black dots beginning to form at the edges of his peripheral vision. Suddenly, he was eight years old again, gripping the sides of his chair, throat as dry as the desert on a hot summer's day; brown eyes filled with sorrow and tears, feeling like a punch to her goddamn throat. She hadn't shaken that vision out of her head, not ever - and now, here it was all over again - the same face, the same creased brown, the same eyes. They were more tired now, with laughter lines etched around the sides, brown irises a little darker and more sunken. But Poe's eyes had never lost that spark - it had dimmed a little bit, but it was still there. Whether it would be after all this was hard to say.

And just...well it's you really, isn't it? It's the way you go out your way to make me smile when I'm sad and the way you'll fight anyone who makes me mad.

"Let me lead a search party," he begged. "Please, I'll find them in now time-"

"- Poe, you're too close to the matter," Leia replied. "You can help, though."

"Anything," Poe said. "I'll do anything."

"We've been trying to locate the back-up plans that (name) prepared for the mission - they should include a list of potential safe spots," she explained. "If you can find that list, we'll begin searching them."

"Have you tried their quarters?"

"I didn't want to invade their privacy," Leia said. "But if you happen to have a key, then-"

It's everything. It's your resilience and your humour and the way you see the best in everyone. The way you're never afraid to fight for what you believe in or stand up for what's right.

She was cut off by the sound of Poe's chair legs screeching against the floor. He was up in a split second, flying out the room without another word. His fists were balled up as he stormed down the corridor, nails digging into the palms of his hands - the pain of them piercing his skin was merely a reminder that all this was real. It wasn't a nightmare. He wasn't going to wake up and find you asleep in your room, safe and sound.

If Leia was right, and you were just laying low, would you not have said something to him? Found your own way to pass the message on? It wasn't like you to just disappear without a trace. You were always the organised one; the one who carried band-aids for when he inevitably burnt himself on a soldering iron, and the one who stitched him up every time he came staggering back from a mission, covered in minor scratches that he had heroically labelled battle scars.

You're amazing and I'm so lucky you're my best friend. This war is fucking awful but having you by my side makes everything a little less fucking awful.

Your room was just as you'd left it; tidy, but lived in. The jacket you'd stolen from him two years ago was strewn across your desk chair; the desk itself was piled high with random papers and forms, and there was a photo beside them of you, him, Finn and Rey. Some of your clothes were tossed on the bed, and your spare pair of boots was dumped in the middle of the floor.

Poe quickly scanned the room, before rifling around the sheets on your desk - but, to no avail. They were just random notes, and what looked like a letter from your father. He tried to recall any thing that might point to where you kept your mission plans - there had been the time you'd leant him your X-Wing maintenance guide, which was in a box under your bed.

This is probably something I'll take to my grave. Maybe I'll tell you about it in like 20 years when we're married to different people and meet up for Life Day. And I'll be all like 'hey, Poe! This one time when we younger, I was in love with you' and we'll laugh about it.

Falling to his knees onto the floor, Poe flipped your duvet up and began to peer underneath. Dust bunnies, a maintenance kit, your old blaster, the book he leant you nine months ago, and a box full of papers. After pawing about for a minute, he pulled the shoe box out and tore it open.

Now, it should be said that you had never considered the possibility that Poe would ever look under your bed without you knowing. Why would he? Unless he was creeping about, of course - but he'd never do anything like that. It wasn't in his nature, and you'd put the fear of god into him more than enough times for him to be clever enough not to do that. This was different, though; it was literally a matter of life and death.

I guess that means I think we'll still be friends in 20 years. And 40 and 50 and 60 and until we're old and wrinkly and too senile to fly a jet. I love you now and I'm sure I'll still love you then.

Tipping the papers out onto your floor, Poe crossed his legs and began to search through them.

He didn't see it at first.

All the letters that said dear Poe, I love you.

When he did, his heart stopped. Like, that full on, gut clenching, air-stealing, pulse pausing stomach drop. It only further added to his theory that this whole fucking terrible day was just a dream - but maybe, just maybe, this bit was a little less terrible.

Hands shaking (now for a different reason), Poe grabbed the first letter from the pile. It was dated to just over a year ago.

Love, (name)

There was a lot to unpack; firstly, you'd been in love with him for a fucking year. And you'd brought up the secret crush on Han Solo that you swore to never talk about - and did you really think he'd ever be too senile to fly a jet? Poe would have been insulted if that first revelation hadn't reduced his entire thinking capacity down to one, tiny brain cell.

Clutching the letter in his hands, Poe fell back against the bed. All this information - your disappearance and the declarations - was much too complicated for him to process all at once. The worst part was that you'd said you were going to take it to your grave and now...well now, you actually might have.

But there was still a chance - a chance that you were still out there, trying to find your way back to him. To your best friend.

You had to come back.

tags: @neverlandlibrarian @asphyzzz @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @ubri812 @taina-eny @dessinemoiunehistoire @fangirl-316 @princessxkenobi @brandyllyn

[enhyupn]

the perfect date! five

masterlist | previous | next

a series in which enhypen’s 02s competitive side shines through when trying to get your attention. the only solution to end this tiring rivalry? three dates with each of them in the course of three weeks.

paring: 02s x gn!reader

word count: 4.6k

genre: fluff, angst, high school!au, someone’s gonna end up heartbroken

warnings: swearing, violence is mentioned, jealousy, arguments + there might be grammatical and spelling errors in this 😞

ask to be on taglist, updates are irregular

a/n this was a rollercoaster to write but also i tried to think about what i would do in that situation 🤨 i lowkey hate how i wrote tho but!! i tried to tie it in with the next part so

taglist: @dchannie17 @simluvbot @jaeyuni @neocrush @penghoons @min-arya @sunooflowerss @badroseee @cha-raena @ghjasksdk @strawr @jaypen @nanachuu @nikisboxysmile @softkons @kisshoons-main @enha-woodzies @hwngslove

groggily walking up to multiple missed calls instead of your usual alarm wasn’t what you were exactly expecting on a wednesday morning. you couldn’t even feel your arm moving to pick up your phone on your bed side table, the numbness in your fingers slightly going away as you accepted the call.

you hadn’t even spared a glance at the caller id, not even caring at the point if a scammer was the one spamming your inbox. you wanted to get over with the call as soon as possible. you contemplate for a second, your brain not fully awake asking yourself if you should put the phone on speaker or not. your decision was made with a drowsy tap, the sound of a familiar voice flooded your bedroom (crossing out the scammer possibility).

“i���m outside, i can see your window from here” the oddly cheerful voice took over your senses, snapping your eyes wide open at the volume. you sit up from you bed, confused why he was so energetic at six thirty in the morning. you couldn’t help but crack your back and arm into the mic, the stiffness going away with the cost of jake cringing at the sound. “why did you need to do that at full volume?”.

“it’s therapeutic” you retaliate, your voice still sounding a little rough due to just being woken up. you had to fight the urge to bicker with jake, knowing it wouldn’t end well with your drowsy state of mind. you sigh, one leg out of the bed with the full intention of flipping jake off from your bedroom window. “you know what time it is, right?”.

“you know what time sunghoon wants us there at, right?” you couldn’t help but roll your eyes when opening your flimsy curtains, a self reminder to change them in the later week. “there you are” a smile intertwining with his words. you couldn’t help but dismissively shake your head when your eyes caught a glimpse of jake’s figure waving at you enthusiastically, you could even see his smile brightly shining on you.

“get inside” you ask him with your eyes slightly closed, your hands running through your hair sleepily. “i’m scared that if you stay there for any longer you’ll be reciting romeo and juliet to the whole neighbourhood”.

“rise up, beautiful sun, and kill the jealous moon. the moon is already sick and pale with grief because—” his short lived shakespeare performance was dropped in an instant when you ended the call. with your eyes following him as he made his way to your doorstep, a light giggle escaping absentmindedly. your eyes widened at your action, not expecting it at all.

“what the hell was that” you almost slapped yourself in shock, shaking it off you drop your phone onto your bed (throwing it would be the more realistic word honestly). a loud groan coming out of your mouth when your tiredness finally caught up to you, a reminder than you had woken up just to go to school. “jake sim did not just make me giggle like a school girl” you whispered, embarrassed by yourself as you held up your school uniform in disgust, a wave of shudders falling onto you.

even without the presence of jake in front of you, you knew that he was almost impatiently waiting for you in your living room right underneath you. with one last tug at your obnoxious tie, you take a closer glance at your mirror. your hands fidget around your face, hair and anywhere you thought you needed to fix up on. humming the lyrics of a catchy song stuck in your head, you feel your heart suddenly drop at the memory of the previous night before.

as dramatic as it may look, you were not ready to see jay later in the morning. embarrassing yourself and being potentially confessed to was the first part of your worries, having to face him after doing those was now currently your main problem. you contemplate for a moment, eyes trained your your reflection in the mirror as a way to build your slowly deteriorating confidence. with a deep breath you closed your eyes, the calming air surrounding you finally taking it’s place—

“are you ready?” multiple loud knocks interrupted you abruptly, scaring you to the point of almost screaming. you knew from the ability to comfortably go around your home like it was his own, that this impatience came from jake himself. you roll your eyes as you roughly grab your bag from the corner of your room, your expression not growing any more happier when you swung your door open.

“you’re so annoying, you know that right?” you mentioned as you stomped past him, the boy only chuckling to himself seeing you so agitated. he followed you down to your dining room, his feet feeling light as he bounced around you excitedly.

“we’re also going to be late” he mentions, pausing his words to look down on his oddly expensive watch. you chew on a piece of toast that seemed to be a little stale, your eyes bringing themselves to the shiny object in admiration. you knew that jake was well off but from the looks of it, he was definitely more than just well off. “do you like it?” his words catch you off guard.

“what?” you blink a few times, you feel yourself snapping back into reality watching jake chuckle to himself quite theatrically. you scowl slightly when he shook his hands in the air to dismiss his previous comment, using two of your fingers to try and shove in the rest of the toast.

“you’re gonna choke on that you know?” jake mentions to you as he walked around your living room. you hadn’t even noticed his wandering curiosity until you heard his voice in the background. you shake your head, trying to send the message to him that you’ll be alright. with your eyes trained on your best friend, you couldn’t help but grin softly to yourself at the sweet expression on his face.

you noticed in his hand was a picture of you from your first day of high school (jake nowhere to he seen since you two didn’t start to be aquatinted until later on in the day). his eyes light up in almost delight at your small awkward figure in front of your school, his head turning excitedly towards you with the picture held out in his hand. you laugh at his enthusiasm before making your way to him, not forgetting to gulp the last piece of bread in your mouth.

“you’re so cute in this!” jake’s compliment only brought him a light slap on the shoulder in retaliation, a shy smile on your face hiding from him. he brings the photo closer towards you, you could almost feel how amused he was from just standing beside him. “how have i never seen this before?” he questions, his eyes still glued to the old picture of you.

“because it’s embarrassing” you express, a sigh escaping your mouth as you take the picture from his hands. “i can’t believe you saw me looking like this and was like, let me talk to them!” an energetic snort coming out of your nose. jake only stared at you sheepishly at your words, knowing the full truth behind his introduction to you.

“well actually—”

“it’s almost seven” you exclaim in shock. jake closed his mouth in almost in an instant, his shy attempt to reveal his actions behind the first day of school. “the bus comes on ten minutes” you place a finger onto your chin to think about what your next move should be, run to brush your teeth and inevitably be late for the bus or be on time for the bus but brush your teeth in the gross bathrooms on campus?

“are we gonna go?” jake questions as he fiddled with the strap on his bag. you stare at him for a second, the action creeping out the boy just a little bit due to your trained eyes looking more like a glare than anything. “hey, earth to—”

“jake, i’ll be back in about...” you back up briskly, your feet already guiding you to your bathroom. you could see the boy’s eyes roll, knowing all too well what you were about to do. this hasn’t been the first time you’ve almost caused the two of you to be late for the bus, this time might also just be added to that already long and tiring list. “i’ll be out in four minutes! get you’re feet warmed up we can make the bus in five minutes without stopping!”.

“y/n you can just—”

“jake trust me!” you shouted from your bathroom, slightly muffled from the toothbrush in your mouth. even with your annoying actions, jake didn’t seem to let that shy smile falter on his lips. with his hands running through his hair he only tried to think of the positives in this situation, your timing was always mostly good (a 60% chance you were actually going to make it to the bus on time!).

i’ll trust them jake thought to himself hopefully. when i have i ever doubted them?

jake wishes that this was the only time he would ever doubt you. as much as he loves you, he knew that standing at the bus stop watching your hourly bus drive off wasn’t something he was going to instantly forgive you for. he takes a glance at you, your apologetic expression taking over your face as you pouted your lip. even with his overbearing crush on you, nothing was able to control his soon to be burst of anger.

“you told me—”

“i only estimated!” you put your hands up in the air defensively. you were now chewing your cheek in dissatisfaction at your timing just being a second off, maybe you should of jumped in front of the bus to force them to let you in or even something along those lines. “hey, maybe we should—”.

“i’m not taking anything from you right now” jake stopped you, you nod admitting your mistake knowing if you were him you wouldn’t trust yourself either. “god” he sighs out in frustration, your guilt creeping in when he started to rub the temples of his forehead in defeat. “you text sunghoon we might be late, if we start walking now we might be able to be there in twenty minutes”.

“huh— oh okay” you spoke timidly, “i’m sorry by the way”. your eyes avoiding his in embarrassment from this whole situation, staring at your moving feet as you made your way down the road to your school. jake’s eyes softened at your awkwardness, even though you messed up he still couldn’t find himself hating you with everything in him (only hating you with some parts of him).

his eyes trained on your hands, rapidly typing out a message to sunghoon in an attempt to redeem yourself for your wildly incorrect timing. his stare traced your ever changing expressions, your lips turning into a flat line at sunghoon’s dissatisfying bland reply before plastering a small smile on your face. jake knew well that it wasn’t the time to get suspicious or jealous, already being mad at you for a short period of time was enough negativity with his feelings surrounding you. nevertheless, he tried to take a peak at your phone, wanting to see what exactly placed a small smile on your face.

his eyes seemed to fail him as all he could get were motion blurs of your screen, the messages and words shaking through his eyes making them unreadable for the most part. he could only catch a small jay on the side of your phone, a small scowl appearing on his face at the sight. yes, the two did previously make some sort of oath to not play the jealous side character but jake couldn’t help but prepare himself for that role. with his tongue poking the inside of his cheek, he looks back at your face, your side profile almost causing him to cough on his spit. blank silence falling right onto him.

why didn’t he know what to say? talking to you was easy but in this moment, the confrontation of asking you what exactly you were with jay scared him so much that it almost rendered him speechless. he kept opening his mouth over and over again, no words appearing as he, at the same time, tried to think of a way to start a conversation with you.

“jay told me something last night” jake silently thanked you for subconsciously reading his mind. he watched as you placed your phone into your pocket, your breathing slightly uneven due to the speed walking. “i want advice because i genuinely don’t know what to think and you’re the only person in my life currently”.

“what did he say?” he couldn’t let his curiosity show that much, sounding a little bit uninterested through his words. “was it something like—”

“i think he confessed to me last night” you exclaimed blankly. jake almost felt himself stop in the middle of the street but, the fact that you two might soon feel the wrath of an annoyed sunghoon was the thing that stopped him from doing so. he stared at your eyes simply blinking with no emotion, like you were trying to figure out how you were supposed to feel yourself in that moment. “i asked when he started and stopped liking me— something like that but, then he said he’s never stopped liking me?”.

“i think that honestly speaks for itself” he forced out a laugh, trying to appear calm compared to the loud screaming in his head with himself. he noticed your head turning to you, a sigh letting out as you aggressively placed your hands into your school blazer in an attempt to express whatever you were feeling.

“i know but— never mind just forget it” you try and begin to ramble, stopping yourself from feeling more exposed than you already were. at one point, through your very quick thought process, you decided that keeping your feelings in wasn’t going to do any good for your relationship with jake. plus, you trust him and you desperately needed advice on something like this. “i’m just confused, how has he liked me for this long? and i didn’t even have a clue that he liked me in any way too”.

“what are you trying to say?” jake shakily asked, the pace of your walking already slightly quickening with each word the two of you were saying. he could feel rocks and sticks under his shoes but it didn’t stop him from stably walking along with you.

“what i’m saying is” you let a sigh out blandly, the exercise not really getting to you just yet. “and without being a bitch about it too, jay has the capabilities to have any person he likes like him back? why me? some loser in his middle school class that helped him and sat beside him a few times?”.

“don’t call yourself a loser” he rolls his eyes in your self deprecation. you chew on your lip in discomfort at his reply, unsure what to say to it. “you have so many qualities that are loveable, if anything you have the capability to have anyone you like, like you back”. jake could feel his ears heat up in embarrassment at his mini praise.

“you’re only saying it because you’re my best friend” you mumbled quietly, not really wanting him to hear you in all honesty. you try and look at the view around you, the embarrassment now seeking in due to your negative feelings. “sorry about this—”

“i’m not saying it as your best friend” jake sternly confessed, taking a gulp at his soon boldness. “i don’t know if you’ve forgotten but, i’m saying it as someone who’s in love with you”. your head automatically turned towards him, like something about his words were magnetic. you’ve heard this all before but, hearing it again with more sincerity only caused your cheeks to heat up uncontrollably. your heart loudly beating in your chest as you tried to steady your feet, unsure if his words were about to trip over at any moment.

“i know more than anyone why someone would like you” he continues, not stopping to even see your expression at all. you feel your feet slow down to a final stop, standing with your eyes staring at his face blankly. yet, even with the plain look on your face, it spoke almost a million words to jake. “you’ve known this since i’ve confessed, i’m not just your best friend y/n”.

you wince in your head to yourself at the mention of your unofficial rejection, your missing reply to his confession stinging you as much as it did to him. you could see his hands slightly shake, the emotions now catching up to the rest of his body. you could feel your eyes almost melt at his awkward yet bold stance, knowing that he was very serious about what he was saying.

“i didn’t know i was this good at keeping things in but this has bothered me ever since i’ve told you i liked you yesterday” you noticed the flutter of cherry blossom leaves fall around him, perfectly contrasting the mess of a scene unfolding right in front of your eyes. if anything, this was a scene made for movies but, upsettingly, you were the one that had to personally make jake feel so vulnerable like this. “please, give me an answer. i don’t care if you can’t return my feelings i just want some sort of reply— please”.

“i— i can’t” you finally had some input into this. with your mouth slightly agape your words disappeared, the shock rendering you speechless. you stood in front of him, with your eyes shaking, unsure what exactly you should do.

you would of never expected this on a morning right before school, before a meeting with another two possible love interests nonetheless. you didn’t know how to reply to him, one part of you wanted to say no, the fear of losing your best friend over something like a relationship not working out scared you to no end. the other part wanted to say yes, but you were unsure where this answer was genuinely coming from. you definitely have, in the past, thought of being romantically involved with jake but soon then quickly threw the thought away in embarrassment.

you only had one answer for him, the genuine yet unacceptable i don’t know. you didn’t know what the future would hold for the two of you in either of the yes or no options. you played with your fingers, avoiding as much eye contact with the boy as you could. in the corner of your eyes you could see his feet shuffling on the spot, a clear sign he was growing more agitated with your silence.

“i get it” he softly stated, you could of sworn you could of even heard a scoff escape his lips too. “i don’t know what i’m saying, jay was right! why am i always pressuring you in these situations? i’m supposed to be someone that comforts you— i’m supposed to—”

“what are you saying jake? you’re always there for me so why am i— why am i the one always hurting you?” you demanded to know, your small tears beginning to well up at your own words. the both of you finding undeniable truth in your sentence, even if it did hurt you to admit that.

“can we just forget this ever happened?” he pleaded, his knees growing weak from the obvious shaking in his joints. you knew even with the conversation only lasting a mere ten minutes, it’s completely drained everything from the two of you. “i shouldn’t of asked... i’m sorry—”

“i want” you began, your eyes closing absentmindedly trying to think harder about your next line. “i want to say yes jake, i desperately want to”. you bit your lip, the action not at all soothing your state of mind.

“then why can’t you?” he began to insist, the previous eagerness reappearing at the sound of hope. “you can say yes—”.

“i’m confused!” you cried out, your hands grabbing the top of your head in distress as you tried to comprehend this situation. “i’m confused about everything! jay, sunghoon— you! everything is happening so fast, nothing is making sense to me; it’s all nonsense. jake i want to say yes, i desperately do, but it’s not that easy for me”.

silence fell on the two of you after your miniature rant, the two of you finally running out of things to say. at once, your eyes were locked on his, the intimacy almost driving you mad yet again. you could see his chest mirror yours, the heavy yet soft breaths escaping his mouth from the excessive conversation. you shove your hands back into your pockets, trying to find comfort in the sudden warmth rushing to your hands.

“can we go back?” jake was the first to declare something, the look of defeat taking over everything in him. “go back to last week, what we were? just best friends that hated world history together?”.

“and forget about all of this?”

“it’s for the best y/n” he sighed, realising how stressful this was for the two of you. “just for my sake? you don’t have to properly answer me until you’re ready”.

“is this what you really want?” your face softens, your feet bringing you closer to the boy. your heart stings when you see him take a step backwards, his feelings well too obvious through his actions.

“of course not” he answered, his fingers rubbing the back of his neck bitterly. “but, i’m not going to be stupid about this. you’re too important to me, if i let you go like this i would beat myself up for the rest of my life”. a sad chuckle escapes his lips, one that spread a frown across your mouth.

“i don’t know—”

“just say yes” he in some way demands, the time for your answer impatiently ticking away. his previous emotional state being replaced with an irritated mood that wanted questions to he answered as quickly as possible. his eyes rolling was the last thing you had expected, causing you to scowl in annoyance.

“fine” you cross your arms defensively. you feel your feet start to make their way down the road, anger now taking over you at his sudden change of mood. you turn your head, getting a look at jake’s standing figure staring at you in confusion. “i thought we were forgetting about this whole thing?” you hadn’t meant to come off as aggressive as you did, the harshness almost making you flinch.

jake just stared at you blankly, watching you toughly turn around before, what it seemed to be, stomping the rest of your way to school. the thought of your festival booth meeting now being a past memory, knowing that the two of you would definitely be late when you finally arrive to the school. he lets a sigh out before taking his first step, the wind making him struggle with not looking like an idiot that just got his heart broken for the second time by the same person.

in the back of him mind he made a reminder to tell sunghoon that the two of you were sorry for missing the meeting, knowing he had a soft spot for you, he wouldn’t be that mad if jake explained exactly what had happened. he lets out a long and deep sigh, the feeling of pure annoyance lacing it. he knew he couldn’t predict what the future was about to hold for the two of you, staring at your obviously irritated stomping in front of him hazily.

scarily enough, the realisation that another person was also observing this mess of a morning hadn’t dawned on him just yet. in fact the same person had watched this whole argument go down.

lee heeseung with wide eyes tried to soak in what had happened, the boy firstly only noticing you two as a coincidence but stayed on purpose when he had noticed your conversation didn’t really go down the road he had originally assumed it would go. when he had noticed that you two finally made a lengthy distance from him, he grabbed his phone out of his pocket in pure surprise, fumbling with it already knowing he was going to talk to.

heeseung: your crush y/n... do they have a best friend named jake?

sunghoon: Yes, why do you ask? Also, why aren’t you at school yet?

sunghoon: Can you see them actually? They are late for the meeting we have, actually they’ve just about missed it. Very unlike Y/N.

heeseung: i think there’s a problem .

sunghoon: I already know about Jake’s crush on Y/N, I doubt there is anything worse than that.

sunghoon: Jay has a crush on them too. Popular person.

heeseung felt guilty when he had finished typing out his reply, he knew how much sunghoon liked you and telling you that you indirectly admitted to jake that you liked him too was probably very problematic to sunghoon’s already fragile feelings. he takes a deep breath in before hitting the send button, scared for his reply.

heeseung: i think y/n likes jake too...

sunghoon: Oh, really?

sunghoon: I can’t say I didn’t expect that. Of course they would like him, they’re perfect for each other.

the boy felt himself frown at his phone, knowing well that behind sunghoon’s reply was an emotional wreck. sunghoon been holding onto that crush on you for almost a year, he had told heeseung his secret the very first moment he had realised it. hours before heeseung received multiple texts from his friend, excitedly telling him about walking with you home and how he had successfully flirted with you. heeseung had known sunghoon for his whole life, being neighbours did honestly help the situation along with their parents being friends. the boy can’t ever recall a time where sunghoon had feelings that were even remotely romantic, only ever being confessed to instead of the one confessing.

heeseung: i’m sorry hoon

sunghoon: No, it’s okay! They’re a good friend anyways so it’s good that I can still talk to them :)

heeseung: sunghoon i promise to you that i will help you

sunghoon: There’s nothing to help with, I’m satisfied with the situation now

heeseung knew very well that sunghoon wasn’t satisfied with the situation, knowing he was probably playing with his sleeves anxiously staring at the classroom door waiting for you to walk in. he tried to quickly rack through his head for some ideas to help his dearest friend in this situation. his eyes lighting up ecstatically when he had finally figured out the perfect plan, one that was sure to work perfectly for sunghoon.

heeseung: go on a date with y/n

heeseung: all three of you go on a date with y/n to be exact

however, his message had more to what it said. he could feel a proud grin growing on his face at his plan finally making sense in his head. to make it more clear, this plan obviously had some sort of advantage for his best friend.

three dates, all with you. what more could you add to a perfect plan like that? all he need to do next was convince you to go on those three dates.

which could be an easy task... hopefully?

[yes-ihavealwaysbeengreen]

could you do 60 + 72 from the fluff/angst list for our boy Will? i just think he needs someone to hug him

A/N: I volunteer to be the one to hug Will Miller because I love him. Thank you for indulging me with my sweet baby Will. Thank you for reading, reblogging, commenting, and liking! 

Pairing: Will ‘Ironhead’ Miller and Reader

Warnings: Some language, mentions of a fight, hospital, concussion. 

My Masterlist 

Forever 

Prompts: “You look like you could use a hug.” & “You need sleep.”

Frankie hands you a beer and slides into the seat next to you. The roar of the crowd is almost deafening, and you grimace at the acidic taste sliding down your throat. “Benny’s up next!” Frankie shouts, and you give him a thumbs up. Tom comes running in a few minutes later and takes the seat on your other side. 

“Hey, did I miss him?” You shake your head no and pass him the pathetic excuse for alcohol, and he chugs it down, smiling in thanks. You hate going to Benny’s fights. The blood, noise, and scent of sweat in the air make you sick. 

“Here he comes!” Tom shouts, and you all rise to your feet as the music blares through the speakers, and Benny comes bouncing down the aisle on the balls of his feet and throwing punches, the stark red shorts a contrast against his white skin. In a black hoodie walking steadily are his brother and the object of your affection Will Miller. 

Fuck, you were in love with him. The baby blue eyes twinkle at you, and if you weren’t in public, you would melt to a puddle on the floor at the slight curve of his lips. But he wasn’t yours to love, and that broke a little piece of your heart every Saturday when you came to these fights. But, you didn’t have the heart to stay away. 

You watch a burly beast of a man come out the other end, and your fists clench. You’d gone to enough of these stupid things to know this is an unfair match up. The beast had at least twenty pounds on Benny, and you turn to Will, who clenches his jaw. 

“How the fuck is Benny going to beat that?” you shout at Frankie, who puts a comforting arm around your shoulder. 

“I don’t know if he is shortstop,” you glare at him over the nickname, but he just laughs and takes another sip of his beer, “Or maybe Ben will get lucky.” 

Tom leans over,  “Fish, do you see that guy? He’s basically a gorilla; Ben’s going to get crushed!” Frankie flips him off and turns to the fight. 

It’s almost painful to watch, but Tom is correct; Benny gets fucking crushed. The blood splatters across the mat, and you cringe as the man keeps hitting Benny over and over. It takes two referees and the guy’s trainer to pull him off, and Will has to drag Ben over to the corner and the medics. 

Frankie, Tom, and you help get Benny out to the truck and the hospital. When they see the state he’s in, they admit him instantly. Tom and Frankie both have families and have to be getting home, so you stay to wait for Will and Ben. Hours you sit in the hard plastic chairs of the waiting room. Your back contorted in a variety of positions as you wait. 

The sliding glass doors open, and an exhausted Will finally emerges. His eyes have dark circles, and his hair is mused from running his hands through it so many times. You rise slowly and walk over to him, and he looks almost surprised to see you.

“You stayed,” he lets out a breath, and you nod. 

“Of course I did; I thought you might need some help getting Ben home.” He shakes his head before letting out a long sigh. 

“He’s not coming home tonight; they are keeping him for observation. He’s got a pretty nasty concussion. He was going to argue with them, but they knocked him out. Thank god too, because he would not shut up.” You both let out a small chuckle, and he turns his keys in his hand. “Did you drive here?” 

“No, I uh caught a ride with Frankie. I was just going to uber home after I helped you.” 

“Well, come on then, I’ll give you a lift home.” He leads you outside, and the whip of cold air causes you to shiver. A minute later, his warm outer coat is over your shoulders, and you let out a small thank you. You’re enveloped in his scent of clean linen and sandalwood. His hand is burning a hole in your back as he presses lightly against it. 

When your both safe inside the cab, he turns up the heat and reaches for your hands rubbing them between his own to warm them. The sparks of electricity send pulses up your arm,s and you do your best not to tremble. “Are you warm enough?” his voice is so low, and dee,p and you can only nod. 

He lets go and pulls out, heading to your house. You exchange some small talk, but it’s clear his thoughts are with Ben back at the hospital. It feels like no time at all, and he’s pulling into your driveway. You don’t want to go, but you don’t have a good excuse to stay. But he surprises you when he turns off the truck and gets out. 

You watch him walk around the truck and open your door, reaching a hand out for you. The sparks return when your hands connect, and this time he doesn’t let go, leading you to the front door. He takes both your hands in his and gazes down at you. “Thank you for tonight. I didn’t know how much I needed someone to be waiting until I got out there and saw you. You’ve always been there for me.” 

“Well, that’s what friends are for, right?” He nods and lets out a small huff. 

“Yeah, friends, right.” His eyes cast down, and he looks disappointed and hurt. 

“Will?” he looks at you, “you look like you could use a hug.” He nods, and you pull him close to your chest. His hands are coming up beneath his jacket and resting against the thin fabric of your t-shirt. His head comes to your neck and burrows against your throat, taking deep breaths. 

“You smell so good,” he mumbles and pulls you tighter, almost to discomfort, but you wouldn’t dare let go now. “So soft and warm. Fuck, I’m in love with you.” You tense, and he freezes, his hands stilling on your back. 

You pull away and look up at him, “What did you just say?” He runs a hand over his face and turns away towards his truck like he wants to run, but you grab his arm and turn him to face you. “Please! Please don’t run away. Just tell me the truth, did you mean it?” 

He looks at the tears pooling in your eyes, and he moves back to you faster than an average person should be able to move. Cupping your cheek and pressing his forehead to yours, “Yes,” he whispers, and you feel elated, “Yes, I am so in love with you.” 

You move forward and kiss him softly, exploring the warmth of his lips. He takes his time and presses several more kisses to your lips. His hands are dropping to your neck, and brushing his thumbs over your cheeks. When you pull away, his eyes open, and you look into those baby blues you love and tell him you love him too. His eyes are brimming with tears, and you move to brush them away. You understand how big it is for him to love after his fiance left him. 

“You need sleep,” you whisper, and he nods, “Would you like to stay the night?” 

“I want to do this right, take you on a date-” 

You interrupt him, “I said sleep, not sex. We have all the time in the world for that. But right now, you are exhausted, and I would feel much better with you warm and in my bed than home alone worrying about Ben.” 

“You know me so well,” he lets out a laugh, and you smile, turning to unlock the door and lead him inside. 

“I better. I’ve been in love with you for two years.” 

“Two years...all that time we wasted. I’ve loved you just as long.” 

“Well, let’s not waste another second of our forever.” 

 Taglist: @oldstuffnewstuff @yespolkadotkitty @heythere-mel @justanotherblonde23 @artsymaddie @anetteaneta @lunarthoughts @aellynera @lucifer- @houseofthirst @phoenixhalliwell @chicken-ona-stick @agirllovespancakes @amberembers @ghostwiththemostbitch @the-purity-pen @jedi-mando @idreamofboobear @aerolanya @rebelliouscat @demoncrypt1066 @meshlamando @merg007 @itspdameronthings

[highwaydiamonds]

Um. Excuse me. You had cancer??

Yeah... I mean I guess I really haven't discussed it much on tumblr. I have a little bit, but only in vague ways, or rarely made veiled references in tags.

SO, get a drink, get a snack, because this is a bit of a saga, and you already know I am longwinded at the best of times. I'm going to do like Vizzini said, and go back to the beginning. I hope you're ok I'm making this public Shells, it seems easier to? And I'll put this behind a cut because I really do wax on ( and on).

It's the end of August 2018 and i appear to have gotten some kind cold/respiratory infection. I'm at work the first day of it and it feels like a cold. No big deal. (Also this is all pre-COVID so no I didn't have COVID). The next day I feel really awful, so I call off work, and figure all I need to do is rest and I'll be ok. Turns out, NOPE. The next day I feel worse- now I can tell I have a bit of a fever, my appetite was basically, " eat one baby carrot and my appetite is exhausted." Finally, I get to the point that I am having trouble lying down - as in I am becoming short of breath when I try to lie flat (sorry if I am using the wrong word - lay/lie was always a grammar issue that eluded me.) So, I decide, ok, i will be sensible girl and go get medical attention. But I am stubborn and feel the ER is overreacting, so I go to urgent care. i park in the front row of urgent car parking, but by the time I reach the intake desk I have to put my head down because I am so winded and a bit lightheaded.

They take one look at me and tell me, point blank, "we're getting a squad for you to take you to the ER." I say, " what? no, I don't need that, this is not that big a deal." They counter, " you could barely walk in the door and you you are having significant trouble breathing. We don't have the ability to see you here." So, for the first time in my life I have to go via ambulance from urgent care to a free standing ER.

I get to the ER - where they decide, OK, lady, you're a mess. Let's get some chest x-rays and we're gonna slap some IV fluids and I can't even recall if they immediately put me on IV antibiotics or not. But after two hours there they informed me, " hey.... So, we think you need to go to the hospital-hospital not the freestanding ER." I tell them well you better hand me my laptop ( I'm that bitch who takes the laptop with her juuuuust in case I am stuck in the hospital. you never know.) Because i am not going to a hospital until I figure out if they're in my health plan. I do so and then for the second time in my life, all in one night because sometimes I am an over achiever i guess, I go via ambulance to the hospital.

They admitted me and over the next few/couple/ hours ( it was hard to tell) I progressively felt worse. I had trouble breathing if I didn't sit absolutely straight up, and at that point I hadn't gotten good sleep for around 60 hours or so. Me being me I started to get teary and panicky, because I was so tired and wasn't sure what to do. I called for the nurse and she came in and then within the next half hour your girl got taken down to the ICU. By the time we arrived down in the ICU I was really getting panicky. My mom died in the ICU ( different hospital but still) and I knew the fact they took me down there was no laughing matter. I started to think about, " ok is this what death is like? this isn't what i thought it was going to be - this is panicky and scary and not all white lights and peace."

The next thing I knew - it was two days later, and I woke up intubated. Did you know that you can be conscious and intubated? I did not. I'll speed things up a bit here. I spent a total of 8 days in the ICU - I had one hell of a case of pneumonia, and there were a couple of other diagnoses thrown in ( nope, not cancer. promise, we will get there.) . The nurses I had were AMAZING. I was intubated for about 6 of those 8 days. Then I got weaned off of it. Funniest moment on the ventilator: Physical therapist comes around and says, " Hey let's get you up and walking, you think you can?" I nodded and shrugged my shoulders to try and communicate, " sure, ok!" It went totally fine, but there were nursing students, residents, other doctors and who knows who else looking out of rooms and over desks at the two of us just y'know... *walking down the hall*. I gestured to the people because it was just flipping weird. I had an audience at the exact time NOBODY wants an audience and it confused the hell out of me. PT advised me, " there aren't too many times ventilated patients are ambulatory. You're a bit of a curiosity so people want to see."

Once I got out of the ICU and was put back on a regular floor, I got to meet with other doctors re those other diagnoses I mentioned ( chronic things I just have to manage) I also mentioned that it had been a really long time since I had been to a GYN and as had been noted in the ICU I spotted quite frequently ( I have never, ever in my life been regular period-wise and it just got weirder over time, but I just didn't really consider it. So I asked while they were setting me up with new practitioners ( my previous doctor had retired) too please set me top with a gynecologist.

So I'm out of the hospital by September 10th, 2018. The gyro appointment occurs i want to say by mid- to late September. I go in and meet her and she's lovely. While I'm up on the table she says, " hey let's do all the things and get a uterine biopsy!" I say, " excellent, do the things!" We agree it's likely going to be nothing but hey we're smart people and we will play it safe. Huzzah Gyno visit accomplished! (if I were a gamer I'd make some kind of ladybits achievement unlocked now, but I'm not a gamer.)

Two or so weeks go by - or however long it takes to get those test results back (some of these spans are lost in the mists of time). Dr Boyle calls me and apologizes that the test results that she was sure would be nothing... they are not nothing. Turns out, it's endometrial cancer.

At that point you could have knocked me over with a feather. Shells, I wanted my mom to be there so badly, I can't even express it. She would have understood how I felt - she'd been there with her breast cancer. But at the same time, I was glad she wasn't there? I remember how heartsick my mom was to tell Grandmommy when Mom got cancer. I didn't want my mom to have to hear that news, to worry about that. Dr Boyle advised me that she would be referring me to a good oncologist and i should hear from them in a week or two.

Thus began MRIS and PET scans and ultrasounds, and blood work etc. The oncologist diagnosed that he figured I might be stage three, but it depended on my lymph involvement. It brought back memories of when Mom was diagnosed and when she told me she was stage three. I asked my Dad later, "what does that mean?" He told me, " there are only four stages, so what do you think?" This time around I knew what it meant. So, we put me down for surgery November 9th, 2018. That's two days before my birthday - so I joked that I was getting my cancer out for my birthday - hooray! My best friend actually flew in from texas for my surgery ( my best friend is a SAINT, and I love her more than pearls and rubies.)

Best surgery story from this experience: For my total hysterectomy (uterus and ovaries go sayonara and then also two signal lymph nodes in the chain of nodes on either side of the pelvis to se if there is any lymph complication.) I had to be tilted back - so with my head down to move as many organs away from the uterus etc during the laparoscopic procedure. I knew this going in, However, when I woke up back in my hospital room I looked at Bestie and said, " I hurt in places I didn't expect to hurt. Oh wait. My shoulders hurt because they're not used to being weight bearing, but the procedure was laproscopic - so why the heck does my vagina hurt?" Bestie in one of her best moments ever says, " I know why." I replied, " wait, YOU know why MY vagina hurts?!" She said, " yep. So your surgery was supposed to take 3-3.5 hours ended up taking 5 hours instead. Your uterus was really big. The oncologist told us they need up having to cut it in half to pull it out of you." bestie admitted she joked with the oncologist that it was like I had just birthed a baby, he looked back at her (NOT laughing) and said, " yes, that's basically what she did." I laughed so much at that ( i mean i was also well medicated, but still) I told Bestie, " I had a Uterus! Let's call it George!" ( In retrospect I am disappointed in myself that I misgendered my own uterus, I should have called it Georgina.)

So, after healing from the surgery, by about January of 2019 I started two courses (each with a few rounds) of chemo. First came what the doctors and I called "low-pro" chemo - that we did along with radiation. Honestly, though i was making a heck of a lot more bathroom trips, you wouldn't have generally known I was sick. Most of my coworkers had no idea. I just was a bit more tired than usual. After the low pro rounds - then we moved to the bigger guns. Radiation was done but I moved to more significant chemo drugs, This wasn't because things were bad - this was the plan all along :) But I knew the "high-pro" chemo was going to make me lose my hair. THAT was a psychic struggle. I cried so much knowing that was going to happen. I got hats and caps and I even got a very nice wig. I mean, I planned as much as a girl can plan when she hears that news. I even preemptively cut my long hair. It was about half way down my back at that point. So I went in and asked the stylist please braid it and put it in between two hair ties - and then cut it - so i could keep my braid. I couldn't do locks of love anyway as it was colored, and I know it's selfish, but I wanted my hair. So, the hair went from half down my back to a face framing bob. then I just waited. And then in a few weeks it happened. I could put my hands through my hair and easily, painlessly pull it out. I am not a cute bald girl. That's when people KNOW you have something going on.

I was very lucky though, there ended up NOT being lymph involvement, and even the high pro chemo didn't make me nauseous or lose appetite. I did have HORRIBLE bone pain usually the first week after chemo ( i'd get it every three weeks). I learned a hell of a lot from that. I also was able to get some meds to help alleviate it a bit, and I took time from work when the pain was at its worst. But I have never experienced pain like that - where no matter what I did - no position changes helped. Even ice packs or heat pads didn't help or do much. It was just a waiting game, a painful waiting game. Oh also - I learned that IV benadryl is nothing like oral benadryl. IV benadryl is like walking right into a brick wall made of sleep. That stuff knocked me the hell out right quick - amazing.

Right before COVID started and the world shut down I got the flu because my immune system was in the toilet- and so I spent another week in the hospital and except for the bone pain that comes with chemo, you know what is worse than chemo injections? POTASSIUM injections. Among other things, my potassium levels were low and so I got those injections with other meds. Those suckers HURT. they BURN, and so i spent a week in the hospital only to eventually come out and find out the world was starting to shut down from COVID. Not my job at that point, but my oncologist told me, " GO HOME - YOU KNOW YOU ARE IMMUNO COMPROMISED - DON'T STAY AT WORK." So, I went home until about a month after I finished chemo.

Since finishing chemo it's been about scans, which have gone ok so far... I'm not willing to talk about the R word. I just think I'll have to be careful the rest of my life - My mom always said, "once you've gotten cancer, you always have cancer." So, maybe it's the anxiety talking, but it's kind of like waiting for the other cancer shoe to drop. In the mean time though, it's business as usual - try to find good stuff in the midst of the hot mess. Cancer has been a crisis but not a reason to lose my sense of humor. I've needed it more than ever :)

So, sorry for the SERIOUSLY LONG ASS answer, but sometimes it's just better to lay it bare. I'm not ashamed of this stuff. It's been a lot. It's been a journey... It still is... it's part of the rest of my journey, which i hope isn't over by a long shot yet. I don't believe things happen for reasons - the world is WAY too absurd for that in my opinion, BUT good gravy have i been able to learn so much from this whole three ring circus. I'm not grateful for cancer, but I am grateful for the lessons.

Thanks for checking in, Shells. You're a complete sweetheart.

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track seven

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

*contains smut*

When Nicole died, Indiana convinced herself that someone was holding down a fast forward button on her life. Some greater power with a universal remote, carelessly keeping a finger shoved down on the little button with the double arrows, with no regard to the fleeting few days she had left with her most important person.

History seemed to be repeating itself, with the best physical representation being the very quickly evolving tiny homes.

The first thing on Grayson’s agenda when they’d made it back to NYC was to decorate the property for Halloween. It hadn’t seemed like the most sound plan to Indy, considering last time they were out in the field it was just raw building materials, a platform and lots of grass. But when she climbed off the back of the quad, away from Grayson’s warmth and into the chilly air, she was standing in front of a house, or at least the bones of one, with the beginnings of the loft and stairs formed inside. It wasn’t polished yet - in fact, there wasn’t even a front door to hang the spider wreath that he had bought at Home Depot. But there was a house, and it stood as a reminder that time was passing quickly.

Despite how over the top the Dolan’s were about it, Halloween was a blink. Ethan was still in California, spending a few more days with Eden, but they facetimed in their costumes anyways - Indy had been convinced into dressing up at the last minute, which resulted in a witch costume that consisted of black leggings and a black bodysuit, which got covered up by a spare hoodie of Grayson’s early in the evening, brought on by the ever-dropping Jersey temperatures. But they celebrated with Lisa, and with E squared across the miles with a bonfire and too many pieces of candy, and Indy realized at the end of the night that it was the first holiday she’d had with family in years. It filled a vacant room in a back hallway of her heart that she didn’t realize had been abandoned, and as soon as the calendar turned to November, she was determined.

“Thanksgiving. Me, you, Lisa, Ethan, Eden, Cam, Charlie and Devin. Thoughts, opinions?”

Grayson quirked an eyebrow from the other side of the couch, face lit by his laptop screen.

“Vegan thanksgiving?”

She nudged him in the side with her foot, getting the perfect angle from where she was laying to tickle him. “Nah, we’re gonna cook a whole meal that 25% of the participants can’t eat. Sounds like the holiday of dreams.”

He poked her with a toe. “Yeah, that sounds good to me. Might have to find an extra table at Ma’s though.”

“I can plan out a menu, make sure everyone brings something. Charlie can bring plates, for all our sakes.”

“Then Ethan can bring cups, cause god knows he doesn’t know what the fuck to do in a kitchen. And I can do the menu, you’ve got enough on your plate.”

“It’s not that bad this week,” she countered, but before she could say anything else he’d picked up her planner, looking at all the little color coordinated blocks that she’d drawn out. Grayson had never had a planner before, much less an hourly one, and it stressed him out a bit just to see how little time she didn’t have allotted to something. His finger moved over a little block in dark blue, a tiny scribble inside it - time with g :).

“You block out time for us to hang out?”

“I block out time to do just about everything but pee,” she laughed, keeping her eyes on her textbook as he continued to look through her pages.

“You haven’t peed in like… 3 hours. Drink your water.”

She stuck her tongue out but did as he asked, watching the way he found something on the page and frowned, eyebrows creasing across his forehead.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He answered it too quickly, and it was her turn to frown.

“Babe. What is it?”

“It just says, uh, ‘deposit from Kenneth’. Who’s Kenneth?”

Her breathing stopped for a moment. She hadn’t heard that name said aloud in years.

“Oh um. That’s my dad. Kenneth Cross.”

He switched from realization to guilt in an instant, flipping the planner shut. Grayson wasn’t privy to much information about Indiana’s father, but he didn’t need much to know that the relationship wasn’t great.

“Shit, Dee, sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

She closed her textbook, sitting it aside with a sigh. Sitting up, she crossed her legs on the couch, a bid to get a little closer to him.

“No, it’s okay. We probably should have talked about it by now anyways. What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you want to tell me.” He offered her his hand, knowing she liked to toy with her fingers when she talked, hoping it would help.

“Well. He wasn’t always a shit head. Actually, he used to be a pretty good dad. When Charlie and I were growing up, he was always there. He coached Charlie’s basketball team, then mine. He helped mom with dinner, we all went on vacation together. I mean, I had a good childhood, I really did. But things changed when mom got sick.”

“How long was she sick?”

“Six months. It took her fast, much faster than usual with her stage and her type. I thought my dad would step up, but he didn’t. He shut down. And I get that, it was hard, but we needed him and he just… wasn’t there. Charlie had to take her to appointments because I couldn’t drive yet. He stayed at home and worked, and drank, and then drank some more and called it work. He never talked about mom, never even admitted to himself she was sick I don’t think. So Charlie and I did our best, and we stayed with her as much as we could, especially towards the end. I’d ride the subway out of the city to get to school cause I slept at the hospital most nights. And I guess Charlie and I didn’t realize, but he was working on selling the house while we were doing all that, before she was even fucking gone. So, when she did go, all of a sudden she was gone, and my house was gone, and Charlie was going to school, so it was just me and him.

“We moved into a smaller house. He didn’t talk to me. He was a shell without my mom. And I thought it would get better but it didn’t. So, I taught myself how to be okay without him, and without my mom… without anyone. I think he realized it too, and some part of him felt bad. But he knew he couldn’t fix it. So, the summer before college, he said he’d pay for wherever I wanted to live for school. I couldn’t swing rent on a Jet’s salary, and I wanted to get out of his house, so I agreed. I moved in here freshman year, and we haven’t seen each other since. Haven’t even talked on the phone really. He deposits rent in my account each month, and as soon as I can get enough money to not have him do that, I’m going to tell him to stop. I don’t want him to think I need him, for anything.”

Indy looked up for the first time since her story started, and she sucked in a breath at the sight of Grayson’s watery eyes. He blinked it away and cleared his throat, but the way he opened his arms up told a different story.

“I don’t like hating him. But I don’t know how to forgive him either.”

“C’mere,” he mumbled, waiting for her to readjust and climb on top of him. His arms wrapped around her tightly, like he wanted to press her into him and make her a part of him.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that with your mom like that, I can’t imagine.”

Indy lifted her head and looked at him with sad eyes.

“Yes you can.”

The knot in his throat grew, and he kissed her head when she relaxed against him again. He let the silence settle for a few minutes, tracing a heart against her back and pressing his lips into her hair over and over.

“I had my mom though. She helped us through the entire thing. And I had Ethan, and Cam. And I know you had Charlie, but thinking about you having to do that without a parent.” He shook his head. “I hate it. Not to mention the rest of the bullshit he’s probably put you through that you’re too nice to tell me about.”

It was her turn to get teary.  

“Well, I’m okay now. I made it, and so did you.”

He ran a thumb over her cheek with a soft smile.

“Wish you didn’t have to make it through it at all.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Grayson shifted then, rolled them over to the side so Indy was between him and the back of the couch, coiling his arms around her tightly, shifting her up enough for him to kiss her. He let his hand roam down her back, over her ass, grabbing and moving until her leg slotted above his.

“I love you,” he said, hoping she knew just how much. She moved her hand from his cheek, let her arm wrap around him, trapping him closer to her.

“Love you more.”

He shook his head at her, making her laugh against his skin.

“You don’t have a nap written in your schedule, am I gonna screw it all up?”

“I can shift things. I’m flexible.”

He laughed again, a beautiful sound that bounced off the walls of the apartment and filled the space. Indy kept her leg wrapped around him, holding him close and finding his lips with hers again, breathing him in - her favorite distraction.

“Flexible hm? How flexible?” His voice had dropped slightly, throat gruff.

She knew they weren’t going to sleep, so she gave in, dipping down to kiss along his neck, taking charge a bit more than usual.

“You know, I think we might be the only couple who can switch from parental trauma to horny within 60 seconds,” she mused, smiling at the rumbling laugh it got out of him.

“Maybe we’re just built different.”

“Hate that,” Indy mumbled, moving back up to kiss him again. He wasted no time in coaxing her shirt off, sitting them up with her in his lap so he could do the same to his own, getting her bra off quickly after his own sweatshirt was gone. There was no better feeling than her skin against his, he was sure. Her hand landed on the middle of his chest and she hummed, smiling.

“You didn’t shave your chest hair.”

He pulled back a bit with an incredulous look. He hadn't even thought about it, but she was right. “You noticed that?”

“I notice everything about you. You’re my favorite thing to study,” she smiled, and his heart melted in his chest. The only way he knew to respond was to pull her back to him. In a bed, he would have rolled them over, climbed above her, but the couch limited him and he was at her mercy for the time being.

She didn’t seem to be in much of a rush, and between the slow roll of her hips and the kisses she pressed along a path from his jaw to his collarbone, he was very much wishing she would pick up the pace. His hands slid down to her hips, pressing her down against him in a bid for friction.

“Easy,” Indy laughed his favorite laugh, the breathy one that seemed like an afterthought. “If I’m gonna rearrange my schedule, I get to set the pace.”

“Well then, take it away,” he chuckled, but it faded into more of a groan when she nipped at his shoulder, letting her hands run down his sides. She left goosebumps in the wake of her nails, and he couldn’t help but shudder as she toyed with the waistband of his sweats for a moment, like she was playing a game. Grayson Dolan wasn’t used to being at the whim of anyone, and it was liberating in a way that had his nerves buzzing.

Indiana was perhaps enjoying herself a bit too much. Usually, she was so overwhelmed by him that she didn’t have time to really take him in. So, she soaked up the opportunity of having him displayed out for her, tracing her fingers over every plane of him - the v of his hips, the muscles over his ribs. Down his arms, back up to his shoulders, running her thumbs over his scruff as she cupped his face. When she made it back down to his abs she felt them flex under her hands, his hips bucking up just barely against hers.

“Baby.” His tone was stern, and she played into a bit, looking at him as innocently as she could.

“Hmmm?”

“You’re teasing.”

“I’m admiring.”

“Okay, then you’re cheesy and you’re teasing.”

“Guilty as charged,” she murmured, shrugging a bit.

Bad move.

His arms wrapped around her tightly, ensuring he didn’t lose his grip as he planted a foot on the floor and rose up just enough to roll them, getting her underneath him on the couch. It happened so fast that all she could do was gasp, eyes wide as she stared up at him, the blues bright with shock.

“Now, where were we.”

His cockiness was back in full swing, but he paused at the pout that came over Indy’s face.

“What?”

“I kinda liked being up there,” she said, running her hands along his arms as he held himself up above her.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna switch again?”

“Kinda.”

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal. Pants off, then we switch.”

“Deal.”

He stood up first, taking her hand and pulling her up to her feet. They shimmied out of the pants and underwear quickly, leaving them in a pile on the rug in a rush to get back to each other. The mood shifted yet again when he guided her onto his lap as he sat down, lighthearted and fun as she got herself settled. Grayson had never had lighthearted sex before he met Indiana Cross. It was always scratching an itch, even when it was with people he was in a relationship with. She seemed to unlock another side of him, one that made it so much more fun to have her above him, struggling to keep her hair out of her face and get close enough to him at the same time. He wasn’t sure how she managed to be adorable and sexy at the same time, but when she finally got herself lined up and began to sink down onto him, he didn’t have the brain power left to care.

“Shit Dee,” he groaned, using every bit of self control he had to keep his hips still, letting her set her agonizingly slow pace.

She whimpered with every inch that she moved down, finally taking all of him somehow, arching her back for a moment before she caved, leaning forward onto his chest, burying her face in his neck.

He started as slow as his body would let him, groaning as she started to grind her hips, searching out an angle that kept the pressure building. It took a moment, like it always did when they tried a new position, but when she found it Grayson knew by the way her nails dug into his shoulders. He grabbed her hips to hold her there, memorizing the way their bodies fit together so he could get right back to that same spot over and over again.

“Gray,” she whimpered into his ear, bracing her forearms on his shoulders as he chased her high for her, determined to have her shaking. All she could do was moan and hold on as he thrusted into her faster with a renewed purpose, only stopping when she clenched so hard that he could barely move.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Indy whined, every muscle in her body tightening down in defense of how overwhelmed she suddenly felt, breath catching in her throat as her orgasm ripped through her. His arms coiled around her back as if he was trying to hold her together as she shook, and he chased the last of his high, lifting her off of him at the last possible second before he came, white streaks landing on his torso. He knew it would be a mess and he didn’t care - he pressed her back to him, wrapping her up for a moment in his arms and letting the two of them come down.

“Woah. Good woah,” Indy mumbled, pressing kisses to his neck where she could reach.

“I second your good woah.”

“Good.”

“Do you have time in your flexible schedule for a shower? I got you all sticky.”

She sat up and pretended to ponder it for a moment, making a show of quirking her eyebrow just to make him laugh. “I suppose I could pencil it in. C’mon.”

She climbed off him and took his hand, leading him to her bathroom with a smile. They paused in front of the mirror for a moment, and it was the first time in a long time that Indy felt happy to be looking in one. But still, she turned around and looked up at her boyfriend - he looked better in real life than in his reflection anyways.

“You know, if you play your cards right, you might just win yourself a round two.”

That was all it took for him to pick her up so fast she squealed, carrying her behind the privacy of the shower curtain for a second taste.

-------------

Bekah’s hands were always cold, but they felt like ice cubes in Indy’s hands. She rubbed along her skin in a bid to warm her up, eyes wandering over to Grayson.

“She’s pale,” he murmured, keeping his distance as he stood at the end of the bed. The sight of her so still in her hospital bed was unsettling. He had expected their first visit back to be filled with smiles, and ‘I miss you’s’, stories of California and her recovery.

Instead, they’d walked into Bekah’s room to find her fast asleep underneath her Halloween blanket, brows furrowed in what he hoped was concern and not pain.

“Her body is probably just trying to get used to the new cells. Not making enough blood, she’s probably up for another transfusion soon.”

“How do you know?”

Indy nodded towards what Grayson had assumed was an IV pole - he supposed it was, but instead of the usual bags of clear or milky liquid, there were just empty hooks.

“An hour.”

Bekah’s voice was dry and horse, and although it was quiet, it made both of them jump.

“Hey! How’re you feeling?” Indy immediately perked up, painting that smile across her face that Grayson had started to associate with everything hospital, from the sounds to the smell of bleach.

“Tired. My next transfusion is in an hour.”

“Did the doctor say anything about your counts?”

Bekah looked at her and rolled her eyes, wincing as she tried to sit up in bed. Indy reached to help her but she held a hand up.

“I have a transfusion in an hour, you tell me what my counts are,” she muttered, sitting up for a moment before she let out a sigh and put her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Beks,” Grayson said.

“No, it’s not. You all came to see me and I’m being an asshole.”

“No one is nice when they don’t feel good,” Gray offered, moving to the other side of the bed and resting a hand on her shoulder. It was a simple gesture, a small attempt at consoling, but it was too much for Bekah. The sniffles turned into broken sobs that shook her entire body so hard it looked like she would come apart.

“I’m just tired of this. I’m tired.”

There wasn’t an adequate response to give, so the room filled with silence apart from her sobs as they did their best to hold her together, wrapping their arms around her, around each other. Indy’s eyes were red by the time Bekah’s cries quieted, and Grayson scrambled to come up with something, anything, to lighten the mood.

“Well, if we have an hour, that means we have time for an episode of something. Didn’t you say you were watching Vampire Diaries while we were gone?”

Bekah nodded, laying back against the pillows.

“Then let’s watch one and just chill. Save your energy.”

He set it up quickly, turning off the lights and pulling his chair over to the side of her bed as it started to play. When he looked over, there was just enough light to see that Bekah had reached for Indy’s hand. And to his surprise, she reached for his too. He took it, trying to ignore the way his throat tightened at the feeling of her squeezing weakly - a silent thank you as the episode began to play.

-------------

The first two weeks of November passed with unrelenting speed. Indiana buried herself in her school work, carving out what she could for quality time for Grayson, even if it was just going out to Jersey with him for a movie night that ended with her asleep on his lap before the opening scene was done. He didn’t mind - he just liked having her around, watching her get closer with Ethan and his mom, knowing she was safe because she was there with him. It was hard to help someone who was so determined on being independent, but he did what he could and she did the same, spending what little time she had encouraging him and supporting him.

Grayson had his own work to focus on, and it filled the time nicely as they worked to get their brands up and running through the holidays, plus the task of finalizing the plans for the details of the tiny homes. Somehow, it was already the week of Thanksgiving before he stopped to take a breath, which he found in the backyard with his brother the day before the holiday.

“Listen. I can make rolls. I can’t fuck that up.”

“Ethan, you could fuck anything up, including rolls. Just get cups. And things to put in the cups.”

“Fuck you,” Ethan grumbled, tossing the football a bit harder than necessary across the back lot. Grayson wished he’d put on gloves, but

“When is evil coming in?”

“She lands tonight, gotta go pick her up at 10:30. Is Indy staying out here tonight too?”

“No, I’m staying at her place, her sister and her boyfriend fly in tomorrow morning so we gotta pick them up. You’re picking up Cam tonight too right?”

“Yeah. Damn, I feel like dad,” Ethan laughed, a puff of white in the cold air.

Grayson waited for him to elaborate, throwing the ball back.

“He was always the chauffeur. I mean jesus, how many times do you think he picked us up from the airport when we came home?”

“True, he fucking hated that drive too. Complained about it the whole time, every time.”

“Like you don’t hate driving into the city.”

Grayson quirked an eyebrow at him, tossing the ball a bit harder, trying to put a different spin on it.

“Okay, fine, used to hate it. Now you just like it cause you get laid at the end of it.”

“True,” Gray grinned. “That makes me sound like a douchebag though.”

“You are a douchebag.”

“We’re identical twins, so if I’m a douchebag you’re a douchebag by association,” Grayson said.

“True. You aren’t a douchebag when you’re around Indiana, I’ll give you that.”

“Yeah, she wouldn’t put up with that shit.”

“You are a simp though.”

“Says you.”

“I never said I wasn’t.” Ethan shrugged, offering up a smile as he threw. “Eden really likes her by the way. Says they’d be great sister-in-laws in the future. I told her to chill with that shit though.”

Grayson missed the ball, not even bothering to watch it bounce away on the ground.

“Why?”

“Well, you said you were never going to ask her to leave, or move or whatever. And you live in LA, we live in LA, so... I mean, being here this long is just because of the tiny houses. And I know you, you can’t do long distance bro, you’re too physical.”

“Oh fuck you, I can survive without getting my dick wet if it means being with somebody I love.”

“That’s not what I fucking meant, I mean you’re touchy, and you need to be close to the people you love. Like physically close, as in in the same room, in the same house at least. That’s why I haven’t said shit about you being at her place every night of the week. I get it Gray, it’s how you are. But that shit won’t work when you’re on the other side of the country, and I know you aren’t going to ask her to fly out there to see you after how bad those flights were for her. And I love you, and I’m gonna support you, but you can’t fly home every weekend either. We have businesses, we have shit to do. Work.”

“I know that, I’m not stupid.”

“And it makes me feel like a shit brother but you always tell me that I’m supposed to keep you on track, so if that means being the bad guy then that means being the bad guy.”

“E I know.”

“I’m not saying you have to like break up with her or anything but, I just, I think it’s gonna be hard. Like really really hard.”

“Ethan. I know.”

“I just don’t want to see you hurt, that’s all.”

“Yeah. I get it. But can you just drop it for two fucking seconds? It’s almost Thanksgiving, let’s just focus on that. Besides, you’re the one who said to wait to cross the bridge when we come to it,” Grayson huffed.

“It’s the last week of November almost. Hate to break it to you, but the bridge is right in front of you.”

The thought made his stomach drop.

“Let’s go inside. S’cold.”

--------------

It felt unnatural to have her sister in the back seat, but that’s where Charlie climbed in after Grayson had helped them load their minimal luggage into the back of the car and made his introductions. They’d borrowed Lisa’s SUV for Devin’s sake, knowing that his long legs would be cramped in the backseat of anything, especially the truck.

“How was your flight?” Indy turned almost fully in her seat, trying to soak in every minute she had with her sister - they had to fly out bright and early the next morning.

“Bumpy,” Charlie laughed, picking at her nails in her lap. Indy frowned when she noticed - it was her nervous tick.

“Devin I have no idea how you fit in coach bro, I barely fit and I’m tiny compared to you,” Grayson chimed in, checking over his shoulder as he pulled out of the pick up lane.

“It’s a struggle my man, it’s a struggle. But I don’t think anyone in their right mind would look at you and call you tiny. You’ve got me beat in every department but leg length.”

“Hey, if you’re actually serious about growing muscle I can throw together a workout for you while you’re here.”

“For real? That would be sick bro, I could really use the help.”

Indy held back her laugh at how they both slipped into bro mode so quickly, and Charlie seemed to be on the same page as she snickered. Eventually conversation gave way to music, Indy proud of herself for finding a perfect 2000’s throwback playlist that had everyone singing and bouncing around in their seats. By the time they made it to the house, they were all a bit breathless and full of nostalgia.

When they climbed out onto the gravel, Charlie stuck close to her sister.

“Lisa is mom. And Ethan is the twin, Eden is the sister, Cameron is the girlfriend?”

“Cameron is sister, Eden is girlfriend,” Indy laughed. “Thank god you asked.”

Charlie gave a bit of a chuckle, and Indy nudged her.

“They’re good people Char. Don’t worry, they’ll love you.”

“I just… haven’t done this in a while.”

She wrapped her arm around her older sister’s shoulders as they approached the house, squeezing her lightly.

“I know sis. I know.”

Inside, Eden was trying to be subtle as she peeked through the blinds on the windows, watching the whole crew approach.

“They’re here! Come to the door, they’re here!”

“Babe, that’s creepy. Just come sit down,” Ethan laughed, waiting for Cameron to make her next move in chess.

“It’s not creepy, it’s friendly,” she countered, but she stood back from the door at the last moment to try to make it less intimidating.

“Hey guys!” Grayson’s voice boomed loud through the house as soon as he opened the door, his excitement obvious. Cam and Ethan abandoned their chess game for a moment, and Lisa came from the kitchen with a warm smile.

Indiana officially met Cameron for the first time, happy that she went in for the hug. Lisa hugged everyone, making everyone laugh when she looked up at Devin and said “my god you’re tall.”

Once everyone had met everyone, Lisa clapped her hands.

“Alright, let’s get to work!”

The Dolan’s did things in stations it seemed, which pleased Indy’s organizational side that usually went a bit crazy around the holidays. Lisa was nice enough to assign each couple a dish to work on, which of course became a competition, like everything seemed to. Indy wasn’t sure how they were going to truly compare E squared’s vegan stuffing to Charlie and Devin’s vegan mac and cheese, but she didn’t care.

Because Grayson was beaming beside her as they worked on peeling potatoes over the trash can, and everywhere she looked she saw smiles. Devin was swaying his hips to the music while Charlie tried to copy him, just a blip behind the beat. Ethan and Eden raced to see who could chop vegetables quicker until Lisa told them to slow down so someone didn’t end up needing stitches.

LIsa was the master of the operation, working on three different things at once, waving off Indy’s offer of help.

“I used to feed all three of them and their dad. Cooking for an army is second nature,” she teased, but that familiar tone was in her voice that tugged at Indy’s heart. Ethan eventually connected to the speakers and shuffled a playlist filled with everything, from Elton John to Cudi. Grayson got vegan butter on his shirt at one point while dancing too hard, and when Indy laughed he swiped it off with a finger and smeared it on her nose. The kitchen got so hot they cracked a window, with the revolving door of the oven trying to handle all the dishes and all the bodies close together.

By 2pm, everyone took turns carrying everything into the dining room to the massive which Cameron had decorated. Everyone took their places at the table, with LIsa at the head, Grayson and Ethan beside her with the girls beside them, and Charlie beside Indy, Devin beside Eden, who had seemed to hit it off with him in their short few hours of knowing each other, and Cam at the other head.

“Before we start, I think we should all go around and share something that we’re thankful for,” Lisa proposed. “I’ll start. I’m very thankful for my health, and for my family. For my wonderful daughter, and my amazing boys, and my husband, who I love and who watches over us every day.”

She could only speak for herself, but it was a safe bet that everyone’s throats tightened. Ethan cleared his before he spoke.

“I’m thankful for my family, for the quality time we get to spend together. For my brother’s ability to deal with my ass and his help in chasing our dreams and making that shit happen. And for Eden, because… well just because.”

Eden laid her head against his shoulder for a moment before she spoke up.

“I’m thankful for my dream job, and getting to do something I love every day. I’m thankful for Ethan, for loving me and keeping me sane. And I’m thankful for all of you, especially you Lisa, for welcoming me into the family.”

“I’m thankful to be here, to meet new people and get to eat some awesome food. Thank you, for inviting us in and sharing your holiday with us,” Devin said, polite as ever.

“I’m thankful for the wine,” Cam grinned, sipping from her glass quickly just to get an eye roll out of her mom. “And for all of you, and good food, and for family. Charlie?”

Charlie threw Indy a nervous glance before she spoke.

“I’m thankful for my sister, and my boyfriend, who always keep me together and on track, and who make me laugh. And I’m thankful for new friends, and good food.”

Indy had been so intent on listening to everyone else that she hadn’t even thought of her own response.

“I’m thankful for my sister, and for all of you guys, who have been so kind to me. I’m thankful for this guy,” she bumped Grayson’s shoulder. “For loving me, and supporting me in everything I do. And, I’m thankful for the years I had with my mom. I wish she could be here today, but I know she’s up there watching, and she’s thankful that I have you guys.”

She ignored the way her eyes stung, turning to Grayson, who squeezed her thigh under the table.

“I’m thankful for my family, and for the way that dad guided us to be who we are today - all of us Dolan’s. And I’m thankful for Indy for showing me what strength and determination looks like. And for everyone here, because we’re all family. I love you guys.”

The weight of his words hung in the air for a moment as everyone soaked them in.

“Alright, dig in!” Lisa broke the silence, reaching for the rolls.

Grayson squeezed Indy’s thigh once, tracing a little heart with his index finger when she leaned over to kiss his cheek before turning back to the table. They all ate until their plates were clear, almost all of them heading back in for seconds. The final verdict was that the vegan mac and cheese was the winner of the side dish competition, much to the pride of Devin. The evening settled into various activities, from Grayson teaching Devin proper pull up form to Charlie letting Eden take test shots on her camera. Indy mostly watched from the sidelines, happy to see all the people she loved all together in one place.

Her family.

“Thank you for this.” Lisa’s voice startled her a bit, but she relaxed when the older woman moved to stand beside her.

“I should be thanking you!”

“No. We didn’t do Thanksgiving last year. Everything was still too… raw, I suppose. Everyone is here because you asked them to be. So, thank you, truly.”

The tears that Indy had been fighting all day finally found their place on her cheeks, and she sniffled through a laugh when Lisa hugged her.

“Well, thanks for sharing your family.”

“It’s not sharing if you’re a part of it my dear.”

She pulled her close for a hug before the two of them folded themselves into the mix, running around in the cold air of the backyard and enjoying each other’s company as the night drew to a close. They opted for pie and vegan ice cream to finish off the night, and Charlie insisted they take some pictures before the food comas took over. She’d thought ahead enough to bring a tripod, and she sat it up in the living room, making sure every couple got a few that they liked, and that they all got one together. Lisa requested one of just her kids where they of course all goofed off enough to annoy her. Charlie would send them all in the next few days, Indy’s favorite being the one of her on Grayson’s back, wrapped around to kiss his cheek while he grinned with his eyes squeezed shut. It became her lock screen as soon as she saved it, and Lisa went on to get the family one framed, as well as the one of all of them together too, both beside each other on the mantel held with equal importance.

---------------------------------

The Thanksgiving leftovers only lasted two days in Indy’s fridge. With the stress of preparing for four cumulative finals, she didn’t have time to cook anything, and the microwaveable vegan leftovers were a god send. So was Grayson, who stayed by her side each day as she studied, quietly keeping himself busy with work until she needed him. It was a nice co-existence, both of them understanding the need for quiet but enjoying each other’s presence nonetheless. By Wednesday, she was only left with one last final, though it was her hardest, and she couldn’t convince herself that she’d prepared enough despite pulling multiple all nighters. He quizzed her when she asked, even though he butchered half the pronunciations. His commentary was the comedic relief she needed to get through it though, and she was more than grateful that he was there.

“Last set, and then you need to take a break.”

“But-”

“No buts. Unless you’re talking gluteus maximus.” He grinned when she rolled her eyes. “Baby you’ve been going non stop for 4 hours now.”

“Okay fine, hit me with it.”

“Soleus.” She pointed to the side of his calf. “Extensor carpi ulnaris.” The outer side of his forearm. “Zygomaticus major.” His cheek. “Iliopsoas.” The inside of his thigh.

“Dee, you know these. You literally don’t even have to think about it, you know them.”

She shook her head before he even finished his sentence. “I need more practice.”

“The only thing you need more of is sleep,” he countered. “C’mon, we’re both exhausted, let’s just take a nap.”

“Once we finish the set, then we can.”

“Fine. Serratus anterior.”

She tickled his ribs, making him squirm away from her.

“Biceps femoris.” She heaved his leg up from where it was resting on the couch, pointing to a spot in the middle of the back of his thigh.

“Teres major.” It was a reach, but she made it around to the back of his armpit.

“Teres minor.” She poked the same spot, just a bit harder.

“Okay, ouch, don’t abuse my teres. Uh, gastrocnemius.” She was gentler on his calf.

They went through the rest of the stack like that, with Grayson doing his best to say them correctly while Indy poked and prodded.  

As soon as he flipped the last card he yawned, sitting the stack aside and leaning forward to grab her, dragging her on top of him and nuzzling his nose into her hair. Indy sighed and relaxed into him, his warmth and the weight of his arms settling her body down. She could remember the days where she’d always wanted something as simple as this, just laying on her couch with someone to hold, and she tried to soak it in.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you more,” Grayson countered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. His hands moved under her shirt over her back, finding space.

R-E-L-A-X

“Can’t. My mind won’t stop.”

“Well, I’d offer to sing to you or some shit, but your ears would probably bleed,” he chuckled.

“S’okay. I’ll just dream about muscles or something. Innervations.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Oh yeah, riveting stuff.”

She wiggled around to get comfortable, her cheek squished against his chest as he rubbed her back.

“Sleep, have your little anatomy dreams,” he teased, reaching over the back of the couch for a blanket to drape over the two of them.

It took a little while, but she managed to drift off to the soothing sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his fingers against her skin.

And she dreamed.

Indiana was in a hallway. White, smooth walls with doorways that stood black and brooding on either side. Her stomach turned a bit, unease washing through her veins as she took a few small steps forward, moving to peek past one of the frames.

“Don’t sweetheart.”

Her head shot up. At the end of the hall was Nicole. She looked young, even younger than Indy’s last memories of her. Youthful, and full of life, her blonde hair familiar as it hung down and framed her face.

“Mom.”

“Hi my love.”

Indiana ran. She barreled past the doors, not even giving them a second thought as she finally, finally landed in her mother’s arms. The tears were inevitable, but she didn’t care that she shook as Nicole held her, the way only a mom could. Held her body, but held her soul.

“Where have you been? Where’d you go?”

“I’ve been here the whole time. Right here with you.”

“I miss you. I miss you so much.”

“I know. But I’m here.”

She pulled back, letting her mom brush her hair behind her ear the way she always used to when it fell into her eyes.

“Look at you. You’re all grown up. Look at those beautiful eyes. So blue.”

“Just like yours,” Indy said.

“Just like mine.”

A part of her knew that she was dreaming. She knew her mother was gone, that this wasn’t real. But her heart refused to accept it, because she could feel her mother’s skin, hear her voice, feel her like she hadn’t been able to in so long. So she just stared. Tried to memorize every part of her face, every smile line, every freckle. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, but Nicole was the one to break the silence.

“Baby. I need you to be careful.”

Indy frowned. “Careful?”

“With your heart. I need you to be careful with your heart, with my heart.”

“Momma what do you mean?”

Nicole looked to the left. Indy followed her gaze, surprised to see that the light was on in the doorway.

The doorway to Bekah’s room.

“Beks,” she breathed. Her feet automatically moved, taking her into the room until Nicole’s arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her back.

“Indiana,” Nicole cautioned. “No.”

“No, no Mom it’s okay, she’s getting better, see? Look, she’s fine.”

She pushed forward, but Nicole’s grip only tightened.

“No baby. Look.”

Indy listened. And she watched. Watched Bekah try to sit up in her bed. She was probably calling for Jessica, or Emily, or maybe even Indy. Her mouth opened, and no sound came out, her eyes going wide for a moment before she fell back against the pillows, chest rising too fast, too shallow. Indy knew what that meant.

“No. NO! Beks! Bekah!”

“Shhhhh baby, there’s nothing you can do, Indiana stop, there’s nothing you can do.”

“BEKAH!” She cried anyways, fighting her mother’s grip as she watched the monitors light up, heard their mocking monotone calls as they alarmed. Nurses appeared, and Indy watched them do all the right things, give all the right medicine.

She didn’t wake up.

“No, no no no no,” Indy wailed, thrashing in her mother’s arms.

“Indiana. Indiana. Dee!”

She was back in her living room, and Grayson was scared.

“Wha-” she looked around, bewildered. She was sitting up, which disoriented her a bit, though she was with it enough to realize she was still in Grayson’s lap.

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re safe,” Grayson said, eyes still wide. He pushed her hair back out of her face as she looked down, only then realizing that she’d balled up his shirt in her hands. She let go, looking at the disheveled fabric, which was also splotched with dark spots.

“I’m- sorry, I don’t… I uh… I had a nightmare. Sorry.”

“It’s okay baby,” Grayson murmured. “You okay?”

Those two words brought on a whole other wave of tears, and she crumpled into him, shaking her head as she cried.

It took him by surprise for a moment - he knew she didn’t like to cry, and he’d never really seen her so upset. So he took a moment to process, and then he lifted her arms up over his shoulders, coiling his own around her and squeezing her to him as tight as he could without crushing her. He didn’t speak. He just held her, let her get it out of her system, whatever it was.

When her sobs turned to sniffles and his shirt was fully soaked through on the shoulder, he spoke up.

“What do you need? What can I do?”

She pulled back from him, frame seeming even smaller somehow as she sat there.

“Can you go check on Bekah? I know it’s Wednesday, and I know we’re going to tomorrow but… you don’t have to, I just, I know she’s alone up there, but I have so much work to do, and-”

“I can go. I’ll go,” he said. The pieces fell together in his brain, and he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Thank you,” she exhaled, shoulders slumping back down.

“Are you gonna be okay here by yourself while I’m gone?”

“Yeah, I need to study anyways, I’ll keep myself busy. Just need to know she’s okay.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure she’s good, might hang out for a bit and watch something if she’s up for it.”

“That sounds amazing. Thank you.”

He didn’t like the idea of leaving her there, but he could tell she wouldn’t have any peace of mind until she knew that Bekah was okay. It reminded him off all the times he’d called his mother in the middle of the night in those last few months before he’d officially come home, just to make sure his dad was still there.

“If you need me, call me okay? I’ll turn back around.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I love you,” she said, kissing him quickly.

“I love you more.”

He shifted her off him onto the couch and got up, putting his shoes and coat on quickly before he could convince himself to stay. It was already dark outside despite it only being 6pm, and he kept his head down on the streets on his way to the hospital, mind racing until he got up to the unit and signed in.

He half expected Bekah to be lying still in her bed, on her back with all her machines on. Or, at least for her to be drained and tired like she had been the last few times they saw her. But when he cleared the doorway she was sitting up in bed on her phone, random Tik Tok audio’s playing. She looked up at him and smiled her brightest smile.

“Earrings! It’s a Wednesday, the fuck are you doing here?!”

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“You get an extra dose of me this week, deal with it,” he teased, unzipping his coat and laying it over one of the chairs.

“Where’s Indy?”

“Studying for finals. It’s a me you date tonight, you pick. What’re we doing?”

“Well, I restarted Vampire Diaries.”

“Restarted? Bro, you were on season 7 yesterday!”

“Yeah so? The best seasons are the first two, we’ve been over this.”

“Whatever, scootch over.”

She did as he asked, though he had to put the bedrails down to even fit halfway on the mattress.

“Here, get in here so we can send some motivation to Dee,” he said, pulling out his phone and opening snapchat. They moved so just their noses-up were on screen, making Bekah laugh as he sent it off.

She screenshotted it and sent back a heart, which put his mind at ease enough to relax and attempt to enjoy an episode, though he wasn’t really following the plot considering they were almost halfway through the first season.

“So, what’s happening exactly?” He finally asked 20 minutes into the episode.

“Stefan is trying to be all ‘you deserve better than me’, and Damon just doesn’t give a shit. Essentially, Stefan doesn’t want to hurt Elena so he wants her to make the decision to break it off so he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy.”

“But if he loves her, then why does he want to break it off at all?”

“Well cause he’s bad for her. She would have to give up so much for him. She’s having to lie to her friends, hide all this stuff for him. Change her whole life really. But she wants to, because she loves him, he just doesn’t think it’s fair to ask that of her. But like… he’s still asking her to do it just by being with her, you know?”

He knew.

“I mean, and he’s a fucking vampire. Yah know, suck suck and all that jazz,” Bekah laughed. “If the rest isn’t a deal breaker, then that definitely is. I mean, yeah, Damon’s a vampire too but at least he just accepts it, and he doesn’t ask her to change or anything.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’m Team Damon, if you couldn’t tell,” she tried again.

“Yeah. Me too.”

Grayson tried to shake himself out of his thoughts, but it was proving difficult. Luckily, Bekah just mistook it as him being super invested in the show, which made her happy. Jessica let him stay an extra fifteen minutes, and he took a quick video of Bekah wishing Indy luck on her last final before he left and headed out.

The walk home was worse. It was darker somehow, colder as his mind raced with realization after realization. He did his best to do the math in his head. It was December 3rd, which meant 30 days until he was supposed to go back to LA. All the way to the other side of the country, only coming back to Jersey every few months if he was able to. Ethan’s voice rang in his head as he trudged through the lobby and into the elevator.

That shit won’t work when you’re on the other side of the country.

He tried to breathe it off, put on a positive face before he opened Indy’s apartment door, smiling when he saw her on the couch, pencil tucked behind her ear as she looked over diagrams.

“Hi! How was it?”

“It was good, she’s good. Looks great actually.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket once, then again, and he pulled it out to check it.

A notification of a payment from the joint bank account, and then a text from E.

Booked the flights for the 2nd. Hope that’s cool.

“Everything okay?” Indy asked.

He put his phone back in his pocket and smiled.

“Yeah. Everything is fine.”

[prettywordsyouleft]

Labelling Love | Part 4 (Collab)

Summary: Meeting you changed the way Eunwoo viewed romance and love entirely.

Pairing: Cha Eunwoo x female reader

Genre: university au / romance / fluff

Warnings: none

A/N: Welcome to the second series in the monthly Love In Fours Ways collab with @jackiejacks923​ @noona-clock​ & @this-song-thats-only-for-you​ . In the final week of each month during this collab, we’ll be each sharing a mini-series using 4 of the pictures/concepts illustrated in the book that inspired our series that I’ve credited below.

Credit to: Puuung - Love Is In The Small Things // #76 , #60 , #4 , #33

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 // Collab Masterlist

Part 4 - Visiting The Library Together

Even after all this time of dating you, Eunwoo realised this was the first time he was meeting you at the library. He was always the one to arrive first or you would enter together.

It only hit him when the déjà vu experience washed over him as he stood in the lobby staring at you reading a book at the table. Much as it had two years ago, his heart began to thud erratically in his chest and his breathing heightened.

Unlike then, however, he grinned.

Eunwoo had been so scared to accept what he felt back then could have led to something as magical as he had with you now. Perhaps he was a hopeless romantic after all.

He was certain now that he had fallen in love with you at first sight.

Of course, it had taken him all this time to admit that to himself. However, ever since he had told you last winter that he loved you for the first time, he didn’t go long between uttering it again. And if he wasn’t in a position to say it out loud, he would show you.

Which was what he did when he reached out to give your shoulder a gentle squeeze before sitting down across from you at the table.

Closing the textbook, you rested your hands under your chin and stared over at him lovingly. “Hey you.”

“Studying going well?”

“Hm, let me see,” you said softly, staring at him for some time before nodding with a sly smile. “Yes, I think you’ll do.”

Eunwoo couldn’t help but chuckle despite rolling his eyes at your response. “Quit looking at my face and do something more productive. Exams are just around the corner.”

“I’d aced a test all about you.”

“There’s still a whole lot about me you have to learn, don’t be so rash.”

“Maybe you should give me a mock exam so I can stretch my expertise,” you offered and Eunwoo shook his head as he pulled out his laptop and textbook. You whined lightly. “You’re here to actually study?”

“Well, that’s why we meet up in the library, Y/N.”

“Didn’t you once say this is where you saw me before our first class together?”

“You remember that?”

“I even chose the same table.”

Eunwoo tilted his head as he looked over at you. “You choose the exact same table every time you study on this level.”

“Because it’s-”

“In the center of the room and provides the best studying environment. I know.”

You folded your arms across your chest with a smirk. “Are you practising for your exam on me?”

“No, I don’t have time to take that test yet,” he admitted, opening the screen to his laptop. “Though there is something I realised today.”

“Which is?”

“Back then I was struggling to know what I felt when I saw you for the first time.” Smiling over at you, Eunwoo entangled his legs with yours under the table. “It seems completely out of my depth, however.”

“What did you feel? Attraction? Did I intrigue you?” you wondered, dropping your hands onto the table and leaning in closer to learn the answer as if Eunwoo was about to utter a secret.

So he prepared it like one, looking around you both before whispering. “Love.”

“Don’t mess with me!” you huffed, getting up and heading into the rows of bookshelves to the right. Eunwoo abandoned his computer and followed you, pulling you further into an aisle where fewer people frequented. He then placed a hand upon the shelf above your head and the other around your waist. You gasped at his bold move. “What are you doing?!”

“You always call me a romantic. Isn’t this one of the moves made in romance novels? The handsome student blocks the main protagonist up against the books and hopes they don’t whisper of the sins that happen upon them?” he suggested before ducking his head down to kiss you.

Despite your concern before, once his lips melded against yours, you gripped at the front of his top and stretched up to meet him midway. The kiss was sweeter than usual, perhaps being chased with the concept of being caught out by another student. This idea spurred Eunwoo on, kissing you until he sensed movement coming towards you both.

Instantly reaching for the spine of a book, he then flipped it open and then blinked.

Of course, it was in Latin.

“Well, this is rather a difficult text to understand,” he mentioned as you slapped his chest and barely gave him the time to place it back on the shelf before dragging him back to your table. Gesturing for him to collect his belongings, you then dashed out of the library, all but running down the main steps leading into the largest building on campus.

And then you started to laugh.

“Okay, the one time you purposely put effort into being romantic and it feels way too much!” you confessed in between giggles and Eunwoo bit at his bottom lip whilst shrugging.

“You didn’t like it?”

“Who wouldn’t like that?” you admitted, poking him in the chest. “Especially with such a handsome student like you.”

“You know, as students, we should be studying right now,” he reminded, but you shook your head adamantly.

“How am I meant to understand anything today after hearing my boyfriend tell me he fell in love at first sight with me?”

“I guess that might be difficult to navigate.”

“I’m jealous,” you told him with a pout and Eunwoo frowned. Following you over to the stone ledge lining the library’s courtyard, you let out a dejected sigh. “I can’t say I fell in love at first sight with you.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Why would that be a good thing?” you wondered and Eunwoo leaned over to brush a strand of hair away from your face.

“Because you’ve been able to approach us with clarity for a whole lot longer than I have. From the very beginning, I’ve been overwhelmed by you. And it confused me because I thought I didn’t believe in things like love at first sight. Even though it’s the only thing that makes sense to me now, I wish I could contest it. Just so my logical side can be satisfied.”

“Logic has no place inside the heart,” you murmured, placing your hand over his. You beamed up at him. “That’s what belongs in your mind. Your heart led you to me. You shouldn’t regret that.”

“And you shouldn’t be jealous that it took you some time to let your heart find mine. I mean, you acted before me in most situations.”

“It’s been both of us. I distinctively remember almost face planting last Christmas when you told me you loved me.”

Eunwoo laughed. “I did appreciate you asking me out on our first date too.”

“We should continue to surprise each other like this.”

“Deal.”

“So what should we do now that we’re not going to study today?” you asked and Eunwoo shot you a look.

“Who says I can’t study today?”

“You’ll leave me to struggle like this?!”

“If you want to get behind in your studies all because I said some cheesy romantic lines to you, then that’s up to you.”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“You’re welcome to come over to mine whilst I study,” he offered and you glowered at Eunwoo, folding your arms firmly across your middle again.

“Can’t you go back to being the unproductive one in my company?”

“I had enough of that back then. It’s your turn now.” Eunwoo smirked. “But don’t worry I know how to help you with your problem. We’ll work together as a team. If you spend all your time with me, maybe you’ll be able to overcome this moment.”

You smiled, though your next words contradicted the gesture. “You’re not funny.”

“Who knows, you might not be the only one with feelings to explore,” he continued and you couldn’t hold back your laugh before diving into his arms.

Nestling against his shoulder, you let out a sigh of content. “I love visiting the library with you. We have spent a lot of our time together in that place.”

“Do you want to go back in but up to another floor?” he suggested and you lifted your head to glance at Eunwoo. He grinned mischievously. “If you can let me get an entire page of my exam essay written, I might even reward you again in the bookshelves.”

“What an offer,” you replied with a laugh and shook your head. “You underestimate your own self-control. I bet you’ll find yourself staring across at me and grow distracted from your studies altogether.”

“What will you do if that happens?”

Standing, you tugged Eunwoo back towards the building. “I guess I’ll have to press you into a bookshelf myself.”

“So either way, we’ll be thankful that the books don’t have ears?” he surmised and you giggled, heading back to the library, shooting him a demure look over your shoulder before bounding up the stairs again.

Eunwoo chased after you, knowing that he was eager to prove you wrong and end up rewarded. And even if he did fail and found himself staring at you mid-thought, he knew it would only lead to kissing you in the seclusion of an aisle of books.

Had he known back then that the initial reaction he felt towards you would lead to this; he knew he wouldn’t have believed it for a second.

But now that he believed in love at first sight, he was certain every time he looked up at you would lead him to further experiences shared together.

And that’s what love was all about, after all.

_________________

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[viscountessevie]

To Lady Paige, With Love [Part 2]

Main Pairing: Eloise Bridgerton x FemOC! Paige Crane [Reference to Past! Marina Thompson x Paige Crane]

Series Summary: A WLW Rewrite of To Sir Phillip, With Love - featuring my OC Paige Crane, Phillip's twin sister. What happens when Eloise Bridgerton writes to Phillip after the death of his wife but her letter gets intercepted by his twin sister who loved more Marina than he ever did?

Chapter Summary: After corresponding with Eloise for over a year using her brother's name, Paige is mourning Marina's first death anniversary. All Paige wanted was some peace and quiet but little does she know, she's in for a rude awakening

Trigger Warnings: Grief, Brief Mentions of Previous Death/Suicide Attempt, Depression & Anxiety

Part 1 - Prologue: Take Me To The Lakes

Chapter 1: Right Where You Left Me [February 1823]

5:48pm. That time would haunt Paige for the rest of her life.

'Time of death: 5:48pm.' the doctor had said. The moment Marina was officially pronounced dead, Paige screamed. She could still hear the echoes of her own scream every night she spent in Marina's room, sobbing herself to sleep. It had been a month since she died. Paige truly understood what Marina felt and went through.

The grief, pain and sadness was all consuming. She was drowning in her own emotions. It made her want to throw herself into the lake and join Marina. At least drowning in the lake was tangible. It was a tangible way to match the melancholy she was feeling. Through the pain, Paige had learnt that when people take their lives, they don't get rid of the melancholy, they simply pass it on. Paige had become a victim of Marina's pain being passed onto her.

She knew that everyone was dealing with the loss on their own but she was just so angry with Phillip and the children and even the staff. Pretending like Marina was never there. The worst part is, she couldn't fault them for it. Marina wasn't there, at least not mentally present. The last month has eased off her anger. She nearly bit Phillip's head off when he came back from his business trip the day before she passed.

"You should have been here! I may love her but she's still your wife!"

"I had a very important specimen to pick up, you know that, Paige." He said gruffly. She was so sick and tired of him using his experiments as an excuse to neglect his family.

"I know that!" She snapped at him, "These trips are getting ridiculous. You can't keep using them to run away from your responsibilities. You made a commitment to her and your children. You completely abandoned them!" Her voice cracked with anger. Now Phillip was getting frustrated with her and snapped back at his twin.

"Do you think I wanted to carry those burdens? I had no choice in the matter! I had to be the one to clean up the mess George left behind!"

She stepped back at her brother's outburst. He never yelled. He refused to be their father. She knew she had crossed the line. She softened her expression.

"I shouldn't have yelled, I apologise. But so help me God, you will not repeat that to her or the children. They are our family, Phillip, 'not a mess George left behind." Her voice was low, laced with a cold fury.

"She's resting now but you should go see her. I'll give you two some privacy." Paige made her suggestion sound like a demand. There was absolutely no reason why he should neglect his duties as a husband now. She wasn't going to let him off the hook for it. She quickly slipped into the room to kiss Marina's forehead. She allowed Philip in and headed off to tend to the children.

Then there was that dreadful conversation where Amanda openly admitted that she was glad her mother was gone. Paige knew on an intellectual level that's not what Amanda had meant. She meant she was happy her mother was happy even if it meant she was gone. But emotionally, it destroyed Paige to hear that.

It was exhausting to feel like the only one who truly cared for Marina. She had all these emotions welled up inside her, screaming to be let out. Yet she felt like she couldn't talk to anyone. The children played and carried on as per normal. While Phillip had stopped taking his trips to avoid the children, he has hidden away in the Greenhouse more often. He refuses to talk about her. What else could she expect from her twin who represses the slightest hint of human emotion. God forbid he let himself feel sad.

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that everyone processed grief in different ways. She needed something to get her mind off things. On cue, Miles came in to deliver the mail. She gestured for him to hand them over and he took his leave.

She flipped through the envelopes, none addressed to her. Of course no one would write to her and the only person who would, died. She was about to put down the pile when a name jumped out at her.

From: Eloise Bridgerton No. 5, Bruton Street London

She remembered Eloise like it was yesterday. They spent some time together during their first season. She came as a package deal with Penelope Featherington. So when Marina had struck up a friendship with Penelope, Paige found herself spending a lot of time with the two of them. The four of them were quite the formidable group during that first season. Paige remembered how many suitors Marina had received. Unable to deal with her jealousy in a healthy manner, she did what she did best, ran away from her emotions. She poured herself into a friendship with Eloise. Somewhere along the way, she had developed feelings for the clever Bridgerton. She recalled how she did her best to repress those feelings. Even though at the time, Marina and her were nowhere close to courtship, Paige still felt like she was being unfaithful to her.

There was just something about Eloise that had drawn Paige to her.

She shook her head rather violently, as if trying to shake those memories away. How could she be thinking of that when she's supposed to be grieving Marina? She set down the letter, leaving it for Phillip to read it later when he finally comes out of hiding.

She stood up to head to Marina's room to mope. It almost seemed like she had taken Marina's place as the Romney Hall's living ghost. What was the point in living your life when the person you wanted to spend it with was gone?

But rising questions about Eloise's letter stopped her. For one, why was it addressed to Phillip rather than her? She knew it had been well over a decade, but had Eloise forgotten her already?

Her plan to mope for the day had been abandoned and she picked up Eloise's letter once again. She picked up the letter opener and impulsively ripped it open.

Sir Phillip Crane —

I am writing to express my condolences on the loss of your wife, my dear friend Marina, I remember her fondly and was deeply saddened to hear of her passing .

Please do not hesitate to write if there is anything I can do to ease your pain at this difficult time .

Yrs,

Miss Eloise Bridgerton

***

Oh. She was just as lovely as Paige remembered her. This was too kind of a letter to delay it's response. Paige went to her room and sat at her desk. She pulled out her stationary kit and fetched herself some parchment and a quill. She quickly penned down a response.

Dear Eloise —

I hope you remember me from your first season. Marina was a dear friend to me as well and I thank you for your kind note on behalf of Marina. It was thoughtful of you to write asking after us.

I offer you this flower attached as thanks. It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet.

Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.

It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.

Sincerely -

*

She stopped short before she signed it off with her name. She had finally stepped out of her moment of impulsivity. Insanity more like, she thought to herself. She felt awful for invading Eloise and - by extension - Phillip's privacy.

She couldn't send this! How was she going to explain it?

*

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

I am absolutely mad and stole my brother's mail because I used to fancy you when we first debuted together in our first season.

Yours Sincerely, Paige Crane

That would certainly go over well. She would be lucky not to be locked up. She stared at her original letter and ripped it up. She detested the thought of Phillip striking up a friendship with Eloise. Deep down she knew if he became as enamoured with her as she once was, he'd make her his wife. It might have only been a month but she knew her brother. He needed a mother and wife for the children. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he was already planning to look for one.

He had already taken Marina from her. As twins, they grew up sharing everything, starting from the womb. Everywhere Paige went, Phillip was there. They even had parallel careers. She just wanted this one person to herself. It was selfish she knew but she wanted to keep her London past for herself. Even if it meant never letting Phillip see the letter and responding on her own.

She rewrote another note without a second thought:

Dear Miss Bridgerton,

Thank you for your kind note on behalf of my wife. It was thoughtful of you to take the time to write to a gentleman you have never met. I offer you this full bloom flower as thanks.

It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet. Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.

It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.

When it came to signing off, she hesitated for a moment at her dishonesty. Then the anger of having lost most of her life and identity to Phillip came up. That was motivation enough for her to scribble the last line of the letter:

Sincerely, Sir Phillip Crane.

***

Letter Correspondence From March 1823 to March 1824 Between Paige Crane & Eloise Bridgerton

Dear Sir Phillip -

Thank you so very much for the charming flower. It was such a lovely surprise when it came attached to the envelope. And such a precious memento of dear Marina, as well .

I could not help but notice your facility with the flower's scientific name and seemed to be knowledgeable about its properties. Are you a botanist?

Yours, Miss Eloise Bridgerton

*

Eloise’s response had come quite quickly in a week. It was no easy feat hiding the letters from Phillip. He was the Lord of the house after all. Paige was lucky enough to have a friend in Miles. She had been the one to stop Phillip from being let go. She had named him her personal assistant instead. She coyly asked Miles for a favour and requested that all of Eloise’s letters be directed to her. He looked at her with utter confusion when she asked.

“Whatever are you up to, Miss Crane?”

“Miles, you know you can call me Paige. We are friends, aren’t we?” She had a mischievous shine in her eye that told him she was up to something.

“I suppose… that doesn’t answer my question, Paige.” He said her name pointedly. She chuckled at him, he was hilarious. She knew she made the right choice keeping him employed.

“Friends trust each other. I promise I will tell you everything down the line.” She shot him a look of promise. That fixed the issue of being found out was solved easily. All she had to do now was enjoy the correspondence.

She still had not been able to break her habit of crying herself to sleep in Marina’s room every night, but these letters took her mind off the grief momentarily. She couldn’t thank Eloise Bridgerton enough for that. She read back Eloise’s response and grinned. Eloise was as charming and eloquent as always. She was clever enough to pick out Paige's interest in plants just by her rambles. Paige also noticed how Eloise was clever enough to end her letter with a question. What a sneaky lady, now Paige had to reply. Not that she was complaining. She was rather happy to have revived this old connection.

She pulled out her stationary and penned her reply. She stuck close to the truth while using Phillip's qualifications. Just because she wasn't allowed a formal education at Cambridge didn't make her any less knowledgeable than her twin. She devoured his textbooks during his University days. She most likely would have beat him to an honours degree in Botany had the fairer sex been allowed to study in Universities.

She followed Eloise's lead and ended her letter with a question as well. She vaguely remembered Eloise’s interest in humanities but she wanted it confirmed from the lady herself.

*

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

Indeed I am a botanist, trained at Cambridge, although I am not currently connected with any university or scientific board. I maintain my own garden at Romney Hall, in my greenhouse. Are you of a scientific bent as well?

Yours , Sir Phillip Crane

The reply came another week later. She smiled at being correct in her assumption. They started going back and forth every week, until a year had passed.

*

Dear Sir Phillip —

Heavens, no, I have not the scientific mind, I'm afraid, although I do have a fair head for sums. My interests lie more in the humanities; you may have noticed that I enjoy penning letters .

Yours in friendship,

Eloise Bridgerton

*

My dear Miss Bridgerton —

Ah, but it is a sort of friendship, isn't it? I confess to a certain measure of isolation here in the country, and if one cannot have a smiling face across one's breakfast table, then one might at least have an amiable letter, don't you agree?

I have enclosed another flower and a book for you. This flower is Centaurea cyanus, more commonly known as the cornflower. They are a personal favourite of mine, especially for its vibrance in colour. They are actually grown as a weed in cornfields, hence where it derives its common name from. Quite beautiful for a weed, wouldn’t you agree?

As for the book, I would like to share a piece of my literary heart with you. You will find a copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in the package. I regard it as a brilliantly complex novel that tackles the existential questions of creating life in such an nuanced manner. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

With great regard, Phillip Crane

*

Even though it was a friendly exchange of letters, Paige considered sharing her favourite flower and novel a way of elevating the friendship. They were a part of her identity. A part that she was willingly giving away to another to cherish and hold. It was a big step for her and that terrified her. She was scared of developing feelings for someone else. She could not bear to go through it again.

She knew no sane woman - despite being a child of Sappho - would give up the security of a husband and run off with another woman. Most of the sapphic women Paige knew were far too caught up in the social norms to ever step out of their comfort zone into a realm of possibilities of a free life with her. She knew she got lucky with Marina and that Phillip didn’t care enough for Marina to be bothered with their love affair. He also loved his sister enough to be happy with his wife, even if he didn’t understand how she could love a person who seemed to be made of sadness. Paige knew he never understood, but he didn’t have to. Marina and her understood each other and that’s all that truly mattered until the end.

While Eloise has never stated whether she felt that way about women, she did seem like a child of Sappho. The way she had interacted with potential suitors during that first season, or rather the way she didn’t. She hid away from every suitor that came her way. At times, she would pull Paige away to the lemonade table to avoid them, whenever Penelope was too busy dancing with Colin. The way she scoffed at marriage. She just seemed content in her independence. Paige had admired that about her.

*

As always her next letter did not disappoint:

Dear Sir Phillip —

Thank you for the book and flower, I truly appreciated them. I have always found sharing books recommendations with companions is like giving them a piece of yourself. So I thank you again, for gifting me a piece of yourself. I promise to cherish it.

And I have read Frankenstein before! It truly is one of its kind. I could go on for hours on end about how much I love this book and how brilliantly crafted it is. Perhaps, should we ever meet, we could discuss it over tea one day.

The cornflower was wonderful, thank you. I do love how it seems to shine a brighter blue in the sunlight. I think it might be my favourite flower as well.

Yours, Eloise Bridgerton.

A dreamy sigh escaped Paige’s lips as she drank in Eloise’s latest words. Paige had never felt more seen and understood. Eloise expressed the sentiment of Paige’s intent with the book and flower exactly. Paige might have used her brother’s name, but she knew in her heart Eloise knew her - even if it was not by her given name. She found the line about meeting and discussing the novel over tea, a rather bold choice. Was Eloise inviting her to tea?

She sighed when the sobering truth hit her. Eloise wasn’t inviting her. She was inviting her brother. She knew what she had to do - politely shut her down.

Dearest Miss Bridgerton —

You took the words right out of my quill. Those were my exact intentions when I thought of sending my favourite flower and book over to you. I am very much honoured that you cherish an important part of myself. I truly appreciate it. Truth be told, I appreciate you and our friendship.

Perhaps, one day. Tea does sound lovely.

What mischief have you been causing as of late? I am always excited to read your recounts of your daily adventures.

Yours as always, Phillip Crane. * Over the next few months simply flew by for Paige, the letters giving her a reprieve from her grief. They talked about anything and everything under the sun. She learned everything there is to know about Eloise Bridgerton. They exchanged childhood stories, more books between the two of them - Paige found out that Eloise’s guilty pleasure was Jane Austen’s romance novels - and held full conversations of various academic subjects. Her most prized possession was Eloise’s old copy of Persuasion filled with Eloise’s notes and thoughts on the book. Paige’s heart soared the moment she received it. It was Eloise’s version of giving Paige a piece of herself. She hadn’t read Persuasion before so she was glad for the recommendation. The botanist couldn’t help but laugh as she read the novel. Anne and Captain Wentworth’s story seemed to mirror hers. Their 7 year separation felt rather familiar to having not seen Eloise since their first season.

Before she knew it, a year had passed. She was startled when she saw the calendar on her desk when penning her latest letter to Eloise. 14th February 1824. It was the day Marina attempted to kill herself a year ago. Tomorrow would be a year since Marina’s last good day. And two days from now, on 17th February 1824, Paige would have to be met with the sobering reality of Marina’s death anniversary.

The holidays had been hard as it could be. The empty chair Marina had previously occupied was staring at Paige while her family carried on with their jovial Christmas dinner. She couldn’t understand how they could simply get on with their lives while she felt like a piece of her was missing. Yes, Marina was not much for festivities but sitting beside her and enjoying the food they cooked together was the highlight of Christmas. It was the only time Marina felt well enough to help Paige prepare the feast.

Marina’s birthday had been the hardest to deal with of course. She would have been twenty and eight then. Paige visits Marina's grave at least once a week. It calms and soothes her intense moments of grief. Sitting by the grave on Marina's birthday was a new kind of pain. Knowing that she was taken from the world far too early. Knowing that she should have been there right beside Paige. It was the hardest Paige had cried since Marina had died.

She had no idea how she was going to deal with her death anniversary.

She just knew she needed time to herself. She looked down at the letter she was going to write and found big splashes of tears all over the parchment.

"Blast it!" She cursed and crushed the paper, tossing it into a nearby bin. She was furious with herself for forgetting. For allowing herself to be happy when she didn’t deserve it. She wiped her tears angrily and quickly scribbled one last letter to Eloise.

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

These letters have brought me such comfort over a very difficult year. I cannot thank you enough for it, Eloise Bridgerton.

I do regret to inform you, I would like to pause these letters for the month. I require some time to process and mourn Marina's first death anniversary. I'm sure you can understand it will be a rather difficult time.

Thank you for understanding and do take care, Miss Bridgerton.

Yours, Phillip Crane

Paige could barely get through the letter without feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for abandoning Eloise so abruptly. Feeling guilty for using her as a distraction from her grief over Marina. Most of all, she hated how she can't seem to remember the smallest things about Marina. She was forgetting her love's memory and it was driving her mad. She tried her best to conjure up how she smelled, the sound of her voice, how she was. Paige found the little details escaping her. Memories slipping through her fingers. She detested this. She didn't know how she had gotten to this point.

She had allowed her corresponding flirtation with Eloise to soothe her pain. But her pain was the one thing she had left of Marina. Letting it go meant letting go of Marina. Paige absolutely refused to do that. If she forgot Marina, there was no one else to keep her memory alive. Phillip and the children certainly didn't care for it. Marina would be lost to history.

*

After delivering the letter to Miles to be mailed out, Paige found herself in Marina's room. She laid on her bed, aimlessly and feeling vacant. She was sure if someone walked in they might mistake her for Marina herself. Paige felt her melancholy creeping up her throat. It threatened to choke her, snuffing all the light out. She sat up and tried to breathe. She was feeling an unusual amount of panic rising within her.

She got out of bed and looked out the window. The lake was in perfect view. Of course, that’s where Marina had gotten the idea, She thought to herself bitterly. She looked up at the sky, imagining her lover was up there somewhere happier. Somewhere calmer, where she had found peace.

“I’m right where you left me, Rina.” She whispered softly. It had been a while since she spoke out loud to Marina but it had brought her so much comfort in the early days of dealing with the grief. For a moment, she could pretend Marina was still there. Then she didn’t have to deal with the all consuming guilt and loneliness that came with losing the love of her life.

Marina might have been the one who died but Paige felt like the ghost. Spending most of her days in Marina's room, sitting still in a corner, almost like she was the one haunting it. She heard what the staff said. Something along the lines of, "What a pitiful sight." And "She deserves better than to replace Lady Marina's disposition." They were valid in their concerns but Paige couldn't care less. This was the way she knew how to grieve and mourn and she'll be damned before she lets anyone dictate the way she feels.

Looking into the reflection of the lake from the window, she could still remember the day Marina walked into the lake. It was terrifying how crystal clear the memory was. It felt like she was frozen in time - forever cursed to be twenty and seven - forced to relive the last few days of Marina's days. The memory of her walking into the lake, Paige having to rescue her, staying by her side the next three days and the moment she died. They swirled around Paige's mind constantly. It was particularly worse since it had been a year.

She was paralysed, unable to find the will to do anything else. So she went back to bed. She sat there, silent and frozen in time. The servants walked past all day to ask her if she was alright. She barely managed a nod.

She swore she could hear a hair pin drop at how silent everything was. Deep down she knew her life stopped the moment Marina had died. Eloise's letters may have made her feel like she could move forward. However, the gaping hole in her heart today proved otherwise.

Everybody moved on. She couldn't. So she settled and stayed there, dust collecting on her pinned-up hair. She knew everyone expected her to find a new purpose or a fresh start. She could have tended to her own garden like Phillip was doing in his Greenhouse on this day.

Yet all she found the energy to do was sit and stare out at the lake. She stayed right there for the next two days. She just wanted the next worst few days of her life to pass her by so she would not have to deal with them. Just until the 17th had passed.

*

Of course as the saying goes, there is no rest for the wicked. All Paige wanted on the 17th of February was some peace but little did she know, a certain Bridgerton would be making their way to Romney Hall.

It started out like any other day. Except for the Crane household, there was a somber remembrance of Marina’s first death anniversary. Paige was relieved that she didn’t have to share the burden alone and that her brother had the decency to acknowledge it. He didn’t bother reminding the children but they were young so she let it slide.

Since the staff had honoured her request of being left alone, around noon Paige dragged herself out of bed to get herself some lunch. Marina would have wanted her to mourn respectfully, not join her up wherever she may be. Paige was on her way back to her room after picking up her meal of roasted mutton with rice and gravy - Marina’s favourite dish - when she overheard a curious conversation between Gunning and her brother.

"Sir Phillip," Gunning said, clearing his throat. "We have a caller." "A caller?" Phillip echoed. "Was that the source of the, ah..." "Noise?" Gunning supplied helpfully. "Yes." "No." The butler cleared his throat. "That would have been your children." "I see," Phillip murmured. "How silly of me to have hoped otherwise." "I don't believe they broke anything, sir." "That's a relief and a change." "Indeed, sir, but there is the caller to consider."

Phillip groaned and Paige immediately knew what he was thinking. Romney Hall hadn’t received callers in years. He was probably wondering who on earth would be calling on this day of all days. Paige didn’t think much of it until she passed the front door on her way up to her room when she spotted a familiar face on the other side of the door.

Eloise Bridgerton.

What in the devil was she doing here?! Paige mentally screamed to herself. Gunning and Phillip’s conversation had faded to the background, drowned out by the mental grind of Paige’s mind. She snapped out of her melancholy and had to come up with a way to cover up the consequences of her actions. Just when she needed it, Miles walked past her. She immediately grabbed him. He looked surprised and a little violated if you asked him.

“Miss Crane! What on earth?” “Miles, how many times must I repeat myself? Paige is perfectly fine. I apologise for grabbing you, I am in need of your service.” She said guiltily, looking over at the front door.

He gave her a curious look, “What did you do now, Paige?” He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

She shot him a glare, “I would snap at you for that but you are quite right to ask. I think one of my letters to Miss Bridgerton might have been misinterpreted as an invitation to come over to Romney Hall.” She gave him such a pitiful pleading look, he had to help her.

“How can I be of service, Miss - Paige?” He corrected himself the moment Paige shot him a murderous look. “I need a plan. If the truth comes out, neither of them will forgive me.”

Miles had never seen her so panicked and scared before. For someone who detests her brother, she really did love him. Her blooming feelings for Miss Bridgerton had become apparent over the last few months. He gave himself a moment to think of a plan.

"Yes, sir. She's here to see you, after all." They both heard Gunning say to Phillip.

Paige looked at Miles with wide eyes. They had officially run out of time. This was sealed by the sounds of Phillip’s footsteps making their way to the corridor Paige and Miles were hatching a plan in. Before Paige could push Miles to distract him, her dear brother had brushed past them and opened the door. She cursed to herself and watched helplessly as the two strangers who had technically never met interacted. She made her way to stand quietly behind her brother, listening to every word. Paige's heart nearly stopped when she heard Eloise's voice after all these years.

"Sir Phillip?"

[im-whatchamccallit]

Risking It//Mark Tuan (Got7)

Part 2|Masterlist|Rules

Request: YAY I’M SO EXCITED THAT YOU’RE BACK!! I hope you’ve been well (: I’ve missed you and your writing! May I request a college boyfriend Mark Tuan story! You can write it about whatever you want I just love the idea of Mark as a college boyfriend he gives me those vibes. Please make it fluffy and smutty if you’re feeling adventurous ;) Hahaha thank you so much! Have a wonderful day 😁😁😁

Pairing: Mark Tuan x Reader

Genre: College! AU, fluff but mostly smut (sorry, the hoe in me took over)

Warnings: sexual content (oral sex, fingering, mentions of overstimulation), kinda poorly written because I’m scatterbrained and couldn’t find a perfect concept lol

Words: 3.9k

You bit your bottom lip as you tried to focus on what your professor was saying, writing notes from the words she spoke in fear it’d be on a future pop quiz, but you couldn’t focus with the pair of eyes boring into you. You were trying to ignore Mark but he refused to look away, wanting you to look at him as he sat by idly at your teacher’s desk.

You weren’t sure what to expect when Mark was announced as the TA for your class, but you didn’t expect him to be, well, himself. You figured he’d try to be professional and fair, giving everyone equal amounts of attention and help whenever necessary, instead he’d always find his way to you, cracking jokes and even flirting. You were doing extremely well in this course, not needing the extra help which upset him a bit, so during times when he couldn’t talk to you up close, or text you in case your teacher saw, he’d stare, hoping to have a silent conversation with you to ease his clingy nature. But you weren’t catching on, his lips threatening to form a pout as he looked away.

“Mark.” His head snapped upwards as your professor called him, his body standing as he waited for her instructions.

“Can you hand out the graded test please? They’re on the corner of my desk.” He nodded, mentally cheering as he prepared himself to speak to you for the first time today.

Despite your professor speaking, you tuned her out, watching Mark anxiously as he went to each person, congratulating those that did well and telling others they can retake the test another day to salvage their grades. You were nervous. You weren’t as confident in this test as you were others and the idea of getting anything less than a 100 made you want to cry. You couldn’t even find ease in the way Mark was approaching you, the smile on his face might be because you did well or because he just wanted your attention, your mind screaming for it to be the former.

Mark gently handed you the booklet like test, your eyes immediately landing on the 98 that sat on the top of the front page, the pressured feeling in your chest not leaving even as an audible sigh left your lips while his hand rested on your head, causing your eyes to meet his.

“Good job.” You couldn’t help but give a small smile, finally giving him what he’s been wanting to see all day.

“Professor Ahn,” One girl, Yeeun, spoke up, everyone’s attention falling to her as she stood.

“Considering your TA is the one who graded the test, and is also (Y/n)’s boyfriend, don’t you think there’s a bit of bias on his part?”

The way she looked over at the both of you as if she had won some battle didn’t sit right with you, your eyes narrowing into a glare while Mark only smirked, continuing passing out the test as your professor sighed heavily.

“Ms. Shin, Mr. Tuan made me aware of his relationship with Ms. (Y/L/N) the day he arrived, which is why I personally grade all her test myself. In other words, the score (Y/n) received is not only valid but the only one to reach over 90% in this class, so I suggest you focus on your own grades instead of worrying about those two.” Mark wanted to laugh at the way she sat down in such a defeated state, scowling at the 73 on the paper as if it were a nuisance.

Professor Ahn repeated Mark’s words, reminding everyone that retakes would happen for the next two days during her free periods and after school before officially dismissing everyone, your body moving a bit slower than everyone else so you were left behind, Professor Ahn heading into her personal office just behind her desk while you approached Mark, his face in a cute pout.

“You didn’t look at me today.”

“I was nervous.” You responded, reaching to cup his face before bringing him into a soft kiss, pulling away before he could take it any further.

“What’s your next class?” He asked, reaching for your hand to lead you out of the room.

“I’m actually done for the day. And, I know you’re free too, so I figured we could just hang out.” The look you gave was hinting to something that could only spell trouble, yet he was hoping it was exactly what he was thinking, his lips forming a smirk as he stepped closer to you.

“Alright, and just where are we heading exactly?”

“I’ll give you a hint; we’ll be at my place, in my room, on a desk.” He didn’t waste a second dragging you down the busy halls, that hint more than clear for him to understand.

Yet he didn’t understand. Well, it was more like you tricked him.

By ‘on a desk’, he was hoping for something with you laid out beneath him with a lot less clothing involved and more x-rated touching. Instead, you were still in the baby pink high waist skirt and white sweater you wore for class earlier, the once seemingly normal and innocent outfit driving him crazy now, the only touching he received were pokes to the temple of his head whenever he read a question from your graded test unenthusiastically, obviously bummed by how the situation turned out. To think not scoring a perfect 100 would bother you so much that you’d make him study with you until you were ready to retake the test.

“Come on, the faster we do this, the faster I can learn what I got wrong.”

“(Y/n), you don’t need to retake the test. You have the highest score of your class, professor Ahn said so.”

“Yeah but what if someone retakes it and does better than me?”

Mark sighed, knowing how stubborn you were when it came to your grades, but he didn’t like the competitive side of you that came with it. He admired your persistence, but watching you drive yourself crazy over something so miniscule was heartbreaking, like when your calculus 3 teacher refused to let you retake his quiz and you couldn’t do anything but cry for days because that was your hardest class and you knew you could do better. But how could he force you out of a habit that he admittedly fell in love with? It was a complete contradiction.

“(Y/n),” you shifted your gaze from the notes and test in front of you to look at him.

“What are three cyanobacterial species?” Your eyes wandered from him, so many words crossed your mind, trying to find the right answers to the sudden question.

“Nostoc commune, nostoc punctiforme, and nodularia spumigena… I think.” You said slowly, watching Mark pull the packet open and flip to the third page, showing you the exact question he asked, an ‘X’ right next to your answer.

“The reason you didn’t get a perfect score is because you missed this one question. You didn’t get it right because you’re always freaking out. But now that you know the answer, and know that you always panic at the idea of not doing well; do you think it’s wise to retake the test and aim for a 100, only to possibly freak out again and end up with the same score or worse?”

You wanted to argue with his logic but it was reasonable, and he was right. You were freaking out for nothing and were honestly surprised you hadn’t dropped dead from all the stress you had, wanting to laugh at how ridiculous you’d been. Mark noticed you staring off into space, probably still scolding yourself like you always do. He didn’t mean to kill your confidence, but what else could he do to make you snap out of your “no mistakes allowed” tunnel vision?

“Baby,” He called, your eyes finding him once more, noticing his arms open and waiting for you to settle into his lap, which you did without hesitation, his hands cupping your face so you couldn’t look away.

“I know you’re smart, and that you could get a perfect score if you tried harder, but you can’t always push yourself like this. It’s okay to not be the best and, sometimes, you’ll learn there are people out there that are the best of the best and you can’t compare.” He said, your lips curling upwards as you released a giggle.

“That was such a backhand compliment.” His laughter mixed with your own, hands easing from your face into your hair.

“Yeah, I could’ve worded that better, but you need to relax. Stressing yourself out won’t make you perfect. Okay?”

You rolled your eyes, feeling a little disparaged but knowing he meant well, truly worried for you and rightfully so. You were a hard ass, you knew that and just couldn’t help it. Maybe that’s why you loved Mark, he was responsible yet relaxed. He had it all figured out and, even when he didn’t, he was nonchalant until he did. It was one of the traits you wish you could take from him and have for yourself.

“Okay, then show me what I should do to relax.” You said, a smirk similar to the one you gave earlier on your lips, his finger darting out to poke you in the center of your forehead, a stern look on his face.

“I should just leave and make you take a nap for tricking me into studying with you. But I have manners, so get on the bed.”

You eagerly climbed out of his lap and followed his orders, removing your top on your way there, not wanting to waste any more time. As you watched him approach you with his eyes taking you in hungrily, you couldn’t help but think of the position you were in.

He’d be busy for the next two days helping students from Professor Ahn’s four classes retake their test. Her other three classes held 60 or so students, a little over double the amount of your class, and the likelihood of everyone from the other classes failing was damn near impossible, but her course was hard so it’s a good possibility almost half the class would want a retake, and thinking of potential students from your own class doing the same, that’d mean Mark and Professor Ahn would have roughly 110 test to grade by the end of the two days. Even if they split the grading load in half, Mark would be busy days later helping her while simultaneously maintaining his own grades, meaning the two day period you thought nothing of would really be four to five days of barely being together, so you were going to bask in this moment.

“(Y/n/n),” Mark called, gaining your attention.

Your eyes darted towards him and noticed he was between your legs, face close to your heat that was now exposed as he tossed your panties away not too long ago, your skirt bunched around your waist as he patiently waited for you to answer, hoping you weren’t uncomfortable and suddenly having second thoughts.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just realized it’ll be a few days before we can be like this again.” You admitted, unconsciously placing your hand in his hair and stroking it softly. It was still pretty soft despite bleaching and dying it so many times.

“Think about it this way,” He started, placing a small kiss to your inner thigh, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you tried to resist the urge to close them, his lips ticking your skin as he continued moving closer to your core.

“Everything I do today is a precursor for the next time I come over.”

You wanted to make a snide remark to keep your banter going, but the way his lips finally connected with your folds made your head spin, any thoughts you had were gone as the foreign yet very familiar and dearly missed pleasure hit you. You can’t remember the last time Mark went down on you, your schedules leaving the both of you available for only quickies in unoccupied classrooms just to make it to your next class on time. But taking the time to go slow and actually savor the pleasure was making the experience a million times better, any memory you had of his tongue being buried within you was replaced with this moment, his tongue taking it’s time to taste you as if you were the best meal in the world.

“Mark,” You breathed out, his head moving back just slightly so his tongue was visible, your eyes locked on the way he teasingly flicked it around your opening while staring straight at you, expertly dragging the pink muscle up to your clit before covering it completely with his lips sucking harshly so that you cried out.

He knew exactly what he was doing and what buttons to push, taking two fingers and rubbing them along your slit to lubricate them before easily sliding them inside, your body nearly jumping away at the feeling. He felt you contract around him, surprised that you might already be so close considering he just started, but that only encouraged him more, his mind running with the thoughts of exactly how long he could make this last and how cute you’d be once you were completely spent from him actions.

You were gripping onto Mark’s hair desperately as your other hand held onto your pillow for dear life, your back arching at the familiar motions of his fingers, simultaneously thrusting into you while drumming against your g-spot, sending small waves of gratification through you. Those little jolts were enough to distract you from Mark moving up your body, kissing from your belly button to your bra cladded breast, his free hand slipping beneath it easily to toy with your nipples, already so hard despite the fact he had only begun stimulating them.

You struggled to crack your eyes open, looking at the man above you as a breathy whine interrupted your seemingly endless moans. His eyes were concentrating on each contorted muscle of your face before finding your eyes, smiling softly at you as if he wasn’t pinching and rubbing at your breast while using his fingers to scissor your pussy. Any words you wanted to say came out almost like squeaks, your hands speaking for you as they moved to his chest, slowly trailing down until they reached the slowly growing, but clearly there, bulge in his black jeans.

He watched in amusement as you impatiently undid his pants, tapping his thumb on your clit to watch you freeze momentarily in an attempt to regain your composure. He was like a sadist but the humane kind. Mark couldn’t help the groan he let out once your hand slipped into his boxers, wasting no time stroking his member at the same pace his fingers moved into you, his eyes squeezing shut as his face dipped into your neck, teeth sinking into your shoulder to control himself from going any further. The juices you let out were making such lewd sounds, and the harder his thumb rubbed against the sensitive nerves just above your entrance, the more your hips rolled into his hands and your walls tightened around him, actual words finally leaving you as you let out a soft ‘please’. It was all becoming too much for him, but he didn’t want to give in just yet.

“Mark,” You called out to him again, his head finally lifting to look at your face. Even though your eyes could barely stay open, your lips trembling as you whimpered pathetically and your breathing labored, you looked amazing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently, slowly bringing his fingers to a stop to allow you to speak, the bubble of pleasure you felt fading away.

“I want more. Please.” You continued to pump his cock from inside his briefs, the urge to fuck himself into your hand hard to ignore as your thumb played with the beads of precum leaking from his tip, your hand working faster knowing he was so close to giving you what you wanted.

Instead, he reached between your bodies to grab your wrist, reluctantly pulling it away from his throbbing and needy member and bringing it up to examine it, precum visibly sticking to your thumb and palm.

“I’ll give you everything you want, but you have to be patient.” He warned you, reaching for the hand resting on his chest to bring them above your head, holding them in place so that he could get back to his main objective.

You wanted to scream as he began to move his fingers again, not starting off slow like he usually would but going knuckles deep, his thumb now finding a good pace on your clit as well. It was clear he was trying to get you off first. It wasn’t uncommon for him to let you get your release before him, but this felt different, weird even. He was rough but precise, your g-spot being hit no matter how deep and fast his appendages plunged into you. And the pressure on your clit wasn’t helping either, only making the strange feeling increase.

Your back arched as you moaned loudly, unsure if your roommate was even home but you couldn’t care less about that now, your legs kicking against the bed as if you wanted to escape the way his hand was fucking you but so curious where this feeling was leading and just how good it’d feel. Mark’s cock twitched at the sight of you, every time your hips lifted from the bed he’d see a wet spot forming from the juices dripping from your cunt and his hand, making it obvious that you came already but he wanted to see you orgasm, knowing you were close as you incoherently cried out, begging for him as your thighs clenched together in an attempt to slow him down even though you didn’t want him to stop.

“Look at me.” He said in a soft voice yet stern enough to remind you it was a demand.

You shyly faced him, vision hazy as you focused on his features. You felt his hand leave your wrist before creeping down to comb through your hair, easing to the back of your head and pulling you into him, bringing your lips to his to capture every sound you made. If it wasn’t the way his hand continued to assault your core as it convulsed violently, or the way his teeth nipped at your bottom lip in the middle of your heated make out session, or even the way he pulled away to speak filthy words to you to encourage your release, the thin line of self-control and submission you were walking was gone, your body falling fast and hard into the latter.

Mark’s fingers dug into your scalp to hold you in place, a few moans escaping his throat as you clenched around his digits, pleasured cries falling into his mouth as you no longer focused on your kiss. Your lower half jerked almost painfully, his fingers slowly moving into you to draw out your release, his face pulling away as he felt a bead of your orgasm rolling down his fingers and palm and onto his wrist, the once small wet spot now a puddle beneath your body, your fluids leaving the room and sheets a distinctly sweet smell.

You shut your eyes in relief as Mark finally pulled his hand away, trying to catch your breath as he moved from the bed. You could feel the stickiness on you, your thighs closing to keep the cool air from hitting your sensitive core, the sound of your skin pulling from the sheets making you cringe. No wonder it felt so weird, you squirted for the first time ever and, now, your mattress was ruined. You were contemplating if you should just rest now in your own filthy release or properly clean everything, not having time to form an answer as Mark climbed above you, instantly connecting his lips to the shell of your ear and your neck. You turned to look at him, noticing his pants and boxers were off, his rock hard dick on display between your bodies.

“W-wait, I don’t think I can do that again.” You admitted, your face hot at the thought of being overstimulated, Mark’s gaze meeting yours. His eyes were so dark and clouded, your core unwillingly pulsating again with arousal despite your words.

“If you need me to stop, I’ll stop. I did promise to give you whatever you want earlier.”

The room fell silent as he waited for your answer, your eyes looking away in embarrassment as you opened your legs for him, cursing yourself for being so needy despite what happened only a few seconds ago. Mark smirked and placed a gentle kiss to your cheek, easing his body forward until he was poking at your entrance, preparing to thrust into you but not before he spoke in a definite tone.

“I’m going to make sure you’re too tired to think about the retest and, if I even see you going to take it, we’ll do this all over again.”

And it was a promise. You knew Mark never bluffed, especially when it came to sexual rewards and punishments, so you could do nothing but take those words to heart. Although the next day, after dragging your sore body from the soaked bed you both were too exhausted to flip, and getting ready as normal, you crept your way towards Professor Ahn’s class.

It was her second free period of the day and currently Mark’s accounting class, meaning there would be fewer students there for the retest and he would be out of sight and out of mind. You slowly crept into her classroom, looking to the twelve or so students working silently, Professor Ahn nowhere to be found.

You knew she’d never leave a class unsupervised during a test, so she was most likely watching from her office to see who would or wouldn’t cheat. She was clever that way so it only made sense.

You eagerly headed to the door, knocking gently before hearing an uninterested ‘enter’.

“Sorry for disturbing you Professor Ahn, but I was hoping I could do the retest to-“ You froze.

Professor Ahn and Mark’s eyes left the test and answer sheets around them to stare at you. During her first free period, over sixty students came, leaving your professor overwhelmed at how much grading she’d have to do if she waited until the last minute, her first instinct was to call her TA in for help which he easily accepted, knowing that missing one class wouldn’t hurt him. So the two sat in the once comfortable silence, grading roughly thirty test each. You thought you had it all figured out but didn’t plan for a random setback like this, and neither did Mark, his eyes boring into yours despite you trying to avoid his gaze.

“You were planning to do the retest, (Y/n)?” Professor Ahn spoke up, dropping her red pen and searching for a clean copy of the test from the folder next to her, your eyes widening as you frantically shook your head.

“No! No, it was nothing. I’m sorry for stopping by like this.” You said, preparing to leave but the call of your name from an eerily calm source made you stop, an inaudible whimper leaving you as you turned back to your boyfriend, a seemingly sweet but truly sinister smile on his lips.

“I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

You were fucked, pun intended.

[pixelatedrose]

Soulbound Part Two

First | Part 2 | Next

Ao3 link

Masterpost

Word Count: 2,955

Pairings: Platonic LAMP, Prinxiety, Logicality, Background Remile

Warnings: uncensored swearing, bullying, mention of drugs and alcohol, threats, Unsympathetic Remus, Unsympathetic Deceit, implied mention of sex (wow this fic went from 1 to like 67 real fast) Please leave a comment and tell me if I missed anything that should be tagged or if you want anything tagged!

Summary:

Roman Prince and Logan Rose are soulmates. They’re platonic soulmates though. They both have the same Soul mark to prove it. But they both have one other soul mark, binding them to one other person. And when they find Patton Miles, it just so happens that they’re both his soulmate. Logan being his Soulbound Soulmate, and Roman being a platonic soulmate. But something feels missing. And it feels filled, shockingly so, when they meet a certain someone a year and a half after they found each other.

IMPORTANT NOTE!! I changed all of their last names cause I didn't like them. So. Yeah. Also sorry this seems a bit late, I got caught up with doing things and school and we had a ton of snow (where I live we never get snow) and so I was a little distracted all week. Sorry about that y'all!! But its here now, so yeah!! Hope you enjoy!!

Chapter 2

Roman woke up with a start, his wrist stinging. He looked over at his clock that read a time much to late- or early- for it to be reasonable. He rubbed his stinging skin and tried to go back to sleep. 

  This was a regular occurrence. Waking up at two am to a stinging wrist or shoulder, sometimes an ankle or forearm. Once he woke up nearly screaming as his left side felt like it was on fire.

  He didn't quite know what it was, but Roman never thought much about it. I mean, people woke up with little pricks sometimes, right? He'd probably slept on it wrong or accidentally hit his bedframe in his sleep.

  Roman lay in bed, tossing and turning as he tried to fall back asleep. He looked over to the clock once again and sighed. It was only an hour before his alarm went off.

  Not seeing the point in trying to go to sleep anymore, Roman swung his legs over the side of his bed and started getting ready for the day.

  After taking a shower and pulling in clothes, Roman's alarm rang out two seconds after he was done styling and drying his previously wet hair. He slapped it off as quick as possible, suddenly not wanting to wake anyone else up.

  Roman inched out of his room and into his brother's, flipping on the lights, much to his brother's dismay.

  "Turn the goddamn lights off…." His brother muttered through his pillow.

  Roman sighed. "Nope! C'mon Remus, it's time for you to rise and shine- or whatever it is that you do when you're awake- and get ready for the first day of school!" He walked over to the broad window and threw open the blinds, letting light filter and flow into the already lot room, the sun beams hitting Roman's twin in the face.

  "AaaAAAHH!!" His brother screamed. He sat up in bed and shielded his face. He glared at Roman after adjusting to the light. "I'm going to sell your organs on the internet you pile of horse sh-"

  "Love you too, brother! I'm gonna go make breakfast now okay bye!!" Roman zipped downstairs, not wanting to stick around to see whether his brother would act on that threat or not.

  Ten minutes later Remus came loudly down the stairs and yelled at his brother. "DID YOU GET OUT ALL THE CEREAL AND THE POPTARTS?!!?"

  Roman sighed, looking at the counter that was overflowing with four different cereals and a box of poptarts. "YEAH BRO MAN I GOTCHU!!" He yelled back.

  Remus entered the kitchen area with his heavy heeled boots and skipped over to the cereals. He poured a little of each box into a bowl and unwrapped a poptart and crumbled it on top. He went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of not milk but orange juice and poured it into the abomination that was in his bowl.

  Roman looked away and tried focusing back on the eggs he had in the pan in front of him. "I cannot believe that you actually eat that, Remus! It's revolting!" Roman bemused.

  Remus shoveled a spoonful into his mouth, staring at pointedly. "You," he sputtered through the mouthful of 'Cereal'. "My brother, have no taste." He swallowed and gestured to his bowl. "This is a masterpiece of a meal!!"

  Roman made gagging noise and slid his single solitary egg onto a piece of toast. "That's not even a meal! I daresay it would harm someone rather than anything else!"

  Remus scoffed and took another bite.

~~•~~

  Today was the first day of their sophomore year, 10th grade and they couldn't wait for it to start. Or at least, Roman was excited. Remus had made his opinion adamant; he couldn't care less if the school caught fire.

  But nonetheless, it was a day they'd all been awaiting, whether eagerly or with disdain.

  Patton had stuffed his backpack full of snacks and colorful pins as gifts for his new classmates and friends.

  Roman had excitedly roused his voice in preparation for theater and barber shop choir he was sure to audition for.

  Logan had packed up notebooks and pencils and pens, all fitting perfectly in his backpack as he awaited learning, a year ahead of his peers.

  Remus had done nothing but think up pranks and plans of destruction of freshman newbies for the start of the year. His phone pinged and he picked it up to look at it.

  A boy known around school as Deceit had discretely packed his bag and pockets full of liquors and drugs to sell to anyone who'd buy. He looked at his email and raised an eyebrow. He turned to his messages and shot a text to his partner.

  And a person of seemingly infinitesimal importance shrugged on a black and purple jacket and sighed heavily. He didn't look forward to this. What's to say it was going to be any different from last time?

  And so, life started as sophomores for each and every one of them.

~~•~~

  Virgil Sanders walked up to the front of his new high school. A place to start over… he thought.

  He pushed his way through the doors and tried to think positively.

  "Well helloooo there my good newbie of a kid!!" A voice rang out. Virgil startled back and bumped into someone behind him. How did someone get behind him so fast??

  "Ah, ah! Don't be scared my good pal!" The person behind him said, his voice was a little too reassuring, a little too happy.

  "I-I'm sorry...I'll just find my own way around…" he stammered out. He didn't want to try and be cocky and make enemies this early into the school year. And his anxiety was telling him to play it safe.

  He didn't even see the two that were harassing him before a voice trilled out, "Oh there you are, babe!!"

  Virgil felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. "Hon-ey you've got to stop running off like that! Gurl, you're gonna lose that cute purple head of yours in the crowd if your not careful!" Virgil looked up to see a boy wearing aviator shades and a leather jacket.

  "Uhm--?" 

  Virgil started before the sunglasses'd guy turned and whispered in his ear, "Just play along, babe…"

  "Right…" Virgil turned and kissed the strange man's cheek. "Sorry babe, won't happen again." He cuddled up to the man and wrapped his arms around his waist. If he was gonna play the part, might as well make it convincing.

  "That's right honey bae! Now let's get you to class!" And the two walked away hand in hand.

  As they rounded the corner, the man parted from Virgil and turned on him. "Sorry bout that honey, but gurl you were in real danger there!" He held out a hand. "The name's Remy b-t-dubs."

  Virgil shook it. "Virgil. Thanks. And sorry for the kiss." 

  Remy laughed and waved his hand at Virgil. "Oh pah-lease babe! Trust me I probably enjoyed that more than you think I did!" He winked and laughed again at Virgil's flushed face. "Now, stay outa trouble, ya hear? Cause auntie Remy ain't always gonna be around to save that cute face of yours hun. But here's my number in case you need anything!" Remy took out what looked like a business card and handed it to Virgil.

  Auntie Remy. Gossip wheel, late night counseling, party boy.

  At the bottom a number was printed. "Hey what-" but Remy was already gone.

  What just happened?

~~•~~

  Remus was pissed. He had received the text from Deceit that morning that there was fresh meat and he was so ready to spill crickets in that loser's bag! And then that stupid 12th grade dumbass senior Remy had to show up and "save the day."

  His eye caught a little freshman boy with broken glasses. He carried his books in his arms and had a smattering of freckles to accompany his bright red hair.

  Perfect! Remus thought maliciously. And crept over to sink his teeth into his next victim.

  "Hey there freckle face!" He called cheerily.

  The boy seemed startled and pointed at himself as if to confirm.

  Remus sighed. Wow this kid is dull… "Yeah you, scarecrow reject! Now Imma make this quick since I already lost one lunch income," he started, slinking around the kid. "Hand over the money you mommy gave you for food today else I'll make sure that it won't stay down."

  The redhead seemed flustered. "Wh-what? B-but, I need that money!" He subconsciously reached for his pocket.

  Bingo. Remus knew his type. Fear would get him what he wanted. He grabbed the kid by the front of his shirt, making the books tumble out of his hands. "Listen here, nerd! You gimme that money or else you're gonna be using it to mend all the bones I'll be snapping in you hand, here!" Remus held up one of the kid's spindly hands as an example, wagging it loosely in his face. His maniacal smile grew as he heard the kid whimper in fear.

  Remus put pressure on one of the kid's fingers as the freckled boy didn't move. "Tic-Toc, brainless bastard!" He snickered sadistically.

  "Fine!!" The kid yelped in fear and shoved the money at the bully. "Just leave me alone!"

  Remus pushed the kid to the ground and shoved the money in his pocket. "As you wish, orange peel!" He stepped on the kid's discarded books and walked over to where Deceit watched.

  "40-60, my snake bitch." Remus said, handing his partner 14 dollars of the 35.

  Deceit counted the money and nodded. "I'm disappointed the newbie slipped by us…" he looked off at where the purple haired boy had been a few minutes prior. "But I think he'll be back…" His amber eyes glowed a near sickly yellow. "And this time we're playing the long game."

~~•~~

  Remus had run off ahead of him so Roman entered the school's doors alone. He had wandered only a few steps inside before a blur of blue and gold barreled into him.

  "GOOD TO SEE YOU, KIDDO!!" Patton shouted, squeezing Roman in an impossibly tight hug.

  "Gah!! Good to see you too, Patton!! But," Roman gasped out, smiling. "I can't breathe, buddy."

  "Oh my GOLLY gee!!" Patton shouted, releasing Roman into open air. "I'm sorry bout that, kiddo!"

  "Really Patton, you should know your own strength by now. It'd be quite a shame if I lost my best friend before we graduated." A deep voice called, his voice laced with amusement.

  Roman softly pushed Patton aside. "Logan!!" He shouted and subsequently barreled into the tall boy, retracting after a right squeeze to just a shoulder hug. "Buddy, it's good to see you!" He laughed.

  Patton made a noise and the two boys turned to look at the shorter one. "And it's not good to see me?! I'm offended! Roman! I am your father-"

  "Not my father-"

  "And you will love me right now!"

  Roman laughed and drew Patton and Logan both into a tight hug. "Man I missed you guys!!"

  Logan gently wrapped his arms around the other two and smiled. "As did we, my friend. As did We."

~~•~~

  It was like any other start of school day. Read syllabus, play a get to know you game, repeat.

  It was really fairly normal for Roman.

  Until his third period.

  Roman knew nearly everyone in his grade, he had been the popular kid back in middle school and that had mostly transferred when he got into high school. So when roll call was being taken, it piqued his interest when a foreign voice answered a foreign name.

  "Roman Prince?"

  "You called?" Roman asked charmingly. The teacher looked at him tiredly. Roman cleared his throat. "Here!" He called a little more calmly.

  "Flora Riley?"

  "Here!"

  "Uh...Virgil Sanders?"

  Virgil Sanders? Roman thought. Maybe I just don't remember him and I'll recognize his vio-

  "Here." A quiet but firm voice answered and Roman checked behind him to see the source of the unrecognized voice. 

  A boy sat in the back of the class with his feet pressed up against the table, curling himself mostly into a ball in his chair. But even so, Roman could see purple hair peeking out from under his patchwork hoodie and stylish, iconic reverse eyeshadow applied to his face. His ripped black jeans and scuffed combat boots made it obvious that there was a new emo in school.

  Cute… Roman thought subconsciously. I mean, he was pretty cute.

  "Alright class. We're gonna play a get to know you game. Now come up and draw sticks." The teacher held out a tin full of stocks with names on them and shook it slightly, letting the wood jingle against the run. "You'll be drawing the person you'll be sitting with for the rest of the semester. You may not trade with anyone, and yeah, that sucks but so does school." The class snickered as people drew sticks. There were only enough for half the class, and the other half drew the sticks.

  Roman was not part of the group that drew sticks. So he sat idly at his seat and began to daydream about how the year would go.

  "You're Roman Prince?" A voice asked.

  Roman snapped out of his dreaming and looked up to see Virgil the Emo standing over him. Roman smirked and out a hand to his chest. "The one and only! Come to admire how pretty I am?" He asked charmingly.

  The emo snorted. "As in pretty dull? Maybe. It is a wonder of the world after all."

  Roman scoffed and pressed his other hand over his heart, as if it hurt. "I'm offended! You wound me!!" Roman held out his hand smiling. "I assume we're seating partners then! How do you do, my emo nightmare?"

  Virgil didn't take his hand, rather he just walked to the back of the class. "Come now, Prince of the Preppy, we don't know each other and honestly I don't think we ever will. We're not sitting up front."

  Roman frowned at the lack of jest in the emo's voice. He thought he and the purple haired boy were flirting wonderfully!

  Since Roman didn't seem to have any other Soul Marks, he didn't have a Soulbound Soulmate. So he freely flirted with every moving thing that breathed.

  But Roman wasn't going to give up that easily. "Hey there, plum hair! Tell me, what's it like looking so fruity?"

  Virgil snorted, and hid his face in his sleeve.

  Nooo!! Roman thought. I wanna see your cute face!!

  "I dunno...what's it like being so fruity?"

  Roman laughed and tried again to reach out his hand. "An absolute delight!"

  When Virgil did nothing but sit down at the table in the farthest back corner of the classroom, Roman deflated a little. This Virgil was cute, albeit a little annoying. I mean all he would do is snark at him! Maybe Roman had misread the situation.

  "Fine alright," Roman have up. "I'll stop talking, panic-at-the-everywhere."

  "Sweet." Though it was the answer he should have been expecting, Roman prickled.

  "So you don't want to talk to me at all?" Roman asked flatly, slightly annoyed.

  "No, not really." Virgil said, pulling out his phone.

  "Really? Like really Really?"

  "Yep." He popped the P and pointedly turned away from Roman.

  "Are you kidding me?"

  "Nope." He again popped the P.

  "You know we're going to have to sit next to each other all semester, right?"

  "Yeah…? And…?"

  "Well you have to talk to me eventually!"

  "And I'll stay here dreading when that dreaded eventually will come."

  "You cannot be serious! Come on I'm fabulous!"

  "Fabulously plastic, dumb, and shallow, if that's what you mean."

  "Shallow?!"

  "Uh, yeah?"

  "How dare-!"

  "Alright class!!" The teacher clapped their hands, stopping the impending fight that was about to break out. They started passing out papers to each of the students. "Now choose one or two, or however many you want and ask them to your partner. And yeah it sounds boring and maybe it might be if you're boring. So don't be a boring teenager."

  Roman and Virgil got the paper and looked it over. It at least Roman did. He finally picked one and asked it, knowing that trying to wait for the Emo to pay attention would be futile.

  "If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?" Roman sighed out.

  The answer that came was almost immediate and nearly shook Roman to his core. "Soulmarks." Virgil seemed to have spat the word out. "I'd get rid of all Soulmarks."

  Roman was about to ask further about it but he heard a loud clang behind him.

  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SLEPT WITH SISSI LETANTA?! YOU SHIT!! YOU KNOW THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S LITTLE SISTER, YOU BASTARD!!!" The girl behind Roman was in an absolute rage. The boy she was talki- screaming at was pale and seemed like he'd wet set himself out of fear at any moment.

  "Whoa…yo Virgil check this ou-" Roman had once again tried to communicate with the Emo boy, but turned to see him filming the whole thing. "What are you doing…?"

  "Blackmail."

  "What?!"

  "You never know when it may come in handy."

  "You're the creepiest emo kid I've ever met."

  "And how many emos have you met exactly?"

  "Three! There was this one girl in my middle school that-"

  "Yeah okay you can shut up now."

  "Well thanks."

  The fight had only been broken up by the bell ringing. And Virgil left without saying a word to Roman.

  What a weird, creepy, cute kid… Roman thought. I think I wanna be his friend.

Again, I’m sorry this is later than I wanted it to be, and It’s not as good as I’d like it to be, but I promise I have things planned for this! Big things! Angsty things! Fluff!! I swear it’s going to be better than it is right now, I’m just a little caught up in life at the moment. Hope you liked it! And do feel free to leave a comment if you want me to tag you!! Sweet dreams!!

Taglist

@anxietea-and-insanitea

@ghostboi-bambi

@scrunchiescrunchie

[a-king-alone]

Harry Warden x female reader Summary: It's the 60's baby ~

You were just a normal person, nothing particularly special about you. You went about your daily life, without much of a care. In fact, you felt a bit disconnected from reality, but continued to do your work diligently. So, why you?

It was early February, the cooled air still felt a bit brisk, sending a shiver down your arms, feeling the hairs rise beneath. You pulled your cardigan closer; you got cold easily. As you were walking down to your neighbors house before your scheduled shift at your job, you overheard some older ladies standing near their mailboxes, gossiping or some such.

It caught your attention that there was a mine accident in one of the towns nearby. It was rare, but not unusual. The hazards of working in a mine were very well known.  Silently, you hoped everyone turned out to be uninjured and managed to be rescued safely. It may have been a fruitless wish, but you wished it, nonetheless.

You kept walking. It wasn't much of your concern. It was business as usual that day, nothing out of the ordinary. Valentine's day was upon the town, but you had no plans. Nobody was interested in you, nor did anybody from the small town you grew up in interest you. You talked about this with your friend while you assisted them for their date.

You thought of how nice it would be to move away somewhere else, to escape from the same old stale scenery you'd grown accustomed to. You worked as a waitress in one of the three diners in the town, every face you saw, you saw every day. You knew what they would order and how they preferred it.

It was incredibly boring.

Usually, you'd have left work before dusk, but you were chosen to settle in with the last of the hourly shift. Your coworkers had plans for their special love interests, dolled up and ready for their beautiful, romantic Valentine's evenings.

Fortunately, that meant everyone was busy with their plans, so the rest of your shift was you occupying an empty store. You enjoyed the silence. That is, you were, until a few men in business attire entered, bantering and laughing with one another upon entry.

Strangely, you didn't recognize any of them at all. They were fresh faces. You put on your best charming smile and welcomed them. They sat and ordered some sweets and black coffees.

As you prepared their items for them, you sorta listened in on their conversation. You couldn't deny that you were curious of these strangers. One of them mentioned the mine from the other town as you brought them their coffees. Not quite what you were interested in hearing, your shoulders sagging a bit.

"Thanks, sweetheart." You nodded, returning to behind the counter.

"Couldn't believe it, they tried to blame me for the accident. Are they insane? How could it be my fault? Had to get out of the town, it was driving me nuts." The man tsk'd as his fellows laughed at his frustrations.

They went on to mention that while rescue was in attempt at this very moment, they hadn't found anybody at all. That was very unfortunate. It brought down your mood a little bit, knowing that there were people trapped in tunnels underground, probably scared, without food or water... or worse, stuck in the pitch black darkness. How horrific.

With a small, quiet sigh thorough your nose, you brought the gentlemen their sweets they requested, mentioning to them that your diner would be closing soon. They acknowledged it and didn't overstay their welcome.

After you closed, you set off for your journey on foot back to your home. Your house was about a mile outside of the town. It was your family home, left to you by your deceased parents. You had no siblings nor much of any connection to family members from either side of the family. You preferred to be left alone.

The money you made was only just enough to keep the place together and to have a roof over your head. You figured someday you'd try to get an automobile after saving up, if you could manage it. It'd be a while before then.

The moon was bright as you wrapped your arms around yourself, to ward off the chill of the cold air. As you arrived to your front porch, you noticed something a little unusual. It looked as if your front door were open, just a tad.

Your brow furrowed as you took a quick glance behind you, then surveying your immediate surroundings. It was silent. Surely you couldn't have forgotten to close the door when you left. Your eyebrows rose. Y'know, you might have forgotten. Sometimes your head floats away into the clouds.

You entered your domicile, closing and locking the door, for sure, behind you this time. It was a cozy home, everything within mostly left untouched from your childhood. Rather dated, but still homely.

You felt like you would enjoy some tea to warm your bones, so you went into your kitchen to prepare some for yourself in a kettle. Leaving it to boil, you ascended the staircase toward your bedroom, where you stopped dead in your tracks at the top.

You closed your bedroom door. You always closed your bedroom door because there was a cold draft in the upper part of the house and you didn't like it being so cold in your room. Yet, the door was slightly ajar. The hairs on your neck rose with a strange feeling coiling around inside of your stomach.

Your home had nothing of value in it, nothing that a burglar would covet enough to steal from you. The worst of your thoughts were pinned on the idea of a pervert or serial rapist. The closest immediate object for protection available to you was an umbrella.

You frowned, very deeply.

There was a vase on the stand in the hallway where you stood. Your mother adored it. You adored staying alive, so you picked up the vase and slowly tip-toed toward your bedroom.

Instantly, you froze, once you heard a bit of rummaging. Oh my god, you thought, there's actually someone in there... Dread washed over you, but you wanted to defend your home from creepy perverts. You were the only one you had to protect yourself. You could smash their head in with a vase. No problem, right? ...Right?

With a big inhale, you kicked your door open, frantically flipping the light switch after the fact. The sight before your eyes was the very last thing you'd have ever expected to see as the light flooded the contents on the room. You dropped the vase.

It was a man. A man with a miners type of outfit slathered in dirt and grime, a gas mask covering the entirety of his skull. And there was blood, splattered in random patterns upon it. He was attempting to open your window when you burst in, his back slightly turned to you. Two pitch black circular holes met with your frozen position as his mask turned in your direction, neither of you moving.

Downstairs, you heard the tea kettle whistling for your attention and all you could do is blink. You'd never been so afraid in your life, your soles firmly planted right where you were, your lips agape in abject horror.

"I- I need... to..." you sputtered stupidly, your mind broken as you turned away from this someone, this stranger in your house, in your bedroom, who might actually kill you, and you're damn near sprinting down the stairs as fast as you never thought you could.

What am I doing?! you thought as you grabbed your own face with your hands, pacing back and forth in the kitchen. I should be calling the authorities! Finally you seemed to get a grasp on the situation and grabbed your telephone on your kitchen table, sliding into one of the chairs. As you were mid-dial, a gloved hand pushed down on the receiver.

Towering over you was the man, again, staring down at you, unmoving.

"Don't do that."

You're suspended in absolute horror and all you can do is swiftly nod, withdrawing your hand quickly from the phone to hold it against your chest, which was rapidly moving with each breath. How did you not notice he came downstairs?

You wanted to speak, you wanted to ask what he wanted, why he was in your house, but your throat was closed. You were so scared that he would hurt you, or molest you, dismember you, torture you, or kill you. Slowly, the masked man bent down onto one knee to be more at level with you as you were trembling like a leaf caught in the breeze.

"Don't cause any trouble for me. Nod if you understand."

You nod.

"Good. Didn't realize this home was occupied, looked kind of old. I need to stay here for the night. Nod if you understand." His voice was muffled, but gruff and deep in tone, causing another spike of fear within you.

You nod again. Why in the hell did he need to hide in your house? Was he a criminal? He was wearing a miners type of outfit, or so it seemed, you weren't overly familiar with the appearance of one. He rose to his full height with a sharp inhale. It seemed like he wouldn't harm you as long as you cooperated with his demands. You hoped that it wouldn't extend further than this.

His mask tilted as he watched you watching him. You had no idea what to do, feeling your mind bending and cracking to try and cope with the situation.

"W- W- Wou- W-" you began, but you couldn't get the sentence to exit from your lips at all, sucking in breath to try and ease your panicked body. A noise that sounded like a sharp exhale through the nose came from the mask, somewhat resembling a snort.

The man took the slightest step toward you and you immediately cowered, flinching your eyes shut as you turned away. God, just please go away... you thought, please don't hurt me.

You remained like that for a few seconds, hearing only silence around you, turning very slowly as your eyes found themselves drawn toward the masked man again, whom was unmoved from where he stood. You blinked, tears pooling around your lower lids despite you attempting to will them to go away.

If he wasn't trying to hurt you, perhaps he pitied you for being so pathetic.

Shuffling your gaze around, you sniffled a bit, rising from your kitchen chair in very slow, very deliberate movements while the man continued to just stare at you.

You wouldn't turn your back to him at all as you moved toward your tea kettle, stopping when you were standing in front of it. His mask followed your general direction as you went. Your chest rose and fell with your panic. You took a deep breath in. Exhale.

"W- ... Would you... like some t- tea...?" you hoarsely asked in the tiniest of whispers, your hands finding their way to clasp one another over your heart, thudding so harshly against your ribs.

The man did not move, at all. You hoped he heard you so you wouldn't have to repeat yourself, your stare trained on him and only him. Nothing happened for a moment.

And then, he nodded.

"O- Okay."

You really did not want to turn your back to this man, in fear that he would strike you down as soon as you did, take your life and then steal your home to turn into his base for criminal activities. Tears pricked at your eyes once more as you turned toward the kettle on the stove. The warmth granted the ghost of relief. As you prepared the cups of tea, your hands refused to stop shaking, causing the glasses to clink together every so often.

Nothing happened between then and you facing him again.

You turned toward him, unsure if you'd even be able to bring it to him without spilling it or dropping it on the floor. Trying your best to keep a strong grip on the cups, you went toward the table, placing both of the cups down across from one another on the surface with haste.

You took your seat, using every ounce of your willpower to one, not cry, and two, not stare at this terrifying man intruding in your house.

The man entered your view as he sat across from you. For several moments, he only sat there, seemingly watching you as you sipped your own tea. Silently, you wondered if maybe he actually didn't want to show his face to you. A criminal would think like that, right...? You weren't sure. You cleared your throat, gently.

"Um... Do you... want me to look away...?"

You weren't sure why you were even bothering to ask, but you wanted to play this as safely as possible to get out of this situation unscathed and this felt like the best option. The man didn't respond, for several more moments, causing you to squirm a bit under his seeming scrutiny.

"...No," he finally answered, his gloved hands removing the helmet, then after, pulling the gas mask off of his head from the back. He set it down on the table as he twisted the hose connected to it from the nozzle, letting the other half fall free to his side.

Genuinely, you were surprised at his appearance. He certainly wasn't what you had expected, though you were kind of expecting a monster, in all honesty. He looked far more human than what your wild imagination conjured, a bit lengthy dark curly locks, even darker eyes, which weren't looking at you, but down at the cup of tea you had offered him.

Pinching the tip of his finger, his eyes dark as the night sky suddenly met yours as you were surveying him, pulling the glove off slowly, before doing the same the other. This time, his gaze did not break away until he removed both gloves and set them down on top of his mask.

He picked up the little cup and sipped the tea.

"It's good," he commented, the tip of his tongue running over his top lip to catch a bit that had lingered there.

You felt, somehow, the tiniest bit of ease now that he had removed his gear from his person. With the mask, he looked much more terrifying. Or so you had thought for just a moment, until you found his piercing gaze glued to your eyes, nonstop.

His eyes made him look like a feral animal. Ink black. A predator.

You sucked in air audibly, your eyes widening just slightly when you saw one corner of his mouth rise at the noise you just made, that gaze never wavering from your eyes, not for a second. Like a coyote within reach of a delicious piece of meat.

You felt your stomach drop to the center of the earth.

You wanted to run, so badly, and never look back, start over somewhere else. Everything about this felt like a mistake, as if you were being played into the devils hands, being lured willingly to your own demise.

You could feel your breath cooling your lips as you breathed in and out of the gap shallowly, the anxiety making your entire body feel like it was tightly coiling inside of itself, collapsing like a dying star.

And he was smiling, just slightly. At you. This man was not right in the head and this realization was hitting you harder and harder. You were damn-near in tears, visibly trembling out of sheer panic and it seemed that sight of it brought him joy, after he had broke into your home, causing you terror. Was he... enjoying it...?

"W- Wh- Wh- Who are...?" you sputtered without thinking and the man simply shook his head with slow, deliberate motion, causing you to stop then and there. You blinked, in silence, your lips opening and closing.

The tears were threatening to fall and you desperately didn't want it to happen. It would just show your weakness to this monster and you already looked like a pitiful little mess. You picked up your cup and sipped what was left of your tea, rising from your seat with all the strength you could muster with a small sniffle. Don't show him your tears, you thought.

As you were placing your cup into your sink, the man was behind you suddenly and without warning, as you were lost in your own racing thoughts. His arm went by your side, too close to you, as he placed the cup you offered him into the sink right on top of yours.

You froze, a gasp escaping you.

And you heard what almost sounded like a very faint, very pleased... vibration of noise come from him behind you, you weren't too sure, since your heartbeat was pounding so hard in your ears you couldn't think straight.

Every hair on your body stood on end when the man had leaned down close to your neck, too close, his lips close, much too close, to your ear, his breath gentle against it  as he whispered, "My name is Harry."

He lingered there, for far too long. You could feel him breathing and you were too terrified to move at all, your lips quivering, your own breathing audibly shaking.

"But don't say it. Don't... say it."

He then backed away from you, returning to the seat he had claimed as his own at your kitchen table. The overflow began and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Wet streaks fell down your cheeks, one after another, blurring your vision as you stared into the sink where the cups lie on top of one another.

You felt so trapped. Your chest heaved and a sob erupted from you abruptly, your hands covering your nose and mouth to stop the shockwave, but it was too late. This wasn't your house anymore, it was the den of a creature hellbent on tasting your blood and gnawing on the shreds of your suffering until the bitter end. That's how it felt. That this man was your death, awaiting for you and only you.

Harry calmly stared at you as you sobbed over the sink, unable to keep a grip on yourself any longer. You had tried to, oh you had tried. You tried so hard to stay strong.

"Do you want a hug?"

You choked on your own gulp of air, your head whipping to this man with the most incredulous expression on your tear-stained face. A flicker of a smile ghosted around Harry's mouth, but it never manifested.

"Just kidding," he said, leaning back in the chair, finally, his gaze settling elsewhere.

Your eyes narrowed, but somehow... You felt your tears subside just a little bit. That sinister aura didn't feel as thick and all-consuming as it had a moment ago. He wasn't a monster, just a man. Probably a criminal... or a serial killer. But just another human being. You felt a bit more calm. Only a little.

You looked away, a question prodding at your tongue and you wanted to know if he would tell the truth. He probably wouldn't. Why would he? Harry probably wasn't even his real name. You allowed your momentary calmness fuel your strength.

"Are you... W- Were you... planning to kill me...?"

Harry seemed thoughtful about your question, though not surprised by it. You wondered if he was considering lying to you so that you'll keep cooperating without any issues arising. If it were you, you would lie. You felt sick. You were dreading what his answer might be even though you were the one who asked so blatantly.

"No. Didn't think anyone lived here," he admitted, his eyes wandering around your kitchen, observing the olden items and decor of the last decade within your home.

"O- Oh.."

Your face flushed as you realized that it sounded as if you were slightly disappointed by his answer due to the tone of your reply, which was completely unintentional. You dared to glance his way and sure enough, his eyes were pinned directly on you now, one of his brows just slightly risen.

"N- Not like that!!" you defended with your hands, turning away from a grin that had formed on his lips. He chuckled lightly at your response, shaking his head just a bit.

"I might do anything if you ask me nicely," he teased, though, it was as if it were teasing between friends, but something about his gaze seemed just a little bit more soft toward you. There couldn't be a reason for it, because you were strangers. And your interactions have only lasted for an hour at most.

"Then... Then... may I...?" you persisted in a quiet but hopeful voice with a step toward him, testing the waters of his offer, even though you knew it wasn't serious, you wanted to know if you could just straight up ask him to leave without hurting you or worse. If he would listen to you.

He seemed curious, but also cautious. His demeanor bristled slightly, but his posture remained mostly relaxed. "Depends on what it is."

Your eyes went downcast, feeling that the answer to your plea would be instantly rejected. You just wanted your home back, to be alone, to feel safe in your own house. That wasn't possible with his presence. Your lips tightened and you inhaled a breath as you steadied yourself to meet his gaze.

"Would you help me get some of my blankets down from the closet upstairs? You're... taller, so..." you mumbled, fumbling with the hem of your shirt where your eyes ended up looking.

Harry seemed taken aback by your request. Clearly, it wasn't what he had expected, though, what he had expected was probably true. It was just that you couldn't say the words out loud.

"Ah... Alright," he accepted, standing from his seat.

You walked past him, heading toward the staircase and he followed behind. As you reached the closet after opening it, you turned toward him, the closet light giving you a much clearer view of the features defining his face. He was actually somewhat handsome and you found your cheeks burning to your horror and chagrin, instantly looking downward before moving out of his way. You hoped he didn't notice.

He did.

The extra quilts and blankets were gathered from the upper shelves, bundled in his arms and he faced you, waiting for your directions.

"There's a couch downstairs," you said as you took a few steps to descend the staircase, looking back for a moment to see Harry still in front of the closet.

"Your bed," he responded simply.

"My... bed?" you repeated with risen brows, suspicious feelings swirling about in a vortex that gave you a bit of nausea. He couldn't be implying that he wanted to sleep in your bed while you were the one to sleep on the couch?!

Some kind of smirk crossed his features as he turned to your bedroom door, gently nudging it open with his boot. Before you could even get a word of protest in, he had already invited himself in, the bundle of fabrics now rested on your bedside.

Harry motioned for you to join him with beckoning fingers, you, feeling sickness in the deepest pit of your stomach, preying silently to any such beings if they even existed to please protect you from this might-be monster. You were shaking again, timidly entering what used to be your safe haven to hide from the world.

"W- Why...?" you asked before you could stop yourself, your lip quivering as your arms wrapped around yourself to try and bring yourself some comfort.

"Go on." He gestured to the covers, peeling them from their respective corners until there was space for you to slide beneath them. This time he wouldn't answer your question and you were too afraid to ask again. In fact, you were almost too afraid to even move, afraid that you were willingly slipping into your shackles of death. Or worse.

You hesitated, but he waited.

Slowly, despite still being in your basic work clothes, you obeyed and sat at the edge of your bed, maneuvering your body beneath the covers after kicking your shoes off. Harry tucked you in until you were all snug. You grimace, hoping with all your might that he doesn't try to sleep in your bed. You wished he would just go away so you could at least put on your pajamas. The fact that he was actually forcing you to go to bed made you feel angry, but your fear had your brain too overloaded to act out on it.

"Comfy?" he asked in an unusually gentle tone as he grabbed the edge of one of the extra blankets, draping that one over you as well despite there already being two upon you.

You hated that you wanted to keep asking why, why, why, to every single thing that he did. You hated it even more than despite asking, you weren't going to get an answer.

Harry leaned closer to your face, you shrinking back into your pillow. Your reaction kept him from going any nearer.

"Are you comfy?" he asked again, his tone even quieter than it had been before. You nodded feebly. Why was he such a weird person? Was he a killer? A rapist? A thief? You felt so confused and scared, it showed visibly on your facial expressions. Maybe sleep was the best option after all so that this nightmare would be over with faster.

He sat down next to you, his body touching yours with the barrier of blankets between you, but you could feel his weight on the edge of the bed, the warmth of it.

"Not gonna hurt you," he uttered aloud suddenly, his fingers intertwined with themselves, rested loosely on his lap. "Not unless you want me to."

Your eyes widened as you attempted to get your breathing under control, sharply inhaling through your nostrils when the words left his mouth. Not unless he wanted you to? Why the hell would you want him to? Is he insane?

"I- I don't want you to," you responded very quickly, a little too quickly, to which he chuckled somewhat heartily. It surprised you. He was definitely a weird person.

"I know," he said quietly, never once looking in your direction, only staring straight ahead through the maw of your open bedroom door. "...I know. So, I won't. No reason to. Thank you for your hospitality."

You wanted to snort at that. Hospitality? Forced to be kept as a hostage in your own home felt more accurate to you.

"...Well, your forced hospitality, that is," he continued with a slight chuckle, almost as if he read your very own thoughts. The fact that he laughed at your state of distress made you feel sick.

"I guess I should say, thank you for cooperating."

You weren't sure how to respond. You had not a clue what sort of person he was, or what his intentions were. He certainly wasn't going to relay that information to you. Or perhaps he would, if you asked nicely, you remembered...

"Um. Could I... change into my pajamas?" your question came out in a tiny voice, feeling humiliated with the fact that you were asking for permission, but also the fact that you were almost very sure that he wouldn't leave the room either to give you privacy.

"I did ask if you were comfy," he replied, not turning toward you, but his eyes were watching you now. You stayed silent, unsure of what that answer was supposed to mean. He was the one who forced you to get in the bed! He then stood up, taking a few steps before standing right outside of the doorframe, shutting the door behind him. You heard no further footsteps, so he was still standing there.

You were surprised that he granted you privacy and wasn't going to absolutely take advantage of you while making yourself even more vulnerable in front of him. A tiny bit of relief washed over you. You knew you weren't much to look at anyways, silently very thankful that you weren't super conventionally attractive. Or else he might have tried to take advantage of you already.

Without wasting time, you quickly went to your closet, grabbing an oversized shirt and some bottoms to switch into, throwing your work outfit into the closet. Usually you wouldn't wear so much to bed, but there was no way you were going to be in just your underwear, dangling bloodied meat in front of a circling shark. No way.

Sliding back under the covers, you settled into your cozy bed, feeling more relief especially with just being alone, for the moment, pretending it was an ordinary, normal night and there wasn't a serial killer right outside of your door.

He came back in, shattering your perfect shortlived fantasy. To the other side of your bed is where he stood this time, then, to your absolute horror, he began to undress. You turned over quickly to face away, your heart hammering away you almost thought he could probably actually hear it. You felt it in your ears as they burned.

The weight of your bed shifted, the feeling extremely unfamiliar, with the weight of someone else's body occupying the space right next to you. You had never slept next to anybody, nor had you ever slept with anybody. You'd never even kissed anyone. Your face felt overbearingly hot.

You were too afraid to speak.

Harry was shuffling around a bit, perhaps to make himself comfortable, but you felt something pressing against your back, down to your legs. It wasn't his body, you knew, as you peered over your shoulder for a second to see that he was using the extra blankets to build a barrier between the two of you. Your brows knit together, the confusions so overwhelming already.

He seemed rather calm and undisturbed, but both of those words felt inaccurate. Emotionless felt more correct to you.

"It's been so long. Please allow me to have this selfish comfort."

That was all he had said before he settled on his back next to you and you couldn't understand what he truly meant by it at all. The comfort of sleeping next to somebody? The comfort of a bed? What kind of life had he lived? You understood on some level that bed was definitely the most safe and comfortable place to be, but your space felt so invaded, so stifled. You had never shared it before.

A silence loomed between you and him for several long minutes, perhaps even longer,  until you finally felt the courage to move around enough to turn off your lamp, darkness befalling the room. You heard Harry suck in his breath once the darkness engulfed you both, but then silence. There wasn't a chance that you would fall asleep. Not at all. The silence remained, but your mind was speeding through thoughts one after the next. So fast, that you had forgotten something.

"What happened to you, Harry...?" you whispered softly after several moments, unknowing if he had fallen asleep or if he lay awake just as you were. You hoped he was asleep. Though, you imagined he definitely wouldn't allow himself to do so until he knew for sure that you were first, which is why you spoke.

Your back was faced to him, but you felt his weight shifting around, something draped over your side on top of the blankets. His arm. A noiseless breath left you as you felt the blankets being pressed closer against your backside. You had become the little spoon.

Your face felt like it was on fire and your skin wasn't even touching one another, blankets covering everything in between. Your voice felt stuck in your throat.

Harry kept snuggling closer to you, despite the barriers between you both, almost clutching onto you. You could barely, just barely, feel his breath on the back of your head. He could smell the scent of your shampoo. The scent of you, your room, everything. It was driving you mad.

"I escaped," he uttered aloud, his hold on you growing more tight as your confusion swelled even more. "I was the only one who made it out alive. I was stuck down there, in the dark, for so long... so long..."

You had no idea what the hell he was talking about, your mind derailing in several different directions all at once. A man was holding you, something you'd never experienced aside from being hugged by your father, your heart on the verge of exploding in your chest and he wasn’t making any sense.

"I had no choice," he continued softly, his voice strained as he went on. "I had to do it... I thought I was going to die down there. I had to kill them. I had to... I had to eat..."

Your breath was audibly shaking now, your chest heaving and this strange man holding onto you even more tightly before it finally clicked in your mind, the vague words he was saying, admitting that he had killed another human, other humans. And he had eaten their flesh without any other choice, stuck in the dark deep underground.

"You were trapped in that mine accident," you whispered suddenly, the pieces finally coming together for you in your mind. He wasn't a serial killer, he was a man caught in an unfortunate accident, forced to survive in conditions not meant for any humans...

"I- I'm sorry..." you continued, unsure of what to do from this point on with this new realization.

Harry said nothing after that. He only clung to you as if it were his last life line connected to his sanity. You felt horrible for him. It wasn't that it made anything he was doing okay, breaking into your house, holding you hostage essentially, getting too close to you. But you couldn't imagine the horror of being trapped in a mine with no food, no water, no light... Lost and unsure if there would ever be a way to get out. Accepting that you may die alone, in the dark.

You thought you had felt true fear when you saw Harry for the first time in his actually very horrifying outfit. You realized then that he had seen, felt and done things that you didn't even have the capacity to imagine. You felt empathy for him. No wonder he was such a strange person... How could anybody be normal after such a traumatic event?

Even though the circumstances were unusual and terrifying, a feeling within you began to stir. You wanted to help this man. Despite that he was invading your personal space, he hadn't actually molested you nor did he attempt anything of the sort.

"Please tell me everything is okay," he pleaded quietly without warning, his voice hoarse as it cracked slightly, his face burrowing deeper into the pillows, thus closer to your neck. This poor man was losing his grip and you felt helpless to do anything to bring some ease.

"Everything... Everything is okay. Okay? It's okay. You're okay now," you complied with his request, trying your best to not sound so scared while you were speaking, but your voice still shook just a bit. Harry's body heaved suddenly, startling you, as he then clutched onto you, the blankets balled into his fists.

There were sometimes noises that came from him that you couldn't really identify. It kind of sounded as if he were crying, but you weren't sure.

He was.

He had no one. He had nothing. He was wanted for murder after he managed to escape from the collapsed mine. He did what he had to do in order to survive, during an accident that was no one's fault but the managers that oversaw the project to begin with and their carelessness. Yet, he was the one who was blamed. All he wanted was to be told that it would be okay. He just wanted to feel like someone understands, but everyone looked at him with evil eyes.

You were the only one he had come across that hadn't.

He held onto you. He cried into your backside, for how long, you had no idea. He was desperate for the feelings to come to an end. He would never be the man he was before. He could never return to the life he had before. "Harry" was only a cannibalistic murderer now. His identity was stripped from him when he emerged victorious in fighting tooth and nail for his very life.

Only overjoyed to breathe fresh air, to see the sunshine he thought he was never see again, while people he used to know as friends and coworkers leered down upon him like he was just some petty serial killer.

You had no idea.

Somehow, you eventually fell asleep, despite being in a situation you'd have never come up with in your wildest of dreams. The rays of the suns light filtered through your curtains as you began to return to the waking world. All you could see in your blurred vision were the specks of dust lazily floating around in front of the window.

An arm was still holding onto you, you realized. You attempted to not move too much, turning your head to see if Harry was awake. He wasn't. His side rose and fell gently with his slumber, still as close to you as he was in the hours of the night. He needed your comfort and you provided it, even despite the very unusual set of circumstances.

Under his eyelashes, his lower lids were raw and red, a bit of dampness still visible as darkened spots on the fabric of your pillowcase. How late had he remained awake? You imagined it may be hard for someone like him to sleep in the darkness due to what he had experienced. He may not have slept at all until the faintest of sunlight came through the window.

Your assumption was correct.

You waited for at least an hour, but Harry wouldn't budge. He never even stirred when you very gingerly moved his arm and slipped away from him. For a moment, you stood by the bedside, observing this man who slept in your bed. Gently, you moved the blankets to cover his shoulders. As you were closer to his face, you let your fingertips brush softly against a few locks of his hair that had stuck to his forehead during the night.

Harry woke many hours later, suddenly jerking upright when he realized that you were long gone. As he came into your view at the bottom of the staircase, you were preparing some sandwiches for lunch with cooked vegetables and such on them. No meat, as you decided that might be insensitive for someone like Harry to smell it cooking.

"Oh, good morning, Harry," you greeted him in the most normal way you could think of, your face immediately flushed as he was in nothing but his pants. Quickly, you put a plate down on your kitchen table with the offering of food. "Hungry?"

He looked completely stupefied with disheveled hair and obviously just woke up, blinking several times at you as you attempted to make some kind of genuine smile before you turned away from him, continuing to go ahead and begin making your own meal. The first sandwich was actually for yourself, but you hadn't expected to see him just yet, so you decided to give it to him instead.

"Ah. Uh. Sure," he replied as he sat at the table, seemingly astounded by everything around him, staring down at the plate. "Good... morning?"

"It's afternoon now, but it's alright," you replied, your heart doing a million flips per second because of how he was an intruder who broke in last night, who terrified you to death, but now you were feeding him and somewhat actually concerned for his well-being. What a bizarre and rapid change of pace.

You both ate in silence after you joined him at the table, continuing in this fashion until you both finished. His satisfied expression told you that he was highly appreciative of it. You stood and took the plates to the sink.

"Hey."

You turned toward him with your head slightly tilted attentively, waiting for him to go on.

"...Thank you," he murmured, his eyes usually sharp as darts seemingly soft at this moment, not piercing into your own, but slightly downcast. Awkwardly, he shuffled his feet together.

"It's okay," you replied, resuming the dishes that you were cleaning and putting away, going on to do the same with the food you had laying out on the countertops. As you completed your tasks, you turned to Harry, holding you hands together in front of you, your lips pressed into a line as you thought about the words you wanted to say. You inhaled.

"Harry..." you began softly, your thumbs messing about with one another while he was watching you, awaiting for what you had to say, though he seemed somewhat uncomfortable.

"...You can stay here, if you want to. I- If you have no where else to go, I mean. I- I know that's weird because you... broke into my house, but..."

He blinked several times, clearly not expecting this conversation at all. In fact, he had most likely expected that you'd say, alright, you had your fucked up fun in my bed, now get the fuck out. But no. It wasn't that at all. You felt pity for him. You wanted to help him, truly. He had suffered great misfortune. And he hadn't hurt you.

"I shouldn't take advantage of you more than I already have," he responded, knowing damn well that it wouldn't be right for him to stay with you after the events of yesterday. All he had wanted was somewhere to get away from the cold. It wasn't exactly his plan to find a woman in an old house distanced from all other homes in the area.

You approached nearer to him, holding your own arms around yourself.

"I- I- I'd like it, if you did," you somehow found yourself pleading for him to reconsider, your face lighting a shade of pink in your chagrin. "Y- You said you would do anything if I... if I asked you nicely. So... please stay...?"

He chuckled a bit, exhaling through his nose. Maybe he would reconsider, but you couldn't read his expression as he let himself get lost in his own thoughts and considerations.

"Guess you got me there, huh? I'll take your offer. Thank you for your hospitality, again," he responded, more gently this time around. You smiled a genuine smile, nothing forced or faked, elated to hear that you could assist someone in need once more. He reflected your smile with one of his own.

"...Don't wear that mask again though, it really frightened me," you mentioned as you nodded toward it still sitting on the table where he had left it the night before. You found that you kind of liked his laugh when it happened, as it did now.

"I don't even know your name," he said, not outright asking for it, but inquiring for you to give that information to him freely.

And so you did.

"Is that so? That's a very beautiful name," he uttered quietly, seemingly almost to himself, but you still heard him. "I really like it."

You blushed and thanked him. You were feeling some type of way and it was disturbing but not unwelcomed, only foreign to you. You now had someone to live with, for the first time in some several years. Well, for however long Harry would like to stay. You found that you were okay with him overstaying his welcome for as long as he would like to.

And he most certainly did.

[illfoandillfie]

Curtains - Part 5

SERIES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Roger x F!Reader

Summery: First two dates, you and Roger move on

Warnings: Smut (18+), dealing with Emotions, smoking, car sex, public sex, oral sex (m receiving), (slightly hesitant) dom!Rog

Words: 6872 

A/N: Originally I planned chapter 5 to be the last one but some stuff changed from my original plan and it ended up getting waaaaaaayyyy too long so there’ll be a chapter 6 lmao. The Morris Mini Roger drives in this was a car he actually owned (it’s in the photo and everything)

Taglist:  @laedymoon  @dtfrogertaylor   @ezmina98  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor  @hannafuckingsucks  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely​

@bohemiansweede​​​ @rogershoe​​​  @lnnuend0​​​  @funitrog​

You changed your outfit about sixteen times before you settled on the right one. It had actually been the first one you chose – a dress you were sure Roger had never seen you in before – but you’d had to rule out everything else you owned before you could be sure, or rather, before you could feel less anxious about the decision. You were determined to look your best and to make sure he evening was fun, even though the nerves twisting in your stomach made you want to pick up the phone and cancel again. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go, it was just the pressure of it all. Everything that had happened between you and Roger felt like a lead up to this date. Like a great big drumroll building and building until he knocked on your door. And you couldn’t help feeling like there was a big chance you were going to fuck it up, probably for good. So, one by one you held your clothes up in front of the mirror and one by one you added them to the absolutely not pile, discarding them for reasons big and small – too uncomfortable, too hard to get in to, too much a colour Roger didn’t like. The pile of clothes deemed not good enough had steadily grown larger as you added outfit after outfit – this one was too slutty, this one not slutty enough, and this one was something your mother would have suggested and therefore a definite no. Until eventually you’d been left with the dress you originally pulled out and a sense of satisfaction with your choice. Despite the urge to throw up you felt at the knock on the door, the decision was made even more satisfying when Roger took one look at you and whistled.  “You ready to go?”  “Yeah just let me grab my bag,”  “Not tempted to cancel again?” he winked as he asked so you knew he was joking but it still made you cringe.  “Do you start all your first dates trying to make the girl feel as guilty as possible?”  “Only the good ones. C’mon,”  He took your hand and led you out towards a 60s Morris Mini that was parked on the street between your units.   “No van tonight?”  “Of course not,” he said as he opened the door for you, “you didn’t think that was my main ride, right?” he closed the door behind you, shooting you a disbelieving look through the windshield as he ran round to his door.  “Well it’s the only one I’ve ever seen you in,”  “No, this is my baby,” he lovingly tapped the dashboard as he started the engine, “The van I just got to lug around stage equipment. Couldn’t fit a drumkit in here.”  “No you could not,” you laughed, taking in the small interior of the car.  “Hey, don’t laugh at her. She was a gift from my mum when I moved up here.”  “Sorry, just not the car I pictured you in. It’s cute though.”  “She is a bit small actually. Very hard to get a girl into the back.”  “Might have to ask for proof later,”  Roger looked over at you briefly before looking back at the road, “I’m just gonna say this now and get it out of the way so I don’t make this date too awkward later on, but,” he paused and took a deep breath that only made the nerves twist your stomach into knots, “we don’t have to have sex tonight. If you want to take this slow or you want to set some boundaries to start it’s okay, I’d understand.”  You smiled at him as he glanced back over again. His thoughtfulness as least helped ease your lingering worries about his sincerity about dating you, “Thank you. But you don’t have to like take a vow of chastity to prove you’re for real or anything.”  “Because if you did want to wait, I’d get it,”  “Rog, relax. Let’s just see how tonight goes okay? Besides,” you laughed, “sex might make things feel more normal.”  “I’m happy to do anything to help make it more normal. If that means sneaking into the restaurant bathroom with you then so be it.”  After that you fell into an easy conversation, your nerves almost reduced to those you’d feel on any other first date. 

“Have I mentioned how gorgeous you look tonight?” Roger said softly as he pulled your chair out for you. The restaurant was small though by no means empty, other tables holding other dates as well as a family or two. A few of the other people looked familiar, other students you’d seen around campus or the pub, and you quickly realised this was the go-to spot for a fairly cheap date. Nice enough to impress but not enough to break the bank.  “I was going to pay you the same complement. I think this might be the first time I’ve seen you in something other than those ratty jeans.”  “Oi, don’t hear me insulting your wardrobe. And I wear plenty of other stuff.”  “Mmm you do, I must admit I’m a little jealous of your collection. I just have one question, and stop me if this is rude, but how the fuck can you afford so much?”  Roger chuckled and, looking around for eavesdroppers, crooked his finger so you’d lean it, “That’s my secret though, love, I can’t,” he sat back in his chair, comfortably relaxed, “They’re all nicked from the stall.”  You did your best to ignore the flip your stomach did at the sound of the pet name, “The one you and Freddie run? Kensington, right?”  “Did Fred mention it?”  “Yeah, th- the night we all hung out in the van he told me about it,” you hoped Roger would ignore your slight stutter at the memory of what had happened after that night, “Said I should drop by if I got the chance.”  “You should!”  Your conversation was briefly interrupted by the waiter, another familiar face you were sure you’d seen around campus, coming to take your order.  “What was I saying?” Roger asked once you’d ordered, “Oh wait I remember! The markets are great fun even if you’re working there. Plus, I’m sure I could find you something to buy off us.”  “That desperate for sales you’ll shill to your friends?”  “Of course. Easier marks since they care whether we can afford food.” he laughed, “no but you should come. I could take you if you want? As long as you don’t mind being called on to help sell a thing or two.”  “Sounds like fun.”  “That's settled then, you can come watch me work.”  “Second date sorted then?”  “Believe me, as fun as the markets are, I would not be taking you there as a second date. For one thing Fred’d be there the whole time and I’m not so keen on a third wheel so early on.” 

Your waiter returned with the bottle of wine Roger had ordered and a promise the food would be out shortly.  “So, Rog,” you said as he poured you a glass, “Tell me about yourself. Y’know, considering how much time we’ve been together, I don’t really know much more about you than your name.”  “What do you want to know?”  You paused, unconsciously sucking your bottom lip between your teeth as you pondered the question, “I don’t know. Everything,”  “Is that one of your first date moves? The slight lean forward so he can see down your top, the lip bite, the everything?” Roger’s imitation of you fell into laughter.  "Do people actually have moves? I’m just curious,”  “I’ll take that as a complement then. Where to start though...”  There was barely a pause to your conversation. The only disruptions came in the form of your meals arriving, and moments when you both pulled yourself away from talking long enough to remember to take a bite. Otherwise one of you was always in the middle of a thought. He took your words to heart, telling you about his family and his friends and his studies and his band and anything you hadn’t covered in the time you’d already known each other, which was admittedly quite a lot. And it seemed that for every anecdote Roger shared you were called upon to share one of your own, his interest in you equal to yours in his. It was an easier first date than you could have possibly imagined, awkward silences replaced by curious questions, discomfort replaced by familiarity, leaving you both trying to time sips of your drinks for moments when you weren’t likely to spit it out as you fell into another round of laughter. 

“So,” Roger said as he led you back out of the restaurant, leaving the waiter to clear away the empty plate from your shared dessert, “be honest, was it as terrible as you thought it would be?”  “No,” you said with a huff of sheepish laughter, “I’m happy to say I had a really lovely night. Feel like even more of a knob for the whole cancelling thing but I’m glad I eventually got my shit together.”  “Me too. Smoke?” he offered you the pack he’d dug out of his pocket but you waved him off, pushing yourself to sit on the hood of his car as he dug in his pocket for his lighter. He held it long enough to take two drags before you were taking it from his fingers and pulling on it yourself.  “Hey, I offered you one,”  “I didn’t want a whole one, just a puff or two, here look you can have it back,” he took it off you, stepping between your legs, eyes locked on yours as he put it between his lips again. To your surprise he stubbed it out under his foot as he breathed out the smoke.  “What a waste! If you didn’t want it I could’ve taken it,”  Roger smiled at you as he leaned in close. You could taste the smoke on his breath as he kissed you, softly, his hands resting on your thighs.  “Was that okay?” he was still leaning in close.  “Rog,” you said sternly, “stop asking if I’m okay. I’m not going anywhere,” to prove it you placed your arms over his shoulders, pulling him into another kiss, deeper and longer. It seemed to be convincing enough, his hands slipping up until they were on your waist pulling you against him. The skirt of your dress was askew, pushed out of place as his hands rose further up your body, exposing the top of your thigh. Neither of you could bring yourselves to stop for longer than it took to take another breath, hungry for more. Heedless of passersby, on their way to the restaurant or heading back to their cars. Your hands began to wander, sliding back over Roger’s shoulders, deceptively muscular from years of drumming, and down onto his chest. The buttons of his shirt pressed into your palm, daring you to undo them.  “Think I’d like to see that backseat now,” you panted against his lips, toying with his top button, able to feel his breath as he sighed.  “Told you, backseat’s too small,”  “Well you could always come back to mine,” 

He drove you home, moving his hand from the gear stick to your thigh whenever he could, and pulled back up in the same spot you’d found the car when you left, opening your door for you once again. There was something oddly domestic about the way Roger took your bag as you fumbled getting the key into the lock, following you inside. It made your chest feel tight, the slightly sick nervous feeling rearing its head again.   “Do you want a drink?” you asked, already reaching for your wine glasses.  Roger’s seemed distracted as he turned to face you, his gaze pulled away from the doorway to your room, “Uh, think I’ll pass,”  “Alright,” you shrugged, putting one glass back “hope you don't mind if I have one anyway,”  “Actually, I think I’m going to get going,”  The slightly sick feeling only got stronger, “Oh. Okay then,” had you misread the situation?  “I had a really great time tonight,” he said as he took your hand, “Just...don’t want to rush anything, y’know?”  “Okay. Do you, um, do you wanna go out again?"  “How about Thursday night? I’d say earlier but I’ve got a couple late classes and then some sessions with the band.”  “Thursday sounds good.”  “Cool, I’ll see you then.”  He kissed you once more before he left. You could hear his footsteps as he walked the short distance to his front door, while you sat in your quiet kitchen trying to work out what Roger had meant by not rushing anything. Your whole relationship was essentially built on rushing things. The first time you’d spoken he’d had his hand under your skirt and within minutes he’d been in your bed. Now he was worried about it? And talk about mixed signals. Between his comments about the backseat that was practically an invitation to climb on back there and his assurance that you didn’t have to have sex which almost sounded like he was trying to convince you not to, and the way he’d kissed you and kept touching your thigh and then decided to leave, you felt like you had whiplash. It made you feel anxious, going over every moment to try and figure him out as you lay in bed and worried that things would never quite be okay between you.  

Luckily you didn’t have much time to dwell on it during the week. Your classes were starting to ramp up towards exams and you found yourself being bombarded with topics to revise in preparation. A few times you saw Roger around and each time brought a twinge of uncertainty that kind of made you want to throw up, but it was always pushed from your mind fairy quickly, replaced by only marginally less puke-inducing thoughts about studying. In fact, you barely had a moment to think about your second date before Thursday evening arrived and Roger was once again knocking on your door. During a very brief conversation you’d had upon bumping into each other between classes, he’d advised you to dress casually, so he found you in jeans and t-shirt. You’d contemplated wearing a skirt, learning from previous mistakes, but you couldn’t be certain how he’d react to it. Would he teasingly scald you for not dressing casually enough or would he pull you into a public bathroom again? Jeans were the far easier option. Plus it made it that little bit harder for him to get into your pants if that was what he wanted, and you kind of liked the idea of making him work for it.  

When Roger pulled into the carpark behind the pub you looked at him with raised eyebrows, the now familiar sick feeling only getting stronger, “Really? Here?”  “C’mon it’ll be fun. We had fun last time,”  Last time when everyone at the bar had heard you moaning for him. Last time when you’d hung out in his van. Last time right before you’d made an arse of yourself and almost ruined everything.   Roger must have sensed your hesitation because he put a reassuring hand on your knee, “Y/N?”  “It’s fine, I’m being stupid,” you shook your head and pulled a smile onto your face.  “Are you sure? We can go somewhere else if you want,”  “I’m sure. Last time was very fun,”  Roger looked at you for a moment longer but you were already opening the door and climbing out of the car. He hurried to follow, lacing his fingers through yours and giving your hand an encouraging squeeze. It felt easier once you were sat together at a small table off to the side of the room, a drink in front of each of you. You let yourself relax into your conversation, laughing at Roger’s jokes and becoming enraptured with the way he spoke. By the time the band came on stage you’d almost forgotten your earlier discomfort, happy to just sit with Roger and watch them play. Especially when he beckoned you to pull your chair closer to his, allegedly so you could see the stage better, though it also gave him the opportunity to wrap and arm around your waist.  “What d’you think of them?” he asked suddenly, leaning towards your ear so you could hear better.  “The band? They’re okay I guess,”  “Would you say Queen is better?”  “These guys don’t even come close,”  “Correct answer,” he winked at you and placed a finger under your chin, tilting your face towards him. You sighed against his lips as he kissed you softly.  “This drummer is especially unimpressive. Nowhere near as talented as Queen’s. Or as cute,”  “Someone’s playing for the top prize,”  “Mmhmm, did I win?”  He leaned in to kiss you again, his hand resting on your knee, which you took as a yes. Slowly he began sliding his hand up your thigh. You shifted in your seat, turning your body to face him more, though he kept you from crossing your legs, pawing at your over your jeans. A small, quiet moan escaped you as he pressed the seam of your jeans against your clit and you felt Roger smile. He grew tired of not touching you properly though, deftly undoing your fly and wriggling his fingers under the waistband of your underpants.  “Funny how often we end up here,” his voice was quiet enough that only you could hear him, yet practically demanding your full attention, “what’s the rule?”  “I don’t know,” you half whined as Roger toyed with your clit.  “Eyes on me, yes?”  “Yes,” it took some effort but you managed to force your eyes open and bring them to rest on his face.  “Good girl. You know why I want you looking at me?”  You shook your head, biting your lower lip to keep from moaning too loudly.  “There are two reasons. Number one, I don’t want you getting distracted worrying about who can see you. And two, I like watching your face. The way you get that pleading look in your eyes, almost begging me not to stop.” he paused, “Y’know this’d be easier if you’d worn a skirt. Which I’m fairy sure I’ve said to you before,”  “D’you wanna find somewhere a little more private and help me out of these jeans then?”  Roger’s finger stopped their motion and he tugged his hand free, “As tempting as that is, might be better if we head off.”  “Head off like, go back to mine and spend the rest of the night together?”  “I more meant... head off and go home to our own separate beds.”  “Oh-kay,” you said slowly, trying to work out what you’d done wrong as he took your hand and led you back out into the warm night air. You were halfway across the carpark when you spoke up, “Why?”  “Why what?”  “Why do you want to go home already?”  “I’ve got an early class tomorrow.”  “Do you?” you dropped his hand, crossing your arms over your chest.  “Yes. Why would I lie about class?”  “I don’t know Roger. But you’ve been so fucking hot and cold with me I don’t really know what to think. Seriously though, what the fuck is your problem? Like one minute you’re inviting me into the backseat of your car and then next you’re saying you don’t want to rush things. You’ll touch my thigh, you’ll finger me under the fucking table but the minute I suggest we actually have sex you back off again!”  “I know. I’m just...” he shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked a loose stone across the carpark. “Nervous. After what happened last time. The screaming match and the -” he broke off, biting his lip but you knew what he meant.  You softened at his worried expression, “Rog, I’ve told you already that wasn’t your fault. I’m the one that started it.”  “Yeah but I was way too rough with you that night. I could have hurt you, I did hurt you.”  “I think your forgetting the scratches I left you with,”  “That’s different. The way I choked you I could have done actual damage. And then there was the – the other part,”  “Is this what things are going to be like from now on?”  “What?”  “Is that whole fight going to infect every interaction we have? Every time I’m reminded of it I feel awful and embarrassed and guilty, and I can’t help but panic. You keep pulling away because of a bad angry fuck. What if we never get past it properly? What if we can’t?”  He kicked at the gravel again, not making eye contact, “No, I think we can. The moments when we’re talking and I forget about everything else that happened are really good. I just think it’ll take a bit of time to completely move on.”  “What happened to putting it behind us?”  “Easier said than done,” he shrugged, “Come on, we can talk about it more in the car.”  You nodded and followed though you weren’t really paying attention. Instead you were going over everything in your head, trying to find a solution. Just waiting it out wasn’t good enough. There was too much uncertainty and doubt. You needed to do something. Something that would put Roger’s mind at ease about potentially hurting you and fix the discomfort you felt. Roger opened the door for you but you didn’t get in.  “Y/N?”  “We need to have sex.”  “We literally just went over this,”  “No, I know, but we need to. I said it on our first date and played it off as a joke but the more I think about it the more sense it makes. Sex would make things feel more normal.”  Roger just looked at you.  “Think about it Rog. Our whole relationship was built on it. Our very first interaction was you seeing me masturbate and then finding me here,” you pointed at the building behind you, “and fingering me in a room full of strangers. It wasn’t until after we’d slept together a few times that we actually like, talked properly.”  “I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t want to, Y/N, I do. Fuck I want to, but...”  “I get it,” you said softly, taking his hand in yours and gently rubbing your thumb over his skin, “But it won’t be like last time.”  There was silence for a few moments as Roger considered but then he nodded, “Okay, yeah. Um... hop in and we’ll go back to yours.”  “There’s a perfectly fine car here, why drive all that way?”  "Privacy maybe?”  “Rog, since when have we cared about being in public?  “Touché. But I meant what I said before about the lack of space. Might wanna take your pants off before you get inside.”  “You first,”  “No need to be so suspicious, was your idea remember,” but he kicked his pants off all the same, throwing them into the drivers seat followed by his underwear, “I can’t believe you’ve convinced me to go balls out behind the pub,” Roger said as he folded the front seat forward.  “Didn’t really take much,” you looked around to double check for any peeping toms before quickly pulling off your own jeans. They joined Roger’s, though unlike him, you kept your underpants on, “besides, I heard about you losing that bet and running starkers around the block, I know you’re not shy about this sort of thing.”  “Losing a bet is losing a bet. I knew the cost and I paid it,”   “Yes well, apparently that bet and sorting this,” you waved your hands between you, “this mess out, have the same cost,”  “A cost you’ve noticeably not payed,”  “Don’t worry, I’ll get there. But there’s something I want to do first.”  Roger looked confused until you kneeled at his feet, “Woah, love,”  “I’m pretty sure I owe you a blowjob, remember?”   “I remember, but here? That gravel can’t be comfortable.”  “It’s fine, it won’t last long.”  “Excuse you but I think we both know I can last.” The end of his argument was lost in a gasp as you wrapped your hand around his length and squeezed just a little, smiling at his instant reaction. Without another word you looked up at him and took him in your mouth, sucking until he groaned, his hand flying out to brace himself against the roof of the car. You bobbed up and down, gradually taking him deeper, until he hit the back of your throat and you gagged. You pulled back off him, sliding your hand over his length, spreading your saliva out. And then you were back on him, though not taking him quite so deep, pumping your hand over what you couldn’t reach, hollowing your cheeks as you tried to draw more pretty noises from him.   “Y/N, love,”  You hummed in response, earning another groan and his fist banging on the roof of the car twice.  “Jesus, I know I said I could last longer, but I swear to god if you keep this up, I won't,”  You pulled back and smiled at him, “Isn’t that kind of the point?”  “‘Spose so,”  “Besides, we’re in the middle of a carpark and I’m kneeling on gravel. Think I’d prefer this to be over a little bit quicker,”  That made him laugh, covering his mouth so as not to attract any attention from a gaggle of people exiting the bar and jumping into a car, “I told you it’d be uncomfortable,”  You hadn’t explicitly said it and you had no idea if Roger realised, but there was a sense of apology in your actions. Modern day self-flagellation, though perhaps that wasn’t a good metaphor since you were quite enjoying yourself despite the stones pressing into your knees. But in your mind, this made things more even, went some way to erasing the awkwardness and discomfort you’d created. And that spurred you on, made you want to give him a good performance.   “Quiet, smarty pants and let me get back to it,”  He gave you a go on then wave with one hand, “was only warning you in-n case you – fuck,” Roger’s head fell forward as he moaned and you picked up the pace, mouth and hand moving in tandem to push him over the edge. Thankfully no one was around to hear him as he moaned, knuckles white where he held onto the car, hips jerking as you milked his cock.  “In case I what?” you asked swiping at the corner of your mouth with your thumb, as a precaution.  “I was going to say, in case you were planning on riding me before I came, but it’s a bit late for that now,”  “Little bit,” you held out your hand so he could help pull you to your feet, dusting off the gravel still stuck to your knees as soon as you were up, “you still want to do this?”  “More than ever, just give me like a minute,”  “Sure, you know how much I love standing around in public half naked,”  “Take your knickers off and we can talk about half naked. How are your knees?”  “They’re fine,”   “Good,” he stepped in close, trapping you between himself and the open car door.  Your breath hitched as he kissed you, his fingers sliding into your underwear again. To any observers crossing the carpark on the way to or from the bar you would have appeared a regular loved up couple, stealing a kiss before you got in the car and drove away. At least, until they walked behind you and saw Roger’s bare arse and your spread legs. Not that you would have noticed if someone had walked by, much too caught up in how Roger’s fingers felt working their way into you, stretching you out.   “Aren’t you just a filthy little slut,”  “Only when you’re around.” 

Roger wrenched his fingers free of your pussy, and stepped back half a step, holding his arm out towards the interior of the car, “Ladies first,”  You’re just saying that to get a look at my bum,” you laughed, but you climbed inside all the same, pulling your shirt off as Roger followed and slammed the door behind him. In seconds he was reaching for you again, finding your lips again. It felt nice to be wrapped up in him once more, his touch lighter than it had been in the past, remnant concern manifesting physically. You placed your hands over his, giving him permission to be that little bit firmer as he lay you back, your head propped up against the wall behind you, taking a few seconds to look you over before he began rolling your underwear down your legs.   “Wait, um, if you bend your knees for me,” he said, awkwardly trying to reposition himself to get them off your ankles. When he finally had them in his hand he slingshot them into the front seat, drawing a laugh from you. You let one leg fall to the floor as Roger pulled his shirt off, leaning forward so as not to punch the roof of the car. Once his shirt had been tossed aside he brought his hand back to your wet folds, running his fingers along you teasingly slowly.   “Rog please,”  “Love hearing you beg,”  With a whine you readjusted yourself, scooting a little further back so more of your head rested against the wall, getting your neck into a slightly more comfortable position. He leaned over you in search of another hungry kiss but broke it off when you whimpered into his mouth.  “Did I hurt you?”  You shook your head, “just want you to fuck me already,”  “Just, hang on love, give me a second,” he said as he tried to find a comfortable position.  “Maybe if you move back a bit?”  “My arse is already so close to the window I’m mooning anyone who looks this way,”  You let out another laugh, “Can’t you just kneel on the seat?”  “Not unless I want to bump my head. Can you move?”  “Rog If I try to move back any further I may as well sit up,”  “That could work,” he grabbed your arm and pulled you up so you could move across to straddle his lap.    “Alright, just give me, shit-” your forehead whacked into Roger’s both of you swearing. You fell into another laughing fit as you landed on his lap, arms around his neck, though Roger wasn’t quite as amused.  “God, are you okay?” he asked, pushing your hair back to examine the site of impact, “I told you it was small,”  “Might not wanna say that while your dicks hanging out,”  His eyes narrowed at you, “Yeah, you’re fine.”  “Mmhmm, think this can work,” you wrapped your hand around Roger’s cock, making him hiss as you stroked him. You raised yourself onto your knees too fast and felt the top of your head collide with the roof of the car.  “Oh Jesus bloody fuck,” you almost yelled, dropping back down straight away and rubbing the top of your head.  “Christ Y/N,” Roger said getting you to look down so he could see the top of your head, “that sounded bad.”  You rubbed the spot you'd hit, “It’s nothing,”  “That’s it, I’m taking you home. We gotta get some ice on it.”  “I’m fine,”  “Y/N, it’s a head injury,”  “It’s a bump Rog, nothing serious,”   “It could be serious. I study biology, I know how fucking fragile the skull can be.”  You sighed and lay a hand on his cheek, “Roger, I’m okay. This is not a sign from the universe or anything like that. It’s a small bump because I want you so bad.”  “You sure you don’t want me to get some ice?”  “Oh I am much too horny for that,”  Roger still looked a little concerned but he chuckled along with you and dropped his hands to your waist, “you’ll let me know if you want to stop?”  “You know I will.” 

Going slower, taking a little more care, you tried to mount him again, managing it without injury. Roger still seemed wary, his hold on you lighter than you wanted but once again you placed your hands over his, pressing on his fingers until he tightened his grip. Gradually you began rolling your hips against his, letting out small hums and tempting moans against his neck as you leaned in to leave a trail of kisses and grazed teeth. Roger was biting the inside of his cheek as if he were trying to keep himself under control, lest he go too far. He hadn’t been afraid to let his domineering side show while he was just using his fingers, but now that things had progressed, and in the wake of your self-inflicted head knock, he seemed to be holding back again. It wasn’t what you needed.  “C’mon Rog,” you whined between sucking at his neck, “grab me properly. Slap me, pinch me, use me. Want you to show me what needy whores like me are good for.”  He swallowed audibly, fingers twitching against you as you clenched down on his cock.  “Got so turned on inside, hearing you call me a good girl. And I was so close to cumming just from your fingers,” you changed the motion of your hips, drawing a gasp from Roger.  “That’s because you’re a slut who likes getting off in front of an audience,” his grasp still wasn’t hard enough, though he was clearly getting more comfortable and more eager to take charge the longer you talked, your steadily swiveling hips riling him up.   “Your slut.”  Roger growled. One of his hands left your hip to swat at your arse, and then it was back, his grasp firm enough to hold you still, “Enough. I know you’re desperate for me to use you again but we’ve got a problem,” he laced his fingers in your hair and tugged your head back, “Because you’re so fucking needy and couldn’t wait the ten minutes it would have taken to get home we’re here, where there isn’t enough space to do everything I want to do to you. Now, if you really want me to use you, I could always push you to the floor and fuck your mouth. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you stopped when I hit the back of your throat. Maybe it’s time I taught you how to suck dick like a proper whore.”  You whined and tried to rock your hips but he pulled on your hair again.  “Keep still.”  “Sorry,”  He raised his eyebrow and waited another moment before he continued, “I could do that. But I like being in your cunt too much. So instead, you’re going to ride me properly. No more of these teasing little rocking movements. You’re going to put those knees of yours to work and ride me, show me you can be obedient even when you’re on top. If you do well enough, I might let you cum.” He bucked his hips, a signal for you to get to it.  Bracing your hands on his chest you raised yourself up and dropped down onto his cock, careful not to hit your head again, steadily building your rhythm.   “Good girl,” he said softly, sliding his hands up your sides and around to your breasts.  You gasped when he pinched your nipples, disrupting the rhythm you’d found which earned you a sharp spank and a warning to keep going. It didn’t help when Roger began talking again, whispering a filthy stream of consciousness monologue to you that covered every possible topic from the way your tits felt in his hands to why your neck looked better covered in his teeth marks to how much he loved being buried so fucking deep in your cunt, and everything in between. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, burning as he laid claim to every inch of you with his words and his hands and his lips. The feeling only grew when you heard a wolf whistle from the other side of the window followed by Roger’s hitched laugh.  “Jesus, the way you just clenched on me. You really do like an audience, don’t you?”  All you could do was whine, the need to cum only getting stronger as you repeatedly impaled yourself on him.  “Go on, love, give them a show,” he spanked you again, pushing a moan from your throat and you wondered if the person who’d whistled was hanging around to listen in.   You held onto Roger tighter as he raised his hips to meet yours, both of you chasing release. You were done for when he dropped his fingers to your clit, holding out long enough to hear him breathlessly order you to cum. He followed quickly, squeezing your hips again, as you collapsed against his chest.  

When you found the energy, you climbed off his lap and fell into the seat beside him, stretching your legs as much as you could in the limited space. Roger leaned towards the door, winding the fogged-up window down an inch to let some fresh air into the car, before he sat back and threw an arm around you, pulling you against his side.  “Was that good?” he mumbled into your hair.  “Brilliant. Told you there was nothing to worry about. Quite like it when you get all rough, really.”  “I know. Couldn’t help worrying though, could I? I really like you, didn’t want to scare you off,” he said it casually but from how you were leaning against him you could feel his heart racing, your own speeding up too.   You pulled away from him, just far enough that you could properly see his face, “I like you too Rog.” The shy smile you’d offered turned into a fully-fledged grin, the expression mirrored on his face, as he kissed you again.  “Does this mean we’re all good?” you asked when he finally let you go, “no more weirdness?”  “I can’t promise no more weirdness but definitely less. And I’m more than happy to keep sleeping with you until it's gone,”  You giggled, head falling into the crook of his neck, “maybe not in the car again though.”  “I’ll bring the van next time, give us a bit more room,” he bumped your shoulder playfully with his, “don’t want you hitting your head every time you get too impatient to wait,”  “Ooh next time? You got any ideas?” you asked, reaching to grab your shirt and throw Roger his.  “Like what we’re gonna do?” he paused as he pulled his shirt on, “Not really. Exam preps kinda taken over my brain. Only came up with coming here last minute,”  You laughed as he scrunched his nose up and leaned forward to retrieve the rest of your clothes, “let me guess...close and cheap?”  “Pretty much. Hey!”   “Sorry, couldn’t resist. You’ve got a cute bum,”  “No need to pinch it!” he laughed, throwing your jeans at you, "Think I better take you home before you get any more ideas,”  “Yeah alright, can’t sit here half-dressed forever. Chuck us my knickers would you?”  Roger threw the underpants at you, laughing as he watched you wriggle back into them. Carefully he opened the door, sticking his head out to check the coast was clear before he climbed out and hurriedly pulled his jeans on. You did the same, trying to be as quick as possible, while Roger put the front seat back into position and went round to the driver's side.  

The drive back to your street was comfortable, his hand again falling to your knee whenever it wasn’t on the gear stick, but this time there was no question of what it meant. You were still laughing at a joke he’d made when he walked you to your front door.   “You wanna come in? I could make you a coffee if you want?”  “I would but, early class.”  “Oh yeah, forgot about that. You know, you live right next door though, could stay for a couple of hours at least. Or just stay the night and then jump the fence in the morning.”  “I can’t believe I’m about to turn you down but I really can’t. I swear most days I’d say fuck the class but with the exams so close I can’t afford to miss it. And I know if I did stay, I wouldn’t want to leave.”  “I get it. I should probably crack open a book before I turn in anyway,”  “I’ll talk to you soon though, okay?”  “Yeah, okay,”  Roger wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug before laying a soft goodnight kiss against your lips.  “You better go or else I’m going to ask you to stay again.”  “G’night. And put some ice on that bump before you go to bed, okay?”  “Goodnight Roger.”

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 2

Boggy the Froggy!

Welcome back, ya’ll! We jump back in with our Bad Kids (or 4/6 of them anyway) the very next day. Fabian sends Gilear out on a coffee run on the threat of bodily harm. His mom–who, if you remember is low-key a total badass–tells Fabian that if Gilear doesn’t come back from the quest alive, she’s going to duel him to the death on top of the house. Yikes. At Chez Thistlespring, Gorgug’s parents give him another very detailed sex talk and then remind him that he lives in a world where magic is very real so any and all dreams he remembers should be treated as omens. 

At the haunted house, Adaine wakes up having had portentous dreams like everyone else which is doubly concerning I have to imagine considering (1) she is the eleven oracle and (2) as a full elf she’s supposed to trance, not sleep and dream. Luckily for her nerves, she cast Find Familiar the night before and summoned an emotional support familiar which she gave the amazing name Bogariel Frogariel aka: Boggy the Froggy. 

Meanwhile (and I needed to switch paragraphs because Kristen is doing the D&D equivalent of playing Twister while everyone else is playing Checkers as she is wont to do) Kristen is talking to Tracker about changing Yes? again because she is filled with doubt about her god of doubt but the one thing she clearly doesn’t have doubt about is her relationship with Tracker because it’s been less than a year and she already sees wedding bells in their future. Wild. She also invites Tracker on the quest, rectifying what I thought was a wild oversight last week. 

Everyone meets up and they realize Fig and Riz are missing. They (specifically Fabian) can’t get Riz on the phone (which has never happened before) and all of Fig’s stuff is missing. They head over to Riz’s office to see if they can find him but, before that, Tracker cancels the church of Yes? because, sure. 

There are signs of a struggle at Riz’s office, but no blood. They find a picture of Riz’s super-spy dad (Pok) with his arm around someone who appears invisible to them (though the spot is circled in red). They also find claw marks going up to a mirror. Adaine stops Gorgug from touching the mirror which would have driven him insane and had him attack the group. She sees a twisted version of Riz in the mirror which no one else can see until she describes it (suspicious). Then, she dispels magic and the Riz appears in the room…and attacks them (roll for initiative baybee)!

Fabian is flipped the F out. Kristen decides to chill out and drink Riz’s coffee–much to the incredulousness of everyone else (she’s on those chill existential dread vibes). Adaine and Gorgug are stricken by fear but they’re able to snap out of it quickly. Once they’re sure it’s not Riz (the doppelganger is going full creepy horror movie monster with the head twisting and biting and junk), they start going full throttle but Kristen gets a clutch roll and lands a banishment on Nightmare Riz (who was invisible at the time). Also, Adaine finds a gun but no one is down with her packing heat without proper firearms training so she reluctantly puts it back. They confer with Sandra-Lynn and they find out Fig has, for some reason, gone to Bastion City (the capital) and Gorthalax is missing. Also, because Emily is Emily whether she’s present or not, they find out that Fig has decided to multiclass and she is now a bard/warlock with her demon dad as her patron. Those might be connected because, as her patron, Gorthalax can now find Fig at all times.  

Sklonda, in the meantime, has been investigating a robbery at the mall. They end up there too because Gilear (who is back from his coffee run) said he saw Fig’s bus in the area. They tell Ragh to meet them there and then head over (Gorgug in the old family car which he buys from them for 30 gold (the cost of a pony)–the amount Adaine suggests after the Thistlesprings reject his insane offer of 1000 gold). Also, Kristen leaves her brothers some gold secretly which is sad and also I think not the best way to handle that, but the intention is good. The robbery was of a gem–non-magical I believe–called the Devil’s Heart. [Edit: And apparently Fig’s doing.] Fabian shows up, tries to be helpful, and then eats glass. Normal stuff. 

The group tries to figure out what’s going on with Fig by calling the hotel she’s at and basically doing a straight improv comedy routine, each passing the phone around with a bad story until Adaine just hangs the phone up. Then, they find out from Sklonda that Pok’s partner is a tabaxi (cat person) named Kalina and she is in the empty space in the photo. Sklonda and Sandra-Lynn can see it even though the Bad Kids can’t. 

With that information gathered, the group leaves Elmville for the first time on the way to the Hotel Cavalier in Bastion City and, hopefully, Fig. 

Detention

Fabian for Intern Abuse

Poor Gilear. Fabian solicits increasingly complicated coffee orders from his friends to make Gilear’s job harder and tries to get them to threaten Gilear on their behalf. Even Sandra-Lynn was like, bro. Lay off the guy. Bad form, sir. (Hilarious, but bad). 

Honor Roll

Adaine for Rocking Her Portent Rolls

Adaine had a 19 and a 4 for her portent rolls this session and she used them very judiciously. The first was her 19 which she gave to Gorgug who was about to fail his saving throw and touch the mirror which would have led to him attacking everyone (she has a vision of his beheading her in a rage–sidenote love that Brennan makes her portent rolls actual visions instead of just having the mechanical effect of changing the roll happen). The second was a 4 which she gave to Brennan who was rolling for concentration on Nightmare Riz’s fear spell. What a power move to stare your DM in the face and say, “You roll a 4.” Amazing. Portent rolls are so good you guys. Also, bonus points for coming up with the name Bogariel Frogariel. 

Random Thoughts

Fabian’s response to his mom’s ultimatum that she will fight him if Gilear doesn’t return alive? “Damn, guess I have to fight my mom.”

“MAGIC IS REAL AND SO IS MY FROG.”

Brennan describes Boggy as just the most archetypal looking, round, squishy frog and I want a plush of his yesterday. Or a stress ball! It would go with his whole emotional support thing in game. I love that Siobhan picked not the potentially “useful” or “cool” animal. She went full Marie Kondo and was like, “What’s gonna spark some joy?” Boggy also can give her the help action, which is great!

The episode was great even 2 cast members down, but they were missed. On more than one occasion, I was like, “This is more quiet than usual. I wonder why–ah Emily.” We better get her reaction to Boggy as soon as she’s back.  

Kristen brings up the concept of patenting a god which is wild. We also get an answer to the question I had last week about Tracker’s cleric status–she still is a cleric of the moon goddess. The moon goddess is just chill with her followers not being exclusive. 

Fabian sans Riz is a hilarious mess. For anyone who likes them together as friends and/or romantically there was a lot of Content. Fabian being like, “Idk about Fig but something is def wrong with the Ball because he always answers on the first ring when I call  him.” Him canonically forgetting that he has a name other than The Ball (that’s the name in his phone, obv). And, the coup de grace, him investigating RIz’s office, but only for signs of his name. Him trying to Investigate like Riz, rolling a nat 1, and literally eating glass (“I thought I could taste fingerprints!”). 

“Coffee’s ordered, is the Ball dead?”

Adaine as everyone is clowning on Fabian for possibly making out with the Hangman: The Hangman is much more human than my bitch sister. 

Nightmare Riz, who they still think is actual Riz at this point, pops out of the mirror and Fabian and Adaine’s reactions respectively are, “You can’t do these things!” and, “It’s like 60% of our grade.”

The idea of Gorgug going from a terrified scream into a barbarian rage scream is very funny. Where are the animatics people?

Oh, speaking of people, Fantasy High was trending on tumblr the morning after this stream. Nice job, guys! 

The talk that Gorgug’s parents give him about all dreams being significant is something I always say in movies/books/shows like this. You have protagonists who *know* they live in a magic world and they have weird dreams and it’s not until 2/3rds of the way into the story that they’re like, “Wait. My dreams…mean something?” Bitch, what?

Gorgug’s initial coffee order is Hot Chocolate with a shot of decaf.

Everyone is very chill with Tracker coming onto the quest. Adaine just has one rule: No sex in the tent while they’re also in the tent. Kristen asks like she’s offended Adaine would feel the need to say that but like…come on. 

At first, I thought the invisibility in the photo was similar to the non-Adaine bad kids not being able to see Nightmare Riz until she described him but they still couldn’t see the woman in the photo after Sklonda described her so not sure what was going on with the mirror. 

I went back to the episode where Riz finds the photo of his dad (First Kisses and Last Words at around 1 hour, 27 mins in) and in that photo it’s of his dad and his mom. So either (1) it’s a different photo, (2) Brennan forgot/retconned something, or (3) something seriously screwy is going on. I will also note two observations here. Sklonda mentioned that Kalina doesn’t drink but was holding up her hand in a toast like she was drinking in the photo. That seems too specific a detail to not mean anything. And the second thing is, last ep, we did learn about a servant of the Nightmare King called the Shadow Cat and Kalina (if that is her real name) is a tabaxi so that’s something to think about. 

With all the complicated coffee orders flying around, Adaine just changes hers to a black coffee to try and make Gilear’s life a little easier (her original order was a Peppermint Mocha–sans the threat of violence to Gilear Fabian was offering). I do really love that Adaine seems genuinely concerned about the guy. SOMEONE should be. And it’s consistent with her characterization of just being generally well mannered and empathetic. 

Kristen getting the banishment on Nightmare Riz is something she did after Ally asked for it and Brennan was like, “lol, sure on a 19 or 20.” Boom. Rolled a 19. Just like in the prom fight. So the lesson here folks is don’t give your players a conditional yes and then expect the dice to bail you out. 

Kristen’s existential crisis is so crazy to me because she’s having, like, a prototypical Crisis of Faith™ (and pretty realistically) except, unlike in real life, she has certain knowledge about the existence of gods, life after death, and the means to communicate with those deities in the present day like…I feel like you’re crisis-ing wrong, girl. She’s crisis-ing like she just deconverted from Christianity when I feel like what actually happened is closer to, like, quitting a sorority or realizing you hate your major or changing political parties.  

the nature of humanity is just that every so often someone accidentally invents homestuck helioism again

Ragh had a dream matching up with Gorgug’s (but he didn’t realize it was Gorgug in his dream) which means something and I’m sure we’ll figure out what soon enough. 

The Fabian eating glass scene is another one where you truly need to see it to understand how great it is. Lou is equally game to have Fabian be the coolest person who ever lived or a huge baby and Fabian running away crying because he has glass shards in his tongue is incredible. Hilariously, he runs into Ragh in the food court who has also eaten glass in the past (“Glass is literally invisible.”) and they bro bond over it so hard (“That’s my boy!”) that Tracker and Kristen are like…are they a thing?

The other crazy scene is the gang passing around the phone trying to convince the hotel receptionist to give them info about Fig. Kristen comes up with the name Teddy Guyger (and Zac and I at the same time are like, “Did you get the name Teddy because you have a teddy bear in your inventory rn?”). Fabian tries to drop his dad’s name. Their first move for some reason isn’t to give the phone to Gorgug who is also a part of the band. Adaine just hangs up the phone like Peppa Pig. Exquisite comic timing. 

“I cast bane on Gilear.”

I love the running joke of Adaine having visions throughout the day of her friends in the process of doing dumb BS.

Nightmare Riz going after Fabian’s good eye was big gross. Thanks Brennan, I hate it.  

I wonder if what’s going on with Fig is completely different than what’s going on with Riz. Just because they’re gone for the same reason irl, doesn’t mean they’re gone for the same reason in game. Nightmare Fig could be a fun fight though.

As someone whose fave thing in D&D is not combat, I thought the fight in this episode was great. Interesting concept, good chance for in-character reactions, not too long . 

Ragh upon meeting Tracker: Check it out: I’m gay. (Tracker: Tight.)

Fabian, who has known Cathilda his entire life: Do maids dream?

In this ep, Kristen and Adaine rolled 2 nat 20s each (Kristen rolled one for initiative also but it was lowered by her modifier), and Gorgug and Fabian each rolled 1. Fabian also rolled a nat 1 (which, again, led to him Eating Glass).  

[bunteatime]

aramika coffee shop au pt. 1

ok so!! ive had this au in my head for like.. 5 months now and i luv it sm so i decided to turn it into a lil fic!! im still workin on tha story but i couldnt wait 2 post it so here is part 1..

(also!! apologies if this is written poorly!! its one of tha first times ive ever tried to like. seriously write)

Part 1: Arashi’s POV

Arashi took a step forward. She was standing right in front of a small cafe. It was located in the middle of the city so it was usually quite busy. However, she had arrived just before opening. She smiled and tightened her work apron. 

She wasn’t normally too fond of the idea of working but there was just something so romantic about working in a coffee shop. She had read so many books about two lovers meeting in a coffee shop and the thought of meeting the love of her life while at the cafe practically made her swoon. What if she met the love of her life today? What would they look like? Would they sweep her off her feet the second they saw her? More importantly, would she even realize who they were before it was too late?

Quite suddenly, she snapped out of her daze and look around. Focus, Arashi, she told herself confidently. She stepped inside the cafe and was instantly greeted with the smell of coffee beans and Leo waving at her.

 “Hey, Naru-chan!!” He said almost too excitedly considering how early it was. 

“Hello hello Leo!” she giggled and waved back. 

Just then, Izumi walked in while glaring at his phone. Arashi could’ve sworn she heard him make a little tch sound. 

“Oh, hi Izumi! What’s wrong?” She frowned. 

“Tsukasa won’t be coming in today. Apparently, he fell ill.” He huffed back. 

“Ah, well that’s alright. We still have the four of us!” She attempted to comfort him. Izumi could get worked up so easily, it seemed. 

“Three of us. Ritsu slept in again and knowing him he probably won’t show up until the end of the day.” 

Arashi sighed and looked at her phone. They only had about ten before the coffee shop opened. She would be extra busy today, considering there were only three people working that day. She wished that she could’ve been sick too, so she could just sit at home and paint her nails all day rather than spend it making coffee. She didn’t mind too much though; the pay was really good and with that, she could go out shopping this weekend. She got behind the counter and scrolled through Instagram to pass time. 

“Oh! Before I forget, Naru-chan, there’s gonna be this guy coming sometime around now with a bunch of pastries for the shop! I thought I’d be the one to accept them from him but Izumi-chan said he wanted to ‘talk finances’ with me so would you do it for me?” He smiled brightly at her. She seriously didn’t understand how he could be so peppy at 6 am on a Monday. 

“Of course, dear! Leave it to me.” She winked at him and smiled. 

Leo suddenly got really serious. “If I’m not back in an hour, just know that I died of boredom listening to Izumi talk about stupid adult things.” He said in a scared tone. 

Arashi giggled and pushed him towards the back. “Yes, yes, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” She responded. 

Leo went into the back and it was officially opening time. Looks like I’ll be all on my own this morning, she told herself with a sigh. She walked over to the front of the store and flipped the sign on the front door to the side that said “open” in a cursive font. On her way back to the counter, she straightened some of the chairs and unwrinkled the tablecloths. She was curious over the pastries Leo had mentioned. She assumed they were from a new store than they usually bought their pastries because the usual store wouldn’t send anyone to drop them off. 

The first twenty or so minutes after the opening of the store went well. She had about ten customers come in, all of which looked like college kids wanting to study before class. Just then, the door was opened rather loudly and a boy with shaggy greenish-black hair stumbled in. He was carrying a large box with him and seemed to be out of breath. Did he run all the way here? He was wearing a black sweater and jeans, despite it being the middle of summer. He came up to the front counter and set the box down. The moment he looked up at Arashi, she almost gasped. He had absolutely stunning eyes. One was a beautiful ocean blue while the other was golden. Arashi wondered what they called that. Heterochromia? Was that right? She’d have to look it up later. His eyes were so captivating that she felt like she couldn’t look away.

“Uhm, hello! What can I get for you today, babe?” She asked. 

“Well, uh, ‘m not really here to buy anythin’. Coffee ain’t really my thing… too bitter.” He stuck his tongue out a little bit as he said that. “I dunno if you know but I’m here to deliver some pastries!” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

As soon as she heard him speak, Arashi felt butterflies in her stomach. Fate had just set her up with the absolute cutest boy she’s ever seen and she was so happy. She was absolutely enamored with him. His accent was absolutely adorable and the way he looked down and played with his sleeves shyly as he explained the situation to her made her think that she might die from a cuteness overload. He was just so cute! She’d known this boy for maybe 60 seconds and she had already unashamedly fallen head over heels for him. He was perfect. 

He looked back up at her and they stared at each other for what felt like a blissful eternity, before looking back down awkwardly. His face was bright red. Oh how absolutely adorable he looked when he blushed like that. 

“I, uhm, I should go… Oshi-san’ll be real mad at me if ‘m not back soon..” He said shyly. It might’ve been her imagination but Arashi could’ve sworn she heard a little regret in his voice. 

“Oh, yes, yes of course!” She responded quickly. “Thank you so much for the pastries!” She smiled.

He smiled back at her and began to walk away. Right as he was about to open the door and leave she spoke up again. 

“Also… Your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, babe.” She winked at him and watched as his eyes widened and his face went tomato red again. 

“Th- thank you…” He said quietly and proceeded to leave.

She giggled and sighed as she rested her hand on her head. She was in love, wasn’t she? That was the prettiest boy she had ever seen and with only one interaction between them, she had fallen in love. She wasn’t complaining, though. She absolutely loved the feeling of butterflies in her stomach as she thought about the next time she would see him. 

“Arashi, you’re slacking.” Izumi’s voice spoke behind her. She could almost feel the glare she knew he was giving her.

“Oh my god, Izumi! You won’t believe what just happened.” She said excitedly.

Part 1: Mika’s POV

Mika sighed loudly and rubbed the back of his neck. He had been up since four making pastries. He was starting to get sick of the sweet smell, but he knew Shu would be mad at him if he stopped working. 

“Oshi-san,” He whined. “Can I have a break yet?” He was really hoping he could get out of there soon; today was supposed to be his day off but Shu had called him in suddenly. Although, that wasn’t too odd for Shu to do. 

“Actually, yes. You have to take this box of pastries to this cafe, though.” He handed him a piece of paper with an address written on it in cursive handwriting. “Do not be late, Kagehira. You’ll ruin our business’ reputation.” 

“Will do, Oshi-san!” Mika responded happily. He picked up the box and practically ran out the door.

Once he was outside, he sighed happily. He was glad he wasn’t inside anymore. He hurried over in the direction of the store, however, he got lost along the way. He somehow ended up in the shopping district and couldn’t find his way out. Shit, he panicked. Oshi-san’s gonna get mad at me if ‘m late. It took him a while, but he finally found his way to the coffee shop, however, he was ten minutes late. He would’ve been later if he hadn’t run the whole way. Maybe Shu wouldn’t get as mad at him if he lied and said he had just wandered around after taking the pastries to the cafe?

He went to pull the door open, but it wouldn’t. He tried again and it still wouldn’t open. He tried a third time before reading a sign that said “push” right next to the door. He embarrassedly pushed the door open and stumbled inside the store. He glanced up at the girl at the register and immediately looked down. Oh no, she was pretty. Like, really pretty. Stunning, even. He felt embarrassed. He walked up to the counter and set the box of pastries down before mustering up his courage and looking back up at her. 

Oh god, he was right the first time. She really was pretty. Her eyes were sparkling. They were a deep purple and so so pretty. Her hair was beautiful, too. She looked so effortlessly stunning and it honestly took his breath away. Her smile was stunning, too. She radiated warmth and he found her presence to be oddly comforting, despite knowing her for thirty seconds. 

“Uhm, hello! What can I get for you today, babe?” She said. Did she.. Did she just call him babe? He was falling for her so hard and so fast it almost scared him. He never considered himself the romantic type, but this girl made him feel butterflies in his stomach.

“Well, uh, ‘m not really here to buy anythin’. Coffee ain’t really my thing... too bitter.” He stuck his tongue out and he heard her giggle at that. He immediately blushed and started fidgeting with his sleeves. “I dunno if you know but I’m here to deliver some pastries!” He gestured at the box and rubbed his neck with his hand. It was a nervous habit of his to do that, and he sure was nervous right now. He really hoped that she didn’t find him weird.

He looked back up at her and as soon as their eyes met, he felt those famous butterflies that he didn’t know existed outside of stories. Her eyes were deep purple and stunning. He couldn’t look away. She was smiling at him and it seemed so comforting. He felt like he could stare at her for an eternity and still be as blissful as he was at this moment. 

He looked down nervously and could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. He suddenly remembered that he had to get back to the bakery or else Shu would be angry at him. 

“I, uhm, I should go… Oshi-san’ll be real mad at me if ‘m not back soon..” Mika said, trying not to show how sad he felt about having to say those words. The way she had gazed into his eyes was unlike the way anyone had looked at him before. He constantly felt as if people were judging him for his eyes. That he was weird for his mismatched orbs. Due to this, he absolutely hated them. He resented them and they made him feel terrible. 

This girl, though, she was different. She didn’t judge them, in fact, her gaze was so full of wonder. She was looking at him with so much kindness and warmth that he thought he might melt right then and there. She made him so happy, which was completely absurd considering he had known her for maybe three minutes. 

“Oh, yes, yes, of course!” She responded, quickly looking away. She smiled brightly at him. “Thank you so much for the pastries!”

Oh, god, she was so pretty. He started to walk away and right as he opened to door to leave, she called out to him. 

“Also… your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, babe.” She winked at him. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Mika had tried so hard during the entirety of their conversation to keep calm and seem cool but he couldn’t handle it anymore. His face immediately went as red as a tomato, despite his wishes. That was the first time anyone had complimented his eyes before. He was shocked. This whole time he had absolutely hated his eyes. But for the first time, he liked them. They made him happy. And it was all because this girl, whom he had undoubtedly fallen in love with, had complimented him with complete sincerity. 

“Th-thank you…” He stuttered. He clumsily opened the door and walked out. He just knew that he had to tell Shu about this girl when he got back to the shop. 

When he arrived back at the shop, he suddenly stopped right in front of the door. “Shit, I forgot to ask her name..”