#did i make this post before it definitely feels like i have. idc ill make it again

[todayisafridaynight]

bro im not a majima fan im an ugaki fan 1000% he's a darling

[arolesbianism]

Alright boys pack it up no more rain world posting new oni dlc is coming out in less than a week

[spacejip]

dreamscape review !!

my ranking is: 1 - you 2 - flying kiss 3 - no escape 4 - best of me 5 - heavenly / night poem 6 - when i’m with you / i hate fruits 7 - off the wall / intro: dreamscape don’t be fooled by this ranking, i would actually put all the remaining songs in number 4. they all can fight!!

intro: dreamscape - i loved so much mark doing high notes, specially in this one, he slayed. - i’m happy it’s more than 2 mins long, i thought it would be shorter considering it’s an intro to the album

when i’m with you - i’m not a fan of this genre but these mfs made me like this either way... - obsessed with jisungs parts (high notes and rap) - don’t get me started on verse 3 (where mark, jaemin, jisung and jeno do the “you know what i mean” rap) makes me elevate

flying kiss - ngl when i heard it before the album release i thought this could be the title track… still think so - chenle being center in the chorus is so 😦���😛🥵 like his movements omg “born to dance forced to sing” king - chenle’s adlibs my god - this song is tattooed in my brain without my consent (won’t complain) - THAT BRIDGE??!!!! - the mwah you can hear in the song is actually me btw :3

i hate fruits - at first, i didn’t really like it. but the more i listen to it, the more i fuck with it. (UPDATE, 6 days after this and istg this might be one of my favs now dafuq?) - i love the instrumental - jeno singing 과일이 싫어, lo-lo-love you so bad……..

no escape - chenle in this is my fav chenle - his lines are 🥵 he just sings with IDK HOW TO PUT IT IN WORDS force???? strenght???? power???? like he’s spitting the lyrics, idk if you guys get me ☹️ - i wouldn’t mind if chenle spat the lyrics on my face fr - hot song, really (ik the lyrics are not "hot", the vibes are)

best of me - THAT INTRO… reminds me a little of the weekend and (don’t call me crazy) sunflower by post malone and swae lee - this is my fav genre (idek the name) - i missed them making this kind of songs - 119 🤝 best of me

you - THE LOVE OF MY LIFE - IF I COULD GET MARRIED TO THIS I WOULD - i love it so much i’m scared i’ll over play it…… - this one makes me want to cry - chenle, renjun and haechan in this are like angels - the lyrics are 🤌🏼 - JENO SINGING THE CHORUS??? while i was writting this i had to look it up because every time i played it, i couldn’t really tell who was the one singing before chenle IT WAS JENO OMG i’ll burst - this one sits at the same table with my youth and rainbow, idc what you say - the three of them make me so emotional ☹️

heavenly - this one right here surprised me a lot, i thought this would be my least favorite BUT SHE PROVED ME WRONG (yes, it’s a she🙂‍↕️) - she boosts my mood EVERY TIME - CHENLE AND HAECHAN ARMONIZING BEFORE THE CHORUS i fell to my knees - also is it just me? when everyone is singing the chorus, the one that stands out the most is renjun and i LOVE that - i feel like this one fits him so well :,)

night poem - this one is also inside my head 24/7 - idk how to explain it but it sounds like a really silly song (DEFINITELY IN A GOOD WAY!!) - it’s the same silly feeling blue wave gives me - i swear i get giggly with this one idk how to explain it - BAAAMSAE‼️🗣️ - mood booster number 2 - this is the only one i couldn’t imagine with a choreography. this might be one of those that dream performs while running all over the stage while doing fan service AND I LOVE THAT

off the wall - again, not really my type of song but how can i not like it 😫 - the post chorus and “to the left to the right” is so cute like i can’t wait to see it on live (a girl can dream) - mood booster number 3

rains in heaven - do i even have to say anything? - renjun coming back just to make this song is so ☹️🫶🏼 (did you guys notice i don’t know how to express myself?) - WE ARE MORE THAN WHAT WE ARE MADE TO THINK i would tattoo this if i wasn’t scared of tattoos………. - CAUSE ILL BE THEREEEEE AAAHHH haechan makes me s(cream) - the adlibs chenle does in the end omg… gives me shivers every time

i was so hyped and excited for this, and i can confidently say this album topped my expectations. k fans are crazy if they think this is bad... they’re just mad because OBVIOUSLY dreamies can’t promote the songs in korea right now.

[wanderrlust0]

-.-

idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.

[volfoss]

Giomis 🥰🥰🙏

omg love and light u wanted to see me SO pissed tonight <3333

not even apologizing for this one but if u ship them uh fucking burn <3 but ill separate into bulletpoints for ease of reading

the fucking age gap besties are u really out here thinking an 18 year old quote unquote lusting (from what ive seen from fanon, its uh like that) after a 15 year old isnt predatory

so uh teehee let me kinda go thru some of the points id imagine the gross bitches would make for wow omg giomis canon:

affection: so its literally? like very easy to see that mista is someone thats canonically affectionate (ie stuff w narancia post the sale fight) and absolutely not remotely a reason to be like omg wow theyre so in love wow hes hitting on this 15 year old

the whole gun scene with the cioccolata fight when giorno was literally just?? like not fucking grabbing the gun from his hand, like hes not shooting steadily w one hand so he was steadying himself? especially when he presumably doesnt have a lot of use with a gun

the scene post the ghiaccio fight as if araki hasnt literally done this shit before (which idk to me it kinda uh feels a bit homophobic in the way of not treating gay ppl seriously but besides the point) with avdol and joseph and ive never seen anyone really be like omg this is THE part 3 ship the way that giomis is very much like a prominent part 5 ship

idk like im sure some ppl are bringing up shit like wow they work together in fights (which literally ALL of the main team do) or wow theyre the only two alive at the end but i literally will not go into that tag to find out idc

but onto the reasons i literally just do not get the appeal and hate it and will personally send u to the incinerator if u ship it. there is like 0 chemistry but also fanon understands these two guys like the least? wow i sure love reading fanon where its giorno cardboard cutout giovanna and guido horny as shit to the point its noncon mista

like not remotely that it would be good without the fandom not understanding them at all, but it just adds another layer onto this shit sundae

canons timeline of a legit week or less doesnt remotely give enough time for anyone to really develop meaningful relationships (which wow is why i literally do not understand like ANY giorno ships because dude he knew them for a week at most and thats nowhere near enough time to like get along with anyone or know them enough esp w like idk fugo and trish) but sure we're gonna slam these characters together because wow the main jojo HAS to be with someone else because god the jjba fandom is so fucking shitty with shipping everyone with someone but thats also just a general fandom problem

i just i dont see how hard it is to realize hey maybe lets not do a 15 year old and an 18 year old (im also fucking subtweeting the gross fucks that are also out here like omg trish x mista.... die <3) because literally the 18 year old has a few years on the 15 year old and it can definitely be positioned as a grooming situation

ppl just really fucking slam both giorno and mista with anyone that moves and its like? why? why does watching a show mean u have to ship people? why do people ship BOTH of them with fucking diavolo and members of la squadra? idk maybe its not enough that giomis in of itself is disgusting but people really make shit worse because they just dont know how to handle these characters

its literally just a friendship my guy, did u forget when mista shot giorno like unprompted? idk not like wow omg cute ship material. people just really need to pair giorno with ANYONE and cant even think of him as his own character (also a problem w mista fanon wise, but idk i blame giomis for this bc of how prevalent it is)

its so so hard for people to just realize hey not everything has to be romantic and not everything has to be interpreted as romance

anyways teehee fucking perish if u like giomis and block me 😍

[khaleesiofalicante]

I really said fuck classes who needs notes anyway (i do I have 5 tests in the next two weeks)

before I post my live blog here, I feel like people really underestimate how bad rumors are and how much they fuck with your mental health. they don't lose sleep over them, they don't think twice. but these things are harmful as fuck. they leave wounds that take so long to recover from because you keep on thinking about these lies who to others are "just words"

I've been there. it's not fun. I wish I had the courage back then to stand up to those rumors which I have now. these things never leave you. others might move on but the healing process is a journey that is long and hard. I wish more people understood just what effect their words can have.

Yeah, he knew a thing or two about family members going overboard with glitter.

IT'S RAFAEL CENTRIC GHSYGUJDUYDFUIKFDUIDFIUDF

TAVVY

TAVVY

TAVVY

DCSUIHDCSUIDUYUDICUIVSDUIHFVSUILFBUHKIFSV

I feel like I keyboard smash A LOT

“You will never drink even if you are not riding the bike,” Dad had pointed out – all Consul Voice and threatening glares. “The legal age for drinking in New York is 21.”

“But it’s 15 in Idris!”

“Well unfortunately for you, we are in Exile,” dad had grinned.

DAD ALEC UHIKSFDUIHKSGUIKSDVUIHKDVUHIKSVD

Max had a habit of ‘borrowing’ things and selling them on eBay. In his brother’s defense, Bapak had so many clothes that he never noticed when things disappeared. But Rafael did since he had a habit of wearing his father’s clothes.

The warlock – not the shadowhunter.

He wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those sweaters.

Now that Rafael was 18, he was almost as tall as his father.

The shadowhunter – not the warlock.

I AM SCREAMING

I love how he's clarifying which one he's talking about

“Do you know I used to have a crush on Lily Chen?” Tavvy blushed. “But then I found out she made out with Helen once and it kinda got weird.”

Ah yes. I remember. Does Rafael know that Alec also walked in on them?

ARCHITECT TAVVY

SDHDVUHDFSV,YDSFVUYVSFFUSVFUVFS

SHADOWUNTERS ATTENDING MUNDANE COLLEGES

“Dude, college kids don’t give a shit,” Tavvy laughed. “You could walk into a lecture covered in runes, holding a seraph blade and they wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“Cause they are chill?”

“Yes. But mostly cause they are dead inside,” Tavvy chuckled.

Surprisingly that's exactly what my grade 6 prefect told me (DAMN WHY AM I ALWAYS REMEMBERING GRADE 6 IT'S BEEN YEARS. that was a horrible year *shudders*)

ANJALI IS A CENTURION

LMAO THIS IS WHAT RAFAEL MEANT WHEN HE SAID HE WOULDNT WANT TO GO TO THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR PERSONAL REASONS

I still ship them.

“The meeting is going to go perfe-What is SHE doing here?”

Well, that was a quick change-

Unlike Aunt Maia, Lily did not like to be called Aunt Lily. So, Rafael respected her wishes. Max of course continued to call her Aunt Lily and sometimes Abeula Lily since his brother had a pathological condition of pissing people off.

THAT'S SO MAX OMG JHSXUHSCUHISDHUHUKIDVS

great now I miss Raphael

I HAVE A CLASS IN 7 MINUTES STOP MAKING ME CRY

that is so thoughtful of him though...

tears.

“There are no photos of Raphael,” Lily sighed.

“Because he is a vampire?” Tavvy asked sympathetically.

“Because he is Raphael,” she grinned. “Vampires can most certainly take photos. You should follow me on Instagram. My handle is simp_for_carstairs.”

Of course, it is. No one is surprised.

Tavvy picked one up, took a large bite and it threw it back immediately. “Holy shit, that’s spicy!”

“White,” Lily and Anjali snorted at the same time.

white people and their bland foods smh

“She is not wrong,” Lily nodded seriously. “I’m a Jem Carstairs fan first and a vampire second.”

As she should be

UHDSUHDFSUHFDH ANJALI AND RAFAEL COMPETING ABOUT WHO'S LILY'S FAVORITE

He observed Anjali’s long dark hair spilled over her shoulders as her eyes stayed on Lily – sharp, protective and beautiful.

"Beautiful"

I AM NOT LETTING THIS GO

I'm THE DAMN CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP

FUCKING RUMORS

I'm GONNA KILL SOMEONE

“Shadowhunters are awful gossips,” Anjali said. “Let’s not waste our time with this nonsense.”

There was something in her voice. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

No, wait I want to know what was in her voice.

But no. It couldn’t be. They weren’t dating.

YET

Rafael was sure there was something more than friendship between them. But David was polite to a fault and Max was an oblivious little shit. So, obviously nothing had happened yet.

OH MY GOD THESE TWO

But this was different. He would tolerate rumours about himself. But he would not tolerate rumours about his family.

I and Rafael will beat up the people who spread these rumors together :D

“She once told me she likes sipping tea more than drinking blood.

I-

same.

NOT THAT I DRINK BLOOD-

RAFAEL LMAO NO

"I hate her she's so annoying"

continues to daydream about her and how tall she'd be without those boots, lies to tavvy about her dating someone

Why did he do that? What was the purpose? Did he not want other people to date just because he wasn’t dating anyone?

And he calls Max oblivious.

oh class started

shit

IDC IDC I'LL STILL BE READING

LEXI AND SELENA ARE AT THE ACADEMY

JACE HYPER FIXATING ON THINGS BECAUSE HE'S BORED IS SUCH A MOOD

“David and I added rosemary to this one,” Uncle Jace wiped his hands on his apron. “It has definitely improved the taste, hasn’t it?”

“Save me,” David mouthed from behind the man.

LMAO POOR DAVID

“Empty nest syndrome,” Rafael chuckled. “I’m glad neither Max nor I had to leave home. My fathers are much worse.”

He remembered his first sleepover at the institute. His parents had waited for “an excruciating hour” before crashing the institute and joining the sleepover themselves.

yup, that's them.

“David,” Rafael grinned. “Are you afraid of my father?”

“What? No! He is the just a regular person…who can throw me in the silent city any time he wants,” David rambled and then shook his head. “Where is Max?”

He tried to sound nonchalant. But Rafael noted the way the other boy’s eyes fluttered every time he said Max’s name.

Just the way a crooked smile appeared on his brother’s lips every time someone said David’s name.

Idiots

ok, there is so much to unpack here.

DAVID HAS A VALID REASON OK??

These two are such IDIOTS HUSDUHISCUIDSVCUIHVSDUHI

“Max said Bapak is biased, and that he needs an unbiased tutor. Uncle Ragnor volunteered,” Rafael chuckled. “God bless the poor man.”

“Max isn’t that bad,” David replied.

“Looks like you’re biased too, David,” Rafael winked and picked up a spare bow from the training room.

of course, he is.

G-FORCE KJHSDCUISDYUKDFSUYKDSVYUSFD

oh shit

oh shit

WHO DID WHAT THIS TIME

what's the rumor and who do I need to kill

He didn’t know her well. But she knew a lot about him. Just as she knew a lot about the twins. She was one of those people who was oddly invested in his life just because Rafael happened to the Consul’s son.

what is her problem?

what the fuck

I need a minute

I need a minute to digest that

I'm so glad I closed my camera in class

what the actual fuck did she just say

tell me I'm hallucinating

times like these I wish I was Jared 19

no, because I'm actually speechless right now

Paige and Irene need therapy

OH SHE WENT THERE

“Paige, that’s enough!” the Dean snapped at her. “How dare you talk to him that way? You talk about warlock corruption but where all of you when Valentine exploited Jace and Clary? Where was this moral obligation when Valentine lied to his children and played with their feelings as if they were nothing but toys to be controlled and manipulated? I’m sick of shadowhunters victim blaming children instead of holding people like Valentine accountable.”

THANK YOU

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SIMON

I feel like we all focus so much on the "incest" and hate on clace we forget that this part of the story was literally an abuser seeing that the victim was recovering and took the only thing which made him happy from him

I can't believe this

“Children have been suffering for a long time now, Paige,” Uncle Jace said now, his fists balled at his sides. “Where were you when Alec proposed the child protection bill? We didn’t see any of you supporting it.”

“We had other priorities,” the older woman replied. “People were dying! It was not the right time for a new law. We could have always signed that bill later. There was no rush!”

OTHER PRIORITIES MY ASS BITCH FUCK YOU

hey just realizing Rafael is the token straight

I'M SORRY IM TRYING TO DISTRACT ME

“The Cohort who made children kill themselves to prove a point?” Uncle Simon asked dryly. “That Cohort?”

I am so close to either crying or killing someone or both.

This was Max’s spot since it had the best Wi-Fi coverage.

yeah trust me I spend all the time in the guest room because it has the best wifi coverage or the study.

MAX IS SMOKING TOO

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

oh wait

oh they might be alec's

yeah

For the next thirty minutes, Max paced around the room, threatening to portal all the shadowhunters to hell.

Then he went on about a plan to attack the cohort and portal them all to hell too.

He kept talking about portalling people to hell.

MAX YES LET'S DO IT!!!!

But here is the thing about people, they don’t get to you. You get to them.

They simply say something and leave. They probably don’t even mean the things they say or lose sleep over it. But it wasn’t the same for you. You obsess over it. You stay awake at night and let it consume your dreams.

YES! To others, it's just words. meaningless. to you, the effect can be so so deep. it's not easy to always brush them off.

NO MAGNUS

THAT'S IT

MAX AND I ARE PORTALLING PEOPLE TO HELL

WE'RE DOING IT

why do we hurt others?

my teacher: ill take a test on this chapter. all 20 units

me: softly crying because people are little shits and they hurt others.

“Fuck everyone else,” dad hissed. “They’ve hurt our family enough.”

EXACTLY. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

“I am simply being honest with you,” Dad interrupted. “I could never be okay when you are away from me. But I will manage. Max is going to raise hell though. So, that’s going to be fun.”

AS HE SHOULD

Neither Rafael nor Max would never admit it out loud, but on the day of that sleepover, on the day their parents had crashed the institute bcause they had missed the kids too much…Rafael and Max had been only a moment away from calling their parents to come pick them up.

He's right though.

it'll take time. lots of it maybe.

BUT THE ACTUAL AUDACITY.

It fucked with his mind so much.

Rafael...ALRIGHT WHERE ARE MY FLAMETHROWERS

“DAD! BAPA! WAKE UP! RAFE IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”

MAX REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY LITTLE BROTHER

He had forgotten about the bloody paperwork. Shadowhunters on their travel year had to notify the Clave and get their paperwork in order.

Well, it shouldn’t be a problem since the Clave was standing across the hall.

EXACTLY

Because it was killing him. It was killing him not to be lying on the couch, his head resting on his Bapak’s lap just like every other Saturday morning.

It was killing him not to touch, not to love, not to care.

GET MY FLAMETHROWERS AND CANNIBAL GOLDFISHES WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO

(goddamn every class I have taken so far the teacher has told us there is a test coming up it's 9 am in the morning.)

His brother growled at that like the little feral animal that he was.

that's adorable actually.

“Fine,” Max rolled his eyes. “Does this mean I can also travel? There is a Twenty One Pilots concert in Sydney and-”

“Nice try,” Dad said. “But no. You are staying here.”

“Excuse me, but what about my healing?” Max demanded. “I’ve been traumatised by this thing.”

“You can go to therapy,” Rafael winked at this brother.

Therapy is boring but useful so-

He needed to survive this. So, he decided to go back to the place he had learned how to survive in the first place.

He needed to go back home.

UGLY CRYING WHILE TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND MY HISTORY CLASS IN 2 MINUTES

I'm so proud of him for this...

I still say we kill these people.

JOAQUIN AND JULIETTE

UHISDCUIHFSDUGUIDFVDSDVFJHGDFVHUKDVHUKVF

Camilla Alvarez.

well well.

OH THEY KISSED

“Right,” Rafael had said. “Gap year. Besides, I do talk them. My brother threatened to paint my room in hot pink if I don’t text him every day.”

hands max a pint of paint HAVE AT IT

Max: Also – New Rumour. Dalliance between Lily and Tavvy.

Rafe: OMFG WHAT

Max: They are running with it and freaking old n*philim out.

AS THEY SHOULD UFUHIFUIHFUIHKFU

THE CENSORED N*PHILIM I'M SCREAMING

“He is hot.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.”

“Your dad looks kinda scary,” she pointed out.

Rafael laughed again. “Yeah. I kinda hear that a lot too.”

I'm liking this ship...

I'M STILL LOYAL TO THE RAFAEL AND ANJALI SHIP

but I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's getting the space he needs

Dad: Jst found legal age fr drnkng in Buenos Aires is 18.

Rafe: ????

Dad: I hv friends thr.

Rafe: ???

Dad: Thy r watchn u.

Rafe: Creepy but okay.

HJSDCGUIHJGSDCYUICVXUHVUHKDV

THE BOY'S DRINKING Y'ALL

Do it

MILA IS GOING TO NY!!

I like her. she's nice.

He was leaving soon. He didn’t see the point in lying to her. “I ran away from home. Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I hurt someone I love,” Rafael confessed. “The person I love most in the world.”

honey, it wasn't your fault... hugs

Shit. Why wasn’t Bapak going to the accords signing? He had been there for every single one since the very first time.

no no no no is something wrong?? I'm worried.

“You look taller,” Rafael told his brother who hadn’t grown an inch.

LMAO

Max and I are vertically challenged.

“Rafe, go to talk to him. Or I will tell everyone you’ve been smoking in the balcony!”

So, he was going to pin this on him, huh? This little shit.

well-

“You’ve progressed from freaking to fucking,” he pointed out.

“That’s not the fucking point, Rafael!” Max said in exasperation.

“You did it again,” Rafe pinched Max’s cheek. “My little brother is all grown up now. Linguistically I mean.”

“Dick."

I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO

When he had gone back to Buenos Aires, the place was completely different - even the shadow market.

There were no abandoned children in the streets. There were no racist and ignorant leaders exploiting innocent downworlders.

There was only growth.

His father had done that. Alec Lightwood had helped Joaquin and his people create a new world in Buenos Aires.

This shows how much people can flourish under good leadership if they really try.

YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THESE NOTES DOWN, NOT CRYING OVER THIS.

“I will protect our family. I will protect our friends. I will protect those who ask for my protection. But I will not tolerate their hate. I will not turn my head and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Because it does hurt and that’s not okay.”

Rafael smiled at that. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not okay.”

“The accords is important. But so am I. There is no point in signing a treaty that is meant to value equality if I have to sign it while being surrounded by those who refuse to respect me or my identity. I simply cannot do it, Rafael. I hope you understand.”

I'm sobbing like YES YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT. THESE UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

“It’s taken me a while to realize this. But I don’t owe the nephilim anything,” Bapak said firmly. “It’s about time they realize that too.”

YES EXACTLY

“I’ve known shadowhunters for a long time, Rafael. Good ones. Bad ones. All kinds of them – and shadowhunters have always defined themselves by their love. Not by your weapons. Not by your runes. Not by your last names. Not by your laws. Shadowhunters have always defined themselves by love. So, don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

I want this on a T-shirt. These damn shadowhunters and their love.

“Like the Accords Hall kiss?” Rafael grinned.

“It’s the stupidest thing your father had ever done – which is really saying something,” his father laughed. “But it’s also the bravest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s how I knew.”

affectionate sigh that's alec.

“Good. Max is sitting in the porch and singing All by Myself,” Tessa chuckled and closed the door. “Just thought you should know!!”

Rafael giggled at that. “He must have given you hell.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Bapak shrugged, and Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I might have promised to buy him a car when he turns 18.”

“You’re hoping he would stop aging by then, aren’t you?” Rafael chuckled.

Max is so dramatic I aspire to be like him.

Blue banners when the lost return, the shadowhunter rhythm said.

Rafael had returned home – and he was no longer lost.

I'm ok I say as I cry during my history class

I'm so proud of him.

“Well, that needs to be rectified immediately,” Dad said in the Consul Voice and literally yelled. “I am about to kiss my son – on both cheeks! You better gossip about this too!”

“Oh my god, stop!” Rafael giggled and tried to escape.

“YAS!” he heard Uncle Jace yelled from somewhere. “GIVE US A FOREHEAD KISS TOO!”

THEY ARE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH.

THEM ADDING TO THE ACCORDS AS THEY SHOULD OMG

“The hell is hate speech?” someone asked.

Do you not have a dictionary you uncultured swine

“There is a very clear difference between free speech and hate speech,” Cristina Rosales pointed out. “The fact that you don’t seem to know that is all the more reason for us to include this provision.”

YES CRISTINA

“By the angel,” an old man gasped. “There is no need to be so emotional. The younger generation can be such snowflakes.”

What if I just strangles him

“Discriminatory language?” a woman demanded. “What does that even mean?”

“Calling vampires bloodsuckers,” Lily Chen answered.

“Calling warlocks demon spawns,” Ragnor Fell pointed out.

“Calling werewolves fleabags,” Maia Roberts declared.

“Calling faeries half-breeds,” Kieran Kingson all but yelled.

The fact that they have had to deal with this shit for YEARS. (also why Kingson? isn't Kieran the king?)

THE QUEEN HERSELF IS HERE Y'ALL

“Which one of you shitheads said hate speech is harmless?” Anjali demanded, her voice booming over everyone and everything else.

YES ANJALI

Anjali had a grin of her own. “While that might true, Paige, there is most certainly a law on child protection. You didn’t just hurt Magnus Bane. You also hurt his son. Section 7 of the Child Protection Bill states that any person who physically or emotionally injures a child through ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment or abuse is guilty of breaking the covenant.”

“Damn straight!” someone yelled from the crowd – it sounded suspiciously like Kit.

CALL THESE BITCHES OUT YES

“Rafael is not a child!” someone yelled again. A lot of them this time. “It’s still not illegal. The law doesn’t say so!”

“By the angel, for someone who is obsessed with the law you people seem to know nothing about it,” Anjali said in exasperation. “The child protection law defines a child as a person under 18 years OR younger. The incident happened when he was still 18. It’s illegal.”

YES ANJALI FUCK THESE PEOPLE

“I’m the Inquisitor’s daughter,” she said. “Next time, think twice before you quote the law at me.”

SHOW THEM, QUEEN

How did she know his birthday????

ahem

“So, if you do hurt him emotionally, you can still be implicated. You will face charges and you can possibly be stripped of your runes,” Anjali pointed out seriously. “Now I ask you again. Does anyone else have to say anything about him?”

There was absolute silence then.

“Didn’t fucking think so,” Anjali spat. “I literally had to mention the stripping of your marks for you to respect another person’s basic rights. If you give half the value you place on your precious runes to other people, we wouldn’t be in exile right now.”

The Cohort looked terrified – of Anjali or their future in the Clave, Rafael didn’t know.

“People are dying,” Anjali said, her voice heavy now. “Our people are fucking dying, and you seem to be more bothered with who is sleeping with whom. Shame on you. Shame on all of you!”

She turned to the Council. The Inquisitor looked like he was going to cry from pride. Rafael’s dad looked half terrified but mostly impressed. Lily was blowing kisses at Anjali. The other downworld leaders looked quite pleased.

Shadowhunters are so fucking bigoted and narrow-minded. I'm seething right now.

also, alec looking scared-

“THAT’S THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Emma Carstairs yelled.

“Goddamn, I wish Magnus was here to see this,” Uncle Jace grinned. “That was satisfying as hell.”

“No worries, I recorded the whole thing!” Kit put up his hand.

YES YES AND YES

“Fuck the Cohort,” Rafael giggled.

“Actually, I would prefer you use the word screw,” his father pointed out. “Screw the Cohort!”

“Oh my god, Dad!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I am allowed to swear once in a while.”

“No, you are not,” Dad said firmly – this man was so not ready to meet Max’s new persona. “As your friend pointed out, you are still a child.”

Alec seeing Max curse left and right: 👁️👄👁️

"She hates me!"

“Rafael, she stood up for you in front of the entire Clave. She fought the Cohort. It was incredibly brave. I wish she had spoken to me before without causing all the chaos. So, it was a little stupid of course. But still brave.”

Stupid but brave.

YESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING!!!

ANJALI WHO HURT YOU

WHO DARED TO

Names. Give me names NOW

Jaime no...please no not Jaime.

please please, please

ok, I searched it up. And he can get treatment. He can live. It doesn't have to be serious. please, Jaime...

“If you ever tell anyone you saw me crying, I will drag you to Idris and drown you in Lake Lyn.”

This is such an Anjali thing to say.

OOO MILLA (Mila?) MESSAGED!!! Is there gonna be some sort of love triangle here??

me who despises love triangles (aside from TID of course): ...

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU I'M SURE IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'm still nervous about this though...

UHCUHDVUKDVHUKVHUVHM I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO SO SO MUCH IT WAS A LITERAL ROLLERCOASTER AND ANJALI QUEEN I LOVE

see ya on Friday!!

OKAY I AM LOVING THIS ENERGY BUT PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR CLASSES FJKSDFHJKSJFHKD I PROMISE THE STORY IS GOING TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK LOL.

But I am so glad you like it. Amidst all your screaming and chaos, I always find very perceptive and profound observations. It's fantastic! I love it so much!

Thank you for enjoying LBAF - and good luck with your tests!!!

[bayrut]

SO since you’re the marvel expert here, which marvel movies are good in your opinion? I want a TED talk, please explain yourself with full detail bc ily when you talk about thing you like 💖 (I’m preparing myself to hear some bad takes tho)

ok so hi camila I am currently during a lab meeting so i will be able to finish this essay, but be warned this is,,,, extremely long i hope tumblr even lets me post this. but here are my favorite mcu movies in no particular order. like they’re all good, then i have a tiny section for honorable mentions of some movies that have a certain few good elements but overall are not Good TM. then i have a special mention for The Movie that shaped superhero movies forever (even though it is not my fave). 

If you find this too long and decide to not read that it okay!!! i totally get it. but if you don’t read my reply at least read this:

comic books are like a story and art/visuals right? but the two things that movie makers forget about when adapting a comic book to the screen are exactly that!!! the story and the visuals. they thing that they can make a movie where everyone punches everyone and throw in a few jokes and people will be please (and they are, look at how much money they are making...) but i am not pleased. there is no story, they don’t care about character arc. and the visuals are ugly, the art in comics is supposed to help the story, to help the plot flow, like the fights should tell stories in the way that they’re organized, and the visuals should be breathtaking and serve the plot. and this all is not hard to do like: just hired a good choreographer for the fights and learn how to shoot shots properly and that’s... it. and it has been done before in some of the movies i mentioned and some shows *cough cough* watch daredevil *cough cough* so yeah it is doable but the directors dont care and would prefer to make mindless action movies with jokes and label them as ‘superhero movies’ because they know people will eat that up.

anyway, rant over, these are the best marvel movies: (open at your own risk this is extremely detailed, 4 word pages long and i did not proof read it, it took me over two hours to write)

the best marvel movie of all time must spider-man: into the spider-verse but that’s probably because they spent so many time on it to get it right. also, it’s probably cheating to consider it the best movie, since it’s animated so it does get the whole comic book vibe best automatically. but really the movie is funny, like a spider-man movie should be, the art is beautiful it is Art and honestly anyone that doesn’t think the same can unfollow me. i tried the first time i saw the trailer and also when i watched it in the cinema. Art. although the dialogue is a bit poor, and they did my girls gwen and peni dirty. but john mulaney is in it so!!! definitely one of the superior movies. the art is so beautiful i write and cry about it all the day but the fact that each character is done in a different style, and that the background and scenery is so,,, detailed,,, like it’s beautiful. even besides being a good superhero movie, it’s an amazing animated movie when compared to the trash kids get these days, where all characters look the same in a movie but also from a movie to the next. also the soundtrack was kinda amazing for the movie. tl;dr: i want my spider-verse 2 now please and thank you, the 10 second teaser was enough for me to tear up

black panther is one of the best marvel movie. i know a lot of people have focused on the diversity aspect of it and how we need black superheros so i won’t focus on it too much, you already know that. but. the costumes. are so beautiful. they spent so much time designing costumes. the plot was interesting, which honestly,,, i can’t say the same for most superhero movies these days. the movie encapsulates the magically tehcnological vibe that wakanda gives off in the comics, and honestly all the actors did a great job. also, the casino fight scene... like help that was too beautiful. superhero movies fight scenes should feel like a well-organized and elegant choreography, and honestly i’m so upset that a lot of movies decide to be like whatever they can throw in punches and that will. like in comics the punches and kicks serve to fight a narrative, to help the flow of the images move. it’s not an action movie or one of those war movies where whoever punches whoever else and that’s done. those are comic book adaptations. i need to see the flow of images. the art. where is it. anyway. black panther has that in probably all fight scenes, and i would like to say thanks to everyone who worked on that aspect. like for real fight scences looking pretty is a big part of why i like or don’t like a superhero comic book, movie, or tv show (on that note, go watch daredevil). also, the movie was funny enough but not a joke. like a comic book should be. loved it

logan: ok idk if this is an unpopular opinion and idc, but the xmen movies are far more superior than the other movies. they just get the vibe right. logan was a beautiful movie. it was different than all other movies in the superhero genre, it is violent but not violent for the sake of violent, it was violent to portray how violent life it. it wasn’t showing blood just to show blood. it captures so many emotions like intense grief and regret correctly, it is an actually Good Content movie, like many adults treat the superhero genre as a joke, and i think logan shows that it should not be treated as a joke. also, i think the characterisation of logan (like i mean the character himself) was much better in this movie compared to the xmen movies. like there he is just brooding and rude, but in logan i think he stopped being a 2-dimensional character. anyway, love it, teared up at the end, we should get more xmen movies and in general, superhero movies like this

ok i might be biased because i know the script by heart by now, but guardians of the galaxy is also one of the greatest movies based on a comic book. idk how much you know about gotg, but the comics were not doing great before the movie, but after it like marvel started making new runs and they all became popular. anyway my point is: the story was beautiful, the images and background were Beautiful, it was funny, it was a movie about not belonging anywhere but finding people to call home, about finding a reason to live. all the characters were like whatever i just exist i don’t matter and!! they found home. a lot of people treat the movie as a joke because of how light it is and how the characters are all different stereotypes of ‘funny sarcastic character’, but it really is beautiful. and the soundtrack.... can i just say... genius, superior, amazing, fantastic, i could go on for days. that opening scene where star-lord is alone and singing??? the way it is filmed??? the choreography of it all?? like idk it’s just too good. i have lots of feelings about gotg. the second one wasn’t as good, i didn’t like the main plot it was a bit Too Much but i liked the continuing theme of finding home with Yondu (who deserved better imo) but yes gotg is a superior movie

iron man, like how do i even describe this movie without insulting it... it launched the MCU. it is iconic. RDJ is amazing but not only him, everyone in that movie is great. and honestly all the iron man movies are great. (if you compare with how tony stark is portrayed in the avengers movies, like he’s way more shallow there). the movies make sense, the fight scence have that dramatic and elegant element about them. the second wasn’t my fave, but still was extremely good. the third was amazing too, like the ending of it with the suits and all that... the portrayal of mental illness, like panic attacks and anxiety,,, like this is truly what the movie genre should be about. not just mindless fights, it is about stories, and that is why most superhero movies are not good. normal people go and like them but i can’t enjoy them. and not just me (and comic book readers), like people who enjoy them are usually the people who are okay to go watch a random movie with good jokes (because that’s what most superhero movies are these days, bad plot but good enough jokes for people to go pay 15$ and see them). i mean i am ok with those movies too, but since i read comics i don’t and can’t really enjoy those movies. i think when people tell me they don’t like marvel, it is most often because they are people that read (not just comics) like they read books and care about plot and what is the movie really trying to say so when they’re asked why they dont like the movie they’re like oh it’s a dumb superhero movie... and i can’t argue with that because most superhero movies are like that right now... they profit off the fact that some superhero movies (like iron man) were huge hits that revived the genre, and profit off the fact that people think they will automatically enjoy the movie and wil go watch it, so they don’t care about actually writing a story...

xmen days of the future past this is,,, such a good movie,,, i’m a sucker for time-travel when it’s done right, and the slow-motion quicksilver scene with the music,, can i just say,,, poetic cinema,,, beautiful,, my only complaint is that there are not enough relevant female characters but like,,, it looks how a comic book movie should look like,,, anytime i’m on a plane i have to watch it... also,,, i discovered 2 years ago that a lot of scenes were filmed at my university so like,, it holds an extremely special place in my heart, i can’t believe i’ve been in the same buildings where they filmed it, it’s crazy..

doctor strange: ok ok dont @ me yet please listen. i know story-wise it is meh, they didn’t do it well (but i have real high hopes for the sequel, but that’s a talk for another day) but the visuals!!!! the visuals!!!! the fights!!! the way that they morph like reality during the fights,,, it’s just,, so beautiful, one could get drunk just by looking at it,,, also,, the sanctum sancotrum looks so pretty. the fights flow amazingly well (kudos to the cape). the dormammu scence!!!! oscar-worthy!! like i know the plot wasn’t great and the movie is zelma-erasure but!!! it looks like a superhero movie should look like and look i’m an arts kid that’s why i like comics because they’re pretty and the pictures tell a story. like of course i read books i read a lot but the visuals are so important for comic books and they should be for comic book to movie adaptations and they’re often not but doctor strange had it

ok one of my faves it ant-man and also the sequel but let’s focus on ant-man for a second, it is goofy but has lots of emphasis on the family subplot and that’s beautiful. this movie should have gotten an award just for when Luis tells stories like that scene is iconic. a lot of people think it’s a dumb movie because it focuses a lot on being funny but actually like the themes!!! aborded. like being in jail then not being able to find a job, then trying to steal again just because you need money because you wanna see your kid, like the power of showing this!! people treat it as a joke like ha ha look he is an engineer and he is working in an ice cream store, but here again no it’s an important story and comic books are books like @ movie directors where is my story??? why are you making a movie but forgetting the story??? how and why?? anyway ant-man had a story!! and also the scott/cassie father/daughter relationship.... like.. my heart. also the visual when ant-man becomes too tiny... very pretty

ok now for some movies that arent the best but have some really good elements that have to be mentioned

thor ok so a lot of people think it is not good but loki in it... i swear tom hiddleston is a great actor and just like,,, the way he portrays despair and like sadness and grief (over himself! about losing himself) is really beautiful... like even in the dark world his performance was really good,,, the Dramaticism of it all.... amazing,,, but his character was done so dirty in the MCU, like loki and wanda and strange are supposed to be the 3 most powerful sorcerers in the marvel world and the MCU was like there you get a small knife, as a treat (like don’t get me wrong i want loki to have a knife but...) also his character deserves more depth than that... like the comic books are breathtaking i’m so sad they did loki so bad... they erased the fact that loki is genderfluid, that he has complex morals, that loki is the god/goddess of stories not just whatever he is supposed to be in those movies... anyway i’m hoping for better characterization in the show, especially that they also hired a female actress to also play loki so we might get genderfluid loki,,, but also i dont wanna have hope and clown

big hero 6 (yes it counts do not fight me): although the animation was very similar to the animation these days, like it was not Special like into the spider-verse, the story is cute, it tackles important topics like grief and how do deal with grief, which is good considering that most kids movies these days just rehash the same topics and don’t care about the plot lines or what is learned

ok i hate and i really mean absolutely hate the new spider-man movies because the are bad but far from home has to be acknowledged for jake gyllenhaal as mysterio but not just about jake, in the end he is just an actor. you know that scene where he is doing his ‘illusions’ towards the end of the movie and it never ends and everytime you think the scene is over and we’re back to reality it turns out we’re still in the ‘illusion’??? just this scene and i really mean just this one scence did it right. like it’s like a comic book. when i watched it i was breathless i is beautiful. anything else in that movie i don’t care at all

i like venom but not because it’s great, the plot is very weak and it doesn’t look great but tom hardy is really good in it... like him losing it over having a symbiote in himself, being like Stressed and Anxious and A Disaster TM is really good... like when he goes to the restaurant and eats that lobster alive and sits in the tank... like amazing and superb love it

and finally, i can’t make this list without mentioning the movie that really made the difference:

avengers ok so avengers was not the best because it really did not care about black widow or hawkeye or hulk at all (their characterization is horrible and butchered in all the movies), and i don’t even like captain america, and thor is annoying, so basically tony stark, loki, and our buddies at shield carry the whole movie, but this movie is so important in terms of like, it’s the first movie that really like started the crossover movies for superheros, the ‘let’s put it all together and hope people don’t get confused’. without it like really the MCU (and DCU, even though idc much about it sorry) would be nothing like they are today!! but yeah like it did so many characters dirty like the characterization sucks, the plot is rushed,,, but like it’s okay. oh and the fight scenes are good! like you still have the whole elegant choreography element of it, which exists in the first few crossover marvel movies like this one and age of ultron (that movie was dissapointing i was so hyped for ultron as a villain and then they made him out to be a tuna can) but then for like civil war and endgame and all that it’s just huge fights and everyone hitting anyone and i don’t care for that like you get lost the only info you can take out is like: oh, there is punching happening. you don’t get to enjoy elements of it and how all the characters are interacting and collaborating together to make a visually pleasing scene simply because those fights are. not. visually. pleasing. anyway. also the shawarma scene was superior. 

[kyufiber-moved]

I feel like u have a lot of amazing ideas. Can u list them all our do u wanna keep them secret? Like a big masterlist of all the types of aus u wanna write someday. I know i have like 3 pages of ideas. I've actually written down plots to a lot of them, but i don't get much father than that 😬 -🐖

wkjefkwej i do have lots of ideas ((idk about AMAZING damn ily) but most of them are just swirling around my head tbh,,, i have an 18 page google doc with old ideas but then i didnt keep writing ideas down there so ,,, it would be like 30 pages long if i had kept at it ksjdfkjefj

i do want to ((for the most part)) keep my ideas secret so that 1. ppl wont use them before i can SKFKJE and 2. so that if i do post / write / etc them, ppl won’t have alr seen them before !!! but i can post vague-ish ?? summaries of them !!!! also this turned out to be way longer than i thought so . apologies

modern cinderella sns au

hanahaki au 

ao haru ride au

modernized jane eyre au

love alarm au

stoic tsundere chef!kyungsoo (see here)

au based off of shinee’s view music video (which i alr kinda did with runaways but . still ive had this idea for years)

tatbilb au

teacher x student au

fashion blogger!y/n

bad bitch!y/n and nerd!main lead

false memories au ((a lot more complicated but hard to explain simply so,,, ill leave it at that))

au based off of the dawnguard quest in skyrim ((but just the ‘100′s of years old vampire locked in a crypt gets found by random human’ part))

au based off groupie love by lana del rey

something with the title “1-800-CUPID” ((if someone takes this i will literally cry just . dont do it . im gonna use it at some point))

something with the title “101 ways to get the girl” AGAIN DONT TAKE IT

guy takes nerdy girls and turns them into bad bitches formula au

ur new teacher / teaching assistant / boss / etc is the one night stand you had the previous night OOPS

secretly dating au

boarding school au

harry potter au 

au based off airplane by ikon

fuckboy!heejun

au based off she’s a baby by zico

halloween party costume... turns out to not be a costume :> im mostly a  romance writer but this could go a horror route idk

this svt series i was gonna do where each of them had a love story... i can list them if you want but i think i deleted the drafts bc im ocd and have a need to clean out my drafts smh... ok they are as follows ((ill prob end up writing some of these and maybe/probably changing the idol but who knows)) :

(minghao) ur bff tags you and the boy u like in an ig pic and the pic says “tag ur best friend and their crush to ruin their life” 

(jun) FAKE fake dating au ((aka guy gets girl to fake date him so his parents will back off of asking him if he has a gf except he actually likes her and its a plan to get her to fall in love w him LOL))

(jeonghan) ice cream shop summer job au feat. flirty main lead

(chan) girl and guy have a prank war that’s been ongoing for two years ever since he accidentally did smth to her and they’re rivals but then he witnesses a moment right after her bf breaks up with her and is like ok we r bffs now and yeah . its cute in theory

(wonwoo) girl is at a party and kisses someone but bc she was intoxicated she doesn’t remember who it was and the plot is her narrowing down who kissed her etc

(mingyu) best friends to lovers bc of a game of spin the bottle HAH ik its cliche but idc

(seungkwan) girl is a prim and proper student but parties over the summer and makes a whOLE fool out of herself in front of guy at one such party but she’s like eh im embarrassed but ill never see him again so its ok except . he turns out to be a transfer to her school

(woozi) guy and girl are main leads and romantic partners etc in play / movie / whatever and while they film / practice an actual behind the scenes romance develops

(dk) guy who is energetic and spastic meets rlly stoic and cold girl bc they’re lab partners and he melts her cold ass exterior

(hoshi) girl is the only daughter of a super rich family and boy is the son of the family’s maid / etc and they run into each other and end up falling for each other despite the class difference, which causes conflict later on when they want to be together yeehaw

(joshua) girl and guy are close friends n one time their friend who is an aspiring youtuber is filming and he’s like listen i want views yall should kiss . and the girl is like no ??? what . and the guy is like surprise ! and kisses her and it changes their relationship oop

(hansol) brother’s best friend!au . simple as that tbh skejfke

and lastly (scoups) famous idol!guy and company intern!girl who definitely shouldnt like each other but . totally do 

ok anyways continuing on bc my ideas never fucking stop . oblivious! popular boy taehyung and lovesick!y/n desperately trying to get it into his rock dumb brain that she likes him

i also had this idea for kim doyoung and kim gongmyung like . about the girl liking one of them and then him breaking her heart and its like a year later and she ends up with his little brother . yanno . ok

arranged relationship au BUT with a twist bc the girl also has a bf at school (basically,, something similar to my little bride??? but not the same,, just similar)

cute new boy vs bff boy who has a secret crush on oc

au based off boys by charli xcx 

au based off in your pocket by maroon 5

sugar daddy!au

then ofc i have ones ive actually started which are:

au based off mistakes like this by prelow

au based off leave your lover by echos

au based off the mv for view by shinee yanno yanno i mentioned that

royalty!dawon and bodyguard!y/n whose real identity turns out to b something nobody knew about oops

wow i didnt know i had so many ideas when will i chill

[mirohed]

kim seunghun | love me, love me not

pairing: kim seunghun + gender neutral reader

wc: 3.7k

genre: hanahaki au + angst 

synopsis: daffodils represent unrequited love. is that why you keep coughing them up?

warnings: implications of suggestive content, descriptions of illness (and mention of surgery), mention of alcohol

playlist: love me, love me not.

a/n: happy birthday to me!! im glad i finally got to finish and post this (its,,, been in my wips since at least february LMAO) !! they prob wont read this but i wanted to thank my irls for dealing w me and my kpop bullshit (esp bc none of them stan ygtb 😔)

It's getting worse.

Your knuckles turn white, gripping the porcelain of the toilet. Tears and blood alike fall into the bowl, disturbing the gentle peace of the water. You pound at your chest, the action causing you to hack up yellow daffodil petals stained suspicious red. It's a monotonous process at this point. Pound. Cough. Pound. Cough. Repeat until the damned coughing stops.

It takes ten minutes before you return to normal. Or at least as normal as you can get. You got lucky this time.

You watch the petals spiral downward into the gaping hole in the toilet and get flushed away.

Being with Seunghun wasn't always accompanied by a tightness in your chest and petals tickling your throat.

june 19, 2005; 2:52 PM.

"I wanna grow up," you had grumbled, your hands squeezed around the chains of the swingset. You and Seunghun had been riding your bikes for the first time since getting the training wheels off. You had sped down a hill ("First one down’s a rotten egg!") and lost control, falling off and scraping your knee on the pavement. He rushed you to your parents' house, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. The two of you had settled for playing on the swingset in your backyard instead.

"Me too," he said. "I think." He'd been rocking forward and backward on the swing, eyes focused on the blades of grass underfoot.

"You think?"

"I don't know." You stayed silent, trying to gain as much height as possible with your uninjured leg. "I don't wanna grow up and stop being friends." That got you to stop right in your tracks, your leg planted on the ground.

"What?" You sent an incredulous look his way. "Why would we stop being friends?"

He had let go of the swing, his hands finding his lap. "Some of the older kids stopped being friends when they grew up," he mumbled. "I don't wanna stop being friends, but neither did they..."

You got off the swing, limping over to him and wrapping Seunghun in the biggest hug your six-year-old arms could muster.

"We're gonna be best friends forever. Don't forget that."

"Best friends forever." If he wrapped his arms tighter around you then, you didn’t pick up on it.

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i had fun today :^))

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i wanna adopt a puppy!!

[09:55 PM] huniebee🐝: will you promise to help me take care of it

You brighten as the messages come in, your phone's vibrations distracting you from the way your throat clogs.

[09:56 PM] you: ofc

[09:56 PM] you: well be the best puppy parents the worlds ever seen

[09:57 PM] huniebee🐝: wait i need to send the pics from the pet shelter

[Attachment: 8 images]

You save each picture, cooing over the puppies you got to meet. This time, you only get a precious few minutes of relative clarity before things get too distracting to ignore. You return to the bathroom with a resigned sigh that devolves into a fit of coughs.

You cough and retch and cough some more. By the time you're done, there are less petals and more blood in the toilet bowl. Your chest still feels full of something you can't quite spit out.

Then you hack up something new: a bloody stem with wet flowers still attached.

There's nothing left to do but cry, your whole body wracked with pain both physical and emotional.

august 29, 2011; 3:15 PM.

"Today was fun," you said, making yourself right at home on Seunghun's bed. Your new backpack hadn't lasted more than a couple minutes in his house before getting neglected on his carpet. Your best friend hummed in acknowledgement, already sitting at his desk with his workbook out. "I'm glad we got to meet some new people," you continued, "but that Hyunsuk guy? Seems like a major pain in the ass."

"Give him a chance."

"I know, I know. I will. But still," you huffed, “it was his first day too. No need to act like a know-it-all."

"I know. But it's the first day. Maybe he'll even himself out with time."

The conversation ended there, and you spent some time staring at his ceiling fan, the blades going round and round in a big, beautiful blur. Before long, you had grown bored, looking over at him only to see his pencil flying across the paper.

"Hey. Let's go to the mall and get pretzels." Seunghun spun around to face you, a foot stopping his chair from going too far.

"Sure," he gave a placid smile. "Do your work first."

You groaned as loudly as you could, sounding much like a petulant child straight out of elementary school. (Which was more or less the truth, but you thought you were better than that.) After a few minutes of uninterrupted whining and failing to get Seunghun to break, you spoke up. "Why do I need to do my work? You're Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Teacher's Pet."

"We're in middle school now," he had said, and you remember thinking you were in for a long lecture, "and pretty soon, we're gonna have to go to high school and take entrance exams and decide which university we want to go to and..." He averted his gaze, put down his pen. "We need to start growing up."

"We're still young," you reasoned, sitting up and letting your legs dangle off the side of his bed. "If anything, this is our time to experience things and, you know, make mistakes before we become adults!"

He was silent for a few long, agonizing moments, long enough to make you think you'd won. The pretzels were within reach; all you had to do was ask for them.

"I call a compromise."

Shit. Compromises were common in your friendship. Seunghun was always a little too good at stopping you from making stupid decisions. The worst part was that you could never argue with them. "We go to the mall to get pretzels—my treat—if, and only if, you do your work. We don't go until we're both finished. Deal?"

You opened your mouth, determined to pick the proposal apart, but his reasoning was (unpleasant, yet) bulletproof. Instead, you reached for your backpack with a heavy sigh. "First of all, fuck you. Second of all," you said, tugging your own workbook out, "you're impossible."

"I know. Do your work."

"Fine."

The math problems had been difficult, definitely harder than you were used to, but doable. If anything, the greasy mall pretzels that were way too salty to be healthy made it all worth it.

Seunghun gets understandably very worried when you text him from the hospital, but he comes to see you nonetheless. In his arms is a bouquet of daffodils.

"They symbolize friendship," he says, setting it down on the table next to you. You stare at the pristine yellow petals and flatten your lips in a tight smile. How ironic, you think, that he doesn't know they also symbolize unrequited love.

"The doctors wouldn't tell me why you're here. Classified information, they said." That much is true; nor much is known about the disease outside of shitty romance movies with unrealistically happy endings. Seunghun always believed in them. You never did.

You don't think your story's gonna have a happy ending.

You didn't want him to know anyway, lest he worry. (And you don't want to think about what would happen to your friendship if he found out he was the cause of it all.) "You don't have to tell me," he begins, sitting himself down on one of those rigid hospital chairs, "I just wanna know if it's bad. Like, well...you know.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Terminal."

"Like if I'm gonna die?"

"Yeah," he rubs the nape of his neck, a bit abashed, "more or less."

"I don't know. Sure hope not," you chuckle. That brings on a coughing fit, and Seunghun looks on, brows knit together. He moves close to offer what little comfort he can, but you hold your hand up to stop him; having him near will only make things worse.

Petals threaten to spill out of your mouth, and panic bubbles in your chest when he asks if you're okay. Your doctor, bless her, chooses that moment to enter. She shooes him out "to speak to you in private." Seunghun, to his credit, obliges and flashes you a smile and a thumbs-up as he goes. You try to mirror his expression (and hope your smile isn't more of a grimace).

The door closes behind him with a soft click. "Friend of yours?" the doctor asks.

You spit the blood-stained petals into your hand, your doctor graciously looking the other way as you toss them into the trash. "You could say that."

october 4, 2013; 5:11 PM.

You tugged at your clothing, feeling more than a little uncomfortable as you waited for your best friend to show up. The DJ, a former student, was already hard at work inside the gym. You heard the bass-boosted beginning of the Cupid Shuffle and shot a frantic text to Seunghun.

[05:11 PM] you: holy shit theyre playing the cupid shuffle can you PLEASE hurry up

[05:12 PM] you: idc if this is our first homecoming you better get your ass over here

[05:12 PM] huniebee🐝: give me like two minutes!!

[05:12 PM] you: THE SONGS GONNA BE OVER IN 2 MIN

"Are you waiting for Seunghun?" Hyunsuk had asked, tie already loosened. You two had gotten close—not as close as you and Seunghun, of course—this year as a result of having classes together. You wondered why you ever hated him.

"Yeah. He won't be too late, thank God, but I'm pissed we're missing the Cupid Shuffle. What about you? I remember you bragging all week about 'flexing your dance skills in front of the ladies.' Or are you all talk, as usual?"

"You know, it's almost like you don't want me to wait with you."

You had laughed, knocking your shoulder into his. The chatter kept up for a minute or two before he made his leave. ("Well, it's time for me to flex my dance muscles in front of the seniors," he chuckled, giving you a salute as he walked off.)

"I'm here! God, I can't believe I missed the Cupid Shuffle," Seunghun said, head hung low. You began to feel a little self-conscious; you were feeling out of place in your semi-formal outfit, yet he looked right at home in his dress shirt.

Chasing those thoughts away, you grinned. "You're here now, aren't you? Come on." You took his hand and dragged him into the gym.

You don't talk to Seunghun or to Hyunsuk after that. You're not sure if you should tell Hyunsuk about the whole situation when he texts you. Seunghun must have told him something was up, of course, and he's insightful enough, sensitive enough (when he wants to be), but you worry. You're afraid he'll open his big mouth. Instead, you send a few messages to your best friend.

[04:29 AM] you: hey

[04:29 AM] you: i just wanted to say in advance that im sorry

[04:29 AM] you: im so so sorry for everything ive done and for what im about to do

There's one last message in the text box, daring you to send it. "I'm sorry I love you," you whisper instead, deleting the message before you do something you’ll regret. To seal the deal, you tap through a few menus until you reach his contact. The picture you've assigned to him is one you took; he's about to take a big bite of cotton candy bigger than his head.

With a heavy heart (though you hope it’s just the weight of the daffodils in your chest), you block his contact. It's better this way. It has to be.

Your doctor said you could get rid of the thick, thorned vines with a vicegrip around your heart and lungs, could pluck the flowers that threaten to spill out at the mere thought of your best friend.

The biggest side effect of it all, she told you, was that you'd forget all about Kim Seunghun. So you steel yourself.

The last thing you think about before they insert the thin needle of anesthesia in your veins is Seunghun's smile, and how you'll never see it in person again.

And how even if you did, you wouldn't remember it as the grin from the boy you love.

october 4, 2013; 9:16 PM.

The frenetic strobe lighting in the gym slowed to a stop, having been replaced with a spotlight making lazy rounds through the gym.

You knew that marked the beginning of a slow song, and dragged Seunghun off the floor in search of some punch. He seemed to have different plans, tugging you back on the floor and pulling you flush against him.

"Where are you going?" he had asked. "You're the one who wanted to dance the night away." His hands found your waist, yours instinctively folding behind his neck. You had wanted to say something about how that claim was void now; he was the one that made you miss the Cupid Shuffle, but the words get extinguished when you look at him.

It was just like that time you practiced in fifth grade, but you swore there was something different about tonight and the way you swayed. You thought back to your practice session in fifth grade, how you had stepped on each other's feet, how you spent the whole time laughing. (For the record, it wasn't for any lack of balance; you started it, laughing as he cried out before he stomped on your toe.)

There was no laughing during the song. Everything was vibrant and deafening and there all at once. But at the same time, it was like everything had been stripped away. Everything but you and Seunghun.

Things changed after that. You were left with a dizzying, free-fall sort of feeling that picked up with each glance at your best friend. Almost every butterfly in the world was taking current residency in your stomach, making you feel light as your body moved to the music. Before long, there was something lodged at the back of your throat, nudging its way forward.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," you said, a particularly heavy cough bringing the mysterious lump to your mouth.

Running your tongue along the smooth texture of the lump (okay, so not phlegm), you spat the offending object into the sink: a single yellow petal, coated in saliva.

You blinked.

Blinked again.

"Oh, what the fuck," you muttered, unlocking your phone. One quick Google search later—why the fuck am i coughing up flowers—you found an answer.

Flora mortem. You were loath to believe WebMD, of all things, but you found yourself tapping the link regardless. There was another term for the rare disease: Hanahaki.

Revising your search query was a mistake. The first result was the "hanahaki" tag on Tumblr, which showed nothing but models with tears in their eyes and bloodied flowers in their mouths. Yikes.

You made your way back to the party after that, but lingering in the back of your mind was the cause of the disease: a severe case of unrequited love.

There is only one definite cure for Hanahaki Disease: having the object of the afflicted's affections return their feelings.

You almost manage to purge the petal and the stupid WebMD page from your mind for the rest of the night.

Almost.

You wake up hours later. It's a little disorienting, sure, to come to with little memory of what landed you in the hospital. You peek under the oversized hospital gown to see bandages over your chest, get tempted to rip the IV drip from your arm. The doctor comes in right before you make a move on the needle. She tells you all about how the flowers in your lungs are gone for good.

"You're saved. But the final test," she says, pulling a phone from her pocket, "is this. Do you recognize the people in this picture?"

You recognize yourself next to a boy you don't know. His hand's around your waist, pulling you close. You wear matching grins. Given the way you're both dressed, you suspect the picture's from your freshman year's homecoming dance. Weird. Memory's kinda fuzzy from that night.

"Yeah. Myself. I don't know the other guy. Am I supposed to?"

"No. You're not. Congratulations," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're cured."

You look through all the old messages and pictures when you have some time to yourself. You reach out for the memory, the feeling of knowing Kim Seunghun. You get nothing, and while your brain knows something's wrong, you're more concerned about being able to breathe easy.

You move to a new city, far, far away from the place you grew up in. You finish your last year of high school, get a job, start college. You make new memories with new people. You forget all about Kim Seunghun.

It gets easy to forget that you weren't born with the ugly faded red scars that run up and down your chest. It's your only remaining tie to the man you loved so much you almost let yourself wither away. You think it's a good thing you cut him off; why stick around, why force yourself to suffer, for someone who doesn't love you back? Why be with someone if it physically hurts to stay by their side?

But sometimes you wonder. What happened? What happened to him after his best friend walked out of his life for good with no explanation?

Those days are never good. You distract yourself then, often with the familiar kick of alcohol burning in the back of your throat. You've never been much of a drinker, but you figure it's never too late to start.

Sometimes, the distraction comes from being in the arms of another.

(One of your favorite distractions, a young man named Byounggon, had run his fingers along the angry lines one night, jotting them down in his map of your body.

"Do you regret it?" he asked then, eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. You cupped his cheek, ran a thumb along the planes of his face.

"I wouldn't be here if I regretted it, now would I?" He let the corners of his mouth turn up just so, pressing his lips to yours.

You don't talk to him much nowadays, your interactions reduced to likes on Instagram, views on Snapchat. He's moved to a bigger city. "More opportunities," he said. You keep up with his dream of being a musician, always. There was a time when you were his number one supporter, after all.)

"Will that be all?" the cashier asks, jotting your order on the plastic cup. When you nod, he asks for your name. He jots that down too.

But then his eyes widen and he looks at you with renewed interest. "I'm sorry?"

"Is there a problem?" you asks, peering at your name (spelled correctly) on the cup. His eyes search for an answer within yours, some sort of explanation you can't seem to give. He averts his gaze, shakes his head, places your cup in the queue of orders.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Just thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day." You parrot the phrase, catching a glimpse of the young man's name tag.

Seunghun, it reads in cheerful yellow. There's a doodle of a puppy in the top right corner. You think it's rather cute.

Two weeks later, you meet Seunghun again. This time, you're out for a morning jog. The crisp autumn air greets you as your feet meet the pavement and let out a satisfactory crunch under the burnt orange leaves on the sidewalk.

You both get stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. While you catch your breath, you don't miss the way he flinches, as though he didn't expect you to show up. He schools his expression into something friendly within no time, and you wonder if you imagined the whole thing.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is," you pant. "On your way to work?" He raises a hand to tug at the strap of his backpack with a small smile.

"Yeah. You should come by, give us business," he grins. "On mornings like this, I recommend the hazelnut latte." You hum in agreement, not yet recovered enough to converse. "Tell you what, you come and get one when I'm working, I'll make sure it's on the house."

"Really? Maybe I'll swing by." The light changes, and you leave Seunghun behind, waving goodbye as you do.

You come in later that day, ordering a hazelnut latte as promised. Seunghun's manning the register, same as two weeks ago, and when he takes everything down, he smiles. You miss it as you pay, but there's something extra on your cup.

As you take a sip of the (delicious; his coworker Yedam must be some sort of brewing prodigy) latte, you catch a glimpse of the extra writing.

Along the side of the cup is his phone number.

[10:58 PM] seunghun!: more than anything i want to adopt a puppy

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: or rather another one

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: i named this one after an old friend

[Attachment: 1 image]

The picture of Seunghun and his dog brings a smile to your face. You've been spending more time with him recently, whether it be going on coffee runs ("Are you sure you're not just using me for my employee discount?") or complaining about life as a broke college student ("My card got declined trying to buy a bag of chips last night...").

It's nice. Spending time with him is...nice.

It's more than a simple distraction, somebody to hold close on nights your decisions try to haunt you. It’s friendship, something to hold onto when you lose your way in the dense forest of your mind and to cherish when you manage to make it to a clearing and bask in the sunshine.

You've caught a cold recently (probably from that bastard Seo Changbin in your communications class). Seunghun's given you some homemade tea, swearing on its usefulness. It certainly tastes good, the sweet honey chased by tangy lemon. Unfortunately, the tea isn't able to stop the persistent cough you've been plagued with.

Feeling phlegm start to come up, you turn the bathroom lights on, hacking it up and spitting into the sink.

Huh. That's weird.

There's no phlegm.

The only thing in the sink is a single golden petal, coated in saliva.

[superrcell]

ooooo for the video game ask thing botw or ffxv!!! :3c (sorry if thats a bit boring but im so interested in hearing ur thoughts about those soundtracks! :D)

hdsjkghjk dw those are both great i would love to talk about them and im doing both because. i never get a chance to talk about them and i have nothing better to do so long post time

botw

Fav Character Theme

tbh... revali’s theme, actually. i dont like revali all that much but his theme is so so beautiful i love it so much. i dont think i really realized how much i love his theme until just about right now, actually. i also love sidon’s theme, but i think that revali’s is actually my favorite. 

Fav Area Theme

hmm.... i think the hyrule castle interior, honestly. though the stables theme is also really up there. hyrule castle is just really nice and i love the atmosphere it has, but also the stables just... makes me feel safe its always so nice to hear it off in the distance when playing. oh and also the flight range... its so pretty. ohhh and the sheikah tower theme.... this is so hard so many areas of the game are so good. 

Fav Battle Theme

tbh... i think the talus battle theme! idk its just really good ghdsgk i really think that it really perfectly captures fighting just a big rock + i love the mix of the instruments that are playing + i dont hear it too often. i really like the guardian battle theme, too, though, but i think that the talus battle theme is slightly better because idk.. it doesnt feel as... empty as the middle part of the guardian battle theme? yeah. 

WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE MOLDUGA THEME. ITS THAT ONE DEFINITELY. ive listened to this one so so much its soooo so good. ESPECIALLY the second half. i love those string instruments.

Fav Boss/Final Boss Theme

absolutely divine beast vah ruta’s theme... vah medoh’s comes in second but something about vah ruta’s has just really stuck with me. its just so so so beautiful. i think its because it really reminds me of the first time i was doing the quest.. idk the music just perfectly captures the moment.

Personal Fav Theme

its really really hard to choose because i love literally everything else ive mentioned, but i think its the dragon’s theme. like... literally everything about that song is so good, and hearing it in-game... its just really so good. 

A song you didn’t like at first but grew to like

i dont know if i didnt like it at first, though i probably did, but the cave theme, i think. idk its just really.. idk not something i would normally like, and the high notes are kinda uneasy to listen to somewhat, but i love hearing it in the game it just. makes for a really good atmosphere, makes me feel safe. idk i love it a lot now. i also really have to mention i love the field (freezing cold) song... like i love love love the cold song and i dont think i wouldve ever enjoyed this as much as i do because its not really like? that much of a song? but yeah i love it. 

One of the first songs you heard from the game

i would say the main theme! i never saw any of the trailers beforehand, so the first song i heard was just... the first song in the game! and its a really really good song so.

A song that gets you pumped

i know i just mentioned these two but really divine beast vah ruta and vah medoh’s themes really do. like theyre just so good.. but something i havent mentioned: the divine beasts strike! (and then really all dark beast/calamity ganon songs but gdhjsgkjsj) 

A song that makes you happy

tbh, i think the song in link’s memory with the silent princess! its hard to find songs that make me really like... happy, ig, but this part is like.  my favorite memory it makes me so happy watching and listening to the song reminds me of it. and then also i think the main theme! because im sentimental gdbsjkghjkds

A song that makes you sad

idk! i dont know any songs really make me all that sad, either. i think ill say the epilogue because again im. sentimental 😢

The song you like least from the game

i think tarrey town actually x_x its not bad but its just so annoying when it comes up on the playlist because its. 10 minutes long of almost the same song. but its really really cool how it changes! though for a song that i dont like because of the music, hm... im just going through the ost right now and i dont like divine beast vah rudania’s theme. i also dont like the themes when youre inside the beasts that much, either, or the [x]blight ganon themes that much. this is too many songs huh gdhsjkghkds

theres so many other songs i looove but weren’t able to put here just know i love the entire ost basically. 

ffxv

Fav Character Theme

um... i definitely have to say home sweet home because i love prompto. i also love love love noctis’ theme (especially this version which i just now really listened to) but also like... i just love prompto so much gdhjksgk 

Fav Area Theme

this is impossible to answer because i just want to say literally every overworld theme from prompto’s dlc buuuut also i love wanderlust!! especially the old version!!!!! idk so many area themes are so so good in ffxv but ill just go with overworld themes here.

Fav Battle Theme

🤔 this is actually a lot harder than i thought it would be? so many are pretty good, except maybe the daemon ones... hearing all of them, i think maybe invidia, actually! idk it isnt one that i think i would get annoyed with if it were to play a lot, but all of them are really good!

Fav Boss/Final Boss Theme

absoooollluuutteeeelllyyy the somnus battle theme from the ardyn dlc like idc about the actual battle, or even somnus tbh, but the song somnus has always been my favorite song from the game and this was like OISIFUDSGUSDFHGSDHGIOSHGDSDFSHJGHDSGGJDSKGJKDS especially because of ardyn’s theme which i ALSO love like iaigjdsiogdsgiovdsjovfjiodjifdjbfdigjs ITS SO GOOD .. . . .. 

Personal Fav Theme

like i said, the somnus theme you hear in insomnia ... ive always loved it because i love songs where its like a remix (or, really just the original song) when youre in a different place, and the feeling of going through insomnia with this playing over the speakers... just an immensely wonderful experience its absolutely my favorite part of the entire game. theres a lot of other songs i love, but this has been my favorite for so long i just cant like... say its Not my favorite.

A song you didn’t like at first but grew to like

it was one of the battle themes from promptos dlc, like it was the first one so it mightve been trigger? idk it was one of them that wasnt like really the same as the other battle themes before it, but now i cant even 100% find the song i didnt like because i love all the battle themes from prompto’s dlc sm ghdjskgkj. i think its because of the song which i put as the one i dont like really made me appreciate everything more.

One of the first songs you heard from the game

oh, huh... i would think that it would be the same as botw, where the first song i heard is the first song that plays, so somnus instrumental! maybe? i cant really remember but yeah i think i first just watched my little brother play it from the start of the game! maybe ....

A song that gets you pumped

theres so many and i think the somnus battle theme which i already mentioned is especially one, but other than that, hm.. yeah i think thats it! idk i dont know many other songs that make me that FHDSHGDSG you know? 

A song that makes you happy

hm... maybe rodeo de chocobo! nothing bad happening, just some big birds c: yeah, not many are really that upbeat so this one is kinda an easy pick ghdjksgds

A song that makes you sad

oh everything in prompto’s dlc. but no ghjkdsjgk from the main game, probably dewdrops at dawn. idk like theres other parts of the game that are sadder, but just like... idk when i hear the song i can remember the whole cutscene, and the view of the world turning back to light and its just... i love it. it doesnt make me like really sad but idk... that sort of area of emotions dhjsgkj but yeah. but not from the main game, hm... promptos feelings/home sweet home from prompto’s dlc. i feel like its. pretty self explanatory ghdjkshg

The song you like least from the game

oh absolutely the song in insomnia in ardyn’s dlc ive always hated it. it just feels so out of place with the entire rest of the soundtrack and it's definitely not the kind of music i like fhjdskghjkds

anyways stan prompto

[chrisbangs]

1-5 and 20-25 :-) sorry for all of them hehehe — 🖤 also i’m getting off work I WILL SEND U ANOTHER ASK HEHEHEH

oaiwenfoia you’re sooo c*te perhaps i’ll d*e………. hm………… anyway;; thank you angel (sorry it took me so long to do this ;; ___ ;;)

also this got mad long so i’ll put it under a cut! 

1. how did you get into graphics / gif making?

i was an early ‘the vamps’ and ‘5sos’ fan and because of that, i used to make lil graphic type things?? i guess?? like i tried to make stuff like the ones i saw online omg… and mine were soooo bad but it was like so fun and i used to use this online editor and it was trash but like i would have so much fun… (and that was back when i was in grade 7-ish..? so i would’ve been like jfjfiwaoefo 12/13) and then i just kept doing it;; eventually in grade 10 i took a graphic design course and i got a hold of photoshop and it blew my mind and from there i just kept kinda… doing it?? 

and with gifs omg… ok i swore i would never make gifs cause it looks SO complicated like bitch ill kill u what do u mean layers to frames wtf !!!!!!!!!!!! and then when i was in my first year of uni in around june i was like… omg i wanna try again… cause i’d tried it before and my ps just crashed… so i was like let me give this another go.. and i did… and it worked.. and my mind was like blown omg… i was in AWE… omg i just realized its been a whole year since i learned how to gif stop ill die 

gfx/gif questions

2. do you do something creative/related “irl” as well?

well!! i just got into college for graphic deisgn hehe;; so i’m hoping that that’ll be my future :’) 

3. who/what inspires your graphics / gifs?

hm, well!! whenever i see really great pieces of gfx or even in real life when i see a magazine piece or a billboard that just looks stunning i feel inspired!! and i’m like eugh i wanna try making smth like that ;; also music and movies and games inspire me sometimes?? but if i was to say who!! then it’d probably be all my amazing content creating mutuals!!! their work is always wowing!! i always tag ppls gfx with ‘gfx inspo’ bc im genuine :0 when i see it ;; ___ ;; like how is everyone so creative and talented;; 

4. what do you enjoy about making graphics / gifs?

oh wow, mm… it allows me to be creative? and put to use skills that i think aren’t always appreciated? like my p*rents never take me doing graphic design seriously;; but then recently my mom wanted me to make a lil label for her for a friend’s garden and i did and she was like !!!!!! so happy abt it i was like TT TT cause both my parents were finally like ok i get it sorta;; i really like that i’m able to make smth kinda outta nothing?? like art is really interesting bc you get to let your thoughts and experiences affect the outcome of your work so?? like.. i like that everyone has a different style?? 

and for gifs;; i really enjoy that its such a structured task like… its very.. orderly and routine based?? like i know what i’m doing everytime?? and the places where i get to change it up are like the colourings and the style of set i make and that makes it fun and creative too;; 

5. what do you dislike most about making graphics / gifs?

mm the creativity block;; i feel like sometimes i cannot think of ANYTHING to make and those days i feel kinda useless as a cc…… it sucks but foiawnefiawn eventually i’ll figure smth out if i move things around enough fajwefowaeo 

and giffing omg…… idk… probably the colouring process…… but thats majorly because my laptop’s screen displays colours kinda whack from how they actually look and so i have to do 2x the work to make sure it looks good and smdays its like idc anymore just post the set and pull the trigger 

20. your favourite fandom(s) to make graphics / gifs for?

for gfx it’s definitely stray kids!!! they have some of the most fun lyrics to work with and their concepts always always inspire me like crazy!!! 

for gifs its the tmg fandom! everyone in that fandom is suuuper nice and supportive and like;; even if i’m not always making gifs i dont feel like i’m falling behind or ? like ppl will be mad or smth ? like its a safe small community and bc of that it feels so good ;;; 

21. how much time do you spend on a single graphic / gif?

very dependent! gfx can take from like an hour to like a week+?? it just depends on how intense and intricate it is ig;; 

gifs are shorter;; probably take me a few hours?? the longest a set has taken me is maybe like 6 hours but that’s bc i was being slow about it and trying to find all the necessary parts! but on average itll take abt half an hour to maybe two for one set

21. what is your biggest improvement since you started making graphics and or gifs?

ogoaiweniogaw stop this is so funny.. i wanna go find my old wattpad covers so you can all cringe with me but… mm, with gfx i guess i learned what my Aesthetic™ was and what i really liked and like fjjfaiosdksfd i learned how to use photoshop which is a big thing lmaoooo……… and with gifs!! definitely my quality (shout out to vapoursynth) and my colouring :’) 

23. what is your biggest improvement in the past month?

hm… time management jfaiweoofiaw i’ve definitely gotten wayyy faster at giffing and i really do not take as much time anymore;; which gives me some peace of mind lmao 

24. what is something that you’re wanting to learn right now?

illustrator! i’ve been fooling around with it a lot recently;; and even one of the pieces i submitted in my portfolio was smth i made on illustrator heh;; but theres a huge learning curve (like btich what is the pen tool ill kill u) fnaoiefiownf so i wanna get lots better with it ;; 

25. what would you like to see others learn how to do?

this is an interesting question;; mm i guess everyone is different?? so idk if i can answer this question cause i think everyone’s style requires them to learn in their own ways?? so idrk ;; i guess something to make certain people’s lives easier would be like LEARN KEYBOARD SHORTCUTS !!! that shit saaaves my life like idk man it cuts down on my time for sure;; 

[smireyac]

fuck this year man u dont even get cute emojis in the title this time

so lemme just start by saying fuck 2020 

now that we’re on the same page, lets get into it

so i dont have to explain all the reasons why this year sucked bc u just need to google 2020 and there will be a million reasons why it was TOTAL FUCKING GARBAGE...... usually when so many people collectively say a year sucked ass, i can be like “oh it wasnt *all* bad for me, personally” haha not this year!!! 

its super fucking depressing to look at how hopeful and positive i was about 2020 a year ago..... ofc there was no way for me to have known it would all go to shit but i still really appreciate the tone i had set... reading over the previous reflections and seeing how harsh and negative i was @ myself made the softness of last years post super refreshing.... 

now i said i dont *have* to explain all the ways 2020 was shitty, but i am gonna explain the biggest reason this year was shitty for me, personally..... it might seem really small in comparison to the ways 2020 was shitty as a whole on like a global scale? but really the biggest reason 2020 sucked ass was i didnt get to really hang out with any of my friends in real life for 9 out of the 12 months of the year.... and really it was like the first week of march that shit hit the fan so like really it was only 2 months that we got to see each other....... if u rmbr p much every previous retrospective post ive made, there was a big emphasis on friends..... ive come to realize that im actually a very *extra*verted person??? despite my overall shyness and homebody attitude, i would always choose to hang out with people over being alone so stay-at-home orders FUCKING SUCKED??? when we all thought it would be over in a couple weeks, maybe a month it was fine?? hey its a good time to draw or catch up on that reading and/or writing i said i was gonna do maybe even start learning to drive?? it’ll be no big deal THEN it wasn’t over in a month and it wasnt gonna BE over anytime soon and no one important was doing anything about it and its an election year and black lives have always mattered and yet everything is so uncertain and

[inhale]

[exhale]

this year was..... a lot...... too much in fact

in 2018, i had said that i watched vox’s video on the year in 5 mins and cried... if i watched this year in five minutes, i dont think i would be able to breathe...... 

SO instead of making myself CRY..... lets try to think about any GOOD things that happened and think about what we can do to make 2021 good for ourselves:

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED:

-i *didn’t* lose my job!! sad that so many others cannot say the same but im trying to make myself feel *better* not WORSE so i got to keep my job and i actually work more hours than before so!!

-i actually *did* learn to drive this year!!!! and im pretty good at it??? for someone that just started this year anyway?? i probably *would* have my DRIVER’S LICENSE right now if it weren’t for a surge in cases in a certain STATE that i happen to live in......... but w/e its fine i get more time to practice and im ~~**DEFINITELY**~~ going pass my test and get my license ~whenever it is that i can reschedule my dmv appt~

lmfao its so funny that last year, i was absolutely *dreading* learning to drive but i so fucking get why everyone was like ‘you need to learn how to drive’ i legit love it so much???? ive always been a car person but that was like purely for the aesthetic but now that i can drive im just....... WOOOW this really is what freedom feels like.... like ik that public transportation is amazing and i will always champion it but nothing beats being purely in control of your destination.... i also wanted to buy myself a car for my birthday even tho i couldnt really drive yet but then sien had to fix smthg on her car and it was EXPENSIVE AF and my mom was like “u dont need to buy a car yet” so i put the brakes [haha] on that... but soon... once i get my license,,, then i will have u my love................. so with that being “my most serious goal of 2020″ im glad i did it

-i was one of lucky ones and got unemployment when i couldn’t work so i have a lot of money saved in the bank??? pls no one steal my identity i wanna use that money to buy myself a car and/or for when we move out 🤞🤞 we’ll just have to wait and seeeeee....................

-i had mentioned playing dnd last year too and thats been going STRONG as hell thank goodness....... we couldnt keep playing in person but when we moved it to online, not only did we actually get to hang out a lot more, we made more friends??? introduced new people to the group?? its so good and in fact probably the only thing that kept me even a little bit sane this year...... 

-this is more of an honorable mention than an accomplishment but im this 🤏close to catching up with critical role and thats partially thanks to the pandemic lmao sooooo ??? 

aaaaaaand thats p much it lol i didnt really accomplish any of my other goals bc reasons................. but!!! as cliche as it sounds, with a light at the end of the tunnel, im confident that i can turn that all around this year.... so if 2016 was the year of change, 2017 was the year of getting used to shit, 2018 was the year of getting *too* used to shit and 2019 ended up being the year of friends, 2020 was the year of absolute shit and it doesn’t fucking count....... i learned a lot this year, biggest lesson of all is that life is short and if i were to have died at any point last year, what the fuck would i have to show for it??? so usually i end up giving a theme or name to a year after its done but this time im determined to make 2021 into what i want it to be SO i am declaring this year, the year of our lord 2021, the year of new experiences!!!! what the fuck does that mean you ask? well ill tell you!!! im gonna try new things this year!! make a very pointed effort to do things outside my comfort zone?? and for my goals this year, im going back to my old way of making a huge list of stuff u wanna do and seeing how much i can actuallly accomplish!! now i said theres a light but we really dont know when all this shit will end and life will go “bAcK tO nOrMaL” so whos to say ill get to accomplish any of it? at the same time, there are plenty of stuff on the list that i can do within the pandemic set parameters so!! lets see this list!!

2021 GOALS:

[check boxes bc there is no plain box emoji lmao]

☑️ read new books!! i’ll keep last years goal bc i didnt meet it and i have good reads now which tells me i just need to read 1.5 books a month to reach that goal!! huzzah!

☑️ watch new shows and new movies b4 u end up watching shit you’ve already seen a million times... i bought an old planner for 2020 instead of 2021 by accident but i hope it will help keep track of the movies/shows along with the books too!

☑️ listen to new music!! this years spotify wrapped was garbo it only had like 3 albums and a bunch of other shit i always listen to so i gotta fix that lmfao

☑️ write new stories!! i am comforted by the shit ive been writing for the past like 7 years but if my screenplay class taught me anything its that there are a lot of stories to tell and i got so many ideas floating around in this noggin!! instead of an arbitrary word count, why dont i say write idk 3 new stories, start to finish, in whatever medium idc screenplay, short story, comic, twine WHATEVER!! do it!

☑️ eat new food!! lmao this one seems the most silly to me but ive never had indian food, ive never had [not really anyway] korean food, i want to find new restaurants and eat new food!!! yum!

☑️ go on a road trip!!

☑️ visit some place ive never been before!!

☑️ go on a hike??

☑️ go to mexico again

☑️ ride a scary rollercoaster you previously wouldnt have

☑️ go to a club

☑️ get silly drunk fr 

☑️ FUCK IT go on dates!! self date friend dates sister date cousin dates R- Romantic... dates ??? FUCK IT!!! YEAH!! DATE ALL UP IN THIS BITCH!!

☑️ learn to use blender

☑️ animate something 

☑️ make a big painting

☑️ cosplay ???? AHH

☑️ learn to roller skate lmao u bought the skates and were so excited for them!! 

☑️ go somewhere SUPER DARK and go see some real stars!!!! 

☑️ and to top it all off, throw the airbnb house party that we’ve been talking about for MONTHS lmao 

hmmmm,, i think thats a good enough list for now ?? another thing i wanted to accomplish.... that im scared to speak into existence bc then i cant back out of doing it...........and it doesnt align with the whole “new” spirit of 2021 but.......... i want to like start making apartments for rent????? like i want to have something of it to show by, if not the 8th anniversary then by the end of the year HHUFF THERE I SAID IT......... no turning back now.......... 

alright its almost midnight on.... whats this? its already jan. 1st??? lmao yeah fuck it i didnt keep up with anything i normally did this year who cares i made up the rules i can break them too lol  

so yeah 

we’ll see what this year brings us,,,,

hoo boy

[stardusstt]

1-10 😚

1. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is. I am single at the moment, and i actually really love it. I like having time for me and my friends and not having to worry about a guy. I like having crushes on guys and not having to be like “uh oh i like this other guy a little whoops” maybe i just had a horrible demonic presence as a bf but idk lol.

2 .Where you’d like to be in 10 years. in ten years ill be 30 lmao and honestly don’t wanna think about that. but hopefully ill have a good job? lol i want to live in california

3. Your views on drugs and alcohol.  i used to be a total stick in the ass (is that an expression) about drugs and alcohol, but now idc. I smoke weed socially and drink all the time. But like it opens your mind to other things, like i feel so much more comfortable with myself. I feel like i can talk freely about anything to anyone.

4. Your views on religion.  since my dad died i haven’t been very religious, even before then we never went to church. It was just always a thing, like God is there. and I’m not blaming my beliefs on the fact that my dad died, i know it has no real correlation. religion has never played a huge role in my life, and when my dad died i feel like any of what i had got thrown out the window, i started making bad decisions and coped in all the wrong ways, but I’ve made it through that. I really don’t know what i believe in, but i will never push anyones beliefs away, I’m open to them, if that makes any bit of sense.

5.  A time you thought about ending your own life. theres actually been quite a few times, mostly in my past. its funny i used to think i wanted to kill myself because my dad died, but now i realize it was what happened after that that made me feel that way. i mean i was already suffering from depression and then this kid keeps telling you “everyone dies, death is okay its okay to want to kill yourself or hurt yourself” and then manipulate me into doing promiscuous things in school (MIDDLE FUCKING SCHOOL) and make you give up the music you love because “you love them more than me, go suck his dick” (hmmm gladly) oh not to forget, calls you a slut and a whore for having a normal connection with a teacher, (mind you in front of said teacher). so yeah all those things drove me to want to kill myself, But recently any of the times I’ve felt that way, its been resolved rather quickly because now i have music in my life again, and music calms me more than anything.

6. Write 30 interesting facts about yourself. ohmygod this post is already soooo long lol, but honestly i really like getting my thoughts out like this no offense lol, even if no one reads it i still feel like I’m getting shit out in the open! 1.i lost my virginity when i was 13 2. i have two middle names; Patricia, Grace. . 3. the first celebrity i ever met was Bret Michaels 4. my favorite band is Guns N’ Roses and honestly don’t know what id do without that band in my life 5. i get angry really easily sometimes over the stupidest things 6. I’m into older men (if it wasn’t obvious to tell) 7. the day Prince died i had to leave school early because i was crying so much, and honestly have not gotten over it 8. ive been best friends w the most amazing bitch since 5th grade (thats like 10 years!!!) 9. i used to have a celeb crush on jim carrey lmao 10. ive never sang (like real singing) in front of anyone 11. i met slash at the milwaukee airport lol 12. i work at a party city and honestly with some of the greatest people i think ill ever meet 13. i have a bondage and daddy kink 14. i used to be a rebel without a cause, kind of a bitch and totally inappropriate at school 15. i had/ve a major crush on my high school teacher (who in my defense used to be a model for ralph lauren, and loved Poison sooooo uhhh) 16. i have major trust issues 17. i want to be a stripper 18. i love nascar and have since i was really little 19. i used to be terrified of tornadoes and even when it rained  a little i would have a full on panic attack 20. I’m getting a pet snake FINALLY 21. i have at least 6 different styles in the way i dress 22. ive been obsessed with the 80s since i was like in 6th grade 23. i have a theory that David Bowie isn’t of Earth 24. I’ve had a paranormal experience 25. i love christmas 26. i go to a lot of concerts alone 27. i loved the song Darling Nikki so much when i was younger, my mom had to beg me not to tell people lmao 28. when i saw Poison live, i cried during Talk Dirty To Me lol 29. i love driving and listening to my music 30. i love marvel and the mcu, and its like one of the things I’m most passionate about (I’m a dork) 

7. Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality. I’m a scorpio but since i was born on the 24th of october I’m a cusp w libra. I think that these signs reflect me very well, more so for scorpio obvi. but over time I’ve read that scorpios don’t really feel open about talking about certain things, they have trust issues, extremely sexual, jealous/possessive, they connect deeply… which are all things that really remind me of myself. I’ve been into astrology for as long as i can remember, so its a big deal to me lol.

8. A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life probably when i went to milwaukee, i did it alone, i paid for everything i went on a plane for the first time went to a hotel went in an uber lol all by myself. i really truly felt so amazing there, like nothing was stopping me and like if i can do this i can some day live in california on my own. its definitely one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life, not to mention, doing it all to see my favorite band from the fucking third row.

9. How you hope your future will be like i don’t like realistically thinking about the future, because i don’t really know what i want yet. but i guess i want to be in california with a steady income.

10. Discuss your first love and first kiss. my first love was Prince, when i listened to him it felt like i was hearing music for the first time, it was so unique to me. my first kiss was a drag tbh lol

thanks so much for asking dude, love ya! 💖💋

[angelixii]

do 1-98 on the question thingy

 oof ok

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?- definitely closed

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?- nah

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?- out

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?- uhmm why would I?

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?- maybe just a little c;

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?- don’t think i’ve ever cut out a coupon ever so no

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?- uhmmmmmm swarm of bees?

8: Do you have freckles?- nah

9: Do you always smile for pictures?- yes cause its weird if you don’t and it makes you look mad when you aren’t :c

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?- oH when i’m talking to someone and they are too ‘busy’ doing something like being on their phone and completely ignoring me c:

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?- nah

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?- I might have when I was littler, but not that I can remember

13: What about pooped in the woods?- I seriously hope not

14: Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?- not really no

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?- ew no my school is extremely gross and im slightly a germaphobe (it’s not too bad) so no

16: How many people have you slept with this week?- UHM

17: What size is your bed?- twin I believe

18: What is your Song of the week?- uhm i’ve been listening to Stray Kids - Mixtape #1 all week so ig that XD

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?- is that even a question? (of freaking course)

20: Do you still watch cartoons?- same answer as the last quesiton C:

21: Whats your least favorite movie?- I haven’t even watched it but the emoji movie ..

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?- uhm idk but if I told you it wouldn’t be hidden anymore so c;

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?- ima girl and its 38C

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?- either ketchup or nothing (depends of the type of nugget)

25: What is your favorite food?- chicken!!

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?- oof probably The Maze Runner series or The Greastest Showman (id also cry over and over c:)

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?- cant tell you if its never happened srry

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?- nah not my thing

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?- hell no

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?- ..

31: Can you change the oil on a car? - ..

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? - ..

33: Ever ran out of gas? -..

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? - C: a dorito sandwich (literally just doritos on bread) (ikr so healthy)

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? - pancakes with syrup and butter c:

36: What is your usual bedtime? - oof

37: Are you lazy? - I think my last url answers that one (kassidyislazy)

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? - uhm i still dress up heh but normally animals

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? -  year of the chicken i believe

40: Are you horny? - NO NO NO I DONT LIKE THIS QUESTION

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? - im not even sure if i get this anymore or not but National Geographic Kids (idc if im 80 im still reading this magazine)

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? - idek what lincoln logs are so legos

43: Are you stubborn? - mayyyyyyyybbbbbeeeeee C:

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? - im sorry idk what this question is talking about

45: Ever watch soap operas? - yeah no

46: Are you afraid of heights? - maybe a little c:

47: Do you sing in the car? - all the time

48: Do you sing in the shower? - all the time

49: Do you dance in the car? - if its just me and my sister and im hyper

50: Ever used a gun? - i really hope not too unless its like at a shooting range

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? - uhhh picture day?

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? - no not really but depends on the musical

53: Is Christmas stressful? - as a 13 year old no

54: Ever eat a pierogi? - im sorry what?

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? - ive never had any other pie except pumpkin (ik i live under a rock it sucks)

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - animal vet, zookeeper, and photographer

57: Do you believe in ghosts? - eh never seen any so idk

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? - all. the. freaking. time.

59: Take a vitamin daily? - haha no

60: Wear slippers? - do flip-flops count?

61: Wear a bath robe? - nah

62: What do you wear to bed? - either t-shirt and leggings or shorts

63: First concert? - haha i like this question ._. (never been to one)

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? - Walmart definitely

65: Nike or Adidas? - oof probably Nike

66: Cheetos Or Fritos? - BBQ fritos for the win

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - never had sunflower seeds so peanuts

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? - uhm no

69: Ever take dance lessons? - hA no

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? - nope

71: Can you curl your tongue? -  yes?

72: Ever won a spelling bee? - possibly in like 2nd grade but idk

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - many many times

74: Own any record albums? - nope

75: Own a record player? - nope

76: Regularly burn incense? - nah

77: Ever been in love? - c: with people i know ill never have yes

78: Who would you like to see in concert? - C: Bts Stray Kids Got7 Exo Monsta X...i’ll stop now

79: What was the last concert you saw? - c:

80: Hot tea or cold tea? - neither

81: Tea or coffee? - neither

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? - snickerdoodles

83: Can you swim well? - i mean kinda?

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? - uhm yeah

85: Are you patient? - hA no

86: DJ or band, at a wedding? - hmm idk

87: Ever won a contest? - no i dont think so

88: Ever have plastic surgery? - nope and certainly dont plan on it

89: Which are better black or green olives? - how about neither

90: Can you knit or crochet? - nope

91: Best room for a fireplace? - oof idk

92: Do you want to get married? - i mean yeah

93: If married, how long have you been married? - hA

94: Who was your HS crush? - aint been there yet

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? - used to as a kid

96: Do you have kids? - uhm no

97: Do you want kids? - not now

98: Whats your favorite color? - dark blue

Oh my that took way too long and i know who sent this ask thank you so much my friend C:

[rhodes-jxeiratuel]

My dearest mother.

Here’s the reasons me and my mom fight.

1) I choose to clean things up when I’m done with my binge watching and that sometimes means falling asleep at 8 am before cleaning

- I wake up the next day and clean almost immediately

2) I am honest with her about things she does that hurt my feelings in an attempt to work on our relationship

- response is her saying “I just can’t do ANYTHING right can I?” “I’m the worst mom ever” .. recap, completely forgetting what she did to hurt my feelings and compounding the problem by making me feel guilty for having hurt feelings.

3) I have chronic illnesses IBS and awful migraines.. as well as chronic back pain. So sometimes I miss appointments or class.. somehow she takes this as HER failing and ME being irresponsible. Like sorry I know, I totally planned to have my head feel like I have 5 cop sirens blaring in my ear while my body has spasms and feels like it’s been kicked by a soccer team for an hour while simultaneously needing to shit my brains out but I’m half constipated half have the runs.. like, MY BAD, I know I’m totally selfish for wanting to feel that way and have make up work to do without even having the benefit of being there for my teacher to explain the assignment or to take notes for the test I’ll have to take when I show up next instead of feeling great. Totally an irresponsible CHOICE mom.

4) I have 0 real “friends” tho I have a ton of casual friends and know plenty of ppl that like me.. she takes this as HER problem as well and always begins arguments by asking me “what are you going to do to make friends I know you’re not happy just sitting here” to which I respond I actually like my alone time because most ppl my age are at bars or clubs and is rather go bowling or play ball. Somehow shaming me for not having friends is a good idea to her when she knows her kid also has depression due to the lack of ppl he knows with values like his.

5) I’m not volunteering during my negative 20 hours a week of free time. Umm hi? It’s me? Your son? The one that’s either got a migraine, is nauseas or on the toilet or is having back spasms? Yeah, remind me when I’m done with my makeup work to go find a place to volunteer at at 3am.

6) I post something deep, but long winded, on social media. She gets mad because see #4 she thinks she needs to make it her job to make me friends and she thinks it makes me weird that I’m a writer. Like, being a writer is something to be proud of. Having a son that cares about intricacies of delicate matters, AND is not just willing but passionate about solving these problems.. it isnt something to turn him away from, it’s something that could make him a real president.

7) I don’t have a job, but like we discussed, I’m a full time student with 0 free time and am working my ass off towards a career.

8) She complains that I don’t like her and that we don’t talk enough.. we don’t talk because everything I have to talk about she would insult and inadvertently attempt to me feel like shit over.

9) I don’t sleep on a regular schedule. But, again, I have health issues and there’s nothing I can do about it. No matter how many times I remind her this, she forgets and scolds me that I need to get my schedule turned around and go to bed earlier. Umm hi, migraine knocked me out for 20 hours. I just woke up. It’s 8pm. I cant just go to bed after sleeping for 20 hours, not my fault.

10) I decide to talk to her about something about the world, I explain how things could be done better and/or what is being done wrong. She tells me stop being negative that it’s not making me any friends. I said sorry I don’t enjoy women being sexualized by our era and I don’t find tricking women into thinking being sexual is empowering. You could convince a 3rd grader he is being excluded from detention by calling it a different name by telling him that he’d get better grades and a better job and make more money if he spent that time studying in a classroom after school instead of playing with friends that would leave for an out of state college anyway and disappear. Idc how much money a famous stripper makes, it’s not empowering, it’s glorified consented sexual slavery.

Remind me how she thinks our arguments are my fault again?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Example of the reason my mom drives me crazy:

Mom are these the flakey(pillsbury) rolls?

What? Oh, yeah (they’re totally not)

Then how come it’s not peeling

What? Oh you just have to use your knife. (her face completely showing she’s lying out her ass)

Mom you don’t have to use your knife on the flakey ones I’m pretty sure these are the regular ones

No max they’re definitely the flakey ones. *storms off*

*thinking to myself: dude who gives a fuck just admit you made a mistake at the store and grabbed the wrong one*

(But remember, my mom can’t be at fault for anything, so she will blatantly lie and cover any and every thing she can.. If she gets caught it’s “I’m just the worst mom ever I cant do anything right can I?!” As she storms off)

Dog. My mom’s a bratty 5 year old.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I try and explain to my brother or sister that she uses or is in severe denial and they say don’t be mean to mom (because they no longer have to deal with her insane frustrating bickering and are in no rush to get on her bad side)

Wtf am I supposed to do? She gives me the rep of a bad son but I literally do nothing but try to make the world a better place and try my hardest to overcome my medical issues. And God forbid I get offended when she lies and manipulates things she did wrong into a guilt trip. Like, help?