#did i expect to make rory angst? NO

[throwback-town]

my teeth are YELLOW

hello. WORLD.

[total-lunareclipse4]

🌜I know you better than anyone🌛

pairing: five hargreeves x female reader

summary: it’s been a long time since you last saw Five. due to your nieces’s birthday party, you’re forced to face him again. you can’t help but be surprised when instead of being met with hate, you realize the only thing he wants to do is help you.

genre: angst with a happy ending!

warnings: manipulation? cursing perhaps. nothing major

word count: 4k

notes: this is a little bit based on the gilmore girls scene in which jess confronts rory for dropping out of yale. i saw someone use that audio for a tiktok pov and wrote this. here’s the link to that.

It had been twenty minutes already. Two cars had tried to take your spot during that time and you’d had to awkwardly let them know that you were not leaving. You tried to do a couple of breathing exercises you vaguely remembered Klaus teaching you at some point, but this was something that could not be solved by just taking a few deep breaths in and out. After a couple more minutes had gone by, you decided it was time to put on your big girl pants and get the evening over with. 

You got out of your car and opened up the trunk to pull out the gift. Needing both hands to carry it, you struggled a little bit to get it inside. The sound of screaming children filled up your ears, and you could not think of a worse place to be at right now. You spotted a few familiar faces and decided to make your way over there. After having taken a few steps, you tripped over a plastic ball from the ball pit you’d failed to notice and began stumbling as you tried to regain your balance. Mentally having prepared for the fall, you were surprised when it never came. Instead, a firm pair of hands managed to catch you, one of them holding you by the back of your head and the other pressing against the lower part of your back. 

“You okay there?” He asked. 

You’d known he would be here, but you certainly did not expect him to be the first person you encountered at your niece’s birthday party. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.” The uncomfortable silence was soon to settle in, and you had to fight back the urge to run back to your car. 

Luckily, your attention was caught by the birthday girl herself sprinting towards you after noticing you had arrived. 

“Auntie!” Grace yelled, her arms open waiting for you to hug her. You got down on your knees after setting the gift next to a nearby table and embraced the little girl tightly. 

“Happy Birthday, Gracie,” you spoke next to the girl’s ear, kissing the top of her head before standing back up to retrieve the big box. 

“Is that for me?” she inquired excitedly as her eyes rested upon the gift. 

“Of course it’s for you! I think you’re gonna like it a lot.” You winked at her. 

“Do you want some help taking it over to the gifts table?” The man who’d saved you from falling asked. 

Before you had the chance to answer, Grace seemed to realize something and interrupted you. 

“Look Uncle Five, she’s here!” You were a little confused by the statement, given that Five had been standing there the whole time, so it was obvious he knew you were there. However, you figured your niece was just excited about your presence and wanted everybody to know about it. 

“Yes Grace, I see her.” Five replied. Based on his tone and demeanor you would’ve guessed he was embarrassed by the situation. But that didn’t make any sense to you. 

The little girl turned to you and signaled for you to get on your knees again. Following suit, she cupped her hands and held them to her mouth before getting closer to your ear. 

“Uncle Five was asking about you a lot before you got here,” she whispered. Your eyes instantly went to meet Five’s, and by the look on his face you could tell he had some idea of what Grace was telling you. 

“I uhm, I’m gonna go get a soda,” he said before walking away. You felt utterly confused by his attitude, not understanding why he was acting the way he was. Why had he been asking about you? Based on the last time you two saw each other, his current actions were nonsensical. 

Puzzled but not really being able to do much about the situation, you hugged the little girl once more and went over to the gifts table to leave the heavy box you had been carrying. From behind you, you recognized the voice of the reason why you were even here in the first place.

“That better not be another one of those loud ass toys that lights up and blasts up annoying music.” 

You turned around and smiled at the man before you. 

“No, this one just barks and shits.” 

You enjoyed watching as the color got drained from his face by your response. 

“You didn’t,” he said, more of a threat than anything else. You laughed, giving yourself away.

“No, I didn’t. Lila said no dogs. She doesn’t wanna be juggling three kids and a puppy.”

Diego let out a sigh of relief, “Good, I did not want to have that fight today.” He gave you a smile and a quick hug to welcome you. 

“It’s been a while,” he said. 

“It hasn’t been that long, we saw each other for the twins' recital.” You knew he didn’t mean it as a personal attack, but you couldn’t help but feel bad by what he’d said. You tried to be there as much as possible for your family, but things were different now. 

“Yeah, that was two months ago!” He laughed, but you knew he didn’t find the situation funny, he was just trying not to come off too harshly. 

“I’m sorry.” You shrugged. 

He noticed the hint of sadness in your eyes and his own expression softened. 

“It’s fine, I wish we saw each other more often but we all understand.” You chuckled a little at his lie. Certainly they didn’t all understand. 

“You have no idea how much I wish that were true.” You were both quiet for a minute, mutual understanding flowing between the two. 

“His hair’s gotten longer,” you spoke, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah, he’s become more of an asshole also.” You both laughed. Diego moved closer to you and gave you a half hug. 

“It’s going to be fine. Give it time and you’ll see.” You closed your eyes and let yourself give into his embrace. You doubted time would be able to solve anything, but it didn’t hurt to hope. 

…

You didn’t speak to Five again for the rest of the evening. You’d caught him looking at you from a distance a couple of times, but you hadn’t been able to look at him back. After cake, you made the round of goodbyes and left the building before he got the idea of speaking to you. Back in the safety of your car, the tears came rolling down your face before you could do anything to stop them. The memories of your last encounter with Five came flooding back, and all of those times you had repressed them only worked to make them stronger now. 

You had just gotten out of the shower, which you had cut short after the hot water had run out. You got dressed quickly and cursed at yourself for choosing such a cheap place to stay at. It would not surprise you to find all kinds of stains if you were to use a UV light in this room. Repulsed by the thought, you grabbed your toothbrush with the intention of cleaning your teeth when you heard a loud persistent knock on the door. You were reluctant to open up at first, but when the knocking didn’t stop, you figured it was the only way to get them to stop knocking. 

Grabbing one of your knives, you made your way to the door and through the peephole noticed who the person on the other end was. You unlocked the entrance and allowed him to come inside. 

He looked agitated, his brows furrowed in a prominent frown. His hair was all over the place, drastically different to how it usually looked. 

“So, you weren’t going to tell me that you were leaving?” Of course you hadn’t told him, you knew this was exactly what he would’ve done if you’d told him.

“I knew you would try to stop me,” you spoke softly, not wanting him to get any more agitated than he already was. 

“What kind of idiotic response is that? Of course I would’ve tried to stop you.” His words stung.

“I can’t do this right now, Five. I’ve already made up my mind and I’m at peace with my choice.” You tried to sound as convincing as possible. 

“It’s a stupid decision you’re making and I’m not gonna stand here and let you make it.” 

“It’s already done, there’s nothing I can do about it,” you felt your voice getting weaker, but you didn’t want to break in front of him. 

“Of course there is, I’ll help you get out of it. I’ve done it before.” He didn’t understand any of it, and he could certainly not fix it either. 

“Five…” you began. 

“Look, I know you, I know you better than anyone. This isn’t you.” Of course he was right, but you couldn’t admit that to him. Instead, you chose to remain quiet.

“What are you doing? Living at this cheap motel, working for The Commission, leaving us behind- why did you leave me behind?” He looked away, not being able to hold your gaze at the moment. You knew that what had hurt him the most is that you hadn’t told him you were leaving. You hadn’t come to him to let him know you were going back to the place you both had tried so hard to escape from in the first place.

“It’s.. complicated,” you said. 

“It’s not! It’s not complicated,” he yelled. 

“You don’t know!” You wished you could explain it all to him, but he couldn’t know the truth. 

“This isn’t you! This- you going back to working for The Handler. We did the impossible to get away from her.”

“She’s not the same woman she once was…” You tried to defend her, not even believing it yourself. 

He ran his hand through his hair with anger, frustrated by your answers. 

“This isn’t about her, screw her! What’s going on with you? This isn’t you, you know it isn’t. What’s going on?” He walked closer to you, watching you intensely. 

“I don’t know,” you admitted. 

“Come home. To hell with all of this! Just- just come home.” He took your hands in his, silently pleading with you. 

Knowing there was only one way out of this, you decided you had to do this in order to keep him and the rest safe. 

“Home? What exactly is home? This is your family you keep talking about, not mine. The Handler is the one who took me in and gave me a place to live when no one else would. Grow up Five! You think this is how I wanna spend the rest of my days? In this fucked up timeline where we don’t even have our powers?  No way I’m staying here, so I would appreciate it if you stopped claiming to know better than me and left me alone for once.” You broke your hands free from his hold and walked to the entrance to hold the door open for him. He hesitated for a few moments before following you to the door. 

“So what? You and I- none of it matters anymore? You’re just choosing to throw it all away?”

“This has nothing to do with us, nothing to do with you. I can’t always put you above everything else.” Knowing that was exactly what you were doing was the worst part of this. 

“I always have,” he said, sounding defeated.

“Well I guess that’s the difference between you and I.” You put the last nail on the coffin.

With that, Five left the room and stood in the hall. 

“When you regret this, and you will regret this, don’t come crawling back to me or my family,” he said before walking away. Based on his words, you knew you’d managed to hurt him a great deal. He was not going to come back now, which both relieved you and made you want to crawl into your bed and cry for hours on end. 

That was the last time you had seen Five before today.

A couple of years after The Handler had taken Lila in, she found you under similar circumstances and chose to raise you as well. The two of you grew up as sisters, carrying out all sorts of missions for the woman you learnt to call mother. Soon, your power began showing and you realized you had been blessed with time control, which came in handy as it meant you didn’t need to use a briefcase for your line of work. One day, you’d chosen to visit the world post-apocalypse, something you knew your mother would never approve of. As you walked through the ruins of what used to be planet Earth, you noticed there was someone else here with you. At first, you thought it must be someone from The Commission, as any other answer was simply not possible. However, upon closer inspection, you realized he wasn’t someone who you’d seen before. That was the first time you’d met Five, and after almost being shot by him, you managed to strike a conversation with him. Soon, you two became close, and after a couple of times of visiting him, you decided to bring him back to the headquarters, risking your mother’s rage. 

She wasn’t thrilled about it at first, and threatened you in multiple ways after finding out what you had done. But after watching Five successfully accomplish his first mission, she allowed him to stay. When you’d met him, he’d confessed to having spent six years already surviving on his own, and you could only imagine how much longer he would’ve spent there if you hadn’t found him. 

He also told you about his family and how he wished he could get back to them, which is how he slowly began convincing you to help him out. It wasn’t easy, as you hadn’t been on board with the idea in the beginning, but after working together and earning each other’s trust, you had agreed to help him. 

You sneaked out one day and left alongside Five to get him back to his family. That was the first time they failed to stop the apocalypse. The second time, Lila was involved, and after getting over her initial anger at you for leaving her behind, she joined you and the others. 

You thought you had managed to leave the life you had once led behind. That you were safe now with Five and your newly found family. However, you were proven wrong when one day, The Handler appeared inside your own home, sitting on your couch. 

“Long time no see.” Her voice made your blood go ice cold. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

“Is that the proper way to greet your mother?”

“What do you want?” You insisted. 

“You didn’t think I would seriously allow you to walk out with two of my best agents, now did you? I would’ve thought I raised you to be smarter than that.” You knew at that moment that whatever this was, it wasn’t going to end well for you. 

“I didn’t take anyone with me, they chose to leave on their own.��� You clenched your fists, ready for whatever was about to go down.

“Well, in that case then I think I’ll just go then. Thanks for clearing that up.” She stood up and prepared to leave, but you knew it was not going to be this easy. Right on cue, she turned towards you and spoke again.

“Before I leave though, I thought you should know I have agents right now placed all over to take shots at that precious little family of yours.” Your jaw clenched. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

She smiled at you, “That is up to you, sweetheart, but do you really want to risk baby Grace taking a shot to the head because her aunt didn’t do anything to protect her?” You wanted to strangle her, but you knew that wasn’t going to fix anything. 

“What do you want?” You asked for a second time. 

She faked thinking about it for a second, as if she didn’t already know exactly what she wanted from you. 

“I want you to come back to work for me. I want you to do it today without telling anyone, especially that little special friend of yours.”

“Who? Five?” You didn’t like that she was paying special attention to him during this conversation. 

“Bingo! You speak a word of this to him and he gets a bullet in the brain. And now that he doesn’t seem to have his powers anymore, don’t think he’s gonna be able to get out of this unharmed.” You felt shivers run down your whole body at the thought. 

“What do you even gain from this? I can’t even travel through time anymore, I’m useless to you without my powers.” You didn’t understand why she’d want you back specifically. Both Lila and Five were far more skilled than you. 

“You need to learn there are consequences to your own actions. This is your consequence.” You could hear the satisfaction in her voice.

“There’s a briefcase waiting for you at this address. Don’t be late, your first assignment is tomorrow morning.” She handed you a piece of paper you shoved into your pocket, knowing there was no way out of this. Maybe, if you all had your powers, you could figure out a solution, but in the state you were all in, the only way to keep everybody safe was to do what The Handler wanted you to do. You could already feel your heart breaking, hating her even more for doing this to you. 

…

You jumped when you heard a knock on the window of your car, being too lost in thought to notice someone had been approaching you. You quickly wiped your tears with the back of your hand and tried to look presentable before rolling down the window. 

“You left without having any cake.” Five was standing outside your car, two paper plates with servings of chocolate cake on them. 

“I needed to get back to work,” you lied, hoping he would leave you alone. 

“Well, I’ve been watching you sit in your car ever since you left so I’m not buying that.” Of course he’d been watching you cry pathetically all this time. 

“Open up?” he requested. Knowing that he wasn’t going to leave until he got what he wanted, you unlocked the doors and allowed him to get into the passenger seat. He handed you one of the plates and you rested it on your lap, knowing you weren’t going to be able to eat it without making yourself sick given the situation you were in.  

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he blurted out. You opened up your mouth to deny it but he beat you to it. 

“Don’t try to deny it. For the past year everytime you find out I’m gonna be somewhere you suddenly have to cancel. Happened with Claire’s science fair, happened with Luther’s barbeque and it happened with Grace’s play,” he listed. Of course he was right, but you weren’t going to admit that to him. 

“I’ve just been very busy,” you said. 

“Why didn’t you want to see me?” His question took you by surprise. You thought that after your last conversation he was the one that wouldn't want to see you again.

“I think it’s best if we keep our distance from one another.”  

He looked taken aback, hurt, even. Great, you were causing even more damage now. 

“Best? Best for who? You or me?” 

“You said not to come back looking for you.” You didn’t want to throw in his face the words he’d spoken in a moment of anger, but you needed an excuse to get out of this. 

“You and I both know I didn’t mean any of that. I was angry that you were choosing to leave, but I didn’t want things to end up like this. I’m sorry.” He stared at his plate, toying with the fork. You could only imagine he couldn’t stomach taking a bite as well. 

“Things are complicated, Five. This is how they need to be.” 

“Then explain them to me. I’m not an idiot, I know you’re doing this under some sort of manipulation from The Handler, I just can’t figure out what she has on you that made you go back.” He stopped staring at his cake to shift his gaze towards your face. He looked broken, almost as broken as you. 

“I can’t- I can’t tell you anything.” You knew that by saying that you were admitting to not doing things freely, but you hoped it would be enough to get him to understand your motives.

“Whatever it is, I can help. You need to trust me.” 

“How will you help me? What would you do if she sent people here to kill you? How are you going to defend yourself?” You were growing more agitated. 

“Is that what this is about? She’s threatened to hurt me?” You stayed quiet, giving him the confirmation that he needed. 

“I can take care of myself, or are you forgetting that I managed to survive years on my own in a post-apocalyptic world? None of that had anything to do with my powers. I understand that you’re scared, but that’s what we’re here for.”

He always oversimplified things. Made it seem as if you were the one exaggerating, as if he could just make everything better. 

“Maybe you can take care of yourself, but what about the kids? What about Klaus? Have you seen him lately?”

He chuckled at your words, lightening up the mood.

“Okay, maybe you’re right, but you should’ve come to me first with all of this. I’ve been taking care of my family for years, and will continue to do so considering how stupid they constantly prove to be.” 

It was your turn to chuckle now. 

“I promise you we’ll figure something out together. Key word being together.” He took one of your hands in his. 

“I’m not gonna let you continue to deal with this on your own.” He looked determined to keep his promise, which is why you allowed yourself to feel a glimmer of hope. 

“If something were to happen to any of them, then it would be on me,” you said, staring at your lap in shame. 

He used his free hand to cup your cheek and force you to look at him.

“Nothing’s going to happen. We’ve survived worse. And if something were to happen, it wouldn’t be your fault. None of this is your fault,” he reassured you. 

“Please trust me, love,” he said, the nickname slipping out, taking you back to better times, easier times. 

“I really want to,” you admitted, tears welling up in your eyes. 

“Then do.” He moved closer to you, letting go of your hand to grab your face with both of his hands. He put his forehead to yours and allowed you to stay like that for a second. 

“I don’t think I can tolerate losing you a second time,” he whispered against your lips. 

“You won’t,” you whispered back. 

Soon, his lips were against yours, falling back into routine as if nothing had happened between you two. One of his hands moved to your waist, tightening his grip on you. The kiss turned more intense as he began moving with more force, showing you how much he’d missed you. Your hand got lost in his hair, enjoying the new length. He pulled away and smiled against your lips.

“I missed you so much,” he said. You shared the feeling, regretting how you’d chosen to handle things. There was a lot at stake, a lot you needed to figure out, but what mattered is that you would do that together. No matter what happened from now on, you had each other to fall back onto.

[aethersgirlfriend]

we need more fresh-out-of-the-pit aurora. i see so much newly summoned phantom and about how he's left out and confused and just wants to please his packmates and like YES absolutely but what about rory?!?!??! (under the cut because i went on a tangent)

first of all - her summon !!

phantom and aurora being bonded summon buddies means everything to me so yes they got summoned together in the same circle no i won't take criticism yes they're in love in every way possible

rory refuses to look at anyone but phantom for the first few days, no one can even get a good look at her face. the girls take her on the tour of their part of the den and all that but she looks at the ground the whole time and escapes to her room until phantom is done getting the tour and they hide together. she only wears his clothes (aka swiss' old clothes but she doesn't know that yet) for ages and they'll venture out together to get food and maybe explore their new environment a bit but apart from that you don't see them.

but then how about a bit after her summon when she gets more used to things? what about her being so tiny? in the pit it had its positives but topside? she's still getting used to everything being so big. she has no concept of fashion or hair or makeup so when she sees cumulus and her beautiful white curls she decides i want to do that! and lus ends up having to brush out all the knots she made for an hour. or how about this - she's absolutely TERRIFIED of the older ghouls. aether and omega? she is kind of used to. zeyphr? not yet. alpha? absolutely not. after only knowing of her own small multi ghoul size and her pale pink complexion her whole life in the pit, how do u expect her to react to the massive, grey skinned fire ghoul? that's a trick question, she won't deal with him. she disappears into thin air (she's half air ghoul!!!!) everytime she sees him.

but that's just the silly stuff, what about the angst???

seeing how close cirrus and cumulus are and desperately wanting to impress them, but overdoing it and embarassing herself so she doesn't talk to anyone but phantom for a week and the girls are so upset that she's back to square one?

or during that week - not being able to talk to phantom as much as she's like because aether has him practicing so much and she's still slightly intimidated by the older ghoul so she doesnt wanna annoy him by stealing away his student so she seeks out mist - the solitary ghoulette who only really hangs out by the shore occasionally - but mist wasn't even aware there was a new ghoulette so she freaks out at the sight of rory and rorys left all alone with no clue how to make friends

or her returning back to the abbey hours later when everyone was stressing about where the fuck the tiny ghoulette disappeared to and turns out she got lost in the forest trying to find flowers for the girls as an apology because she saw mountain give them bouquets and she's covered in scratches and mud and bug bites and her hair is full of leaves and sticks and she's sobbing her eyes out and phantom runs over to her and won't let anyone near her for the whole evening and snaps at anyone who comes too close

but eventually aether gets them both to calm down and the girls bring aurora into their part of the den and clean her off (with phantom there watching over her the whole time because he's not that calm yet) and tell her she doesn't have to impress them and put cream on all her bites and braid her hair and tell her how pretty she is and how they're so happy she's here and eventually swiss pulls phantom away to talk to him about not trying to murder his packmates over aurora because none of them are going to hurt her (phantom saw aurora being upset because she got lost looking for stuff for the girls and immediately thought they did it on purpose) and when he leaves the girls make a big pile of pillows and blankets and lay her down and let her get all her feelings out

and she's on her side and cirrus is at her back and cumulus at her front and sunny at her feet and they're all whispering sweet nothings to her as she cries silently at how comforting it all feels and falls asleep to lus humming a tune and wakes up and the whole pack sit down in the morning to talk it all through 💕💕💕💕

oh yes and she definitely saw cirrus eating salad one day and then mountain took her to the flower field just beyond the greenhouse and turned away for 2 seconds and she started trying to eat all the flowers because she thought that's what cirrus' salad was made out of

[sukisheadlights]

WE'LL MAKE IT!

kazbrekker x grisha!oc

summary: when the coin- "I hate kaz brekker" grisha reveals how she truly feels for kaz brekker in the midst of a deal gone wrong, becomes when kaz brekker gets nervous.

story: grishaverse masterlist

rory’s voice mail 🎧: story <333 I really love writing for the grishaverse so let me know if you want some sort of kaz brekker x oc series, and give me ideas :) for now, enjoy! I love you say it back <3

and ofcourse, @chaos-mix I did not forget your tag :)

WARNING MAJOR ANGST AHEAD

Ilysen (ill-e-s-in) has always been considered a powerful squaller. She grew confined within the walls of the little palace, her beautiful cage. So naturally, when she escaped and went to ketterdam for solace (a bad idea on her part, truthfully), nobody expected her to survive it's gruelling streets.

But you know what they say, those who have tasted freedom will not give up that which they have tasted.

Ilysen walked into the barrel— doe eyed with bright light blue hair and the personality of a puppy. Quickly though, the barrel toughened her up— and her blue hair only became the shell of a person she once was. She earned a new name, 'The slyph of ketterdam' A beautiful creature that will manipulate the air at the comand of the smallest bone in her body. She will swipe you off your feet, and knock the air out of your lungs. Ilysen became a force to be reckoned with and she worked for no one. Kaz Brekker took notice of this, He took notice of it all.

He set his wraith on her tail and found out her secrets. Then, he tried asking her nicely to work with him, he tried getting jesper to charm her, he even he got his wraith to befriend her. But she only listened and agreed when he threatened her. When he threated to send her back to the cage she once escaped from.

Cruel, I know. So did she, this was the life she chose and kaz brekker and his antics were slightly respectable but no one would know that last part. Instead they would know the slyph that hated his soul, bones, and questionable fashion choices. They would come to know her as unreliable and the untried, theortical lose string whose loyalties could change at any given moment.

Nobody knew why she worked so closely with the Dregs. Not even the trusted sharpshooter and wraith could get get that out of her. Sometimes, kaz brekker found himself staring at his office wall not quiet knowing the answer himself. But he knew she wouldn't betray her only friends in the barrel. He knew that she only stayed because of inej and jesper. She had no other reason. Right?

One faithful night, when the barrel was as quiet as usual with it's citizens hiding in their houses and criminals lurking in it's shadows, the unofficial crows— atleast half of them, found themselves at the harbour for a deal.

They watched closely as the other party's leader approached kaz, really getting into his personal space hoping it intimidated the bastard infront of him. They watched as Kaz hit him with his trusty cane, And continued as both the bosses succesfully reached an impasse.

Until suddenly, they ran. Down the street and under the harbour's bridges, into the dimly lit caves— they hid. Those idiots had broken their conditions and brought out weapons, gunshots ringing through the harbour as the slyph struggled to save their lives, Kaz couldn't believe he let this slip past. For the first time, he felt stupid. He looked around the dimly lit underground cave as he thought of ways to save the lives of his band of teenage misfits.

Perhaps if he was faster, they would have missed the explosion above their heads. Perhaps then, Ilysen wouldn't have had to use her powers to hold up the ceiling above their head and instead hold open the only exit which was now burried under the rubble. Kaz worked quickly to try find a way out of the underground cave, but something felt wrong.

Ilysen, who would typically be complaining her lungs out right about now, was silent. A still, unmoving, shell of the noisy companion kaz had gotten used to. her hands remained raised up above her head as she held the roof up, scared to move even by an inch. The room was quiet as Kaz searched for a way out while encouraging the others to do the same. Another explosion. Those two-timing bastards were set on bathing in young blood but there was no time to complain now, only escape.

"I don't hate you." the words rung of the walls of the cave and pierced striaght through kaz brekker's heart as he turned around, Ilysen was looking straight at him now. "If we don't make it out of here—" She said as a shaky breath escaped her lips "—I just need you to know that I don't hate you."

A ringing explosion was the only sound that broke the silence between them.

"We're not dying today." He said, certain that if he couldn't save them, the fates would protect them all because she didn't deserve to die yet. She looked away as she struggled to hold up the ceiling distracting herself from the growing weakness in her arms and her chest. She knew what she had to do. But would she? "Ilysen, look at me." Kaz urged, hating himself for not being able to physically comfort her. She obliged.

"We're not dying today." He said as confidently as he could. His voice wavered somewhere, but he knew if anyone noticed it would only be her. He continued ignoring the pang of guilt in his chest, promising things he wasn't sure of. "I promise you."

Ilysen nodded, She would do anything for them. With steadying breaths she changed the directions of her arms.

In one swift movement, she raised the previously blocked entrance and pushed the crows outside, saving their lives. Unfortunately for her, the ceiling she once held up came crashing down. Only the saints could do something now.

Jesper, Inej, And Kaz stood still. The realisation of what unfolded weighing onto them heavier than the deafening silence of the vast ocean behind them.

They searched the rubble for her all night, not scared of what they might find. Kaz called in all the dregs as they lifted up large rocks in silence, secretly praying for the survival of their slyph. They found her body at the crack of dawn, A single ray lighting up her almost still body. Almost. She laid on the floor, a doll— but there was a faint rise and fall of her chest. There was hope for her survival. Kaz would never admit it but he owed her his life.

Even if she happened to remain in this unconcious state for the rest of her life, kaz would take care of her. He would never admit it, but he was grateful for her. And maybe one day, He could tell her that.

[604to647]

Safest with You (Ch. 7 - The Third Date)

5.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!Reader

Summary: Din takes you to see a prize fight, and the evening does not end the way either of you expect.

Warnings: Fluff but also Angst, pet names as usual (pretty bird, baby, pretty girl, etc.), descriptions of blood splatter, mention of alcohol consumption, men (not Din) harassing reader at a bar, very poor description of boxing by a person who knows nothing about boxing (me.)

A/N: I'm...sorry about this 🫣 Our (first!) chapter with angst; oh my feelings - we will get through it together? For some levity, while I'm trying not to be too heavy handed with the Star Wars references, I did have a lot of fun plopping in some character names from The Mandalorian to make up Din's rag-tag group of mob enforcer friends. Picking a Hutt to insert was another story - I tried to pick a name that (exists and) fit into the scene, but I'm not married to it; if upon reading you think another Hutt family character's canon characteristics are more fitting, please let me know and I'll change it! Thanks and thanks as always for reading!

Series Masterlist

“Ok, hang on, I gotta let Rory into the meeting.”

The mosaic on the screen shifts, and Rory appears in a new tile, “I can’t believe it’s a Saturday and I’m taking a Zoom meeting.”

“Stoppppp. It’s for the greater good – please help me pick an outfit,” you plead with an exaggerated pout.

“You never ask for fashion advice?  We’re always asking you.”

“Ok, thank you for hyping me but for real I need help.  I’m going to a boxing match!?  Movies and pop culture tell me that every woman there is either wearing a bandage dress or a bikini and I’m not wearing either,” you step back to show off your bed that’s cover in heaps of clothing options.

You’re nervous.  Not because of anything Din’s said or done, and not even because it’s the “third date” (not as if you and Din are following any type of out-dated dating script), but because you’re stepping into Din’s world tonight.  So far, you and Din have been dating in a blissful little bubble, just the two of you (and Al!), but tonight, you were going to meet the people closest to him, his people.  When you had confessed your nerves to Din earlier, he had affectionately told you he was proud to be bringing you as his date tonight; you didn’t want to let him down.

In the end, you and your friends opt for a white, off the shoulder silk shirt, loosely tucked into a silver skirt.  The shoulder cut-out of the shirt drapes purposefully low down your arm, revealing the entire strap and more than a little of the top of your lacy black bra chosen especially for Din.  There, you think, it’s not a bikini, but it’s sexy.

Din couldn’t agree more.  Your little lingerie peek-a-boo is nearly all he can think about at the restaurant and the entire cab ride over to the fight venue.  A few times during dinner he might have lost his train of thought mid-sentence, teased mercilessly by that small triangle of lace and the ample curve of your breast that isn’t contained within.  You blush and smirk at his barely concealed drooling.  Now in the cab, Din has his arm draped around you, and you let him absentmindedly toy with the exposed strap; periodically he slips a finger or two under the strap and slides it down as far as your innocent looking white shirt will allow, then back up again.  You can feel your nipples harden against the soft lace, and by the time you step out of the cab, you’re flushed and your core is already fluttering. 

You take Din’s arm and walk with him towards the entrance, still somewhat nervous; Din senses your hesitancy and not used to seeing you withdrawn in any way, he pulls you aside before you get to the main doorway.

Holding you close, one hand lingering on your lower back and the other cupping your face, he gives you a long, deep kiss, meant to be soothing.  Opening your eyes and you murmur, “Just one more, please”.

“One more?”

“One more minute.  One more kiss.  While it’s still just the two of us,” you explain, wistfully.

“Pretty bird, we don’t have to go in.  Just say the word and we’ll go somewhere just you and me.  It can be just the two of us for as long as you’d like,” Din gently strokes your cheek with his thumb and gazes at you with sincerity brimming in his eyes.

Reaching up, you bring Din’s face down to yours and kiss him tenderly.  You want to let him know you’re okay.  You’re nervous, but also somewhat excited to see this world that’s such a big part of Din’s life, and the idea that he wants to include you and introduce you to his friends is actually so touching.  You nuzzle into your favourite little nook right under his jaw, and whisper, “Let’s go in.”

Din takes your hand, and holding on tightly, leads you in to the building.  It’s already insanely busy inside, filled with people here for the fight; as you thread through the crowd, even in the dim lighting, you hear lots of people shouting Din’s name – waving hello, clapping him on the shoulder as they go by.  Din leads you through a side door away from the bustle and takes you down a quiet side corridor; you’re about to ask where you’re going when you see some people up ahead wearing “Mando’s Gym” gear.  In the center of everything, there is an older gentleman in a colourful striped sweatsuit, and a young man, who is wearing baggy grey shorts and a loosely tied warm up robe; you recognize the younger man as Din’s sparring partner from the day you visit the gym after dropping your dry cleaning off at Peli’s.  Din is greeted enthusiastically by both men with big hugs; he claps the younger man on the back and introduces you, then, his voice filling with pride, brags, “Pretty bird, this is Jimmy.  Best middleweight division fighter this side of the bridge.  One of Mando’s best.  And our tireless chief, head coach, Greef Karga, the best of the best.”

You shake their hands happily, and they in turn seem happy to meet you as well; you think you spot them giving each other a knowing look, but it was so fleeting you’re not sure.  Regardless, you enthusiastically wish them luck and let them know how excited you are to be here. When he hears it’s your first fight, Greef tells you you’re in for a treat and gives you some novice spectator pointers – in particular, he tells you to watch out for a move call the “Mando Roll”, a move made famous by Din during his career.  Din hypes Jimmy up with some pep talk and some light combination drills before he takes your hand to go; you wave goodbye to the two men and wish them luck one last time before asking Din, “The Mando Roll, eh?  Didn’t realize I was here with a celebrity.”  You grin at him proudly, and Din’s chest puffs up a little but he responds humbly, “Nah.  Don’t believe everything you hear about me here.  Especially from Paz.  Don’t believe a thing Paz says.”

As if on cue, you come upon the man himself, who seems to be waiting for you and Din so you can all walk to your third row seats together. 

Paz is hilarious.  He has a deep booming voice, and a boisterous spirit about him; he’s huge, bigger than Din, but in the same way you don’t find Din’s size to be imposing, neither do you find Paz’s.  He regales you with childhood stories about Din and tells joke after joke, all the while pretending to ignore Din’s protests and looks of mortification that honestly make everything Paz says even funnier.  He doesn’t forget to ask you questions about yourself, and your heart melts when Din chimes in to brag about you when he thinks you’re not doing so enough yourself; Paz looks impressed before he gives you a mock look of condescension, “You sure you’re with the right guy?” jabbing his thumb at Din.  You look up at Din fondly and nod softly, “Yes, definitely.”  Din can’t stop looking at you either, eyes filled with adoration and, if he’s being honest with himself, maybe love.  When he pulls you in tightly, Paz gives him a look and nod of approval, which Din didn’t need, but finds himself appreciating nonetheless. 

The lights dim and the fighters’ ring entrances begin; you cheer loudly with Din and Paz when Jimmy goes by, looking pumped and intimidating.  The first few rounds of fighting go by in a blur; the fighters move with blinding fast speed, unleashing powerful punch after punch – it’s violent and graceful all at once.  Both Din and Paz are pointing things out to you, teaching you boxing terminology and noting finer points on the bout that you definitely wouldn’t notice otherwise; when the bell dings signaling the end of a particularly intense round, Paz turns to you, “Did you see that last move, with the bob and weave?  That’s the “Mando Roll”.  Your boy invented that!  It’s what’s going to win Jimmy this fight, you just watch.”   You look at Din, who’s got a cocky smile on his face, even though he’s running his hand through his curls, bashfully.  Your eyes shine with pride; you knew from the articles and awards at the gym and his apartment that Din had been a talented and successful fighter… but tonight you’re seeing for the first time that it was more than that.  He’s an important figure in this community, a leader with a legacy… just like his dad.  You make a mental note to share this thought with Din later; for now, you hope he can tell by the expression on your face how proud of him you are. And how proud you are to be here with him.

If you thought the excitement and intensity of the fight would die down a little in the later rounds, you were mistaken; if anything, the crowd gets rowdier and louder, amping the fighters up more, even though they have to be exhausted.  Nearing the end of round 10, Jimmy gets the upper hand against his opponent, drilling him against the ropes before stepping back and delivering a knock out uppercut.  This last punch happens as if in slow motion; Jimmy’s opponent’s feet leave the ground as the force from Jimmy’s glove propels him backwards, body twisting slightly before he falls to the ground unconscious.  Before you’ve finished processing what you’re watching, you’re hit with the losing fighter's blood splatter.  Most of it lands on the people sitting in the rows in front of you, but a fair amount lands on your shirt and you can feel a bit of it on your cheek.  Instinctively, you touch it with your hand, accidently smearing it.  Din looks at you in horror but gathers himself quickly to ask you with deep concern if you’re alright.  You have to admit, you’re not sure how to feel, but you let him know you’re okay with a reassuring smile before asking him to point you in the direction of the restroom so you can clean up.  In the restroom, the droplets that landed on your skin are easily and thoroughly cleaned off, but your shirt is a bit of a mess.  The delicate silk is splattered in a big, almost Pollock-esque pattern; you decide to leave it as is, figuring you’ll probably just turn it into a bigger mess if you try to clean it here. 

You get back to your seat as Jimmy is being declared the winner of the fight in the ring, and you’re glad to see that his opponent has regained consciousness and is standing up of his own accord.  You cheer as Jimmy’s arm is raised as the victor, but notice that Din doesn’t appear to be joining in the reverie.  In fact, he looks downright despondent.  Taking his hand, you give him a soft, but quizzical look and mouth, “Everything okay?”

No. Everything was not okay.  Din had seen a lot bloodshed in his life, hell, he had caused his fair share, but he's never become desensitized to the underlying violence.  He was not prepared for that type of violence, bloody violence, to touch you.  In the second before he had realized where the blood splatter had come from, all he saw was you covered in blood, and he had felt nothing but intense panic and fear.  And maybe, a little voice in his head adds, guilt. Even now, he is reeling from those feelings.  He doesn’t know how to articulate any of this, so instead he drops his eyes to your stained shirt and says sadly, “I’m sorry about the mess, pretty bird.” 

Ducking a little so you’re now holding his gaze, you look softly at Din, somehow knowing he’s feeling more than he’s letting on; you kiss him warmly and whisper, “It’s okay. I’m okay,” before wrapping your arms around Din’s neck and pulling him down into you.  You feel Din’s back muscles relax under your hands, as he presses you in tightly and just holds you for a minute.  Behind your back, Din and Paz lock eyes; a look of understanding passes between the two men before Din closes his eyes and let’s himself melt into your embrace.

Now that the fight is over, most of the crowd moves, almost as one, to a bar across the street for the planned after party.  Din’s mood seems to have lightened considerably; with his arm around your waist, he steers you through the crowd, shouting salutations to people he knows and sporadically introducing you to people as they come up to say hi.  You don’t remember all the names, but they all seem to be people that have known Din from when he was a child, watched Din box during his glory days, are somehow associated with the gym, knew Din’s dad or some combination of the above.  Even more memorable are some of the stories Din whispers in your ear when out of earshot of the person you just met (like the gym member who thought that the Mando’s locker rooms had a nude sauna.  They don’t), and you’re glad that the faces are all kind of a blur because otherwise, you might never be able to face some of these people again.  The entire bar erupts with cheers when Jimmy, Greef and some of the other team from Mando’s arrives; they head straight for Din and you give them your hearty congratulations once Din’s released them from his bear hugs.  You assure Jimmy that you thoroughly enjoyed your first boxing match and you’re glad it was one of his; when Greef learns that you saw the “Mando Roll” he looks like a proud papa bear, of Jimmy or you, you’re not sure.  Slowly, the entire friend group descends on your and Din’s location and you get a chance to meet them all.  In addition to Paz, there’s Woves, Mayfeld, Bo, Koska, and a few younger boxers from the gym, Brian, Santos, and Iggy tonight.  It’s a great group; everyone is welcoming and even appear eager to meet and get to know you.  You dance with Din, laugh at Paz’s jokes and sip drinks with the group. 

At a certain point, you need a bit of a breather, so you volunteer to go to the bar to get the next round of drinks for everyone.  When you give your order to the bartender, you’re told it might take a while given the number of drinks; honestly, you don’t mind and happily take the opportunity to give your social battery a mini-charge, check your messages, and just take in your surroundings.  You’ve missed a lot of messages and you’re about to dive into the group chat when you’re aware of someone standing directly in front of you.  You look up; it’s a stranger, and not one you remember Din introducing you to earlier in the evening. He’s standing uncomfortably close to you, as if you’re already acquainted, which you most certainly are not.  Once the stranger knows he has your attention, he lays on a thick, “Don’t think I’ve seen a pretty thing like you around here before.”  You appraise the man in front of you; he’s okay looking but there’s something about his posture, his presence that’s just... slimy.  Suddenly, you notice on either side of you his friends inching closer, flanking you, and they too seem to have a greasy, sluggish look about them.  You almost sigh; their intent is so obvious, and all the more insidious for not trying to hide it well. Under different circumstances, you would be feeling at best, harassed, and at worst, panic, but with Din and his friends just a few steps away, you know you’re perfectly safe.

“You wouldn’t have.  First time,” you give a thin smile, before making a gesture to show you need to check your phone now.

“Well let me and my friends show you a good time!  We know everyone here.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve got a great group of hosts already,” and you point towards Din and his friends.  The men take a look in the direction you’re pointing and seem to hesitate, but then carry on as if what you said is a but a mere inconvenience.

Din had been talking to Paz when he looks over and sees you being surrounded at the bar and hisses, “Fucking Hutts.”  Paz looks over as well, “She looks like she can handle it.”  And it’s true, you really do look like you’re fine (annoyed, but fine), but Din sighs, “Yeah, but she shouldn’t have to.  Those guys are slime.  She shouldn’t be anywhere near them.”  Paz raises an eyebrow, “You wanna talk about what’s really bugging you?  I saw you back there when she got blood on her.  You worried she can’t handle being with a Mando?”

Din shakes his head; it’s not that.  He is sure you can handle anything… but should you have to?

“You’re worried she’s too sweet for all this?” Paz gestures generally.

Sighing again, Din shoulders droop a little, “Maybe.  She’s a good girl, you know?”  That little voice in his head from earlier is nagging him with more insistence now, too good.  He’s watching you, knowing you’d make eye contact with him if you needed help, but he really can’t stand you being so close to those assholes.  You’re not even giving Gorga Hutt and his cronies a forced smile anymore; he sees your mouth make the words: “No, I’m sure.  No, thank you” and he’s off, long strides reaching you with just a few steps.  He walks right past the man standing stupidly close to you, and maintaining eye contact with him, says, “Hutt.”  The man practically sneers back, “Mando,” as Din slides an arm protectively around your waist and turns to stare daggers at the 3 men who have now all lined up together.  Luckily, at this moment, the bartender appears and slides over a tray with all your drinks, so you tug on Din’s arm, “Do you mind helping me carry these?” and like that, the two of you leave the three Hutt men before they can get another word in.

Everyone is thrilled to get their refills, and you take the opportunity to ask, “How come those guys back there called you guys “The Mandos”?  Is it just because of the gym?”

Maybe you imagine it, but there seems to be moment of stalled silence where no one in the group speaks, before Bo pipes up and answers, “It was the name of our club when we were kids; the gym was like our clubhouse, so… look, we weren’t very creative kids, okay?”  Everyone laughs, and Bo waves you over and starts telling you some of the shenanigans the group got into when they were young.

“You really didn’t let her know what she’s stepping into, brother,” Paz says quietly so only Din hears.

Din looks at Paz with something like regret.  He’s doing a visual sweep of the room; it’s second nature to him in crowds like tonight’s, but it also serves to distract himself from the agitation of running into the Hutts.  He looks around the room and sees a few men leering at you; not just the Hutts, although Gorga is still at the bar where you left him and looking over with a sour expression, but other unsavoury types that Din is no stranger to.  Din can read the look he sees in their eyes: to folks like that, you were a mark.  Prey.  The voice in his head gets louder: You were a pretty bird and he had brought you into a den of hunters, and you didn’t even know.

Din’s so deep in his own thoughts, he doesn’t notice when a petite brunette breaks away from a group of girls hovering on the periphery of his friends and makes a beeline for you.

You’re in mid conversation with Bo, who you’re finding to be incredibly refreshing and interesting being a female body builder when you turn to put your empty glass down; however, turning back, you find a girl you haven’t met has wedged herself between you and Bo while you were faced away.  The look on Bo’s face indicates she’s just as surprised you are.

“So you’re Din’s date.”  This is stated more like a fact than a question.

“I guess I am,” you introduce yourself; the girl says her name is Vanessa and she’s giving you a smile but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, so you honestly can’t tell where this conversation is going.

“You know, so many of us girls have tried to lock Din down, maybe you’ll finally be the one to do it.”

Oh.  Does Din have… groupies?  “Oh!” you give a polite laugh, “I can honestly say that locking anyone down or having anyone lock me down, has not crossed my mind.”

“A couple of us girls have had a lot of fun trying,” she tilts her head in the direction of a group of girls that are hovering close by, “Din’s a total catch.  One of the best I’ve ever had.”

Ah ha.  This is new for you.  All your life you’ve been a girl’s girl, and one thing about being a girl’s girl is to never let men be the cause for contention, but man oh man, this girl is definitely fishing hard for a reaction from you; you know what she wants, but it’s honestly not in you to give.  Instead, you look at her with a sympathetic expression, “Oh I don’t doubt it.  Din’s probably one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.”  It’s the truth and the best you can offer her.

She looks at you with disbelief before scampering off; Bo stifles a laugh before the two of you return to your conversation.

Din is starting to feel like he’s been away from you too long; then he knows he’s been away from you too long when Bo comes by and tells him about your little interlude with Vanessa.  He immediately finds you; slipping his arms around you from behind, Din nuzzles your neck and murmurs, “Sorry, I’ve been neglectful, baby.  Not leaving your side for the rest of the night, I promise.”

You turn in his arms and winding your arms around his waist, you happily press your mouth to his, “Don’t worry.  I’ve been thoroughly entertained.  I’ve been learning soooooooo much about you, Din.”  Your eyes are twinkling. 

Din should have known that you wouldn’t let Vanessa bother you; although he still feels like he has to address it.  He presses his forehead to yours, “So… I heard you had a visitor.”

“Oh right. Vanessa,” you chuckle.

“Pretty bird, there’s nothing going on, I promise.”

You give Din a quick, reassuring kiss, “Oh, I know.  I wasn’t bothered by what she said.”

“…but you were bothered?” Din pulls away to look at you, as if checking you over to make sure you were alright.

You tuck yourself under his chin and sigh, “It’s nothing really.  Just... surprising? It’s been a really long time since someone, never mind someone I don’t even know, has gone out of their way to be intentionally mean to me.”

Din feels his chest constrict.  Of course you would be perceptive enough to recognize casual cruelty when you saw it, and of course it would wound your tender heart, “I’m sorry, pretty bird.  You don’t deserve that.”

You burrow deeper into his arms, “Thank you.”

“I still want to make sure you know, there isn’t anyone else. Only you, baby.”

“Okay,” you lift your face to his and invite him to kiss you.  He melts into your lips, but can’t ignore the persistent voice in his head that’s only gotten louder over the course of the evening anymore.

---

In the cab on the way home, Din is quiet.  You snuggle extra close to him and when he tightens his arm around you, you nuzzle your way into your nook and press light kisses to his neck.

Din looks down at you and his heart breaks a little at the sweet look you give him; he can’t help himself, and he kisses you, soft and long – he knows he shouldn’t with what he’s about to do, but he also knows this could very well be his last chance to kiss you and he can’t convince himself to pass it up. 

He wonders how it could end like this – when he first saw you this evening, gorgeous and sexy as hell, teasing him with a peek at your black lace lingerie, he was sure tonight was the night he was finally going to take you upstairs and ruin you, not the night he was going to walk away. 

But he had made up his mind before leaving the bar.  Paz was right, you were too sweet for his world.  Din had been busy trying to make sure that he deserved you, he hadn’t thought about if you deserved what he would bring into your life.  You didn’t; you didn’t deserve to be on the periphery of violence, never knowing if it would touch you directly, you didn’t deserve to be in the company of lowlifes and scumbags that would take advantage of your kindness, and you certainly did not deserve to be the recipient of any nastiness simply for caring about him.  How could he bring this kind of darkness into your life?

You’ve been the best thing to happen to him in a long time, and Din’s heart aches knowing these are some of the last moments he will get to spend with you.  But when, out of the corner of his eye, he catches a glimpse of the same shirt that was so inviting to him earlier with blood splatter that looks almost black in the night, it hardens his resolve. 

You sigh deeply into the kisses, only breaking away and opening your eyes when the cab starts to slow down.  Din pays for the cab and helps you out; as soon as he closes the door of the car and it drives away, you make to walk into the building.  Tugging on his hand, you playfully ask, “Did you want to come up and get Al with me, or are you still pretending you don’t want to come up?”  To your surprise, Din doesn’t budge from his spot on the sidewalk and drops your hand.  He stuffs both hands in his pockets and can’t quite look at you when he says, “I don’t think I can come up.” You’re about to make a silly joke about it being the third date, when he continues, “…and I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

At first, you’re not sure you heard him correctly but then you see Din's face; while not quite facing you directly, you can see it looks downtrodden and tired, and you realize he's being serious.  You forget how to breathe for a moment and you don’t know what to say. Didn’t you just have a fun night, full of promise? Hadn’t he kissed you the entire cab ride over? Weren’t the last two weeks of getting to know each other romantic and deliciously tension filled? You’re confused and you say the first ridiculous thing that comes to mind, “You don’t… want to... court me anymore?”

Din didn’t think his heart could hurt anymore, but the way you were looking at him, confused and upset, was proving him wrong.  He shouldn’t have kissed you in the cab.  It had been selfish.  He knows he's been so selfish when it came to you, and that stops now. Din struggles to get the words out, “I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, tonight… I shouldn’t have taken you to the fight tonight.  You don’t belong in a place like that.  You showed up in a beautiful outfit and… fuck.” He’s getting flustered now, but he forces himself to press on, “…it’s ruined.” He gestures to the blood splatter on your shirt and hangs his head.

“It’s just a little blood, Din.  It will come out. Nothing has been ruined, I promise,” you can see he’s distressed and you want to comfort him.  You try making a little joke to lighten the mood, “I mean, I know you know a good dry cleaner.”

“It’s not right.  It never should have happened!  A girl like you doesn’t belong near any place like that.”

Oh.  You only now come to the realization that perhaps you hadn’t been paying attention and Din didn’t have fun tonight.  The date had been on his “turf”, so to speak, and around people he’s known a lot longer than he’s known you; maybe Din had had certain expectations on how the evening was supposed to go... expectations that you apparently didn’t meet. “Din, for the record… I had a lot of fun tonight.  I didn’t realize I wasn’t fitting in; I’m sorry if the evening didn’t go the way you had wanted.”  Now it’s you that can’t meet his eye.

“No, no, it’s not… it’s… fine.  It was just clear to me tonight that we come from different worlds and… maybe it’s not a good fit.  I’m sorry.”

You’re trying to swallow your feelings but they’re getting caught in your throat; you force yourself to say, “You don’t have to apologize.  I thought… well… it doesn’t matter what I thought. But it was only our third date, Din – you’re entitled to feel that I’m not for you.” You’re trying so hard to appear calm and neutral despite your heart breaking, that you miss Din wincing at those words. “I guess I want to say that I’m still glad we met, Din. And, thank you.  Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me these past few weeks – all the food when I worked late, helping me walk the dog… the books. Really, thank you.” You pause, shrug a little, then hold onto your arms, trying to make yourself as small as you feel while delaying the next words for as long as you can, “Goodbye.”

Din nods, “Goodbye.”

You walk away, finally free to cry when you realize that you still have to walk the dog.  Even though your tears are already spilling over, you turn around, “Din?” He’s still standing where he was, having not moved, but looks up when you call his name.  Once you have Din’s attention, you look away; you can’t bear to see the expression on his face as he watches you cry.  “I’m going to take Al for a walk. I’ll be back down in just a minute.” Your voice starts to break, “Is it okay if you’re not here when I do?”

“Of course.” Din turns and walks away from you.  You don’t see his own eyes have welled up before you turn to go in.

Inside, you clip the dog up and give him a lot of kisses in the elevator.  True to his word, Din is nowhere to be found when you get outside.  Al looks around, excitedly; most likely for Din.  Perhaps he can still smell him.  You kneel down and say sadly to your dog, “He’s not here, baby. Turns out he didn’t quite like us as much as we liked him.” Al licks a few tears off your cheek as if to comfort you and then trots off to start sniffing a tree.

---

Din watches you with Al from a distance away, out of sight.  He knew you were upset and he wanted to make sure you were safe, being out alone with your dog.  But if he was being honest, it was a perfectly safe neighbourhood – he just simply wanted to look at you for as long as he could.  He stays looking up at your apartment long after you’ve gone in, leaving only when your lights go out.

[incorrectquotesconaisseur]

SECOND CHAPTER OF MY CRAZY SAXTEEN SAGA IS HERE Y'ALL!!!!

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: Major Character Death

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio), Doctor Who & Related Fandoms

Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Fourteenth Doctor/The Master (Simm), Tenth Doctor/The Master (Simm), Fourteenth Doctor/Missy (Doctor Who), Fourteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Fourteenth Doctor & Donna Noble, The Doctor | Theta Sigma/The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era)

Characters: Fourteenth Doctor (Doctor Who), Donna Noble, The Master (Simm), Rose Noble (Doctor Who: The Star Beast), Wilfred Mott, Sylvia Noble, Shaun Temple, Death (Doctor Who), The Master (Dhawan), Missy (Doctor Who), The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era), The Doctor | Theta Sigma (Doctor Who: Academy Era), The Toymaker (Doctor Who), mentioned Bill Potts - Character, mentioned clara oswald - Character, Mentioned Rose Tyler - Character, Mentioned Amy Pond, Mentioned Rory Williams - Character, Mentioned River Song - Character, Mentioned Martha Jones - Character

Additional Tags: Post-Episode: 2023 Special 03: The Giggle (Doctor Who), The Master Has Issues, The Master (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, The Master (Doctor Who) Centric, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, The Doctor (Doctor Who) is a Mess, Saxteen, I'm making dilfs meets bc I can, I'm also making them as miserable as I can, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Doctor Who Big Finish Audio References, Audio 049: Master, Porn with Feelings, eventually, Angst and Porn, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Dom/sub, Sexual Tension, Mild Sexual Content, BDSM, it's silver fox simm master and extra-whumpable ten what did you expect, Whump, Character Death, Domestic, Strangely enough, The Flux (Doctor Who), Canon Compliant, The Doctor & Donna Noble Friendship

Chapter summary: The Hermit - he yearns to be alone. He knows that the only way to process what is happening in life is to withdraw from the noise of the world and create a quiet space of solitude. When The Hermit comes up in your reading, the answers you need will come from within. Be very still, and listen...

[somefanficrecomendations]

Podfic Recs!

One of my favorite things about fanfic is the existence of podfics. That said, I'm excited to share a few of my favorites with you! I tried to go for a wide range of fandoms so there should be something for everyone.

Works Alone read by kbirb pods (kbirb) Batman, (gen), 20 mins, Crack, Batfam When trying to pull the team together, Bruce’s ideas are dismissed, because he 'works alone'. He goes home to his kids to pout about it.

Straight On Till Morning read by reena_jenkins DC Legends of Tomorrow, (Sara Lance/Mick Rory/Leonard Snart), 2-2.5 hrs, AU-Canon Divergence Left alone in the Refuge, Mick and Sara decide they're going to be proactive about their fate. They end up becoming time pirates. Because of course they do.

The Haunting of Harrison Wells read by luvtheheaven (VioletEmerald) The Flash, (gen), 2-2.5 hrs, AU-No Powers, AU-Ghost Story Harrison Wells died in 1958. Almost sixty years later, Barry Allen meets a ghost in STAR Labs.

Not a Damsel in Distress read by nickelmountain Supernatural, (gen), 10-20 min, Pre-Canon, Case Fic Mary smiles and shrugs when her dad looks at her. Mermaids. She hates water-creatures. She hates killing things on family holidays. “Mary can come with me,” David says grandly. or, Mary and a cousin go hunting. The cousin is less than helpful.

With a Conquering Air read by AceOfTigers The Witcher, (Geralt/Jaskier), 3-3.5 hrs, Accidental Warlord AU, Slow Burn Jaskier arrives at Kaer Morhen knowing his family gave him up without a second thought, and absolutely sure that the dreaded Warlord of the North will value him even less than his own blood did. But the White Wolf and his pack are not what Jaskier expected...and if he's unreasonably lucky, Kaer Morhen might become far more of a home than Lettenhove ever was.

both have sharp teeth read by Shmaylor Daredevil, (gen), 1.5-2 hrs, Angst, Black Widow!Karen "And there are stories about wolves and girls. Girls in red. All alone in the woods. About to get eaten up. Wolves and girls." -Black Widow, Nathan Edmondson She is one of 28. The story of the girl who would be Karen Page, through Russian winters and New York streets.

If They Haven't Learned Your Name read by quietnight MCU, (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes), 24 hrs, Buck Barnes World Revenge Tour, Humor Steve gets out of the hospital in two days, but just barely. “I’m fine,” he tells Sam, Nurse Eunjung and the phalanx of doctors assigned to make sure Captain America didn’t bleed out and die and get bad PR all over their nice clean hospital.“I have an advanced healing factor. It’s fine. See? I’m standing.” “That is not standing,” Sam tells him. “You’re bending the IV stand,” Nurse Eunjung adds pointedly. “Let go and sit down, they don’t grow on trees.” aka Steve and Bucky's Global Honeymoon Revenge World Tour.

[drewsbuzzcut]

Can we get a little angst blurb on a teenage Rory and Lyla argument that Jeremy kind of has to step in a little bit

“Rory, you can’t be hanging out with those people,” Lyla tells Rory, making the teenage girl roll her eyes and move out of her mother’s hug.

“Why not mom?”

“Because they’re not a good influence on you. You’re starting to skip class and I know you’re failing biology- which is not like you,” Lyla explains.

“They have nothing to do with that! I think you should just realize that those people are my friends,” Rory blurts, cheeks heating up in frustration.

She doesn’t understand why her mother won’t listen to her.

“Friends? Those people don’t care about you, and I hate to be the one to tell you. They’re just using you. I’ve been through it before,” Lyla stresses, words coming out in a not so sensitive way, but sometimes the truth is harsh.

Rory tears up, feeling like she’s losing her mom by choosing her friends. Even if she chooses to listen to Lyla, she’d lose her friends, so either way she’s losing someone.

“I’m sorry I’m not little miss perfect like you are. Those are my friends and you need to get over it,” Rory snaps, making Lyla flinch back and Jeremy come into the room.

“You do not talk to your mother that way, Rory. I don’t care what you’re disagreeing about, you don’t disrespect her,” Jeremy says and his stern voice hurts Rory even more.

“You’re taking her side!” Rory cries in shock. Jeremy is the one she’d expect to at least empathize with her.

“Aurora, look, your mom knows what she’s talking about. I’ve seen her get betrayed by people she thought were her friends. The consequences aren’t worth keeping those people around,” Jeremy tries to explain, but Rory tunes him out.

“You guys just don’t get it. They are my only friends and they care about me!”

“Did they care about you when they left you behind to get caught while skipping class?” Jeremy points out, making Rory fall silent.

The 15 year old shakes her head and walks away.

It’s another day of Lyla and Jeremy’s sweet girl slowly slipping from their fingers.

[justpeachyparker]

"You Have His Eyes"

YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION TO REPOST SO PLEASE DON’T DO SO!!!!!

(NOT MY GIF)

Pairing ➳ Jess Marriano x Reader

Warnings ➳ angst? unplanned pregnancy, UNEDITED!

Summary ➳ Jess left and now you have to give birth alone. and a few years later

Words ➳ 1.1k

Note ➳not based on the show and is kinda angsty, also I don't really like this sort of trope but this was the only thing I could really think of when I wrote this and also this is not edited and written in one night so.

Never in your life would you have thought that you would be pregnant. Well that's not true, you just expected to be happily married when you found out. You didn't know what to do when you first saw the positive test. You had no doubt who the dad was, but you didn't know how to tell him. You eventually did and everything seemed to be going great.

Until now.

You are about 36 weeks pregnant and should be giving birth any second. You aren't allowed to leave the house or really get out of bed to do anything other than use the bathroom, luckily you have Rory, Lane, Lorelai, Sookie, and well the rest of the town to come and check on you every second of the day. Right now was one of the few moments you were alone, and that's when it hit you.

Jess was nowhere to be seen, you haven't seen him all day. He came in this morning to check on you, said he would be back in a couple hours, but still nothing. Figuring he just got busy you push it to the back of your mind not wanting to stress yourself out. You didn't have much time to think about it anyway as Luke and Lorelai came in with food.

"Heyyyy kid, how are you holding up?" Lorelai asked you that everytime she came in, she had been through this before and wanted to make sure everything was good and you didn't have to do anything alone like she had done.

"I'm fine, nothing yet, they haven't really moved much today." You smile softly, putting your hand on your stomach as Lorelai sat on the edge of the bed.

"Well, you have me on speed dial and the minute you start feeling any pain I want you to call me so we can get you to the hospital. Okay?" Lorelai smiled at you and you knew if you didn't she'd be on you in an instant.

"Yeah, and if you need anything, just call." Luke said, he was still standing at the door of the room making you giggle a little.

"I will, anyway, have you seen Jess today? He stopped by this morning and said he would come back but he hasn't yet."

Luke sighs, shaking his head a bit, "No, I haven't, not since he left this morning to come and see you."

"Alright, well let me know if you do see him please?"

"Of course."

Lorelai rests her hand softly on your leg she was sitting by, "Now you need to get some rest, you're going to need it before that baby decides to come out. Whenever that is."

You laugh a little and nod, "alright, I'll see you guys later." 

As they are leaving Lorelai stops at the door, "don't forget to call. for anything."

Once again it was just you, no one else would be stopping by tonight unless Rory's date with Logan is cut short but that was very unlikely. You layed in your bed looking out the window wondering where Jess could have been, thinking of every possibility before you eventually passed out.

Screaming as you wake up you grab your stomach as a pain tears through you. You had no idea what was happening but the pain stopped after a second. You sat there for a second taking deep breaths not sure what had just happened. You sighed a bit grabbing your phone just to make sure you had it if anything else happened. About 15 minutes later right as you were about to try to sleep again another pain tears through you and you automatically call Lorelai.

The next few hours were a blur, very painful, but still a blur. It was a lot of rushing around, and not to mention giving birth. So a very long 23 hours later you were alseep in the hospital bed after giving birth. Lorelai had called everyone else to tell them you had your child but she couldn't get ahold of Jess.

When you woke up you saw Rory sitting by you with a soft smile, "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Better than ever, I'm on a lot of drugs right now." You giggle softly.

She smiles, "Well, there are a lot of people here to see you and the baby, so what did you name her?"

"Ophelia, pretty name don't you think? Her full name though is Ophelia Victoria Leigh Mariano"

Rory smiles and kisses your head, "I love that name. I'm going to go get my mom, Sookie, and Lane, I'm sure they'll want to see you."

"Hey Rory, Can I ask you a question?"

She stops and turns back to you nodding, "Would you like to be Ophelia's god-mother?"

It's silent for a second before she smiles, "Of course I would." you smile and she leaves to go get all the other people to come in and say hi.

An hour later after everyone had come to see you and check on you, you had realized that Jess had yet to come in.

A few seconds later Rory walked in the door and you looked over at her, "Where's Jess?"

Rory freezes and turns to look at you, "He never showed up, we can't get ahold of him and we know nothing bad happened to him or someone would have heard. However Lindsay said she had seen a car that looked an awful lot like Jess's leave town yesterday as she and Dean were getting back from their Honeymoon."

You sit there for a second processing the information, "He left? He just left and told no one?" without realizing it you had started to cry you thought things were going great. Nothing seemed to be wrong, he was there for you through the whole pregnancy and then he just left. No notice, nothing, he didn't even leave a note or a message. Your breathing had started to pick up, "he didn't even say goodbye..."

"I know, I know." Rory spoke softly as though any loud noise would scare you. She sat down on the chair and grabbed your hand as you continued to cry.

"Why would he do this? Was it me? Did I do something?" You were just rambling and Rory sat there reassuring you it wasn't you for a while. 

You eventually stopped crying and soon after your daughter was brought in. You held her so she could eat and do the things babies do. After a while you just sat there holding her, she was the prettiest thing you had ever seen. She opened her eyes to look at you and you stared back with a soft smile and some tears in your eyes, "You have his eyes."

[twinkle-light-me-on-fire]

Sebastian Sallow X f!MC

Contains: Angst, Fluff, mentions to violence against beasts

Summary: *MC is named Rory* She’s on a path of self-destruction after loosing so many people. Sebastian has fallen to the sidelines a bit and is missing her. SO he lets her know.

Enjoy! 

WC: 1,014

Prompt: “You’re a mess.” “Thank you for the lovely compliment.”

Rory hobbled her way back to the Slytherin Common Room. After another late night wandering the Forbidden Forest, she was properly battered and bruised. She recently devised a new system to help her clean up the surrounding area. Rory flew her broom into the forest and fought her way back on foot. It started as a way to continue to practice her dueling in a relatively safe environment but she was cutting it closer and closer with each outing. 

Rory let out a strangled sigh as she sunk into the sofa in front of the fireplace. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back; mentally recapping the evening she had just endured. She had invaded a spider lair, stumbled upon 2 poacher camps, and defended herself against a pack of Dark Mongrels. 

The poacher camps were always the toughest. Rory hated seeing what they did to the creatures she adored. Tonight she freed several Nifflers and a Fwooper. When she first saw the magnificent Fwooper locked away, she saw red. She laid into the poachers using every defensive and offensive spell at her disposal. She didn’t use any Unforgivables but she considered it and she was deeply ashamed of it.

She was so lost in thought that she missed the sound of a door opening and footsteps approaching. Sebastian plopped onto the loveseat to the left of her. Her eyes pop open and relax when she sees it’s her friend. Yawning, he looked her up and down. 

“You’re a mess.” he points out. 

Rory rolls her eyes, “Thank you for the lovely compliment.”

He blinks a few times, still taking in her outward appearance. “Merlin’s beard, Rory. What the hell is going on with you?”

He grabs her wrist and she whimpers at the sudden disturbance. “Please Sebastian, it hurts.”

“Good,” he says. She open her eyes to look at him. He looked beautiful and so angry. His hair was stuck out in random ways, his brow was furrowed and his head was slightly bowed. When he looked up his eyes shown with concern and tears. She softened and sat up despite her head protesting. Rory opened her mouth to say something to explain herself but nothing came to mind. 

Silence fills the room and Rory racks her brain for something to say, anything to say that might diffuse the tension. She hated making Sebastian feel this way. She sighs again, disappointed in her ability to comfort her best friend.

“I miss you, Rory,” Sebastian whispers, raising his head to look at her. She gape at him, not expecting to hear such a confession. 

“I miss you too,” she quickly responds; grasping at the words as though they're a life preserver in a sea of scrambled thoughts and feelings.

“Then please come back. Stop putting yourself in these predicaments. I know you feel guilty but you don’t need to. You saved the world- isn’t that enough? Why are you still fighting?” His eyes searched hers for what felt like forever. He narrowed his eyes in frustration, “Answer me.”

“There’s still so much hate in this world Sebastian. I can’t have let Fig, let Miriam, let Lodgok-” You choke on the goblin’s name remembering his limp body dropping to stone floor where he died. “They died in pursuit of peace. They entrusted me with preserving the peace. I can’t stop. Not until-”

“Until when? Until you die? Because at the rate you’re going that will become your reality. My reality..” he sucks in a deep breath and drops to his knees in front of her.

“Sebast-” he grabs her face and she freezes in shock at his proximity and boldness.

“Shut up, Rory because I am going to say this only once. I love you. I have loved you since we met in this very spot during our 5th year. I cannot sit here and watch you act like there is nothing left for you because here I am, kneeling in front of you, begging you to come back to me. I cannot breathe when you are gone for I am so worried that you will not return. No one has ever loved me better or known me as well as you do. I have never met a more mesmerizing person in my life; you are the object of every one of my desires. So, I want you, every part of you, the good the bad and everything else in between for the rest of my life. Take a break- ‘Hero of Hogwarts’- and stay here with me because I cannot bear the thought of losing you.” By the end of his speech, Sebastian is breathless and he buries his face in her neck. 

Tears are running down Rory’s face and she places one hand on his neck and another in his hair. Gently she pulls his face back and looks into his eyes. She searches for a trace of doubt or humor- perhaps this was an elaborate prank- but she knew him better than that. 

“I don’t know what to say Sebastian. Just- I love you too.” she gasps out before capturing his lips with her own. Their lips molded against each other in passion and desperation. His hands dropped onto her waist and she groaned as he squeezed a newly formed bruise on her hip. He pulls away softly, moving his hands from her waist to her tear stained face. He wipes away her tears with his thumbs and whispers,

“Tell me again, and I’ll give you this potion.” He dangles a bottle of Wiggenweld in front of her face with a smile. She laughs and moves her head forward, pressing their foreheads against each other.

“I love you, Sebastian” she whispers leisurely against his lips. He kisses her once more before pulling away to allow her to take the vial from him. She downs in in one go and sighs as it warms her body. 

“Thank you,” she says and scoots over allowing him to join her on the couch. He leans her head against his chest and strokes her hair, watching as she drifts asleep. This time she dreams of him.

[nelllover]

3x02 or me living of crumbs and angst

okay so I have so much and so little to say about this episode first of all: I love all of the scene of Jess in the background just reading idk why, but I love those!!! (Probably because a man reading is the most attractive thing)

So, I am not one to hate on Shane I have nothing against her she was just a teenage girl having fun (and good for her) but oh my god do I hate people who make out in public (I lose that logic for ep10 but ignore the hypocrisy) like I do not need to see all of that!!! but disgust for PDA aside I love this scene Rory looking genuinely crushed!!! (I mean look at her and tell me you don't want to hug her!!!)

And while I do feel bad for Rory, I can't help but think that this on her. I mean look I am a Rory defender till the end BUT she's the one that didn't talk to Jess ALL summer and just assumed that he would wait and while I love seing Rory jealous because of the drama (i love drama sorry) I can't but feel a little annoyed because what did she expect!!! but still the angst is everything. (But while I think it's kind of on her she is obviously allowed too still be hurt!!)

Jess looks at Rory and Rory looks away!!!!! I HATE THEM (affectionate)!!!

He was so clearly trying to test her reaction and there goes my other question: Why did Jess start seeing Shane? So, I'm not idiot and I'm sure that I'm overthinking it and the answer is as simple as that he is a teenager and hormones and everything BUT I'm always wondering what happened exactly that summer how long did Jess wait (because he definitely did before Rory not contacting him got to him) how did he meet Shane? (probably through school?) and in a few episode (I don't remember exactly) he gives a speech to Luke about pining, and he talks about his "relationship" with Shane so did Jess start seeing her to make Rory jealous (I don't think Jess would treat someone like that but idk) anyway if anybody has any theory feels free to share, I love reading them!!!

And... Dean walks in.... Okay I know that he hasn't done anything yet in this episode to deserve that amount of hate but in my defense at this point in the show I have seen too much of his face he is just sooooo boring like he has no personality and when he does have a semblant of personality he acts like an ass. what do you expect from me!!!

Now let's talk about the confrontation!!: And we are back to Jess cornering Rory in Doose's! My favorite thing about this scene is that neither Jess nor Rory are really mad about each other but more about their feelings for each other about how the other seemingly dosent care (although we know it's not the case) I think Jess is hurt by the no contact thing but I don't think he is necessarily mad about it (I think that's the only emotion he feels comfortable with showing right now) Rory is hurt that Jess didn't wait and I personally think that she feels like maybe their kiss didn't mean that much to him and by addition that she dosen't mean that much to him (ah miscommunication how I despise you).

"I could care less about you and Shane" Did anybody out there believe that? Again, I love Rory but I don't call her the Queen of Denial for nothing !

Okay I'm not going to lie I love Jess's rant about Rory not calling him (I love angst sue me!) but again I think that rant shows how he is channeling his hurt and transforming it into anger and you know why? because being angry is easier and I don't want to make things about gender roles but it's also more accepted for men hence why a lot of them end up with anger issues (look at the 'big not so friendly giant' as an example) but gender issues aside I think Jess just as a big problem with showing emotion and at this point the few times that we have seen him do so was with Rory he has shown her a side of him that he keeps hidden to protect himself and he let his guard down and got hurt. So now he is wary.

And again, I hate to say anything negative about Rory, but I get Jess being hurt about her still being with Dean to him it probably looks like she never intended to break up with Dean that she was just using him as a distraction. and Rory is also hurt so she doesn't try to explain that she did want to break up with Dean but then she saw him with Shane and so she changed her mind!!!!

In short, this fight is basically an example of why Rory and Jess couldn't work as a couple at that time. they both needed time.

They are THE blueprint for right person wrong time after all!

(Totally off topic but one of the thing I that think about the most when I watch this scene is there is no way that Rory and Jess fighting in Doose's wouldn't be known all over town after like an hour plus this is where Dean works!!! How did no one hear this!!!)

[longingthoughts]

Big Girls Don’t Cry

𝅄  ✧  .˚ fandom: gilmore girls

𝅄  ✧  .˚ focus: Odette Schuyler, minor Odette Schuyler/Rory Gilmore

𝅄  ✧  .˚ content warnings: parental disappointment, parental disapproval, emotional abuse,  lesophobia/homphobia, emotional repression, kissing

𝅄  ✧  .˚ tags: angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending, odette is a really strong character that it genuinely hurts, trauma healing, fighting bad defense mechinisms.

𝅄  ✧  .˚ music: the broken hearts club by gnash, our word from 36 questions

𝅄  ✧  .˚ word count: 1,792

𝅄  ✧  .˚ originally posted: 2021-10-10

        Odette was raised from a young age to be the epitome of perfection. As the heir to her family's business, which focused on providing more tech to the rich, she was expected to take it over some day. Her father was the one who instilled this most in her because while her mother did too she was more focused on making sure Odette was the proper child into young woman. Odette's father rarely had time for her and when he did, well those moments made him grateful for the moments when he was gone. Even the seemingly happy moments were tainted because his disapproving frown was never too far away. Some nights the thought of him would simply not go away and she would be stuck ruminating on it for hours.

        Odette remembered when she was five, she had been playing in her father's study which was strictly not allowed but the nanny had lost track of her and Odette was curious. She knew father wasn't here and she wanted to know, what was beyond that big door. Odette felt safety when she entered, not because it was his study, but because of the books. They lined the walls similar to the library they had in their house it had quickly became the young girl's favorite room, she even had her own shelf. She remembered the reading test she had and how she had been able to read the little book upside down with ease. She continued looking around and found an interesting looking book. As she tried to pull the book from the shelf she knocked into the desk knocking the photoframe of her off the desk. "oh no" she said dropping the book instantly and trying to pick up the frame which cut her hand. She started crying and it was only a minute before her dad came in, anger flashing on his face.          "Odette! You know you aren't allowed to be here"         "Father, I know I just" she trailed off not knowing what to say and getting frustrated.         "Come with me, don't touch anything" He said before muttering, "You've already messed enough up."         They made their way to the bathroom and he began to clean her hands. "Odette, that is no place for you. That's my place okay" Odette opened her mouth to argue but he gave her a look and said. "Odette you must never go in there. It's not a place for girls."         "Okay."Odette had replied tears welling up in her eyes.         "Stop crying, Schuylers don't cry"         "Yes father" Odette did her best not to cry while he cleaned her up. She ran to her nanny and cried as she held her in her room. The next day the Nanny didn't come back. "Where's Abby" She asked confused when a blonde woman showed up.         "She didn't do her job, she was replaced." Her father said. "Off to work, I'll see you both later."

        Odette remembered when she was twelve, she was figuring out who she was and her place in the world. Since five she had fallen in love with the stars and history and whenever she was asked what she wanted for her birthday it was usually something around those subjects. For her twelfth birthday she wanted a new model telescope she told her parents about during dinner for a week straight. So when she saw a big box on her gift pile her heart fluttered. She smiled at her parents who smiled back. The party went on, everyone told her what an exciting period of life she was entering. Her friends all told her about their plans for the field trip they were taking to DC later that month.

      The next day her parents insisted she open all her gifts and save the big one from them for last. Her friends had all gotten her fun gifts she knew she would use hundreds of times over. A pair of planet shaped earrings, a book about the fall of Russia, a soccer ball with paintings on it of her and her best friend. She was still very excited to open the big one from her parents. She finished opening the other gifts and walked over to the big one. "Can I?" She asked.

      "Of course dear" her mother replied. Odette's heart soared as she opened it until she noticed it was a tech kit. Odette suddenly felt cold, empty, sad.

       "I- Thank you" Odette cut herself off. She didn't want to seem ungrateful.

      "I know you wanted that new telescope but me and your mom decided it's time you start focusing on what's important." Her father said.

       "Thank you I love it." She replied tears held back and a fake smile on her face. "Can I go read?"

       "Of course I'll have Elizabeth bring up your gifts."

      "Thank you both again, I love everything." She said before she made her way upstairs. When she got upstairs she could feel the hot tears slip down her face. It was stupid to cry over a present. It was perfectly fine and it wasn't like she didn't have telescopes. But her fathers words echoed in her head. It's time you start focusing on what's important. It's time you start focusing on what's important. It's time you start focusing on what's important. Those words were thinly veiled you aren't doing good enough. It was you need to do better. It was stop being a child. She heard the maid's steps coming up the stairs and grabbed a book and sat at her desk pretending to read. That night the first real cry about it happened as she took her shower. After all, Schuylers don't cry.

        At eighteen a few weeks after graduation he approached her in her bedroom. "Hello Father" She said unsure as to why he was here. He was never the type to talk to her alone when he could help it. "I've heard about, your crush and you need to stop now." He said not stepping in her bedroom. Her brain began to swirl. Of course he was talking about Rory. Beautiful, sweet, smart Rory who to him was nothing but a threat. "I'm not going to break up with my girlfriend because you want me to, I am an adult now." She replied. It was ridiculous what he was expecting her to do. She wouldn't do it, the thought of it was unspeakable. She had never thought she would fall in love with Rory and now that she had the thought of going back, of not loving her, it seemed impossible.

      "If you value your place in this family and the security it provides you, you will." Odette's blood ran cold. She knew her father wasn't a good person but she had never expected him to do that. She never expected him to threaten to disown her. She stood up from her position at her desk and walked over to him. He was taller than her so she had to look up at him as she spoke. "There is no way I am breaking up with my girlfriend, who I love, because of this family or the security it provides. You've known about this for years and all of a sudden now is when you suddenly start to care? Well it's too bad father because I am a lesbian, I am attracted to women and if I have to fake being straight for your approval than my blood would be on your hands. So unless you want me to pack my bags I ask you to move." She did not raise her voice the whole time, it was a deadly calm she spoke with. The kind that told him she was not kidding. That if he said for her to leave she would. She would find a place to stay, she didn't need to listen to him anymore. She was done being controlled by him. He didn't say anything he just walked away.

      Later that day her mother came by her room. "Your father told me what you told him, and Odette that's not what we do." Odette was done.

       "I'll leave tomorrow mother I am done here." Odette replied.

       "What you said to him, well it was abusive-" Her mother explain and before she could go on Odette stopped her.

      "What I said was abusive? Because I was done being a little puppy who does everything he says? What about the abuse he has done to me. Why are you blinded by a weak man?"

       "That's uncalled for."

       "So was telling me to break up with my girlfriend."

       "What if people talk?" her mother asked.

      "Then they talk, it's none of their business. I love Rory and I hope someday we have twenty wedding toasts talking about our love it lasts all night. But that's not your point. Your point is you and father are afraid how it will affect you that you are ready to let me destroy myself but I won't do that. I'm done pretending." Odette said.

       "Maybe it's best if you leave."

       "That's the smartest thing you have said all night." Odette replied.

        Odette still felt those moments, the moments that had hurt her so much. She knew it would never be completely gone. She walked out of the bedroom and into the cold apartment she shared with Rory. They had managed to get back together after everything to fall in love again. Odette heard the lock in her door moving and she was confused. Liv had a key but she usually called before hand. "Hi love!" Rory said as she entered the room.

       "I didn't know you were going to be back so soon." Odette said tears forming in her eyes.

       "I wanted to surprise you is everything okay?" Rory asked voice full of concern.

      "I haven't been able to think, my dad has been at the forefront of my head today." Odette said, fighting every urge to hide her feelings.

      "Well we can watch a movie and cuddle or we can get late night shakes" Rory said causing the tears to fall down her face.

       "I don't deserve you" Odette said.

      "You're right I give you too much trouble you deserve the world" Rory said making her way to Odette and sitting in her lap. "Seriously I love you, he will never know you like I do."

      If someone had told Odette this moment was going to happen in her sophmore year she would have laughed. But despite everything Rory was still the love of her life. She loved her despite everything she adored her. "Will you marry me?" Odette asked

       "Yes, yes, yes, yes" rory replied kissing her in between each 'yes' life wasn't perfect but this moment was beautiful.

[jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger]

sobbing

this was literally so much angst- i got to the end of it and i was just sitting there like ;-; i need a minute to process all of this

“Do you?” she asked quietly. “You have great parents.”

you know, i feel like some people would interpret this the wrong way, like they'd probably think she was being jealous or just doesnt think that Zoro wouldnt understand because he has good parents; but the way he responded to her was pretty sweet

he sounded like he didn't think too much into it and just said some sweet things about his parents :(

it was really adorable to read about them carefully exchanging Andi T_T like she is a porcelain doll, and then the little kisses 🥺🥺

She smiled and wandered across the room to hug his leg.

I say this almost every time we get Rory and Zoro interacting but they are seriously the cutest????? like :(( omg Rory loves Zoro and he just is so nice to her :( its so cute every time they talk to each other

HE LIFTED HER UP T-T he is holding two kids at once wufgiewurewr he's such a dad <3

eeeeeeeee

i was SO glad to have Cyan and Esther back because those two were ones i was getting super into, and i was hoping that we'd find out why she didnt like him-

and then- we DID- and i just-

i was not expecting that :( i feel like it isnt fair to completely put the blame on him for not attending since the professor hadn't assigned her to a lab partner (which is stupid cause?? why would you want to make a kid fail if you know the labs are gonna be a little difficult?)

but i get her being angry that he was still able to pass without actually doing the labs

As he left the café, he wondered if this was what Zoro meant when he said he hated his parents’ fame.  Did he get treated like this too?  No wonder he’d left Korea.

i honestly hope he was not treated that way but not everyone is nice :/ especially in the face of fame

;0; this was so much-

The Strings of My Heart [37] - Wish You Were Me?

← Chapter 36 | Chapter 38 →

Pairing: Zoro x Jupiter

Genre: fluff, angst, f2l

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: none

Summary: Zoro’s moved to sunny California for college to escape from the life of fame for a little while. But when he loses his violin case in the second week of school, he’s sure his college experience has just gone up in flames. What will he do when, despite all odds, his case is returned to him?

Zoro had had a long day.  He’d started it out by dragging all three of the youngest kids over to his work to put in his two weeks.  With the current circumstances, there wasn’t any way he could wait another day, but it seemed kind of rude to do it over the phone.

After that, they’d had to go shopping.  Andromeda needed food, and Zoro decided to try feeding her formula too.  He didn’t think it was right for her to stop drinking milk so soon, and if she’d take the formula, he’d give it to her.

Most of the afternoon had been spent rearranging the kitchen and pantry.  They had quite a few things in both places that they weren’t using, and they needed room for Andromeda’s food now.  He and the kids had made a group effort to get dinner ready after that, and then they’d all settled down for a movie.  Thankfully, none of them had had any events tonight, so at least he hadn’t had to run around to do that.

Jupiter returned home at ten that evening looking even angrier than she had in the morning.

“What happened?” Zoro asked.

She huffed. “Well, my mom wrote over her parental rights.  Which means I can adopt the kids.  She left for Florida at noon.”

He rubbed his head as he bounced Andromeda against his hip.  She’d been wailing for a solid hour now, and she’d refused to take any of the formula or food he’d offered her.

“Can I take her?” Jupiter asked.

“Be my guest,” he replied, holding Andromeda out to her.

“Andi, do you want your puppy?” Jupiter asked as she rocked her sister.

She whined, making Jupiter sigh.  She patted Zoro’s shoulder.

“Thank you for taking care of everyone today.  I can imagine it wasn’t too easy with Andi.”

He frowned. “Of course.  It’ll get easier as the days go on with her.”

She nodded. “I’m gonna go get her ready for bed.  You can stay tonight…or you can go to your apartment.”

“All right.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Do you need me to stay?  I was thinking about sleeping at my place for the night and packing a few things up while I’m over there.”

“Ok, that’s fine.  See you in the morning, then?”

He smiled faintly. “Yep, I’ll be here in the morning.”

◇◆◇◆◇

Zoro arrived the next morning around seven with a box of his clothes.  Jupiter was standing in the living room with Andromeda on her hip.  The tiny girl was sound asleep, and Jupiter was looking exhausted, still wearing her pajamas.

“Good morning!”

“Rough night?” he asked as he set his box down on the floor.

She nodded. “It was like this with all the rest of them when there was a new baby, but I think it was worse for Andi.  With everyone else, she kinda faded out of being clingy mom.” Jupiter frowned. “She just up and left Andi, though.”

Zoro crossed the room to run a knuckle over the tiny girl’s skin. “I wish we could be of more help.  She doesn’t know either of us real well, though.” He glanced up at Jupiter. “Do you need to stay home today?  You look exhausted.”

She gave him a faint smile. “I barely slept last night.  She fell asleep around four, but then she woke up again and was crying…so I came out here finally about an hour ago and was able to get her to fall asleep.”

“Poor baby.  I can’t imagine your mom suddenly disappearing would be fun.”

Jupiter sighed and leaned forward, resting her forehead against his collarbone. “I just can’t believe her, Zoro.  I thought she was starting to care again, but now she’s just gone.  She disappeared just like she did when dad died last year.”

He wrapped his arms around her, making sure to not disturb Andromeda. “Do you think it’s because the anniversary is coming up?”

“I don’t know, Zoro.  Nothing she does makes sense to me.  I just wish she’d care about us for once.  It’s always about her, you know?  She had all of us because she wanted babies, not children.  She didn’t want to raise us anymore once the next kid was born, so everyone got pawned off on me.  Like we’re all disposable or something.  We were never her kids.  We were just something she had for fun.  And…it hurts.  So bad.  It hurts the most that I though, just for a small amount of time, that she’d changed.  That she finally cared about us.  I was wrong, though.  Why did I ever think she’d change?”

“She acted different, Jupiter, of course you thought she’d changed.  Honestly, I thought she’d changed.  She was starting to act like your mom instead of just someone distant.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “I’m so sorry she left.”

Jupiter let out another sigh, this time into his chest. “I just-” her voice was watery now, and he could tell she was near tears. “I want a mom and a dad.  Not…birth parents.  Real people.  People who look at me and are proud of me no matter what I decide to do, and people who’d care about me even if I messed up.  It’s so hard to keep this up on my own.” She sniffled. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful that you’re here, but sometimes I wish I had someone to at least talk to about it all.  To ask advice.  To…comfort me when things go wrong.” She let out a quiet sob.

“I understand,” he whispered.

“Do you?” she asked quietly. “You have great parents.”

“Yeah,” he laughed softly. “And I don’t know what I’d do without them.  I would’ve lost myself years ago if they weren’t so great.”

The living room was silent for a few moments but for the massive clock ticking ominously somewhere in the house.  Neither of them knew what to say next, and Zoro could tell that Jupiter was exhausted.  She let out a yawn every now and then, and he would’ve suggested that she go to bed if she weren’t trying to keep a baby asleep.

“Jupiter?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re amazing.  You know that, right?”

“Am I?” she asked dryly.

He hummed. “You are.  You’re taking on all your siblings when you could easily just leave them.”

“How can I not?  They have no one else.  I can’t let my aunt adopt them.  I’d hate myself for the rest of my life if I let that woman raise them.”

He nodded. “I know.  But most people in your situation wouldn’t do this.  They’d find somewhere they trusted to send the kids.  Or…they’d decide it wasn’t their problem.”

She hummed quietly. “I think I’m going to stay home from work today.”

“Good.  You need to rest.”

She sniffled. “Do you think you can take Andi without waking her?  I don’t think I can stand out here for much longer.”

“Sure.  I can try.  If she wakes up, I can take her out, ok?”

She pulled away from him, and the two of them worked together to shift Andromeda into his arms.  He kissed Jupiter’s forehead.

“Sleep well, ok?”

Zoro was pacing the living room a few minutes later when Aurora came downstairs.

“Good morning, Rory,” he greeted her quietly.

She smiled and wandered across the room to hug his leg. “Good morning.”

He rubbed her head, and she glanced up at him.

“Can you pick me up too?”

“I can try,” he chuckled.

He squatted down slowly and scooped her up before standing up again. “Are you still tired?” he asked.

She nodded. “Nobody was upstairs to cuddle.  Jupi was gone.”

“Aw,” he cooed. “She’s sleeping down here.”

Aurora pouted. “Why?”

“Because she needs to be with Andi now that your mom isn’t here.”

The five-year-old sighed.

“I’ll be sleeping upstairs soon, though.”

Aurora gasped. “Really?”

“Yeah.  Isn’t that fun?”

“Yeah,” she grinned. “I like having Zoro.”

◇◆◇◆◇

It was Saturday.  Which, in general, didn’t really mean anything for Cyan, but today he’d taken the day off.  Esther was working today, and he needed to get to the bottom of this mystery.  Why didn’t she like him?  He still had no clue.  So, he’d set up camp in the coffee shop.

He wasn’t generally one to do something like this.  In fact, he didn’t tend to seek people out at all, but it confused him to no end that this girl had a reason to dislike him.

He’d brought his laptop just to appear as if he was actually being productive while sitting here.  He was also nearly convinced his class notes somewhere had more information for him.  So, he went back to the beginning.  First year chemistry.  He had notes from the first class, surprisingly.  He’d also written a note – ‘talk to professor about reassigning my lab partner’.  As far as he recalled, he’d done such a thing, but there were certain things that were telling him he hadn’t.  Or, one certain thing.  Esther’s anger.

As he continued to shuffle through his documents, he discovered how exactly he’d passed without the labs.  He’d taken quizzes over them instead after reading over notes on them.  The labs had been a massive majority of the grade.

“Cyan, what did I say about coming back here?”

Cyan glanced up at Esther, who was standing in front of him with his breakfast.

“Um….”

“I said not to come back,” she muttered. “Are you stalking me?”

His eyes went wide. “No!  Of course not!”

“Then why are you here?” she asked almost accusingly.

“Well,” he started before taking a sip of his coffee. “You don’t like me.  I want to know why.”

“Simple.  You’re the reason I had to retake chemistry.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“You bailed on all the labs, and I couldn’t figure out how to do quite a few of them properly.  I failed the class.”

He just stared at her.  He’d actually been on the right track in his investigation.  It didn’t make any sense to him, though.  The professor had made passing the class extremely easy for him, so why had he not helped Esther as well?

“You didn’t have a partner?  I asked the professor to reassign you.  He knew I wouldn’t make it to any of the classes.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course.  Let me guess, you passed?”

He nodded slowly. “He gave me quizzes in place of the labs.”

“Yeah, and I wonder why he did that,” she scoffed. “You do know who you are, right?”

Again, he nodded.

“Right, so then you know how privileged you are because of your parents.  I’m sure quite a few of the professors at the university would rather trample other students than get in your way.”

He gaped at her. “Esther, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Why not?  Your parents pay a hell of a lot in tuition for you every year.”

“So?” he asked quietly.

“So, you’re not one of us poor kids who got in on a scholarship, and your staying in school is actually important to the university.”

He scratched his head. “Esther, I’m not sure you-”

“What?  That I know what I’m talking about?  I barely got in, and my degree is what I’ll be relying on to pay not just my own bills, but my parents’ too, and that one class nearly cost me my scholarship.”

He stared at her for a few seconds. “Ok…well, I’m sorry I made you fail the class, then.” He shut his computer and stuffed it into his bag before grabbing his breakfast and standing from his chair. “I won’t bother you again.”

As he left the café, he wondered if this was what Zoro meant when he said he hated his parents’ fame.  Did he get treated like this too?  No wonder he’d left Korea.

This is part of the Dad!BTS series that can be found here

Series M.list

A/N: ~angst~ ahahaha

It would be greatly appreciated if you reblogged the story if you liked it!

Taglist: @jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger @jinnie-forthe-winnie

[lollipopwrites]

hidden feelings ~ tristan d., jess m.

hello :) soooo the cynical bitch in me likes to write love triangles when i'm feeling bad about being single bc at least i'm not torn between lovers... silver lining, guys! so this fic is like an angsty sort of love triangle situation - it's more of a struggle on y/n's part about trying to figure out her feelings for jess and tristan rather than them fighter over her. and it kind of ends in a frustrating place. i wasn't sure if people would like it so i left it in a really vague spot. if you like it and want a part two just let me know! enjoy it and have a good day!

pairing: tristan dugray x fem!reader, jess mariano x fem!reader

genre: angst, some fluff

description: you're showing interest in a new guy in town and you expect your best friend to be supportive, but he isn't. why not?

warnings: jealousy, angst, love triangle (sort of), language, brief mentions of a hand kink (eep), public embarrassment, lots of mentions of food/eating, fighting, brief mention of alcohol, unrequited love, bickering/flirting

i found the gif on google!

~~~

Hidden Feelings

Look at his hair, you thought dreamily. It’s a really nice shade of brown. And it’s perfectly coiled. And don’t even get me started on those hands… tanned, strong… whew! The things I would let them do-

Jess cleared his throat, interrupting your thoughts. “Uh, excuse me?”

“Huh?” You squeaked, sitting up straight in a zip as if his words poured a bucket of ice water on your head.

“He asked if there was anything he could get you.” Rory explained. There was an amused smirk tugging at the corner of her lip.

“Oh, uh, just some coffee and a muffin, please.” You answered, eyes darting at everything except Jess.

He chuckled lightly. “On it.” He said before sauntering off.

You knew he probably left without questioning how you wanted your coffee or what kind of muffin you wanted to save you some embarrassment, which just made it worse.

You smacked your forehead with the palm of your hand and collapsed onto the booth table.

You could practically feel Rory, Lane and Tristan’s entertainment at your stupidity.

Surprise, surprise, you were right. When you looked up you saw Rory and Lane sharing a giggle but when you looked over at Tristan, his face was stony and irritated. What the hell was that about?

The four of you came here often. Luke’s diner was your go-to. Tristan hadn’t grown up in Stars Hollow like you, Lane and Rory, but he fell in love with the diner the second he had Luke’s chocolate chip pancakes.

You were born and raised in Stars Hollow, though, so you had the privilege of being able to go to Luke’s whenever you pleased. You could admit that you did kind of abuse that privilege with your daily (hourly on a bad day) visits to the diner.

Even though you were born in Stars Hollow, your parents decided to put you in private schools in Hartford since you were little. Why? You had no idea. It was extremely unconventional to drive a half an hour there and back every day for school, and it was irrationally expensive, but it’s what your parents wanted. And you supposed it wasn’t horrible in the end because it introduced you to one of your closest friends; Tristan Dugray.

You and Tristan had been besties since the diaper days, and you loved him to death. And you were even more happy when your other best friend, Rory Gilmore, transferred to Chilton in Junior year.

Now all you had to do was get Lane to transfer, but you were sure her mother wouldn’t hear it.

But anyways, back to the diner. The four of you were having a late afternoon snack there.

You were the one to suggest the meeting, admittedly for a reason different than your ravenous appetite.

And that reason had chocolate brown hair, olive skin and a bad-boy thing going on that could make anyone attracted to men within 50 feet weak at the knees.

Jess was the nephew of Luke, the owner and namesake of the diner, and he had just moved to town around a month ago. It was love at first sight. At least on your end.

From the few interactions you’d had with him, he was liable to think that you were a flat out weirdo. But that didn’t really matter, you were more of a ‘look, not touch’, kinda person. You didn’t expect anything to happen between the two of you.

“Y/N, I am confused to hell and back as to what you see in that guy,” Tristan grumbled. “All he had to do was ask what you wanted to eat and you practically melted into a puddle.”

You rolled your eyes. Tristan had a habit of acting like the over protective best friend and it never failed to make you want to slap him.

“‘Shut up, T.” You scoffed.

“Yeah, Tristan. Don’t yuck her yum.” Lane scolded. Rory nodded in agreement.

“I’m not- whatever.” He crossed his arms and slouched into his chair. Somebody was touchy. “All I’m saying is that that kid’s toxic.”

“Maybe he is,” you remarked, “but it’s not like we’re gonna get married or anything. I just like the way he looks.” Your eyes trailed over to Jess again.

He was using the espresso machine, and the mussels in his arms were flexing as he pressed the buttons and stuff. Hot. You took a sip of your water.

“You were looking at his hands when he was talking to us.” Tristan pointed out.

“So?” Rory asked.

“So, we all know Y/N has a hand thing.” He hissed.

You choked on your water. “Can we not exclaim that to the masses?” You whisper shrieked.

He just shrugged.

Rory and Lane chuckled.

“He has nice hands! I don’t know what your problem is, but when you’re done being a jerk, we can talk about what’s actually bothering you, okay?”

You stomped out of the diner, slamming the door behind you.

Jess walked over to the table that you were previously at and leaned over. “I take it she’s not going to need her vague order of coffee and a muffin?”

Tristan scoffed and stormed out right behind you.

“No, she won’t.” Lane answered.

~~~

Tristan found you at a local park. You were sitting on a swing, but you weren’t swinging. You just traced shapes into the wood chips on the ground with your converse clad feet.

He took a deep breath and puffed out his chest as he strolled over to you. If he was ever nervous (which he was at that moment) he wouldn’t show it.

“Y/N.” He greeted you, sitting on the swing next to you.

“Tristan.” You echoed, staring straight ahead catatonically.

He stared at you boldly, his eyes felt like lasers on your cheek. You knew he wouldn’t speak until you looked at him, his pride was much too big to talk to someone acting like a brick wall.

Finally he got sick of the silence. “Why are you so mad?” He blurted, jumping up from the seat of the swing.

You rolled your eyes at him. “Why are you such an asshole?”

“It’s natural.” He replied simply.

You laughed in disbelief and got up from the swing, but before you could make your exit, he grabbed your arm.

“I’m sorry, okay?” He apologized half-heartedly.

“Are you really?” You crossed your arms, “Because it sounds to me like you have no idea what you’re supposed to be sorry for.”

He crossed his arms as well, imitating your position perfectly.

“I’m sorry that I think Luke’s Danny Zuko knockoff of a nephew isn’t good for you. I’m just looking out for you, Y/N.” He reasoned.

“Oh, by all means, don’t worry about me! Worry about something more deserving. Like your hair!” You said cruelly, taking a step closer to him.

“My hair? What’s wrong with my hair, Y/N?” He questioned with a dry smirk.

“It’s spikey and- and weird and I hate it!” You yelled, taking another step closer to him.

“This is the first I’m hearing of this. How will I ever recover?” He asked, putting a hand on his heart in fake offense.

You stomped your foot childishly. At this point you didn’t know what you were arguing about. “Why can’t you just be happy for me, T? You’re supposed to be my best friend!”

“It’s hard for me to be happy that you’re in love with a punk like that!” Tristan scowled. This time, he was the one who took a step closer.

“First of all, I’m not in love with him, and second of all, this isn’t about Jess! It’s about us!” You shouted, tears clouding your eyes. “You’re never happy for me, you’re never supportive, and I’m sick of it! We’re friends Tristan!”

Truth be told, Tristan didn’t know he had been doing that. But guilt still bubbled in his chest - he knew why he had been acting like that recently. It wasn’t a very valid reason.

Looking at you know, tears in your eyes and an angry and hurt expression etched on your beautiful features, he knew it was time to tell you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk, okay? It was purely subconscious. I’ve just been… resenting you.”

Your eyebrows raised. “Resenting me? Why the hell have you been resenting me?”

He swallowed. He hadn’t planned on admitting this to you ever, but he supposed honesty was the best policy now that he had dug himself this hole.

“Resenting you for not…” he sighed. “Loving me.” He said quietly, eyes directed at the floor.

You scoffed. “Tris, stop being stupid. Of course I love you!”

He just looked up at you, his handsome face illuminated by the sun as it set perfectly. His hazel eyes were now a fairer shade of green and his dirty blonde hair appeared golden in the setting sun light. Gosh, he was beautiful. Like a Greek God or a fucking Twilight vampire.

But as he gazed into your eyes, his expression nothing but the pinnacle of honesty and vulnerability, it dawned on you what he was talking about.

Oh.

He loved you. Not in a we’re-best-friends-and-I-would-do-anything-for-you type of way, in a I-want-you-to-have-my-babies-and-die-with-me type of way.

“Tristan…” You started to talk but you had no idea what to say. How does one respond to this?

“You don’t have to say anything, Y/N,” he reassured, “I just needed to get that off my chest.”

You were still speechless.

He gave you a weak smirk and kissed you on your forehead. He was giving you some time to think, but you really didn’t want to be alone with your mind right now.

Your stupid mind that decided to point out the fact that the spot where Tristan left a kiss on your forehead was still burning from the feeling of his lips, or that your heart skipped a beat when you realized that he had feelings for you. Your stupid mind that was suggesting that you liked him back! In a I-want-to-have-your-babies-and-die-with-you type of way!

I need coffee.

You stumbled the whole way through the seven minute walk to Luke’s and somehow made it in without throwing up. The sun had almost completely set and you’d think around this time the diner would be full, but it was almost completely empty.

Rory and Lane had already left it seemed and you felt a bit bad about ditching them and decided to call them later to apologize. But first you needed to get some food in you.

You staggered to the counter and slumped onto a stool.

You didn’t see Luke anywhere. What was the point of him working there if he wasn’t going to be there when you needed to complain to him? You sighed.

Somebody came out from the back. Thank god, Luke was finally here-

It was Jess.

Maybe coming to the diner wasn’t such a good idea after all.

You swallowed as Jess made his way to you from the other side of the counter.

For some reason looking at him made you feel guilty. You did not need this.

“Are you here to collect your coffee and biscuit?” He asked.

“Muffin, not biscuit.” You replied tiredly.

“Forgive me,” he smirked. When he noticed your conflicted expression, he leaned forward a bit, brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Where’s Luke?”

You didn’t mean to be rude, but your tolerance for the world was about to snap and all you needed was some coffee and supportive words from a familiar face that didn’t make the damn butterflies in your stomach start to party.

His face curled into an expression full of mock offense. “Ouch.”

“Sorry,” you apologized, “I’m going through it right now. Take anything I say to you with a grain of salt.”

“Will do.” He agreed. He cleared his throat. “Wanna talk about it?”

You deadpanned. “Don’t you have customers?”

He looked around and raised his eyebrows. Besides you, there was an old woman in the corner who was happily munching on a salad.

You sighed in resignation. “My, uh, friend and I got in a fight.” You said. You left out the important details, like the fact that, y’know, the person that triggered your argument with Tristan was Jess himself.

“Yeah, I figured something along those lines happened when both you and your blonde friend stormed out of here.”

“You saw that.” You remarked with a humorless laugh.

“I’m not the only one. You make quite a dramatic exit.”

“I do what I can,” you shrugged, now needing that coffee more than anything. And maybe if you asked nicely enough, Jess would add some tequila to take the edge off. You chuckled to yourself and shook that bad idea off.

As if he read your mind, he placed a steaming cup of caffeinated joy in front of you. You probably shouldn’t have been drinking coffee at 5 PM, but you couldn’t care less as you took an eager sip and the bitter taste flooded your taste buds.

You sighed pleasurably. “Thanks, Jess.”

“Any time,” he replied with a sweet smile that made your insides twirl, “But I don’t remember telling you my name.”

“Oh, please, you were the new guy in town. Everybody in Stars Hollow knows your name. Even her.” You motioned to the old woman who was still chowing down her salad.

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t expect any less from this town. It’s like a weird cult.”

“More like a big, dysfunctional family.” You smiled. “And in case you didn’t hear my name through the grapevine - I’m more of last year's news, so you probably haven’t - I’m Y/N.”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He complimented.

You were about to blush but sadly, the slightly flirtatious comment snapped you back into your reality. You needed to get home and deal with your own drama before even thinking about flirting with Jess.

“I have to go.” You said abruptly.

His brows raised. “Uh, okay.”

“Thank you so much, Jess. Uh, I’ll see you later?” You asked hopefully.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

You took your wallet out to pay but he stopped you.

“Nope. You’ve had a hard day. It’s on me.” He said.

“Are you sure? It’s no big deal, honestly. I can pay.”

“You’re right, it isn’t a big deal. So go take care of yourself and I’ll take care of it.” He said honestly. Between the eye contact you were making and his sincere words, you decided that you needed to get out of there to clear your mind even more.

“Okay. Thank you so much. Uh, bye.”

You grabbed your bag and scurried out of there quickly.

The second the fresh air hit your face you felt loads better. You were just getting a bit overwhelmed. You had just found out that your best friend had feelings for you and you weren’t sure if you had feelings for him in return or if you had feelings for Jess, the mysterious new boy who had been so sweet to you - I need to lay down, you thought.

You made your way home, your mind running at a hundred miles an hour, indecisiveness fueling it.

The last thing you wanted was to be one of those people who couldn’t pick between love interests, but you were edging that territory.

Tristan was comfortable and warm. He was funny and even though he was a certified asshole, he had a soft side. You loved him. But did you love him the way he loved you?

And Jess was new and exciting. Just from your one conversation he made you feel every positive emotion in the book. He was easy to talk to and interesting - but did he even like you romantically?

He was doing some flirting action, but you could be reading into things too much. You could be creating a whole love triangle plot in your head that didn’t exist.

You stumbled into your house, weakly waving at your parents, found your room and collapsed onto your bed.

You knew that in order to handle this potential love triangle disaster that could possibly be in your head but could also be real… you would have to sort out your feelings. And be completely honest with Tristan about how you weren’t sure yet. You didn’t want to string him on and he deserved better than to be with someone who was still half sure about their feelings for him. And Jess… Jess was gray territory. You liked him but you weren’t sure if he reciprocated and you didn’t want to factor him into your decision about Tristan because that wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

Phew, this is stressful.

It was only 5:30 PM and all you wanted to do was go to sleep.

So, choosing to put your jumble of thoughts aside, you got into your PJs and turned on a movie. You yawned as you cuddled your cat, your eyes slowly closing.

You could deal with the rest of your life in the morning.

~~~

thanks for reading! let me know if you want a part two!

[ariaadagio]

Thoughts about S6

This is gonna be a little all over the place. Just me rambling, really. 

So, I went up to LA to watch the show with some fandom friends on Friday. We had an absolute blast. I loved the finale season of the show. LOVED. I had some quibbles, of course, but none worth lingering on at length. I know the ending was controversial for some, but not for me. It worked on all levels. 

I didn’t have much love for the end of 5B (I know, y’all are probably shocked, given some of the things I’ve written re: Lucifer becoming God or godlike) which is why I never really chimed in on the post-5B discussion. I just couldn’t muster much enthusiasm about it, and I didn’t want to froth about or hate on it when other people were having fun and gushing. 

But my main issues at the time involved: Lucifer suddenly wanting to become God felt poorly setup and unearned, and Chloe suddenly quitting the force to support Lucifer becoming God felt incredibly impulsive, perhaps almost out of character. 

S6 not only was perfect for me in its own right, it actually went back and fixed my S5B issues retrospectively. Lucifer suddenly wanting to become God felt poorly setup because it WAS poorly set up. On purpose. He never actually wanted to be God. It wasn’t his calling. And Chloe dropping her Detective job so suddenly WAS impulsive. On purpose. She really didn’t think that one through and ended up being bored out of her fucking mind without that job to engage her problem-solving brain. So ... kudos to the writers for that. I am so pleasantly surprised by that backtracking and never expected it.

As far as season 6 goes ... oh my gosh, what a brilliant roller coaster. Like @tarysande, I also spent a large portion of the season wondering what the evil trick was with Rory. I didn’t trust ANYTHING she said for many episodes. I kept waiting for a shoe to drop that never did. I really appreciate that Deckerstar did not get married—I never felt like a marriage was necessary for them given where they were in their life (a divorcee and a Devil who isn’t beholden to human constructs of law). I actively did not want a Deckerstar baby, but the show did it in a way I found absolutely lovely. Rather than using Rory as a magical “happily ever after” button as so many shows do, she was a tool to create massive character growth in Lucifer, and I am so on board with that. 

I cried during this season. Frequently. Which is something that rarely happens for me when watching or reading fiction. I am just ... so stupidly emotionally involved in these great characters. 

Some people may fixate on the separation between Lucifer and Chloe until her death, but to me ... it worked. Lucifer found a higher purpose and chose to fulfill it, to keep his promise to his daughter—to be a better father for Rory than his father was for him—and he does still ultimately get a “happily ever after” with his family and friends and dearest loved ones. It just starts a little later than planned. Chloe, meanwhile, gets to live her life knowing without doubt the love of her life is not only okay & pursuing his calling, he’s waiting for her on the flip side. They’ll have eternity together—ETERNITY, in exchange for a few decades apart. Bittersweet? Yes. Tragic? No. So I am okay with this. This is a level of certainty no real human ever gets—and as someone with zero certainty about the future whatsoever, I can’t express enough how much this foreknowledge alone would be a comfort in difficult times. It really resonates with me as a meaningful gift.

I do agree that there’s plenty of room for Lucifer to see Chloe without Rory’s knowledge, though I’m on the fence about how realistic this is. I think Dan called it, honestly. Having to watch and not participate is more torturous than not participating at all. And, as I said, he gets to see everybody eventually. He knows his daughter will understand—actively consents, even—and he knows their reunion will come.  He knows Chloe will come back to him, too, because he’s grown to trust and love her fully.

Along those lines, Lucifer showed amazing character development this year. Once this man figures out his feelings and commits, he is ALL IN. I was so proud of him, talking out his feelings, and saying I love you, and hugging people left and right. His goodbyes made me tear up, particularly the scene with Maze. Which. OMG. These two. That scene was a long time coming, and so heartfelt. i loved it. I also loved how comfortable in his own skin he finally seemed this season. He utilized his wings SO MUCH. And his devil face where appropriate. And there was zero angst about any of it.

Time travel is a trope that tends to break my brain, but ... I think Rory showing up is what enabled her own conception. Lucifer didn’t think he could have kids until he finds out he does in the future and then boom, suddenly he can conceive. He self-actualized working swimmers. I know this creates a chicken or the egg paradox—how could this loop ever even start if Rory hadn’t existed at least once on her own—buuut, I’ve definitely seen this trope used in other shows, such as Netflix’s Dark. So, imho, there was an added level to Lucifer’s sacrifice at the end—he wasn’t just trying to preserve his own epiphany via a promise to his daughter, he was actively choosing to save his daughter’s entire existence, and he was choosing to be different from his father.

People who think Lucifer was robbed of choice ... I beg to differ. For the reasons stated above, and also? He was the one who came up with the idea of returning to Hell. No one forced that on him. The only thing Rory did was speed up his time table. And I think there’s a beautiful kind of symmetry to the idea of him returning to Hell and choosing to reframe it as a place of healing, rather than eternal suffering. In a sense, he’s making his own Plan for himself. He’s defining his role in the universe: the Devil, not God. He’s defining his family: Chloe, Rory, Trixie, Dan, Maze, Eve, Linda, Amenadiel, Ella, and all the great friends he’s made. He’s defining his home: not a place, but where his heart is. For the first time in his life, the Devil decided who he is and what he wants to do with his life, instead of letting external forces do it for him.

And I fucking loved every minute of it.

A perfect ending for a long, thoughtful journey.

P.S. If you disagree with me, that’s fine. There’s no wrong way to interpret art and media. But please know I’m not really in the mindset for debate right now. I just want to live in my happy post-S6 bubble. I’d appreciate it if you let me :)

[thehiddenmemoryuniverse]

Lucifer Ending: Tragedy and Contradiction

Okay, so I tried really hard to resist the urge to post anything about it, and I even held out for over a week trying to process/calm my feelings about the ending to Lucifer. I’ve tried, I really have, but the more I try, the more I CANNOT rationalize that ending. As you may have guessed, I absolutely hated the ending, and I just really, really, have to get my feelings out about it. If you liked the ending (I really wish I could be you!!), you may want to skip reading any further (I recommend you do, in fact). 

Ultimately, regardless of the details, that ending for Chloe/Lucifer is just way too heartbreakingly tragic and sad, however, this is made all the more unbearable because none of it makes ANY damn sense.  

I’m just going to start by pasting a bunch of quotes first:

2x05

Lucifer: I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.

Mum: If anyone can find it, it's you.

2x02 Chloe: “Doing what's best for your child, it doesn't always make them happy.”

3x16

Cain: But you're the Devil, you always keep your word.

Lucifer: I do. So I hope you understand how difficult a decision this was. And yet, oddly, the easiest I've ever made.

6x01

Lucifer: I love you, Chloe Decker. I'd do anything for you. Except give you up. Give us up.

6x09

Lucifer: I need you to know that if there is any choice to be had at all, I will always... choose us.

6x07

Rory: You make choices, Mom. If I told you what they are, you wouldn't really be making them any more.

Yeah. Not going to comment further on these right now. 

Nor am I going to even get into the whole fate vs free will. Regardless of your views on that debate, why on earth a show about free will spends its final season spotlighting the widespread, controversial debate of fate vs free will by introducing a time loop plot, I’ll never understand. 

But even if we forget the numerous issues/contradictions with that (and the ridiculous irony of Rory’s quote shown above), and accept that Lucifer and Chloe chose this, I honestly feel like screaming because WHY??? Why on earth would they EVER want to chose this? 

I know the 2 reasons given, the reasons everyone is speaking up with, the reasons expanded on at length in fanfiction, and I’ve tried really, REALLY hard to rationalize them in my head, tried to enjoy the sweet moments fanfic writers are trying to make of it, but I cannot. Because it doesn’t make any damn sense whatsoever to me.

Reason # 1: Lucifer never would’ve realized his ‘calling’ to help tortured souls in Hell.  

Right. First of all, if it really is his ‘calling’ he would figure it out eventually because that’s what a bloody calling is. I mean really. Not to mention there was plenty of evidence that he was figuring it out already, and him figuring it out after actually helping people in hell (Jimmy, Dan, Mr. Said out bitch), makes way more sense than stopping someone from making the mistake of killing someone else.

And second, even if we accept the argument that he wouldn’t find his calling, we are then saying that he chose his ‘calling’ over his own family, the people he loves most of all? That’s beyond awful to me. And pretty much destroys all of the growth and beauty and love and development across the series. A complete contradiction to even earlier in series 6. See above quotes. Lucifer tells Chloe he’d do anything for her, except give her up, give them up. He tells her if there’s ever any choice to be had he would chose them (his family). So, what the heck? Which leads me to reason 2, and beware with continuing because this is UNBEARABLY frustrating to me so I may get a bit heated. I just can’t. I can’t understand this.  Reason #2: They did it for their daughter, because she asked them to, because she didn’t want them to change her, because she’s happy with who she is, etc, etc..

This is the most widely accepted reason, the most referenced in fanfic, that it’s so beautiful because Lucifer and Chloe sacrificed everything for their daughter because they loved her so much.

I’m sorry, I really am, I tried so hard to make sense of this but it makes the least sense to me of all. 

Why on EARTH is Rory growing up without her father better for her? Why on earth would Lucifer, of all people, knowing the pain it causes, ever chose that for his daughter?

This is not sacrificing for their daughter, this is sacrificing for NOTHING at all. This is doing the ABSOLUTE worst for their daughter, all because she asked them to?

And her asking them to in the first place makes no sense either. Why on earth would Rory ASK for it after all the pain it caused her? Earlier she told Lucifer and Chloe that him leaving ‘ruined her life’, and now all of a sudden she’s happy with it? After seeing and reading how much Lucifer and Chloe loved each other she wants to separate them? After saying she now loves Lucifer too she wants to do that to him? And you can’t tell me it’s her being selfless because she thinks he won’t find his ‘calling’ otherwise, because even if he doesn’t (which he would for reasons above), then again we are saying they are choosing a ‘calling’ over family, over those they love most. Or, even worse, Rory, is choosing FOR HIM and ROBBING him of his choice to chose his family over his ‘calling’. 

No matter what way you spin it, it is just all kinds of wrong and messed up, and does not showcase the love the characters have for each other, nor the freedom of choice.

There’s nothing beautiful about any of this to me. It’s just plain awful and cruel for NO REASON. 

Yes, I know I’m missing one popular theme with all of this, and I might just hate this one most of all: That even though Rory suffered it made her stronger, she’s proud of who she is, and they don’t want to change her, don’t want to ‘kill’ this version of Rory who grew up without her dad. 

No. Just no. This pains me immensely. So we’re saying that she’s a better person having grown up without a Dad than she would’ve been growing up with a complete, loving family? That people who grow up with loving families can’t be as strong and proud of who they are? WTF? 

Sure, we as people are only strong in life when we need to be but that doesn’t mean that someone who grew up more fortunate doesn’t still have the capacity for that strength (or that they don’t suffer in other ways).

Yeah, it’s beautiful when you grew up abandoned and were able to eventually overcome it, but in reality you’ll always be scarred to some degree, and you certainly would have been less messed up, happier if you hadn’t.

Changing the time loop so that Rory could grow up with her father in her life wouldn’t ‘kill’ her. Fundamentally she’d still be the same, still would have grown up with her ‘kickass’ mom. All the good parts would still be there. There would just be even more good and much less of the bad.

How on earth would Chloe and Lucifer not want to chose that?

There is no way anyone can ever convince me that you come out better growing up abandoned by your father than you would have if he hadn’t. Just no.

We are strong and proud to overcome something only when WE HAVE NO CHOICE. CHOOSING to suffer just to show how great you are afterward for overcoming it when you could have chosen NOT to suffer at all, is just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. 

It reminds me of a quote from one of my childhood movies, the original “Lion King.’ Little Simba tells his dad he went looking for danger to show that he’s brave, and his dad answers, “I’m only brave when I have to be.” 

So.  Circling back. Ignoring the debate on whether or not there was even a choice given (fate vs free will and ridiculous time loops). Ignoring that Lucifer likely (and should have) been able to find his ‘calling’ anyway. 

Then, in summary, we are left with Lucifer (and Chloe) ‘choosing’ for Lucifer to leave them for Hell, abandoning them both (and Trixie) because either

1) Lucifer’s calling is more important than being with his family

2) Rory wants to suffer, to let her parents suffer an unimaginable amount of pain, just to show that she comes out better for it, even when she can choose not to suffer at all. And Chloe and Lucifer are both in agreement that this is best for them and their daughter. 

What. The. Hell???!!

I’m sorry, but there’s no rationale for this. None. At. All. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I would never be happy with such a devastatingly heartbreaking ending no matter what the reasons, but, HOLY HELL, can they at least have had it make even the smallest amount of SENSE?! 

It’s just angst for the sake of angst, and I especially did not expect this from this show. It was always a show not to be taken too seriously, not to overthink and just have fun with, and that’s what made it work for me. But then they decide it’s a good idea to 1) throw in a time loop plot when time loops in fiction is pretty much the definition of serious complexity and making viewers overthink. And 2) have it end with such a tragic and sad ending that makes no sense. I am so sick and tired of the trend now days that shows can’t have happy endings.

(Edit: Now look what happened. I’ve gone and made another rant: https://thehiddenmemoryuniverse.tumblr.com/post/663357629901438976/lucifer-morningstars-broken-journey)