#did I say at the last I had a breakdown?
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I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.
I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.
I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.
There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:
A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.
B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.
And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.
This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.
But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.
The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).
To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)
And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.
Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.
I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.
Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.
I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.
In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?
ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)
Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.
Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this
And this
Aand this
That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.
#bkdk#I will also say that while Izuku did do a bit of a fake smile and attitude for Katsuki’s breakdown last chapter#he gets a bit of an excuse for that suppression. theres a time and place to be strong for a friend. and while izuku didn’t exactly say ALL-#the right things or think the right thoughts… he still imo fits into control your heart within that moment#you can ‘be strong’ for someone who’s sad or anxious without you being out to be an ultra suppressive self hating boy man#in that moment katsuki probably would’ve needed that if izuku had said literally anything else but ‘I’m glad I had this dream while it-#lasted!’ and ‘your probably just feeling very weird right now’… DUDE I CANNOT KEEP DEFENDING YOUR ASS#midoriya izuku#mha deku#bakudeku#bkdk brainrot#bnha deku#bakugou katsuki#mha analysis#deku midoriya#last side note lmao: I’ve done like five drafts for this and if this one isn’t good enough hopefully someone better than me can remake this#or I’ll make this at a later time when more things come out#I just knew I wanted this out before the next chapter leaks#which are probably tonight lolllll#oh and I proof read like 80% of this so y’all are getting what you fucking get
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I Feel TFOne Could've Handled This Better...
Hot take but I feel like folks have been really generous with the take that OP was unable to find ~the perfect words~ in the heat of the moment (and thus should be given some grace) when he told D to stand down and "not be like Sentinel"... namely cuz I don't feel that the narrative supports this?
Like-- after all is said and done, OP doesn't reflect on that part of their split. He doesn't have a moment where he seeks validation or voices his regrets over the choice of his words, it's actually cut-and-dry. The narrative (as it stands) supports that OP saw D-16 acting up, so he called him out and stood on business, down to the last scenes where he's basically like "yeah it's a shame but y'all knew I had to do it to 'em."
It didn't have to be much! I'm not saying to absolve Megs, just show OP looking at things from a different perspective/contemplating a bit on that tough choice and the morality of the moment. Some examples of what I wish we had:
B-127 straight up blurting the obvious by later chatting with Orion like, "Wait so you told your best friend that he was acting just as bad as the guy who enslaved us for our entire lives and was torturing him like an hour ago? Oof. Seems kinda harsh." Then have some of OP's regret show on his face.
OP asking Elita-1 after Megs is banished if he did the right thing. Have Elita back his choice up, saying, "You should have seen what he did after you were... gone. It was terrifying. I know it was tough, but you made the right call." OP is grateful for the support, but a conflicted look still flashes across his face before he steels himself to look out towards the horizon... and the future.
Have OP walk past other mechs/former miners who didn't go with the High Guard saying stuff like, "Wish I could've given Sentinel a piece of my mind!" "Yeah, but I'm glad he's gone for good." "Ugh I miss everything." "Oh, it was crazy! Megatron picked him up and then he rrrrriiipped-- oops, hey there, Mr. Optimus... Prime... sir?" And have OP wave hello, looking a bit sick when they leave.
Post-credits scene with Starscream going on and on, asking Megs when they'll be back to teach the upstart Prime a lesson. Megs grabs his face to shut him up. "Patience, Starscream. The Prime thinks I'm no better than Sentinel... but I'll show him. He wants Iacon? He can have it. In the meantime we'll take the rest of the planet! Then I'll come back, crush Prime under my heel, and we'll take Iacon too. Sentinel's reign will barely be a footnote, because I'm about to become Optimus Prime's worst nightmare." The vocal performance would really need to sell this-- like picture Megs saying something like that from a place of anger and hurt, not so much a place of genuine evil or malice.
Basically instead of Orion's assertion being backed up as black and white/good vs bad, I wish we had some different opinions/reactions from the characters sprinkled in there. Like you can't tell me out of allllll the miners who weren't strong enough/willing to go with the High Guard and ended up sticking around that NONE of them were like "eyyo honestly?? Kiiiiinda glad Sentinel is dead. Wish I could have helped, tbh." like come onnnnn...
And you can't even argue that he's not an active threat-- I don't think everyone would see things that way! It's not just about the threat he physically has, but the threat he represents and is very likely to act upon if given the opportunity! He has a proven track record of not only being sneaky and conniving, but also capable of dealing some serious damage/killing people bigger and stronger than him, plus he has the backing of the Quints. All he'd need to do is wriggle his way out of jail and run off to his sponsors, then he'd probably be back to hurt more people! (If the Quints didn't just kill him out of incompetence lmao). There's a lot of "ifs" here, but I think it's a valid argument that not everyone would agree on what is the right or wrong way to handle Sentinel once he was down long enough to, like, do something about him.
I feel the situation needed a bit of nuance. In some way I wish they had kicked the can and had D and Orion bicker while Sentinel escaped, then have D get frustrated enough by the loss of Sentinel to point fingers (and his fusion canon) at Orion, who then falls and becomes OP. (Megs could still show some of thar emotion/remorse right after he does it too.) Not only would this open the door for a sequel, but tbh the Quint might have just killed Sentinel anyways and sought to deal with the miners uprising themselves lol. (Maybe that could have been an after credits scenes too instead of the B-127 bit??)
Would love to see a moment in a sequel where they have a calmer moment after arguing for a bit. Have OP mention how Megs was out of line, that it hurt and even scared him to see him act that way, and Megs can quietly point out "you said I was as bad as Sentinel... is that really how you see me? After everything we went through?"
Then OP can fumble the bag again lmao like "D, I... I'm sorry, that didn't come out right... but you still took things way too far..."
"Why am I not surprised-- your opinion is what matters the most! Maybe that's why you became a Prime, since you're so good at acting like the world revolves around you--!"
*gets interrupted by someone else before another yelling match ensues*
#rambling#transformers one#tf one#tfo#i'll be honest a lot of this stems from how rushed i felt the last like... 3rd of the movie feels#i feel Optimus is so dismissive of Megs!! like basically the whole movie but ESPECIALLY after coming back to life as a Prime???#your best friend is Going Through It. clearing having an Emotional Breakdown.#He drops you. In the moment it mattered most he chose violence... but notice what he says right before that?#Megs says ''I'm done saving you''#Like??? y'all don't wanna delve into that a little more?????#i half expected Optimus to pop up and be like ''excuse me. i wasn't done talking. what Did You Mean By That??''#instead he comes up and IMMEDIATELY has already written off this entire relationship as well.#Megs dropped him. it was a aplit second decision. we see in the movie D leaning into these bad impulses.#Orion is supposed to mature gradually so he's more level-headed by the end. why does that equate to abandoning the friendship??#why does he suddenly wanna drop Megs too? wouldn't this be the time for ''please listen to me'' part 2?#''it doesn't matter who has the matrix. we can make a change for the better! please listen to me'' etc#also minor nitpick but lmao why was OP Talking Like That after becoming Prime?#like he goes from ''haha hey guys hows it goin'' to ''You have used your gifts for Evil and Betrayed the entire planet''#babes what. Cybertron?? we went on a 2 day road trip on foot the fuck you know about Cybertron.#like betrayed Iacon maybe but idk maybe the guys in Tarn would be cool with Megs you dont know! lmao!#if my friend and I had beef and they started talking to me like the queen of england i would literally ask where they got their soapbox.#ohhhh you think you're morally superior? stop speaking for the whole planet lmao!! already named prime and letting it go to his head!!#strange dieties lying in the core of the planet distributing magic baubles that bring you back to life#is no basis for picking a planetary leader#this has been Orion Was Right: The Movie#when i wish there was a bit more.#maybe another 20-30 min would have helped me idk hhhhh#but Megs turn felt sooooo fast... then things just kept escalating from there.#''some transformations are permanent'' sir it's been like 48 hours since y'all learned you lives were a lie.#you *really* don't think Megs could ever cool down and apologize/change his mind?? you too??? tf???
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Stottlemonk Moments:
Monk s06ep16: "Mr. Monk Is on the Run: Part 2"
#stottlemonk#stottlemeyer x monk#monk season 6 ep 16#mnk06#i wish they went a bit more in depth about people being suspicious of how stottlemeyer was barely phased about killing monk#or more scenes with stottlemeyer trying to act devastated#the last time he thought monk died he had a total breakdown and threatened to quit his job if monk didn't get a full service funeral#and anytime monk is in danger he goes batshit#and now in this case not only did monk die.. he died by stottlemeyer's own hands#so by all accounts stottlemeyer should be acting way more broken up#but he barely grieves and is even still able to work normally#i feel like people would have thought that was very strange#randy and natalie especially have seen first hand how deeply monk and stottlemeyer care for each other#so i feel like they'd be asking way more questions or wouldnt have been fooled so easily or idk.. something like that#i know natalie says “this must be harder on you than anybody” but i need MORE depth#just rambling
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Yes these have all already been posted, but 2023 Vettonso comp post for me because I'm going to have an emotional breakdown
#i dont want to sound like a maniac but. i manifested this JDKFLGLVLV#okay but understand. ive been vettonso posting for like 3 or so weeks now#have been drawing them like its my god damn career#have been squealing and screeching over them with everyone#and like oh hey! they're both gonna be at suzuka! and seb is having a bee event! maybe nando will go!#BUT THEN NO I DONT HAVE TO JUST LIVE WITH SCRAPS. I GOT A WHOLE FUCKING MEAL#I AM GOING TO SCREAM AND CRY AND ROLL AROUND THE FLOOR#*i say as if i haven't done all of those things in quick succession after seeing these#yknow very fortuitous time for my parents to have gone on a vacation. so they didnt have to be witness to the emotional breakdown i just had#i was making noises that have not been uttered by human beings before :)#BUT LIKE INWAS LITERALLT JUDT DRAWING VETTONSO FANART#AND I FINISHED IT AND SCHEDULED IT#and was all silly in the tags like 'haha wonder if we'll get any interaction'#and then i go to scroll tumblr one last time before slepeing and I RECEIVE THIS FUCKING 12 COURSE MEAL#i cannot actually describe the emotion i felt when i first saw the pic#like genuine fucking shock through my body like just was like 'is this actually happening'#i said to C today 'i will be happy if we even get a pic of them within eachother's vicinity'#and well wow. theyre certainly within each others vicinities rn#if we actually get any more pics i think i will keel over i think i will actually turn into dust and powder on the floor#UGHHHHHHH JUST THE TIMING!!!!!! THEY DID IT FOR ME 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#sometimes manifesting does work. after you draw like 20 hours worth of art of them#im trying to be concise but i really cant#because its literally just animal screeching and whining noises in my head rn#HOW DO I SLEEP AFTER THIS???????????????#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#2023 japanese gp#we do a little bit of f1
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remember when the doctor and missy literally had this exchange?
doctor: two hearts.
missy: and both of them yours.
like... it really happened. i keep re-reading it. i made it my blog name. i think about it all the time. and i still can't believe it happened. we really got this. this is insane
#thoschei#doctor who#no but you don't GET IT#missy aka the master said her hearts belonged to the doctor#i mean DUH WE KNOW#but SHE SAID IT. OUTLOUD.#did i dream of this? like.#she wasn't even acting (because she was hiding her identity at the time) i just know it#we all know it#the point of this post is: holy shit the master literally admitted her love for the doctor#whoever says missy didnt mean it is getting their ass beaten#i didnt even get to the part in the cemetery where the doctor kisses missy#and she looks at him with the most desperatly loving eyes i've ever seen in my life#like my girl was dying of love what the fuck how long HOW LONG had it been since they last kissed#had they EVER kissed??#and we don't even talk about the fact that missy reached for the doctor's lips with her own and GRABBED HIS ARMS#IT'S THERE IT'S IN THE EPISODE#FUCKING HELL#no the actual point of this post is that i'm having a mental breakdown over thoschei#almost 10 years since those episodes and i'm still not over it#i won't ever get over thoschei like#i cant keep typing i just wanna scream
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When I obsess over a character, I unconsciously start acting like them. This can consist of me copying their mannerisms, habits, or personality I guess.
Well, right now, I am obsessing over Abed from Community, so I've been copying his mannerisms such like his head and eye movements (like when he tilts his head in thought, which is something I already do but now I'm doing it in a more similar way), and I find this funny because he also acts like characters from his favourite shows/movies.
Just two autistic folks pretending to be fictional characters
#communicating through acting like fictional characters was something I did not notice I did until I started watching community#i remember trying to act like Hawks from mha last school year during a presentation bc i could not be myself#i literally had to try and be someone else just so I wouldn't have a mental breakdown#well it didn't work bc i still stuttered and messed up my words but not as badly#abed nadir#community nbc#nbc community#community#jeff winger#britta perry#troy barnes#shirley bennett#pierce hawthorne#annie edison#autism#actually autistic#autistic things#is this even an autistic thing?#idk im saying that it is
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2023 in review! I made an effort to try more things and it worked mostly (at least for TV and movies). New things, new-to-me things, and new installments of old things all had characters to love even if I didn't necessarily feel fannish about them, and I'm hoping 2024 does, too.
#but yeah no I had a lot of fun with some of these#mp100 is now fully going down as one of my favorite works of art ever. i mean it. i'd stick it on a shelf with discworld.#trying Nida Manzoor's work was SO GOOD like if edgar wright knew how to make girls lovable I meant to only try one episode of WALP#and then I marathonned it all in one night right into the sunrise and I do not regret it#(look I love edgar wright but)#i had my issues with GO2 and Fionna & Cake and HxH (which I finally tried yes I am late) but still they had babies in them#one piece and the last of us did like major progress for proving those mediums *could* be adapted and not suck so seriously kudos#I didn't go into Barbie expecting it to Solve Capitalism and The Patriarchy so I appreciate what it did do#Nimona was just gorgeous#Across the spider-verse is so good it's hard to say anything about it#Peacemaker is obnoxiously good and Chris's breakdown near the end really got me#Bottoms & Marry My Dead Body & Ying-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity are just fun okay don't think about it#the strange planet show was sweet and peaceful to watch#and even with a 40% budget cut OFMD has my heart and ed is The babygirl of all time for me#thanks for reading these tags if you did and I hope you have a good new year#art i'm proud of
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Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings
#love the show. love it a lot. about to be a bitch in the tags anyways#it was. so so messy. they needed another season so bad. the alaska trip took up so much of the comics#and that was with the previously established cast#in the show they introduced a million new characters. gave us no time to get to know them before they were thrown head first into the plot#and condensed an arc that was almost half of the comics into the span of like 5 episodes#my boy singh. oh how they massacred by boy#i mean. okay. in the context of the show the arc wasn't horrible for him.#but i think his survival in the comic and his dedication of his life to making up for the mistakes of his past by helping people and hybrids#would've been so much more powerful than his random self sacrifice at the end of the show.#bc honestly it just seems like another impulsive act in his moral flip flop he'd been having for the last few episodes#rather than active choice to be better#and honestly i wanted to see his delusional paranoid religious breakdown from the comics put to screen so bad#it would've been great#i do like that he turned against zhang the second she started trying to talk about rani. that shit slapped#the several fake outs about Jepp's death were so stupid and unnecessary and repetitive#why are you baiting everyone. you're going to piss off the hardcore comic fans waiting for his death and confuse the show fans#either commit to killing him or stop pretending like you're brave enough to do it#why did they flip back so hard into the mystical vaguely eco fascist backstory and outcome of the comic#after spending two seasons trying to build a more scientific and less 'humanity must end' story for two seasons straight#they tried to make it seem less 'humanity must die' again at the end by ending the virus#which i guess might've been the best outcome available considering the source material and the limitations of it's ending#but idk. it felt weird#the writing this season was so much less subtle. it felt like the characters were constantly monologing directly at the camera#nothing could be left unsaid everyone had to say exactly what they meant#and it was all moral lessons the writers were trying to feed directly to the audience#i feel like they wrote themselves into a corner at the end of the last season#and they expected to have at least one more season to write themselves out of it before the ending#and if not. if this was the plan since the beginning. literally what. WHAT.#can not imagine the people who wrote the last two seasons sitting down and writing this#it won't let me add more tags but i have more thoughts. many more. tumblr is silencing me for speaking the truth /j
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kinda crazy but…
im gay for you
:o no way i’m also gay for u <3
#also i’m fucking exhausted it was a long ass day of robot#i broke down crying for no reason in the middle of my last tech interview for drama#because i was so fucking stressed abt hosting the robotics comp this weekend and waiting on college decisions#and also two of my friends were like in the hospital at the time#one bc they hadn’t eaten in like a week because of an ed and we’re doing really badly#and the other because they had to get stitches bc of sh#but i couldn’t really explain alllll of that to my drama teacher#anyway#i did hear back from one of the schools tho!!!!! and i got in!!!!!!#but they didn’t give me as much money as i would have needed to commit there#so like i probably won’t end up going even tho i really loved the school and it’s kinda my top choice#and also the accepted students days all conflict and i ended up signing up for one that would mean id miss the end of district champs#for robotics if we qualify#which my hopes are vaguely high this year#but now i’m gonna have to miss part of it if we do ://///#and the other more competitive one i’m waiting on hearing from some time this weekend i’ve been checking the portal like every twenty minute#it’s really bad#anyway i’m gonna go take a shower and then go to sleep before i drive myself to another breakdown#idk why the tags of this ask was my place to say all of this but it sure was
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Time for some personal stuff again (please bear with me)..... today was a long awaited coming out to my mum day hoorayyyyy
#first i had another mental breakdown but let's move past that for now#but yeah the convo went a direction where i decided i had to start this topic#because keeping it a complete secret for the past 3 years was killing me at this point#like i don't really know how to feel rn. maybe i'm just still feeling kind of down in general everything feels weird tbh#but i think it went well overall i didn't even say specifically that i'm aroace just that i'm not interested in relationships at all#ughggh i don't really know man what matters is that i got it out finally and that she accepts it#today has been such a chaotic day 😞 i mean ok lets be honest the last week or two have been a bit much in general#ok idk really what i'm saying this for but i finally did something i've wanted to do for a long time so it's a success#but now i just want some rest from everything it's all been a bit much as of late
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buck really said 'she sees me' after 6x12. 'she sees me' after he showed up to eddie's to escape the rotating cast of visitors. 'she sees me' after maddie probably tried to enlist eddie too because he knew buck was getting all those visitors that wore him out but he happened not to be one of them. 'she sees me' after you died, buck. you're going to feel a lot of different ways about that. sometimes all at the same time.
'she sees me. y'know like she really sees me for who i am and what i've been through. i think she might see even more in me than i see in myself.' after eddie sees him for exactly who he is, after he expects buck not to be anything for anybdy else's sake.
like, okay.
#i would apologize for making like the hundredth post about this but i've accepted that i cannot shut up#and i think it is in everyone's best interest that they accept this too and simply unfollow me🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽#911 fox#buddie#i just. i'm having Way too many feelings about this. and if buck had said this Any other episode it'd have been fine#but for him to say it in the episode where they show us that eddie is lonely? a plotline that completely blindsided me btw because#i did not expect an eddie storyline at all when we got one just last episode#yeah i am. not okay#thank god i wasn't around for season 5 i'd have died from seeing the eddie breakdown
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straight up living 2024 adaptation of a separate peace: toxic doomed yuri edition
#freshman year college roommate situationship who ends up in the hospital after a psychosis induced breakdown u had a hand in. will fuck u up#technically i didn't do too much but man. the warning signs i completely ignored... there's an amount to take reasons to take more#last semester i helped her try and get her grades up by tutoring her and reading over her essay but then when she couldn't i helped her#edit her grades sheet to send to her parents to make it look like she got As. because i know parents are scary#and then i found out she hasn't been taking her meds and i don't think i pushed her hard enough to take them#also she did the whole Making Me Become A Part Of Her thing. there was one day when she and i did a ''style swap'' and i felt like i was he#she's rly femme and i'm butch so u can imagine how that went. i met her parents today and i don't think they like her#neither does our other roommate. am i the only person who likes her and isn't embarassed by her. jesus christ#btw this isn't to say it's necessarily Romantic. moreso we have a bond bc of the evil shit we do together. i understand genefinny so much
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MOTW NPC Rach Lombardi, Mark's toxic ex who got ripped to shreds by dogman and then whose revenant ghost latched onto someone else who was on their own dogman revenge quest (player character Tatara)
she's fun.
#ragsycon exclusive#ragsymakes#artists on tumblr#oc art#monster of the week#oc rach#she's conniving and self-serving and manipulative#which means she's very fun to play in game. love to rp an absolute garbage person#she and mark dated for awhile in their early to mid twenties#it was all around a really terrible relationship but he didn't really know it until well afterwards.#the entire time what he thought was positive attention was really just her using him to get what she wanted#up to and including using him as leverage to get to his brother stuart who she was seeing behind mark's back for a while#and he found out by complete chance. walked in on them after getting home from work early#and to mark's shock and disgust at this betrayal she just said 'eh that's fine. i was done with you anyway' and kicked him out right there#mark had a fairly significant breakdown over it and just. left town. ghosted everybody and got a job at a watchtower deep in the woods#didnt talk to anyone for years. became an unwitting forest cryptid (different can of worms). let all of his baggage fester for way too long#until stuart managed to get a hold of him and invited him on a Brotherly Reconciliation Camping Trip And Rach Is There Too#and rach did what she's good at which was needling mark's insecurities and insisting he's overreacting when he got upset#but at this point mark was possessed by an evil spirit that turned him into a feral dogman when angry (again. different can of worms)#and the dogman came out and attacked and killed her. total carnage. stuart was away getting firewood when it happened.#mark at this point had no memory of any of this dogman transformations so he woke up covered in blood next to rach's corpse and freaked out#as did stuart#so this Brotherly Reconciliation Camping Trip was kinda the last time they've seen each other since#and later on rach's earthbound ghost finds someone who is on a revenge quest for several other deaths at the hands (paws?) of the dogman#and this other person is already being guided by the spirits of her deceased loved ones#and rach. ever the opportunist. latches onto the other person to maybe get vengeance for her own death#sapping away the strength from the other spirits to make herself strong enough to DO anything#to say 'how fucking dare you' when the other person chooses to offer mark mercy instead of outright killing him#to decide she can finally take matters into her own hands and take over the other person's body and do the dirty work herself
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in the middle of reading the new wind excerpt and god. oh my god. someone sedate me
#AGHHHHHH frostpaw. my baby :(#she spent a wholeeee book building up her courage to approach and accept what actually happened to her and her mother and her clan#she spent a whole book recovering and coming to terms with and understanding what she had to do#she spent a whole book preparing herself to save her clan and prove herself and it just Blows Up In Her Face within one gathering. crying#and the way splashtail just undermines her right in front of her clan?? telling them she must be psychotic or having a breakdown of somesor#that she must be confused and lost and hurt over her mother’s death and how they can’t trust what she says because of that#babying her in front of everyone right to her face. fucked up man#i mean she is Baby but i believe she is actually full grown by this point and is at the age where she would usually be made full medicineca#it’s just. god. everyone not trusting her. everyone throwing accusations at her. everyone not even giving her the time of day#so messed up!!! i’m going to go cry about it now bye#YES i’m getting emotional over a series meant for 6th graders leave me alone!! /hj#delete later#but like man. everyone in her clan rejected her. even her own family?? her siblings???? MOTHWING????#i know they can’t really do anything and riverclan wants stability but. man she’s just a baby. she’s still an apprentice cut her some slack#at least frostpaw will be with shadowsight#they can bond over their shared trauma of being led on by someone and getting almost killed by said someone#….weird how that happened twice within two arcs#inherently doomed medicine cats my beloveds. you are everything to me and you deserve so much better god damnit#listen i loved what the erins did with bristlefrost last arc but they cannot do that to me again#good on them for being brave and killing off a protag but no!!! not with these ones this time!!!!!#anyway
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One thing I hate is how some other traumatized ppl will like weaponise their trauma against ppl they're hurting bc they haven't grappled with the fact that just bc they've been hurt doesn't mean they can't hurt others.
Like trauma isn't a competition & everyone deals with it at a different pace. But at the same time, the amount of ppl who've used their triggers to silence me after they triggered me into a breakdown is fucking wild!
It's infuriating.
#theres one particular incident in my mind that was particularly awful but i cant talk about it#last time i did the person retaliated claiming i triggered them after they pushed me into a full blown breakdown that lasted hours#they ruined a ton of relationships i had with ppl bc i didnt want to say anything that would do that to them like wow
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lol my student teaching supervisor sent me my feedback video because he observed me friday and it was twenty minutes long and he essentially said that he was disappointed in me and that i did a disservice to american poetry so i'm feeling pretty good about myself
#lol this week sucked#he also said that it looks like i put a Little bit of effort into learning about whitman before teaching him but i honestly think i did#more than that and now i just feel like crap lol like ik his masters was in american lit and content knowledge isn't my strong suit but i#have PAGES of notes about whitman and tried to learn SO MUCH about him and did SO MUCH studying of the poems we read#idk ik i need to work on my content knowledge but like some of my eng ed student teaching friends and i were talking friday and he's being#like really harsh with everyone like has made almost all of us cry? one of my friends is considering not even going into teaching anymore#because his feedback was so negative like dude you weren't like this last semester? idk it's just hard to feel good about yourself and your#progress when your supervisor says he was disappointed in what he saw idk maybe i'm being overdramatic... i like to think i'm really#receptive to feedback both positive and negative but this one hurt ngl ik the class discussions weren't the best but they all hated poetry#and i was dragging as much as i could out of them and they're all restless because we haven't had a day off since january and idk. well#hopefully dickinson goes better ig - God i'm so scared for my mentor teacher to watch the video because she always does and she's great and#i don't want her to be disappointed in me lol#sorry just had a mini breakdown👍🏻
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