#dick and jason do NOT deal with bruce like that

[freefallintothevoid]

Whenever Bruce can't do something as Batman he sends one of his kids in the cowl. Literally any of his kids. To deal with having to wear the cowl, they turn it into a game: will the justice league notice that Batman isn't the person under the mask?

Spoiler alert, they don't.

Somehow, the league never notices when it's not Bruce under the cowl, or at least that it's not the same person they all know.

Like never.

______

Hal: Hey Bats, you look taller today.

Jason, determined not to lose: hm

Hal, sensing danger and immediately backtracking: uh, that's not to say you don't usually look tall, I mean you just look taller today, um did you change your ear thingies?

Jason: *Batglare intensifies*

Hal: uh, I'm just gonna go

_______

Aquaman: you've been quiet this whole meeting, Batman, even for you.

Cass, currently wearing shoulder pads and absolutely insane platform boots: *a fim huff of breath*

Aquaman: right sorry, I forgot you were dealing with another mass break out from Arkham this week, you don't need to stay for the whole meeting. We know you probably know everything already anyway

Cass: *nods*

_____

Flash: Morning Batman. *zooms past*

Duke, absolutely befuddled:

Duke, quietly into his comm: you'd think the speedster would have the time to notice

The several batkids on the other side of the line: *laughing hysterically.*

Dick, wheezing: just do the thing where B tucks the lower half of his face into his cape like he's Dracula. You're doing great.

Bruce, from somewhere in the cave, actively giving up on the assumption that his coworkers have at least one working braincell between them: stop comparing me to Dracula, Dick

[arandomao3user]

As an Ao3 author, I love giving headcanons that'd probably anger a certain side of the Batman fandom, but I personally don't care because it makes great angst and, again, I'm an Ao3 author and chronically ill!

First up! Dick Grayson, I like the idea of him having ADHD, of course, BUT... joint hypermobility syndrome.

(Joint Hypermobility Syndrome: Joint hypermobility syndrome is a connective tissue disorder. Thick bands of tissue (ligaments) hold your joints together and keep them from moving too much or too far out of range. In people with joint hypermobility syndrome, those ligaments are loose or weak. If you have joints that are more flexible than normal and it causes you pain, you may have joint hypermobility syndrome.)

Chronic pain fits him, don't ask, because as the eldest child with chronic pain and hypermobiltiy syndrome, trust, he has that look in his eye that he's been walking on swollen knees for the past twelve hours, had three mental breakdowns, and is still pushing through because SOMEBODY has to deal with this bull.

That's also the reason he wears freakin' spandex-- only, it's for compression! He wears compression items to help with swelling and pain TRUST, and let me have this because the math maths (it probably doesn't, but let me have this.)

He's got chronic fatigue, he's gotten used to popping dislocated joints back into place, Bruce was so confused how he dislocated and sprained so many bones so quickly when out as Robin. It's genetic, of course, Bruce finds. But he has money, and Dick powers through it all! Till he develops arthritis in his early thirties/ late twenties and actually hates everything because WHAT AND WHY--

---

Next up! JASON TODD! I have no proof, evidence, and it doesn't have to make sense but I like giving him asthma sometimes for the angst potential of if he didn't have it, he wouldn't have died in the explosion.

He didn't die from said explosion, nor JUST the smoke inhalation, but because he had an asthma attack, on the ground, bones broken, unable to breath because his inhaler did NOT survive the blast, if he even had it on him.

And that's why he wears helmet with so, so many filters in it now...

Also, being a street kid who struggles to even get his medication that keeps him alive? Peak angst, being to poor to afford your medication because the American healthcare system is actually trashy garbage.

R.I.P. Jason Todd, you would've loved clean air--

---

ANEMIC TIM DRAKE! But I up you, Tim Drake with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS)

(POTS: Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is a condition that causes your heart to beat faster than normal when you transition from sitting or lying down to standing up. It’s a type of orthostatic intolerance.)

Read ONE SINGLE FIC/ SERIES with this and I've loved it since because what do you mean he randomly falls asleep anywhere? No, forget your canon, he passed out and people think he just fell asleep... NOpe, he passed out, sorry random lady he was on a date with!

(The majority of people are AFAM but we aren't ready for my trans Tim headcanons yet either.)

(You’re at a higher risk of developing POTS after experiencing the following stressors:

Significant illnesses, such as viral illnesses like mononucleosis or serious infections.

Physical trauma, such as a head injury.)

Ngl, my dude gets a LOT of physical trauma (and mental--) also, losing a spleen? Surgery and at risk of viral illnesses? I'm sorry, but I need him to suffer more because I like when Tim Drake suffers horribly.

Now, despite having this condition, I am no expert, but also his caffiene/ energy drink addiction is from chronic fatigue, he shouldn't drink it, it's not healthy or good for him, but he stopped caring between the spleen loss and whatever the "Drake" run he did was because what even was that name?--

---

Damian is autistic and I will DIE ON THAT HILL--

No, I won't explain and you can't make me.

---

[loudtrashcan]

Late-night Batfam thoughts: Duke is figuring out why Tim is a vigilante.

(I've never made post like this before please eek)

Duke: So, Tim... What's your deal man?

Tim: My deal?

Duke: Yea, like the trauma that made you a vigilante? After meeting all the Bats, they have a lot of Big T Trauma.

Tim: I- explain....

Duke: Well, Bruce and Dick watched their parents get murdered. Jason was poor, had a parent struggling with substance abuse, and an abusive dad. Babs has a cop dad.

Tim: Does that count? Last I checked Babs became Batgirl because of her sense of duty and love for Gotham...

Duke: Nah, cop dad is pretty bad.

Tim: You know what, sure.

Duke: Steph has a villian dad. Cass was trained to be a weapon. Damian was raised by the LOA. Jarro is related to Starro. Helena is from a mafia family. Kate is a Jewish Lesbian military brat and lost her mother in a terrorist attack. Harper is poor and has an abusive parent.

Tim: What about Luke? He's from a wealthy family.

Duke: He's Black, there's some trauma there.

Tim: ...right

Duke: And I am the biological son of a villian and the whole Incident.

Tim: Doug isn't your biological dad????

Duke: Don't worry about it.

Tim:

Duke:

Duke: You're some rich white kid. You have no major injustice that drew you to crime fighting.

Tim: I'd argue the same applies to Babs and Luke.

Duke: Nah, theres trauma there. Besides, it's not like Bruce kidnapped you either. You showed up in costume.

Tim: That's not... Ok, yes, my home life was decent even with my parents traveling a lot. Also, I didn't want to be Robin, that was Alfred.

Duke: Ok, but how did you just show up?

Tim: Might've stalked Batman and Robin for multiple years. And took photos of them while they fought crime while remaining undetected. And showed up to an active crime scene to covince Dick to help Bruce. And raw dogged a confrontation with Two Face...

Duke: See! How does someone do that with no life-altering trauma?

Tim: *shrugs*

[gothamite-rambler]

The Batgirls on their Periods at the Same Time

Context: This is probably some ooc and if that bothers you just scroll on by. It's cool, silly fics like this depicting the batfamily in this manner isn't for everybody but don't leave hate comments if this bothers you. This is posted here because it's more shorter and just feels like it would work here 😊 Oh and I wrote this while on my period. We go through out periods in different ways. The batgirls and batwoman are expys of that and this is how the male members of their family handle it. This is for all my girlie pops that have to deal with this curse. Let's dive in!

Dick (walking over to Barbara): Hey, Barb, you sent me a few angry texts. Did I make you mad about something I'm unaware of?

Barbara (seething): Yes! Remember that triple chocolate cake I had leftover? You’d better buy me a new one!

Barbara deliberately rolled over Dick's foot while muttering an impressive assortment of curse words.

Dick (complaining): Ow! You said I could have it!

Barbara (voice filled with the fury of a thousand angry souls): Lies! Get me a new one, or I'm ignoring you for the rest of the day, including during comms tonight! You greedy ass! Hold off on the sweets, fat ass!

Dick (furrowing his brows, angry): Fat ass? Rude! Jesus over some cake? I'll buy you another one... after I ice my foot. You freakin’ jerk.

Barbara (over her shoulder with a smirk): Cake thief!

Tim silently listened to the argument while he sat at the kitchen table. Dick sat down, rubbing his sore foot.

Tim (confused): Hm... Have the girls been acting… a little on edge lately?

Dick (hesitating): I hadn’t really noticed until my foot became a casualty. What have you seen?

Tim: Barbara seems to be irritated with everything around her and Stephanie has been eerily quiet and distant today, which is unlike her. Bruce asked her if she wanted to patrol a different part of Gotham, and she just growled at him... which is close to how she usually acts.

Dick: Hm… that's odd.

Just then, Stephanie Brown trudged into the kitchen, wearing an oversized shirt and jogger pants, looking like she had just escaped from some form of medieval torture.

Stephanie (almost a whisper): I’m watching cat videos. Don’t bother me and let Duke know I'm really sorry for the many hurtful words I said.

Tim (coolly while stirring his tea): He said it's fine and he'll return in a few days.

Stephanie nodded with an understanding 'mm-hm'.

Stephanie: Oh and tell Bruce I’m covering the other part of town tonight, just need to be wrapped in blanket for next few hours.

Tim (nodding): You got it, bestie.

Stephanie grunted a 'thank you' and shuffled out of the kitchen.

Tim: She hasn’t snapped at me too much.

Dick (worried): Hm… wait, wait, wait... Duke left? This isn’t the time, is it?

Tim (tilting his head): Time for what?

Dick (leaning in dramatically): No, no, no- Wait, we might be in the clear if Cass and Kate don't have there's.

Tim (looking confused): Have what?

Dick: You poor summer child.

Dick sighed, shaking his head, while Tim shrugged nonchalantly, blissfully unaware of the tale as old as time: period sync-up.

---------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Jason heard a knock at his door. He opened it to find his older sister, Cass, standing there, wringing her hands nervously. She bit her lip, a worried expression on her face.

Cass (waving quickly): Hi, Jason.

Jason: Hey, Cass. Everything okay? You seem stressed.

Cass (bashfully): Do I? Yeah, um, my… Aunt Flo is visiting, my caregiver never took the time to- I hate when she visits, but I need to go to the store for supplies… I don’t want to go alone. You’re the only one I trust to take me.

Jason (confused): You don’t have an Aunt Flo, and what supplies do you need to meet her?

Cass (frowning): Oh… oh dear, you don't get it. Um, my crimson tide… has arrived?

Jason: Crimson… what now?

Cass (losing patience): My period is on! I need to buy tampons or pads before I bleed and ruin my sheets again! I'm literally wearing the last tampon, Selina is on vacation-

Jason (covering her mouth): All right, got it! The message is crystal clear now. Okay, stand there, I’ll grab my keys.

As Jason went to his living room to get his backpack, Cass stepped inside, surprised he’d actually agreed to take her to the store.

Cass: Wait, you’re not… weirded out by this?

Jason: I’m friends with Artemis. I’ve seen things, it makes me squeamish at times, but that might be because I've never went through it... thank God. Austen can keep watch while I'm gone.

Austen the cat meowed to confirm that as he rested in a carboard box.

Jason (heading outside): Now let’s get you those supplies.

Cass clapped eagerly, following Jason to his car, clearly relieved.

-----------------------------------

Back at Wayne Manor, Dick waited for his father to pick up while Tim sat in perplexed silence.

Dick (calling Bruce): Bruce, are the girls on their periods?

Tim (gasping dramatically): Oh, that’s what it is!

Dick (clearly irritated): Jesus Christ, Tim. Duke figured it out!

Tim (defending himself): I've been distracted lately.

Bruce (calm): Hm… that explains why Stephanie snapped at me and why Barbara cussed me out… I’m a little too familiar with that sort of thing. I don't blame Duke for taking a week off, he texted me earlier about that. So yes, they definitely are. Cass is probably on board for that ride too. Women can sync up with their menstrual cycles like a well-oiled machine.

Kate's laughter could be heard in the background along with Bruce groaning.

Tim (stammering): How does he-- Bruce, how do you know that?

Bruce (slightly uncomfortable): Selina is very informative… and Harley is a treasure trove of knowledge. Trust me, you learn a thing or two. Just go easy on them, and they won’t bite your head off. You didn’t do anything to tick them off, did you?

Dick (ice pack firmly planted on his foot): ... I may have done something to make Babs upset.

Tim (grinning proudly): I have not, so I’m doing good!

Bruce: Well, like I said, don’t do anything else stupid, Dick.

Dick: I’ll try not to.

----------------------------------

With that, Bruce ended the call, sighed, and turned to his cousin Kate, aka Batwoman, who sat in the passenger seat with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.

Bruce: And then there’s you.

Kate (coolly): Yeah, just going to ignore me? No mention of the four-way sync-up?

Bruce: I’m ignoring a lot right now especially involving you. I’m a master at many things—women syncing menstrual cycles is not one of them.

Kate (nodding sagely): Trust me, women don’t get it either.

Bruce: Let’s at least get you your monthly period supplies.

Kate (squirming): Could you not call it that?

Bruce (mockingly): Could you be actually prepared next time and not drag me out of work?

Kate (swiping her hand like a cat): Ooh, catty? Maybe you’re on your month as well.

Bruce (chuckling dryly): You’re hilarious, let me tell ya.

Kate: I cope with humor. Now get out of the car. Also, you’re buying me lunch today.

Bruce (sardonic): Oh, fantastic. I definitely wanted to treat you while you’re on your period. Now, let’s get your supplies before you fashion a makeshift cape out of my car seat.

[random-generated-name]

Jason: So, again, your alibi is a mysterious stranger handed you the gun, made you put your prints on it, robbed the store, and then hid the gun in your underpants.

Joker: Well, yeah, if you say it like that, it don't sound believable.

Jason: Oh, hey, Bruce. Did you get my report on Lex Luthor?

Bruce: Yeah, I looked it over. Nice work.

Jason: Good. Thanks, dad

Jason: Why is everyone staring at me?

Tim: You just called Bruce "dad." You said, “Thanks, dad."

Jason: What? No, I didn't. I said, “Thanks, man."

Bruce: Do you see me as a father figure, Jason?

Jason: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me

Damian: Hey, show our father some respect.

Jason: I didn't call him dad!

Bruce: No, no. Jason, I take it as a compliment.

Dick: It's not a big deal. I called Kori “mom” once and she's my fiancée.

Jason: Guys, jump on that. Dick has psycho-sexual issues.

Duke: Old news. But you calling Holt daddy.

Jason: Hey, daddy is not on the table here

Joker: Well, you did call him dad, dude.

Jason: You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here.

Joker: Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the dad thing, that happened.

Jake: Ah-ha. He admitted his alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan.

Bruce: I believed you— 

Jason: Thank you.

Bruce: —son…You want to talk about it later over a game of catch?

Jason: I'd like that.

[plaudiusplants]

Listen I'm sorry if I've posted this before but in my defense I just tried to check and the tumblr search thing sucks :(

It's only in my head but a groundhogs day kind of thing where Someone Important is mad at the way Jason deals with his anger and jealousy so he has to keep doing the day over until he understands that Tim is a) not his replacement and b) a whole-ass child person inside that Robin suit and doesn't deserve to be beaten within an inch of his life (or harder, depending on the loop!)

The first day of the loop, he notices things that are just kind of weird. The same person gives him the same greeting at the same store, the same bat-alerts go off as yesterday saying that Tim is the only person in the tower. At first he wonders how Bruce could let him out again so soon, and then he spots something that he realizes is the same as yesterday; a newspaper or something. Maybe yesterday didn't happen like he thinks it did? Maybe it was just a very vivid dream? Anyway, there's a replacement who needs to be shown his place and by golly Jason will show him the light

I could see it being The Timeline as an entity, maybe a future version of Jason who wants one version of himself to have a shot at being friends with Tim sooner (without attempted murder hanging over them lmao)

The second day of the loop, Jason knows for sure this is the same day over again. He tries deliberately to change something just to see what will happen. He half-convinces himself that Tim engineered this so he heads to Titans Tower early and for the next few loops he alternates between beating Tim half to death, beating him fully to death, and trying to figure out what he's meant to do to get out of the loop

It takes longer than he anticipated to convince the Bats that he's in a time loop because he's already the crime lord that knows a disturbing amount of things about them, why wouldn't he know weird things like how the Batmobile needs gas today? It takes him a full week to accept the fact that he's going to need to take off his helmet for them to get anywhere with this conversation, and then it takes him many more loops to actually take his helmet off and get anywhere with that conversation

Somewhere in the middle of his umpteenth loop, he asks Tim why he's helping. Jason had explained…… too many times… what happened on that original day, and Tim is fully aware of the fact that Robin, his hero, his older brother who was younger than Tim is now when he died, has successfully murdered him in multiple loops and has beaten him into a coma at least twice as often. Tim says that Jason is still his hero, his Robin

Jason has to spend a few loops Thinking about things after that

On his final loop, he breaks into Titans Tower once more. He leaves the helmet and his guns in Gotham. He tells Tim what happened, from the beginning, because Tim has to be able to make a choice here, he has to be able to choose Jason as his brother and his friend, despite everything, and, Jason thinks, he has to be able to not choose Jason.

Tim is just happy to have his favourite older brother that he'd never met back in the family! He convinces himself that now that Jason's back Bruce won't need Tim anymore but Jason holds onto Tim tighter than Bruce or Dick realized he needed to be held and Tim finally relaxes

[kawaii-queen-kaiju]

Young and Learning

Part Two!

Riley bounded into the Wayne Manor kitchen, proud of herself. She’d utterly destroyed the punching bag. And sure, it wasn’t the reinforced ones that Bruce went through like toilet paper, but she’d only been at this kind of hardcore training for a couple months! And shit, was it hardcore. She knew the ‘Bat-training’ was intense; she and Babs, as the commissioner's daughter insisted she be called, had been training alongside each other, and lamented how harsh it was together jokingly. Jason had also often come to their meetups exhausted, but in a good way, with a smile on his face.

She sombered a little at the thought of her friend before shaking it off and thanking Alfred for the water bottle he’d given her. Jason was still a sore spot, for her and the people she’d surrounded herself with. The topic had prompted several screaming matches between her and Bruce while they were still trying to adjust - mostly her screaming and Bruce waiting for her to finish before leaving to the Cave to go through a few punching bags. Things had gotten better between them though.

At first, her mother had been hesitant to let her train with the man, the offer itself taking them both by surprise. 

When she’d found out Bruce’s identity through Jason, she had told her mother. Her mom had been surprisingly accepting of it, the revelation bringing together the few pieces hinting towards his identity left around through the years. Riley had also informed her of her intent to go out and fight - though, not the psychological warfare plan against Batman that she’d since abandoned.

So when Bruce showed up, intent on telling her mother what she was doing so she’d stop - something she’d been pissed at him for at the time, but came to see that he just wanted her to be safe - he was shocked to hear that her mom already knew.

Somehow, he’d left their apartment with a promise to give her proper training if she truly wouldn’t stop going out. Come to find out, that’s what the arrangement had been for both Dick and Jason, the stubborn bastards. (Babs and Alfred were the only sane ones, and even then, she was still intent on becoming a vigilante, though she gave herself a grace period for training, and the elder butler kept loaded shotguns around the house.)

She’d been scared to tell Bruce about her power - the ability to manipulate light, make it bright and searing - what with his ‘no metas’ rule. Turns out, his problem is with other established heroes, not just normal people who just happened to be born a certain way. He even came up with a routine to help train her ability itself!

It was… nice. When she told him she’d been Jason’s friend - best friend, even - he’d been shocked silent. She’d seen the emotion swimming in his eyes. The hug she gave him was a bit awkward, but she got the feeling he needed it.

Now, a few months later, she’d hesitate to call him a father figure, but only because of the negative connotation the word held for her. She had yet to meet Dick, but he and Bruce had been talking to each other more lately, most likely because of her presence.

Bruce hadn’t said anything about getting a new Robin, but she knew he’d heard the rumors going around. Surprising herself, she found that she thought Batman did better with a Robin. Past-her, the one still actively hating Batman for putting Jason in the situation he did, would tear her apart if she knew what she was thinking. But…

Bruce had been through some shit. His patience and self-control were thin, thinner than a man dealing with sadistic wackjobs oughta have. Having someone else on the field to watch out for, to care for… it gave him the resolve to hold firm to his morals. As a fifteen-year-old who had been on the streets looking for fights, a fifteen-year-old looking for a fight was not the best partner to have when dealing with said sadistic wackjobs, but Alfred had told her about how Dick tried to go out anyway, despite Bruce telling him ‘no’. Surprisingly, the smiley boy had been particularly violent after his parents’ murder.

After several years, he’d cooled off and gotten sick of being a sidekick and had gone off with other heroes’ teen support and formed his own team. It was shortly after that that he’d quit Robin altogether, becoming his own hero and moving, with Jason getting picked up shortly after that.

In all honesty, if Bruce asked her to be Robin next, she’d drop kick him. She knew the mantle was already one that got passed down but taking it up after Jason felt wrong. She’d already semi-developed her own vigilante identity, though she’d never thought too hard about a name.

She’d been turning one over in her head lately though. Batman, Robin, Batgirl, and Phoenix.

Didn’t sound half-bad.

~

Part Four!

[notfeelingthyaster]

jason in that one "it's okay bruce" panel is so procedure show coded, from his pose to the nonsense he's saying

[anxi04]

tim and bruce have an odd relationship to the rest of the family. they don’t act like father and son but it seems like they have a “deeper” bond than the others

bruce seems to take tim’s advice more seriously, bruce actually takes a break if tim tells him, tim still gets benched but not nearly as much as he should, and most confusingly, tim benched bruce once. not alfred benching bruce, TIM.

normally bruce has to be forced to take a break, and normally by alfred, but if tim says “you’re benched for a week” bruce? listens?

they have no idea why. some of them ask dick if he knows since he was there but he’s just as confused

and then despite all that there’s also such a strain between them? it’s really on the line of a professional relationship and almost a care taker. it’s very confusing. and then the times bruce gives tim a present or anything like that and tim stops and stares at him for a second, like he’s dissecting bruce. no one is able to fully figure it. until bruce is de-aged to tim’s robin era.

tim is very adamant about most of them, but especially jason and damian, do not reveal their names to him. for the time being they have a strictly professional relationship with their father who doesn’t know them.

they finally get some of the picture when they see tim start acting as bruce’s caretaker. tim switches between being gentle “hey, you need to sleep” to screaming at bruce. it always works. tim knows exactly which version bruce needs and it scares the team cause that has to require some practice

they’re then also thrown for a loop when they hear bruce call out jason’s name in a shocked voice, which makes sense cause he doesn’t know jason is alive but jason still has his helmet on so what? and then they hear a voice none of them have heard. except dick goes pale and jason’s breath hitches. and suddenly tim is responding to jason’s name and acting weird, almost like what some of dicks stories described jason as. and it’s so fucked up when they’re watching time act like someone else and bruce going along with it

the dynamic they’re getting is also fucked up once again when, during one of bruce’s really bad days, tim straight up acts like bruce’s parent. and bruce reacts well.

they’re all horrified by this. the realization that tim and bruce’s relationship has so many layers and that they do act like father and son sometimes. except bruce isn’t the father and tim isn’t the son

[gaywineauntsstuff]

I just saw someone say that Tim was the only member of the batfamily who didn’t suck at math.

With the exception of Dick (acrobatics) and Cass (body language) none of the Batkids are THAT much better than the others at a certain skill

Yes Jason is a better shot

Yes Tim is a better detective

And on a technical level they’re much better

Sure

But that means that if they have a 0.001% chance of cracking a case or making a shot. There will be a noticeable difference between Tim being the character or say Damian.

Otherwise

Not particularly.

Think of each skill like a normally distributed curve okay with the mean being your average hero/olympian/hacker/genius

Right

The Batkids will be at the 96th percentile in the skill

With the exception of 1 of them being at the 99th percentile range

Unless you are writing something you can comfortably say is complex/difficult enough to warrant drawing attention to the 3% difference. It’s annoying to bring it up

I exclude Dick and Cass

Because Dicks introduction is the fact he can do something the rest of the kids can’t to the point where it’s an identifier within his own story. It’s how Tim found him, a signature only he can do.

And Cass because she is genuinely cartoonishly cracked in her own storyline and in batfamily stuff she’s borderline a mind reader

(Could also argue Jason for supernatural stuff and the all blades)

These are exceptions because yeah

If you told me Jason, Dick or Steph cracked a difficult case in a run I wouldn’t treat it as shocking information

If you told me Tim, Dick or Damian managed a tricky shot with a firearm in a dire situation (like what happens in the Grayson run) it would be interesting, surprising but like not? Shocking?

If you told me that Jason did a quadruple summersault off a building and landed on his feet I’d be confused as shit

And even WITH Dick and Cass the other kids are still FREAKISHLY good at D&Cs special skills but they both have unignorable signatures

This is a very long winded way of saying when an author simplifies a character down to

“Oh look nice flippy one”

“Smart one”

“Angry gun one”

“Pet collector”

It’s annoying because you basically ignore all the interesting overlap

Like guess what Dick literally has a habit of collecting strays (see the rabbit and 3 legged dog he lives with in his apartment in the new run)

Tim is fucking badass and is very good at dealing with explosives

Damian is canonically currently thinking of leaving the family business and no longer being a hero to maybe focus on helping people in other ways

Jason occasionally works with magic and demon bullshit

And every single one of them is a genius okay literally every single one of them could get a masters in physics, chem, bio and history in like 2 weeks flat.

Their stats are stacked

All of them know enough info to be able to do 99% of a task and yeah someone might call Tim or Dick in for detective help or Jason for muscle and restraining backup but in 99% of cases THE OTHER CHARACTERS SHOULD BE EQUALLY competent

[hijinxinprogress]

Coffee addict Never sleeps Tim drake ❌ 

Solving cases in his sleep off 87 energy drinks Tim Drake ✅

The coffee addict never sleeps perpetually tired Tim Drake thing is a widely accepted headcanon however that was elementary school tim but after he stayed up for a week straight subsisting entirely on coffee to decipher the bat weekly patrol schedule and how it aligns with rogue attacks/Arkham breakouts, he crashed then when he woke up it was fucking wednesday so he missed his chance to commemorate his discovery with pictures of Robin and he decided that shit would never happen again and made himself an ‘efficient’ sleep schedule so he could run around doing fuck shit, add to his robin shrine, and stay on honor roll bc he was even more pissed to see the gotham gazette had pictures of Robin with an on site interview credited to Vicki Vale (listen bowl cut tim had a one sided beef with vicki vale that included tim judging who gets better pics of the bats but she isn’t even aware that she’s competing with a whole ass child 😭 he’s sitting at the table with a mug of orange juice and looks at the newspaper snorts and goes ‘fucking amateur I could do better’) 

Regularly unsupervised tiny businessman in training Tim ‘Ten hours of uninterrupted sleep?? That’s so inefficient not to mention fucking stupid’ Drake is so pissed he missed getting shots of Robin dropkicking a rogue from 6 six stories up (for absolutely no reason dick just thinks it’s fun) that he just takes at least 3 hour naps every eight hours 😭 he refuses to spend almost half a day sleeping ‘for no reason when he could be doing something productive’ 

And he still does this as a bat but it’s just easier to tell if he didn’t take his nap bc he has less than zero impulse control and he’s just fucking done with everything like the gcpd is terrified bc tim’s saying shit like ‘This guys a fucking moron, I could’ve done this in half the time without killing anyone fucking loser doesn’t he know if you keep them alive you can prolong the torture?’ and ‘you’re like all hysterical and for what 🤨 ‘you blew up 83% of Bristol waah’ stfu and fucking rebuild it?? It’s only rich mfs that live there, it’s just a matter of them opening their fucking wallets’ once a new recruit made the mistake of asking if robin had adult supervision regularly and Tim responded with ‘well if you’re gonna snitch to cps like a little bitch then yeah’ and that cop did snitch so tim fucking doxxed him

Yj has just accepted that sometimes they will find tim in an air vent, on the roof, in one of their closets, or something just fucking knocked out then an alarm will go off and he’ll just get up like nothing happened but for the first couple of months they were probably concerned bc ‘I’ve never seen you sleep?? wtf are you on man’ and Tim’s confused bc ‘I slept next to you this morning wdym??’ and that’s how yj discovers tim sleeps with his eyes open

But one of the worst things about Tim’s ‘time efficient sleep schedule’ nonsense is that it fucking works he’s one of the most well rested and coherent bats even after back to back Arkham breakouts however the absolute worst thing about his sleep schedule is the likelihood of going into the cave and seeing tim staring in a daze but wide eyed yet somehow never blinking at the batcomputer with 57 tabs open on top of being unresponsive and thinking he has a fucking concussion or he’s been replaced but he’s just doing case work while muttering nonsense in his fucking sleep for some reason

[morninkim]

the son becomes his father or something

[covertblizzard]

jaykyle au where they're theatre kids in the same school but they're not the actors jason's the scriptwriter/director and kyle is the prop manager (i don't know the official terms sorry) and they'd probably do an amazing job on the backstage setting if they could stop arguing for 5 whole seconds about their artistic visions and ideas and how "this would obviously work better this way"

[clericxhood777]

Ed: Is this yours

*Damian clinging on his leg*

Bruce: Yes, I was wondering where he went

Ed: *Sighs* It's the third time this week

Bruce: You try raising four children

[roobylavender]

im really sorry if this question ends up being repetitive: but, if not for bruce’s over reliance on dick to regulate his thoughts and emotions, why would dick grow up into feeling like he needs to repress his emotions so much and his eagerness to act as people’s support? i know youve spoken about wolfman and his altering of their relationship but if ntt is generally an accurate portrayal of an adult dick, to me this nevertheless sounds like the consequences a parent-child relationship where the responsibilities are titled too much towards the child

i suppose this could also segue into asking for recs that would help me better understand your interpretation of their relationship 👀

not repetitive at all! to me the irony of wolfman's depiction of dick lies in that it is simultaneously something you can logically ascertain from prior canon but not for the reasons actually presented by wolfman. if that makes sense. he does extra work that isn't actually necessary to help explain why dick would act the way that he does because there's plenty of reasons for it without rewriting his history with bruce to have always been suppressed and edgy and dark. to me it makes far more sense to capitalize on the inevitable disconnect between bruce and dick as an adult and a child. batman: full circle is a good example of that dichotomy (and although it was published in the early 90s it built on mike w. barr's prior understanding of the relationship between dick and bruce that he wrote into the early 80s). bruce's primary concern for the people he works with is never standards or finesse but safety. he worries constantly about others coming to harm under his watch and with a child in particular those worries were exacerbated. he ran a tight ship not because he believed dick had anything to prove but because the only way dick could keep being robin was if he went about it safely. that was obv easy for an adult to understand. but not so much for a child

to bruce these worries were practical and par for the course (as well as an expression of his love and protectiveness) but for dick their consequences formed the crux of his entire world. as a child he idolized everything about bruce. his heroism. his work ethic. his skill. his resolve. his preparedness. if dick couldn't live up to the standard he set for himself in idolizing bruce then what could he ever hope to amount to? that was the thought constantly going through his head. and it's why the bulk of his childhood and primary tenure as bruce's partner was so precariously protected by the fact that nothing bad ever really happened during it (and admittedly this framing is convenient because even chronologically speaking nothing very significant happened in their history with each other until dick left for university in 1969) (i know dixon opted to write that whole shtick with dent in his version of events but personally i never found it necessary to do so). there is enough there in the idea of dick working hard for the course of a decade to embody who he believed bruce to be that lends itself to it eventually being difficult for him to healthily express himself once the rift between them actually began to emerge

because what about bruce was there to actually see that was broken and dark before dick became an adult? i know a lot of dick fans hate batman #408 because they don't like that it enforced "retirement" upon dick (which i personally believe is a conclusion they come to because of the way batman #416 re-framed the same scene) but to me that's an inaccurate reading of the text. batman #408 was about bruce (admittedly far too belatedly) recognizing that he could not in good conscience continue to ask dick to go out and be a vigilante on what he considered to be his own "orders". he viewed dick's close call with death at the hands of the joker as something directly of his own making. although their tenure with each other had been wonderful if dick wanted to continue to be a vigilante it had to be on his own terms and of his own volition. obv that was logical to bruce and it was something dick managed to accept in the moment. but it's still hard to go from always having a purpose alongside someone you idolized to finally being entrusted entirely to forge your own

in general i like the idea of dick the adult becoming privy to all of the personal problems and conflicts that come with being a vigilante. he was conveniently shielded from a lot of those problems as a child because all he had to do was be bruce's partner and hope to live up to the title. bruce had no reason to trauma dump on him or talk about his worries and concerns at length with him because it was never supposed to be dick's job to field those worries and concerns in the first place. he was a child. the only thing bruce wanted to do was to help channel his emotions through an outlet and provide him with a home to grow up in. but when you become an adult often that dynamic shifts. you're still not responsible for fielding those worries and concerns but you can perhaps be trusted with them. that's why i like the framing in batman #408 of dick now being a man. it's a subtle way to frame the double-edged sword of adulthood. the world is in your hands now but so will be the horrors that come with it. coming to terms with the real world that bruce lives in should be hard for dick. coming to terms with who bruce is when he's not perfect should be hard. coming to terms with how quietly bruce kept his grief because he did not see fit to overwhelm a child with it should be hard. that dichotomy of dick both wanting to be bruce's brother and his son should form the crux of their conflict with each other because you can't hope to be someone's equal and someone's protected at the same time in that kind of relationship. for dick to transition into the position of equal he has to expose himself to the fact that bruce is not in fact an idol but someone irrevocably human. and that should interfere significantly with his head and his own standards for himself

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Suddently got the realization that a Mecs Batfam AU would be so easy. Vampire scientist Bruce imortalizes his kids via steampunk tecnology it goes as one would imagine.