#Oracle: take that bench and shove it up your ass batman

[hijinxinprogress]

Coffee addict Never sleeps Tim drake ❌ 

Solving cases in his sleep off 87 energy drinks Tim Drake ✅

The coffee addict never sleeps perpetually tired Tim Drake thing is a widely accepted headcanon however that was elementary school tim but after he stayed up for a week straight subsisting entirely on coffee to decipher the bat weekly patrol schedule and how it aligns with rogue attacks/Arkham breakouts, he crashed then when he woke up it was fucking wednesday so he missed his chance to commemorate his discovery with pictures of Robin and he decided that shit would never happen again and made himself an ‘efficient’ sleep schedule so he could run around doing fuck shit, add to his robin shrine, and stay on honor roll bc he was even more pissed to see the gotham gazette had pictures of Robin with an on site interview credited to Vicki Vale (listen bowl cut tim had a one sided beef with vicki vale that included tim judging who gets better pics of the bats but she isn’t even aware that she’s competing with a whole ass child 😭 he’s sitting at the table with a mug of orange juice and looks at the newspaper snorts and goes ‘fucking amateur I could do better’) 

Regularly unsupervised tiny businessman in training Tim ‘Ten hours of uninterrupted sleep?? That’s so inefficient not to mention fucking stupid’ Drake is so pissed he missed getting shots of Robin dropkicking a rogue from 6 six stories up (for absolutely no reason dick just thinks it’s fun) that he just takes at least 3 hour naps every eight hours 😭 he refuses to spend almost half a day sleeping ‘for no reason when he could be doing something productive’ 

And he still does this as a bat but it’s just easier to tell if he didn’t take his nap bc he has less than zero impulse control and he’s just fucking done with everything like the gcpd is terrified bc tim’s saying shit like ‘This guys a fucking moron, I could’ve done this in half the time without killing anyone fucking loser doesn’t he know if you keep them alive you can prolong the torture?’ and ‘you’re like all hysterical and for what 🤨 ‘you blew up 83% of Bristol waah’ stfu and fucking rebuild it?? It’s only rich mfs that live there, it’s just a matter of them opening their fucking wallets’ once a new recruit made the mistake of asking if robin had adult supervision regularly and Tim responded with ‘well if you’re gonna snitch to cps like a little bitch then yeah’ and that cop did snitch so tim fucking doxxed him

Yj has just accepted that sometimes they will find tim in an air vent, on the roof, in one of their closets, or something just fucking knocked out then an alarm will go off and he’ll just get up like nothing happened but for the first couple of months they were probably concerned bc ‘I’ve never seen you sleep?? wtf are you on man’ and Tim’s confused bc ‘I slept next to you this morning wdym??’ and that’s how yj discovers tim sleeps with his eyes open

But one of the worst things about Tim’s ‘time efficient sleep schedule’ nonsense is that it fucking works he’s one of the most well rested and coherent bats even after back to back Arkham breakouts however the absolute worst thing about his sleep schedule is the likelihood of going into the cave and seeing tim staring in a daze but wide eyed yet somehow never blinking at the batcomputer with 57 tabs open on top of being unresponsive and thinking he has a fucking concussion or he’s been replaced but he’s just doing case work while muttering nonsense in his fucking sleep for some reason

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

I am Batman Part 6

Bryce decides the best way to deal with the new reveal of her status is to find Lucius Fox, who is like in that one movie working a shit-end job, and go: HERE IS YOUR NEW CEO WHO WAS SHOVED HERE SINCE HE DIDN'T AGREE WITH ANYTHING! And then BOOK it.

She ain't being CEO, fuck that noise.

Lucius does good work though, letting Bryce focus on her kids, and herself and mourning the boy she thought could have been part of their family.

At this time, Jason is sixteen. Dick is 20, Barbara is 21. Bryce is 33. Tim WOULD have been 13. Alfred is Alfred.

However, around this time Bryce can’t go out as Batman due to the increased focus on her. Nor is Jason able to go out due to his injuries.

Bryce ends up telling someone who she is. And who is that?

J’onn.

No, really he’s the one she tells because she needs HIS help given he can look like Batman and is more willing to do creepy shit compared to someone like Superman.

J’onn is impressed she hid it so long and is more than willing to play as Bryce deals with paparazzi stalking the farm. She ends up calling the cops a lot on the ones who enter her property so they do end up stopping there.

Bryce does give an interview cause why not. And when they show up to the farm, they're expecting like... the socialite form of a farmer. Delicate. Gentle. Wearing some sort of cottage core dress and looking so small.

They get 6'2" Bryce whose built like a linebacker. She's broad, buff and meets the reporter carrying a baby calf. Dressed in a ratty t-shirt, a pair of gross blue jeans and looking done.

They also get Dixon White who moved back to Gotham after Jason's accident who is flirty, hot and very much the beautiful farmer's daughter.

They also get Jason who is the city boy but also has a lot of burns and scars from the explosion they're passing off as him being in one of Joker's random ass attacks.

Side note, Jason is on crutches right now and HATES being benched so he's not happy with the reporter.

They also have Alfred who is keeping house and being a grandfather.

Oh and Gotham, posing as the weirdo friend who twice attempts to teach the photographer how to hotwire a car.

Yeah, it's a wild interview. Dick finds it hilarious he's the beautiful farmer's daughter. Jason photoshops his face onto those Robots from Futurama.

Bryce and J'onn become best friends by the time this is all over and the reporters realize they can't change Bryce White into the debutant beauty they thought she would be. So she gets to go out and terrify people again.

With J'onn as a best friend, Bryce ends up being around the Young Justice group as it forms and honestly it hurts her so much cause shit, Tim could have been on that team.

Bryce helps out the team, being the terrifying Batman but a good teacher to them.

Meanwhile, in Gotham Barbara Gordon becomes Oracle. An all-seeing eye that was the victim of cyber crimes, a hissing voice.

It's Oracle who catches a purple-suited girl running around. A solution to an issue Bryce and Jason had. He couldn't go out. Not yet. So they needed someone to take his place.

Hello Spoiler.

Stephanie Brown is ushered into the family after Bryce stalks her for a bit... and then drops down to beat the shit out of her 17-year-old boyfriend.

"What was that for?"

"You started dating last year. You're only 14. That's creepy. And he turns 18 next month. That's worse."

Stephanie is a good Street Rat but Jason finds himself angry. He understood the idea behind it. But he hates it still.

Jason finds himself avoiding the girl, easy since her mom is still around. But in his avoiding her, he finds himself in the shop more and more.

I'm really torn with Jason because I view Jason as honestly struggling with this. He may have agreed to have her step in, but it isn't what he wants. More so since a kid died.

I also think Jason ends up moving into the apartment above the store when he's 17. It hurts Bryce but she accepts it as he gets back on his feet and begins to figure himself out.

Bryce is helping with Young Justice when they find a cloning lab. She helps them break in and they find Conner. Which leads to issues with Superman.

Bryce gets why Superman isn't okay just yet. But she also fully believes Connor needs a solid ground. So she proposes taking Connor herself, and 'letting him stay with a family I am close to'.

Which how does the Bat know these people? But whatever, fuck it in the end.

Side note, Bryce threatens Kara and Clark when she hears about Kon meaning abomination. Like outright, Batman has Kryptonite out and she will skin them if they try shit.

Clark is at least ashamed, Kara takes longer but she gets there.

Clark needing time to adjust to Connor is fine in my eyes, and Connor getting a home solves the issue of 'a kid having no ties to anyone'.

But anyway so Bryce White welcomes a new child into her home, Connor who'd been raised in total isolation as a social experiment. It makes the news and Bryce finds herself at a charity Gala wearing a to fancy dress Alfred gushed over. Bryce who is more at hom ein her torn plaid shirt and stained sweatpants.

Jason might not be around the family much right now but he demands pictures.

Bryce drags Dick with her solely cause screw it, let her beautiful farmer's daughter in on this. It is funny.

Bryce nearly punches six people and 'accidentally' spills wine on a guy. Dick gets way to much blackmail.

Bryce vows never to go to another.

She ends up going to the next one.

Of course while this is all happening, the League of Assassins notice a change in Rat. And wonder why. When a John Doe matching Timothy Drake's description is found in a hospital, they think they know why.

The boy is taken, and sadly it seems the brain damage and unknown way he was brought back has damaged his old skills

No worry, they'll fix that.