#df key

[hyakunana]

"Were you even listening? How many reports, Ikora? How many times did I tell you what I saw?"

[hanayotta]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING. XIANGYI. YOU'RE SPILLING ALL THE WINE. AHHHHH

[theloverofdragons]

“Decades of research, centuries trapped, years exploring and it’s all been worth it, finally I have achieved what could be the pinnacle of my career.”

“What are you talking about-?”

“Hush Uaanta and listen, for this could revolutionise your life the way it has mine!”

“Hmph, I highly doubt that…”

“Now I confess that this has never really been an area I’ve focused on, what with growing up noble and it was a simple necessity in my lab, but now I’ve spent time here in the Land of Dragons, I’ve been able to fully appreciate this… Still doubt me, Uaanta?”

“Please cut to the chase before I hit you with my spoon.”

“So inpatient but very well, I feel that I’ve sufficiently built my revelation up, have I not Lock and Key?”

“Our observations concur with this statement.”

“Excellent! This fresh baked bread that Spruce gave us with the tomato and basil soup Gaelan has prepared, if you take the end crust and crumble it into the soup, you get the most delicious flavourful crunch when eating it! Try it, Uaanta!”

“If you insist… Oh. This pains me to admit it, but you’re right.”

“Ha! I told you so!”

“Yeah yeah…”

(“Haven’t you been doing that for years?” Draco asked. “Yes, but she looks so happy, we’ll let her have this,” the Hero took a bite of their own soup. “I can’t wait for her to discover dipping the bread.”)

****

For @wisp-of-the-willow who requested: Notha has a revelation

[shredsandpatches]

This is a really good article (I have mentioned it a few times before) but also, the final sentence of this abstract simultaneously gives me feelings AND makes me giggle at the author for giving the impression that he was definitely thinking of Doctor Who when he wrote it. Look, I know what that kind of person is like.

(it's me, hi, I'm that kind of person, it's me)

[the-californicationist]

Cali's Kinktober: Day 03

Kinktober Masterlist in absentia lucis - "in the absence of light" John Price x f!reader Kinks > rape, torture, sensory deprivation Full tags on AO3 - MDNI - Read at your own risk.

You are a new recruit to the CIA, and Kate Laswell sends you to some remote blacksite for your interrogation training. Your temporary commander, Captain John Price, gives you a safeword, but as your training begins, you realize that you feel everything except for safe. 

Hey, did you see where the tags said RAPE? Okay, just making sure.

It was three flights and a cab. It was airport food and cold coffee. It was forgetting whether the date ended in a three or a four. It was paperwork and passports and finally a cold office. It was a long trip, and you were running on empty. 

“What are your expectations, here, Katie? I don’t wanna do another Warsaw situ–” The man complained.

“This is nothing like Warsaw. She can handle it. Trust me.” Your boss replied, her voice crackling over the video call.

The man who complained squared his jaw and fixed his eyes on you again, looking at you fresh now that your handler, Kate Laswell, had vouched for you. You tried not to fidget in your seat. You didn’t sit up any straighter. You weren’t here to advertise yourself as the bravest or the toughest of anything. You knew you still needed a lot of training, and if he wanted to draw his own conclusions about you, then that was his business, not yours. 

“Her scores are high. She beat your exam?” 

“She did. Her field test and her ‘chute certifications were performed at a DF site here in the states.”

There was a long pause before Laswell spoke again,

“Do me this favor and maybe I’ll even let you borrow her for a recon mission or two. I know none of your boys are pretty enough to pass for party girls, but mine is.”

“That she is,” you heard his tone darken, thickening in his mouth like sticky sap from a tree, borderline inappropriate. When he saw your reaction to his comment, he turned back to the screen and said, “Alright, Katie. You got a deal. I’ll send her back once she’s out of recovery.”

“Thanks, John. Don’t go easy on her, or she’ll make you pay for it.”

“Is that so?” His wry smile sent a jolt somewhere in your belly that you didn’t appreciate.

She laughed and hung up the call. You waited, trying not to let the jitters or the exhaustion win out, battling both but feeling pulled in either direction just the same. 

“So,” he turned his attention to you at last, “Did you lay in your fuckin’ pink princess bed when you were a little girl and dream about becoming a bloody spy, or is this some sort of complex I should know about?”

You shrugged, 

“A man does what he must…”

“Careful, girl. Quoting Kennedy can’t be good for your health if you’re working in Katie’s office, hm?”

“You don’t need to know why I’m here, sir.” You used his title like a knife, flashing it right in front of his eyes and watching them ignite with his smoldering, quiet fury.

“No, but I bet I’ll find out during our time together,” he promised, making your heart clench with stress and anxiety, “What’s your safeword?”

“Red.”

“Red,” he repeated it to you as if he wanted to see how it felt in his mouth. Then, after a long pause, he explained, “I will also stop before the point of emergent damage. But, I will push you past the point of pain. You will sustain injuries. Do you understand what I’m saying to you, love?”

He seemed to be under the misconception that this was your first rodeo. You knew what you had come here for, and it wasn’t some drill sergeant to yell you into shape. You had already been through Delta Force’s operator training center - the parts they allowed CIA operatives through, anyway - and you’d surpassed what Williamsburg had to offer. You were aiming to serve as a Special Skills operative, the blackest of the black ops groups, and although you lacked the physical strength to be of any use in most field positions, you had one key factor that your fellow recruits didn’t have.

Men never expected a woman to be a threat. 

Laswell had plans for you. She’d tracked down two high value targets, but they were well-guarded. However, there were usually strippers and dancers and prostitutes as far as the eye could see, always partying and coming and going at all hours of the night. You were her way in. But, it was your job to get back out. If you could survive, you’d be a hero. If you didn’t, well, she had more pawns on the board. Not to mention, you had a mission of your own to complete..

So, you worked harder than anyone. You jumped at every field training exercise, you took martial arts classes in every different format you could find, and you lived at the shooting range. You didn’t have a social life. Usually, if you were alone in a room with a man, your fists were connecting with each other’s faces. 

You looked back across the wooden desk in front of you, over his nameplate - Captain Price - and into his startlingly blue eyes,

“I understand.”

He came out of his chair like a fucking demon, lunging for you without warning. As you stumbled backward, wielding your own chair over your shoulder, you sighed inwardly. You’d at least expected a more civilized initiation, maybe even a moment for a coffee, before he started in on his training. But, alas, that was not to be. 

You crashed the wooden chair against his head, neck, and shoulder as he rounded the desk, keeping hold of the broken armrest as a weapon. You stabbed downward, aiming for his throat and not holding back. He blocked you, cracking your wrist against the rigid wood. You stepped into his space, kicking his heel out from under him and following him to the floor. His head hit the concrete with a bang, and you used that moment to pin the armrest against his throat, bearing down on him with all your weight, dislodging his trachea enough to cut his air supply. 

He flung you off of him like a ragdoll, and your back slammed into the leg of the desk. You twisted underneath it, staying just out of his reach, small enough to fit through the gap. He scrambled up on all fours, cackling at you with a gravelly, menacing laugh before leaping up and over the desk to pull you out by your ankles. 

You kicked up and over, making contact with his nose, and when he dropped your other foot, you launched your heel into his balls, making sure to aim as deeply as you could. 

He coughed, and it was your turn to laugh. 

Your victory was short-lived. He launched his body at you, shoving your back down on the desk. You felt the familiar bite of his nameplate digging into your skull, so you dragged it out and swung it at him, cutting him across his cheek. He hissed, yanking it out of your hand and tossing it to the ground. 

The captain forced himself between your legs, pressing his body down on yours, and wrapped his hand across your throat. You fought like hell to get him off, twisting his pinky until you thought it might break, but he caught your wrists in his other hand, holding them at a terrible angle, choking you until you saw rainbow spots discolor your vision. 

“Well,” he said, breathless and bleeding, “Christmas came early, dinn’it?”

Just making sure you read the tag that said this fic has RAPE IN IT. I'm just checking in again. Just want you to know. Okay, thanks.

When you woke up, you weren’t completely sure of it, at first. It was as if you were still asleep. You opened your eyes, but all you saw was an endless blackness. You couldn’t hear anything, you couldn’t smell anything, and you couldn’t move your jaw. But you could feel everything. 

Your whole body screamed in pain. One of your hands was wrenched above your head, and the weight of your body hung from your broken wrist, making you cry out in whatever muffled way you could.

Then, something was removed from your ears, and you could hear again. It was still quiet, but the sound of the aircon and the noise of another person’s breath were like blaring sirens compared to the silence you had been steeped in. 

“Look who’s awake,” John’s purr of a voice washed over you. 

You tried to reply, tried to beg for him to cut you down, but you couldn’t speak. Your mouth was holding something round and pliant. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” he patted your flank, and you were suddenly aware of your nakedness. He’d taken your clothes? You could hear him scooting a metal chair across the room towards you, and his pants rustled as he sat down, “Can’t have you talkin’ your way out of this one. Based on the three stitches in my cheek, I was wrong to underestimate you, darlin’. Shoulda listened to Katie, this time. But, look at you. Just a whisper of a thing.”

His rolling chuckle made your bones itch. 

“Hard to use a safeword when you’ve got a gag on, yeah?”

You nodded, acknowledging the irony. 

Price moved in the chair again. No, he stood. You could hear his boots sliding around you in a half-circle. He kept talking to you, his tone as casual as ever,

“Yeah, thought so. But, this isn’t one of those trainings, pretty girl. You won’t be needing one. I will stop when you’re ready to stop, not when you want to stop. You need to learn that, sometimes, your body…” His hand snaked its way around your thigh and you tried to kick out at him, discovering your ankles were tied together and anchored to the floor, “... is capable of so much more than you give it credit for.”

Your heart began to slam against your chest, and your breathing became labored. You were having a panic attack. If you could only see…

“Hey,” his tone shifted, becoming the instructor again, “Breathe slowly. In. Hold it. Out. All the way. In. Out. Tha’s it. Good.” 

There was a long pause. You could smell him now. It was cigars and fire and gunpowder and smoke. It filled your senses, replacing your sight with scent. 

“I’m gonna put your ears back on, and we’ll see what you can do.” 

The world fell away again, and all you had was the smell of him. Then, he started his training. 

It wasn’t the pain that upset you, not really. Pain was something you could move past. It was the surprise. You never knew when it was coming, nor where he was going to hit you next. Sometimes it was his fist. Sometimes it was a belt. Sometimes it was an electric shock. Legs, ribs, foot, arm, neck, belly… there was no pattern. 

You also had no idea of the passage of time. You were infinite and you existed in the darkness of infinity. It was just pain forever with no reprieve. 

Until it wasn’t.

The first time you felt his fingers pinching the tender peaks of your breasts, your whole body jolted. You hadn’t really responded to the pain in the same way, but to pleasure? It was unexpected in a different way. You didn’t think he would violate you. That wasn’t even something they’d tried to do when you were with the DF. 

You bucked, hoping that your displeasure was noted for the record. 

But, perhaps, your mind teased you, the lady doth protest too much? You had wanted him to touch you when he’d picked you up from the airport. When he shook your hand, hadn’t you measured his fingers and started wanting? Weren’t you eager for training to be over so you could be invited back to his flat for the after-work romp you knew would be on offer?

Hanging there like a slab of meat had changed things a bit, but it had not quelled your desire, unfortunately.

You wondered if he had reacted. You imagined him laughing at you. Was he enjoying himself? Or was this all apart of his brand of training? 

I bet you choke out all the pretty girls… you sneered inwardly. 

More pain. This time, your ass cheeks were the targets. The snapping bite of what felt like a belt hit you repeatedly and without mercy. You found yourself breathless from silently screaming, your tongue pressing against the gag for some sort of relief and finding none. 

Then, pleasure again. His thick fingers fondled your pussy from behind, digging into your flesh and discovering the wetness hidden inside of your unused hole. There was no romance to his movements, but forcing an orgasm from you did seem to be his goal. And fuck, you lamented, he was good at it. 

He doubled up, twisting two fingers deep inside of you, pounding them into your body all the way to the knuckle, fast and hard, dragging you towards the edge. Your legs began to tremble, and you knew your face must’ve looked a mess, because you were in total shock. 

It felt like he was going to vibrate you right out of your skin, and still he moved faster. He wrapped his other hand around your belly, holding you in place, and you thrashed against it, fighting the mounting urge to come. 

You were doing pretty well, you thought, given the conditions. Until…

His soft lips pressed themselves down onto your spine. It was just a chaste kiss, but it unfurled you like a ripcord. You exploded, your whole body convulsing in bliss, and although you were wearing a blindfold, you could see white streaks and stars dancing across your vision. You came alive. 

Price pulled out of you, and you felt the stream of slick drip down your legs. He’d forced you to squirt, something you thought was completely faked, only for pornos. But, there it was, proof of its reality smearing down your thighs and onto the concrete floor. 

Pain, again. 

The searing sting of a taser in the sensitive flesh of your belly. 

Fists and harsh palms. 

The bite of a chain. 

A sharp ache from a needle or a knife. 

His fist closing around your index finger and snapping it cleanly in two. 

You wanted to puke, but there was nothing to come up. Your belly bulged and hollowed, letting you gag and choke around nothing, going through the motions and yet giving you nothing to move. 

Then, pleasure. 

His hands were back on your pussy, finding your clit and teasing you until you jerked forward. But, his hand remained, insisting. And insisting. And insisting. 

You lost track of how many times you’d toppled over the edge of your orgasm. There were no borders, not anymore. Your pleasure was bleeding and smearing all around you in one great wave, blinding you to the starts and stops from coming and not. You were drowning in it. 

Just when you thought you might pass out, you felt the prod of his prick between your legs, entering you from behind. You couldn’t feel a condom. You tried to twist yourself away, rocking your hips to no avail. 

This was definitely not protocol.

Those lips returned to the same spot on your spine, and you melted onto him, covering him like hot wax, sealing your body onto his cock like a brass signet, letting him leave his mark on you. 

His hands found your breasts, squeezing them roughly, holding your body to him in a vicious embrace. 

Then, he dug around inside of your mouth and yanked out the gag. You felt yourself make a terrible noise, but you couldn’t hear the sound that came out. You knew he could, though, because when he heard you, his cock throbbed at your entrance, and it made him push forward, dipping into you even deeper. 

Wait… Captain Price. Please. Wait. Wait. 

You wondered if you were as loud as you tried to be. In fact, you wondered if he could hear you at all because he did not stop. If anything, he went onward with even more fervor. 

His mouth kissed its way across your back, and you could feel his stubble and the coarse hairs of his beard raking their way along your skin. His warm tongue leaving little wet stamps as it laved across you, tasting your sweat. 

The way his fat prick was stretching you out made you question if he was using himself or the armrest of the chair that you had tried to kill him with. You hissed from the ache, but he didn’t halt his advance. Didn’t retreat. He just pressed further inside of you. 

How much cock did this jerk have?

Finally, you felt his hairy base tickle the skin under your ass cheeks, and you knew there was an end to his incredible length. 

What… why are you doing this? Why…

He pulled himself out in the same way he had pressed in, slowly and with a fierce persistence. 

Then, he began to pound himself into you.

You were at the perfect height for him, and it made you sick to your stomach to know that it was deliberate. This had been his plan all along. And although most of you felt completely indignant, there was a nasty little demon in your heart that celebrated in it. He’d wanted you from the start, even after you’d made him bleed, maybe even because of it. 

And that thought brought you no small amount of joy. 

His hands had returned to your breasts, playing with them too roughly. John was pinching your nipples and craning his neck around to suckle from them, nipping at them with his teeth until you screamed from the pain of being bitten. Even then, your screams were a poor deterrent. It didn’t stop him from returning to them, crushing the stiff tips as he worked his cock inside of you, fucking himself up into you at a punishing pace. 

He only pulled away to stick his tongue inside of your armpit, licking you over and over in a place where no one had ever even thought to lick, and you wished you could say, honestly, that it had disgusted you. But, it didn’t. If anything, it made you gasp with a new brand of pleasure. He had awakened something fresh and bright in you that you never meant to discover. 

Then, he got brave. He shoved two fingers right into your slack mouth, and you immediately bit down, hard. You could taste blood, and you fought against his flesh, trying to crack the bone. But, he shoved them down your throat, and all you had to chew on was a fat fist that wouldn’t even allow your jaw to close much less to bite. 

You could feel his fingers in your throat, deep down in a place where fingers were never supposed to go, and all you could do was swallow around them, trying your best to keep from drooling into your airway. 

His cheek pressed into your shoulder blade. He was enjoying you. 

The way his gentle kiss or the softness of his cheek ripped orgasms from you was concerning, to say the least. You hoped you could remember this moment, of how the way he rested himself against you as he was taking you against your vocal will was throwing your body down a deep well of dark, forbidden pleasure. How your vision burned white and gold and formed spots of colors that had no names as he fucked you into a different plane of existence. How you thought, if you got a late night text, written in his smoky, raspy Scouse accent, you would crawl your way back across the pond just so he could give it to you again. 

Oh, my God… You screamed from the pit of your belly. 

His thrusts never slowed. He was like a machine. All those muscles were being put to work, and you were the mission. 

Had it been hours?

Days?

Did the world still exist outside of this concrete cube that you suspected you were in?

Would you starve to death in here?

The demon that apparently lived in your cunt rolled its eyes and said, who cares? I wanna come again and again and again…

And you did. You were so overstimulated that you thought even someone looking at you the right way would make you come. It had become painful, at one point, and now you were not numb… Numb wasn’t the right word. You were soft. Your mind and your pussy were just murky, oily, cock-filled vessels, happy they were full and unwilling to question what it meant. 

When he finally pulled out of you, you were limp. You didn’t thrash or fight. You couldn’t, even if you wanted to. 

You felt his fingers again, drawing out your foaming, frothy come into his hand. He used it to smear it along the rim of your asshole. Then, he began to fuck your tight hole with his fingers, one. Over and over. One. One. One. Then, he added a second. Two. Two. A thousand times, two. Three was a bit of a challenge, but he pushed through. Three. Two. Three. Two. Three. Three. Three. And then, none. 

None. 

None. 

Where did he go?

Pain. A heavy hand slapping across your bruised tits. Again. Again. 

You were screaming, surely. You wanted to be, at least. 

The flat of his palm beat itself against your breast over and over without mercy. 

Then, his cockhead rested at the entrance of your asshole. 

You didn’t beg this time. If anything, he should be the one begging, you thought. If you lived, you were going to make him remember you. 

Price shoved himself inside of you with some force, but you took it. You waited until he was fully sheathed inside, and when he took a breath, when those lips rested themselves on the back of your neck, you beared down on him, hard. 

You felt his breath catch as it skittered across your skin. 

The demon in you chuckled in triumph. 

C’mon, Captain. Is that all you got? You made the words come out of your throat, and you hoped he could hear you. 

The way that his hand fisted itself in your hair told you that he had. 

If you thought he had fucked your pussy like an animal, you had been mistaken. He took your ass like he owned it. Like it was his toy. There was no pleasure-seeking rhythm, no careful pacing or grinding movements. He was fucking you because he wanted to come. So, you made him. 

Every time he dragged himself out, you let him go, but every time he pressed himself in, you fought him the whole way. Squeezing and pushing, squeezing and pushing, making your tight hole even tighter, rocking your hips to drive him mad with want. 

You felt him lose control, his hot spend filling your ass and bursting out of his swollen head, soaking your hole. You pulsed around him, and you felt that soft cheek return to your shoulder. 

Come for me, baby. Good boy. You giggled out loud. 

He slapped you across the mouth, and you laughed harder, feeling his cock slip out of you, spent. 

You can’t hurt me in a way that matters, John Price. Do your fuckin’ worst.

You felt him step around you, smelling his breath as he held you face to face. Then, the noise of the room came back and you could hear him panting, ragged and desperate. You felt the blindfold fall away and you could see him, your eyes shrinking in the dim light of the cell, hurt by even the smallest glow of light. 

You were back, but you were not yourself. Not anymore. You were a different you. Someone he had made. He had crafted you with his own hands. 

“Why? Why didn’t you beg me to stop?”

His eyes were burning into yours as he stared down at you, questioning what he had done, what you had done with him. You had used him like a sharpener, honing yourself to a high shine, and he didn’t understand. 

When you heard your voice for the first time, you mourned it a bit, but you knew it would come back eventually. It was raspy, muddled, and barely audible, but you said it with your whole chest,

“I was made for this, and I could go all fuckin’ day.”

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long did he keep you prisoner?”

Kate Laswell, you fucking bitch. 

He’d read your file. The real one. Not the one on your tagline, but the one that you and Laswell had hidden away. 

“Five months,” you told him, a sick smile on your face, “But, you already knew that.”  

He sighed, his hands on his hips, just as naked as you, which you found a little funny. 

“Why’d you come here? Why would she…” 

You watched him wrestle with the betrayal in his head, knowing he’d been manipulated. He’d walked right into her trap. You basked in his confusion, having almost as much fun as you’d had while he was railing you into oblivion. 

“Laswell said you needed a way into the Ikon, some strip club on the border between Russia and Urzikstan. So, I said I would help.”

“And she knew I’d say no…”

“Unless you knew I could handle it.”

It was his turn to be in pain. You could see the fire of it creeping through his belly, knowing he’d just tortured a girl who’d written the book in torture. The surgeries and the psych consults were long, long behind you, but your run in with the Russian mob was not something you were ever going to forget. But, now, John Price was going to give you a chance at revenge. You were his gun, and you just needed him to point you in the right direction. 

Suddenly, he cut you down, freeing you from your hanging place. You crumpled into his arms, letting him hold you as you collapsed. You used your hands to pet the worry out of his eyes, and he fought you for it, trying to stop you from comforting him. So, you grabbed him with what little strength you could muster, and you pulled his face to yours, pressing your mouths together, making him taste your blood from where he had cut your cheek against your teeth. He yanked his head back, furrowing his brow,

“No, stop…”

“Shut up,” you said, kissing him again and feeling his surrender as he held you tighter, pulling you into his chest even though he was ridden with guilt. 

“We shouldn’t, love. I’m so sor–”

“Where’d you put that gag?” You pretended to look around for it, earning a slight smile and an exasperated huff.

You knew you’d made the cut, because when he fucked you this time, he didn’t hold back.

Whelp. Kinktober!

[alaveii]

dan heng headcanons bcuz hoyo finally let my boy back into the spotlight

dh checks over his teammates all the time. even if he knows logically that nothing is wrong, his eyes will rove over their heads, their forearms, their midsections, and hands. anywhere he can see is evaluated at least twice in 20 mins.

he regularly seeks out exits. a habit left over from being chased by blade, or maybe due to his isolation in the shackling prison, he always assesses any space he’s in for every escape route.

connected to the previous point, this habit of his has shifted to accommodate march, welt, himeko, and the trailblazer as he became more comfortable with them. the most ideal exit went from “what he could escape through fastest” to “what we could get out through quickest without straining welt’s joints, or tripping up march, etc.” thin walls are also now a viable escape route for him as well now, due to the trailblazer’s raw strength and (semi) lack of inhibitions

when he first joined the express, he complemented himeko’s coffee. its not that he genuinely liked it, and he’s fairly certain it nearly returned him to an egg, but she offered and he couldn’t bring himself to deny or insult anything from the woman who gave him a home. when he drinks it now, the strain on his digestive tract is temporarily balanced out by the warm feeling of home and nostalgia, reminding him of when he first boarded the astral express.

in his IL form, his eyes, antlers, and tail fur glow faintly in the dark

he gets chronic migraines. whether caused from nightmares or shitty sleep, they creep up on him slowly before striking hard. the pain goes from ignorable to almost unbearable within minutes, and it’s during these migraines that he least appreciates his natural form. not out of body dysmorphia (like was for most of his time pre luofu arc), but because of the heightened senses and glowing features. they add to the pain, but switching forms usually only makes the migraine worse

dh is, in many ways, more like baiheng than dan feng. while he shares df’s icy exterior, features, and battle prowess, he also is notably more likely to tease and poke at his teammates. he has an odd streak for luck, running into danger just as easily as he gets away from it. he shares baiheng’s low, almost unnoticeable wanderlust and love of travel. he has a hotheadedness in battle reminiscent of the foxian pilot, fast and aggressive but never, ever, putting their family in danger. most prominently, dh and baiheng share an intense curiosity towards their fields of interest, and unwavering love and loyalty to those they hold dear.

dan heng, before march showed up, was very quiet. he rarely ever spoke unless spoken to, and if he did, it was short and quiet. welt and himeko rejoiced in seeing him open up when march boarded, growing into a snarky, protective, brotherly figure.

in his IL form, he has retractable claws. he usually keeps them hidden away, both for convenience (as he’s still learning to work with them) and due to insecurity.

he also has scales, though they’re sparse and scattered underneath his clothing. the biggest patch is at his shoulder, under his large sleeve. he has far fewer scales than df did, who kept most of his hidden under his fully-covered outfit.

dh found himself latching onto himeko the most often when he first boarded, and later the trailblazer as they grew closer. their natural heat was soothing to him, so he subconsciously started drifting to them when he needed comfort.

dh, after getting comfortable with his true form, found himself often lounging near, next to, or even sprawled over the rest of the express crew. he found another love language in physical contact, which his family happily indulged

the staff of herta space station are under the impression that dh is “the mom friend” or “the responsible one” of the trailblaze trio. he is not. he once lost his hotel room keys 3 times in one day. welt later sewed a clasped loop on the inside of his coat for him to attach his keys. him getting involved in a dubiously legal fighting ring (*cough* belobog *cough*) is not a first time occurrence, and will likely not be the last.

dh sometimes dreams of the good times with the hcq. he appreciates these, they make the quintet seem less like legends and more like people.

dh’s favorite dreams are of domestic moments with his express family.

[pamicakery]

₊✩‧₊˚welcome to Pami's Cakery ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Hi! My name is Pami , I am 26 and here is my blog ! 🧁

I love scripting, meditating and drawing!

What I want to manifest this year :

🥞Desired apparance (Df & DB)

🍰Be a Model

🥧 Having my desired friends

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚How will I do that?

Mainly focusing on the 4D because the 4d is the real reality. I will post :

Loa related videos

Pinterest and visions board

And what I've learned.

₊✩ MASTER LIST ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

How to manifest Friends

Persisting is key

Manifesting Sp

How to identify with you inner self + ladder experiment

Focusing on 3d

The 4d is a 3d already comformed

How I manifested my trip to Paris

Put logic aside fulfil your inner self

Stop searching for signs

Taking actions is not necessary

How to accept your desire as true

How to manifest good grades

Spiritual burnout

Train your mind

Manifesting and the Bible part 1/2

Manifesting and the Bible part 2/2

Stop desiring start getting

Spiritual burnout

How I manifested my dog

Why are you stuck in the same loop? + use your senses at your advantage

Embrace your godliness

Be comfortable in the uncomfortable

I think I entered the void ⚠️suicide

Video + my take on it (our Human role while manifesting)

How to manifest

You are not trapped ln one reality

Manifesting is a conversation

The universe only knows energy

You don't see it but it exist

How to reprogram your subconscious mind

Loa is exhausting

The god state

The 3d is the final product

Manifesting can be random and easy

You're not that girl

You're not trapped in one reality

Choosing a state is like choosing a bubble gum

When you visualise it visualise it as real

You don't create anything (alternate realities)

Your subconscious is already printed

Preparing winter arc

Shake yourself up

Write a letter to Santa

How my brother manifested a hamburger

Promise of the universe

Museum analogy

I shifted

Energy consistency or if you want order you'll have to cross chaos

Who is controlling who?

₊✩‧₊˚౨HOW TO MANIFEST ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Before asking questions, read this and send a ask only if this doesn't answer your doubts.

To manifest you have to stop identify yourself with the 3d. When you are manifesting you start with a state of lack because you desire something. You desire because you don't have it.

You don't have it the 3d will reflect the state of you not having it. You are occupying a state lack.

Your 3d can't reflect a state of being fulfilled if your innerself is occupying a state of lack.

What you need to do is occupying a state of already having your desire.

How to occupy a state?

You occupy a state or a reality by experiencing it with the senses.

When you focus on your 3d (3d of lack) you are ignoring the 4d by experiencing the 3d with your senses. As a result you are occupying a state of lack.

When you focus on your 4d (4d of fulfilment) you are ignoring your 3d by experiencing the 4d with your senses. As a result you are occupying a state of fulfilment.

How to Persist in the new state :

Always go back to that state, occupy that state like a house. Occupy your 4d world. The more your exercice your 4d senses, the more it will be easy to occupy that state.

Don't put logic and don't take actions

Logic doesn't work with imagination. Logic is limitation, in the 4d world you are limitless. You can fly, breath under water. Identify with your true identity, as a limitless person not as a person who is a result of others people assumptions or bad experiences.

Taking action is useless. You can butter your face with the most expensive cream in the world and still having acne because you are occupying a state of having a bad skin. You can diet and work out 8h a day but still be overweight because you are occupying a state of being overweight. Just occupy the state in the 4d because of you want to be slim in the 4d, you are just being it. You don't diet in the 4d, you don't work out in the 4d, you are just being it.

How to ignore the 3d?

Fulfill yourself with the 4d desired state and experience it with your senses. The 3d is a reflection on your inner state.

The inner self will express itself in the 4d :

Your 3d is not your bitch, slave or servant. It's a result of your inner state. When you start to manifest you start with a state of '' wanting it ''. With the inner self wanting it, it means you don't have it. The 3d then will reflect that state of the inner self not having it.

Do the same but with the state of having it.

Living in the end = your 4d's present

Look into your 4d's 3d :

Your 4d is a 3d already conformed to your desired assumption. If you check for validation look here.

You don't need self concept, healing inner child, chakra, stones etc

If you want to feel loved in your 4d, you don't have to heal your inner child to feel loved. You are just being it, by seeing your Sp smiling at you, hearing him telling nice things to you. You are just being it. Your inner self doesn't need all that healing process to be healed. They are just being healed, occupying a state of being healed. So do you.

Glad to help 🩷

[bonefall]

going to the star spoilers thread and seeing that icestar make owlnose of all cats deputy was certainly ..... something. who's the leading candidate for bb icestar's deputy?

This is actually going to depend a lot based on how I overhaul the politics of RiverClan. It is getting a MASSIVE shakeup, because BB!ASC is going to explore power vacuums.

Canon!RiverClan is full of "nobody" warriors who haven't been characterized, both because we've spent very little time with them historically AND because the writers made the choice to spend barely any time with them in this arc too. This is an issue.

Instead of how canon made it so that RiverClan couldn't find a leader so they all forgot how to do the chores they did their whole lives, THIS time, I'm going to show a bunch of highly qualified warriors breaking up into cliques and descending into in-fighting.

To do this, I have two objectives;

Revamp my RiverClan Family Tree a bit to base a finalized allegiance list on... plus pad it out some more so I can handle the mass exodus that will be happening at the end of the arc.

Characterize extra competitors for RiverClan's leadership, mostly from scratch, along with their key supporters.

Splashtail will be ending up on top through a mixture of imitating Curlfeather and utter luck. My plan is to portray him as someone others might think is manipulative and charismatic, when in reality, he's coasting off the waves of someone who had victory within reach and gave it all up to save her daughter.

(and tigerHeartstar's occupation will be the turning point, as Splashtail unites RiverClan against their common enemy to put himself in power. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT)

I also want to make ASC's attempted theme of "connecting to the past" more meaningful by drawing parallels to this and the Collapse of the River Kingdom.

In fact (been waiting a while to share THIS little idea!) I'm heavily considering that BB!ASC is the end of RiverClan as we know it, and from here on, it's the RiverClan Republic. Give it a slightly different ruling system and allow its culture to change significantly, like how I approach BB!SkyClan.

So... the short answer is that I don't have the pieces for the proper list of "candidates" yet, because a LOT more cats are gonna become eligable.

The parallel short answer is that if I had to pick NOW, it would be Minnowtail, who is going to be receiving her boyfriend Mousewhisker early in this arc and has a very long history with Icewing as an ex-DF trainee. Curious, bold, and insightful, she's someone they can trust as an organized deputy.

(Mousewhisker running across the border rom-com style because he's decided that the time is now to finally be with his secret lover of many years, only to arrive just after a major battle like "oh... is this a bad time?")

[fairyminnie444]

I assume I already have my df+db and after a while i forget that I already have it and go back to the old with my knowledge. How to overcome it?

That happens when you’re still identifying more with the old version than with the new one. The key is: stop trying to remember that you have it, start being the version that naturally lives with it.

You don’t need to remind yourself you have it. Just ask, “If I truly had it, who would I be now? How would I think, feel, move?” And then be that. The more you return to that identity, the more natural it becomes. It’s not about effort, it’s about embodiment. You’re not convincing yourself. You’re being yourself,the one who already has it.

[zais-zafu]

manifestations through my subs

hey! I wanted to create a master list for all that I manifested but Idt that's possible cos we manifest all the time + I manifest a lot of things per day/week, so here's just what I got out of my own subs over time! will also include some success stories from some comments too!

(yt channel link)

okay so far, I created these subs + results:

dad does what I want sub

this is my first sub and so it holds sm love in my heart <3

at first I dreamt about dad a few times & in my dreams he reflected back my affirmations + now he is much kinder, generous, and loving too <3 now it's been a while since that and it is so funny how the old story just switched (I even low-key forgot how dad was like before). my dad really conformed to what I affirmed for that now he's the least of my problems + someone I feel safe with and loved by

perfect lips sub

my lips are much fuller and vibrant, actually they are kinda tearing up bc of how much larger they got lol (they're healing fast tho so dw + I think they're just a lil chapped cos of the heat & some dehydration)

update: they healed and I am in love with them now, they compliment my face perfectly so I stopped using it!!

best driver sub

I got my license (even when I really gave and asked dad to lemme drop and was sooo done with lmao)

hairless sub

I listen to it every once in a while and it is nice to see how my whole body is losing hair and really looks hairless (probs lost like 50% of my hair in the 3d). now, my sister keeps accusing me of shaving in secret hehe

'your life is perfect' repeated 100k+ times sub

this is one of my favourite subs cos it was a start of a new era when it came to how I formulate my subs. I got such a shock when I first listen to it and it is an umbrella aff so I can't exactly provide results but I feel grateful, peaceful + I see much more beauty, opportunities, and fun in my life!

'you are perfect' repeated 500k+ times sub

this sub is crazy! I remember I woke up, ran some errands, then created it and listened to it for like 4 times then I got SO sleepy like my mind was super tired even tho I jusy started my day (probs cos of the amount of affirmations like it is that powerful!). ever since I started listening to it I have become so aware of myself and changed a lot on the inside (I think my ego died a lil lol). I really feel much happier with myself in a way that is detached from my ego :)

money self concept sub

I had AWFUL money stories growing up, but now money feels fun and easy to me. I don't overthink my purchases and I use it ways that ik serve me. I also get random money gifts and life really feels abundant!!

best birthday sub

I had the best bday ever! not bc of its extravagance, but rather its peace. my bdays were either a time of stress to look like I have a thriving social life or ignored (even by me cos it was too painful to face the pain of other's indifference). but with this sub, I really felt calm and grateful for the first time on my bday <3

'I am the prettiest' repeated 200k times sub

yeah, I have my df. it's actually crazy cos I thought I was the ugliest growing up.

academic acceptance sub

I haven't really applied to anything important yet, unless you count a UN bootcamp :0

the sub does also concern finding opportunities which I can atest to! I don't like for them and the just show up in the most unexpected ways, like they're made for me.

time and energy for everything sub

I love this sub! I feel so energised and like such an overachiever. whenever I am unmotivated I listen to it and feel sm ready to tackle the day!

wish granter sub

this is a mindset + wish granter sub, since using it I can feel even more of lifes magic and I really do think it is a great booster before listening to anything!!

(ofc these subs are not the only way I practice the law but subs are one my main ones so I hope you felt motivated by these results!)

[petalkitshadow]

Can I ask more about the au of an au where Maple stays 👉👈 I think there’s a lot of potential drama from the concept

sure lol!

I just call it "PkS good ending" since in this AU, mapleshade's kits survive, and thus she never goes on her murderous rampage. The drama would probably be much more low-key than in regular pks, obvi LOL. I imagine maple and reed are awkward and tense with each other at first... but eventually realize they have a common enemy (appledusk).

Petalshade would probably still be short tempered... but not so much destructive and aggressive as she is in normal PkS. just the cranky big sister.

Petalshade and Perchshine's names would probably have differing meanings. Maybe Reedshine is Perchshine's mentor, and he's named after her due to that? Petalshade's name would probably carry less meaning too. probably just a nod to her half-dark face, like her mother. so much less angsty than their current setup, lol

Cloudpaw would stay in RiverClan as well, since Ravenwing wouldn't be murdered. Also! Deerpaw, Doestar's littermate, from ThunderClan would still be alive too, because her death is a result of Ravenwing's absence, much like Frecklewish. her warrior name would be... Deerhop, maybe?

It could be interesting if frecklewish is still blinded in an accident, and Oakstar exiles her too, for no longer being "useful". maybe she moves to riverclan too LMAO. It's all very half-formed in my mind... and of course Crookedstar's story would change too.. mapleshade would be a starclan cat, not a DF cat! maybe Crooked is guided by reedshine instead of mapleshade!

these are all just really loose ideas though haha. as you can probably tell the "everyone is happy forever the end" type of AU isn't really my speed 🤣 i always gotta throw a LITTLE angst in

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 1150 - Initial Thoughts

And we are back

and Imu is here To a degree at least, Gunko has been possessed and now things look to escalate

but just how much are we escalating? Let's find out

Spoilers for the Chapter, Support the Official Release too!

And finally, Yamato makes it to the shrine in the cover story, it's been 20 years and Ulti and Pay-Pay only needed to join in for the final bit

We start with the giant parents rushing to get their children

Might be some other ones because Colon refers to one as 'Bar Guy'

He's of course tearful because Gaban got thrown off the edge

They alert them to Imunko (yes I'm calling her that for now), who the adults note as floating

Right in front of Colon, 'Bar Guy' gets eyeshotted

A massive burst of Conqueror's Haki KO's the children and a lot of the adults across Elbaf

Okay so Luffy and co must've felt that right?

Imunko has transitioned to looking very devil-like, with wings, tail and a trident

The trident also summons a pentagram which produces a cannon

Imunko criticizes Killingham's nightmares and their effectiveness

Killingham defends his powers though, noting how more can still come and be revived at his command

It seems that they come out of fissures he's planted around Elbaf

Imunko directs Sommers to the subdued crew, who has been slowly reforming himself

Also excuse you but the Straw Hats are not 'urchins'

The crew wonder where the Monster Trio are, Nami and Brook lamenting them picking a bad time to go to the Land of the Dead

Robin however is using her DF to stretch the thorns around her, trying to pry herself loose

She refuses to stand around while the library burns

Imunko tells Sommers that they need to establish authority that will last, but Sommers - quietly angry at Gaban - ponders what to do with a country without a king

Dorry and Brogy show up, but Imunko commands them to claim Elbaf as its new kings

Why do I get the feeling this isn't a negotiation?

Brogy grabs Imunko but she merely summons another pentagram

She continues to command that he kill Elder Jarul, while summoning a book

Brogy of course refuses, but again it doesn't feel like it matters

From the book, a dagger and a gun is summoned

She stabs Brogy with the knife, and then with the gun she shoots his hand clean off

'Now accept my ungodly power' - I DON'T THINK CONSENT IS GOING ON HERE

Imunko commands him to cast aside his lifespan for a body unyielding to death, to be granted strength and be unbound by emotion

Imunko summons a pentagram beneath him, claiming a demonic contract

Also a contract requires two sides to agree and Brogy does not agree what is going on!?

The Pentagram causes Brogy to sink, and then she performs the title of the chapter: Domi Reversi

The Pentagram flips Brogy upside down, but what emerges is a Demonic Brogy

Horns, wings, a greataxe and an increase in size, Demonic Brogy rises and attacks his comrades

Dorry got got too! Commanding his crewmates to kill Jarul with him

One by one the giants sink and flip into demons

Remember how I was talking about how Elbaf had a numbers issue? Well not anymore

Even the Nightmares have grown more demonic

Imunko seems content with the devilry she has wrought, noting how this is not a country to be razed but ruled

It seems Jarul knows what's coming, but he refuses to run, because warriors do not run away.

Well Imunko is terrifying.

It'd be one thing to be immortal and powerful and have what looks to be some degree of infernal magic but now she can just turn anyone into demons!? Without their permission!? I would guess this is how the God's Knights and Gorosei are made too, perhaps in a more consensual ritual. Perhaps the Gorosei is a more ludicrous contract. But lifespan coming into play means that this may have similar rules to that of Big Mom's fruit, you also can't rule out the similarities with Gunko and Robin's Demonio Fleur too.

I wonder too if Imu wanted the Nika fruit to try and invert it? Or maybe Luffy is the key to saving the giants that were turned? Warrior of Liberation. At the least I feel like Brogy got turned through a blood ritual, which is why Imunko shot off the hand to make a blood and flesh offering, but the rules are frighteningly flimsy.

I did wonder if there was gonna be a scenario where the Straw Hats would have to fight their giant friends, but now it seems there's the added method of them being supercharged immortal giants. I hope Ripley didn't get changed but I don't see who she would fight otherwise? Dorry and Brogy could be the proving ground Usopp needs with defeating them and protecting Jarul, in a way overcoming his masters. Robin still feels a lock with Killingham - oh god unless Saul gets inverted! - but then it's a bit of a grab bag. Not only for the crew but Hajrudin and Loki will likely support in the fight, Imunko can still be a Monster Trio threat or a Luffy and Loki threat - though having history with Brook could involve him too, and Hajrudin for the brothers united - but then does Sommers face Jinbe, Franky, Chopper and Nami? Not to mention if Lilith and Bonney get involved. The nightmares could be fended off too but they do seem like crowd filler.

I guess there may still be a numbers discrepancy, but the power gap does mean that multiple allies can face one enemy. Right now though the situation is dire, because even with fighting them they are immortal, there's no clear way to see if the giants can be reverted - and even if they can be brought back will Brogy be without a hand for good? - so it does fall to Chopper to get that information from Gaban. On top of this there could still be added numbers lurking in the blind spot; Kid's crew might still be around since their sinking, we've not even been to the Sun Realm in Elbaf, likewise Shamrock can come back after putting out whatever fire he's been dealing with, maybe even some Navy members to 'annex' the country.

Things have gotten concerning, creepy and a lot less like a fable and more like a fantasy, a dark and grim fantasy, where the devil is god.

[wc-confessions]

Since it's disability pride month I am dedicating this confession to lesser known/underrated disabled WC characters!

Everyone knows and loves cats like Briarlight and Brightheart, but there's quite a few others that aren't talked about as much

First off, One-Eye and Halftail, the two first arc elders. They don't show up much due to being in the Elder's Den, but when they do, they're a delight to see. I love One-Eye's bickering with Smallear and how she helps Brightheart a bit in A Dangerous Path! They're also the parents of Mousefur and Runningwind! One of whom dies fighting Tigerclaw in the same book Halftail dies of smoke inhalation after the fire. I like to think Runningwind rushed into battle against Tigerclaw impulsively since his father had died not long ago. Mousefur, on the other hand, takes after her mom in the new prophecy and onwards as a grumpy old lady lol. Very great characters, I love them a lot!

Speaking of the 1st arc, Brokenstar. He's honestly a really entertaining and threatening villain, and people don't talk about him much or his disability. Him and other cats with damaged tails like Berrynose and Finleap aren't really talked about in conversations about disabled characters. I find Brokenstar very interesting, not because of his motivation (or lack there of lol) which is pretty generic, but because of his lasting effects on the clans. His reign directly or indirectly led to several key events in the first arc or beyond. Tigerclaw becoming the deputy of ThunderClan was caused by Brokenstar killing Lionheart (canonically, we don't know who killed Lion, but I think it was Brokenstar), him being still alive led to Nightstar not getting nine lives and dying in Rising Storm. Which led directly to Tigerstar taking power. He directly killed several cats, but his orders and actions led to many more that wouldn't have happened had he not been leader, which I will not list out because this confession would be way too long. Another thing I like about him is that he is a fantastic villain in OOTS. People often depict the main leader of the Dark Forest being Tigerstar or Mapleshade, but in reality, it's actually Brokenstar. Tigerstar is more of a secondary leader to him. Brokenstar was the first Dark Forest cat to cross into the living world, and he later seemingly detects StarClan cats at the border to the Dark Forest somehow and confronts them, so Jayfeather and Spottedleaf have to sneak in, and he leads Flametail into the Dark Forest so Ivypool can ghost kill him (but this plan was foiled by Tigerheart), and in The Darkest Hour, Ivypool refers to the plans as "What Brokenstar is plotting". So yeah, he's the leader of the DF, not Tigerstar, and Tiger wouldn't have gotten very far without him lol. Crazy how we got multiple disabled leaders and deputies in the first arc and then not ever again, unless you count Berrynose lol

Next is Volewhisper! Who has quite a few parallels with Cinderpelt! One of their back legs were both injured by a villain's scheming (Tigerclaw's trap for Bluestar and Brokenstar making kits fight rats), they were both then inspired by a senior clanmate (Yellowfang and Nightpelt), and Cinderpelt chooses to become a medicine cat while Volewhisper chooses to be a warrior instead. I find him very fun and he's one of my favourite characters in Exile From ShadowClan!

The next cat I wanna talk about is a bit controversial due to some pretty bad writing choices by the team. Finleap. I really really loved him in Darkest Night and River of Fire. He and Twigbranch had a really sweet relationship, and I love how he follows her to ThunderClan. I also hate Sandynose, but that's besides the point. They were really cute and I liked them a lot... but then The Raging Storm happened. Where instead of focusing on the actually interesting plot of Twigbranch struggling to be a mentor, they decide to make her nice, sweet, and sort of goofy boyfriend... a jerk. He's rude he gives her the cold shoulder, it's awful, and so out of character. At least he actually does apologize for it and improve his behaviour, which I admit was a sweet moment in an otherwise pretty bad plotline. Then, after that, he's sort of a background cat. He briefly stands up to The Impostor after Twiggy is punished. In Sky he has a sort of friendship with Nightheart. He and Lionblaze laugh at Nightheart after he gets bit by a Squirrel, but later in the book Nightheart thinks of him in a positive light and he's one of the first cats that Night thinks of telling about Sunbeam. Overall fun guy, nice character despite one really bad book (which is basically every warriors character lol)

Some other underrated disabled cats who I don't really have as much to say about:

Fallowfern (deaf)

Shrewtooth (PTSD)

.

[assume444it]

I know manifestation is instant , I’ve always seen people manifest their dream life or df in a week then I’ve been persisting in the new story for a whole week , I know there’s movement but how can I stop getting demotivated and stop questing myself if im doing this right ?

shoutout to chatgpt for this reply 🩷

It’s completely normal to feel a bit impatient or start questioning yourself when you don’t see instant results, especially when you know manifestation is supposed to be immediate. The key here is to shift your focus from “when will it happen?” to “it’s already done.” Here are some tips to help you stay motivated and stop doubting yourself:

1. Focus on the State of the Wish Fulfilled:

Keep living in the end, as Neville Goddard teaches. Imagine and feel as if you already have what you want. Instead of checking for results, remind yourself that it’s already yours. Consistently returning to that feeling helps stabilize your state.

2. Reframe Doubts as Signs:

When doubts creep in, tell yourself that they’re just old thoughts purging and that they’re actually signs of movement. Affirm: “Even my doubts mean it’s happening.” This reframes negative thoughts into evidence that your manifestation is unfolding.

3. Affirm Progress and Trust:

Use affirmations like:

• “I trust that everything is unfolding perfectly.”

• “I always see movement, even when I can’t see it yet.”

• “It’s normal for me to get what I want quickly and easily.”

These help reinforce your faith and keep you aligned with your desired reality.

4. Saturate with Inner Conversations:

Continue using inner conversations to lock in your new story. Imagine your SP or anyone else confirming your manifestation as if it’s already done. This keeps your mind focused on the reality you want instead of questioning it.

5. Celebrate Small Signs:

Even the tiniest bit of movement or a positive feeling is proof it’s working. Treat every small sign as evidence that things are shifting. This helps build momentum and keeps you motivated.

6. Embrace the Detachment:

Remind yourself that because it’s already yours, you don’t need to worry or rush. The more you relax and feel it’s done, the faster it shows up. Think of it like ordering a package—you wouldn’t keep checking if you knew it was on the way.

Whenever you catch yourself questioning if you’re doing it right, shift to gratitude: “I’m so glad it’s already done. I love how everything is unfolding.” This instantly moves you back into the state of having. You’re doing amazing—keep trusting the process!

[skalidris]

en i think on-screen fdb .. only eats food he's brought/cooked or that llh's brought/cooked? excepting the one time gongzhu had to handfeed him, and mayyybe that time the three abandon sxy in the restaurant ? but i'd have to check to make sure.

3rd rewatch i comprehended yipin tomb and i also realized the amount of time fdb & llh sit in front of a set table (together or alone) and absolutely do not eat (or drink) a single time

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

in the defence of Ruki Mukami - why Ruki's trauma has just as much influence on his actions as everyone else

i am sitting in the chemistry library at uni right now and am going to spend my time on the most useless task ever to avoid doing anything impactful. please don't take this too serious because i can't write meaningful character analyses.

so i've seen a ton of stuff around, because i know Ruki's not one of the best loved characters in the western fandom. well, of all the characters, i see nearly the most Ruki hate. and obviously everyone is entitled to their opinions, whatever. but what DOES bother me is the reason.

a lot of people say that Ruki's trauma doesn't correlate to his actions, or explain abusive behaviour in the same way that the other characters' do. and i would die for Ruki and we know this, but i've thought about it a lot and i have a Theory as for why some people seem to view his character this way. (i have also studied neuroscience at degree level and learnt about trauma and synaptic plasticity)

to summarise for those who perhaps haven't read all the games (my sources for all this is basically Ruki's MB, DF, and LE), Ruki was born as an only-child in Romania to a rich family, and his father was revealed to be a politician during the Ceaușescu period in Romania. they had a lot of servants, all of whom Ruki learnt from a young age to abuse. he admired his father very much and looked up to him, and his mother was good to him and was close to his father. it would seem like a very good, perfect family - although i'll briefly discuss later why this wasn't necessarily the case.

unfortunately, in the DL universe lore, Karlheinz and Ceaușescu were buddy-buddy politicians, and Ruki's father was eventually chased out of his position. during his downfall, Ruki's father became an alcoholic and began abusing Ruki's mother, verbally and physically. Ruki saw a lot of this as well: somebody he looked up to, admired and trusted, becoming an abusive monster in a very short period of time. i think that's part of why Ruki overlooks Karlheinz's crimes and sees him as a good father anyway.

not only that, Ruki's mother - once again somebody who nurtured and cared for him - turned out to be having an affair. and shortly after that, his father committed suicide: something Ruki actually walked out on.

that in itself is a lot more traumatic than i think people consider. a lot of the DL characters have long-term trauma, but intense sudden trauma, such as your "perfect" life falling apart due to an alcoholic, abusive father killing himself and his mother having an affair, has similar psychological impact. remember, these are people who were supposed to care and nurture him, he trusted them a lot, and they both abandoned him abruptly in very extreme ways. that's the number 1 root of Ruki's trust issues. he's been seen to cut Yui off entirely because he's scared of becoming his abusive father.

similarly, living in a "perfect" household as a spoiled only child can be inherently traumatic. i don't know about you guys, but i've met some (only some, not the majority) of very, very emotionally constipated spoiled only-children. a lot of children showered with materialistic affection are missing key emotional maturity developments. their outlook on life is very narrow and they lack the emotional components of attachment; this is part of why Ruki is quite emotionally immature.

not only that, but growing up as an abusive sociopath to "lower" members of society such as servants is a form of abusive on his parents' behalf. they did not teach him proper world awareness. some children are born as psychopaths etc, true, but the majority of "sociopaths" (diagnosed as ASPD) are that way because they were not taught remorse as a child. Ruki would've learnt to treat his servants that way because that was how his parents did (and we see his father being a dick to the servants in LE too i think), and that in itself is inherently traumatic too.

imagine then, with very little capacity for remorse or a concept of societal hierarchy, being thrown into an orphanage. Ruki is a dick to everyone, yes, but the shock of having everything you know challenged suddenly and without explanation or support is going to cause further trauma. i think people just don't like to consider the fact that a lot of "sociopaths" (again, ASPD is the correct label there) were victims too. he went from being the "master" to being "livestock" and that's going to very rapidly alter your young brain chemistry, entering a "master" mindset as a defensive mechanism. that's why he gets angry/upset/confused when it's challenged.

Ruki has a fuck ton of PTSD as well - he's the only character who i've seen literally throw up MULTIPLE TIMES when experiencing flashbacks.

but i think people generally know that, perhaps not thinking about it as deeply. my Theory as to why people don't seem to see this as being as "extreme" as the other boys' trauma goes further than that.

diabolik lovers follows this dynamic between the Sakamaki's vs Mukami's, whereby Yuma, Kou and Azusa (Yuma and Kou more strongly) have this mindset of "the Sakamaki's can't have trauma because they were rich" and obviously as readers, we're supposed to be like "um, no, the Sakamaki's can have trauma too" because they do.

with that said, Kou and Yuma do successfully get to Subaru/Laito and Shu's heads respectively with this narrative. especially Subaru and Shu who get really fixated with this "i was a spoiled, privileged kid" and because of that, naturally we, as readers, lean towards feeling sorry for the Mukami's especially.

obviously, Ruki is the odd one out when it comes to the Mukami's. he had a sheltered upbringing whereas the other brothers were fighting for their lives in poverty/on the streets, victims and witnesses of the civil war and orphan crisis. Yuma particularly pushes this "Ruki had it easy" notion too, and i've definitely noticed that a lot of people who don't particularly like Ruki tend to fall towards that.

this idea of "not enough" trauma has enough to unpack as it is and we won't do that to, but personally i think that all of Ruki's abusive actions are justified. no, they are not an excuse. none of the diaboys' behaviour is excusable, but i think Rejet did quite a good job of giving them enough fucked up backstory to make us as readers at least understand why that might be how they act.

and from what i see, it seems to be Ruki who people think is the exception to this the most, because his trauma isn't in the same vein as the rest of the Mukami's. the "rich people can't have trauma" narrative gets pushed so hard that i think people forget 1) it isn't true and 2) Ruki went through a ton of fucked shit as a kid, and i don't think any of his actions made me feel any differently than the other diaboys' awful behaviour towards Yui.

you can find Ruki boring, not interesting, or just not your type. but he very, very much has "sufficient" trauma to explain his toxic and dominating actions. thank u for coming to my TedTalk.