#despite the trials that comes with it
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I'd like to think that being in Xadia for a few years is what made Aaravos want to have a child :3
#the dragon prince#i could see him thinking it would be easy to raise a child#u feed them#u love them#easy peasy#hes seen enough elves and humans do it how hard could it be for HIM#a literal god#oh how he was wrong#but regardless#he loved being a father#despite the trials that comes with it#:')#my art#tdp aaravos
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the voices won
#parkour civilization#parkciv#seawatt#parkour champion#paper#sketch#wip#xuh art#god above i will try to finish this digitally some time#seawattgaming#ajthebold#seawatt gaming#ok LISTEN. LISTEN. OK. WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS SHIP#WHO CARES ABOUT EVBO /J#NO. FOR REAL. THESE TWO'S RELATIONSHIP DICTATES THE WORLD AND NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT#HOW COME SEAWATT SETS THE RULES BUT AJ HAS THE CHAMPION BOOTS???#WHAT KIND OF DEAL GOES ON BETWEEN THEM#HOW COME SEAWATT RAN AWAY AT THE END OF MOVIE 1 BUT AJ IS NEVER SHOWN AGAIN. WHEN WE KNOW EVBO SURVIVES THE CHAMPION BATTLE DESPITE LOSING#THE FIRST ROUND. IS THIS THHING ON? DOES ANYONE HEAR ME? IS AJ SOMEWHERE IN THE NOOB LEVEL? HE'D RANK UP UP IMMEDIATELLY ONCE EVBO MADE THE#TRIALS POSSIBLE. DUDE WAS THE CHAMPION. WHERE DID HE GOOOOO. HOW WOULD HE FEEL ABOUT SEAWATT'S DEATH. DID THEY EXPLORE EACH OTHERS BODIES W#O SAID THAT#i just have to fuck myself and get attached to the ship that HAS NOTHING. WE NEVER SEE THEM INTERACT BUT WE KNOW THEY MUST. ugh. f#fuck my stupid baka life
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can't get over qh43 actually speaking up about the locker room tensions in van and the jtpete divorce debacles x5 . like imagine being a 25 year old captain talking to a canadian market like "yeah, we all kinda hate each other rn Lol"
#the jtpete divorce lawyer and it's just their captain saying “yeah petey can have the powerplay if jt gets the brunt of the canadian media”#quinn speaking on love and family as if the dudes in his locker room wouldn't kill each other with a gun given the chance#can't imagine coming off the first playoff berth in literal years because you led your team there and breaking records and what have you#and now your star players are in their millionth round of teenage girl drama reminiscent of sophomore year in high school#and rick is just in media like “yeah i won the cup THREE times btw" like my brother congrats#me and my grandpa bruce boudreau taking notes and observing from the outside like.. remember when we actually loved each other despite the#trials and tribulations??? do you guys even remember that??#idk why we act like jt and pete having some sort of beef is new news also. this happens literally every single year#they're like the toxic exes that you tell your friend to stay the hell AWAY from and they say they really will this time#and they're back together by the end of the week because we need them on a struggling powerplay
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A crown of irises and a single dahlia!
Full images beneath the read more!
#ace attorney#dahlia hawthorne#iris fey#iris hawthorne#the economy is producing#Honestly my favourite characters to come out of trials and tribulations#Dahlia as a character is just so cold and lonely#and yet the small shred of kindness she had left was only shown to Iris and no one else#like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#the fact that there was never any risk to Iris’s life despite her being VERY aware of her sister’s crimes???#that’s solid proof that Dahlia truly cared for her despite everything!!!#Iris was trapped in a cave yeah but her rescue was guaranteed in like 2-3 days#everybody else that posed even a small threat to Dahlia?#everybody else is either dead or almost died hahahahhahaha
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Man its been weeks and I’m still soured by the conclusion to Fontaine’s main story. I'll just rant here
There were a lot of things I didn’t like about it (Arlecchino's altruism being played straight, Traveler being out of character, the lore exposition ass-pull with the prophecy slates, the weird logic about how destroying a Gnosis could potentially wake up the Heavenly Principles but not fucking destroying an Archon Throne when Celestia forced everyone to fight a GODDAMN WAR TO ESTABLISH THEM-) but the biggest offense to me was how Furina was handled. This was marketed as the grand finale of the arc, the climax with Furina at the center of it all. And she got shafted. Big time. Furina had no agency in the plot whatsoever, nothing she did had any effect on how things turned out, and she didn’t even have the dignity of fully understanding why it all had to happen that way.
(Also I will preface this with yes Furina and Focalors are technically the same person with the same origin, but after the split Furina lost all her memories as Focalors. They are two separate consciousnesses with different experiences, and therefore I will treat their individual choices as their own)
I’ve seen people try to argue that no, she chose to take on this role knowing she would suffer, that she didn't HAVE to go along with it. And she was even working by herself to solve the prophecy without relying on Focalors, she wasn’t a puppet/pawn! But the thing is she was essentially in a hostage situation. If she didn’t do things exactly as dictated by Focalors people would DIE. Like there is a reason why criminal punishments are lighter when it’s found the perpetrator was coerced into it! And her researching how to avoid the prophecy changed nothing about the outcome, she could have sat around eating cake and the story would have word for word turned out exactly the same. All that information served to do was highlight her suffering and draw the audience’s sympathy. That's what I mean about her not having agency, it's not about her ability to act as an individual but how her actions had an effect on the overall plot. None of her choices outside of the role designated by Focalors did anything to change the situation for better or worse.
And to top it all off she didn’t even understand WHY this all had to happen. Why do people dissolve in the Primordial water? How does her pretending to be an Archon play into solving the issue? Why can’t she confide in anyone? What the hell is Focalors even doing? She doesn’t learn the answers to any of these until after everything was over, and not even from Focalors’ own mouth, it was relayed to her by Neuvillette.
Speaking of Neuvillette, I’m not gonna lie I’m sorta annoyed at his existence because it felt like Furina was shafted for him. Everything is very tilted in Neuvillette's favor. He gets his powers back, full control over Pneuma/Ousia, final say in trials, the ability to hand out Visions, and just straight up the ability to manipulate life itself. And okay all these things were his to begin with lore-wise, whatever, but he also becomes the "lore important" character after this at Furina's expense. Furina doesn't have her memories as Focalors, she can't tell us anything about how the world works, about Celestia, about what happened 500 years ago. Even though other Archons didn't give us much either for one reason or another, they at least HAVE that knowledge, and are therefore guaranteed to have involvement in future events with the Abyss and Celestia. Furina at the moment, doesn't. Neuvillette has it now. And all that talk about Focalors judging Celestia? Also Neuvillette's job now. And it feels like it was all stolen from Furina from a story-telling perspective because again, she didn't know of the plan to return his powers. She didn't even get to explicitly agree with her other self that he should have them back. The writers really seemed to go out of their way to place him on a pedestal at Furina's expense, which irks the hell out of me.
There are some opportunity for future interludes to turn the current state around, and they probably will since Furina is still being marketed as an Archon, but as it stands I want Fontaine to be over so we can move on to the next disappointment.
#I'm actually ok with the trial#I thought it was dumb but from the characters perspectives Furina was willingly hiding key information#and they already gave her a chance to come clean with it privately#so they had to corner her#and the writers needed to build up to the climax#so even if it was contrived I give it a pass#It was undoubtedly dramatic and I was very moved by Focalors sacrifice#but I couldn't disagree more when people call it peak writing#maybe it depends greatly on whether you liked Furina before her past was revealed#Bc despite the implications that there was more to her even early on people looked at her act at face value and thought she was insufferabl#and it was after we were shown the extent of her suffering that opinions took a 180#and while I'm glad for that I can't help but be a little bitter that it took THIS for it to happen#amy rambles
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a post crossed my dash about how jake was "wrongfully acquitted for war crimes" and i just think its so funny that the only reason that statement is wrong is because he wasn't acquitted, it was someone else's trial for their own war crimes, it was merely brought up
#animorphs#no earth court woulda convicted him#no one wouldve brought him to trial#earth isnt going to#and the andalites? despite having four legs#they dont have one to stand on when it comes to war crimes#do they ALLORAN
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seeing a lot of discussion about armand’s role in the trial and the idea that “oh maybe he really couldn’t have prevented it” or “maybe he just didn’t have the power” and to that i respectfully call bullshit. lestat froze an entire ROOM to change the verdict for louis when he wasn’t at full strength and was literally on the stage but you expect me to believe armand couldn’t lift a finger to help them from the comfort of his box? if we are going by what we’ve seen so far, armand fully intended for all of them to die on that stage. it was probably only when louis destroyed the coven and went looking for lestat that he realised he could flip the whole situation to his advantage. if he hadn’t smugly pointed out how much lestat loved louis in the aftermath of the interview which in turn pushed daniel on to expose him, he probably could’ve gotten away with it. in the end, armand really is his own worst enemy.
#armand could have helped them he just wouldn’t and that’s the real tragedy of it#ppl are still debating about why armand was setting louis up to die and honestly i still don’t fully know#it could be for security reasons and he felt like his relationship with the coven would last longer than his relationship with louis but idk#armand strikes me very much as the kind of guy who plays both sides so he can side with the one that is most likely to come out on top#despite his feelings for louis his survival will always come first#in the book lestat was tortured for ages before the trial so if they go that route his saving of louis probably took everything out of him#i do think if he had the strength he would have saved claudia and luckily jacob thinks so too#but unfortunately if it came down to saving louis or claudia we all know lestat would save louis#interview with the vampire#iwtv spoilers#louis de pointe du lac#the vampire armand
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welcome to elysium part 2: trial time...
Kuya asks question 1: I'm. I'm stressed for olivine. I can feel my chest tighte ning. I ma sweat.ib
Kuya asks question 2: YIKES😬. AND a HaLf i. I have to leave
(minimises the app and lies on the floor for a solid minute)
ok. Ok let's keept his goin. It's ok It's ok olivine confronting his truths is ok he will be better after airing it all out IT WILL BE FINE deepbreathsdeepbreaths
*coughschokes and falls flat back onto the floor*
(....)
(Regains consciousness a few moments later)
Phew, ok,,, we're safe, olivine is facing it head-on and kuya is-
What THE EVERLIVING FR$* ISTHA*passes out again*
#dragQUeen STORYTI-- I MEAN. evil wife OLD FOX STORYTIME WITH THE CHILDREN AT THE LIBRARY!!!!!!#kuya smiling without malice? in an event? where people can see?????#oli calling kuya out on his existential dread?????#from one mother to another. i can see the ennui in ur eyes#eiden's voice piercing thru the veil of self-doubt and general wallowing...#oli and kuya being surprisingly civil toward each other#despite oli's first comment upon their introduction that kuya's personality is a trial from god 😄#master of elysium was all LET ME TIE UP THIS PRIEST WITH A RIBBON AND PRESENT IT TO MASTER KUYA#and kuya's like naaahhh i bet he's more amusing when he's free roaming and independent#(subjects him to an extremely stressful game of truth or dare)#the girls (kuyoli) are turning slumber party games into Saw movies :(...... :)?#part of me wonders whether kuya actually gave that dude what he wanted#actual infinite sweet dream coma or...? plot twist i'm actually gonna torture you forever#i think he got the sweet dream but i just wanna know what happened at his old trial#i am not clever when it comes to these things. somebody needs to stand there and blast me with exposition#paragraph style. all written out.#he dodged the question... but he didn't get stung...? and .... uh whu? or he jus t lied? but he thought his lies were the truth?#furrows brow. idon't know. and i mean. i guess he got what he wanted in the end#what he THINK he wanted in the end?#*shrugs* oh well. i guess it's just . kuya and oli finish their very special episode of uhhhhh#addressing your actual problems before turning to drugs? no. use responsibly and safely if you must?.. uh.....#don't force drugs onto people? ...and... never bring children into a den of desire?#sure! let's go with that!#welcome to elysium
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my current Star Wars books rating for the 96 novels I've read so far. And Dark Disciple
idk if these are hot takes or if you can see anything but this is where I'm at
#yael is reading star wars#the 'unread" tier is the waitlist for the reading list because I'm like that/books i can't read yet for various reasons#(the glass abyss tempest breaker beware the nameless and tears of the nameless aren't out yet but I'm looking forward to them)#the dark disciple tier is there bacause i don't think it deserves to be anywhere near the others#i DESPISE that book on a diferent level#reading list tier is the reading list tier lol#i don't use the currently reading tier much but it's there anyway#the mediocre/bad books either bored me out of my mind or were pointless and annoying book#tho looking back i do not hate jedi trial that much#did not care is for those that were boring and interesting to me but not bad#decent tier is those i liked/didn't mind that come with a big 'BUT' that made the book bad for me#or those I didn't like but weren't bad books#good are books i genuinely liked but weren't very special to me#fun/devastating is either those i thoroughly enjoyed despite them not being that good (re: ahsoka)#or just fun and emotionally devestating books#and masterpiece are my personal favorites#it's not for actual perfect books but rather those who mean the world to me#other than that there are 80 more books i want to read but haven't made it to the reading list yet lmao#getting there
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rewatching fontaine quest and like our first impression really is "wow these people are all theater weirdos" huh
#i forgot that paimon was wearing her goofy ass glasses during the trial FMDKSLJGWIEJFHDSJ#like ok >meet furina. tries to judge us for breaking the law. >meet neuvi. man with very bad convo skills who seems tired of archon. >meet#navia. forcefully becomes her assistant and observes her starting to bake macarons on a moments notice#L + L + frem were only saved bc the sibling dynamic balanced out the first impression i think but they are mostly normal. besides the fatui#thing god bless#*for neuvi also like terrible convo skills. done with archon despite being her coworker. idk what else .#ramblings!#also notable: clorinde has stuck by furina's side from the very beginning huh it's sweet then that she was also the one to invite furina po#post archon q out to her first normal human outing :')#and furina's pretty good at law despite everything like if she can pull out random laws that actually exist to make an accusation#it reads so different though knowing the actual truth like :') in the first meeting she says 'perhaps the welcome ceremony wasnt enough?#what else should i say?' like waughuhwhgujhhhhhh her act.... the traveler coming probably just posed a new challenge for her#or smth... as an outsider whos seen other gods and knows how real archons would act we'd be the most likely person to see through her#gripped with the implications 5 patches too late; anyways this quest. woahg#also rewatching it just gives me the gutpunch of seeing melus and silver still alive. cries
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Finally putting my Stardew Valley AU on paper.
Hargrave is obviously in the place of Klint, the war veteran who arrives after the farmer. In this version, Hargrave's discharge is due to injury and unfounded (and untrue) suspicion of leaking secrets. Not the way this lifelong military man thought his illustrious career would end.
But after recovery, and aided by the understanding and companionship of the farmer, he discovers community life has its merits too, and dedicates his leadership experience to rallying the town in support of the efforts to restore the Community Center. Perhaps there is still more he can offer, even when his original source of pride has been entirely squashed.
#pheidippides branches out#armello#armello hargrave#hargrave proudclaw#stardew valley au#armello au#traditional art#yeah i did this on a post it note#but it also turned out pretty good despite it being my first trial in drawing plausible mobility aids#He would start out on cheap axillary crutches borrowed from the town doctor#because his only other option at first is getting around via wheelchair and he doesn't want to look or feel disabled#what can I say? the Proudclaw is defined by his pride and self-image#Later as he integrates into the community the doctor has the idea to try out forearm crutches since they allow for greater mobility#and naturally Mr. Proudclaw likes the idea because they're a bit less eyecatching as well#by the end of the story he does try a prosthetic-cane pairing but has come to like his forearm crutches and his new life#so he saves the prosthetic for special occasions similar to how one would save a tie or a nice jacket- too much effort for his daily life
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Clinical pathology is love, clinical pathology is life... (the random musing of an elated veterinary student who just hit a very clin-path heavy exam out of the park!)
#vet school life#insanitypost#I only missed ONE question out of the sixty-two of them according to my preliminary score#best exam score for lecture I've had (I did get a perfect lab exam last year in club path though)#it really is love and life in my family when following it and treating by trial and error has kept my cousin's cat alive#precursor immune mediated anemia can fluff off!#we're coming up on the two year anniversary of that too -when she was supposed to die in two days in early December 2022#she'll be four and will have doubled her life span since then#I'm rambling on no sleep here but I'm just feeling really good despite having been sick last night#still have a lab exam this afternoon to go get ready for!
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Lord give me energy today eueueue
#dora daily#sm things piling up but my brain says NO#I can’t even do basic things 😭#it’s genuinely so hard to talk to others#aaaaaaah#the reason is bc I’ve forced myself into contentment with the prospect of being alone cause there’s just so much I can do that would bring#me joy in solitude but#that’s what I’ve always been doing part of the reason I talk a lot is bc that’s how I am in my head#like things firing at 100miles per second bc that’s how I used to keep myself entertained when I was younger#when everyone would have buddies and I wouldn’t#and it works now bc everyone takes ten business days to reply that it’s completely made me genuinely grossed out of social interaction#but I can’t live in La La land forever#pls if only kaveh existed I wouldn’t need another means of socialisation eueeuue#everyone is so impossible to understand; coming from a girl who has always been called utterly INSANE for how hard she hyper focuses on#small cues and signals and detecting discomfort and whatnot. I turn my brain off for one second and yet again the same shit happens it’s so#unfair that everyone can be relaxed and I ought to be on high alert 24/7#I also find it hilarious and pathetic when people pretend to be people smart but they’re really not … it’s genuinely embarrassing#like bitch when you get to my level then we will talk istg …#Istg if this is the autism thing everyone’s been telling me im screwed cause#I don’t want yet another issue#but it’d make sense like how people seem to draw away despite there being nothing wrong with me#how people tend to agree with everything someone else says but the moment I do it it’s heinous#how I have physically had to learn social cues and trial and error#with the errors altering my brain chemistry#that unwavering sense of justice that makes me so very uncomfortable if not fulfilled that I shut up about so I can actually hold down#friends. God knows how every interaction I have with a person is so orchestrated so almost artificial and ‘yes-man’ core that I don’t even#believe said person likes ME bc idek who I am and bc if I don’t agree w#everything no matter how many times someone says I won’t get mad …. trust me they do they’re all liars and manipulators even if they don’t#intend to#the scary fascinations I’ve had when younger
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*rattling the bars of my cage and screaming*
I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MY HEALTH I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP IN A WAY THAT WILL LET ME BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
#blue chatter#I know I need to talk to a doctor abt the pain issues#I know this#my concern is that the focus of my past few visits has been purely about my BMI#which is not helpful.#even if that is relevant to the current concerns. massively altering my weight would me a work intensive long term goal/pipe dream#sure. me weighing less could reduce my joint pain. it’s a possibility. I cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#sure. my weight could affect my heart rate and my ability to exercise.#you could even argue that I’m pretty sedentary and could stand to exercise more#I still cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#my heart rate is still really high *now*. it is hard to exercise without feeling like I can’t catch my breath *now*.#sure. my breasts are not entirely fibrous tissue. if I lost weight they would probably be smaller. reducing my back pain.#I *still* cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#but somehow every conversation in the doctor’s office comes back to my weight#especially if *gasp* it’s gone up in the past year#yeah. I’m aware. it’s not something I can super control.#the fact remains that I do not have the spoons to spend on the diet and exercise plans I know I will get recommended#and I know I will get recommended them because my parents go to this doctor and my dad went through an intense weight loss program#which. by the way. despite him heavily restricting his diet and exercising to run a 5k. did not lead to long term weight loss.#and he did not end up sticking with it long term bc it made him actively miserable and he enjoys things like food with fat in it and wine#but I also know that I should not be ignoring all these red flags.#I’m also worried that if I bring up heart issues again then they’ll take me off my ADHD meds#which would be fair as a first trial to see if it helps reduce symptoms#but also. I don’t get shit done without my meds. I wasn’t consistently medicated in high school or freshman year of college#and I was so exhausted all the time just doing the bare minimum#it felt like running headfirst into a brick wall constantly. and I don’t want that for myself.#also in the periods I went off of my meds myself for a week to try and lower my heart rate it did very little#bc believe me. I would love to be able to donate plasma. but I can’t bc I’m over 100BPM at rest.#I would make so much money if I could sell my blood water but I Cannot
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being married to gojo is probably such a weird limbo to be in. he doesn’t talk much, but he watches you a lot. the way you move, the way your head tilts back as you laugh unapologetically, the little way your nose scrunches up when you’re confused.
he’s aware of your past, the way you were raised. he knows how much of a black sheep you are, and the more he spends time with you the more he realizes how much you try to hide that.
the way you joke through awkward moments, or the way you tried to hide your expression when somebody doesn’t laugh at something you hoped to be funny are all things gojo has noticed about you.
he knows how you sometimes come down to the training yard, hiding behind a pillar as if a group of men who are trained to be aware of their surroundings wouldn’t spot you from a mile away.
but a part of him likes having you there, puffs his chest out a little more when he disarms someone, his grin a little cheekier when the men praise him of his talent.
though you never really seem to be there for him, despite gojo being your husband. it almost seems like you don’t even want him to know you’re there, making sure to duck your head if he sees you.
until one night, when the men file out and into their quarters, gojo stays behind, in one of the rooms that lead out into the yard, still cleaning up.
his ears prick up when he hears the sound of footsteps, leaving the sword room, expecting to see on of his men, when instead he sees you, looking at the bows littered on the ground.
gojo watches as you pick one up, looking around to see if anybody were there, missing the way gojo was hidden in the shadows, and sees you look around for an arrow.
he wonders what that feeling in his chest it, the one that contracts and loosens whenever you’re near.
he goes back into the shed, picking out some arrows for you and walks to where you were.
“here,” he calls out, and you whip your head around, a look of surprise and embarrassment on your face.
your lips slightly part, shocked that it’s your husband who caught you, and you duck your head a little bit as you quickly go to set the bow back down on the ground.
“sorry,” you quickly say, your eyes trialing at the arrows in his hand in a curious sort of way, “i just wanted to, um, hold one.”
gojo snorts, rolling his eyes at your lie as he picks the bow back up from the ground, wiping some of the dirt from earlier from his hands on his pants as you slowly accept it.
“do you know how to shoot?” he asks, his sturdy figure towering over yours as you stare at him, squinting your eyes a little, and finally shake your head no.
he nods, expecting this as he picks up a bow that was resting on the wall, cocking one of the arrows in the as he shows you what he’s doing.
you’ve spoken to him a bit more as of recently, but never enough for you to think he’d be willing to show you how to use a bow.
“line up your arrow with the bowstring,” he demonstrates, “use your non dominant hand to hold it,” you watch silently as he grips it with his left hand.
you do the same thing, the arrow clumsily sliding around until your able to cock it, holding it loosely with your non dominant hand like he said.
“your dominant hand should hold the string between three fingers,” his slender fingers take it in between and he stretches it, “but make sure your wrist is aligned with your fingers.”
you do the same thing, feeling the resistance from the bowstring as you pull it back.
gojo looks over at your legs and clicks his tongue, clearly not liking what he’s seeing. he sets his own bow on the ground as he comes up from behind you.
“your legs should be like this,” his voice is deep, breath hiting the back of your neck as he nudges your legs apart, separating them until one is in front of the other.
your heart is pounding so loudly against your chest your sure the bow is about to vibrate along with it.
his hand cups your elbow, carefully pulling it back as the string groans under the pressure. you feel like you’re sweating your entire body weight in water off right now.
his eyes are focused on your wrist, holding it gently as he lowers it slightly, and you feel his nose slightly brush against the side of your head.
“don’t focus on the tip of your arrow but the target,” his voice comes out barely audible, but you swallow thickly, nodding.
you try your best to focus on the target that’s in front of you, trying to center the bow with the middle.
“let go when you’re ready,” gojo says, his lips near your ears.
you give it a couple seconds, trying to aim as best as you can, before your hand lets go of the string.
you both straighten your backs up, watching as it flies into the target.
the arrow nearly hits the wood around it, so far away from the target itself that it’s almost comical, and you laugh, tilting your head back as shake your head in embarrassment.
“it’s your first time,” he says, trying to help but you shake it off, missing his warmth from behind you as you set the bow back on the wall.
“and my last,” you promise, missing the way he seemed to deflate.
you turn back to gojo, only to see his eyes it filled with the mirth they had only moments ago, this time focused on your left hand.
you look down, trying to figure out what was wrong.
suddenly, you remember that you had taken off you ring a couple days ago, not finding any use in wearing it.
gojo swallows thickly, a strange lump in his chest as he stares at the arrow you had shot and then back to your face.
“i just figured…” you trailed off, biting your lips as you tried to find the words, “you know…” you motioned to his own left hand, void of any ring.
his eyes are a different hue, as if a storm was brewing inside them.
you watched as he dug his hand inside his tunic, tugging something out. your eyes fall to a delicate gold chain, his wedding ring hanging off of it.
“i don’t want it to fall off during training,” he bites out and suddenly your mouth feels dry.
you nod once, eyes fleeting away from his as you nod again, at nothing and everything, and silently leave.
#gojo x reader#gojo drabble#arranged!gojo#gojo x you#jjk x reader#jjk drabble#gojo fluff#satoru x reader
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I need to talk about this because it's making me feel insane.
Last week, my white leftist goyisch friends sat me, a wholeass antizionist Jew, down for a "talk" because they "needed to check in about Palestine" and make sure "our values aligned before we hung out again". They apparently needed to "suss out" where I stood on Palestinian rights, despite having had several conversations about Palestine and them being some of my closest friends. They needed to check, to search for and uncover my true values, because I had said some "disturbing things" that had made them "suspicious".
Disturbing things included:
Supporting IfNotNow which is a "liberal zionist organization" because it normalizes Jewish heritage in the Levant
Not bringing Palestine up enough, despite them also not bringing it up (this was apparently a test)
Mentioning that the Houthi's flag talks about cursing all Jews
Saying Stalin was antisemitic because of the "all the paw-grihms"
...and apparently other things they wouldn't specify, but had been tracking for months.
To clarify, I am an antizionist Jew from three generations of antizionist Jews. I have been vocal in my support of Palestinian liberation and in my condemnation both of Israel's actions and its violent founding as a state, and of zionism in many of its forms. I am a regular donor to Palestinian and Jewish NGOs and advocate for Jewish antizionism in person, at temple, and online. I have been talking about Palestinian liberation before they could point to Gaza on a map. But they needed to make sure, they needed to "suss out", they needed to check. And it's notable that the majority of moments that made them suspicious of me were times where I talked about antisemitism: not about Palestinian liberation, not about Israeli decolonization, not about anything actually relevant to Palestine. It was talking about antisemitism that made them check to see if I was a cryptozionist.
One of the most pervasive and insidious forms of antisemitism is the idea that Jews are inherently untrustworthy and suspicious. You have to constantly be on guard, track what they say and do, "suss out" the real truth. You have to keep them in line and and watch them carefully because they're liars and sneaks, and if you're not looking closely they'll return to their real values (and drag you down with them). This is where the idea of "cryptozionist" comes from and what it's directly building off of: the inherent untrustworthiness of Jews and the need to check. Because no matter how close you become you can't actually trust them, and any upstanding gentile should make sure to avoid associating with Jews before "sussing out" their real allegiances and intentions. You have to make them turn out their pockets, just in case.
I'm the first and only Jew they actually were friends with; I know because they've told me (strangely proud of it in the way white Americans are proud of that kind of thing). They've asked me questions about Judaism and fawned over how beautiful and unique it was for me to be connected to my community and culture. Pre-October 7th, one of them had even mentioned being interested in coming to services at my temple. She still has my copy of our siddur. But now she needed to "check" before she could be seen with me in public. Which is what it was: it wasn't a "you're my friend and I need to give you some feedback because you're fucking up" kind of intervention (which is normal and important to have), it was a trial. It was a last chance for me to prove to them that I'm clean-enough that they could afford to risk being seen with me in public, just in case someone noticed them fraternizing with a hypothetical Enemy and their leftism was compromised. It was a test to make sure that I behave properly when required to, that I'd play along and do what I'm told and turn out my pockets if asked (because any refusal would validate the notion of having something to hide). And above all it was an opportunity for them to reaffirm their own cleanliness by putting my imagined immorality in its place.
I did what I needed to do: I smiled. I apologized. I "didn't know that". I "appreciated the feedback". I turned out my pockets because what else could I do? They'd decided who I was and what I believed, regardless of what I said or did, so there was no point in explaining that they were wrong about me. If I had told them they were being antisemitic, it would just have been proof that they were right. Caring about antisemitism is a dogwhistle in the spaces they've chosen: it's not a real form of oppression, it's a tactic for sneaky, lying Jews to weasel out of admitting their true alliances. There was nothing I could say.
Nothing's really changed for me. I'm going to continue my activism for Palestinian liberation rooted in my culture and my faith. Antizionism is still not antisemitism. But I got a reminder that many white goyisch leftists fundamentally just don't trust Jews, and that the activist spaces they're in not only exacerbate their antisemitism in an increasingly insular echo chamber, but also allow them to finally vent their internalized bigotry in a socially-acceptable way. In my former friends' eyes, what they did was activism—disavowing a Jew (and making me feel humiliated, scared, and unclean in the process) as a cathartic stand-in for doing fucking anything for actual Palestinian liberation—but for me it was a grief that I'll be feeling for a long time: not only over losing friends I loved and trusted, but also over my sense of belonging and security in leftist spaces.
#jumblr#I need to talk about this because I feel like I'm losing it a little#its incredibly disconcerting to have this come out of nowhere from people I trusted and it's hard to not blame myself somehow#antizionism#antizionist jew#judaism#jewish#jew#jewblr#leftist#leftism#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#Palestine#Israel#again to reiterate: I am just as committed to Palestinian liberation as ever and antizionism is still not antisemitism#but fuck do some leftists put in the legwork to making it seem like it is huh#free Palestine
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