#despite the trials that comes with it
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I'd like to think that being in Xadia for a few years is what made Aaravos want to have a child :3
#the dragon prince#i could see him thinking it would be easy to raise a child#u feed them#u love them#easy peasy#hes seen enough elves and humans do it how hard could it be for HIM#a literal god#oh how he was wrong#but regardless#he loved being a father#despite the trials that comes with it#:')#my art#tdp aaravos
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A crown of irises and a single dahlia!
Full images beneath the read more!
#ace attorney#dahlia hawthorne#iris fey#iris hawthorne#the economy is producing#Honestly my favourite characters to come out of trials and tribulations#Dahlia as a character is just so cold and lonely#and yet the small shred of kindness she had left was only shown to Iris and no one else#like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#the fact that there was never any risk to Iris’s life despite her being VERY aware of her sister’s crimes???#that’s solid proof that Dahlia truly cared for her despite everything!!!#Iris was trapped in a cave yeah but her rescue was guaranteed in like 2-3 days#everybody else that posed even a small threat to Dahlia?#everybody else is either dead or almost died hahahahhahaha
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the voices won
#parkour civilization#parkciv#seawatt#parkour champion#paper#sketch#wip#xuh art#god above i will try to finish this digitally some time#seawattgaming#ajthebold#seawatt gaming#ok LISTEN. LISTEN. OK. WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS SHIP#WHO CARES ABOUT EVBO /J#NO. FOR REAL. THESE TWO'S RELATIONSHIP DICTATES THE WORLD AND NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT#HOW COME SEAWATT SETS THE RULES BUT AJ HAS THE CHAMPION BOOTS???#WHAT KIND OF DEAL GOES ON BETWEEN THEM#HOW COME SEAWATT RAN AWAY AT THE END OF MOVIE 1 BUT AJ IS NEVER SHOWN AGAIN. WHEN WE KNOW EVBO SURVIVES THE CHAMPION BATTLE DESPITE LOSING#THE FIRST ROUND. IS THIS THHING ON? DOES ANYONE HEAR ME? IS AJ SOMEWHERE IN THE NOOB LEVEL? HE'D RANK UP UP IMMEDIATELLY ONCE EVBO MADE THE#TRIALS POSSIBLE. DUDE WAS THE CHAMPION. WHERE DID HE GOOOOO. HOW WOULD HE FEEL ABOUT SEAWATT'S DEATH. DID THEY EXPLORE EACH OTHERS BODIES W#O SAID THAT#i just have to fuck myself and get attached to the ship that HAS NOTHING. WE NEVER SEE THEM INTERACT BUT WE KNOW THEY MUST. ugh. f#fuck my stupid baka life
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Man its been weeks and I’m still soured by the conclusion to Fontaine’s main story. I'll just rant here
There were a lot of things I didn’t like about it (Arlecchino's altruism being played straight, Traveler being out of character, the lore exposition ass-pull with the prophecy slates, the weird logic about how destroying a Gnosis could potentially wake up the Heavenly Principles but not fucking destroying an Archon Throne when Celestia forced everyone to fight a GODDAMN WAR TO ESTABLISH THEM-) but the biggest offense to me was how Furina was handled. This was marketed as the grand finale of the arc, the climax with Furina at the center of it all. And she got shafted. Big time. Furina had no agency in the plot whatsoever, nothing she did had any effect on how things turned out, and she didn’t even have the dignity of fully understanding why it all had to happen that way.
(Also I will preface this with yes Furina and Focalors are technically the same person with the same origin, but after the split Furina lost all her memories as Focalors. They are two separate consciousnesses with different experiences, and therefore I will treat their individual choices as their own)
I’ve seen people try to argue that no, she chose to take on this role knowing she would suffer, that she didn't HAVE to go along with it. And she was even working by herself to solve the prophecy without relying on Focalors, she wasn’t a puppet/pawn! But the thing is she was essentially in a hostage situation. If she didn’t do things exactly as dictated by Focalors people would DIE. Like there is a reason why criminal punishments are lighter when it’s found the perpetrator was coerced into it! And her researching how to avoid the prophecy changed nothing about the outcome, she could have sat around eating cake and the story would have word for word turned out exactly the same. All that information served to do was highlight her suffering and draw the audience’s sympathy. That's what I mean about her not having agency, it's not about her ability to act as an individual but how her actions had an effect on the overall plot. None of her choices outside of the role designated by Focalors did anything to change the situation for better or worse.
And to top it all off she didn’t even understand WHY this all had to happen. Why do people dissolve in the Primordial water? How does her pretending to be an Archon play into solving the issue? Why can’t she confide in anyone? What the hell is Focalors even doing? She doesn’t learn the answers to any of these until after everything was over, and not even from Focalors’ own mouth, it was relayed to her by Neuvillette.
Speaking of Neuvillette, I’m not gonna lie I’m sorta annoyed at his existence because it felt like Furina was shafted for him. Everything is very tilted in Neuvillette's favor. He gets his powers back, full control over Pneuma/Ousia, final say in trials, the ability to hand out Visions, and just straight up the ability to manipulate life itself. And okay all these things were his to begin with lore-wise, whatever, but he also becomes the "lore important" character after this at Furina's expense. Furina doesn't have her memories as Focalors, she can't tell us anything about how the world works, about Celestia, about what happened 500 years ago. Even though other Archons didn't give us much either for one reason or another, they at least HAVE that knowledge, and are therefore guaranteed to have involvement in future events with the Abyss and Celestia. Furina at the moment, doesn't. Neuvillette has it now. And all that talk about Focalors judging Celestia? Also Neuvillette's job now. And it feels like it was all stolen from Furina from a story-telling perspective because again, she didn't know of the plan to return his powers. She didn't even get to explicitly agree with her other self that he should have them back. The writers really seemed to go out of their way to place him on a pedestal at Furina's expense, which irks the hell out of me.
There are some opportunity for future interludes to turn the current state around, and they probably will since Furina is still being marketed as an Archon, but as it stands I want Fontaine to be over so we can move on to the next disappointment.
#I'm actually ok with the trial#I thought it was dumb but from the characters perspectives Furina was willingly hiding key information#and they already gave her a chance to come clean with it privately#so they had to corner her#and the writers needed to build up to the climax#so even if it was contrived I give it a pass#It was undoubtedly dramatic and I was very moved by Focalors sacrifice#but I couldn't disagree more when people call it peak writing#maybe it depends greatly on whether you liked Furina before her past was revealed#Bc despite the implications that there was more to her even early on people looked at her act at face value and thought she was insufferabl#and it was after we were shown the extent of her suffering that opinions took a 180#and while I'm glad for that I can't help but be a little bitter that it took THIS for it to happen#amy rambles
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a post crossed my dash about how jake was "wrongfully acquitted for war crimes" and i just think its so funny that the only reason that statement is wrong is because he wasn't acquitted, it was someone else's trial for their own war crimes, it was merely brought up
#animorphs#no earth court woulda convicted him#no one wouldve brought him to trial#earth isnt going to#and the andalites? despite having four legs#they dont have one to stand on when it comes to war crimes#do they ALLORAN
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welcome to elysium part 2: trial time...
Kuya asks question 1: I'm. I'm stressed for olivine. I can feel my chest tighte ning. I ma sweat.ib
Kuya asks question 2: YIKES😬. AND a HaLf i. I have to leave
(minimises the app and lies on the floor for a solid minute)
ok. Ok let's keept his goin. It's ok It's ok olivine confronting his truths is ok he will be better after airing it all out IT WILL BE FINE deepbreathsdeepbreaths
*coughschokes and falls flat back onto the floor*
(....)
(Regains consciousness a few moments later)
Phew, ok,,, we're safe, olivine is facing it head-on and kuya is-
What THE EVERLIVING FR$* ISTHA*passes out again*
#dragQUeen STORYTI-- I MEAN. evil wife OLD FOX STORYTIME WITH THE CHILDREN AT THE LIBRARY!!!!!!#kuya smiling without malice? in an event? where people can see?????#oli calling kuya out on his existential dread?????#from one mother to another. i can see the ennui in ur eyes#eiden's voice piercing thru the veil of self-doubt and general wallowing...#oli and kuya being surprisingly civil toward each other#despite oli's first comment upon their introduction that kuya's personality is a trial from god 😄#master of elysium was all LET ME TIE UP THIS PRIEST WITH A RIBBON AND PRESENT IT TO MASTER KUYA#and kuya's like naaahhh i bet he's more amusing when he's free roaming and independent#(subjects him to an extremely stressful game of truth or dare)#the girls (kuyoli) are turning slumber party games into Saw movies :(...... :)?#part of me wonders whether kuya actually gave that dude what he wanted#actual infinite sweet dream coma or...? plot twist i'm actually gonna torture you forever#i think he got the sweet dream but i just wanna know what happened at his old trial#i am not clever when it comes to these things. somebody needs to stand there and blast me with exposition#paragraph style. all written out.#he dodged the question... but he didn't get stung...? and .... uh whu? or he jus t lied? but he thought his lies were the truth?#furrows brow. idon't know. and i mean. i guess he got what he wanted in the end#what he THINK he wanted in the end?#*shrugs* oh well. i guess it's just . kuya and oli finish their very special episode of uhhhhh#addressing your actual problems before turning to drugs? no. use responsibly and safely if you must?.. uh.....#don't force drugs onto people? ...and... never bring children into a den of desire?#sure! let's go with that!#welcome to elysium
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started the fontaine quest in genshin 2dayyyyyy :3
#☁︎ manon's mind#only made it to the end of lyney’s trial#so not super far#but the region is pretty!#hmm let’s see. . .#furina’s personality is not what i expected it to be#not that i know what i was expecting but#she’s not my cup of tea at the moment!#the twins seem sweet even though they are fatui#(did nawt see that one coming :o)#oh! also wasn’t expecting to see childe again#curious to figure out why his vision is all wonky though#um um um neuvilette!#wah idk if i spelled that right > <#anywho the first interaction with him was so funny#bc i too would not speak a word despite being one of three people in an otherwise empty audience#i like him so far! his eyes are so pretty i couldn’t stop staring at them heh#okay! those are my thoughts for now!#hopefully i can play some more tmrw and meet wrio~
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I don’t think people realize how weird summer camp can get, specifically day camps where they’ve been running it for over sixty years and the majority of the counselors are college level and this is their summer job.
#no seriously#there’s this one camp i go to every summer and it practically has it’s own lore#we joke that there’s a kraken in the lake#and that the nature specialist sleeps in the nature shed despite there being no bed (they hang from their legs in the rafters)#and I’m part of the lits#it’s a week long day camp and sometimes we hold mock trials in our freetime#or as the counselors call it#i’ll explain that later#but legitimately this year one of the regular lits who comes like six out the ten weeks the camp is open#chose a person at random each week to call andreas#one week he chose a counselor#and the place where the lits hang out (the back of the arts and crafts cabin) is called the lit pit#it’s so weird but so fun because everyone there is super accepting and respects peoples pronouns#like one of the administrators today during the all camp activity dressed up as gay rights lugi#it was hilarious#summer camp#camp#day camp
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my current Star Wars books rating for the 96 novels I've read so far. And Dark Disciple
idk if these are hot takes or if you can see anything but this is where I'm at
#yael is reading star wars#the 'unread" tier is the waitlist for the reading list because I'm like that/books i can't read yet for various reasons#(the glass abyss tempest breaker beware the nameless and tears of the nameless aren't out yet but I'm looking forward to them)#the dark disciple tier is there bacause i don't think it deserves to be anywhere near the others#i DESPISE that book on a diferent level#reading list tier is the reading list tier lol#i don't use the currently reading tier much but it's there anyway#the mediocre/bad books either bored me out of my mind or were pointless and annoying book#tho looking back i do not hate jedi trial that much#did not care is for those that were boring and interesting to me but not bad#decent tier is those i liked/didn't mind that come with a big 'BUT' that made the book bad for me#or those I didn't like but weren't bad books#good are books i genuinely liked but weren't very special to me#fun/devastating is either those i thoroughly enjoyed despite them not being that good (re: ahsoka)#or just fun and emotionally devestating books#and masterpiece are my personal favorites#it's not for actual perfect books but rather those who mean the world to me#other than that there are 80 more books i want to read but haven't made it to the reading list yet lmao#getting there
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rewatching fontaine quest and like our first impression really is "wow these people are all theater weirdos" huh
#i forgot that paimon was wearing her goofy ass glasses during the trial FMDKSLJGWIEJFHDSJ#like ok >meet furina. tries to judge us for breaking the law. >meet neuvi. man with very bad convo skills who seems tired of archon. >meet#navia. forcefully becomes her assistant and observes her starting to bake macarons on a moments notice#L + L + frem were only saved bc the sibling dynamic balanced out the first impression i think but they are mostly normal. besides the fatui#thing god bless#*for neuvi also like terrible convo skills. done with archon despite being her coworker. idk what else .#ramblings!#also notable: clorinde has stuck by furina's side from the very beginning huh it's sweet then that she was also the one to invite furina po#post archon q out to her first normal human outing :')#and furina's pretty good at law despite everything like if she can pull out random laws that actually exist to make an accusation#it reads so different though knowing the actual truth like :') in the first meeting she says 'perhaps the welcome ceremony wasnt enough?#what else should i say?' like waughuhwhgujhhhhhh her act.... the traveler coming probably just posed a new challenge for her#or smth... as an outsider whos seen other gods and knows how real archons would act we'd be the most likely person to see through her#gripped with the implications 5 patches too late; anyways this quest. woahg#also rewatching it just gives me the gutpunch of seeing melus and silver still alive. cries
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Finally putting my Stardew Valley AU on paper.
Hargrave is obviously in the place of Klint, the war veteran who arrives after the farmer. In this version, Hargrave's discharge is due to injury and unfounded (and untrue) suspicion of leaking secrets. Not the way this lifelong military man thought his illustrious career would end.
But after recovery, and aided by the understanding and companionship of the farmer, he discovers community life has its merits too, and dedicates his leadership experience to rallying the town in support of the efforts to restore the Community Center. Perhaps there is still more he can offer, even when his original source of pride has been entirely squashed.
#pheidippides branches out#armello#armello hargrave#hargrave proudclaw#stardew valley au#armello au#traditional art#yeah i did this on a post it note#but it also turned out pretty good despite it being my first trial in drawing plausible mobility aids#He would start out on cheap axillary crutches borrowed from the town doctor#because his only other option at first is getting around via wheelchair and he doesn't want to look or feel disabled#what can I say? the Proudclaw is defined by his pride and self-image#Later as he integrates into the community the doctor has the idea to try out forearm crutches since they allow for greater mobility#and naturally Mr. Proudclaw likes the idea because they're a bit less eyecatching as well#by the end of the story he does try a prosthetic-cane pairing but has come to like his forearm crutches and his new life#so he saves the prosthetic for special occasions similar to how one would save a tie or a nice jacket- too much effort for his daily life
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Clinical pathology is love, clinical pathology is life... (the random musing of an elated veterinary student who just hit a very clin-path heavy exam out of the park!)
#vet school life#insanitypost#I only missed ONE question out of the sixty-two of them according to my preliminary score#best exam score for lecture I've had (I did get a perfect lab exam last year in club path though)#it really is love and life in my family when following it and treating by trial and error has kept my cousin's cat alive#precursor immune mediated anemia can fluff off!#we're coming up on the two year anniversary of that too -when she was supposed to die in two days in early December 2022#she'll be four and will have doubled her life span since then#I'm rambling on no sleep here but I'm just feeling really good despite having been sick last night#still have a lab exam this afternoon to go get ready for!
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i promise u that gifset makes sense, i'll explain it when im not on some weird precipice of doomerisms-
#ooc;; mun barks#//to be deleted;#today was a trial#but that script is two-fold why he would single handedly throw hands at any reyes if a reyes was all boohoo abt what he's done#but also why he??? is not very riddled w a self-immolating guilt for all that he's done either#he KNOWS what he's done and why he's done it n the choices he's made that were his#bc what good does ur guilt do if u only wallow in it - u think it'll bring back everybody u fucked over? yea ok#there's a specific mentality that he has that i think is actually summarized very well by a scene in peaky blinders where#the one mobster goes off at shelby when shelby went off on him abt his son - n the mobster gets so fucking mad#n tells him U CHOSE TO ENTER THIS WARFARE - U KNOW THIS WORLD N THE SHIT THAT HAPPENS IN IT - N U THINK UR ABOVE ITS EXCHANGES??#U COME TO ME TO AIR OUT UR FCKING GRIEVANCES??? AFTER EVERYTHING UVE DONE????#n then he deflates n he says 'im sorry abt ur son but i didnt have anything to do w that'#lkadjsf bc yeah he is v much emphatic abt a whole ass child getting kidnapped bc that's genuinely horrible#it's multi-pronged bc it comes from how he was raised but then the world he proceeded to be exposed n live thru after#life was cheap out there - ppl could drop like flies a dime a dozen#it doesn't diminish the life extinguished but that was how it was n that was the norm#n if u participated in this at all - u had to accept that somebody could just as easily snuff u out just as u did that guy u killed#but also 'give me the gun i'll shoot him - what are u - catholic??'#his relationship w reyes has been on my mind a lot lately bc ik i still need to outline how much reyes has influenced him#bc a lot of this blog i focus on what he had n developed bf reyes#the vc where he retorts to reyes 'not everything' @ 'i taught u everything u know'#ghskfbj despite everything he doesnt hate gabe but he would kill him#based on a talk i had w spacy like 4 days ago#nyway if u hand cole bullshit he will grab u by the throat-
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Lord give me energy today eueueue
#dora daily#sm things piling up but my brain says NO#I can’t even do basic things 😭#it’s genuinely so hard to talk to others#aaaaaaah#the reason is bc I’ve forced myself into contentment with the prospect of being alone cause there’s just so much I can do that would bring#me joy in solitude but#that’s what I’ve always been doing part of the reason I talk a lot is bc that’s how I am in my head#like things firing at 100miles per second bc that’s how I used to keep myself entertained when I was younger#when everyone would have buddies and I wouldn’t#and it works now bc everyone takes ten business days to reply that it’s completely made me genuinely grossed out of social interaction#but I can’t live in La La land forever#pls if only kaveh existed I wouldn’t need another means of socialisation eueeuue#everyone is so impossible to understand; coming from a girl who has always been called utterly INSANE for how hard she hyper focuses on#small cues and signals and detecting discomfort and whatnot. I turn my brain off for one second and yet again the same shit happens it’s so#unfair that everyone can be relaxed and I ought to be on high alert 24/7#I also find it hilarious and pathetic when people pretend to be people smart but they’re really not … it’s genuinely embarrassing#like bitch when you get to my level then we will talk istg …#Istg if this is the autism thing everyone’s been telling me im screwed cause#I don’t want yet another issue#but it’d make sense like how people seem to draw away despite there being nothing wrong with me#how people tend to agree with everything someone else says but the moment I do it it’s heinous#how I have physically had to learn social cues and trial and error#with the errors altering my brain chemistry#that unwavering sense of justice that makes me so very uncomfortable if not fulfilled that I shut up about so I can actually hold down#friends. God knows how every interaction I have with a person is so orchestrated so almost artificial and ‘yes-man’ core that I don’t even#believe said person likes ME bc idek who I am and bc if I don’t agree w#everything no matter how many times someone says I won’t get mad …. trust me they do they’re all liars and manipulators even if they don’t#intend to#the scary fascinations I’ve had when younger
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*rattling the bars of my cage and screaming*
I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MY HEALTH I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP IN A WAY THAT WILL LET ME BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
#blue chatter#I know I need to talk to a doctor abt the pain issues#I know this#my concern is that the focus of my past few visits has been purely about my BMI#which is not helpful.#even if that is relevant to the current concerns. massively altering my weight would me a work intensive long term goal/pipe dream#sure. me weighing less could reduce my joint pain. it’s a possibility. I cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#sure. my weight could affect my heart rate and my ability to exercise.#you could even argue that I’m pretty sedentary and could stand to exercise more#I still cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#my heart rate is still really high *now*. it is hard to exercise without feeling like I can’t catch my breath *now*.#sure. my breasts are not entirely fibrous tissue. if I lost weight they would probably be smaller. reducing my back pain.#I *still* cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#but somehow every conversation in the doctor’s office comes back to my weight#especially if *gasp* it’s gone up in the past year#yeah. I’m aware. it’s not something I can super control.#the fact remains that I do not have the spoons to spend on the diet and exercise plans I know I will get recommended#and I know I will get recommended them because my parents go to this doctor and my dad went through an intense weight loss program#which. by the way. despite him heavily restricting his diet and exercising to run a 5k. did not lead to long term weight loss.#and he did not end up sticking with it long term bc it made him actively miserable and he enjoys things like food with fat in it and wine#but I also know that I should not be ignoring all these red flags.#I’m also worried that if I bring up heart issues again then they’ll take me off my ADHD meds#which would be fair as a first trial to see if it helps reduce symptoms#but also. I don’t get shit done without my meds. I wasn’t consistently medicated in high school or freshman year of college#and I was so exhausted all the time just doing the bare minimum#it felt like running headfirst into a brick wall constantly. and I don’t want that for myself.#also in the periods I went off of my meds myself for a week to try and lower my heart rate it did very little#bc believe me. I would love to be able to donate plasma. but I can’t bc I’m over 100BPM at rest.#I would make so much money if I could sell my blood water but I Cannot
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I need to talk about this because it's making me feel insane.
Last week, my white leftist goyisch friends sat me, a wholeass antizionist Jew, down for a "talk" because they "needed to check in about Palestine" and make sure "our values aligned before we hung out again". They apparently needed to "suss out" where I stood on Palestinian rights, despite having had several conversations about Palestine and them being some of my closest friends. They needed to check, to search for and uncover my true values, because I had said some "disturbing things" that had made them "suspicious".
Disturbing things included:
Supporting IfNotNow which is a "liberal zionist organization" because it normalizes Jewish heritage in the Levant
Not bringing Palestine up enough, despite them also not bringing it up (this was apparently a test)
Mentioning that the Houthi's flag talks about cursing all Jews
Saying Stalin was antisemitic because of the "all the paw-grihms"
...and apparently other things they wouldn't specify, but had been tracking for months.
To clarify, I am an antizionist Jew from three generations of antizionist Jews. I have been vocal in my support of Palestinian liberation and in my condemnation both of Israel's actions and its violent founding as a state, and of zionism in many of its forms. I am a regular donor to Palestinian and Jewish NGOs and advocate for Jewish antizionism in person, at temple, and online. I have been talking about Palestinian liberation before they could point to Gaza on a map. But they needed to make sure, they needed to "suss out", they needed to check. And it's notable that the majority of moments that made them suspicious of me were times where I talked about antisemitism: not about Palestinian liberation, not about Israeli decolonization, not about anything actually relevant to Palestine. It was talking about antisemitism that made them check to see if I was a cryptozionist.
One of the most pervasive and insidious forms of antisemitism is the idea that Jews are inherently untrustworthy and suspicious. You have to constantly be on guard, track what they say and do, "suss out" the real truth. You have to keep them in line and and watch them carefully because they're liars and sneaks, and if you're not looking closely they'll return to their real values (and drag you down with them). This is where the idea of "cryptozionist" comes from and what it's directly building off of: the inherent untrustworthiness of Jews and the need to check. Because no matter how close you become you can't actually trust them, and any upstanding gentile should make sure to avoid associating with Jews before "sussing out" their real allegiances and intentions. You have to make them turn out their pockets, just in case.
I'm the first and only Jew they actually were friends with; I know because they've told me (strangely proud of it in the way white Americans are proud of that kind of thing). They've asked me questions about Judaism and fawned over how beautiful and unique it was for me to be connected to my community and culture. Pre-October 7th, one of them had even mentioned being interested in coming to services at my temple. She still has my copy of our siddur. But now she needed to "check" before she could be seen with me in public. Which is what it was: it wasn't a "you're my friend and I need to give you some feedback because you're fucking up" kind of intervention (which is normal and important to have), it was a trial. It was a last chance for me to prove to them that I'm clean-enough that they could afford to risk being seen with me in public, just in case someone noticed them fraternizing with a hypothetical Enemy and their leftism was compromised. It was a test to make sure that I behave properly when required to, that I'd play along and do what I'm told and turn out my pockets if asked (because any refusal would validate the notion of having something to hide). And above all it was an opportunity for them to reaffirm their own cleanliness by putting my imagined immorality in its place.
I did what I needed to do: I smiled. I apologized. I "didn't know that". I "appreciated the feedback". I turned out my pockets because what else could I do? They'd decided who I was and what I believed, regardless of what I said or did, so there was no point in explaining that they were wrong about me. If I had told them they were being antisemitic, it would just have been proof that they were right. Caring about antisemitism is a dogwhistle in the spaces they've chosen: it's not a real form of oppression, it's a tactic for sneaky, lying Jews to weasel out of admitting their true alliances. There was nothing I could say.
Nothing's really changed for me. I'm going to continue my activism for Palestinian liberation rooted in my culture and my faith. Antizionism is still not antisemitism. But I got a reminder that many white goyisch leftists fundamentally just don't trust Jews, and that the activist spaces they're in not only exacerbate their antisemitism in an increasingly insular echo chamber, but also allow them to finally vent their internalized bigotry in a socially-acceptable way. In my former friends' eyes, what they did was activism—disavowing a Jew (and making me feel humiliated, scared, and unclean in the process) as a cathartic stand-in for doing fucking anything for actual Palestinian liberation—but for me it was a grief that I'll be feeling for a long time: not only over losing friends I loved and trusted, but also over my sense of belonging and security in leftist spaces.
#jumblr#I need to talk about this because I feel like I'm losing it a little#its incredibly disconcerting to have this come out of nowhere from people I trusted and it's hard to not blame myself somehow#antizionism#antizionist jew#judaism#jewish#jew#jewblr#leftist#leftism#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#Palestine#Israel#again to reiterate: I am just as committed to Palestinian liberation as ever and antizionism is still not antisemitism#but fuck do some leftists put in the legwork to making it seem like it is huh#free Palestine
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