#desite the fact

[astro-cattus]

Flatland (The book) is pretty good!

I read Flatland not too long ago, I´m afraid to admit that I saw the 2007 adaptation before I read the book fully. I didn´t change the fact that the movie was a hot mess to me.

At first I chalked it up to be just an indie movie from almost two decades ago, of course the script would be messy and the visuals jarring. But the moment I gave myself the time to read the book in it´s entirety, I realized how bad Ladd missed what the book was aiming to teach, and make fun of. Bigots like him :^/

Not only that, but something that irks me so fucking bad is the whole Chromatists ark in the movie; not only is it extremelly inaccurate to the book. This being A.Square´s retelling of a historical event that happened so long ago, we can´t really take A.Square´s word for it, as it was probably altered to make the Chromatists as "irrational liberals" and the Circular Priests as "the voice of reason".

Bringing this very much innacurate retelling to the present day of Flatland feels to me, like a very poorly made strawman.

I need to mention too, the leader of the Chromatists, an irregular shape. Which could´ve been an interesting approach to the differences between both kindoms. But,, the way he´s characterized really hits me the wrong way, feels extremelly ableist. And just serves to further the point that Ladd Ehlinger didn´t comprenhend the message the book was trying to comunicate.

Or he did, afterall, the Chromatist movement was a in-book version of a human rights movement, as it seeked women´s and irregular liberation and individuality.

To be honest, It could be interesting to explore a Chromatist resurgence in Flatland, the book has plenty of worldbuilding and potencial to have new stories written about it. (I´m yet to hear of a good adaptation though, If you have any good adaptations around this world, I would love to read it!). But not by people like Ladd.

Another thing I would like to mention is how much Ladd butchered A.Sphere´s personality in this movie. I hope I´m not the only one who has this sentiment. A.Sphere is supposed to be humble, he scoffs at the idea of somehow being a supperior, perfect being. He´s also empathetic and patient, things A.Square mentions he associate´s with women, and therefore inferior. Something that is supposed to challenge his view, as he has this notion that A.Sphere is a godly entity.

I believe this was a counsious desition; by scrumbing this character of this personality, now he doesn´t have to challenge A.Square´s (and by proxy Ladd himself) bigoted views.

I can still understand people might´ve grown attached to the character, I trust you have two brains and understand the core message of Flatland regardless.

This just goes to show media literacy is a very crutial skill, specially as an adult.

Anyways, have this quick thingy before I run to my Uni because just now I realized I ranted too much and now I´m late lol

[lilisouless]

Look, Show!Wesper will never be book!wesper

(I know you hate long post, but would you make an exeption for Wesper?)

It´s a vanilla jelly you get from a supermarket vs a fine restaurant´s chocolate pudding (ps, i got hungry writing this and actually stopped to eat a jello from)

I am also aware that the desition of having them hooking up very early on instead of the build up wasn't just pragmatic choices, i really think them being a same sex couple had an influence on that desition, is a consequence of how netflix often treats their lgbtq rep, which is why i get why a lot of people got very upset , specially being lgbtq themselves

Not to say how many scenes will be lost or won't have the same impact.

Now, that being said , there is something on Show!Wesper potentially coming. Is not just the angst, if netflix writers notice what they have done, they could build something interesting

You`ll see, i said before many times that Leigh pairs up often people with similar or complementary issues. The difference between Wesper with Kanej and Helnik is that their problems aren't related to each other

With Kanej, we know their similarities with the touch and how they affect their relationship, not to say anything that their moral conflict, Inej still believes in salvation for Kaz but Kaz can hardly show his good side because is dangerous for him that people know there is someone he loves more than himself. Inej represents a kindness and faith Kaz believes must be left behind, Kaz represents for Inej that people who do bad things can still have good on them , which is something she applies to herself

And Helnik speaks for itself, Nina represents everything Matthias was supposed to destroy, Matthias is part of people who wants to kill her kind. Even without that, Nina is not the concept of the perfect woman behaviour Matthias was raised with and reminds her of this over and over, reminding Nina she is loud and sometimes goofs too much, something her trainers often told her, also got bullied on the orphanage, all this things makes Nina think she is "too much" and people may get tired of her (see her speech to Inej, the best reflection of her insecurities were there) Matthias would eventually realize he actually likes this things about Nina (and letting her know it,a huge step on making amends) and thats why he was so cruel about it.

In both couples, they manage to turn their relationship into something with only joy, but there was pain at one point or another,there were part of each other´s problem thats what i mean.

With Wylan and Jesper that doesn't happen , and this is not a way to say they are better or less important because of it, is just stating a fact and the reason why Kanej and Helnik often think about each other on specific terms while Wesper think about the whole team , but making important highlights on each other. They have meet each other for less time,they are not important on each other`s lives from the begining like the other two, most of their relationship build up is seen on the book with little previous information other than Jesper being send to recuit Wylan and sometimes flirted with him to see what happens (which was pretty ambiguous but you get it). They have a similar conflict individually but the other is not part of it, they mostly bond because of it and are more a companion than a participant on their respective problems. As much as Jesper bitchs on Wylan, he is hardly the reason of his insecurities and Wylan is not related to everything that was going on with Jesper

Now my point: Show Wesper does have a shot on making each other part of their problems, not a whole (that was never a think with Kanej and Helnik...well,on the books anyway🙄) but like i have said before

-Jesper´s loved ones are either leaving or distancing themselves from him,Wylan is the closest person he got at the end of the season. Wylan in exchange has no one, he has no friends outside of Jesper ; sure he has some friendly interactions with other characters but they aren't friends. This means Jesper and Wylan and , maybe unaware, pushing for the other to be their "person" their stability: Jesper offers Wylan a key on an impulse and Wylan decides to move in inmediately.

On the book they find their stability on each other as well, but that was the result of a healthy outcome, knowing each other and deciding that staying together was both what they wanted and the best for them in more than one sense, is not a problem,its a resolution.

On the show it can turn into a problem because becoming someones person its an untold compromise if you and that person have unresolved issues.

By this point i`ll drop spoilers from the book, so if you only watched the show i suggest to not open the cut

Jesper doesn't know Wylan is a merchant son, Jesper hates when people hide information from him, when they consider him untruswhorty or leave him out. This doesn't sound nice if your person is hiding a big deal from you,specially someone you have been vulnerable with. And remember that Jesper in the book , when Wylan stoped talking to him supposedly, his reaction was thinking "he doesn't want to be associated with criminals anymore" and was quite bitter about it. This was Jesper not only not in a relationship with Wylan, they were hardly friends and didn't consider their mutual atraction outside of a phisical thing, "why bother getting attached, he will leave when all of this is over" .

So Show!Wylan , acording to Jesper , may as well be one more of the people who don't trust him or will leave too. Thats how Wylan becomes part of the pain. If this guy,he got so attached only saw the barrel as his playground all along and will go back to his privileged life where Jesper doesn't belong and leave him alone. Its also very unlikely that Wylan explains to him that his dad tried to had him killed, he never says that on the book since the only thing he confess to Kaz was that he couldnt' read,Jesper having a loving father himself which he has a dificult but still loving relationship with, will not even think that Wylan`s dad won't have him back, even if Wylan tells him that.

Also, Jesper always felt like he didn't deserved the people in his life and on the show Wylan hasn't shown to be aware of his gambling adiction or his drop of university, he may hide that from Wylan out of fear he will be judged (and deep inside, feel like he deserves said jugdment)

On Wylan´s side, its harder but not impossible. Jesper on the show already knows he can't read, but lets see this: Jesper thinks Wylan is either a colelge drop out or from the streets, Wylan may think is not the same someone who was never taught to read from someone that had all the resourses to learn and still couldn't.

Wylan doesn't reason "my dad never loved me for real" he thinks "my dad used to love me until i failed him" ,so if the love of his father who knows him from birth faded away very easily, why this boyfriend he has known for one months at most would be diferent? Add that Jesper forgot their first meeting, Wylan may think "sure, he will get over me quickly" considering how fast they got together and making rushed advances, you know "easy comes, easy goes" way of thinking.

So, a soc spinoff can build a whole double abandonement issues conflict for those two. Not book!Wesper but can help to flesh them out and making their relationship not just be the happy side couple, they can still have the grown together wesper had on the books while adding something more.

[begaydodrughailsaten]

i hate to break it to you but it’s prev tags not perv tags

Same letters, almost spelled the same, im dyslexic, i also have 1 brain cell and he is trying his very hardest but most of the time he is to busy thinking about dndads characters and animal facts to know how spelling works i 100% forget about this in 2 hours im sorry anon, weither i call you prev or perv is simplly what ever my fingers desited to type and what my eyes desited to read.

[popmusicu]

Galee Galee ~ The Gansta and Flaite Aesthethic within the Chilean Urban Music In recent days, most of you have already heard the name Galee Galee cuz of the news. He was the founder of a "music gang" called Yakuza Mafia and also one of the most popular trap artists within our country. Said so, in these lines we are going to decompouse how the Aesthethic around Galee Galee and his music works. ¿Have you ever presenced someone using the words "Flaite", "Cuma", "Tuja" or "Chulo" in a despective manner?  Well, it is a pretty common thing, specially coming from people that don't identify at all with the "Flaite" idiosencrasy.  This occuurs specially because the "Flaite" thing is hard related to a bunch of "bad" things, like: delinquency, ignorance  and bad living. All these raw ways of living may be certainly a true reality for many people, but it is important to clarify that most of the "Flaite" people are just regular people, like you and me, like our neighbours or relatives. Most of them are honest workers looking for the best way of living trying to cause the less harm to others. Said so, it is really important in these facts to understand that delinquency, ignorance and bad livings are things that go beyond if someone is Flaite or not. These are things that civilizations have done along all of the history of mankind. As every single ignorant and poor person comitting robbery, scams, using drugs or prostitution, exists some other well educated and wealthy person that is doing the same thing, many of them even have their family business for generations around those subjects. All these things won't disappear, and it is important in art to have people talking about it, because life imitates art, and art is a reflect of life. That's where urbans artists play a role. Now, the really special thing about a "Flaite" way of living is Flaite people is not afraid to hide wathever they are doing or thinking. Being Flaite is being explicit by nature or by desition. And the explicity, is certainly a thing that doesn't fit very well in many social circles that try to undercover truths and to make up things to make them more "family friendly", or more "distinguished". This is the reason why some many people are listening to this kind of music, it is because it ilustrates reality as the most real form possible, in a raw way. In contrast with other music, that are knows for the well worked poetry and highly commintent with  metaphors and retoric figures to express their feelings or scenaries. Experts says, all this phenomena is happening well attached to the hand of the fast and brief content in social medias. For example, if someone says something with a lot of metaphors, it would take more time to people to get it. But if some says something as it is, explicit, it helps people to instantly get it. It these days that time is the most valuable thing, it is important that music and social media content to became more fair with people's time. That's a big win for the culture of explicit, and in the other hand, to the Flaite idiosencrasy. So, are "Flaite" people not using methaphors and poetry at all? The answer is no. They are using them. But, the main difference it that they link their methaphors to daily common things, very rawly, not to ancient muses or poetries achievements. Galee Galee doesn't founded a real mafia, you know. People in the urban art and music have apropiated of concepts around the street culture, like gangs, mafias and stuff just to refer about their group of friends or co-workers. That's why he decided also adopted a well known name of a dangerous asian mafia, as the Yakuzas, because it is explicit and it gives status to his group. And well, maybe some buddies within Galee Galee's Yakuza mafia are living of crimes, we don't really know. We just know the majority of them are trying to make their art worth of money.

By Gabriel Castillo Rivera

[ask-thsc-blog]

Gabe took a look at the blueprints again-

Ah, yeah, what was an esthetic desition there was, if fact, a fatal flaw

... OK that makes him seen like a fool

GABE: "...oh god...I didn't even notice that-'

[boowhumps]

Two Weeks Of Whump

Day Two - Needles

(@promptsforyourwhumpfic)

TW

- Swearing

- Hospital Setting

- Mentions of Self-Harm

- Mentions of Suicide

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ »»————>　⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　<————«« ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

It was dark, the only sound being that of the constant beeps, every one referencing life, her life.

Tonight, as every other night she had been here, Karyme couldn't sleep. The beeps taunted her of the fact she was still alive. A constant reminder of her failure.

What made matters worse, she couldn't convince anyone she was okay, not even herself.

This wasn't the first time she had found herself in this situation, but it was different this time. For some reason beyond her own conprehension, this time around, she couldn't just slip this under the rug.

That didn't mean she didn't try.

First, it was denial, and when that didn't work, it was silence.

The silent treatment was the most current one, and so far, it had been working in her favor. The psychiatrist seemed to be getting down with the lack of progress, as well as the doctors and nurses.

Karyme did feel a bit bad about ignoring Kaiden, but he was acting the same as everyone else, so he got the same treatment.

She had been doing well so far, until eariler.

She didn't even know when it started, but something ticked her off. It was like something ignited inside of her, and every little thing only fueled her.

Finally, it all blew up, and she snapped.

She tried to run, she tried to escape, but she failed.

Karyme remembered when they grabbed her, forcing her down like she was a criminal. She screamed and kicked, trying to attack, trying to fight back.

She saw the way they looked at her, pity in their eyes despite her violent actions.

Then she saw the needle, which only dialed her anger up to 100. She screamed threats, insults, everything as they held her down like she was a wild animal.

She felt the needle pierce her, and they managed to put out the fire that was herself. She slowly blacked out, and then awoke in this room.

She was restrained, and left alone.

Karyme had never felt so.. small. She was nothing. Igsinificant.

She could only lay there, staring up at the blank ceiling.

..maybe they were right..

This wasn't normal, not even for her.

She didn't understand. Why was she so angry? Why did she always react in anger?

..Karyme didn't have an answer.

----------

The door creaked open, but Karyme's gaze remained on the wall. The restraints had finally been removed, leaving her wrists and ankles sore. She felt so numb, so weak..

"..Karyme.?" He whispered. "..you awake.?"

Silence. She had returned to ignoring everyone.

There was a sigh, then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"They told me what happened." He said calmly. "..can you please talk to me..?" He added, sounding upset.

Karyme, desite her stubborness, couldn't help but respond. "Nothing happened." She said, her voice cracking.

"Karyme, you tried to run away, and you attacked the staff." He said. "No one does that without any reason." He added sternly.

"Leave me alone, Kaiden." Karyme says coldly.

Another sigh. "Listen." Kaiden says. "That stunt only made things worse for you." He stops. "..I can't save you this time, you know that, right.?"

Karyme blinked, panic setting in, but she remained silent.

"They want to.. transfer you." Kaiden says slowly. "They think inpatient care is the best option."

Karyme felt her heart stop. He couldn't be serious..

"..Karyme.?" He asks softly. "Hey, you need to calm down-"

..Calm down.

CALM DOWN!?

They wanted to lock her away again, and she needed to calm down!?

..was her outburst really that bad?

No, it was just an irrational decision, she didn't mean to..

Fuck.. what did she do..?

She snapped back into it, locking eyes with Kaiden.

When did he get in front of her.?

"-that's it, good.." He whispers, seemingly calm.

..her chest felt lighter, like before..

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you panic like that I just-" Kaiden stopped, sighing. "I'm scared too, you know.. I mean, I know places like that sometimes aren't the best but.. fuck, they seem to be decided.." He rambles, sounding stressed.

Karyme took a small breath. "..i didn't mean to.."

Kaiden frowns. "I don't know if that's true anymore. Even if you didn't want to, you still did it.. you realize that isn't normal, right.?" He asks.

Karyme could only nod.

"I think we both know that you aren't.. doing okay.." Kaiden says. "I know you might be used to this, but that doesn't make any of this okay." He sighs. "I need you to at least try here, because I can't drag you out of this, even I really wish I could."

Karyme looks away. "..i can't.."

"I know you can." Kaiden replies. "I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to fucking suck, and it's going to be hard, but you need to." He lets out a shakey breath. "Even if they do decide to.. transfer you, you still have to keep going."

Karyme felt tears in her eyes, but before she could hide her face, Kaiden grabbed her face.

"We start here, with this." He says. "You don't need to hide when you're upset."

Karyme wanted to pull away so badly, but in a sense, he was right..

His gaze softens. "..you know I love you, even when I fucked up in the past.." Kaiden softly smiles. "..what I want you to do right here, right now, is let yourself be vulnerable."

Karyme's gaze fell, but she felt that first tear slip.

Oh my Selyna.. it was horrible..

She could remember the last time she was openly cried, but that time she was but a child, and alone.

Now, she wasn't alone.

She couldn't do anything back then to stop herself from making that decision, as well as this time.

But she could make the pain stop. If she tried that is..

..maybe a little effort wouldn't hurt..

..maybe a little effort was all she needed.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ »»————>　⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　<————«« ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

[yuu33]

what is going on with my time on tumblr. why is my queue not going down desite upping the no. of posts significantly? in fact, the queue got longer

frieren binge should be done now

dpxdc?? HOW?

[wanderingdreamer009]

Powerful , strong women can be friends desite the fact that they are each strong individuals.

What do these people have against good female friendships ?.... Actually, what do they have against women in general ?

Magnificent Century Season 1 + Hürrem & Nigar Kalfa, Part 4 (Parts 1,2,3,5,6)

[gmanwhore]

Bea and Bella can be seen as opposites in a way as Bea is sweet on the surface but scary on the inside, meanwhile Bella gives off a menacing aura despite just being here to help.

Bea is frequently trolled by Terezi, although at this point it is more of a friendship than actualy trolling and they tend to enjoy annoying or just chatting with the other.

The first thing Bea prototyped with is the jar with her pet bunnie, and the second is a photo of her mother which resulted in bunmomsprite who she is very fond of.

She first started playing the game with her friends and her crush, i don't have much on them.

Bella tends to envy the fact that Bea can make tough desitions, meanwhile Bea envies that nobility in Bella she sees herself as lacking in.

Bea has tried to drink her own blood before, it led to one of those "BLEUGH" panels.

Bella's best friend is based off one of Bea's best friends aunt.

Oh nice!!!!!

[snoweylily]

i think its okay to dislike your art.

i don’t think its okay to put yourself or others down for it, or to blame yourself when things don’t end up looking lke you wanted them to, but i think its perfectly okay (and even healthy!) to dislike the things you make because absolutely everything is an ongoing process. i look back at stories i wrote when i was sixteen, and i think “wow. that writing is terrible” because it is. i’m not saying that i, myself, am terrible, or that what i write now is terrible, desite the fact i know that at some point in the future, i’ll look back at my current writing / artwork / videos / etc. and think “wow. that is also terrible” because by then, it will be

i’m so sick of creating something thats bad and having everyone immediately rush to say “no no no! its amazing! wow! you’re amazing” as if my worth is dependent on what i can create as an amateur. every beginner is terrible at everything and thats okay because every master was once a beginner too. so i think we should just all give ourselves the space to be terrible because amateur comes from the latin “amare” which means to do something because you love it, not because you’re good at it, and thats incredible

so i’m going to continue making amazing artwork and writing fantastic fanfiction and editing wonderful videos. and i look forward to the day that i can look back on them and say “wow. that is just terrible” because then i’ll know that i have improved

[axl-ul]

Hello! From the gemstone ask game:

Emerald: Which of your characters is hardest to write?

Tiger's Eye: What are the tropes of your main cast?

And also, since it's Storyteller Saturday, how do you keep track of your worldbuiding/plots/characters?

Hi and thank you for the ask! ^^

ASK GAME

Emerald: Which of your characters is hardest to write? Probably Márgerdra and maybe Ereanth, her ex-husband. I had some issues with Márgerdra as in the begining I wasn't sure with her arc and direction. Should she be the innocent younger sibling? But I don't want the 'perfect girl from nextdoor'. Should she be an absolute asshole? Also no. Then I started listening to film noir-like songs and here we go down the rabbit hole. Sooo, she became the femme fatale (not bad, not good, just complicated, tragic but sweet nonethless). And Eri boy? He was supposed to be the rebel with a heart of gold but I later realised that would be awfully too similar to another already existing character who's based on an actual 'mythological' being. At least in my way of interpreting his character. So in the end I had to cut a lot of things from his original arc, make him a side character, driving force for Márgerdra's arc and let the silly funny au become the actual cannon xd

Tiger's Eye: What are the tropes of your main cast? To name a few: femme fatale, antihero, found family, bad boy/rebel with a heart of gold, absent parent/mentor, rivals to friends to lovers (then to strangers to lovers again, hehe), rivals/enemies to best friends, the underdog,...

STORYTELLING SATURDAY

Actually, I don't...?? The thing is I first started to create the first bits of lore 10+ years ago. The characters were original just there to keep me company whenever I was home alone or when I went from school home and vice versa. But my passion for mythologies and folk stories got the better out of me and I decided to write the bare skeleton in Word (outline for the plot for 1 book in the cycle, I use the 27 chapters method there) and occasional comments on the margin in Google Docs during an actual writing/editing. Mostly, though, the lore and scenes are tied to the music which I listen to. In other words, there's also a made up music video in my head while playing the song xd And details for characters which are directly inspired by a certain mythology (Loki, Sun Wukong, Zmey,...) - I try to depict them as close to the source material as I'm able to.

TL;DR I kinda don't write everything down because I managed to memorise majority of the details during all those years. Especially when it comes to the original lore and characters.

Plus, for example, Ulfrika and Wukong mirror each other's behaviour to a certain extent. One wants to live forever and enjoy the life while the other curses the existence and desires to die desite being one of the few truly immortal beings in the world. In fact, many of the characters either contrast someone else or themselves. So keeping track on that isn't that hard as I remember one detail and then it all unfolds in front of me naturally. The same way goes for the lore, hehe

[lilisouless]

Shadow and bone and signature colors

This is not an study, just a series of random observations born because i like the concept of signature colors.

Okay, on the Grishaverse canon there is such a thing as color coding but it has more to do with military rank and grisha order than the characters themselves which is why i dare to say that even if we relate all of them with one, the only characters that i consider have a signature color in book canon are The darkling, Kaz (both black) and Zoya (blue) and you could make a case for green for Pekka Rollins, show canon has the same with Kaz and the darkling being black, and Inej’s being teal (present in her two most prominent outfits and while it’s technically an uniform as well,the production team could have gone with another color ) but not with Zoya (see the headcanons part) nor Pekka Rollins who never wears green on the show , or at least nothing memorable

Now the next brainstorming will be overanalysis , don’t take it too seriously, this ones are headcanons and will change if there is a new season or a word from the production than goes against the argument

Alina doesn’t really have a signature color on the books in my opinion, she mostly wears uniforms , you can make a case for gold but this is mostly in universe logic, the keftas follow the color of the grisha class. If someone has an argument for this i would love to hear. But to me signature color means what the author/writers choose to represent the character and if Alina wasn’t the only sun summoner for most of the book, then the color would represent the powes,not her. Doesn’t mean there is only one color for character, they can and will repeat, many characters can have the same signature color but individually it’s “their color”

ex: book!Zoya’s signature color is blue even if the other etherealki wear it too, in fact tidemakers wear more blue than squallers, there’s lines of “no woman has looked better in blue” her eye color, her hair being so black it looks blue on certain light and the iconic blue ribbon, blue may be the color of other grisha but it’s also a color that represents Zoya

Now speaking of blue and back to Alina, i think the show is secretly pushing for Alina’s color to be blue. Secretly because the gold may fool you but remember this is about her and not the powers (remember this is mostly headcanons and out of fun, this is the opposite of what the scientific method should be because i am applying theory to observation instead of the other way around)

The blue kefta is book canon and i like to think the costume design rolled with it. All of this outfits have blue (or bluish tones, the dress is leaning more into teal) and gold. This also are important moments of her life, the first time she discovered her sun summoner powers (the scarf even flies away to symbolize the change) the first thing we see her wearing without a cape after setting herself free from the darkling’s control and taking the life changing (and book changing) desition of taking him down on her own terms, the thing she wears after killing the darkling and destroying the fold and the dress she wears when she and we find out (unless season 3 confirms she already knew) she got shadow summoner powers.

To me it could be like this: the gold is the sun summoner everyone sees for her powers, the blue is Alina Starkov herself.

Gonna make a part two for other characters but i would love to see opinions, disagreements, other headcanons,etc

Edit: something that i forgot to add that’s extremely important

Sure, the uniforms are made for more people than Alina but clearly on production the first thought was “This is what Alina will be wearing” and from her, they did the clothing for everyone else

[quill-beetlewing]

The fact that everyone in the tags is either calling him a blorbo or pointing out how absolutely done his face looks makes me think that posting my art here was the best desition I could've made.

You're right. He is so fucking Done™ and we love him for it.

What is UP Tumblr nation, I been following the Trojan War fan base for a while now and I think it's finally time to actually get involved with it. So yeah, have this Hector sketch I did the other day.

[shallowrambles]

Everybody wants Cas to lose it, to be the unhinged kind of upset, but that's just not how he is on the whole. Think about his interactions with Chuck, for example. Cas's anger gets corked. Cas goes robot-emotionless when overwhelmed. He shuts it all down because he was eons-tortured for having any emotion whatsover (and he had absent caregivers).

His trained default is disciplined and stoic. (And yet he's so emotive I love it)

When he takes on Sam's budens, his fatalism and withdrawal from life/conflict increases. He dissociates from life, war, sex--feels some self-horror that he even participated in the wanting of all of that. Better to be nothing, withdraw--non-participant. Watch others works because he just destroys everything and he will destroy everything again with his needs--to give in to the meaningless wars and sex. (Callback to endverse Cas.) Wanting and living is a horror. Better to have no needs.

Anyway, the characters sense this, too, and are constantly pushing Cas's buttons to see if he'll snap. The idea of Cas's restraint snapping is exciting. That's 99% of Crowley's interactions with him, to get him mad enough to snap and beat the Hell out of him. Cas crashes Crowley into a wall, Crowley winds up cowering and awaiting death with a parting shot: "you like to bend 'em right over, don't you." The constant needling that others do is that they want to see Cas's military discipline break. He almost never does.

(A notable exception: Lucifer doesn't do too much of this needling, not actually, desite his resentment to Cas being duty-driven. Despite killing Cas, Lucifer seems comfortable with Cas's relative emotional stability, even seeks him out when he's afraid of Michael. Later in the series, despite their respective needling, Crowley and Rowena seek out his friendship because he's steady and stable and resolute. Something they crave but pretend they don't.)

I don't have a point, but when Jack dies, I'm not surprised at all that he bottles it. His moments of emotion are far and few between: aimed at Dean for submitting to Michael, at the other angels for choosing Raphael, at Naomi for her lies, at Dumah for threatening Mary and John.

Losing his grace, the attack dog spell, the PTSD--all attacks on his self reliance and indepedence, which are important to dismissive avoidants. When the boys are kidnapped, it's a personal failing. He's a failure. He's useless. He still thinks of himself as their guardian. When the Winchesters stay behind to protect him from Ramiel, it's the worst thing that's ever happened to him. It's his worst nightmare come to life--to watch them die because they love him.

So of course he withdraws, he leaves. They shouldn't love him if it's going to put them in danger. He can protect them from afar if he needs to--stay one step ahead of the baddies to keep them away from them. So in the end, of course he is vulnerable to Jack's future visions showing himself restored, big strong protector with wings...that's what he wants. To protect, to get apprectation (Dean), to allow freedom (Sam).

I do recognize that, in fact, Cas holds in a lot of anger. I do recognize that, but he wrestles it with a lot of discipline: in fact, Metatron misreads his anger as fatalism and weakness in season 11, but quickly realizes it's anger before trying to stir up Cas enough to kill him.

Anger is an emotion. Cas wields it as logically and privately as he can. He's a stoic, stony guy. Or at least, that is his default comfort zone. It's no wonder, with how emotionally dysregulated angels tend to hurt others (Lucifer all around, and Jack w Mary).

I don’t think quiet emotion is any less powerful.

[babyspacebatclone]

You ever assume you’ve dealt with trauma, because you discuss it freely with people and have worked on it and actively take time to consider your triggers and your trigger response is reducing?

And it’s been several years since you, for example, have consistently worked with children capable of cause and effect thinking, but you’ve been doing great working with toddlers and babies, any lingering trauma from working with traumatized preadolescents has been dealt with.

And you’ve been working with defiant preschoolers for a month now, but all you see is how great you’re doing, how calm you are and how you’re able to be consistent about applying the general expectations to encourage emotional refutation and patience in your children?

And it’s great, you’re proud of your job, you’re proud of your work…

And then something makes you suddenly seriously consider the long-term consequences for these children if they don’t address these behaviors?

And you suddenly remember that time in January 2021 when a group of individuals who were not taught proper emotional regulation, patience, and basic consideration for others decided a group of “others” were trying to take away their rights?

And exactly what you’ve been fighting for five years, despite getting PTSD the first time you tried, suddenly feels all too real and giant?

…..

Yeah, I’m going through some things right now.

[darkclouud9]

Screw zodiac signs. Which one are you?