#depressionarmy

[unr]

Friends and liars don't wait for me

'Cause I'll get on all by myself

I put millions of miles

Under my heels

And still too close to you, I feel, yeah

I am not your rolling wheels

I am the highway

I am not your carpet ride

I am the sky

I am not your blowing wind

I am the lightning

I am not your autumn moon

I am the night

The night

"I Am The Highway" by Audioslave

[theselfcaremaven]

[depressionarmy]

Pretty much

[onthebrinkofexistence]

Do you know that feeling you get when you're hit in the head with an apple? While you're trying to take a nap? A proverbial apple that is, not quite unlike a great realization, a "eureka" moment where the light bulb in your thought bubble illuminates.

I just had one of those feelings and it gave me directions on this blog! 

The direction was already somewhat determined; I want to showcase a battle that has warred in myself and in others.

Something that a lot of people didn't know about me is that I had life crippling depression for a big portion of my short life. The bad kind.

The kind where you are submerged in darkness, suffocating just trying to breathe in any glimmer of hope you can catch.

The gray kind where any semblance of colour that existed or that you try to create gets snuffed out by the black hole of emptiness.

The kind where you are unforgettably alone.

The kind that no one understands and there doesn't seem to be any escape from.

The kind where you cry a lot curled up in the shower.

The kind where you question whether or not you’re even living or merely existing, and if there is a point to continuing to trudge on in this frozen wasteland.

You get the picture: not a fun time.

To clear things up, being depressed is NOT the same as being sad. Of course, you can be sad when you are depressed but I would say the difference is in the depth and length. When you are sad you know you’ll come out on the other side eventually, when you’re depressed you forget the very meaning of the word “hope”.

I have come back from the brink of existence, the edge, the precipice of which no return, and am on the brink of truly existing, of living the life I never could have dreamed of.

Years ago, actually on Tumblr, I saw a post from a man that was depressed throughout his teenage years and now was happily married, glad he hadn’t taken his life, and I remember it to this day.

This is my message to those suffering, whether that is from something as debilitating as depression or simply from the weight of existence; YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS.

If that is something that you genuinely want, meaning that you better be willing to face your inner self’s reflection head on and work through any and all shit no matter how uncomfortable.

That’s how I got to where I am now. I had a choice between staying where I was, wallowing in my own demise limited by my doubts and lethargy, and taking the unfathomably harder route: and making my bed.

Wait what? Is that all I had to do to get to where I am now? Definitely not, but it’s an amazing starting point.

One huge but small thing I did to start to pull myself out of the depths of despair was making a to-do-list. I put the EASIEST tasks on it, like making my bed, showering, eating and other things that don’t take much of any effort for the normal person but seemed like “Mount Everest to an ant” of a task to me. Set yourself up for success, am I right? Plus, if I made my bed it would be harder for me to lay in it all day.

Did you know that when you check off tasks on your list it gives you dopamine? This was the primer I needed to accomplish slightly bigger tasks to build my momentum and I still use lists to this very day to breakdown hard goals and stay organized.

I also discovered that I could regulate my mood using another feel-good inducing activity: exercise. This became a tool more powerful then any anti-depressant or anti-anxiety I could ever be prescribed.

I believe that people were created to move! And that being sedentary is against our very nature. Look at what happens when we don’t exercise versus when we do. I show clients, or whomever needs it, this short YouTube video on the benefits of taking 30 minutes out of your 1440 in a day to take care of your self, watch it if you haven’t already or again for some Nelson Mandela, fitness inspiration.

23 and 1/2 hours: What is the single best thing we can do for our health?

If you want more let me know, I've accumulated a lot of resources.

I find that the best way for me to become motivated to action is do some digging and to get inspired. This applies to anything you’ve ever had any interest in doing and also for any problem you face.

When I asked my doctor while holding a new prescription, “Why is this happening to me?” and the answer I received but couldn’t accept was that “some people just don’t make enough dopamine”… I looked for answers elsewhere.

I have serious beef with this statement, not only because it’s vague but because it takes away the power of the individual. And I’m a strong believer in our power to overcome any obstacle.

Instead of accepting the doctor’s final word I turned to the internet for new hope and I researched the crap out of depression and it’s related theories and treatments at the time, although at that point there wasn’t as much to be found online.

This gave me direction and a semblance of control over my life, some certainty in uncertain waters. Of course I see the benefit of medication but my personal belief when it comes to depression, and what I’m sure lots of people find, is that IT DOESN’T MAGICALLY FIX YOU...You have to fix you.

And you can, I did, and I believe in you.

Our ability to adapt and push forward as human beings is not to be doubted. Our mental and physical capabilities are extreme.

Anyway, although I’ve developed my methods out of necessity, they aren’t just for those who have fallen down the rabbit hole but for anyone that feels a little lost, a little unsatisfied with their current situation and for those who don’t know how to get that missing bit more out of life.

This is just the beginning, and my goal is that I share what I learn with you, growing together.

I read a lot and I will be integrating my take-aways from books that I have benefited from into my posts, digesting and regurgitating all that good information out there into something easier to swallow, and hopefully doing podcasts as well! Looking to interview people on how they are succeeding.

Well, thanks for listening and sharing my thoughts. Feel free to share yours back.

Stay grateful my friends,

Katelyn Ashley Mah

Photo credit to Andre Harms

[theselfcaremaven]

My Beverages for Autumn:

1) Green tea ~decaf + regular, hot or iced. 🍵☕️

2) water

3) Pumpkin Spiced

4) Organic Turkey Bone Broth

5)

What are your FAVORITE beverages? Hot or Cold? ☕️🍷Why?

#foodismedicine

#organicturkeybonebroth #cleanwaterismedicine

#greenteaisantiinflammatorytonic

#draxe #ancient nutrition #collagenproteinpowderisantiinflammatory #mct #cbd #whitefoxnectars

#fairyfood

#starseed

🍵☕️🫖

Me and my sistas ~ chillin with an Autumn beverage.

Pablo Picasso, Two Women at a Bar, 1902

[asylumchronicles]

I miss me. The old me. The happy me. The bright me. The smiling me. The laughing me. The gone me 🖤 #blackandwhitephotography #blackandwhitephoto #blackandwhite #blackandwhiteselfie #alternative #alternativegirl #blackclothes #goth #gothgoth #wednesdayaddams #depressed #depression #depressionrecovery #depressionjourney #recoveryjourney #depressionsucks #depressionarmy #mentahealth #badmentalhealth #badmentalhealthday #sad #depressionquotes https://www.instagram.com/p/BojRAOmDyfa/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=r6muozj3sjv6

[odawni]

I GIVE A SHIT ABT #TEEN #MENTALHEALTH - Don’t you? #teenlink #866teenlink @866teenlink #teenbands #teenmusic #seattlebands #gypsytemple #thehornytones #veryjuicyentertainment #seattlemusic #seattlewriter #seattleblogger #seattlebandphotographer #endthestigma #kimemeeradotcom #depressionarmy #teenmusicandmindwellnessproject #thefunhouseseattle (at Seattle, Washington)

[reina-bruja-de-la-gracia-divina]

[unr]

"I thought about it and my dream was broken

I clutch at images like dying breath

And I don't want to make a fuss about it

The only certain thing in life is death"

— The Police, Truth Hits Everyone

[depressionarmy]

Regrets...I've had a few

Frank Sinatra

[scotianostra]

Aye.........

[themhac]

allora @ azzurri, io vi guardo, ma alla prima cosa horror che fate metto bakeoff

[bohemian--sunflower]

More modern poetry at @woven.stammerings on Instagram. 

[notgonnahaveastrangeurl]

Sleep

Does anyone else find it hard to just do nothing? Being somewhere alone trying to find an inclining of self-peace, an escape. Personally I can’t. When I’m alone that’s when it hits, that creeping monster that never leaves. A monster that quietly sits and waits, waits for a chance to strike you at the most inopportune time. To me and so many others that monster is depression/anxiety. In this moment every thought I have comes rushing to my mind, a million roaring judgements. In this moment there’s no peace, no clarity, no rest. That’s why we sleep so much. It’s why I always feel tired no matter the amount of sleep I get. We aren’t only physically tired, but mentally exhausted from fighting. We are exhausted of that gargoyle that constantly berates us. For me, sleeping is the only thing that gives me an escape. For in those moments, in the sleeping moments where dreams are better than reality, I want to live.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Talking to parents about depression

I wish I could find a way to talk to them, especially my mother, to get across how I feel without her going “OMG IM A HORRIBLE MUM I’VE FAILED YOU WOE IS ME WAAAH!”. This is why I don’t want to talk to you anymore, mum! 

IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, I NEED HELP. And guess what, you’re not helping. You’re making it worse. You make me not want to open up to people about my illness. You make me want to die so I won’t burden you with my imperfection as a daughter...