#depressed giles

[irregularcollapse]

aims when i decide to reread a WIP: this will remind me of what I’ve done so far, and I’ll get a spark of inspiration and be motivated to continue

what actually happens when i decide to reread a WIP: i’m never going to be able to continue this lol remember when i had a working brain and could make words happen? that was fun

[camellcat]

y'all know that giles is hot, right? y'all understand me when I say he should put on eyeliner, right? I don't have to explain myself to you guys right you just... get me

[bananonbinary]

Once More With Feeling (buffy the vampire slayer) pisses me off so much because Wish I Could Stay is a fucking bop and it gets stuck in my head all the time but unfortunately i vehemently disagree philosophically with everything in it

which is sort of the problem with btvs as a whole tbh, a very well made, very compelling show that is nonetheless wrong in so many irritating ways i dont even know where to start bitching about it

[marigoldbaker]

oh babe i know this is just so that your speech will sound really resonant but you are not fooling giles one iota. he spent the entire time you were telling him about angel making a face like you were running him over with a tractor and he'd given up on telling you to stop. like OBJECTIVELY HILARIOUS that you think you're pulling one over on him when he's literally just kinda given up on trying to get you to not date the guy who killed his girlfriend and tortured him.

[portraitsofsaints]

Saint Giles 

14 Holy Helpers

650-710

Feast day: September 1

Patronage: people with disabilities, the poor, cancer patients, difficulty breastfeeding, mental illness, sterility, depression, childhood fears, convulsions, Edinburgh, Scotland

Originally from Greece, St. Giles lived as a hermit in the forest of France for many years and his sole companion was a deer who is said to have sustained him with her milk. When King Wamba's hunters pursued and shot at the deer, the arrow wounded St. Giles instead, making him the patron of cripples. As compensation, the King gave Giles a piece of land in the Provence, on which Giles founded a monastery. He died with the highest repute for sanctity and miracles.

Prints, plaques & holy cards available for purchase here: (website)

[lisavetbathory]

"season 4 is bad" "what's season 4 about?" is fair and all but have you considered that giles sings his little 70s songs?? while he wears a hoop earring???

[allshowsanyshows]

Let’s talk Buffy Summers and her depression

When did it really start?

The show made it clear that season 6 would be considerably darker than previous season which definitely sparked controversy among the show’s enormous cult following. Even 20+ years after its initial release I still see the debate online around whether season 6 went too dark. And one of the contributing factors to that darkness was Buffy’s apparent depression and decent into suicidal ideation.

There’s no doubt that Buffy was suffering tremendously in season 6 with her mental health, that’s not in question. Instead, the question is when did this really start? I see fans who believe it started with her resurrection, some who think it began in season 5 after Joyce’s death and others think she was depression from the moment she first appeared on our screens.

I happen to agree with each of these views. I think Buffy was always depressed one way or another but in season 6 we see her go from having bouts of depression to being severely clinically depressed.

There’s no way in which someone can watch Buffy and not see the negative effect that being the Slayer has on her. In season 1, Buffy is clearly suffering from some traumatic experiences from the burning down of the gym in her old high school and does struggle with the responsibility of being the slayer. But one thing that’s clear is that she doesn’t yet want to die - as she says - she’s only 16. Buffy wants to live, she wants to be a normal teenager. And she’s sad because she longs for normality and can’t grasp it, yet she’s still holding onto that hope that she one day will.

It’s not until season 2 that we’re shown Buffy truly suffering from PTSD and I think this is the beginning of the end for her mental health. Girl has traumatic things happen to her daily and with the death of angel and Ms Calendar and all the changes in Buffy’s life she can’t escape the PTSD that it leaves her with throughout season 2 onwards.

Between season 2-3 is where I think she begins to lose that hope of ever being normal.

Her PTSD is the catalyst for her depression. And as the seasons go on and she adds traumatic event after traumatic event to her baggage we see it manifest in depressive episodes (not quite what we see from her throughout season 6) but there are noticeable moments where Buffy just doesn’t seem as though she wants to continue.

But being the slayer, Buffy has a responsibility to be the strong one and to save everyone and keep Dawn safe after their mothers death so Buffy pushes it down and covers it up with snarky comments and beating her enemies to a pulp. She bounces back every time. But every bounce back starts to take more time and more energy until suddenly she can’t quite manage it anymore.

And then everything bubbles to the surface in season 6.

For me the season 5 finale confirms that Buffy’s depression began long before season 6. She says the hardest thing to do in this world is live in it and then jumps headfirst in a sacrificial suicide to her death.

Do you agree? Let’s chat in the comments :)

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

I TRIED TO CONVEY TO YOU BEFORE YOU DIE THE INDICATION OF SURVIVAL AFTER DEATH BUT YOU DIDN'T-

There's a lot I can talk about that it's to the point I can barely explain, how much grief has been crushing me for a long time, how I feel there's no escape from it, yet even in my tears, I do what I can to understand that those that have left aren't ever truly gone, they exist in my memories and how they have touched my soul, and with that, I can have the strength to look forward to another tomorrow.

[officialrapunzelfitzherbert]

watching hush and the lil "it could be one of your prophetic dreams or it could be part of the eternal mystery that is your brain." he says that soooooo lovingly like u can Hear the <3 emoji @ the end of that sentence

[beware-bittercoffee]

Buffy in the season 1 finale: “Giles, I don’t wanna die :(“

Me, every time without fail: “Lol that’s so unrealistic. Imagine not wanting to die as a teenager. Wild.”

[gorkaya-trava]

not spotify, but yandex music results of the year. I guess it really shows what kind of a person I am lmao

[libraflyter]

Excellent advice!

My additional two cents is to also think about how these two work in relation to each other.

Particularly for mediums like television, where the characters are portrayed by actors who are also real humans with their own needs they are entitled to put first. It’s important to accept the Doylist reality: sometimes the real reason a character has reduced screen time, truncated arc, gets written out for a time or off the show entirely is because the actor’s availability changed. Reasons vary for why/how long (and that’s a whole industry conversation itself) but the end result is the story had to reflect the reality.

Watsonian comes into play when we look at how well that reality is incorporated into the narrative. Sometimes the pivot is so smooth you don’t realize until you read behind the scenes trivia. Sometimes it is so blatantly out of character you are performing those Watsonian leaps to try to make it fit.

Sometimes those leaps can create something interesting in itself. But like OP says: it’s good to be clear where you perspective is coming from.

I feel like we need a refresher on Watsonian vs Doylist perspectives in media analysis. When you have a question about a piece of media - about a potential plot hole or error, about a dubious costuming decision, about a character suddenly acting out of character -

A Watsonian answer is one that positions itself within the fictional world.

A Doylist answer is one that positions itself within the real world.

Meaning: if Watson says something that isn't true, one explanation is that Watson made a mistake. Another explanation is that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle made a mistake.

Watsonian explanations are implicitly charitable. You are implicitly buying into the notion that there is a good in-world reason for what you're seeing on screen or on the page. ("The bunny girls in Final Fantasy wear lingerie all the time because they're from a desert culture!")

Doylist explanations are pragmatic. You are acknowledging that the fiction is shaped by real-world forces, like the creators' personal taste, their biases, the pressures they might be under from managers or editors, or the limits of their expertise. ("The bunny girls in Final Fantasy wear lingerie because somebody thought they'd sell more units that way.")

Watsonian explanations tend to be imaginative but naive. Seeking a Watsonian explanation for a problem within a narrative is inherently pleasure-seeking: you don't want your suspension of disbelief to be broken, and you're willing to put in the leg work to prevent it. Looking for a Watsonian answer can make for a fun game! But it can quickly stray into making excuses for lazy or biased storytelling, or cynical and greedy executives.

Doylist explanations are very often accurate, but they're not much fun. They should supersede efforts to provide a Watsonian explanation where actual harm is being done: "This character is being depicted in a racist way because the creators have a racist bias.'" Or: "The lore changed because management fired all of the writers from last season because they didn't want to pay then residuals."

Doylism also runs the risk of becoming trite, when applied to lower stakes discrepancies. Yes, it's possible that this character acted strangely in this episode because this episode had a different writer, but that isn't interesting, and it terminates conversation.

I think a lot of conversations about media would go a lot more smoothly, and everyone would have a lot more fun, if people were just clearer about whether they are looking to engage in Watsonian or Doylist analysis. How many arguments could be prevented by just saying, "No, Doylist you're probably right, but it's more fun to imagine there's a Watsonian reason for this, so that's what I'm doing." Or, "From a Watsonian POV that explanation makes sense, but I'm going with the Doylist view here because the creator's intentions leave a bad taste in my mouth that I can't ignore."

Idk, just keep those terms in your pocket? And if you start to get mad at somebody for their analysis, take a second to see if what they're saying makes more sense from the other side of the Watsonian/Doylist divide.

[paintthedeadflag]

Giles Corey is a life changing album.

[giftedeath]

just rewatched lifeserial and it had me thinking so hard abt how much buffy has to go through that season gahh like its one of those episodes that is very fun while also being very sad. i mean its fun to me bc we get spuffy antics that episode and i love their lil antics so much <3 kitten poker <3 her going to spike bc he loves the brawl and she loves the brawl but being disappointed in how brawl-less it ends up being. but anyway thats just my spike and buffy brain talking what is really tragic and upsetting in this episode is everything that happens w giles. him coming through for her with the money and she's like 'knowing ur always going to be here makes me feel safe' they joke in the episode how giles doesn't wanna be her mom or her dad cant he just be her rakish uncle! but at this point her actual father is tht shiftless absentee dad, and i think about this all the time bc its probably just the writers decision not to include him for screentime purposes or w/e less abt plot but in doing that they're saying 'buffy's dad is so far gone that he did not go to his ex-wife's funeral, probably didn't even go to his own daughter's funeral and he sure isn't there for the fifteen year old that is now without any family! oh and now that my eldest is magically alive i still do not give one fuck.' which is crazy, but its established very early on that giles is something of a father figure to her, and probably the reason the writers didnt have her Real Dad around. like at first yeah maybe he was just her uptight, preachy, watcher but by season six he's so much more than that and so yeah in that moment in this ep when she admits to him that its like her mom is back, that she's not alone, that a weight had been lifted bc for one moment she didn't have all these responsibilities and obligations that normal twenty - one year olds don't typically have so early on. that is the culmination of seasons of giles always being there, and supporting her, and loving her like she's his child. and it makes me think all the way back to surprise/innocence when joyce finds out buffy loses her virginity to angel and so does giles, and giles feels a sense of responsibility in a season early as 2, to have that knowledge of what buffy's going through, when the only other adult in her life who knows is joyce. its giles and joyce and when its not joyce its giles! and then what happens when its not giles? and its only buffy? i dont know its just such a tragic spin to the narrative to have giles leave, and for their relationship to deteriorate the way it does, and not even really ever recover. bc i would say it gets significantly worse in season 7 actually. maybe if we had more seasons we could have seen them properly reconcile but giles leaving accomplishes exactly what he sets out to do. he leaves bc he believes that she relies on him and that him being her father figure has gone too far/he wants her to stand on her own, which she does i think. but that doesn't mean buffy's going to not be bitter about it? i actually would argue and say it feels like probably the biggest betrayal she has ever experienced at this point. which is why in my head, them being so tense in s7 makes sense. i do think w time buffy would forgive him but its one of those things where i just think the bitterness would stick for at least a few years! given the context.

[youhavenoideahowbadiwantthis]

TW: Suicidal ideation

For the last couple months, I've been listening to an album, which at the point of writing is 12 years old and a cult classic, on repeat.

Giles Corey, a musical project lead by Dan Barrett of Have a Nice Life, has released 2 EPs and one full-length album, to date. That album is 2011's Giles Corey.

There is a greater, literal story to this album contained in a 150 booklet accompanying the record, however, I'm not here to give a book report. I'm here to selfishly talk about depression, suicide, and repeatedly returning to the trauma that has created you.

When I first heard about this album (literally 3 months ago) I thought I was going to receive a creepy horror composition. What I received instead was an hour-long dive into a man's unending spiral of turmoil, depression, rage, and suicidal ideation. I was prepared to be creeped out. Instead the album decided to take a magnified mirror to the very fabric of my being and show me every loose thread, every stain, every worn-out seam.

The lo-fi folk music meeting distorted grinding bass and weirdly triumphant electronic horns was disorienting and hypnotic. It repeatedly prepared me for jumpscares while only delivering one or two. It lulled me into a pensive malaise that allowed me to listen more closely to the lyrics that would tear me apart:

I open up my heart and stick my fingers in, but you will never want what I have to give.

and:

Because you are everyone you hate, When you're asleep or awake, all the choices you've made. You are everyone you hate, and it is ruining your life.

or:

I've been wailing like a child at the bottom of a well. I've been pacing like a man in a prison cell.

Whether it's the tormented screams of "There's a devil on my back," or the repeated yelling of, "I wanna feel, I wanna feel, I wanna feel like I feel when I'm asleep," these songs eviscerate me. I have listened to this album over one hundred times in the past two months. This album knows me, and I know it. Countless people do. I don't get the feeling of, "I need something depressing to listen to." I feel like I'm a ghost, constantly revisiting the scene of my death to savor every detail and remember how it happened, because without it, I'm not sure I'll ever pass on.

It's always been nice to know that, as a millennial, my feelings are not only shared, but echoed fucking loudly by countless millenials and zoomers who now have the voice and empowerment to talk about the sort of trauma that causes you to write a work as damn-near perfect as Giles Corey. But this is the closest I have ever been to feeling like someone has felt the identical feelings that I have.

The belonging is something I've seldom felt. Now that I have, I can't let that go.

Thank you, Dan. You've made one of the most incredible pieces of music that I've ever felt so privileged to hear.

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

I open up my heart And stick my fingers in But you will never want What I have to give

I painted this and another Mani related art a while back, but I've recently not had a lot of energy to post anything or even write alt text for them, forgive me for that.

Blackest Bile is a song that both soothes and destroys me, it's hard to explain. It feels exactly like the fears I have in opening up to others either because I'm scared of being hurt, or that I may hurt others with my... everything. I just don't think I'm worthy of being loved when I can be so unstable and hurt others with that, I guess.