#depressed giles

[bananonbinary]

Once More With Feeling (buffy the vampire slayer) pisses me off so much because Wish I Could Stay is a fucking bop and it gets stuck in my head all the time but unfortunately i vehemently disagree philosophically with everything in it

which is sort of the problem with btvs as a whole tbh, a very well made, very compelling show that is nonetheless wrong in so many irritating ways i dont even know where to start bitching about it

[jennycalendar]

oh babe i know this is just so that your speech will sound really resonant but you are not fooling giles one iota. he spent the entire time you were telling him about angel making a face like you were running him over with a tractor and he'd given up on telling you to stop. like OBJECTIVELY HILARIOUS that you think you're pulling one over on him when he's literally just kinda given up on trying to get you to not date the guy who killed his girlfriend and tortured him.

[portraitsofsaints]

Saint Giles 

14 Holy Helpers

650-710

Feast day: September 1

Patronage: people with disabilities, the poor, cancer patients, difficulty breastfeeding, mental illness, sterility, depression, childhood fears, convulsions, Edinburgh, Scotland

Originally from Greece, St. Giles lived as a hermit in the forest of France for many years and his sole companion was a deer who is said to have sustained him with her milk. When King Wamba's hunters pursued and shot at the deer, the arrow wounded St. Giles instead, making him the patron of cripples. As compensation, the King gave Giles a piece of land in the Provence, on which Giles founded a monastery. He died with the highest repute for sanctity and miracles.

Prints, plaques & holy cards available for purchase here: (website)

[companyofvamps]

"season 4 is bad" "what's season 4 about?" is fair and all but have you considered that giles sings his little 70s songs?? while he wears a hoop earring???

[allshowsanyshows]

Let’s talk Buffy Summers and her depression

When did it really start?

The show made it clear that season 6 would be considerably darker than previous season which definitely sparked controversy among the show’s enormous cult following. Even 20+ years after its initial release I still see the debate online around whether season 6 went too dark. And one of the contributing factors to that darkness was Buffy’s apparent depression and decent into suicidal ideation.

There’s no doubt that Buffy was suffering tremendously in season 6 with her mental health, that’s not in question. Instead, the question is when did this really start? I see fans who believe it started with her resurrection, some who think it began in season 5 after Joyce’s death and others think she was depression from the moment she first appeared on our screens.

I happen to agree with each of these views. I think Buffy was always depressed one way or another but in season 6 we see her go from having bouts of depression to being severely clinically depressed.

There’s no way in which someone can watch Buffy and not see the negative effect that being the Slayer has on her. In season 1, Buffy is clearly suffering from some traumatic experiences from the burning down of the gym in her old high school and does struggle with the responsibility of being the slayer. But one thing that’s clear is that she doesn’t yet want to die - as she says - she’s only 16. Buffy wants to live, she wants to be a normal teenager. And she’s sad because she longs for normality and can’t grasp it, yet she’s still holding onto that hope that she one day will.

It’s not until season 2 that we’re shown Buffy truly suffering from PTSD and I think this is the beginning of the end for her mental health. Girl has traumatic things happen to her daily and with the death of angel and Ms Calendar and all the changes in Buffy’s life she can’t escape the PTSD that it leaves her with throughout season 2 onwards.

Between season 2-3 is where I think she begins to lose that hope of ever being normal.

Her PTSD is the catalyst for her depression. And as the seasons go on and she adds traumatic event after traumatic event to her baggage we see it manifest in depressive episodes (not quite what we see from her throughout season 6) but there are noticeable moments where Buffy just doesn’t seem as though she wants to continue.

But being the slayer, Buffy has a responsibility to be the strong one and to save everyone and keep Dawn safe after their mothers death so Buffy pushes it down and covers it up with snarky comments and beating her enemies to a pulp. She bounces back every time. But every bounce back starts to take more time and more energy until suddenly she can’t quite manage it anymore.

And then everything bubbles to the surface in season 6.

For me the season 5 finale confirms that Buffy’s depression began long before season 6. She says the hardest thing to do in this world is live in it and then jumps headfirst in a sacrificial suicide to her death.

Do you agree? Let’s chat in the comments :)

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

I TRIED TO CONVEY TO YOU BEFORE YOU DIE THE INDICATION OF SURVIVAL AFTER DEATH BUT YOU DIDN'T-

There's a lot I can talk about that it's to the point I can barely explain, how much grief has been crushing me for a long time, how I feel there's no escape from it, yet even in my tears, I do what I can to understand that those that have left aren't ever truly gone, they exist in my memories and how they have touched my soul, and with that, I can have the strength to look forward to another tomorrow.

[digitvlvom1t]

i am not dead / i am only asleep

giles corey

[wonderful101gecs]

Giles Corey - No One Is Ever Going to Want Me x Neon Genesis Evangelion Just realized I haven’t posted this on here yet so here ya are, my favorite AMV bumper I’ve ever edited. Hope you enjoy the angst~

[beware-bittercoffee]

Buffy in the season 1 finale: “Giles, I don’t wanna die :(“

Me, every time without fail: “Lol that’s so unrealistic. Imagine not wanting to die as a teenager. Wild.”

[gorkaya-trava]

not spotify, but yandex music results of the year. I guess it really shows what kind of a person I am lmao

[toomanylizzes]

Trying to not look too deeply into the fact that my favourite pieces of media consumed as a teen involved protagonists burdened with sacred duty who then became increasingly traumatized as the series went on, and then were more or less denied the emotional and mental help they needed because they were too important to saving the world and thus had to be Strong Enough to face the Great Evil they were prophesied to thwart.

[giftedeath]

just rewatched lifeserial and it had me thinking so hard abt how much buffy has to go through that season gahh like its one of those episodes that is very fun while also being very sad. i mean its fun to me bc we get spuffy antics that episode and i love their lil antics so much <3 kitten poker <3 her going to spike bc he loves the brawl and she loves the brawl but being disappointed in how brawl-less it ends up being. but anyway thats just my spike and buffy brain talking what is really tragic and upsetting in this episode is everything that happens w giles. him coming through for her with the money and she's like 'knowing ur always going to be here makes me feel safe' they joke in the episode how giles doesn't wanna be her mom or her dad cant he just be her rakish uncle! but at this point her actual father is tht shiftless absentee dad, and i think about this all the time bc its probably just the writers decision not to include him for screentime purposes or w/e less abt plot but in doing that they're saying 'buffy's dad is so far gone that he did not go to his ex-wife's funeral, probably didn't even go to his own daughter's funeral and he sure isn't there for the fifteen year old that is now without any family! oh and now that my eldest is magically alive i still do not give one fuck.' which is crazy, but its established very early on that giles is something of a father figure to her, and probably the reason the writers didnt have her Real Dad around. like at first yeah maybe he was just her uptight, preachy, watcher but by season six he's so much more than that and so yeah in that moment in this ep when she admits to him that its like her mom is back, that she's not alone, that a weight had been lifted bc for one moment she didn't have all these responsibilities and obligations that normal twenty - one year olds don't typically have so early on. that is the culmination of seasons of giles always being there, and supporting her, and loving her like she's his child. and it makes me think all the way back to surprise/innocence when joyce finds out buffy loses her virginity to angel and so does giles, and giles feels a sense of responsibility in a season early as 2, to have that knowledge of what buffy's going through, when the only other adult in her life who knows is joyce. its giles and joyce and when its not joyce its giles! and then what happens when its not giles? and its only buffy? i dont know its just such a tragic spin to the narrative to have giles leave, and for their relationship to deteriorate the way it does, and not even really ever recover. bc i would say it gets significantly worse in season 7 actually. maybe if we had more seasons we could have seen them properly reconcile but giles leaving accomplishes exactly what he sets out to do. he leaves bc he believes that she relies on him and that him being her father figure has gone too far/he wants her to stand on her own, which she does i think. but that doesn't mean buffy's going to not be bitter about it? i actually would argue and say it feels like probably the biggest betrayal she has ever experienced at this point. which is why in my head, them being so tense in s7 makes sense. i do think w time buffy would forgive him but its one of those things where i just think the bitterness would stick for at least a few years! given the context.

[youhavenoideahowbadiwantthis]

TW: Suicidal ideation

For the last couple months, I've been listening to an album, which at the point of writing is 12 years old and a cult classic, on repeat.

Giles Corey, a musical project lead by Dan Barrett of Have a Nice Life, has released 2 EPs and one full-length album, to date. That album is 2011's Giles Corey.

There is a greater, literal story to this album contained in a 150 booklet accompanying the record, however, I'm not here to give a book report. I'm here to selfishly talk about depression, suicide, and repeatedly returning to the trauma that has created you.

When I first heard about this album (literally 3 months ago) I thought I was going to receive a creepy horror composition. What I received instead was an hour-long dive into a man's unending spiral of turmoil, depression, rage, and suicidal ideation. I was prepared to be creeped out. Instead the album decided to take a magnified mirror to the very fabric of my being and show me every loose thread, every stain, every worn-out seam.

The lo-fi folk music meeting distorted grinding bass and weirdly triumphant electronic horns was disorienting and hypnotic. It repeatedly prepared me for jumpscares while only delivering one or two. It lulled me into a pensive malaise that allowed me to listen more closely to the lyrics that would tear me apart:

I open up my heart and stick my fingers in, but you will never want what I have to give.

and:

Because you are everyone you hate, When you're asleep or awake, all the choices you've made. You are everyone you hate, and it is ruining your life.

or:

I've been wailing like a child at the bottom of a well. I've been pacing like a man in a prison cell.

Whether it's the tormented screams of "There's a devil on my back," or the repeated yelling of, "I wanna feel, I wanna feel, I wanna feel like I feel when I'm asleep," these songs eviscerate me. I have listened to this album over one hundred times in the past two months. This album knows me, and I know it. Countless people do. I don't get the feeling of, "I need something depressing to listen to." I feel like I'm a ghost, constantly revisiting the scene of my death to savor every detail and remember how it happened, because without it, I'm not sure I'll ever pass on.

It's always been nice to know that, as a millennial, my feelings are not only shared, but echoed fucking loudly by countless millenials and zoomers who now have the voice and empowerment to talk about the sort of trauma that causes you to write a work as damn-near perfect as Giles Corey. But this is the closest I have ever been to feeling like someone has felt the identical feelings that I have.

The belonging is something I've seldom felt. Now that I have, I can't let that go.

Thank you, Dan. You've made one of the most incredible pieces of music that I've ever felt so privileged to hear.

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

Because we all live in a wounded house And living here will be the death of me Someone's got to be the death of me ...Somebody's got to be the death of me

Now we are going to the sad artworks again!

This was an experimental collage piece made to express some, very difficult feelings I've dealt since last year. In 2022 I dealt with a loss in the family and friendships falling apart, its... now left me with feeling that everything is rotting around me and eventually ill be left with nothing but bittersweet memories and pain. This leads me to be full of self destructive feelings urges to isolate myself to spare myself from the pain, and I always feel like death is looming over me to remind me its coming for my loved ones (I don't actually care so much that itll come for me, however). Also living in a urban area where things are falling apart due to economic decay isn't something that helps those feelings either.

The vulture headed man in the trenchcoat actually has a name, his name is Mani and he's another new sona thats made to express my more morose feelings, I'll eventually post proper drawings of him dkjjjsds

All images were taken from wikimedia commons, the scarf was sourced from one of my own photos.

[papers-pamphlet]

BABY AAAAUWHDHSJCHWJFBDIEDJCHSKSK

hihihihihi trick or treat:3

The chibiest Graham Elijah 🤲🤲

[leechjam]

still blows my mind that everyone buffy loved and cared for saw her struggling to keep custody of dawn, keep her house, keep her sanity, and, ya kno, try and overcome her crippling depression and never once thought maybe they should help her out financially??? sure giles gave her a check once but thats gonna run out fast with all her bills?? willow lives in her house and never thought to pay rent? they let all those bills go by when she was dead?? realistically buffy cannot work, slay, and be a mother all at the same time. the least everyone could do would be to buy her fucking groceries. i kno giles has gotta be loaded ok give ur daughter some of that income that u get by being in charge of her. and dont get me started on the council not paying her