#dennis wears sonic

[personinthepalace]

#i think robert has a periodic habit of seeing what chris wears and tries to wear it better like with the scarves#max seems like a comfy plain flannel type of guy#annie is also flannel but the home depot lesbian in the lighting section variety#dennis is a graphic tees guy through and through periodically with hoodies#and jonathan is just fucking boring#vnecks and jeans all the way he looks like an off duty assistant manager for a local kmart#the most adventurous he gets is the occasional excersize wear in those highlighter colors via @the-most-lamentable

How do yall think the cornley drama society dresses offstage, like Trevor we know obviously but like...what are the fits that Robert's putting together with his personal round sparkly hat????

Also Chris gives wannabe academia vibes

Idk I think about this very often

[oddogoblino]

oooh share your oc list? :D

Oo ooo okay!! ^^ Sorry I don't have images at the ready but I'll give basic summary of them tho. Sorry long post

Fnaf OCs:

The Galactical Prince (or just Prince for short), drawn him a few times, he's my theater oc. He's a comet with old poet and prince themed clothes & wears a star mask. Has never met anyone other than staff that don't want to talk before, legs are buggy from being unable to move often. Abandoned animatronic but happy to talk when he can.

My Stars- Spica, Tauri, and Orion. They're like Helpy but...for daycare training specifically. Spica represents the entitled, tantrum throwing, spiteful kinda bully kids. Tauri represents the more rambunctious, hard-to-keep-track-of, loud, kind of a wild child kid. Orion represents the more sensitive, easily overwhelmed, quick to spook/cry, kind of shy kid.

Dennis Drake, haven't posted them before but they're the arcade animatronic! They're a wingless dragon and talk like uh...Fresh from Undertale AUs to paint a picture of that. They watch over kids and make sure no one gets lost & confused or left without smth to do.

Sergio Hernandez- my nightguard oc, they're not necessarily lazy but he's always sleeping on the job bc he hardly ever gives himself a break. He's got a rough family but no real traumas, his only reason for working himself to exhaustion & avoiding home is so he can save up enough money for an apartment. Reason? Their last girlfriend told him no one wants to date a guy who lives with their family still. He's pretty chill overall, Monty, Moon, and Roxy find him annoying tho.

Sonic OCs:

Stickers the mountain goat , my just normal/general sonic oc, a background character hehe, very chill and kind of awkward but he likes wandering.

Cauli the Occult Lamb , a sonic boom oc so you can kinda get an idea of how he is. He's not mean but he's not nice either. He's a mute kid and ofc practices the dark arts.

Geode the Hedgehog, my sonadow tube child, very curious and a bit excitable. He just kinda wants company, but overall a surpsingly calm hedgehog considering his parents. He's named Geode for a reason and it's because his quills are funky colored under the dark quills.

Vega The Starprancer , a powerful hedgehog from a kingdom far out in mobius. He's the nephew of a powerful queen (in their region at least) who currently has sent him out on a quest to gather all the chaos emeralds and bring them home to finally defeat a rival kingdom that's gone too far. He doesn't talk much, he doesn't emote much, but he cares about his home and family more than anything and nothing will stop him from saving them. He has the ability to summon weapons and shields with his bare hands (one item at a time) and makes platforms to walk on with his paws.

Camp Camp OCs:

Nyx , Nocturnal camp kid who just seriously can't win at life but he's not losing completely either.

Mortimer, Taxidermy camp kid who has the perfect homelife yet is comedically, deeply into death and other dark things.

Callum, my camp counselor who is just kinda chilling there for the money, he's alright with kids but doesn't care much. He cares so little that he doesn't even react to many things tbh.

Griffin, my camp counselor who is way too proud of himself and only working there to prove he really is good at absolutely anything thrown at him. He likes to pick on David and Harrison especially...

[knightly-bastard]

I need to Draw my OC’s more-

Here is some fun facts about the two since its been a hot minute since I did oc content. Also introducing the newest one, Sonia Conspiracy (the blonde one) that I need to make a separate post about eventually:

Thera Piston:

-Thera just doesn’t wear shoes, There really isn’t any explanation for it, she just doesn’t like shoes

-Probably either lives in a village with a pun about depression for a name or just resides in Knightonia 

-Has been kidnapped by Monstrox/Book of Monsters on 3 separate occasions (all encounters we’re gags, but it still made her absolutely hate his guts)

-Is a Lance Richmond and Jousting Bieber fan, she has some posters of them in her personal quarters

-Dennis was probably one of her clients at one point, but has stopped showing up for sessions 

Sonia Conspiracy:

-Like her last name suggests, she's a conspiracy theorist and runs a radio podcast about the most stupidest stuff (Bigfoot is real, Squire-bots are actually trapped souls of dead people, the earth is round, etc)

-lives in a makeshift treehouse in the middle of nowhere

-Has serious memory/processing issues, leading her to forget she’s a squire-bot sometimes

-Her actual last name is Radar (Pun on “Sonic Radar”), but she forgotten it since the incident

-Her and Thera don’t meet until the events of season 5, their friendship is.... complicated

[incorrect-yttd-headcanons]

1) Did security work at the community theatre, and exchanged glances with the guy dressed as a bush. They ended up hitting it off, but the only thing the guy would talk about is the artistic fulfillment he got from being a bush, and that he never took it off for luck, even in the shower. Turns out it was the same bush costume he stole from his middle school play when they wouldn't let him play the bush, and he was kicked out of school and had a lot of arguments with his parents over it until they stopped caring

2)His date with a guy who kept a real rabbit in his hat at all times. The rabbit refused to leave the hat, and he really liked the hat, so he couldn't just leave it be. The rabbit did shit so much in the hat, and he didn't know what to do with himself. He did in fact keep wearing the hat, but didn't know what to do with himself, so he wore a garbage bag on his head with some chicken wire like a reverse shower cap. And the rabbit would scratch through it and piss on him without warning.

Keiji ended up telling him to just get a new hat, and the guy started crying, openly weeping in the denny's they met up in --all because it was such a good idea.

He then texts him later that night that things weren't working out, because Keiji didn't respect his fashion sense

3) Bonus: Sou thinks Keiji is super hot, but then Keiji starts to talk and it ruins everything. He worries that they'd be kissing, and Keiji would stop, pick up his phone like, 'wahahah, Sara, did you know this guy uses bubblegum toothpaste'

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation:

The Best of Personal Records 1989 Disco / Post-Disco / Eurodisco / Electro / Boogie

Despite only existing between around '83 to '86, the New York-based dance label Personal Records possessed an uncanny ability in churning out floor-burning bangers. In just less than four years, and without the assistance of any major label, they managed to chart twenty-eight of their own releases. That's a lot, folks!

Personal was co-founded by famed disco producer Jurgen Korduletsch and record biz executive Don Oriolo. And here's a fun bit of trivia about Oriolo: he also ran the Felix the Cat brand. It was actually his dad who created Felix—as well as Casper the Friendly Ghost—and when he died, Don took over operations for Felix. So, if you've ever wondered why Felix appeared to have this sudden resurgence in the 80s and 90s, it's because the co-owner of this excellent 80s dance label was the one who was pulling the strings! Neat, huh?

Anyway, there's few things in this world that I love more than 80s club music. Just a total hodgepodge of stuff like disco, post-disco, boogie, funk, R&B, soul, hi-NRG, electro, hip hop, dance-rock, freestyle, synthpop, house, dance-pop, and new wave, all flowing carefreely through each other. Never has music really felt more like a melting pot than when it was played on a 1980s dancefloor. Purely unprecedented peak eclecticism that I don't think we're ever going to see again.

And Personal contributed to that spirit of dynamism with their own catalog, which this compilation manages to provide a retrospective of in eleven songs. Personal's stuff lit up New York clubs, but not all of it was made by New Yorkers. In fact, four of the songs on here were actually licensed from Germany, including probably the album's most popular song, George Kranz's "Din Daa Daa," a peculiar, onomatopoeia-heavy, beatboxing precursor that was featured on the soundtrack for none other than Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. And the other three German-made tracks come courtesy of a guy named Fancy, whose "Chinese Eyes" sure as shit hasn't aged well at all lyrically, but sonically, it's something of a new wave-synthpop-Eurodisco masterpiece. Kranz's song hit #1 on Billboard's dance chart, while "Chinese Eyes" peaked at #2.

Also, do you remember that 1991 dance-pop-house piece of cotton candy fluff, "Touch Me (All Night Long)" by Cathy Dennis (I actually posted about it a while back...you think you haven't heard from Dennis since that song came out, but trust me, you have.)? Did you know it's actually a cover of a 9½-minute freestyle-electro-post-disco bop by Wish & Fonda Rae? The original's far less known than Dennis' version, but it still peaked at #5 on the US dance chart and it was also featured in A Nightmare on Elm Street 2. It's co-produced by the great and recently departed Patrick Adams (he made up half of Wish), who shows up in a couple other places on this comp too, including "Let's Change It Up" by Inner Life, a studio group fronted by Jocelyn Brown that he was also a member of.

Oh, and eminent 80s producer-remixer extraordinaire Shep Pettibone is on here as well, providing his signature sound in Clair Hicks & Love Exchange's "Push Push (In the Bush)," which, come to think of it...do you think that provided some inspiration for "What What (In the Butt)"? 😂

And one last thing! She's not on here at all, but Lisa Lisa was actually also signed to Personal Records for some time. They licensed her hit debut single, "I Wonder If I Take You Home," which Korduletsch and Oriolo both had a hand in producing, to CBS Records for a European compilation called Breakdancing, and it led to her getting signed to Columbia. Just another feather for this powerful, yet ultimately fleeting 80s dance label to wear in its cap.

Highlights:

George Kranz - "Din Daa Daa" Wish featuring Fonda Rae - "Touch Me" Fancy - "Chinese Eyes" Fancy - "Come Inside" Clair Hicks & Love Exchange - "Push Push (In the Bush)" Fancy - "Check It Out" Claudja Barry - "Born to Love" Inner Life - "Let's Change It Up"

[angrenwen]

"If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

---

As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

---

So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

---

If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon"

The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season

---

I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.

...I might need to back up a bit.

My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.

They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.

Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.

My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.

Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.

It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.

It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.

---

If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

---

As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

---

So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

---

If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon

[321spongebolt]

"The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie Adventures" Video Game idea

With "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" turning 25 years old on November 19th of this year, I have this idea for a "SpongeBob SquarePants" video game that Purple Lamp Studios should develop.

TITLE

"The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie Adventures"

ESRB RATING

Probably E or E10+, you decide.

PREMISE

You play through the events of SpongeBob's adventures on the big screen, from his first movie to the upcoming "SpongeBob SquarePants Movie 5: Search for SquarePants" (that or higher depending on if it'll ever be made).

The events of SpongeBob TV movies like "Atlantis SquarePantis", "Pest of the West", "WhoBob WhatPants?" (albeit rewritten), "SpongeBob VS. The Big One", and "SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout", as well as spin-off movies like the upcoming "Saving Bikini Bottom: A SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" could be available as possible DLC levels.

GAMEPLAY

Like the latest SpongeBob video game, "The Cosmic Shake", the game would be an open-world sandbox game where you can explore the locations from the theatrical films. Unlike "The Cosmic Shake", the costumes you unlock for SpongeBob (and Patrick, depending on if he should be playable for all the movie adventures) have special abilities you can spend Goofy Goober dollars on. For instance, by completing the storyline of the first movie, you'll unlock SpongeBob's Goofy Goober Rock attire, which allows SpongeBob flight mode and perform his sonic wave guitar while hovering. He can also fire blue lightning bolts. For another example, by completing the storyline for "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie 3: Sponge Out of Water", you'll unlock SpongeBob's Invincibubble form, which allows SpongeBob some sort of bubble-themed upgrades. Other costumes can be unlocked as just cosmetics, even after wearing them once depending on the level, like SpongeBob's visor glasses (even though they were black and purple in the original version of the first movie's licensed video game) when he fights the movie version of King Neptune, who is under Plankton's mind control via his Bucket Helmet.

(NOTE: The only thing I debate on with this idea is if you play the movie in their chronological order, or if the player should be given the creative freedom to play any movie's events in the order they choose.)

CREATIVE CHANGES

For the badly received movies like "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie 2: Truth or Square" and "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie 4: Sponge on the Run" (and some of the badly received TV movies), I have a list of changes I would make for those movies to connect the movies better, but still be faithful to its original source material.

For "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie 2: Truth or Square", simply have the 2nd movie take place about a day or so after SpongeBob was given his new manager position at the end of the first movie. It would be revealed that Plankton escaped from prison and is plotting revenge for SpongeBob and Patrick ruining his Plan Z.

For "The SpongeBob SqaurePants Movie 4: Sponge on the Run", SpongeBob will not have problems being courageous. And instead of Plankton arranging for Gary's kidnapping (since "Sponge Out of Water" confirmed Plankton's heel-face turn, despite the ending and post-credits scene.), Dennis will have kidnapped Gary instead (just have Dennis be voiced by whoever can do a good impression of Alec Baldwin). On top of that, all the "Kamp Koral" references will be removed. Because of this, Sandy reveals that she first met SpongeBob when he rescued her from the clam she was wrestling with (from "Tea in the Treedome") instead of first meeting each other at camp. Squidward (who by this point no longer gets mad at SpongeBob and Patrick's antics) shows his rock-hard abs from the last movie, and tells everyone about how SpongeBob came through for him at the Bubble Bowl (a reference to the episode, "Band Geeks".). Patrick reveals how he's always known SpongeBob since they were babies (a reference to the episode, "The Secret Box"). And even Mr. Krabs reveals how great of a fry cook SpongeBob's been since the anchovies stormed the Krusty Krab (a reference to the premiere episode, "Help Wanted"), and after SpongeBob returned the movie Neptune's Crown, Mr. Krabs no longer acts as the stingy tightwad he once was after being frozen. Another change I would make for SpongeBob and Patrick to never argue, not once, as it was really pointless.

With the DLC level based on "WhoBob WhatPants?", simply rewrite the story with Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs never getting angry at SpongeBob. Instead, SpongeBob will have won a trip to New Kelp City, but gets lost while trying to find the airport and loses his memory, not knowing he wound up in New Kelp City.

(I have a bunch of other creative liberties I would take. To view them, click here to visit the page.)

MULTIPLAYER

For the game's multiplayer mode, I was thinking some mini-games would be based on some of the challenges from the first movie's licensed video game, like the combat challenges, SpongeBob's ball challenge levels, and Patrick's platforming challenges. But there can be other challenges too, with some of them supporting 4 players.

This is all I've got, but while I may early to celebrate SpongeBob's 25th anniversary, I still think this would be a great video game if Nickelodeon or even the folks at THQNordic or Purple Lamp Studios took the time to read my idea. If you guys have additional ideas for this post, feel free to comment your suggestions.

[semi-sketchy]

Actually I can state several episodes where Robotnik is treated for slapstick just off the top of my head. In an episode about a race (maybe it was called winner fakes all), Robotnik is shown as fooled by an obviously disguised Dingo and there's a big scene of him bouncing like a rubber ball, than falling off a building and crashing into the ground like he's Wile E. Coyote,

In an episode about a wedding, there's a big ass goofy scene of Robotnik gettin Sleet and Dingo to help wear a corset with predictable wacky results.

In a big story arc episode, a scene has Robotnik flattened into a pancake shape by a Kaiju with no permanent damage even though realistically it would've killed him.

An episode about the Ice caps has Robotnik break and shatter as a slapstick scene.

Similarly multiple episodes have Robotnik be deadcenter in explosions, like one episode has Sonic blow up the building Robotnik is in and after the explosion, Robotnik yells "Hedgehogs" like he's Mr. Wilson and the Sonic triplets are Dennis the Menace.

In one of the last episodes, the story ends with a magical elf, at Sonic's request, creating a monster with Robotnik's face to go into Robotnik's bedroom at night and troll him in a Bugs Bunny fashion (somehow they don't decide to kill him). I'm well aware of moments like Robotnik is treated seriously like when he says "I"ll tell sanctuary into cemetery", but that just makes the tonal of the story inconsistent in my opinion.

Underground wants to be like AoSTH and SatAM, but can't commit to either making it hard to take seriously or hard to laugh at. Robotnik's characterization shows this inconsistency very well IMO. He's not as funny as AoSTH Robotnik, but not as scary as SatAM Robotnik.

Also to add to the other ask on Robotnik being slapstick prone in underground. One episode even has Sonic himself without a disguise, personally talk Robotnik into walking into obvious trap, and earlier in that episode, Sonic tricked Robotnik into doing what he wanted with childish tactics like reverse psychology. There's another episode where Sonic hypnotizes Robotnik into doing whatever he wants....and just uses this to make Robotnik forget the episode instead of ending the show. SatAM was far from perfect, but its Robotnik was never humiliated that bad, whilst still meant to be taken seriously as a threat.

You mean a cartoon about anthropomorphic animals and scientist who turns them into machines isn't realistic? Wow.

I briefly skimmed that hypnotism episode and I think that's devaluing the context. From what I gathered without fully watching it, Eggman has a robot that basically hypnotizes people into telling the full, unvarnished truth. The aristocrats admit shit-talking Eggman behind his back and even Sonia gave away the rebel base location. This robot isn't a combat robot, it's for hair-styling and surveillance, so the kids destroying the tapes and using it to get Eggman off people's backs is pretty on brand for the show. Like this is their general MO:

There is literally nothing stopping Sonic from zooming into Eggman's room with a glock, but that ain't their goal here. Keep in mind, the prophecy is to reunite with their mother and form the Council of Four that will defeat Robotnik. Eggman is an obstacle; their mother is the goal.

That's also missing the same thing I was talking about with Sleet and Dingo: they aren't going to kill the main characters, especially in such an anti-climatic way. The show has to go on and you simply can't remove the biggest threat in the middle. SatAM did the fakeout stuff and I hated it, there was no suspension of disbelief.

I think we've established Eggman is used for SOME jokes, but I don't believe that devalues him as a villain. Sonic Colors is a prime example for this. The script is riddled with jokes, plenty around Eggman, but he still stole all those Wisps and drains their life force to fuel his projects. Nothing in the writing makes him less of an antagonist. (I realize this might be an unpopular opinion, but I will be Colors' biggest defender.)

It is funny you bring up tone because that's actually something I'm really liking about Underground.

AoSTH was fun, but it was just fun. SatAM was so edgy even Infinite would cringe (the jokes also being how much Sonic wants to smooch were not funny, they were just...ick) and Underground I think strikes a good middle ground. There's stakes and actual danger, but also the show isn't trying to be grim dark.

I think everything you've described perfectly fits the show and is the type of tone I like. It's why I prefer the story of Xenoblade 2 over 3. 3 just loves wallowing in how serious and deep it is while 2 has a silly maid robot that also has an existential crisis.

Point is characters can be a little goofy occasionally and still taken seriously because people aren't just one thing all the time.

[corey-45]

My Recent Weird Sonic-Related Dream

So recently, I had one of those weird dreams. I guess it wasn't really that weird - in fact, it seemed semi-plausible in parts - but I'll let you judge for yourselves.

Anyway, in that dream, I learned of a lost SNES game titled Mickey's Magical Adventure (not to be confused with the actual VTech game with that name). Apparently, it was a collab between Disney, Nintendo, and Sega, and even featured Sonic and Tails - and, for some strange reason, Dennis the Menace (the UK comics character, not the US one) - as guest characters. Apparently, it was considered "lost media" because while there were videos and magazine articles, there were no ROMs to be found anywhere on the Internet.

The thing that stuck out the most to me was that there were so many butts in the game. When you selected your character, there was a short animated cutscene of them with their back turned to the viewer, strutting down a corridor while shaking their behind (and yes, Mickey, Sonic, Tails, and even Dennis - who, strangely enough, was wearing his usual outfit, except that he'd apparently forgotten to put on his shorts, meaning that everyone could see his underpants - strutted while shaking their butts, too). I also saw a "Game Over" screen that consisted of a close-up of Sonic and Tails's butts as the duo wiggled them around (much like the "The End" screens in the obscure Sega Saturn platformers Bug! and Bug Too!), while the words "TRY AGAIN?" were on the top of the screen. I assume that was the same for all the characters.

As for the levels, I only remember one vertical grassy biome level, and another level where you were on the mast of a sinking wooden ship, which swayed left and right in Mode 7 fashion.

One more thing I remember about this dream is that I learned that the reason this game was "lost media" was that all parties involved, shortly after the game was released, became ashamed of it for whatever reason (perhaps they got a lot of complaints from soccer moms about the gratuitous booty-shaking?), and order that all future copies were to be destroyed, and all present copies be prohibited from sale.

So yeah, that's pretty much what I remember about my dream. Like I said earlier, it wasn't really all that weird - parts of it even seemed semi-plausible - but I just can't get those butts out of my mind.

[aliteralchicken]

Bonfire knight: arsonist, no one really knows what his deal is there’s a lot of mixed messages, but he definitely read V is for vendetta

Conker: main weapon is a bola that looks suspiciously like a larger version of the conkers game, a ‘conquer’ pun must me main at least twice an issue

Bubble and Squeak: one can make protective bubbles the other can shrink to the size of a mouse and has a high pitched sonic scream, every issue they get called by the wrong name “ant and dec, rubarb and custard, Dennis and gnasher, wallace and grommet etc.)

The strid: assassin who has killed everyone who tried to fight them, able to make their surroundings feel as though you are deep underwater, including the incredible pressure

Red squirrel: small vigilante thief who uses parkour to get around, weapons are long sharp claws, can crack open safes like nuts

bangers and mash: one with explosive powers and the other with destructive superstrength, mash has a very obvious crush on bangers, they keep getting mistaken for bubble and squeak and hate them for it

Yeoman: bodyguard for supervillains, specialises in traditional weapons like bows and arrows, swords and helberds, ironically vegetarian

Big Ben: a very tall man named stephan with time stopping abilities, he wears four watches, his arrival is ominously announced by a bell chime with no apparent source

Double decker: able to duplicate themselves and balance on each others shoulders despite wearing rollerskates, always seem to come out of nowhere and never there when needed

dc needs to let knight and squire have some ridiculously British themed villains they deserve it

[dizzydennis]

Thanks for the tag, @beevean! This’ll be a fun, last tag thingy for 2020!

Name: Dennis

Star signs: Capricorn. I don’t really know of the other ones to be perfectly honest.

Height: 164cm

Time: 17:25

Birthday: January 19, 1992

Favorite bands: ℃-ute, Crush 40, and Arashi. (I can’t believe Arashi will be ending their 20+ year run tomorrow!)

Favorite solo artists: Suzuki Airi, Ieiri Leo, Nakashima Mika, and Ito Yuna.

Song stuck in my head: Knight of the Wind by Crush 40

Last movie: Disney/Pixar’s Soul

Last show: Alice in Borderland on Netflix. I HIGHLY recommend this show!

When did I create this blog: I don’t remember, but probably around 2012-2014.

What do I post: Mostly Sonic the Hedgehog, but ℃-ute used to be a focus too. Due to their disbandment, interest in J-pop on my area on tumblr seemed to vanish. So it’s mostly Sonic and whatever else I fancy.

Last thing I googled: Optometrist in Isahaya

Other blogs: Just this one!

Do I get asks: Sometimes, but often it’s needlessly rude hate mail or some person spamming the same things over and over. It it’s anon and seems disingenuous then I ignore it. If it seems sincere or it’s an actual profile, I adore replying to them.

Why I chose this URL: I’ve had Dizzydennis as a nickname since I was in the 4th grade. My aunt gave it to me and I basically use it for everything.

Following: 98

Followers: 4,958! I’m so happy to have followers who like my stuff... could do without the pornbots though.

Average hours of sleep: Far too few

Lucky number: 19, cause my birthday. 910 because it’s a joke that says “cute” in Japanese! 9 = kyu, and 10 = to. Kyuto, Cute!

Instruments: I can play the Clarinet and Piano. I’m not amazing, but I have fun playing them.

What I’m wearing: Jeans, a Shadow the Hedgehog shirt, layers of Heat Tech undershirts today keep me warm.

Dream job: I love my current job, but I’d love to translate and localize subtitles for movies and games. Not just translate, the localization part is a fun aspect to me! It might not seem glamorous, but I did this for fun in the past with the Japanese version of the Sonic movie and I just adore it!

Dream trip: Anywhere! Lately that’s all I want. I haven’t seen my family in New York in over a year and a half, so I want to see them! France, Italy, and a few other places too! So many friends I want to go see!

Favorite food: Katsudon! Egg, Tonkatsu (chicken cutlet), and rice! Absolute perfection!

Nationality: USA...

Favorite song: I have too many to list, but Massara Blue Jeans by ℃-ute literally changed the course of my life!

Last book I read: Moshi Moshi by Banana Yoshimoto! I loved it! I highly recommend this book and I ESPECIALLY recommend her story, Kitchen.

Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: Sonic the Hedgehog, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Ace Attorney? It’s hard to choose a 3rd one!

I tag @aawesomepenguin, @ali-vasion, @rikakobloomer, @sakiaii

[lovemesomesurveys]

Who was your favorite teacher in high school? My sophomore history teacher in high school. He legit looked like and had the personality of Rob Dyrdek and he was a huge fan of Red Hot Chili Peppers and always had them blasting before class, haha. He was really cool.

Would you say you're happy right now? Why or why not? Uh, definitely not. I’ve been really going through a hard time with health stuff and my mental health has taken a real toll and yeah, just not doing well.

Describe the blanket you sleep with. It’s a fuzzy and really soft rose gold throw blanket. 

Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No.

What video games did you have when you were growing up? Mario Bros, Spyro, Crash Bandicoot, and Sonic were my favorites.

How many people live in the building you live in? I live in a house with a my parents, brother, and doggo. 

Have you ever made a Bzoink survey? You should, it's fun Nope. Nah, I don’t have the energy or creativity to even attempt that. 

What's the longest you've ever stayed awake? Over 30 hours.

What about the longest you've ever continuously slept? Hm. Like 10 hours, I think. That was a long time ago. Not including the times I had surgery, of course, and was zonked out for a day or two. 

Name a personality trait of yours that you dislike. Over the past few years I’ve really become someone I don’t recognize and certainly don’t like, so there’s a lot...

Name a physical trait of yours that you do like. Nothing. I’m a mess.

What was the first election you ever voted in? The 2008 primaries. 

Where was the last place you went out to eat? The last time I actually went out to eat was February of last year at Denny’s. I’ve gotten a tonnnn of takeout over the past year, though.

How did you sleep last night? Not well.

Can you hear anything right now? Yeah, the ASMR video I’m listening to.

What's a noise you can't stand? Eating sounds are definitely some of them.

What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? Hmm.

Would you ever go on a blind date? Why or why not? No. I just want to know who I’m going to be going out with and not go in, well, blind. 

Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? No.

Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? Not entire albums.

What flowers would you get for someone? *shrug* Depends on the reason and who they’re for.

Have you ever had a scholarship? Yes.

When was the last time you were stuck in traffic? It’s been a long time, but that’s cause the only places I go now are to doctor appointments and they’re all really close by to my house, so the drives are short.

Name three of your favorite pancake toppings. Just butter and syrup, please.

Do you own any dresses or skirts that have pockets? Nope. Are you wearing any bright colors today? No, I’m wearing black and gray.

Do you have a hyphenated name or last name? No.

Do you prefer watching movies or reading books? I enjoy both. I do really love to read, though.

What's your go-to painkiller? I take prescription pain medication. 

What's your favorite variety of M&M? Peanut butter, peanut, crispy, and regular.

[frankendykes-monster]

You also see a not-unrelated but parallel phenomenon wherein superhero(comic)s, as described by someone on Twitter, can now get away with just having a character wear a pride pin and call it a day when you used to be able to have something like Dennis O'Neil and Neal Adams' Green Lantern/Green Arrow run which starts with Green Lantern being questioned about why he can come to the service of a myriad of alien species but is completely obvious to the oppression of black people on his own home planet.*

And this is in large part because while people point out how much readership for individual issues is down**, thanks to the Internet there are more eyes on what happens in superhero comics (amongst other media) than ever, so you could potentially get a Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)/Sonic the Hedgehog (2020) meltdown from a wide audience who wasn't even going to actually purchase anything from you in the first place. See: 2017 with the Captain America story arc that began with him saying "Hail Hydra".

This, in effect, forces you to play it safe politically, but there's another reason for this, and that is functionally how the genre in the medium has grown incredibly insular. You could argue its the fault of the success of Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross' Marvels and I have no clue how bad it is now but in the late 1990's to throughout the 2000's it was very much the norm to just make comics for people who are into the superfluous minute details of legions of back issues and obsessed with "first appearances" for no reason other than historical significance. DC for their part even derailed pretty much their entire line with shit like bringing Barry Allen, a character who was supposed to be 100% dead permanently after Crisis on Infinite Earths, back as The Flash.

It's functionally a form of nostalgia-fueled conservatism that fuels the already existing reaction of the genre and prevents any safe avenue of escape and evolution.

*not that superheroes are actually equipped with any genuine ability to tackle social issues like this, the most significant of which being They Are Not Real.

**Carmine Infantino mentions upfront in his autobiography that aside from rare key periods, comic book companies do make the majority of their money through merchandise and licensing, not the actual core product they put out, in case anyone was wondering if this has ever been a medium with a longterm future and not one that derails every other decade.

Is it a bad time to mention that while superheroes are an inherently reactionary concept, the interpretation that they always fulfill or reintroduce the concept of the ubermensch is just a wild/overcompensating reaction by people who already didn't like them to begin with.

[mobius-prime]

77. Sonic the Hedgehog #49

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Escape from the Floating Island

Writers: Mike Gallagher and Ken Penders Pencils: Sam Maxwell Colors: Karl Bollers

After another recap intro page, we're thrust right back into the action from last issue's literal cliffhanger. Sonic finds himself plunging down a terrifying drop with certain death at the bottom. He's too exhausted from all the chaos to try his figure eight move to hover, so instead, he decides on potentially the most ridiculous and disgusting option possible to save his skin instead.

This madlad grabs the stink lines and dirt from his own horrifically disgusting socks, throws it in an arc, and races along it like it's solid ground to reach actual solid ground. I cannot even begin to fathom how something like that works, but hey, it works, and Sonic is able to run for it away from Geoffrey and his troops, who are forced to take the long route back through the caverns to follow him, though they still have the advantage of the tracking device implanted in his shackles.

Back at Knothole, everyone learns how Robotnik was able to carry out his plan. The miraculously-revived king was no more than a robotic duplicate.

The real king, still crystallized, is currently within his base, where we see another familiar face - Dr. Quack, handing over Sally's death certificate (which actually lists Sally's full name as "Sally Elisha Acorn," though her middle name's spelling was later retconned as we'll see) to Snively and demanding that Snively "fulfill his end of the bargain." Wait, what? Snively merely opens a wall panel, to reveal Dr. Quack's wife and children, imprisoned behind bars. When Dr. Quack reacts in outrage and anger, Snively blasts him with some kind of energy beam as motivation to behave.

Wait… falsified? So Princess Sally isn't actually…?

Yeah, here's the thing. I was playing along with the narrative before, but I'm sure anyone reading this without having read the comics beforehand was saying to themselves "Of course she's not actually dead, she's one of the comics' main characters! They wouldn't just kill off a main character in such a sudden, ignoble manner!" But that's where you, my good friend, are wrong as hell! See, this scene marks a hard right turn that Kenders was basically forced to make by (from what I've heard) Sega themselves. At about this point in the comic, he'd gotten it into his weird little Penders-y head that no one really cared about Sally anyway, that she was an unpopular character who "cramped Sonic's style" as the cool guy he was always meant to be, and decided to kill her off for real. As in, her "death" in the first issue of Endgame was actually meant to be 100% serious, with Sally gone forever. Of course, this immediately resulted in a huge outcry from devastated fans who loved Sally and didn't want to see her suddenly killed off, and so Penders had to rewrite the next three issues to make sure she could be brought back. But shh! You didn't hear that from me! We're still pretending to be shocked that she's not actually dead, okay?

Meanwhile in the wilderness, Sonic is trudging his way along, exhausted and desperate for help. Suddenly, he remembers that by doing a certain whistle he can call Dulcy to him, and she arrives, eager to help. She also says something… very interesting.

So dragons can sense truth, huh? *takes deep breath* WHEN WAS THIS ESTABLISHED?! I get that in this case King Acorn was going to sentence Sonic to prison anyway given that he was just a puppet of Robotnik's, so her testimony might not have mattered anyway, but damn, dude! Where was Dulcy when Sonic was accused of treason back in StH#40? Where was she when literally anyone was saying something suspicious or seemingly impossible? Dulcy alone could have solved like half the plots of this comic series by herself! Sigh. Kenders, you really need to learn to stop including random facts like this out of the blue when you've written yourself into a corner. A real writer doesn't solve plot holes through a deus-ex-machina, they cry and eat Denny's at 3am while their plots fall apart! No I'm not speaking from experience! Why do you ask?

Well, back at Hershey's place, Drago's only being more and more of a douche. Hershey has only just heard the news about Sally's death, and is horrified when Drago gleefully reveals that she's the one who did it! But how?

Yeah, turns out she was convinced by him to wear a Sonic costume, somehow, and the eyepieces made everyone look like Snively. She thought she was helping the Freedom Fighters by killing Snively, but was the one who dropped Sally all along. She's devastated, and left to sob on the ground as Drago happily celebrates his own genius in trusting Robotnik for personal power, because that's never backfired in anyone else's face before, has it?

Now we finally get to see what happened to Antoine and Bunnie after they were captured last issue. They've been hauled all the way to a prison in Downunda, and shackled to the wall, fitted with customized collars. Bunnie's is merely tuned to sense when she uses her bionic parts' capabilities to try to escape, while Antoine's is tuned to explode violently if Bunnie's collar gives the signal. Ouch, man.

They soon find that Walt Wallabee and Barby Koala are locked in with them, looking rather the worse for wear. Before they can get further than basic introductions (remember, only Tails has met these guys before), who shows up to greet everyone but Crocbot! Apparently, he didn't actually die when his tank exploded back in the Tails miniseries. He was badly damaged, but built himself back up from combot parts and has taken control of this region once again, running this slave labor camp to mine ore for Robotnik. He was pissed at his past defeat, and so made it a point to capture the Downunda Freedom Fighters the first chance he could. Yeah, capture, not kill. 'Cause remember how this guy has a hard-on for cold-blooded torture?

Who knows how long those poor Downunda Freedom Fighters have been locked up in here, man. At least they're still alive, right?

While all this has been going down, Dulcy has been flying Sonic to his requested destination - the Floating Island, where he hopes to get help from the only neutral third party he really has left. Unfortunately, he seems to have forgotten that whenever he and Knuckles appear in the same issue together, it's a hard rule that they have to start punching each other for no reason.

This time, however, they're barely able to start their shenanigans up when they're interrupted by Geoffrey and his troops parachuting in to recapture their quarry. Oh boy, more drama! Guess we’ll see where it all goes in the big landmark issue #50…

[uni416]

Answer 21, Tag 21

Tagged by @killapunk! Sorry it took so long!

1. Nicknames

I don't really have a nickname besides Mike!

2. Zodiac Sign

Leo (Late July)

3. Height

4. Hogwarts House

Sly..ffle...puff...?

5. Last thing I googled

'temp hp dnd'

6. Favorite Musicians

Linkin Park, Rise Against, Yonezu Kenshi

7. Song stuck in my head

"Particle man, Particle man, doing the things a particle can..."

8. Following now

46!

9. Followers

...Oh man, I should probably do a thing again soon, huh?

10. Do I get Asks?

Sometimes! I keep forgetting to answer them, and then it gets awkward to answer them so late... I'm sorry! I swear I love your messages.

11. Amount of Sleep?

5~8 hours every night. I have school. Gotta stay frosty.

12. Lucky Number

9!

13. What I'm wearing

(Green shirt, watermelon pants)

14. Dream Job

Professional Sour cream Taster

15. Dream Trip

A dumb roadtrip around the US where I only eat at places like Denny's, Golden Corral, Sonic, IHOP, etc

16. Favorite Food

RAW BEEF RAW BEEF RAW BEEF RAW BEEF RAW B

17. Instruments

I took piano and flute lessons for years but retained absolutely none of it.

18. Languages

English, Korean

19. Favorite song

Currently? Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea.

20. Random fact

I have like 18 pairs of the exact same socks

21. Aesthetic

Pencil lead dust, wooden stools, tiny containers, the hum of an air conditioner, cold blankets, low lights...

Tagging:

@mint-stone @fifty-shades-of-succ @ghosty302 @therealslimdouchebag @nekosol @ask-the-ahamkara

Tryna remember people off the top of my head but I'm dumb and tired so feel free to do it even if you're name isn't here and if you're name is here but you don't want to do it that's fine too honestly bye

[suburban-satan]

shit my friends say

So I made a list of all the wild shit my friends say, started in January 2018 and still going. It's one year old I guess? Well, enjoy what I have so far!

2018 -d a d d y w i s e -well there’s chains on the ground so that must mean this was a kinky sex dungeon -GORSH MICKEY NOT MY G SPOT -I can wait until I turn 40 so I can troll Japanese Girls on roblox -what if we all looked like mike wizowski but our heads were the same size as they are now -I wanna give pot to a bird -I take pills without water -daddies cummie wummies are the best cummie wummies -enjoy your nonexistent stomach acid -cum glaze -I hope you choke on MY meat -who hasn’t been on pornhub -(wipes tears away and starts belting despacito) -MY GAY IS BEING TRIGGERED -that omelet looks delouse -is semen a liquid or solid -iTs nOt aQuaNauTs yOu uNculTurEd fOoK -vaginas are scary -what is menstruation -you should change your name to pussy something -my gay has been activated -“have you ever owned a vibrator?” “No” “would you like to rent one” -“do you like glazed or cream filled” -wHaT dOeS cUm sOuNd LiKe -he is on too much fertilizer -sometimes cum is hot I know from experience -if you jerked off at the speed of sound would your dick be on fire -I don’t have a sonic fetish -can your dick ignite because of the heat of your cock -aren’t dicks like cannons -who the fuck draws a glowing peepee on a skeleton -honey Freddy freaker is dancing in the living room -does penis smell like garlic -she don’t swallow in this household -*downloading garrison nudes* -don’t you realize that tentacle porn is just using octopus arms as a dildo -frickle my nipples -Minecraft porn consists of the male genitalia replaced with a stick -OOPSIE WOOPSIE!! Uwu We make a fucky wucky!! A wittle fucko boingo! The code monkeys at our headquarters are working VEWY HAWD to fix this! -“I’m big for an asian” -cockilicous -“His anal glands need milking” -fready flipper -FREADY FAPPER -daddy better make me choke -does Freddy freaker have a mutated alien dick -sonic breaks the sound barrier by beating his meat -the sun looks like it’s gon vore you -bootyhole exploration -is megalovania sex music -i like to drink cock -cum is just genital snot -penis musk -Shid piz and farbt -Bull + shit = sis it don’t add up -Hey don’t tell me at least once in your life you haven’t thought about being gently caressed across the genitalia by the kraken -I swallow boba like i swallow cum -I wuv fungus kun, the way he waps a awond my tosie wosies so tight! He’s gibing me a huggie!!!! Fungus kun gibes my tosies a new color too!!!! Wat a good fungus kun make my doki doki go “ UAU” heeheehee -eating banana with the banana peel -orang juce -father I want cheddar -don’t you just look at someone and think about how long their neck is -breathing is just boneless vaping -get outta here juuling criminal -yall ever succ a dick for juul pods -unironically drawing miss piggy -“Jack don’t let go 😱🤭🤭, jack sweetie 😐👀 if you let go 🙊🙈 you’re weave 🙀🙀 gone 😇😘💅” -I've been watching spooky movies for 5 hour -omg it’s daddy sans undertaker!!! -bröther -I ate my sister -are you'd's't've kidding me? -oh youtube please don't show me the shrek movies rn -My brother is calling me out on the family group chat for eating a bowl of peanut butter -Hamilton is best girl -get outta here you fuckin loyalist -what doesn’t cum have -drink flex seal and you won’t have to worry about a marriage -I feel water. -“Superfood or supergross? Is Sperm good?” -coochie hands gucci bands -just imagine trying to cast a spell and then you get disturbed by a banjo -toto africa is sex music now and everytime they say rain it’s just cum -y'all ever burp in your mouth and exhale it through your nose like a vaper -how dare them make my green senpai an honorable member of society -If you didn’t search big boobs video on google at least once are you really a Gen Z kid????? -laugh pussies -i’m watching the history of japan on pornhub -we have the same name because we are secretly the same person -what if you eat your phone and it’s all in your tummy -why would you ever think i’m not serious all the time you silly dragon but we’re both (my name) so we can be the silly dragon together -why would you wash your face before you go to bed when your tears wash it off for you *wooshing noises* -I want to drive a bus because I like busses -my shoe broke -why does everyone talk about the drugs i’m eating -i’m going to break her because she’s talking about smoking cocaine and I don’t like drugs -(stage whisper) metal heads live among us but we don’t know because they look like normal people -oh bye mr music teacher -the pussy? designer. cucci, if you will. -DID I HEAR S A N S P O R N -"i'm about to nay nay on your dead fucking corpse" -alert alert the toes are coming -you got a fucking problem with my 𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐬? -imagine using an oven for something designed for a microwave this post was made by the doesnt have much motivation gang -Please take my Minnesotan snow Wait that sounds like Minnesotan cocaine -when you funny scream -"dating the Bill of Rights for fun" is now exactly how I'm going to describe my hyperfixations -the penguin  from fruit loops is a twink (bitch its a toucan) -if white cheese exists is there black cheese -What’s rosum opossum -whale cum -dicko mode -(GETTIN SOME CHRISTMAS SPIRIT UP IN THAT PUSS) -pennies more like penis amirite -It’s Sunday don’t forget to squeeze cheese on the cat -the grinch is dr seuss’s fursona -everyone is gangster until the trees start speaking vietnamese -big chungus is my dad -“if the apocalypse happened what would you do” “eat bees” -I'm tired as fuck but I gotta wait until it's 4:20 to go to bed -mom: you need to be reasonable and wait two hours before having another brownie me, stuffing my mouth full of brownie: br o w n y s -This honey in whole foods is in fucking comic sans -it's more likely that I'll guess someone is gay before I remember the existence of women -im gonna say it again for the people in the back:

i eat bees -Thanos penis, it's actually called a thenis -yort -uwu its the mowst thorstiewst time of the yeaw uwu -It is I Teh gromc -The gronk is here to say eat all the dish soap in the house -the grinch but he's wearing crocs the entire time -answer my question or else i will establish sans porn -You make him doki doki uwaaaaa!!!! -birdbox but all the bird sounds are replaced by cardi b noises -THE GROMPK IS TOO POWERFUL -consume ocean sauce -square up in judge judys court -half consumes ocean sauce -ice juce -frick stick -you guys wanna read undertale fanfiction     -2019- -it might be 2019 but thats not gonna stop me from terrorizing my family's groupchat -(pineapple voice) first date idea: digest eachother -Wait dennys will arrest you for doing illegal things?? -pls purify me -my toes are very succulent today -two succs having flex two succs having sex my muscles my muscles involuntarily checks -f u r r y , N a s h . -Perfect for all occasions! Spill something on your nice shirt, give a messy blowjob, and sphagetti!!! -Do you want cum on your nice shirt??? -it would be nice if i had cum on my shirt -cocc succ machine -I KNOW TONGUE JUTSU -I feel like i’m in a meat prison -hi you obese elephant -plant porn is just flowey porn -We all love the out of the box 4am messages we get -YOU LIKE SNAS PEEPEE