#delete later i just need to vent

[remapped-soul]

this is a how-many-times-will-i-let-this-particular-friend-disappoint-me challenge. hopefully, it ends this year

[artsymeeshee]

one of those nights

[catbuggirly]

I need to get my own place so I can be horny and play with toys and make content more often without being paranoid and uncomfortable and all that stuff but also living at home means I’m up a hundred a week and then I get to spend it and I’m pretty sure I have a shopping addiction trying to fill the void inside me and also it’s just fucking expensive being a girl like if I want to be hot it’s £50 wax every month, £50 nails every 3 weeks £100 on hair every two months, £30 lashes every 3 weeks and then I have to work and go places and do things and honestly I think I’d miss my family but I can’t cope with my parents and other times I can’t bear being appart from them and my sister needs me she’s only 14 so I have to take her places and cook her meals but then I feel like I’ll never get out of this city if I don’t leave now and honestly I think I must be evil or stupid or a terrible mix of both and everything is a waste anyways cause we’re all gonna die in the end and does it actually even work like I want it to and there so many things in my life and the world and the lives of people I love that I can’t fix and I try so hard but I literally just can’t and uni is kicking my ass and I’m so unprepared all the time and work sucks cause my boss hates me and the pay is shit and the hours are bad and the customers are rude and I try so desperately to stay on top of ally my competitive childhood hobbies just to feel things and it doesn’t work but they’re too intertwined with my personality to be okay with just letting them go but actually sometimes I do enjoy them and sometimes I don’t even know what I think and I need to break the cycle I need to break the goddamn cycle I need to I need to I need to because I’m actually going crazy. I hate the way I look I don’t know how I look I hate the way I look I don’t actually know what i look like I hate my body so much o need to fix it I’m loosing weight but it’s not enough not fast enough I feel like death all the time I simultaneously hate the way I look and don’t know how I look and I’m scared of foods and I can only eat certain ones and I think all my friends secretary hate me and think I’m wierd and I’m so alone all the time I need to fill the blind I need to fill the VOID anyways catbug rant over sorry sometimes a girl just needs to scream and can’t hope you never actually read this if you did I’m sorry for wasting ur time lmao

[emberglowfox]

ms paint comic that making made my hands go numb but i had to make because prose-y vent comics are the only way i process things

[skunkes]

that "i wish that being aware of a mindset being ridiculous would make it easier to snap out of it" post hitting hard every single day

[angelpuns]

Having a very ' everyone secretly hates me ' kind of day smh

[theprongspotter]

With all the physical and verbal abuse and the manipulation my parents have done I want to run away so bad, but I literally don’t have anywhere to go

I have no support

[theaccidentfactory]

I just don't understand how my mom had me, her oldest and first child, raised me for 18 years (kind of?), and then chose some guy she barely knows and is objectively terrible over me and kicked me out unexpectedly after telling me I'm no longer a part of her family and all my childhood trauma (that HER at the time husband caused) was my fault. And now she's banned me from seeing my siblings that I RAISED (because she wasn't able to at the time.), she refused to answer my phone calls or texts when I was in the hospital, terrified, crying and begging her to come help or support me because I was completely alone in the hospital in the worst pain in my life and just wanted my mom, and on top of everything, made it clear I'm not invited to family thanksgiving. I don't understand. How is she even able to do that. I don't need her, I'm an adult, but I'm still her child. I don't think I'll ever understand.

[starleska]

ah, i love waking up to hate mail making fun of my art 😶 but you know, i think it speaks a lot to the emotional illiteracy of some folks that they think such a thing will get a lasting rise. who knows why they do it? is it for a cheap laugh? are they projecting because they dislike their own art? are they so personally miserable that they just want to tear other people down to fill that gaping void in their real lives?

[papermonkeyism]

Ugh.

I should do an adult thing and have a frank and honest conversation with someone, but how do you say "so there was this thing five years ago that you did/said, that was probably nothing to you, but felt harshly punishing to me, and I should have said something at a time but I didn't, because I didn't want to make a scene in front of couple mutual friends, and I'm a fucking doormat, but I couldn't afford to lose a friend and I thought shutting up and dealing with it by myself I'd get over it eventually and it would be worth keeping the one friendship I had at the time, but it's been years and we barely even interact anymore because neither of us communicate, and when we do interact these days I'm more often than not left reminded of that one time five years ago that you probably don't even remember but has been there for me, looming, and I feel honestly angry and hurt and this is bad for my blood pressure, but I'm also afraid of your retaliation but is it really worth it anymore if you don't even wave at me when you see me crossing a street because 'I probably wouldn't even notice anyway *smiley face*' "

[essenceofarda]

It's crazy to me that my doctors often criticize me for having "medical anxiety" but i never really had medical anxiety (to this extent at least) before I moved here and started seeing the doctors at this practice, where upon learning that I have a mental illness that has psychosis elements, would literally NEVER miss a chance to try to convince me that ALL my physical health issues are just a figment of my imagination, psychosis, or my apparent desire for attention ... (and like, not to mention they would oftentimes refuse to test or treat me unless i first "lost a bunch of weight"). My PCP once tried to convince me i must not be taking my mental health meds and that's why i "thought" i was having these health concerns... and like, belittling me to the point where I was told, point blank, to my face: "I'm not testing you for lyme Disease because it would be a waste of resources and you cannot possibly have it" (his exact words), despite my growing up and living in NEW ENGLAND, as well as one of the lyme disease capitols of the world, my dad being a deer hunter and having lyme disease himself, also having a bunch of symptoms that maybe could be other things too but were definitely in-line with lyme disease, but yeah, because I have a mental health disorder I must be just looking for attention 🙄 Now I avoid going to the doctor and when I do, I just downplay all my health concerns, even tho some are pretty serious and have a very negative impact on my day to day life.

Oh, the irony of being belittled by doctors for having "medical anxiety" when they were the ones who gave me medical anxiety in the first place lol

[sappho-favourite-pupil]

vent post incoming, feel free to scroll to avoid it.

I wish i wasn't living in this family with my parents that go from mild abusive behaviour to straight up psychological and physical violence, i wish my mental health didn't suck and my OCD would let me breathe and i wish i wasn't just fucked up so bad from the start that i could never really stand a chance.

[venriliz]

why is the concept of showing empathy for drug/alcohol addicts so hard to understand for some ppl? v.v they suffer too sis, that problem has to come from somewhere and i bet most of them would rather not be addicted in the first place. some people don't know what nuance is i swear. am i crazy for having empathy with addicts??? i don't think so.

[corvid-language-library]

.

[aeternal-nightmare]

I love alien covenant but it ruined my life

[call-me-copycat]

I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.