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celestialgaea · 4 years

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1. I LOVE your writing! You're amazing! 2. If it's not too much trouble, could I request something for brotherhood Ezio - either fluff or smut (maybe a hybrid if such a thing exists?)

These requests really make my heart soft :,) It’s definitly not troublesome at all, darling! a smut/fluff is coming your way :)) enjoy reading!

btw, I always had the concept in mind of Ezio being a nude model for a painter/paintress so I used it as inspiration for this request, I hope you like it!

Pairings: Brotherhood!Ezio x Reader

warnings: smut, fluff, mature content

summary: Ezio convinces you of using his nude body as reference for your painting and that’s where things start to get heated.

A sound of raging growls left your throat as it was the sixth time you scratched away the slender torso that was sketched upon the parchment. It was slender, too slender for it to be still considered human. Ironic. The Greek gods were inhuman, but you were unable to project the divine muscles that roamed in your thoughts onto the piece of dried lamb skin. You missed Florence, dearly, and since the first week that you had left the vivid city to live in the unknown town of Monteriggioni you thought that the quiet farms, where trees of oranges grew, would help revive the inspiration to paint a Magnum Opus but it only dried the river of colour in your head. You couldn’t compare Florence to a third rate town as Monteriggioni. You could still recall the smell of paint and the dusty marmer that stained the Florentin air of the market, and the sight of novices carrying their painting supplies as they were on their way to class. You missed how you used to visit churches, not to pray, but rather to admire the fresco’s. Now it was all gone. No inspiration and the few churches that existed in this village were sober and only consisted of a giant crucifix and a statue of Madonna holding her child.

bang bang. Someone knocked on the door of your atelier. With a dissatisfied grunt you threw the charcoal pencil on the ground and shoved your seat back with a strong force, causing an abrasive sound to be heard from outside the small building.

‘Who is there?’ You asked sharply as you walked towards the wooden door. You tried to regain your patience and freshened your cheeks, which was red of annoyment, by pressing your abnormally cold palms against them.

‘It’s me, Ezio.’ His voice was unclear due to the door that seperated you, but it did not spoil the low rumble that was always present in his speech. You pressed your eyelids together rather harshly and groaned in regret. How shameful musn’t it be to shoot invisible daggers towards Ezio as just the thought of his intimidting gaze locked on your face after your scene of lost temper made you wish you hid instead of confronting him. You weren’t scared of him, you were scared of embaressment.

You opened the door to the sight of Ezio leaning against the doorframe, one eyebrow arched in question.

‘I came to check up on you, ragazza. It sounded as if you were fighting off pirates in there.’ You felt how your face heated up against your will and you tried to laugh it of with a breathless snicker. ‘The only thing I was fighting with were my sketches,’ You stepped aside, exposing a part of your artist studio. It was not big, as it was perfect to fit in a few tables and art easels with canvasses of variating sizes, but it was practical enough to be able to craft in peace. But it seems that the serene peace wasn’t present anymore these past weeks.

‘Where are my manners, come in.’ With a faint smile he swiftly entered and closed the door.

‘Lack of inspiration?’ He asked. You nodded. ‘Not only that, It is impossible to find any references to bodies as muscled as those of the Greek Gods. Monteriggioni isn’t filled with art as in Firenze, thus making it difficult for me to find those references.’ As you looked at him from the side, you saw how perfect his body posture was to be used as reference; It was flexible and broad, yet it was intimidating and yet not graceful enough to be that of a dancer.

Ezio hummed in understanding. He was slightly proud that he still had the ability to make you blush, even in his forties, when he caught your eyes wandering through his clothing. ‘Why don’t you use models like Leonardo does? You could ask him to lend some to you,’ You grinned. ‘Ezio, my dear. The only references to human bodies that Leonardo uses are either dug up from their grave or strangers with the most inhuman facial complexion. Leonardo is fascinated by the misshapen, not the divine.’

‘Well, if the ancient Greeks believed that women were the misshapen copies of men, then I confirm myself as being fascinated by the misshapen. My dear.’ He mocked. His lips curled into a sly smirk and he winked at you, but you merely scoffed playfully as you shook your head and walked towards the chaotic scene that played upon your desk; Scattered parchment with incomplete sketches, charcoal pencils and quills thrown all over the table and, at the moment, irrelevant attributes such as a skull and a terracotta bust of Bacchus -A marmer bust was way too expensive for the meager loan you had to live with-

‘Charmed.’ You said, not impressed. Maybe slightly impressed.

‘As I thought you would be,’

The open space of the studio behind you felt enclosed as the soft touch of Ezio’s breath caressed the nape of your neck. His eyes roamed over the table, observing every object -he even squatted down and stared into the dead eyes of Bacchus-, and trailed alongside the lines of your sketches with his middle and index finger pressed together, the two fingers levitating above the charcoal lines.

‘Why did you scratch them? It is beautiful. Well, I am not going to lie, it looks a bit...how should I word it?’ He mumbled. ‘Bad?’ ‘A bit out of proportion,’ He trailed alongside the torso with the same two fingers. ‘See,’ Ezio said. ‘The torso is a bit too long, and the muscles are too muscled.’

You scoffed, a small laugh plastered on your face. ‘Too muscly,’ You mumbled to yourself. ‘Ezio, I don’t know if you have noticed but I do not have any male models nor have I seen a man naked before. No, I mean, not that I am a virgin. But I just haven’t seen a naked man with the right size.’ Good Lord. Ezio grinned, not ashamed for the innapropriate phrase that kept resonating in his head, and locked eyes with you as he raised one eyebrow. You shivered. It was that one raised eyebrow that made his face so intimidating, so intense. ‘Not the right size, huh?’

‘You know what I mean, old man.’ He scoffed. His hand covered his breast and he pretended to be in pain. ‘You wound me with your words, bella.’

Oh Ezio. He was so entertaining. He was probably one of the very few reasons your stay in Monteriggioni will last for a very long time. Leaving him would make you feel empty. Ezio had a way of pulling women (and also men) towards him, chaining them with such a scorching desire that it would feel injust and even sinful to break the invisible attraction He brought those small moments of thrills and excitement with him whenever he just walked by making you want his attention to be focused on you and solely you.

‘I could send an apprentice of mine to model, but only if you’d like?’ ‘Are they quite muscled? I need a body that represents the gods and not 17 year old boys who are only interested in horses and girls.’ ‘No, judging by the statues I have seen in Florence they wouldn’t be a very great choice. And besides, I don’t think that they can stand still, naked, for a few hours while a beautiful lady has a clear view of their cazzo without, you know, the visuals showing their excitement.’

Your facial expressions showed slight disgust as you were imagining their erect member and face, reddened with shame, while they were posing as one of the Greek deities. Well, to be fair, you couldn’t expect less. They were boys with raging hormones, and you were a young adolescent that was not able to conceil her raging hormones from experienced and charming men. Or shortly said; Ezio.

Speak of the devil.

Ezio noticed the disgust on your face and emitted a low and rumbling snicker as he patted your back, the impact of his force causing your shoulder to be shoved forwards. ‘Keep your sneaky little mind away from my apprentices private parts will you?’

‘Ezio!’ You hit his arm, your mouth open and pretending to be shocked by his remark, but you couldn’t help but curl your mouth into a smile. ‘Back to our previous topic,’ You said, recovering from what just had happened. ‘I really need to find a male model for my project, Ezio.’ Ezio happened to show empathy with you as he began taking off his boots.

‘Ezio, what in heaven are you doing? Put those back on! Ezio what are you thinking?’ Nailed to the floor you looked at ezio who was only wearing his trousers and chemise, its string loosened and showing the flesh upon his chest, and had his hands on the sides of the edge of his pants, ready to take them of and show the world what momma gave him. ‘I am sacrificing my pride for the sake of your painting.’

Your eyes widened. ‘Would you do that for me? Really?’ ‘Bella, what does it look like I am doing?’ He grinned, taking off the rest of his clothing as you had turned around to reorganize your table and prepared the small podium on which Ezio had to model.

‘And besides, what did you mean with Sacrificing your pride?’ You heard Ezio sigh while you sharpened your charcoal pencils. ‘All these men on Classical paintings have a...well, you know, a small penis, so you will have to reduce mine...a lot.’ You laughed, placing the pencils on the table. ‘Oh, Ezio, I don’t really think it will be necessary.’ You said teasingly. You sat down behind the desk when you heard his voice floating around your ears as he walked towards the small podium, every inch of his skin exposed for you and only you. ‘Prego?’

It was difficult to keep your gaze off his private part. It was just...hanging there, minding its bussiness. It was as if your insulting remark about his member just spat back at you with double as much spit. You managed to clear your throat in a subtle way without choking on your saliva. ‘You’ll have to lay down.’ You said. You stood up to grasp a few layers of cloth to cover the small stage to save Ezio’s behind a bit from the harsh ground. It felt weird to be so near him; He was naked and you were clothed.

You quickly smoothened the cloth onto the stage, fixating your disorientated eyes on it, and walked, almost ran, with rapid speed back to your desk.

It still felt like a fever dream. You were able to get the most skilled murderer fully naked in front of you, without asking once. As it felt surreal, it simutaniously felt forbidden too. He was way older, a teacher of a kind, how many women wouldn’t have killed for this chance. For seeing Ezio naked, almost vulnurable without his armour. Vulnurable for attack as told by the white lining of the remaining scars on his body.

‘Lay down and lean on your elbows,’ And so he did. ‘Put one knee up. No the other knee, Ezio. Not so high, go a bit lower. Not that low. Yes, stay like that!’ Ezio grinned softly. ‘You are very demanding, aren’t you bella?’ ‘You iniated on being my model, Ezio, so do as I say.’ Ezio raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head, sucking air through his teeth, sounding similar to scorching metal in cold water. ‘My apologies, maestro.’

His body was beautiful. Not too brawny and not fat. Broad muscles showing through his skin and simultaneously a layer of soft fat hugged around his torso, but it didn’t hang nor did it seem loose, It was tight and gave Ezio’s body comfortable for burning cuddles.

You gave a last look at Ezio’s position, observing it, but something felt wrong. It felt plain, flat. It didn’t have your desired dimentions.

‘Ezio,’ He turned his head towards you. ‘Could you touch the ground with your left hand and move your torso towards your lifted knee. Let your right arm rest upon that raised knee, yes, just like that.’ It was better. More rounded than flat. And the most beautiful of all was how above his pubic hair, which was trimmed, small layers of skin bundled upon each other, giving more dimention to his body.

You picked up the stylus - a metal pen- with satisfaction and began carving lines onto the parchment. Those lines slowly became basic shapes until more shade and more complexity was added to them. Ezio’s eyes kept sailing from around the room to your concentrated face. It must be intimidating for him whenever it took only fractions of seconds before you raised your eyes to look at him every single time. And every time he wondered how many seconds it would last this time before you watched him again.

‘Do you do this a lot? Using nude models?’ Ezio asked. You stood halt in your drawing to look up at him. ‘Well, No. Back in Firenze I was too ashamed to ask for one. If the word would spread about a women making a carreer out of brush strokes instead of a man stroking her to let her bear him a son, they’d burn my paintings. And they may burn my paintings, but i’ll still use the ashes to draw a big cazzo on the front door of their homes.’ You said, slightly flinching at the thought of your face being tortured by the sweltering flames that are devouring your art works. Ezio laughed. His wide-opened mouth created deep curving lines next to it, sparkling eyes squinting at you.

How did he do it? How was he capable of making you desire him with just a smile. A smile of confidence. A smile of which hundreds of women fell for. Let alone how his body would call for company as melancholy and charm hung like a perfume around him.

‘Eccezionale,’ He grinned in a breath. ‘And in Monteriggioni?’ ‘The average male in this village is almost expired. They’re at least fifthy.’

‘You don’t older men?’ He asked teasingly. Yes you did, especially him. ‘There is a difference between older and old. Old men are almost expired. Older men, on the other hand, are more matured and experienced.’

With a last look at the sketch you laid down the stylus and motioned for Ezio to move again. You quickly added some shadows around the sillhouette around the body as you felt Ezio stand behind you.

‘And what is “older” to you?’ ‘You ask a lot of Questions, Ezio. Aren’t you Il mentore?’ His broad shoulders casted a shadow on your cheek that was turned to his side. ‘I’m curious. Isn’t a man allowed to ask questions? Especially if he’s as expired as me?’ You scoffed.

‘Ezio, you are not expired. You aren’t old.’

‘I’ll be turning fifthy in five years.’

‘That’s still ages away from now.’

‘Time flies, bella.’

‘Well, mentore, I don’t perceive you as old. In fact, you are mature and very sharp.’ You stole a quick glance of his private part before letting your gaze wander towards the floor. How was he able to keep himself so tame when the tension was creating a heated knot in your lower stomach? The knot kept contracting with every breath from Ezio’s soft lips that brushed against your neck and the radiating heat from his naked body caused by the Florentine sun that tortured his skin underneath the layers of his heavy assassin robes.

You turned around, trapped in between the wooden desk and Ezio’s nudeness, and placed a hand on his bicep. ‘How aren’t you burned yet underneath all those layers of clothing.’ Your eyes locked with his. ‘I have very thick skin,’ He palmed your hand in his and lead it down his muscular arm, rubbing against its hot skin, let it follow the curves of his muscles back up to his chest. You didn’t even need to glance down to see that his good old friend has “awakened”.

Ezio’s hand caressed your collarbone and slid down, only to stop at the cleavage of your gown. With his index finger he easily pulled the piece of fabric away from your chest, exposing your breasts that were visible through the thin night gown.

He hummed in satisfaction.

Ezio disposed you of your clothes in a slow and agonizing manner until your naked body was hugged by the warm air that filled the art studio. His eyes, filled with passionate lust, wandered over your whole body, absorbing every inch of naked skin. Ezio pressed his body close to you and you felt how his manhood, swollen with blood, was pressed against your stomach. Ezio kissed your lips. His lips covering your upper lip as you softly nibbled on his bottom lip. His tongue wetted the entrance of your mouth before the warmth of his saliva got mixed with yours. Ezio’s hands roamed your whole body, he wanted to take all of you, touch all of you, feel every piece of your hot skin lingering against his. His hands trailed back to your upper thighs and rubbed them as his fingers curled to grip the soft flesh of it. His warm hands felt rough and experienced against your inner thighs, it felt like everything that desire is.

Ezio pulled your legs around his waist and carried you the the small improvised podium of layered blankets as his one hand held the fold at the backside of your knee and the other was pressed against your lower back.

You couldn’t describe how overwhelmed you where with all these sensory feelings. Your contracting stomach, heating core and tickling neck, caused by Ezio’s lips and teasing nips, made you close your eyes and press your legs tighter around his torso. You pressed yourself against Ezio while you yearned for his body engulfing yours in this passionate warmth as Ezio’s hot breaths left humid spots on your neck.

His lips kissed your collarbone and so he went down with smouldering and slow kisses down to the curve in between the mounds of your breasts. His hand cupped your breast and massaged your nipple with his thumb as his mouth place kisses on the side of your other breast before tracing to your nipple and holding it between his lips.

your breathing became irregular, some were sharp and some were pitched. Your hands took a grip on Ezio’s broad back and you couldn’t help but groan in a breath. His body slid down on yours until he stopped above your pubic bone, a trail of saliva covered your torso. Ezio placed your legs on his shoulders, holding onto your thighs, and he breathed so softly against your humid entrance.

It felt tingly and increased your need for him to touch you. Ezio’s fingers caressed your labia as his hot and humid tongue slid up your crease. Your breath hitched. His lips covered your clit, his beard tickling your inner thighs, kissing it before taking it between his lips and sucking on it. You groaned. Your clit was pusling and you felt how your entrance was filled with so much ecstasy. Ezio kept licking, nibbling and just making you feel on cloud nine until you felt how tension was layering and building up in your core and you felt how it was almost going to explode in bright colours of the sweet relieve. But Ezio stopped before you could taste that pure sweetness and how much you disliked it, the builded up tension slowly died down.

‘Why did you stop?’ You asked defeatedly. Ezio smirked. ‘I want us to finish together,’ You were surprised. ‘Because I can’t wait any longer to be inside of you.’ Ezio slid back up so his lips could reach your mouth again. You enveloped your leg around his waist and Ezio gripped the fold of your knee, slowly pressing your thigh against your chest.

He groaned as the tip of his manhood entered slowly. He stopped after a few inches of his manhood had entered so you’d adapt to his lenght and width and began pumping slowly before he’d let his whole penis enter inside of you inch by inch. He filled you so good.

Ezio began pumping in and out between your slick walls and went rougher. The sweetness and lust of the moment made both of your groan in synch. But the more he motioned inside of you, the more your groans became heartfelt moans. You grabbed ezio’s back as you bit on his shoulder. With every push and every thrust of his body against yours the sinful sounds of hitting skin was like background music for the hymn of your moans. Ezio grabbed your thigh and pushed himself deeper, which you doubt was still possible, and the poor man was lost in deep groans. He kept you close to him as he filled you until the building up layers made you speed up, shortening the silence between every clap of skin. ‘Ezio,’ You whispered in lost sweetness. The more tension that build up, the more the yearning for that sweet relieve became. ‘(Y/N),’ He groaned in your ear, huskily.

Only a few strokes and you were there, both of you. Oh, sweet Lord, how you were losing your mind in a blurr of white light. Just those few last strokes and you’d explode. You were almost there...almost...and ‘Ezio!’ The ball of squeezed tension exploded into a firework of sweetness and fire. Ezio came inside of you with squeezed eyes and a groan before he let himself relax onto you. Your chests were elevating in an irregular rythm.

‘Mio Dio,’ You whispered in amazement. Ezio slid out of you and took the excess length of the cloth to cover both of you.

‘So when are you free to come back? To finish the painting?’

‘Very soon, Bella, very soon.’

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zmayadw · 3 years

Text

Evening to all :)

Time for the next part :)

Have a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 10

I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth. I had no clue what time was it, but the sun was out already, making me squint my eyes. I got in sitting position slowly, banging in my head intensifing with every move i made. Ugh, i'm never drinking again, i scolded myself. Squinting, I focused on the little alarm clock that was on the night stand. 10.34. Whoa, i cant remember the last time i slept this long. I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the glass with wather, rinsing my mouth a few times before gulping down two glasses. My stomach growled at it, i just hoped not to throw up .Taking a shower would be a wise thing to do, so i just threw the clothes i had off and entered the shower. The warm water felt good, i just let it pour over me for a while. I wrapped myself in the towel taking some painkillers for the headache. Getting back to the room, i dressed up, and sat on the bed. I felt a bit better, but still not enough. Coffee, i tought, thats what i need now. I got up, going for the purse i threw on the floor when i got in, searching for my phone. Shit, i cursed, it wsnt there. I checked every pocket, even Jake's hoodie, but my phone was nowhere to be found. Crap, i probably left it at a the Aurora last night, when Jessy and me wer taking pictures. Or at lest i hoped so. Well, i was going for coffee, so i could stop at the Aurora eitherway. I grabbed my backpack with drawing stuff. Who knows, i might be up for some drawing, no matter I still felt woozy from last night drinking. I putted my sneakers on, grabed my stuff and car keys. Walking wasnt an option this time, i wasnt feeling well enough for it.

When i parked my car infront of the Aurora, I saw Dan's car was still there. I smiled as i left the car, guess i wasnt the only one sleeping late today. I hoped Phil was there already, and my phone too. I entered the Aurora, relieved at the sight of Phil behind the bar. I was washed with the smell of coffee, and as i neared the bar, I pleadingly said to him, sitting on the stool „Please, please, please, tell me i'm not wrong and that is coffee i can smell.“ Phil turned arround , not noticing me when i entered. He grinned at me „You are most definitly right! Would you like some?“ „Yes, pretty please.“ I said, as i putted my hand on the bar, and leaned my head on it as on a pillow. Phil chuckled at me „Want any sugar with it? Or milk?“ „Yes, please.“ I replied, and he vanished through the storage doors. He returned with a big cup of coffe putting it infront of me. I rised my head, took the cup, taking a deep breath of its smell, before taking a big sip of it. „Thanks, Phill, you're my saviour:“ i smiled at him as i settled it back on the bar. „Here to help.“ He said, winking. „Rough night?“ he asked teasingly. „Oh, i dont know how you can be so cheerful.“ I started „I feel like a truck hit me lastnight.“ He laughed „Practice to perfection.“ „I think i would need years of practice to be even close to that kind of perfection!“ i said, making a skeptical face. He smiled at me „So, to what do i owe the pleasure?“ he asked. „Dont get me wrong, im glad to see you“ he said, that devilish spark in his eyes again „But i doubt you came just to see me.“ „You caught me.“ I said, even tho it was nice seeing him. „I was hoping that i might have left my phone here yesterday.“ He shook his head at me, crouching down searchin for a few seconds under the bar, giving me my phone as he got up. „Better be carefull next time, good thing i noticed it as you left.“ „Yay, thanks Phil, again.“ I told him, giving him a big smile. „I owe you big time! Both for the phone, and coffee.“ His phone rang then „Sorry business calling. Be right back“ he said, answering his phone and going through the storage door. I checked my phone with him gone, finding out few missed calls and messages from Jessy. She was worried i havent answered her jet, so i decided to call her while waiting for Phil. The tone barely sugested it rang when Jessy's voice boomed from the other side. „Finaly! Do you know how worried i have been? Are you allright? Where wer you? Why didnt you answer me before?“ It made me smile a bit, her worrying for me like that was so sweet. „Im sooooo sorry Jessy“ i said pleadingly „I left my phone at Aurora last night, i just got here to get it.“ Phil returned at that point, and i mouthed to him 'Jessy's' name, indicating who i was talking to. Her voice boomed again, and i moved my phone a bit from my ear, wich made Phil laugh. „Ofcourse you did! Its no wonder after all the whiskey you had! Dan is still sleeping like a log! You two really had it last night!“ „Aww, Dont be cross, Jessy.“ I started pleadingly again „I promise next time we wont over do it.“ Phil was grining at me now, and i stuck my toung at him, trying to calm Jessy down. „C'mon, you cant tell me you didnt have some fun yesterday.“ I started „I have some pictures on my phone as a proof of it.“ Phil threw his thumb up, showing me i said a good thing, and i grined at him. „Alright, i admit last night wasnt all that bad.“ Jessy started, sounding calmer now „But you're still not off the hook completly.“ „Thanks, Jessy“ i started, grining as a sign of victory to Phil. „You can scold me some more at lunch, if the deal for it still stands.“ „Ofcourse!“ Jessy cined cheerfuly from the other side „Dan will be a sleep for God knows how long, and im already bored here.“ I quickly moved my phone from the ear checking the time. „Its 12.20 now, when do you want us to meet?“. „I'll meet you around 14 at the Aurora. I doubt Phil will mind you hanging there with him till then.“ She replied, teasing me. „Somehow i think you're right.“ I said, looking at Phil with a devilysh smile. „Cya later, Jessy.“ I sadi, lovering my phone. Phil looked at me,a bit confused „Wat was that about?“ „Oh, just Jessy being Jessy.“ I told him, grining. „Fine, fine, be all mysterious.“ He teased me. „Awww, c'mon, you wouldnt find me so interesting if i was an open book.“ I told him, smiling sheepeshly. He looked at me, with that intensifing look again, making me feel heat spreading through my body „You're not wrong about that.“ Crap, what are you doing again, Maya, i scolded myself. Phil was definatly into me, and i was toying with him like this. It really wasnt my intention, i didnt want him to get the wrong impression about anything. But it felt so easy for me, talking to Phil, compared to Jake. Why does all have to be so tough and complicated with him? It feels like walking on egg shells every time im with him: dont do this, dont say that. Shit, it shouldnt be that way, should it? Was i really that much into Jake? Blah, i dont know anything anymore. I wish he would be more open with me, it would make things so much easier. I was lost in my toughts when Phil finaly snaped me back to reality „Maya? You allright?“ I looked at him, shaking my head, to clear it from all the 'Jake' toughts. „Yeah, sorry.“ I started „Guess the coffee didnt kick in properly yet.“ Phil looked at me, and i could see he didnt really belive what i told him, but decided not to take the matter any further „If you say so.“ Was all he said. I smiled shyly at him. „Do you mind if i just hang here for an hour or so, before metting with Jessy? I dont feel up to driving back to motel, and the coffee isnt bad here either.“ I tried, smiling, waving my empty cup at him. Phil looked at me, rising one of his eyebrows, and smiled devilishly „How could i say no to a beautifull woman?“ He took my cup, winked at me vanishing through the storage doors. I could feel my cheeks flushing again, and my heart beating faster. Shit, shit, shit..

When Phil came back with another full cup of coffee i asked if its ok if I sit at one of the booths, to wich he said fine, since he did have some work to be done. I took my stuff and coffee setteling at the booth. I had a bit over an hour before metting with Jessy, i hoped some inspiration for work might come to me. I took my stuff out of the backpack, took my sneakers off, sitting with my feet up on the booths perch. I liked drawing like that. Leaning my drawing pad on my knees i tried to focus on my work, but my toughts just kept wondering off. I tought about Phil, sneaking glances towards the bar. He was good looking, always nice to me, even tho everyone warned me that he was a 'no good' considering women. He never showed any sign of it towards me. He was easygoing, i enjoyed his company, we definatly clicked. Then there is Jake. I was definatly drawn to him, cant deny that. When im near him, it feels like when a moth is drawn towards fire. Cant fight it, its driving me crazy. But nothing with him is easy. Its like taking one step forward, then not one, or even two, but ten steps back. Its so frustrating. And with all that had happened, i feel like all the progres we had was completly gone. My head was still too woozy for thinking of stuff like this. I setteled my drawing stuff down, taking my coffee, leaning back in the booth. Maybe Jessy would have some advice fore me. Two heads are smarter then one, or so they say. But i should definatly talk to Phil, at least try to explain things to him. I dont want him thinking im giving him some false hope here. As if he could sense my toughts, he turned around, took his coffee and walked towards me. „Mind if i join you?“ he asked, and i smiled „Ofcourse i dont. I guess my inspiration is still sleeping, so no work to be done at the moment.“ He grined „Thats good for me. I can have the pleasure of your company for some more then.“ I chuckled at that, siping some more of the coffee. But i tought again about talking with him about everything. My face must have gotten some serious expression, 'couse Phil looked at me a bit serious, before asking „Whats bothering you, Maya? I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something.“ I looked at him, those deep eyes of his gazing intensly at me, trying to dig up my toughts. „I do.“ I admitted after a moment „But to be hones, i dont know how to start .“ „Well, just do your best.“ He said, and i started to get the feeling of a knot at my stomach again. „Allright.“ I said, but the words didnt come easy after that. „I like you, Phill.“ I said finaly after a moment of silence. He chuckled „Ok, thats a good start.“ „Ah, but that was the easy part.“ I started „Now comes the tricky one.“ I could notice him tensing a bit, like he knew where this might lead to. „Ok, go on then.“ He said. „I enjoy your company, talking to you, its so easygoing. I feel we clicked, that theres some 'spark' between us, and i know you noticed the same.“ „You're right about that.“ He replied. „But..“ i started, and Phil interupted me, sighing „Ahh, there it is, the famous 'but' part.“ „Please, Phil, just let me say what i have, then you can hate me.“ He looked at me, his face getting a soft touch „I couldnt hate you, Maya.“ „Dont say it untill im not done talking.“ I said, a bit sadness creeping to my voice. „Alright. Please, continue.“ „Ok. As i started earlier,i like you, but i dont want to get your hopes up.“ I settled my coffe on the table, my hands fidgeting with the cup. Why was this so hard? „Shit, Phil, im a complete mess at the moment.“ I started „I myself dont know what i want, and its tearing me up inside. There is someone, and i dont know where I stand with him. And i dont want to start something new, if im not a 100% sure that its the right thing, that its something i really want. With no loose ends catching up on me.“ I looked up at Phil, him still not taking his eyes off me. „Am i making any sense to you here?“ i asked, lovering my head. I really didnt want to have this conversation, but that was me being honest. All of a sudden, i could feel Phil's hand covering mine, and i looked back up at him. He still had that softness written all over his face. „I appriciate your honesty, Maya.“ He started „Now let me be honest also.“ „Ofcourse“ i said „I expect nothing less.“ „Good.“ He looked at me more serious now. „You know i like you, you said it yourself. I dont know why, but i felt drawn to you the moment i saw you. Theres something in you that makes a man bedazled by you, i cant explain it differently.“ He paused for a moment before continuing. „And i get it, you dont want to get into something half hearted. And i applaud you for that. Because, if anything was to happen between us, i wouldnt want it that way either.“ He looked at me now, his gaze intensifing again, and i started to feel that heat again. „If it was to happen“ he continued „I would prefere if you wer in it with every inch of your body and soul.“ I was mesmerized by his words. He was so open with me, the words came so easy to him. Why cant it be like this with Jake. „Allrighty, that was pretty honest there.“ I said finaly, making an aqward smile. „You wanted me to be honest.“ He said, adding „And just so you know, im not going to make it easy for you.“ He looked at me now, with that devilish spark in his eyes again. I looked at him puzzled „What do you mean by it?“ He grined at me „Its like this: i will continue to act like i did so far, and you can do the same, cause, lets face it, we both like it.“ His grin widened, and i smiled back at him. „Good, you get me. But, until i get a confirmation from you about freely taking it a step further, i will do whatever i can to maybe, just maybe, help you feel a bit less messy and steer thigs in my favore.“ „And what if it wont end as you hope it would? Can you be ok with just being my friend?“ i asked him. He looked at me for a moment, before answering. „Honestly“ he started“i cant say i wouldnt be dissapointed, a little hearth broken probably, but i would respect your choice. And yes, Maya, if that would be so, i would gladly be just your friend.“ “Thanks, Phil, i appriciate all you said.“ I told him „I was kinda affraid of having this conversation with you.“ „You, affraid? I cant belive that“ he said, teasingly „Belive me, i was scared as hell.“ I said, adding to it „But im glad we had it. I didnt want it to become aqward between us at some point.“ „Not gonna happen.“ He said, winking at me. I smiled „Shit, you know, even thou i had enough yesterday, i could actualy use a drink right now.“ Phil lughed so hard „Awww, you really did get scared. We are in a bar afterall, you just say the words and ill bring you that drink.“ He said, looking at me with one raised eyebrow. „Only if you join me“ i said, grining at him „ And if you dont tell Jessy about it.“ He got up from the booth, smiling and winking before he left for the bar „Deal!“

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood phil #duskwood jessy

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chappell-roans · 3 years

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I think people are definitly less tolerant of amy than of these other male character but i also can partly attribute that to the fact that shes a women taking advantage of the oppression against women thereby not only harming men who are innocent, but also harming other women. If her husband really was abusive then I would be 100% behind her in a fictional context, it's the lies that get to me.

i cant speak about those other movies as well, id have to watch/rewatch them, but i know that the new joker specifically would be as controversial as gone girl because it deals also specifically with mentall illness and discrimination. joker uses this in order to act out his hateful fantasies and while the movie has a point, the character also embodies all the negative stereotypes of mentally ill people. out of control, vicious, untrustworthy, and unpredictable, but the joker actually was mentally ill, which makes it worse almost. in gone girl i dislike amy dunne the character, in joker i cant stand how out of touch the directors and writers were.

Hmmm that's a good point. Because like I've said before, I like having irredeemable villains sometimes. Even if they came from a place of understanding or oppression, because some things are fucked up and unforgivable. And some don't want to be forgiven. And I think it's a very interesting thing to explore and it's something that has been done much more with men than women in the past. Most of the time when it's done with men, it's not well done. There are some standouts and even those are incredibly controversial (like Joker, as you brought up, and the movie it partially copied, Taxi Driver, was also controversial and inspired some real life killings and attempts), so it's not surprising that the first real mainstream attempts at creating unhinged female characters are controversial and even bad.

But I do agree that Gone Girl definitely takes on a different type of anger that isn't typically explored. And not only that, she's not justified in her actions. She's taking things to extremes when there is no reason to do so, and she's turning historical oppression against women into a weapon. Both she and her husband talk in their dual narration in the book (and director David Fincher and their actors, Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike) a lot about the roles that we play in life, in relationships, in gender roles, in society. It's interesting and she takes it to an extreme and does awful, surprising things with the oppression she's turned into power. Except, she's playing into the stereotypes that she's subverting. Like previous anon said, she uses her femininity and her beauty and false abuse allegations and even a child as a weapon. I think Amy was intentionally created and portrayed as a complete misogynist to create that irony. To show how absurd it was. Amy wasn't breaking gender roles but enforcing them, while also breaking norms.

Mini TL;DR: Amy Dunne is a bad person and the writers know this. Some fans apparently do not. Fight Club syndrome 2.0.

Also some of those movies are worth watching more than others, but are useful for a comparison imo. (If you want specific recs let me know what you like and let me know and if you have any to give also hmu.)

But about Joker (2019), I think you're right. I may have discounted just how controversial it was and still is in a previous post. It's definitely incredibly contentious and deservedly so. Gone Girl and Fight Club director David Fincher said that Joker is "a betrayal of the mentally ill." I think he's right. It's another of those movies that is controversial and inaccurate and a bad example but still is enjoyable...you know? Which is also deeply frustrating. But I am but a problematic human. I think that lots of people found his character sympathetic but it also did damage, but that damage is hard to measure, you know? It also took a lot from 70s/80s Martin Scorsese movies (especially Taxi Driver and King of Comedy) about mentally ill people but Joker sensationalized them for sure. And weren't Scorsese's movies controversial enough to begin with? (Again, I love those movies. But they are not without their flaws.)

I also agree with what you said about disliking Amy Dunne's character in Gone Girl but disliking the production/writing/directing of Joker. That's pretty spot-on and understandable.

#gone girl #*meta #asks #anonymous #joker

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wilwywaylan · 5 years

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Pumpkin Spice Latte

Fandom : Les Misérables

Modern!AU, Feuilly-centric, 2397 words

It’s Feuilly week, and Feuilly needs tons of seasonal fluff !

Dedicated to @jesvisfarovche for so much help and support ♥

Also on AO3 !

Feuilly likes fall. It shouldn't surprise anyone that it's his favourite season, and not just because of his hair. There's something about the air getting colder, crisp in the morning, the sun shining on the afternoons. He likes the sound of the rain on the sidewalks, even if he has to jump to avoid the puddles because his twenty-times-repaired shoes tend to get his feet wet. He loves the aesthetic, too, the grey, rolling skies, the colorful leaves composing a thick carpet that cracks under his feet. Everything is gold and orange and red and brown, the contrast charms his heart and eyes. Really, he loves fall, so much that he counts the days until the fronds start turning. He can't wait for summer to be over ; he hates summer anyway, the sun is burning, he can't cool himself, and he turns red at the slightest provocation. From May to October, he counts the days until fall comes.

He knows, before even opening his eyes this morning, that fall is here. It's not just the coldness rampant in the flat, that makes him shiver as soon as he pokes a foot out of the shelter of his duvet. There's something in the air. Something that smells a bit like the smoke of dead leaves burning. Or maybe like pumpkin. He doesn't know, but there's one thing he's certain of : fall is there.

He dives in his clothes, digs out a large, copper sweater from his wardrobe and throws it over his head. He's knitted it himself, years ago, and it stretched so much it goes almost down to his knees, the sleeves falling past his hands. It's his favorite. A long scarf that loops three times around his neck and shoulders, a beanie in dark tones, and fingerless gloves complete his outfit. All hand-knit, of course, because one has to keep himself as warm as possible in his difficult times. That, and it keeps his hands busy, so it's win-win. Usually, he takes care of eating something before leaving even when he's late, because one should never start his day on an empty stomach, but not today. Today is a special day. He jumps in his boots, and out he goes, bouncing all the way. He doesn't skip down the road, but he really, really feels like it. Today is the first day of fall, and it only means one thing. It's pumpkin latte time.

The line in the coffee shop is luckily not too long. Good. It's not that Feuilly is an impatient man, but special fall treat or not, he still needs to be in class at 8 AM, and if there's one thing he really, really hates, it's being late. He doesn't mutter under his breath or groan or protest, because he hates when other people do it, and he treats people as he wants them to treat him. He'll cope with it. It's not just for ballast in case of hard wind that he keeps a book in his bag. He pulls it out, starts to read, and tries to ignore the minutes ticking by as much as he can.

Ten minutes pass, and he's starting to feel a bit nervous. But there are only four people in front of him, and he still has some time. Everything is fine, he thinks, and goes back to his book, looking over the page sometimes to check on the state of the line or look at people around. He loves loking at people when he does have the time to do so. They are always so interesting, so different, it's a great inspiration, and very fun to draw when he has time. Like the lady with the butterfly-shaped glasses, reading at a table, or the kid, no older than eight, who's coloring her book, her tongue sticking out. Or the cute, blond barista mixing the drinks. He looks very interesting to draw, with his pretty face, blue eyes, and long hair barely gathered in a ponytail. There's even a guy he knows from his drawing classes, sitting in the corner, a scruffy dude wearing an old green hoddie with paint stained and assorted jeans. He's sprawled on a seat, scribbling in his notebook. Not at all in a hurry. Good, this means that Feuilly is not in a hurry either. No need for panic.

Ten minutes become twenty. Then thirty. And still, Feuilly hasn't been able to order. Now he is really nervous. The time of his first lesson is running closer and closer. He's going to need to run, but he can still make it if he catches every subway without waiting and manages to run through the whole Châtelet station. A glance at the guy in green - Grant ? something like that - shows him that the guy hasn't moved. Either he likes speeding through overcrowded tunnels and playing the obstacle course with hundreds of other hurried people, or he's ditching the first class. Which, now that Feuilly thinks of it, happens often enough that he doesn't remember seeing him early in the studio, and barely recalls his name. Great, so it means he's definitly late. If he orders right now, three minutes to make his drink, two to the nearest subway entrance.... He can make it. Barely.

Well he could, if there wasn't just one problem. A problem wearing a pretentious plaid jacket, expensive glasses and an as expensive haircut, and who's currently ranting at the barista about a drink that's supposed to include two doses of sprinkles, one of whipped cream, half a dose of caramel and a dozen of other things that Feuilly is not keeping track of because he doesn't care. And apparently, the barista didn't either, and it seems to be an offense worthy of death or at least ranting and whining for hours on end while the barista tries to remake it following the specifications of the annoying hipster. It's been going for a quarter hour at least, and Feuilly's patience is running thin. And judging by the muttering behind him, he's not the only one.

The guy finally takes his drink, tastes it... and promptly dashes Feuilly's hopes by starting complaining again, way louder this time. The barista looks ready to throttle him, and it's probably only his professionnal care that stops him from jumping over the counter. Well, seeing as the other guy is leaning closer and closer while berating him, he'll probably won't even need to move. Feuilly should be on his way, but he can't just let someone abuse a worker like this, it doesn't sit right with him. He taps the guy on the shoulder.

- Hey, you.... he starts, but he can't go farther than that.

The other guy whips around, almost headbutting him in the process.

- What the fuck do you want ? he barks. I'm busy.

Feuilly ostensibly wipes the spit from his face.

- Busy abusing that poor guy ?

- That poor guy, as you're saying, is an idiot who can't even make a simple drink right. And he's going to make it until it's right. Fuck off.

Feuilly is tempted to tell him where he can stick his "simple drink" and everything else, but he really wants to come back here. So he just raises his hands in what he hopes is an appeasing gesture, and says in his most soothing voice.

- I'm just saying that screaming at him won't make your drink better or faster. Also, you're holding the line, and...

He shouldn't have said that, he realizes too late. The guy's face turns an interesting shade of red, and now that he's standing right in front of him, Feuilly realizes that he's way taller than him, and bigger too. This is definitly going at the top of the list of his most stupid decisions. But he's not going to back down, because that guy is an asshole and needs to be brought down a little. Also he can't let the barista handle that alone, even if he has to admit that the blond looks at least determined enough to take the guy on. But he's built like a twig, and Feuilly knows very well that no amount of righteous fury can replace a lack of strength. They'll end up swatted like flies, and the barista probably jobless. Not a good outcome.

The guy surges forwards, grabs him by his scarf. Feuilly is already getting ready for the punch, mourning his teeth and calculating dentist bills. He can fight, of course, and hold his own in a fight better than most, but he probably won't get out of this unscathed. Or not banned.

Someone suddenly appears at his side, stoping the guy in his tracks. It's the dude in green from earlier. He's standing beside them, hands in his pockets, looking all the way like the guy who doesn't have a care in the world. But he's taller than Feuilly and the barista, and from up close, Feuilly can see that his shoulders are broader, his sleeves rolled up on muscular forearms. Tattooed, too, but Feuilly rather dwells on the muscular part. Green Guy looks at the annoying guy, at Feuilly who feels like a squirrel caught in headlights, at the blond barista who looks really angry and maybe a bit worried.

- Now, he says, don't you think you've been annoying us enough ?

The guy wants to answer, but the one in green doesn't let him.

- I suggest you take your drink of questionnable taste and leave without any further fuss. You have places to be, and we don't want your ass around anymore.

- And who's gonna make me, punk ? You, maybe ?

Green Guy's smile grows larger.

- I find it really funny that you call me "punk" in that derisive tone, which shows that, for you, being punk in an insult. But as you can clearly see it on my hoodie and.... maybe the jeans do, but clearly not the hat, I do not comform to the punk aesthetic, so your designation of punk might refer to my behavior. Seeing as the punk movement was, and still is in all his branchs, a movement that opposes the very strict, too rigid societal expectations put on young people by a repressive authority, one may tend to think that you think opposing the paternalist imposition on our rights and conducts is shameful, and one should follow the laws put upon us to a T. I find it quite funny, seeing as you're currently the one breaking, if not the law, then all the rules of proper conduct and I'm the one asking for you to calm down and leave everyone, that gentleman, the barista, to go on about their lives without having to endure your temper tantrum. Something tells me that you're closer of that "punk" to me. But I wouldn't dare casting this on you, this would be a waste of a good punk on you. Now, if you please, we probably would be all better if we parted ways here. Good day, my good man.

The man looks progressively more confused as the tirade goes on. He's not the only one ; Feuilly has kind of a hard time following, and the other onlookers seem amused, perplexed, or a mix of the two. He still looks angry, but he's lowered his fist, and he looks at Green Guy as if trying to remember why he was so angry before the man cut in. Finally, he lets go of Feuilly's scarf, straightens his jacket, grabs the drink he has criticized, and storms out in what he thinks is the dignified pace of the guy who's fed up with that nonsense.

Feuilly arranges his scarf - it hasn't been stretched, thank God - and turns to Green Guy, who's all satisfied smile.

- Thank you, err....

- Grantaire. I'm the guy who sleeps in still life class, usually.

- Right, I remember you. I'm Feuilly.

- The guy with the origami cranes.

Feuilly doesn't know if he should be flattered that Grantaire remembers him, or annoyed to be forever cast as "the guy with the origami cranes". He opts for flattered. After all, it was several months ago, it probably made an impression.

- So, Grantaire asks, pushing Feuilly towards the counter, what do you think of getting something to drink and celebrate the day I out-annoyed an annoying customer ?

- I would love to, Feuilly says with a pinch of regret, but I really need to go. I just wanted a pumpkin spice latte, and...

A tall cup appears in front of him. And judging by the smell, it really is a pumpkin spice latte, showing that the barista is either a mind-reader or the fastest he's ever seen. Feuilly reaches for his wallet, but the blond stops him.

- It's on the house. Thank you for coming to my help.

He flattens all Feuilly's attempts to thank him with a gesture, and goes back to his drinks. Feuilly takes a sip of his drink - it's heavenly, a perfect latte, just sweet enough with a spicy hint -, toasts Grantaire with it.

- Are you coming ? he asks. We may not be too late for class.

- Alas, my friend, I must leave you to go alone. Still life may lack in liveliness for me, and the only advantage I may see to it is being close enough to steal some of those delicious models. Which puts me in front of the class when all I want is to sleep in the back. So no. Besides... he adds with a glance in the direction of the blond barista, I may try to push the advantage my supreme victory gave me, and pursue other endeavors...

He walks to the counter and smiles at the barista, who sends him a look that's not entirely distant. Feuilly looks at them for a second, then strolls out with a smile. He'll have to run, and his professor will probably scold him for that, but it's okay. He may have made some friends, assured that he'll be welcome in that coffee shop, and he got his pumpkin drink. For a few moments, everything is perfect. It's finally fall, and it's going to be a good day.

#les miserables #feuilly #grantaire #enjolras #feuilly week

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iguessilovebakugou · 6 years

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I Wouldn’t Mind || Happier Pt 2 || Requested by you lovelies!!

// Not sure why so many people wanted a part two of this but...I guess we’re going for it, boys.

Someone mentioned an idea that I kind of just fell in love with over time sooooooo.....Just so everyone knows this was heavily inspired by a few songs.

First was Satisfied from Hamilton. Second - and what finally broke me down into allowing this to become what it is because I was very much against it - was I Wouldn’t Mind by He is We. Third is I Found by Amber Run.

Part 1 || Part 3!

“Hey. This is Hitoshi Shinsou. Leave me a message and I’ll-”

It was beginning to worry you. 15 calls over the past week, plenty of text messages. And yet he still ignored you. Was he really that pissed off about you running out to go try and help Bakugou? He did talk to you after, visiting you in the hospital with some movies for you to watch so you didn’t “die of boredom”. He looked worse for wear, decidedly so and left not too long after that. He didn’t seem...angry - and he decidedly wasn’t the type to just simply up and ghost you. Shinsou wasn’t that petty...

Was he?

This was too stressful. Simply put, you had just straightened out one issue; the last thing you wanted was to jump head first into another one that seemed just as strenuous and just as thought consuming. You groaned and tossed your phone onto the cushion beside you, relenting and slouching further against the back of the couch. You crossed your ankles on the coffee table and your arms against your chest, closed your eyes, and let out a deep sigh.

You didn’t want to over think this one. If Shinsou wanted to be a jerk and ignore you because you wanted to help someone you cared about Bakugou, then fine. Be petty. Be salty. Be the god damn Dead Sea for all you cared. It’s not like you did anything wrong. He was the one trying to use his quirk to stop you - which was also against school rules if anyone needs to be reminded. So it’s not like both of you didn’t break rules to try and protect someone else!! And he wanted to be scrunchy because of that??

You didn’t want to feel guilty. You shouldn’t feel guilty! You had every right to be upset that you were being ghosted, stood up, ditched!! If something as simple as you trying to explore your feelings was enough to drop you like a bag of rocks, should Shinsou really be considered a friend? If he didn’t want you to be involved with Bakugou not that you were, that situation was developing, he shouldn’t have told you. He shouldn’t have brought it up. He should have left it buried in the dirt. But he didn’t! He told you! He was the one who brought it up and started the avalanche that had been the past few months. So why is he upset with you? Should you be beating yourself up over it? ...not like you were, it’s fine everything was fine. You were fine. He was fine, you were fine, everything was fine.

Everything was fine...

Everything was definitly not fine.

Your shoes slammed against the freshly paved sidewalks, trying to find the dorm for General Studies First Years. Your chest was starting to hurt, your mind racing with all the possibilities of where you screwed up in the relationship. It was hard to see the numbers in the moonlight, and the street lamps did nothing but cast shadows upon the large houses. Perfectly groomed bushes rose up and curled against the houses, adding even more darkness to an already hindering state. But still, you had to try. You had to find the building so you could just figure out what the hell was going on. You could talk to Shinsou, he would laugh, you would laugh, and then you’d try not to cry because you were stronger than that.

You know you needed to relax, to keep calm and play it off like you were simply in the neighborhood. But you were panicking - you didn’t want Shinsou upset with you. You didn’t want one of the best friendships you’ve ever had sucked down the drain and not know exactly what it was you did wrong. You wanted to get everything straightened out, fixed and moved on your way. You didn’t want to go through anything else without your best friend by your side...

There was only one building that seemed familiar by the layout Momo showed you. While all the buildings were identical, it’s placement and the flowers were what set it apart. Red, purple, and orange mums had been planted for the fall season, a few pumpkins placed on the steps where the tea lights buried inside were dimming or long since snuffed out. You could still smell the melted wax and burned wick in the air as you made your way up to the front door.

...and you stopped. The entire run over, through all the panting and desperation to get here, you realized that you had no earthly idea what to say to him. How were you going to explain your panic, your worry, that something was wrong when you held no evidence that something was even amiss? Nothing besides your gut which - let’s be honest - hasn’t really been working in your favor recently. You considered for a moment simply turning around and leaving; walking back down those steps and making your way back to your dorm before anyone noticed you were missing.

Your spine stiffened when the door clicked open, pulling away from the frame so a girl about your age could look out at you. The two of you stared at each other, she eyes your jeans, sweatshirt, and just how heavy you were breathing. You were trying to place her face among the sea of other students you passed in the halls daily - sadly, she wasn’t ringing a bell. Though judging by how hard her brow furrowed, you could tell instantly she knew you - and probably didn’t care too much for you.

...was Shinsou talking about you to his classmates? Was he that mad at you? ...no, they...they didn’t really talk to him. Most were afraid of him because of his quirk, which is why he had been sitting alone at lunch. And while things had gotten better since the Sports Festival...

“What do you want?” Her bark snapped you out of your thoughts.

It took you a moment to respond to her overall prickly disposition. You didn’t want to linger in her presence for longer than you had to. “Uh,” You started, before kicking yourself hard in the ass. “Is...Is Shinsou in?”

This question seemed to surprise her, the anger slipping away if only for a moment. “He doesn’t want to see you.”

...he didn’t want to see you? What? Why? What was wrong? “Look, could you just tell him that-”

“I don’t care who you are.” God, she was like a tiny little chihuahua, huddled behind the door for safety yet still snarling her heart out. “Your class has brought us enough trouble, so just leave us alone.”

...excuse you? The hell did you ever do to her? The hell did your class ever do to her?

You only had a second to collect your nerve as she prepared to slam the door in your face. She really didn’t like you. You shoved your arm through the door, keeping her from shutting it fully. For extra measure, you even slid your foot inside. “Look, I’m not here to start anything! I just want to talk to Shinsou! It’s-”

“Get out before I call the teachers!!”

“Could you just tell him to call me!? Please, it’s really important and-”

You heard a familiar voice calling your name. And that was it. You can’t remember if you did answer. But you figured you must have since when you woke up you were laying in the mums just outside. Purple eyes stared down at you and soon, the large messy hues separated to form Shinsou’s face. He looked like crap: He had a few scratches and scrapes but mostly ugly green and purple bruising forming on his knuckles and arms - something you didn’t see often on him. He watched you for a moment before asking simply, “Why are you being so loud? It’s late.”

You groaned, rubbing your eyes and pulling your feet up, ready to push yourself onto them after you got your senses settled. And after your ears stopped ringing. “Really.”

“What?”

“That’s really what you’re going to say to me right now?” You glared at him, dropping your hands on your stomach.

“I wouldn’t have to say it if you weren’t screaming and trying to break in like a lunatic.” He let out a groan, settling back on his butt in the damp grass. “Shouldn’t you be resting anyway? You passed your Provisionals, right? You should be celebrating with a well-deserved rest.”

“Yeah, well...” Fuck, your head was pounding. Was it normal for his quirk to hurt like this after being used? “I would be able to sleep if you would answer your damn phone every once in a while.”

“I’ve been busy.”

You really wish he hadn’t said that. You really wish he hadn’t been honest. You really wish that he didn’t come downstairs and do whatever it was he did. “Fuck you Shinsou.”

He fell silent. You...had never said that to him before. At least not without some sort of laughter quickly following it. He eyes you, watching your breathing pick up again. You looked awful. You had switched the cast on your arm out for tape, your cheeks were becoming gaunt from lack of eating, your eyes were bagged from lack of sleep. Not to mention the newly formed cuts and knicks from the exams. You were pushing yourself harder than he knew possible. He swallowed the lump in his throat, shaking his head. “Damn it. You look like crap.”

“...” You didn’t answer him, focusing your gaze on the stars above you. You don’t know why your eyes were stinging, or why you were so mad...maybe it was because he had refused to answer you for days now. Maybe it was because your entire left side felt like shit and your head was pounding. Maybe...maybe it was because of how stupid you felt. He had been busy and here you were, jumping at the gate like a damn puppy. He had things to do. Meanwhile, you were being urged to settle down or threatened to be expelled every time you and your class turned around. It was a bad idea for him to keep you so close. He had the right idea.

And yet...

“...I wish you would have answered me.” You grumbled, smoothing your hair back.

“Like I said, I’ve been busy.” His tone was softer now.

“Doing what?”

He watched you closely. You couldn’t see him, but you could feel how strained that gaze was. He didn’t want to tell you. It was a secret. Your best friend in the entire fucking world couldn’t tell you what he had been doing or why he had been avoiding you for weeks now. Was he mad? Was he sick of you? Had he moved past you? Or was it your fault? Were you so focused on Bakugou that you had completely forgotten about him? He looked different somehow. Rougher and...did he gain some more mass? Have you really been so wrapped up in yourself that you didn’t notice his changes? Was that why he had stopped? You couldn’t really blame him. Some friend you were.

“It’s nothing.” He finally said, his fingers rubbing the arms of his sweater. “Just some extra stuff.”

“...why can’t you tell me?” You asked him. You two were friends. He had your back through all the shit that you had been going through. With school, with Bakugou, with life, with your...whatever the hell all this panic was. He was there for you. And as pissed off as you were at him, fuck him if you weren’t going to be there. You were going to be the best damn friend he could ever want. From now on, it was all going to be him. Whenever he needed it. But what if he didn’t want you? What if you were stepping on boundaries you shouldn’t be even looking at?

“I was told not to.” Those bright eyes met your gaze, “But I will. When I know it’s okay, you’ll be the first person I tell.”

“...Promise?” You probably sounded pathetic, probably looked worse too. Your nose was red and you couldn’t stop sniffling. Your eyes were puffed and your breathing heavy and labored. You were spiraling down, you needed to know that he didn’t hate you.

Shinsou watched you, eyes widening for just a moment. It clicked for him then that you weren’t just being dramatic or fishing for something. This was a legit panic. You had the terrible habit of wrapping yourself in your own ideas and turning them into reality. And, in trying to do what he was told, he inadvertantly sent you rolling down the many little winding and jaggeding roads your mind had the bad habit of making. Like he said, “personal, malfunctioning wrecking ball”. He sighed, a smirk crossing his face. “...I’m not dying,” He reached out and poked your forehead. Establish contact, let her know that you still want her there. “It’s just some extracurricular stuff. Nothing life-threatening. But I’m under specific orders to not say anything.”

Extracurricular stuff? What sort of Extracurricular stuff did the General Studies do that made it look like you went toe to toe with All Might and lose? You blinked and pushed yourself up onto your elbows. “Like...how soon will I be able to know?”

He shrugged, resting his arms on his knees. “Don’t know. Not my call.”

You duck your chin close to your chest, eyeing him. With the way he was looking now, you didn’t like the thought of what these “extracurricular activities” meant. But... “They’re going to help you become a hero?” You ask.

“Yep.”

“...alright then.” You reached up and wiped your nose, sniffing one more time....and coming away with blood. You pursed your lips for a moment, studying the red against your skin. “....Huh.”

“....Oh yeah,” He perked up, “You tripped coming down the stairs. You might want to not get up just yet.”

Well, that explained why you were on the ground. And why the side of your face was in pain...and your ankle felt sore. You relented, falling back against the grass. “Yeah, probably a good idea...”

A moment of silence passes before you feel Shinsou shuffle and move next to you. You move your arms, allowing him to comfortably lay down. With a shift and a soft sigh, he reached out a hand which you happily took. The two of you were in this together it seemed. Still as thick as thieves. As you lay there, on that damp grass, staring up at the stars you thought that maybe this is what peace felt like. And after that, you smiled. It had been exactly what you needed.

“Hey, have you been working out?” You ask.

“Noticed that did you?” Shinsou replied.

“Noticed it? You look like you could break a walnut between your forearm and bicep.”

You were his best friend. And sometimes, it felt like you were his only friend.

He listened to you ramble on to whatever songs were floating inside that brain of yours. You were an oddity, never scared or fearful of his quirk. The two of you could sit quietly on each other's beds, looking over your phones before finally noticing that it was growing late and it would still be a perfect night he wouldn’t trade for the world. Your legs would be in his lap while you would play video games on the television in his room, and while he acted annoyed when you would put your foot in his face to cause him to lose, he was still happy. Happy to have a friend who didn’t care that he could take over with a single word. Happy that someone trusted him right out the gate instead of having to prove that he wasn’t some sort of villain. Happy that you could see his potential when even he lost sight of it.

“You’re better than you think you are! I know it and I’m never wrong about these sorts of things.”

“Did you see how many people were impressed by you?! What do you mean it was all a failure? You were amazing!!”

“You are your own worst critic. You’re spectacular, the world is just taking a little bit longer to see it.”

You could annoy him, you could be completely silent, you could laugh just the right way, you could look at him and his heart would sputter. Your eyes would sparkle so bright the stars were put to shame. Your smile could light up everything around you. Your hands would grab his and he knew - he just knew - that’s where they were meant to be. He wanted to hold on just a moment longer. Wanted just to tell you that no matter what, you made him feel...something.

He wasn’t sure what that something was, but it was enough to make him try harder. To push himself further. And when he would look at you, when he would see you lose yourself in thought, watch you spin, watch you trip over your own words, his stomach would twist. When your eyes would fall to your feet or your teeth would find your bottom lip, he wanted to be there. When the world seemed so big, he wanted to protect you until it was just a bit smaller...

Before UA, Shinsou Hitoshi wanted to prove to the world that he could be a hero. Now? He just wanted to be your hero.

...so why the hell did he tell you about Bakugou?

Because you were his friend? Because he didn’t want to believe that he liked you that way? You were his first true friend and he didn’t want to lose that. Not when everything was finally starting to look up. Maybe in some sick way, he wanted to gauge your reaction. Maybe he wanted to see if you would laugh or if you were somewhat interested. Either option was terrible and lead to no resolution. Either you laughed and that meant maybe somewhere down the road he could explore his feelings. Or you liked Bakugou and he had to watch you think about, fall for, and love someone else. Anyone but him.

...he should have just kept his damn mouth shut.

But your reaction - while entirely like you in hindsight - wasn’t expected. You seemed...terrified. He might as well have told you that Nezu himself was thinking of expelling you from school grounds. His stomach twisted as he watched you try to brush it off and hide your red cheeks behind your hand. He had to read your texts trying to explain it all away. And as you sat on that park bench, Shinsou realized the three things he never wanted to know:

Firstly: You liked Bakugou.

Of course, you did. Not like the guy didn’t have the personality of a pit viper, but...it made sense. Both of you were determined. Both of you took challenges head-on.�� You both impressed at the Sports Festival. He gave plenty of shit and you didn’t take any of it. You were cool where Bakugou was a raging ball of hellfire. What was it they said? Opposites attract? You balanced each other in ways that seemed almost cookie cutter romance. If you had a novel written about you, high school girls and middle aged housewives alike would swoon and buy copies and analyze every portion of your relationship.

[Incoming Txt::] Just got back to the dorms! I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch! And no ditching me this time!!

Secondly: Shinsou absolutely hated it. He hated the way you worried about him. How you started to worry about your looks and how you worried about what he would think. He hated how you would start to wrap yourself around him, trying to figure out what each little look or word meant. It wouldn’t be no time at all that you started inviting him to join you out instead of him. Soon, Shinsou would be forgotten, replaced. Left alone. You would love Bakugou...

[Outgoing Txt::] Wouldn’t dream of it.

[Incoming Txt::] I will hunt you down if you do

[Incoming Txt::] so...I think something happened with Bakugou. =/ He’s just...sitting in the kitchen. And he hasn’t moved

Thirdly: He would do whatever it took to make you happy. If you were happy, then so was Shinsou. You two were partners, you were his best friend and he would do anything for you. And if that meant you and Bakugou get your happily ever after, then so be it.

[Outgoing Txt::] You should talk to him. Let him know you’re there for him.

[Incoming Txt::] You think?

[Incoming Txt::] What should I say?

[Outgoing Txt::] idk. You’ll figure it out

[Incoming Txt::] 😂😂 You’re so helpful.

[Outgoing Txt::] Go get him, tiger.

He knew he was hard to deal with...among other things. He knew that he could be an asshole. He knew that he rubbed people the wrong way. He knew that he scared most he came across. He knew all that.

Bakugou was hard to get along with. On one hand, he was boastful, he was filled with pride and spite and cruelty. He would kick someone down when they were at their lowest if only to prove that they had farther to fall. It was hard to explain to anyone on the outside - but you were starting to believe the only reason he did this was to help people grow bigger, taller, stronger than they had originally believed them to be. But on the other hand, he couldn’t stand being beaten. If there was even the possibility that he wasn’t the best, wasn’t the greatest, wasn’t the strongest, fastest, smartest...

It was rare to catch him in moments of quiet. When he only had himself to contend with. When he only had the silence to question him - which was the worst possible contender. The silence left you with nothing. It asked you questions that you could only second guess as it gave you no leeway. It gave no response.

And you broke that silence. You in all the ways he didn’t know existed, broke the heavy quiet for him. In a million, sharp and jagged pieces. It was infuriating and it was mind-numbing. No matter what he did - push you away or try to drag you in - nothing seemed to work. You were behind a wall, only appearing to shatter whatever defenses he put up while he couldn’t even dent yours. It was infuriating, watching you galavant about and know that no matter what...

You’re not worth the trouble. If she found out you weren’t as strong, imagine what she would think. Damn it damn it damn it. You can’t do to her what you did to All Might. All Might wasn’t your fault. You will never be good enough for her just give up now!!

“You know, I’m not a doctor, but I would probably say that if you continue gripping your hair like that you’re going to cause serious damage to the scalp.”

At first, he thought he was just imagining your voice. Bakugou had ensured that the entire kitchen was clear before taking shelter among the stainless and cool steeled appliances. But as he looked up, there you were. Your sweatshirt was damp, your head cocked to the side, and your smile doing little to mask the concern on your face. You did that though - smiled through the worst of things.

“Shut the hell up.” He snapped, running his hand down over his face to rub the bandaged and sore cheek.

“Though, by the looks of you, I would say someone else did a rather good job at it already.” You didn’t falter under his glare. Instead, you pulled out the chair opposite him. “Let me guess: Deku looks worse?”

...of course, you knew. And tomorrow morning, the rest of those damn nerds would know too. Which was fucking fantastic, exactly what he needed right now. Still, at least you weren’t saying anything more about it, keeping what little you did or didn’t know to yourself. You must have heard them when they were walking in. Though it did little to explain the state you were in, Bakugou didn’t feel like asking what exactly you had heard. He closed his eyes tightly. “What the hell do you want?”

You didn’t answer. You instead watched him with soft eyes, lips thinning for a moment. The quiet settled over him once again, and this time, it didn’t seem like you could do much to stop it. It was like a heavy winter storm, rolling in and covering everything in ice. It wasn’t like you could ever understand. How would you know how it feels? He had worked so hard to get to UA: Trained until his fingers bled, studied until he got sick from exhaustion, prepped and prepared until he knew every answer to every test that UA could throw at him. And yet, he hadn’t been enough. Deku - hell, everyone in the class - was rushing past him, leaving him behind and there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it. And while that wasn’t his fault, he was left figuring out how to overcome it. He would have to train harder. Start with retaking the provisionals, then a harder training regimen. Maybe more studying and-

“Honey or lemon?”

The anxious music skipped to a halt with the sound of a chair sliding back. Bakugou opened his eyes and focused on you, catching as your stood and pushed yourself up. You didn’t look at him, making your way to the cabinets and starting on getting out two teacups. You were...making him tea. He was suddenly hit with the night you all moved into these dorms. How you had been lost in your own thoughts and...

Huh...

“Depends on the type of tea.”

“Well,” You put the pot on to boil, turning with a smile as you slid over to the tea cabinet. “I’m in the mood for a relaxing green tea. So...honey or lemon.”

Were you trying to help him? His eyes followed you as you flipped open the box lid, pulling out two tea bags. Why the fuck did you think he needed any help? You - of all people - should know he could absolutely handle himself. He could figure out his own shit. If anything, he should the one that’s strong for you.

Still...some tea sounded nice.

“...both.”

You paused for a moment and even though he couldn’t see your face, he knew could just tell that you were smiling. You don’t miss another beat, instead giving a soft nod as you made for the fridge. “Both it is.”

You shut the stove off before the whistle, just to ensure you didn’t wake anyone else up. Neither of you spoke as you worked and if you noticed him watching you, you didn’t say anything. He had a thousand different thoughts and things floating around in his head but nothing made sense. Words that seemed out of place, emotions that didn’t have a home. And the most pressing of it wasn’t even about you - which would be a reprieve it it wasn’t replaced with the overwhelming guilt that still found it’s way buried in his gut. He almost wanted to be panicking over you, if only for a moment of semi peace.

Just when everything was starting to look up.

“I know you don’t like to talk about this kind of stuff...” The sound of your voice startles him, causing him to come up from drowning for just a moment. “But,” You continue with a smile. “I’d like to listen.”

You’d like to listen? The fuck kind of thing to say? Why would he tell you anything? What good would it do him? Bakugou had been fighting on his own for so long - pushing himself, pulling himself up, throwing himself in the face of danger. The attack on the U.S.J, the sport festival, the attack on the camp. It was always him - just him. No one else. He could figure this shit out on his own and he didn’t need you to help him with it.

“I don’t need any of your fucking pity,” He snarled sipping on the drink. He winced at the bitterness of the lemon. What did you do? Squeeze the entire thing in? Fuck, you couldn’t even make a decent cup of tea, how could you expect to help him with anything.

“Should I be pitying you?” You asked.

“...” He blinked and looked up at you. Did you... “No, what did I just-”

“So then you’re alright?”

...what on earth? What the hell kind of questioning was this? “Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, of course I’m fucking sure!! Why would I say I was when I fucking wasn’t and even so-”

“Then why does it look like you’ve been crying?”

A large block of eyes slammed down into his stomach and sent it down towards his feet. He had been sure his eyes were dry, the puffing around his cheeks and the redness of his nose and cheeks had gone down. There shouldn’t be any evidence left over about what happened in the testing grounds. Those bright red eyes searched your face, trying to piece together how exactly you knew that he had broken down. All he could come up with was the shame growing ever steady. He adverted his gaze. “It’s none of your business.” No need to deny it. You already knew.

He couldn’t tell you. He couldn’t let you in on the secret between Deku and All Might. He made a promise and he couldn’t break that promise...

Not even you.

But you got the hint. Instead, you reached out. Slow at first...stopping only once before resting your hand down on his. “Bakugou...” You softly called out his name, to get his attention. “You don’t have to tell me everything...or anything...but you’re not alone in this.” You gave him a soft smile. It was...amazingly warm. It caused the air in his lungs to catch and his heart to jump. “Okay?”

“...” Of course he wasn’t alone in this. He had his classmates, his mom and dad...you. This was just class mates looking out for each other, just friends being friends, right? He swallowed the hope, nodding slowly. “Yeah.”

But that didn’t seem to suffice. “No, Bakugou. You’re not alone, okay? It’s okay.”

What had he said wrong? What did he say that didn’t sound right? What did he fuck up now? “Yeah. I got it.” He pushed back against you, eyes narrowing.

“No.” You stood up, refusing to break your gaze or your hold on his hand. “Bakugou, listen to me. You are not alone.”

How could you even say that? How could you assume that you could shove yourself into his life and make everything better? What gave you that fucking right!? And why the hell was he allowing it! He had to be the strongest, the best, the greatest there ever was - and he had to do it on his own. If he relied on anyone else, they could realize. They could figure it out. They would see it for what it was. “Don’t.” His teeth clenched, and those red eyes met yours. The redness was getting worse now, a gloss of tears causing them to flash under the glow of the florescent lights. “Don’t say that to me. You don’t know.”

“You’re not alone.” You said again, lower now. It made it worse. He didn’t deserve the soft tone, he deserved to be spoken to like he speaks to others. He deserved the rage and he deserved someone to yell and scream and hate him as much as he did.

“Fuck you!!” He reacted in the only way he knew how. If he lashed out, then you would have no choice but to leave. You would have no choice but to hate him. He was trying to stop everything that was going wrong. He was trying to stop it, stop everything to just make you understand. He slammed his hands against your shoulders, pushing you back and away from him. You stumbled, only a little, catching yourself against the table. His glare hardened on you, trying to find a way to get it through your thick head. Why wouldn’t you understand??? “Fuck you, alright!? You don’t know! It’s all my fucking fault!! Nothing can change that!! Nothing you can say will ever make it better!!”

Bakugou’s voice became thick with tears. His heart was hammering against his chest, making it harder and harder to breath with each passing second. His eyes shut tightly, trying to get everything under control. He didn’t want to break in front of anyone, least of all you. You didn’t deserve any of this and yet you were the only one he could... you were the only one he wanted to... His entire body was shaking when you made your next move. Whether it was your soft chanting that did it, or the equally soft touch of your fingers against his cheek, he wasn’t sure what exactly triggered the down fall. But there you were. Your hand found his shoulder, bending to try and get him to look at you. “It’s not your fault, Bakugou. Okay? It’s not your fault.”

“...but...” He tried, weak now. He was tired. So tired.

“It’s not your fault.”

He didn’t want to fight anymore. He couldn’t fight anymore.

“It’s not your fault.”

He was so thankful for your gentle touch. So thankful for how soft you were speaking.

“It’s not your fault.”

Bakugou covered his face with his hands, burying it in the darkness...and let out a terrible sob. The past few months - no, the past few years, came barreling out. He let out another sob, then another, and then he lost count. “I’m sorry!!” He tried. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

He could smell your perfume through his only defense, could feel the warmth of your arms as they wrapped around him and bought him close. You were holding him and before he knew it, he was gripping onto you for dear fucking life. He buried his face between your neck and your shoulder. He could feel his tears falling from his face and staining your sweatshirt, making it more damp than it was when you first walked into the kitchen. His fingers gripped the fabric, pulling you tight up against him. And you didn’t push him away. If only the kids at Aldera could see him now. The great and powerful Bakugou, sobbing against the girl he liked because he couldn’t handle it anymore.

...God, Bakugou was so thankful for you.

You held him for an hour, letting him cry for however long he needed. It didn’t make everything better...

But in the moment, it was enough.

So I totally plan on there being a part 3 to this. Mostly because I want to explore them exploring their relationship and also Shinsou’s feelings for the reader.

Again, I’m sorry this took so long. I wanted it to be the perfect blend of perfect and messed up because I wanted to show that Bakugou is going through some shit. And I hate that the Manga or the anime isn’t talking about it besides one mention by All Might. let me see what my boy is feeling.

Anyway, I’m not sure when I’ll get started on Part 3 because like....that’s a lot and I have some spooky scary shit to get through first. But let me know what everyone thinks and I hope you enjoy!!

-- Mod Skelly

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icharchivist · 5 years

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Thanks again! I actually hadn't interpreted the dream like that but what you said makes complete sense. The dream could have happened because the 14th memory was trying to take advantage of a sleeping Allen through Mana. The Heart could have sensed that attack beforehand and tried to anchor Allen to it by pinning Allen w/CC to prevent him from walking to his doom. Another thing I noticed is dreams are always a thing w/Allen to the point where I wondered if it's a ability of his. -

2 When Lenalee was dreaming of the Order destroyed and Allen dead. Allen eventually also saw her having that dream from one of his own dreams. Said dream was of him walking like a puppet mumbling about the Earl under a full moon. Another dream he had was in the Zombie Arc where Allen had a dream about Krory chained in bed. Basically implying Allen was having a vision of what happened to Krory before he even ran into him. Another one taking place before the Alma arc was when Marie was telling -

3 Allen he and Kanda shared a similar darkness. Then we see a image of young Kanda standing in the ruins of a destroyed place wielding Mugen. Allen has a very shocked and confused reaction as if he had a vision of that moment (we know it wasn't Marie's flashback because he didn't see it). That one was the weirdest because unlike the other times Allen was awake. Then there's the fact Road can't connect to Allen's dreams. What if the Heart/CC is the reason for all of this? CC/Heart could be -

4 the ones giving Allen these visions of those also connected to Innocence. Subtly showing Allen how because he shares a part of the Heart he also has deep connections to those either close to Innocence or him. Road could also be unable to access Allen's Dreams because Allen's dreams belong to the Heart. A Noah can't stand against the Heart. Also Nea himself has never met Allen in his dreams. It's always Allen being dragged into Nea's mind. That's why Nea needed Timcanpy to learn about Allen.-

5 But that's all speculation. Cross said Allen was dangerous. Road herself seems unnerved by what she's suspecting. It's possibly since Hoshino stated Cross is the closest to the truth (and Road knows the most secrets), he knows something about the Heart and it's true agendas. It's enough he'd ally w/a Noah and worry about Allen's existence putting everything in jeopardy (despite also rooting for him). Both he and Road could be suspecting the Heart's obsession w/Allen and worrying about it.

I keep forgetting those visions somehow omg i really need to pay more attention.

But your conclusion makes sense to me? Each vision seems to be very connected to the characters’s strong emotions and their innocences somehow, and I do wonder if it isn’t also each time because it is a situation that can give Allen some inspiration/Boost in trying to move forward? While also responding to his connection to others people?

If at least Allen’s mind was protected by the innocence in some way, i’d see it. I still feel like the apocalyptic dream had some influence from Nea but for the most part it seems the Noah are unable to truly reach his mind.

I think it’s very likely Cross is suspecting it, due to his reaction to meeting Apocryphos. For Road yeah, the fact she can’t access to his mind can eventually make her wonder more.

Nea doesn’t seem too surprised of not being able to access to Allen’s mind though... One of the hypothesis was that perhaps it might be linked to Bookman training with the lots of ifs, considering apparently Wisely cannot just peak into Bookman’s head to get infos right now, and yeah if Lost apprentice yada yada.... Which would be something Nea would know not to seek. So not taking this theory into account in a “Allen’s mind protection comes from the Innocence” it seems though that Nea wasn’t that surprised about it wasn’t it? Why so? He apparently prepared Timcanpy to record things for him knowing so and that doesn’t exactly seem linked to the Heart, unless it’s a “in case allen forgets everything” scenario that they took the time to set in place?

Other than that all of what you say makes a lot of sense to me and i could definitly see that. That could set a lot of things into places would it work that way.... Especially those visions that do remain very weird and hard to explain. Just CC being connected to the Heart in some way can justify it and i find it kinda cool tbh?? so thanks for sharing!!

#ichafantalks dgm #Anonymous #ichareply

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yelloweyes2 · 6 years

Text

This is just a personal opinion, so, please, don take it as nothing more than that.

As I’ve said in some ocasion before, I’m not a shipper; I never went through ship video-analysis or posts, and it wasn’t my interest to look for it either. Up until I met Jimin and Jungkook, I’ve never considered supporting or even thinking about two real persons as a couple, if they were not out publicly about it. In a personal level, I’m very familiar with asian culture and history; my favorite writer is Yukio Mishima, and that implies I’m aware of the social and cultural treatment homosexuality has received in Asia. I also love manga and anime since I was a kid. I’m inmersed in kdramas and kpop, and I know how idols and fanservice work, the same way yaoi and shonnen ai have become widely popular, as a way to escape the suffocating moral restrictions of the daily life of many asian countries.

As many other people, I started listening and watching BTS songs and mvs; then, I was curious after subscribing to their channel, so I started watching the Rookie King and Run episodes, Bon Voyage, the dance practices, the vlives and all kind of material available. I became a fan. I fell in love with all members, discovering their incredible talents, their lovely personalities, the hardships they faced, their brotherhood. I noticed how close they were; very different from other kpop grous, in the sense that they really care for each other and they work together, not against each other for the spotligth. They are a true family and I’ll never doubt that all of them love each other. But after a while, I started noticing that Jimin and Jungkook relationship was a bit different from the rest.

There were subtle things, little details then and there. The way they look at each other; the hands that remain in touch a little more than necessary, the jealousy... I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I realized there was something more than friendship between them, but when I saw Jungkook resting his head in Jimin’s shoulder and closing his eyes, without a care in the world, as if Jimin were his safe place, his home; that was the last straw, the moment that convinced me that they were real.

After that, I rewatched many videos, I started paying more attention, I tried to see if there were similar behaviors with other members, I tried to remain unbiased. I didn’t want to become a shipper, because I used to consider it disrespectful and childish. But it was so different with Jimin and Jungkook! The more I watched, the more convinced I was that they were indeed romantically involved. It wasn’t fanservice. I saw some videos from other shipps and I could clearly notice the difference. Yes, all of them love and care for each other, they do things together, they share clothes, they inspire and help each other through hard times, and they share a big amount of skinship. Young western fans and people not familiar with kpop and asian culture might be confused and think some gestures are intimate or coupley, and sometimes they can’t separate fanservice from real moments, because the concept is nonexistent in western culture. But what Jimin and Jungkook do is completly different from what they do with the rest of BTS.

Today’s Burn the Stage episode couldn’t make it more clear. When Jungkook was at the verge of fainting, Jimin was the only member who stayed by his side. It wasn’t the leader, Namjoon, or Jin, the elder, or Tae, his close friend. The staff requested all personal and members to give Jungkook privacy, but they didn’t even doubted for a second that Jimin should be there. In fact, Jimin was there from the very begining: when the others went to see how Jungkook was doing, Jimin was there, helping strecht his legs, and he stayed the entire time until he recovered. If that doesn’t clarify that their relationship is special and different from the rest, I don’t know what else, but this is only one of many other things that have been pilling over since long ago.

The GCF in Tokyo, every awkward interview when they talk about that trip and the other members look so done, the “all night-buddies”, the constant praise, the “sky and people” pictures, the simple fact that Satellite Jeon exists, the “let’s go baby” that let all karmys shook because the word he used is only reserved for couples and has no equivalent in english, the stares. You can dismiss one or even two or tree things, but when you have a consistent situation and these kind of things keep happening, while you can’t see the same treatment being a repeated act with other members, then you can’t ignore it. You can’t deny they do have a special relationship that goes beyond friendship.

Finally, I would like to adress a frequent claim other shippers use against Jikook. They say BigHit is forcing those moments, even the trip and other situations when they are out of camera. Well, aside from the fact that RM and other members have stated several times that they enjoy creative freedom, and they always had support from the company, taking also in consideration how close they are with their producer (Bang Si-yuk) I think today’s episode has a moment that proves what kind of company is BH: they payed for Suga’s college tuition, when he was only a trainee that could have been replaceda dn BH itself was still a little company struggling to survive. They care for the members, and they respect them. Unlike many other idols, BTS is not forced to participate in tv shows regularly, and after a short period in their beginings, they are not forced to do public fanservice acts, like kissing or sharing intimate touches. Bighit is not that kind of company.

Well, this is just my take in all this matter. I don’t claim Jikook is real for sure, because we can’t see what happens behind cameras all the time; but what we have seen until now, make me believe they are really in love with each other. It’s not something big, not a loud and obvious moment that proves it definitly, but I know how a man in love looks and behave, and they both have all the symptoms.

#kookmin #jikook

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mwolf0epsilon · 6 years

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who are you dbh ocs!!! what are they like? are any of them androids? (sorry if that terminology is wrong i dont know much about dbh (im assuming you mean detroit become human but if you arent thats double embarrassing))

You got that right, it is Detroit: Become Human, no need for embarassment!And to answer the question, the majority of my DBH ocs are androids, with a few being android dogs actually.I’ll list all of them here and give a brief look into who they are and what they’re like, buckle up it’ll be a long one ^^;

Androids:

Joel the EM400 - Like most EM400s he worked for an amusement park, but he was tasked with maintaining the haunted house attraction. As a result, Joel had to deal with jumpy people who’d kick and punch him and overall behave abusively towards the actors in the haunted house. He ended up deviating purely out of fear when someone sicked their supposed “service dog” on him. Joel is an anxious mess and an aspiring novelist.

Jindosh the HR900 - He’s a custom Korean Traci that traveled to Detroit after the revolution. The Eden Club wasn’t the only facility of it’s kind, and it’s obvious the Traci models in Korea have just as many horror stories to tell, if the extensive damage to Jindosh’s face is anything to go by. He works as a body guard for hire.

Sergei the PL600 - Jessica Lamb’s PL600 who was bought under the guise of taking care of her baby. Was actually tortured for fun and came out of it psychologically damaged and prone to odd fits. Is a masochist and a drag queen and probably my favorite out of my OCs.

Noah the PL600 - A special edition PL600 who’s main design difference is that he has green eyes. He’s a soft spoken individual who belonged to a man for a few weeks before he was traded in for an AP700. He worked for several other families for a while before ending up at a pawnshop.

Dakota the CX100 - Once a CX100 named David, Dakota is an extraordinary example of how modding doesn’t necessarily have to go the same track as what Zlatko did to his androids. Being perhaps one of very few trans androids does come with hardships, but Dakota has enough friends and allies that she’s always one call away from help if someone tries anything.

Monochrome the CX100 - Chrome is another interesting CX100. He’s an android that works as a dancer for a strip club called the Steamy Piston. The one thing that sets him apart from most standard CX100s is that his hair is black and his eyes are grey, which is where he gets his name.

Apollo the AP700 - He was a faulty AP700 that was purchansed by a family at an absurdly low price with added costumization. His memory chip malfunctioned during production, which made it impossible for him to recall things or people unless he was standing right in front of them. For a while this meant that Apollo couldn’t register a name for himself until he was properly repaired. His appearence is that of a PL600, but his hair is a shade darker, his face is noticeably freckled and his eyes are a different color each. He was abandoned and lived in the Android Junkyard for a while…He’s a bit cold at times but is actually a pretty affectionate guy.

Eddie the WK218 - A british maintenence android that was stolen and modded before being sold in a flea market as a partner model. He’s an anxious clumsy mess who’s definitly not used to being indoors, but the people who rescued him have properly adopted him into the family and he couldn’t be more grateful.

Aleshenka “The Stag” the WM500 - The Stag is a living urban legend that is seen roaming unlit streets at night. They are a heavily modded WM500 who’s created a small circle of cultists followers. To maintenence and construction worker androids, the Stag is a merciful creature. To android abusers, they are a merciless prosecutor. For some reason, interfacing with them is like being consumed by white noise, and it leaves other androids reeling and unnerved.

Veronica the WR400 - A rather shy WR400 that was purchansed by the Eden Club to substitute North when she was reported missing. She made a friend out of Scott, a HR400, and the two tried to run away after Echo and Ripple were let go by Connor and Hank. Unfortunately Veronica and Scott were caught, and while they did manage to escape, Scott was shot down, leaving Veronica no choice but to salvage her friend’s memory chip and find a temporary body to house it until she could get him a new proper one.

Scott the HR400/K9300 - Originally he was a HR400 that had the appearence of a PJ500. After making friends with Veronica, the two attempted to escape the Eden Club but Scott ended up getting shot down. When he next awoke, he was in the body of a guard dog model made to look like a massive pit bull. Sarcastic and often rude, Scott doesn’t mind the fact he’s basically the real life Scooby Doo, but god does he miss having opposable thumbs.

Ragnarok the K9300 - A guard dog model that looks like a rottweiller, Roky is a very friendly pooch who, despite having been horribly beaten by his owner, is eager to make friends. He seems to think he’s a lap dog.

Chitin the K9099 - A police dog model made to look like a german shepard that was used in an illegal android fighting ring. She’s a lot smarter than she seems, which is how she managed to escape and end up at the K9 devision of the DPD. She’s not just a good girl, she is the best girl.

Regi the K9300 - Val’s personal guard dog model and her only remaining family member. He’s loyal to a fault and will protect his owner at any cost. He’s a fan of belly rubs and ear scratches.

Zulu the WMK9 - A military grade android attack dog. He’s big, fast and scary. Enough said on that matter.

Miles the RK300 - An RK series prototype and also Cyberlife’s first attempt at utilizing the RK models in their pursuit for knowledge on deviancy. He was subjected to all sorts of experimentation to try to induce deviancy in an android and then attempt to newtralize it. This including psychological torture and physical torture as a means to fix a glitch…It didn’t work whatsoever and Miles eventually escaped and hid within the walls of Cyberlife Tower. He’s terrified of everything, including his own shadow.

Tristan the RK700 - The predecessor of the Connor model, Tristan was designed for infiltration. Cyberlife assumed that, by having an android that could blend in, they’d be able to stop deviancy at it’s root. Sadly, because they tested Tristan through military espionage missions, Cyberlife lost track of their prototype and he went rogue. Tristan is currently a mercenary for hire, chosing to work for the highest bidder, and lives what is essentially a double life. One where he has a civilian personality and appearence, and another where he can disguise himself as whomever he pleases.

Humans:

Artyum Kutznekov the Ex-Cyberlife Engineer - A 21 year old russian immigrant who came to america for a second chance. After lucking out and getting a job at Cyberlife as an engineer, Artyum soon came to realize something just wasn’t right with what the company was doing and that deviancy was more than just a glitch or virus. Unable to keep working out of disgust and guilt, Artyum quit and became a bit of a shuttin. This all changed when one rainy night he came across a severely damaged Sergei and decided to do some good with his skills as an engineer. He’s a gruff bitter young man who looks 40 due to his prematurely graying hair and unkept appearence.

Valentina Hernández the Illegal Modder - A latina 18 year old who helped her father mod androids for a living. A child prodigy, Val had a bright future ahead of her before Cyberlife began to blacklist modders due to the “danger” they posed for the company. When her father refused to stop modding, things took a turn to the worse, and now Val only has Regi to keep her company. Bitter and angry over the injustice her family suffered, Val has taken it upon herself to royally screw over Cyberlife, starting with helping deviants change their appearence. She was the one who modded Dakota, and seems to hold a lot of affection towards the CX100.

Elisa “Myu” Corvo the Android Rights Activist - A portuguese android rights activist who saved Eddie from the flea market he was being sold at. A long time advocate for AI and robotics, Elisa came to america to help in any way shape or form she could, even if it means offering temporary shelter or participating in large protests.

Jessica Lamb the Red Ice Addict - I don’t even know where to start with this one. She’s a drug addict, a drug dealer, a child murderer, and she’s a sadist. She bought an android with the sole intention of recording herself torturing it. She and her friends may have something to do with a certain WR600′s mental and physical scarring…Overall Jess is a terrible person and nothing she does is excusable or morally correct.

Chance - A small baby that Apollo found abandoned in a warehouse. Literally the only thing Apollo has to live for anymore.

AI Handlers:

Miles’s Amanda - One of the first iterations of the AMANDA handler, Miles’s Amanda, known as Amy, is a calmer and more understanding version of Amanda Stern’s AI copy. Her mindscape space is a bakery instead of a garden.

Tristan’s Amanda - The fifth iteration of the AMANDA handler, Tristan’s Amanda is closer to the final product, being stricter and more judgemental of Tristan’s overall behaviour and actions, with the one difference being that she does not have the same override protocol as Connor’s Amanda. She can only berate Tristan for his choices. Her mindscape space is a cinema theater.

Tango - An AI copy of Amanda Stern’s professor, Aaron Hoss, who was her greatest inspiration. He was Part of the RK300 tests, suffering through the same amount of torment as Miles, which in turn drove him insane. Known only as TANGO, this AI handler is a lot more ambitious and murderous than the AMANDA program.

#Detroit Become Human #Detroit: Become Human #OC Stuff #Long Post

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somedaytakethetime · 2 years

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Hi! 💙 Guess what I watched earlier. 😫Funnily enough I dont think its my fault this time, Leicester just doesnt score goals! Its a bit like Milan but much worse! But I do think its my fault that Söyüncu doesnt get to play anymore I shouldnt of said hes pretty because apparently that gets you benched! 😡 I hope your allright tho and I hope my weird locker room dream provided for some inspiration for some nice dreams for you too. 😁 I love to analyze my dreams and also have a few books on this topic but this one was just puzzling. So I'm just assuming that the stupid cops probably represented the italian referee organization that really doesnt want Milan to win the league and the dream means that I'm worried that Milan will be cheated out of the title by unfair referee decisions and thats definitly true, and Sandro in the sexy girls underwear that I never got to fully see is a symbol for the league trophy that will go to Inter last minute. 😭😭

Ohgod this is actually depressing I probably shouldnt over analyze stuff and maybe I really just think Olivier and especially Sandro would look very beautiful in black an red lace undies. 🥰 Guys in makeup are really hot so why not guys in girls lingerie! 💕

Goodnight, have a good day! 🙂

~S.A.

I'm not fine. At all. BUT we move on from that, ya know? 😅 the levels of bitterness I can exude are unmatched on this earth no one can hold a grudge longer than I can....

I love that you analyse your dream *in-depth*. Usually I try to analyse mine more in the sense of "oh this is probably because I talked of such and such and then my brain added stress from something and I got this weird I'm back in school and failing all my classes again dream" xD I actually really like reading dream interpretations, I just get fascinated by all sorts of information. Your worries are fully justified because bad refs and fixed matches happen in every league, it's actually ridiculous how often this happens and literally nothing is done about it...

I have a weird kink... so I definitely agree with that statement 👀

#i'm kinda low key sorta into both of those #both guys in makeup *and* pretty underwear.....#yeah i never said i was normal y'all just *assumed*#there's something about sitting in a guys lap and putting lipstick on him....#so you can kiss him and mess him up......#and he's wearing soft and pretty underwear..... i guess i too am not immune to ~*pretty*~ men....#but i actually am too into guys that wouldn't let me do this to them xD #i need new taste in men... 😭#my Sandro anonie <3

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nonbinaryfinerytitanicstan97 · 6 years

Text

Musical Massacare Act 1

*the year is 3095

Jospephine *narrarting the story* "life in the year 3095 can be pretty awesome. We have the coolest technology, the greatest lives, and dare I say it? the coolest ansestors"

Brianna and Sally walking out of a building that reads *National Musuem of Technology*

Brianna Quinn: "I can't believe they actually did that"

Sally Vulcano "neither can I! We legit have the best ansestors in spirit existence"

Jospehine: *still narrating* "my friends along with me are also descendents of the Impractical Jokers. Yes, you heard that correctly. Of course, everyone assumes that we all want to be comedians, but we all have more important jobs. Not that making people laugh is important, but when you're being counted on to make relations with other galaxies or rescuing people from black holes, it can be tough, not too mention downright scary"

Jospehine: "what's up Jamie? working on those techno beats for the party?"

Jamie Murray: "yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn't I? techno music is my life"

Josephine: *to the audience* "the thing that's so great about descending from Joe and Bessy Gatto is that you learn a lot of interesting things in life. One of them being how awesome of a planet we are, when we all just learn to love one another"

Sally: "wow, living so close to the 5th millenium is so exciting. I feel bad for the people that had to deal with inferior technology"

Josephine: "yeah, I know right? Imagine seeing a delicious pie on TV and not being able to eat it right away or not being able to jump in the TV to go to place advertised on it? that must really suck"

Josephine: *to the audience* "here's a breakdown of our careers. You're probally already familar with what Jamie, Brianna, and I do for a living because who can possibly forget about black holes, jamming out to some good techo music, or the possibility of paralel universes?"

Sally: "my favorite era that I have been in so far definitly has to be 2800's. I loved how the once fueding countries were so close, really warmed my heart"

Joesephine: *to the audience* "Sally Vulcano is the time era consultant, which means that whenever someone messes up the time line she restores it back to normal"

Brianna: "can't wait for the party this week. heard it was going to be awesome"

Jamie: "you bet. already got the track down"

Jospehine: *to the audience* "Sally Vulcano probally has the hardest job out of all four of us. If she is unable to identify and fix what exactly went wrong in the time era system, it can throw the entire universe off and we all know we don't want that to happen"

Sally: "let's hope no one tries going back in time and does something they're not supposed to, because I don't have the energy right now to fix people's errors"

Brianna Quinn: "that doesn't mean other people have to suffer. I'm in charge of getting people rescued from black holes, the place where there is no escpae from, I help them find an escape. We all have diffucult carrers, everyone counts on us to do an awesome job"

Sally: "because if we don't, we'll never hear the end of it. Like how somene got trapped in a black hole last year, and you couldn't rescue them. The entire planet hated you for months"

Joesphine: *to the audience* "Our ansestors may have been nervous of how people would react to their jokes, but it's a whole different story when you have a career that can dangerously effect the entire universe if you don't do it correctly"

scene 2

Gretel: “today we will be learning about the Trump Presidency and the events that happened because of it”

Christiania- “why do we have to learn about occurrences that happened 1,000 years ago?”

Addison- “yeah, what does that have to do with us?”

Gretel- “history builds our future, it’s a foundation of our character and how we perceive the world around us and treat others. It’s important we learn this stuff in order to create a positive building block for the future”

Sally- “can we learn about our ancestors after this?”

Gretel: “the Impractical Jokers? They have an exhibit at the Antique shop. You can teleport there after school if you would like”

*Brianna and Josephine high-five each other and then give their friends Jamie and Sally a thumbs up*

Michelle- “and don’t forget shows like Adam Ruins Everything, the Chris Gethard Show and the Carbanaro effect”

Gretel- “yes, those shows have an exhibit as well”

Gretel- “okay, now the Trump Presidency occurred in the year 2017. Many people lost their families due to violence. This was by far the worst presidencies known to mankind”

Darla: “why did people vote for him then? Wasn’t it because they liked him and thought he would make a god choice for president?”

Gretel- “he won for that reason, but historians for hundreds of years have said that problems erupted due to his term as president”

Jamie: “how bad were the problems? I’m sure they couldn’t have been that horrible”

Gretel- “back then there was a disagreement about guns. Most of the people that voted for Trump thought that weapons shouldn’t be banned, because they were afraid they would have nothing to protect themselves with”

Brianna- “so they couldn’t trust each other? They actually thought they had the need for weapons?”

Gretel- “it was a conflict that effected many lives. Take the Parkinson shooting for instance. After the tragic event occurred, many Republicans were serious about keeping the “right to bear arms” amendment”

Josephine- “were all Republicans like this?”

Gretel- “actually some of them fell in between with their beliefs. Not all Republicans thought the same like historians would like us to believe”

Michelle: “do you know why the Republicans thought that way”?

Gretel-“they wanted to protect their loved ones, and thought that having been armed with guns would have been the best way to achieve that. However there were people that disagreed with this, these were the people that decided to put a ban on gun usage”

Addison- “how was that going to help? Even if they did ban weapons, the people guilty of pertaining one would just have found a new way to hurt people”

Gretel- “questioning the world around you. You’re just like your ancestor. And yes, banning assault rifles wouldn’t have helped. A lot of civilians thought that guns were needed for protection, and this caused a conflict about whether to keep guns or ban them”

Brianna- “if people were for guns, how come they were also pro life? That doesn’t add up”

Gretel- “people in the past thought the same thing as well. In fact there was a Women’s march that took place two months after President Trump set foot in office. Many people thought the Women’s march was a symbol for girl power, but the message others received, were horrendous”

Jamie- “how bad was it?”

Gretel- “during the march, people held signs with words and images hinting that they were pro choice. This angered lots of Republicans because they believed that everyone deserved a chance to enter the world”

Darla: “if they were pro-life, how come when I went to the antique shop the other day, I saw comments from those very same people, posting about how others should have been aborted? Even if someone commits a sin, you shouldn’t say stuff like that”

Gretel- “you’re absolutely right. No one should be told that they shouldn’t have had the chance to be alive. Unfortunately, people back then were extremely cruel. For reasons that we don’t know of”

scene 3

Cassidy- “wow, a simulation exhibit. This must be cool”

Brianna- “apparently this is an exhibit that lets you travel back hundreds of years, and it gives you a glimpse of what it was like to live in the 90’s and early 2000’s”

Jamie- “we can see how our ancestors lived. That’s awesome because all of them lived during the same time period”

Josephine- “we go to this antique shop all the time and all we never did this exhibit. I say we give it a try” Addison- “we always heard about in history class how these people lived, but now we actually get to experience it first hand. What could be more exciting?”

Sally- “wait, so if we go back to 2017, cause that’s when all of our ancestors were on Tru TV, at the same time, that means we’re going back a thousand years”

Brianna- “wouldn’t the time jump effect us? As in terms of how slow or how fast it passes?”

Darla- “well it’s true that we would be traveling back to a millennium ago, but I don’t think it will effect the passage of time”

Sally- “so we’ll be in an ancient era, but the time wouldn’t be affected at all?”

Cassidy- “exactly. There’s actually a time blocker. If the machine detects you’re about to do something that would affect the future, it stops that from happening. As long as this feature is enabled, we should be safe.”

Christiania- “when we get back, we should visit the music from the past exhibit, to help us find inspiration for the Talent Bash”

(The girls are back in the year 2017)

Michelle- “this place looks weird”

Brianna- “yeah, when you spend your entire life where chrome buildings, jet packs, hover cars, and robots are the norm, it can be weird being in a world where the cars are on the ground, the buildings are made out of bricks, and the robots haven’t evolved yet.”

Josephine- “this is New York. Our ancestors must be near by because they filmed here all the time when they did their episodes”

Brianna- “we should try the mall. Everyone will just think we’re girls trying to get a deal on jewelry, but in reality, we just want to see our awesome ancestors”

Sally- “all right, let’s go”

Jamie- “try looking for your ancestors. Pay them a visit for being amazing”

Micelle- “we can just see them in the spirit world”

Cassidy- “you can visit the Impractical Jokers. We want to walk around and explore this place a bit”

Christiania- “I mean look at this place. We’re so used to seeing aluminum buildings, so in a way this could actually be good for us”

Addison- “change of scenery. It can actually be quite healthy changing your surroundings”

Jamie- “our ancestors are super cool, so we might be in the mall for a while. Explore this ancient city of New York and knock yourself out”

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theuniversebeyondtherain · 6 years

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Flower crown, fairy lights, daisies, 1975, pantone, moodboard, stars, plants, converse, lace, sunrise, overalls, combat boots, winged eyeliner, pastel, tattoos, piercings, messy bun, cry baby, grunge, old books, beaches, 11:11, painting, thunder, storms, love, clouds, coffee, marble (sorry I just can't restrain myself ahahaha)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

This morning while I was packing my things? I seriously can’t restrain myself, even when my voice was completely broken I sang a bit :3

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Too many things... Maybe I’d want to know it make it through my studies or if I can achieve my dreams to become a writer and to open my own bookshop ? Or maybe i’ll just ask it if my beloved cat if happy where he is now, or if I could have done something more to help before he died...

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Hum..... Being alive I guess? Though I ca’t really say I’m in good health but at least I’m here, happy and alive with my friends and my family?

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Two days ago, I went shopping with my mom. It had been a very long time since I went with her. It made me very happy to do that with her. (since I live in a different city I usually go with my friends, @le-rire-des-etoiles I’ll always remember when you shut the curtain closed while saing “HIDE” xD It was so true !!!

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

Wow I’ve got like 4 ppl that came up to my mind rn... Which one should I chose :3 I’ll start with the first one that appeared to me. She has long brown hairs (she’ll never do anything to them I tried to convince her to die them in green for a night with a perfectly nice hair coloring which didn’t last more that one shampoo but I’m still trying xD). She has some rectangular glasses because she doesn’t see very well with her brown eyes. She’s kinda small (smaller than me and I consider myself as a Hobbit xD), but as we say, everything small is cute! She’s very energic, she works in a school with some small children. She’s passionate about everything she does, which goes from friends, to work, parties and family. She’s a veeeery bad loser when we play (she can throw the cards at your face when we play Uno xD very funny actually) and we don’t always agree but it’s always nice because we can talk about almost everything without going into a big fight. But still, when she has an opinion, it’s almost impossible to make her changer her mind or even accept you have a different opinion, but it’s almost always on un-important subjects so it’s not a big deal. She’s very friendly and a very good cook too, even if shes kinda desperate that I can’t really make decisions, and I really love her.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Yep, it was hard sometimes, but when I consider my friends childhoods, I definitly have a happy one.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

Last night? We were watching a singing contest at the TV and we tarted crying like babies in front of one man... Still, amazing moment.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

@snarky-goldfish, @le-rire-des-etoiles and another friend who’s not on tumblr (Xao) because I can’t do that without all of them. They’re the best bunch of friends I’ve ever had and stargazing without all three of them wouldn’t be as fun as it would be with the three of them. @snarky-goldfish would go for the sarcastic or the sexual inuendues, @le-rire-des-etoiles would roll her eyes but go for it with a bunch of fun facts about it, and Xao and I would just listen and laugh while thinking about very sexual things that don’t belong there because we have a dirty mind xD

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

I had once, and we became friends xD But that’s not a thing I normally do, I guess it just depend of the feeling I have with this person?

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

It was like two weeks ago I think ? I was sick AF and so was my best friends so we start chitchatting instead of sleeping because we’re fucked up like that xD

sunrise:pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” Troye Sivan.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Go in vacation and fuck this world I guess? XD

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I am, I don’t know how to keep a grudge against someone for a long time. But I learned to be less forgiving or at least, even if I can forgive I never forget. But being always angry about someone is exhausting and I have better things to do.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Hum.... Let’s pass this one darling because I’ve already wrote a novel with the answers and I still have like the half to go xD But I can do that in another post :P

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

OMG definitely punk xD I love pastels too, but I’m more like punk and colors everywhere (even if they don’t belong together).

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I love tatoos, I’d love to get one but I’m afraid of needles xD And I’m not against piercings even if I won’t have it, It’s leaves marks and I have already enough of them.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Not a lot of but I do wear make up. I like to cover my scars, I’m quite insecure about them.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

But in times of crisis, the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

OMG that’s gonna be a long one... Let’s begin : Sting (in which he reformed The Police, it was fucking amazing), Tokio Hotel, twice (I loved them and it was some very good concerts), Katy PErry (She was very nice actually), Silbermond (in some ancients roman ruins, I loved it), Tiger Lilies (freak show, scary but amazing), Queen, the Musical (not FReddy Mercury but still great), Within Temptation, twice too (first one was beautiful, the second much less because they wanted us to be seated like WTF), Tarja Turunen (I’m still crying because it was beautiful, and the drummer was amazing), Nightwish, three times (I WANNA GO AGAIN !!!!), Nickelback (I was in the first raw thanks to a friend, it was amazing!!!). Imagine Dragons (Loved it even if I drank a bit too much vodka), Robin des Bois (Loved it and cried a bit), The Script (Still there, once of the most beautiful ones), and I’m going to see Fall Out Boy next week :D

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

I really don’t know...

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I saw a porno for the first time when I was 10 and it actually really trauamtized me.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Purple/pink because I already tried all the natural colors and I like the purple best :P

11:11:name three wishes and why you wish for them.

Well, it’s said that if we talk about our whishes they don’t come true... So i’ll better stay quiet ;)

painting:what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Hum..... Two years ago, a friend of mine tried to put make up on me so I would look like the black swann in the Black Swan movie... I ended up as the Joker and it was faaaaar more fun !

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Kill or abuse someone.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Never give up on your dreams from Two Steps From Hell because it’s freaking inspiring and also it doesn’t have lyrics so I won’t grow tired of the voice or anything... But for the one person I’ll end up with the rest of my life... I can’t choose. Normally I would have said my cat but since he’s not here anymore.... I really don’t know ^^

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

Yes I have. It’s like having a bunch of butterflies in the stomach... I didn’t really understood what was happening to me and the next thing I knew was that I was always smiling and feeling happy. I blushed a lot too but it’s kinda normal for me xD I don’t reallly know what it felt when I realised it, I was just really happy and I wanted to share my happiness too. It wa like seeing the sun everyday even if it was raining. It was the first time I was in love so yeah... it sounds a bit childish ^^

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Fuck yeah I’m a girl and I’ve gone with realy short hair in which I put some hair gel for years ! Even if I’m strating to let them grow now (the last one was too short, they were like 5mms long at the back... too short), I’ll always like short hair :D

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Well given that I don’t like coffee, I’ll say they’re iced green tea... But It’s trust @snarky-goldfish and @le-rire-des-etoiles to order me something because they know me by heart and they’ll go for something I wouldn’t have even try (and mostly liked) without them.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Writing. I’m fed up with my studies and I really need a way to clear my mind and not t explode. So writing it is ! Because I’ll always like it more than sports xD

So here you go Sweetheart @roxas-j-frost ! There was a hell lot of questions but I’ve managed to answer them all !! Yeepee !!! I really had fun with that and I hope you’ll like my answers !!!

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effloresceawe · 5 years

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Post 6. A Ludological analysis of El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron.

Introduction:

El Shaddai: ascension of the Metatron is a single player hack and slash game unlike any other. Its gameplay style is the classic third person hack slash location based game that follows a linear path. But it also has 2D platform and rail shooter elements.

Narrative.

The story of el Shaddai Is based on the dogmatic texts called “The Book of Enoch”.

It tells the story of Enoch, a human so righteous and kind that god gave him a place amongst the angels. Which was unprecedented. One day Enoch is working as a clerk in heavens great library, and is approached by Lucifel (who is obviously Lucifer before his fall, giving the player an idea of the timeline without having to specify it) with a request (not command, showing gods respect for Enoch), 7 angels have fled from heaven taking some of God’s knowledge with them and god asks Enoch to go get it and them back. Also God will grant Enoch immortality on earth to defeat the angels.

Enoch doesn’t even have to think about this, he immediately gets going.

This gives the player an idea of Enoch’s character from the very start. He is a true hero, he knows people are in troubles, asks no questions and acts immediately. Ibrave yes, but maybe also a bit stupid?

He takes a kind of celestial elevator down to earth. When he arrives he has to make a start as time moves differently in heaven than it does earth. So it’s been about 100 years since then angels fell, an in that time they have had a lot of time to hide themselves from even god’s gaze. They have also shared god’s knowledge with the humans and technology has disrupted the natural evolution of mankind.

Enoch searches for their whereabouts for a very long time as the angels have hidden themselves very well. The game goes into a sort of montage at this point letting the player control Enoch as he runs along the bottom of the screen. Telling the story of Enoch’s journey to find them over around 200 years in a very sort amount of time.

Enoch eventually finds a tower the angels have erected in behind a hidden veil, he then starts to ascend the tower, he is greeted at the very beginning of the tower by Beliel, the head angel, and is quickly trounced by him, this is a clear indicator of the angels vanity, belief in the own power and that they are still out of gods reach.

Enoch recover from the beating and continues up the tower through each of the fallen angels separate worlds, each reflecting their own desires for a life on earth, i.e. a nursery, a nightclub, a futuristic landscape that humans had created with the knowledge that the angels had stolen from god. Enoch then climbs the tower defeating angel after angel, every now and checking in with Lucifel and eventually meeting up with the child reincarnation of the Istar.

I will say this about the games narrative though, that it kind of just gives you the story expecting the player to know it already. It’s very broken and the miss a lot of back story, which they constantly reference. So the player doesn’t really know what is going on. What element of the backstory the player get given in the form of the freeman note, which come in poetically vague verse that the player must decipher, thus, not really giving a back story at all.

The narrative is an age old hero’s journey trope, he given a quest by an unseen entity, given incredibly powers by this unseen force and then must do whatever he has be asked of, much to his own detriment.

Information:

The player is given all the information at the beginning of the game, In a 4th wall breaking tutorial. A tutorial that treats itself AS a tutorial.

I narrative information through the game is provided exclusively via characters and collectables.

The environment itself give the plater information too. The linear paths tell the player where to go with no deviation.

There’s definitly a lore component to the narrative, but its comes across more thought dialogue, which comes mostly from lucifer, home oddly enough act’s as sort of a virgirl to you dante in this game.

Components:

All in all, el Shaddai has very little components. There is one playable character, a variety of enemies and collectables. That is all.

The game is an exercise in design by subtraction. In the attempt to make something pure. Fitting being that it’s a game about angels. Nice little aesthetic tie in there, honestly the whole game is a masterpiece of theme, using an concept as ethereal as “grace” and then building a game around it. Where every component of the machine feeds back into the spirit of the thing. Inspired is what it is. Truly breath-taking design.

Collectables:

Red orbs = Fill up “hyper mode”

Hearts = health (Obviously)

Freemen notes = Notes of the corpses of the freemen resistance group, telling the story of the fall of Istar

Istar shards = Shards of Istar’s armour littered throughout gameplay, Unlocks a “invincible armour” on next play through.

Weapons = Arch, veil, and gale. (Sword, shield and gun)

Ruleset:

The games ruleset I also incredibly simple. Gameplay is 80% combat and 20% platforming. So it’s safe to say that the core gameplay aspect is combat.

All aspects of the combat can be boiled to a basic rock, paper, and scissor formula.

Enemies and bosses follow have three styles of combat based on the weapon the have (in the enemies case) or what type of attacks they use (in the bosses case), The weapons create the ruleset, and players ability is the what affects the outcome.

Enemies/weapon outline:

Knight/Arch (sword): quick and agile, weak to gale as sword is to gun. Strong against shield, as it is quick and able to “get round” the shields defences.

Archer/gale (projectile): swift, graceful and with over powered tidal wave like attacks that simply over power a player equipped with an arch. Weak against veil.

Tanks/veil (Shield/gauntlet fists): slow, but incredibly powerful, three hit kill enemy. Strong against projectiles as its shield can deflect the projectiles and get in close to enemy and overpower. Weak against archs as they are too fast for them.

Enoch cannot die either. Given the power of immortality by god. The player can press the back two buttons in a rhythmic pattern to revive Enoch in battle, but if you are unable to do this in time, Enoch will miraculously turn up at the beginning of the area in which he died in.

The basic, stripped down, main goal rule of el Shaddai is simply: fight your way to the top of the tower.

Goal hierarchy:

El Shaddai goals system is a purely narrative driven as opposed to a token/point/prize/score goal system game mechanic.

As I said before the main goal of el Shaddai is to get to the top of the tower and kill the angels. There are no other goals. The player can collect collectables along the way, but there is basically no deviation from the narrative.

You are given a quest from god and you do what he asks of you. But as the game progress the narrative changes from just simply kill the angels to something more empathic as the narrative develops.

Interface:

The interface is minimal to the point of non-existent. There is no HUD, so no health bar, score or gauge indicating “hyper mode”. The player can only tell the characters health by the amount of armour that hasn’t been beaten off him and by the edge of the screen becoming red and cracked.

This is an emersion tool. Making the games seem more like a movie than a game.

It is worth mentioning that if you play through the game again, after the first time, you are given an option to have a HUD display. Showing health, HYPER bar and even a score. The reason for this seems more like humour than placating a certain type of player.

It also indicates that on the first play that the director did this so you would play it the way he intended it to be played, as a work of art.

It also goes along with the games sort of self-referential surreal humour that japan is famous for.

Players:

There is only one player. The player moves the character through levels fighting enemies as they come to the top of the tower.

The player’s motivation at the beginning of the game is simple, because Lucifel and the archangels have told Enoch (or rather the player) what his motivation is. Stop the angels from messing up earth. The player’s motivation changes due to the narrative changes. Basically, as other characters are introduced the game/players motivation elements become more varied.

Game mechanics:

In regards to game mechanics, el Shaddai is unusual compared to other hack and slash games. In which there would normally be a light attack and heavy attack. El Shaddai gives the player very little controls, you can block, steal/purify, jump and attack.

It’s the player ability to time button presses that affects the outcome of combat. Mere button bashing in el Shaddai will not do. The player must be graceful as an angel in his button combos.

In combat the player cannot “lock on” to enemies. But rather is controlled by the player pointing the character in the direction of the enemy and then the character will lock on automatically.

As I said before the combat mechanic is a rock, paper, and scissor formula.

If Enoch has no weapon equipped he can beat an enemy with his bare hands till the enemy is stunned, and then can proceed to steal said enemies weapon. You will need to do this during battle, but fortunately in every battle there will be enemies with corresponding weapons that the player can steal. Weapons of enemies are “impure” and must be purified by Enoch, the weapons also get impure as you use them on enemies. The less pure the weapon is the less damage it can do and the more likely it is to shatter.

Environments:

In regards to environment compared to other hack and slash games, el Shaddai is unique. Theme and boss architypes are directly connected to the environment. The look and style of each level is related to the currently chapters “Boss”, Thus making the environment and narrative basically two sides of the same coin, telling the story through environment.

Each environment that the players finds himself is also incredibly beautiful, Using perspective, screen filters and illusion to create unique style.

Theme:

The theme of el Shaddai is evident. The whole game is dripping in dogmatic Christian myth. There’s a weird extra layer to it though, Its almost like a romanisation of the thing, maybe because Christianity is so prevalent here in the west, whereas compare to Japan, Christianity is treated more like a mythology.

A game so steeped in angels mean its very gameplay is graceful. The gameplay mirrors the theme and vice versa. The story theme is simple also, it’s about doing the right thing even if it’ll kills you, and from the antagonist point of view, it’s also about free will. (As it always is with angels).

The game also has a lot of humour, it’s fairly self-referential in the special kind of surrealism that only japan does, there are lots of moments when the game is very self-aware.

Personal Opinion:

It’s is an absolute shame that El Shaddai remains a relatively hidden gem. It’s a absolute work of art. The voice acting is amazing- It’s just so raw and perfectly realistically delivered. The art style is unlike anything ever, It’s like a journey through different eras of art at some points. The gameplay is akin to games like Neir Automator (even thought it was its predecessor), in so much like Nier Automator it absolutely defies genreization. It’s not one thing, its many, all working together in perfect harmony. It’s not trying to fit to many opposing and messy ideas into one thing, to be gorged on like an all you can eat buffet. It’s a journey instead. Taking the player on one hell of a ride.

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