#dedicated to shirts and suits and all that stuff

[likesdoodling]

Remembered Fullmetal Alchemist is a thing recently, so here's Colonel Mustang, aka my shading study of the day~

[dear-ao3]

the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)

Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2

hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long). 

what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.

the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)

and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!

anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.

but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go. 

first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now. 

what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness: 

george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt

fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.

we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory. 

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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though

and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.

also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.

he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting

charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.

oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc

max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.

we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago. 

heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:

lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki. 

lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around

george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged

george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something

max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding. 

and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)

and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip

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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama

haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”

in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.

adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where! 

ferrari? no that would be too obvious. 

mercedes? nah

williams? no too much of a shit show

aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show! 

that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025. 

apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power. 

he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari. 

fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.

by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).

lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:

"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."

mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:

mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical. 

lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….

and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."

max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."

and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can. 

a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile. 

but! there is more! 

daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.

which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.

which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off. 

and with that. the baku lore. 

theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events. 

such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:

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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that

the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully

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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.

speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls. 

then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks. 

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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.

some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right? 

franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying. 

also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say. 

but alas. qualifying. 

i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE. 

so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box. 

max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that. 

slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster) 

charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won. 

and franco has never been to baku before. 

i think that's all the exposition that we need here. 

q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3. 

the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice. 

the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando. 

lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault) 

now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag. 

if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader. 

in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.

and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up. 

q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled. 

in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow” 

and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon. 

max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th. 

and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race. 

steaming on forward to q3. 

we had, for review, in q3 the following: 

both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri. 

right out the gate it was wild. 

“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment. 

everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer. 

here were the standings: 

charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando

and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-

wait a second what is that

could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!

oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk

meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.

and what do you know i have time

so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say

"the williams still has the air box fan in"

"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.

and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:

"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"

alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap. 

franco did tho!

and here were out qualifying results: 

p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex  p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel  p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban 

oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit. 

everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second

onto the race. 

notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.

and so, we head into lap 1.

charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth. 

someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid. 

by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a  spot to nico. 

also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.

and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio. 

yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being. 

franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL. 

lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past. 

george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break. 

on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th. 

and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap. 

several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo. 

“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly. 

mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando. 

and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do? 

they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race. 

remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.

lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits. 

thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo. 

mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!

meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control. 

several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done. 

ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place. 

charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said. 

carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th

this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.

also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.” 

max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not. 

but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”

this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to. 

meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working. 

lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando. 

“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too. 

10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:

oscar

+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george  +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban  +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu 

lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max

at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”

“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct. 

we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.

definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem. 

oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.” 

and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship. 

“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)

meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!! 

but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened. 

what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash. 

the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.

and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:

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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car. 

which meant 

OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP

and george inherited p3! 

and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit! 

“yes!” he whispered over the radio. 

he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating. 

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he also got driver of the day! 

(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)

gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting. 

george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner” 

charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice. 

oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.

and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!

the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled: 

and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them

(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)

george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium

the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:

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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran: 

-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management

-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically. 

-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season

-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)

-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red

-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters. 

-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)

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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now” 

-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.” 

-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram. 

-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.

-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today! 

-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now. 

-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren. 

-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast

and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise. 

see you all soon!!!

[makeyoumine69]

Because the Night

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Patrick Bateman x Male!Reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: When you're obsessed with someone, you can't get enough, even if you're stuck in the meeting room at the P&P office, where someone can walk in at any moment.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: NSFW, implied smut, boys in love, muttual handjobs/masturbation, semi-public stuff (kinda), rough foreplaying, manhalnding, body worship, mild dry humping, dirty talk, both reader and Patrick are possesive, pet names, esthablished relationships.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: Around 2k

𝐀/𝐍: This is dedicated to my dear friend @b4t-cav3, I am so happy for you, dude! You deserve nothing but the best! I was inspired by Coro (feat. Taleesa) — Because the Night which is such a great song! I hope you like it!

𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒: [Masterlist], [AO3], [Wattpad].

The morning briefing was about to start very soon and Patrick Bateman was already sitting in the meeting room, twisting the pen between his elegant fingers, debating with himself whether he was really obsessed with another man. And if he was, would he have to kill himself or both of you? Since simply killing you was not an option—Bateman could hardly imagine his existence without you. Just the thought of being left alone in this fucking world brought an itchy, almost painful sensation of sandpaper rubbing against his gusts.

Patrick hated this feeling, but there was nothing he could do about it. In the end, it was so much easier to sit here, completely alone, and weigh the pros and cons of a secret relationship with another man on the illusory scales inside his twisted mind. How absurd was it all? What advantages could he possibly have as a closeted homosexual like...Paull Allen? Even though everyone seemed to like him no matter what, but then again, Patrick wasn't really sure if Allen was into men, or maybe it pissed him off that he didn't know for sure. 

Frowning, Patrick scoffed, almost throwing the pen to the other side of the table when the door opened with an agonizingly unpleasant sound, however, as soon as he saw you, his mood brightened almost instantly. Yet the man tried to remain composed and restrained. Unlike him, you were somewhat relaxed, the half-finished cigarette trapped between your beautifully shaped lips, which Bateman hated to admit he loved so much that sometimes he wanted to bite them until they bled.

"Morning, Bateman," you were the first to speak, casually shoving a hand into the pockets of your black double-breasted Paul Stuart suit. "Looks like other folks aren't in a hurry."

"Seems like it." The dark-haired man replied curtly, leaning back in the leather chair and keeping his eyes fixed on the fucking picture on the other side of the wall that had been there for centuries. "I don't know why Jean told me to come here so early."

You wanted to laugh—it was really hard to hide your amusement at how annoyed and uncomfortable Bateman was probably feeling himself right now—but your thoughts were already much more salacious. The barely perceptible blush that traveled from his chiseled jawline to the very slope of his neck, hiding sheepishly beneath the white collar of his perfectly tailored Turnbull & Asser shirt.

"Well, everyone makes mistakes." You suddenly added, walking around the large oval table where Patrick was sitting, his hands already clutching its surface with white-knuckled fingers. "Be kind, Bateman, and kindness will find its way back to you."

"Oh, fuck you."

No matter how annoyed Patrick might have looked at that moment, when you finally reached his seated form, you stood right behind him, only to lower yourself and trace a short wet line across his cheekbone with your hot tongue, forcing him to squirm in his seat and let out a breathy gasp. But he didn't flinch. No. On the contrary, the man ducked his neck as if he longed for more touches like this. Was this motherfucker even worried that someone might walk into the meeting room and catch you two doing something like this?

"Don't blow smoke on me like that," Bateman's slightly shaky voice caressed your ears like no music could. "I don't want to smell like a fucking bum."

"You're worrying about the wrong things, darling," you chirped teasingly, but then stubbed out the cigarette in the nearest ashtray, which was no longer empty. "Did you have trouble sleeping last night?"

Still towering over him, you noticed how his whole posture became even more rigid, tense, even defensive. Last night, oh, last night was something to remember—Bateman, spread out on his finest Chinese sheets, lying on his back, literally whimpering at every flicker of your tongue around his drooling, red tip. Just the memory of it made you even harder, and to be honest, you were hard almost all the time when you and Patrick were in the same room. Although sometimes it was hard even for you to keep your composure and pretend that there was nothing between you and that narcissistic, arrogant asshole. Especially when the man reacted like that—blushing, gulping, almost ready to break the table under the weight of his own fantasies. The fantasies of bending you over that damn thing and fucking you until you felt him in your guts.

It was only a matter of seconds before he stood up and swung you around so that you were almost sitting on the table, allowing him to slot himself between your openly inviting thighs, and you didn't resist. Not a single fiber in your system could resist that man—and you knew it was the same with him. And if one day Bateman would go to hell, he'd take you with him. There was no escape when it came to loving this man.

After a short, almost breathless exhale, Patrick snapped your mouth shut with his fierce one, his hands on your waist, but then he slid them lower as if your ass was the fucking magnet, while your hands wandered frantically around his broad back until they found their peace on the top of his strong shoulders. There was no hope that the kiss would be soft or gentle, for from the very beginning the raging, unbridled passion simmered inside the man who sucked on your lower lip as if what had happened last night was not enough for him.

Bateman's sex drive was bottomless—he could have you almost all the time and still he needed—craved—more.

"Uh–Bateman," you urged after the breathtaking kiss, his heated tongue already toying with your earlobe, sharp teeth grazing it to reel you up as much as possible. "You sure are fearless when you want someone, huh?"

Aroused as hell, Patrick didn't answer, he just pulled you closer, but not in a rough way, no, he did it like he was making a silent plea that he just wanted to have you here—in his arms, his hard groin rubbing against your hard one, limbs tangled and a transparent string of saliva connecting your half-open mouths.

That was it.

As soon as Bateman snuggled up to you even tighter, you had to keep your balance to avoid being splayed across the table, his stone-like cock pulsing beneath the confines of his clothes, almost ready to tear through the fabric to meet your touch, your warm flesh, anything you could give him. And you both knew how well Patrick could take things when treated properly. Nipping his Adam's apple just a little rougher, you pulled him closer by his pale yellow silk tie, kissed him no less thirsty than he had kissed you the moment before—your teeth almost clashing—and slid your other hand down his lower back to give his firm ass a really painful grip. The man hissed into your mouth, but didn't stop savoring your taste, playing with your tongue, sucking it in, the wet sound of it the only backdrop to the obscene scene unfolding in the middle of the casual working day at P&P.

Panting, you seized the moment of Patrick's brief respite—hungering for air himself—and pushed him back a bit to change positions, turning him around and pinning him against the table. You almost exploded in your pants when you heard him moan from the sudden change in power dynamics between you—it thrilled both of you, not to mention how flustered and sweaty he was already. A small, barely noticeable bead of sweat rolled down his tense forehead between his knitted eyebrows, you wanted to catch it with your tongue, but instead your hands instinctively latched onto the buckle of his belt and toyed with it, its silent ringing too cute for such a naughty situation.

"Don't look at me like that." Bateman suddenly blurted out, gripping the smooth tabletop with both hands and leaning against it as if it were his lifeline.

"Like what?"

"Like you're going to take my cock down your throat," he literally mumbled, his speech barely coherent as he became more and more turned on by the sight of you playing with his belt. "God, you are such a dirty slut."

You grinned broadly. "And that's why you like me."

“I’ve never said that–uh!” Patrick's loud groan rumbled from his tight chest as you cupped the huge bulge in his pants. "You dirty little mothe-"

Whatever Bateman was about to say got stuck in his strained throat as you groped his dick through the smooth fabric, massaging it with slow but calculated strokes while carefully undoing your designer suspenders under your jacket.

"I bet you're soaking through your briefs already, Bateman," you loved taunting him and watching him writhe in anticipation like that as you unbuckled his belt with practiced ease. "Oh–fuck."

No more talking.

Not when you finally freed his hard length, which popped up almost immediately the moment you lowered his pants along with his underwear, and yes, it was slightly soaked with his pre-cum, his dick riged and heavy in your hand. You had to chew on the inside of your cheek from the knotted tension at the base of your balls, it was pooling like a molten core all around your lower part and you were afraid to really lose control. Huffing through clenched teeth, Patrick glanced at you from under his heavy-lidded eyes, fighting the urge to grab you with both hands and stuff your mouth with his beefy cock—to make you fucking gag on his flesh until his cum spilled out and ran down your chin.

God, he wanted it so bad.

Nonetheless, you had a slightly different plan. With a shaky hand, you managed to loosen your suspenders and slip your pants down—your dick was literally aching—and as it sprung out, you exhaled so loudly that you thought you might cum just from the touch of the slightly cool air wafting around your hypersensitive flesh. It would be a fucking nightmare if someone actually entered the room right now. But something worse could have happened if you hadn't wrapped your hand around his pulsating cock and started rubbing it against yours. You couldn't let that happen, so you continued to do what your instincts told you to do. Eventually, Patrick's big palm found yours, jacking both of you off just to spur you to move faster, his dark eyes drilling into yours as he looped his other hand around the back of your neck to kiss you hard and plunge his wet tongue into your mouth.

"Mmhmm–fuck–Patrick," you moaned softly against his wet lips, grasping his hip for some semblance of support. "Gonna cum."

The man held you in a dead grip, one hand resting heavily on yours, coaxing you to stroke both of you faster—he was so fucking serious about making you both cum here and there, and you fucking loved it—your lips collided once again, the slick sound of his cock sliding along yours only fueling the flame that was burning between you. And you were both not afraid to get lost in it.

Even if it meant risking everything—this fragile, forbidden thing between one man and another.

P.S. I don’t have a taglist. You can follow my writing community or my side-blog to know when I update!

[leah-lover]

A person more than an athlete. Nika mühl x reader

Love always had a way of consuming you. Whether it was your friendships, relationships with your parents, your friends, or even your romantic relationships, you felt the love in every part of your body. You loved deeply and wholeheartedly.

You were also a dedicated person. You gave your career all you had which in turn got you a championship in your freshman year.

Women's sports were trending, and you were on top of the pyramid. From sponsorship deals, to ads, interviews, and magazine shoots, you were everywhere. The spotlight didn't mean much to you though. All you cared about was the sleeping body next to you.

Nika was to you the prettiest girl in the world. For her you would absolutely do anything.

“ Good morning.” You whisper into her ear before you kiss her shoulder. “ Morning.” she responds, shifting to lay on her back.

You two start kissing. The kisses were short and sweet which left you needing much more. “ Baby I am gonna be late for class.” She says after pulling out.

“ But…” you start to protest before she cuts you off. “ Babe I still have to go all the way to my room, get ready and go to class. We will finish this later okay?” She says before getting out of bed. You sigh loudly as she wears her shirt and gets her stuff. “ I love you “ you say although what you say isn't clear because your face is hidden by a pillow. “ I love you too. I will see you in practice.” she says before she leaves.

The rest of the day went as usual. You got ready for class, which you attended. You then changed into your huskies' track suit and went to the gym.

You started out training all right. You did your activation, some shooting drills, lifted some weights and got some cardio done.

You didn't talk nika during all of this because coach geno sat you all down in the first session of the year and said. “ You all are UConn players now, you have a big legacy to follow. You need to focus, work hard and train hard, and while you are part of this team relationships with your teammates are absolutely forbidden.” However, you couldn't help but fall in love with the Croatian international, she captured your heart more than basketball everdid.

You thought something was up when the coach asked nika to go to his office for a chat but you didn't give it much thought instead you hung out with Paige and Kk. You didn't see nika leave because you were too busy learning a new dance with Paige.

“ Hey, can you give me a minute?” said the coach to you.

You then enter his office with an unsettling feeling in your stomach.

“What's up coach? “ you say as you dit opposite his desk.

“ Look, I am gonna be as straight with you as I was with nika. You heard what I said the very first time you came to this gym. And you know what is gonna happen now.”

“ Coach with all do respect you can't do this. We are good assets to this team and we have been performing well. We won a whole championship last year while being together.”

“ I'm afraid it is not up for questioning. You will terminate this relationship. You agreed to this when you first signed the contract with us. The contract stated that inter team relationships are forbidden. Plus Nina already agreed to it.”

You didn't know how you got out of that office or how you walked across campus to your dorm. All you knew was that Nika and you were done.

You opened your door, got in and sat on the floor as soon as you closed it. You started to uncontrollably sob. That's when you feel familiar hands wrap around you. Her smell and her touch were comforting.

“ I love you so much.” she whispered in your ear. You could feel her tears on your cheeks.

“ he said you agreed to the bullshit he said.” you say wiping your tears.

“ I couldn't not agree. If he cuts me from the team I am done. I have to go back home and all of this will be for nothing.��

“ We can keep it a secret again. I don't want to live without you.”

“ Baby, if he catches us again we can't come back from it. I love you so much baby but I can't.”

You kiss each other multiple times while holding one another on the floor of your dorm. Nika then leaves and you stay on the floor heartbroken for a long time.

You flipped a switch as soon as she left the door knowing that you aren't gonna wake up next to her, sleep next to her, kiss her, or be inside her.

The next day at training was miserable to say the least. You didn't sleep the night before, you didn't smile, or talk to anybody. Your performance displayed your sadness. You were missing easy shots, and you clearly weren't focused. You didnt talk to nika or look at her. You started like that for 2 weeks you didnt talk to anybody, all you thought about was how much you modded her touch.

“ baby please don't do this.” said nika to you one the way to practice. “ We need to talk.” she says before she pulled you into the medic’s room.

As soon as she closed the door, she pinned you to the wall and started kissing you. You missed the taste of her lips, the weight of her hands on your waist, the way her hands rubbed you sides and her tongue swiped across your.

“ i missed you so fucking much.” she says after pulling out.

“ I am not whole without you. I can't do anything without you. I missed you so much.” you say before kissing her again. You were hungry for her, you needed her more than anything in the world.

“ I don't like this without you. Would you please come back to me?.” she asks while swiping her thumb on your cheek.

“ if it cost me my life to be with you again.” you respond.

'I love you baby.’ she adds.

“ I love you more than you will ever know.” you respond.

[bigification]

Jealousy Jealousy

Strong, loyal, dedicated. All words used by the boss to describe me, and every word seemed like a knife in the back of my roommate. I can hear it in the way he talks to me, ever since I joined the military all he ever seems to be is jealous. I've always been stronger and more dedicated than him, he's smarter but that doesn't even matter that much.

The walk back to our room is awkward. It is completely silent and I can almost see the steam coming out of his ears. I wanted so badly to be friends with him, but he makes it impossible. I've always worked out and kept my body in good shape, and apparently that's unforgivable to him.

We get back to our room and he immediately goes rummaging through his stuff. I pace back and forth, debating whether I should talk to him. It's hard living with him and I just want things to be civil between us.

"Hey man, I wanted to ta-" I'm interrupted when he quickly swings around and jabs something into my stomach. I look down and see a needle sticking into the side of my stomach. I feel frozen with fear, I can't talk, almost as if there is something stuck in my throat. I let out a groan as he pushes the end of the needle, injecting a green liquid into my body.

"I'm tired of being in your shadow, let's see how long you'll last after this." He monologues like some cartoon villain. What does he even mean by that, was that some kind of poison? Is he killing me just because the boss likes me more.

I stumble back against the wall, I feel weak but it hurts less than I thought it would. Although my stomach feels like it's boiling.

Am I dreaming... It feels more like a nightmare. But it must be a nightmare. I see a lump form under my shirt, and it seems to grow every time I blink. It can't be real, but it feels so real. The lump grows until it looks like I have a little belly. Do I have a belly? It's growing faster and faster until my shirt becomes untucked. It finally stops after growing into a sizable beer belly, making it impossible for me to see my feet. Maybe he gave me drugs, maybe this is just a bad trip. But it feels so real.

It doesn't end with the beer belly. Next my pecs start to swell. Something I worked so hard on is gone in seconds. I see them soften into a pair of man tits, growing until they press against my shirt. I always swore I would never let myself go like my father did, but I guess that's a lie. At least it took him until his thirties to get fat, I can't even make it to my late twenties without pigging out.

I still have no idea what's happening to me. It's getting harder and harder to think. I was thinking about... Something about pigging out. It must be because I love pigging out, that's how I got this belly.

As I'm trying to think, my body continues to grow. I hear the button on my pants pop off and feel the pressure release. I think my ass is growing, not that I mind. I feel my body being pushed further and further away from the wall as fat spilled into my ass.

Why does my crotch feel so tight? I could have sworn it didn't feel this tight a moment ago. I don't really care anyway, I can't even remember why I should care.

My pants strain against the fat filling my legs, I think I can even hear some rips tearing through them. My arms follow suit, softening up my defined muscles and fattening up my hands. Better off that way if you ask me, fatter hands means better belly rubs, and I like belly rubs.

I feel an itchiness engulf my body as a thick pelt of hair covers my skin. My arms, my legs, my chest, and most importantly my belly become a forest of sweaty hair.

My body finally relaxed and I let out a loud burp. Oh... I'm so hungry. I rub my belly trying to get any relief. It's all I can think of. Wasn't I stressed about something? What would I have been stressed about, maybe I was just hungry.

"How ya feeling big guy?" My roommate asks me.

"I'm so hungry." I cry out.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?" He teases me.

"Why the fuck would I be on a diet. This is the mark of a true man!" I say as I slap my gut.

"Well I'm sure this box of donuts won't hurt your fitness assessment next week, and they won't eat themselves." He pulls out a dozen donuts. It feels like I lose control of my body as I instinctively ravage the donuts.

I lean back after finishing off the last donut and let out a loud burp. God I'm stuffed, but I want so much more. I rub my belly, trying to process the snack I just had, so I can make room for more.

"There's plenty more where that came from, big guy."

Credits to bulkgainer92 for the video and for inspiring this story.

[serxinns]

Yandere Older class 1a x Deadpool reader

You were a goofy sarcastic playful hero who always made jokes while brutally punching villains in the face while doing wacky and wild stuff saying the most unhinged stuff with a smile on your face and your Fans and Most pro heroes love that about you

Iida was always with you not because you were dead gorgeous and your fighting skills were amazing but because he's worried about you! You pulling these dangerous stunts makes him have a heart attack whenever he peacefully wants to see the news he sees you teasing and taunting a very dangerous and very deadly villian riling them up to the point where they just slash at anything to get you to stop your yapping, next thing you know he's grabbing his hero suit and running over there right now he always scold you for being u safe while you just either laugh it off do those cringey "I'm sowwy🥺" look iida pretends to be cringe out about but deep down he thinks your pouty face and puppy eyes are cute,

Bonus: both you and Iida's fans agree that Iida was the Dad friend and make those complications video of him being one

Bakugo wants you to depend on him and look up to him he always wants you to be by his side whenever you work with him, but you being a little shit makes his job way harder, you always making fun little jokes and uncanny comedic lines while the two of you are literally in a life and death situation while you're just singing nursery rhymes, He always yells at you to be serious and all you did was say "uh oh cranky pants need a sippy cup?" He chased you around that day and seeing that cute little cheeky face of yours made him blush he always acts like he doesn't wanna work with you but in truth, he stalks your schedule and demands his agency to work close to yours but he won't admit that even the fans kinda see that he cares for you and loved you and himself dynamic

Momo is the worried mother if you ever get hurt by a nasty villain she's beating that villain to a pulp heck even making the dude see the clouds, she always is very protective of you like a mother hen making sure you eat, sleep brush your teeth she always tell you to while you whined like a child, if you didn't bring your lunch don't worry she brought a little bento box for you!, whenever your merch comes out or before she's always the 1st one to get it. She even has a room dedicated to it (just like Izuku but we'll get to him) literally she and Izuku would have a battle about who got the rarest merch and expensive merch

Ochako is like your number 1 biggest fan she always knows your schedule as well so she can either watch you from afar and if you needed any help she'll be there to kick their asses!, she's like Pucca (if you know the childhood show congrats) she always watching you dreamily eyes fluttering but strong and dangerous if anyone messes with you, she's is always in her dream world imagining carrying you like a little princess and she's the knight although she's also ok with you holding her like that as well both ways make her blush and giggles and kicking her feet while floating up, she makes fanfiction of you x reader or her under a fake username ofc so she can write down all her fantasies (some of your classmates would follow that page secretly) she keeps an oversized merch t-shirt that you wrote an autograph

While Izuku may be all Might's number one fan who said he can't be yours as well? Like this dude knows it all has 4-6 pages of you, your quirk, your weapons, your personality, your likes and dislikes, your family, your address-, you name it! He doesn't even need to write down your schedule since he remembers it so easily dude has a great memory there's no denying it, whenever his fans scream all over him wondering what's his favorite hero everyone is so surprised when he mutters out you heck he's shy whenever he talks to you your his idol his darling his sweetie standing in front of him happily making jokes and laughing along or badass shooting and slashing any bad guys, as mentioned in mom's headcanon this boy got a WHOLE ROOM dedicated to you heck one time you jokingly put a dick shape drawing when he asked to Have a autograph he bought a photo case for that and put it on display like he's PROUD

Sero and Denki were your go-to when wanting to cause trouble and Crack some jokes heck all even flirt with each other trying to see who gets the most flustered denki craves whatever attention you give him whether trying to annoy him or not he loves it when you eyes are on him he may act like a carefree person who jokes with you but he's a possessive dude he glares at your fangirls from afar when they're squealing all over you trying to get a autograph calling you hot that made his blood boil that he had to intervene by saying there's a villain waving goodbye at the girls while their squealing got louder seeing Denki but Denki glared at them Sero is the calmer one but is Obsessive he loves everything about you whenever your close to him on the outside he as cool as a cat but inside he's dying screaming on the inside just wanting to hold you close he always ask for any sort of physical interaction like high fives, hugs, he even remembered you patting him on the back praising him for wrapping up the villains luckily someone recorded it and now he saves that in his phone watching it repeatedly over and over again also he keeps those spiderman x Deadpool comics

Jirou and Kiri are like Sero but she acts more like a soft tsundere while Kiri acts like a love-sick puppy following you around and worshipping you head to toe. She acts cool and tough around you but if you compliment her she turns red and hits you to shut up just like Izuku she's too shy to speak to you and always lets you do the talking while she doesn't pay attention just hearing your voice makes her trapped in a dazed smiling dreamily she just couldn't help it You were so adorable even under that mask she wants to cup her hands on your cheeks and give you the biggest kisses leaving you a hot flushed mess kiri on the other hand worships you like a God, he always rants to his friend teru about you and even works together with bakugo at times talking to him about you the two of them will rant on about how cool you are (mostly Him and bakugo just listens) he will invite you to spar with him and if he ever accidentally hurts you he feels so bad and apologies to you even tho you didn't even show any anger or sadness but he thinks you do but all you did was laugh saying how strong he was making the number 4 hero blush and crumble right there he always used to complimenting you on your skills body and even your muscles but you complimenting him!? It's like a kid getting a gold star for their behavior! After sparing he always buys you his favorite drink which you teased him about while he looked annoyed with your teasing he actually likes it and when you promise to stop he mentally whines wanting you to do more!

[growth-opportunities]

A flat-chested woman wants her cosplay of busty anime characters to be as accurate as possible.

It had been an exhausting day. The panels, the artists alley, the games. Sure, Morgan had narrowly missed out on tickets to the upcoming premiere of Suit & Tie: Salaryman to the Rescue to someone in a low-poly robot costume but the con had been incredibly fun and that was the most important thing. Her legs ached as she trudged down the hallway to her hotel room, relief washing over her as she heard the door unlock. Her bed, freshly made, looked so inviting, careful to flop down on her back. She couldn't help a smile as she felt her breasts slosh on her chest for the first time in her entire life. The massive breastforms she needed to complete her costume from I Used to Live a Boring Life but now I Do the Demon King's Accounting were easily the most expensive part of her costume but, by god, did they make her feel good.

Her flat chest never got much attention. Her breasts were just... not there. Not 'small', not 'petite', non-existent. Morgan had learned not to trust people who said that they liked small breasts or that "all breasts are good, regardless of size", their look of disappointment revealing the truth. And there would be some twinges of that pain when she finally took off the breast forms, but at least she had one day of sexiness. In one act, she had gone from flat chested to being bustier than every girl that had ever made fun of her combined. The company that made them didn't even bother assigning them a cup size like the rest of their models; it was just "Humongous". They dominated Morgan's otherwise slender, diminutive frame, but neither she nor anyone else had a complaint about that. She rather liked being a short stack, even if she was ridiculously top-heavy. A part of her wished... Morgan chuckled at her own silliness, breathing out a deep sigh. Things just didn't work that way.

With a few hup!s to build momentum, Morgan pushed herself up to her feet to start the process of changing into pyjamas. She started with the easy stuff, pulling off the brightly colored wig to reveal her mousy brown hair, running a hand through it to get it to unstick from where it matted to her scalp. Colored contacts were retrieved, albeit a bit clumsily, revealing her natural rich brown (now slightly red) eyes. The process came to a halt as she emptied her pockets, finding the tarnished coin once more. The woman who gave it to her was incredible. A witch cosplay, though from what series, Morgan couldn't say. The staff had an ethereal air to it that was almost mesmerizing and the way the woman embodied the spookiness, that power... The words 'step on me, mommy' had popped, spontaneously, into Morgan's head, thankfully unspoken. But, instead of that treatment, the witch simply pressed this coin into Morgan's palm before walking off, a knowing smile on her lips. Morgan didn't see the woman through the rest of the day, but it was a big convention center. The dim light of the hotel room caught on the grooves of the coin as she turned it over in her hand. A faint, shimmering green emanated from the coin. It was impressive dedication to whatever character. The coin was heavy and it felt old, worn smooth by eons. Or a rock tumbler. Either way, it was a good memento. Morgan squeezed the coin tightly in her hand, bringing it up to her lips. "Fuck... I wish I could make my outfits look that real."

With an envious shrug, trying to seem casual about it, Morgan placed the coin on her nightstand alongside her phone, wallet, and credential lanyard. She felt a slight shifting on her chest, a new weight, but she just chalked it up to exhaustion and the fact that she had been sweating like crazy under the form; it did not breathe well. Her trousers came down, shimmying her narrow hips and trying her best to savor the sloshing of her breasts, a feeling that she knew would soon be a memory. The shirt was next, taking one last look at her cleavage before removing it. Ah well. It was fun while it lasted. She made a mental note to check their website about discoloration, pulling her arms inward to remove-

...

Next to be removed was the breast form, which-

...

A look of confusion flashed across Morgan's face. Was she that exhausted that she couldn't find the arm hole? She marched over to the small bathroom, having to turn sideways to fit through the door. The sterile light that flooded the room at the flick of the switch made Morgan flinch but, as her eyes adjusted, her jaw dropped.

The edges were completely smooth. Around her shoulders, around her neck, at her waist. It was just... skin, no different than any other part of her. Her mind reeled at the possibilities, wondering if her sweat had just made it stick to her, but no matter how much she clawed at the places where the edges had been some twelve hours ago, the silicone didn't come up. All of that motion had made the breasts wobble which was what drew Morgan's attention. They didn't slosh like fake, inflated tits. They sloshed like real ones. Real tits with heft and weight and made of real skin and flesh. The perfectly rounded, slightly shiny nipples that had capped the breastform when she bought it were gone, replaced with ones that, well, that looked a lot like her own. Just bigger. She reached a timid hand out to one, not an easy feat considering her size, only to moan, clapping her other hand over her mouth, as she gave the nipple a good squeeze. Her knees almost gave out under her, catching herself on the vanity. If she had fallen all the way to the floor, she might not have been able to get back up again. These were her tits. They were a part of her. She could feel them! They were huge and heavy and sexy and they felt so fucking good. Morgan didn't know whether to cry or moan. She staggered back to the bed, sitting on the edge and feeling her breasts fill her lap. Her breasts. She still couldn't get over it. She knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth but still, the curiosity over what had happened to her stuck in her mind. Right up until the light caught-

The coin!

Morgan nearly fell off the bed reaching for it, just barely stopping herself in time. As she turned it over in her hand, the green glow was gone. It felt lighter, too, though that might just have been in comparison to the new weight on her chest. She bit her lip, smiling, bringing the coin up to her lips to kiss it, offering thanks for everything it had done for her. She wasn't so shallow to think that finally growing tits would fix all of her problems, but it certainly helped with some of them. She giggled, enjoying the sight of her breasts, her tits wobbling with her motions. A single finger traced down the deep line of her cleavage, Morgan moaning as she pushed it between her massive breasts. If she ever met the witch again, she'd have to think of some way to repay her...

[lyricalt]

[tf2 mini fic] gun maintenance

by request: that throwaway line from Critical Provocation.

(Sniper/Spy - light M... for hanky-panky.)

++++

In all fairness, Spy knows to wait his turn. He's second to work and the upkeep of it, he understands it enough, but sometimes…

“If only you treated me as well as your rifle,” he says, swinging himself into Sniper’s lap.

Sniper holds out his arms to avoid staining Spy’s suit, oil rag still in one hand. Spy pulls it out of his grip and tosses it aside. He’s willing to ruin the dress shirt and vest for this.

“If only you'd behave like my rifle,” Sniper says, wry. He reaches around Spy to snatch a clean square of cloth to wipe his hands as best he can, which makes Spy smile. Behind him, Sniper’s rifle is resting on the crate, still in pieces but each component sparkling clean.  

“On the contrary, I’d let you take me apart,” Spy says, leaning in. He guides Sniper’s hand to the front of his vest and grins when he sees a flush spreading across Sniper’s face. With an encouraging hum, he puts his mouth to Sniper’s ear. “Go ahead. Dismantle every part of me. Spread me out like you do with your gun.”

The first button of his vest gets undone. Spy feels Sniper’s other hand slide down the small of his back. He catches Sniper glancing at past his shoulder before gently pushing him down at an angle to lay over the adjacent crate.

Right next to the rifle.

Spy’s pulse picks up. There’s a carefulness to Sniper’s touch, shifting him around to pull the vest off. He didn’t expect Sniper to play along.

“Planning to wipe me down with oil?” Spy asks, tipping his chin upwards so that Sniper can hook a finger over his tie. “Are you a fan of Mann Co., or do you use something else?”

“For you?” Sniper says, pulling. The tie unknots, dragging under Spy’s collar until it comes free. “I'd get the expensive stuff. Roebuck and Sears, in the orange tin.” He rolls up the tie, as neat as Spy would have done it.

All of things, that alone makes the heat curl in Spy’s chest. They’re both the type to appreciate attention to detail, and the heat only grows worse when Sniper starts undoing the buttons of Spy’s shirt with the same methodical ease of doing maintenance work. 

“I can imagine you cleaning me out with a rod. You’d do it slow, and deep,” Spy can’t help but add with a smirk. He lifts and presses a knee at Sniper’s crotch. “I’d like you not to use the nitro powder though.”

Sniper laughs, leisurely rocking back and forth against Spy’s leg as he runs his hands down Spy’s sides. “I’ll skip the nitro.” 

“And when you're done—bend me out the window,” Spy says.

“Cock n’ aim you just like that?” Sniper peers at him from the top of his glasses. “Haven’t even put y’back together yet.”

Spy rolls his eyes but slings a leg around the back of Sniper’s thigh. He doesn’t take the criticism to heart. Sniper’s hands kneed at his chest, thumbs circling under the pectoral muscles. Spy curves to the touch, foot slipping back down to the ground. He doesn't moan, but it's a near thing.

“I’d take my sweet time with you,” Sniper says, low.

Spy lets his eyes drift shut, enjoying Sniper's fingers trailing towards his throat. “I'd be such a dedicated gun. Point me at someone. And I'll kill them, no questions asked.”

Sniper shivers. He drops down to brace himself over Spy.

His fingers edge along the mask, lifting it slightly. Not curious or prying, only with the calm intensity of someone doing a cursory inspection, like spot-checking the mechanism of the trigger and bolt to any rifle.

“I oughta put the safety on you,” Sniper murmurs, thumbing Spy’s bottom lip.

Spy tips his head. Sniper gets as far as exposing his jaw and one side of his cheek before Spy turns to his palm and takes Sniper’s fingers in his mouth, the residue of gun oil bitter on his tongue.

Sniper looks at him, eyes dark. He bends the rest of the way down to kiss Spy with such thoroughness Spy wonders if he’ll have to write him a check for the work. 

“Keep talkin’,” Sniper says, rumbling against his exposed jaw.

It makes Spy start to suspect Sniper might like him more than his rifle after all.

[folkloresthings]

Northanger abbey - I think we need to see jealous sebastian 👀👀 he would be so hot I swear...

JEALOUS BOY. ❨ sebastian vettel x reader ❩

✩⡱ warnings: allusions to sex

days in the paddock were long. you hated thinking it, because you knew how much it meant to sebastian for you to be there, but when you’d done it time and time again — it got a little repetitive. especially when sebastian was busy, off doing practice pls or inspecting the car. times when there was nothing you could do but wait.

it was completely innocent. you were stuck in the aston martin garage waiting for sebastian to finish his practice. lance had just so happened to be there too, having finished his practice lap a little while before. he’d spotted you, sitting all alone, and decided to keep you company. you appreciated it, really, the boy was always sweet to you.

“how’s the new job?” he asked you, passing you a cup of coffee he’d brought from hospitality. you forgot you had mentioned that a few weeks ago, a new job that allowed you to work online and travel with sebastian.

“it’s been really good!” you chirp, eyes lighting up. it was the first time that day someone had asked you a question that was actually about you. “they’re super flexible with travel and stuff.”

“that’s good. i’m sure you’ll smash it,” lance insists, sitting next to you. “i mean, who wouldn’t love to have you?”

you blush a little, a small smile pulling at your lips. you had to admit, lance was incredibly charming — an expert flirt. and while you were utterly dedicated to sebastian, it didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy some flattery.

sebastian’s practice had ended not long ago, and he headed straight back to the garage to find you where he left you. he didn’t expect to find his teammate with you, though, making you giggle and blush like a schoolgirl. sebastian felt jealousy rise in his throat.

he was always quite possessive of you. not to a worrying extent, just that he liked people to know that you were his. and he, yours. but you were younger than him and beautiful — he would be lying if he said he didn’t notice how people looked at you.

lance was closer in age to you than sebastian was. maybe that’s why the green envy that filled him was worse than usual. he knew you loved him, and he was sure you would never be unfaithful, but he despised seeing another man make you look so… happy.

“seb, hey,” lance spots him first, smiling over to him. you turn and smile widely at him. much wider than you’d smiled when lance was speaking to you.

“how’d it go?” you ask, waiting for him to come over. he doesn’t though, only grunting something incoherent. he passes by you both, storming straight to his driver’s room. lance looks at you, confused, and you know just what’s wrong. rolling your eyes, you pat the canadian on the shoulder and leave him there.

“seb?” you call, sticking your head around the door. he’s sat at the little table, arms crossed and sulking like a child. “seb, c’mon.”

you shut the door behind you, hands finding his shoulders. he shrugs you off but you persist, moving until you’re sat on his lap, legs straddling his waist. he can’t ignore you then, hands subconsciously going to your waist.

“he was just keeping me company,” you tell him, brushing back his wild blonde locks. sebastian looks up at you then, eyes dark and heavy. his hands grip your waist a little tighter, pulling you close.

“you’re mine,” he reminds you, softly kissing your bottom lip, teasing.

“i know,” you say, head dizzy already. “yours.”

“mhm,” the german man hums, tucking his finger under your chin and guiding your gaze straight to his. “can he make you feel like i do?”

your head shakes quickly, grasping at his drivers suit. “no. no one can.”

“good girl,” he quietly praises, fingers slipping under your shirt. “now, let him hear who you belong to.”

[luyi]

gosh...i've been debating if i should post the stuff below bc it might be too "disrespectful" 😅😅😅, but since the cfandom has been enjoying it for ages, why not?

yep, i noticed that yu hewei nowadaya definitely prefers oversized suits and outfits when he's not doing fashion photoshoots where the magazines request him to wear certain things. for the photos mentioned in the tags above, i'd argue since that particular magazine is not a fashion magazine, that sweater is likely 100% his own.

it might just be his style or his stylist's style, or he likes comfy clothes, OR OR OR according to some not-to-serious theory in cfandom, he's just trying to wear loose clothes to feel not so tight down there and to prevent fans from seeing what's in the photos below (you know where to look, right? it's pretty obvious...). and he can't just wear loose pants which will make it too obvious, so loose shirt/jacket/sweater as well lol...

there's even a yhw fan blog on weibo with at least half of its user submissions dedicated to this particular area lol (where do you think i got all these photos, i don't have such good eyes to discover these myself lol).

enjoy 😏😏😏

[jazeswhbhaven]

Hi jaze can ı request belphegor swf headcanon or fic? Because couldn't find many thing related belphie especially written 😔

Sure thing anon! I'm always wanting to write more Belphie stuff :3

Here's some Otaku!Belphegor Headcanons I think about often:

🖤His collection of figures are kept in a special room in glass cases that Beleth looks after diligently. Belphie usually goes in there to take inventory to make sure no one took anything.

🖤When it comes to his manga/manwha/comics he puts everything in order from "what he's going to read over and over" and "don't touch display only"

🖤He collect multiples of everything because he usually ends up misplacing it or it's underneath his bed and he's too lazy to look for it.

🖤Belphie never binges a series. One he's too impatient to wait funny enough, and he always falls asleep during long binge sessions and has to start all over again.

🖤He never lets anyone borrow anything from his collection. He doesn't say why either.

🖤If you gift him something from his favorite series or media, you better hope it's something he likes or he will literally give it to someone else (Beleth) in front of you.

🖤Having a partner that watches the same stuff as him is more convenient but it's more annoying if you aren't into it as he is.

🖤He says a lot that he can date someone that isn't as big as an otaku as he is, just as long as you don't bother him about his collections.

🖤He has a thing for masked heroes and there's an entire room dedicated to him collecting the replicas or even originals of the masks and suits. He sometimes puts them on and falls asleep in them on the floor of the room.

🖤Belphie really likes magical girls. In fact, if he didn't fall asleep so often, he could talk about them for hours.

🖤He forces Beleth to wear cosplay with him sometimes. Usually they have to pick characters that make sense to be paired together.

🖤If you're his favorite person and you're really big into cosplay, he gets uh..."excited" about that. But he will never do anything while in cosplay especially really expensive ones because he's guaranteed it would get dirty.

🖤He puts low effort into his look when he visits conventions on Earth and no one suspects him of being a king in Hell. In fact, that's where he met you <3

🖤Belphie is the type to visit tables in the artist alley and stare quietly until he sees something he likes and he buys three of whatever it is, even posters.

🖤Don't have Belphie go to the Dealer's Room unattended, he will be leaving with too much stuff, swearing he doesn't have it at home.

🖤He's not too fond of pictures being taken of himself which is why he doesn't wear cosplay at events unless he's wearing a mask, but when a group of random con-goers insist...he gives his best -_- face

🖤Going to a convention with him is considered a date

🖤He would propose to you at a convention too dressed as his favorite character

🖤You both have to have matching shirts if you both like the same character. He thinks it's mandatory.

[maybe-im-dark]

IKEA adventures

Based on this post

(Artwork by: @shortkinglogan)

The mission had been grueling, and the aftermath had been worse. Logan and Wade had gotten into a heated argument back at home— about Wade’s “interpretive dance fighting style” distracting Logan. Wade had insisted it was the way his butt looked in the new suit the TVA had given him. Plates had shattered. Glasses had flown. Althea had intervened with her usual tact, which involved shouting at them to replace every last dish they’d broken.

And now they were at IKEA.

Logan stalked through the maze-like store, his yellow-and-blue pants, that he was still wearing —since Al had basically chased them out, shouting and swinging her cane— a glaring contrast to the neutral-toned displays of minimalist Scandinavian furniture. He’d thrown on a battered leather jacket to hide the top part of his costume, but he still looked like he’d escaped from Comic-Con. Wade, on the other hand, was proudly wearing his full Deadpool suit, sans mask. He’d insisted that IKEA’s fluorescent lighting made his complexion look radiant.

“This is the worst day ever,” Logan growled as they passed a display of perfectly arranged throw pillows.

“Correction,” Wade chirped, grabbing a stuffed shark off a shelf and tossing it into their oversized cart, “this is the best day we’ve ever had. Look at all these opportunities for chaos! And free pencils!” He gestured toward the tiny golf pencils in a nearby bin. “Do you think they’d let me borrow a hundred of these? For stabbing purposes?”

Logan rolled his eyes and kept walking. He had one goal: grab some cheap plates and glasses and get out before someone recognized them.

They’d just reached the kitchenware section when it happened.

A middle-aged woman with short, practical hair and an armful of Tupperware marched up to Logan, her face a mix of determination and exasperation.

“Excuse me,” she said, tapping Logan on the arm. “Can you help me find the lid sets for these containers? None of them match.”

Logan blinked at her, utterly confused. “Lady, I don’t work here.”

But she didn’t seem to hear him. “And another thing,” she continued, shoving the mismatched Tupperware at him, “these lids are clearly defective. I mean, who designs this stuff? Do they even test it before selling it? You should really bring this up at your next staff meeting.”

Logan stared at her, his mouth slightly open, his brain short-circuiting.

“I said,” he repeated, his voice growing more gravelly, “I don’t work here.”

Wade, of course, was losing it. He leaned against a shelf full of wine glasses, clutching his sides, his laughter echoing through the store.

“Oh my God, she thinks you’re the IKEA superhero!” he wheezed. “What’s your power, peanut? Superhuman shelving? Extreme customer service?”

“Shut up, Wade,” Logan growled, but the woman was relentless.

“Well, if you don’t know about the lids, can you at least point me to the dining room tables?” she demanded. “I’ve been wandering around for twenty minutes, and this place is a labyrinth!”

“Lady,” Logan snapped, pointing to his own chest. The veins on his neck were beginning to pop out. “I. Don’t. Work. Here.”

The woman squinted at him, clearly unconvinced. “Then why are you wearing those pants? They look just like the uniform. Yellow and blue.”

Logan opened his mouth to retort, but Wade beat him to it.

“Oh, he’s definitely an employee,” Wade said, his voice shaking with suppressed laughter. “In fact, he’s Employee of the month. Look at him! So dedicated.”

“I’m gonna kill you,” Logan hissed, but Wade just grinned.

“Ma’am,” Wade said, stepping forward with mock sincerity, “this fine gentleman here is just a little camera-shy. Let me help you out.” He gestured toward a passing employee in a blue-and-yellow IKEA shirt. “Here’s one of his coworkers now!”

The actual employee, a bewildered teenager, looked from Logan to the woman, clearly unsure of what was happening.

“Oh, good!” the woman said, turning her attention to the kid. “Maybe you can tell me where the dining room tables are.”

As the woman finally walked off, dragging the hapless employee with her, Logan let out a long-suffering sigh.

Wade was practically vibrating with glee. “That was the single greatest moment of my life,” he declared. “You, my friend, are a beacon of Swedish efficiency.”

Logan didn’t dignify that with a response. He simply grabbed the nearest set of plates, tossed them into the cart, and started walking toward the checkout.

“Wait!” Wade called, jogging after him. “We haven’t even looked at the fake plants! Or the meatballs! Do you think they sell them in bulk? I could eat, like, fifty meatballs right now. I wonder if they are as big as yours. Logan! Slow down!”

Logan kept walking, his jaw clenched, but the faintest hint of a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.

At least Althea would stop yelling at them now. Hopefully.

[mikeeel]

dear diary.. taehyun x fem!reader warnings: use of phones/cameras, blowjob, motor-boating, degrading, praise, idk what else icl minors dni or istg... better with dark mode :)

a/n: i can't stop thinking of tae reading your journal and there's a dedicated bit to you thinking of all the things he could do to you🫠��� deffo inspired by the invitation performance & sex with me by rihanna 🤭 not proofread.. sorry if there's any mistakes.

you are lying on your bed, hello kitty pen in hand as you scribble in your journal. biting your lips, you write more furiously, almost with a certain want? but your daydream is interrupted as your phone buzzes with a text from taehyun. tae 🤗  1 new message! hey, i'm here, can u open the door for me? x

you wipe your eyes as you climb out of bed to continue on to the door. until you realise, you look dead and you smell dead and your breathe smells like something dead. so you decide to open the door and text him back.

you: i literally feel like shit, so just wait for me in my bedroom while i take a shower and that. is that okay, taetae? i'll try not 2 b long xox || send^ tae 🤗 1 new message! yeah course, i'll be waiting for you x

you giggle at the x at the end of his message. he's not one to be affectionate, even though you've known him forever. it makes your heart skip a beat, thinking of if you two were together, what messages would he send you? you blush to yourself as you skip away into the shower.

taehyun opens the door and locks it as he comes in. he's been here a dozen times, but everytime it seems your apartment feels more like home everytime. it used to be covered with posters, making it feel like your apartment. but now, taehyun's added alterations. making it feel like you and his apartment. he likes the idea of living with you, maybe more than that. maybe the significance of sleeping in the same bed as you, letting you borrow his clothes.

he smiles to himself as he walks past a landscape photo of you and him on the sea of jeju-si, your bright smile as your hair flows in the picture, lips glossy and dress loose and summery. taehyun's slight smile, cap tilted up as you complained you wouldn't be able to see his face. the shirt you picked for him on, having a heart on the side with a cute smiley face you embroidered. you got it for his birthday. he opens the door to hear you in the shower in your en-suite. "y/n, i'm here!" he says, aiming to have a response from you. "okay tae! i'll be out in about half an hour, i have to do skincare and stuff!!" you excitedly exclaim. you always manage to make him smile with your bubbly personality, your eye smile, he just loves everything about you, even your innocence and how your eyes widen and brighten when you see a stray cat on the street and when you see cute stationery you drag him to come and buy it with you.

he walks around the room as he jumps on the bed. but he realises he lays on something of yours. it's a journal? it has a cinnamoroll, it's a teal kind of colour as he smiles knowing he bought this for you, the saniro pen in the binder. he opens it and sees your handwriting filling the pages. he continues to read the first page. dear diary,

he stops and chuckles under his breath. you made this your diary? that is just the cutest thing ever. he looks down again to read more. today, taehyun got me this journal. he's just so considerate. i love him sooo much! ♥ it's my favourite thing in the entire world. today we went to jeju, and took a picture near the beach. it almost felt like we were a couple, almost.. i want to be with him so bad but i don't want to ruin our friendship! i know he isn't fond of relationships so why would he change that for me? :( he frowns, the only reason he isn't fond of relationships is because he wants to be in a relationship with you. he was going to ask you out in jeju, but he felt as if it wasn't the right time. you had just broken up with your ex, sunwoo. you were torn, but he made sure you had fun at jeju so you could forget about it.

he's soo sweet. he comforted me through my breakup with sunwoo but honestly? i'm glad sunwoo broke up with me. i felt guilty for continuing a relationship i actually didn't want.. taehyun was always the one i wanted.

he gasped. he didn't realise you wanted him for so long. he skims through the book, smiling as he reads through your days in detail. although, he comes across a lack of pages. he looks towards the back as he sees a highlighted pink page headlined in cursive bold handwriting: everything taehyun could do to me 2023 edition ♥

he raises his eyebrows, what do you even mean by that? by god, he shouldn't let curiosity take its path. or maybe he should? fuck it, he turns over the page.

no1: he can bend me over a counter and fuck me until i collapse. backstory: he was cooking for me when i was ill and he didn't have a shirt on but he had an apron on. i wanted him to fuck me sooo bad in that :( ♥

ah. that's what you meant.

no2: he can fuck me in the backseat of his car and take pictures of him ruining me. backstory: we were on the way somewhere, i can't even remember where but he had his tank top on and he reached for something in the back but he couldn't reach all the way so he climbed in the back and got it. but WAIT this is the real kicker, he sat in the backseat, spread his legs and said, this is a real spacious backseat. FUCKKK ♥ And wait.. he took a picture of me from the back seat and was like 'You're so beautiful' I SCREAMED!!!!

no3: he can fuck me in his suit and tie. backstory: he was just wearing a fucking suit and tie??? like, he wasn't even doing anything sexy but existing. the way his muscles were flexing and his hands were veiny.. ughh fuckkk ..

no4: he can fuck me in a changing room using his fingers backstory: he just can :) no5: he can choke me and use me as his own fleshlight backstory: don't ask.... no6: he can overstim me so much i beg to cum on his cock backstory: his smirk, that's it... ghhh no7: he can make me grind on his thigh at dinner with his friends backstory: we were at dinner and my hands were touching his thigh. the way those shorts made his thighs look so muscular mmmh :( ♥

no8: he can cuff me to the bed and eat me out and make me suck him off backstory: he was drinking a daiquiri when we were out drinking. the drink made his lips look glossy and sossossosososo delicious to devour. i'm not sure where the cuff bit came from, maybe the need for him to peg me?.. yum.. ❀

no9: he can fuck me soooo hard and call me names and put his fingers in my mouth backstory: i'm not sure, probably my daydreaminggg :( no10: i need him to undress me, give me the baddest hickeys for everyone to know i'm his.. hmm.. and he can make me scream so loud that his whole dorm hears me, maybe finger me too backstory: i heard soobin and his girlfriend and i wanted that to be me and tae soooo bad.. her moans were pretty but i wonder if they'd be as pretty as mine?

he hears the door unlock while he looks up at you. you have your makeup done with a pink collared shirt and a miniskirt. you love skirts. your eyes widen as you see what he's holding. you run up to him and attempt to snatch the journal away from him, but he's just too fast and makes sure it's out of your reach. you start to cry and beg for him to give the notebook back to you. "please taehyun, please don't read it, please don't," you get on your knees and pull his trousers. your eyes glassy with tears as he just looks down on you with a demeaning look. "what's this, princess?" he says lowly, waving the notebook as you stop speaking, hiccups coming from you. "i'm sorry, i'm really sorry, please don't be mad," you hiccup as you lower your head on his legs.

"i'm not mad, i'm not even angry, my princess. you hear?" he says as he puts a finger under your chin and wipes your tears. you nod, as you stand up and wipe your face. "i'm just curious," taehyun says calmly, as you look up from the floor. "come sit next to me," he pats the space next to him as you tiptoe towards him and lower yourself down onto the bed. "i didn't realise you liked my hands so much sweetheart," he chuckles as he tucks a hair behind your ear. your heart skips a beat, he read the worst bit. you look away, looking at everything but him. he notices this and grabs your head as his eyes are dark. you gulp, getting nervous at the atmosphere, the tension. "erm, well i, i, uhm, i'm," you stumble over your words as you glance at his hands gripping your face, it makes you nervous.

"i've got an idea what we can do today. we can spend the day fulfilling all your wishes, so we're going back to the dorm. how does that sound?" he smiles warmly at you, full of evil intent covered with sweetness like a sour sweet. you nod as you get out of the bed and walk to taehyun's car.

you get in the car as taehyun slides his arm along the back of your seat, looking back as he reverses. you physically scream as that is the hottest thing a man can do. as he successfully reverses, his muscles flex and fingers tapping at the wheel and you rub your thighs together. you can't believe this is actually happening.. the kang taehyun wanting to fuck you how YOU wanted.. it doesn't seem real.

the silence could be cut with a knife as all is heard is the humming of taehyun and his car. you pull off to the side of the road, it seems quite deserted. you look around as the car stops and taehyun turns to look at you.

"how about we start with no2?" taehyun says while looking at you. you grip your skirt as you nod slowly. taehyun climbs in the back and spreads his legs as he looks at you. fuckin' hell. straight out of a novel. so, positively, you say 'fuck it', climb in the back and prepare for the best sex of your life from your best friend of 300 million years.

as soon as you climb in the backseat, his lips hit yours, roaming hands as neediness take over you both. taehyun's teeth bite your neck, leaving pigmented purple marks all over, making your eyes roll back all the way to your damn brain. you're basically brain-dead, like a zombie, except you don't want to eat brains, you want taehyun's dick inside you. you straddle him, as his head goes under your shirt and you silently praise yourself for being too lazy to wear a bra. he licks around the valley of your breast as you are sure he's motorboating your breast without any noises. you actually feel yourself about to combust.

"so pretty, you're my pretty princess, i love your breasts, i love them.." he mumbles and groans and breathes heavily. he seems as needy as you. "so good tae, tae, please please fuck me," you beg as you hold the back of his head as he slowly reappears from under your top. he looks at you like he wants to devour you and eat you up afterwards. he nods as unbuckles his belt, he unzips his trousers and pulls his boxers to his ankles. he tugs at your sweatshirt, as you pull it off. you assume he wants your skirt off too so you go to pull it down but he grabs your hands. "keep your skirt on," he whispers as he slowly moves your hand back to where it originally was. you gasp at the length he manages to have. no wonder he was a prodigy in university.

"i'll make you feel like this is your first," he heaves as he grabs your waist and holds the car door as you scream in lust. the ramming and pure animalistic rutting is enough to make you bust. he flips you on your front, pressing you against the car window, the visible shaking of the car and classic window fogging. it's everything you possibly imagined if not better. you could feel him inside you, sliding in and out at a perfect pace, his fucking handsome and pretty hand gripping your waist and the other holding your hands above you. moaning and whimpering can be heard as you're both contributing into the audio heard in the car. but all of a sudden he stops. you exhale loudly as you whimper at the loss of intercourse.

"i'm sorry princess, you look too pretty right now, ruined all for me. can i take a picture?" he says and you can't even believe that that is the thing that got you to cum. you moan out as your walls flutter and spasm around his cock and juices spluttering out. he obviously stops in surprise as you stutter and groan. "i, fuck, i don't mind, not at all.." your head turns to look at him.

the scene is purely pornographic. his cock still inside you, ass-cheeks red as ever. liquid between your thighs, dripping down. unruly hair, mascara running down your eyes from when you cried from the amount of pleasure taehyun provided. lipstick smudged from kissing as taehyun has lipstick remains on his lips too. your body is covered in hickeys and swollen, hooded eyes. he smiles as he gets his phone and you hear a camera click. no flash, all raw. you smile for the photo lazily as he chuckles and puts his phone down. you look up at him.

"i wanna make you cum, tae," you say as he twitches inside you, clearly trying to keep strong for you. you took note on how he watched your tits from behind slap your torso and back, and when straddling him, he couldn't keep his eyes off how they bounced. taehyun nodded, but he inhaled to ask a question.

"how, baby?" "with my tits," you innocently say as you turn around. you spread your legs provocatively and begin to fondle yourself. rubbing your nipples and kneading your skin. he can't keep his eyes off you. he couldn't be more excited. he doesn't like to admit he's perverted for you. how he looks at your nipples through babytees you wear, when your tits look exceptionally good in vests, when you hug him and your boobs squish against him when hugging his arm and when by accident when you guys were swimming, one of your boobs came free and he came from the thought of it again. he nodded so quickly, he couldn't control himself from how embarrassed he'll be after this. you lower your chest onto his pelvis, as you hold his shaft in between your breast. you spit onto yourself and start moving up and down, as taehyun rolls his head back and starts spewing your name like a broken record.

"y/n, oh my god, fuck, y/n, nobody can do it like you, holy fuck, oh yeah, feels so good, you're such a whore for me," he hastily says as he puts his hand on your cheek. you smile cutely as you lick his tip every time it comes up through your boobs. he grabs the door behind him as he mentally prepares for probably the best orgasm of his life. "y/n, i'm so close, please please, let me cum in your mouth," he begs as you move your boobs down and insert him in your mouth. he cries out your name and spasms and shakes, splashing a future generation in your mouth. you kitten lick his tip as you clearly swallow it all. but he's not finished, he cums another time, but less, on your face. you close your eyes and gasp in surprise. you slowly grab your phone and take a snap of your breast on taehyun and cum on your face, mentally reminding you to send it to him after you're done. you chuckle as you wipe your face off of any left-over semen. you grab your sweatshirt and lazily put it back on and help taehyun with his trousers and his top.

you both climb into the front of the car, unruly hair, marks all over you and red hot bodies. you smile to yourself as you think the day is done.

"before you ask, we're not done. we're on the way to the dorm. how do you fancy a little movie night with all their girlfriends?"

[torihakaraublog]

Obey Me! NB "Happy School Life" Pop Quiz Event

Oh my goodness! Has it really been a month since I last posted?? June went by super fast!

The club activity event was okay in my mind. A bit dull club activity wise, would have liked more more in depth explanation of the activities. Plus once again where was Beel! stop hiding him! (tho as of writing this the current event seems to be Beel themed so yay!)

However, there was some very sweet/fun character moments. We got to hear about how dedicated Beel is to his club + making new members feel welcome.

We got kendo Diavolo *blushes*. Kendo suits him really well! Plus possessive Diavolo when we are taking photos of the band group (Lucifer, Barbatos, Simeon - lead singer Lucifer hehe).

Also there was a fun Asmo/Solomon dynamic going on. I love how they ended up being the only members in their respective clubs so they got placed in a room together ALONE. I'm sure they both enjoyed that teehee.

Putting together a photo album at the end + Diavolo giving us a picture was cute too :3

I wanna read Satan's detective novel! (when he's ready to share of course)

Missed out on Levi's shower card, but it looks great! I love how hes super excited about the shirt and when its unlocked hes wearing it happily. Its such a typical anime shirt design style! 10/10

Lucifer Birthday Event!

Please! Lucifer's birthday event was amazing! If irl I could do this stuff with him I would be very pleased <3

Ended up playing it a few days after Lucifer's birthday while waiting for my sis's graduation to start xD It was good to pass the time, except the seats were all conected so every time someone stood up the whole row shook!

A good breakfast with the family, visiting a bookstore (where we both get stuff cause its the worst when you buy something, but your date does not), the opera, spending a quiet dinner together at a nice bar, and dancing!

Loved how when the brothers found out I was spending the day alone with Lucifer, Levi was the first to object. Then Beel was the voice of reason being like "Guys its Lucifer's birthday we can be jealous another day, just not today!" What a good lil bro.

The part at the bar where Lucifer says "Its a shame I can only enjoy this on my birthday." I know he says that cause his drink is a special 'birthday drink' you can only get on your birthday. But since I don't drink I'm gonna pretend he said that since he's the only one who is drinking xD I usually get cranberry juice or gingerale when I'm out.

Obey Me! NB "The Devildom RAD Rangers" Pop Quiz Event

It was fun and silly event. The outfits were very nice for all the characters. Very modest (except Beel's), but on theme. Would have liked Mammon to be a hero tho! Was a missed opertunity for character development. Kinda was everyone vs Mammon.

Lots of good duos - Levi and Asmo practicing poses. Lucifer and Diavolo getting fancy cells. Think there was a Simeon and Solomon moment (I don't remember).

Super cute moment where you get to cuddle Beel and Bel at the same time to release a power move. (Yes that's totally why we were doing that lol)

Normally I don't get around to reading the devilgrams, but I did read the "Brother's no more" memory one and highly recommend. As both a Lucifer and Simeon main it was an interaction I have been hoping would happen at some point! ^_^

***

I might not be... normal about the next/current event xD so my next post might be a bit wacky lmao

[babyhatesreality]

So Little one isn’t allowed to be in the office without permission.

What does she do when they have to work in there but she isn’t allowed to be next to them (because they don’t want her to see anything harmful/ or they have so much to do) and she wants the attention from them? How would she get the attention and would they give her these? #cuddlybaby

First- my apologies that it takes me so long to answer. Life has slipped in through the backdoor and I'm trying to find 'me' time to write. Thank you all for your patience <3

The office has been off limits without permission from day one. Even when you were in trials runs, you were told that you were absolutely not allowed in there without Steve or Bucky's permission, and never, ever alone.

You never really realized the full extent as to why, but it's because there is violent and sensitive material in there due to the Avengers' line of work.

It's actually a SHIELD rule, but Bucky and Steve agree with it wholeheartedly.

You were so lucky you didn't get your little butt busted when you were trying to be a dragon that one time and snuck in there without permission.

If the door is shut, you know you are to leave it alone unless it's an emergency. Steve and Bucky have a baby monitor set up in there, so if something happens, they will know. They don't really need one- super soldier hearing and all- but they take every precaution when it comes to you being physically separated from them.

However, you definitely have your clingy days, when you MUST be cuddled.

It'll start with you sitting in the hallway, leaning up against the door, sighing dramatically. Which always makes them both smirk.

Then you'll lay down on the floor and start whispering "Papaaaaaaa....Daddyyyyyyyyy..." underneath the door. At this point, you either get bored and go play orrrrrrrrrr.....

You start scratching at the door, like a kitty. When Alpine comes into your life (much later), she's very very good at helping you with this. And your voice gets louder as you call out to them.

If THAT doesn't work, you start slipping notes and drawings underneath the door. Sloppily crayon-drawn hearts, 'I miss you' scrawled out with the 's's backwards, pictures of a sad face.

They've usually broken by this point, but Steve and Bucky have a whole section of the wall in the office dedicated to these notes that help them remember to monitor their time in there. When they see these notes appear from underneath the door, it's time to stop, no matter what.

Then there are days when they're working in there and you are absolutely allowed to be in there with them.

You can only bring books or crayons in, as they're still legitimately working and can't handle the distraction of your exuberant play.

This suits you fine, as you usually just want to be near them. However, on those extra cuddly days.....

You often will simply crawl into their laps while they work. They will automatically adjust so you are comfortable while you snuggle into their chests, humming happily. They're not working on anything you shouldn't see, so this is fine.

But there was one day when Bucky was home alone with you, needing to go over sensitive material. HE was feeling extra clingy, so he broke his own rule, letting you play on the ground at his feet with the strict instructions that you were not to climb onto his lap (because he didn't want you to see the pictures he was examining).

You were fine with this. Until you weren't.

Knowing that you weren't supposed to look at the stuff Daddy was looking at but needing to be close to him, you quickly crawled up in between his legs, putting your head underneath his teeshirt as you climbed.

He was just inhaling to scold you when you giggled. And that broke him in the best way possible. He watched with an amused grin as you maneuvered your way onto his lap, staying under his shirt, giggling and grunting till you reached your goal.

When you gave a contented sigh of pleasure at finally being where you wanted to be, he laughed and wrapped his arms around you, beginning to tickle.

It became a wild game where he kept you trapped under there, poking and tickling while you giggled and laughed at his comments about this 'strange growth on his tummy' and 'must be an alien parasite' and how he was going to have to tickle it to death to get it out.

His field report was late the next day, but he completely tuned out Maria's yelling at him as he remembered your laughter. Worth it.

[octuscle]

Working everyday sucks. I mean is this the life we dreamt of when we were young? I mean I had the choice between knowledge and sports. I chose the academic way but there are days I wish for another chance to decide. Working with my body instead of my brain would be cool. Is there a Chronivac program to solve this problem?

Dude, I understand you so well. I mean, you're in-house counsel at your company, 48 years old…. Got 20 more years to work. The peak of your career is probably right now. Damn it! If you would have made the right decision at the right time… I'll choose the setting "Become younger with simultaneous modification of the past". Means in clear language, you become now each hour a year younger. And at the same time you have dedicated yourself one year more to a career as an athlete. Whether you end up as a gold medal winner, Formula 1 champion or coach of a soccer team in the district league, I can't tell you yet. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Friday morning, 6:00 a.m. At this time you feel like an old man. Your back has been better. But trust me, in a few minutes you will feel better. Your mind is already off the weekly meeting in the shower. They're on the runs you're planning for the weekend. By the time you sit down to breakfast at 7:00 a.m. (raw vegetables, sugar-free muesli, low-fat quark), you already feel considerably fitter. You sold your car a year ago. Your new bike was almost as expensive. And now you ride it to the office like every morning.

09:00 a.m., weekly meeting of the department heads. Since you've been doing more sports, you love Casual Friday. Your tight suit pants fit snugly and your rolled-up arms show off your tanned, wiry forearms. Three years of hard training are having an effect. It's certainly helped your career, too. Most of the other department heads are not only fatter than you, they are also much older.

The morning goes well, at lunchtime you can convince your colleagues to have sushi. Normally, they always go out for schnitzel at the brewery on Fridays. Then you would have had to take a salad again. And a non-alcoholic beer. Okay, that would have worked, too. But in the meantime it causes you physical pain to watch how some people maltreat their bodies. As you brush your teeth in the office after lunch, you grin very contentedly in the mirror. You are now 40 years old. But as a rule, everyone thinks you're younger. Triathlon and soccer have gotten you out of your post-college slump over the past eight years. And now you're the departmental Adonis. One of the youngest department heads in the entire group. And an absolute winning smile!

The building empties out at 3:00 pm. But you don't just give your all in sports. When you shut down the computer at 6:00 p.m., all the e-mails have been processed. Yes, you are considered an absolute nerd. And you are. Ever since you graduated with your bachelor's degree 12 years ago, you've been working hard. In sports as well as in your job. Your promotion is only a matter of time. But that doesn't matter. You hang up your suit in your closet, stuff your shirt, shoes and knee socks into your backpack, put on your racing bike outfit and start cycling. You'd like to do another 100 kilometers tonight. Two and a half hours would be a good time… Sometime between 20:00 o'clock and 21:00 o'clock it makes click. You almost lost control of the bike. You are now just under 24 years old. And after graduating from high school, you decided to become a carpenter. The alternative would have been to study law. Like your father, like your grandmother, like your brother. But even though you weren't particularly talented at handicrafts, you wanted to do something completely different. Something physical. And fuck, that was the right decision. Today, at 33, you have your own business, plenty of time for sports, and certainly a much more relaxed life than your brother….

Now the changes come one after the other. The beginning of the transformation quickly reaches your 17th and 16th birthday. And the younger you are at the time of onset, the more serious the effects.

At 11:00 p.m. you lie in bed showered. It was a hard day. But you love your job. In the past, you would have dreamed of a different life. When you started playing soccer at the age of 14, you were already too old for the big career. Well, you were active in the second Bundesliga for a while. But now, as a physiotherapist and fitness trainer at a first league club, you're not dissatisfied. It pays pretty good money. And a bit of the boys' glamour falls on you, too. At least you get around a lot… You fall asleep at the thought.

Alarm clock rings like every day at 06:00 o'clock. You don't give a shit that it's Saturday. Could also be Sunday or Christmas. Drink a liter of water to detox, then run ten kilometers. At 07:30 your physiotherapist comes to the hotel room, 08:30 breakfast with the team. Kickoff for the soccer game is today at 8:30 p.m. Until then, light training, a yoga session and coaching with your social media consultant are scheduled.

Let the haters make fun of the soccer millionaires. You've been fighting for your career since your foot first touched a ball. And you work a hell of a lot harder for success than any armchair farter who studied business, law or mechanical engineering. And that's why you will win today!