#deciding to make myself cry at 3 am rather than going to sleep | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

frogtanii · 4 years ago

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“hi everyone,” you gave your webcam a half hearted wave, noting the flood of inquisitive comments at your demeanor.

ynismymommy: omg queen r u ok??????

emilia.95: Have you been sleeping?

atsumus-leftballsack: bestie imma need you to invest in some concealer

a giggle pried it’s way up your throat, despite your attempts to stop it as you read the comments. yes, you were fully aware that you looked like shit however, you just weren’t expecting the viewers of your stream to be so... observant.

“holy shit guys, i’m okay,” you attempted to placate your vicious audience by giving them a (forced) smile and a small chuckle. “let’s just play, okay?”

you loaded up your game of choice (call of duty — you had a lot of aggression to work off) while making idle chatter with your fanbase. they seemed to have dropped conversation about your heavy eye bags and low enthusiasm in favor of more lighthearted topics.

just as you were starting to get into it, a knock sounded at your door. at first, you were tempted to ignore it but after a few moments of silence, the knocking started up again, more incessantly. your comments started to go wild, wondering who exactly was banging on your door at like 11p.

bokutos.bahamamommamilkers: tell whoever is @ the door to fuck off

shartyba3_420: damn slam me yn like [redacted] is slamming on that door

Greg_72: Hey, you can go answer that! We’ll wait <3

you apologize quickly before removing your headphones and scurrying over to the door. swinging it wide open, you’re met with bokuto.

and what a sight he is.

once bright, golden eyes were now dull and void, accompanied by dark circles that rivaled your own while his usually sunny visage was dampened by this metaphorical dark cloud that was hanging above him.

in other words, he looked like shit.

the both of you must look like quite a pair — you in your ratty, oversized hoodie and red sweats and him in his white t shirt and flannel pajama pants. after giving him another glance over, you repressed the urge to pull him into your room and into a hug, instead choosing to wrap your arms around yourself tightly.

“um, hey bo,” you started, unable to keep your eyes on his face. “i’m really sorry but i’m streaming right now. maybe we can hang out later?”

bokuto shook his head no, and your heart began to sink. you were just so tired and you didn’t have the energy to entertain or comfort the man at the moment without letting another piece of yourself crumble but you knew you didn’t have the heart to turn him away.

resigning yourself to your fate, you stepped to the side to let him into your room, making a mental note to shield him from your webcam while you brought him to lie on your bed.

to your complete and utter surprise, bokuto did not move, shaking his head no again before moving to grab something just out of your sight behind your doorway.

you were now thoroughly intrigued, shuffling closer to peek into the hallway, only to be stopped by a box being thrusted into your hands. you looked over the colorfully painted cardboard but it gave you no indication as to what was on the inside and glancing at kotarou gave you no help whatsoever.

“what’s this?” you voiced your confusion while weighing the box in your hands, the confusion only amplifying when you discover the box is suspiciously light. you’re shaken from your investigation when bokuto throws another object in your hands, this one significantly heavier.

looking up at him, you’re taken aback by the emotion swirling in his irises, his mouth finally parting to speak. “i’m so sorry,” kotarou’s voice, while gravelly from disuse, was sincere, a slight quiver being found underlying his words. “i- i know i never said it but i just want you to know that i-i care about you and that i am so sorry for ever hurting you and making you feel like you were less than. y-you’ve helped me become myself again a-and i can never thank you enough.”

a shuddering breath left his chest as he trained his eyes on the ceiling before looking back at you with watery eyes. “you don’t have to forgive me. i-i’d understand.” you opened your mouth to respond, to rebut, but you were cut off by his strong arms, wrapping you up in a tight hug.

you couldn’t keep yourself from melting into his hold, a small ounce of stress leaving your body at his words but the bulk of it remaining. he’s just apologizing because you’re the only girl who’s shown him an ounce of kindness, the voice in the back of your head whispered.

as bokuto pulled you in tighter, you stiffened, the voice getting louder and more constant. the man holding you didn’t miss the way you tensed and hesitantly removed himself from you, his hurt written plain all over his face.

kotarou gave you a weak smile and another gentle apology before turning and leaving for his room. you already felt guilt creeping up your spine for not holding him the way you thought you should but you quickly pushed the feeling down, knowing that you wouldn’t have gotten the rest you deserved if you’d done so.

letting out a deep sigh, you shut your door and moved back to continue your stream, not before gently setting down the 2 colorfully decorated boxes on the bed, a small smile creeping across your face at the sight of the gifts.

your stream ended pretty shortly after, your mind unable to focus on the game — it was getting borderline embarrassing how often you were dying to the point you were worried your sponsors would pull out of supporting you.

with a soft smile and goodbye, you collapsed on your bed, mindful not to crush the boxes. while you were extremely exhausted, you knew you wouldn’t be able to go to sleep without examining your gifts’ contents.

you decided to open the heavier box first which yielded bag after bag of your favorite chips, candies, and drinks. you knew your mouth was gaping unattractively but you couldn’t help it. this was... way too much.

at the bottom of the box was a small note, written in bokuto’s somehow endearing chicken scratch. it read, “hi yn!!!! this is for when you get hungry :) i know i didn’t let you eat any of my snacks for a long time so i thought it would be nice if i bought some for you!!!!! i hope i got these all right :( i asked atsumu for help!!!”

a choked chuckle escaped your lips and it only amplified as you continued to the end of the note. “p.s. don’t worry about not finishing it all!!! i can always help you ;) p.p.s. also you’re so pretty!!!! don’t not eat it because you don’t think so too <3”

wiping your eyes that had become suspiciously misty, you set down the slip of paper and reached for the second box.

you couldn’t keep the gasp from coming from you as the cardboard overflowed with tiny slips of paper. with shaky hands, you unfolded the first paper, the tears overflowing over your lashline before you could stop them.

you are loved :) - akaashi

“fuck,” you whispered, swiping at your face before clumsily reaching for another, and then another, each note making you cry harder than the last.

you are beautiful!!!!! never change!! - bokuto!!!

you’re really cool - kenma

you are so kind and i owe you the world - sugawara :)

you’re sympathetic, observant, and intelligent. - sakusa.

you are patient (even when we don’t deserve it) - kuroo

yer my angel <3 - tsum tsum

there were a ton more but you promised yourself you’d read them all later, your emotions getting the better of you. you’d rather not wake up with puffy, swollen eyes and a headache so you decided it would be best to close the box and finish it all later.

laying back on your bed, you expelled a deep breath of air, not realizing just how tense you were. you’d been living on edge with the guys for at least a month now and it was really starting to wear on you.

without being able to fully trust them, you knew it wouldn’t be long until you crumbled under the pressure.

you glanced at your phone before sighing again (it really was that kind of day, wasn’t it). maybe it was about time to give dr yamada a long awaited call.

℗ poker face

you are loved :)

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - ooweee first single apology down, 4 more to go!!! also the box of papers came from everyone (obv) but they still gotta give their individual apologies hehe which shall come in the future <33 sorry this took so long KSJD i hope u enjoy!!! don’t forget to feed me <333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @sazunari • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @amberalisa • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

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xlittle-writerx · 2 years ago

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Healed

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader

summary: y/n has liked Tom for as long as she can remember, what happens when Tom's girlfriend breaks up with him.

warnings: mentions of cheating (not by our babe tom), a little angst, fluff

wc: 1.5k

...

Tom and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember. Our parents were so it just made sense, I had always expected us to grow up together and say friends, but what I had never expected was for me to fall head over heels for him when we were still in high school. Looking back on it now I realise it's kind of inevitable, I mean he’s fucking hot, but that’s beside the point.

I thought I might have even had a chance with him, crazy thinking right. But that won’t be happening any time soon.

While Tom was off filming the Spider-Man Homecoming movie, he met a girl, and I get it she is absolutely gorgeous, but I still wish it was me.

It's even harder now though because they're both back home, Tom having finished filming, and I see her a lot more than I’d like to say I’m happy with, and I don’t think she likes me which is always a bonus. It looks like it’s going well though I who am I to say anything.

I turn my head, the sound of yelling voices outside my apartment door filling my ears, going to investigate I look through the peephole of the front door to examine the scene in front of me.

To my shock, I see Tom and his girlfriend having a, very heated, argument but it looks as though I’ve just caught the end of it as she storms away yelling ‘it's fucking over’. I stare in dismay at what just happened before my sensible head thoughts come back to me and I’m opening the door as quick as humanly possible.

The sight before me makes me want to cry, Tom just looks at me, his brown eyes filled with tears, he doesn’t need an invitation as he rushes into my open arms.

After we hugged for a long time though somehow not long enough, I bring Tom over to my brown couch “do you wanna talk about it” Tom just shakes his head and cuddles up to me, “later” he whispers, and I can feel the pain in his voice, so I agree and decide to put a movie on.

20 minutes pass and Tom is already out of it, but I don’t want him to sleep on my uncomfortable couch so begrudgingly I make a move to wake him up. Tom stirs from his sleep, and I can’t help but think how cute his scrunched-up face looks, but alas now is definitely not the right time to be thinking such things.

He grumbles a bit before eventually and sleepily, he follows me into my small bedroom, he plops down onto the bed and is seemingly out of it straight away, though to my surprise he whispers my name and lightly grasps the bottom of my oversized t-shirt.

“Stay with me” he whispers again, and I shake my head in a no, no matter how much I would rather say yes, he is not in the right state of mind, and I wouldn’t want to take advantage of his hurt state.

Though he doesn’t let go of my t-shirt and lets out a quiet ‘please’ it’s almost inaudible, he sounds so broken I say that’s the only reason I concede and climb into bed with him, until he falls asleep, I tell myself.

⸰⸰⸰

When I woke up with Tom in my arms, I almost audibly yelled out a curse, swearing to myself at how stupid I was but, I can’t change it now so I might as well enjoy it.

Looking at his peaceful sleeping face I want to slap his now ex-girlfriend for causing him pain, though I don’t know what happened I can only imagine it wasn’t very good if this is the way Tom is acting. Glancing across to my bedside table I catch the time and almost jump out of bed.

11:30am flashes on the screen and I freak because I was supposed to be at work 3 hours ago, grabbing my phone off the table I leave a sleepy Tom in my bed to quickly call my boss and explain the situation to her.

Luckily, my boss is an angel and understood and let me take the rest of the day off to sort everything out with Tom.

Walking back into my room and to my bed, I take a seat beside Tom and brush some of his brown locks of hair from his face, he stirs and catches my hand as I try, and fail, to remove it from his face before he notices.

I smile sheepishly at him, and he gives me one back, “good morning sleepy head” I muttered a bit shyly, Tom smiled brighter and replies “good morning” rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

I leave the room after telling Tom that I’ll be making breakfast for the both of us and tell him to freshen up. One thing that stays on my mind the entire time I’m making breakfast is the way he looked at me this morning when he woke up, the light that seemed to be in his eyes has the butterflies in my stomach swirling.

I hear the shower stop just as I finish making breakfast and not long after Tom comes out smelling of my lavender body soap, “just in time” I smile at him and again, he looks at me like I’m the sun. Forcing myself to ignore the fluttering in my stomach, I set the table and we both sit down to eat the eggs and bacon prepared.

Once breakfast is done Tom and I sit down on my couch to watch more TV, “so” I start wanting to know what happened between Tom and his girl – ex-girlfriend yesterday, “do you want to talk about it now.

He gives me a shy kind of smile and nods sheepishly, “well” Tom starts “I just found out that she was cheating on me pretty much our entire relationship” he admits “I was just kind of in shock you know like I liked her, probably not as much as I should have, as she claims to have known the entire time, but it still hurt”

I stare at him like he’s just told me we're all gonna die in 10 seconds until I finally snap out of it “did she say why, not that there’s any excuse to cheating” I ask him wanting to know more details. At this Tom blushes and I’m confused, “actually, yes” he begins “she said it” he breaks off into a breathy kind of laugh “she said she did it because she thought I liked you”.

“Well, that’s absolutely absurd”, Tom just looks at me “isn’t it”, I say quieter than before, my hopes rising even though they shouldn’t, a slight smile takes over his face as he shakes his head and mouths ‘no’.

I smile a little and before I have a chance to react Tom leans over and plants his lips atop mine kissing me, I kiss back instantly having dreamt of this moment since I was 16.

Smiling he pulls away and though I’m ecstatic I’m still majorly confused, “since when” I ask like it’s the most important question in the universe and he replies with a smile “year 10” and it takes me a while to process his answer, but then I realise that we have liked each other the entire time and none of us acted on it.

This thought makes me laugh and hurt quickly flashes across Tom’s face thinking that I’m laughing at what he just said, I quickly place my lips on his again and he smiles into the kiss “I like you too” I say pulling away from his mouth “since year 10” I tell him and then he laughs his head falling to rest on my chest as his body heaves up and down, Tom’s laughter being contagious I start laughing with him until we’re both out of breath, Tom somehow ending up on top of me.

Our laughter dies out and he leans down to kiss me once more, this time more passionate than the last two as he grabs my waist trying to get closer than humanly possible. I pull away and ask him a question that had been on my mind since all this information has come out “then how come you were with her”.

“Because I thought you didn’t want me like that and tried to get over you” he lets out a laugh, “I think I only made it worse though” I laugh at his statement asking him another question, “why were you crying then” his face drops at this and I instantly wish I could take the question back, however before I can say anything else Tom speaks up “because over time I gathered small feelings for her as well, and it still hurt a little, but she’s not you" he smiles at me "she never will be" and with that, he kissed me once more.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff

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questifer · 2 years ago

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It's Been A While

Some of you have been following me on Twitter for quite a while now, but for everyone else I'd like to summarize just where I've been and what I have been up to since I left Tumblr. I was going to write this out all in one post, but as it turns out recapping 3 years' worth of dramatic life and career events is a lot. So today, I'll be posting only the first part: Why I left Blizzard and what happened next.

Chapter One: The End of an Era

Last time I was active on here, it was around the 2019 Blizzcon in which I helped create the Bastion Blizzcon Demo. It was a hard Blizzcon and many who were staying with me at the con may have noticed that I was struggling to enjoy myself. As it turned out, the journey up to shipping that demo had been extremely difficult for me. I didn't know it at the time, but I was also in the throes of a 6 month long manic episode. To summarize without going into too much detail, I became extremely paranoid about my coworkers talking behind my back, making choices without consulting me that impacted my work, and dismissing me when I raised concerns. That paranoia manifested in anger that I struggled to contain and so I damaged several important work relationships along the way. I also was barely sleeping, had developed extreme caffeine sensitivity, and ended up at urgent care for gastritis and heart palpitations on more than one occasion. At its peak, I would come home from work and scream-cry on my floor and contemplate either quitting or committing suicide. It became very clear to me that this wasn't your run-of-the-mill creative psychosis that comes over me on occasion when the work itself gets hard. I'll get into the diagnosis, how my psychiatrist and I recognized the manic episode, and how I got to where I am now in a later post. By the time COVID hit and we were all sent home in March 2020, I could not have been happier to get out of the office with people I no longer trusted or thought liked me at all. All at once the social pressure to put on a happy face, respond to people walking up to my desk randomly, and moderate my chaotic emotional state evaporated. With the context of only being perceived while on video calls, I gained the ability to control how I interacted with others. I thought this change in attitude would improve my relationship with my peers, but sadly it didn't. They had already decided I was a horrible collaborator and no longer advocated for me behind closed doors. In truth, I don't really blame them, but I do wish they had given me the benefit of the doubt. It was not business as usual up in my brain-meats. After 4 months of more of the same, I updated my resume and browsed LinkedIn for roles that raised my interest. In truth I had been daydreaming about something new, something with less baggage, but my love for WoW, my team, and Blizzard was still extremely strong. I was very conflicted about leaving. When an opportunity arose to work with a studio in Sweden on an IP that I really liked, it presented a rather romantic idea of what my life could be. I could break clean with all that had been going on at Blizzard. I could live somewhere new and different. I could finally prove that I was not just a WoW quest designer, but a game designer of considerable skill. My friends and family were encouraging but I did not hear them when they brought up very reasonable concerns. Was it too far? How would I do without a support system? Was there another way to accomplish my goals? It was extreme, and I knew it, but a part of me felt that the world would just prevent me from going if I wasn't meant to. And that's how I learned just how easy it was to sell almost everything I owned, pack my life into 3 suitcases, get on a plane, and suddenly live in Sweden.

And with that, I'll pick up with the Sweden Saga in my next post.

#game development #covid19 #pandemic #international relocation #World of Warcraft #mental health crisis #bipolar disorder #manic episode #tw: suicide #suicidal ideation

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favefandomimagines · 4 years ago

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Oh (e.b.)

Summary: buck runs into his ex fling, taylor kelly, leaving you to feel like nothing but a second choice

AN: inspired by the winter finale of 911

You were a catch. You were smart, had a good job, beautiful. Guys were lining up to date you and yet the man you wanted to be with didn’t want you.

It seemed to everyone around you that the two of you were meant to be but to Buck, it wasn’t that obvious. He didn’t see how you looked at him, didn’t hear how you talked about him. Clearly, he didn’t know how you felt about him.

So, you stuck it out. You put your feelings on the back burner and just decided to be his friend. If he wanted to be with you, he would.

But you couldn’t ignore the feeling in your chest when he told you he was having dinner with Taylor Kelly.

“We got to talking at that call and then Albert said him and Veronica were having dinner and I just, called and asked if she wanted to come.” Buck explained. “And she said yes?” You asked.

“Yeah, she seemed on board. Maybe this is the universe telling me something.” He said. “The universe? You’ve never believed in that stuff.” You told him. “But this is Buck 3.0. I’m all for a change.” Buck answered. “When is this dinner again?” You asked. “Wednesday at 6.” He said.

“Oh.” You muttered quietly. Wednesday was your birthday. And it seemed that Buck was caught up in bettering himself and finding someone that he had completely forgotten about you. But you had enough trying to remind him and get him to see that you were right there the whole time.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you looked at the mug in your hands. “You okay?” He asked. “Uh, yeah. I think I’m gonna head home. I have a long shift tomorrow.” You said, rising from your seat.

“You just got here.” Buck pointed out. “Buck, I just, I gotta go.” You said in a more stern manner. He looked at you with furrowed eyebrows and watched you leave his apartment.

You let out a large sigh as you got in your car before the tears came.

How were you so unlucky that the guy you were head over heels for, wanted someone else? He wanted someone else so much, he forgot about her birthday. When you were right there through everything? You were there through Abby leaving, Ally breaking up with him, the lawsuit against the department, his parents, everything. And yet you were left on the back burner.

You always put his feelings above your own, not because you felt like you should. But because you cared about him and if he was happy, you were happy. Though, the more you thought about it, the more you realized that he sometimes didn’t give you that same courtesy.

Your day was like the day from hell. Everything that could go wrong in your line of work, went completely wrong. To make matters worse, you had lost one of your favorite patients. She had stage 3 leukemia but she never let that change her personality.

She made going to the hospital after shifts worth while because at least you got to spend time with her. But the cancer was too aggressive for the chemo and she died in her sleep that night. You tried not to let losses get to you but she had been your patient since you started volunteering at the hospital. You were really hoping you’d see her remission but the universe had other plans.

All you wanted to do was lay on the couch with Buck and just cry. You got in your car and dialed his number, getting a few rings before he picked up. “Hey, you!” He greeted you. “Hey, do you maybe want to come over later? I’ve had the worst day. I lost a patient and-” You started before he cut you off.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I can’t. I have a date tonight, trying to put myself back out there.” He said. “I can come over after.” He added. “No, forget it. It’s fine.” You said. “You sound upset.” Buck said. “I’m fine, Buck. Enjoy your date.” You replied before hanging up the phone.

Since that evening, you had been avoiding Buck like the plague. On shifts, you wouldn’t talk to him. Sticking to Chimney and Hen like glue to avoid any conversation with Buck.

You went so far to ask to ride in the ambulance to calls, rather than in the fire engine like usual. It wasn’t odd for you to be in the ambulance because you were an EMT but you usually rode with the rest of the team.

“Does anyone know why Y/N won’t ride with us anymore?” Buck asked his crew. “Are you that dumb?” Hen asked. “Hen,” Bobby started. “It’s because of you, dude.” Eddie answered. “Me? What did I do?” Buck questioned. “Well, you blow her off all the time, completely ignore her feelings and ditch her for dates and you’re so oblivious you can’t see that she’s totally in love with you.” Eddie explained. “When you were hurt in the hospital, she didn’t come to work for days because she didn’t want you the throw a clot. She had to work triple shifts just to make enough to pay her rent because of all the days she missed sitting with you. Did you ever thank her for that?” Bobby added. “Well, no, but-” He started.

“And when she lost her favorite patient, Emily, did you ask her if she was okay?” Bobby asked. “I-I couldn’t I had a date. And she didn’t say it was Emily.” Buck said, trying to defend yourself. “If you don’t reciprocate her feelings, that’s fine. But she’s your best friend. And as her best friend, you are supposed to be there when she needs you. She shouldn’t have to explain herself.” Bobby concluded. “You also forgot her birthday.” Chimney added as they all got out of the engine.

The rest of his shift, Buck tried getting you to talk to him. But it was always, ‘I’m busy, Buck’ or ‘Can’t talk, we’re working.’ He’d given up when he tried to stop you after a call and you had given him a look he had never seen before.

The guilt was eating him alive. He was a terrible friend to you and he thought being with you was a pipe dream. Until Hen and Eddie told him you loved him. But regardless of your feelings for him, you had done so much for him and he didn’t realize it until you were gone.

That night, Buck went over to Taylor’s to gain more perspective on what he could do to fix what he royally screwed up.

“I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t talked to me in weeks. We’ve never gone this long without talking.” Buck explained to Taylor.

“Well, you did forget her birthday. And not give it a second thought that she was hurting over the loss of a patient.” She said. “That’s not helping.” He replied. “You asked for my help and I’m being honest. You really hurt her. She almost got evicted because she was so worried about you. The first person she wanted to be with after her friend died was you and you went on a date instead.” Taylor said. “I know. I tried to talk to her but she won’t answer any of my calls or texts. She won’t even look at me anymore.” Buck said.

“You are so stupid sometimes.” Taylor laughed. “What?” Buck asked. “She has feelings for you. Why else would she get so upset? If she only saw you as a friend, you would be getting screamed at not avoided.” She explained.

“Everyone keeps saying that but there’s no way Y/N has feelings for me. She’s...perfect. Perfect doesn’t fall for damaged goods.” Buck rebutted. “Trust me, she loves you.” Taylor told him. “And do you love her?” She asked. “Of course I do. But being with her seemed like it was too good to happen so I tried to move on. I guess I tried so hard I ended up hurting her anyways.” Buck answered.

“Then tell her. And do a whole lot of graveling while you’re at it.” Taylor said.

Buck quickly left the apartment and got into his car driving like a bat out of hell. When he arrived at your apartment, he didn't even bother to park in the parking stall correctly, his main focus was just getting to you.

When he finally reached your door, he knocked on it rather harshly and heard the sound of your urgent footsteps coming to find out who it was.

"Buck? What are you doing here?" You asked. Buck couldn't even find the words to answer because he was more focused on what you were wearing.

You had on a formed fitting red dress, your hair was curled and flowing over your shoulders and you looked beautiful.

"Wh-Why are you dressed like that?" He stammered. "I have a date." You answered. "You have a date? With who?" Buck asked. "Emily's brother. We became close when Emily had chemo and after she died we kept in tough. Why are you here?" You questioned.

"Don't go on the date. Please, for the love of god, don't go on that date. Because I love you, Y/N. I was too stupid to see it until you weren't around anymore. And I was terrible to you. I was supposed to be your best friend and I was so worried about my own life I dnd't even ask you how you were doing and oh my god I missed your birthday." Buck rambled.

"Slow down, Buckley, and talk to me at a normal rate, please." You said.

Buck took a deep breath and looked at you intently. "I'm in love with you. I-I always have but being with you always seemed like a pipe dream because you're perfect. You have always been perfect and you know that I'm not." Buck explained.

"Exactly. I've seen you at your worst and I still love you but even as your best friend you never gave me the time of day. Missing my birthday to go to dinner with Taylor Kelly. Brushing me off after Emily died because you had a date." You laughed bitterly. "I have stood by you no matter what. But god forbid I need you once in a while." You added.

"And I am so sorry, Y/N. You have every right to be upset with me, I'm upset with me. I'm pissed off at myself because I didn't realize what I had until it was too late." Buck replied. "Evan, do you understand the situation you just put me in? I get to go on a date with a great guy, one who actually pays attention and then the man I've been in love with for years, shows up at my doorstep to tell me he loves me back." You started.

Buck's facial expression fell, fearing the worst and anticipating you telling him that you'd moved on and he was too late.

"And I have to call that guy and tell him that I can't make it. Because the person I actually want to be with is right here." You finished.

The light in Buck's eyes returned at your words, looking at you with a gentle smile.

"Really?" He asked. "Yes, really and please don't make me regret it. You've screwed up a lot lately, let's not add us to the list." You said. "So there's an us now?" Buck questioned. "I-If that's okay with you." You stuttered. "It's absolutely okay with me." Buck said with a smile.

"I guess I got all dressed up for nothing." You sighed, letting Buck inside your apartment.

Buck was quiet for a moment as he watched you take your heels off and your earrings, placing them on the table by the door. "Then let's not make it for nothing. Let me take you out on our first official date." He said.

"Besides, I need to see you in that dress more often." He added a smirk on his face. "Alright then, Buckley. Take me on a date. You have a lot to make up for." You smiled, offering him your hand.

Buck took your hand in his, happily, and held you steady as you put your shoes back on. “Trust me, Y/N, it’ll be the best date you’ve ever been on.” He said.

In the moment, you laughed at his words but after the date had concluded and all was said and done, it had indeed been the best date you have ever been on.

#imagine #911 imagine #911 lone star #911 fox #evan buckley #evan buckley imagine #evan buckley x reader #evan buckley oneshot #oliver stark

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retxiel-has-nothing-better-to-do · 3 years ago

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[Translation] Otona no Meruhen Vol 8: 「Tsukiyo no Hime ～Juusha no Kare～」

Four years later, and I still haven't found a translation (・∀・) so I decided to translate it myself, with the help of google translate and raw intellectual power =u= This is literally my first translation ever so excuse me if I have any mistakes o.o This took me a ridiculous amount of time to translate oof Tora is just really cute here~ Other than the moe gap ouo So yeah this is what I am doing at the end of the year. Uhh anyways if you're reading this, I hope you enjoy!

Oh yeah, this is R18. So uh, that's your warning before you decide to continue.

Synopsis: https://dauriculaire.tumblr.com/post/164589798250/%E5%A4%A7%E4%BA%BA%E3%81%AE%E3%83%A1%E3%83%AB%E3%83%98%E3%83%B3%E5%92%8C-%E6%9C%88%E5%A4%9C%E3%81%AE%E5%A7%AB-%E5%BE%93%E8%80%85%E3%81%AE%E5%BD%BC-otona-no-meruhen-wa

大人のメルヘン和「月夜の姫～従者の彼～」 CV: 一重細目 (???)

Track 1: Meeting (出会い) [0:05] P.. Pleased to meet you! I am Tora. My name was given to me by your father. Starting from today, I will also be living here. I look forward to working with you! Eh? But.. I-Is that okay? For me to call you 'Sis'.. Uwahah..! That makes me happy! Then, please feel free to call me Tora! Yes, I'll be in your care as well! Oh! That reminds me! This! It's for you Sis. It's a flower I found on the way here. It's really pretty, so I want to give it to you. Yes. I'm happy to know that you're pleased with it. No, I'm glad! I get to see Sis's laughing face.. From now on, I'll continue to make you smile a lot okay? [1:46] Sis... hic gulp ..Can I please sleep together with you? I had a terrible dream... [2:17] I really hate the rain. It.. scares me so much. Sis.. you're so warm. Yes, I feel more calm now. Are you sure? Is it really okay for me to sleep here..? Okay~ ( ꈍᴗꈍ) Sis.. really is warm. And.. smells nice. ...It calms me down.

Track 2: Attendant (従者) [0:12] Oh? Sis~! Ugh.. O-Ouch.. Huh–? I won't cry! I'm a man after all..! I'm fine. There's really nothing to worry about! It will surely heal soon even if you leave it alone. More importantly! I wanted to eat some peaches since earlier so.. would you like to eat together? Certainly! Sis, you like peaches right? That's good (. ^ ᴗ ^.) Then, I left them over there, so let's eat them together! [1:05] Here, eat up~ Ehehehe, looks delicious~! Peel off the skin and.. Uh? *cute frustration noises* ..Ugh.. It won't peel off. Uh? Here. Thank you so much! Ehehee~! Well then, thanks for the food! Mm~! Tasty.. Oi? Where is it? Please stop, I can do that much myself. Jeez Sis.. You're so quick to treat me like a kid! Again, I'm not a kid. [2:03] This presence.. Again? These days, it seems highly rumored that there's an extremely beautiful princess that lives around here. More importantly.. doesn't it seem like they're taking way too much trouble just to catch a glance? ..A-Ah! No, it's nothing. So Sis, would you like to eat the rest inside? It's too sunny here and it's a little hot. *frustratedly grumbles* Isn't it a good idea? Let's please go inside already! Hurray! Okay, go inside now quickly. [2:54] Eeee..! Kk.. Jeez, even if I said I was okay.. (⇀‸↼‶) Ngh.. It hurts, but I'll do my best. Sis? I.. want to be your attendant. Actually, I have already asked your father about it. I.. really want to protect you. That's– It's... A-Anyways! Your father already gave his permission. That's why, I'll always from now on, be by your side! To guard you. So now, all I need is your permission Sis. Eh? Me too. I also think of Sis as my real sister. That's why I call you as such. But I truly want to protect you. Please. [4:06] Can't.. I? I want to stay by your side... In that case, it's fine right? That's good! Ah, likewise. I look forward to working together. If you feel like something is troubling you or anything, please feel free to tell me okay?

Track 3: On a Rainy Night (雨の夜は) [0:05] The moon is rather obscured today isn't it? There are more clouds out than usual. Rain? Ah, I see. It might start raining soon huh..? Eh? Are you sure? Ah no, but earlier today, I just said that I would start protecting you Sis. Yes.. I'm still not good with rain. Uah! Please keep it a secret from your father alright? If he knows that I'm sleeping with you at this age.. It's a bit embarrassing.. Downright miserable. But it's hard for me to overcome. [0:57] Sis, do you know why I came here? I was actually abandoned by my parents. We didn't have any money at home. No food neither. So.. maybe, they had no other choice but to throw me out. I remember that I was asked to do it first but... Since the birth of their new child, I told myself, "I'm sure that they could live a better life than now." Around that time, your father took me with him.. He told me that he understood my situation because he too was also poor. Yes. Although now, it looks like he's become more wealthy since you came here Sis. That's why I too, am able to live together with you both like this. Everyday is fun, and I get to eat enough food and have a full stomach. I'm really happy here. [2:04] Yet.. On a rainy day, I almost always end up being reminded of it. My family and.. When I went to say goodbye, because it was also raining that night. That's why, when I first came here, I-I thought it would all just be temporary. I was scared. The tears wouldn't stop flowing out. Oh! Now, it's not as bad as it used to be. Though, it still makes me feel a little lonely but, I'll probably... overcome it soon right? Ah, the rain is already starting to pour isn't it? Sis? Is it really okay with you? You won't make fun of me for acting childish? [3:13] Tonight, I feel like I'll be able to sleep well~ Of course. Heh~ Sis.. I love you.

Track 4: Moon Viewing (月見) [0:03] Sis~! Oh, so you were here all along. Sis! You have a visitor. Hah.. I thought you would say that. I declined it, don't worry. Well, I guess it won't work if you don't agree to it. I'll tell them that you don't feel particularly well. Even so, that person was quite an item– (T/N: I think he was insulting the person? Like, 'nakanaka' meant 'good' but shibutsu meant 'useless thing' so like, I think he meant that the person had a kinda stuck-up personality as a high status person maybe?) Ah nothing! They're quite tenacious aren't they? Is it that you just got used to giving out refusals? I'm talking about the marriage proposals. A jeweled branch from Hōrai, two robes made of Chinese fire-rat skins, the Buddha's stone begging bowl. After that, a cowry shell born from a swallow, and the pearl from the dragon's neck was it? “If you succeed in bringing it to me, I shall accept your proposal for marriage,” you said. Those things you mentioned.. do they even exist? So Sis can be a mean person too I see~ [1:11] Well, thanks to that, most of your suitors gave up. A few haven't, yet you seem to be doing as well as ever. That said, you're around the age where you should think of getting married, your father said. Then, do you not plan on getting married to anyone? Ah..! What a relief.. Nothing. I think you're truly beautiful Sis. That's why it isn't strange to think that everyday, someone would come to ask for your hand in marriage. Please don't say that! I meant that.. Sis is as lovable on the inside, as well as the outside. So please, never change yourself. Sis, you're beautiful just the way you are. Ehe~ Well then, I have something to do, so I'll be off for a bit. Oh yeah. Tonight, let's go for a stroll again together okay? [2:41] Sis, please be careful of where you step. Huwah.. You can see the moon really well over here. You like the moon a lot, don't you Sis? Nowadays, you often look up at it during the night. Yesterday you came to see it. Today as well. Not at all. I'll just watch you while you watch the moon. Ehehehe~ Should I stop? (・∀・)? [3:21] I like the moon as well. But lately, it makes me feel a bit envious. I mean, because you'd usually only stare so intently when you watched over me. No, nothing. Maybe it's jealousy or something, not about what you're– I'm just worried. One day, some man will take Sis somewhere away from here.. I understand. Women are supposed to– have the obligation to get married. But, still, I don't want you to marry anyone Sis..! I'm sorry for being selfish. Heh? Is that true? ..Really? You, really won't marry anyone, you'll promise me that? I'm glad! Sis please.. stay as my sis forever okay? Hey, Sis? I'm still not that much taller than you; I'm not strong either. I've still got a long way to go before I become a man but, if I.. grow taller than you, and train more so that my martial arts are second to none. Maybe then I... [5:27] O-On second thought, that's enough for now! If that time comes then I'll be sure to tell you. Just for now, let's watch the moon for a little bit longer?

Track 5: Promise (約束) [0:09] The emperor.. hah.. I heard that the emperor wanted to.. hah.. see you in person..! That, is it really true? It is.. isn't it. I have also heard from your father. And the rumor was spreading like wildfire. Even.. out on the streets..! Of course! I undoubtedly believe your words. But, you.. with such a person.. You're being ordered to against your will right!? I hate it. Sis you haven't even.. you haven't even met him– having to get married to someone just like that..! I KNOW but–! [1:04] Why? Can you really say that? You can still refuse the emperor if you have any valid reason. Sis, you're.. hiding something from me aren't you? I have noticed ever since before. While looking up at the moon, Sis you.. always seemed to be thinking about something. And with that.. I've been pretending not to notice. Please tell me. What on earth are you hiding from me? Sis..! Please. I beg you, please tell me the truth! [2:03] Go back.. to the moon..? What do you mean? Sis are you.. not a person from this world? No way. It can't be— You're saying.. the truth? Then, you are here now.. to atone for your sins as some divine punishment? What sin did Sis even commit to get sent here? Why-!? Is it a sin to have a longing for this world? “It's an unclean place,” they said? P-Please wait! Your sin, when will it be forgiven? ..The next full moon? Isn't that already tomorrow?! *random thunder strike* That's... cruel. I couldn't even keep my promise when I said I would protect you. When I said, we'd stay together-! No matter what.. Yet, you knew you were going back to the moon eventually so you lied when we did that promise didn't you? ..Even if this world is unclean, I don't want you to go back. [3:37] What? I see. It wasn't.. my fault huh? You liar! Even ever since we first met Sis.. you would always–! Make excuses like that.. And now, you're going to leave me as well..! No stop, I don't want to hear it anymore! Sis I... I HATE you!

Track 6: (Four Times in a Row If Someone Knows The Title, Pls Tell Me :,)) (私が貴女を) [0:13] W-What do you want? ..I'm not crying. Please leave me alone! You won't be here after tomorrow anyways. You don't really care about me, do you? Because that's just the way it is isn't it?! You'll be.. gone tomorrow after all right? Just like back then. Please stop it. I really don't care anymore. Hurry. The moon, or wherever, why don't you just go? Sis is.. a pure and untainted moon dweller, is that right? Liar! You're still trying to deceive me, even though you're going to go back eventually..! Night after night, you would always stare at the moon like that. Rather than spending time here, you wanted to return to the moon right? If you really mean it, would you stay with me? Don't go back. Just.. stay with me. [1:41] In that case, you just have to get rid of it. From what you said, only pure things can exist on the moon right? Then... I'll gladly defile you. After that, you'll have no choice but to stay here. You said you would stay with me no matter what. You said you would.. keep our promise didn't you? That you won't leave.. and that you'll stay here. Well then, It would be fine.. if I tainted you right? Even if this is the only way I can think of, will you come to hate me? That.. Of course, it's obvious. I don't want you to keep treating me like a kid. So now.. 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 look at me properly. [3:21] This smell of yours. I like it a lot. Back then when I used to sleep together with you, being surrounded by your scent while I slept.. It comforted me. But now, it's.. even stronger than usual. I wonder why? Even your body too. It's hotter than usual. Would it be okay if I touched you more directly? Soft.. Since it's your first time being touched like this, aren't you.. a little nervous? But I want to touch you more. In all of the places, that no one's ever touched before. Here. And your chest too. Can I use my fingers? When I touch here, it would stiffen a bit. It's slowly getting erect.. Uah..! You don't have to! Please don't hide yourself. I want to see everything. Your body. And your cute expressions. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵. I want to see every inch of you. So, won't you turn over here? That's good.. Even though you seem embarrassed, you don't really mind right? Then, can I.. kiss you? Your lips are really soft.. U-Um.. Can I put my tongue in this time? *one protagonist-induced silence later* If you stay silent, I'll take it as affirmation you know. I already warned you right? Well then, I honestly, really like it so.. I won't ask you again another time. Why? Does it.. feel so good? This is bad.. I'd rather stop speaking. Why is it this sweet? Your lips~ [7:57] It hurts. The more I do this with you, the more my feelings start to overflow. I like you. I like you a lot. I love you! I know.. we have to do this now so I can protect you, but I don't want it to be like this. But! You'll be gone if we don't. Maybe if we had more time.. because, right now I'm still not– I'm not sure I could satisfy you. I'm sure.. I wouldn't.. be able to. But I.. already am a man? But, really? Am I really enough for you? Then, one more time. Like earlier. Please let me.. do it again. [9:57] Ah.. My apologies. I should have untied the obi belt earlier. Your kimono is all wrinkled. Aww.. Too bad. It's pretty dark because it's night. This place, I can't see it very well. I wanted to see! A little bit. But, you're fine with it since it's less embarrassing right? Then I have no complaints if it's like this. I can't see very well. But I can still tell. From the sound. If you're ready, is it okay if I? Ah.. Does it embarrass you? But it's okay. Right now, these sounds, and the cute voice you make.. no one else will be able to hear it except me. Since the rain will completely mask every sound so.. I usually hate the rain. Yet when I'm here with you, even the sound of rain seems comforting. It's quite strange. Should we already? Me too.. I want it to feel good. I'll enter slowly, okay? [14:04] It hurts doesn't it?

I'm really sorry! B-But whimper I can't... endure it for much longer.. I want to move already. I-I didn't know.. doing this.. felt so– good..! I am-! really.. s-sorr~! I can't stop! I'm sorry..! *starts to cry a little* W-What should I..? Already... I'm going to cum! [16:08] .. I apologize. Please wait! It's still.. not enough so... Uuh this.. still might not be sufficient. You too, right? Besides... More of you. I want to taint you more. This alone may not be enough yet. This time, it seems a bit less tight.. than before. That's why– it'll be.. ff~fine..! All the places. That make you feel good. Please tell me. What's wrong? Are you feeling good too? If I touch your chest like this.. Or here, it twitches whenever I tease it with my fingers. Just now, you tightened a bit. Then, I'll play with you even more here okay? It.. came out a lot. If it's mine, or if it's yours, I'm not really sure.. But, a lot's coming out of you. [19:42] I want to stay connected with you.. like this forever. Your insides.. feel warm, and surprisingly nice. I really want to stay with you like this forever. I love you. Sis..! [21:06] Sis! Sis–! Kuh.. Ahh~! Don't leave! Forever.. just stay with me...! Please. I'm coming... -again! May I? Too– Too much~ I'm already at my... -limit! Cumming! [22:46] Maybe... I can die now..? U-uuh.. Please wait! Don't move yet. I don't want to pull it out.. yet. This, wanting to stay connected with you. Is it not good? Why? I want to do more... and more. Because! When was it supposed to be again? Tomorrow? I can't wait so long. Hey, Sis.. I still haven't heard you voice your response yet. What do you truly think of me? I want to hear it properly. Yes, that. The words you said just now. One more time; please tell me again. Mm.. I can't hear you very well. One more time. Me too! I like you. I love you~! [24:24] Mm... Uhm. As I thought, for now, can we do it just one more time? Is it no good? You still have it in you so.. you can tell right? For tonight, just one more time and that's it. Please? Pretty please. Sis~ Hehe, you used to falter so easily like that whenever I acted cute. Ehe, I remember! Moreover, I have to fill you with more and more of me. Because I won't let you go back to the moon. So.. it's okay right?

Track 7: Whether It's Sunny or Rainy (雨でも晴れでも)

Track 7: Whether It's Sunny or Rainy [0:06] Are you looking at the moon again? In the end, you weren't taken away after all. As I thought, was it because of me? Is it possible that– you regret it? Hah~ Thank goodness. At least now, I can see you next to the moon like this. Just a bit later and I would've started to hate it. (‘=u=) [0:43] Oh! Ahh, I don't hate the rain anymore! For the longest time now, you'd always stay by my side and hold me close on days that were rainy. Now I actually quite look forward to them. Ah–! How can you say such a thing? How cruel. Personally, whether it's sunny or rainy. I wouldn't mind as long as I get to sleep together with you at night. [1:15] Is it okay.. for tonight as well? Because! Since that night, I always think of that time with you. What I feel towards you; I can't control it so easily. I want to.. touch you, so much that it's unbearable. "Someone will see"? Who would be able to see us? Gee, even though it's already this late.. ..Ahh.! By that, do you mean the people who come just to be able to see you? Thinking about it, it would probably be fine to let them look all they want! Then I'm sure; they'll have no choice but to understand that you're mine and mine only. So... if you insist so much, shall we confront them and intimidate them into leaving? [2:29] Nn..! Hah~ I understand. In that case, why don't we go to your room instead. Yes, that's right. It's a place where nobody would be able to see us right? Here, please stand. I'll pull you up. Come on, let's go!

Track 8: Bonus (おまけ) [0:03] Oh? Please wait! The kids have finished their training just now. Certainly. It is a bit hard, but teaching kendo to children is pretty fun. The children learn really quick. It's like there's nothing else for me to teach them huh? I also want to have my own child as soon as possible~ Pffft— Hehehmm~! Why did you get so red? [0:37] Listen. About that promise we made in the past, do you still remember? "When I grow taller than you, and my strength becomes second to none. If that time comes, then I would have something to tell you." [Kids: Teacher~!!!] Hah.. Yes, I can hear you all. Hehe~! Well then, let's continue this again later. In your room. [1:28] Oh? Ahh.. did you wake up? Yes, I came to visit you~ Didn't I tell you earlier today? "Let's continue this in your room." But actually, tonight's not a usual visit. I came to formally propose to you. Of course; I'm serious. Three days from today. I'll come back here to finally tie the knot with you. It will be proof that we are officially married. Then we'll eat mochi together on the third day okay? (T/N: “In the Heian period, mochi was often used in Shinto events to celebrate childbirth and marriage. In this period, it became customary in the aristocratic society for the bride and groom to eat mochi together at the bride's house three days after the wedding.”) I already managed to fulfill it; I grew much taller than you. And now, I've become strong. What's your reply? I've become a man who is second to none. Yes. Now that I am more confident in myself than back then, I want to be a man who can stand beside you. I desperately trained everyday. Even while sweating, I did my best. [2:46] Do you need time to give an answer? Then, please choose me. Get married with me. For three days. I'll come here every night from today until you say yes. Please. Allow me to make you happy. *you pull him in and kiss him* [3:48] ..I like you. You really are.. beautiful even at a glimpse. I can't. I can't take my eyes off of you for a moment. [4:44] Are you still embarrassed? If so, should I take mine off too? If we're both like this, you won't have to be embarrassed. Go ahead. Please feel free to look more closely~ What's wrong? After I went through the trouble of taking it all off. I want you to see. No matter where, or even, how I grew up. It's completely different from when I was a kid. You're bright red~! Then again, I don't think you'd be able to really understand just by looking at it would you? Here, give me your hand. Do you understand? It's now slightly muscular and a bit more stiff than it used to be right? The way your body is now is also completely different from back then. Here, your chest too. Please let me touch it. Even your arms. [5:59] Look at this! Do you know that you're getting fat? Geheh..! Fuhehe~ Hah.. I''m really sorry! You were just so cute, that I wanted to bully you a bit. It looks like our roles from back then have reversed hasn't it? That's true. Because, as long as I called you 'Sis', you would continue to see me as a younger brother right? But I wanted you to see me as a man. That's why I stopped calling you 'Sis'. It saddens you..? So that's how you feel. That's not true. I am me of course. I'll stay by your side 'till the end of time. I mean, I'm still in here in front of you aren't I? [7:02] If you're that worried.. you're free to check. My existence, my being. Feel more of me. [8:21] It's already starting to get a little wet. Is it okay if I lick it? That's no good~ Please don't move your hips too much. Otherwise, I can't lick it properly. I understand that your hips tend to move 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 expressively whenever you feel good but.. *chuckle* It's a lot more wet.. than before. Is it okay, if I put it in now? Please relax alright? It always... feels really.. uh..! amazing–! inside of you.. Today.. more than ever.. I want– to get the most! out of it. I'll raise your legs for you. Can you feel it–? That it's going.. much deeper–! than usual? Do you have, any idea..

uhh.! how.. deep it's going? Look! This part of me.. has also become a bit–! more than it used to be right? But even if we don't do it everyday, just even until tomorrow. Maybe it's not too excessive if you're enjoying it this much I guess~? (?) I've always dreamed of making it this far. That I'd.. finally have the advantage over you. I won't.. let you treat me like a kid anymore! Now, it's my turn to take care of you. Well then~ Come on! Let out more of your moans–! That cute voice of yours~! Let me hear more of it. I'm going to.. come–! [14:44] I like you so much. I love you. I won't let anyone else have you; I won't let you be taken to anywhere else. If the moon still hasn't given up on you then.. I'll continue to taint you, no matter how many times it takes. I'll fill more of you with me. For three days and three nights, I'll dote on you lots~ okay?

#otona no meruhen #Otona no Meruhen #r18 drama cd #drama cd #drama cd translation #otome cd #in conclusion google translate pa more

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page150 · 4 years ago

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My Baby 💎 Latrelle x Reader

Request: None

Pronouns: None Stated

Word Count: 1615

Warnings: angst , really small mention of blood

“What did I say about getting blood on my carpet?” You mumbled, dabbing the cut on Latrelle’s cheek with a soft tissue.

“Not to,” He replied.

You shake your head, tossing the bloody tissue into the trash can. He was bruised up bad this time. Cuts on his face, a black eye, he was even limping. The blood that dripped from his nose onto your white carpet seemed less of a problem compared to him.

“I’ll clean it for you.” He squints his eyes shut as you clean one of the bigger cuts on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, you need to rest.”

You glance at the time. You had woken up an hour ago to the sound of someone knocking at your door. Of course it was Latrelle, beat up. You knew he had been messing with César again.

You wondered why it was so hard for Latrelle to leave César alone. César rarely messed with him. It was always Latrelle actively making things tense for everyone. He made it hard to be in a relationship with him, while also respecting César and his friends. You toss Latrelle a blanket and a pillow from your bed, before climbing in.

“You can sleep on the couch. Then leave in the morning.”

“Babe, you really gonna treat me that way?”

“Yes, I am because you had the nerve to wake me up at 3am to bandage you up because you were starting some stupid b.s. with César.”

He rolled his eyes and tried to get in the bed with you. “You know it’s the life I live y/n. I have to keep them on their toes or they’ll get comfy. You can’t change me baby”

This pissed you off. You pushed him off of the bed. “No because I know the life you live. I'm not trying to change you, it’s just when you're messing with him that’s when I get mad. Do you know how hard it is to watch you run and start a fight with César and have to baby you back to health, only to look Monse in the eye the next morning to say hello. It’s really freaking hard.”

He throws his hands up, “Whatever you’re bugging. You always take things too far y/n. I wasn’t even really messing with him. It was only him and his girl. He was on me for no reason so I had to say something. It wasn’t my fault he was acting all tough like he was gon do something.”

Your eyes widen and you sit up. “Monse was there?” You ask.

“If that’s her name then yeah.”

“You fought him while Monse was there!” You yell, throwing a pillow at his face.

The pillow hits Latrelle hard. He throws it out your bedroom door, turning to look at you, his mouth turning into a scowl.

You return the face, “You’re lucky he didn’t have a gun, Latrelle! You know he gets protective when he's with his friends. You know this!”

“You need to calm down. Why are you getting so emotional?”

“Why am I getting emotional? I’m getting emotional because one day you might not knock on my door. You might be bleeding out in the street, because of your dumb decisions. I would never forgive myself if you…” You felt tears start to roll down your cheek, but you don’t stop yelling even though your voice is breaking with sobs.

“Please break up with me if you are going to keep doing this. Please. I can’t keep helping you like this. I can’t keep defending you. Don’t you love me? Why can’t we go to the park or on dates like we used to? Why will you ignore my texts for days but feel fine with coming to my door bloody. You said you love me so why don’t you act like it?”

Latrelle stared up at you from his place on the ground. You were full on crying now. Fat tears slid down your face onto your sheets and you put your head in your hands. You heard Latrelle get up but you didn’t feel his warmth on your body. You didn’t smell his cologne or feel his tight hugs. He had gotten up and walked out the door.

You got up and threw on a robe, suddenly self-conscious of your outfit even though it was just a shirt and shorts. You ran out of your bedroom, into the hallway, all the way to the front door, but he was gone. He hadn’t even locked the door behind him.

Opening the door you step out. Your hot face was cooled by the wind. It fluttered around you, shaking the trees. The only light there was was the moon and the streetlights. No stars, no cars, not even a firefly and not even your boyfriend.

Shutting the door you slide down with your back against it. You reach the floor and wrap your arms around your knees and continue to cry. Your heart began to ache at the silence. He had left you. He had walked out and left you.

You fell asleep there. On the wooden floor, in front of your front door. In the morning you woke up to your alarm blaring from your room. Your cheeks were still stained with tears, your eyes bright red and it seemed hard to keep them open. All you wanted to do was sleep a little more. To move to your warm bed and fall back asleep, but if you missed a day of school it would make your parents come back sooner. You got up and went to your room to change. You chose a random black sweatshirt and jeans.

After washing your face, brushing your teeth, and eating a little bit of breakfast you start the walk to school. It was one of those mornings where you wished you had more friends, so you wouldn’t have to walk to school alone.

Your lack of friends was one of the things Latrelle liked about you. To him you were safe. Not always the center of attention, but not a nobody. You were a good enough kid that with him being your boyfriend, it made him seem like a better person. In a way you hated him for that. It made you feel more like an accessory than a significant other, but in an attempt to not start crying again, you stop thinking about it.

You walk into the school and head to your first class, then the next. They all go okay. As you walk to lunch Monse gives you a small smile. You smile back, but notice that a lot of people are looking at you. You look down at your outfit. Your jeans weren’t open, the sweatshirt wasn’t backwards. You sit down at your usual lunch table and suddenly the cafeteria doors are swung open. You didn’t care enough to look up.

Someone sits right in front of you. You start to eat your apple, it’s juices dripping down your mouth.

“y/n I’m sorry.” Latrelle mumbled.

“Are you?” You questioned. Using the back of your hand to wipe away the sticky juices.

“I got you this.”

You look up and see a single flower. “You got me one flower that I’m supposed to carry around school.”

“Dang why can’t you be happy,”

“I’m done explaining stuff to you and your dumb attempts of apologizing. You can go.”

Latrelle places the flower on the table. You start to eat your sandwich.

“Look, I’m real sorry y/n. I shouldn’t have walked out on you. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I was just frustrated. I didn't want you to have to deal with me any more that night. I even apologized to César. Well I didn’t apologize because I aint no punk, but you know I gave him a nod. Babe, I hate when you're angry at me.”

You start to eat your sandwich, but you weren’t hungry anymore. As you get up from your seat to throw your trash away, his hand goes around your wrist. His brown eyes looked into yours, but you removed his hand and walked away.

He followed you into the hallway.

“Y/N please.”

You turn to face him, sticking a finger into his chest. “Look you can apologize all you want, but unless you’re really going to change, leave me alone. I told you, I rather you break up with me then to keep lying and doing stupid stuff.”

He pulls you into an empty classroom. He kissed your neck and rubs his hands on your back, You kiss back. It continues for a few seconds. You and Latrelle make out in an empty classroom until he pulls away and hugs you. His hugs were always almost too tight. He hugged you like he never wanted to let you go, like he never wanted anything to get to you.

“I swear I won’t do anymore stuff like that.” He whispered. He pulled a box out of his back pocket. “Here’s your actual gift.”

Inside the box was a cute gray bracelet with your birthstone in it. Your name and his are written in cursive underneath it, along with your anniversary date. “You really did this for me?”

“Yeah, you my baby. I had to search up ideas. I know you like cute things like this.”

You felt your cheeks start to warm up. The bracelet was exactly your size and you couldn't stop looking at it. “Thank you baby.”

“Anything for you.” He put one of his arms on your shoulders. “You wanna get out of here. You look tired.”

Ignoring your other classes you say yes and walk with him out the back of the school.

Author's Note: Fun fact this was originally going to be a César post, but I decided I wanted to do a cuter one for him. But omg I wanted this to be for him so bad. Be on the lookout for my next post because it will def be a César one! Anyway Requests are still open! Please like if you enjoyed and follow. We're almost at 50 followers and I have a huge surprise when we reach 100 <3!! Have a wonderful day ~c'k

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todourouki · 4 years ago

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↲ Back to my BNHA Masterlist

i crash, u crash.

SUMMARY: Being with Dabi wasn’t easy and it probably never will be, but he just wants to make sure you’ll stick around. Or in which Dabi tries his best to show you he cares about you.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: based off i crash, u crash by lil peep! lol honestly idk about this one. but welcome back gift for me, from me, to you <3

PAIRING: Boyfriend!Dabi & Fem!Reader

WORD COUNT: 5,476

WARNINGS: Explicit Content, Dabi is toxic, Angst*, NSFW [18+] including spitting, slight daddy kink, squirting, slight overstimulation.

Sex with Dabi was always the same.

Routinely speaking, whenever he was back from a mission was the time you were expected to be on all fours waiting for his attention. It was always rough too, nothing short of angry and aggressive even if it was a form of “love-making.” He could call it what he wanted to though, he knew the universal term for his type of sex was simply fucking.

The positions and their timings were always on schedule. No more than 3 minutes in missionary— all the time in the world doing everything else. You never really got to touch him, and he’s never let you see his face when he came.

The relationship of hot and fiery sex mixed with an unrequited form of codependency grew to an actual romantic one somehow between the days and nights spent together, yet nothing of the dynamic ever changed. The only thing you could recall is that he groggily asked of you to “finally be his girlfriend since you already acted like it.”

Dabi was a complicated person. You never knew if he planned on waking up and deciding he wanted to be single, and honestly the day he decided to do such a thing wouldn’t be a surprise to you. He was an avid participator in the league of breaking hearts and even if you had more than enough knowledge on this, you allowed his sneaky smirk to seduce you into the sheets of his bed and hours of his days.

You eventually found yourself moving in, figuring out that he refused to sleep without the air conditioner on, never wore socks around the house, used way too much salt on his eggs, and never managed to close the curtains after he got out the shower. Above all that though, he never changed the way he fucked you.

Dabi loves you, of course you never had to question it or get reassurance. He showed you in minuscule ways such as stealing bringing you your favorite snacks after a long day without you, doing things such as buying double of what he gets from store runs because you’re in his mind all day, and telling you he’ll be safe for you once he walks out the door. He never says I love you, but he doesn’t need to.

It’s hard to get someone like him to change the way they are, so when you’re sitting on your shared bed flipping through a magazine and see a couples quiz linger across the page, you can’t help but try to feed yourself crumbs of his affection you know you’ll spend a lifetime searching for.

“How long did it take for you to realize you like me?” You broke the silence, squinting at the duo-skin toned man slouched across the wooden headboard.

You heard him chuckle, blinking longly at you with amusement glimmering within his cerulean irises. It wasn’t rare for Dabi to mock you for asking such a thing, but it was a rare moment for you to glare at him deadpanned and genuinely waiting for an answer. It fucking confused him.

“As long as it took you to make me cum the first time.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his comment enough to make him furrow his eyebrows. It wasn’t like you to not retaliate back, you were always quick to snap back at him. Hearing nothing but his own breathing as you skipped through pages made him furrow his eyebrows. He wanted to ask if you were okay— he really did, but then you’d think he cared.

And Dabi would be a terrible person if he let you know he cared.

The silence was nearly overbearing, nearly deafening in his ears as he tried his hardest to focus on anything but your serious expression haunting him in the back of his mind. Things like this rarely bothered him. It goes to say that Dabi was rarely ever bothered.

Sure, you never asked for much reassurance and never even did as much as ask if he meant it when he asked you out mid-nap, but he really did. Sure, you lived off the whim of thinking it was, but at least the raven haired man knew it was. Right?

The sound of the magazine slamming shut and getting thrown somewhere onto the bed broke Dabi of his thoughts. “I’m gonna’ pee.” You announced, mostly to no one in particular because your soft eyes refused to meet his own. Another rare occurrence.

You lied to Dabi for the first time in your life. Did you really have to pee? Of course not. Did you have to cry in the bathroom for a quick 2 seconds to release the pent up frustration of utter confusion? Of course you did. It was annoying— living with someone and only getting treated as if you were anything in the slightest to him when his dick was inside of you. He only ever fucks you rough and never lets you see his face, and he expects you to believe he wants to be with you?

After cleaning your solemn face from dry tears, your body grudgingly made its way out the bathroom and to the bed. Your presence within the studio was clear, panties strewn across the open drawers mixed with Dabi’s briefs, shoes tucked neatly compared to Dabi’s boots tossed lazily near the door, and perfume bottles layering up against the old brown dresser. You took a quick glance at a picture of you hanging on the wall, a familiar raven-headed man’s arms wrapped around your head as he towered over your frame with his head resting across your head.

It was never worth the confusion.

“Why were you crying?” His dark voice rang out, making you slightly flinch as you dented the soft mattress with your frame.

A quick shake of the head will do, you thought to yourself as you followed your own orders. You knew Dabi wouldn’t push to find out what was wrong, he never does. And he doesn’t, lips shut as he takes a drag from some cigarette he’s smoking and giving you a longing look of aggravation. It’s even less of a surprise for him to do such a thing.

“If you have something to tell me, then I suggest you do it.” If you hadn’t known Dabi for as long as you do, you’d probably assume he was being condescending and outright rude. Because you do know him though, you know that’s exactly how he’s trying to come off to you.

You dreaded it. The eventual confrontation that was inevitable from the moment you accepted to be his girlfriend— it all led to this moment in space and time. You felt exactly how you predicted you’d feel, sick and intimidated. Not necessarily by Dabi because you know he’d never hurt you, but intimidated by the fact that it’s as easy as 1-2-3 for him to up and leave depending on your answer.

“What are we, Dabi?” And there it goes, 1-2-3.

It was like hearing a pin drop. Nobody moved, nobody spoke, nobody did anything for the first three seconds following the ultimatum. He knew he had two options: answer genuinely and reveal information he’d die before releasing, or leave you high and dry yet again for his own benefit when it comes to the mere idea of using words he doesn’t use in bed.

Staring into your eyes never scared him, he cremating people for a living, but knowing that lying behind them were tears falling for your reflection rather than on his shoulder caused a pang to hit his chest. It was unfamiliar and unusual, but looking at your body begin to leave its space in the bed in frustration with his quietness made him snap. You were serious for the first time.

“I’m not going to repeat myself.” Your words were harsh, harsher than usual and you yourself couldn’t even tell where this newfound energy came from.

You were okay. You were okay with whatever this complicated situationship was, and you probably would have still been okay with it if you hadn’t gotten too deep in over your head and let his words get to you. Him saying he realized he liked you coincidentally while you fucked should be above you, yet here you are.

“Jesus doll, relax.” He taunted, hands reaching out to grab your arm in a fit of confusion and annoyance, “just come back to bed Y/N.”

You felt it - the minute he touched your arm and released the tiniest bit of heat coming off his palm - just how tense he was becoming. He knew once you put your mind to something, it was difficult to get you to move away from it. He knew that there was no escaping this conversation.

It was inevitable really, the fact that one day (which was, unfortunately for him, today) you would question the legitimacy of his emotions for you. You were carefree just like him, that’s why he fell for you. But you were also blunt. If you felt a way, you were going to say it and that’s that.

Easily, the scarred hand gripping onto your arm slid over to your clenched jaw. You didn’t mean to give him a hard time for not looking his way—with the way his fingers squeezed deep into your skin and tilted your head towards him, you knew you did. It almost repulsed you with how obedient your body was to his touch, glancing at him with no shame other than the dried tears threatening to spill over.

“I’m gonna tell you the one time and I’ll never repeat myself,” he threatened, voice treading amongst angry waters as his blue eyes bored into yours, “I’m serious.”

You stood your ground, eyes taking away from your scowling expression as they swirled in curiosity. It didn’t take much to make you lower your frame onto the edge of the bed, a sigh escaping your lips as you pulled the t-shirt past your exposed panties.

“I don’t say much when it comes to you, or even to when it’s about you—but you’re all I am.” Your eyebrows furrowed, clear confusion written in your face.

“What does tha—” “I’m talking.” Dabi’s aggravated expression never left, not even with the joint hoisted between his lips in nothing but frustration.

“I got nothing to give you, nothing but collected calls from jail and maybe some jewelry I stole cause I got bored. I don’t have any money, anything to my name, and nothing but a spot on the police and hero department’s most wanted list.” His words made you frown, the clear self-depreciation outweighing the cocky and arrogant attitude you once knew to belong to the man infront of you.

“I can’t look you in the eye, show you my face when you milk my cock clean— can’t do shit like that,” Dabi’s smirk was quick to appear, your eyes rolling as you met his serious gaze yet again, “probably won’t be able to take you out the country either unless we run far, far away from here.”

“But nothing I say or do will ever express the way I feel about you.” And now it’s Dabi’s turn for the 1-2-3 process, because that statement in itself made your brain stop working.

Your brain couldn’t comprehend the fact that Dabi’s free hand was circling your bare thigh, moving closer and closer to where he most felt at home. His words never faltered though, only slightly pausing to smoothly slip his hands onto the soaked folds of pink lace.

His words were thrown against empty ears. You couldn’t focus on the words flowing within the room due to the ever-growing heartbeat pulsing between your thighs. Dabi’s hand sank into your leg, heat splitting between your skin enough to hiss and throw your head back.

“From this perfect pussy,” he applied pressure to the space between your legs, the wet patch inducing a smile from his once blank expesssion. The sudden contact caused a gasp to slip from your panting lips. Almost instinctively, Dabi pressed his thumb against your tongue, “to this smart ass mouth, it’s all I need to wake up in the morning.”

Your mind was now blank. All you could think about was the feelings of Dabi's heated fingertips dancing against the confining cotton of your panties. He always had the ability of doing this to you— dumbifying you with nothing but the pads of his fingertips and making you beg for his tongue.

Watching you pant under him nearly made the expressionless man shudder in pleasure. Dabi wasnt a liar, anything and everything he's ever said being some mangled up verbal example of his brain. He was far from the type to express his feelings, show anything other than smugness and oversuimulation, and dedicate his entire life to another person.

He was far from the type, yet managed to become a perfect example of a significant other who's life slowly but surely becomes solely to live for another person. The other person in this situation, was you.

You felt him begin to leave swollen burn bubbles on the outer layer of your skin, legs shaking in a way that brought the two of you out of your racing minds.

His motions stopped, yet hands showed no intention on moving from its current place. He was staring at you intensely - as intensely as he could - to assert his egotistical dominance but you knew the truth.

And as Dabi lowered your frame into the soft, plush white sheets, he realized he knew the truth as well. Your eyes were dazed, irises looking at all of him at the same time as your body swallowed in his touch and he knew. Dabi knows deep down no matter how much taller, bigger, or dominant he ever tried to be, he would worship the ground you walked on with the blink of an eye.

Your hands found his cold cheeks, tongue still stuck to your bottom lip with Dabi's harsh finger circling the pink muscle. Not a word was said, or per say, not a single word needed to be said. The energy surrounding the one-roomed apartment was enough for the two of them.

Before you, Dabi was known to be something of a martyr. He fooled women, toying with their souls the same way he toyed with their bodies and cried trauma when they threatened to leave. He kept a string on every one he ever fucked, being cautious enough to keep them at the heel of his feet for a fun time when he felt he had enough of you.

Then, he got addicted. He drowned in your drive, finding for the first time in his life some sort of comfort. Your natural warmth, your smile, your understanding— you were someone Dabi would find himself laughing at for thinking they actually existed.

"You're gonna get tired of me one day," he bitterly smiled, eyeing you deep into your skull with nothing but sadness laced in an angry distraction, "you're gonna find some hero and leave me here all on my own."

He wanted to think he wouldn't care. If the time where you decided to go back to the better things in life, leave a lowlife villain who wants to destruct the government, and live a rich healthy lifestyle, he knew you didn't do anything less but deserve it. You were too good for him, better than anyone he's ever known in his life for as long as he'd live.

With a soft whimper, your hands turned his head from his lowered expression over to your soft eyes. He hated how quick you got him to look at you, and he especially hated how quick you made his breath stop.

"Hey," you whispered, soft smile still glowing even though you realized he had intentionally lowered his voice as well as his lips from your sight. The vulnerable expression the raven-haired man was trying his hardest to not get you to see brought a rough pang to your chest.

"You crash, I crash. Always."

Your words hit him, and boy did they hit Dabi hard. The time it took for the word always to softly slip off your tongue was just enough time for Dabi to realize the depth of your words.

They were the same ones that fell between your lips when he thought he was dying, when you thought you were dying, and now. Dabi was complex - that was evident - but he was also the simplest man you knew. All he ever really needed was some reassurance.

It was long before his fingers found their way into your scalp, slipping over the crevices of your neck and gripping onto the back of your head as if his life depended on it. All you could do was gasp.

"Can I touch you?" The words were like a record scratch, repeating through the scarred man's brain all too much to keep anyone sane.

He couldn't tell if it was the slur of your words, or if it was your soft hands running across his thick shoulders as the words whispered into his ears— whatever it was made him take up the obligation of doing anything and everything you said.

It wasn't soon before you found yourself slamming your lips against his, the sensation causing you both to moan. You couldn't tell the difference between his hands and yours, tangled limbs falling deep into the plush comforter covering your shared bed. His weight above you did nothing but encourage you to wrap your bare limbs against his now shirtless one on, hands running through the raven locks above your head.

The minute you felt the heated pads of his fingertips lower themselves down your abdomen, your head shook underneath his and caused him to part his lips from its home on yours.

"Hmph," you groaned, pouting as your hands traveled down to his jeans and began to fiddle with the zipper, "I want to feel you in me now."

Dabi was used to being in control. He was used to ordering your body around, telling you what to do and how to do it. In the bedroom, Dabi made the orders. So when he parted his lips from yours and stood over your body with his scarred hands shoving his pants down his thighs, you couldn't do anything less than moan. Knowing he was taking what you said into consideration brought chills to your skin.

"You sure you're ready for this, sweetheart?" He smirked, legs coming out of the restricting jeans he wore and leaving his tall and lean frame in nothing but gray briefs.

Dabi had a lot to brag about, in the most respectful way possible.

Your hands clawed at his waistband, giggling as you pulled his body all the way back to its original position of resting above you and let the underwear go with a loud smack. Being eye to eye with someone like Dabi was scary, no point in denying that. Her there was something about it that just drove the two of you insane— and he couldn't tell if I was anything short of love.

He silenced himself, attaching his lips to yours and preoccupying a hand into pulling his briefs down just enough. And by just enough, it meant just enough to brush your clothed clit as his painfully hard cock stretched up to his stomach. You couldn’t do anything but flinch, hands reaching out to grip his thick girth and slap it across your clothed pussy.

“Let me do it.” You smiled, eyes boring into Dabi’s own blue ones. Your free hand slipped your panties to the side, his mushroom tip dancing against the rim of your wet hole and causing the two of you to release a soft groan into one another’s face.

If there was one thing Dabi would never get tired of, it would be the feeling of your velvet walls sucking his dick closer into you. Nothing short of sensation hit him the minute your hands shoved the head in, and his almost fell inlove with the view of you watching his large length disappear into your own heaven.

It was hard for you to not cum from his entrance. Even as he bottomed out, your teeth sealing a scream from leaving your throat by pressing into his shoulder, did you realize just how big Dabi was. No matter how skinny, lean, and weightless he seemed, the girth and length on Dabi’s third leg when he was stuffing himself into you never failed to surprise you. Even through the self-inflicted pain of going into this without foreplay, you knew there was nothing that would ever fill you up as amazing as Dabi does.

“Fuuuck,” you dragged out into his earlobe, tongue licking a strip of his patched skin from your bite-mark to the lobe of his pierced ears, “you’re so big.”

He couldn’t help but whimper (another thing on Dabi’s list or shit he doesn’t do but now does because of you), the feeling of your tongue circling his ear as your pussy gripped onto his fleeting cock nearly felt like too much. It didn’t help that you were moaning and whispering in his ear with nothing but pure sex laced in your words.

“You know,” he breathed out, beginning to create a routine with his hips bottoming harshly into your cervix and slowly dragging out in a timely fashion, “this is the best pussy I’ve ever had.”

He thinks it’s a compliment, but really it stirs awake the competitive bone in your body. You ignore it though like you always do, choosing to appreciate the fact that he considers you the best at atleast something.

His hand gripped onto your neck, bringing neon stars and dots of blackness to conceal your view of cerulean eyes. Nothing but the lewd sounds of Dabi pushing his dick into your wet hole filled the room, sprinkles of your whimpers and his groans mixing amongst the darkness of the apartment.

Dabi was trouble. He never felt in control of his feelings, never knew what he would want in life, and never bothered to consider living for someone other than himself. It’s moments like these with you though, that makes him realize the God he wakes up thinking about rests between the gap in the middle of your heavenly thighs. He’d killed people before, but the power you held over him was enough to make him consider killing everyone on earth if you’d ask.

You felt him begin to grow impatient, hips pounding into your frame and causing your body to jolt up and down harshly. Words couldn’t describe how amazing Dabi felt inside of you right now. His tip crushed your cervix within every thrust, and it was Dabi’s fingers that lifted your gaping face from the trance of watching him fuck into you to his own face.

“I-I cant.” You began to slip out, tears growing against your eyes as Dabi’s hot fingers began to flick your swollen clit. You swear it’s only been like ten minutes, or maybe Dabi’s huge dick pushing against your cervix was beginning to fuck you stupid. “You’re gonna’ make me cum— make me cum too fast daddy.” You cried out, fingers dragging against the stapled back as you felt Dabi purposely drag one of the piercings located on his tip across your pulsating velvet walls. It was almost too good to be true, and you couldn’t help yourself from kicking his waist over you and forcing his body underneath you. He didn’t even have the courtesy to wipe the smirk off his sweating face.

“Get to work, doll.”

You knew why he spoke to you with such condensation. You also knew exactly why his hands pressed into your ass cheeks as you found your home on top of his bare lap. His scarred torso leaned against the black bed frame, and you decided right then and there that Dabi deserved to get his brains fucked out. So you did exactly what he told you to do— you got to work.

You were wet enough to take him some more, knees straining as you finally pushed his length deep into your stomach. The silent scream that left your lips didn’t go unnoticed though, your fingers that now gripped his cheeks pressing between his lips to keep his teasing menstruations to himself. Dabi’s eyes couldn’t come off your body, and honestly he wished they never had to.

Keeping a grip on your stomach and your ass cheek, an enflamed slap brought a powerful burn across your ass cheek and caused you to jolt against his penis.

“Jesus Dabi, a-are you trying to kill me?” You weakly pleaded, and it didn’t take long for your fucked our expression to start slurring your words.

The sound of you dropping your frame onto his body filled the room, your hips rolling against your clothed clit and bringing sensation you weren’t sure if you could handle. You were trying to focus, but the feeling of Dabi heating a hand up across your ass and slowly beginning to meet your thrusts caused your brain to jumble into a mess of nothing but him.

“Fuck, baby you look so good when you start to get stupid.” He smirked, lips running against the cleavage of your bouncing breasts and lazily sucking on the moving nipple in front of him.

You wanted to fight back, and you wanted to defend yourself against him thinking you we’re starting to get stupid. You really wanted to— the only issue being that you couldn’t. You couldn’t the minute Dabi found a way to meet your thrusts and roughly tilt your neck back up towards the ceiling.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Was all you could cry out as you began to grow impatient in your lower abdomen. It just felt too good. And as if to add injury to insult, your walls began to clamp up from the feeling you knew was coming soon. Dabi paid the price.

You’d never seen his eyes get this wide, eyebrows furrowed as his mouth gaped open in shock. His eyes found its way down, the sight of your pussy gripping and swallowing his dick back in and out being something he wishes he could see all day and that’s when Dabi realizes that he is inlove with everything about you.

“It’s like your perfect pussy was made for me, baby.” He whimpered out, smirking between hooded eyes as he struggled to regain some of his consciousness. You were way too good at bouncing on his dick, and he couldn’t help but begin to meet your thrusts with more precision as he felt himself near orgasm.

“A-all for you! Always all- always all for you daddy!” You cried out, voice struggling to come out as you threw your hands against Dabi’s chest and began to bounce as if your life depends on it.

You hate doing all the work, honestly you really do dislike it. But this has been the longest Dabi has allowed you to ride him and the feeling of you literally milking his cock at your own disposal was an offer too good to ruin.

“I know it’s all for me, princess.” He whimpered out, a hand gripping the back of your neck and pulling it low enough to slam your chapped lips against his own. “Wanna know something, baby?”

The words vibrating against your own moans got lost in the sound, your headboard forcibly slamming against the wall only louder as every other thrust from you gradually grew rougher with your urge to cum. Your brain couldn’t do anything less than feverishly nod, hands slipping back onto your body and allowing Dabi to drill into you from underneath. Gasps slipped out of your parted lips with a hand gripping his black hair and the other begging to rub your own clit.

“You crash, I crash forever, right baby?” He moaned out, the words entering your ears and making you cry out with tears finally spilling down your eyes from nothing but intense pleasure.

“Fuck yes daddy, forever!” You cried out, body beginning to hunch over as you felt the pressure in your stomach compared to the way Dabi slammed into you become too much.

“Good, doll,” he moaned, pushing you so far into him, the heartbeat in your pussy was sure to be vibrating onto the veins of his dick, “so do me a favor.”

Everything happened much too fast, your dizzy state only increasing as Dabi grabbed your body harshly and tossed you back underneath him. There you were again, tossed carelessly under him with your legs trembling and pussy stuffed with all of Dabi in his glory. His lips found our ear again, licking your lobe and sucking on it right after.

“Cream all over my cock so I can stuff you up with my kids, deal?” He smirked into you, jolting into you as soon as the last word resonated on all ears.

Soon enough, he found it in himself to thrust into you like never before. You could barely breath, gasping for air as you felt your vagina began to vibrate due to stage of pleasure you were in. And just like that, your body began to run from the overstimulation of Dabi’s hot finger rubbing roughly against your clit as he drills your frame into the crevices of your mattress.

“Da-daddy I’m gonna’....” The words just couldn’t come out— he was begging to fuck you dumb.

You couldn’t feel nothing but Dabi’s dick pound into you, and if this was all you felt before you fell into a sex-coma than fuck it. It will forever and always be worth it.

It was like you were starting to see white. The feeling of one of his hands now roughly gripping your drooling expression closer to his face made you scream in pleasure, Dabi’s smirk leaving only to release a trail of saliva from his throat into the back of yours. You swallowed it with no hesitation, some of the residue slipping through your lips in a mix with your own spit as you began to drool at the feeling of his tip hitting that one spot over and over again.

And that’s when you felt it. You felt the build up, the pressure of holding back becoming too much as you belted into a mess of tears and tried to push his body off your own.

“No baby,” he roughly said, milking his cock into you even harder and rubbing pressured circles into your clit until a strong snapped within you and you saw nothing but white.

You weren’t sure if it was a sub-space you had entered, or some fucked up version of heaven people who just for their brains fucked out go, but either option felt like fair-game the minute your pussy began to squirt a mess of cum and other liquids from the space Dabi still found himself intruding. If anything boosted his confidence, it was this right here.

“Fuck yes baby, squirt for daddy,” he smirked, rubbing you harder and harder as your felt your body stiffen at the overstimulation, “fuck, you’re so hot.”

As soon as you, Dabi found himself cumming harder than he ever had, lips only being able to cry out a mantra of your name. He knew sex with you was amazing— but this was a new high he doesn’t think he’d ever went to let go of. He didn’t even have the energy to lift himself out of you, small drips of cum able to slip out of your swollen pussy making you flinch in both overstimulation and pain. The cockwarming brought chills to your arm, body sprawled underneath Dabi’s panting frame in nothing but a fucked our expression.

You felt him lift his head up, eyes glancing over your puffy closed ones and being able to do nothing more than steal a kiss from your tongue-licked lips. He knows the difference between “fucked-out” you and “genuinely-knocked-out” you, and you knew he knew the difference too. But he acted as if he didn’t.

And before Dabi could pass out on top of your sweaty and sticky frame, words he mumbled into your shoulder nearly burned into your skin. At least, just enough to make your pussy and lips twitch in nothing but contentness.

I crash, you crash. Forever and always.

Sex with Dabi was always the same— sure. It was rough, messy, and painfully over-stimulating, but it was Dabi, and it was more than enough for you.

Your mind was now blank. All you could think about was the feelings of Dabi’s heated fingertips dancing against the confining cotton of your panties. He always had the ability of doing this to you— dumbifying you with nothing but the pads of his fingertips and making you beg for his tongue.

Watching you pant under him nearly made the expressionless man shudder in pleasure. Dabi wasnt a liar, anything and everything he’s ever said being some mangled up verbal example of his brain. He was far from the type to express his feelings, show anything other than smugness and oversuimulation, and dedicate his entire life to another person.

He was far from the type, yet managed to become a perfect example of a significant other who’s life slowly but surely becomes solely to live for another person. The other person in this situation, was you.

You felt him begin to leave swollen bubbles on the outer layer of your skin, legs shaking in a way that brought the two of you out of your racing minds.

Your hands found his cold cheeks, tongue still stuck to your bottom lip with Dabi’s harsh finger circling the pink muscle. Not a word was said, or per say, not a single word needed to be said. The energy surrounding the one-roomed apartment was enough for the two of them.

“You’re gonna get tired of me one day,” he bitterly smiled, eyeing you deep into your skull with nothing but sadness laced in an angry distraction, “you’re gonna find some hero and leave me here all on my own.”

He wanted to think he wouldn’t care. If the time where you decided to go back to the better things in life, leave a lowlife villain who wants to destruct the government, and live a rich healthy lifestyle, he knew you didn’t do anything less but deserve it. You were too good for him, better than anyone he’s ever known in his life for as long as he’d live.

“Hey,” you whispered, soft smile still glowing even though you realized he had intentionally lowered his voice as well as his lips from your sight. The vulnerable expression the raven-haired man was trying his hardest to not get you to see brought a rough pang to your chest.

“You crash, I crash. Always.”

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the-only-ace · 3 years ago

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Hey I know you are really busy with all the request and job and all that but can you do shinee's reaction to s/o stealing their t-shirts and hoodies?? You can make them one shots of you want too😁

shinee reacts: their s/o wearing their clothes

heyyy~ i really liked this request because i personally love to do this. for this request, i want to try something new since you gave me an idea with the one-shots part. so instead of describing their reactions, i'll convey it in a form of a short story. it will still be per member! i hope you will like this one (heads up though, the posts is a bit longer than my usual shinee reacts) <3

p.s. if you guys can, kindly let me know if you like this kind of format for shinee reacts. thank you!

send in your requests here!

onew / jinki: you sighed for the nth time within just 10 short minutes. you were staring and pouting in front of your closet for you can't find the perfect clothes for your brunch date with onew. it was a hot day today and you just wanted to wear something cute but comfortable. however, it seems like your wardrobe doesn't offer that kind of outfit.

your eyes slowly traveled toward onew's part of the closet. his side was full of quirky graphic tees which you always find adorable. you don't usually borrow his clothes but you can't help but to take a peek at them and take the one that caught your eyes.

it was a white oversized shirt with a cute box cartoon drawn in front of it. you tried it on and it stopped perfectly on your thighs, making it look like a cute dress. surprisingly, it even matches the pair of sneakers you were wearing.

before you can even decide whether you were keeping it on or not, onew walked into your room. his hair a bit damp and he was only wearing a towel considering that he just took a shower.

"oh, is that my shirt?" he pointed at you.

"uh... yeah. do you mind? i just wanted to wear something that is yours." you sheepishly replied.

"no problem!" he beamed his big bright smile before proceeding to get his own outfit.

you muttered a thank you then went to your vanity to finish touching up your makeup. afterward, you grabbed your phone and wallet and placed them inside your shoulder bag.

"alright, I'm ready to go..." you trailed off as you saw what he looked like. "what the hell are you wearing, lee jinki?"

"your shirt?" he raised an eyebrow, clearly feigning ignorance.

he was wearing your favorite grey t-shirt and it looked pitiful on him, it was as if it can tear at any moment. it barely covered his abdomen and was stretched to its limit.

"no shit, sherlock." you facepalmed at his usual weirdness. "what i want to know is why... why are you wearing it?"

"i thought we were doing a thing wherein we wear each other's clothes." he shrugged as if his response should be expected.

"what? no! please have mercy on my shirt and put on your own clothes." you can't help but laugh at him as you pushed him back to the dresser.

"alright, alright! i just wanted to make you laugh and look, it worked perfectly." he playfully pinched the tip of your nose before taking off the top he borrowed. "also, you should keep that shirt since it looks a hundred--no, million--times better on you."

"thanks, love," you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him into a warm hug.

key / kibum:

after the long busy months, you were finally having a girl's night with your best friends. you stood in front of the full-length mirror in your room to give yourself a final check. your hair was styled into textured waves and your lips were colored with the boldest red lipstick you can find. your nude heels matched the little black dress you were wearing. your outfit looked almost perfect and you just knew what you were missing. you quickly snatched key's gold leather jacket and put it on. ah, perfection.

this was the norm for you. your boyfriend's wardrobe was beyond incredible especially his outerwear collection and you just had to wear them every chance you can get. to be honest, key was very stubborn in letting you borrow his clothes... at first. after all the compromising, begging, and crying you made, he eventually budged and gave up. of course, it does not come for free. he practically made you sign a contract that once you stained his clothes, you have to shoulder the bill of the laundry and the shop will be chosen by him. however, if you damaged or god forbid, lost his clothes, you have to replace them. you immediately said yes to all of the conditions in a heartbeat. so far you only paid for 2 incredulously expensive laundry bills.

now, you were finally ready to leave. you walked out of the bedroom and made your way down the living room. there, key was sitting on the couch watching one of his favorite tv series.

"I'll be going out now," you announced as you grab your car keys near the front door.

"hey, hey, hey!" key clicked his tongue upon seeing your clothes. he was now looking behind his shoulder and giving you a stink eye. "is that my jacket?"

"um... maybe?" you gave him an awkward smile.

"of course, it's mine." he shook his head disapprovingly. "only i can pull that off, by the way." he sassily added.

"wow, i didn't know the fashion police was here. you should have given me a head's up, babe ." you bit back with a scoff. the last time you checked, you looked damn fine in it.

"just stating facts, baby," he replied in english.

"alright, then why don't you take me shopping then? so you can buy me a new set of clothes that will satisfy your standards." you challenged and if he said yes, you were clearly the winner.

"excuse me, i do call you 'baby' but i am not your sugar daddy. go now, you'll be late." he shooed you off.

"okay bye," a playful smirk appeared on your face. "daddy."

this made key rolled his eyes before turning his back on you. he would very much rather ignore you if you keep on acting that way.

"it's bye now, for real." you giggled as you open the door. "love you!" you called out before stepping out.

"love you too, brat." key mumbled with a small smile.

minho:

winter was approaching and the air was slowly becoming colder than usual. it was the best time to stay in the comfort of your warm home and enjoy hot cocoa with your loved ones. a perfect time to wear your sweaters and hoodies indoors. however, this was not the case for minho for his favorite hoodie was missing.

"hey, babe?" he called out from the bedroom. "have you seen my black hoodie? the one with the white writings on it."

"what's that, i didn't hear you?" you went inside a few seconds later.

and there it was, his favorite hoodie being worn by his favorite person. you looked smaller while wearing it since it was way too big for you. the hem almost touched your knees and your whole arms were lost inside the sleeves. he can't help but smile at the sight.

"nothing, i was just looking for my hoodie but it looks like i found it." he gestured at the clothes you were wearing.

"oh, shoot. sorry, i didn't tell you that i borrowed it." you hit your forehead with your palm.

"it's okay. you're free to use them anytime, anyway." he patted the top of your head.

within the last few weeks, minho noticed that you sometimes wear his clothes. it was not a daily thing though and you even asked for his permission. slowly, it became every day and he would just be surprised to see you walking around the house parading his jackets and sweaters. he didn't mind it though, he was just curious about what you do to your own clothing. also, he hoped that he still had some remaining tops for himself during the cold season.

well, guess luck was not on his side.

his eyes were staring at his closet wherein there was only one jacket left, one. you followed his gaze and you promptly felt the warmth raised to your cheeks. you were surely red from embarrassment now. you were happily wearing his clothes that you didn't have the time to count how much was left.

"oh my god, i'm sorry! i didn't--" you cut yourself off as you watched him put on the lone jacket from his dresser. "i'm sorry, i didn't notice it. i just... can't help myself. your jackets are so comfortable and warm compare to mine." you tried to explain yourself. also not to mention that they all smelled just like him.

"don't worry about it." he reassured you as he placed his arm around your shoulder. "just be mindful next time. i might end up half-naked someday, you know."

"how can you be so sure that's not my goal?" you teased before sticking your tongue out.

he laughed at your silliness and then pressed a soft kiss on your warm forehead. you decided to make a cup of hot cocoa for him as a peace offering.

taemin:

it was past midnight and it was raining cats and dogs outside. you visited taemin in his apartment for a stay-at-home dinner date but a storm came before you can even go back home. taemin then convinced you to spend the night there instead. it was not a big deal anyway since you stayed over a lot of times already. you just didn't bring your sleepover bag with you and the dress you were wearing was definitely not comfortable to sleep on.

your caring boyfriend of course promised to ease your worries. the two of you shared a warm bath after dinner and he lent you his clothes for you to change to. so that was how you ended up on his couch, fighting off sleep because the show you both were watching always had a cliffhanger ending per episode. you two needed some answers before you can drift off to sleep peacefully. it was the weekend tomorrow anyway so staying up late won't hurt that much.

your head was laying on his lap while his right hand was playing on the locks of your hair and his left one was comfortably resting on the top of your hip. his hand would occasionally rub circles on the exposed skin. as much as you hate to move from your cozy spot, you had to or else you might end up dozing off right there and then. not to mention, him playing on your hair does not help at all.

you slowly got up from the sofa as you tried to stifled a yawn. "i'll just go get some cold drink." you pushed yourself up from your seat.

you then raised your arms and stretched with a satisfied groan. your shoulders and back were sore after laying down for more or less 3 hours. you can even hear your joints cracking from stretching out. also, you felt the shirt you were wearing raised up.

taemin's shirts were not overly huge for you whenever you wore them. the hem barely covered your behind and right now you were sure that a tiny portion of your buttcheeks was peeking through the white tee. you weren't conscious about it, taemin saw much more than that anyway.

suddenly, you felt a slap across your behind which made you freeze on your spot. you looked behind and saw your boyfriend confidently leaning on the couch with his legs crossed.

"did you just slap my butt?" you inquired.

"uh-huh," he nodded with a cocky grin. "want me to spank you again?"

you frowned a little as you processed the sudden change of mood. taemin won't deny it though, seeing you in his shirts always made his heart skip a bit and his breathing ragged. you always looked effortlessly sexy in them.

"sure, why not?" you replied wickedly after a few seconds of silence.

taemin processed your answer in a split second and he hastily grabbed you by the waist and threw you on his broad shoulders. he did not forget you give you another smack on the ass when he made his way toward the bedroom, the television was completely forgotten.

#shinee #shinee reacts #shinee reactions #onew #key #minho #taemin #shinee react #shinee reaction #shinee x reader #shinee x you #lee jinki #kim kibum #choi minki #lee taemin #shinee world #shinee hoodie #shinee shirt #shinee jacket

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adorerdraco · 4 years ago

Text

Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 2

PART 1

Summary: PART 2 ! of Draco falling in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP) and dealing with the consequences of opening his heart to someone.

Warnings: angst !!! but just a little fluff as always, BLOOD, violence, more crying, very detailed sectumsempra scene, mentions of death

Words: 4.9K

A/N: omg i can’t believe so many people liked the first one and to everyone who left me a comment, I appreciate you so much you have no idea plsss you guys are so beautiful. but here is part 2 and I hope you guys like it as much as the first oneee !!!!!!!! this one got dramatic. I’m thinking of doing a part 3, but I’m not sure and i also want to make it be mostly fluff so PLS let me knowww <3 i do not own gif.

It was an awful feeling; the feeling of needing a specific someone to bring him a peace he so very much lacked in his life. It was a feeling of not being able to feel joy unless he had you by his side. He felt stupid and pathetic knowing he had made an even bigger mess of himself and regrettably of you. He felt more weak too, wondering to himself why he couldn’t stop crying and do what he needs to do without several potions or you with him to get him through the day.

He didn’t want to need anyone. He didn’t want to need help. He didn’t want to need advice.

“Why can’t I just do this?” he cried to himself one night in the room of requirement, kicking something by his foot across the floor in frustration. He stared at the dead bird in hopelessness, not wanting to move it from its spot in the vanishing cabinet. He had managed to send inanimate objects, but not living things and that was only a discovery he was able to make when you were still in his life.

It had been weeks, since he left you under the tree, broken and in tears. He regressed back into to his old ways of lacking proper self care, of sleeping and eating, his studies being the last thing on his mind, him distancing himself from his Slytherin friends again. It was right back to square one, maybe even below that this time.

In Potions, he didn’t dare look at you, ever. He moved to a seat in the very back of the class where he would be hidden from you and could sulk to himself in peace.

“Mr. Malfoy, forgive me as it is none of my business, but why are you no longer working with Miss Y/L/N?” Slughorn asked him one day as he came by to grade his potion.

“It is nothing of concern, Professor,” Draco answered bitterly, holding back the scowl that wanted to show but deciding against being any more rude to authority. “I just rather work by myself.”

“It’s a shame, Mr. Malfoy, you both were my star pupils,” Slughorn mixes the potion around, eyeing it with a frown. “Now the both of you are falling behind. This potion is not passing, you forgot to mix in the dried periwinkle leaves.”

Draco never noticed how you would glance at him throughout Potions class. Of course, he was ignoring you and you felt that nasty realization every time your eyes landed on the platinum blond.

You felt numb, to say the least. You cried for days and days on end. If you weren’t in class, you were in your dorm, wrapped underneath the covers wondering why someone you shared so much love and time with had dropped you with no explanation. You tried endlessly to get him to talk to you, cornering him in the corridors, going up to him in class, but he would ignore you until you went away. He never once met your eyes, and your heart broke more every time you saw the coldness in his icy gray’s that made you feel like you didn’t even exist to him.

Your roommates and friends had gotten involved, forcing you to take better care of yourself. Staying up and hugging you while you cried. Bringing you meals from the Great Hall into the dorm. Brushing your hair when it started to become matted. Encouraging you to divulge yourself in studies rather than your sadness.

“Y/N, you are so much more than what you’re feeling,” your closest friend whispered to you one night as you cried in her embrace. “You can’t keep going like this. It’s okay to cry and be sad, but this is eating you up. Remember how strong you are. Remember the healer you are trying to be. You’ve helped so many people, inside and out, let your friends help you now.”

You nodded sadly, and finally accepted the help your friends had been trying so desperately to give you. You allowed them to take you out into the Great Hall again for meals. To Hogsmead for a fun day out. To the courtyard where you guys would sit and just talk. It was nice, feeling your old and normal life coming to light again even if it was just for a couple hours. But when you couldn’t sleep at night and your mind wandered off to Draco, you felt that same empty feeling of a gaping hole in your heart sting at you.

There was nothing you could do or say anymore. The cornering him was getting desperate and made you feel weak. The ignoring was never going to stop. You didn’t cry anymore, forcing yourself to bottle up your feelings for him deep down into your mind, body and spirit to the point where you just tried your best to recognize him as a dream.

Your brain didn’t know any better, right?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Draco sat on the floor of his dorm, head resting against the side of his bed as he twiddled with the letter from his mother between his fingertips. His owl, Aquila, sat beside him and enjoyed the loving pets he was giving her with his other hand. It was rare she let him do this, but he figured it was because she felt that he might have possibly needed this. She nibbled on a crumb of a biscuit he gave her that she had brought with her on her journey from home. Draco sighed and opened the letter again, his eyes scanning over the perfect cursive of his mother’s handwriting once more.

My Dearest Draco,

How are you, my love? I feel as though we have gone too long without writing to each other. I must say, the Manor feels lonely without you and your father here, but the house elves have been keeping me company. They are quite entertaining, some of them. I do hope you enjoy the small pastries I sent with Aquila that the elves also send on their behalf.

I know the pain you are feeling, my son. I know it wears at you and I am deeply sorry that I cannot change it or help you. Please do entrust in Professor Snape, as he is the only one who can help you and understands your circumstances. You cannot get through this alone.

Please also remember that you are just a boy. In these times of turmoil, it is easy to lose yourself in your own despair. You are young, Draco, only 16 years of life and it has already failed you. Please find it in your heart to locate the little several joys in life that keep you going. Despite your situation, It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there. Do not succumb, it is what he wants.

I will always love you, and I hope to see you soon.

All my love,

Mother

He felt tears sting at his eyes, clutching the letter to his chest as if his mother had charmed it with the feeling of a hug. It wasn’t, but he swore he could feel it. He felt sad, knowing she was all alone in that house, but suddenly remembered that his aunt was seeking refuge with her at the Malfoy Manor and his mother left it out for the sake of keeping Bellatrix’s location secret. Seeing as she was a maddened Ex/Present Death Eater and escaped prisoner on the run. The thought of Bellatrix left a bitter and foul taste in his mouth, making him feel even worse that his mother was stuck at home with that beast who was nearly as bad as the Dark Lord himself. He didn’t care that that was her sister, his aunt, she had no empathy for anything, especially not for him. He recalls her telling him right before he went to school, that he should be grateful and honored for being entrusted with a task so important.

As much as Draco wanted nothing to do with his tasks, he didn’t ignore them. He begrudgingly let Bellatrix teach him Occlumency, something he desperately needed to learn and was now a little good at. He had even tried convincing himself that he needed to do this. It was all up to him. He was chosen for this. He hated it, but he was chosen nonetheless. And he would try with everything to save his family and to make them proud, even if it killed him.

He ignored the thoughts of his aunt and his dreadful life options, refocusing on the words his mother wrote to him. They echoed in his mind, imagining her saying them to him.

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

His mind wandered to you, knowing full and well you were are the one and only joy in his life he so deeply desires. His mother’s words hit him hard, to the point where he almost ran out of his room to go look for you. Almost.

But he was stubborn and still couldn’t pull himself out of the mindset he had boxed himself in where he thought being with you would be worse in the end for you than not being with you.

So he went over to his desk, Aquila following him before flying up to the wooden surface where she perched herself in front of him as he sat down and pulled out a parchment and quill to begin his responding letter for his mother. He thanked her for the pastries, told her he would try his best in confiding in Snape, loosely promised he would fulfill her wishes of him finding some happiness, and gave her his love. He gave the letter to Aquila, smoothing the feathers on the top of her head one last time before she chirped and flew to the window and then out of his room and into the open dark starry sky.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

More weeks had gone by. And then a month. You were seeing less and less of Draco and for a healing heart, it was the best thing for you, but also the worst. He had even began skipping class as much as he could, not that anyone ever noticed, except you and Slughorn of course.

“Miss Y/L/N, may I have a word?” Slughorn came up to you while you were working on a potion with your friend. The same friend who had given up her seat to Draco who she now despised and regretted ever doing in the first place. She gave you and the professor a look before getting up and heading to the front of the class where she began to pick up vials and jars to store the potion.

“Of course, Professor,” you answer with a polite smile.

“I spoke to Mr. Malfoy about a month ago, he seemed rather distraught,” he began, placing a finger over his chin in thought. “I’m beginning to grow worried of the boy! Is there a reason he’s no longer showing up to class?”

You swallowed thickly before responding, “your guess is as good as mine, Professor.”

“Ah, well, one mustn’t pry too much,” he says. “Also, I’m pleased to see your marks improving in the last couple weeks. Keep up the good work, Miss Y/L/N.”

And with that the professor turned around and left to go check on other students, your friend returning.

“What’d he want?” She asked, setting the supplies down on the table.

“Wanted to know about, Mr. Malfoy,” you mocked quietly, your voice turning bitter when the name left your lips.

You knew Draco’s disappearance was your fault and you felt that twang of hurt beat against your chest thinking about it. That whole conversation with the Professor killed your entire mood. It wasn’t great to begin with, but the feeling of nothing had turned into hurt.

You were roughly stirring the cauldron, preparing to put the nearly finished potion into the two large jars so it could sit overnight. They were right beside your arm and you felt your elbow collide with the glasses, cringing internally when you heard them crash onto the ground and shatter. Luckily there was nothing in them, but you had still made a mess of glass. In your heat of embarrassment and with the people are you now staring at you, you forgot you could easily clean up your mess with magic so like a klutz, you instead bent down to pick up the shards of glass that scattered the floor with your bare hands.

A loud gasp left your mouth as you began to pick them up, feeling the largest piece of glass in your palm deeply slash the skin of your hand. You dropped it, feeling the blood begin to drip down your arms and onto the floor.

“Oh no, Y/N,” your friend sighed from above you, gripping onto your other arm and lifting you up. “Are you okay?”

The question was meant for your hand, but you felt it hit your soul just as it did whenever someone asked you that question when you were so overwhelmingly not okay. You shook your head no, the pain from your hand and your heart taking over you completely as tears began to trickle down your face.

Slughorn came up to the table, waving his wand over the mess of the floor and fixed the damage done to the vases and making the small puddle of blood disappear.

“Class is dismissed, students, you are free to go to the Great Hall for lunch,” Slughorn announced and everyone quickly packed up their things and hurried out except for you and your friend. The full-bellied Professor watched you with concern and you turned to your friend where she took your hand in hers and placed it palm up for you.

You shuddered, bringing up your wand to the cut and simply thought your healing spell before watching it completely fade into a faint light pink scar.

“I’m going to explain to Slughorn what happened and put away our stuff,” she says to you, a sad glint in her eyes. “Go clean yourself up and I’ll meet you at our table for lunch with everyone when you’re done.”

You could only pathetically nod before you slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged off into the direction of a bathroom. You decided to go up to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, wanting to be alone from everyone so you could clean yourself up in peace and also have a meltdown. You didn’t know why you wanted to torture yourself with the ghosted memories you shared with Draco in that bathroom, but you still went.

You took your time getting there and you were only down the hall when you saw the entrance. It was then when you heard a familiar ghastly screaming and wailing. It was horribly loud.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!”

Moaning Myrtle floated from the large wooden double doors, screaming so loud it ricocheted off all the walls of the now deathly silent castle. You felt all the blood drain from your face as an awful and sickening feeling had bubbled in your stomach.

“It better not be Draco,” you said to yourself, your legs taking longer strides towards the bathroom. “Please, don’t let it be Draco.”

By now, you were sprinting towards the end of the corridor, throwing your bag to the floor as soon as you reached the doors and flung yourself through and into the destroyed bathroom, stepping into a pool of water that had streaks of crimson red. Your eyes followed the trail of blood, stopping suddenly when you found the source.

A blood-curdling scream twice as loud and stronger than Myrtle’s, left your throat as you tripped over your own feet to reach him. You saw Harry Potter, standing a little ways by the door, a panicked and pained look in his eyes as he tried to understand what he had just done.

Once you reached Draco’s nearly lifeless body covered in angry red gashes, you fell next to him, his eyes finally meeting yours for the first time in ages. He was breathing raggedly in choked grunts, clutching at his mauled chest as he struggled to breath. The stormy eyes you loved so much were clouded in fear. Nothing but fear.

You shoved your hand into your pocket, searching for your wand and pulled it out hastily. You shakily waved it over his cuts, thinking and saying any spell you knew that came to your mind in the matter of 5 seconds. This was what you did. This was all you did. Why couldn’t you heal him? None of your spells worked.

“I, I can’t heal you,” you sobbed, resorting to putting your hands over his chest at a failing attempt to stop the bleeding. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“n...o,” Draco said weakly and quietly. He mustered up all his remaining strength and placed a bloodied hand over yours, you grabbed it tightly and leaned over him when you realized he was trying to speak. “S-sorry. lo...ve. y...ou.”

It felt like there was a knife in your chest being repeatedly stabbed into your heart and twisted. His eyes closed and you cried harder, knowing you were going to lose him. Everything was happening so fast. You had only been in the bathroom a solid 10 seconds, everything around you moving in a slow blur but so quickly.

It was as if Merlin had answered your pleas, the sound of the door slammed open and a maddened looking Snape rushed inside, pushing Harry roughly to the side and looking down at Draco and then you only momentarily before dropping to his knees beside him and opposite of you.

“Vulnera sanentur,” he began running his wand over the cuts on Draco’s chest and you watched with wide teary eyes as the blood pooling around you began to retreat back into the wounds. He said it again, and once the blood was back in, the cuts began to close. He chanted it one last time, and the cuts had healed into thick and reddened scars. “Miss Y/L/N, please help Draco over to the hospital wing for some dittany, and quickly please. We might be able to help with the scarring, perhaps avoid it completely. I need to deal with, Potter.”

Draco was half conscious, a dazed and confused look in the gray of his eyes as they fluttered open and closed. You noticed the scar beginning to form on his paled face and you bit back a sob. You knew if that scar stayed there, it would only drive him into a deeper hatred for himself.

You quickly got up, Snape picking up Draco and throwing his arm over your shoulders so that you would be able to help him over to the hospital wing which luckily happened to be a hall away from the bathroom. The adrenaline and sheer love for the boy was pumping through your body which had made you feel stronger in basically carrying Draco through the halls. He was dragging his feet, mumbling incoherently and you couldn’t stop crying.

You saw the doors to the hospital wing open, Madam Pomfrey staring at the scene heading towards her in horror.

“DITTANY!” you called to her. She threw open the doors wider, nodding before she ran back inside in a hurry. A passing seventh year Hufflepuff had dropped all of his books and his bag and linked arms with Draco’s free side, helping you take him inside with much more ease. Madam Pomfrey yelled to rest Draco on the nearest bed and she quickly returned with the dittany, shooing the both of you away from him.

“I’m afraid the two of you are going to have to leave, immediately,” she demands, her hand reaching up to grab the privacy curtain before shielding her and the love of your life from you and the prying eyes of shocked students gathered at the doorway to see what had happened. The Hufflepuff that had helped was already out the door, but you couldn’t bring your legs to move.

“Away from the door!” McGonagall suddenly appeared from behind the crowd of students, a disgruntled look etched into her aged skin. “Return to your house’s common rooms! That goes for you too, Miss Y/L/N.”

She gently placed both her hands on either of your shoulders, guiding you outside the door and out of the hospital wing. She gave you an empathetic glance before grabbing the handles of the doors and shutting them with a loud clang.

The lingering students stared at you in discomfort and grimaces. You looked around, still in a daze and then looked down at your body. You were drenched in blood and water, looking straight out of a horror movie and closely resembling the clothing of the Bloody Baron, Slytherin’s house ghost.

Everything still felt quiet and slow. You didn’t even notice your friends rushing towards you in hysterics, throwing you in hugs as you only stood there, unable to react. You let them pull you away, leading you to your house’s common room, tripping every now and then. You caught a glimpse of Moaning Myrtle in the distance, her cries still very loud and apparent. She had gone around the entirety of Hogwarts wailing the same news that had broken you, only this time you heard the new choice words she had added along the way.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER! HARRY POTTER HAS MURDERED DRACO MALFOY!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You sat immobile on the edge of your seat besides Draco’s hospital bed. Much to your surprise, Madam Pomfrey had allowed you to stay overnight with the fallen Slytherin Prince. You recognized it might be her way of paying you back from all your countless volunteering and because of that, she trusted you in knowing exactly what to do when it came to the medical field of the wizarding world.

It was around three in the morning, the incident having happened well past twelve hours ago. You were showered now and in a fresh pair of robes, your pajamas holding in your warmth as a cold draft flowed throughout the dark dimly lit room. The hospital wing was tall and large, it felt like a castle in itself, and it only made you feel more feeble. You scooted your chair closer to the bed, placing a hand onto the mattress right next to Draco’s paled slender hand.

Fingertips ghosted over his knuckles, your body shivering at the closeness of the near contact. You didn’t know how he was going to react when he woke up. It was all a waiting game, and your heart squeezed with anxiety as you awaited his regained consciousness. You didn’t forget the words he said to you right before he slipped away. They rang and rattled in your head like a pinball game on loop.

He had told you he loved you.

The thought of him dying and you never being able to tell him you felt the same haunted you. You thanked Merlin that Snape got there when he did. You also made a mental note to hex Harry into the oblivion the next time you got a chance.

You sighed deeply, your voice quavering as your ran a hand through your tangled hair. His face glistened under the orange lamp on the bedside table, his skin tinged with a grayish undertone and his eye bags deep and dark. The scar you had seen on his face earlier was gone, the skin now just holding a skinny reddened line going across his features as if he was just hit with something. You smiled slightly, knowing it would be gone in the morning and feeling grateful for him that he wouldn’t be scarred with it.

His body was covered in a hospital gown and bandages infused with dittany, but seeing how bad his cuts were before they healed, you knew those would leave something behind no matter what. In your studying towards becoming a Healer, you read about the effects of dark magic and the marks it left behind on its victims. You didn’t know what spell had done what it did to Draco, but it was violent and radiated with darkness.

The softness of his his skin was met under yours, your hand finally allowing itself to fall over his and you let out a sharp exhale at the touch. It wasn’t like earlier when you were holding onto him for dear life, rough and filled with fear and pain, this time it felt familiar. It felt warm despite the coldness of your skin and his. You shook quietly, another set of tears rippling through your body as you tried your best to not wake him. You sat up and slowly leaned over him, looking down at him to observe his peaceful features. He slept soundly and peacefully, his breathing even and quiet. Even though he almost died earlier today, he looked as though he was having the best sleep of his life. The sleep he gravely needed but seemed to never be able to get.

Your free hand softly rested on his cheek now and you carefully moved your lips towards his forehead where you placed a long kiss. A stray tear had fallen onto his skin as you pulled away and you frowned, wiping it away with your sleeve before moving your hand up towards his hair. You smoothed it back, the soft blond strands feeling like silk between your fingers. He was a dream, an angel to you. You stood by what you had told him that unfortunate day under the tree, he was good, and you would tell him again and again until he believed it himself.

Just as you pulled back from him, a sharp gasp erupted and he shot up in bed, grabbing and tearing at his gown as breathless quick pants fell from his lips.

“Hey, Draco, I’m here, you’re okay, relax,” you coo gently, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly in yours so he wouldn’t tear his bandages. Your heart battered against your chest, the waterworks in your eyes beginning all over again. He stared at you, searching your eyes and he began to cry too. The same broken and deep sobbing from months ago you had grown accustomed to hearing.

He threw himself onto you, crying even harder as his arms wrapped around you, his hand on the back of your head pressing you into his chest. You climbed into the bed in deep shaky breaths so that you were now sitting on your knees between his legs. It was overwhelming, to put it lightly, both of you crying into each other as you remembered the fall out, the lonely days and nights, the wasted opportunities, the endless missing of one another’s presence in their lives.

“I’m sorry,” Draco chokes out. “I never meant to hurt you. I thought that by pushing you away, you would be safer, but I can’t do it anymore. I need you, I love you, Y/N.”

You cradled him in your arms, rocking the two of you back and forth, and you shook your head reverently.

“I forgave you the second I thought I was going to lose you,” you respond quickly. “Merlin, Draco, you scared me to death. I thought you were gone.”

The same words from his mother echoed in his head again and he finally understood what they meant.

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

Darkness was going to arrive one way or another, it was going to steal the rest of whatever life he had left in him one day. It was out of his hands, out of his control. The time to live his life was now. Because he didn’t know when he would ever have this opportunity of love again, of safety, of light. Everything was undefined and unknown and he felt the anguishing regret of all his decisions when he had seen you in the bathroom hovering over him with a hopeless look in your eyes. He promised himself, to Merlin and to the sun, the moon and all the stars that in the 1% chance that he survived that close call with death, he would never abandon you again. His heart pained at the memory of him trying to sputter out his final ‘I love you,’ not knowing whether or not you heard it or if you understood how genuinely he had meant it.

The room was only filled with sniffles and shaky breathing, both of you still in the same rocking position, afraid that if you let each other go, the other is going to disappear.

“Draco,” you say, lifting his head up from the crook of your neck so that he could look you in the eyes. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know. Please don’t ever, ever leave again.”

“Not in a million years, darling.”

PART 3

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epicene-humanoid · 4 years ago

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some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times.

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through).

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode.

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that.

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous.

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

#community #jeff winger #trans jeff winger #GOD i'm gonna make a video essay about it if nobody stops me #yall know that youtube channel AreTheyGay? i want to be that but AreTheyTrans #the videos would just b like... jeff community. neo the matrix. bill and ted bill and ted. audrey little shop of horrors. jo little women.#maybe i should start that youtube channel sjdfklsj #thank you for prompting me to talk about this because i think about it twice a day #i might end up reblogging this and just adding different responses jeff has had to casually homophobic/transphobic things that happen #in the show #like the episode that last photo is from when the dean is like #'spring transfer student dance isn't rolling off the tongue so we're calling it The Tr@nny Dance!' 'much more greendale.'#OH AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING PIERCE'S DAD!!! HOW DID I NOT MENTION THAT EARLIER SJFKLSJ #'you LITERALLY killed a father!' 'well not MINE dummy!!'#alright i need to do my homework now ajfklsdjfl

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