#december is so far away tho

[theskytraveler]

IT'S A STORMLIGHT YEAR LET’S GOOOOOOOO

[triglycercule]

what do the murder time trio turn into after they die??? well you know me. i totally have this figured out (smug emoji) (no i dont) ANYWAYS i definitely dont think that dust would dust away normally while horror bleeds out when he dies and killer melts away into a pile of nasty dt,,,,, IM LYING I DO. dust would dust away because he doesnt really have any body modifications that would result in anything special. horror bleeds out because its a horrortale monster staple to have more physical-ish forms because of their diet (horror doesnt,,, HAVE a diet so let's just say he bleeds AND dusts away) killer i feel is,,,,, incredibly obvious,,,,, like monsters with dt do i think he'd go all melty and goopy and thats how he dies! in a pile of himself,,,,ewuaghhhhh its STICKY 😞 AND incredibly corrosive???? UASGAHSGSUAH (my hand disintegrates)

[mrsriddlenott]

The First Day Of SmutMas

[smutmas masterlist] [main masterlist]

~ First Christmas ~

bf!James Potter x fem!Reader

Summary: You and James have your first Christmas in your new flat together. You two have fun buying new decorations and deciding where they’ll go while getting distracted in every room you put them in.

- no voldy, no war, no Jilly(i love them tho), mention of reader having a mother, this one’s probably gonna be longer than the others since it’s the first, & ik they can just magic all this up but🤷‍♀️-

Warnings: 18+ Content!!!! Sickly sweet fluff, language, nicknames(Baby, Princess, Good Girl, etc), reader is shorter than James, alludes to Smut, degrading(kinda?), aggressive make out, f!receiving fingering, m!receiving oral. Me being obsessed with James being a dominant softie.

You and James had been together since your 5th year of Hogwarts and by the time your 7th came to an end you knew you were meant to be together forever. Once you had successfully started University and James solidified his Pro-Quidditch career close to a year later, he was desperately begging you to join him in the two bedroom flat he leased for you both, and how could you say no?

You moved in during the Spring and by the time July rolled around you were able to hold a housewarming party with all your friends, and by the start of your next school semester in September, you could really call it home. Which brings you to now, where you sit in your cozy living room under a large blanket texting your Mother as James heats up dinner for you both.

“Jamie!! Oh my Gods!!!” You shouted, jolting up in your love seat and tossing your blanket off as you held your phone in both hands looking at it. James came running into the living room from the connected kitchen as soon as he heard your distress, skidding around the breakfast island as though he was on the Quidditch pitch.

“What?! What’s wrong are you okay??” His eyes darted around your face and body before scanning the room as though looking for danger. “No!! We don’t have Christmas decorations Jamie, my parents have our tree up already look!” You got up, shoving your phone in your boyfriends face as you pouted up to him, showing the sparkling Christmas tree in the photo your Mother sent you.

“I completely forgot I didn’t have my own,” you sighed, looking back to the photo of your decorated childhood living room, “Christmas felt so far away when I moved in so I figured we’d just buy one before we needed one and now it’s gonna be Christmas soon-” your rambling dies down when James’ warm hands cup your face as he shushes your worries, pulling your chin up so you have to look him in the eyes.

“Don’t worry Love, we have close to a month to get this place all festive, we can go to the store first thing in the morning okay?” You shake his hands from your face with scrunched brows before pushing past him entirely, “No, let’s go now, we can set this place up tonight it’s too far into December to wait any longer.”

James stands still in the middle of your shared living room as you rush around, grabbing your coat and keys and straightening your hair in the mirror by your front door, “Love?” James spoke in an overly cautious voice, “It’s only December 5th, we have plenty of time,” His little giggle that usually would have you basically kicking your feet and blushing makes you glare at him through the mirror.

“Right, okay fair enough I’ll get my coat,” He states with a nod of his head and snap of his fingers as he spins on his feet, leaving you to put on your shoes with a triumphant smile. You rushed him out the door as soon as his feet were in his boots before you were speeding out of your car garage as fast as you could, blasting your Christmas playlist louder than needed the entire ride to the store.

James smiled to himself as he watched you sing over every lyric of Feliz Navidad while you wiggled in the drivers seat dancing in what space you had, “Jesus Baby, I knew you loved Christmas but I didn’t know it was this much,” He chuckled to himself with his chin in his hand leant over the middle console. You reached to turn down your music so you could speak properly, keeping your fingers on the nob and making it clear it wouldn’t be for long, “It’s our first Christmas living together James,” you shrugged, flashing him a quick smile before continuing, “I don’t know this one’s just different”

James swore he’d never spent longer shopping, even when you moved in together, but he didn’t complain. The shimmer in your eyes every time you saw something Christmas related had him holding out longer every time he thought to ask when you two would be done. James gladly showed off his strength picking up the box for the 6 foot Christmas tree you said was “just perfect for the flat” and picked out a few boxes of variously shaped lights, but mainly let you run the show as he pushed the items around on the comically too small cart. Until he saw something you must have missed, laughing to himself behind you and quickly grabbing the plastic mistletoe with a bright red ribbon around it, slipping it under the stockings you picked out so it could be a surprise.

Almost as soon as you were back home and parked, you were jumping out to start gathering bags from your trunk, “Baby let me, there‘s like twenty bags in there,” James laughed out while joining you at the back of the car, however you were desperate to get to decorating, insisting it would get done faster if you helped, as well as keep him from needing to do multiple trips up the stairs. Which he couldn’t argue with, so after a few minutes he caved and let you take significantly less bags than you planned, before making your way upstairs.

It didn’t take long to get into the groove of decorating as you turned on your music and began imagining the perfect places for all your decorations. Starting in the living room, you began handing James tinsel to hang off various surfaces as you started unboxing the lights and thinking of where they’re needed most. Tugging at the opening of the box, you watched as James reluctantly taped over the ends of the fake greenery attempting, and failing, to get it to hang evenly over the entrance to your hallway. The obvious pieces of tape and ripped bits hanging uneven and way too low made you cringe as you stepped forward, “er….Jamie Sweetie, do you wanna open these instead and I can take over that”

Staying in your groove however, proved difficult. Since James thought he didn’t seem to have the artistic vision you were looking for in your decoration process, he opted for “patiently”waiting for you to tell him what to do as you worked throughout the flat with James following behind your heels like a lost puppy. In reality though, there was nothing patient about James Potter and at this point he had honestly grown rather bored of decorating, becoming desperate for your attention. He couldn’t stop himself from grabbing your hand every 10 to 20 minutes just to twirl you around to Christmas music, as you both laughed and enjoyed the other’s company he watched your eyes shine up at him like he wanted to all evening. When you inevitably caught on to his attempts to distract you however, you began turning down his dances leading him to pout behind your busy figure when you asked him if he could set up the tree for you to decorate instead.

After eyeing the blank canvas of the new tree and the various boxes of different shaped ornaments, you quickly grew entranced by the millions of ways you could think to arrange the shining pieces of glass and plastic, leaving James to grumble to himself while rummaging through the remaining bags to see if you missed any of the fragile orbs. Once he got to a bag holding only two stockings he smirked to himself, grabbing it quickly and yanking out the artificial mistletoe before facing your back as you gently set the hook of a red ornament on the wire branch of the tree. James approached you quickly, standing directly behind you and holding the little decoration above both your heads in one of his large hands.

“Look up,” he chuckled and took your hip in his free hand, spinning you around as you observed the adorable little thing above you with a smile. In less than a second he had tossed the green plastic aside and was gripping the back of your head in his now freed hand, tugging your lips into his as soon as your eyes met. He sighed into you, licking along your bottom lip and begging for entrance as you whined below him, the kiss was passionate and full of unspoken desires as your hands found their designated spot in his messy curls.

James groaned as you tugged on his locks, gripping you tightly before slamming you into the closest wall with a protective hand on your head. Your gasp forced your lips to separate, James staring down at the swollen, red flesh before trailing his lips down your neck to mark there as well, “You drive me crazy you know? You look absolutely breath taking doing the simplest of things,” His voice was low and drenched in arousal as his hands began trailing up and down your body possessively.

The combination of his hot breath and his delicate lips slowly turning aggressive had you shivering and clenching your legs together, your lips unable to keep in your song of pleasure. James’ cocky smile grew in the crook of your neck at the sound, urging him to slip his hand under your shirt to tease the top of your pants and tug you closer by the free belt loop. James brought his lips to the shell of your ear where he softly whispered sounding almost like pleading, “Lemme make you feel good Baby, then we can get back to work.”

His lips immediately returned to their assault of your neck as you tried to will your brain into forming a sentence, “We- hmph….we need to get it done Jamie- fuck.” His teeth dug into the flesh of the side of your neck with a groan and his fingers struggled their way past the waistband of your jeans to drag his fingertips over the hem of your underwear before his mouth was returning to your ear. “I won’t take long then…..I know you want to. I can feel your heat already, you know all you have to do is ask and it’s yours.”

You could hear his smirk in his voice as you whimpered, whining a feeble please that allowed him to rush his hand away only for a second as he unbuttoned your jeans, before quickly snaking his way down the front of your pants and underwear. You both sighed out a moan as the pad of his rough finger slid it’s way through your slick folds, locating your clit immediately and adding a finger as he drew quick circles that took your breath away. “Y’like that Princess?” James chuckled as he spoke, “I know you do, you’re fucking dripping in my hand,”

James’ voice was dark as his deep, blown out eyes met yours, his wide smile only grew as he quickly shoved both his fingers forward and inside of your desperate cunt, forcing your eyes to shut and your mouth to fall open in a moan. “Oh fuck. Fucking hell Jamie,” James wasted no time in picking up the most brutal pace your tight jeans would allow, the feel of the seam scratching against the back of his hand only increasing his need for you. Each time his fingers hit the deepest parts of you he’d swirl his fingertips against the warm, spongey spot and each time your moans would fall into whimpers as you clenched around his digits. Your mind was going hazy as the tension in your lower stomach grew, your moans turning into pants and whines of pleasure as you cling to James’s arms, nails digging into him and surely marking his flesh.

His teeth nip at the bruising skin of your neck pushing you closer to your breaking point, your legs shook under you and his free arm moved to support your back. His fingers worked faster as you tried to support yourself on his chest that vibrated with laughter, his mocking tone surrounding you, “Gods Princess, can’t even fucking stay standing,” his teeth harshly pulled at the abused flesh of your neck just to hear your whines before continuing, “Pathetic really, bet you won’t even wanna finish the tree once I’m finished….isn’t that right?”

“Fu-fuck James….don’t b-be mean,” James snickered into your neck, feeling the clench of your walls and knowing full well you were enjoying every word, “Oh shut the fuck up and be grateful.” He punctuated his words with a harsh move of his fingers against your g-spot, snapping the tension that he’d built up and pushing you over the edge. Your head fell backward into the wall loudly, eyes screwed shut and your mouth open in a silent moan as your whole body shook around James’ fingers that slowly calmed and retreated to his mouth to be sucked clean. He pecked your sweaty cheek and helped to steady you against the wall, laughing at his handy work as you huffed, attempting to catch your breath. “Okay, now back to work Love.”

Your eyes lazily opened to meet his gaze, his authoritative voice making you question what he was planning. “I thought you sai-“ James laughed aloud, kissing your forehead and buttoning your pants as your brows scrunched together, watching him retreat to grab a random ornament before making a show of finding the best spot for it to take.

Over an hour later you found yourself leant below the tree adding the last few ornaments where they looked best. “Hey! Would ya look at that!!” James suddenly stated dramatically as he stood behind you, watching intently as you bent forward on your knees toward the tree. You turned to find him much closer than you expected with a hand above his head, once again dangling the mistletoe above you both. “Gotta give me another kiss now Love,” James almost whispered with a bright smile, “How bout you be all festive and follow the rules yeah?”

When you went to stand James’ rough hand met your shoulder, lightly shoving you back onto your knees and tsking down at you softly. He pocketed his mistletoe, caressing your cheek with his knuckle sending a shiver directly down your spine, “You kissed me on the lips last time Princess, shouldn’t I get a different kiss this time?” His voice was laced in a condescending tone as his bottom lip stuck out in a mocking pout, watching your eyes dart between his darkening gaze and his growing bulge that was almost level with your eyes.

You smiled up at him, maintaining eye contact as you leaned forward to place a kiss on his clothed crotch and immediately letting your tongue slip past your lips to leave a trail of spit up the outline of his shaft to his tip, eliciting a groan from the back of James’ throat. “Fucking ‘ell, take them off first” he growled above you, making you giggle as you tugged his pants and boxers halfway down his muscular thighs, letting his fully hard dick bounce up against his abdomen. Your eyes and lips gravitated to it as though they were magnets, mouth watering as you planted soft kisses on the base of his shaft before trailing higher while James’ breath picked up. His strong fingers weaved into your hair, a telltale sign he was getting impatient, just how you liked him.

Almost as soon as your delicate lips met his leaking red tip you were opening them to trace up and down his slit with the tip of your tongue, before padding your teeth with your lips and hollowing your cheeks to abruptly and without warning slip his throbbing dick down your throat in one go. The obscene, shaky moan James released was like music to your ears as his fingers aggressively clenched in your hair. “Fuck y/n, bloody amazing you are!” You bobbed your head up and down, immediately setting a quick pace you knew he thoroughly enjoyed.

His hips lightly thrusted forward to meet your tongue each time you backed away, forcing you to gag around him as his tip hit the back of your throat repeatedly. The weight of his heavy dick and the taste of his precum sending a wave of pleasure to your core, drenching your already damp underwear once again. You balanced yourself with a hand on his large thigh, moaning as you dug your nails into the flesh, pulling a strangled moan from James and making him jolt harder into your mouth accidentally.

“Fuck Princess I’m sorry, just feels so- oh fuck,” you didn’t let up at his words, even as his hips mindlessly pushed him further and harder into you. Your eyes watered as your throat started to hurt, his grip in your hair moving to grip onto the back of your neck hard. “I’m gonna cum and you’re gonna fucking swallow it okay?” Your teary eyes met his as you nodded the best you could around him, “Good girl, always so good for me.” You moan around him at his praises, hearing him hiss above you as you absentmindedly buck your hips against nothing but the seam of your jeans. His dick twitched against your tongue when James pulled back before he was shoving back in harder, using your neck to push you further onto him as he spilled his cum into the back of your throat, forcing a gag from your desperate attempts to swallow every last drop he gifted you.

James gently removed himself from your mouth, trailing his hand to your cheek in a comforting manner as he tugged his pants up over himself. He trailed his thumb over your swollen lip, smiling down to you with a hazed look on his face, “My little gift under the tree.” His voice was soft and inviting as you giggled up to him before standing to turn and observe your beautiful Christmas tree.

“Baby, you missed an ornament,” James stated as he pointed out a snowflake remaining in the box now filled mostly with empty protective wrapping, “I was wondering, why didn’t you want to get a real Christmas tree? Y’know, be all traditional for the first Christmas in the flat?” James asked as he grabbed the forgotten ornament gently and handed it to you.

“Because this way it‘ll last a while, as long as we keep it safe anyway. We can take it with us when we move into a house together and one day it’ll be our kids’ first Christmas tree. Maybe even some of our grandkids’ if it lasts that long.” You spoke so nonchalantly as though you knew for a fact you wanted to spend every Christmas as a family and James swore his chest shrunk, his heart suddenly feeling the need to break out of his body as his eyes scrunched with the smile on his face. His slightly teary eyes scanned the room that only seconds ago he saw as a bit gaudy, now seeing the bows, the flashing lights of different colors, and that green plastic mocking vegetation on any flat edge it would fit on….as absolutely beautiful, each one a new memory to be shared.

When you turned to look to him you saw he was already watching you hang the glittering snowflake with tears in his eyes. Wasting no time in throwing himself forward, gripping your cheeks in his warm hands and melding his lips into yours, only barely separating to breath with his forehead against yours. “If you keep talking like that then this tree will only be a few months older than James Jr” You burst out laughing together as you fall into his arms in a warm hug.

“I am most definitely not naming our son James Jr,” you laughed, stepping around him with a pat on his shoulder, “James can be his middle name though Sweetie, we can think of a first name when we actually start trying.” You giggled, rearranging a piece of tinsel that was out of place, not seeing the look of pure love and adoration James was giving you.

“Well then what the bloody ‘ell are we waitin’ for” James loudly stated, pulling your attention to him before he was hauling you up by your thighs, tossing you over his shoulder, and smacking your ass with a laugh while walking toward your shared bedroom.

~~~~

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[onlyymirknows]

When Jean Met Karina

My submission for Reijean Christmas Week, Day 1! Prompt: meeting each other's parents.

Read on AO3 (link)

Word Count: 7.1k AU: Modern, they're adults in an established relationship Genre: Angst w/ a happy ending (plus fluff and reijean banter) CWs: Reiner gets triggered, past emotional abuse, past character deaths (car accidents), past suicidal ideation, past homophobia, dropping of the f-slur

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Reiner handed Connie a small notebook, “Everything you need to know is in here but feel free to text me if you got any questions.” He leaned down and traced a small heart on the glass tank, leaving visible smudges. The small turtle near his fingertip glanced at its owner for a second before lazily paddling away to rest on some driftwood.

“I’ve watched him before, remember?” Connie reminded Reiner with a small, exasperated laugh, “He’s in good, capable hands. Don’t worry.”

Jean, noticing the way Reiner’s jaw clenched, squeezed his boyfriend’s shoulder. This was their first time leaving town for Christmas and thus the first time they had to get someone to pet sit in the winter. The scariest season for a reptile keeper.

“Babe, I know what you’re thinking but we specifically got you a native species so you don’t have to worry about the heat as much. Besides, he’s a tough little guy.” Jean forced a grin, hoping to mask his own tense mood. Reiner returned a small smile accompanied by a soft exhale. Bingo. 

Then Jean turned to Connie, “Thanks for watching Bertl for us, Con. We’ll text you when we’re on our way home.”

“No prob, guys,” Connie beamed while ushering the couple to the door, “drive safe and see you next year!”

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When Jean slid into the passenger seat of Reiner’s truck he noticed a text from Connie, “try not to lose ur mind on reiner’s crazy mom k?” He scowled.

“What’s wrong?” Reiner pulled his door closed and started buckling his seatbelt. He turned the key in the ignition, the car engine purring to life.

“It’s nothing,” Jean muttered while buckling his own seat. He fiddled with the air vents while Reiner picked out some music on his phone. When Last Christmas began playing Jean couldn’t help but shoot a glare at his boyfriend.

“What’s with that sour expression?” Reiner asked incredulously, “It’s literally the 21st of December.” After a pause he added, “There’s no Mariah Carey on this playlist, okay? Just let me have this, Jeanie.”

Sighing, Jean looked out the window at the now moving pavement. “Okay, but once we get through this I get to choose the next playlist.”

Reiner laughed. “Yeah, yeah. As if I was going to torture you with 8 straight hours of Christmas music.” He glanced at Jean for a second with a warm smile while they waited at the red light letting out of their apartment complex. “Y’know, I love you in spite of the fact that you hate fun sometimes.”

Jean cracked a genuine smile for the first time that day. Maybe he did hate what many people would consider fun but it was only because he had taste. Unlike most of these Christmas songs that felt gaudy and artificial. Yet it was hard to deny the joy they seemed to bring his boyfriend so Jean disregarded his own preferences in the second half of December. Sacrifice and all that.

Indeed, his high school friends were confused when he brought a more “lowbrow” guy back with him from college. Then they saw the way Reiner made Jean loosen up and it all made sense. Somehow Reiner could convince Jean to try something new or give another thing a second chance. As if the blond were a siren and Jean a sailor who never dreamed of diving into the ocean.

Sometimes diving into the ocean to swim with a beautiful siren meant meeting a shark. In this case her name was Karina Braun and, as far as Jean was concerned, she was his enemy. Someone to challenge and fend off and—

“We can’t keep avoiding this, Jean,” Reiner paused the Christmas playlist, “do you want to talk about it now or when we’re closer to my hometown?”

The question broke Jean out of his thoughts and he bristled once the words registered in his mind. “What’s there to talk about?”

Reiner didn’t say anything as he merged onto the interstate. Instead he looked over his shoulder to check his blind spot before roving his gaze between his mirrors.

Jean rubbed his eyes, yawning, his own gaze fixed out the passenger window. When Reiner’s silence continued after they’d settled into the flow of traffic he turned his head. He couldn’t help but frown seeing the way Reiner’s fingers gripped the steering wheel, digits clearly tensed. Knuckles turning white.

“Rei, you good?”

“I’m fine.”

“Ugh.” Jean crossed his arms with a huff. “Look, I know I’m not the best at hiding my frustration. But I also don’t see what there is to discuss when you know damn well how I feel. I would’ve rather invited your cousin to come visit us. If it weren’t for the mem—”

“Don’t,” Reiner cut in firmly, his grip on the steering wheel tightening further, “we shouldn’t talk about that. Not right now… Maybe after we swap.”

“Right,” the brunet replied hoarsely, cheeks red, shoulders aching from suddenly tensing them hard as stone. He bowed his head, ashy brown locks slipping down and obscuring his face from view.

“But I shouldn’t’ve suggested talking bout all this right now,” the blond grumbled, “I shouldn’t’ve even said anything to begin with but I’m a dumbass and… yeah.” Reiner turned the music back on, keeping his eyes glued to traffic the whole time.

The two sat unspeaking for a moment, allowing the dulcet tones of Andy Williams to fill the space. Was it really The Most Wonderful Time of the Year? It certainly didn’t feel like it and, well, Jean knew he wasn’t helping. 

Despite his genuine intentions to help, Jean recognized how his stubbornness and results driven mindset could push the envelope at times. Sometimes to the point of causing more harm than good. And selfishly, he didn’t want to alienate his favorite person, so,  as the next song began, he placed a gentle hand on Reiner’s shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze.

“You’re not a dumbass,” Jean reassured, voice regaining its warmth, “I think you’re being proactive and I’m proud of you for how well you’re handling this situation in spite of my bad attitude.”

“As if you’re usually a ball of sunshine,” Reiner muttered, though Jean saw the way the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth twitched. “I guess I want you to at least try being nice. Just try. You know?”

“I will try,” Jean murmured, “but let’s talk about all this later so you can focus on the road. I think that’s a good idea.”

Reiner nodded, his fingers still wrapped tightly around the steering wheel. Jean turned up the stereo before reclining his seat and looking out his window. The snowy landscape rushed by, filling his vision with a blurred field of white. It was oddly beautiful. Mesmerizing, even. Maybe that’s why his eyelids felt so heavy… though it was probably just last night’s insomnia finally catching up to him.

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A sudden blast of cold air rushing into the cabin jolted Jean from his slumber. He looked up to see Reiner standing outside his open door and the expression on his boyfriend’s face instantly perked him up. Unbuckling himself he turned in his seat to tightly wrap his arms around Reiner who fell into the embrace with a shudder.

“I.. I’m so s-sorry for waking you, Jean,” Reiner whispered breathlessly into his ear, “I just… traffic slowed down to a crawl and I g-got this feeling that..”

Jean hushed him while running a hand up and down his back. Looking past to the world outside he noted they were in an empty parking lot attached to what was probably an office building. Perfect. He took a deep breath before turning his attention back to his partner. 

“It’s okay, I’m glad you woke me up. You did exactly what you’re supposed to, Rei. You did good. Really, really good.”

They stayed in each other’s arms for a couple of minutes while Reiner calmed his shuddering breath. When Jean felt that his boyfriend was sufficiently recovered he insisted on taking the wheel. Originally the two planned on each driving about half of the way there but Jean assured that he didn’t mind driving extra.

“You get full music privileges,” Jean announced as he buckled himself into the driver’s seat, “hell, even Mariah.”

“Jean… it’s o-okay..” Reiner protested while wiping his eyes, “you don’t have to listen to music you hate just for me.”

“But I want to,” he grinned and gave Reiner’s shoulder a playful shove, “I know you would do the same for me.”

“I think I already do that, actually.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean. I don’t really hate any of your music but obscure 80’s ska and Medieval French battle hymns aren’t my favorite,” Reiner hesitated, “sometimes I’m not really in the mood but… I mean…” he trailed off, his mouth forming into a thin line across his face.

“Let me guess, you don’t ask me to change it because you don’t want to be a bother?”

Reiner turned to look at Jean head on and nodded, his lips curling into a faint smile.

Jean huffed. Of course his self sacrificing boyfriend would listen to literally anything Jean wanted. It was true that Reiner was a lot less picky than him. Yet he also felt like a bit of an ass for never asking if Reiner actually enjoyed his more niche music choices.

He reached over to ruffle the hair on the back of Reiner’s head, rolling his eyes as he did so. “You gotta work on this with your therapist more, hon. I want you to tell me stuff like that. I’m here to please you as much as you’re here to please me. I expect some god damn equality in my relationship. Got it?”

The blond’s smile grew wider. “Loud and clear.”

Without another word, Jean leaned over the console while pulling Reiner towards him. Their foreheads connected with a gentle bump and a renewed smile on both of their faces. Jean tilted his head slightly, making a point to nuzzle the crook of his boyfriend’s nose. 

Reiner sighed contentedly in response. He lifted his hand to cup the side of Jean’s face before pressing a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. A silent thank you from one to the other, sweet, but also vulnerable. Like a hesitant knock on the door of Jean’s world where Reiner sometimes felt out of place. Such as now when his emotions were still dizzying and fraught.

Recognizing the call, Jean pulled Reiner in closer, and began peppering kisses all over his face. Forehead, brows, nose, cheekbones, jaw, chin. And the lips, so many flurried pecks to Reiner’s chapped lips. Every one meant to convey the same thing—I want you. I love you.

“Aghh!” Reiner exclaimed through the attack. He let out wonderfully delighted laughs that set Jean’s soul alight with elation. “Mercy, mercy!”

After one final kiss on the mouth, Jean let Reiner go to lay back against the passenger seat. The blond heaved deep breaths, latent laughs slowly dying on his lips. “I love this side of you,” he mused while buckling himself in, “I’m honored whenever you let me see it.”

“Oh shut up,” Jean chuckled, “you make me sound like some humorless dolt.” He turned the key in the ignition then threw the car into reverse.

“Humorless dolt? Not at all. In I fact think you’re very clever,” Reiner replied smoothly, “witty, droll, piquant—”

“That’s enough, Cyrano. Now where do you want to stop for lunch?”

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The rest of the drive was relatively smooth. Free flowing traffic, no heated discussions, and Reiner chose a music genre both of them could agree on—80’s glam metal. Jean liked the fashion and showmanship while Reiner appreciated the cheese and catchy hooks. It wasn’t until Jani Lane started singing about secrets he just couldn’t tell that the dreaded topic returned.

“Are you sure you’re okay pretending to be roommates in front of my family?” Reiner asked after turning down the stereo. His voice cracked at the end, prompting him to busy himself with his water bottle to soothe his scratchy throat.

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Jean sighed.

“Are you positive? We don’t have to keep it a secret if you really don’t want—”

“I’m positive, Reiner. It’s seriously not a big deal.”

“And you’ll try being nice, right?”

“Oh course,” Jean insisted, albeit gently.

“…Okay,” Reiner moved to turn the volume back up when Jean covered the dial with his hand.

“Do you not trust me, Rei? To keep my cool?”

“It’s not that I distrust you, Jean. You have a cool head. I mean, I was surprised when your friends mentioned how much you fought with Eren growing up.” The thought of teens Jean and Eren fighting brought a smile to Reiner’s face. “But I know how strongly you feel about my mom. I don’t really blame you, either, it’s just that she’s not actually a villain.”

“I know that,” Jean responded tersely in spite of himself. In his periphery he noticed the way Reiner winced and he sighed again. With a softer voice he added, “I understand that she’s a person.”

“But will you keep that in mind when she says something ignorant? Or even just a little frustrating?”

“Reiner, I promise you I will do everything in my power to make this experience as stress free for you as possible. Trust me.” Jean glanced over at his boyfriend with a smile before returning his attention to the road. They were back on surface streets by now, mere minutes away from the Braun household.

The front door of the house flew open upon their arrival, before Jean finished pulling into the driveway, even. It was a teenage girl absolutely beaming from cheek to cheek, eyes scrunched closed in joy. From the passenger seat Reiner let out a quiet gasp and, without a word, hopped out of the car to meet her.

“Reiner!” She squealed excitedly, throwing her arms around his neck and letting him lift her up from the ground. “I’m so happy you came!”

“And I’m so happy to see you again, Gabi. You’ve grown so much!” He gave her a twirl before setting her back on the ground, his own smile dazzling brighter than the strings of twinkling lights surrounding the open doorway. 

Jean hadn’t seen his boyfriend this happy in weeks and he couldn’t help but stare in grateful awe at the scene. Then his eye caught another figure approaching from inside of the house and his mood immediately soured. 

It was Reiner’s mother, Karina. She was short with drabby blonde hair, deep set eyes, wrinkles, and a very familiar nose. Not exactly the face of evil but he knew how looks could be deceiving.

Reiner turned and hugged her with what looked like a beat of hesitation. Jean quickly got out of the car to join them, his protective instincts kicking into high gear. He heard the tail end of a sentence on his approach that made his jaw clench.

“…you’ve gotten so big, Reiner.”

Thankfully he caught himself before his face formed into the nastiest scowl, remembering the promise he’d made minutes earlier. Besides, Jean reminded himself, maybe Karina didn’t mean anything negative by it when she called her son big. Perhaps it was a comment on the fact that Reiner had gotten into weight training since his last visit.

“Thanks mom,” Reiner replied with an awkward chuckle, “I started going to the gym more regularly. So uh, let me know if you need me to lift anything for you while I’m here.”

Okay, so he was right to give her the benefit of the doubt. Except then Jean’s resolve almost faltered yet again when Karina greeted him, leaning past Reiner and smiling at him.

“Ahh so this is your roommate Gene, I take it? It’s nice to meet you, dear.” 

Of course she said his name wrong. Fucking Gene, as if he were a pair of denim pants. His hazel eyes narrowed dangerously, preparing the most passive aggressive response possible when Reiner suddenly jumped in with a correction.

“No, mom. It’s Jean. Kind of like fawn but with a J.”

“Oh!” She exclaimed with wide eyes, “I’m sorry, I had no idea. It’s wonderful to meet you, Jean.” Her expression softened back into a smile as her gaze moved to Reiner’s truck. “How about we get everything inside? It’s starting to get chilly.”

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆

“So Jean’s bags should go into the guest room, then?” Reiner asked as they carried the last few things inside with them.

“No, dear, that’s where Gabi’s staying,” Karina responded, “your aunt and uncle are out of town on a couple’s trip with the Grices. I offered to let Gabi stay here.”

“Isn’t it great, Reiner?” Gabi hopped excitedly between each foot, practically jogging in place. “Just like old times! Remember how my parents and I would stay over for Christmas Eve and we’d all wake up together the next morning?”

Reiner nodded, “I do remember. You’d kick me out of my room and I’d sleep on the couch.” Though the wording sounded bitter the smile on his face indicated he felt quite the opposite. “So I’m guessing I’m on the couch while Jean’s in my old room? I’ll take my stuff to the living r—”

“Ahh, no,” his mother interrupted, “Falco will be on the couch.”

“Falco?” Jean found himself asking, trying to place the vaguely familiar name.

“My boyfriend!!” Gabi practically shouted. Reiner looked surprised before quickly recovering into a warm smile.

“Also a family friend,” Reiner elaborated, “his parents are the ones traveling with my aunt and uncle. I’m guessing my mother agreed to let him stay over, too.”

“I did, yes. He’s currently visiting his brother out of state but he’ll be here in a couple of days. I know it’s… unusual but do you mind sharing a room?”

“I don’t mind,” Jean replied, practically holding his breath. Was this for real?

Karina lowered her voice so only the two men could hear her, “Thank you. I obviously can’t let those two share a room, even if they’re both 18. It wouldn’t be decent.”

Oh. Of course it was a concern about the teenagers having sex. Jean held in a sigh while Reiner hurriedly ushered him upstairs to his childhood room, saying something to his mom about coming back down soon for dinner.

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆

“Looks like we lucked out,” Reiner muttered after closing the door shut behind him, “though I’m surprised she didn’t insist on finding me a sleeping bag so we didn’t have to share the bed.”

“Maybe she’s trying not to push her luck,” Jean sat down on said bed and looked around the room. Any decorations Reiner may have put up as a teenager were long gone. Her son had been out of the house for close to a decade at this point so perhaps that was warranted but it still rubbed him the wrong way.

“Did you know your mom sanitized your room like this?”

Reiner shrugged and plopped down on the bed next to him. “No, but it doesn’t bother me, either. I don’t want to be reminded of the old days, anyway… it’s not like they were good.” As nonchalant as he probably tried to sound, the edge in his voice gave him away.

Jean frowned and wrapped an arm around Reiner’s shoulder, pulling him in for a sideways embrace. “Don’t say that, Rei,” he leaned over to whisper into his partner’s ear, “maybe you didn’t have any good days in this room but we wouldn’t be here right now if your entire life before college was exclusively miserable.”

“You’re right,” his boyfriend pressed their foreheads together gently, amber eyes closing, “I owed Porco a visit, anyways.” A single tear rolled down Reiner’s cheek as he took a shuddering breath, “Sometimes I can’t help but still feel like they’re both my—”

“Hey, hey, don’t go there,” Jean cut in, hands quickly cupping the other man’s face, “I… I understand, you know that. And I also get you can’t exactly help it sometimes but I’m also not gonna let you just say it. Because it’s not true. It was never true. Never.”

In his mind Jean thought the words he wouldn’t dare speak aloud right now. Not as Reiner began weeping quietly, tears seeping into the cracks between his own face and Jean’s supportive palms.

It’s not true, no matter what your mom told you.

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆

Over the next couple of days Jean found himself on high alert. Despite the fact that Karina never said anything outwardly hostile, he couldn’t help but notice her frequent attempts to get her son alone. As far as he was concerned, no good could come from such an interaction.

Thus he made sure to intervene every single time, practically gluing himself to Reiner’s hip. Somehow he managed to do so without any pleading expressions from his beau. No desperate glances silently screaming for Jean to behave.

Instead Reiner thoroughly enjoyed himself, catching up with his baby cousin and introducing her to Jean. Gabi, while initially a shock to the senses with her loud voice and frequent exclamations, quickly grew on him. She was spunky, reminding Jean of a younger version of himself.

All the while Karina stood on the sidelines, watching. Occasionally she made some attempt at joining in on the conversation but often failed to connect. Gabi also made some efforts to bring her in on some topic or another but the old hag was usually too clueless to contribute. Talk about satisfying.

Jean smiled every time she made eye contact with him, imagining how much Karina probably hated him for not letting her sink her claws into his man.

Everything changed when he woke up alone on the morning of the 24th. The moment he realized Reiner wasn’t there he grabbed his phone to check the time. It was 7:18, meaning he hadn’t grossly overslept. Then Jean noticed a text message from Reiner from around an hour ago.

“Gabi begged me to pick up Falco from the airport with her. Should be back before breakfast.”

He sighed in relief, happy that Reiner was occupied by Gabi and not his mother. Speaking of, Karina usually served breakfast around 8, meaning the three should be back soon. 

Jean got up from bed and commenced his morning routine: showering, brushing his teeth, skincare, and of course haircare. By the time he wandered downstairs in some comfortable clothes it was already 7:55. Reiner and the kids were due back any minute. He sat down at the kitchen table and did a crossword on his phone while he waited.

Karina stood by the stove cooking up something for all of them to eat. If Jean had to give her credit for something, it was her cooking. Even something as simple as scrambled eggs and bacon smelled absolutely divine coming out of her kitchen. Had she been any other person he would’ve jumped at the opportunity to learn her secrets.

“Here you go, Jean. I’ll pour you some coffee, too.”

A plate with some eggs, sausage, and toast suddenly appeared on the table before him. He looked up at her, surprised that she would serve him breakfast before everyone else was present. The past couple of mornings they always waited for everyone, no matter how much Gabi insisted she was dying of starvation.

As if reading his mind Karina spoke up again, “Gabi told me they were running late and would grab breakfast on the way home. So it’s just us two this morning.” She placed a decorative mug of black coffee next to Jean’s plate. 

The mug was Christmas themed with little reindeer flying through the sky pulling Santa’s sleigh. Except instead of being cartoonish it was elegant and minimalist. White silhouettes on a black background with smooth looping script wishing him a Merry Christmas. Okay, maybe he had to give her credit for her tastes in drinkware, too. It was a wonder where Reiner got his adorable but tacky tastes.

He sipped on the drink, still piping hot from the coffee press, while Karina brought her own plate over and sat across from him. They ate in silence, Jean practically gluing his eyes to his phone screen to avoid catching her gaze. Without Reiner’s presence there to rein him in, the temptation to tear into her only grew. 

He just had to hold out until Reiner and the kids came back.

“They probably won’t get here until lunch,” Karina suddenly stated right as Jean finished the last bite of food on his plate. The way she said it sounded so certain. Probably? That was definitely a lie for appearances. She knew they wouldn’t be back for a while.

Jean swallowed hard, eyes finally snapping up to look at Karina. “Why do you say that?”

“I asked Gabi to buy me some time, and so she lied to Reiner about when Falco’s plane landed,” she replied, expression stony, “I thought, if you won’t let me talk to my son then I might as well talk to you instead.”

“Oh yeah?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, “What did you want to talk about?”

“Are you the reason my son won’t answer my calls anymore? Why he blocked me on social media? Why I haven’t seen him since my mother’s funeral several years ago?”

“You’re damn right I’m the reason,” he declared, feeling a fiery heat ignite in his soul, calling forth the fury he’d contained over the past few days. One built up by years of watching his best friend suffer from deep emotional wounds primarily inflicted upon him by this woman. Jean clenched his fists, mentally preparing himself for what felt like an ensuing battle. 

She frowned, the wrinkles in her forehead growing more pronounced. “Why did you do that?”

“Why?” Jean laughed haughtily, his almond eyes brimming with deep disdain. “Because you make him absolutely miserable. He can’t help but love you as his mom but I saw the way Reiner deflated after every phone call with you. How he’d get so anxious about every little mistake he made. And, unlike you, I got Reiner the help he needed. I supported him through that process and eventually helped him find the courage to finally cut you out.”

“Then why are you even here?” She asked, eyebrows furrowing further in what looked like frustration, “And why for so long? Why stay here until after New Years?”

Jean scoffed, “It’s not to see you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“For Gabi, then?”

“No, if it was just about Gabi then I would have invited her to come visit us for the holidays. Falco, too. He sounds like a nice kid.”

Karina pursed her lips, mouth forming a thin line across her face. To Jean’s surprise, though, she stayed silent, evidently waiting for him to continue.

He hesitated, unsure if he wanted to elaborate. None of this was any of her business, after all. Except he wanted her to feel bad. To feel guilty for all of the cruel and messed up things she did and said to Reiner over the years. And, well, he only promised to make the trip stress free for Reiner who wasn’t there to bear witness… What if Reiner just never found out?

“We’re here to pay our respects to Marcel and,” Jean gazed at her with all of the intensity he could muster, “Bertholdt. Though you might know him better as that wretched sinner or, I don’t know, that disgusting faggot?” He paused for a moment, taking in the way she winced when he repeated her words back to her.

“I could scarcely believe it the first time Reiner told me about their deaths,” Jean spat, “how you screamed at him for killing Marcel. I mean, how dare you blame him for that? And for what? Because if he hadn’t skipped his extracurricular that day then he wouldn’t have been there to cause the accident?”

She bowed her head, staring intently at her hands to avoid confronting the deadly look on Jean’s face.

“As if Reiner had any control over the driver who ran the red light when they were all crossing the street. As if he chose to have his friend push him out of danger to take the hit himself! Marcel, a dear friend, died and you had no sympathy, no compassion for your son. It’s been 15 years and he still carries that guilt with him. Still blames himself.”

Tears of indignation started welling in the corner of Jean’s eyes but he quickly blinked them away. It’d be a cold day in hell when he showed any signs of weakness to this witch.

“And you didn’t even get him help! He watched a friend get hit by a car and you couldn’t be bothered to get him in to see a therapist. And I know you had the resources. Unlike Bertholdt’s father who wanted to get his son into therapy after also witnessing the accident but just didn’t have the right insurance. You realize that Reiner and Bertholdt practically held each other together after that, right?”

Surprisingly Karina responded with a single nod of the head. Yet she continued staring at the table, her expression unreadable. He knew he could stop here, having likely gotten his point across but fuck that. It wasn’t close to enough.

“If you knew how much your son relied upon that friendship then why did you tear them apart? Huh?”

Karina hunched further forward in her seat, elbows now propped up on the table so she could hold her head. She didn’t even attempt a response, which only served to piss Jean off more.

“We both know it’s because you walked in on them sharing a kiss! A simple peck on the lips and you lost your goddamn mind! You grounded your son for the rest of the school year and forbade him from seeing his best friend! They didn’t even know how they actually felt about each other but you didn’t hesitate to demonize an innocent teenager! One you’d known for years at that point, no less!”

Jean banged his fist on the table with a frustrated grunt, causing the dishes to clatter from the force. She flinched in response but still hung her head low, refusing to face his fury. He took a moment to catch his breath before continuing his condemnation. “The night Bertholdt died he was driving here to see Reiner. Not to have some secret affair but because your son was at the end of his rope.”

Finally she raised her head, looking at him with a hollow, wide eyed expression. 

“That’s right. Reiner started talking about hurting himself and his best friend rushed here despite your warnings in order to save your son…” for the first time Jean hesitated, temporarily uncertain if he should throw the finishing blow. Then he remembered the look of devastation on Reiner’s face the first time he heard this story and he knew it had to be done.

“Did you know that they were on the phone together? Bertholdt didn’t want to leave Reiner alone for a second, afraid of what might happen if he did. As a result Reiner heard all of it. The crash, the screams of pain, and then the emergency workers frantically pulling Bertholdt from the wreckage, shouting about the blood loss and—” 

“Stop!” Karina sobbed desperately, her suddenly visible eyes pleading with Jean to grant her mercy. The look on her face, the hint of remorse he sensed in her, made him take pity and skip the rest of the gory details.

“The only reason we’re even here talking right now,” Jean growled, “the only reason your son is still alive, is because he had other people to carry him through. First he had his friends here in town and then he went to college and found me. I saw how much he was hurting and I encouraged him to finally talk to a professional. Now he’s flourishing and I’ll be damned if I let you undo any of his hard earned progress!”

What he heard her say next didn’t make any sense. Jean couldn’t help but think he’d misheard Karina through her sobs and gasps for air. But then she said it again and again. So many times that it became unmistakable.

“Thank you.”

“What? Why the hell are you thanking me?”

“Because,” Karina suddenly reached across the table to grab one of Jean’s hands. In any other situation he would immediately pull away but his instincts told him to wait. “Jean, dear, I’ve been trying to get Reiner alone to ask if he would consider going to family therapy with me.”

“Wait, what?”

“After Reiner cut me off.. I was a complete mess. At first I was so angry. How could my baby forsake me like that? After everything I sacrificed to raise him. But then the anger, it turned into despair and I could hardly function. When I went in for a medical appointment, the doctor convinced me to see a therapist for my depression. It took years but eventually I realized how much I’d let down my dear son.”

Jean stared at Karina, too stunned to even notice that now he was crying. Not from righteous anger but from utter confusion. For all of the times he had daydreamed about putting this woman in her place he never imagined such a response.

“If you hadn’t convinced Reiner to shut me out I never would’ve gotten the help I needed. I never would’ve worked on my own issues and understood how I took them out on him. I failed him as a mother. I know that now.” She let go of Jean’s hand to grab a tissue box and set it on the table between the two of them.

“Hold on,” he watched as she pulled a tissue to dab at her eyes, “if you already knew you’d done wrong by Reiner then why did you let me tell you off like that?” Jean grimaced now as he thought back on the comments he’d just made. The fierce condemnations. The unapologetic jabs.

Karina smiled weakly, “Well… I guess I wanted to understand how you saw the situation as my son’s life partner.”

“That’s reasona— WHAT,” Jean bolted up from his seat, “what did you just call me!?”

“Reiner’s life partner,” she repeated gently, her smile widening.

“You knew this whole time!?”

Karina nodded.

“How?!” Jean slammed his palms down on the table, rattling the tableware yet again. 

This time, instead of flinching, Karina couldn’t stop herself from laughing. A goofy, genuine laugh that rumbled from her stomach and up through her chest. A laugh that sounded exactly like Reiner’s when he felt light and carefree. When he was happy.

“Gabi and Reiner are friends on social media, dear,” she finally explained after containing her amusement. “He isn’t shy about your relationship. And Gabi isn’t shy about, well, anything. I don’t think she realized that I wasn’t supposed to know when she told me.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well,” Karina sighed, her smile quickly fading, “I… I didn’t want to stress Reiner. Or you, for that matter. With how bigoted I used to be, I wasn’t sure if either of you would believe me if I said I was okay with it, either.”

Jean nodded, finally allowing himself to smile. He sat back down at the table and leaned back in the seat. Without saying anything, Karina grabbed Jean’s nearly empty cup of coffee and brought back a fresh pour.

“We have a few hours still,” she reminded him, “If you’re up to it, I think it would be nice to start over.”

He considered her offer for a second, a smug smile crossing his face. “Sure but on one condition.”

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆

The last thing Reiner expected to hear when he threw open the door of his mother’s house after hours of waiting around at the airport was raucous laughter. Especially not Jean’s laughter, at that. He kicked off his shoes and hastily ran into the kitchen where he discovered Jean gleefully laughing at a photo album.

“Oh, that picture of him dressed as a yam?” Karina asked with a chuckle. She was back at the stove, putting the finishing touches on their lunch.

“Is that what that is?” Jean questioned with a wide, mischievous smile. His eyes were glued to a polaroid of a young Reiner wearing a lumpy reddish-brown blob of a costume. “Was this for some Thanksgiving play or something?”

Reiner froze in place, mouth hanging open. Wide eyed, he glanced back and forth between the duo, too shocked to speak.

“No, no” she replied cheerfully, “that was for Halloween. Reiner really, and I mean really, loved sweet potatoes back then. I borrowed his aunt’s sewing machine and tried throwing something together for him. It admittedly wasn’t very good.”

Jean cackled. He flipped to the next page, grinning at more pictures of the yam costume while sipping on some water.

“Hello Ms. Braun, thank you for hosting me,” a gentle voice suddenly came from Reiner’s side and drew everyone’s attention. Falco stood in the doorway of the kitchen holding a small tin. “Colt baked these cookies for us to enjoy.”

Without skipping a beat Jean got up from the table to shake Falco’s hand and introduce himself. Then he gestured for the young man to follow him to the stove where Karina once stood.

Reiner looked down to see his mother gazing up at him, a nervous smile adorning her face. She gently grabbed his arm and led him to the next room while Gabi passed them to join the others.

“Mom, what’s going on?” He asked quietly, eyebrows still stuck high on his forehead.

“I asked Gabi to keep you busy for a while so I could talk to Jean,” Karina let go of her son’s arm to rest her hands at her sides. That alone was unusual to him, having grown accustomed to his mother clinging to him when they were in such close proximity. She continued, “I’m sorry for the tricks but I realized I needed to get your boyfriend on my side if I wanted to talk to you. And yes, I’ve known this whole time. Gabi told me a while ago.”

“Gabi told you I had a boyfriend? But then why—” Reiner cut himself off and shook his head, realizing that it really didn’t matter why his mother played along with the roommate story. Not when she referred to Jean as his boyfriend without a shred of contempt in her tone.

“Reiner, I’m so sorry,” Karina looked away for a moment to wipe her watering eyes, “I know I hurt you so much.”

He blinked back tears of his own. Was this real? “It’s… it’s okay, mom, r-really…” Reiner stammered, suddenly overcome with an indescribable feeling of guilt. One that he often felt when thinking about his mother but never understood.

“My dear boy, it’s not okay. I am your mother and I failed you. After talking to Jean I realized that I failed you even more than I thought. I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgave me.”

“Wait,” he protested, “that man, my dad, took advantage of you when you were still just a teenager and then abandoned you with his child. And then.. grandma and grandpa, I didn’t see it back then but I see it now. I see how disappointed they were. You hardly knew peace a-and they treated m-me like an extension of you. I… I can’t b-blame you for wanting me to meet their expectations.”

Karina shook her head, choking back tears. Reiner could see the way she fought against her own desire to pull him into a hug and it broke his heart. As often as Jean had encouraged him to be angry at his mother, he rarely ever could. 

That guilt, he suddenly realized where it came from. And that was from the knowledge that his very existence made Karina’s life infinitely harder. How every little mistake he made was weaponized against her by his grandparents. The only ones he ever knew and also the ones who silently saw Reiner as a mistake. 

It’s not like they were wrong, either.

Yet Karina didn’t stop shaking her head in disagreement, fighting against her own emotions to find her voice. “None of what you said, about your father or my parents or my age,” she croaked, barely understandable, “none of that was your fault.” She muffled a sob with her hands. 

“You didn’t choose to be born, Reiner. And maybe… maybe I didn’t choose to give birth, but it’s not an excuse for how I treated you. Or how I treated poor Bertholdt. You were just kids and I… I had n-no idea th-that you… or that h-he… it’s all m-my f-fault…”

Reiner sucked in a sharp breath, immediately understanding his mother now knew about that awful night. Without hesitation he pulled her into a strong embrace, unable to contain his own sobs. Karina whimpered innumerable apologies and for once he let her without protest. 

Deep down Reiner somehow knew that both of them needed this. His mom needed to apologize for her wrongdoings. He needed to forgive himself for every one of those wrongs for which he had ever accepted the blame. This was them, finally healing. The first step of countless many in a journey that already felt infinitely easier.

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆

That night five of them sat around the kitchen table, laughing and playing some of their favorite board games. Karina sat out of some of the rounds but, unlike the previous days, she was very much part of the conversation. Jean still struggled at times to hold his tongue after she said something questionable but he cut himself some slack. He knew this was a process for him, too.

When he and Reiner finally retired to their room his heart felt much lighter. As did his boyfriend’s for that matter, (though he was a little tipsy, too.) It didn’t take long before Jean felt Reiner lightly snoring into the back of his neck, the latter insisting on being the big spoon that night. He smiled to himself as sleep gradually came to claim him, too.

Never in Jean’s dreams did he ever imagine liking Karina Braun. Perhaps it was a Christmas miracle. Or perhaps, as was sometimes the case, he assumed the worst of someone he never met in the process of fighting for someone he loved. He didn’t question it, however, just happy that he agreed to give her the chance.

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆

A/N: Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! If there is enough interest I might write a second part where reijean go on a double date with pokupiku and pay their respects to Marcel and Bertholdt.

[ghost-proofbaby]

wishing you a festive period that is kind to you. I think about 24hours eddie and reader constantly - all the things and occasions he would want to make up for, having missed out spending them with reader. you know how this time of year can feel very nostalgic and a time for guilt and reflection to creep in.. sigh - I know they’d both want to make up for it 🖤

thank you, nonnie <3 i am wishing you the very same.

it truly would be. something in the december air is just naturally laced with guilt and eddie would be so far from being immune to it.

the first holiday season would be the worst, as everyone in the group just knows what to get you for gifts, but he realizes he doesn't know as much as they do about you. he'd have to ask about your favorite show, your favorite movies, your favorite albums. he can't just casually buy you a cute pullover for your favorite franchise like robin has - he didn't even know that that had been your favorite franchise until she'd excitedly showed him. not only that, but then there's the aspect of not only hearing now about traditions set in stone between you and the others, but watching them set into motion. movie nights that were apparently your favorite part of the season, a specific flavor of coffee from your favorite coffee shop that was seasonal only and he'd never caught on to. regardless of the holiday you celebrate, he wouldn't know; he wouldn't know if you preferred white christmas lights or colored, he wouldn't know what day of the year you burn yule logs, he wouldn't know the story behind your menorah gifted to you in your youth that you treat as fragile as crumbling ashes. all the little things, all the big things, and he's just lost.

he might ignore you at first without meaning to. start to recede into himself, lash out when he doesn't mean it, pick arguments without knowing the root of his sour mood. but when you finally confront him? when the two of you do what you do best, and have a truthful conversation?

oh.

oh it all clicks into place for him.

"who cares if you know those things?" you'd ask with a scrunched nose, carrying over trying to extravagantly wrap argyle's gift in a fashion that the shape completely derails him from actually guessing what you had gotten him.

"i care," and god. he'd sound desperate. broken. and it'd make you look up, a bit shocked, not expecting to find a broken eddie munson looking back at you, "i... fuck, i care about those things. i should know those things. if i hadn't been such a dick, i would know tho-"

and you'd interrupt him, so quickly, so fierce to stop him from going down that pathway, "parks and recreation."

he'd stand there so confused, blank face that slowly contorts into sheer befuddlement. "what?"

"my favorite show," you'd double down, "parks and rec. i also have a soft spot for gilmore girls, if we're keeping score. don't tell steve though. he spent weeks trying to convince me to secretly watch it with him, only to go and watch it with some chick he met on an app, so to get revenge i was hate watching it only to end up loving it."

and in one clean sweep, you've managed to accomplish two things he'd yearned for: knowledge of a basic fact, and a secret just between you two.

from there, it just avalanches.

you do away with the gift for now, giving him your full attention, sitting on the floor of the apartment and exchanging all those missed details. he tells you stories about holidays with wayne, you finally explain that god awful pair of faux diamond earrings you never wear but will never, ever get rid of. the two of you talk about the gifts you've wanted in the past but never received. talk about the favorite gifts you've been given. your favorite year for the holidays, when you were children and the magic was still there. maybe you let it slip how you miss that magic; the feeling of being a little kid and everything being more about the love and electricity in the air rather than the stress and pressure of the holidays.

"i want to wake up on christmas morning," you'd say, leaning back your head wistfully against the couch you'd sat up in front of, "and for it to feel like the movies again. you know? being giddy and oblivious and- i don't know. is that stupid?"

he'd shake his head, smiling softly, sharing that same sentiment.

"no, i get it. just... missing the magic."

naturally, eddie goes out of his way to give you the greatest gift of all - somehow, against all odds, he'd bring back the magic.

small things. when you bring up wanting to go out and see lights on the neighborhood lights, he's bundling you up in one of his sweaters and loading the two of you onto his bike to go slow crawl through the twinkling streets. even gives you his only pair of riding gloves, despite his hands freezing to the point of cherry red, just to let you enjoy it all comfortably. when there's a baking recipe you're interested in, he buys the ingredients on his way home, and you get so excited you cancel plans with the group to stay in with him and fail at it miserably. flour across both your cheeks, but it doesn't matter, because you're too busy laughing to notice the imperfections. you both try to say that milk helps the burnt cookies - it doesn't, but the softness in his eyes when he watches you embarrassingly snort on your glass at how terrible the taste is does. more home-cooked meals than the two of you have had in years, some tasting as divine as you remembered, and others being put away in a "better left alone" envelope.

in the end, it doesn't matter that robin was the one to get you the pullover, or that steve has tasted your family's 'award-winning' pie recipe before him. eddie's the one making you laugh as the clock strikes midnight, scolding you about being quiet or else the elves or some shit will hear you, as you just cackle louder and smack his chest, shutting him up with a kiss.

december air is a little bit sweeter after that year. a little less guilty, and a little bit more magical.

[lqvesoph]

Back to December - LN4

gif by @lewdo

summary: based on the song 'back to december' by taylor swift. You fell in love with Lando and that's what scared you the most, that's what scared you into breaking up with him and disappearing for four months but now you wish for nothing more than to make that dreadful night back in december right again

warnings: this one is a sad one with a little bit of fluff

Masterlist | Taglist

"I'm so glad you made time to see me", you dared to speak after a few minutes of awkward silence. "How's life? How's your family? I haven't seen them in a while."

"I've been good", Lando shortly replied. "Busier than ever with all the races and stuff."

"The season started a few weeks ago, right?", you asked, even tho you already knew the answer as you couldn't help but keep up with the Formula 1 schedule.

Lando simply nodded.

"The weather's nice", you spoke again. Lando huffed. "We're in Miami", he dryly replied.

You could tell his guard was up by the way he sat upright in the chair and wasn't comfortably leaned back as you remembered it, by the way his voice sounded forgein and somewhat cold, not the warm, smooth one you remembered.

But you knew exactly why. Because of you, because the last time he saw you was still burned in the back of his mind.

"I'm sorry for that night", you spoke up after a few seconda of silence.

You think a lot of that night in the middle of december, the night you rejected him.

You didn't sleep for days after you left, you couldn't. Every time you closed your eyes, his face would show up, reminding you of what happened, of what could've been.

You would sigh, stand up and walk to the window to stare out on the glowing lighs of Miami as your mind played back all the beautiful memories of Lando and you.

Summer. All the beautiful times. Memories.

During the summer break, Lando asked you to join him on the vacation his friends and him were going on. You were hesitant at first but agreed shortly after.

It was probably the best summer of your life. You had the best time, joking around with Lando, Max, and Ria. It was your first time in Greece as well. Living in America you'd never really been outside of the States, your usual vacation was the beach house with your family of friends, an hour away from your apartment in the middle of Miami, or a trip to the Canadian mountains.

You watched him from the passenger's side of the rent car, you watched how his fingers drummed on the steering wheel in the exact beat of the music coming from the radio, how his blue eyes were focused on the road ahead, how little hums left his lips when a song came on he liked and how he laughed when you started to sing karaoke together.

Maybe your heart already knew back then.

Your brain however only realized you loved that crazy boy who risks his life every two weeks by stepping in a small car and driving up to 300kph, in fall. After Daniel and him had an especially good race in Monza, Italy and secured McLaren a 1-2 podium, the first one in a while.

The whole crew celebrated together later that night and Lando obviously invited you to join them.

You went to a club, not far from the circuit, had a few drinks and danced the night away. You could finally let loose of the stressing days at work. With the pretty curly headed boy right in front of you.

"You having fun?", he called over the loud music, with the biggest smile you'd ever seen. You nodded with a just as big smile on your lips. Lando tangled your fingers together and pulled you closer.

His other hand rested on your lower back. You leaned your head against his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin directly under your ear as he was wearing a half buttoned shirt.

"Me too", he said, kissing the side of you head. "It means so much to me that you're here", Lando whispered in your ear and you lifted your head from his chest.

Lord, this boy had a way with words. Maybe that's what made you helplessly fall in love with him without even knowing.

His eyes were fixed on you and his hand left your fingers and went up to the side of your face, cupping your cheek. Lando stroked over your cheek and slowly over your slightly parted lips.

"You're so beautiful", he mumbled. His gaze switched between your eyes and your lips, until he looked in your eyes for a few seconds longer, searching for consent to do what he wanted to.

You nodded slowly and closed your eyes when you felt Lando's soft lips on yours.

The kiss was gentle, the first of many more you would share until the cold came and the dark days of winter.

You started to have doubts but your heart was telling you to ignore them, to enjoy your time with Lando.

He had brought you flowers, red roses, your favorite. It might seem cheesy but you loved them. You didn't think anything of it, looking back at it now, you were so stupid, so oblivious. Why would he randomly bring you your favorite flowers to a date in the park?

"You remembered my favorite flowers? I told you that ages ago", you laughed, breathing in the sweet, fresh scent of the roses. "Of course I do", Lando smiled, sitting down next to you on the wooden bench. You met up in a park close to the race track where Lando would be racing tomorrow.

"You're too sweet", you mumbled. In that moment you felt happier than ever, thinking nothing could ever destroy your mood.

Lando studied your face carefully. Looking back, all the signs were so obvious. "Love?", he asked after a few minutes of just enjoying the silence between you two. You turned your head to look at him, finding his sparkling blue eyes.

Lando swallowed hard and reached for your hand but before he could say anything else you felt light rain drops fall down on your bare arms.

Your eyes widden and you looked up into the sky. It was dark, it was probably after midnight already so you couldn't see the dark clouds above.

"I think we should go somewhere dry", Lando chuckled and pulled you up from the bench. But you didn't move further. Rain was something quite unusual for Abu Dhabi.

"Love, it's raining. Come on", Lando smiled. The rain had started falling quicker by now but you just stood there, head tilted back and eyes closed.

"Dance with me", you whispered.

Lando looked around the park, no one was here but the two of you. "You know I can't dance", he chuckled. You smiled and looked at him, then you pulled him closer to you, the roses still firmly in your grip.

You started to sway the both of you from side to side. "See?", you mumbled, looking up into his eyes. Even in the dark they were bright blue.

"You barely can call that dancing", he chuckled, both arms wrapped around your waist. "It's close enough", you giggled and touched his nose with your own.

Lando looked into your eyes for a second before leaning down and closing the small gap between your lips. You kissed before, this wasn't something new but somehow it felt different.

"I love you", Lando whispered.

And suddenly your whole world stood still. You abruptly stoped moving and your entire body froze.

You left Abu Dhabi that night. The doubts creeping around in your head overshadowing your heart yelling at you to go back to him.

After you pulled back from Lando, apologized and literally ran away. Your cheeks were wet and you were sure it wasn't only the rain running down your skin.

After you arrived at your hotel you hastily threw all your things into your bag and left for the airport, flying straight back to Miami.

Because you had been hurt by your past lovers, you naturally assumed that he was going to hurt you, as well, so in order to keep your heart from getting broken, you left.

Because although you loved him, and you were sure you did, you didn't want another shattered relationship, another shattered broken heart that would take months and months to heal again.

But maybe you just made that happen all by yourself by leaving. Maybe you just broke your own heart by not giving him a chance. The chances you deep down knew he deserved.

You took the flowers home with you and placed them on your kitchen counter, not touching them ever since.

Over the months, they naturally died and secretly you were hoping your love would die with them.

You thought you'd enjoy the freedom of not being tied to him, of not having to fulfill responsibilities, of not clearing every weekend to go see him because even though you loved him, loving him was exhausting at times.

You desperately hoped for all these things to happen but somehow that didn't.

Because every weekend since the season started, you sat in your room, your fingers itching to grab the remote to turn on the TV to watch the Formula 1 race.

You missed it. You missed travelling long routes just to see him for a few hours, you missed seeing his happy face after finishing on the podium, you even missed his bad mood after a race that didn't work out the way he wished to, you missed wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a hug and following into a kiss.

After finding out he got his first podium of the season in Imola last week, memories dwelled up again. Memories of last year's Grand Prix at Imola where he also secured a podium and where you were watching him.

You knew Miami would be the next one, so you took all your courage to grab your phone and send him a short text, asking to meet you in his favorite café here.

And now you were looking up at the boy who's heart you broke only four months ago.

Lando finally looked into your eyes, the first time since december.

"I'm sorry for that night. You were so good to me, fuck, you were better than anything or anyone else. When you held me in your arms that September night, the first time you ever saw me cry, the first time anyone but my family ever saw me cry. I miss you, I miss your smile and it being the first thing I see in the mornings. And maybe it's just wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming but I feel like if- if we... if you- I swear, I'd love you right, how much you deserve it and even more because you were the best thing that happened to me but I was anxious and scared and stupid for not realizing this earlier. There's nothing more I wish for than to go back in time and change it, but I can't. I know I hurt you, I hurt you trying to prevent you from hurting me but in the end that's exactly what I did so if you don't- if the chain is on your door, I understand, I completely understand but please don't let it be too late, Lando because I miss you and I love you. More than anything!"

--

Taglist

@mehrmonga @f1lover55

[curarems]

For the record. This was only my first exam. The rest are all in january/february. I still have organic chemistry ahead of me. And anorganic. And cellular bio. And botany. And latin. And history of pharmacy. And I don't even know what fucking else. BUT the next few days are Hogfather season and I will only start regretting not studying for those other exams sooner *after* Christmas.

So I did my math exam today and passed (!!!) and and it's honestly ridiculous how my mind immediately switched to Christmas mode. Wau. I didn't even realise Christmas was coming

[walkingstackofbooks]

Fanfic Writer Interview

Tagged by: @a-most-beloved-fool - thank you!! <3 <3 <3

What fandoms do you write in? At the moment, pretty much just DS9, though I've written one TOS ficlet this year.

How many words have you published in 2024? 139, 411 😅😅 Absolutely bananas, I cannot even comprehend how I did that!

It's been an absolaute delight to properly fall in love with writing this year though ❤️Before 2024, I'd written very little fanfic ever, and this has been JUST so much fun! (ftr, 3.5k in 2021, ~3k in 2015, and - huh! Almost 30k in 2011/12 🧐 Well, that's a surprise - apparently my "baby's first fanfic" back in 2012 was a whole 20k, which is far longer than I remember!)

What is your greatest achievement this year? I mean, Vision Awry for sure! Seeing it grow and grow and slowly realising just how long it was becoming (although even right up to the end, I was never able to guess accurately!) My crazy summer marathon to get it all written before I resumed posting (which I did mostly manage!) and then the last few weeks in December pouring my heart and soul into actually finishing it before the end of the year. It's completely mad that I did that!

(Although weirdly, now it's finished it's just kind of like 'yeah I suppose I did that, feels ages ago now though' and I feel like I have to really push myself to feel the pride and excitement I think I should be feeling? Idk, it's weird 😅)

What are your top three fics you've written this year? Oh gosh, I have to choose? Okay...

Vision Awry - obviously :P

Sleep Paralysis - that mad, 3-day blitz of inspiration was so worth hiding away in my room for 😅

Um, unpublished, but the Miles&Julian-talk-about-suicide ficlet I posted on Tumblr? It was far better than I expected when I read it back, and was a higlight amongst the rest of the December writing-is-hard feels.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment? There were definitely many times during Vision Awry... the biggest were probably either:

Re-starting Day 5 in August, after writing nothing during June and July, and reailsing I had no idea what was going to happen in Day 5 apart from the deaths at the end;

Writing Epilogue 3 in the last few weeks, only eking out 1-300 words at a time unless I overdosed on meds (😅 it worked tho...), getting increasingly convinced that I was not going to be finishing by the end of the year, which sucked; or

Any time I realised the scene wasn't working because of X thing which meant I would need to totally rewrite it. I don't do drafts, really, so that was always devastating 😭 (but DID work out for the best, at least)

What have you learned? SO, so much. I'll limit myself to three things. (I'm sorry, I'm no good at choices or being concise!)

That if I have an idea, ideally I need to write all of it, straight away, and finish it while it’s fresh. I honestly don’t know how many WIPs I’m actually going to finish, because even while I love many of the ideas, I’m not in love with them the same way I was when I started.

That I love writing Garak and Julian interactions, even though I keep forgetting that I do, because Garak is an absolute pain to write sometimes (affectionate), and I've never been the biggest fan of stories that are solely Garashir.

That I need to be super careful about opening up prompts, because while they’re great for short-term motivation, if I don't complete them in a timely manner they end up hanging over me in a less-than-fun way.

What three fics have you read this year that you love? I do not know where to start with this one, omg, there are too many <3 <3 <3 Trying to think of ones I haven't mentioned before... (and while I'm trying to be better, I'm so bad at bookmarks 😅)

After The Siege by @youngpettyqueen - I didn't know I needed Worf&Julian but this has stayed in my mind since April and I love it to pieces. This dynamic is soooo gooddd 💕💕

The Recitation of Names by @jennelikejennay - Incredible, haunting, pre-TOS Spirk fic about the events mentioned in Obsession.

By Design by @akingnotaprincess - I haven't finished it yet (I am SO hype though, I just haven't had time over Christmas!) but it's SUCH a lovely Data/Julian fic, it's so sweet and sincere and wonderful.

What ideas are percolating for next year? Ughhhh, oh man. Idek. I've got about a dozen WIPs but the way my brian is rn, I'm just hoping that I'll be able to edit and publish some of the things I've written on Tumblr to finally put on AO3.

Hopefully I'll get going a bit more at some point - and whatever it is, you can bet on a traumatised Juian, I'm pretty sure ;)

Who do you want to thank? Again, where do I even start, there are so many people who have made this year wonderful 💕 I've never really felt like I've been *in* a Tumblr community before, and this year has really changed that, so a huge thank you to everyone who's made me feel so welcome! 🥰

@ectogeo-rebubbles, @the-last-dillpickle, @hellostuffedtiger for welcoming me into the Sloanshir side of DS9 with aplomb. Waking up to your reviews and recs of Imprisoned was actually unforgettable, it made my day many, many times over, and definitely gave me confidence to continue putting Julian into fucked-up situations!

@jackleg-penwright for messaging me and becoming my first Tumblr friend ❤️❤️❤️

@flippetyfloppity, @dreamerdrop, @phoenixfeathersinfall - your comments are life and love itself, your support for my writing this year has been incredible and made me feel so warm, thank you just so much! 🫂🫂🫂

I'm kind of High Key Anxious about missing anyone out if I tried to tag everyone else who has been supportive and wonderful and lovely, which sucks because I really want to, but if you've ever left a comment on anything I've done, PLEASE know that you are held in my heart most fondly with great love and affection 💖💖💖

tagging: @jackleg-penwright, @dreamerdrop, @ectogeo-rebubbles and anyone else who would like to!

[itsfairly]

Hola Fairly!! How are you? How was your week? I hope it was great! Now I have two ideas (one for Christmas since my mall started decorating for the holidays even tho it's a month away 😭).

No1. Is Nanami and the reader get invited to a quinceañera (where it's readers niece's big day and wanted them to come). And it's Nanami's first time at such a big party (unlike those office parties) and all of the tias wanted a turn dancing with him as well as the little kids.

And No.2 is almost like my first ask (where teen Kento meets the reader's family and her mother tells Kento that she'll teach him recipes) And since during Christmas it's a family tradition (of mine) to make tamales! (Japanese Christmas is a bit different than others since they really don't do present exchanges) So he helps the reader's mother and then they open presents around midnight with the whole family! (While the little kids dogpile around him showing them their presents to him.)

Introvert Spotted at a Quinces // Nanami Kento x fem!reader

word count: 2.5k

cw: f!reader, latina-coded reader, fluff, ooc(? Nanami, established relationship.

summary: You and Nanami were invited to your niece's quinceañera, which is far from Nanami's usual science. Especially when all of the sudden, people from your family want to dance with him.

a/n: hello erigaur! thank you for calling! I've been good, getting cozy and warm now that the cold weather is here for reals. i cannot believe that your mall started decorating for Christmas on November! i usually save all that for December, which is why i will start on that second idea separately. For now, let's see how nanami does at this quinceañera.

liked this? show it with a like, reblog, and/or comment. each is greatly appreciated and celebrated!

Nanami loves you, there is not a thing he wouldn't do for you. He’s the kind of husband to get out of his comfort zone for you, to try new things he never thought of trying out. And getting out of his comfort zone he has ever since he started dating you, but nothing like today.

Oh no, today was different. Today wasn’t trying some dish or watching some series that you grew up with. It wasn’t something he could try within the comfort of his own home, in the quiet tranquility of the evening with the two of you alone behind closed doors. Instead, he was sitting by the table in this large venue filled with people he was still getting to know: your family. Meanwhile, you were on the dancefloor with your sister and a huge smile on your face as you danced to one song and got excited for the next one as soon as it started. Being in a party as big as this one, as loud as this one, was definitely something he wasn’t used to. Quinceañeras, or any parties like this for that matter, weren’t his thing.

When you told him about the party a few weeks ago, he noticed how hesitant you were about even going to the first place. Despite how much you loved your niece and wanted to commemorate such an important birthday, you still managed to put up some excuses. It’s gonna end super late, we could just send her a gift and stay home, I don’t even think I have something to wear, and many other silly reasons to not go. Even then, you shrugged your shoulders at your own with your eyes darting away from him, your tone laced with defensiveness. Nanami knew how to read between the lines and hear what you wouldn’t say—you wanted to go but you were putting him first.

It was one thing to go to those office parties he frequented and another to go to a quinceañera. It wasn't like he even liked those parties, it was work. He would show up, chit chat with coworkers about the most superficial things, and return home. But those parties were quiet, nothing too big or too personal. Quinceañeras were the opposite. Loud, filled with your family that he had married into, and bigger than what the word big denoted. Those kinds of parties simply didn’t line up with your quiet and introverted husband, you were worried that they would be too much to handle and make him uncomfortable.

But for you? Nothing was too much to handle, especially a party with your family no matter how much you tried to scare him into staying in his comfort zone. So he insisted on going. It wasn’t just because it would be bad manners to reject an invite without a valid reason, but he would hate to be holding you back from celebrating your niece’s coming of age party. Your family was his now and events like this were something he signed up for the moment he married you. These events were important for you because it meant seeing your family and because he genuinely wanted to engage with your family and be the husband you deserved, one that your family approved of.

This brings him here, looking at you dancing in your pretty dress that he bought you to avoid your excuses of having nothing to wear. You looked so pretty all dolled up, even with how dark the venue was and all the colorful lights shining all over the room, that was easy to appreciate for him. You always looked pretty, but it was events like this when you could really redefine what ‘pretty’ even means. He could just open up a dictionary and see a picture of you right now with that smile as the definition.

The way you were dancing, however, made him hum. You were letting loose, not caring who was looking as long as each song you danced to was better than the last. There were a few times you looked back at him and tilted your head back at him with a smile to invite him to join you, which was met with a wave of his hand as he shook his head. He was happy staying here at the table, guarding your purse as you danced away. Sure, it wasn’t his ideal night to sit alone at a party like this, but he didn’t mind it. You looked too happy for him to even consider pulling you away from this early than what you would’ve wanted.

“Wife left you all alone?”

Nanami turns to his side when a voice barely manages to break through the loud music, his eyes meeting your aunt sitting next to him. Nanami greets them, slightly nodding his head at her.

“She wanted to dance and I am a terrible dancer.” He answered, trying his best to make his voice heard through the music.

“Oh, come on. No one cares about that when they are having fun.” Your aunt laughed at his modesty, which caused Nanami to look back at you and then everyone else on the dance floor. Everyone seemed to just mind themselves.

“You’re right. Maybe I am still getting used to all this.” He chuckles, turning back to face your aunt. It was hard to talk considering how one had to shout if they wanted to keep the conversation going.

“Right, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let loose.” Your aunt suddenly stands up, extending her hand for Nanami to take. “I’m sure one dance can’t hurt, no?”

Nanami was taken back by the invitation to dance, making him a bit apprehensive to the idea. He truly meant it when he said he was a terrible dancer, at least when it came to this kind of music he wasn’t familiar with. However, the way your aunt was patiently waiting for Nanami to accept made him rethink it. It didn’t seem like she would take no for an answer and he did tell himself before coming here that this was his family now. Maybe one dance wouldn’t hurt.

He nods, placing your purse down on your seat and standing up to take your aunt’s hand. “Alright, ma’am. It’s not like we can talk with the music this loud.” He chuckles, trying to ease his uneasiness.

Your aunt laughs once more, agreeing with him once they reach the dance floor. “Maybe we can work on improving your dancing. I’m sure [Name] will appreciate that.”

Nanami nods once more, this time with a soft smile. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of that, after all, how many times has he danced with you in the comfort of your home? His hand on your lower back and yours on his shoulder. Or better yet, you holding his waist close as he holds your cheeks as the two of you sway back and forth. But that was different. That is when the two dance without needing any music, just doing what feels right. 

That uneasiness was still present in him as your aunt was trying to show him how to dance to cumbia, to which he was mentally grateful that the genre of the songs changed to something much more tame. He tried his best to follow along, feeling his feet tangle themselves as he tried to follow that triangle step your aunt was so patiently teaching him. He just hoped he wasn’t making a fool of himself in front of your family, seeing how everyone else seemed to move with this flow and smoothness in their steps while he was still looking down at his feet to not trip over himself.

“See? You can dance!” Your aunt noted with a smile, taking his hand and guiding him to spin her around.

It might have been a bit clumsy in his eyes, but he was glad that his stiffness when dancing didn’t take anything away from her fun. Besides, it was nice to stretch his legs after so much time sitting alone on that table, so he kept dancing with your aunt as a way to spend his time in this quinceañera while you had your own fun.

One dance was one dance and your aunt did keep her promise, not wanting to overwhelm him about spending so much time with her, especially when he was kind enough to indulge her in a dance. But as soon as your aunt lets go of him, leaving to take care of things around the party, it seemed like other people had their eye on Nanami. The member of the family that has always been pretty reserved and polite was finally opening up to them even if it was just by dancing. How could they let this chance go to waste?

If it was like those office parties with people trying to strike up a conversation with him, Nanami would’ve found a way to politely cut the conversation short if he wasn’t in the mood to talk much. But it wasn’t like that. Not when different women from your family of all ages were trying to steal a dance with him. Even if he wanted to go back to his seat or sneak away to the bathroom for a few seconds of quietness, he couldn’t bring himself to say no. It wasn’t like he was fond of the idea of dancing so much tonight, but his own words were repeating in his head—this was his family too and he didn’t want you to think he was uncomfortable with them.

From dancing with your aunts and cousins to the small kids dancing close to him, one could easily see how Nanami was letting loose, shaking off his stoic demeanor that made him seem so unapproachable before if it weren’t for the many stories you share of him since you started dating. Instead, he was just making the best of it, taking a couple of notes from how you danced with your sister earlier—as if no one was watching. Even if that wasn’t the case considering how everyone seemed to be taking turns to be his dance partner, it was comforting to just not think much of it.

But of course, there was someone watching. You.

You had gotten away from the dancefloor to check on Nanami and get a sip of a drink, only to find that the table was empty. Thinking he had just gone to the bathroom, you sat down to give your feet a break, gently swaying in your seat to the music.

“I didn’t know Nanami had that in him.” You raised your brow at your sister, not sure as to what she meant by it.

“You know, I always pictured him as the type to just sit around in parties and just sulk around.” Your sister explained, nodding her head towards the dancefloor so you could understand. “Didn’t know you married quite the softie.” She adds with a chuckle.

Confused, you turn to the dance floor. At first, you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, let alone your husband there. That is until you make out his blonde hair, making you crane your head slightly to make him out amongst the crowd. When you finally get a good angle, sure enough, you see Nanami dancing. Even if that was rare on its own, he was slightly hunched over so he could hold the little girl’s hands as they danced, swinging them back and forth to the beat of the music. It wasn’t how you thought Nanami would spend the party.

It was adorable, seeing the wide smile on the little girl’s face as he danced with her. It made your heart flutter at the sight with a soft exhale of your lips. He was fitting in just fine, and there you were when that invite came, all worried about his comfort and trying to skip today. You’re glad you didn’t. You stand up, letting your sister know you had to make it up to him for leaving him on his own while you danced.

As Nanami danced around with the little girl, one of your niece’s, he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. Expecting another relative of yours, he meets your smile, making him stand up straight once the little girl lets go of his hands and runs off somewhere else.

“Is this the line to dance with Nanami Kento?” You teased, placing a hand on his shoulder as he turned around to face your body.

He chuckles, quickly placing his hands on the all-too-familiar spots of your waist and free hand. “It is. But you, Mrs. Nanami, get to skip the line.”

“Oh, lucky me, Mr. Nanami?” You giggled, ready to take the lead but surprised when he squeezed you lightly.

“Lucky you indeed, I had some practice.” He smirks, winking at you as he starts to lead. Though bachata was a type of dance he was still learning, he wasn’t holding himself too bad. You did catch him, however, flashing his eyes back and forth between you and his feet, making you giggle at how he was trying to do things just right.

Your hand leaves his shoulder, coming down to his chin and lifting it gently so his eyes meet yours. “Not bad, though you’re still a bit stiff.” You chuckled, teasing him a bit.

He hums, giving in to your lead as your hand goes lower to his back. “Then you’re just gonna have to help me practice.”

“You make it sound as if that is a bad thing.”

“It is when you’re an amazing dancer and I am not.” He says, lifting both of your hands to spin you around and then pull you closer to him, chest meeting chest.

“You’re just being modest. Even my aunts were telling me you were quite the dance partner, sounds like you were having fun without me.”

Nanami shrugs his shoulders. Parties like this were still not his thing. They were too loud to even hold a conversation, ended way too late for his liking, and simply different from how he preferred to spend his time. But he would lie if he said he didn’t enjoy himself at all. Even if he felt silly trying to keep up with your family and these kinds of events, he managed to catch your smile when you turned around to take him to the dancefloor, softening him up. Yes, Nanami is a reserved and quiet person. Parties, let alone quinceañeras, are not his thing. But he was learning to get comfortable with them, he wouldn’t let you have anything less than that.

“I still prefer to have you by my side. You make these events better.” He smiled, pressing his forehead against yours as you two danced. If the two of you were alone rather than at your niece’s quinceañera, trust that he would’ve already kissed you. However, he still had to maintain his image as a gentleman before your family.

“Does that mean you’re gonna join me when they play No Rompas Mas and Payaso del Rodeo?”

“Don’t push it, love.”

[chill-bunn-sage]

So I’ve been seeing all the Then vs. Now memes going around for all y’all’s WoLs and OCs…

Welp, my turn for being goofy about it! And this is a free-for-all tag, if you haven’t done it yet and wanna do it, go ahead!

Then: April 2022

Now: December 2024

~~~

Gods be good she was so baby 2 years ago! Plot shenanigans and mods really do change a girlie.

She was never intended to be a WoL, just a silly OC living in the world and as far away from mainline MSQ as possible lmao. But luckily she got affected by lots of rp and characters that changed her for better and worse \o/

The bunny got lots of scars, went on a few hunts, worked at a bounty office for awhile, explored bits and pieces of the Far East, met and lost friends(ic and ooc), and was in a real dark place and she’s finally starting to claw herself out of there.

Physically tho, she’s finally looking how I envision her!

Curly long hair

Chubby and curvy

The scarring and galaxy eyes were rp developments but I can’t see her without them now.

She’s perfect as she is now, and Krysanthe’ll forever be a rotateable blorbo in my head. I’m love her.

[vamp-bites]

So. Uh. Hi. Hello.

I was wondering if you could... Offer some haunted knives au crumbs.... I need to know in excruciating detail about this new ring of Legato hell.

How did u sense that I nearly doubled the word count on my doc for this au the day u sent this... unfortunately I wasn't hashing out the Legato bits but I can tell u what I've got anyway

So far my plan for Legato in this au is not extensive but he will haunt Knives out of the corner of his eye from the point Knives first sets foot back in Octovern to when he's finally face to face with him again in an alleyway in December.

I wanna have Legato haunting him be more of a source of horror for Knives instead of annoyance like Wolfwood, but end with them having a conversation that sort of closes the door on the "Millions Knives" persona for Knives, he officially divorces himself from that identity through divorcing himself from Legato. Legato, to Knives, represents everything he's trying to leave behind him so when this ghost comes crawling out of its grave and clawing at his leg and vouching for its eternal loyalty to him he freaks out and tries his hardest to kick him off him.

at this point Knives has told Vash that he's no longer gonna be "Millions Knives" and will from here on out be just "Knives: a citizen of NoMan's Land" and to make good on his word he believes he needs to leave Legato behind but he's also realizing that he was this guys whole world in life and now that he's dead Knives is the only living entity on the planet that can see/communicate with him and he doesn't know what to do about that because the last thing he wants to do right now is keep Legato around because he feels like every minute he spends with his ghost lurking over him is a minute wasted regressing back from the little progress he's started to make.

basically, Legato needs to pass on and accept rejection and Knives needs to move on and leave his old self behind. and they cannot do that together. so Knives uses a shred of power to physically touch Legato in order to shove him away from him and leaves him in that alleyway.

as of now i haven't 100% decided how Legato ends up but just leaving him in that alleyway doesn't feel right so I'm thinking that later on, when Knives has gotten a bit more of a solid sense of self than he starts off with in the story and the mere presence of Legato doesn't feel like a black hole anymore, he finds him again, still there but slowly fading into a ghostly sludge of a vengeful spirit that can't move on, and they make some amount of peace with each other and Legato passes on. I'm still workshopping it tho

P.S. Knives does ask Legato whether he was in love with him and Legato says he actually isn't sure and its not a yes but its not a no and Knives, local aromantic who recently discovered that romance is not exclusively a human construct, doesn't know what to do with that information because the idea of a human being in human-love with him places him within a human social system that he previously considered himself completely above and suddenly he feels way too much like a normal person having normal person experiences and he finds it uncomfortable because he just decided to play the role of "person" like a week ago and he's new to it

P.P.S. there is a chance their entire initial encounter happens while Knives is slightly tipsy and/or hungover because in my timeline it happens right after he gets drunk for the first time with Livio

[3lkin]

Hey y'all. 2024's almost done, ain't that somethin. what a wild year.

(sappy stuff under the cut)

So. Here we are. December 24th, wowza.

Honestly, Imma just start out by saying thank you. Thank you to all the people who followed, or liked my work or reblogged, or even just saw it in passing and kept on scrolling. Thank you to anyone who saw any of my friend's work, or even just existed in the mcyt community. Y’all are my inspirations, and I don’t think I would be where I’m at right now without the incredible support I’ve gotten this past year, especially from my friends over on the Desert Life SMP <3

I wasn’t really sure if I actually wanted to post this over here originally. The art I tend to post are the pieces I’m the most proud of. I don’t like posting sketches or unfinished pieces because they feel messy, or like I didn’t try hard enough. But I also think it’s a valuable thing to show progress, and show where you came from as an artist, as short a timeline as 1 year might be.

Funnily enough, when 2024 first hit, I was the least involved in the mcyt community that I’d been since 2020. I hadn’t really watched Secret Life, I was sort of scooting away from the QSMP, and I was barely paying attention to Hermitcraft (dark times, I know). So what was I up to early 2024 in my art journey? Well, I was finishing up my first Outerwilds animatic (which, as of yesterday, just crossed 4k views WHAT THE FU-). It’s strange, because I remember when working on it, I made the choice not to show the main, player, characters face til the very end, which one may classify as stylistic, but nonono, I just really hated drawing humanoids lmao.

When I finally put that animatic to bed, I wanted to pick up a new project, and for some weird reason, even though I wasn’t really even paying attention to the mcyt community at that time, I drafted up a Life Series Winners animatic. And that’s basically the only thing I worked on, February, March, and April. Looking back on all that now, I’m still really proud of what I set out to make. At the time, I know how happy I was with that style, and how excited I’d been when I first figured out how to tween and started attempting a bit of animation. That animatic got me a place on my first MAP, where I met so many wonderful people, many of which are such large parts of my life now. And after that, the year just took off.

throughout June and July, I participated in Art Fight for the first time, and was exposed to so many incredible artists. I went back to using line art, relearned how to shade and utilize color. August hit, and I was convinced to jump on Tumblr. Was that a good decision? Um. Well it certainly fueled the Desert Duo brainrot I’ll tell ya that. In all truth tho, having the ability to show my work to the wider community was something I didn’t really have up until that point, and seeing how excited people were about Wild Life or other mcyt goings-ons was such a cool experience.

If someone walked up to January 2024 Elkin, and showed her the last three months of work I’ve done, I don’t think in her wildest dreams they would ever think it was them who was going to make it. I’m honestly so proud of where I’m at with my art right now, and how far I’ve come over just this past year. Whether it’s through colors, anatomy, composition, effects, I’ve learned so much from so many wonderful people, and I can’t thank them enough for being such large inspirations.

Damn this got long fast lmao, was meant to be only a couple paragraphs :/ If for some reason you’ve made it all the way down this post, thank you to you as well, for taking the time to be here and read this absolutely blabber. Hope all y’all have a wonderful holiday season, and a happy New Year. Here’s to 2025 :)

[t0mcruize123]

The Alpha is spawned

This is a John Taylor Alpha smut with themes some people may find triggering (it’s sigma aura is lethal) so if ur mildly scared or worried about reading I suggest u don’t to preserve ur own safety👩🏿‍🦲🫶 this is written for my freakmate @mqverick and others may find it confusing and disgusting so tread lightly guys!!!……Xx

“Jawnnnny boy” I looked at John with a smirk, “I made a new Christmas song.”

"Ok what is it?" Said John, trying to chew on his meat he was eating

(that won't be the only meat ;))

"Okay here it goes,” I breathed in deeply, readying myself to sing the song I’d worked so hard on…,

“ON THE 5TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME:

FIVE STDDDDS, FOUR CUM SHOTS, THREE FRENCH MEN, TWO LARGE DILDOS,

AND ALOT OF CUM, IN MY ASSHOLE.”

"Wow Jerome that was... Something" said John, looking disturbed.

"Well you clearly enjoyed it, look at that boner" I said pointing to the shaft in his pants.

"Well.. I.. Uh." John said panicking, blushing in the process. I got up and put my finger on his lips

"SHSHSHSHS CHILD, Im a magician, and I can make that boner disappear" I said seductively.

John jizzed in response.

"Jerome.. Just fuck me..." Said John, with lust filling his eyes

I laughed, and I stepped away him.

"John, you're my Christmas present and I can't open (dat ass ) until it's 12th because that's how Christmas works!" I said with a smug smile

He sighed, and got up from the chair and walked towards me, his clothed erection touching my thigh

"Ok fine, but just so you know.. you'll regret making me wait" said john with a grin as he slapped my ass and walked away into his room

I gave it no thought and just shrugged it off

Oh but I was wrong

So very wrong.

On the 12th of December there was a blue Smurf moon and I could hear John howling with the rest of his pack. He was taking a fat shit and I walked in “on accident” to smell that wonderful dung.

"JEROME GET OUT" I ran like a flash not wanting john to throw the dung at me even tho it smelt delicious.

“Did u walk in on the alpha shitting?” Nick asked, “was it as glorious as I imagined?”

“Even more so,” I hummed and sat down on the bed. John came out of the bathroom with a brown booty hole and satisfied smile, “I just shat and cummed at the same time, you were right Jerome it’s the way of the future.”

“Nicholas could you give me and jawnny some privacy please?” I giggled y/n style.

“Sure thing, have fun you two gay bastards,” he smirked and trotted away.

When the door finally closed, I grinned at bbg John and slowly lifted up his shirt to reveal rock hard abs, WRONG! There was nothing but smooth skin and my inner organs salvated at the sight. I ran my fingers thru his luscious wavy locks and he tipped his head back in sigma style.

“Jerome uwu,” he whimpered, “Give it to me mommy.”

I grabbed hus thong string and pulled it as far as it’d stretch before letting go. The thong slapped against his tight little bum hole and he almost released at the sensation.

I bent low and slowly pulled down his thong to reveal his throbbing member. It twitched like an Alpha ready to hunt and the idea of his piss claiming me made me tremble. My sensitive bud of nerves was desperate for his long bony fingers but I halted.

I slowly rubbed my hand down his shaft and he giggled and whimpered uwu style, hopping and jumping into my touch like a wild boy gone mad.

His eyes darkened as the waves of ecstasy approached and a muscle in his jaw tightened. The moonlight highlighted the sharp planes of his face, all due to the mewing, and I felt a secret formula coat my thighs.

“You’re mine,” he howled as I edged him harder, “I own you.”

“Just because he’s black-“

I jumped as a strong black man came into view, dressed in tropical shorts with his hair swinging in brilliant braids.

“I’m Jamal, Jerome’s hotter sexier drippier wetter sloppier brother” jamal shook johns hand, “wanna see a real cock?”

John roared as his cum spurred out like a fountain, sending me flying into the far window and covered in his sloppy juices.

“I’m ur guilty pleasure,” John grinned, “crawl to me Jerome.”

Did he think I was a spider?

He pulled my hair roughly and I felt my wig rip a lil. I cringed and John looked down at me.

“Call me master.”

I stared at his thick meaty sausage..was he going to teach me kung fu? I looked back at the moon and released he was alphalating at that time on month. He needed to be locked up before he became to powerful.

He snarled in anger and jamal grabbed his cock, spinning it like a helicopter and John felt himself arriving, lifting up into the heavens.

“Jamal what are you doing?” I pulled John back down to planet earth, “we need to lock him up-“

“Tell Simon I say hi” Jamal grinned as he rubbed him faster, his cock flying at Mega speed as he lifted up.

“I’ll never forget you Jerome,” John confessed as he flew, “I own you forever and ever,”

“Tell a trusted adult,” jamal told me and I rushed to find Nick for help. I came back to see jamal had transformed into dobby and was frantically throwing all his socks at John.

“What are you doing?!” I exclaimed.

“Dobby won’t be owned, dobby will be freeee!!”

Eddie weddie walked into the room, his pale arse as bright as the moon and his fat, long, fiddle as brilliant as a thousand orange stars.

“What’s the ud?” He asked.

“John turned alpha during sex and jamal helicoptered his cock so he’s flying into space,” I explained, “we need help.”

“I’ve got this.”

Ed walked up to John, kissed his neck, took his hand, and gave him the sloppiest, wettest, most jaw breaking, world ending, dick shrivelling, head of his life and John blasted into outer space, little kid sperm shooting out like a rocket.

He flew away and I watched the loml disappear to his true home with the rest of the three long legged people. I smiled and blew a kiss..

And then shat so drastically my panties disintegrated and I had to use dobby as a butt plug. Nick and Ed bent low and emitted the most gas chamber farts they’d been brewing the whole night, showing their respect to Alpha John,

As the gas became too much to handle and the shit trickled down my knee, my arse beginning to sneeze, I inhaled deeply and died a happy shitty death.

Thanks for reading guys UWU :(

#ur mental health matters

[noa-de-cajou]

I see Bazyli again

On my first month

Of uni

A lot of people but

I'd recognize him anywhere

The others are here too

They changed

Two years

And what strikes me first is

That he got

So much

Thinner

Thinner than when he was doing figure skating

(I hope he continued figure skating)

(Looks like his arm healed nicely)

(I'm glad)

Not like

Unhealthy thin but still worrying thin

The kind of thin you get when you stop caring about yourself but you still have to pretend you do

(I call this the Simowiet-type thin)

(Sorry, Simowiet)

(It's less visible on Bazyli because he’s much smaller)

I still remember how he felt in my arms

How full he made the world feel

A little too much, sometimes

What would I feel now if I hugged him again?

I’m scared that I'll only feel a ghost

There’s something missing from his eyes

And it's my fault

His smile isn’t fake

It’s not what you can call fake

It's just a little too wide sometimes

And a little too snarky

He still talks loud

It’s still cute

I guess I’ve never stopped

Wanting

Loving

Missing

Him

Even though I should stop

It’d be selfish, after what I did to him

Would he be angry?

He wouldn't

And that's

Exactly

The problem

He never cared what happened to him

He didn't care what would happen to him

If he could try and find me

When I see where that got him I wonder

Was I worth it?

I don’t think I was worth it

I don't think…

…

People move around

Time for class

I blink

And just like that

He's gone again

I don't know where

Meanwhile, I'm still there

And there I stay

Unmoving

Put my headphones back on

Turn the volume up

Only in my darkest moments can I see the light

Oh

Okay, that is kind of funny

I think I'm prone to getting blinded when it's bright

Bronya’s the one who made me listen to this the first time

She doesn't look it but she's a sucker for love songs

Well this december, I'll remember

This one was different tho, that's what she said

It was a song she associated with Bazyli

Because Bazyli was born on december 3rd

So she annoys him with it

Want you to see it when I do, ooo

Because he doesn’t like his birthday

God knows I do

I’m happy they're still friends at least –

“Hey, Nati, I forgot my jacket at the meeting yesterday, did you pick it up by any chance?”

His

His voice

Over the music

I freeze

He’s right behind me

Talking to a girl

Natalia I think?

She's a second year

“Oh yeah! I put it in the student association’s local. You can go check if it’s still there.”

“Great, thanks… Thought I’d lost it, haha.”

I could turn around

I could say it

I'm here

I'm back

But I don’t

I want him to be happy without me

I want him to be happier than he was back then even

I don’t want to look at him in the eyes again and realize I broke him

I want to see him

I want to talk to him

But I also don’t want to

He walks away and the music reaches my brain again

I’m alright if you're alright

I look at his back

He has new earrings, green

The color of his eyes

The eyes I can't even look at

I’m okay if you're okay

I change the music

Two

Birds

On a wire

God

What is it with this playlist

He gets into the building, alone

One tries to fly

Away

And the other

And from far away I get a glimpse of his face

Of how tired he looks

Watches him close

From that wire

“Hum, kid? You good?”

I jump

Natalia saw me

I nod

And I run away

I run away

Like I always do.

He says he wants

To as well

But he

Is a

Liar

This December – Ricky Montgomery

Two Birds – Regina Spektor

[ros3ybabe]

Update Check In - October 7th thru October 10th, 2023 🎀

I am officially back home from seeing my boyfriend and now I am big sad because I already miss him again. I was not as productive as I thought I would’ve been while with him these last three days but I’m also not mad about my lack of stuff done. I got some quality time with him and I am so happy with that. I did do some things that would count s productivity, such as some Japanese studying and a short amount of homework. I think I’ll use this post as a motivator for some stuff I need to do with a little bit of what I did this weekend.

🩷 What I Accomplished -

Kept up Duolingo daily streak

Kept up Busuu daily streak

Began working in Lesson One in Genki I

Submitted and passed Psyc Quiz for Chapter 7

Began using LingQ for Japanese

Looked into Kanji learning books

so yes, I didn’t accomplish much but again, not mad. I am still happy with what I did accomplish. I also really enjoy the Genki I textbook so far, I’m still trying to figure out a good note taking technique for myself with this textbook but I really like writing down the end of lesson practice exercises. I think I want to get better at reading and writing, and listening, and my goal is to start italki lessons by December/Jaunary. If I don’t start my italki lessons until a bit later tho, I won’t be upset because I know learning Japanese is a long process and something I’ll be working on for a good chunk of my life.

🩷 ToDo Personal Today, Oct 11 -

Wash bed sheets + pillowcases

Wash + put away all laundry (clothes)

Do dishes

Continue to work on Genki I lesson one

Maintain Duolingo streak

Maintain Busuu streak

Use Renshuu

Look for some more affordable Japanese language resources for my IPad

Talk to my boyfriend in video call

Make a shopping list for language tracker/bullet journal (I get paid tomorrow)

Make a schedule/routine for working out (I’m going back to the gym next week!)

🩷 ToDo Academic for Today, October 11 -

Lifecycle nutrition chart for NUTR

Lab 7 Pre Lab for my Anatomy Lab

Discussion 3 for NUTR

Culinary chapter 10 quiz

not much academic stuff on the list for the day but I’m trying to take it a little easier with my school things as I am exhausted from a long day of flying and airports yesterday. However, I am using today as like, a set up day for my upcoming days/week. Productive planning is basically my goal for today with a little bit of actively doing some work. I am excited to start my language tracking bullet journal and plan some stuff for working out as I am planning on going back to the gym next week. I want to start with light cardio for the first week just to get me in the habit of going and then after I’m going to step back into the weight room and start lifting light. My boyfriend got me motivated to work on my mental and physical health a bit better, so I’m definitely excited!

I feel with the exercising, it will help me manage my stress better, which I feel will lead to better mood and better food choices. Exercising alone is enough of a motivator to take my nutrition more seriously. I’m more focused on the mental and emotional health aspect of working out than I am the physical stuff, but I’m excited for all the benefits regardless. I just want to take better care of my health in every aspect, in a way that aligns with my values. Hopefully I will have better posts full of more information and stuff I’ve done during the day once I get all areas in my life back in balance with each other.

that’s all for now! I appreciate all of you who read and comment and send me the most encouraging and supportive messages, you all keep me motivated and inspired to continue being my most authentic self and help me feel comfortable with expressing myself in this community. I am so grateful for everything that goes into this blog and everything it’s done for me and the direction it’s helped me guide my life in! Much love to all of you <3

til next time lovelies 🩷🤍

[celestie0]

what kind of things do you do at a research lab? sounds like it kinda pays good. also, how was that presentation you had to give a few days ago? 🤔

hiii bb thanks for askingg the presentation went okay it was pretty brief lol i just had to present for something my PI has been researching haha it only took like fifteen minutes

OUU my job is so boring but yes i will indeed yap about it. yeah so i think my day to day varies a lot but i'm a research assistant n help out the doctorates/post doctorates with prepping things for their research so it's like. grunt work LOL but yeah stuff like purifying proteins (i purify a lot of fruit fly proteins since that's the model organism the biochem phd students i work with use) it's just a lot of pipetting and chromatography to make a bunch of little samples that the grad students can use to run their experiments!! some other stuff i do often is do plasmid transformation with agar plates, usually for the botany grad student i work w since he's researching transgenic plants for sustainable agriculture (his research is my faveee it's srs so interesting n he has like a whole walk-in plant chamber at work it's so cute lol) but anyway most of making agar plates is just......suspending n then centrifuging n then suspending n centrifuging SFKJSHL it's boring. yeah n then making buffer solutions, restocking other equipment n calibrating machines, all that stuff

that's kinda 50% of what i do where i'm on my feet, but the rest of it i'm just at my desk n helping my PI w proofreading his research notes bc he doesn't know english very well so i help him out w that even tho technically it's not part of my actual job LOL but it helps me get more hours in at least bc otherwise i'd be working very less. i only have two other coworkers w the same role as me so we try to split up work so my PI doesn't realize it's a one person job n fires two of us but sometimes there isn't much work to split hahah or one of us just accidentally does too much n then the next time i go in im like...there's nothing to do SDJKFHSDK it's kind of case by case cuz the grad students are really bad at telling us what they want us to do ahead of time lol. but still all in all it's pretty cool n def more chill than the hospital jobs i've worked haha

pay is a bit better than most part time jobs for sure, i get $24/hr (idc ab wage transparency hahah) and i work around 25 hrs a week. i used to work a different job after i graduated from july-december of last year that was full time but it was tooooo far from home i had zero work life balance so i just switched to this one n yea it's less hours but that's ok, tbh i kinda wanted a bit of a break before i go back to school and the lighter schedule has been nice. i think it's really helped w my post grad burnout sfkshdkfjd

HOPE THIS DIDN'T BORE YOU TO DEATH IT'S JUST NO ONE'S EVER ASKED ME THIS QUESTION BEFORE NOT EVEN MY FRIENDS LOL SO I GOT CARRIED AWAY thanks for ur ask bb<333