#death is all around me
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dad issues
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(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)
#dungeon meshi#aj art#chilchuck#chilchuck backstory stuff#sorta#comic#tw alchoholism#tw death#tw parent death#dont generally tag for death stuff but in this he straight up dies on screen so I thought I should#Uhh I think they all had extremely grim visions bc I think that’s sort of the nature of ghost attacks#I mean Laios’ was basically just him being like “I should’ve died no one would care if i died”#I think Marcille’s would be. Horrifying. Given all her baggage around death.#Tho iirc this would be before Falin’s backfired resurrection#But anyway the mentioning of his father got me thinking#Since at least judging by Laios’ vision#They focus on people who’s death you have baggage around#Especially since Falin wasn’t ever like. Dead dead.#And Chilchuck does mention his father multiple times#Specifically he mentions his death and how he died#Like it seems like that specifically is a notable memory for him#Like you never see him like “my dad taught me to do this”#It seems like he remembers his dad *for* his death#So I anyway I made an extremely grim comic about it#beabell
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Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows
In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.
If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.
So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.
I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?
However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.
Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)
And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.
Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.
It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.
Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?
While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:
She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.
You see where I'm going with this.
When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:
And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD
When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.
MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS
No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.
And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:
Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!
The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.
And, uh
Yeah.
I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.
But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.
Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:
But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.
There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.
After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:
"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.
Kind of like another bird in this show:
#blue eye samurai#mizu#akemi#kinuyo#bes#women are birds okay they are BIRDS#the let me die line is so SCARY AND SAD like a part of Mizu wants death but she cant? she doesnt know how?? excuse you show???#when all these other delicate birds are dying all around her#akemis character gets more and more gutwrenching upon subsequent rewatches because whenever she says her life is in danger#NO ONE BELIEVES HER - certainly not other women#because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right?????#and it turns out that all of akemis instincts were right and she was in danger the ENTIRE TIME#also I need to make a post just for kinuyo because I am sad
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"I'll show you every day that choosing to live was worth it"
some of my favourite scenes from @hijinks-n-lowjinks' fic things i would miss from the other side . this fic tore my heart out fr but like in a good way and i wanted to pay it homage the only way i know how <3
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#I LOVE PLOTTING AND ALSO SCHEMING#listen i have a lot of feelings and i needed 2 process them and i do that by making art 2 target my mutuals directly#read my about it's there it's in the fineprint if we talk You Are Not Safe smile#i just . BITING BITING BITING this fic#the domesticity the grief the casual yet unfathomably deep soulmatism.......im ruined i tell u Ruined#so naturally i dropped everything#remember how i said lefts/rights r my enemy my beloathed my nemesis. MIRRORS MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE FHGDSAJFGJS I WANTED DEATH#i was like this is incorrect. no this is correct. flips them around in my head. no im wrong again actually#purgatory tbh but we got there (watch me be wrong again tho if i am wrong again i think i will Cry)#anyway!!! i don't have much else to say except pls read the fic and show jinx some love they 1000% deserve it this fic 1000% deserves it#i could only draw so many scenes but i would draw all of it if i could#fr i ws so paranoid abt accuracy lmao cut 2 footage of me looking up rice cooker models and wtf the colour 'carnelian' was#i hope i got everything right i hope i did it justice :'>#also if any1 mentions how megumi's arm in 3 is at an awkward angle. look me in the eye and tell me youve comfortably cuddled with someone#i will call u a liar
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walker being so much taller than leah allows for the perfect opportunity for annabeth to be completely baffled at how much percy grew over the last year. imagine annabeth punching that bully in the jaw bc he messed with her friend. only to turn around and be face-to-face with percy's chest. and he's oblivious to her confusion bc he's smitten and happy to see his smart, and pretty, and kind, and strong, and badass best friend. and annabeth is just fuming.
#annabeth: *punches percy's bully*#annabeth: lay off my friend! 😡#percy (happy to see annabeth: wisegirl 😊#annabeth: *turns around and is facing his chest*#percy: how has school treating you so far? 🙃 did you incite fear in your enemies like you said you would? 😌 and—why are you mad?🤔#annabeth: how the shit did you get so tall 🤬#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo headcanon#percy jackson#annabeth chase#percabeth#percabeth headcanon#percabeth being the best of friends#i love these two with all my heart#holding these two close to my heart#these two are going to be the death of me
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It's honestly frustrating that I've seen non-Russian queer people almost bragging about how they would be illegal in Russia, labeled an extremist or terrorist. Russian queers are in danger, their government has made it clear where it stands, and it's made this effort for the better part of a decade (even longer, perhaps). This will kill people, don't mistake this for a quirky little proclamation from a government, akin to somebody saying the sky is pink. Russian queer people were already expressing their fear, and the least we can do now is express our love for them, and advocate with them.
Russian queer people, I love you. I love you all so much. I am so sorry, I cannot begin to express the grief that I feel, and I hope that you are safe. Words cannot encapsulate how I feel as a non-Russian, and I cannot hope to comprehend how it feels to actually be in this situation.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ofc this has been brewing for a long time and it has been really troubling to say the very LEAST#honestly i have seen russian queers joke about the situation which feels different. honestly it's almost admirable#i just can't find it funny to see non-Russians do it simply because the threat of prosecution or death for people is too high in my mind#it feels almost voyeuristic when non-russians joke like that to me#like i've joked about the state of (us)american queer rights when it feels too bleak but i live here#i guess when people only joke about it it tells me they don't think it's a big deal or that it won't affect queer people...#...because it won't affect them as an outsider likely#it's just shitty. all around. and it's the type of thing that i'm not sure what to do#queerphobia#queerphobia tw
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hurt my heart why dontcha.
#adventure time#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#simon petrikov#BMO#this is seriously fucked up u cant do this to me im so sadSNSSN#IMAGINE BEING BMO#just one day finn and jake say they'll brb and they're going on a important mission...#and BMO after this and them being gone for awhile just see's the world go into peril#death everywhere. no sign of his friends expect remnant's of the past..#and the only survivor is them...#no other's expect the thing who released hell upon this once lively and colorful world in the first place.#and BMO just accept's this...tells themselves that they're still around...cosplay's as they're old friend's...this is fucked up#in the current timeline all his friend's are gone to natural circumstances.#but for this one? it was too early. too sudden. atleast in this one BMO will remember they're name's but...man.#this poor lil robo cant get a BREAK.#AND THEY FUCKING DIE IN SACRIFICE AT THE END TOO SHUTUPPPDPDPDPD#and the fact BMO also consider's “jerry” a friend...not knowing...that the same person caused all this.#this is...SO FUCKED UP#WHY MUST THE SHOW WRITERS DO THIS TO MY HEART.
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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It irritates me alot when people say that making medic more compassionate is ''missing the point of his character'' when he is literally shown to be in the comics.... did you miss the part where he showed concern for both sniper and miss pauling's well being in comic 5 and 6.
His actions are a combination of genuine attachment + clinical interest and these things do not cancel out one another. He is always pushing boundaries and going against the grain and i think this is what led to him losing his license in the first place. He felt stifled by the rules imposed on him.
He is shown to be extremely passionate so it makes sense that he would use his endless fascination with medicine as a way to show his affection. He loves his friends so he will find a way to make them borderline indestructible. Malpractice is his love language.
#it makes me really angry how adamant some people are against exploring his sweeter side beyond just ''heehoo evil doctor''#idk how to tell you that giving a character a wider range of complexities and oftentimes contradicting traits#does not equal 'woobification'. him being friendly social and cheerful and fascinated with the world around him (which he canonically is)#is not the same thing as writing him as a helpless softboy. those two things do not correlate#he was visibly worried when sniper wanted to get back in the fight!#it's so abundantly clear that medic just misses social cues and doesn't always react accordingly#plus his quote unquote evilness is a joke it's not. something that is meant to be taken seriously#he's more comparable to a saturday morning cartoon villain except he is a protagonist#the way he approaches medicine to me is very similiar to#a child playing potions if that makes sense. he is throwing shit together to see what sticks#and having fun with it#i might rewrite this later to be more coherent because i have alot of thoughts on him that are jumbled together#and there is so much to say abt him#also i find it so funny how inconsistent he is. he tells them they all hallucinated before brain death#yet he personally went to hell multiple times. why did he do that#tf2#medic#tf2 medic#medic tf2#team fortress 2
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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Suspirium - Thom York
#this is my very favorite song and i think ive been wanting to make this for abt a year#when i was at my most compulsivly unwell i would be focusing so hard and sleeping so little that i would feel physically sick#like the world was tilting around me and i would think: all is well as long as i keep spinning#bc i would stop moving and suddenly id be in pieces on the floor. but now i think my favorite lines are: when i arrive will u come and find#me? or in a croud be one of them? bc its such a profoundly lonely idea. i dont believe in a life after death. i think when ur gone ur gone#your brain stops and the thing that made you you is gone forever. but if i imagined an afterlife image getting off a train onto a crowded#platform and searching for my mom through all the chaos. when i arrive will u come and find me? would our connect extend past a lifetime?#or would u be in a crowed one of them? would i stand alone in a sea of people waiting for someone who was never coming?#its a very upsetting thought#im glad i waited to make this bc i feel the song more deeply after the death of my mom. it feels more sad and more ethereal.#there r like 2 different versions of the lyrics bc thom york is so fucking hard to understand#so i use the version i like better#original art
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shuichi posting
#my art#fanart#strawberridraws#danganronpa#drv3#shuichi saihara#character design#don't ask me what possessed me to make this#(its the game grumps play through. the demons have officially returned)#all my aus and head canons bouncing around at maximum velocity rn..#technically this is part of my “the tragedy was real” au / towa kids au#but shuichi (in that au) was kinda just like#what he is on the tin#aka a nice dude taken under his uncles wing post parent death (tragedy) (they were on vacation and got caught up in one of the worst areas)#in my au its like. imagine a weather map with hotspots; that's how the tragedy worked#so shuichi lived in a less effected area but with the rise of infected people (like zombie apocalypse style) (and animorphs brain worm styl#as you cannot tell who is effected by despair and to what extent unless they choose to reveal themselves)#there was a hugeee uptick in crime and shit so he started working with his uncle early on#eventually his uncle went missing (I think its not super hammered out) and he went to investigate#which is when he runs into his like Gang of pregame ppl#(Kaito maki Kaede)#and later some others (towa kid gang [kokichi gang but with drv3 kids] island gang [angie kork n amami])#ANYWAYS its a thing...#ik its been like 3 years since I first posted about it but u can't control the brain worms ig#and I just wanted to do a redesign lmao
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Finally done with this piece for my 🪐🛸Space Au🚀🌌 !!!
+ some bonus closeups on details i really liked 💕
#so pleased with how this came out#nina-scribbles#bnha fanart#mha#mha fanart#Togas scales were SO annoying but they turned out really nice#also my au means “UA” stands for “United Aerospace” (bc theyre space explorers?? get it??? :D )#also peep Toga's literal SPACE BUNS and the little stars forming a circle around her head to match Uraraka's helmet <3#theyre so cute sdhkgsdfkj#togachako#togachako fanart#boku no hero fanart#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#click for full quality bc holy smokes does tumblr squash images to hell#did i hand draw all the stars in the background?? yes. is it totally barely visible?? also yes. art is suffering ig xD#toga x ochako#mha toga#toga himiko#togachaco fanart#league of villains#mha uraraka#uraraka ochacho#bnha uraraka#lov fanart#mha art#no pose references we die painful and preventable deaths o7#i've had a couple of ideas for other designs; most notably Astronaut! Deku and Spaceship Captian! Eraserhead#and a misty space/galaxy-monster Kurogiri :P#bc this au will NOT LEAVE ME ALONE
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realised yesterday just how often hozier actually used to sing about being not quite alive, not feeling like a person, about loving someone in a way that defies death and made him more alive, about suffering death for love. it's like he was constantly being buried underground and unearthed by love, over and over, which, while romantic in a way, is also incredibly sad. but i think it's interesting how his latest album (literally called 'unreal unearth') takes this idea and makes it its central theme. that's what this album is, one man's descent into the underworld. except, crucially, he makes it to the other side, and ends the album saying the darkness will come again, but this time he is "never going back [to hell] again." it feels like such a full-circle moment considering the rest of his discography and i'm so very excited to see what comes after this
#idk he might go back to being buried and unalive but maybe this is really the end of that...#when he was singing his most popular non album songs during the concert yesterday i was like huh he really does#sing about death a lot. interesting#hozier#it was great btw! he sang abstract and francesca AND jackie and wilson and cherry wine and movement#so all my favourites basically#and hearing take me to church live was actually such a slay which i was not expecting#and he talked abt gaza which i was so happy abt and was very grateful towards his band and crew#just a great night all around#jasmine has thoughts#i knew it was a lot bc that's kind of his reputation (boo) but i didnt realise how much it actually is
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#critical role#cr lb#ygifs#imogen#and now I'm like did imogen have her own reason for not even going near the raven queen did she pray to her for her mother#thinking her mother was dead was gone and the goddess of death had her and it was just a little girl praying at her bedside#take care of her mother. tell her how much she misses her. she misses her so much. and the raven queen never answered#and she could find no comfort not even in a deity who brought eternal rest there was no solace. and there was no correction#did she pick a god and pray? for her mother to come back. for her father not to hate her. for someone to look at her like shes not a monste#that all this time this certified atheist to have zero interest in the gods or helping them not because she genuinely didn't care#but because once upon a time the little girl she used to be cared so much. and prayed so hard. never seeing the red veil around her#damning her from the grace of the gods#and isn't that just what a monster deserves#not even a gracious god will find you special enough you feel like nothing to them because you are nothing to them#and it's like is that true or is such an evil force preventing their light and it's like I'm chewing but I'm choking#I had to stop looking at laura's face because it was making me too craaazzzyy she'd just be like (bafta) and I'd be like (SCREAMING)#hey matt if this is a birdcall to make imogen a paladin tweet tweet beautiful man
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#thinking about the article just before the premiere that suspected rio vidal was a cover name and that she'd be revealed to be morgan le fay#i could definitely see why#anyway rio has only ever loved agatha#but her and morgana def fucked around no one can stop me thinking it#rio vidal#lady death#morgana pendragon#agatha all along#bbc merlin#could've kept giffing them for so many more hours tbh
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If I could hold you for a minute, Darling, I’d go through it again
For @edsbacktattoo & @stedesearring 💕 Show: Our Flag Means Death - Season 1 & 2 Music: Francesca by Hozier YouTube
#ofmd#our flag means death#gentlebeard#stede bonnet#edward teach#ofmdedit#ofmdaily#ofmd source#ofmd fanvid#ofmd s2#ofmd edit#blackbonnet#ella’s edit#HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMS ❤️#AND A BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAITLIN ❤️#i'm killing two (impossible) birds with one stone by dedictating this video to both of you absolute angels!!#jams i love you so much. you're so incredibly talented and hilarious and kind and amazing. i'm so grateful for you.#if you didn't live halfway around the world i would come over and give you the biggest and warmest hug#thank you for letting me scream in your dms all the time. whether it's about our pirate boys or your writing or cancellation hell™️#and just THANK YOU for being such a wonderful presence in my life#oh and kaitlin. lovely sweet kind kaitlin. the one we all love to call a human ray of sunshine because you're just THAT lovely#your little yellow hearts in the tags brighten my day every time i see them. whenever i talk to you you're just so sweet#thanks for every single lovely word. for every music rec. for every sweet message or ask. what a gift you are. ily!!!#speaking of gifts: i couldn't think of a more perfect song for the two of you than francesca#so i hope you like my little creation that i've put together. once again shoutout to#evil gang 😈
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