#dean/cas + love confessions

[shallowseeker]

On the whole, as a character, Dean has great gut instincts.

He's stellar at remembering a person's MO/objective, and his hackles raise when things don't add up.

(ex: with Metatron; he didn't trust Naomi for shuts and giggles; he "trusted" her because Metatron's actions didn't make sense)

But the point of his character is that he's human. Even though Dean gets it right a lot of the time, he's not a perfect seer. He's gonna be wrong sometimes, especially when he's been pushed to duress.

(ex. Dean trusted Gadreel "Ezekiel", and the he got used as a pawn in Crowley's war to takeHell from Abaddon etc etc.)

And because his instinct are usually so good, getting it "wrong" is is so, so painful for Dean.

////

On this note...

We got God himself tellin' us...

Like, do you ever just sit back and think about how Dean went wholesale into Chuck's bucket of shit there at the end?

And what that probably did to Dean's psyche?

Like, I mean: owch. It's like an infected splinter he can't pull out.

This was a moment there in 14x20 that Dean turned his back on everything he stood for. Dean is usually the one telling us that destiny and authority figures are bullshit.

And yet, you get this line of Dean's, falling in line:

"We got God himself telling us..."

14x20

///

Aside// I feel like... it just so much for Chuck to get Dean here, you know? This is what leads to Dean's full-blown existential crisis.

"I used to think what we did mattered." etc etc:

14x20

///

Pick up the gun, Dean...

And then when Dean can't pull the damn trigger, we get Chuck showing his true colors.

Dean is faced with an intense sense of betrayal AND an unspeakable sense of failure.

14x20

///

At first, Dean's not totally paralyzed with his anger and grief, right? At first, Dean goes on the attack against Chuck:

14x20

//

14x20

//

BUT THEN. Oh, THEN.

"Stop-- STOP!"

14x20

///

Jack dies.

And even in that moments after Jack's death, Dean's not dealing with it.

He doesn't quite believe his eyes.

Jack's dead in front of him, and something in Dean is clinging to: "Maybe it's NOT true, because Chuck said the gun was the ONLY way."

Dean's clinging to this as a grief-delaying tactic.

14x20

Dean's brain: Maybe Jack's not actually dead...

//////

I was wrong. And it hurts.

It's a multi-whammy, too. Dean is faced with many uncomfortable truths that are too painful to directly look at:

(a) Even with all that happened (Mary, innocent civilians getting killed by Jack's team-up with Heaven), Dean didn't want Jack dead. For a moment, he thought he did. He thought he wanted this "shell" of Jack neutralized. But now that he's faced with it, it couldn't be clearer to him just how much he didn't want that. (b) Dean is also faced with the fact that Cas was right not to fall in line with Chuck's plan. Chuck was a snake in the grass. Despite Dean telling Cas to get on board, Cas didn't. Now, Dean feels guilty and maybe even foolish for swallowing Chuck's lie. He even verbally announced that it was "the only way." Here's what Dean said earlier in the episode:

Dean facing that? That hurts!

It speaks to how low Dean's mental health and resilience was that he even got on board with a destiny-oriented plan in the first place.

///

Protective mechanisms

So, Dean puts protective mechanisms in place. Otherwise, he'd fall apart. (Will eventually fall apart, actually. In just a few eps.)

And despite everything, Dean's looking to Cas for spouse-coded support in this grief:

Reeling, Dean tries to keep his eyes on Cas and Jack.

////

Yet!

It's too painful to admit that he was wrong about Chuck. I think this is what Dean means when he later says he "couldn't admit he was wrong."

14x20

Here in 14x20, Dean starts having diarrhea of the mouth, babbling about how he always knew Chuck was a danger.

We see that in addition to being devastated by his losses... he feels like a fool.

It's not his fault Chuck betrayed him. Or that Chuck backed him into a murder-suicide sacrificial corner re: The Equalizer.

But Dean feels like he got duped.

Dean is usually THE GUY to see through destiny-style bullshit. And here, he didn't. It hurts!

//

And... Losing Jack like that. It's just so horrible. Dean doesn't know what to say. So, he rambles.

It's painful to watch him try to cover, but it's also interesting to me that, at least until Belphagor arrives, Dean and Cas ARE talking to one another.

They're instinctually looking to one another for (grudging) support.

14x20

///

14x20

Like how Dean was in denial over Jack being dead ("I thought only the gun could..."), in our 15x01 script, we see more evidence of this sense of delayed grief: "maybe we get him back."

///

What does it take to get Dean hooked on revenge?

I guess my point with this post is about the wound of Chuck's betrayal. This was a huge blind spot for Dean, It was an uncharacteristic, grief-induced bowing to authority...

It did something remarkable to him. In a bad way.

It got Dean hooked on the thought of revenge.

I think it's this sense of overwhelming failure re:Chuck and of feeling like a fool that pushes him into it. (They lost Jack's health, then they lost Mary, and then Chuck murdered Jack!)

Like how he usually poo-poos on destiny... Dean has usually been the one telling the audience that revenge is bullshit.

(Whether that's John's revenge, or Sam's revenge, or even Gabe's revenge in Unfinished Business):

13x20

///

And like, that's something, isn't it? For Dean to take up revenge, something had to go bad wrong.

Dean at first accepted soulless Jack back into the house without a thought. Then, he expressed some wariness about the heart-eating and Bilie's plan:

SAM: Jack, you… you ate their hearts? JACK: I… I had to. DEAN: And you let him? [CAS nods.] DEAN: Hmm. 15x11

...

CAS: Billie kept him hidden in the Empty until Chuck went off world. JACK: She let me out when it was safe. DEAN: Safe to what? Eat a bunch of angel hearts? JACK: Safe to do what I have to. The hearts, they were just the beginning. They made me strong, but I-I’m not strong enough. I… If I do exactly what she says, if I follow her plan, then I’ll get stronger and… I’ll be able to kill God. 15x11

///

Dean & Cas backslide, turning their backs on the very things they have stood for:

Dean backslides. Why?

Dean and Cas are both backsliding after Jack returns, and that is so... interesting to me.

The STRESS of Jack's death and his re-emergence have them focusing on things that go against their idealized value systems.

They get hyperfocused on revenge and destiny:

//

It's like the grief has got them both so turned around that they can't see straight!

//

15x12

//

Anyway, Jack's death was a deep wound, I think.

They want Jack back; they want the threat of Jack's murderer neutralized.

And like Revenge!John, like DemonBlood!Sam, like Godstiel, like MOC!Dean, like NaturalBornKiller!Mary...

Dean loses sight of the things he'd been trying to protect in the first place.

In his own words:

Sam gives him grace. After all, Sam's been there.

Sam not only pulled a gun on Dean but even accidentally ax-murdered him in a fit of Taurus-temper during one of Gabe's endless Tuesdays in Mystery Spot.

///

So... What does it take to truly "ruin" Dean?

We think about all that Dean's been through and how rarely he gets in line for revenge.

It makes this particular pain very special.

So, what does it take to get Dean on a revenge kick?

Well.

Jack Kline, for starters.........

Everything related to Jack. Jack taking on "Dean's" Michael-burden in Ouroboros, Jack killing Mary, and the murder OF Jack.

Jack is the difference-maker when it comes to "ruining" Dean.

Jack is the trump card.

The Equalizer intended to make Jack's death "the thing Dean wouldn't survive."

//

And see, like.

Chuck wants Dean to lose it:

He WANTED Dean's life to fall apart.

You remember Dean sassily saying, "Guess your life isn't so perfect, after all, Eight-Pack Mommy"????

That's Chuck.

Chuck looks at Dean's life, his happiness, his loved ones... and although he greedily scrolls through Dean's life, even living vicariously through it at times, there's something dangerously bitter hidden underneath that interest:

SAM: Wait, wait... Dean... Dean, no. Listen! [Back in the room where Chuck and Amara are] CHUCK: You hear that? AMARA: What? CHUCK: Dean. Brought to the edge of doubt. His sense of duty, his rage winning out in the end.

Chuck wants to crack him, to break him.

///

DEAN: I don't want to do this, but this is everything! SAM: No, it's not!

Dean doesn't want this. He doesn't!

////

Acting on our free will is a group effort

...and here, we see that in full view.

Rarely is Sam the one lending this kind of support. But it's because of the support Sam's been given in the past that he's in a position to support in return.

And Chuck is pissed. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get how them banding together to support each other during their worst moments is what makes them able to escape his clutches.

[Dean uncocks the gun and puts it away. Meanwhile, the door to the storeroom explodes and Chuck/Amara comes storming out] CHUCK: Are you kidding me?! After everything, all that, you... you did it again! 15x17

When Dean can't resist giving into despair, his family picks up the slack.

DEAN: [Fuck] you, Chuck. CHUCK: No, [fuck] you. You know what you do with broken toys? You throw them out. ... CHUCK: I mean... have fun watching him die. [Chuck points at Jack, who doubles over in pain] CAS: Jack. JACK: Help me! DEAN AND SAM: Jack, Jack, Jack. DEAN: Hey. [Jack's eyes glow gold, and golden light breaks through cracks in his skin] DEAN: Jack!

15x17

///

Cas supports Sam earlier in this very episode, which in turn enables Sam to support Dean.

As a family, they borrow support from one another.

The group support ends with Dean rising from the ashes of his existential crisis. He has renewed energy, ready to fight for Jack.

(Aside// In the next episode, 15x19, it's Sam who will lose hope, and Dean and Jack will try and lend their strength to him.)

@spnscripthunt-inactive

[shallowstories]

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

Lyrics start around 2:20

You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly, even after death With shortness of breath You explained the infinite And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

With shortness of breath I'll try to explain the infinite And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

With shortness of breath I'll try to explain the infinite And how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

[found--family]

cas would not kiss dean first. dean would also not kiss cas first. this is their tragedy. but a shapeshifter or some kind of monster clone or djinn dream would initiate the first kiss and they would 100% return it. or the real dean and cas would've just simply fallen together somehow like tripped and fell and gravity would bring their mouths together whoops anyway they'd both take it from there - and that's not fate pulling strings it's just dumb luck for these two dumbasses (affectionate)

[drulalovescas]

That time Cas said I LOVE YOU (and the camera zoomed in on Dean only) and then added I LOVE ALL OF YOU might be thee funniest thing Supernatural did

[inacatastrophicmind]

[gaytedlasso]

there’s never enough time.

~

3rd anniversary of canon destiel

Nov 5, 2020

[soullessjack]

is this anything

[imsaunteringvaguelydownwards]

The fact that destiel day and the election are on the same day is so funny to me and I’m not entirely sure why

[angelsdean]

dean and cas love and trust each other unconditionally. they give and they forgive easily. there is never a debt to settle. never a score to keep. i'd rather have you, cursed or not. i prefer trusting, less dumb less ass. i'll go with you (again and again and again). i forgive you, i need you. of course i forgive you. of course i wanted you to stay. i've got you. i love you. etc etc. they are best friends first and foremost. they can talk to each other and be real. they know when the other is lying about being "fine" and they call each other out on it. and then they listen. they get angry sometimes, and miscommunicate often, but they are always approaching everything with the desire to understand, to work together. they worry. they make bad choices sometimes out of a desire to protect the other. keep each other out of a situation and out of the loop. take on the burden for the other. all these flaws and wrong choices are still rooted in love and care. they care SO much. that love and care is at the center of everything they do.

[shyshitter]

it’s been discussed before but hear me out. dean confesses before cas. death has already gone for his heart and cas saved him. there’s a chair between them and his hand shakes as he decides to bridge the gap. he stares at cas’s concerned yet resigned profile and realizes death is going to take his heart again. god took his bravery and death will take his love before dean can do anything about it. he’s made up his mind when cas starts talking to him but cas has already interrupted dean’s speech once and this time dean’s gripping his courage by his bloody fingernails. before he can stop himself, before he can chicken out, he interrupts cas. he apologizes profusely, for everything, for getting cas into this mess, for dragging cas down with him, for treating him like shit, for treating jack like shit. he thanks cas endlessly, for helping him, for staying as long as he has, for choosing him, for forgiving him, for saving him, for saving sam, for saving the world. he pauses, the words nearly choking up in his throat, but he sees cas open his mouth to interrupt and that can’t happen so he keeps going almost mindlessly. “I love you,” he says, eyes wide and both hands gripping cas’s shoulders as if he’s keeping cas from flying off. “I think I’ve loved you for a long time but I didn’t know what to do about it, I didn’t want you to feel bad for not reciprocating. I tried to forget about it or drown it with something else but I failed. Just like I failed now. And now we’re both gonna die. I’m sorry I’m dumping this on you now but I needed to say it, I needed it to be real and my choice, not god’s, not death’s not—” something black begins swirling in the corner of his eye and cas is crying. is he that upset by dean’s feelings? cas removes dean’s hands from his shoulders and switches them so it’s cas clinging to dean. “You weren’t supposed to say it,” cas says between sobs. dean frowns and glances behind him at the black ooze. he knows that ooze. He says cas’s name when he turns back around and cas is still crying but solidifies his face. he shoves dean to the side of the room before using his grace to open the door and grant access to death. the ooze is growing and spitting thick black tendrils around the room. cas’s eyes meet deans. they’re both crying now although dean still doesn’t know why. a black tendril grabs death and drags them through the ooze. cas starts saying something urgently that sounds like “Dean, I lo—” before he’s gone too, stolen by the ooze. dean stares at the spot where cas stood and begins to understand. cas is gone and he doesn’t know why exactly but he had something to do with it. once again, dean felt too much and destroyed the one he loved in the process. he should’ve let death take him instead.

[shallowseeker]

Ough.

To be told this...

While you're at your lowest, most hopeless point.

That you're a stain, a disappointment--that you have failed utterly!

-10x23

///

-13x04

Everything is telling you to give up, to quit trying.

And yet Dean and Cas keep TRYING TO FIX IT.

///

But there is also this heartbeaking parallel.

After trying to kill Sam when he was Demon Dean and after saying hateful things to Sam ("‘Cause there’s just enough demon left in me that killing you? Ain’t no choice at all."), Dean regains his sense of self and kills death:

-10z23

///

And after being at his lowest point again, after allowing Jack to sacrifice himself and saying hateful things to/about Jack ("Jack is NOT family!" / Thank you for taking on this sacrifice so me and Sam can be free), Dean regains himself and kills death again:

-15x17

[herefortheships]

I'm brand new to the Beetlejuice and Lydia ship and fandom, and I feel like this is pretty much the first fandom I ever am newly arrived and already winning! We have the actors themselves shipping the couple, with Winona even saying that to her in her mind they are endgame, plus the loveliest, most romantic wedding dance sequence I've ever seen in any piece of media so far. And also a full movie displaying Betelgeuse as truly, undeniably in romantic love with Lydia!

But I see there are people who have been shipping these two for decades, and I can only imagine the level of vindication and joy you guys are feeling. You truly won! After all this time, there is an actual full live-action sequel movie where the ship leaves the realm of fanon forever. Like whatever happens, whether we get a third and final movie or not, whether Lydia ever reciprocates openly or not, the ship has already become canon because it has now been presented as a romance (albeit one-sided for now) canonically. No amount of hate from antis will remove this fact.

[saturnneedsspace]

Usually, when Cas died, Dean had his trench coat. He'd keep it safe because of how much it meant to him, how much it reminded him of his angel. But also a small part of him kept it just in case Cas ever came back and needed his signature coat back. But when Cas is taken by the Empty, all of him is taken, even the coat. So Dean has nothing but a handprint on his own jacket left of him.

[hufflepuffheaven]

AO3 servers are down so here’s this sad destiel edit I made to remind us why we need fanfiction to remedy the epidemic that is questionably written final seasons to great television !!!! AND to remind us that fanfiction gave us what the CW could not !!!! 🤭

[sunforgrace]

you guys please understand they were going to say “CASTIEL’S PERSONAL HEAVEN” and paper the walls like a teen girls room with pictures of dean pictures of dean’s face PLASTERED onto the bodies of beefcakes all while cheek to cheek blares out. as brought to you by fucking metatron

[targaryenchester]

If you don't release the tapes Jensen, cas would never cure dean's sore knees.