#to say that dean and cas are constantly indebted to each other and what keeps them together is a long list of IOUs is ????? ludicrous

[angelsdean]

dean and cas love and trust each other unconditionally. they give and they forgive easily. there is never a debt to settle. never a score to keep. i'd rather have you, cursed or not. i prefer trusting, less dumb less ass. i'll go with you (again and again and again). i forgive you, i need you. of course i forgive you. of course i wanted you to stay. i've got you. i love you. etc etc. they are best friends first and foremost. they can talk to each other and be real. they know when the other is lying about being "fine" and they call each other out on it. and then they listen. they get angry sometimes, and miscommunicate often, but they are always approaching everything with the desire to understand, to work together. they worry. they make bad choices sometimes out of a desire to protect the other. keep each other out of a situation and out of the loop. take on the burden for the other. all these flaws and wrong choices are still rooted in love and care. they care SO much. that love and care is at the center of everything they do.

[wishbonedean]

The juiciest bit for me is that with John, Dean didn't really have a say and never felt he could address the issues with John, while he feels he *can* express his anger at this same mistreatment from Cas. Dean is flawed too and will accept this mistreatment as long as he gets to lash out in ways he could never get away with with his father figure at least some of the time - hes constantly hungry for closure that he never got with john, and cas gives it to him, but in order to keep up that steady supply of closure, dean endures repeated trauma that mirrors John's abandonment and neglect (and Dean abuses Cas back with Cas' father issues by shitting on him for not doing what he tells him to do or trusting his judgement, but almost always giving him the benefit of the doubt and helping him when the chips are down).

They're stuck in a cycle of reenacting and soothing each other's daddy trauma, and... they can't stop, theyre both so hooked on being each others salvation that theyll hurt each other over and over just to keep getting validation when the other doesnt give up on them. They're constantly testing each other's love, but neither has set a limit where they will accept and trust the results of those tests enough to just admit they know the other loves them and it's safe to reciprocate - it never feels safe, but that requires a level of trust that doesnt get demonstrated in clear, absolute terms until Cas confesses his love and spells it out for Dean that yeah, he's fucked up, but it never has and never will matter, Dean has earned Cas' unconditional love bc he recognizes and trusts Dean'slove regardless of how it's expressed, regardless of how bad it hurts, bc the Dean he sees under all of those coping mechanisms, the real Dean, is literally to die for.

I do think they are very compatible in very important ways, but they often treat each other (and endure a level of treatment from each other) just one step above the abuse they are used to bc they were so thoroughly convinced they deserved that abuse and every second rebelling carries the risk of being punished just as harshly, but they rarely stoop to quite that level of cruelty with each other, they only get *close* and it's enough somehow for both of them bc they both have world-ending stressors that require extreme coping mechanisms to bear and they come to depend on each other to reciprocate the level of grace required to tolerate such abusive behavior from each other bc no one else will (edit: I even include Sam in this bc his daddy trauma and response to it is similar but distinct from Dean's, while Dean's and Cas' daddy issues and responses mirror each other's more closely). Such toxic boyfriends, half the reason it's a slow-burn is bc they hurt each other all the fucking time to blow off steam, but they also carry so much guilt and assume so much responsibility for each other that they give each other as much space/leniency necessary to work through their shit bc they know that the other isn't a lost cause and that they are worth saving, they're constantly indebted to each other and they don'teven consider it love bc the easier explanation is that they're constantly indebted to each other, that it's just the guilt of endless IOUs holding them together, bc neither thinks they can earn the other's love as long as their indebted, but the only reason they're so in debt to each other is they give each other a bottomless credit limit. They've seen each other at their absolute worst and still make room for each other rather than write/kill each other off and they're so unhinged about it, how can i stop watching?

oh, cursed thought a lot of ppl don’t want to examine…..the parallels between john ghosting dean to go off and do his own thing and neglecting to inform him where he is / if he’s alive and cas ghosting dean for weeks / months to go off and do his own thing and neglecting to inform him where he is / if he’s alive. something that’s a basic common courtesy esp when you’re living the lives they live and doing the things they do, which could get them killed at any moment. oh dean :( he’s been WORRIED and SCARED for the people he loves his whole life. he’s been sitting and waiting for someone he cares abt to come home his whole life, and scared he may never see them return again. he’s always looking back. always looking at the door. always looking at the phone that won’t ring. 😭😭😭