#dean looking at cas to confirm that jack is really back

[monsterfuckermilligan]

i have a theory that the baby!jack fanaticism in the fandom partly comes from the fact that on june 26th, 2017 (less than two months after jack was introduced as a character) the us supreme court ruled that queer couples were allowed to adopt in all 50 states. so naturally, as kelly died giving birth to jack, dean was in the midst of his widower arc, and the fandom thought that jack was going to be a baby, we had a wave of romanticization of infant adoption for destiel.

[winchester-reload]

I have a few thoughts about the Winchesters finale, and though I wasn’t gonna weigh in on this, it turns out I needed to write this down to get it out of my head, so here we go.

I understand that Misha was approached to be included on the show and that there was a “scheduling conflict” that included multiple conversations with Jensen. Here’s my interpretation of that: 

I believe Cas was supposed to make a cameo in episode 13 to tee up the confession resolution—this was always the episode where they were going to crack open the “surprise twist” even before learning they would only get 13 episodes total. In the original scenario, episode 13 would have been the hellatus episode rather than a finale, leaving room for everything to come to a head with episode 22 instead. It’s then they would have given us the actual Dean and Cas reunion. This would have wrapped both stories nicely with each group going off into their own respective sunsets—their own happy endings, while still leaving all the room for the new crew to explore more seasons; all along, we see, The Winchesters was about Dean and Cas as much as it was about Mary and John.

When they didn’t get the back half of the season picked up, I assume they feared it would be more dangerous to show a Cas cameo without getting to address the confession, so Misha likely opted to be left out instead. With the only hint to Cas being Dean’s line that he was looking for his family when he found the Akrida, then directly drawing the parallel that Jack and Bobby were “family.” The core crew for Dean has always been Bobby, Sam, Jack, AND Cas. And he wasn’t looking for Sam because he was still on earth. So who’s left? You might be compelled to believe he was window shopping AU versions of his parents, but he confirms he ran into the Akrida in this world and then sought to interfere with the order by approaching John in an effort to prevent it from spreading to Sam's world. (Why Cas would be AU hopping, idk. The boy is really afraid of being shot down, I guess.)

It goes far to explain the vast narrative parallels we saw reflected in the Monster Club crew if it was intended as a setup for the confession payoff. It honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense otherwise. There’s no reason these people should be living Dean's experiences and regrets every episode unless the writers wanted the viewer to be thinking about the lessons and resolutions in how they relate to Dean too.

Additionally, as this has been a largely uncontested take, this is Jensen's well-funded fanfic come to life. Complete with the embracing of many of our favorite fanfic tropes and emphasized by Dean’s own words throughout the season. Because this is an obvious embrace of that “write your own story” fan side, I believe the reason Dean couldn’t even say Cas’ name in the episode is because they were going to change the spelling from “Cass” as it was in the show proper to the fan-adopted (and more accurate) spelling of “Cas,” which would have appeared in the subtitles and later the script pages.  And even that little thing right there would have been a huge giveaway to the whole game. And a very dangerous thing to do if there wasn’t going to be enough time for follow-through. 

But the truth is, this isn’t a game for many people, and the harm that can be caused by good intentions is just as real. It also begs the question: why should this be so difficult? The answer is it’s not. Edging forever isn’t fun. It’s torture. I understand there’s an art to storytelling, but your audience is weary, and trust has been violated too many times. Even still, the flip side of that coin is honest to god respect for DeanCas endgame means taking the story and the reveal seriously. It’s a tightrope walk. And one that Robbie somehow managed to keep balanced after the finale, without it falling either way.  Also we also need to consider the possibility that Jensen did pitch a full-on destiel love story spin-off but got shot down, opting to couch it in a more CW-branded world instead. He’s mentioned over half a dozen pitches were rejected. It's up to you whether you want to give him the benefit of the doubt on that.

But, I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t know that we will ever get that resolution we crave. Even Robbie confirmed The Winchesters were always meant to “go it alone” after the first season. It’s hard to imagine Dean popping in there to fuck around again after that handoff. But the dude is clearly a very restless sea-faring*, swoopy-haired mofo right now, so I’ll leave that one up to the SPN multiverse and the new Mr. Superwholock’s magical universe-traveling impala. (This show used to be about what again? *looks at notes*.) And FWIW, if they do get green-lit for a whole second season or are allowed to move networks, I believe a good-faith effort will be made to tie the narrative parallels we saw in season one to some real Dean and Cas resolution. If there gets to be a world where John *might* not turn into an abusive dick, then this possibility has to be true too.

For the record, I enjoyed The Winchesters, all the new characters, and the doors the finale opened for the possibility of more. I would have been fine half-watching it with no promises, empty head no thoughts, but I got my clown** suit on again, and though I mostly kept quiet, unlike last time, I did regrettably manage to drag a few friends down with me yet again.  Though the spec sessions were epic, and we did get some art out of it—it still rocks the boat when the base level expectations were only 1. Dean alive, and 2. seeing Cas again. 

But for anyone, like me, upset by the (likely unintentional) Cas-baiting or anyone still reeling about why this stuff can hit so hard, here’s an interesting article about the way our brains respond to fictional characters. Tl;dr: There’s nothing wrong with you. This is science. And while you’re at it, take a look at this article about the very real power of disenfranchised grief over character loss.

Ramble on, fam. And take care of yourselves.

<3 Jackie

*Um hi he appears as a sailor? Literally, on a show with a story Dean is writing whose audience is looking for a resolution to a conversation between two people who’re famously the “most shipped” characters of all time? That’s not an accident. That’s intentional. And it’s another reason why there might be a bitter taste in your mouth. These nods came without resolution, so it still feels dirty, despite the brilliant Easter egg.

**I hesitate to say “clown” here because the lesson on episode 12 was that the clowns were the ones who chose a self-induced limbo rather than face some personal hard revelations. That sounds more like a certain closeted character than it does the people cheering him on, and that felt like an intentional nod too.

***obviously, this is my own rambling spec as I try to reorder my thoughts in the wake of the finale.

[ananke-xiii]

What about Cas? pt. 1

I love when Sam and Dean fight and the reason why they fight is Cas. I love it for two main reasons.

One, Dean's quick-fire brain is at its best in these instances. One mention of Cas and Dean goes all pew-pew-pew on basically anybody and everybody calls his bluff. Crowley, of course, knew. Even Naomi knew. Lucifer fucking knew it. Well, everybody but Sam.

Two, these fights conveniently happen when Sam is going through his own shit (and doesn't know how to deal with it) to care about his brother's emotional state, making it even more painfully obvious that he severely lacks emotional intelligence/recognition skills. It's "Sam knows and doesn't know" at its best.

I've talked about how the "It’s not an “it,” Sam. It’s Cas" scene in s11 is an interesting example of Dean's rhetoric skills: that man can be on the losing side and still win an argument without breaking a sweat. Sam, on the other hand, not so much. He has a tendency to hyperfocus on one thing and lose sight of the plethora of other things he might need to be looking at.

As a consequence, Dean looks like the one with the heart, the one who cares, the one who's right, while Sam looks shallow, cold and even callous. However, as I've written multiple times, it's a matter of skills, therefore of abilities. Of what one can and the other can't.

So what about Cas?

"What about Cas?" is the first thing Sam says in "Lost and Found" to try and address what happened outside that cabin. With the unmistakable Sam's mark of elegant tact (I love him, he is me) he goes "What about Cas? Is he - is he really dead?" after they've just seen their friend getting skewered by Lucifer in front of their very eyes. To be fair to him, Cas has that thing, you know, that thing that he dies and then comes back. Plus, Sam's sense of what's real and what's not is... something to talk about. However, my heart feels for his total inability to read the room, or, well, the Impala: only 5 seconds before Dean couldn't even say the words "Cas is dead" ("Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—") and the best thing Sam can come up with is "Hey Dean, what do you think? Is Cas REALLY DEAD, UH?". Oh, Sam.

Throughout the episode Sam's still unsure whether Cas is permadead or not: at first he's got doubts, then Dean tells him that that's final. So he confirms Cas' death to Jack. However, when they're about to make the pyre for his body, Sam has some second thoughts: maybe they can bring him back. Dean is peremptory: "No we can't".

In "The Rising Son" Sam and Dean have a minor fight over Jack and his powers because he accidentally hurt the tattoo artist:

Sam: It was a reflex. He didn’t do it on purpose. Dean: Who cares if he didn’t do it on purpose? He did it. I mean, you didn’t see Cas smiting someone every time he got his teeth cleaned. Jack: I’m right here, you know. Dean: Yeah, and what about the vanishing tattoo? Donatello: An archangel healed himself. Sam: Another reflex. Dean: Or maybe he didn’t want to be warded. Sam: Okay, look, yeah, Jack is on Lucifer’s family tree. But we don’t know if that DNA is stronger than Kelly’s, or his connection with Cas. Dean: Oh, you mean the connection that got Cas killed?

I like this dialogue because, once again just like that scene in S11 that I've linked above, Dean's laying his cards on the table. A Crowley or a Lucifer wouldn't have missed that. Sam does.

Dean's the one who's brought Cas up. He explicitily (and unfairly) compares Jack with Cas. Jack hurt people while Cas, his Cas, wouldn't (Oh, Dean you're so wrong my precious baby boy, Cas would hurt people and he's actually done so multiple times and you know it: power imbalance between humans and angels is just what it is, on purpose or not, it's a fact). Dean's also the one who recognizes Jack's real "problem", i.e. he's also an angel, an extremely powerful one at that and his power's an issue.

Sam, however, is the one who brings Lucifer up. He acknowledges Jack's connection with him, Kelly and Cas. Big, BIG mistake. Sam unwittingly turns the knife in Dean's wound, although Dean's mention of Cas before was a huge red flag that Sam completely missed.

This might just be my interpretation but I think that Dean's unconscious eagerness to bring Cas up in any argument reveals his desire to talk about what happened, to vent his anger, to test the waters and see if Sam's on the same page as he is. He's not.

And I think Sam's got a right to be on a different page because this is what S12 was all about: while Dean had found his closure with Mary and had started to see himself as Cas' partner (I've talked about this in my spn s12 tags), Sam's still very much behind. He didn't put in the effort with Mary while Eileen, the one person outside of family Sam's got a connection with (excluding Rowena whom he doesn't trust yet) got brutally murdered by Ketch. Sam and Dean can't possibly be on the same page. Supernatural teaches us that when connections break things are bound to explode.

The dialogue continues:

Sam: I’m just saying, Jack doesn’t have to be evil. We can teach him not to be. [...] Donatello: Oh. Speaking not as a prophet but as a scientist, I don’t think teaching him is in the cards.It’s like asking a lion not to be a lion. Sam: But this is not a lion! This is a human! Donatello: With a strong dose of God juice. Dean: Okay, that’s it. I’m done, all right? ‘Cause he’s not God, he’s not Cas, he’s not Simba. He’s the friggin’ Devil!

That's it, Dean's done. The reason? Jack is not Cas. He throws that "he's not Cas" right in the middle, suspiciously hiding the importance of his statement: the techinque is so blatant that, as it turns out, he couldn't be clearer.

Talking on being on the same page:

Sam: Point is… if you and I are gonna do this, keep Jack on the right side of things, then—then we have to be on the same page. Dean: Okay. Well, that’s the problem, though, Sam, ‘cause we’re not on the same page. Like, at all. Sam: All right. You know what? I know what’s going on here. Dean: Oh. Okay. Well, please, tell me, what’s going on here? Sam: You thinking mom is gone and Cas is gone, and that Jack can’t be saved. Dean, after everything we’ve gone through… We just lost people we love, people who have been in our lives for a long time. Everything’s upside-down. I get it. But we’ve been down before. I mean, rock bottom. And we find a way. We fix it because that’s what we do. And Jack w—wants to do the right thing. Jack’s scared to death of who he is, and he’s scared of you.

As I've said, Dean had tested the waters to see if he and Sam were on the same page but he quickly realizes they're not. Sam claims that he knows what's going on and Dean sort of dares him to spill the beans. Poor Sam is wrong againg because the "you" in "you thinking that..." is actually him, not Dean. Sam's projecting his own fears onto Dean (Is Mom gone? Will I ever have a connection with her? Can Jack be saved? Is Cas really gone?). He starts and ends his little speech with that "you" but he clearly doesn't get what Dean's deal is.

Dean's deal is not just whether he thinks Cas and Mary are really gone and Jack can or can't be saved. Dean's deal is about what happened before Cas died and, more specifically, about what didn't happen. He'll reveal his cards, like he always does because that's what Dean does, he wears his heart on his sleeve, in the following episode.

[profoundbondfanfic]

Fragile and Composed

Fragile and Composed by cgf_kat Rating: Teen Word Count: 16k

“What did Rowena say?” he asks. “You called her, right? This isn’t like one of those attack dog spells of hers, is it?” That’s the last time Dean can remember seeing Cas actually sweat like this. Usually, he’s immune to such human inconveniences, but as of right now his dark hair is plastered to his forehead, moisture prickling his skin. It’s disconcerting. Wrong. “No, no not like that,” Cas rasps. He lets his head tip back, compliant as Dean gently thumbs at the skin around his eyes to pull them open farther, to get a better look at them. To confirm they’re not bloodshot and bleeding like they were then. “It’s—there are no other effects...not...nothing’s in my head. It’s just...very painful.”

*drops this piece of 16k words of pure, unadulterated hurt/comfort right in front of your feet*

Don’t you ever dare say I didn’t give you anything 😁

So if you’re really in the mood for all the pain and worry and protectiveness that this special trope has to offer, then please don’t hesitate to click on the link and enjoy all the misery!

In this particular story Castiel is suffering from the effects of a nasty spell, being crippled by sudden bursts of pain, and Dean is just desperate to help him in any way he can and make his suffering a little less bad. Which include lots of touching, moving into Dean’s room together, sharing a bed and Dean mother henning the whole time, not only concerned about his angel but also Jack who blames himself for the whole mess in the first place. 

Yes, they’re all not having a good time right now, but I promise there is a happy end in sight!

So if this is right up your alley, dive right in 💗

[lavenderdreams205]

spn thoughts as requested

tw & spoiler warning

they should have kept the grungy filter and aesthetics from the early seasons

bring back the southern / midwest gothic vibes

dean would've listened to and loved 90's & 2000s grunge - I know that the whole "there's no good music past '79" is a key part of his personality but pre series/early seasons dean is soo nirvana / Weezer / smashing pumpkins coded

there is too much flannel in the later seasons - I miss the carhartt and leather jackets so bad

BRING BACK DEANS JEWELRY

there's so much about cas that we don't know. there's all the episodes where he just isn't there and they never tell the viewers what he's doing or where he went

on the same note, cas's personality isn't nearly as flushed out as sam's or dean's are. who is his favorite musician? what's his favorite place to travel to? why does he like the pimpmobile so much? does he actually like the trench coat or does he wear it just because it's there?

so many people characterize cas as a little guy, and while he is cute, it's important to remember that he's also an incredibly powerful eldritch horror who leads angelic armies and brands Michaels vessel just because

dean is bisexual and in love with cas - I won't take the time to list all of the reasons here, but you can definitely find those reasons somewhere

i would've loved for them to use the handprint as a physical manifestation of their bond instead of having it be just a scar that fades with time

i'm actually really ok with the way cas dies, I think it makes sense for his character and provides closure (for him, at least, not for dean)

the parallels of cas and dean meeting in a barn and then dean dying in a barn

cassie is deans first love, cas is his last

the imagery of the empty as cas's wings in 15x18

why do the subtitles spell cas as cass, its awful

there's a few lines in the early seasons that seemingly reference dean getting roofied / sa'd and are subsequently played for laughs, Jensen Ackles confirmed that dean would've done underage sw when John didn't leave them with enough money. I believe that this trauma is a major reason that dean never accepted his sexuality

the way deans alcoholism is overlooked and joked about is actually insane

having dean be completely ok after 15x18 is also insane, especially after the widower arc where the show specifically shows it's viewers how deeply dean grieves cas when he dies

deans death is literally so stupid. I get that the show is trying to make a really meta point about the characters not having plot armor anymore because chuck is gone, but dean deserved to find peace. if the events of the show had never happened and pre series dean had never gotten pre series Sam back into hunting it would've ended the exact same way - dean dead on a hunt and Sam dying from old age

dean spends as much time on earth as he did in hell, and while he would never be the same, I like to believe that if he had been allowed by the narrative to live longer he would've gotten back a little of the twinkle in his eyes that he had before hell

in 15x20 Bobby says that cas helped rebuild heaven but if he was there he would've gone to see dean. additionally, there's no way cas should have been able to escape the empty. this is such a glaringly obvious plot hole and it drives me nuts

I would've liked to see cas's wings in the show - not just the shadow of them

the only time I tolerate serious discussion of wincest is in the context of ethel cain

i am a Sam disliker - while he does have many positive qualities, I have a really hard time getting past him not looking for dean when he was in purgatory and him joking about deans alcoholism and other traumas

i like Sam the best when he's with Eileen, I think they're adorable together and I'm mad they killed her off

I am a chronic jack defender, that boy has done nothing wrong

it would be interesting to explore cas and jacks relationships with their respective genders

there's no way being forced to murder the dean clones didn't affect cas, we only saw him kill the last one but the first few he had to kill had to have been devastating

i'm really disappointed by 14x13 Lebanon, we get the scene with John and Sam but I would argue that dean has significantly more reasons to be upset with John and it's unfortunate that the episode just glossed over this - I believe a screaming match between the two would have cleared the air a bit and been at the very least cathartic for dean

i'm fairly sure that it's canonical that John sent dean away on his 17th birthday to kill lesbian ghosts. my personal hc is that John suspected that dean was bi and sent him to teach him a lesson

i saw a post on here comparing hunting culture to biker and cowboy culture and viewing those things through a queer lens and I thought it was fascinating - there's so much spn could've done if it cared about the show more than money and losing viewers

every time cas and dean beat the shit out of each other, it serves as further proof of their relationship rather than discrediting their relationship - ie demon dean and cas fighting in the library is used to parallel Cain and Collette. it could even be assumed that their love is stronger because Cain killed Collette but dean left cas alive

The purgatory love triangle was so silly

once dean worked through all of his trauma and toxic masculinity he would've been a swiftie

all of the main characters have old / vintage cars but in like season 13/14 dean sam and cas just collectively own and use this really ugly silver truck from the 2010s. its such a small detail but it absolutely ruins my viewing experience every time I see it

dean is actually really smart but most of the fandom overlooks it because Sam is characterized as the smart one. if you know anything about cars you know it takes an insane amount of brains to build a car from scratch (he did this with baby multiple times throughout the show) also he just makes an emf meter using basically nothing. if dean had been given the same opportunities he gave Sam, he would've been an engineer or something

i will always be a John hater, if this man has 0 haters, I am dead

[emeraldsummers]

if it isn't too late

Pairing: Castiel/Dean Winchester, HunterCorp!Castiel/HunterCorp!Dean

Summary:

Dean had been hoping that the alternate universe versions of him and Sam would leave as soon as possible, but Cas and Jack's arrival at the bunker leads to them staying for dinner. He's really been trying not to have to think about this damage-free version of himself, and he really doesn't want to think about why he's staring at Cas like that.

Or, HunterCorp Sam and Dean meet Cas and Jack during s15e13 Destiny's Child.

Word Count: 5.8K

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53934448

A/N: So hey, Supernatural has got me writing fic for the first time in over a decade. It's my take on 15x13 Destiny's Child, which I know has been done, but hey. Inspiration struck.

---------------------------

Dean had been planning on sending his and Sam’s alternate selves away as soon as he could. Seeing these bizzaro versions of themselves was messing with his head, and he needed them gone if they were going to focus on bringing down Chuck. Chuck had to be the priority.

However, Dean was trying to figure out the least impolite way to say “leave the bunker ASAP” when Cas and Jack arrived home, immediately changing the evening's plans. 

He and Sam were in the library with their counterparts, listening to them drone on about the details of HunterCorp when the bunker door opened with a loud clang, and Jack’s voice became audible.

“It's just the parallel parking that I need to work on, I just haven't had the time to practice,” Jack could be heard saying. 

“We'll get you more time on the road soon, okay?” Cas replied. 

The Alternate Dean immediately reacted to the sound of Cas’ voice, snapping his head up and rushing to meet him at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Castiel?” He gasped in shock. 

Cas barely had a moment to react before Alternate Dean pulled him into a tight hug. Cas stiffened as he looked around and saw his Dean and Sam entering the war room, the other Sam following behind them. 

“They're versions of us from an alternate universe,” Dean explained. “Their universe got destroyed by Chuck and they ended up here.”

“I, um, I guess there was a version of Cas in that universe too?” Sam wondered. He looked to his doppelganger for confirmation, but Alternate Sam was looking mournfully at his brother, who had released Cas and was standing close to him, staring at him in wonder. 

“Dean,” Alternate Sam said firmly. When his brother did not look away from Cas, he continued with more force, “You know he's not our Castiel, Dean.”

“I know,” Alternate Dean hissed, staring his brother down. But his defensiveness immediately softened as he looked back to Cas. “But look at him… he's even got the same vessel… I didn't think…” 

He shook his head to himself and turned towards Jack, who had been watching the scene with silent curiosity. 

“Uh, hi,” Alternate Dean said awkwardly. 

“Hello!” Jack greeted with a wave. “I'm Jack, and it's very cool to meet another Sam and Dean. Will you be joining us for dinner? I wanna hear all about your universe.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the room, nobody quite sure how to respond. Dean most certainly did not want to spend any more time with his copy, especially with the way he was staring at Cas. But while he was trying to figure out how to kick the doubles out without upsetting Jack, Sam hesitantly replied that one dinner together might be nice. 

Great.

Dean excused himself to the kitchen, ignoring Sam’s suggestion of ordering food. Dean figured that cooking dinner was as good an excuse as any to hide away from the doubles for as long as possible. 

From what Dean had learned about their counterparts, most of the differences in their timelines stemmed from the fact that instead of joining the Marine Corps like their dad did, the alternate version of their father had instead gone to college and obtained a business degree, working in a corporate office when he started a family with Mary. When Mary had died, Alternate John jumped straight into hunting, just like their John did, but instead of slumming in motels for years, Alternate John immediately saw a way to make it an actual career, and HunterCorp was born. 

Which somehow resulted in Alternate Sam and Dean being like… that. Dean found the other Sam to be completely insufferable, all of his Sam’s most annoying traits turned up to eleven and wrapped up in a man-bun. But it was Alternate Dean that freaked Dean out the most. Not just because looking at himself in the eyes was unnerving – at this point he’d seen much weirder – but because of all the things Dean couldn’t recognize. Alternate Dean had a lightness in him, a buoyancy in his step and a genuineness in his smile, which seemed to come easy to him. His whole planet had just been destroyed, but he still held a curiosity in his eyes for the new world he’d stepped into.

He was not someone who had cleaned up his father’s vomit after yet another blackout. Not someone who had ever watered down his canned soup so that it would stretch into another meal. Someone who had gone home with women when he really wasn’t feeling it just so he would have a warm bed to sleep in that night. All of the moments in Dean’s life that kept him up at night, his alternate never had to experience, and Dean didn’t particularly like having to see what he’d be like without all of that damage.

Well, Alternate Dean wasn’t completely damage-free. It wasn’t hard to figure out from his reaction that he and Alternate Cas had some kind of history, and that Alternate Cas was either dead or gone in some other way. But Dean didn’t want to think about that, and he didn’t want to imagine a version of himself comfortable with hugging that intensely with anyone, let alone him. With any luck, the alternates would be on their way by the end of the night and Dean wouldn’t have to think about any of this ever again.

An hour later, everyone was crowded around the kitchen table enjoying their Sloppy Joe's. Alternate Sam scowled when he learned the food was to be eaten without utensils, but he did not complain, instead deciding to ramble about HunterCorp’s record-breaking fiscal year. An awkward silence followed when he realized mid-sentence that HunterCorp would never have any fiscal years again, profitable or otherwise. 

Alternate Dean, who was visibly struggling not to gawk at Cas, decided to break the silence. “So… Jack? Yeah, Jack. Uh, how do you know these guys? Are you a hunter?”

Jack snapped to attention at the sound of his name, looking thrilled to be asked a question. “Sort of”, he replied, “I've been learning more about hunting, but I haven't had that much experience. Sam and Dean say that in order to be a good hunter, I can't just rely on my grace.”

Sam glanced at the half-eaten food on Jack's plate questioningly. “You're an angel?”

“Sort of”, Jack replied again. “I'm a nephilim.”

“What”, said Alternate Dean. His voice was flat but it was clearly a question. 

Jack was hesitant when he answered, “Um, a nephilim? It's a half angel half –”

“I know what a nephilim is”, Alternate Dean snapped. He quickly collected himself and looked at Cas. “He's yours?”

Cas looked panicked at that, and turned to his Dean for guidance on how to answer, but Dean stared resolutely at his plate  

Jack answered slowly. “Cas is my father, yes. As are Sam and Dean. But if you're referring to the angel that helped create me, that would be Lucifer.”

The reaction was immediate. Alternate Sam sucked in a sharp breath and Alternate Dean dropped his knife onto his plate with a loud clash, meanwhile Sam and Cas’ postures quickly became defensive, leaning into Jack.

“He's a good kid”, Sam said firmly. “And he's our family.” He gave a pointed look towards Alternate Dean, whose jaw was trembling. 

“Jack has already done incredible things to help not just our world, but other worlds as well”, Cas added. And looking directly at the Alternate Sam and Alternate Dean, “This is his home and he is safe here.”

Alternate Sam didn't look entirely convinced, but he looked to his brother at that. “Dean, it's okay. He's okay.” He gave his brother an intense look, as if telepathically willing him not to react. 

Alternate Dean shook his head, opening his mouth as if to say something before he stood up sharply and wordlessly walked away, a deafening silence following the rough scraping of his chair.

Cas spoke first, “Jack isn’t going to be a problem, is he?” He held Alternate Sam’s gaze as he enunciated every word. “Because his safety is the most important thing to me.”  The unspoken promise of retaliation if any harm came to Jack was clear.

Alternate Sam took a deep breath as he answered carefully. “No. There isn’t a problem. It’s just a – uh – touchy subject for us. For Dean.” He turned to Jack and said, “This is your home and we are your guests. I apologize on behalf of both of us.”

“Thank you,” Jack responded, not looking particularly bothered. “I understand that Lucifer’s name will often cause people to react. Usually if my parents come up I try to focus on my mother and the fathers I chose.”

“Your mother was…?” Alternate Sam trailed off as if he was half expecting Jack’s answer.

“Kelly Kline.” Jack said. Alternate Sam looked down sadly as Jack continued, “she died giving birth to me. But I’ve visited her in heaven and I know she’s proud of me.”

Alternate Sam gave a slight smile at that. “I’m sure she is. I’m sorry, Jack,” he said sincerely.

--

Dinner finished up in relative silence after that, with everyone quickly dispersing. Dean once again disappeared into the kitchen under the guise of doing everyone’s dishes as a favor, Alternate Sam requested Sam show him the bunker archives, Jack retreated into his room to watch TV, and Cas found himself wandering the bunker aimlessly thinking about the current situation. He’d been able to piece together that there was a version of Jack in the other universe, maybe not called Jack since his name didn’t trigger recognition, that Lucifer had caused some kind of trouble in that universe as well, and that Alternate Cas existed, was friends with the Winchesters, and was certainly dead. 

Cas had pulled Alternate Sam aside after dinner before he went off with Sam and tried to find out more information about his alternate self’s fate, but Alternate Sam had shaken his head and said that none of it was his story to tell. 

Cas realized his wandering hadn’t been as aimless as he planned when he saw he was approaching the bunker’s shooting range. He wondered if Alternate Dean would be similar enough to his Dean to have similar coping mechanisms, and he wasn’t surprised when he found Alternate Dean unloading round after round into the target.

Alternate Dean didn’t hear him coming, but he must have seen movement in the corner of his eyes, because he quickly turned around, slipping the ear protection off his head. 

“Hope you guys don’t mind me using up a few bullets. Just needed to let off some steam.”

Cas hummed at that instead of answering, instead deciding to broach the subject by pointing out the obvious. “I guess I existed in your world. As did Lucifer. And Jack.”

“Yeah,” Alternate Dean said. 

When he offered no more information, Cas decided to try a different approach. “How did you and I meet?”

Alternate Dean took a slow deep breath before answering. “Around 10 years ago, HunterCorp started getting a weird number of demon-related calls. Demons weren’t common at all, most on our staff had never seen one in person before. And suddenly demons were everywhere.

“One day, Sam and I are on a hunt when it suddenly feels like a tornado is about to run right through us. Lightning, thunder, the room was shaking, light bulbs smashing, and weirdest of all, the loudest ringing noise I’d ever heard. It finally ends after a few minutes, Sam and I wander outside, and in front of the house we’re investigating are two guys in suits. The lightning starts up again and suddenly they’ve got shadowy wings.” 

Alternate Dean looked pointedly at Cas. “Zachariah and Castiel were their names. They tell us that they’re angels, because apparently those exist. And apparently Lucifer somehow got out and the apocalypse is about to start in a few weeks. And apparently Sam and I are destined to stop it.”

Alternate Dean sighed. “Well, long story short, the angels were lying to us. Sam and I did have a destiny, but it wasn’t to save the world, it was to help destroy it. The angels were the ones that released Lucifer in the first place and they had been manipulating us the whole time. Wanted us to say ‘yes’ to being angel vessels.”

Cas was shocked at how similar the story sounded to what had happened in this world, despite the vastly different set ups. Alternate Dean had apparently never been to Hell and had never broken the first seal, but the angels managed to set the apocalypse in motion anyway, with the angels manipulating Alternate Dean and Sam in the same ways.

“Before I knew the truth, Castiel and I fought alongside each other. We became friends, which led to him having doubts about his orders. He was the one to tell me the angels’ true plans and he was the one to eventually help me and Sam stop the apocalypse.” Alternate Dean paused as he let himself relive that memory, and Cas remembered his own experience with those doubts, how scary and exhilarating it was to feel for the first time. Feelings of compassion, a deep desire to protect the lives around him; feelings of grief, mourning souls he had never actually met. And above all else, inexplicably drawn to Dean Winchester. That particular feeling it would take Cas years to sort out. 

Coming back to himself, Alternate Dean continued. “We were able to weaken Lucifer significantly, and he was forced into hiding. During that, Heaven was in a state of chaos, and some of the angels decided to act as soldiers for humans again. HunterCorp had a small angel division for appropriate cases. Led by Castiel, of course,” Alternate Dean said with a fond smile before drifting his gaze to the floor.

“Castiel and I stayed close. Stayed friends.” He lifted his gaze hesitantly to Cas. “Became… more.” 

Alternate Dean held Cas’ gaze questioningly, but Cas did not outwardly react, his body stiffening as a distant roaring filled his ears. He couldn’t mean what it sounded like.

“You and Dean aren’t…?” Alternate Dean asked softly.

“No.” Cas didn’t know how to breathe. Didn’t know how to process the information presented in front of him. The implication of what Alternate Dean was saying was clear, but it made no sense. Cas’ own feelings, the ones he was constantly suppressing, felt nakedly exposed. It felt like the universe was mocking him. See, we know what you feel, no matter how hard you try. 

“What happened with…” Cas drifted off and gestured in front of him, struggling to speak but desperately hoping to convey that he needed to know how this story ended. 

“We had a good few years,” Alternate Dean started slowly. “Really, really good years. But then Lucifer came back, just like we always knew he would, except this time he was stronger and he was pissed. Wreaked havoc in Hell just so that he’d gain enough power to release some of history’s darkest souls back into the world. Processed political leaders all across the world and created geopolitical problems that would have taken centuries to correct. Destroyed massive parts of Heaven and killed countless angels. The whole damn world, light side, dark side, everyone was scared of what he could do.”

Alternate Dean hesitated before the next part, looking like he’d rather be talking about anything else in the world. “And then he did the worst possible thing.” He ground his teeth before saying, his jaw still clenched, “He created a nephilim.”

Cas stared at the floor, a sickening feeling inside him growing as he listened to Alternate Dean continue.

“It was when Lucifer was processing the president. He knocked up his staff member, some woman named Kelly Kline, who was none the wiser about her baby daddy being the devil. But everyone else knew, from the moment it was conceived. And everyone, Heaven, Hell and Earth, agreed that it needed to die. I’d never seen everyone agree on a damn thing before, but everyone, including Castiel, was working together on how to kill it before it was born.

“Until Castiel met Kelly, because all of a sudden he was adamant about saving it. We figured that the nephilim had gotten into his head somehow and was using him to protect itself. Castiel and I had never fought like that, but we fought. I’d never seen him so angry in my life that for a moment I wondered if he’d been processed. Thought he could never say stuff like that to me. Told me the only thing I could ever do to make him hate me would be to kill it.”

“It,” Cas interrupted. “The nephilim. Jack .” He couldn’t bear to hear any version of his son referred to like that.

Alternate Dean couldn't look at Cas as he finished his story. “We teamed up with Heaven’s garrison, found Kelly with Castiel shortly before she was going to go into labor. Castiel – he fought hard, but we were able to get Kelly alone. Were able to complete the mission.” His voice was flat, purely factual, but his body language and the look on his face displayed his shame.

Eyes still on the floor, he continued. “Castiel – I only saw him for a moment afterward. He wouldn’t speak to me, wouldn’t even look at me. But he was… I can’t even describe it...”

But Cas could imagine what his alternate self had been like. He had been forced to watch Jack die twice, both times the most painful moments of his existence. If Cas thought he understood human sorrow before that, seeing Jack’s lifeless body taught him he had known nothing of grief until then. Cas was pretty sure that the combined pain of Jack’s death and Dean’s ultimate betrayal would have been the end of him.

Alternate Dean’s voice had the tone of forced emotionlessness as he finished. “Never saw Castiel again. He went on the run and a couple weeks later the angels caught up with him and he was sentenced to death for his crimes.” He finally looked up to meet Cas’ gaze, the wateriness of his eyes betraying his emotions.

“It’s – all of it, it’s already the biggest regret of my life. I should have taken your side even if you were wrong. I should have protected you from the angels, not joined them. I could have –” he shook his head.

“And then today I find out that it – the nephilim – it was never evil. He was Jack, a normal kid that apparently saves worlds.” Alternate Dean’s voice was now thick with emotion. “And we killed him. An innocent baby and his mom, and then you died, and for what? It was for nothing. You were right all along.” The dam seemed to break and tears slipped from his eyes as he whispered, “I can’t get it outta my head. You begged me not to… she begged and begged. Why did I…?”

And Cas didn’t know how else to react. The shock of Alternate Dean’s words, the hurt and betrayal he felt for something that never actually happened to him were overridden by the emotion pouring out Alternate Dean, so Cas tentatively wrapped his arms around him in a hug. For a moment it felt wrong, Cas hyper aware of how touching his Dean for too long would certainly make him uncomfortable, but this wasn’t his Dean. This Dean responded immediately, pulling Cas in closer and gripping his jacket, burying his face into his neck. 

Alternate Dean began to cry in earnest, Cas trying to remember if he had ever seen his own Dean cry this intensely, before realizing his Dean had never let Cas see him cry before at all. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Alternate Dean mumbled over and over, like a prayer, like if he said it enough times his own Cas might be able to hear him. And Cas just held him, this man that was sort of the man he yearned to hold but was mostly a stranger. His body was instinctively telling him to let go, that he’d crossed a line and was making Dean uncomfortable, but this Dean treated hugging like the most natural thing in the world. And Cas thought about his alternate self, who got to experience this every day but also had to experience Dean’s ultimate betrayal, and he too found himself mourning the other Castiel.

--

Having long taken his time tidying the kitchen, Dean found himself sitting at the map table with his beer, the bunker oddly quiet. He cursed Alternate Sam for being so fascinated by the bunker’s relics, cursed his own brother for being so damn eager to show off his collection, and waited impatiently for them to finish up so that Alternate Sam and Dean could just leave already.

He didn’t even know where his own alternate self was, and the fact that Cas was similarly missing was making him fidget. He didn’t want to think about what they were talking about. Didn’t want to think about the picture-perfect Alternate Dean learning about some of Dean’s most shameful deeds, didn’t want Alternate Dean to realize just how messed up this version of himself was. Not that he thought Cas would intentionally start gossiping about his secrets, he told himself, but still. If Cas was telling Dean anything about the past few years, Dean’s sins stained almost everything that had happened and Cas was bound to accidentally mention something.

Worse, he feared the secrets that Alternate Dean may be able to disclose to Cas. His alternate self may be a totally different person, but there was one secret that Dean was pretty sure he shared with Alternate Dean. The big secret. The secret that most days he suppressed so hard he was able to convince himself he was imagining it, the one thing he would never, ever tell Sam or anyone else because if he said it out loud, it would actually be real. 

Except apparently, Alternate Dean did not consider it a secret. As he had scrubbed the pans over and over again earlier he had tried to tell himself he was wrong, but the way Alternate Dean kept looking at Cas with such naked longing, the way Alternate Sam had continuously glanced at his brother’s expressions as if he’d seen them a million times, it was clear that in their universe, it wasn’t a secret at all.

Which meant that Alternate Dean could tell his Cas without thinking twice. Which meant that Dean hadn’t been imagining the feelings he’d been hiding from himself. Which meant that in another universe this wasn’t one more thing for him to hate about himself. Great, yet another way in which his alternate self was less broken than he was.

His thoughts were disrupted by footsteps, and when he turned around he was looking at his own face, his alternate self’s eyes slightly red-rimmed. He was alone.

“Where’s Cas?” Dean asked, colder than he intended.

Alternate Dean stepped into the room, taking a seat at the war table. “I asked him to give me a couple minutes. I think he went to find the Sams, figured they’d be in the archive room all night if we didn’t pull them away.”

“Hmm,” Dean responded, not particularly excited to find out what his alternate self wanted to talk about.

But instead of talking, Alternate Dean just watched Dean as he sipped his beer wordlessly, his eyes intent and searching. When Dean poured back the last drop into his mouth, he got up to grab another one from the library’s minifridge, and that was when Alternate Dean finally spoke.

“You know, when you guys were out earlier, my brother and I were talking. We felt bad for you guys, what with Father being dead here, the motels, the bunker, the lack of money, the fact you’re both mostly single…” He gave a small laugh to himself. “Sam said this was the ‘universe where everything went wrong’. If we were God’s success story, you were the underdog story.”

Alternate Dean looked down at the table and continued, “I don’t think that’s right. As soon as I saw Castiel I knew that couldn’t be true.” He shook his head slightly. “Whatever successes we had earlier in our life, it doesn’t matter. At least here, my greatest failure never happened.”

Dean scoffed at that. “And you think I never failed? I get it, you got your Cas killed. You're not special. Join the club. I was just lucky enough that he came back. I can’t even say that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to him before, can you believe it?” Dean didn’t know why he was saying all this, couldn’t stop the words from coming out, regrets he’d never spoken about. “You think you’re the only person that has hurt him?”

“I guarantee that whatever you’ve done to him, whatever your history is, you can come back from it. I – what I did – we never could. It was too late for us.” Alternate Dean stared at him, but Dean refused to meet his gaze.

Alternate Dean pressed. “Look, whatever is going on between you two, whatever happened – and I don’t know, okay? Castiel wouldn't tell me – just know I’m jealous. I’ll be jealous for the rest of my damn life. Whatever it is you regret, whatever you think makes you so evil, just know you still have your chance here.”

Dean didn't know how to respond to that, didn't even want to think about what he could even say and definitely didn’t want to think about what kind of chance he was supposed to be taking. Apparently Dean was a screw up in every universe, even ones where, for all intents and purposes, he had it made. In every universe where Cas met Dean, Cas was worse off for it. 

“Look, you don’t…” Dean started.

“I know,” Alternate Dean cut in. He gave a flat smile. “Guess being stubborn as hell is a trait we share.” 

Dean laughed at that. “You know, you’re not the first Alternate Universe version of me to say that. I think every version of us is like that.” Dean finally looked his doppelganger in the eye as he said, “And apparently not a single version of us deserves him.”

Alternate Dean did not try to rebut that, instead looking down at the table in contemplative shame. “Still…” was all he was able to say.

They sat in silence for a moment, the condensation pooling onto the table around Dean’s forgotten beer. Dean’s head was a mess of thoughts, most of them indiscernible from one another, the only feeling breaking through being the overwhelming shame. He needed his alternate self to be gone, needed to retreat into his room with a bottle of whiskey and push these thoughts back behind the mental walls he’s been maintaining his whole damn life. 

Finally, finally, he heard the sound of conversation as Sam, Alternate Sam, and Cas made their way into the war room, Sam droning on about an ancient Mesopotamian text in their possession that was once sought by King Arthur himself. 

Heading over towards the garage, Alternate Sam said, “The collection truly is impressive. And I appreciate your hospitality, but we really should get going.”

Sam said, “You sure you don’t want to stay here tonight before your flight tomorrow? We have tons of rooms.”

Alternate Sam gave a terse smile and looked around briefly, looking at the bunker as if it were made of filth. “Thank you, but with the credit card you gave us, I think we’d prefer to find a hotel.”

Sam nodded, looking only a little offended. “No problem. Uh, this was weird? I guess good luck.”

Alternate Dean responded, “Thanks. Um, you too.” He gave Dean a purposeful look. “Don’t screw this up. Defeating God, I mean. And uh, tell Jack it was nice to meet him.”

Dean rolled his eyes, shook the hand that was offered to him, and tried not to stare when Alternate Dean took Cas’ hand tenderly and slowly shook it. “Goodbye, Castiel,” he said softly.

Dean swore Cas sounded nervous when he replied, “Goodbye, Dean.”

After final handshakes with Alternate Sam, he and Alternate Dean were finally gone, on their way to Brazil to disappear and retire in the sun. 

The relief that Dean felt to finally be away from them was immediate, but it was quickly replaced by the unease at what the consequences of their visit would be. Cas was right behind him as they stood looking out the door of the garage, and he knew that when he turned around that the awkwardness between them would be practically tangible. He didn’t want to turn around. Didn’t want to see in Cas’ face that this visit had changed something between them. He could feel it in his gut, that Alternate Dean had said something to Cas. 

“Dean.” It was Sam. “Dean?”

Dean took a deep breath, taking a moment to methodically put all of his emotions back into place and school his face into something neutral. He turned around and laughed. It only sounded a little forced. “Well,” he said, “that was the weirdest thing ever. Let’s never talk about that again, okay? Damn. I’m so done with seeing my doppelgangers.”

Dean glanced briefly at Cas, who had an unsure look on his face, before looking around the garage, his eyes settling on Baby. 

“Yeah,” Sam said, “it was weird. You okay?”

“Of course I’m okay, Sammy.” Dean replied, the annoyance clear in his voice. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” It was a challenge and a test. Don’t mention it, Sammy. We’re never talking about whatever you’re thinking about.

“Nothing.” Sam said. He sounded annoyed, but he wasn’t going to push. Good. “It’s late, and I still want to call Eileen before sleeping, so I’m off. Goodnight.”

And without waiting for a reply, Sam stalked out of the garage in the direction of the bedrooms, leaving Cas and Dean alone in the garage. 

The silence hung between them for a few moments, screaming to be broken. Dean should have walked away right then, said goodnight to Cas and left, like he’d been wanting to do all damn night. But now, alone with Cas, he found himself unable to move. Dean could feel Cas’ eyes on him, but he couldn’t look up to meet them, instead staring fixedly at Baby and trying to remember why he was so desperate to leave just a minute ago.

What did he say to you? Dean wondered silently. What did he do?

 “I’m sorry,” Dean said finally. It was the only thing he could think of. I’m sorry you met me. I’m sorry I happened to you.

Dean looked up at Cas, and the alarm on his face made Dean even more anxious. Huh, guess they did talk about something I’m not supposed to know about.

“He’s not you,” was all Cas could say. Dean gave a small scoff at that, and Cas tentatively approached him, putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean focused on not flinching at the physical contact, every touch feeling significant, and allowed himself to lean into the hand on his body. 

“We’re… okay?” Cas asked hesitantly, his voice small. 

Dean looked deep into Cas’ eyes, the bright blue looking glossy under the garage lights, his brow pulled tightly and his body stiff, as if he expected to be slapped away at any moment.

Finally, Dean responded. “Of course we are.” Dean forced a smile that turned into a genuine one as he clapped his hand on Cas’ back twice. “We’re always okay.”

That wasn’t true. Heck, just a few weeks ago they’d had the worst argument they’d ever had, Cas left and then they hadn’t spoken for weeks afterwards. Dean was sure he wouldn’t come back this time and deep down Dean knew it was his fault. But Cas had come back, eventually, as he always did. But things were different. The deep wells of resentment, mistrust, anger, and blame that had developed between the two over the years had left scars all over their friendship and sometimes, Dean wondered if it was only that scar tissue keeping them together at all.

If hurting Cas in every universe was just something Dean did, he hoped there was a version of himself out there that had allowed himself to love Cas before he hurt him so much. He needed there to be a version of them out there that had something that wasn’t damaged right out of the box. At least that would be something.

“Goodnight, Dean,” Cas said. He was letting Dean go. Right, Dean had been wanting that all night.

“‘Night, Cas. Thanks for… everything.” And with a quick glance back, Dean left the garage and headed for his bedroom. 

Finally inside the safety of his room, Dean let out a sigh, took a swig of his trusty Jack Daniels before sitting on his bed. Forget, forget, forget. He was finally able to start working on those mental walls. It’s all in your head, Winchester. Except it wasn’t, was it? The night had been real. The look on Alternate Dean’s face had been real. Well then, it’s too late for us. It had to be. If it wasn’t too late, then Dean was the idiot who had let them get to this point. 

With a groan, Dean took another swig before forcing himself to screw the cap back on and place the bottle back under his bed. He felt unsettled, but for some reason he didn’t want to numb it with alcohol. He wanted to feel it. As he lay in bed, the strongest urge to pray to Cas washed over him, the way he used to pray before bed when Cas had been taken by the Empty. Which made no sense at all; Cas was just down the hall. If Dean needed him so badly, he could just go see him. 

No, Dean thought, I’ll see him tomorrow. Like always. He’ll still be here. And this mess between them would be here as well. After Chuck, Dean told himself. Whatever is going on with us – with me – it’ll be something we’ll figure out. 

Alternate Dean had said it wasn’t too late for them. And maybe, if they survived Chuck, maybe he could be right. 

Maybe.

[cheynovak]

Forest Green Eyes - PART 2  

Castiel & Y/N Winchester  

Warnings:  Bad family dynamic, over protected, abuse, bad language …  

Side note: English isn’t my first language.  

Words:  1816

This story takes place after the SPN finally. Jack asked Castiel to go back to earth to be the guardian angel of Y/N. Cas accepts this task but only to discover that Y/N is the biological child of Dean.  

 

Part 3 - link below  

----------------------- 

 

“Let’s go. I will take you away, anywhere you want. But not without clothes or a bag. You at least leave a note for your parents.” He tried to say firm.  

“Thanks Cas.” She said while hugging him. Here hair touched his chin and while their hug lasted longer than usual, he could have sworn that for a second... No that’s not possible!  

But as soon as she pulled back and he looked in Y/N’s Forest green eyes all he could see was hope, stubbornness and... Dean. 

“Castiel and Y/N drove quietly into the night. After the hug and leaving Texas, he and Y/N didn’t really spoke much. Y/N was clearly tired, so Castiel suggested to search for a motel to get some rest.  

When they arrived, the receptionist looked suspicious at the angel. “One Room?” he asked to confirm Castiel’s question looking back and forward between Y/N and Castiel. 

 Y/N started to get nervous. “Yes, two queens.” she said quickly.  

“Why did that man look so troubled?” The angel asked. “Probably because of the million years of age difference.” Y/N laughs.  

Y/N took a nice hot shower and went to bed while Castiel was watching the TV.  

“Hey Cas, would you mind telling me one of your stories?” When Y/N was a kid and had trouble sleeping would Castiel tell her biblical stories of the old heavens.  

“I’m pretty sure you’ve heard them all.”  

“Oh, come on Castiel, I’m sure there is more.” She said with puppy eyes.  

“Fine” He thought for a second, “Let me tell you about my friends, the Winchester brothers.” He said while sitting himself next to her on the bed. Y/N looked with glisters in her eyes while Cas talked about Sam and Dean. What they went through.  

Hours went by and Y/N not once interrupted Castiel’s story.  

She noticed that whenever he talked about Dean his eyes would light up or he would smile a little.  

That when he talks about the older Winchester’s troubles, he could still feel the pain.  

Castiel told Y/N what he did to protect Dean. “That’s the last time I got to see him. I’m not allowed to contact the dead in heaven.”  

“You really loved him. Didn’t you.” She asked the angel with tears in her eyes.  

Castiel could barely look her in the eyes, afraid to get lost in them. Ever since he truly looked at her last night, all he wanted to do was stare in them. It made him feel connected to Dean again.  

“I do.” He said. “You need to get some sleep.” He abruptly jumps of the bed.  

“Goodnight Cas.”  

“Goodnight, Kid.” 

The next morning, they had a quick breakfast at the diner. ”So where are we going now?”  

“Well after talking about Sam and Dean last night I thought I take you to the bunker? What do you think?” Said Castiel while he watched Y/N gobbles her food. “Wait, that still exists?” She asked without looking up from her plate. 

“I hope so! You really like food, don’t you?”  

She smiled and took the last bite. 

 

The ride in the car was again, silent, part from the radio playing Metallica. You turned it up and started to hum. Castiel couldn’t stop thinking about the similarities between you and the oldest Winchester brother, surely, he must see those signs because he misses Dean.  

A few miles on the road your car started to make weird noises, before either of you could have said anything, broke the car down. “Great.” Sight Castiel.  

“Well, looks like there is second-hand dealership nearby according to google.” Maybe they fix cars as well?” Y/N said with a positive attitude. “Just a short walking trip.”   

 The man who owned the dealership and his son, who wasn’t very much older than Y/N, perhaps a year or 2, told Cas that they normally don’t fix cars, except when they can sell them. But that if they want, his son would be more than happy to fix theirs for a small price, if they helped out.  

Y/N was happy to learn more about mechanics. She already knew the basics from the class she took in high school. But never got further than changing tiers and oil.  

At the end of that day, the owner of the shop offers Castiel and Y/N to stay for dinner before they hit the sack. Castiel accepted because he knew Y/N would be starving.  

He watched while Y/N and the son were talking and laughing. Even though he was glad that she got along with people her age. He couldn’t help to feel jealous. This was the first time in 10 years that she made a friend beside him. “Your daughter is very handy. My son told me that she pretty much fixed your car all by herself, all he had to do is tell her where to look.”  

Castiel’s focus shifts from de teenagers to the man. “Yes, yes she is. A born gift I guess.”  

 

Y/N looked over at her guardian, the two of them meet each other's eyes, again. And without a word he knew exactly what she is thinking. For the first time in her life, she was truly happy.  

Y/N’s lips curled into a smile like she agreed with his thoughts.  

After a few more hours Y/N and Castiel decided to hit the road again. Cas thanked the man and his son for their help and dinner. While Y/N and the kid exchanged phone numbers. 

 

The ride to the bunker wasn’t that far anymore. But Y/N managed to fall asleep right away.  

Castiel parked the car in front of the bunker and watched Y/N sleeping. He studied every outline on her face, every freckle, her full soft lips. “You know Cas, looking at people sleep like that is creepy.” Y/N smiled, slowly opening her eyes.  

“We’ve arrived. But I didn’t want to wake you.” He said softly.  

After a small house tour Castiel told Y/N to go to bed. “Let’s explore tomorrow.”  

Y/N gave Cas a small peck on his cheek and hugged him good night. “Thank you Castiel, for taking such good care of me. This was the best day I ever had.” 

The angel felt his cheeks turn red and his heart jumped almost out of his chest.  

Castiel wanted Y/N to finish high school, so they made an agreement. At least go to school until you graduate. So, she did. Not that it wasn’t easy being the new weird kid at 15. No friends apart from some loners like herself. They were supposed to at least join one P.E. activity beside school.  

So Y/N chose martial arts. Castiel thought that was a good way to being able to defend herself.  

Her grades weren’t spectacular, but she at least tried. Castiel not once had to go to school, so the town folks had no idea who her parent is. Only that her name was Y/N Novak daughter of Jimmy Novak. But because she mostly sticked to herself no one had questions.  

--  

The older Y/N got, the more Castiel saw characteristics compatible to Dean’s.  

She was 23 now, worked at a car dealer a town over. Drove and old red Chevy Chevelle. And yes, had a boyfriend, her colleague Steve. Not her first boyfriend. But the first she brought home. 

By now Castiel no longer pretended to be her father “Jimmy Novak” he now was here “roommate” Cas.  

 

Late at night and Cas heard Y/N and Steve argue. About how he thought it was weird that an “old man” was living with her. And the way he looked at her, was just creepy. And that he wanted her to come live with him.  

She declined his proposition a couple of times. Telling him that she would never abandon him after all he had done for her.  

Her arguments, the way she looked him dead in the eye pretending that this fight didn’t hurt her as much as it actually did. She took off to her room in anger and but before she turned around the corner, she told Steve to pack his stuff and leave. So, he did.  

 

Castiel made a list over the years with everything he could remember about Dean and compered them with Y/N.  

Green eyes? Check 

Light brown hair? Check 

Freckles? Check 

Anger issues? Check 

Trust Issues? Check 

Check, check, … Check. Why didn’t Jack told him? Why would that be such a bad thing? Maybe he didn’t know either?  

He couldn’t wrap his head around it, so the angel went for a walk. When he came back, Y/N was still in her room. The angel decided to make sure she was ok.  

“Y/N? Can I come in?”  

“Sure.” She rubbed a single tear away.  

“Are you ok?” “Yeah Cas, I'm great!” She rolled her eyes.  

He stood there not knowing what to do. When she was younger, he hugged her and told her everything would be ok. But maybe Steve was right, hanging out with an older man is weird. So, he wanted to respect her by keeping his distance, although every fibre in his body wanted to hold Y/N in his arms.  

“Well, if there is anything I can do, just let me know.” He turned towards the door.  

“Cas, wait, please. Can you, … I don’t know, stay with me tonight? I really don’t want to be alone now” 

“Are you sure? “  

“Yes, please?” That answer made his heartbeat faster, he felt this weird feeling in his stomach. And before he knew it, he sat beside her on the bed. “You can lay down if you want to. I trust you Cas”  

“Eh, yeah sure.” She immediately placed her head on his chest and her hand next to it holding on to his shirt. Castiel wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her just a tiny bit closer. He smelt her favorite shampoo, felt her warmth through his shirt. Why does this feel so right but wrong at the same time. His heart made jumps he never felt.  

He softly pressed a kiss on her head. She didn’t really responded part from a soft hum. She was already asleep.  

 

All Castiel could think of is how he wanted to hold her in his arms forever. How right this feels.  

It has been a long time since he felt these feelings. But is there a chance he feels this way because she reminds him of.... him?  

-------------------------------------------

If you liked this, please check out my masterlist for other stories.

[notinthislife50]

Chapter 49

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

"Hey Garth," Sam answered his phone, rousing you from your sleep. Rubbing your eyes, you sat up, wrapping your hands around Dean. And groggily greeted him "hey."

Dean, smiling at you through the rearview mirror, squeezed one of your arms. "Hey, you sleep okay?"

"Mhmmm," you hummed in response, turning your attention to Sam, who had just hung up. "What's up with Garth?"

"It's close, Farmington Hills, Michigan. Dude got ripped limb from limb inside his locked apartment," Sam confirmed.

"Well, that's not good," Dean remarked.

As the three of you approached the sheriff, Sam introduced the group. "FBI? You guys are quick. Haven't even got the body out yet," the sheriff replied.

"Well, the FBI is all work and no play," Dean glared at Sam.

"Alright Jack, calm down," you elbowed Dean. "You know, why don't you give my partners the tour while I look around?"

"You sure you don't need help?" Dean called from behind you.

"I work better on my own," you shouted back.

In the kitchen, you pulled out your EMF reader, finding nothing. Soon, you rejoined the guys.

"Fortunately, we got a real lead off his cell phone," the sheriff said. "An accountant, also in his 30s, also lives alone."

"How is he a lead?" Sam looked confused.

"The two of them talked together for 15 minutes, and then Lance sent Ed here all kinds of angry texts. Some of them were your typical threat stuff, but some were a little weird."

"Weird how?" you asked.

"You shall bleed for your crimes against us," the sheriff quoted. "And, this beauty I am a mage. I will destroy you. These kids today with their texting and murder. My men just brought Lance into the station for questioning."

"Well, we're gonna need to take the first crack at the suspect," Dean confirmed.

"It's your world," the sheriff replied.

"Lance Jacobsen? We're with the FBI," Dean stated as the three of you entered the interview room.

"The FBI? I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe Ed's dead," Lance broke down.

"Lance, just breathe. You're fine," you comforted him. "We just need to ask you a few questions. Try to calm down."

"We want to know about the texts you sent Ed last night," Dean questioned.

"I told them when they brought me in those texts weren't from me. I mean, they were from me, but they weren't from me me," Lance sobbed.

"Did you really think that sentence was gonna clear things up?" Dean asked, perplexed.

"I'm sorry. This is all a big misunderstanding. Those text messages were from Greyfox the Mystic to Thargrim the Difficult. Our characters in Moondoor. Moondoor is a game that Ed and I play."

"You're Larpers?" you asked excitedly.

"Yeah, we play Moondoor every other weekend at Heritage Park. All the info about it is on our website," Lance smiled slightly at you.

"You guys have a website?" Dean asked, looking at you.

"Yeah, one of the players designed it. If you log onto the site, they should have posted pictures from last night's feast. I was there all night," Lance confirmed.

"What does any of this have to do with the texts?" Sam asked, growing impatient.

"I play a character named Greyfox the Mystic. I'm a very, very powerful mage in the game. Ed was Thargrim the Difficult of the Elder Forest, son of Hargrim and Bouphin, he was Lancelot to my Merlin," Lance explained, breaking down again.

"Well, if you guys were so tight, then why the threatening messages?" Dean inquired, nodding his head in confusion, when he saw the smile on your face.

"We were named to the queen's honor guard, in anticipation of the coming Battle of Kingdoms this weekend. I thought he broke protocol, so I called Ed after game hours and accused him of cheating, and then I challenged him to a duel."

"A duel?" Sam said, not believing what he was hearing.

"Wands and swords at dawn," Lance nodded.

"Now, when you say wands, do you mean magic wands?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows.

"No. Un-magic wands, Agent. Because what I want in a duel is an un-magic wand. Yes, fake wands. It's a game. I can't believe it. Oh, ye Gods, Thargrim the Difficult has fallen," Lance began sobbing.

"Hang in there, Lance," you patted his shoulder. "We will find out who did this."

The three of you left the interview room.

"So? Do you believe in Dungeons & Dragons?" Sam scoffed.

"Those weren't crocodile tears, Sam. That's not our guy," you said confidently.

"So what are we looking at?" Sam asked.

"You saw the chain mail. This could be Fifty Shades of Greyfox for all we know," Dean smirked, winking at you.

And you blushed, smiling at him. "That's a LARPing experience I wouldn't mind trying."

"Dear god," Sam groaned.

"All right, well, let's check out the Moondoor site, and see if Lance's story checks out," you smiled.

"Welcome to Moondoor, Michigan's largest LARPing game," you grinned, leaning back in the chair.

"You sound like you know all about this," Sam accused.

"Well, Sammy, I do," you said proudly.

"We definitely need to get out more," Dean groaned, causing you to slap him on the shoulder. "And how do you know all about this?"

Before you could answer, Sam had clicked on the Picture Gallery where Lance appears dressed in costume and holding a tankard.

"There' s our guy," Sam confirmed.

"It actually looks kind of awesome," Dean grinned.

"It really is," you laughed.

"All right, there's a video," Sam rolled his eyes at you both.

Sam clicked on the video, but called out in shock when he saw the woman on the screen. "Wait, is that?"

"Queen of the moor, Charlie," you announced proudly, cutting him off.

"Wait, you knew about this? She said not to talk to her?" Dean sounded hurt.

"Yes, we came across each other in World of Warcraft. I told you I was playing with her," you tried to explain.

"Wait, so Charles the Warlock is Charlie, Charlie?" Dean finally caught on.

"Yes," you laughed.

You watched in sadness as the coroner wheeled Lance's body away.

"You're gonna want to see this," the sheriff pointed, indicating for you to follow him.

You all watched in disbelief as Lance coughed up blood and died in the interview room.

"God forbid he was contagious. I'm gonna go dip myself in hand sanitizer," the sheriff looked disgusted, making you angry. Dean pulled you into him.

"He isn't worth it," he soothed.

“There. See that?” Sam rewound the video, pointing at Lance's tattoo " Same as Ed’s, You recognize it from anything?

“Aside from the mark of the creepy here, the only thing these guys have in common is LARPing.” Dean shook his head defeated.

“Lucky for us, we know the queen.” you sadly smiled.

@deansgirl79 @suckitands33 @deans-baby-momma @dragony937 @linzerrr @deans-spinster-witch @foxyjwls007 @djs8891 @my-obsession-spn @mikaylalala13 @jackles010378 @spnbaby-67

[blessyourhondahurley]

Suptober day 31 - This Bliss

A fluffy domestic day in the life of a happy, settled, married, post-hunter Dean Winchester and family.

Suptober prompt: Trick or Treat

(Read on AO3)

As the coffeemaker blurts out its last few brewing burbles, Dean snags the pot and pours himself a tall, fragrant cup. They've been experimenting with flavored blends recently, a project that Cas has gotten really into after Charlie sent him a gift basket of assorted coffees and teas for his “birthday” last month. Thanks to four decades of sludgy diner joe, Dean maintains pathologically low expectations for his morning cuppa, but he's finally comfortable enough in his masculinity to admit that the salted caramel spice variety they're drinking this week is fucking stellar, especially with a dash of cream. He adds that dash now, then shrugs and stirs in a little sugar as well. Why not treat himself?

There's a scuffle behind him, and he turns just in time to see Sam and Eileen stalking through the kitchen, arguing silently. He hasn't yet mastered the finer points of sign language, but somehow he catches “screwdriver”, “watermelon”, and “recycling bin” and decides not to inquire further. They disappear together through the door to the garage, still gesticulating furiously at each other.

Dean smiles at their backs and takes a seat at the kitchen table, He has another sip of his coffee and unlocks his phone. The villagers in his Animal Crossing town need his help with a fishing tournament today. He casts his line and waits.

“–en we'll ask Dean!!” is the only warning he gets before his kids burst into the room. Jack's in the lead, looking distressed. Claire is half a step behind, sporting the world-weary smirk she likes to wear like armor.

As soon as they're in front of him, they both start talking at once, and it's impossible to understand anything they're saying. Dean puts out his hands above the table, palms facing down, and lowers them slowly, a sign for calm down. Their voices trail off in perfect sync.

“Okay, let's try that again, only maybe this time actual communication can occur?” Dean points at his son. “Jacky, you go first.” Claire jolts, her mouth falling open like she wants to protest, but Dean turns his pointing finger upwards to indicate wait. “You'll get your turn, hon. I promise.”

“Claire says I'm too old to trick or treat tonight!” Jack says plaintively. “I'm only five!”

“Yeah but you look twenty-f–” his sister butts in.

Dean cuts her off with a barked “hey!” Mollified, she makes a zip-it gesture across her mouth, crosses her arms, and waits.

Jack continues. “Am I gonna get in trouble if I go out tonight? I don't want anyone to be mad at me! You and Dad said I could, though! My costume's all ready!!” He's giving the most puppiest of puppy-dog eyes, and as he finishes speaking his piece, a single perfect tear wells up and runs down his cheek.

Dean reaches for his son's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Claire-bear?” he prompts.

“I just don't wanna see the kid get his hopes up for nothing,” she says grimly. “He doesn't exactly look like your average first grader. People don't take too kindly to grown-ass men tryin' to scam them out of their Kit-Kats.”

“I get it,” Dean acknowledges, giving her a nod.

At this apparent confirmation of Claire's point, Jack looks like his heart is crumbling to bits in his chest.

“Hang on now, buddy,” Dean continues before the kid can work himself up to a full-blown meltdown. “Your sister's just looking out for you. But she hasn't spent as much time in Lebanon as we have, so she doesn't know that everybody's gonna be expecting you at their houses tonight. I saw Marta at the post office the other day and she said to tell you she's got a jumbo-size 3 Musketeers with your name on it.”

Jack is smiling so wide now it looks like his face is gonna split in half. Dean turns to Claire. “In fact,” he says, eyebrows raised, “I'm absolutely certain no one would mind in the least if Jack brought his big sister out with him this year. Whaddaya say, kiddo? You wanna scam some Kit-Kats with us tonight?”

His daughter likes to think she's a hard-ass, a firmly closed book, but Dean watches the emotions play across her face as she tries and fails to suppress her excitement at the prospect. She's still adjusting to peacetime, to post-hunter life. They all are. He and Cas like to grab every opportunity they can find to let their kids be kids for a change.

Claire is still struggling to find the words that will simultaneously convey both I don't give a shit about anything because I'm a stone cold bitch and yes please please please take me trick or treating tonight but Jack doesn't bother waiting. He grabs his sister's hand and starts tugging her down the hall, free-associating ideas for her costume as they go.

As their voices fade from his hearing, he gets up to freshen his cooling coffee. While he's at the pot, he reaches into the cupboard overhead and pulls out Cas's favorite mug, the sky-blue one with the cartoon bees all over it. He's just tipping a dollop of cream into each cup when his husband shuffles in, looking rumpled and delectable in his bathrobe and ratty slippers.

Dean presses the warm mug into his seeking hand and wraps an arm around his waist.

“Morning, sunshine,” he says with a soft smile. He nuzzles Cas's extravagant bedhead and breathes in the warm smell of the skin behind his husband's ear.

“Good morning, beloved,” comes the rumbled reply. “What were the kids talking about? They seemed agitated about something.”

“Claire's gonna come out with us tonight. Jacky's helping her figure out her costume.”

Cas takes a deep drink of his coffee and hums happily. “That's nice.”

“Mm-hmm. She's super excited about it, but she'd never admit that. Gotta keep up the tough cookie facade.”

“She reminds me of you at that age,” Cas says with a grin.

Dean snorts a laugh. “Yeah, I was a tightly-wrapped little basket case back then. Closet case, too, I guess. Took me a lotta years to become who I really am.”

Cas finishes off his coffee and sets his mug on the counter, freeing his hands to pull his husband close. “Indeed,” he rumbles as he starts to trail a line of kisses up Dean's neck. “You've matured into an exemplary father, a wonderful husband, and a magnificent man. And on that note...” Cas's morning stubble rubbing against the thin skin of his throat gives him the shivery tingles, like it always does.

“On that note?” Dean prompts, his voice breathy and tremulous.

“The children will be occupied with their costumes for the next hour or two,” Cas observes. His hands move down to gently cup his husband's ass. “I think you should take me back to bed.”

Dean flashes back for a moment on all of those basket-case years when he was too scared, too exhausted, too repressed, too busy expecting to die at any minute to bother dreaming about a happily ever after for his story. He never could have imagined anything this good, anyway. Safe in his home, warm with the knowledge that his family is nearby, he walks hand in hand with the love of his life back to their room.

[quicksilver-castiel]

Everybody wants to go to Heaven

Pairing: Kate Milligan/Mary Winchester

Archive warnings: None

Length: 4k

Rating: Mature

Summary:

After Mary first came back from the dead, she thought she remembered everything there was about her previous life. Now that she has died a second time and the meddling God has been defeated, she realises that her memories might have been a little skewed.

That's not the only unexpected discovery awaiting her, though. Not when the pretty woman she meets in that new Heaven Jack made turns out to be the mother of one of John's children, too.

Read on AO3 or below the cut

Heaven was different here, Mary decided as she surveyed the rolling fields, straining her eyes to make out a building of some sort in the distance. It was less bright here than in the other place, she thought even as she shaded her eyes from the sun, the colours less washed out. Everything seemed more real, somehow, and if Cas’ words were anything to go by, at least the people were real. Not just memories of those she had known in life, but actual, breathing- well, maybe not breathing, or living, but definitely existing humans.

Speaking of Castiel, he stepped up next to her, hands in the pockets of his trench coat, which billowed slightly in the breeze.

“What do you think?” he asked, taking it all in himself, even though he must have seen it a thousand times by now.

“Well, I haven't seen much of it yet. And the others... you said everyone here is a friend of Sam and Dean?” Mary asked, trying to hide her anxiousness, but feeling herself biting her lower lip.

After a moment of consideration, Castiel said: ”Mostly, yes. They've never met Bill Hargreeves, but we could hardly exclude him when his wife and daughter are here.” He stopped again for a moment, glancing at Mary before facing away again. “He's one of those who are only tangentially connected with Sam and Dean. And we've been thinking of bringing more people here. When we have more open plan Heavens, everyone can choose where to go, but for now Jack wants to give everyone who he has met or heard of before a preview, so to speak.”

Mary smiled. “He's a good kid.”

Again, Cas looked at her, but this time his eyes didn't leave again. “You do remember what happened, right?”

“You mean how I died?” Mary sighed. “Yeah. I should have backed off, shouldn't have crowded him like that. Should have known he wasn’t himself, that he couldn’t control himself.”

“It was orchestrated to happen, I think,” Cas said, looking sad.

Right. Because his father – the actual God – had meant for it to happen. Because he had toyed with everyone's lives, most of all those of the people surrounding her sons.

“That's over now, right? Free will actually means something?” Mary shifted uncomfortably. Ever since dying again, she had been remembering more and more about her own life, especially about those first few years with John.

He hadn't been sweet on her, as she’d always told herself. Not at first.

She hadn't been sweet on him either.

As of yet, she hadn't asked anyone to confirm, but she wasn't stupid. If she and John had to have children in order for them to be perfect vessels or whatever, it stood to reason that Heaven would have interfered in case of any hiccups.

Like the two destined people not liking each other.

“Yes, it's over now,” Cas said gently.

While he could be quite blunt at times, which she also appreciated, Mary had come to find that Cas could be very sweet when dealing with people he liked. Mostly, she'd seen it directed at Jack. Sometimes at Dean or Sam.

It felt a little odd to be included in this intimate circle. Not that it felt bad, but did she really deserve to be looked at by him like that?

Perhaps he was just extending his gentleness to her as a favour to Sam and Dean.

Just like everything in her life, and even her after-life, was connected to Sam and Dean.

But there would be time enough to chew on that. For now, all she could do was step forward, and see where it would take her.

Literally.

She started walking towards the building in the distance, leaving Cas to contemplate the field.

The building turned out to be a bar called The Roadhouse, a somewhat ramshackle wooden place, but with a homey feel to it. Its inhabitants seemed to be varied – there were the Hargreeves, a family of hunters, and Bobby, though not the one Mary knew. But there was also a young man named Ash, who talked like a hippie and was apparently some kind of genius regarding computers or the internet or something.

Then there was a man named Rufus, who would gripe at Bobby, and he would in turn roll his eyes and gripe back.

From what she was told, not everyone had known each other in life, though everyone knew at least someone there, except for Mary.

Then someone else walked in. A blonde woman around Mary’s age, a little smaller than her, with a petite frame. She was accompanied by Jack, who gave Mary a somewhat sad smile, but proceeded to introduce the mystery woman.

“This is Kate. She's Adam's mother.” When no one said anything, Jack frowned. “Oh right, you probably don't know who Adam is.”

“Wait,” Bobby said, stepping forward. “Adam as in... John's other kid?”

Mary froze. John's what?

Kate's face grew clouded. “He's my son. John...” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

“Was anyone going to tell me that John had other children?” Mary asked, and regretted the sharpness in her voice when Kate looked at her with wide eyes.

“I only know about the one. And last I checked, he was still in Hell,” Bobby muttered.

“He was where?” Mary gaped at him, and Bobby looked away.

“He came back. Together with Michael,” Jack started explaining, but hesitated when Mary turned to stare at him. “Not that Michael. Another one. A... better one. Kinder.”

Bobby huffed. “'Kind' ain't a word I'd use for him, kid.”

Jack contemplated this. “Maybe he wasn't like that when you met him. And maybe you need the comparison to the other Michael to use that word, but... He's been helping. We wouldn't have come so far without him.”

Mary shook her head in disbelief. This other Michael really must have been very different from the one she'd met.

“Whatever. But you said...” Mary turned towards Kate. “Your son is John's...” She couldn't continue that sentence.

Kate looked at her curiously. “Yes, John is his father.” She pursed her lips. “Even if he barely deserves that title, after what he pulled him into.”

“He didn't do it on purpose,” Jack said cautiously. “He couldn't have known what role his sons were meant to play in Heaven's plans.”

“No, but he could have told us that monsters exist. He could have been there and protected us.” The bitterness was evident in both Kate's voice and on her face. “But of course, he couldn't be bothered. And we paid the price for it.”

Mary looked at her for a long moment. Another woman disappointed by John. Another son he had failed to raise properly, who he had not been there for.

This one, he had apparently messed up by not making him a hunter.

“It's difficult,” she heard herself say, “to know what to tell your children. Or your spouse. If you tell them, life as they know it will be over. The world will suddenly be a dangerous place full of monsters.”

“The world has always been a dangerous place,” Kate said coldly. “And the monsters were there anyway.”

“Sure, but what do you think the world becomes when you tell a five-year-old that the monsters under his bed – or in the closet – are real?” Mary had to take a deep breath and force herself not to think of her own dad.

She couldn’t quite keep the image of a blade shining in the glow of her night light out of her head.

But Kate was having none of it. “Adam wasn't five. And neither was I! Hell, John never knew Adam when he was five. He was eleven by the time he got me to cave and call his dad. And John... what? Forgot to tell us he was hunting monsters instead of being a truck driver? He lied to us.”

“He was protecting you,” Mary said softly.

“Bullshit,” Kate said sternly.

Behind Mary, Bobby snorted. “Now I know where the kid gets it from.”

“Well, I think we can all agree,” Rufus said, getting up from his chair and drawing everyone's attention, “that John Winchester was kind of an ass.”

Ellen Harvelle made a sound of protest while Jo laughed in disbelief. Bobby glared at Rufus.

“You never even met him,” Bobby said gruffly.

“Yeah, but from what I heard, he was a real ray of sunshine.”

Mary sighed. Bobby and Rufus were starting to remind her of those two old muppets. She couldn't currently remember their names, but Dean had loved them as a kid.

“Well,” Bill said, “Rufus ain’t completely wrong.”

Ellen swatted him with a dish towel and shook her head, but she was smiling.

“John was a lot of things. Complicated. Stubborn.” Mary heard her own voice hollowing out on the next word. “Angry. Righteous. Easily obsessed.” She let out a mirthless laugh. “I guess he fit right into the family.”

When she shook herself out of her reflections and looked around, everyone was giving her pitying looks.

Great.

“Anyway,” she muttered, turning back to Kate. “I'm not trying to defend John's character. But not drawing your son into the hunting life... that definitely wasn't one of his worst decisions.”

“Yeah,” Kate said, but her eyes were cold. “I bet the monsters that ate Adam and me thought it was a great move.”

Mary had to close her eyes as she winced. “I'm so sorry.”

When she opened her eyes again, Kate was giving her a calculating look. “You were his wife?”

“Yeah.” Mary hesitated. “For a few years. And then I died.”

Kate weighed her head. “This might be insensitive, but you don't look that much younger than me.”

A weak smile appeared on Mary's face as she tried and probably failed not to show her sadness. “I was 29 when I died the first time. But when I came back... well, let's just say I suddenly had a lot more back pain than I used to.”

Kate stared at her, mouth slightly open until she managed to close it. There was pity in her eyes, now, too, and Mary gritted her teeth and turned away.

“My boys,” she said. “John turned them into hunters. Monster killers. They lost their home when I died and instead of finding another, John dragged them from motel to motel. He went where there were monsters to kill, and he took Sam and Dean with him.”

When she glanced at Bobby, he looked like he wanted to say something. But the moment their eyes met, he looked away.

“They deserved better,” Mary continued. “They deserved to be kids.”

Kate's face was unreadable.

Behind her, Jo sat a bottle of whiskey down on the bar. “This sounds like a topic for drinks.”

Mary didn't know how they had gotten there, but a couple of shots in, Kate and her started talking about their kids.

“You should have seen the look on Adam's face when the coke reacted to the Mentos. He was so convinced that it was magic, and that I was somehow the most powerful magician in the world.” Kate giggled. “And when I told him it was science... I ended up having to tell him all about molecules.”

Mary smiled, and sipped her whiskey. “How old was he?”

Kate snorted. “Six.” She shook her head. “I didn't even know the word molecule at that age. But Adam had no problem understanding that the world was made up of particles so small that we can't see them with the naked eye.” She sipped her drink. Mary had already forgotten what it was, but it was blue and had a little umbrella in it.

“Sounds like you raised him right,” Mary said.

Kate's smile became sad. “I tried. But he mostly raised himself. Next to my work, I barely had enough time or energy to even take care of the house, much less him.”

Mary frowned. “Where did you work?”

“Hospital. I was a nurse.” Kate looked at her sheepishly. “That's how I met John. He came to the ER. Guess I should have known back then that he was lying when he talked about having fallen out of the door of his truck. But...”

Mary felt the corner of her mouth lifting up. “But he was charming,” she said. “And you wanted to believe him.”

“Yeah.” Kate glanced at her again, seeming surprisingly sober now. “I guess you know what that's like?”

The smile on Mary's face was sad, and she took another sip of her whiskey to hide it. “My fingers and toes aren't enough to count how many times he promised me he'd pull himself together. That he wouldn't get angry at every little thing, and wouldn't vanish again for days on end.” She swirled the amber liquid in her glass, then put it back down on the bar. “I wanted to believe him too.”

“You're not defending him anymore,” Kate said matter-of-factly.

Mary shook her head. “I never meant to imply that he's done nothing wrong. He definitely has, and not too little.” She grimaced. “He screwed up my boys. But then, I screwed them up some more.”

“It's hard, being a mother.”

“They saved the world,” Mary said, pride and sadness warring in her voice. “Is it bad that I wish they could just be safe and happy?”

“That's what every mother wants for her kids.” Kate put a hand on Mary's back. It was warm, even through the layers Mary was wearing. Maybe it was because they were souls here, and didn't have actual bodies.

“The worst thing is that I understand it.” Mary picked up her whiskey glass and Kate dropped her hand. The spot on Mary's back where it had laid instantly felt cold. “John's actions, I mean. Not so much the revenge, but... The demons came after me, what stopped them from coming after Sam and Dean? They needed to learn how to protect themselves.” She drained her glass in one big gulp. “Even if that meant putting a knife in a five year old's hands.”

She smiled at Kate, but she could feel that her eyes were dead.

“Don't get me wrong. I can understand it – but that doesn't mean that I can forgive it.”

Kate weighed her head. “They might have died if they had led a normal life. Like Adam. Maybe not at his age, but eventually.”

Mary thought about it. Heaven had had an eye on her boys since before they had been born, she was pretty sure. They wouldn't have gotten away.

Kate was right. They would have just gotten dead.

“I guess it's useless to dwell on it,” Mary eventually said.

Kate raised an eyebrow at her. “Yeah, well, I'm still going to punch John if I ever see him again.”

Mary couldn't help it – she laughed.

It might have been hours later, or maybe days. It was difficult to tell time in Heaven, Mary thought as she kept drinking with Kate. Sometimes, Ellen joined them for shots, and Mary talked to Bobby and Rufus for a hot minute, but mostly she and Kate sat together in what was sometimes companionable silence and at other times animated conversation.

And then John walked into the bar.

Mary might not even have realised it, if everyone around her hadn't progressively grown silent. Bobby grumbled something under his breath that sounded like a curse while Ellen looked calculatingly between John, Mary and Kate.

When John's eyes fell on Mary, they widened. He took a step towards her, a smile forming on his face - and then he saw Kate.

“What-”

“Hey John,” Mary said, and downed the last of her whiskey in one go. The sound of the glass hitting the wood was loud in the silent Roadhouse. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah,” John said, his eyes flitting between Mary and Kate. “Mary-”

“What, you think it's awkward because Kate is here? Don't worry about that. I was dead, it's not like you cheated on me.” Mary shrugged. If they were going by that, she had also cheated on him, with Ketch and those others.

She had thought that having sex would help her feel better. No, that wasn't quite right – she had thought that it would help her feel young again.

Of course, it had done quite the opposite. It had just shown her how different her body was to what she’d remembered.

John smiled again, though a little more timidly, and took another step towards Mary. He stopped when he saw the expression on her face, and his eyes flitted down to where she had her arms crossed in front of her chest.

“Sweetheart?” he asked, his smile wavering.

“Don't 'sweetheart' me,” Mary hissed. “You made my boys into hunters, John.”

John's eyes widened for a moment, and then he frowned. “How do you even know-”

“Never mind how I know. You put a gun into Dean's hand when he was a little boy. He never got to be a child because of you!” Mary felt tears stinging her eyes as she spoke, and tried to will them away. Maybe she was being hypocritical, using this against John when Dean had hurled it at her.

It had been her fault that she had died, after all. She had made that deal with the yellow-eyed demon, and she hadn't been strong enough to fight him when he had come back.

But it had been John's decision to go down the path of revenge, and to take his two small children with him.

“Mary, after you died...” John trailed off, closing his eyes, then tried again. “We had to get the thing that got you.”

“And then what?” Mary shook her head, and took a step back when John tried to come towards her again. “You made my sons into killers. They're never going to have a normal life, and that's on you. You did the same to them that my father-”

She broke off, and had to look away.

A warm hand laid down gently on her back as Kate stepped up next to her.

“You made those boys into soldiers, John,” she said with an authority that made her seem tall, even though she was half a head smaller than Mary. “And you failed to even tell me or Adam that there was danger out there.”

“Kate-” John started, but she took a step forward, interrupting him.

“Nineteen, John. That's how old my boy was when he was ripped apart by-” Kate was audibly holding back tears. “-by those monsters.”

John's face fell. He hadn't wanted any of this, that much was clear. Who would?

But that didn't excuse it.

“Kate, listen. I just wanted him to grow up feeling safe, grow up normal-”

“Well, he didn't! He didn't grow up at all! Feeling safe is all well and good when you are safe, but not when there are monsters out for your head because your father killed one of them before!” Kate was seething again. By now, Mary knew that she hadn't personally witnessed Adam's death, but she had certainly heard about it – and all that had followed his death.

He was doing fine now, or at least he seemed to think so. It was difficult for Mary to wrap her head around the whole thing with him and that other Michael, but then Kate wasn't doing all that better on that front.

“Kate... I didn't know,” John said, and took a step towards her.

She shook her head, her pretty blonde hair flying. “No, you didn't. And that's the point. You thought you knew better than anyone else, that you had the right to keep these things from us, to do whatever you wanted. Well, guess what.”

Kate positioned herself right in front of John. Even though she was small and petite, and had to look up at him, he instinctively cringed back.

“You're not the arbiter of who gets to live in innocence and who doesn't,” she hissed.

John squared his shoulders. “Kate, with all due respect, but you don't know anything about what it means to be-”

He never got to finish that sentence, because Kate's fist collided so hard with his face that his head was thrown to the side, and he stumbled and fell to his knees. Now Kate was standing over him, all righteous fury, her fists trembling.

“With all due respect, John, but you're the one who doesn't know anything. You barely even knew us, but even you should have realised that neither Adam nor me are some kind of delicate flowers who need you to protect us from harsh truths. All you did was put us in danger by association, and not even tell us about it.”

Mary walked over while John struggled to his feet. In the back of her jeans pocket were the brass knuckles which were one of the first items she'd bought on Earth.

Just as John had stood up again, she punched him right in his stupid face. He went down like a wet sack of potatoes.

“That one was for Dean's childhood,” she said coldly. Then she kicked John's head. “And that one for Sam's.”

John didn't move. The Roadhouse was silent.

Finally, Jo said: “Is he... dead?”

“We're all dead, kid,” Rufus answered, and noisily slurped his whiskey.

Kate crouched down and felt for his pulse. “He's alive – as much as any of us are,” she said. Then she glanced up at Mary. “What should we do with him?”

Mary shrugged. “Let him lie here, I'm sure he'll wake up eventually.”

Kate nodded, and stood. “Sorry for the mess,” she said to Ellen.

“No worries. Bobby, Rufus, why don't you help the ladies get him outside, huh? He’ll just be in the way in here.” she said.

“What do they need our help for?” Bobby groused. “They handled him just fine so far.”

“And I'm sure they're quite out of breath from it, so go make yourselves useful.”

Bobby and Rufus grumbled about it, but heaved John's body out of the door, and threw him off the porch.

Kate winced when she saw it. “Now I almost feel bad for him.”

Mary raised an eyebrow at her.

“I said almost.”

Mary smiled, and put a hand on Kate's shoulder. “Do you know if we got houses around here?”

“Oh, yes. Mine isn't far, just behind the forest. Jack showed it to me before he brought me here.” One of Kate's hands came to rest on top of Mary's. “Would you like to see it?”

“I would love to,” Mary said, and was surprised at how soft her own voice sounded.

“Then come.” Kate took her hand and pulled her outside, past John's still unmoving form, and towards a patch of woods which Mary hadn't noticed before.

There were fairy lights hung between the trees, and mushrooms littered the floor that looked like little houses. Mary wouldn't have been surprised to see a Smurf popping out of one of them, or a fairy flying by among the trees.

“I love my house here. It's everything I've ever dreamed of,” Kate told her as she led her through the forest, still holding her hand. “I suppose it's kind of childish, but... it looks magical, there are nooks and crannies everywhere, and it even has a little tower in one spot. Oh, and there's a conservatory. Perfect for sitting in it on a nice day, which seems to be most days here. Or even on a rainy day, really, since it's always warm enough in there. You know, I can imagine…”

Kate broke off, a light dusting of red on her face.

It was utterly adorable.

“You can imagine what?” Mary prompted.

“I can imagine, uh… sitting there naked. Could be very freeing, being without restraints, you know.”

Mary squeezed her hand. “Maybe we could do that together some time.”

“Yeah?” Kate asked, turning towards her, and squeezing her hand back.

“Yeah.” They had stopped walking now, and Mary leaned in a little so their breaths mingled. “I'd love being unrestrained with you.”

Kate's eyes flicked down to Mary's lips, then back up to her eyes. “I have to warn you, though.”

“Hm?” Mary made, barely able to keep her hands – or mouth – to herself.

Kate leaned in further, so she was whispering against Mary's ear: “I bite.”

Mary shivered, and grabbed one of Kate's shoulders, as if holding on for dear life.

Being unrestrained inside a conservatory sounded like a lot of fun.

But then, the ground out in the forest also looked rather soft and inviting.

[wigglebox]

this is another reason why i don’t think Jack is Jack TM and that i am still on my Chuck Won bullshit 

This lovely gifset. 

another major part of the Chuck Won theory for me is that Cas specifically was used as a barometer of truth in season 15. 

Because he’s the only one who can really exist outside of the narrative, and virtually untouchable in that case, when he was around it was easier to discern the truth about things and served as what was “Real.” Remember the line from 15x02 in that room where he’s trying to talk Dean out of that existential crisis he’s having, about what’s real, and that they are. 

In one of those ‘real’ instances, is when Cas can tell that Jack is Jack. 

There were three times in season 15 where Cas was needed to confirm if Jack was Jack. 

15x01, he confirmed it was not Jack but in fact a Demon possessing Jack’s body. 

15x11, he confirmed it was Jack after he came back from The Empty. 

15x19.... he wasn’t there to determine that Jack was still Jack after he absorbed Chuck’s powers. 

And I found that significant. 

In my head there is a conspiracy that Chuck and The Empty were working together at this. And part of that is this game of chess that Chuck set up where he wipes out the pieces on the board that pose a threat to him:

Dean, Sam, Billie, Jack, Amara, and Cas. 

Have The Empty make a deal with Billie, a fake deal, to get Jack ready to contain Chuck when in actuality it was to make it so Jack could become a vessel for Chuck bc he’s the only one who could do that. 

Billie and Dean already had an antagonistic relationship so it wouldn’t take much poking and prodding to get Billie to go after Dean in her attempt to stablize things, losing herself a little bit in the process. 

By having her go after Dean, Chuck can trigger Cas’ deal with The Empty. 

And if Cas is off the board, then so is the ONLY litmus test to truly know if Jack is Jack or not. 

And so by also not having Cas in 1x13 of The Winchesters, you can’t tell if that Jack is really OUR Jack or if it’s... Chuck. 

And given the reference to that Kansas song, and these looks, idk — feels like it really isn’t OUR Jack and is in fact a continuation of ‘Is Chuck possessing Jack?’ 

[ladyluscinia]

The thing about S14/S15 deancrit is like...

Ok, so as a deangirl I wholeheartedly believe Dean should have faced being wrong more, both because it would have made a better story and because it probably would have made Dean healthier and happier in the long run. Like Supernatural as it stands is not exactly great for him. The short term Dean suffering of one of his decisions blowing up in his face and a bunch of fighting with Sam/Cas/etc. would have been well worth actually addressing something like his abandonment issues that cause the deantransgressions in a way that would fundamentally matter. The writers contorting to make him "right" - or at least make any serious threat of consequences to his relationships or internal justifications fade away to preserve the status quo - effectively just denied a deeply traumatized character most opportunities for positive character growth. They boiled him in worse and worse dropped conflicts, and it sucks! *Holds up a pic of S1 Dean next to S14 Dean's Abraham moment* Look what they did to my boy! 😭

But at the same time, I can't really get - in the serious Dean character study sense - invested in the Jack arc / divorce arc as some kind of straw breaking the camel's back because, like, that ship sailed a long time ago.

Berens and Dabb's eleventh hour vague gesture toward nebulous "anger issues" isn't fixing Supernatural's insane protagonist syndrome, even before it fizzles back to status quo without delving into the underlying issues. There's nothing meaningfully indicating that this time Dean was particularly deserving of scorn / needed to face the music, other than the lack of following seasons to confirm intent to forget about this one. The main real drive to S14/S15 deancrit is that it was all up there in worst transgressions, and that's just because of escalation. It's the final season and they are pulling out their last cards to shock us for drama. Why not boil him to the point of trying to kill a kid twice??? (These fucking writers... 😤)

Like I don't think adding consequences to Supernatural would have made the divorce arc meaningfully better by coming down hard on Dean's relationship with Cas and Jack? I think adding consequences to Supernatural would have pushed back on Dean's destructive behavior years before Jack was even born, and inevitably eliminated the entire worsening deantransgression pattern (and the Jack-prompted divorce arc along with it). Too much has already been unrealistically swept under the rug at this point. Flipping the consequences switch only for S14/S15 would just be nonsensical.

I reject Dean would have chosen to be the worst version of himself, and recognize he only managed it somewhat because the authorgod was guiding him down all the right turns and constantly sweeping away anything that might make him question where he was going. S14/S15 is a little late to be getting mad at him for being so boiled, you know? Like what is expecting him to realize he should get out of the pot now going to do?

[rosemariad]

Supernatural season 13

I've heard of the widower arc that takes place during the early part of this season but geez

Dean looks so depressed – the desolation, the hopelessness. Poor Dean Bean, lost his angel yet again. You can't help but feel for the poor guy (for now…)

Then the instant 180, uno reverse this man takes in his demeanor. He's so happy Cas is back. AND having a big cowboy adventure! They're spoiling this man after the widower arc. Jack & Sam are not down for it but Dean's been so miserable they shut the fuck up.

Dean swallowing deeply when Cas quotes Tombstone – confirmation they have movie nights together (ALONE??????) if they were alone during these movie nights – they're basically dating w/o clarifying that they are actually dating – and they're coparenting, my goodness! The domestication is real!

We later find out Dean snuck a quick shot of Cas in the little cowboy hat he made him wear for the case. Wow.

But as a side note - I did NOT appreciate how shitty Dean was to Jack. He was basically abusing him verbally like WTF give the kid a damn chance - don’t make death threats to the newborn child that was literally born yesterday like the fuck #jackdefensesquad. Like anything bad that jack actually does, he’ll think back to the moments where Dean was like ‘oh he’s a monster’ ’when you go dark side, I’ll be the one to kill you’ yeah like maybe that’s what pushed him to that point. It’s no surprise Jack chooses to leave. My ass would’ve been gone. Also was Cas made aware of the threats Dean made to Jack???

They’re making it REALLY HARD to like Dean this season. MoC was bad, Demon!Dean too but evil forces were at work. This time he got no excuse — threatening at 16 yr old girl who has no one in her corner. They’re basically forcing her to help them for nothing in return. Unbelievable 🤬 And Sam, wtf? Would it kill you to stand up to your fuckin’ brother!

Anyway - Jack’s power is totally cool though.

Kaia…was killed by an alternate self? Whaaaaaat?

So this was the season they tried for the Wayward Girls? Shame it didn’t work out…like the premise is cool BUT since the main show barely give the women characters the time of day, is it any wonder that a pilot didn’t work? The showrunners only seem good with moments - but no building up of the narrative like the male counterparts AKA main cast. Also - what would be the conflict - give people a reason to keep watching the girls - their storylines seem more or less resolved - Jody has already mourned the loss of her family, its not like she became Batman or something to fight a war against criminality. Claire has also gotten past the loss of her parents (as far as we know but honestly she should’ve been part of the main narrative as her life had been directly affected by Castiel’s actions and we all know why Cas bothers to get up in the morning…anyway), Donna doesn’t seem to have anything going on - she’s divorced but over it, Alex is over her dark past, Patience is just seeming to get a hand of her abilities - like where are the stakes??? Sam and Dean had a whole quest to embark on, then they had to navigate fraternal relationship while fighting monsters all the time, slowly unraveling an overarching narrative that’s taken over their lives. Where’s that for the ladies????

I spoke too soon - Donna’s niece gets kidnapped and Doug is her boyfriend (wow totally forgot about that guy, certainly didn’t think he’d return) and once he gets turned into a vampire but cured of it, he’s done. Before he leaves Donna, he calls her a hero. Honestly, if I ended up having a partner/lover who killed dangerous supernatural creatures, I wouldn’t leave them. I’d stick by them and have them teach me a few things. Oh well. Maybe Donna will run to Jody to have a shoulder to cry on ;) I know y’all JodyxDonna shippers are out there.

Scoobynatural was fucking legendary! I loved watching Scooby doo as a kid, from when they were literal babies, to the OG episodes, to the revamp from the early 2000s, all the movies! (Zombie Island was the best!). It was a genuine delight watching the Winchesters (and Cas) cross paths with Mystery Inc. makes me wish they met Buffy and Ash from Evil Dead. That would’ve been awesome! Watching Dean say scooby dooby doo was total cringe tho :/ I love that Cas shut him down 🤣🤣

That ascot though? He’s wearing it all wrong, its supposed to be stuffed in, like how Fred wears it. And certainly not worn with plaid. SMH…

But now I totally want Supernatural as a fucking cartoon! Just like Scooby Doo - it would’ve been fucking glorious, Dean’s unhinge-able jaw, the kooky facial expressions, the comedic effects, and who knows, it would’ve given the show-runners the artistic freedom to reveal the true form of angels, namely, Castiel’s. Oh well.

Donatello is…dead? I know they said Brain dead but after Amara sucked out his soul and Cas fucked up his brain, isn’t he better off dead? Par for the course for a prophet though, sucks for him.

Funny how Rowena suddenly wants to be the good mom and try to bring her demon son back after CENTURIES of chances. Sure she may not have known what became of Fergus since she left him, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have taken much to find out. She just didn’t want to. Now she’s filled with regret. And Sam’s destined to murder her? And she didn’t take him out? Okay, well then I guess it’s only a matter of time until she dies😒 not this season though, she’s too useful with her witchy powers to be killed off until she serves whatever purpose is convenient 😒

Angels are almost extinct :( I know they’re meant to be seen as controlling jerks but so is Dean XD lol anyway that’s a bummer with devastating consequences cuz if there’s no angels - they said all the souls will fall to Earth and become ghosts - billions in number - yeah. If it were me I would’ve just said the souls disappear but it ain’t my show 🤷🏽‍♀️

Naomi is back and I don’t even care - I’m sorry but I just don’t care about Apocalypse world either, I feel like it’s a grand waste of time. The fact that Charlie and Bobby are there doesn’t even matter cuz it’s not them. It’s not the Charlie and Bobby we got to know before. They’re just counterparts of another world, echoes of the fallen. When Dean says I can’t lose you, dude you literally just met her. And they’re expected to what, abandon the world they were born into? The fuck?

And fuck this show for killing Kevin TWICE!!! Kevin you were too precious for this universe/multiverse, whatever.

ketch is the latest (aside from rowena) of former villains/enemies/antagonist in supernatural that's suddenly we're supposed to be sympathetic towards since they switch sides and help the winchesters for a change but what's the reason??? I feel it's a little out there that Dean especially would let ketch live after what he put his mom through but whatever. since the show runners insisted with this whole apocalypse world crap, Dean would have died without ketch's help 😑

Gabriel has returned…only to die…again…awesome. at least he got to fuck rowena before he passed away 🤣😅

Luci got fucked over hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha

Bobby x Mary, oh man John would be roaring in his grave…if he had one 🤣 [got burned to ashes in season 2], Bobby finna take his whole family, first his sons now his wife ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Luci resurrected someone? And nothing bad happened? Now tht’s a twist. I figured since he’s Satan she’d turn into a demon or something, but i guess not cuz we’re definitely not gonna see her again…

You know since I’ve seen The Boys I can see a resemblance between homelander and the devil, they both blow up in anger very similarly. When jack tells Luci, you’re not my father, he raged in a way that was eerily like Homelander would’ve. Just thought I’d point that out…

Dean lets in Alt-Michael - Oh Lord above its the apocalypse all over again (this was a cool shot though) - meanwhile what’s OG Michael doing? Is he still in the Cage with Adam? Really? You had to bring an extra Michael into this nonsense? Ok 🙄 You know if Luci had possessed Sam too, it would’ve been a wrap!

Jack is powerless…for now? This poor kid was gonna kill himself?! Honey why? Ugh I’m blaming Dean for this. He put the seed in that kid’s head he was nothing but trouble and he was going to sacrifice himself, poor baby!

Cas why would you let Dean go?!?! Too sad to follow him into battle after Dean let Alt-Michael in?

Why can’t Sam get a super powerful Big Bad kill huh? Why is it always Dean? Geez.

So the only good things to happen this season were Scooby Doo and Jack meeting Cas. Ugh, their meetup was soo cute ^_^

Welp only 2 seasons left, the last that’s over 20 episodes. Which means we only have 40 episodes to go til the end…goodie 😅

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e3 the scar (w. robert berens)

all right, here's hoping i can get through this today. tail end (knock on wood) of a bad migraine but i can listen to things with headphones now and not feel horrendous so maybe?

lol just stab him with the archangel blade somewhere non-lethal, see what happens, there's an angel test for ya. still bothered that they apparently have no desire to truly confirm michael isn't playacting dean? whatever

DEAN It’s just every time I think about it, you know. It's like a nightmare. I mean I can’t eat, I can’t sleep - it’s always just there watching me. SAM Dean, it’s just a beard. I’ve been a little busy lately.

absolutely have seen gifs of this whole bit a bunch of times. why is sam's beard watching you while you sleep, the perennial question (has enough time even passed for them to try to sleep? :p)

DEAN So, I’m good. I’m just really, really, happy to be... home.

i watched until this scene when i started this episode a couple days ago and noped out. their home being taken over by all these people continues to give me the heebiejeebies. granted their home is massive and more like a work space than a home, so it's more like it's getting used like it was designed, but they've been so isolated forever basically this is just a lot. (also i'm a jealous asshole in some ways and i'm like oh dean's gotta share sam with all these people now? lol 😬)

why's bro always getting weird scar things on his person? the hand print, the mark, whatever the fresh hell this thing is

is it the spear of destiny lance of michael whatever business. doesn't seem nearly wide enough to account for his scar. wonder if this is another episode by that different editor (john fitzpatrick on imdb), reminiscent of those visions of jody dying in 13x09. ding ding ding, it is indeed the same editor. funny. last episode he did was 13x21

speaking of, hey jody! even though i just referenced the episode with her in it i forgot about the whole kaia / dark kaia thing -_-

JODY No, no. I have video surveillance going down at the fair, Claire practically sat shiva down there. There’s been nothing.

shiva reference #3 (7x10 and 8x16)

cas conveniently has to stay back to fix rando hexed girl, so dean and sam can have some arguments on the way to jody. after dean upset jack too of course by refusing to let him go with. which i think was the right call but, you know. do it less dickishly.

SAM C’mon man, this isn’t a joke! Something huge happened and you won’t really even talk about it. Look, this whole Michael thing: we need to deal with it. DEAN I’m going at 80 to deal with it. How can I be running from something when I’m RACING toward it?! SAM I know, kinda your thing. DEAN Ok. SAM I’m just saying. You said you let Michael in, then bang, you’re back in a blink. But for me, you were gone: for weeks. I didn’t know if you were alive. I just need you to talk to me. Slow down so I can catch up. DEAN Call Jody, let her know we’re almost there.

way to talk about your feelings, sam! way to be a jerk, dean. both being able to open up at the same place and time has never been their strong suit. honestly don't have the wherewithal to even ponder why dean's being like this

LOL very cute. like the little "see dean, people do like the beard!" from sam. also cute little exchange where dean rolls his eyes about sam knowing a serial killer fact and sam makes the wtf bro face

very special episode where jack realizes he can Be Useful in other ways than a rock 'em sock 'em hunter? helping with the hexed girl

DEAN We’ll make better time if we split up. SAM No, Dean we’ll be safer if we stick together. JODY If I get a vote, I’m in team stick together. DEAN Fine.

man i do not enjoy dick!dean :p he gets like this sometimes and i wanna smack him. use your words, asshole, instead of taking whatever out on everyone else

no one was expecting dark kaia! oh, how i do not care. sorry, girl.

LORA Is that your Dad? JACK One of them, yes.

can i say again i really appreciate how they make it textual that sam, dean and cas are all jack's fathers. it's just nice. doesn't have to mean anything outside of their relationship to him, regardless of their relationships with each other. as it should be

JACK Do you have parents? Or someone we can call? LORA My mom, but she probably hates me. JACK Why? LORA Because I left, I ran away. I hated school, I hated our crappy one star fleet town and I hated her rules. I was sick of being treated like a kid. I thought I could make it on my own but then I met her.

lol this show can be so literal when it wants to make a parallel to a victim of the week and a recurring character's situation. literally laughed out loud when she started "because i left"

i'm sure the giant necklace gifted by the evil witch is unrelated. i keep looking at her (false) lashes. they're pretty but a little unexpected in the locked up by a witch situation

SAM Or it could have been Michael. C’mon, three vamps in Sioux Falls and not a single civilian death. That’s not an accident. I think they were hunting her. DEAN Why? SAM I think because Michael sent them to finish what he started.

trying to remember what michael had to do with kaia and drawing a huge blank, clearly retained almost nothing of her storyline. imagine how bad i'd be at keeping track if i didn't write these posts.

back when i was watching game of thrones (as it aired so i'd get a week to process between episodes) i would always read recaps/reviews after the episode because they were so densely packed and i knew i missed stuff, but i dunno, i just don't want other people's takes muddling up my feelings about this show in particular. more personal investment or something in it (it's also a *lot* more straight forward, it's just got the overloaded plot/characters syndrome past the first handful of seasons)

did not manage to watch this in one sitting so we're day 2 but i think (knock on wood again), demon migraine was smushed into 2 days instead of 3 and is gone

'squatchin

way dean is acting reminds me of a little how he was acting, and how i expected him to be acting, directly after purgatory. bro is pissed and gonna make it everyone's problem

losing my mind, just take the necklace off the girl -_- as she writhes around with this giant bauble flopping around where she's actively mummifying

JODY They have a right to know but I can’t. I promised Claire human cases are mine, but anything "monstery" I’d loop her in: this. God. Claire’s been doing so good. I mean anything connected to Kaia, she’s a powder keg. First loves strikes quick, and then to lose it like that.

couldn't remember if that was a thing that we knew about or not lol seriously, brain.

JODY Well, you two are having a time of it. SAM Yeah, he’s working something out and he’s working it out alone. The only thing I know is he’s not ready for this case. JODY Maybe. Maybe he needs it.

maybe he needs it but also him haring off (practically) alone with not enough information rarely ends well. nonetheless, glad jody's here to support them. my favorite family dynamic on the show, and the one that i don't feel like i need the text convincing me of. it's just there

DEAN That pig sticker she’s hiding, it is the only thing that we know that hurts Michael. I’m gonna do whatever it takes.

literally just raised my hand. um hello, what about the archangel blade?? do we not have one anymore?

JACK Lora’s life force: it’s in here. CAS Jack, are you sure? JACK No... (he smashes the pendant and green smoke twirls its way in to Lora’s pendant and she comes to life.)

this is so goofy :p

SAM Wait a second: you’re a dreamwalker, too? Your powers, they connected you. DARK KAIA Our whole lives, what she saw, I saw. I know where it comes from your anger, your impatience: itvs fear. You’re scared and you’re weak. DEAN Alright, shut up! DARK KAIA Michael hurt you. He hurt me too.

i mean, everyone is doing a good job acting-wise but this is just. ridiculous. so is dean mad because he's feeling guilty about what michael did while using his body against his will? that probably should have been incredibly obvious, i'm just so not connecting with this story 🥴

SAM So Michael wants the spear because he knows it can hurt him? And that’s why his monsters are coming after you?

okie dokie

jody sure gets pretty serious injuries a lot? how about pop back to the bunker so cas can just fix it :p like the... broken leg? was it? hmm, guess it wasn't healed magically there either

from 11x12 JODY Oh, it had to be the leg. I'm gonna need bionics.

--

DEAN Jody. JODY Dean Winchester, you have nothing to apologize for. DEAN How is the arm? SAM You sure you don’t want a ride to the hospital or… JODY I’ve driven with a broken arm before. I’m more worried what I’m gonna tell Alex when I get there. And then once I get home… SAM Claire. JODY I’m dreading those consequences. She’s got to know, she’s got to know that Kaia’s killer is still out there. SAM You alright? JODY It’s just seeing her face again. Raising three hunters and fearing every day that I might lose one of them. I didn’t even really get a chance to know Kaia before she died - just feel like I already lost before I even ever began.

again, well acted but this is a stretch emotionally, for me

CAS Well, Jules is off. She’s taking Lora back home to her mother. Jack, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know that you have been going through a lot lately:. We’ve all been going through a lot but it’s no excuse. I just haven’t been there for you: not the way I should of. JACK Cas, it’s okay. CAS Well, what you did today made me so proud. You know, learning to hold your own in a fight without your powers. That takes time and training, but today you proved that you have the mind of a hunter and the heart of a hunter. I was thinking, erm, I’ll talk to Sam and Dean, but maybe-- maybe we could go on a hunting trip -- I mean if you want to?

good sentiment but oh so cheesy -_-

JACK (coughing) Yes (coughing again) Sorry. CAS You ok? JACK I’m fine: I’m human now. Must be getting my first cold. CAS Well, I’ll make you some soup then.

LOL not ominous at all. i'm sure it's fine. not a plot relevant illness, just a garden variety cold!

DEAN I put us all in danger today, stupid danger. SAM Dean. DEAN You were right. I just didn’t want to look at it, what Michael used me for. I just wanted to race ahead. You know, skip to the end of the story the part where I get the weapon and I take out the bad guy. The part where I kill Michael. SAM Yeah, I know. DEAN You know I said yes to him because I thought: it was stupid. I was stupid. SAM Dean, you did what you had to do.

just following directive number one, keep sammy safe

DEAN And it wasn’t a blink. I got possessed: I made it sound like that but it wasn’t. I don’t remember most of what Michael did with me because I was under water. Drowning. And that I remember. I felt every second of it - clawing, fighting for air. I thought I could make it out but I couldn’t: I wasn’t strong enough. And now he’s gone: he’s out there putting an army of monsters together. He’s hurting people. That’s all on me, man. I said yes. It’s my fault.

i know i've talked about the moral calculus of it all, the number of people they saved vs the number they've gotten killed by their decisions, specifically to save each other (insert enraged noises that my blog is nigh on unsearchable so who the fuck knows when i actually talked about it). sam more directly gets a lot of credits i think from preventing the (first) apocalypse by jumping into the cage, puts them all in the black possibly indefinitely :p but how many people died because dean killed death to save sam and sam needed to save dean by removing the mark and letting out the darkness. from dean stopping sam from dying to finish the trials and closing the gates of hell.

not even sure what i'm arguing here. get over it, bucko? you've done worse? lol i don't know. round and round we go. we've been down this road too many times and i'm tired. yeah, he said yes. he thought he could make deal with michael that he'd uphold, and he didn't. and we're always gonna swim around in dean's neverending crushing guilt

jack's got the (magical??) consumption apparently

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[elfie4306]

Supernatural S13E6 Destiel

This will only be about Destiel.

Reuniting

When Dean hugs Cas, the relief on his face. The way he tilts his head further into Cas’ shoulder. The tears in Cas’ eyes when he turns around from the phone booth. The way Dean is completely speechless except for asking “Cas, is that really you?”

He sounded so tired, exasperated almost, he had no hope that it was real. But then when he goes in to hug him, just the complete acceptance. They didn’t do their tests like they would have, Dean was just so relieved to have Cas again he probably didn’t even want to entertain the possibility that it wasn’t really Cas.

Castiel: “How long was I gone?”

Dean: “Too damn long.”

Literally after Dean says that, he is looking at Cas with the most heart-eyed expression. And when Cas says he wasn’t in heaven, I swear Dean’s first thought was hell and he was so worried. The “really?” after Cas says he was in the empty, (im reading too far into things but I don’t care), definitely translates to “oh thank fuck.”

Sam asking all the logical questions while Dean is just taking Cas in, and worried only about him. Look, I’m aware this probably wasn’t the intention, but I will read it that way for funsies.

And just the immediate change in Dean from being hopeless and numb, to being all bubbly and dressing like a cowboy. Cas did that. And that’s why Destiel is canon.

Dean Needing a Big Win

Dean saying he needed a big win, and getting Cas back was a big win. I love that, he's not just ecstatic because he's in Dodge, he's ecstatic because he has Cas back. And I'm so glad he does have Cas back for this, because he wouldn't enjoy it as much without him.

Sam's "Yeah. Fair enough." after Dean talks about the big win thing. I swear to god, he knew what was up. He knows Dean's whipped as hell.

Jack Waking Dean Up

When Jack goes to wake up Dean, and Cas is yelling behind him, knowing that Dean's gonna wake up in fight mode. Old married couple behavior. Domestic Destiel.

BUT ALSO, Dean doesn't put his gun down until he sees and recognizes Cas and only Cas. Meanwhile, Cas is standing there like, I tried to warn him.

"Who's making me coffee?" THAT IS SUCH AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE THING. Then cutting back to Cas thinking, "yeah he's a fucking dumbass I know." However, I do hate that they didn't show that Cas is definitely the one that ended up making the coffee.

"I told you. He's an angry sleeper." OLD MARRIED COUPLE. "Like a bear." THE TEASING PLEASE. old. married. couple.

Everyone sitting around the table being productive, while Dean is just slowly sipping his cup o' joe and being grumpy. Plus the silent, hold on, let me finish this coffee. The most domestic shit I've ever seen. That's happy functional family shit right there. The fact that it cuts to CAS sitting back down after Dean does that though. They are literally every stereotypical parent trope.

Fixing Cas' Hat

Dean going in to talk to the cops as if they're gonna be straight out of the 1800s.

Castiel: "This is why you're making me wear this absurd hat."

Dean: "It's not that bad. Well, yeah actually, it kinda is. Hang on." Dean reached over to pull the weird little ribbon thing off Cas' hat. He could have just told him to take it off, but no. He did it himself. He didn't just tell Cas he had a piece of lint on his jacket, he picked it off of him. (that's a New Girl reference/maybe The Crown but I've never seen it so idk)

Dean: "Alright that's better." Dean proceeded to check Cas out, while Cas teased him. And that right there is the definition of beauty.

Then Cas leans over towards him to look at himself in the rearview mirror, and Dean gets flustered. Argue with a wall, he gets flustered and looks away. The crazy long pause when he's looking away and regaining composure before he confirms that yes, Cas does indeed, look ok.

Conversation About Tombstone

Dean: "Just act like you're from Tombstone."

Castiel: "The city?"

Dean: "The movie. With Kurt Russel? I made you watch it." The way he said this, with the most "he's so annoying, yet I love him" face.

Castiel: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one with the guns and tuberculosis. I'm your huckleberry." DEANS FACE AFTER HE DOES THAT!!!!! LITERALLY GULPING. FLUSTEEEEERRREEEEEED.

Dean: "Yeah, exactly." Dean Inner Monologue (interpreted by yours truly) - "fuck that was hot"

Dean: "It's good to have you back Cas." Explain that in a platonic way. Right now. You fucking can't, that was the most on the nose flirtatious exchange I have ever seen in my fucking life. Right after he was just so flustered?

NOW. The ENTRANCE. Dean putting his hat on while he gets out of the car, looking over to Cas, adjusting his jacket. Hot damn. While Cas is looking at him like, "you are the dumbest person I've ever seen"

But their entrance, side by side, yeah yeah, I get that I'm reading into this part a bit, but after that conversation in the car, I honestly don't think so. These fuckers are in love, with each other.

Dean looking exasperated when Cas says "howdy partner," and "much obliged" as if he isn't doing exactly what he was told, and Dean wasn't just swinging open those saloon doors over and over before they left.

[dirigibleplumbing]

So, for Destiel, Dean not really dating or even hooking up that often in the later seasons works well for the whole “he's both pining for but also emotional fulfilled by Cas so he doesn’t feel the need”, but like, why do you think they actually just stopped even trying to give Dean a real love interest? The closest they came was kinda Amara? Was it the writers wanting to show Dean's too old for hook ups to “damaged” for romance post Lisa? Jensen didn’t wanna do so many hook up/kissing scenes? They only have so much character time and actor budget they'd rather have Jensen interact with Misha and the other regulars?

(Sam and Cas not sharing storylines makes sense due to how long those scenes would take thanks to Jared fucking with Misha and that time and character is better spent with putting Misha with Jensen or Alex lol)

Sam still had a few love interests (Eileen of course, could make the case for Rowena), tho maybe less after the backlash over the season 8 love storyline? I know the writers were of course aware of Destiel (duh) but I'm not so in deep that the popularity of the pairing vs the General Audience (GA)'s tastes would mean they only catered to the fannish side with Dean's storylines. I think Lisa was liked well enough vs how bad Amelia was disliked so I don’t think Dean not having a love interest was due to a backlash from the GA…perhaps just the taste of the new show runners? That the official romances in the show aren’t really loved by the GA so why bother? But it would give an excuse for letting at least one of the two leads have a break by having scenes apart during the romance plot line, but again perhaps they’d rather use the showtime and actor budget to have both leads take a break with adding more Jack and Cas stories.

(Metatextually it’s amusing to think of Chuck trying to get his Ladykiller main character to go bed some babes and fall for someone before Dean’s tragically killed off, only for Dean to pine and mourn for his dead angel BFF so Chuck kept bringing him back so Dean would stop being sad to get back to smooching ladies, only for Dean to accidentally fall into an almost asexual romance with said BFF and he slips into this frozen state of not getting any nor looking for any cause this is almost enough*. And now Chuck can’t get rid of the BFF or else his main character just stops functioning and it’s BORING)

You could also argue the addition of Mary and Jack is kinda a “love story” for Dean, tho for familial love rather then romantic, that Dean's emotion arcs were taken up by a “Mother and Son” and a “Son becoming his Father to his Son” storyline rather then a romance or rehashing more brother drama and poor Charlie got the “bonding then fridging” storyline with Dean as a platonic relationship rather then the usual romantic on on this show.

(And we can also totally see Cas, Crowley, and Benny fulfill the quasi romantic tropes in canon with Dean but again in the GA eyes it was platonic emotional arcs rather then romantic ones)**

*I can see Dean and Cas being in basically an unofficial Queer Platonic relationship pre-confession in canon, just 2 confirmed bachelors etc etc. Or even post confessions they could wiggle out of it by No-Homoing it as “oh yeah Cas loves Dean but doesn’t want sex and Dean's cool with it besties for life also you will never see him kiss or try and hook up with any women ever again ❤️ (except once because the network made us to truly no Homo Dean)” if they had to make a season 16 and the network is like no Dean can’t kiss the angel lol. (Apparently the network even said no the giving Cas a non Dean boyfriend storyline so they would totally stamp on any official reciprocation from Dean)

** how would you trope-ify and sort Benny, Crowley, and Cas as “standard” romantic interests? Benny=the love interest ur family doesn’t approve of for historical reason but they are drawn together anyway only to depart tragically? Kinda a Juliet-ish without Romeo dying? Boy from the rival school/visiting from out of state you have summer fling with and part knowing you’re lives are going in different directions? Crowley is the reformed Bad Boy, the rival to the central Love Interest that changes for the protagonist but doesn’t “get the girl (gender neutral)”/Redemption=Death? And Cas?

Cas is… oh boy. Uneasy Allies -> Allies -> Enemies -> Comrades -> War Buddies -> Fire Forged Friends -> Estranged Friends -> Betrayer -> Enemies -> Lost Love -> Uneasy Allies -> re- Fire Forged Friends -> Lost Love (again) -> Besties/Found Family -> Brainwashed Ally ->… Maybe as a “Long running show's long term Love Interest that can be concluded until the finale due to a fear of “Moonlighting” so there are increasingly convoluted reasons they can’t be together yet” lol

I have never once watched Supernatural as it aired, and wasn't active in fandom until November 2020, so I'm not really up to date on what's been stated or not stated by the writers, showrunners, directors, etc., nor what the common fantheories are about their motivations or intentions. 

I've read some general meta on the subject and people talking about particular writers and how they viewed various aspects on the show, but I mostly can't keep the writers' names straight in my head.

All to say: my takes are based mostly on vibes and notions I have about how writing and TV production works. 

The longer the show went on, the more it departed from the original monster of the week format. To the extent there were still cases, the week-to-week ones increasingly tended to be in service to a bigger mytharc, and less time was devoted to them onscreen. 

There are certain scenarios we'd seen so many times at that point--Sam interviews a MILF; Dean wears a costume; research happens; the monster is misidentified at first; they talk their way into the morgue/station/records room/security room; we meet a red herring for the killer/monster; etc.--that they could be abbreviated or skipped entirely in favor of recurring characters, characters who directly echo one or more of the main characters and their current acts, and the latest angst about the current mytharc. 

I think at a certain point, "Dean hooks up with a hottie" was, to an extent, likewise considered superfluous. 

Some of The Powers That Be undoubtedly noticed that Cas could fulfill the dialogue roles Dean's hookups used to. Plus, absolutely, everything you're saying about Mary and Jack--non-romantic partnerships, not just his “friendship” with Cas, often replaced that kind of narrative. 

Other TPTB figured viewers would assume that the hookups were still happening, only offscreen. And in classic spn fashion, I think TPTB hoped that by not mentioning the hookups as happening or not happening, they could have it both ways: shippers get to say Dean's not hooking up; anti-shippers get to say there's no evidence Dean's not not hooking up.

As for the metatextual aspect--yeah, that's pretty much how I see it, lol.