#dean grieving over cas...

[lavenderleahy]

Oh no. I've started writing a season 7 destiel fic. I'm currently rewatching season 7 and the brainworms are real.

[castiels-influence]

You have to go through the five stages of grief with Dean in order to appreciate and understand why later on in season 8, Dean would rather DIE than leave Cas in purgatory and ultimately changed his own memory to that of not being able to save Cas, rather than accept the fact that Cas CHOSE to stay behind in purgatory (as penance)…thus choosing not to be with Dean.

They were insane for this. Truly insane.

The MANY times that Dean had to deal with losing Cas (real or perceived), so many widower arcs…my heart bleeds for that man.

The thing about season 7 is that it's damn near perfect except for the relative lack of Cas but also the lack of Cas is required for the resolution which I would argue is an emotional one not a plot one.

Season 7 isn't about stopping Leviathan it's about Dean surviving the five stages of grief.

[castielscaplan]

The Secret Baby Bump (2/2)

Summary: you didnt think the angel would find ut why you’d left the bunker many months ago

Warnings: pregnancy, hostile castiel

Pairing: female reader x Castiel

Read on ao3!

A/N: i was never going to write a part two of this fic, honestly, i wasn't. but someone must have reblogged it at one point and people have been asking for a part two...so viola!

Read Part One Here!

--

You nodded, a broken little thing, so eager to believe him, to believe that after everything, he would still want you. That he still saw you as part of his family. Your hand trembled as it rested over the swell of your stomach, feeling the child shift inside, as if responding to Castiel’s voice.

He rose slowly from the booth, his trench coat shifting around him like the wings he no longer bore. For a moment, Castiel just stood there, looking at you — no longer with anger, but something far deeper, a heaviness in his gaze that made your chest ache.

Without a word, he shrugged off his coat and draped it over your shoulders. The weight of it, the familiar scent of rain and earth and something wholly him, made your knees weak. You swallowed hard, blinking fast.

"Come on," he murmured, hand ghosting over your lower back as he gently steered you toward the door. "You shouldn't be here."

You glanced back over your shoulder, half-expecting to see Dean storming in through the bar doors, rage in his eyes, or Sam pulling him back by the arm. But the bar just buzzed on, oblivious to the world tilting beneath your feet.

Outside, the air was cool and damp. The streetlights flickered in puddles on the pavement. You shivered, pulling Castiel’s coat tighter around your body, and he noticed — because of course he did.

He stopped you by his car, a beat-up thing he must've borrowed from someone local, and turned to face you fully. His hands lifted, hovering just shy of touching your face, as if he didn’t know if he was allowed.

"I was so angry at you," he confessed, voice low, almost raw. "When I found the letter, I thought..." He swallowed hard. "I thought I’d failed you. That after everything — after Jack — I had become too broken to be loved."

Your heart cracked clean in half at the broken way he said it.

"No, Cas," you breathed, stepping into the space between you. "I left because I loved you too much to ask you to go through it again. I couldn’t lose you too."

A single beat passed between you. Then two.

His hand, steady now, came up to cup your cheek. You leaned into the touch without thinking, like a flower to the sun. His thumb brushed over your cheekbone, tender.

"You were never going to lose me," he whispered.

The streetlight above you buzzed, throwing golden light over his messy hair, the tired lines carved deep into his beautiful face. You realized in that moment just how much he had grieved — not just Jack, but you. You saw it now, all of it, in the way he touched you like you might vanish if he blinked too long.

"Come home, Y/N," he said again, firmer now, more sure of himself. "Let me take care of you both."

Tears burned your throat as you nodded again, more desperate this time. Castiel smiled, so faint you almost missed it, and leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours. A quiet promise passed between you in the small space left.

He kissed you then — slow, reverent, a kiss that tasted of regret and forgiveness and the kind of love that survives even the worst of storms. You clutched the front of his shirt, grounding yourself against him, the life growing inside you fluttering like a second heartbeat between you both.

When he finally pulled back, he opened the car door for you, ever the gentleman. You slid inside, heart pounding wildly in your chest. As he climbed into the driver’s seat, Castiel spared you one more look — a look that said you were his home as much as he was yours.

The engine rumbled to life, and you let yourself believe, just for tonight, that maybe — just maybe — you could have a future after all.

Together.

---

The drive back to the bunker was mostly silent. Castiel's hand rested on the gear shift, close enough that your fingers brushed his knuckles every so often. Neither of you spoke much, but it wasn’t the brittle silence from before — this was something softer. Fragile, yes. But healing.

You stared out the window, the dark Kansas night racing past, heart hammering faster the closer you got.

You could only imagine how Dean would react. His anger when you left had been explosive — understandable, but terrifying. And Sam... Sam, who had always been the softer one, the voice of reason between his brother and the world, even he had seemed betrayed by your sudden disappearance.

When Castiel finally pulled into the garage, your breath caught. The familiar concrete walls loomed in the headlights, the iron door standing like a sentinel between you and whatever reckoning waited inside.

"Are you ready?" Castiel asked quietly, killing the engine.

You nodded, lying through your teeth.

He came around to open your door. His hand lingered at the small of your back as you walked through the garage entrance together. The hallway was blessedly empty, the only sounds your own uneven breathing and Castiel’s measured footsteps.

The low rumble of voices echoed from the war room. You could hear Dean’s gravelly bark and Sam’s quieter, steadier tone. Probably arguing over some hunt.

The moment you and Castiel stepped into view, the conversation died.

Dean was the first to turn. His green eyes widened — a mix of shock and immediate fury flashing across his face like a lightning strike.

Sam, standing by the map table with a tablet in his hand, blinked once, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His mouth opened — then closed.

The room was so silent you could hear the hum of the old fluorescent lights above you.

"You’ve gotta be kidding me," Dean said first, voice low and dangerous.

You flinched without meaning to, but Castiel subtly shifted closer, as if shielding you with his body.

Dean’s fists clenched at his sides, jaw tight. "What the hell is she doing here, Cas? After the way she left—after she—"

"Dean," Castiel said, tone brokering no argument. "Enough."

Sam stepped forward, frowning, his sharp eyes catching the way Castiel stood protectively near you... and then dropping lower, to the way your coat hung strangely around your body, the visible curve beneath.

Realization dawned on him like a slow sunrise.

"Y/N..." Sam said slowly, voice full of something complicated — something that hurt. "You’re pregnant."

Dean’s face twisted in confusion, then sudden understanding. His eyes locked onto yours, the betrayal there so thick it made your knees threaten to give out.

"You left because you’re pregnant?" Dean barked, stepping forward. Castiel tensed instantly, but you lifted a hand — not to stop Dean, but to steady yourself.

"I wasn’t thinking clearly," you said, your voice shaking. "I was scared. After everything we lost... after Jack... I didn’t think it was fair to ask anyone to go through that again."

"You should’ve told us!" Dean snapped, looking like he might punch a wall — or Castiel — or himself. "You think we wouldn’t have—?! Damn it, Y/N!"

Sam’s hand closed around Dean’s shoulder, pulling him back gently. “Dean. Look at her.”

Dean struggled against it for a second. But he did look — and the anger slowly drained from his face, replaced by something much more painful: sadness. Hurt. Wounded loyalty.

"You’re family," Sam said quietly, his words meant for both you and Dean. "You always were. You still are."

Tears stung your eyes, but you forced yourself to hold Dean’s gaze.

"I’m sorry," you whispered, voice cracking. "I thought I was protecting you. Protecting him." You touched your stomach without thinking.

Dean looked away for a long moment, jaw working, nostrils flaring. When he finally spoke again, his voice was rough, like sandpaper.

"You’re a damn idiot," he muttered. But there was no real heat in it anymore. Just grief.

He raked a hand through his hair and blew out a breath so hard his chest heaved.

"Next time you think running away is the answer," Dean said, stepping closer — and to your utter shock, pulling you into a rough, warm hug, "remember you’re not alone, alright?"

The tears you’d been holding back broke free all at once. You clung to him, breathing him in — leather and whiskey and gunpowder and home.

When Dean let you go, Sam was there, pulling you into a gentler hug.

"We missed you," he murmured against your hair. "We’ll figure this out. Together."

Castiel stood nearby, silent but watchful, his eyes full of something almost like awe. As if he couldn’t quite believe this small miracle was unfolding in front of him.

When Sam finally pulled away, Dean clapped Castiel hard on the shoulder.

"You better take care of them," Dean said gruffly. "Or you’ll answer to me."

Castiel only nodded, solemn. "I intend to."

And for the first time in what felt like forever, you let yourself believe it.

Maybe family wasn't about doing everything right. Maybe it was about who was still standing beside you after everything went wrong.

And standing here — wrapped in their forgiveness, their fierce love — you realized you hadn't lost your family at all.

You’d only ever been trying to protect it.

--

Life at the bunker had shifted in small, wonderful ways.

Your days weren’t filled with constant hunts and near-death scrambles anymore. Oh, there were still cases — but lately, they were more selective. Sam and Dean both had started taking turns covering for you and Castiel, throwing out phrases like "You need to rest" and "Doctor’s orders" even though the bunker had no on-call medical staff (unless you counted Dean’s dramatic first-aid skills and Sam’s endless stack of outdated anatomy books).

You were sitting cross-legged on the couch in the library now, wearing one of Dean’s ridiculously oversized flannels, a fuzzy blanket around your shoulders, and a heavy book resting on the swell of your stomach. The baby kicked occasionally, little thuds that made you giggle softly each time.

Dean passed by with a plate in his hand — a sandwich piled so high it looked structurally unsound — and slowed when he saw you.

"You need anything?" he asked gruffly, like he wasn’t already carrying a second plate balanced awkwardly on top of his own.

You smiled. "I'm good. Thanks, Dean."

He lingered another second before dropping the extra plate next to you anyway. "Eat. For the kid. Cas says you’re not eating enough."

You laughed quietly. "Cas says that about everything."

Dean smirked. "Yeah, well. Better safe than sorry." His voice went soft in a way it rarely did. "Kid’s gotta come out healthy and ready to kick ass."

At that moment, Sam came into the room, arms full of... baby books. Stack after stack of them. Parenting manuals. Medical journals. How to Swaddle a Baby Without Losing Your Mind.

Dean groaned so loud it echoed. "Sammy, seriously? She’s already got Cas breathing down her neck. You’re gonna scare her into early labor."

Sam ignored him. "Knowledge is power," he said, pushing a pair of reading glasses up the bridge of his nose like the world’s most determined college professor. "You want to be prepared."

"I’ve been prepared," Dean argued, mouth full of sandwich. "Step one: Don't drop it. Step two: Feed it. Step three: Love the hell outta it. Boom. Parenting."

You bit your lip to hide your smile.

Sam set a particularly thick book — What to Expect When You're Expecting a Half-Angel (okay, maybe he made that cover himself) — on the coffee table with a thunk.

"We don’t even know how angel biology works with humans," Sam said, deadly serious. "For all we know, that baby could start glowing, or levitating."

Dean waggled his eyebrows at you. "Sweet. We’ll have a nightlight."

You burst out laughing, a hand on your belly. The baby seemed to approve, giving a happy kick against your ribs.

Castiel wandered in a second later, his trench coat gone, sleeves rolled up, looking more domestic than you ever thought possible. He immediately zeroed in on you, crossing the room with quiet purpose.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked, voice low and earnest. "Dean didn’t overwhelm you, did he?"

Dean threw a hand over his heart in mock offense. "Me? Overwhelm?"

Cas didn't even blink. "Yes."

You shook your head, still smiling. "I’m fine, Cas. Promise."

Satisfied, he perched on the edge of the couch beside you, hand automatically resting on your stomach — protective, tender, like he couldn’t not touch you now.

Sam crouched by the coffee table, flipping open one of his books. "We should start discussing names soon," he said. "You know, before the baby gets here."

Dean plopped onto the armchair, grinning. "I vote for Dean Jr."

Sam rolled his eyes. "It’s not your baby."

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, but I’m gonna be the cool uncle."

Sam snorted. "You’re gonna teach him how to hotwire a car before he learns how to walk."

Dean lifted his beer. "You’re damn right I am."

Castiel gave them both a look like a very tired kindergarten teacher.

You reached out, curling your fingers through Cas’s.

"How about we pick names that don’t inspire petty fights?" you suggested gently, voice full of fondness.

Sam, flipping through a page, muttered, "That’s wishful thinking."

Dean just leaned back, kicked his feet up on the coffee table (earning a deadly glare from Cas), and grinned at you.

"Doesn’t matter what name you pick," he said. "That kid’s gonna have three badass uncles who’d burn the world down for him."

You blinked hard against the sudden sting in your eyes.

Castiel squeezed your hand. Sam offered a small, warm smile over his book. Dean just watched you, easy and certain, like he’d always be right here.

Home wasn’t a place.

It was this.

This ragtag, broken, beautiful family you’d built together. And for the first time in a long, long time, you knew in your bones: You weren’t alone anymore. You never would be again.

[vendettasfanfictioning]

See, it's the cinematic choices like these that convince me destiel wasn't an accident or something added last minute, it had build up and it was sprinkled all over the narrative.

It's Dean grieving so much, in a way he never grieved for familial figures like Bobby or John—there is enough pain inside him that it shattered his belief that what he and Sam did was right, as hunters protecting the common folk. When, in times of multiple Armageddon-level crises and then some, that belief is what held him together. Because hey, we may have lost people (so, so, so many people) but at least it was for the greater good.

None of that, absolutely none of that, because this loss made him feel that the job wasn't worth it anymore. This was where he drew the line.

It's Dean, literally gaining back that light in his life when Castiel called.

And, at the end of the episode, there are slow, dramatic close-ups between Dean and Castiel. Because Sam's grief wasn't the same as Dean's, so Sam's relief at finally having Cas again is different from Dean's.

This moment belongs to them. To Dean, who's finally finding his faith again.

[shallowseeker]

The dissociation is what makes the touch hesitant.

For better or for worse, Dean is living in reality concerning the death of Mary, and Sam is not.

///

Interestingly, Dean also has deaths he cannot tolerate, like when he has to leave the room during the impending death of Claire Novak in Ladies Drink Free or Jack’s incoming death in Byzantium.

Dean is also incredibly hesitant to touch Cas in Cas’s latter deaths, and seems dissociated and dazed. For example, Dean’s glassy-eyed autopilot after Cas falls in All Along the Watchtower or the fatal injury in Stuck in the Middle (with You), where he only clings to Cas after Cas is okay. He’s also quite dazed in Inherit the Earth, per the script.

///

Cas is—

[nononono can’t face it]

///

And Sam and Cas? Well, Cas is invincible in Sam’s mind, so Sam often doesn’t consider him dead at all, a bit like the Gordon-Dean conversation in season 2 about certain invincible figures always being there.

Dean comes to know quite painfully that Cas isn’t invincible, and even when he pays lip service to the idea, Dean worries himself sick.

But Sam often:

SAM: Hey, Cas, were you really dead?

CAS: Yes.

*Sam looks shocked*

5x01

///

SAM: What about Cas? Is he - is he really dead?

DEAN (pained): You know he is.

13x01

In 15x09 The Trap and in 15x20 Carry On Sam was scripted to talk about Cas like this, almost childlike: “If Cas were here…[things would be okay].”

Even with his mistakes, Cas is a stabilizing force that John never was.

///

via @spnscripthunt

“Being sad in public…not my style.

Just sayin…this doesn’t just apply to Bobby and Dean. But Sam, too.

///

///

Yes, it’s a very interesting commentary on Sam’s hypocrisy in worrying about others as a way to escape his own feelings. (What he says about others often applies more to himself than he realizes!)

However.

Just because Sam runs from grief shouldn’t be taken as a sign he’s a husk with no emotions. That would be…a very Sam-coded way of thinking: “I don’t see it, so you must not be feeling it / you’re not grieving the right way.”

///

Not to mention: Cas himself is one of the most reserved grievers on the show.

Sam is dissociating.

Sam thesis: The man who fears grief the most.

Script “Absence,” via @spnscripthunt

[scoobydoodean]

Hello<3

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on how fandom misconstrues Dean's relationship with alcohol?

There is so much emphasis on making him out to be a violent mean drunk, but I mostly remember that he drinks and like passes out when he's grieving or stressed (iirc) (s6 PTSD, Soulless sam, when Cas dies, etc.)? It's weird to me because Dean isn't the only character to go through this. Bobby relies on drinking too. He's exactly as gruff as Dean can be. He also had an abusive father. Yet I don't usually see people judging Bobby for that (if they exist, I haven't seen them at least thank God).

I get frustrated when people say things like the MoC was a direct metaphor for alcoholism just because it made Dean sooo violent and angry, etc. And, it's like an unrealistic understanding of alcoholism irl and also of Dean himself and his actual actions and context. I just get weirdly defensive of him over it lol.

If you've already hashed this out I'm sry! At the end of the day, it's all just interpretation ig, but I wanted to know your take on it cause ik you'd look at dean with a good faith lens.

<3

One could say I have had thoughts on how fandom misconstrues Dean's relationship with alcohol. One could even say I have spawned extremely funny multi-day fandom-wide disk horses on this subject simply by giving my opinion on my own blog when an anon asked me to.

I'm tracking Dean's relationship with alcohol (and other substances bc I was too lazy to make two separate tags) through #dean and drugs during my rewatch if you care to peruse, but I think you and I are of a similar mind on this.

Prior to season 4, Dean has a very average relationship with alcohol. In season 4, Dean starts using alcohol as a coping tool to help him fall asleep because he's having nightmares about hell. By season 6, alcohol is also a coping tool for depression and stress. He drinks to deal with nightmares, he drinks to cope with hell trauma, he drinks after soulless Sam watches his sexual assault with a smile, he drinks after Cas swallows all the souls and Death blames Dean for everything, he drinks throughout season 7 to cope with Cas's death and Bobby's death. I'm up to 8.01 and have yet to see a single occasion where Dean drinking and Dean being violent co-occurred. What I do see is Dean drinking when he is sad, alone, or scared.

I'll continue tracking—I'll eventually get back into the MoC arc where Dean is drinking heavily again, and obviously Dean + drinking + anger + violence are all going to happen at the same time in MoC seasons. However, correlation does not equal causation, and while someone can choose to believe that Dean's drinking causes him to be angry, I think the literal answer in season 9/10 is that Dean's been cursed by the father of murder, and on a more metaphorical level, the Mark of Cain quite overtly represents Dean's resentment toward Sam which Carver spends his entire run laying out in great detail. This is why the whole Carver run culminates in Amara (a Dean parallel) being unleashed to take revenge on her brother, and why the MoC is a brother murderer curse to begin with. Alcohol is set dressing. It shows us—just as it did in the past—that Dean feels sad, alone, and scared (in this case, of what the MoC could lead him to do—which also isn't dissimilar from the original reason Dean started drinking—after hell to cope with the trauma of not just being tortured but torturing others—the fear that he'd been made into a monster).

Looking at the matter holistically, I don't personally see Dean as an angry drunk. I see him as a sad drunk. If anything, I think he hopes that alcohol will drown his anger and violent urges in the MoC arc, or at least slow him down, while also being the traditional tool he uses during boughts of depression (which he is very much experiencing during the MoC arc to the point of suicide). I also think outside the outlier of season 9/10, the narrative supports sad drunk Dean far better than angry drunk Dean.

[lovealwayssay]

I know I'm crazy and need to stop thinking about the Supernatural finale but I can’t because I was so focused on how shitty the finale was to Dean that I hadn’t truly gotten mad about how it treated Sam until now and I hate myself for that because SAM!!! Sam, who had been through almost nonstop trauma since he was born, who started the show losing the woman he was in love with, who had his bodily autonomy violated over and over again, who spent at least 180 years being tortured by Lucifer, who died and lost and grieved and bled for the entire show, was supposed to just lose Dean, his brother, the one constant in his life, after losing Cas, who he considered family, and Jack, his child, and be able to move on and live a happy life? Sam deserved so much better. He deserved to grow old with his brother and Cas, marry Eileen, and raise their kids with Jack as their older brother. The ending they gave Sam is what Season 1 Sam would have wanted, not Season 15 Sam. They ignored everything he had been through, everything he had endured, everyone he had met, and all his growth, so he could satisfy his 22-year-old dreams. There is no universe in which this was a happy ending for Sam and I’m so heartbroken about it. 

[bloodydeanwinchester]

Hej |˶˙ᵕ˙ )ﾉﾞ

Can I ask a possibly dumb question about Supernatural?

You see I haven't actually watched the show, I'm just on tumblr and ao3 enjoying people ramble about the good bits of the story and one quite common theme of fix-it fics for the episode that shan't be named is Dean retiring (more or less willingly, usually with Cas) while Sam and Eileen keep hunting. And I've been wondering why is that, considering Dean is generally the hunting guy, meanwhile Sam is the one that wanted to and actually got out (twice?).

My apologies if I'm bothering you about something that should have been obvious (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠)

Have a nice day 🌻

hi! no worries, it's not a bother at all! i always appreciate it when someone sends an ask with a question like this in a genuinely curious and nice way (rather than some i get where people just tell me how im wrong). also apologizing in advance because im pretty sure this is gonna get a little long

now having not watched the show before, i can totally see where you would have gotten this idea that dean is the one who wants to be a hunter and sam is the one who wants to get out. it's a pretty common fanon belief but im honestly not sure why so many people believe it. maybe because in the pilot dean is the one who is hunting and comes to stanford to pull sam out of his "normal" life back into hunting? or it could be because dean says at least a few times that he wants to go out in a blaze of glory? whatever the reasoning, it's simply not true!

one thing we learn over the course of the show is that dean, especially in the earlier seasons, is putting on a performance of who he thinks he supposed to be, who others expect him to be. so i think the only reason that dean is "the hunting guy" is because he has spent a lot of his life being that guy for his father and/or his brother. his dad raised him to be a weapon so dean became a weapon. he was told that his job was to protect sammy so he did everything he could to protect sammy. and as for sam wanting to have a normal life, i think there's a pretty good argument that he at least partly wanted that because it wasn't what his father wanted. and sam spent most of his life right up until john died fighting with him. not hunting and instead going to school was sam's rebellion against their father.

and there's also a lot of people who believe that "dean dragged sam back into hunting" in season 1 but if you watch the pilot you'll see dean wants sam to stay to help him look for their dad. but when sam refuses, dean brings him back to stanford. it isn't until jess is murdered and sam sets off on his quest for revenge that sam leaves stanford for good. and the only times that sam ever actually gets out of hunting after stanford was when he was grieving losing dean in season 8 and post series. i doubt sam would have stopped hunting in either of those instances had dean still been alive.

i could be wrong about this, but i'm not sure we ever see sam express a desire to get out of hunting after season 1? in season 2 he really dedicates himself to hunting out of some mixture of grief over their father's death and guilt at having spent so much of their time together fighting. and in season 4 we see sam say that he doesn't want to go back to their old lives. season 5 we see sam express that the apple pie life isn't what he wants anymore. while in the same episode dean seems to be saying that maybe he does want it (middle two gifs).

and as for dean, as early as 1x06 we see that maybe this isn't really the life he wanted after all. when the shapeshifter becomes dean (and as a result is able to see into his thoughts) he tells sam:

in contrast to sam leaning into hunting after their father dies, in season 2 we really start to see dean show that he wants to get out:

2x09 dean says he's tired of the job/life/weight on his shoulders.

2x10 dean expresses that he's sick of the job and being a hunter wasn't his destiny (because he doesn't believe in destiny).

2x20 dean's djinn dream is a world where he got to have a normal childhood and a life where he never became a hunter. and even though the dream has its issues, he ultimately only leaves because he's figured out it's all a lie:

and throughout the series there are lots of moments where dean says he wants a family/wants to get out but doesn't think he'll ever get to or where he criticizes the way their dad raised them as hunters. and in 13x23 he says that if the world was safe he would want to retire.

i have less examples that come to mind from the later seasons cause it's been a while since i've watched them, but i think there's plenty of evidence throughout the series to support the idea that post series dean would retire with cas and sam would keep hunting with eileen.

[dcwildwestfest]

When Wild Hearts Collide

By casblackfeathers | @casblackfeathers Art by witchy-worm | @witchy-worm

Coming to Ao3 on 04-23-25

Rated Explicit | 19,000 words | No Archive Warnings Apply

Dean’s life has always been led by crime. Starting with the day that took his mother away from them to the time his brother was killed when Dean was just a teenager. Lost and grieving, Dean had been sent away to Homestead Eden Ranch by his father. But the same gruesome path that brought him to the ranch also ended up ripping him apart from the best summer of his life and the only love he had ever known. Now, nine years later, and after almost being offed by people he shouldn’t have messed with, Dean finds himself fleeing to the same place that had brought him solace when he was a teenager… and to the only person his wild heart never forgot.

[Keep reading for a sneak preview!]

How could he just say hi after all this time of absence? How could he just come back and announce his presence after everything he had gone through since the last time he had been here? James Novak had been like a father to him during the summer Dean had spent here. Had treated him kindly and patiently, seeing Dean’s outbursts of rage for what they were — a cry for help; one last ditch effort from a lost, scared boy who didn’t have anyone else to look up to. That summer had been the happiest in Dean’s life, and he might be losing his mind right now, but he hoped that counted for something.

James would take him once again. He would help Dean just like he had back then. So Dean forced himself to get the fuck up and made his way up the three steps of stairs, holding most of his weight against the railing, before standing in front of the door. He could not stop shivering, but he feared this time it had nothing to do with the rain or the blood still oozing steadily beneath the makeshift bandage.

Willing his legs not to buckle beneath him, Dean raised one hand and knocked, gulping the nervousness and despair filling the back of his throat with bile as he waited for another small miracle to happen.

Only it wasn’t James Novak who answered the door; instead, a much warmer set of blues met him when the door finally swung open. The same shade Dean had been missing for all these years, the same expression, the same tousled hair. The same lips Dean had once savored and no matter what life threw at him, Dean had held onto the sweet memory of that kiss.

“C—Cas...” he croaked.

“Dean?” came the gravelly voice, tone low and tinged with disbelief. Dean ached to smile, to express how it felt like his long-dormant heart was beating for the first time in years. But darkness was taking over at last, and before he knew it, it had pulled him under, and he passed out.

[angel-fruitcake]

How is it canon when it’s unrequited u make no sense whatsoever is it delusion or memes

first of all- 'unrequited' means distinctly not returned. Dean's stunned lack of response in the moment was not a rejection of Cas' feelings, and should not be considered as such. therefore, Destiel cannot be considered unrequited.

second of all- Cas' love for Dean has been confirmed many times on multiple different occasions, by both Misha and Jensen themselves, as well as Robert Berens, to be romantic love. that is not up for interpretation. based on that fact alone, it is canon. whether or not Dean's feelings are ever explicitly and/or verbally expressed does not change the fact that Castiel is canonically in love with Dean Winchester. that makes it c a n o n.

third of all- the fact that Dean's feelings have not yet been verbally confirmed is of very little consequence when compared to the monumental amount of very compelling evidence suggesting that he does, in fact, return Cas' feelings, even if Dean himself hadn't yet realized it at the time of the confession.

if you have watched this show and actually picked up on the frankly staggering amount of very clear context clues, it is quite obvious that, aside from his brother, Castiel is the most important person in Dean's life, full stop.

i don't have the patience right now to list every single instance that suggests Dean's feelings for Cas are mutual; there are far too many. but i will remind you of the most significant ones:

when Cas died in the s12 finale, Dean mourned that loss unlike he had done with any other character death up to that point in the series, and the way in which Dean grieved Cas was very purposefully portrayed in such an undeniably different way than how Sam grieved Cas. even the loss of his mother seemed to almost pale in comparison to the immense weight of Cas' sudden absence in Dean's life. Dean mourned Cas like a spouse rather than like a brother or family member; it is known as the 'widower arc' for a reason.

Dean was nearly suicidal up until the very moment he learned that Cas had come back. when Cas inevitably returned, the sudden change in Dean's demeanor was so immediately apparent and extreme, it gave Sam whiplash.

in the final seasons, Dean no longer showed much if any interest in having any romantic or sexual partners, a stark contrast to earlier seasons. the last committed relationship he had was with Lisa, which was quite a few years prior. this is in direct contrast to Sam, who had several romantic love interests over the course of the show (Jess, Madison, Ruby, Amelia, Eileen). the role of closest person to Dean other than Sam was always filled by Cas, the only difference being the lack of romantic label.

Dean and Cas' relationship has been directly paralleled in multiple different instances with canonically romantic couples, the most significant ones being: Sam and Jess, Cain and his wife Collette, John and Mary (during the widower arc), and Sam and Eileen in the final season.

additionally, directly following Cas being taken by the empty, Sam's attempts to call Dean were completely ignored, despite Dean knowing that his brother needed confirmation that he was alive. the sole thing occupying Dean's mind at that moment was Castiel; nothing else in the world mattered.

do you get it?

[lazarrusrising]

Also the way that Dean assumes the role of keeping an eye on Belphegor so that Sam and Cas don't have to interact with Jack's dead body. The way he keeps stumbling over who Jack is to him, "he's family" to "he's our kid" and back again. The way he couldn't bring himself to kill Jack but had to watch him die anyway and now he can't bring himself to grieve like the others because he doesn't think he has the right. The way he's coping by throwing himself into the fight because slowing down would mean processing losing a mother and a son and a sense of identity/autonomy after Chuck's revelation. I just.

[scary-noodlesblog]

Soulbound Chapter 9

On The Head Of A Pin

Soulbound Masterlist

Sam is driving us back to the motel room after Pamela's funeral. "Ruby will meet us outside Cheyenne. She's been tracking some leads. I know she's not exactly on your Christmas list, but if she can help us get to Lilith—" Dean interrupts him, "Hey, man, work with Ruby, don't. I don't really give a rat's ass." "What's your problem?" Sam asks. "Pamela didn't want anything to do with this and we dragged her back into it, Sam." I interject, my voice slightly hoarse from crying at the funeral. "She knew what was at stake." Sam replies. "Oh yeah. Saving the world. And we're doing such a damn good job of it." I mumble sarcastically. "(Y/N)—" "We're tired of burying friends, Sam." Dean interrupts again. "Look, we catch a fresh trail—" Dean sighs, "And we follow it, I know. Like I said, I'm just—I'm just getting tired."  Sam looks at Dean and I, "Well, get angry."

~~~~~~~

"Ah, home crappy home." Dean grumbles as we walk into the motel room. Sam flips on the lights to reveal Uriel and Castiel standing in the room, the ladder's eyes falling on my immediately. Castiel's eyes soften slightly as he looks at me, presumably because I had been very obviously crying. 

"Winchester, Winchester, and Singer." Uriel grins. Dean groans, "Oh come on." "You are needed." Uriel says to Dean.  "Needed? We just got back from needed!" Dean yells. "Now, you mind your tone with me." Uriel warns. Dean takes a few steps forward, "No, you mind your damn tone with us." Sam follows him, putting his hand out to stop Dean, "We just got back from Pamela's funeral." "Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!" Dean yells again, making me flinch slightly. Uriel's voice doesn't raise to match Dean's, it stays calm, "We raised you out of hell for our purposes."

"Yeah, what were those again? What exactly did you want from me?" Dean asks. "Start with gratitude." Uriel retorts.

I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest, "Fuck you and your purposes. Can we have a few minutes to grieve!" 

"We know this is difficult to understand." Castiel speaks up. "And we—" Uriel turns to look at Castiel, making him look away and stay silent again. My eyebrows furrow as I watch Cas back down.  "—don't care. Now, seven angels have been murdered, all of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight."

"Demons?" Dean asks, "How they doing it?"

Uriel shakes his head, "We don't know." "I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it?" I ask, "I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league, right?" "We can handle the demons, thank you very much." Uriel says, a little offended. "Once we find whoever it is." Castiel interjects. "So you need our help hunting a demon?" Dean asks, a bit of a smug look on his face. Cas takes a few steps forward, shoulder to shoulder with Uriel, "Not quite. We have Alastair." "Great. He should be able to name your trigger man." Dean nods. Cas shakes his head, 'But he won't talk. Alastair's will is very strong. We've arrived at an impasse." "Yeah, well, he's like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of your league." Uriel speaks up, "That's why we've come to his student. You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got." Dean looks down as Castiel speaks up again, "Dean, you are our best hope. (Y/N) will be accompanying as well."

I look at him in shock, "What? Why?" Dean looks up, "No. No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas. Not this. And you're sure as hell not taking (Y/N) too." Uriel walks up to Dean, "Who said anything about asking?" 

~~~~~~~~

Through the window of the door, Dean, Cas and I can see inside the room Alastair is trapped in. The demon is chained to a hexacle inside of a Devil's trap. "This devil's trap is old Enochian. He's bound completely." Cas explains as I look over his shoulder.  "Fascinating." Dean says sarcastically, turning away from the door and grabbing my arm, dragging me with him. "Where's the door?" "Where are you going?" Castiel says. "Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much." Dean says, pulling me passed Uriel, his hand still on my arm as if I wouldn't follow. I would by the way. Uriel reappears in front of Dean and I, "Angels are dying, boy." "Everybody's dying these days." Dean retorts. "And hey, I get it. You're all-powerful. You can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this. And why the hell is (Y/N) here?" Dean finally lets go of my arm. "Because she is safer here with me than she is with Sam. And this is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it." Cas says, walking up to Dean and I. Dean looks at Cas for a moment, then he turns to Uriel, "We want to talk to Cas alone." Uriel nods, but with hesitation, "I think I'll go seek revelation. We might have some further orders." "Well, get some donuts while you're out." I grumble, genuinely a little hungry. Uriel only laughs, "Ah, this one just won't quit, will she? I think I'm starting to like you, Singer." After watching Uriel vanish, Dean says, "You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby." When Castiel doesn't react Dean continues, "You know, I'm starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humor than you do." Cas tilts his head, "Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone."

I scoff out a laugh, as Dean walks up to Castiel, "What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" "My superiors have begun to question my sympathies." Castiel explains. "Your sympathies?" I ask, walking up to be next to Dean. "I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You two. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment."  "Well, tell Uriel, or whoever..." Dean walks passed Castiel, "you do not want me doing this, trust me." "Want it, no. But I have been told we need it." Cas says. "You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out." Dean warns, his voice breaking. Cas hesitates a little, "For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this."

~~~~~~~

After Dean grabs his torture supplies, I ask Cas, "Why am I here? Why did you bring me here?"

Castiel sighs, leaning against a table as I sit down at it. "As I said, I can keep you safe. Sam can't"

I shake my head, "Yeah I heard you. But what am I being kept safe from?"

"Whatever is killing the other angels. It can use you to get to me. So to keep us both safe, I brought you here."

I huff out a chuckle, "Ah, so it's about saving your own ass." We can hear Alastair's groans of pain in the background.

Castiel looks at me with intense eyes, his tone firm, "No. That isn't it at all. It is my job to keep you safe. I would rather them just kill me outright than use you, harm you, to get to me. I can feelwhen you are hurt. If it is something I know you can't handle, like torture from whatever this thing is, I will come for you. Every time." 

I look down at the table, quiet for several moments before saying, "I can see why your superiors think you are gaining emotions. But aren't you supposed to have feelings for me, as your...soulmate?" The term feels foreign on my tongue, strange to say out loud.

Cas hesitates before answering softly, "Not in the traditional, human sense. I do feel the need to protect you. And I can't help but feel sympathy for you, as I saw that you were upset about your friend's death. My condolences. I wish I could've apologized to her for blinding her."

"And your superiors don't want you to feel anything for me? Sounds like they're jealous about not finding theirs."

Castiel nods, "They say I shouldn't, you're right though. It's rare an angel finds their soulmate, because it's rare angels are on Earth to begin with. I am the only angel in my garrison to find theirs." 

Alastair's groans get louder as the light flickers. Castiel looks up as a lightbulb explodes. I bring my arm up to cover my head from the sparks. He moves closer to me, gently pulling me into a standing position. He turns around as I look up, both of us seeing Anna. "Anna. You're okay." I grin, happy to see that Uriel hadn't killed her.

"Hello (Y/N), Castiel." Anna says, offering me a small smile.

"Your human body—" Castiel starts.

"It was destroyed, I know. But I guess I'm sentimental. Called in some old favors and..." Anna trails off, Alastair getting even louder in the next room. "You shouldn't be here. We still have orders to kill you." Castiel warns. Anna's gaze flickers to me again, "Somehow I don't think you'll try. Where's Uriel?" "He went to receive revelation." Cas informs. Anna walks passed us, keeping her back turned. "Right." She sighs and turns back around after a moment, "Why are you letting Dean do this?"

I cross my arms over my chest as Cas turns away from her and I, "He's doing God's work."

"Torturing? That's God's work?" Anna questions, "Stop him, Cas, please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have."

"God isn't exactly 'all loving' right now is he?" I scoff.

Castiel sends me a small glare in an attempt to get me to shut up, "Who are we to question the will of God?" "Unless this isn't his will." Anna argues. "Then where do the orders come from?" Castiel asks.

"I don't know. One of our superiors, maybe, but not him.' Anna shakes her head. Castiel turns to face Anna and I again, walking up to me. "The father you love. You think he wants this? You think he'd ask this of you? You think this is righteous?" Anna asks. When Cas can't meet her gaze, she continues. "What you're feeling? It's called doubt."

I reach out to touch Castiel's hand, I'm not sure why, but I felt like I had to. Moral support maybe? "These orders are wrong and you know it." Anna says.

"But you can do the right thing." I interject, looking at Cas in the eyes. 

Anna takes another step forward, "You're afraid, Cas. I was too. But together, we can still—" "Together?" Castiel yanks his hand from mine, which hurts a little not gonna lie. His eyebrows furrow as he raises his voice at Anna. "I am nothing like you. You fell. Go." He walks away from Anna and I, his back turned from us. "Cas." I say softly, my tone pleading. He turns around, looking directly at Anna, his voice dropping dangerously, "Go." Anna vanishes and I look down at the ground, my arms still crossed. "She's right Castiel. You're feeling doubt." Castiel's glare softens as it falls on me. "You're not some...dog to be lead around on a leash by Uriel. Or by anyone. Even with this soul bind we have, you're your own person. And I wish you could see that."

He doesn't respond. I take a moment, walking up to the door Alastair and Dean are behind. I look through the window, seeing Alastair pinning Dean to the hexacle, choking him. My eyes widen, "Holy shit-." I fling the door open, grabbing the machete off the cart and swinging it at Alastair.

I could hear Castiel shouting for me to stop as Alastair grabs my wrist, Dean falling to the floor. Alastair smirks at me as he snaps my wrist, making me let out a pained cry. I drop the machete and he backhands me, sending me crashing into the cart of torture objects. I grit my teeth at the pain in my wrist as I hear a struggle. 

I manage to push myself up on the one arm, the other curled to my chest. I look up just as Alastair pushes Cas away, a knife imbedded in the demon's shoulder. "Well, almost. Looks like God is on my side today." Alastair taunts.

Castiel lifts his hand, twisting the knife with his abilities. Alastair grunts in pain and pulls out the knife with a shaky hand. Alastair charges Cas, but Cas has the upper hand, sending punch after punch until Alastair pushes him against a pillar with a large nail sticking out of it. The nail embeds itself in Castiel's back. "Cas!" I yell. "Well, like roaches, you celestials. Now, I really wish I knew how to kill you. But all I can do is send you back to heaven." Alastair says with a smirk before he starts chanting in Latin. Blue light, his grace, begins to appear out of Castiel's eyes and mouth as Alastair tries to exorcise his vessel. I stand up quickly, grabbing the machete again in my non-dominant hand, ramming the blade through Alastair's back. 

The demon stops chanting, the light no longer showing in Castiel's features. Alastair let's go of Cas, the angel slumping to the ground, looking up at me and Alastair. I glance at Cas for a moment, who's bleeding from his head and nose. The demon turns around to me, the machete blade sticking out of his torso, the handle out of his back. 

"Aw, little (Y/N) Singer, ya know, Hell still wants you. Maybe I'll hand you over to them." He taunts, taking a step forward. "Maybe I kill you now, then your pet angel. And then no more soulbond."

I glare at him, my broken wrist still curled to my chest, "I'd like to see you try you creepy ass son of a bitch!" With my non-dominant hand I punch him in the jaw. 

He grabs his face and smirks, spitting blood onto the ground. "Quite the punch, little girl. Your daddy would be so proud." My jaw clenches as he continues, "After your adoptive father exorcised that demon that killed your parents, they liked to brag about how good it felt. Killing your ex-military daddy was the best part for them. Big macho man getting snuffed out by his wife-."

I punch him again, interrupting his taunting. His smirk just widens, grabbing me by the throat and pinning me to the nearby wall. I struggle to take a breath as he lifts me off my feet by the throat. My uninjured hand grabs his wrist as I choke. Alastair reaches around with his other hand, pulling the machete out of his back. He inspects the blade while choking me for a moment, "You lost your machete, Singer. Let me just return it for you." 

I can hear the muffled voice of Castiel as blood pumps behind my ears, the blade of the machete piercing my torso. My eyes widen as blood pools in my mouth, dripping down my lips. Alastair chuckles for a moment, "Good riddance." He goes to push the blade farther in but stops abruptly, choking seemingly on nothing before he's slammed against the wall out of reach from me.

I drop to the floor, my uninjured, shaky hand going to the blade in my gut but not pulling it out. I hear shuffling, Castiel coming into my view as it starts to darken around the edges. I look to the side, seeing Sam. He's using his abilities to hold Alastair against the wall. I let out a soft cry as Castiel's hands replace mine on my wound. I cough and grit my teeth, blood coming out of the corner of my mouth.

I can faintly hear Sam talking to Alastair. Its muffled, like I'm underwater. All I feel is pain, a searing hot pain in my stomach. Castiel is talking to me, but I can't really hear him either. But the look on his face is heartbreaking. They say angels aren't supposed to have emotions but Castiel looks utterly devastated. Like his entire world is crumbling to pieces in his hands.

I can hear him faintly plead with me to stay awake. I can hear him begging me, praying that I don't close my eyes. But I'm so tired. I whimper as he presses harder against the wound, a more comforting warmth spreading over my body, distracting me from the pain. I let my eyes close. I'll meet him in my next life right? 

~~~~~~~

3rd Person POV:

Dean is in a hospital bed, heavily bandaged with a breathing tube and an IV drip. Sam sits next to him as Castiel appears at the doorway. The angel makes eye contact with Sam and walks away. Sam follows him out of the room. "Sam—" Sam interrupts, "Get in there and heal him. Miracle. Now." Castiel shakes his head, "I can't." "You and Uriel put him in there—" "No." Castiel tries to say before Sam interrupts again. "—because you can't keep a simple devil's trap together." Castiel's voice raises slightly. "I don't know what happened. That trap..." The angel sighs, his voice lowering again. "...it shouldn't have broken. I am sorry."

"You healed (Y/N). So heal Dean!" Sam glances at his brother, all hooked up to machines in the hospital bed, then to his adoptive sister, who's sitting in a chair next to Dean's bed, asleep and using her arms as a pillow next to Dean's leg.

Castiel's eyebrows furrow, "She is my charge, I failed to protect her, I had to. I would do it hundreds more times if it meant she lives." "This whole thing was pointless. You understand that? The demons aren't doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers." Sam says. Castiel looks away in disbelief, "Perhaps Alastair was lying." He tries to argue. Sam shakes his head, "No, he wasn't." The younger Winchester turns around and walks back into the hospital room to rejoin his older brother and little sister, leaving Castiel to look betrayed, like someone had punched the angel in the face.

~~~~~~~

Uriel sits on a bench, eyes closed as Castiel appears next to him. Snow lays on the ground, appearing to be in a park of some kind. "Castiel, I received revelation from our superiors. Our brothers and sisters are dying and they...they want us to stop hunting the demon responsible." Uriel says, feigning innocence. Castiel sits down next to Uriel as he continues, "Something is wrong up there. I mean, can you feel it?" "The murders. Maybe they aren't demonic. Sam Winchester said the demons had nothing to do with it." Castiel explains. Uriel shakes his head, "If not the demons, what could it be?" Castiel's eyebrows furrow as he makes a guess, "The will of heaven. We are failing, Uriel. We are losing the war. Perhaps the garrison is being punished." "You think our father would—" Castiel interrupts him, "I think maybe our father isn't giving the orders anymore. Maybe there is something wrong." Uriel stands up, making Castiel look up at him. "Well, I won't wait to be gutted." Uriel vanishes, leaving Castiel alone on the park bench.

~~~~~~~

Castiel stands alone outside, under a streetlight as he calls, "Anna. Anna, please." The light flickers above him. He looks up and turns around, seeing Anna behind him. "Decided to kill me after all?" She asks. "I'm alone." He replies. "What do you want from me, Castiel?" "I'm considering disobedience." Castiel informs her. Anna nods, "Good." "No, it isn't. For the first time, I feel..." Anna gives him a small look of sympathy, "It gets worse." Castiel looks down as Anna walks up to him. "Choosing your own course of action is confusing, terrifying." She puts her hand on Castiel's shoulder. He looks at it and she drops it, her eyebrows crinkling. "That's right. You're too good for my help. I'm just trash. A walking blasphemy." As Anna turns to walk away, Castiel calls for her again, "Anna." She stops but doesn't turn around, "I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do." She turns around with a small smile, "Like the old days? No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself." Anna vanishes, leaving Castiel alone again.

~~~~~~~

Back in the room where Alastair was kept, where his soulbind was almost killed, Castiel examines the devil's trap. He notices the dripping faucet and shuts it off without touching it, using his abilities. "You called?" Uriel enters the room, "What do you say, Castiel? Will you join me? Will you fight with me?" "Strange. Strange how a leaky pipe can undo the work of angels when we ourselves are supposed to be the agents of fate." Castiel says with a hint of a smirk on his face. "Alastair was much more powerful than we had imagined." Uriel tries to argue. Castiel shakes his head, "No. No demon can overpower that trap. I made it myself." He takes slow steps towards Uriel. "We've been friends for a long time, Uriel. Fought by each other's sides, served together away from home, for what seems like forever." He stops, standing in front of the other angel. "We're brothers, Uriel. Pay me that respect. Tell me the truth." "The truth is, the only thing that can kill an angel..." Uriel starts, his angel blade sliding out of his sleeve and into his hand. "...is another angel."

"You." Castiel says. Uriel nods, "I'm afraid so." Castiel's face remains stoic, but the anger is evident in his tone, "And you broke the devil's trap, set Alastair on Dean. You almost got (Y/N) killed!" Uriel shakes his head, "Alastair should never have been taken alive. Really inconvenient, Cas. Yes, I did turn the screw a little. Alastair should have killed Dean and escaped. (Y/N) was never supposed to be here in the first place, but you insisted she would be safe with you. You should have gone on happily scapegoating the demons." Castiel tilts his head, "For the murders of our kin?" "Not murders, Castiel. No. My work is conversion. How long have we waited here? How long have we played this game by rules that make no sense?" Castiel turns around, his back facing Uriel, "It is our father's world, Uriel." "Our father?" Uriel asks incredulously. "He stopped being that, if he ever was, the moment he created them. Humanity, his favorites. This whining, puking larva." Castiel turns around, looking a little horrified. "Are you trying to convert me?" "I wanted you to join me. And I still do. With you, we can be powerful enough to—" "To?" Castiel trails off. "To raise our brother." "Lucifer." Castiel realizes. Uriel walks passed Castiel, "You do remember him? How strong he was? How beautiful? And he didn't bow to humanity. He was punished for defending us. Now, if you want to believe in something, Cas, believe in him." "Lucifer is not God." "God isn't God anymore. He doesn't care what we do. I am proof of that." Uriel paces, turning to Castiel. "But this? What were you gonna do, Uriel? Were you gonna kill the whole garrison?" Castiel asks. "I only killed the ones who said no. Others have joined me, Cas. Now, please, brother, don't fight me. Help me. Help me spread the word. Help me bring on the apocalypse. All you have to do is be unafraid." Uriel pleads. Castiel looks down, "For the first time in a long time, I am." Uriel smiles before Castiel punches him, sending him through the brick wall behind him several feet away. Uriel gets up and walks over, several punches later and Uriel throws Castiel through a pillar. Castiel recovers quickly, getting up and punching Uriel against a cart a few feet away.

Castiel walks up to him, but Uriel strikes him with a metal bar. Castiel gets to his knees in front of Uriel, nose and mouth bleeding as he looks up at him. "You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God." "You haven't even met the man. There is no will." Uriel punches Castiel. "No wrath." Another punch. "No God." Uriel raises his fist to swing again, but before he can, an angel blade is stabbed through his neck.  "Maybe. Or maybe not. But there's still me." Anna whispers in Uriel's ear before pulling the blade out and walking over to Castiel as Uriel collapses. Uriel screams as white light flares in his eyes and mouth. The light explodes out of him and out of the building. Castiel stands up and looks down at Uriel's corpse. His wings are seared into the floor across the devil's trap.

~~~~~~~

Dean is still in the hospital bed, though the breathing tube is gone. Sam and (Y/N) having gone to get some coffee now that Dean was awake. Castiel sits next to him. "Are you all right?" He asks. Dean's voice comes out hoarse, his throat hurting from the breathing tube, "No thanks to you. But Sam told me that you saved my sister's life...so thanks for that." Castiel nods, "I'll always save her. But you need to be more careful." "You need to learn how to manage a damn Devil's trap." Dean retorts. "That's not what I mean. Uriel is dead." Castiel says. "Was it the demons?"  "It was disobedience." Castiel informs. "He was working against us." Dean is quiet for a moment before he asks, "Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?" Castiel nods solemnly, "Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to Hell and we fought our way to get to you before you—" Dean interrupts, "Jump-started the apocalypse." Castiel leans his head back on the chair, looking at the ceiling, "And we were too late." Dean's voice breaks a little, "Why didn't you just leave me there, then?" "It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it." Castiel looks at Dean.  "Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean?" Castiel doesn't answer, making Dean call out for him. "Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean!?" Dean yells.  Castiel doesn't even look at him, "I don't know." "Bull!" "I don't." Castiel turns to look at Dean again. "Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you." Dean's voice comes out soft, almost like a broken whisper. "Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not—I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me." Dean turns his head away from Castiel as a tear falls down his face.

Soulbound Taglist:

@fairy-alix @delusional-paradise @ltotheucy @moon-trash1507 @bakusquadobsessed @harryssatellitee @cnme2003

[shallowseeker]

diff anon: I agree w your perspective on jack and dean, obviously dean didn't handle things particularly well, but then, I dont think any of us would in a situation as complicated as that. I think a lot of the "dean was the worst parent!!" arguments ignore the fact that dean was not obligated to be a parent and didn't want to be one (at least not to what was potentially a very dangerous entity, especially one that killed his mother), it was forced on him. which you'd think would add to the 'bad parent dean' trope, and a lot of people take it that way. but for me it explains a lot, people assume dean was jack's parental figure from day one and therefore all his actions to deal with jack fall under the category of 'parenting' (a lot of people also contradict themselves when it comes to jack and dean's relationship so bear with me if this gets a little confusing).

dean doesn't see himself as jack's parent or family in anyway at first. so he's not thinking 'what can I do to parent this child and look after him', obviously his initial actions won't reflect good 'parenting' because that's not remotely what he's trying to do. he's trying to grieve his mother, assess a potential threat, and prepare himself to eliminate it because when does anything ever go right for the winchesters? especially not when fast growing babies are involved. so yeah for me personally, my assessment of dean's parenting tends to come after he starts to forge that bond with jack because it seems unfair to score someone in a category that they didn't enter into when they're running a completely different race (sorry idk if my sports metaphors are making any sense it's like 4am and I am so tired).

idk I feel like the assumptions that 1. jack is functionally and developmentally a child (he's not really) and 2. dean had an obligation to parent him in the first place,, kind of skew fandom perspective on the situation. don't get me wrong, it's fine to criticise how he dealt with it and analyse his position in jack's life, I just don't think 'dean is an actively malicious parent' (implied or overt) is an accurate representation of canon. like you said tho, it's their prerogative to interpret it the way they want. (sorry if I just repeated anything you said, I hope this is at least coherent??)

Yeah. WE AGREE. I feel like if fandom could draw a divider line between early and later days in Jack's life, it would help a lot with the analyses feeling more balanced/in good faith.

NOT TO MENTION... Hey HI HELLO CONTEXT->

Dean warmed up to Jack after just, like 14 days???! That's... pretty crazy.

IMPORTANT TOO IS THAT, once Jack learned the root of Dean's grief, it completely re-contextualized "Dean wanting to kill him being scary," and intuitive little shit he is, JACK GOT THAT!!!! He even got mad at SAM instead for obfuscating all of that.

(Jack, for all his fear of "not feeling enough feelings" is a character who is more intuitive then even he himself knows. JUST LOOK at him and Dean with MIA compared to Sam!!!!!)

And just... HEY THAT WHOLE TIMELINE. IS. WILD. CAS WAS ONLY GONE A MONTH AT MOST!!!!! PROBABLY LESSSSSSSS...

SO YEAH!!!! WE ARE DANCING BECAUSE IF WE DIVIDE IT LIKE THIS (with your examples), it gets more interesting and clear I think

INITIALLY:

Dean didn’t see himself as Jack’s parent or feel any obligation to parent him.

I mean it's not just Lucifer's child but also the child of the woman, Cas, uh, LEFT him for. AHEM.

Dean's actions were driven by grief (over Cas, over Mary) and logical fear (that Jack was a dangerous threat).

Judging his early behavior as "bad parenting" is misplaced, because he wasn’t trying to parent and it's grossly UNFAIR to expect that of him—he was assessing a REAL POTENTIAL THREAT and coping with trauma.

IMHO I agree that the fandom assumption that Jack is a child and Dean was supposed to parent him distorts this early dynamic in ESPECIALLY IN BIG WAYS

///

LATER:

Dean begins to form a bond with Jack... and this is when a parental dynamic starts to develop.

Even that is whacky fast. BECAUSE!!!! After the initial HALF-MONTH OR MONTH of being in the same space, Jack promptly runs away and bless him, he APPEARS to go on a FUCKIN killing spree, so Dean was preparing himself for the worst.

I mean SURE Dean was almost-instantly "fond of the kid" in the month he had him before this, and he jumped into teaching him to read a map on the road trip to Tombstone (Note: Jack's BEST MEMORY IN HEAVEN) but personally EYE don't think it's until Jack said THIS that the parenting even fully crystallized (13x09 The Bad Place)

To ME: This is the moment that reads OHhhhhhhhh SHIT I MIGHT HAVE AN ACTUAL KID that lives w me and knows the full scope of both me and my life I DIDN'T THINK I'D GET THAT (script 14x19 you live in infamy for this line)

AFTER THAT, JACK WAS DEAN'S TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUE. His captive music affectionado. His TV buddy. If you care.

He was even almost the "death that Dean would not survive," pretty literally with the Equalizer. Jack IS the thing that triggered Dean's existential crisis. That's not nothin.’

IN A WAY, The BEFORE AND AFTER with the Dean and Jack dynamic is epically demonstrated... by this:

& this

& this

////

From this point on, it’s more fair to see Dean’s actions in a "parenting" context. Dean refer to Jack as HIS kid to Lily Sunder, and he OFC gives himself and Jack codenames of father and son in Optimism.

And on numerous occasions AFTER THIS, Jack calls Dean his dad. (Aside/// OFC Jack is FUNDAMENTALLY a child raised by a village, not a nuke fam.)

It's not really until AFTER Apocalypse-World that Jack bonds strongly with any of them, but especially with Cas and Dean. I would say that bond with Dean and Cas really cements itself after 13x22 & 13x23.

You have my full heart on this -> -> Yes, while criticism is cool, labeling Dean as an actively malicious parent I think tends to misrepresent canon. Because it's important to consider context of the AWFUL situation!!! Yissss.

Also to me it's less fun to miss out on the VERY important and crunchy crunchy fact that Jack and Dean are fucked up in similar core ways and will forgive each other instantly for the fucked-up things that they fundamentally agree with in their family-loving, burden-shouldering little hearts (which includes murders and/or suicides for the good of all). ILTSM. <3

///

AFTER-MARY'S DEATH:

This should probably get it's own divider because for fucks' sake, that's Dean's MOM THAT DIED... not to mention symbolic death of HIS KID AS HE KNEW HIM. (And the death of Dean's future... the future he finally FINALLY visualized for himself.) That said, this is the most complicated part of all!!!

As for Dean's existential crisis, well, this is ALREADY too long. But most of you know where I stand on that, I hope? I feel like I've talked a lot about Dean's nervous breakdown AS a nervous breakdown (analogous to Sam's s1/s4/s8 nervous breakdowns, and Cas's s7/s8-9/s11-2 nervous breakdowns, and Mary's s12 nervous breakdown... there are enough nervous breakdowns to go around, surely????)

The sundering of Jack as family is a super important facet of the breakdown, because Dean has to do that to stomach Jack's sacrifice. Dean is no stranger to trying to sunder family. He tells Bobby that Bobby's not his father. He tries to kill Sam with a hammer.

Dean snaps out of it (too late) and kills death, just like in s10 with Sam, which is the point. SPN just needs, like... one more season to stick the themes, I think.

//////////////

I mostly just repeated you. But please take this answer with a slice of pizza and forgive the rambling because I don't have the energy to clean my asks up anymore.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[the-night-moves-writing]

Savior- The Check-ins (part two)

Winchesters x Sibling reader (sibling bond ONLY)

Castiel x Winchester Reader (Platonic)

Summary: When Castiel goes off the deep end and becomes god, he finds he still has a soft spot for the smallest Winchester

Chapter summary: When cas believes that the reader is not going to take care of themselves he begins checking in with making sure she will eat well  

Word Count: 1086

A/N: This is the second part to sisterhood i decided to make it into a series! Sorry this took so long i started failing class and got turned down from nursing school and my grandmother ended up in the hospital. Im not sure how many parts yet but i am currently working on part three at the time of uploading i really hope you guys enjoy! also if part three takes long that my bad

Loading up into the car after everything was said everyone was grieving something but it looked as if Dean had lost the most. I knew Dean shared a “profound bond” with Cas and seeing him turn into a creature of destruction was not great. I mean I guess it would be a creature of creation as he's now god maybe?? I'm not sure any longer all i've ever wanted was to be with my brothers and now if i do the only thing that brings me comfort and retreat into myself i might be taken from the and kept in heaven. I knew that whenever Cas would show up for these “check-ins) he would castigate every move my brothers made and every slight emotion I had. We have to be happy now it's the only way we can be together. If we fight, will Cas hurt my brothers or lock me in heaven? I finally looked up to see Dean staring at me in the rearview mirror, did he ask me something had i missed something. Dean's voice broke through my train of thought

“ Hey kiddo you don't look so great back there, are you ok?”

I wanted to break down at the sound of his voice, he sounded worried and sad.

“Im fine Dean, i mean about as fine as i can be” 

My voice cracking as i speak, my vocal cords still not use to the vibrations

“Are you sure you look a little pale and almost green”

Sam's voice made me realize that he was turned around in the passenger seat also staring at me it also brought upon the realization of nausea 

“I think I'm fine, I do feel a little sick though.” 

The boys looked concerned at how the situation had taken a toll on me 

“Where are we going though, i mean will the wards even still work to keep Cas out or … “ 

The boys seemed to become more worried as i said Cas’s name, i trailed off my voice hurting and there discomfort becoming noticeable 

Dean cleared his throat to speak up 

“We're gonna head to Bobby’s, we need somewhere for you to stay.”

My stomach fell into my feet as his words

“You're gonna leave me at Bobby’s?” 

Dean seemed to notice my sadness as did Sam

“We are gonna stay with you for a while, but i don’t think Cas will want us to bring you on hunts” 

Sam spoke up breaking the tension 

“Ok” 

I knew better than to fight with them when they had made a decision together like this it would be useless anyways, My life usually felt like this, like every situation i was in was insuperable. 

“ How about we stop and get you some food huh? You can finally tell us what you want.” 

I knew Dean was trying to make the situation less intense by making jokes, and it did kind of make me feel a little better.

“Yeah i guess i could eat, how about a burger and maybe a sweet tea”

Dean and Sam looked a little brighter at my words, they knew how much I enjoyed the drink and I guess it was nice for them to hear me say I wanted it. Dean started to make his way to a nearby diner to get some food. Getting out of the car was when I felt it as if all of a sudden cold water was poured over my head. I knew who it was and I turned around to meet him. 

“ Do you really believe that this food will nourish your sister Dean?” 

His words rang through the air. When Cas said there would be check-ins I didn't think they would start so soon and over something so trivial. Dean turned around and grabbed my arm, putting himself between me and Cas. Sam standing behind me sandwiching me between the boys to keep me safe.

“After the night we had, I figured she would want comfort food not healthy food.” 

Dean's anger was clear in his voice the way it always was when someone had insinuated he could not take care of his siblings, his family. 

“She needs nourishment the toll that was taken on her vocal cords from the transition of not speaking to speaking will be quite large if she does not receive proper vitamins and nutrients”

Dean was starting to clench his jaw and ball his fist

“Then I can buy her some damn vitamins and she can take them.” 

Cas’s response to this was less than kind, he did not like the disrespect dean was showing him

“I can still always take her Dean, don't tempt me”

Hearing these words i gripped onto Dean's jacket and Sam moved closer

“ Although she is happy, I will procure these vitamins so you two do not bring her into a situation that could potentially turn bad. She must take them though if she stops I will not hesitate to take her with me, I have cared for her for too long for you to turn her into one of you.”

Deans anger had yet to subside as Cas spoke

“What do you mean by one of us?”

“I mean, Dean, you and your brother do not have the best track record with taking care of yourselves, Sam drank demon blood and you use food, alcohol, and sex to get through life. Do not make her like this by teaching her your bad behavior.”

Cas said his voice almost booming through the empty parking lot. Dean was now silent looking more and more like he was going to punch Cas.

“I will be back soon little one with your vitamins, you will take them wont you?”  

Cas for the first time during this interaction was speaking directly to me.

“Yes I will, I promise.” 

My voice once again was croaking and cracking from the overflow of emotion and from the newness of speaking

“Good”

Was the last thing Cas said before disappearing. The three of us stood in silence not moving for fear he might return. 

Dean turned around and hugged me tightly. 

“Im sorry, i won't ever let him take you” 

I had no words for the moment. I think that's been the hardest part of speaking again, finding the right words for a moment 

“Alright no more chick flick moments” dean said letting go of me 

“I'm starving and we haven't eaten in a hot minute, lets go inside” dean said to end things

[silver-stake-through-the-heart]

Cain and Cas in the face of grief

We meet Cain who is grieving his wife, and partly what he did with the Knights of Hell (9x11). And he talks about… bees. Which reminds one arc of Cas, grieving what he did to Heaven (7x21, 7x23). And, later, a scene featuring Cas grieving Dean (10x01) has common points with Cain's situation in 9x11 too.

They're dragged down by grief but they're immortal beings and can't reach death naturally. Death has to be a conscious choice (they have to choose this rationally… I brushed this topic here). They can't use alcohol or drugs to dampen their pain either, so they have to find another way to make the grief, the emotional pain, bearable. To get as close as oblivion as immortal beings can be.

They use three tools to do so:

1 – They give up their status and purpose

They are warriors who stop fighting, who refuse to fight even if war comes at knocking at their door—even if it's the consequence of their action.

Dean: I'm gonna barricade the entrances. Get ready for a fight. Cain: Well, good luck with that. (…) I'm retired.

9x11 – First Born

Sam: Yeah, you're in our corner, right, Cas? Cas: No, I don't fight anymore. I watch the bees.

7x21 – Reading Is Fundamental

2 – They disconnect their mind from reality

They focus on unimportant details, letting their thoughts wander from conversations. They hear what is said around them, and can respond to it, but they choose not to.

Cain: Do either of you keep bees? It's very relaxing. They're such noble creatures. And the honey? Well, I keep it right on the comb.

9x11 – First Born

Cain: They're dying, you know. Without bees, mankind will cease to exist.

9x11 – First Born

Cas: Well, Dean, I've been thinking. Monkeys are so… clever, and they're sensible in that they leave the skins on the bananas that they eat. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest

Cas: I could steal them from their cages, the monkeys. But where would I put them all?

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest

3 – They exile themselves

They settle away from the commotion and any kind of society. They use sigils to keep other supernatural beings at bay. They don't want to be disturbed in their stasis.

Windmills

There's a windmill by Cain's house, which reminded me of 13x06 script, and Dean spreading Cas' ashes next to a windmill.

Go @shallowseeker to read excellent posts about windmill symbolism: here, here, here and here

Human needs

Cain and Cas grimly focus on food.

They don't need to eat. This is a need for mortal animals. This is a reminder of their immortality, in contrast of the mortality of the people to whom they serve food.

(Crowley is not mortal, but he's weak next to Cain. Cain could kill him easily... and what is mortality except dying easily?)

Bees

In Supernatural, bees seem to be used as a symbol of emotional instability for immortal beings. Cain and Cas have many things in common: they were soldiers for centuries, committed horrible things, before turning against their own kind because of a human.

Cas talks about the bees. He watches them and follows them. Cain is a beekeper. But there's also a stained glass in his home, that features in most frames. It's right over his shoulder (darker and fuzzy) when he thinks about Colette.

More so, bees are associated with religion.

[soft-pine]

as the strange combination of a bitter deangirl (gn) and a deancas shipper, i cannot overstate how much i appreciate everyone's thoughtful 15.09 The Trap takes. my only contribution to the conversation is that 15.03 kills me.

at the end of s14, everything happens so fast. cas finally admits to himself something's really wrong with jack. meanwhile jack's killed nick and mary. dean is devastated. rightfully angry. then jack's manipulated into fucking with the whole world. they don't know what to do. the plan dean and sam come up with seems like the only thing with anything close to jack's power. and even cas suggests locking jack away until they have more time to work things out. like i cannot overstate how dramatically quickly everything is unfolding. chuck shows up and says jack will end the world. dean was never gonna be okay with the world ending. was never gonna be okay with anyone but himself sacrificing to make that happen. instead they find out chuck is messing with them. he kills jack, opens hell, and they spend an awful horrible week trying to fight ghosts they thought they'd dealt with long ago, while trying to keep a whole town safe and calm, while grieving jack's death, while having to talk to a demon in his corpse, while reckoning with the fact that everything they've ever known is a lie and an elaborate set-up for a cosmic being's entertainment. like it is punch after punch for weeks and weeks with no breathing room. finally culminating in cas doing something which makes sense but is also very much a pattern where he just decides what to do. which results in rowena dying and sam being entirely torn up.

the conversation dean is having right before cas leaves in 15.03 is trying to take care of a broken up sam. based on what dean says it seems like they haven't even been home for a day. like they haven't even had a moment to try to decompress from the series of escalating, terrifying events which they've been dealing with for days and days pretty much nonstop.

it always strikes me then that what cas says is "You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me..... I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm... dead to you." i recognize he's parroting back something dean said in 14.18 but i don't understand, i really don't, what the timeline he's working off is. like when is dean supposed to have enough space to work through the emotional ramifications of everything above. when is he supposed to have calmed down enough settle in to feeling any one kind of way.

"You still blame me for Mary." like it just happened, my guy. like where was he supposed to work in grieving for his mom (again) and working to move on from the grief and blame, into fighting off a ghost apocalypse and finding out god is basically jacking off to his pain.

i think patience and understanding has always been one of dean's strong suits. and i think cas tends toward impatience more. and it does make sense that when dean truly does get to the edge of his patience, that feels like a breaking point to cas because he has always had access to it before.

in response, i do think cas is allowed to be reactive and hurt and angry! after all he just went through all of the above as well!!!! but i think it's a grave mistake to think that cas doesn't also need to apologize for lashing out in anger.