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osarina · 10 months ago

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ᡣ𐭩 YOU AND ME (ALWAYS FOREVER)!

FEATURING: dark era!dazai osamu

SUMMARY: more than friends, not quite lovers. that's been your relationship with dazai osamu for as long as you can remember. you didn't want to push him, and you gave him plenty of chances, but there's only so long you can wait for someone. you thought you would be better off moving on—you were wrong, of course. (wordcount: 4.8k; sfw; angst (???) but with a happy ending)

AUTHOR'S NOTES: dark era dazai </3 my heart, i got a sudden urge to write for him and i wanted it to be fluff but then i got this idea and just had to go with it (warnings: fem!reader, smoking & drinking, suicide attempt mentions)

In your defense, you were never dating Dazai Osamu.

Not for a lack of trying on your part, of course. You’ve made your interest in him clear since you met him at sixteen during the Dragon’s Head Conflict, when Mori Ougai pulled you back from where you were stationed in Kyoto dealing with his associates to help with the declining situation in Yokohama. And you’d thought he felt similarly to you. You really did. The two of you had become inseparable within weeks of knowing each other, such a swift and strong connection that it almost felt unreal. You’d heard rumors of him, of course, before coming back to Yokohama—the infamous Demon Prodigy that Mori had brought in and groomed into becoming his heir, ruthless and cold and so terrifyingly intelligent that he had the entire upper echelon of the Port Mafia on edge.

By the time you got back to Yokohama, he’d already had a heavy reputation following him, dark shadows clinging to him like a second skin. Demon Prodigy. Black Wraith. So many monikers attached to him, but he never really felt like the monster that everyone claimed him to be.

He and Nakahara Chuuya had been the one sent to retrieve you from Yokohama Station, an area very close to the heart of the gang conflict, and even from the first meeting, he’d always been… well, you’re not going to say normal because he’s not normal. He’s always had an unnerving air about him, eyes a bit too cold and dark, smile a bit too teethy, but he’s always come across as just another kid your age. Maybe a bit lonelier than most, which could be off-putting to other people, but it never bothered you. And yes, you’ve seen the way other members of the Mafia treat him—they’re scared of him, go to extreme lengths so as to not cross paths with him, but you’ve never seen him in the same light they do.

Well, not until recently, at least.

Again. In your defense, you were never dating him.

But you’d known he cared about you as more than a friend. And you’d cared about him as more than a friend too. And you waited. You waited almost two years for him to say something. You didn’t want to do it yourself, you know Dazai is flighty and he’s not used to emotions, and you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but god, there’s only so much waiting you can take before you start to give up.

When the two year mark hit, you’d become convinced that Dazai was never going to act on his feelings for you; instead, he’d prefer to wait it out until they passed, and if they never did, he’d just pretend they didn’t exist at all. You can’t really blame him, the Mafia is not a place conducive for relationships, it’s only a matter of time before your luck runs out and one of you end up dead by a bullet through the head or captured by the enemy, and the thought of getting attached to someone only to lose them is enough to scare anyone away.

But you don’t want to live your life in fear, no matter how short it may be, and you also don’t want to live it alone. So when an opportunity arose at a cafe near the main headquarters, where you met a civilian around your age who showed immediate interest in you, you jumped on it. And it’d caught a lot of people off guard—Kouyou was surprised, Chuuya was baffled and questioning what a civilian could possibly have that interested you, even Mori gave you a double take and an odd look the first time he overheard Elise interrogating you about your new boyfriend.

But no one took it as poorly as Dazai.

Your throat feels tight as you remember the hurt expression that crossed over his face when you told him. It was so brief and so foreign of an expression to see on his face that you’d thought you’d imagined it, he was quick to school his expression back into a cold and closed-off one (one that he’d never directed toward you before that moment), but there was no mistaking the way the corner of his lip twitched and the way he suddenly couldn’t meet your eyes.

How nice, he’d told you, voice frighteningly icy, acidic, even, before he made a half-assed excuse about a mission that you knew he wasn’t assigned to. And it was so unlike him to offer himself up to handle missions, usually Mori has to force him with threats of giving Chuuya his executive position for him to do anything that makes him extend the barest amount of effort . But he did, and he handled it, very bloodily and uncharacteristically inefficient, as if he was releasing all of his pent up rage onto the unfortunate souls who happened to stumble into Port Mafia territory.

You were never, at any point, dating Dazai Osamu.

You think you’ve told yourself it hundreds of times over the past three months, throwing yourself into your work and enjoying a relationship with a boy who clearly was invested in you and cares about you in a way that Dazai Osamu would never allow himself to admit. You also think that Dazai Osamu has no right being as bitter and angry as he is—you gave him two years to come to terms with his feelings and make a move, you’ve made your own subtle hints that he promptly ignored. If he wanted to be with you, he blew his chance a hundredfold, and he can go screw off if he thinks he can be upset about it only after you’d found someone else.

Which is what he did, pretty much, and it was a lot harder than you expected—going from talking to him every waking second of every day, seeking him out whenever you have free time and vice versa, to only seeing him during the joint meetings between the executives and sub executives, where even then, he wouldn’t even spare you a glance. It was hard, and deep down, you don’t think being able to experience an actual relationship was worth losing your best friend, but the damage had already been done by that point, so you could only lie in the bed you made.

And you did enjoy the relationship. The boy you’d met was sweet. He was good. He was impressively smart—a government and law major at one of the most prestigious universities in this part of the country—and humble to a fault.

But he wasn’t Dazai.

You knew in your heart that you didn’t want sweet or good, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise. You didn’t want the type of smart that he was, top of his class and on track for law school, seeking out a job as a public defender in Tokyo. You wanted the type of smart Dazai was, wicked and devious, putting together vicious and efficient strategies to take down enemies of the Mafia, on track for taking over the position as boss in the future. You wanted him for all of his twisted moralities and questionable thoughts.

And it was unfair to you, and it was unfair to Dazai, and most importantly it was unfair to the boy you kept leading on, that you’ve refused to acknowledge this for as long as you have just for the chance of experiencing a real relationship.

Which is why you stand here now, outside the infamous Bar Lupin that you know Dazai has been drinking himself into oblivion at everyday for the past three months, notably single and possibly about to meet your end at the hands of a drunken and scorned Mafia executive.

You think you must look like a fool right now. You’ve been standing right outside the door in the rain for fifteen minutes debating on whether or not you should actually go in. You’re nervous, and that makes you sad because you’ve never been nervous to talk to Dazai before, and you’re not nervous because you’re scared of him, you’re nervous because you don’t think you have the balls to actually confront him, knowing that you’d genuinely hurt the boy that everyone claimed didn’t have the emotions to be hurt. He let you in when he doesn’t let anyone in, and you chose to be careless and you chose to give up, and you hurt him.

And you remind yourself again: you were not dating Dazai Osamu. You remind yourself that you gave him chances, he had opportunities, and he chose not to take them. You remind yourself that he’s just as at fault as you are for the falling out, but you can’t help but also remind yourself that he was the one that came out the most hurt by the situation. Yes, him cutting himself off from you was upsetting, but you didn’t have to watch him go around happy in a relationship with someone else. He did.

With that thought in mind, you push the door open to the bar. A soft bell rings above you and instantly, three heads swivel in your direction: the bartender, and two men that you recognize as Sakaguchi Ango, one of the Port Mafia’s special intelligence agents, and Oda Sakunosuke, who you only know through Dazai’s high praise of the man from when the two of you were still on speaking terms. The only person in the room who matters to you doesn’t even bother to look to see who entered the bar, one hand circling the glass of whiskey in front of him while a cigarette dangles from the other. You watch as he lifts it to his lips to take a long drag, head falling tilting back to look up at the ceiling as he exhales a cloud of smoke, seemingly unbothered by your presence.

Already, you feel as if you’ve made a mistake, but you force yourself to continue.

The bartender nods his head in respect to you, although you can’t help but notice he flashes a wary look to Dazai. You wonder, pitifully, how much he’s said about you in this place. Sakaguchi and Oda share a look with one another. Both of them speak a low murmur of your name, inclining their head dutifully—you’re not quite an executive yet, but with the Piano Man of the Flags dead, you and Chuuya are fighting for the next spot to open up. Chuuya will likely be the one to get it, which you think he deserves from all of the heavy lifting he’s done on operations the past two years, but you feel a bit awkward when they give you your due respect when you're here with your tail between your legs trying to talk to Dazai.

Sakaguchi and Oda take their leave when you arrive, giving short goodbyes to Dazai, telling them that they’ll see him another day, and the bartender makes a fumbled excuse about going to the back to restock, leaving you alone with Dazai. Internally, you wither just a bit because you think if they’d stayed, Dazai might keep a handle on himself because you know he views Oda highly; instead, they left you in the lion’s den alone. Which you might deserve, but you digress.

You let out a quiet puff of air as you make your way over to the bar stool next to Dazai, taking a seat in it carefully. Still, he doesn’t look at you, but you look at him and the aching in your chest returns tenfold as your gaze sweeps over him fully for the first time in months. During the joint meetings between the executives and sub-executives, you were always sure to keep your glances short and sweet, not wanting to risk any lingering looks, but now, you can look at him in his entirety for the first time since that fateful discussion three months ago.

He hasn’t changed much. Or, well, that’s a lie. He’s definitely changed. The circles beneath his eye are darker, his expression a carefully constructed blank mask. You think he might’ve lost some weight, his coat has always been big on him but the way it hangs over his shoulders now is looser than it was before. If it weren’t for the way his fingers were tense around his glass of whiskey, you’d have thought he was entirely unperturbed by your arrival.

You don’t know what to say, and you know you need to be the first to speak because you’re the one that showed up here to talk to him, but now that you’re sitting in front of him you’re floundering for words. You could just come out and say that you broke up with your boyfriend, but you feel like that would be a bit weird, and he’d probably laugh in your face and make a comment about how he doesn’t care. You could ask him how he’s been, but you think he might genuinely put a bullet in you for trying to make small talk with him like that right now.

The longer you stay silent, the more awkward it becomes, and you want to cry because you’ve never been awkward with Dazai before, and for a brief second, you wonder if things really have changed too much to go back to how they were.

Finally, you decide to just come out and say, bracing yourself for the inevitable derisive words that are going to leave his lips. “I broke up with him.”

Dazai’s scoff is loud and instantaneous, you bite your tongue, eyes sliding shut as you turn to face ahead instead of looking at him. Cowardly, you know, but you don’t want to see the sneer on his face when he asks you why he should care.

But he doesn’t say that. He doesn’t say anything at first. If you were looking at him, you’d see the way his cold expression shifted into a more conflicted one, still staring ahead because he can’t bring himself to look at you. You count each passing second, and it’s agonizing waiting for him to speak, a part of you thinks that maybe he won’t, and you’ll just have to leave the bar with your tail between your legs, humiliated.

But then he does.

“Why?” he finally asks coolly, and your eyes snap open and your gaze slides over to him when you realize he did not, in fact, hit you with the derogation you expected.

He still isn’t looking at you, and you watch as he lifts his free hand back to his lips, taking another long drag of his cigarette as he waits for your response. You swallow thickly when you try to figure out what to say next.

What you want to say is ‘because he wasn’t you,’ but you’re not ready to bare yourself vulnerable in front of him like that when he’s still so unpredictable. Just because he didn’t immediately hit you with the harsh words you expected, doesn’t mean he isn’t going to lure you in just to slap you in the face with it, which is how you’re sure he perceived what you did three months ago.

Rather, you say quietly: “He was boring, I guess.”

It’s a lie. Well, a partial lie, at least. He was a good guy, he was just boring compared to what you wanted, and what you wanted was Dazai Osamu, who no one in the world could hope to compare to.

“He was boring,” Dazai echoes your words, a cruel and mocking lilt to his voice, and you brace yourself now, taking the sudden switch in tone as the flicking off of the safety. But he shakes his head as he lets out a puff of air, you can’t tell if it’s another scoff or a laugh. “How cold-hearted of you. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, given your track record.”

Two paths lay before you: you can take the words as well-deserved, trying to avoid the inevitable fight, or you can spit back equally venomous words, dive in headfirst so the two of you can get everything off of your chest. Both choices are double-edged. If you avoid the fight, it means avoiding the topic altogether, and even if the two of you choose to speak again, the resentment of what had happened will only poison and fester. If you dive into the fight, there’s a chance of saying words you can’t take back, and everything might fall apart anyway.

What do you want? You want to ask him, because you aren’t sure what the right decision is. Three months ago, if you and Dazai got into a disagreement about something, you would know in an instant whether or not he wanted to fight it out to let off steam or just pretend it didn’t happen. Now, you aren’t so sure. He’s still not looking at you, so you can’t use the look in his eye as a hint, but his shoulders are tense beneath his jacket, and his knuckles are white around his glass of whiskey. Your gaze drags up to his face, catching the way his jaw is tight, teeth probably grinding together, and you know.

You look ahead again, leveling your vision on a particularly nice bottle of wine on the third shelf of the wine rack as you say: “I’d rather be cold-hearted than a coward.”

For the first time since you’ve arrived, Dazai’s gaze cuts in your direction, head snapping to the side. You turn your head toward him just enough for you to eye him from the corner of your eye, catching glimpse of the way his lip curled up into a snarl and the way flames now rage in the browns of his eye—a far cry from the bottomless void, but you prefer the anger to the emptiness.

“A coward?” His voice is low, cold, dangerous.

You’re treading on thin ice, but you choose to stoke the flame more, gaze sliding back to the wine racks ahead.

“A coward.”

The silence that hangs between the two of you is tense and damning, you have to force yourself not to react to it, keeping your expression as stony as his as you wait for his response. He’ll either hit you back with more venom or he’ll settle down, one will lead to a blow out fight and the other will lead to a very tense conversation.

You don’t want to fight him, but if that’s what he wants, you’ll give it to him.

After what feels like an eternity, Dazai makes another scornful noise but he doesn’t say anything, gaze snapping back ahead as he takes a drag of his cigarette, this one clearly fueled by anger, far more aggressive than the last one. As if to piss him off even more, he hardly gets half of a smoke, down to the nub already. Frustrated, he puts the lingering cinders out on the bartop before reaching for the pack in his pocket, pulling out a new cigarette and his lighter.

You watch as he tries to flick the lighter on, cigarette dangling between his lips, but the old thing refuses to cooperate. Distantly, you wonder why Dazai is so damn stubborn: working with an old lighter, living in a shitty shipping container, wearing the same few pairs of clothes every day when he probably has more money than god hoarded from his executive paycheck. But you only force yourself to not roll your eyes as you pull out your own lighter, flicking it on and holding it out to him without looking at him.

You watch from the corner of your eye as he stares at your hand suspiciously before he exhales from the side of his mouth, dipping his head down to light the cigarette before he faces ahead again. He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he reaches out for his glass of whiskey, still mostly full, and then he slides it over to you.

An offering. A white flag.

You barely withhold the breath of relief that nearly escapes you, accepting the drink and taking a long sip of it. It’s his favorite brand, smooth and familiar on the tongue; you haven’t been able to bring yourself to drink it since your falling out with him.

“Was it really because he was boring?” Dazai finally asks. He’s not looking at you again, but you can see from the way his fingers are tense against the bartop that he’s probably waiting for a certain response from you.

You let your eyes slide shut. “No,” you admit.

“Then why?” he presses, as if he doesn’t already know.

“You know why,” you say tightly, shaking your head and looking down.

“Tell me anyway,” Dazai responds quietly, you can feel his gaze on you but you can’t bring yourself to look at him. Irrationally, even though the atmosphere between the two of you has shifted, you wonder if this is it: he’s going to get you to admit it and then laugh in your face, cruel but probably deserved.

“Because he wasn’t you,” you finally force out.

He doesn’t respond. Your heart sinks to your stomach, a sick feeling churning. You brace yourself again—you don’t know what for, maybe a laugh or a derisive comment, but he does nothing of the sort.

A long exhale, smoke billowing around his face, a heavy look in his eyes. He doesn’t look at you as he says: “You’re right.”

You don’t respond because you’re not sure what he’s referring to. Finally, he tilts his head to look at you, a wry smile on his lips—your chest feels warm at the sight, you can’t remember the last time you’ve seen him smile. Probably not since the falling out.

“I was a coward.”

Oh.

The frustration you felt all of those months ago returns with a vengeance. You had danced with possibilities back then: that you were reading too much into things, that he didn’t actually care for you the way you did for him, that he simply did not want to be with you even if he did care about you that way. Now, faced with confirmation that he had felt the same but was just too pussy to act on it, your chest swells with that familiar anger. You force it away.

“Why?” you ask after a few moments of silence, nails digging into the palm of your hands as you rest them on your lap. “I… I waited for two years, Dazai. I gave you so many openings. You knew how I felt.”

“I know.” His voice is quiet, barely audible.

“Then why?” you repeat his words back to him, pressing hard just like he did. His throat bobs beneath his bandages as he swallows, averting his gaze, or trying to, at least, because you don’t let him. You reach out to grab his chin tightly, forcing him to look at you, and the pads of your fingers burn against his skin, hyper aware of the fact that this is the first time you’ve touched him in three months. “Why?”

His hand comes up to grab your wrist as if to pull your hand off of him, but he doesn’t, grip firm around your wrist, fingers pressing against your pulse point, and you’re acutely conscious of the fact that your pulse is probably racing but you can’t bring yourself to care.

“I told you why,” he says, voice uncharacteristically soft. Vulnerable in a way that you’ve never seen him before. “I was a coward. I… didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship... I don't have many friends. You know that. I would’ve rather just ignored how I felt and kept you as a friend, because I didn’t think there’d be a chance of losing you that way. I thought if I acted on how I felt, one day you’d eventually see me for what I am and I’d lose you altogether.”

“Some good that did you.” You can’t help the resentful words that spill from your lips, but you feel guilty when he winces, hand dropping back to your lap, his grip slipping from your wrist. “You think I don’t already see you for who you are? We’ve known each other since we were sixteen, Dazai. I know all of the sick and twisted thoughts that run through your head, I knew exactly what I was getting into.”

Dazai shakes his head, as if to deny your words. You get frustrated.

“I spend hours at your recovery bed after your attempts, I’ve caught you in the middle of them myself, do you know what the first thing I did was after I told you I had a boyfriend?” you demand, and he stares at you, unsure. “I put a protection detail on him because I thought you’d try to have him killed, or try to kill him yourself.”

Dazai winces. You shake your head and look away, settling down again.

“For someone so smart, you really are so goddamn stupid sometimes,” you sigh, taking a long swig of his drink before placing the glass back down on the table. “I saw you for who you are, and I wanted you anyway.”

“Wanted?” Dazai asks, an uncertain expression on his face as he zeroes in on the past tense.

“Want,” you correct, voice little over a breath, and something akin to relief sweeps across his face as his gaze drops down to the bartop.

The silence that hangs between the two of you is more comfortable this time. Reassuring, even, because maybe things might still be awkward between the two of you for a while, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, one much brighter than the one the two of you lived in three months ago.

“I can’t believe you went for a civilian,” Dazai suddenly says, almost sounding indignant. “A civilian. You!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you snap when you hear the incredulous tone he takes when he says ‘you’.

“You’re a stone cold bitch,” Dazai accuses and you gape, but you can’t find it in yourself to be offended because his eyes are lit up for the first time in months, a lopsided smile painted on his face. “And you’ve got as much blood on your hands as I do. You. A civilian. I think I would’ve been less offended if you went for Chuuya.”

“We both know that’s a lie,” you snort, and then you add, a bit amused, “you know what he wants a job as?”

“Tell me,” Dazai drawls, resting his chin on his hand as he leans on the bar, watching you with such a fond expression that it makes you feel warm all over.

God, you missed him the past three months.

“He wanted to go to law school. Become a public defender.”

Dazai chokes over the smoke he inhales, and you press your hand to your lips to smother your giggles as he desperately wheezes between laughs. You’re not sure if he’s actually choking, you think he might actually be dying from how red his face is getting.

“Maybe you should keep in contact with him then,” he gasps between laughs, “we might need one of those one day.”

“As if you’re sloppy enough to ever get caught,” you say dryly.

He winks at you, his grin sharpening, and you know you’re not going to like what he’s about to say. “Oh, I’m not. By ‘we’, I meant you.”

“Douchebag.” You roll your eyes, letting another silence settle over the two of you, a smile on your lips now as you take another sip of your drink. He’s the one to break it again.

“... Odasaku convinced me not to, by the way.”

“What?”

“To kill him. I was going to. Odasaku convinced me not to.”

You let out a sigh of utter suffering, giving Dazai a pointed look—see, you say silently, I know you. He has the decency to look a bit sheepish as lifts his cigarette back to his mouth in lieu of responding to your unspoken words.

“Stop with the self sabotage, Dazai,” you finally say, tired. “For both of our sakes’.”

He doesn’t respond, and you know him well enough to know that he’ll probably never stop with the self sabotage, but he does reach out to lace your fingers with his, and the warm feeling that spreads through your chest is enough to satiate you.

Little steps, because no, the Mafia is not a conducive place for relationships and yes, it’s only a matter of time before luck runs out for one of you, but if your life is destined to be short, there’s only one person you want to spend it with.

#ᡣ𐭩 carina’s archives #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you

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spacexseven · 2 years ago

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tuna. 1) your. love amy aus. are so. good. I'm gonna. explode. kisses you all over ur face. would u want me to try to throw together a chuuya one cuz I will 2) PANTY THIEF DAZAI SO REAL.... I don't even think that's relegated to demon dazai. dazai is such a little creep. he'd probably also bite people when human he's like a cat. how do u think demonzai would take a darling who isn't effected by his attempts to charm/hypnotize them? I feel like he'd be pretty miffed but ultimately resign to just kissing and nipping them all over in their sleep instead. not gonna let something small like that rain on his parade!

also the little bit about him wanting to share clothes js actually kind of cute..... definitely will put on anything that fits him cuz it smells like you <3 100% hides all ur clothes cuz 1) needs them for your love nest 2) really really really wants you to wear his things too and smell like him when(if) you go out! what do you mean other humans don't pick up on his scent. what do you mean you can't smell it either. you're supposed to be comforted by his smell like he is by yours that's how mating works this is so unfair.

- 🩹

hello to you my friend!!!! if you fo throw together a chuuya one i will sign my soul over to You But But it may take me a while to get to it so!! take ur time <33 and thank you i hope you know all the i love amy aus here are all for you and you only so as long as they please you its a job well done ^^

cw: yandere character, non-consensual kissing and implied non-consensual somnophilia

he'd be delighted if you're unaffected by his charms. what a fun little challenge you're turning out to be! dazai was starting to get bored of these gullible little humans anyway, so you're just perfect for him! of course it doesn't drive him mad that you're so...unbothered by him, and of course he isn't scared by the prospect that you aren't going to devote yourself to him as easily as other humans...

so if his mental tricks aren't going to work, he's gonna have to do this the human way, right? dazai has studied vigorously for this situation, and he's gathered that humans show affection through physical touch and what not. so the best way to wear you down and win you over is by smothering you in sloppy kisses and warm hugs! and if you refuse him, he'll attach himself to you when you're the most vulnerable (while you're sleeping), there's no better time to really get to know all of you, if you asked him.

no but it really shocks him to know that it has...no effect on you no matter how many times he rolls over your clothes and stakes his claim on your belongings. don't worry, though! dazai's nothing if not resourceful, and eventually, he'll come to a human-safe alternative (until then, you can expect to have him literally latched on to you at all times)

#love u 🩹 anon its really you n me against tumblr #ask 🐟#anon 🐟#demon au 🐟#dazai 🐟#bsd 🐟#dazai 🩹 🐟#yandere bsd #yandere bungou stray dogs x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere dazai bsd #yandere dazai x reader #yandere dazai

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 2 years ago

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Atsushi Nakajima (self-aware)

Self-Aware! Atsushi Nakajima x GN!Reader

Warning: Yandere. OOC. Slight spoilers for Atsushi's past. Atsushi almost had an existential crisis, English is my second language.

Becoming self-aware

🐯 Atsushi was the first character who gained self-awareness.

🐯 When Atsushi realised he was a fictional character, he was devastated and confused.

🐯 His past in the orphanage... Does it have any meaning? Or was it all just for someone's entertainment? Has he even been abused by the orphanage director? Was he even a child? Or he just appeared on the river bank with memories of events that never occurred?

🐯 And his new friends? Were they alive? Or they were puppets, forced to say the same lines?

🐯 Thankfully, other characters soon become self-aware and Atsushi wasn't alone anymore, but damage has already been done.

🐯 And then he felt an entity's presence.

_________________________________________

At first, Atsushi thought, that he finally lose it. He won't be surprised, really. Atsushi couldn't even be sure, that he could be considered human at that point, so, the feeling of being watched just tagged along with Atsushi's anxiety and dread.

Soon, Atsushi realised, that it wasn't him going mad. Someone was watching him and other members of ADA. Everyone noted, that they felt someone's presence.

Yes, Atsushi could pretend, that Dazai was playing along, pretending, he also felt been watched, but, Atsushi admitted, that Dazai would never do that. And then Kunikida and President Fukuzawa admitted, that they feel someone's gaze on them.

And they weren't been watched all the time. The presence were there only when something interesting were happening. Like something, or someone, was doing it for its own entertainment. Like it was watching the TV show.

They weren't going mad. Someone was watching them. It wasn't the ability. It was someone not from Yokohama.

This someone came from outside.

And time resets.

Atsushi, once again, was on the river bank.

________________________________________

When they start feeling your presence

🐯 Atsushi was scared of you. Were you the one who did it? Were you the one, who emptied the streets of Yokohama?

🐯 Atsushi was angry at you. Were you doing it for your own amusement? Were you making them believe they were fictional characters?

🐯 And now you reset time. Are you a god? Are you a demon? Are you an evil spirit? Why are you doing it? Who give you the right to play with their lives?

🐯 Atsushi saved Dazai from the river, again. And then Atsushi felt it. The entity cheered. The entity was... praising him? For doing a good job? No, for doing the right thing. For been a good person.

"You [|||||||||||||] good [||||||||||], Atsushi! Don't [||||||||||||]!

🐯 Atsushi can recognise all the words But it was clear, that entity's feelings and words were genuine. And really strong. Atsushi felt, like he was covered with something warm. With the softest blanket.

🐯 Atsushi saw, that both Dazai and Kunikida felt the same. During their dinner in a tea house, all of them felt it. The entity was amused with Dazai's antics. The entity was intrigued by Kunikida's combat skills.

🐯 But, the most important thing happened in the warehouse, when Atsushi, once again, talked to Dazai about his past in the orphanage.

_________________________________________

"At the orphanage, people always told me I'm worthless. I have no idea where my next meal will come from or my next bed. No one would care if I died on the street. I might as well just let that beast eat me and be done with it."

As soon as this words left Atsushi's mouth, he heard sobs.

The entity was crying. Atsushi felt something warm on his cheek. Like someone was petting him.

[In reality, you are gently petting manga's panel with Atsushi.]

Atsushi recognised some words.

"poor Atsushi" "monsters" "with a child" "how dare they".

And then, clear as day.

"I am sorry, I can't take your pain away."

🐯 Atsushi felt that his anger dissapeared. He doesn't know, who are you. What are you. But he knew one thing. You cared.

🐯 Their story continues. Soon all characters heard something nice from you. The union was formed. All organisations decided to work together to find more about you and find a way to reach out for you.

And then, one day, the purple moon shined above Yokohama.

When you installed BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan

🐯 Atsushi was your first character. From now on, he heared you nice and clear.

"You are the good person, Atsushi! You are stronger, than you think. Don't let others say you otherwise."

"Wow! You did so much damage! You are so cool, Atsushi!"

"Here, let's raise your level!"

🐯 You praised him. You were glad, he is with you.

🐯 Atsushi felt aful that he hated you. You were so kind. And when others uncovered, that you were a simple person, who had no idea they were alive, Atsushi felt even worse. He thought you were something supernatural and bad. And you were someone normal and kind.

🐯 Atsushi want to protect you. To be near you. He and others will find a way to you world. They will be with you. Until then, they have this game to talk to you.

____________________________

You opened the BSD Mayoi. You decide to check, if there was new gifts from the office. You saw, that you had a new gift in your Gift box. Thinking, that you forgot to collect something, you tap on Gift box icon.

It was a message.

"Dear [Y/N], Thanks for been near. Thanks for been kind. I will find a way to pay for your kindness. For now, acsept this. Atsushi Nakajima."

There was 50 moons attached to the message.

You thought, that it was nee feature in a game. That time to time characters will send players messagers, thanking them. You acsept gift and open character menu. You choose Atsushi's card and pet his chibi sprite.

"Thanks for the gift, Atsushi."

You didn't notice, that sprite blushed.

#bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd anime #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs au #atsushi nakajima #atsushi nakajima x reader #gender neutral reader #yandere #Self-AwareAU #Self-AwareBSD #Self-Aware Atsushi #Self-Aware Atsushi Nakajima #Self-Aware Nakajima

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cincincinnanom · 1 year ago

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Okay so I found this au by @originalartblog and like now I have to make an au based on this bc it's so intriguing.

So like Chuuya leaves when he's 16, just he's younger he just turned sixteen, Dazai is still fifteen and he's heart broken after Chuuya leaves. Just heartbroken. He loved Chuuya, more than anything, Chuuya tye only reason he's still alive leaves him for dead.

And Mori is furious, Chuuya is one of his best assets, and who does he takeit out on? Dazai the person who was essentially the closest to Chuuya.

And guess who's just joined the mafia? Ryunosuke and Gin Akutagawa. They are the only two people Dazai is close to right now. But the worst happens and Gin is killed on a mission.

Ryunosuke is left with only one person he's close to; Dazai. Their both alone, scared and young. Their children. They cling to each other. They become so much more closer. The relationship never becomes abusive. They need each other. Dazai meets Oda and they are friends.

Everything happens the same but Dazai never commands anyone, he the second hand yo the mafia, he's Mori’s best man, he's called not the demon prodigy, he's called the demon's poltergeist. He's the most feared member of the mafia. Ryunosuke a close second.

Dazai’s fighting style becomes less defensive in nature because he doesn't have chuuya at his back. Him and Ryunosuke are one in the same.

So when Oda dies, Dazai takes Ryunosuke with him. Or rather Ryunosuke cokes with Dazai. Dazai doesn't make Ryunosuke come with him, he guve him the choice and given the choice Ryunosuke comes too. They go to the ADA together.

Entrance exam is mostly the same but it's also happening with Ryunosuke's at the same time, with Yosano. They both pass.

Chuuya and Ranpo are away, their partners. Dazai gets jointed in as Kunikida's partner. Ryunosuke is by himself because everyone else is a bit scared of him. He's the youngest to join the ada.

Everyone start to notice how good Ryunosuke and Dazai are when paired together on offensive and defensive fights. So while in cases that don't have fights Kunikida and Dazai are paired in ones with fights Dazai and Ryunosuke work together.

Kunikida and Chuuya are paired together during fights as well.

Dazai and Chuuya don't see each other for s month after Daz and Ryu join.

When they do its because of Kunikida. The whiplash Chuuya goes through is massive, Dazai just stands there and says,

"Thanks a lot asshole, be happy I'm not dead after you left me." Before he leaves for the day. That's all I have so far, other than, Chuuya is Atsushi's mentor not Dazai. So atsushi and Ryunosuke are rivals in a proper sense.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #soukoku #bsd sskk #bsd manga #chuuya bsd #bsd au #bsd odasaku #based off someone elses au #btw trans dazai #trans dazai #trans akutagawa #cant forget that #oh yeah #chuukuni #before kunichuuzai #dazai and chuuya hwve some things yo work out first

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pleucas · 3 months ago

Note

i'm still half asleep as i write this. sorry if unorganized. i wake this morning but a wee little soul accused of not dismantling the facade of the character, of demonizing mental illness and most horrendously, watching the anime first. oh Cheese is also here sitting in the corner. real ominously, kinda scaring me.

so, firstly, i actually hate watching anime and like all animated media where there's a book. they speak too slow and less information is conveyed. if i can read something faster than i can watch the show, im going to read it. ive actually only watched the first couple episodes of BSD and the Dark Era ones. ive read the manga like 3 times and most of the light novels relating to chuuya and dazai. now that that the clear most important point is out of the way, which is that my media illiteracy is through MY OWN CHOICE !! onto the others. dazai is a well written character. he's entertaining to think about. a character being well written doesn't make them likeable though? he was written to be annoying, he gets on near everyone's nerves in the show. i can be annoyed with him AND ALSO understand that despite that he is a multi layered character who isn't necessarily all good or bad. sorry if i came off like that wasn't the case in my other asks. i get his facade, i understand why he does it, ive been there to when i was reallllly deep in depression. and with that said, it still frustrates me. this is gonna be a shocker, a real hard pill to swallow, some other expression of surprise, living life in a state where you're always passively lying to people is bad for you relationships!! i feel the burden to see through the facade is often placed on the people around him, but i think setting the standard that people should just know without you telling them can be pretty unhealthy.

i think in these kinda ships where one of the character's has basically erected a wall between themselves in the war, the compelling part is seeing the bricks, day by day, be taken apart. and, ultimately, it is on the person who put up the wall to do that in the end. they can have help, of course. most need a remarkable amount of assurance for it, but still it falls on the shoulders of the person who put it up.

im not going to compare mental illness or toxicity, but i don't think Chuuya even wants to assure him. furthermore, given their relationship, i think that's a respectable decision. im not going to bash him for disliking someone who admits to doing everything in his power to annoy him even at his lowest moments (STORMBRINGER DAZZAI OH HOW I HATE YOU. TANGENT TIME: there's a difference between manipulating a situation to be advantageous and it happening to turn out good for the people involved and helping. intentions matter!! dazai wanted the outcome best for HIMSELF. he does this a lot, drags other people into it. all the time. beast dazai? even worse. hate that guy. people read beast as a dazai angst book?? what??? clearly it was sskk fodder.) Chuuya is far less intelligent than dazai, alright. not a negative, but when it comes to holding him accountable my standard isn't as high. he clearly cares for others and has a strong moral backbone, even if id disagree with him on it, unlike SOMEONE i know. he values personhood generally. mentally ill people still have free will. i don't hate dazai for being mentally ill, i hate him for the choices he makes. i understand they stem from the illness, everything exists in context or whatnot, but that doesn't excuse it. on the point about him changing for the better, i don't actually think he has. not in a significant way. once more, intentions matter. he's 'being good' because Oda told him to be, but to this day, he still manipulates the people around him - and this is an active choice. one example: everything he makes Akutagawa do. in the relationship, he's very clearly still taking advantage of the emotional abuse he put him through. it helps the ADA, but it also shows he falls into the same patterns he always has. he can change, of course, and id like to see him change, but in my eyes it hasn't really happened yet. when it does? maybe ill like skk!! ive got hope for this arc.

on a much lighter note, im pretty sure i know who Cheese is. i showed this page to a friend a couple days ago and they said something about sending an ask in. sorry about them, they talk too much. me? im very concise. This has obviously been Rimu

RIMU OMG WELCOME BACK I'VE MISSED YOUUUUU

to preface: yeah totally fine to hate a character and acknowledge their complexity. very valid perspective, don't let anyone tell you otherwise

this is getting intense (& interesting!) and i've received a few more additions to this Saga in my inbox so i supposed i'd get a little into it as well. dz's character and skk has always been interesting to me so m gonna start procuring theses... sorry

firstly, i apologize for disregarding your agency in your own media illiteracy. please understand that there was little ill intent and i was actually trying to protect you from the dazai glazers, tho idk if you rlly want my protection there. they do get kinda feisty tho so you are one brave soldier

abt the dazai brick-wall-facade thing: super interesting and yeah i generally agree with you. his inability to communicate has been emphasized and i think it's something that, if he were a real person, he'd probably have to work on LOL. idk if bsd necessarily treats it as a bad/good thing — just a Thing. but then applied to skk, i actually believe asgr puts a lot of time into showing (not telling) that dazai does Not do this with chuuya, especially when they're 22, arguably even in stormbringer (tangent for later).

it's all very subtle — laughing at the rich girl act, smiling at him during lovecraft, legitimately giving him a choice about corruption, even calling him a diff "partner" title in jp. very, very subtle shit. notice that bones kills most of this. the thing is, i think it's also made clear that chuuya easily reads through the remainder of dz's bullshit, mostly when they're 22 (but therefore suggestively 17 and on, since they haven't been in contact since dz left the pm) — playing into the rich girl joke, suggesting code-worded formations during lovecraft, reading through dazai's stupid rolling-on-floor shtick in meursault. none of this has to be explicitly romantic either, asgr employs this stuff to demonstrate that they have a close, long-term bond. again, subtle shit, probably only readable if you have the context of stormbringer, which leads into the tangent.

stormbringer dazai, or mafia dazai, is dazai at his worst. every character in bsd has a time when they are at their worst, and they are all working to redeem themselves, for themselves. that's kinda the point of the whole series: find a reason to live, for others but primarily for yourself, no matter what you've done or will do or didn't do. at the point of sb, dazai does not understand human connection as a part of the self, since he's an isolationist little imp and also a traumatized "i know too much" child. pretty sure the whole shipping container scene was meant to demonstrate this. so yeah, dazai put chuuya through physical and emotional hell because he didn't understand the weight of either of these torments. when he finally does in dark era, he gets outta his "worst."

but you'll notice that when it comes to chuuya's humanity, he gives chuuya as much time as possible and hesitates to speak. again, subtle shit. i really think it does sb a disservice to say that dazai was trying to have the best outcome for himself — his goal was to protect mori and the freshly righted PM from collapse (aka protect yokohama from collapse), and along the way chuuya gets a power-up after losing some friends and going through some pain (which isn't that deep to dz) while also hurdling the question of his humanity by finding out a bit of his past. it's a very "i'm above it" analysis of reality, which i think sets up dazai's character arc + og mindset pretty well — through dark era and fyodor, dazai faces that he cannot be "above it" if he wants to really live. and so, here we are, witnessing him come down here to eat, breathe, fall in love, and die.

abt BEAST — i agree with you lol. i think BEAST is the epitome of a dazai who is forever "above it." his only option is suffering, lackluster returns & the achievement of a singular goal, and suicide. it's a subplot and subtlety to read into. otherwise, BEAST is utterly and wholly sskk/aku/atsushi gourmet dinner.

& on the topic of dazai's death that you mentioned way back, i agree with you. dazai needs to get nerfed somehow to confront the struggles of living. i think meursault has been pretty good for that, now that fyodor's up and kicking again — dazai's been intellectually and physically bested, and now he's facing everything he thought was inconsequential. the loss of friends, of agency (lol of The Agency also), of purpose, of physical ability. his suicide stuff is quite possibly chekov's bazooka missile and he'll probably end up dying (maybe through self-sacrifice), although in a completely different tone than in BEAST. im going to tentatively trust asgr with that... it would possibly make or break dazai's character LMFAO

ugh this is so long. i have/had Thoughts and you've dragged them out. but abt dazai being good/bad (as dz glazer identifies it) or better (as you id it), i'm pretty certain the whole point of dazai is to demonstrate that there is no good or bad in the world. like. Yeah. i somewhat agree that he isn't "changing for the better" in any significant way, precisely for the reasons you pointed out. him relying on others directly is a good sign tho (trusting atsushi to handle things in dead apple, sending akutagawa as the eyes/flare, etc). i'm rather certain we're seeing, rn in meursault/airport arc, dazai's capacity to truly change being challenged. so yes!!! i too have hope for this arc :0

this ended up being pretty dz centric which is sad because skk are two components after all... but this is way too long now. as always, pleasure to read ur writing, and keep it going!!! and please say hi to your discursive cheese friend for me <3

what have you done to me, cas

#casasks #rimu saga #HIIII RIMMUUU #sorry the dz glazers r at ur ASSS #IT'S CRAZY OUT HERE #again idk i can't blame you for not liking the controversial trench coat man #he is after all... Controversial #anyways i have too many bsd thoughts. usually i just try to put them into my drawings but well i'm in too deep now

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dax-enfinity · 11 months ago

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Alright it’s time to info-dump on CarmZai

Since my last long post didn’t upload and got deleted sadly where I was talking about them and how cute they are

Carmen Sandiego (Carmen Sandiego) x Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Son tan lindos ahshshshdhdhd !! Tengo tremendo AU sin los abilities en mi cabeza sobre ellos

NO ABILITIES AU

I imagine them in a acquaintances/allies to genuinely friends to secretly crushing on each other to lovers

Carmen and Dazai would meet at 15-16 so Demon Prodigy! Dazai & Black Sheep! Carmen

The two meet due to V.I.L.E. wanting to expand its horizons and better it’s international relations so they opt to try with the Port Mafia

Therefore V.I.L.E. decides to send Shadow-san and their best student at the academy (Carmen) to Yokohama in order to work out international relations and to form an alliance or partnership of sorts with the Port Mafia

That includes in meeting the Port Mafia executives and such (cue Dazai)

15-16 year old Carmen and Dazai end up meeting and surprisingly get along really well

An unexpected friendship soon turns into a relationship with them starting to date in secret and long distancing with secret phone calls and texts

This leads up to them helping each other when they both end up defecting from their respective organizations at 18 for good

———

Now onto the present:

They’ve been in a relationship for a while and whenever Carmen’s got capers in Japan she takes it as the chance to sneak away to see Dazai in person

Shadow-san HATES Dazai’s guts so that’s a reason for why they never told him about them being a thing yet he still knows that his adoptive daughter is with someone

As for the rest of Team Red…

Player KNOWS that Carmen is dating SOMEONE but he’s got no possible idea on WHO it could be

Zack can’t believe Carmen is dating someone since he’s always seen Carmen as someone whose occupation is just too risky for a romantic relationship and how she would choose to be with someone once things have calmed down

Ivy on the other hand, she also can’t believe it but she’s the biggest eavesdropper on the team besides her brother so she’s trying to get the most information on who Carmen could be dating and if they could be good enough for her

I imagine them meeting Dazai in person while they’ve got a caper in Japan and Dazai suddenly pulls up with the most dramatic entrance as possible saving Team Red in the process from V.I.L.E. / A.C.M.E.

Devineaux & Jules get jump scared by Dazai in the process

dazai loves latinas (gente no me funen es un chiste)

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bsd-fan · 2 years ago

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Dazai Osamu

I really think that Dazai’s main problem with humanity comes from a distorted perspective of himself and that this distortion comes from the alienation and isolation that the character experiments. Let’s start going deeper with this.

Dazai is brilliant, he is a genius, he is incredibly good at reading situations and people and even better at predicting and controlling them, but this also leads him to lose interest easily. It’s also important to aknowlege Dazai’s deep distrust to the people, his natural apathy and how good he is at manipulating people, put all of this together and you will get a strong disconnection between him and the rest of the world. This also explains why Dazai often sees people as chess pieces to use and discard instead of actual individuals. This is not exclussive to Dazai though, most of the most intelligent characters also have this problem to a certain extent. Ranpo also deals with the feeling of being an stranger thanks to his intelligence, and Fyodor also deals with this alienation but I want to say that nobody suffers it like Dazai does because thanks to external and internal factors Dazai is in a worse position than those two.

Now before going on, I think it’s important to highlight that Dazai seems to make an important association between “humanity” and “reason for living” and be for his intelligence, personality or environment (maybe because of all three) Dazai has an almost pathological need to be in control all the time. He needs logic, he needs logical answers, when he can’t find them he gets frustrated. Dazai can’t find sense to the world but most importantly he doesn’t find sense in life, so he ends in a existencial depression and falling into a frank nihilism. All of these are factors that increase the feeling of alienation and isolation because no one can see as much as him, and no one can understand him. This feeling goes both ways because Dazai also can’t understand why the rest of the people go on with their lives when there’s no reason for that. This ends up in a deep loneliness and increases the emotional distance that he already has with people. To summarize: Dazai feels like an outcast compared with the rest of the people which translates into a prevalent feeling of inhumanity.

“He is a man of few words. And his voice has the sound of severance that rejects mutual understanding from the very beginning. No one could understand him. No one ever will. And he himself knows that”- Odasaku about Dazai, The day I picked up Dazai Osamu (translated by popopretty)

This leads to some of the biggest paradoxes of his character:

1. He basically predicts every situation, that’s why he loses interest so easily and why he lives perpetually bored BUT at the same time, he can’t find a reason to keep existing in this world.

2. He feels detached from his humanity and he is convinced that the rest of the people notices how inhuman he is too (this is encouraged by the way people refer to him and how the act around him, a good example is “The demon prodigy” and how is shown that most people avoid him because they were scared of him) so we end in this weird situation in which Dazai craves his own humanity but at the same time it seems like he purposefully avoid it (this is important with his relationship with chuuya)

Now I feel is important to say that not all of this isolation comes from external factors. A lot of his problems are self inflicted.

“I always lose the things I don’t want to lose the most. That’s why I don’t feel anything anymore. The moment you get your hands on something worth going after, you lose it. That’s just how things are. There is nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering”-Dazai Osamu, Dark era.

This is important, it seems like Dazai had a past experience that convinced him that is simply not worth it to stablish bonds with people because he will end up losing them anyway. This is far worse than just him having problems with relationships, he /purposefully/ avoids them. And when he comes close to something, he self sabotages himself. This aggravates the isolation and ends up in a bigger deshumanization.

This also leads to one of Dazai biggest problems, he doesn´t fucking make sense. He craves contact, he craves the relationships because to a certain extent he /knows/ they make him closer to his humanity but at the same time he rejects them, he keeps making barriers between others and himself because he actually can´t stand the idea of vulnerability. When Dazai feels exposed his first reaction is to put distance, with manipulation, cruel words, distractions, etc. because at the end what´s the point is he is going to lose them anyway but also because as much as he wants someone to understand him, he also hates the idea of being known. Dazai doesn´t only have problems with others, his biggest problem is with himself. He has zero self awareness, his real problem at this point isn´t his dificulty at understanding the world. His real problem is he doesn´t even understand himself, and he doesn´t want to. He refuses to see himself because he is scared of the emptiness there. So what does he do? He creates a rol to play, he convinces himself that his emotions are not real (even when they are), he loses the ability to distinguish between the real and fake emotions, and because he is so sure of his inhumanity he creates a personality that seems a little bit more human but at the end of the day this only represents another barrier and another way to avoid facing himself. He doesn´t even realize about his real problem and instead of trying to understand himself, he projects trying to understand life, but it´s futile because there are no logical answers for that, so he gets increasingly depressed and more and more frustrated. I´m not saying that Dazai doesn´t experiment some real anguish for the lack of logic in the world, but I don´t think that´s the root of his problem. He just centers around that. Dazai in a lot of ways is the prime example of a self destructive character and this extends far more than his suicidal attempts.

And I love dead apple because I do think that it shows the problem:

So, I´m not going deep because I don´t have the time to do a whole Dead apple analysis but the main point of DA is that the characters need to proof that they can perseverate against themselves. In a way, their abilities represents a "shadow" something they don´t want to recognize about themselves. But at the end they need to face it if they want their abilities back. For atsushi was the memory of killing shibusawa. People will complain about him crying but it´s so much deeper than that. What Atsushi did was the bravest thing in the world.

Lets contextualize: Atsushi experimented intense abuse when he was a kid but more than that he was conditioned to think that if he didn´t save people then he simply doesn´t deserve to exist. Atsushi´s hero complex doesn´t come from nowhere. He was taught that he needed to be a good person because if he wasn´t then he was less than nothing. That was ingrained in his brain. So, the idea of killing someone? even in self defense go against everything he was pushed to believe in. That´s why it was so difficult for him to accept it. For him to get his ability back, he needs to recognize the tiger as part of himself, he needed to face the memory, he needed to open the gate.

Dead apple in that way is full of simbolisms:

This three? They are above everything. Everyone else is fighting for their lives down there but they are high in the tower with white suits, analyzing everything for above. Have you ever wondered why none of them have to go against their abilities? I can´t completely answer that question but I think asagiri´s interview helps. He said that he wanted the characters to be associated with gates and the whole thing is that the alien trio can´t open or at the very least they are extremely hesitant about oppening their gates. There is a symbolism in it. This means that they probably can´t win against themselves. And I love this because it brings light to the fact that even though Fyodor is one of Dazai´s most important foils and his main antagonist. Dazai´s real enemy will always be himself. He still can´t win against his mind. He can´t see at the ugliest part of himself and face it. (Not talking about fyodor scene because it´s hella confusing and I have my own thousand word essay about that part, also not talking about chuuya being their main contrast because it will lead to incongruent fangirling)

So, as we have talked Dazai is specially good at avoiding things that are emotionally uncomfortable for him and this we can also see it in his coping mechanisms. Now, I’m not psychologist but I’m pretty sure Dazai has a strong tendency to intellectualization.

Intellectualization is a coping mechanism, this means a psychological automatical response that protects a person from internal or external stressors. Intellectualization is pretty interesting because the person keeps emotional distance with the stressor while still being conscious of it. So Dazai basically transforms emotions and feelings into thoughts because it’s easier to process that way, the problem here is that Dazai does it /all the time/. The problem with this is, Dazai has “impostor emotions” because he doesn’t experiment them, he rationalize them, it ends up with him thinking about them as fake emotions, even when they are not. Dazai also has a really poor ability of instrospection (you can’t correct what’s wrong if you don’t recognize your own emotions), and again it aggravates the isolation because in order to stablish bonds with people you need emotional vulnerability. I would also add that this explains Dazai’s anxiety, he centers around finding answers that doesn’t exist, he gets frustrated, keeps arguing with himself and ends up with cannibalizing thoughts and without a real answer because it’s a distraction of the real problem. Here some examples:

“Even if I try to argue with him, he has already prepared a counterargument to that counterargument. That is, again, a debate that is already discussed exhaustedly inside him. And the counterargument for that counterargument of a counterargument has already been prepared. Just like an infinite staircase. Descending to hell, Dazai’s dark reason has no bottom”- Oda about Daza, the day I picked up Dazai osamu.

This is not a direct view of Dazai’s brain, that’s the truth but this is /exactly/ the way he thinks. He /wants/ to find a reason for living but objectively speaking there is /none/ so he goes thinking about this all the time, from every angle, without finding a convincing answer because it doesn’t exist.

Another good example? Oda’s death

I’ve talked about it before, odasaku’s death is one of the few instances in which Dazai actually shows genuine emotion but even there to a certain extent he is intellectualizating (I think I just invented that word, ups) the situation. Why do I think so? Here:

“Dazai knew. He knew ougai’s calculations, his mentality and the rationale behind the plan. That was just the kind of organization the port mafia was. Logically speaking, Ougai was right and Dazai was wrong”

The first thing Dazai does is go to Mori and explain what he did. This is not a normal response, a normal reaction would’ve been panic, anger, and pure pain but when you read the novel is pretty clear that Dazai’s first instinct is find sense in the things that are happening and to find a reason for Mori’s acting. Even when he realized what Mori did, his brain still thinks in terms of rational and irrational. And thing is, that even though he loved odasaku with all his soul he still can’t but agree with Mori to a certain extent, even when he doesn’t want to because he still understands that what Mori did was /logical/. This is a way of deal with emotion. He can’t experiment pure anger and hurt because he still is trying his best to process the situation rationally. Before running to oda he stopped to wonder why he needed to go, yes at the end he decided that is because he was his friend and that was enough but even when his first instinct was to go, he didn’t, he needed to stop to think about it. And that’s Dazai, every single thing he says and does goes through an intense thought process. Because in that way he kind of protects himself but at the same time it ends up being a problem because it isolates him even more.

Now after talking about his personality, intelligence, and coping mechanisms we should be talking about the enviroment but we won´t because the mafia is as important for chuuya´s characterization as it is for Dazai. I have a whole analysis about soukoku and the mafia. But the only thing you need to know is: THE MAFIA IS THE WORST PLACE IN THE WORLD FOR SOUKOKU (and yes, I´m including chuuya in it)

Now, lets finally start talking about my favorite part of Dazai´s character: HIS EVOLUTION.

#dazai bsd #dazaianalysis #bsd dazai #bsd analysis

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the-silver-peahen-residence · 2 years ago

Text

||Ink Van Za Tatsu No Harem: Part 12: Head hunt||

Hello my dears, Peahen mom is once more back and with a drabble to add to the Ink Van Za Tatsu No Harem short series.

The other parts were written by the amazing @demon-blood-youths but please give them a read if you like. If you wish to read the older ones, the chapter list is down below.

-----Chapters so far----

Part 1

Part 2 - New Challenger

Part 3 - Planning Operation Party B̶a̶c̶h̶e̶l̶o̶r̶e̶t̶t̶e̶

Part 4- Party Time Descending Into Chaos

Part 5 - Party Rumble - ( Part was Written by me. :) )

Part 6 - How to Settle This

Part 7 - Love Jeopardy

Part 8 - Love Jeopardy Second Half

Part 9 - The game wars

Part 10 - Resolution???

Part 11 - Peak of Anger

((Your reading part 12 right now))

-------- Summary of Drabble ------

After the sudden attack, the boys went into pure rage after seeing that Ink saved and protected them. Some did get hurt but right now, they were just done beating up the ones that did the attack. Now, they were getting information on who sent the attack. What will happen now that the boys got this information? Read to find out!

Demon mun’s muses

The DBT

Some of the fractions that also belongs to her.

My guests

A few of my OC’s

My Canon Muses ( Midoriya, Bakguo, Rin, Ren, Atsushi and Denji )(Belongs in their anime/manga but also me due to rping as them as my muses))

((Their will be grammar errors and mistakes but this was written for fun. So I hope you like it.))

After the big beatdown from the boys, it seems the one that finally got the merc to speak. Denji, who did the worse beating saw him now crying twitching on the ground trying to move but he was surrounded by very pissed off boys ready to kill him.

"Please..please no more! I'll talk! I'll talk!!" He cries only to feel Bakugo force him to sit up on his knees while Midoriya used his black whips to keep a tight hold on him so he can't try anything. Yeah, he and the other pro mercenary team was crying or in pain. That or knocked out.

"Alright then, Talk. Who sent you to come after Ink and the others?" Denji asked while the others listen seeing the leader trying to think while the others were scared. Well, the two remaining awake.

"It was our leader. He told us about the bounty On Van Ink the Dragon since she's got the most out of the other wanted. The boss said we could split the money if we brought her back dead or alive.." He saw Denji growl to punch him in the face as he falls back wincing in pain. His nose got broken with Kali forcing the guy back up on his knees again.

"Well, that tells us something but not everything. Where is he located? You must know and what is the leader planning on doing now?" she asked now seeing the male wincing in pain. "TALK SCUMBAG!!"

"I..I don't know! He said the other plans were private! We are not allowed to say!" He said only for the boys to get closer about to start beating him and the others up again.

"Wait wait wait WAIT! He s..said about another hidden plan if we got the dragon back. He was planning on a back up plan if we failed to go after the others to send in bait in order to trick her to finding them. We swear that's what we know mostly at this point."

"Bullshit! You know more!!! Your just trying to not say anything so your asses don't get burned for ratting him out!" Bakugo said but Dazai tries to calm him down with the others listening to this.

"Bakugo is right though. Their has to be more to this guys plan if he sent you fools to attack us and capture our friend." Rex said with arms crossed. "Like Denji said, you shouldn't hide anything else if you wish to keep yourself in one peace.."

"Or if not, I can cut you up or cut something off that will really be a pain...you wouldn't want that would you!?" he said stomping on his nuts again as he yelps twitching in pain. Though, his face paled knowing what he means.

"You wouldn't dare..w..would you?"

"...Try me." He warns since he would literally cut this guys dick off before killing him. The boys from the fractions wince knowing what he means but didn't react to that. Yeah, Denji's got balls and he was fucking scary to threaten the merc like that. While the groups were listening to wait, Atsushi and Ren still was investigating clues to see they found something. One of the men had some old Map tracker on them. Along with some information regarding ink. Maybe that was some clue?

"Do you think this will help with tracking the guy down?" the weretiger asked seeing Ren think.

"It's possible but we might need to double check. True things like this do that but you don't know if they always tell the truth. At times, the enemy will be given fake ones. "Maybe we can get Fosh and Mouse to hack and check it out to be sure."

~~~Meanwhile~~~

Hex and Ophelia was just done with healing everyone who got injured but some was worried wondering what will happen now. The two healers were now checking that everyone was alright, just shooken up.

"Is that everyone, Ophelia?" Hex looks seeing her give a light nod.

"Yes. Everyone that got badly injured is healed up but needs some rest." she sighed but glad to know no one got killed.

Breezy was worried while sitting near a resting Ink who was asleep right now as she recovers. Akiko was able to treat her heavy injuries so she just needed to rest for a while. Breezy knew Jinx would be happy her close friend/sister was going to be okay.

She did look over seeing Melinda sitting by a resting Jaron but her upper face was darkened but she was holding his hand rubbing the top with her thumb. She was deeply happy he was alright but he was out for a while from what Hex said. "..........." She did feel Hex's hand on her shoulder as she looks to Jaron quietly.

"Don't worry Melinda, as Ophelia said, he's going to be alright. He just needs to rest.." He said to her that Melinda slowly nods.

"I..I know...I just....." he saw her hand hold his a bit squeezing it gently while they shake but Hex knew she was upset her friends and him got hurt.

"I know...but rest assure, whoever did this won't get away with it." He assures her of that while Breezy was silent. She only saw Melinda look back to Jaron again but just keeps holding his hand in her lap. She hopes the others get back at the ones that did this.

~~Back with the boys~~

"So I'm going to ask one more time; either you talk and spill everything you know..or you lose em. Make your choice, dog meat." Denji warns but saw the guy sweatdropping.

"Oh come on! You can't be serious! Your joking right?? RIGHT!?"

Denji said nothing to sigh but he stood up to reach showing the black string to his chest. His hand reaching for it as he was getting ready to pull it. He was serious! He would make this asshole suffer for hurting Ink. All of them would suffer for it. The male pales more seeing he was serious!!! This got him to get more and more scared as he was about to pull it until...

"OKAY OKAY NO NO NO!! He's on the south side of New York City! In the back from what I know! He's hidden in a base somewhere heavily guarded by others. He is still waiting but already planning a second attack if ours failed! Please, that's all I know! Just no more! Please!" he said begging that the others saw Denji lower his hand glaring.

"Are you sure? This isn't a lie is it!"

"N..No! No, i swear! I speak the truth!" he cries scared of them that the heroes, Dazai, and other heroes wonder if he's speaking the truth.

"L..Look, if you find a GPS and look at it, I'm telling the truth! It shows the map to where our boss is located!" he said but Ren heard that but thinks knowing it had to be. So, he stood up to walk over to the hackers.

"If he tells the truth. Can you guys check this?" He shows the item to Fosh and Mouse who looks at it. She takes it and inserts the GPS chip into her phone doing a scan on it. She was pressing some keys on her phone as it was reading it to make her push a button seeing a mini map from it.

"From what it says..I believe he speaks the truth. That red dot shows someone there in the south Bronx it seems...." She said seeing the boys look to the leader who was crying for his life. "But he still might be lying though.." she warns.

"True then we need another idea........" Denji said as the pro-heroes goes to arrest them but that leaves the question.

"Or we could take him and force him to lead us back. This asshole has to pay for what he did to Ink!" Bakugo was angry wanting to destroy them for this but he keeps his cool

"If he was speaking the truth, then this guy is really planning a sneak attack here again. We either have to go find him and stop him before it's too late. Even Rin feels the same way.

"Easy now. Going in just to fight might get you guys killed. You have to think of a plan before you go." Yuu stated with arms crossed to look at them. For now, she's right. They had to think of a way to stop him but knowing what he said: their boss was planning another attack.

For now, they had to think of what their next plan is from here. The heroes and Dazai saw this but knowing the boys, they were going to get back at the one that did this. Maybe for now, they can think of a plan quickly. Time was running out if this guy spoke the truth. Another attack could happen and it could be even worse.

~~To be Continued~~

#IC #silver roses #Drabble/short or long stories #silver butterfly mun #peahen mom #the mansion owner #Van Ink Tatsu No Harem Part 9 #the game wars #the fractions of NYC #bakugo katsuki #ren amamiya #atsushi nakajima #denji #rin okumura #midoriya izuku #demon-blood-youths #peahen writer #dragon harem au

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silverbladexyz · 2 years ago

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Hi hun🤭 can I request Tecchou, Dazai, and Chuuya meeting their s/o’s ex fiancé for the first time (but reader is not there when they meet oh and reader is the one who canceled the engagement) and can the ex fiancé be similar to Yukito Ayastuji in personality and looks and be like really smart? And maybe the boys get jealous or smth😭

Hello there! This is quite interesting, and I changed the request a little if that's alright with you ^-^. The boys don’t really get jealous but something else happens.

The images do not belong to me. They belong to their original owners.

TW: Mentions of threats, mentions of death

Tecchou, Dazai and Chuuya meeting S/O's ex fiancée who is like Ayatsuji

Dazai:

-When he first met your ex-fiancée, his eyes narrowed and he observed the person in front of him

-Your ex-fiancée no doubt knew who he was, and Dazai hated the vibes that your former partner emitted

-I feel like Dazai wouldn’t really approach him because he simply is not bothered to talk to them, but the latter saved him the trouble by walking up to Dazai with quite a scrutinising look in his eyes

-‘You must be Y/N’s new boyfriend; not that I care. I would advise you to leave them now so to save you a lot of trouble later on in your relationship. You deserve better, anyways.’

-And Dazai immediately transformed from ‘couldn’t-care-less’ to ‘demonic-prodigy-of-the-Port-Mafia’

-Literally goes all demon-mode. Normally, this would scare most people away and make them think twice, but your ex-fiancée wasn’t an average person. Dazai could see that their smartness could probably rival Ranpo’s

-‘So? Are you going to stalk and kill me just because I told you the truth? That isn’t very befitting for a detective, now is it? Not to mention that Y/N would be heartbroken to see their beloved in jail... but they deserve it anyways, that insufferable-’

-‘Ah, now I see why they left you. With your arrogant and snarky attitude, who would want a cocky man-child like you?’ Your ex-fiancée had laid the fuel, while Dazai lighted the fuse

-Dazai was so tempted to make this into a roast battle, but he has a lot more common sense. So instead, he gave the man a chilling glare, told him to never come back again, and walked away

-Definitely showers you in much more affection, because he just shudders to think if you had married that bastard. He is glad that you cancelled the engagement though, because he can’t bear to see you with somebody else whom clearly didn’t deserve you

Chuuya:

-One word: rip. Good luck to your ex-fiancée

-It’s a 50/50 chance that either Chuuya or your ex-fiancée approaches the other first. I feel like it depends on Chuuya’s mood, but he’ll more likely stay put and send glares at the other person’s way

-But sooner or later Chuuya is approached by the scumbag, and even when he’s holding back every urge to beat him up, Chuuya just asks ‘can I help you?’ in the nicest way possible

-When he hears your ex-fiancée talking trash about you and just basically is being a jerk, your boyfriend is immediately grasping the latter’s collar and talking in a dangerously low voice

-‘You want to mess with me? Careful where you’re stepping, because you’re on very thin ice right now.’

-‘Oh? Threatening me, are you? Now what would Y/N think of you hurting and possibly killing their ex-fiancée? You would end up in jail as well, with a lot of life sentences on your head.’ So your ex had brains as well as a sharp tongue and good looks... Chuuya just wanted to punch his face and break his stupid glasses. He wanted to wipe that smirk of your ex’s face, but your ex was right. You wouldn’t allow Chuuya to do such a thing

-Even though Chuuya couldn’t physically hurt your ex, he could threaten him. So he literally said ‘My lawyers can get me out of jail. And don’t think that I don’t have my ways. If I ever see you talking badly about Y/N then you don’t know what I have in store for you.’

-Chuuya then walks away, but I headcanon that he secretly is insecure about himself. Your ex was so much smarter and better-looking than him, what if you didn’t want to be with him anymore? Not to mention that he was a mafioso, and a very dangerous one at that...

-You definitely notice him being a little quieter when he’s back home with you, and by this point you know him well enough to understand what was bothering him. Please give him a hug and reassure him that you wouldn’t leave him for anything else, because Chuuya’s lost too many people already :(

-He might already have a wedding ring in store for you. It’s hidden in one of his vests in the wardrobe

Tecchou:

-It is also a 50/50 chance that either he or your ex-fiancée approaches the other person

-If Tecchou approaches him, he might say ‘You must be Y/N’s ex-fiancée.’ with a straight deadpan face. I admire his courage I could never do that

-Anyways, Tecchou could probably sense the vibes your ex-fiancée is giving off. He isn’t that dense to know that your ex doesn’t like him, but does Tecchou care? Nope

-But when those words fall out of your ex-fiancée’s mouth, Tecchou immediately starts giving him a lecture on how he mustn’t be rude and disrespect you. I feel like Tecchou doesn’t have a short temper, so your ex-fiancée was secretly getting frustrated at the lack of reaction from your boyfriend

-If your ex-fiancée slips up and says something extremely rude about you, Tecchou would be annoyed and slightly irritated. He might give a warning to him to watch his words, but your ex didn’t choose to listen

-Okay but I feel like Tecchou would just say ‘It is my choice if I want to leave Y/N or not. Thank you for your input.’ And just leaves. He then gives you more affection that day because he also can’t think of you being with that blond-haired man

-But when your ex-fiancée starts to threaten you? Oh boy, now Tecchou is mad. And he is terrifying when he is mad. Basically has to hold himself back from reaching for his sword or pinning your ex-fiancée onto the ground (not the dirty way-) but Tecchou just maintains calm and manages to walk away. Those other actions wouldn’t be befitting for a Hunting Dog, afterall

-Definitely keeps an eye out for your ex-fiancée, but that man will never bother you two again because yes, that’s how terrifying Tecchou is when he’s mad

@nekokinax @pixyys @pianotross @xxelfmamaxx @yuugen-benni @lakeside-paradise @catzlivedforbsd @yukitomybeloved @irethepotato @arisu-chan4646 @voyagewiththesatan @i-just-like-goats

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #tecchou x reader #silverbladexyz

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shadyteacup · 4 years ago

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OMG pm Dazai dating y/n and leaves without saying anything,,,, reunion when chuuya is interrogating him in their “dungeon” area, y/n sees him and flat out ignores him until her and chuuya leave, when she full on KISSES chuuya AND WALKS AWAY mmmm angst c:

Tasty angst.. Here I come! This was an amazing idea! I loved writing it♡

Speechless

Dazai Osamu x fem! Reader x Chuuya Nakahara

Tw: slight nsfw(kissing), angst, strong language.

"Hey Chuuya, I got here as soon as you called. So, what's the matter?"

You say, walking up to the redhead, a smile on your face.

Noticing the grim look on your friend's face, your smile drops, a concerned look replacing it.

"Chuuya? What's wrong? And why hasn't Osamu arrived?"

Chuuya grit his teeth at your words, and tightened his fists.

"That bastard left."

"What?"

"He left the mafia, Y/N. He abandoned us."

You couldn't believe your ears. No way. You loved him. He loved you too, didn't he? Didn't he?! How.. Why.. When?

"Is this some sick joke, Chuuya? Because I don't appreciate it. It's a very stupid prank. You know how cranky I get when you wake me up in the middle of my sleep. I don't appreciate-"

Chuuya grabbed your shoulders, shaking you. He thought that this was the only way to help you understand. To tell you, that this wasn't some prank. It was true. Dazai had left the the mafia. But what's worse, is that he left the two of you, without as much as a mention of his plan.

"He left, Y/N! He left us! It's not a joke! He.. He's gone.."

Chuuya's grip on you slowly loosened as he teared up. His voice cracked.

You teared up, too. Your mouth was agape, wanting to say so much, express so much, but not knowing how.

"But.. he didn't even say goodbye.."

Chuuya shook his head, gritting his teeth.

"He didn't bother to say goodbye."

....

"Chuuya, you down here?"

That voice.. It belonged to Dazai's lover. He could recognize that voice anywhere. The honey like tone, and the soothing pitch; it had to be Y/N.

Dazai's heart was beating at 1000 kilometers per hour, and he feared that if you came close enough, it would leap out of his chest and tango on the floor.

Every step you took, the sharp sound of your heel against the floor reverberated through the dark dungeons.

The last time he had seen you was the night before he left the mafia. He hadn't told you about his departure, and had simply vanished the next day. He didn't try contacting you, and neither did you try to find out about him. He assumed that you were fine with his decision. But he knew that this assumption was probably wrong. You hated being lied to. You were one of those people that took time to open up to someone, but once they did, they would trust them fully. And he had gone ahead and broken that trust. He had backstabbed you. You were probably livid. Maybe you're coming down here to give him a piece of your mind. Dazai shuddered at the thought of being on the receiving end of your anger. Anybody who witnessed your angry side never lived to tell the tale.

Finally, your outline could be seen above the stairs. You were standing there casually, your hands in the pockets of the Mafia style coat draped over your lithe form. Your coat looked expensive. It most probably was. You were an executive, afterall. You had been since you were 15. You were probably filthy rich by now. Your hair looked as silky as he remembered it to be. A few strands gracefully framed your elegant and chiseled face. You had definitely grown up over the years. The maturity in your eyes, the sharpened features of your face and the soft curves of your body proved it. Dazai couldn't help but stare at his true love, the woman he had fallen for a few years ago, and the one who he was head over heels for now. He simply froze in his place, eyes widenening and mouth slightly agape as he took in your form.

You began strutting down the stairs, observing the prisoner. For a split second, Dazai could spot surprise flash through your eyes.

"Y/N... I didn't want to get you down here.."

Chuuya spoke, a scared look on his face. He was terrified of what you would do if you saw Dazai down here. Part of him knew you hated him, and might lash out on him. That was fine. But what scared him was the other possibility. The other part of him thought that you might forgive him. Considering your kind nature, you might fall prey to Dazai's sweet, manipulative words and forgive him. He would be devastated if you did that. The brunette has caused a lot of pain to you, and Chuuya would absolutely hate it if you decided to be compassionate and forget all that pain. All those tears were shed over the bastard. He couldn't bear to see you ignore all that.

"Yeah, you went out of the way to avoid telling me. I got to know from Tachihara."

You rolled your eyes, smiling at the fiery haired man.

Chuuya fisted his hands, anger building up in his stomach.

"Don't lash out on him! I had to threaten the poor boy to get the info out of him."

You said, holding your hands up to placate him.

You came to stand right next to him.

"I wanted to know if dinner is still on."

Dazai watched the two of you in silence. He wanted to say so much to you, but he couldn't if stupid short rack stayed here.

Well, he didn't have an option. He had to talk to you. And now was the only time he'd get.

"Y/N! It's been so long, hasn't it?"

He grinned at you, waiting for you to grin back or scowl at him.

You looked at him without bothering to face him. You raised an eyebrow, and focused your attention back to Chuuya.

Dazai was heartbroken at that. You never used to ignore him. You used to always be so enthusiastic and encouraging. This is the first time you've ignored him.

"Y/N. I'm so sorry. I know I should have said something, but I was stupid back then. I didn't know how to say, and what to say... I... I love you.. please, will you hear me out?"

His voice cracked. He meant every word he had just uttered. He loved you. Back then, when he left the mafia, he was only 19. Leaving the mafia was the best decision he had ever made in his life. But the way he executed it was wrong. It was stupid. He had lost you.

Chuuya gulped. This is exactly what he had feared.

You finally faced Dazai, hands still in your pockets. Your face held a look of mild intrigue, almost as if you were enjoying this.

You tilted your head to side, eyeing his worn out state.

Without a word, you faced Chuuya.

"I'm starving. Meet me at our usual place."

Chuuya was shocked at your lack of response. He nodded nonetheless.

"Alright. Get started without me. I might take a while."

You placed a hand on his shoulder, and were about to turn to leave.

"Y/N! Please, just hear me out!"

Dazai had never begged anyone other than Odasaku in his life. He had only ever pleaded Oda to not go destroy Mimic. Nobody other than Odasaku had seen Osamu Dazai ever plead to anyone about anything. The demon prodigy of the Mafia always found a way to get what he wanted.

Chuuya was left gaping at the scene.

You grabbed Chuuya's neck, and placed your palm on his cheek. Drawing him in, you kissed him. Right in front of Dazai. You deepened the kiss as Chuuya pulled you in further, leaving no room between the two of you. Tongues danced together, setting an erratic beat, as the two of you got lost in the kiss. The air supply was getting low, and Chuuya needed to come back for air, but you pulled him before he could do so. The lack of oxygen made his eyes flutter close, and he felt light headed. You devoured his mouth, tasting him. Finally pulling back, you bit his bottom lip, and licked it.

Chuuya felt weak in the knees. This wasn't the first time you had kissed him. Hell, you both had done a lot more than just kiss. But it always left him flabbergasted and breathless.

You wasted no time as you turned and walked away, leaving the dungeons after saying a ,"Hope to see you soon!", to Chuuya.

As you disappeared above the stairs, Dazai felt his heart shatter. He felt a pang in his chest, and tears surfaced in his eyes. He exhausted all his energy and self control in keeping his tears in and maintaining a nonchalant posture.

Chuuya was elated. He couldn't express how happy he was even in a thousand words. The love you both shared was strong, and what happened just now had proven it to him. In a twisted way, he was glad that Dazai had left, as it led him to form a beautiful relationship with you.

While Chuuya glowed from giddiness, Dazai cracked on the inside, and felt hollow. He thought that this was what he deserved. Afterall, he was the one who had caused immense pain to you. It's only fair for you to return the favor.

His hair hid half of his face, but Chuuya could easily spot the tears streaming down his cheeks. Chuuya felt bad for him, for Dazai was once his friend. But Dazai had this coming. He had hurt you, and Chuuya is planning to hurt him in return for that.

Lemme know if this is what you were looking for!

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xo-cuteplosion-xo · 4 years ago

Text

Touch to Comfort |Dazai x reader|

Touch to comfort. |Dazai x traumatized reader|

Warnings- implied past abuse (not from dazai).

The moon shimmered through the open curtains. It was rare to have a night like this. Normally the night was consumed with lonely sleep. One of you, always away. Whether it be on investigations or running from something, one of you was usually missing. On the rare nights where the two of you were alone in the small apartment, you held your bodies close. His slender, delicate hands clasped around your waist as your head pressed against his chest. His chin lightly rested against the top of your head. Sometimes you’d play a movie, or just listen to music. Others, you stayed still basking in the other's attention. It was rare for either of you to leave the attention of the other.

Today was one of the few days the two of you were home together. He seemed frustrated and pissed. His face showed nothing but the way he carried himself, reminded you of the Dazai you did not miss. You had heard the news, and were in fact not expecting your boyfriend to be home tonight. Considering everything the agency was going through. The demon, known as Fyodor, was causing quite the commotion and trouble for Dazai. They most likely rival each other's intelligence, this could explain the sour mood Dazai walked in with. His fingers roughly shoved off his shoes. His eyes not once paying mind to you. He whispered no welcomes, gave you no attention.

It made you slightly insecure. Whenever he was home he would race to see you, to bask in your attention. It had been nearly a month since you two had alone time. Due to the dangers of his work, it had been just as long without seeing one another. He was afraid of what Fyodor would do if he found out about your relationship. None of his other enemies scared him that way. He’d never known this frustration or fear before. You could tell he wasn’t in a mood to talk. His shoulders shrugged the coat off, letting it fall to the floor. Sighing you picked it up and placed it on the hook. Normally you'd scold him for the mess he left you to deal with. Tonight you let it be, afraid of upsetting him. His past self had always terrified you. You accepted it, but before this relationship had started there had been one single warning, one condition.

He was never to act like a mafioso in front of you. He was never to harm you or to scream at you. You had not told him why, but he’d smiled, kissed your lips, and held his hand out to make that promise. He had assured you no matter how mad he may get with work as a detective, he would never take the frustration out on you. It had been a promise, he’d kept it so far. There were times he came close but before his voice raised he always took a sharp breath, hung his head, and apologized for almost raising his voice. Even in the rare moments you fought, he never once screamed. He may have yelled a bit, but he never made you feel threatened. Even after those arguments, he spoiled you rotten from his guilt. He truly loved you as you loved him.

Walking into the room you couldn’t help notice he was pacing around. With your soft e/c hues you walked up to him. Your hand reached to cup his cheek. A small motion to comfort him. That was all it took, the startled motion of his hand seemingly slow in time. The back of his hand hitting yours. His eyes, deprived of emotion. His mouth opening, but not to apologize and soothe your skin, or plead for you to forgive the small action. He’d never lashed out before. Had the words from his mouth been a plea for forgiveness, it would have been alright. Your vision would not have unfocused and split to shield your mind; to protect you.

You caught nothing of what he said, only that his voice was loud, loud enough to pierce through your boundaries. Loud enough to make you flinch. Loud enough to inflict a scared whimper. Loud enough for you to back up, cradle your reddening palm to your chest, and sink. Loud enough for your hands to cover your ears. He wasn’t shouting anymore, he’d stopped as soon as he realized he’d screamed. He’d spoken 3 words, not right now. He’d screamed them at you. He’d broken that promise to you.

His mind was quick to clear as he took in how you looked. Defenseless and vulnerable… and he’d put you there. He’d put you into a panicking and terrified space. He’d hurt you. Naturally, he stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Your body was shaking, trembling as if you had been on the brink of life and death. “Belladonna?” he whispered but you lacked a response. Your ears are still covered by your hands.

He knelt in front of you. Reaching out, slowly his hands crept towards you. Your head flew up in seconds, body flinching away from his touch. Your eyes a haze as tears dripped down. His hands fell back to his sides as he looked away. They curled up, grasping the fabric of his pants as he blamed himself and cursed his own foolish actions. “I’m sorry.” when he heard you apologize he shot back to look into your eyes. It was as if he were looking into the water itself. Coated in such a thick fog, he doubted you were in reality anymore.

If it were possible, seeing this unworldly look in your eyes fed into his guilt. His hands once more reached yours. When you didn’t shy away, he gently moved them off your ears and held them in his. He leaned to your ear, so he could whisper as soft as his voice could. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you responded a little bit. The smallest movement of your hands. Aching to be held your body inched towards him. He released one of your hands, his now free hand, cupping your cheek as he continued to apologize.

Eventually, he brought you to a hug. Trying to soothe your breathing. It was like a switch being flipped. Your arms moved to wrap around him. You repositioned yourself before weeping into the crook of his neck. “Idiot.” you sniffled the only insult you could muster. He accepted it, no tease leaving his lips as his hand tangled in your hair.

“You’re perfect, you know that?” he whispered watching as you sniffled once more but a light chuckle left your lip. “It won’t happen again, I promise.” he wouldn’t let this kind of accident happen ever again.

You pulled back to leave a kiss' whisper on his lips. “It’s okay, it was an accident.'' Maybe you forgave too quickly, but love could do many things.

He lifted you and placed the two of you on the bed. Pulling your head to his chest, he yanked the covers over the two of you. “Let’s sleep.”

“I love you,” you whispered before letting your eyes fall closed.

“I love you more.”

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tender-rosiey · 4 years ago

Note

No matter how much I say it ur writing is always a bless to make my day happy🥺💕

Atsushi/Chuuya/Dazai dealing with their lovely pregnant wives😊❤

❥ Dazai and Atsushi dealing with their pregnant s/o

❥— Chuuya’s part: ❤︎

ᴀ/ɴ: I am so happy you liked it and I hope you enjoy this one as well! Chuuya already has one tho and I linked it above 💘

Dazai Osamu:

LETS FUCKING GO

man has two lives depending on him now 😙

YOU WILL BE ABSOLUTELY PAMPERED

“Belladonna, do you need anything?”

“Would you like me to do something for you?”

“Do you want me to get it to you so you don’t have to stand?”

ITS NOT EVEN TEASING

that’s for another time ;)

He is gonna be so nervous during the pregnancy but will try his best

He will try and do things that will keep your mood light and happy

If lord doesn’t want him to be spared then

Despite his efforts he will get twice the trouble the demon you were on your period

“I AM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME”

“Belladonna let’s talk this out o-okay?”

Osamu honey, a couch won’t stop the knife she is gonna throw

Now to the teasing

He doesn’t get near the teasing of your weight tho

He knows that you may be troubled by it so instead he keeps complimenting how you look

“You look so pretty with our baby inside of you 🥺”

what he actually teases you about is how you might walk funny then he relate it to ‘something’ else

“That walk reminds me of that time after we-“

He has been hit by a chair

K.O.

He always smiles when he lays his eyes on your baby bump

You could be just standing there and Dazai would just look to it and smile softly

HE CANT WAIT FOR THE BABY TO BE IN HIS ARMS

I genuinely think Dazai would need reassurance from you that he will be a good father

He is like scared that he might be unable to raise someone well and that the baby will be like he was or what he is trying to hide in a sense

So please tell him that he will be alright and that you will by his side guiding him through it all

Now you know how chuuya doesn’t let you leave the house, right?

Dazai is the opposite

The reason is that he doesn’t want you to leave his sight so he can be able to help you in case something happens

“I can still do stuff Osamu, I am not a baby-“

“You HAVE a baby in you so technically you are baby.”

He likes telling jokes to the baby bump 🥺

Gets so excited when the baby kicks

One day he was just caressing it when he was telling a story about how he pissed off Kunikida

When it came to the funny part, the baby kicked and Dazai got so happy and sparkly eyed

“HE LIKES MY STORIES; BELLADONNA HE LIKES MY STORIES!”

Well at least you know prior to its awakening

That you will have a another mischievous little shit

A cute one tho <3

Atsushi Nakajima:

How dare he be so adorable

And of course he is an aged up bean

Also Wan watchers how are you all feeling about the ending of the episode of the fireworks 😃

Okay now let’s get to business

He would be so cautious about everything

Even more cautious than you

And you are the pregnant one here

“NO Y/N DONT MOVE”

“NO I WILL COOK”

“PLEASE JUST STAY IN ONE PLACE; I DONT WANT YOU OR THE BABY TO GET HURT”

Atsushi baby they aren’t made of glass

Another one that would pamper you like a queen

At least with what he can manage

but as we all know Kunikida has a wallet for a reason <3

Low key making him a bank right now

I genuinely love Kunikida tho

Anyways

So atsushi will search videos on what to do so he can make your preganancy easier on you

Most of the time he will just keep complimenting you so you don’t get in a bad mood

And probably use his puppy dog face cause he finally knew it’s your weak point

But yeah he still gets thrown with chairs

“Angel did you-AHHHHHHHHHH”

He just wanted to tell you a pick up line Dazai told him ;(

Atsushi LOVES and I mean LOVES talking to your baby bump

“How’s daddy’s baby doing?”

Talks to it when he had a bad day and just complains to it

“Dazai-san ate more poisonous mushrooms and tied me to the ceiling today 😔”

Or when he had a good day :D

“I kicked akutagawa’s face accidentally today when I saw him shopping; that was the accomplishment of my life.”

“And you are alive?”

“Exactly,”

Don’t interrupt their conversation or Atsushi will pout and go ‘our dumpling was gonna talk, angel :(‘

He kisses it too 🥺

Then kisses you and proceeds to thank you for having his baby

And for being with him <3

The first time he felt the baby kick he was so excited and happy

You know the gif of him up there?

Yeah that reaction

I think he will buy the baby so much clothes :0

He imagines cute scenarios that can happen with the baby when it comes

“Y/N, what if for example the baby’s first word are papa? 🥺”

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

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rose-wine-selfships · 3 years ago

Note

2,3,10, 15 and 16 for your bsd self insert! :D

Asks for my BSD self insert Christina Avila

2. When in canon does your self insert come in? Do you have a scene in mind for your entrance?

My self insert comes in at the beginning of the show as a quick cameo appearance in the first episode. Atsushi tries to find a victim to pickpocket during starvation but he finds Christina so pretty that he gets distracted by her until he meets Dazai. However, she makes her full appearance after the events of episode 3 when Atsushi ran away from the Armed Detective Agency to save them. After Kunikida scolds him he recommends the help of my character to teach him how to control his abilities.

Once Atsushi sees her again he recognizes her and starts blushing like crazy once he sees her up close. Distracted once again by her looks she snaps him out of it and talks about how she’ll teach him on the first day. But in return she wants him to teach her informal Japanese since she only knows formal Japanese. After Atsushi promises to do that he begins to daydream about her. For the next few weeks she teaches him how to control and manipulate his abilities to become stronger. While in return she learns slang and other useful phrases from Atsushi for a while.

3. How do the other characters generally feel about your self insert?

Yosano Akiko is her mentor so she obviously has a soft spot for her, but she also pushes her to become more independent and assertive towards people (especially pushy men) if she has to. Christina is a medical assistant of Akiko’s so she enjoys helping her out and learning about human anatomy.

Edogawa Ranpo is one of her best friends so he enjoys having intellectually stimulating conversations with her. She never judges how he acts or talks and prefers to listen to him talk about his crime stories or escapades. In return he finds her kindness and validation refreshing. She loves baking homemade brownies, cookies, and other sweets for everyone including Ranpo.

President Fukuzawa is like a father figure for Christina and often watches over her in a stern yet gentle way. He often sees a bit of himself in her so he can be both protective yet hard on her when needed.

Osamu Dazai is like an annoying older brother figure to her. They often bicker and fight over little things but usually make up in the end. They usually become a powerful team over important issues and assemble well together. Dazai doesn’t really respect her privacy at times so he often invades it by reading her diary or going through her work locker. She usually beats the crap out of him afterwards with Kunikida’s help. Overall, Dazai has a soft spot for her too and is low key protective of her since Christina reminds him so much of Odasaku personality wise.

Doppo Kunikida is a second father like figure to Christina. He’s often harsh on her when she dresses inappropriately (cosplaying) for the Agency or acts out on her own during missions. However, he respects her incredible work ethic and appreciates her being there to finish paperwork and missions when needed the most. Even though he won’t admit it, he cares for her deeply and will take a bullet for her if he has to.

Junichiro and Naomi Tanizaki love being around her. She’s another good friend of the siblings and were the first people to meet Christina in a park in Yokohama. Christina was in a really dark spot in her life but they came up to talk to her and asked her to join the Agency. At that time she was freshly graduated out of high school and didn’t know what to do with her life. They usually love going out to the mall together shopping or giving each other makeovers.

Izumi Kyouka didn’t like Christina at first since she misinterpreted Atsushi’s bashful nature towards her by being afraid of her. So she often took Demon Snow out of nowhere to scare her. Eventually Christina found her ability cute and hugged it regardless. Afterwards, Kyouka found her nature to be really sweet, honest, and kind that it melted her heart. Christina also saved Kyouka many times that she couldn’t help but love her too. She now considers Christina as an older sister figure and looks up to her a lot.

Atsushi Nakajima has the deepest and closest connection with Christina. They instantly became best friends within a few days. Since they both have so much in common regarding their personalities and their past experiences it was hard not to form a deep bond over time. After nearly 10 months Atsushi realizes how deeply in love he is with her and confesses his feelings to Christina before the Cannibalism arc. They have gone through many relationship hardships before realizing they love each other and will do anything to make the relationship work. After a few major arcs during the relationship it really defined their strengthened bonds with each other and made their love deeper. They both worked out their issues together and communicated to keep their love strong. Atsushi and Christina finally got married and settled down after five years of dating.

Ryunosuke Akutagawa didn’t like her at first either since he thought she was fake and two faced. He often provoked Atsushi by berating her openly in front of him. However, after being forced to work together on a couple missions with Dazai, Akutagawa slowly begins to respect her and recognize how powerful her abilities are. Christina often teases him and playfully messes with him to get him to lighten up. Akutagawa finds it annoying and gets flustered a lot. He used to have a small crush on her also before he moved on and saw the relationship between her and his rival Atsushi.

Higuchi Ichiyo didn’t like her much in the beginning either. But after competing together in a side beauty competition she develops an admiration for her and often comes to her for relationship advice. They don’t interact often but Higuchi always remained polite and cordial with Christina.

Gin Akutagawa is fairly relaxed around Christina and enjoys talking with her on her days off from the Port Mafia. They don’t interact much but they enjoy taking about most things.

Chuuya Nakahara met Christina upon an accidental encounter while both were shopping for wine. Chuuya did it for himself while Christina picked up some for Akiko and Fukuzawa. After talking for a bit Chuuya found her adorable for being even shorter than him. They don’t interact much but they find mutual respect with each other over annoying conflicts with Dazai.

10. How do the other characters feel about your self insert and f/o’s relationship?

Most of the Armed Detective Agency members find their relationship adorable and wholesome. Especially Ranpo, Akiko, and Dazai tease them over how ridiculously cute Atsushi and Christina are as a couple.

The Port Mafia members however find their relationship so cute that it’s disgusting. Higuchi seems to be the exception since she finds them adorable regardless. Akutagawa and Chuuya find them ridiculous and often tease Atsushi for having a girlfriend.

15. How does your self insert play a role in the plot of the story? Do they help directly defeat the villain, support the heroes, etc.?

She’s considered a tritagonist or third main character in the story. She may not be a main character but she’s just as important as Atsushi Nakajima and Osamu Dazai. She becomes the key in defeating and killing Fyodor with her ultimate form as a snake goddess. She’s mostly support for the Armed Detective Agency but if they’re in a crisis situation she can easily become a powerful fighter as an ace-in-the hole card character.

16. Freebie! name a fact about your self insert you want everyone to know.

Despite being seen as a dense or ditzy young lady, she’s surprisingly a lot smarter than most people think. Christina often plays dumb to find out intel from the Port Mafia or Guild if she has to. She has managed to almost outsmart Dazai and Ranpo in intellectual games or missions. She’s very academically gifted and has even skipped a couple of grades to graduate early from secondary school. She’s not street smart though and has been nearly taken advantage of by people on the streets had it not Akiko or Dazai have been there. She’s also somewhat naive and idealistic like Atsushi.

Thank you so much love! Here’s the link to the game if you want to ask more questions! 🌹✨

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