#dazai is talking abt suicide again

[emil1863]

he aint paid enough for this.

[junimimi]

𝜗𝜚𝓐𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞-𝓟𝐢𝐞 𝓔𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧 !

a nikolai x gn!reader (implied fem-ish) series wc : 1.7k warnings : dazai being suicidal(?), possible ooc ?, dead relatives. (comments abt more warnings are highly appreciated!!) taglist/mainpage - reblogs are highly apperciated!

♡

notes ୨୧ : honestly I loved thinking up this plot for my first series so this chapter would be a good way to start it! also im planning to do, apple-pie evergarden side stories (like a tiny bonus bfr a chapter), or additional series surrounding the red riding hood au i made ◜◡◝ !! besides that enjoy this I hope I did well with the first chap! (idk if I have to proofread again ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡ )

00.1 - reminiscing in the raspberries

︶ ୨୧ ︶

it's been how many years? three- no two...wait no it's only been a week. well it felt like years. your grandma was, your well- your everything. when she'd passed you always would ask your mother why to but no avail, she'd always been such a secretive person. but sometimes you overhear her talking about a wolf over the phone, a wolf...that's very peculiar, you never heard any person you've met talk about wolves that way. but from the way she sounded while muttering her words...it sounded more like a human being than some mangey wolf.

eventually it came the day of the funeral, everyone was in sorrow or despair, some bickering over how she may or would have died died...you really just stared at the casket you've found it very strange how wake's worked. why sit around sobbing over the poor old-women's decaying body? eventually by time people started to leave, so you did as well.

       after the funeral you found yourself laying in your room wondering how it really happened, was it really a wolf? your grandma barely left the house so how could it get in? you lost your train of thought briefly by the call of your mother.

"yn honey! please come downstairs." at the tone of her voice it seemed she was slightly concerned about god knows what now, besides that point, you figured that out you had to go down the stairs, descending down the stairs your eyes stare subtly. noticing a blonde woman with a ponytail, she was clad in a dress shirt along with a sleek black jacket and pants, along with a pair of very dark dress shoes.

"yn, meet ms. higuchi, she will be reading us the will of grandma." you stopped for a moment, did she already mention a will? it'd was just the wake and hours ago the funeral too, how could they start the will readings so early!?

nonetheless you noticed the expression of the woman and how she looked very sorry for arriving this early, so you smiled gently and took out your hand for her to shake.

"nice to meet you mx. yn I apologize for coming on such short notice." 

"oh- don't worry about it! I understand on how things end up not going as planned.", higuchi smiled in return to your words before glancing over at the table, your house had always been seemingly cozy in guests perspectives, well after all it is a tiny cottage like your grandmas.

"so then, shall we look over this?" you and your mother looked at each other briefly before nodding, so with some nervous speed higuchi made her way to nearest table and sat down. you took a thin glass of apple cider before joining her along with your mother.

higuchi prepared the folder of papers some cautiously falling out before her nervous hands picked it back up. you blinked for a moment watching her slowly extract certain papers than turning to your mother.

"now then, reading from the will she states, 'to ms. ln my niece, I give my stamp collection one of my favorite of my collections.'" seeing the way your mother was so taken aback from such a quick statement she sighed and nodded, maybe she wanted the cottage? or grandma's recipe book? anything of value probably. you paused your thoughts noticing higuchi turning to you, as you were taught manners by your mother when you were young  you knew to sit straight up again and listen.

"now onto mx.yn, ah...here it is" she coughs briefly, attempting to clear her throat before reading aloud,

"'to mx. yn my darling grandchild I leave the cottage and that land around it, my valued recipe book, and the rest of valuables in the estate."

higuchi looked up from the paper in the while your mother audibly gasped. you were of course looking for a house since you're a adult now and everything, and well...you really did love grandma's house it was always so cozy.

"alright then- congrats mx.yn!" higuchi smiled brightly while saying those words, you peered to the left slightly watching your mother sigh before returning towards her work in the kitchen.

"well nice to meet you again mx.yn, oh and by the way I actually know some great people in the town if you ever need help moving into the estate!" you smiled at higuchi's words, a attempt to help you, she really was such a sweet person.

"thank you ms.higuchi-" "Oh don't bother with the 'ms.higuchi' just call me ichiyo!" you nodded briefly as you watched her pack ever so carefully her valued documents. waving your salutations to higuchi you faced your mother.

"so?" you spoke mumbling slightly,

"oh, yes about your new assets...how bout' you get ready to leave tomorrow hm?" your mother spoke softly, you smiled cheerfully as you arose the chair to wrapping your arms around her,

"thank you mother!" your mother only smiled in return.

       towards the end of the night you started packing, of course you needed to bring your red hooded cape to reduce sunburns, some food...maybe some snacks for the walk, and like usual you ended up crashing on your pillow as soon as you finished,

𝜗𝜚

     you yawned quite audibly as the sun kissed your skin ever so gently, you reached out to graze the flickering light, oh how it brought you joy. you sighed, before launching yourself up to actually get ready instead of laying lazily till the sunset. you start finding some clothes until wandering upon some and dressing. you were fully clad in a red hooded cloak-ish cape with some boots and the average garments you always wore. going now down the stairs not mindful of falling flat on your face, you snatch the basket your mother left you as since she was sleeping currently. opening the door you start walking at a slow pace taking in such breathtaking weather, it was winter snow would fall like usual but still it felt so magical this year, like something might just change for you. walking around the trail sometimes clumsiness making you hit the snow with its ever so tiny grass plucking out. once getting some what close to more forested  areas you noticed papers nailed to the bark texture some saying,

'wanted for benefit of town' and 'keep all townspeople in town during night.'

quite strange really you've never witnessed such interesting signs. then you peered into the distance a wonderful shade of crimson specs scattered around a luscious lime colored bush, you glanced over at the basket you had in hand- then back to the bush, it'll take some time...but it seems sooo worth it!!

    you silently scurried over to the petite bush, quickly getting down to a crouch you picked the raspberries. taking each one with care to not squish them, until you felt another hand causing you to smash the raspberry in a moment of seconds feeling a rather sharp nail. you gulp slowly trying to see through the bush, as you were to scared to move. you then met eyes through the bush...they already were staring at you piercingly, taking in the appearance you notice one eye was a light shade of pale green, one the same but of blue, you noticed one other thing these eyes- they looked so,

lonely.

you yelped feeling a movement in the bush making you fall back slightly putting one arm to the back of your neck as you move your eyes back up quickly to the sight of- nothing, what was that? it looked like it was something of danger, but still you felt drawn to this uncertainty. leaving you to wonder if you'd ever see those eyes again in your life, and honestly-

you wish you will.

 𝜗𝜚

approaching a gate you notice the bustling of the town it wasn't like this during your trips up here with your mother. it'd often be quiet peaceful, like a special place heaven could bestow to earth. while traveling down the road you see a brunette man getting yanked by his collar at the hand of a lilac and snow-ish hair man, out of curiosity you approach them taking notice of the giant sign outside the building reading,

'lavender brownie bakery'

upon entering the establishment you hear the classic chime of a store bell along with the yell of the lilac haired man, clad in a light purple chefs uniform- his hair now tied to a bun.

"dazai! customer!" he calls over to the brunette man which makes you assume that his name would be 'dazai' of course. dazai took a sharp glance over to you before smiling brightly and walking gracefully towards the back counter, before plopping down on his shoulders to look up at you.

"why hello there gorgeous how bout' a doubl-" he was quickly cut off by the lilac and snow color haired man,

"as my partner was trying to say...welcome to our bakery. i'm sigma and this is my partner dazai." you smile slightly nodding before taking a moment to register there faces to the names.

"and as my ever so charming partner was saying" sigma verbalized sarcastically, "what would you look to order dearie ?" he smiled with the words, not those fake ones you get from interns a genuine one where it looks like they're happy to serve you. 

"uh-" you raise your head up to meet the letters drawn on the chalkboard. "how about...a parfait would be nice." dazai nodded subtly heading past the swinging doors to the kitchen, before coming back swiftly with the mentioned dessert. 

"here you go darling come back soon if you ever think about dark thoughts." which made sigma glare feverishly at dazai, you just smiled taking the food before waving goodbye as your steps became more near to the doorframe. 

walking along the road you notice the cottage in its ethereal glory, you always felt completely safe when entering its gates noticing all the patches of garden soil poking from snow, while idly passing each tiny mound of snow to get to the front porch you notice a tiny shimmer from a, plate? you got down placing your hands delicately around the rim of the glistening glass. taking in the sight, a raspberry pie, as you brought it towards your closer to view a note flutters in the wind, you quickly reach out with your mittens and read it slowly.

'how wonderful it was to make your acquaintance mx.ln, you are as ravishing as that frail woman described.'

taglist : open

main page again

[sugarcarnation]

!! im back again bc i remembered a theory i heavily believe in on tt abt 109 and i sent this to someone else too so heres the basic gist of it

notice the correlation between atsushi vs akutagawa + dazai vs chuuya both are fighting their vampire port mafia rivals, while the protagonists are losing, ex. atsushi loses an arm and a leg, dazai breaks his legs and gets shot, but we know atsushi is the mc, there fore won't be killed off. due to the parallels between the two protags, dazai AND atsushi might win or make it out alive, unless asagiri wants to be a little shit and show us either a. the different two ways the relationships could go (life and death) b. he likes to make us suffer

oh and dazai's a big money maker so that too !! either way dazai most likely will live (+ sigma but thats for another ask)

thanks for coming to my ted talk (p.s i was the uhhh feral chuuya anon earlier LKMFAFIOSJ) ((big switch up))

feral chuuya anon!! you have the range

but yeah i agree i can’t imagine asagiri killing either atsushi or dazai off. atsushi is not only the main character but i’m pretty sure there’s also a lot of things he has left unresolved in this arc. it would be against the themes of bsd to kill him after he chose to believe in hope and fight to save the people around him

same with dazai i just can’t believe they’d ever kill the suicidal guy in the reasons to live manga. not even talking about how he’s such a fan favorite and how in there’s still a lot you can develop in his character and his relationships to other people

also asagiri loves fake cliffhanger deaths. even if one of them did supposedly die i’d have to wait for the next twenty chapters without their appearance to actually believe it

[daz4i]

actually i AM gonna post abt this again. sorry

like when i say they make me feel like i'm in a story. i mean it

we started talking and immediately clicked. talked nonstop for days really

we both had relationships like that years before, but then paused that behavior bc we were young and it wasn't the healthiest, but now we were adults and knew better. it was the first one after that break for both of us

i avoided this behavior for awhile bc i knew it's not the healthiest but it felt so good when it happened. i (rightfully) feared the crash but at the time, the high was so worth it. and everything was going so smoothly too. things kept aligning just right all the time

every time i thought something is gonna come up or that i did something wrong and now it's all gonna blow up, they proved that i had no reason to worry, bc they let it slide immediately, even liked it

we kind of completed each other in every way. liked the same things and had a lot in common, but were opposites in enough things that we weren't TOO similar

i stopped worrying abt annoying them relatively early into the whole thing (usually it takes me months or even years, or i never stop at all. here it was maybe 2-3 weeks)

we became actually close right on their birthday. a small thing but you gotta admit if this was a story it'd be poetic as hell

every time they had a problem and i jokingly said i'm sending a spell their way to fix it, it passed after like 2 minutes. absolutely insane coincidence stuff

i mentioned this before. and this is gonna be embarrassing but. we met through, well, kin stuff lol. they kin chuuya, i kin dazai, we joked abt kindating etc. anyway my mental health was shit but they genuinely uplifted me a lot. they made me want to live for the first time in who knows how long, maybe ever. i think you can tell why i prefaced this story with that fact 🥲 embarrassing but real

and now this shit? 😭 another small thing but like. i make a post abt them bc now is generally around the time we started talking, and someone i follow queued a post from their blog and it posts right now?? they've been decativated for nearly a year HOW did this line up like that 😭

they unfortunately made me believe in the concept of soulmates :/ but as my friends (and mom. bc she saw me cry over the whole thing for days) said. if they cut me off and hurt me like that, they weren't ~the one~

and another thing that made me feel more like i'm in a teen movie is. i legit spent a day and a half in bed crying and barely doing anything else, after they cut me off. truly cliche stuff. actually that's a good way to put it - they made me feel like a cliche. still do when i think abt it a year later. it was a good thing at first, bad when it ended. i could make a movie abt this barely changing any detail and it'll be an average teen romantic comedy (except i'll have to add some happy ending there)

anyway let me finish all that by saying. who the fuck blocks someone on spotify 😭 dude...

(it's been a year and i got burned so badly from this whole thing that i seriously doubt i'll be able to love someone this much again. i need it to be an instant obsession to actually feel good about love, but i'll never be able to confidently go into any new relationship with that purpose because i'm just too scared things will hurt this much again. it's honestly so depressing lol 🥲 but what can ya do)

(i also became the most suicidal i've ever been since lol. probably bc of how big the drop was. it still hasn't gone away. part of why i see no point in life is bc of that previous paragraph. so.)

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

Blorbo bingo🫵 Dazai!

what have you done

i skipped both "i can [blank] him"s but thats just so i can put this post here

theyre so wrong abt him. theyre so wrong. either they've fallen for the silly guy façade or they've forgotten there was a façade at all. they fundamentally misunderstand him on some level. the whole fuckin mori thing. the like. over glorification of him and oda's relationship (once again im not disagreeing its important, especially to him. it is. the issue is when people make it out to seem like it was this holy fully good salvation thing, especially with odas very flawed last words). they'll think he's omniscient. they think he thinks nothing of akutagawa (thats not to excuse what happened there im just pointing out how often people forget that dazai DOES think akutagawa has potential). they'll misunderstand his suicidal tendencies, and why his attempts are the way they are. they'll overlook his relationship with the agency. his relationship with the mafia and chuuya. they'll just. ghhh stop looking for simplification at the layers and nuance store okay???

im going to kill studio bones. they're doing him so dirty. the comment danny motta made during untold origins keeps fucking sticking with me man. he's not surface level deep. he's not!!!! but the anime messed him up sp fucking bad nobody understands whats happening in that stupid head of his.

ahahaha yeah 😔

ahahaha.......................

im gonna push him off a cliff

see: second bullet point

he's never done a thing wrong in his life. what are you talking about. what murders?

i cannot state enough how i was fucking dragged kicking and screaming into dazai enjoyer hell. i realized i was interested in and liking his character while watching bsd videos and i recoiled so fucking hard. i felt it digging its claws into me. i knew when it was too late

it'd fix me and id let him. for homosexual reasons

its not my fault his mental problems are just like me fr. hes totally aspec and transgender and has allergies too. i know it.

dazai :)

self explanatory. woodchip him

its not FAIR hes absolutely got pretty privilege. i hate him. stop

he's there in all my thoughts i hate it. cant think of anything without some sort of reference.

self explanatory! incredibly well written but in real life i wouldn't trust myself to not kill him myself

yeah 😔

hmnmnnnnnnnn ←gay gay homosexual gay way

glares at studio bones. also asagiri where is my double black light novel. where is my ranpo dazai case solving??? dazai yosano interactions???? more dazai amd kyouka??? dazai and hirotsu??????? dazai and kouyou???? etc etc not enough dazai with people. i need it like water and air.

i like it when hes happy. let him be happy....

i feel like the amount i like him is concerning again

im so hashtag normal girl about this man. you'd find me next to sigma when you look up ordinary in a dictionary

[sskk-ao3feed]

I broke your heart you broke my arm so now are we good?

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/IGmZ0Bo by Camylas Dazai, who couldn’t find the right words, was the first one to talk, saying something stupid like… "Ne Chibi, you still haven’t grown at all!" The ginger one slapped him again.   Or: Soukoku as ex-boyfriends meet again as roommates and chaos ensues. Will they be able to forgive themselves and the other for their mistakes? Words: 258, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Arthur Rimbaud (Bungou Stray Dogs), Paul Verlaine (Bungou Stray Dogs) Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs) Additional Tags: there are other characters but you’ll see, why did no one tell me that we could creat tags, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, past lovers to enemies to ??? (talkin abt skk), Strangers to Lovers, (talkin abt sskk), mori as dazai’s father, Arthur Rimbaud/Paul Verlaine Adopt Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Like Paul and Chuuya are blood-related but not father/son, they are bro, so it’s not rlly adoption, yk what I meant, Angst with a Happy Ending, well if I don’t change my mind, Mori Ougai is a Little Shit (Bungou Stray Dogs), Abusive Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), I'm Bad At Tagging, sorry - Freeform, Rich Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Part-French Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya Has Heterochromia (Bungou Stray Dogs), Please read this fic I promise it’s not that bad, Well I still don’t know how to tags, (Maybe smut : not promised tho), !!ENGLISH ISNT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!!, I’ll try to update every week/two weeks (not promised again), (This fic contains: SA, Suicide/Self-Harm, A LOT of violence, Underage things, blood and deaths.) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/IGmZ0Bo

[kaiserkisser]

WHOAAAAAAAA

help idek which reblogs ur talking abt i rb so much 😭😭😭 altho most of my stuff is on chuuya-kisser lol

and yep, i agree, the way the mentors teach their mentees is directly influenced by how they themselves were taught. i think honestly chuuyas only real mentor was kouyou who did a pretty decent job at teaching him (what a surprise) if say that the relationship b/w dazai and chuuya wasnt exactly mentor-mentee bc we've seen hoe dazai mentors akutagawa, and even tho he is indeed somewhat manipulative even towards chuuya, imo the way he treated chuuya is definitely different from the way he treated aku even tho it def took him time to like care care for chuuya (chuuya definitely had some effect on dazai since the beginning tho, seeing that well, the suicidal maniac wanted to live after meeting him, atleast fora while-) (again, this is a very subjective opinion of mine + i have no idea what im getting at here)

BUT THE LYRICS FIT THEM SO WELL HOLY SHIT its like the song is LITERALLY MADE FOR THEM!!!!!!! esp the first two lines of the first pic, the whole second pic oh my gosh and also 'you and i see eye to eye' i agree with literally ALL your interpretations bdhshsheheh

help this makes me want to do my own skk interpretations of two songs that ive been dying to do from ages but never had the courage to-

im gonna go insane about chuuya + skk in general and this song under the cut…i apologize

Okay cirice is a song that was originally written to develop an inside image of abusive relationships and especially how cults lure people in and they dont realize it until the very end. This includes things like the cycle of luring someone in, becoming aggressive, and trying to undo the damage by pretending to sound remorseful. Sounds familiar??? (Port mafia)

skylia @kaiserkisser has a SHIT ton of good posts about this kind of thing especially regarding the port mafia so i highly recommend checking out some of their reblogs if youre interested in seeing more. In regards to one of their reblogs, i saw a post the other say that detailed how the port mafia “teachers” or mentors will always end up abusing their trainees the way they knew how to be trained. mori treated dazai the way he knew how to be treated, dazai treated akutagawa like less than human because thats all hes ever viewed himself as, and akutagawa gives kyouka insane amounts of praise because thats all he desired, but he doesnt know how to treat her like a normal kid because HE never got to be a normal kid.

this is where chuuya comes in. Chuuya didnt have any “mentors” besides kouyou and possibly mori. He was shoved directly into being the sheep’s leader when he was around 15 years old and hasn’t known anything besides that. dazai eventually treated him like his dog due to his ability being so easy to manipulate and when chuuya’s ability IS used, he essentially becomes animalistic and can only be controlled by dazai. cirice (the song) fits this dynamic so well as it talks about an abusive, almost cult-like relationship similar to the cult of the band ghost. at his core, dazai is a manipulative and cunning individual who cares about his partner but it took a while for him to actually do so. chuuya is trusting and loyal just like a dog, which is why this fits literally perfectly. (lyric analysis below :3)

for the opener of the song, i interpret this as chuuya’s ability being the “rumble” and his poem that he recites being the “calling” but this is up to interpretation!! I dont have a lot to say about this verse

the first two lines HEAVILY remind me of stormbringer and how chuuya dealt with his feelings of doubting the fact that he was even human. These particular lines almost feel like dazai is reminding him he’s human even though he has an entire demon inside of him that he cant control. “I can feel the thunder” to me, is dazai recognizing that chuuya values himself differently with stormbringer and his ability (and that he’s most likely going to take advantage of this later but whatevs). “I can see through the scars inside you” is almost like chuuya validating that dazai is also human too, that the abuse mori has put him through that he has reflected onto others doesnt entirely define him as a person

“You and i see eye to eye” is a VERY impactful and heavy line as chuuya and dazai have always been one in the same. partners, soukoku, soulmates, whatever it is theyre paired together and are essentially inseparable. despite their abilities being different and circumstances being different their struggles with humanity are almost identical. “Now there is nothing between us” alludes to the power that dazai has over chuuya in battle, particularly when he lets his ability take control without restraint. Their “merge” is eternal because chuuya will forever only be able to use his ability with dazai’s help, and dazai will always find power over chuuya because of that. “Cant you see that you’re lost without me?” Is another power-based line where dazai is most likely viewing himself as better than chuuya because he typically uses him as a tool with his ability, but only when said ability is being used. He’s manipulative in the sense where he cares about him but not FOR him and will always use him as a ruse for the things he needs. (the rest of the song has repeating lyrics so i didnt include them so i hope this made sense :) )

[starglow-xx]

hello! may i request headcanons for chuuya having a crush on someone who's dense? like he could ask them out in the most straightforward way possible and it would still go over their head?

yes, yes of course you may!

sorry this took so long! my computer was out of commission for abt a week (or two..??)

but this is also my birthday writing piece for chuuya!! (4/29/21) i even added a small drabble thingy in addition to the hcs for the occasion hehe

from where i am, it is about fifteen minutes past midnight so it’s officially chuuya day here!!

happy birthday chuuya i love you! you deserve the whole world and everyone is willing to fight tooth and nail to ensure your happiness! we love you! 💗💗

anyways, i hope you all enjoy this! i kinda had some writer’s block but it was still a lot of fun to write! there might be some mistakes, but i’ll scan over it again later. reader is gender neutral! have fun!

chuuya having a crush on a dense! reader

nakahara chuuya x gn! reader

im cackling somebody help him

he’s frustrated bc you can’t take a hint or a thousand but he can’t even be mad bc he’s whipped

“look at you all dressed up today, wanna go out later? my treat?”

“oh really? thanks chuuya-san! you’re such a nice friend. i’ll go invite the others right now, i’ll see you later!”

“...”

fast forward to later in the evening and he finds himself at a little restaurant with the black lizard + higuchi and akutagawa

sigh

in unison all of them go, “thank you for the meal chuuya-san!” (except aku and hirotsu are quieter & and gin just a nods hehe)

“no problem” (ꐦ ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

gin only pats him on the back in sympathy

he spends a lot of time trying to think of ways to make it absolutely and undeniably clear that he has feelings for you

he always fails

“(y/n) i like you”

“i like you too chuuya-san”

“really?”

“mhm”

“t-then will you—”

“you’re a really great friend! and superior too”

“...nevermind”

“oh were you saying something?”

“nah, just forget about it”

tachihara is laughing in the corner of the corridor

dont worry, chuuya made sure to get back at him

chuuya’s been pinning after you for years and frankly, his failed attempts to woo you has lead everyone to the breaking point

and i mean everyone

yes, even aku

hell even dazai

but dazai also thinks it’s funny, so he doesn’t mind all that much

okay bye bye dazai-san this headcanon set isn’t abt you rn

PLEASE EVERYONE FEELS SO BAD FOR HIM

they knew even if he kissed you, you still might not get it

so they decided to help him

super secret mission get chuuya and (y/n) together is a go!

they’re still working on a proper mission name, don’t mind them

they had a super secret strategy meeting!

you can bet your ass that they nearly got nothing done

akutagawa & kaiji weren’t much help, neither was higuchi, mori, or elise

tachihara nearly got killed for a thoughtless comment

“just tell them chuuya-san!”

“i already fucking did you ass!”

gin, hirotsu, and kouyou were the most helpful !!

hirotsu and kouyou both agreed on the idea that chuuya should try courting with bouquets of flowers instead of flat out asking you bc they knew you found them pretty

(even if you don’t identify as a female, flowers are for everyone no matter gender or sexuality! so let’s normalize giving flowers to everyone <33 )

gin didn’t speak but she used cards to communicate

everyone knew that you weren’t stupid (you wouldn’t have survived in the mafia if you were) but they did know that you were only stupid when it came to all this lovey dovey stuff

i mean, if chuuya gave you flowers every so often, there’s no way that you wouldn’t piece it together at some point

right...??

but kouyou assured him that even though you wouldn’t get it right away, you’d appreciate the gestures and that he’ll stand out more

she even said that if someone gave her flowers, she would appreciate it, whether or not she reciprocated their feelings

it takes guts to be so up front with your feelings after all

gin and hirotsu only nodded with her explanation

once again, this only provoked a reaction out of tachihara

“what do you know gin? i get the old man and kouyou-san, they’re grown, but you? what do you know abt courting? or flowers? what are you a girl?”

akutagawa choked on his cough, higuchi on air, and on the other side of yokohoma at the ada, dazai is cackling

yes, dazai somehow placed a listening device onto chuuya’s hat and was listening in

don’t ask how, it’s dazai

“DAZAI GET YOUR BANDAGED ASS OFF THE COUCH AND STOP LAUGHING”

anyways

the next day, chuuya did what was barely discussed and for once, things actually started to look up

until they started look to down again

at first, it actually looked like you understood his intentions after he gave you a bouquet of flowers

literally everyone was leaning against the opposite hallway you two were in and then they got excited !!

especially chuuya !

but then your expression sort of changed...??

and then in their heads they simultaneously went, “oh no”

they knew that expression

it was very familiar when you tended to friend zone chuuya

but boy let me tell you what you said next made them facepalm and or make their jaws drop

“ah, so you really are friend zoning me huh chuuya-san; what a shame, i really did like you”

LEMME TELL YOU WHEN I SAY THAT CHUUYA WAS DISTRESSED I MEAN HE WAS DISTRESSED

you liked him??

him of all people??

he wasn’t complaining, no of course not, but he still couldn’t believe it

but that wasn’t what he was really focusing on right now

what in any form or language did it say he was friend zoning you?!

flower language apparently

chuuya chose to buy the bouquet of yellow roses, pink carnations, and yellow carnations bc he thought you would appreciate the brighter colors, and so that you’d remember them better (because remembering them, meant remembering him)

but ooh boy

altogether, they meant the exact opposite message he wanted to send

someone help him pls

“you see chuuya-san, yellow roses mean friendship, pink carnations mean gratitude, and yellow carnations mean rejection; sooo in a nutshell, these pretty much say ‘thank you for being my friend, but im rejecting you”

no one can tell if tachihara is crying or wheezing

and dazai is having the time of his life

yes, he started listening in on him again

and chuuya is just stunned

like speechless and unmoving stunned

is he just bad at this whole courting/dating thing?? it’s only been one day and of it and somehow he was the one doing the rejecting??

“thank you for the flowers chuuya-san, i’ll be going now; i’ll make sure to let this affect our friendship. i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you passed by the not so subtle group of people

“tachihara-kun..?? are you alright?”

just for context, he was leaning his forehead against the wall using his forearm

again, it was hard to tell whether he was crying or wheezing

“i-im okay (y/n)-san...i think c-chuuya-san has it worse than me”

“...okay..?”

BACK TO CHUUYA

he’s still frozen poor baby

but it’s okay bc after like 5 more seconds he’s chasing you down the hallway you were walking in

kouyou, with a knowing smile on her face, ushers everyone away towards the opposite direction

she received some whines (ahem, tachihara and mori) but silenced them by summoning golden demon

but it’s okay

if they run fast enough, they can see what happens through the security cameras

chuuya caught up with you and tried to explain everything but he was exhausted

emotionally, physically (bc since when did you walk that fast??), and generally just tired with the whole situation

he just wanted to call you his; was that too much to ask??

as explosive as he can be, he can be calm and collected too

and he really did try to be that way as he talked with you but it was very difficult at the moment

the dumbfounded and confused look on your face his face twitch with annoyance and his heart started beating faster bc god you were cute

BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT RIGHT NOW

thank goodness after what seemed like years, you finally somewhat understood what happened

you didn’t understand completely but it was something

The two of you stood in the middle of the unusually empty hallway facing each other, you with the bouquet still in hand. It was quiet as you and Chuuya assessed the situation.

You looked at him skeptically and he stared right back you with his gorgeous blue eyes.

“...So you do like me Chuuya-san??”

“Yes”

“And you were trying to court me just now, not friend zone me??”

“Yes”

You got most of your questions out of the way, but there was something that you’ve been wondering about for quite a while.

“...So you’re not gay for Dazai-san??”

“Yes, im not wait—GAY FOR DAZAI?? THAT MACKEREL??”

Chuuya did a double take. What in heavens name made it seem like he liked that suicidal maniac?? Why would he choose him if he had you?

Like he would choose him anyways; or ever consider him as a possible romantic partner.

“Oh, so you are?”

“NO! I SAID I LIKED YOU DIDN’T I?”

“Well yeah, but I thought you liked Dazai-san too. As annoying as he is, he can be quite charming—”

He was out of patience at this point (nope definitely not because you were talking about Dazai who told you that?) and just decided to kiss you.

You immediately melted into the kiss and kissed him back with the same amount of love and feeling.

Letting the bouquet fall to the ground, you wrapped you arms around his neck and his put his on your lower back and brought you closer to him. After a few more moments, the two of you broke apart for air.

The two of you, slightly out of breath, leaned your foreheads against each other and just basked in each others presence.

Chuuya looked into your (e/c) eyes and asked you just a little bit above a whisper, “Now do you get my intentions and feeling?”

You blinked at him before breaking out into a grin, “Hmm I’m not sure; do you wanna do that again Chuuya?”

The red head only blinked back at you before rolling his eyes, a smile present on his handsome features, his heart fluttering at you using his name with the honorific.

“Dumbass”

Smiling cheekily at him, you pressed a kiss on his cheek and started dragging him towards the lobby to take a walk around the building perimeter, knowing that the two of you can’t be too far from work.

The way down to the lobby was mostly in comfortable silence until you said something that made Chuuya want to bash his head against the wall.

“You know, you could’ve just told me you liked me Chuuya. It’s not like I would’ve said no.”

Once again, as the rest of the more power mafia members watch from security cameras, it is hard to tell whether Tachihara is crying or wheezing of laughter.

omake !!

The two of you just started making your way around the building when suddenly a very familiar voice came from Chuuya’s prized hat.

“Chuuyaaaa!! It was about time you stopped being a chicken, Chibi!”

Removing his hat from his head, he started yelling at it not knowing exactly where the listening device was planted.

“TEME! HOW DID YOU—”

“And (y/n)! I would congratulate you, but I think I would rather offer you my condolences. Why him?! He’s just a slimy slug. OOH OOH how would you like to join me in a double suicide?! A shame it won’t be a lover’s suicide but it’ll annoy Chuuya so I think it’ll be worth it! ”

“YOU—”

“And please don’t kiss while I’m listening in. You made me lose my appetite! And it was such a shame! I was eating crab using Kunikida-kun’s money! Do you know what you’ve cost me?!”

“DAZAI YOU PIECE OF—”

“Ah! Kunikida-kun is here! I have to go!”

You can hear something is the background that vaguely sounds like, “DAZAI YOU WASTE OF BANDAGES STOP USING MY MONEY”

“DAZAI DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE IM NOT DONE WITH—”

*Click!*

The click sound from the hat revealed that Dazai disconnected.

Chuuya twitched and glared furiously at his signature hat hating that the voice he hated the most came out of it.

“Aww, I didn’t get to talk to Dazai-san”

Chuuya whipped his head towards you, a look of mock (or real) betrayal showing on his features.

You laughed at him before taking the hat out of his hands and placing it on his head.

He shyly looked away before muttering a thanks making you smile wider. Just as the two of you were about to start walking, a small explosion erupted from his hat; it was likely that Dazai made the listening device self destruct.

“DAZAI YOU BASTARDD”

At the Armed Detective Agency, a certain suicidal maniac hid from the wrath of his current partner as he thought about the wrath his old one.

“Hmmm I wonder if Chuuya would finally stop wearing his ugly hats if I blow all of them up...”

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[anti-dazai-blog]

I'd love to tell you Abt au dazai! (My friend helped me with getting a better look at him so thank you unnamed friend)

Now I don't think he'd be completely good ofc he still has shit to sort out and when he got into the agency he'd tell kunikida "hey I used to work in the mafia are you sure you still wanna work with me?" And kunikida would be flabbergasted for like 2 minutes then would hesitantly agree. then as they work together more and more he'd realize that "shit this guy has been through some stuff" and was like "how do I tackle this??" And would try to get dazai into therapy and it took almost a whole year for dazai to agree bc he was so against the idea, it took him so long to like trust the therapist (they like got a one that won't tell anyone that he was in the mafia they have connections I'm sure they could do that)

and with how he met atsushi instead of that suicide attempt he'd mumble Abt it to himself contemplating it then he would back out of it and try to talk to atsushi like a normal person, he'd be smiling but to atsushi it'd look like a evil smile so he kinda accidentally freaked atsushi out.

I like to think that he gives himself little gifts if for a week he didn't almost go through a suicide attempt

(let me again say ik that he seems really out of character, this is a au and it's not that thought out rn, I'm sure later on I'll think it out more with my friend Jfjdn

I really like all of the changes made from the original in this AU, but I especially like the way Dazai’s honest and upfront about his past prior to working with Kunikida, rather than after they’re already partners.

Honesty vs dishonesty seems to be a minor theme throughout BSD (I don’t want to get into this right now, but maybe later on I’ll go deeper into this topic). If Dazai, the epitome of dishonesty, were to be honest in a difficult scenario, that would definitely be a sign that he’s on track to becoming a better person. It would show that he’s personally interested in self-improvement, rather than just “working for the good side”, as Oda told him to. 

Giving Kunikida the right to decide whether or not he’s comfortable with working with a former mafioso is out of character, but that’s the point of an AU. In the Dazai Redemption AU, Dazai wants to be a better person. Which makes it no longer out of character.

I’m also really glad that Dazai’s getting therapy in this AU. I think the therapy will really help him, plus the combination of him taking his own initiative in becoming a better person really makes me optimistic about how things will go for him here.

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[evil-quartett]

Joining in bc why not

Napoleon

Now I made a whole post about why he's a great person. But seriously this chore thing bothers me too. Like dude I'm already suicidal. He can be lucky MC has alright mental health

Mozart

He's a tsundere, I get it my god. But go to therapy with this perfectionism. And stop trying to force your values on everybody.

Leonardo

Do you know what a bed is?? Also, dude has been granted some AWESOME TALENTS WHY DOESN'T HE USE THEM.

Vincent

We are polar opposites. He suppressed bad, i suppress good. But the entire good attitude is do toxic omg. Somehow I feel like he uses Theo sometimes. Plzzz teach him hiw to draw. A little bit. And get a fucking bed.

Theo

Theo is traumatised, I get it. But can't you at least try not to dehumanise someone who's ended up in another timeline?? Not everybody is into petplay not written by Kat, ok?

Arthur

Stop calling women skirts and acting like everybody wants to sleep with you. I wonder why people prefer Sherlock over you. And trauma again, but why do yall have to take it out on others? Its possible not to, yknow?

Isaac

I can relate to him, somehow. He's not my favourite character but that's just the way it is, having an IQ high af.

Dazai

Please try to remember names. And, stop bullying poor Isaac. Also talk like not a sphinx ok?

Jean

He can't ask for help. Also, stop blaming Comte for your problems.

Sebastian

Love him. The only thing that bothers me is that he didn't tell the residents abt his illness. At least let them mentally prepare for your death

Comte

You're the father figure, why can't you get your residents therapy? And be honest about why you turned them?

Shakes

Learn how to eat a sandwich. Why is this guy actually manipulating the residents and Comte? Just bc he has no inspiration?

Vlad

Stop being a bloody coward and start killing humans. What good is that ambition if you don't use it? Get a butler. Stop manipulating Charles.

Faust

I would have to write a novel. He's a bastard, but he's my bastard.

Charles

I love you bby.

We're actually going to bully everyone.

Today's list is: something I hate about every guy bc some of you tend to think I only hate on Arthur.

Aka mainly just saying what I don't like about each guys route and why I wouldn't date them

Napoleon

He gets assigned as your bodyguard and he says that you're a waste of his time. FINE BY ME. BYE. DON'T TALK TO ME.

Mozart

Basically the same thing. "I don't like you. No one wants you here. And you're too loud" well damn bitch do you think anyone wants you here either?

Leonardo

WILL YOU STOP CARRYING ME EVERYWHERE LIKE A FUCKING CHILD. IM GOING TO MAKE THIS EXPERIENCE HORRIBLE FOR THE BOTH OF US. I DO HOLD A GRUDGE. Also....BITE MEEEE

Vincent

What could you hate about him? Honestly he's so positive it's toxic. It's not good to see the bright side of EVERYTHING. He'd sorta invalid negative emotions and be like "well just be happy!"

Theo

There's more than you think. I see you shirtless, and you don't want me to tell anyone about the scar so you make me work with you?? No no no. I'm going to use it as blackmail and you're going to do what I want. It makes no sense having him blackmail you. MEANWHILE YOU BARELY EVEN NOTICE THE SCAR. WTF ARE YOU GOING TO SAY?

Arthur

Do I even need to say. First off, he won't take no for an answer. You sleep around with different women like 3 times a week so I'm assuming you have commitment issues bc it's almost never the same woman. What kind of STDs are in you

Isaac

Please don't treat me like I'm a dumbass when I don't understand you spitting out chemistry formulas. You obviously want to be noticed as the smartest one around

Dazai

There's a lot more wrong than you'd think. Stop talking in fucking riddles. You're depressed? IM DEPRESSED BRO YOU CHOSE TO COME BACK AND LIVE A SECOND TIME SO DO SOMETHING WITH IT.

Jean

Why the FUCK DID YOU BITE ME. And how the FUCK DID YOU NOT GET IN TROUBLE. I WILL BEST YOU WITH YOUR OWN SWORD

Will

You're literally ratting out your 'family' for what??? An idea for a play??? Wtf is it going to be about?? Just move back into the mansion and you'll get plenty of writing content just from what you overhear. Also that notebook??? Now that I'm living here I'm reading the whole thing as if it's a novel

Comte

You're way too much of a dad figure for me to ever fall for you. Stop trying to be mysterious and trying to make a little plan on your head and then never talk about your feelings.

Sebastian

Flick me one more time and I'm going to deck you, you twink. Also reading your notebook like it's a New York Times bestseller. He needs a different hobby other than being a stalker. He's honestly boring. You're from modern times but you never talk about your actual interests

Vlad

First off, you're literally killing your kids. Second, how could you not tell that I'm the one in the painting. It's nearly identical. Also I don't understand your plan at all. Makes almost no sense to me. Go big and kill the humans or go home bud.

Faust

YOU KIDNAPPED ME. DRANK MY BLOOD. THREATENED EVERYONE I LIVED WITH. AND YOURE TRYING TO TELL ME YOU AREN'T A BAD GUY?????

Charles

Babies route isn't out yet therefore he's perfect.

Actually tho: can't say anything about his route but he's giving yandere vibes to the point where he'd probably hurt himself if you told him to bc he loves you so much.

[lacieabyss]

dazai and the book theory !!

Ok so im pretty sure most ppl have heard abt this theory. But if u havent its simple.

There are two possibilities of this theory:

1. Dazai is a product of the book ( somewhat like sigma )

2. Dazai himself is the book.

Now I will just give my own thoughts abt why I believe in this theory.

Again most of this is just my assumptions I dont have any hard proof to back this up but I just wanted to talk abt it lmao.

so first thing first why do I believe this theory ??

Lets just look at Dazai for a second and think abt him. He is a character who is written with a mysterious aura. When we first meet him we think he is just a second lead who is goofy and likes to commit suicide. But then we are given the fact that he was a former port mafia member and slowly we get to know more abt him like that. Dazai's so called past right now is completely just about the mafia, any piece of info we know abt him is just related to the mafia. From the light novel 15 we get to know that mori picked up dazai when he was 14, from where ??? it was never stated. Thats the furthers we know of Dazai's past he started to assist Mori in a plan to kill the former port mafia boss in exchange of Mori helping him to die. Thats all after that we know nothing abt how ?? why ?? where ?? did Dazai come to meet Mori. We dont know ! Not Dazai not anyone has ever mentioned anything abt him before he came to know Mori.

Weird ?? dont u think ??

Now lets take a min to think abt other characters, most ppl's past stories have been abt when they were kids and has actually shown a lot of how they came to be who they are like now. But Dazai ??? there is nothing, why is Dazai suicidal ??? we dont know anything abt it. Now some might argue and say he is just like that. But do u really think someone would be so crazy behind suicide just like that with no reason ??? i will admit i could be wrong abt this but still.

In a short it just feels Dazai just seems to appear out of literally no where, its just like he was born one day as a 14 yr old and Mori found him. Thats literally all of Dazai's so called origin till now.

1. Dazai is a product of the book.

THIS !! this theory becomes more believable everyday i think abt it. With all the things i mentioned above, u can kind of see where im going. Dazai being a product of a book is a excellent theory, for starters he just seems to have no past prior to the incidents of 15. Now again maybe Dazai has kept his past so secretive that no one really can find out but thats again a possibility like many others. Now lets try to tie up his suicidal tendencies with this theory. Now lets say u were to be created from a book and you know abt it, wont u feel deep down not like a human ???? Thats what i think is happening with Dazai, he feels his existence is wrong and against the rule of this world cuz he was just made up one day as a 14 years old. His existence to him maybe feels wrong in a way and inhuman. Now usually life is always connected with death. Death is something only a living being can feel. So what if the reason he does all this suicidal things its to feel close to death, so he can feel at least a bit human. And also in dark era Dazai clearly states that he desires death cuz he think keeping oneself near to raw emotions like those will help him find a reason to live.

I might make another post to cover the rest but thats all for today thank you for reading bye !!

[straycat-writes]

i saw that you write for ikemen vampire as well, so if it's alright with you i was wondering if you could write headcanons for mozart, vincent, comte, and arthur with a depressed/suicidal s/o who's main coping mechanism is humor? like they joke abt suicide a lot + make jokes abt feeling shitty when asked since they dont wanna worry anyone much but their jokes start getting increasingly concerning bc its smth i do a lot lol,, u dont need to do this if ur not comfortable.. thx and love your work!!

anon added: wait fuck i just remembered only three characters for headcanons so just do it for mozart, vincent, and arthur. thank u!

notes: Whaaat, come on, you cannot just do my husband dirty like that, of course I’ll do all four 😆 Before we begin, since everyone experiences stuff like this differently, our experiences might not be exactly the same, so these might not be universal. In any case, I hope you feel better 🥺💕

trigger warning(s): depression, mentions of suicide, and suicidal ideation.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

He did notice the jokes each time, but at first, he didn’t necessarily feel the need to intervene.

Once was alright, he thought you might just have a different sense of humor. Twice was morbid, but he brushed it off. But thrice was downright worrying, and he was starting to suspect something might be wrong.

He observed you make increasingly dark jokes for weeks on end, and brush off anyone who tried to ask you about them, before he decided that enough was enough.

“What is wrong with you?”

It’s a blunt question, completely tactless, but only because he’s actually quite concerned and doesn’t how else to put it. Nonetheless, it catches you off-guard.

“What do you mean?”

He rolls his eyes, “Don’t play dumb with me, (y/n). Have you been spending too much time with shitty Dazai again?”

When you don’t say anything, the scowl on his face melts into a concerned frown. He wants to help, he really does, but it’s hard for someone like him to deal with such heavy feelings, whether his own or someone else’s. After all, words have never been his preferred medium of expression.

So, he decides not to use them. Instead, he envelopes you in a long, silent hug. It’s a little stiff, but when you start crying softy on his shoulder, he gives in and pulls you even closer, gently stroking your hair.

Up until then, you had no idea that the stern, ice-cold Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart could ever feel so…familiarly warm and soft, with his arms around you.

“I’m not asking you to confess anything, (y/n). I’m not even asking you to tell me anything. I…actually have no idea how to fix any of this, but…Just…know that you don’t have to deal with this on your own.”

Vincent van Gogh

Out of everyone, it would probably take Vincent the least time to notice when something is wrong with you.

The morbid humor is one thing, but what really concerns him is how hollow your laugh has started to sound, and the glazed…empty look you get in your eyes when you think no one is looking.

He notices because he knows what to look for, because he has already seen too much of it, in himself.

“(Y/n), sweetheart, are you okay?”

“Hm? Yes, of course, Vincent. Why do you ask?”

“…Why do you think?”

There is a certain look in his eyes, so wistfully sad, as if mourning something he hasn’t even lost yet, and you just know that he knows. There is no use lying to him. In hindsight, you think, you should have known you could hide it from anyone except him.

When a lone tear slips down your cheek, he gently wipes it away and holds your face with both hands, looking into your eyes. To your surprise, and immense pain, his own are glistening with tears too.

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“…Because it’s my problem and I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

You realize it doesn’t make much sense now when you say it out loud, but you knew he was all too familiar with this complete and utter despair, this emptiness you felt inside of yourself, and you never wanted him to feel it again, even if it was by proxy.

But now, he stands in front of you, hands on either side of your face, and he places a chaste, gentle kiss on your forehead. He doesn’t say anything, but you realize what he means. I’m here. I understand. You’re not alone.

(note: for those who don’t know, Vincent van Gogh committed suicide at the age of thirty-seven.)

Le Comte de Saint-Germain

He is used to the residents of his mansion having…strange sense of humor and habits, honestly.

Even so, when you make a jest about killing yourself for the fifth time in a row, he can’t help but be worried. There are only two explanations, you either just have a very, very dark idea of humor, in which case there was nothing much he could do except gentle advisory, or there was indeed something very wrong.

He keeps hoping it’s not the latter, but days pass and your jokes keep getting more and more morbid, and any attempts to talk to you about the issue are only met with smooth elusiveness.

“I’m only kidding, Comte. Of course, I’m not going to throw myself off the roof. Probably.”

“…I think we need to talk, ma cherie.”

That sentence in itself is enough to scare anyone half to death, and when you have so much to hide, even more so.

The talk is long and tedious, with quite a lot of repressed emotions involved. On your part, first there is the defensive anger. Of course, there isn’t anything wrong, how dare he imply otherwise? Then there is the desperate denial, because ‘ignore the problem until it goes away’, right? Except, this problem isn’t going away on its own, and you both know that.

Finally, there is the reluctant acceptance, and a lot of crying. Throughout this, he is as calm and collected on the outside as he always is, even when you grip the front of his coat and cry in his embrace. You’re barely holding yourself together, so he needs to be your support.

But on the inside, there is a storm raging. You were supposed to be his responsibility. He was the one who brought you here, and he was just watching you wither away like this in front of his eyes? What kind of a person did that make him? Just how much of a failure is he?

“I’m so sorry for not noticing sooner, ma cherie. I have failed you.”

“Wh-what?”

“I was supposed to protect you from everything, including yourself. Evidently, I have failed at that, and my heart aches at the thought of you suffering all on your own. But I intend to rectify my fault a thousand times over.”

You stare up at him with wide eyes, and without a warning, more tears spill.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Peculiar taste of humor is kind of Arthur’s brand. He enjoys his shamelessly perverted jokes, so he assumed you enjoy your dark ones.

Even so, he does get a little worried when he notices how your first instinct to almost anything is self-deprecation and jokes about killing yourself at the slightest provocation, and how you laugh a little too loud and too much when asked about any of it.

The more he notices, the more concerned he gets, and the more confused about just what to do about it.

At first, he tries to deflect your morbid jokes with some of his own, just to see how you would react. But the moment he talks of killing himself, you go pale, asking him to stop with such distress in your voice that he ends up feeling guilty.

But even after that, it doesn’t stop you from doing it yourself.

“Welp, guess I’ll just go drown in a river somewhere.”

“Ahahaha, but consider this, how about you…don’t?”

He’s always so playful, and even fickle that it almost slips your mind that he is a writer, after all, and a very observant one at that. He is intelligent and notices every little thing, even if he doesn’t show it. That includes the fact that your laugh has been sounding more and more empty lately, your smile seeming more and more like fake plastic.

So, when he confronts you about it, it takes you by surprise.

“Whatever do you mean, Arthur? I’m fine.”

“Right…Stop lying to me, (y/n).”

You frown. You should have known how hard it would be to hide anything from Arthur for too long. How long did you really think you could keep up this façade? The realization comes like a slap to the face, and it’s almost like your metaphorical mask drops. You start crying.

He is distressed at the sudden turn of events, but tries his best to console you. As he hugs you to his chest, gently rubbing soothing circles on your back, he wonders if he could have done something to help you sooner.

“Listen, sweetheart. I don’t claim to know what you’re going through, but I do know that you need help. I know I cannot just fix whatever…this is, but I can promise that I’m going to be here with you, through everything”

You laugh bitterly, “It gets ugly.”

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head, “I’m going to be here with you, whether you want me to be or not, and I promise to hold you together as you scream your throat raw trying to hold yourself together, promise to…stand by you as you save yourself. You do not have to do this alone.”

He kisses you softly, only for a moment, soft and true on the lips.

“Show me every dark and hideous, every bitter thing about your soul…and then, let me love you anyway.”

[bsd-fyodor94]

could i req a dazai scenario where fem!reader is usually happy and joking around with the ada team but when dazai’s talking to her or he’s in the same place as her, she’s quite nervous & shy around him cos she has big fat crush on him so he confront her abt her behaviour?

Euphoria and Bewilderment

Osamu Dazai

He thought it was odd, to be quite honest. She’d laugh and joke around with anyone, except him. When she spoke to him, it was in a quiet, gentle tone. That same smile that would brighten anyone’s day would never be used to brighten his.

It hadn’t always been like this. When she first joined the agency she was outgoing towards everyone, including him. Only in the past few months had she suddenly seemed to forget to smile or joke with him.

It didn’t take long, however, for Dazai to understand. He knew the reason, very well at that. It had only occurred to him after he saw her blush when he complimented her new earrings, saying they brought out her beautiful eyes.

He’d never seen someone flush so quickly. He’d compliment countless women, even asked them to commit a double suicide with him, but none had ever once turned red–only denying him satisfaction in silence or a passive-aggressive way.

It wasn’t until that day–that fateful day–that he had decided to devise a plan, or ‘Plan Romance’ as he called it. A simple plan, but a plan that hasn’t been officially been put into action until today.

No time had stuck a better time than now. Dazai’s arms behind his head as he strolled through the busy Yokohama streets. His temporary partner walked next to him, his hands laced together behind his back, never once giving him the joy of seeing her bright eyes.

They had been tasked with delivering an apology letter and gifts to an innocent man who had accidentally been injured during a case. The letter rests in Dazai’s coat pocket. He’d be the one to give the letter to the man since he was the one who had accidentally hit the man with a car.

Kunikida hadn’t let Dazai five feet from a car or car keys every since that incident. (First name) had to go with Dazai because she was the one to let Dazai drive, not knowing he was a horrendous driver. They’d have to pick up the gift basket on the way.

The flower shop was a small one, but housed many different shapes, sizes and colors of floral. “W-We’re here to pick up a gift basket. From the A-Armed Detective Agency.” Dazai noted her stutters, it happened a lot when he was around.

“One moment please.” The florist smiled and left the register to retrieve the basket from behind a yellow painted door.

The silence was painful, to say the least. Dazai didn’t make any remarks and also hadn’t asked the florist–a pretty young lady–to commit a double suicide yet. (First name) only played with a bracelet that was locked around her wrist.

It had felt like hours before the florist brought the basket out–but it had only been a few minutes. The basket was decorated with two bouquets of colorful flowers and a teddy bear in the middle. The bear held a baggie of cookies that were store bought but nothing short of delicious.

“Here you are! Have a nice day.” Dazai smiled and (First name) thanked the florist. The talkative streets outside the shop made the awkward silence between the two a little more bearable..

However, ‘Plan Romance’ was about to reach its climax. Dazai looked over towards the girl struggling to carry the heavy basket in her delicate hands. He promptly grabbed the basket from her, receiving a slightly stunned look in return. “Care to tell me why you don’t smile at me anymore?” He asked.

‘Plan Romance’ was to be as forward as possible, to get the answers as quick as possible. “W-What do you mean?” (First name) replied with a stuttered question.

“Well, for a few months now you haven’t been acting the same towards me as with everyone else.” Dazai sighed. “If you don’t like me, you can say it, you know.”

“Wait! That’s not it at all!” (First name) quickly denied. “I-I don’t–”

Dazai dramatically slapped the back of his hand to his forehead and shut his eyes. “I can’t believe you hate me, (First name)!” He cried out, resulting in some strange looks from passing civilians. “After all we’ve been through–you can’t even look at me anymore!” He continued, ignoring her pleas, crying out about the ‘hate’ she felt.

“No–! I don’t hate you, Dazai!” Her teeth clenched in frustration and embarrassment. “I like you, not hate you!”

Her face erupted with red and she covered her mouth with her hand at the realization of her words. Dazai smirked, and threw an arm around her shoulder, continuing to carry the basket in the other hand. “See, that’s all you had to say. Not so hard, right?”

(First name) let out a squeak of confusion. “W-Wait, what?”

“Well, you see…” Dazai begun, “It wasn’t that hard to tell you liked me. I could have confronted you about it a lot sooner, but I wanted to wait to see if you’d tell me first.”

“So–you knew the whole time… that I liked you?” Dazai nodded, a wide smile on his face. “What does this mean then?”

Dazai lifted up the basket to show her. “Let’s finish the mission first.”

After delivering the gift basket and apology letter to the injured man, as well as getting yelled at by said man, Dazai and (First name) began their trek back to the agency.

“Are you going to answer my question now?” (First name) quietly asked as she twirled the bracelet around her wrist in nervousness.

Dazai looked towards her, fake confusion on his face, “What question?”

Her lips pursed, a light blush once again costing her cheeks. “The one I asked earlier. You know my feelings towards you now, so… what will happen between us?”

Dazai smiled. “Can’t you tell we’re taking a different route back to the agency. I’m taking you out to dinner.” His plan was working, all that needed to be avoided was a singular phone call.

“But, I didn’t bring my purse with me. And didn’t you say you lost your wallet in the river again?”

“I did,” Dazai pulled out a credit card from his back pocket. “Which is why I borrowed Kuni–” Dazai’s phone had started to ring, the caller ID saying ‘Kunikida’.

(First name) laughed, finally showing Dazai that smile he had been waiting to see for too long now. “I think he wants his card back, Dazai.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait until pay day.” Dazai sighed with a shrug. However, he was content, and couldn’t stop the corner of his lips from tugging upwards. He had gotten to see the smile that brought light to his life, and scored a date with a beautiful young lady.

I hope this fit what you had in mind. Have a wonderful day!

[daz4i]

you guys are enabling me. this is my most self indulgent post. here i'm gonna explain every song choice in my dazai playlist. i think tumblr has a paragraph limit so for now, it's only the first 15 aka a third of the playlist, so i'll probably just add more parts later, 15 at a time

from the name "epic dazai kinnie moment" i hope it's clear enough that it's 100% my VERY personal interpretation of the character lol. and as i said in the desc it's also beast!dazai. anyway

(also obviously tw for anything that goes with dazai aka suicide death depression yknow)

dazai's character song:

it's dazai's character song

hand me my shovel, i'm going in!:

it's a song about a guy who hits rock bottom and starts digging, as if trying to get worse. and while dazai's def in his recovery era he's still trying to kill himself so much. and since the q incident he's sort of reverted to his old self, even if not fully. so i'm counting that

also the repetition of "gotta get to the bottom of this", usually referring to figure out some case for example, can be about him trying to figure out both himself and the situation he's in (my favorite part, esp in his context, is "Gotta get to the bottom of this / If it kills me"

a lot of references to alcohol and alcoholism in that song, and i don't think i need to explain dazai's alcohol issue lmao

and a sentence you're gonna read a lot in this post: upbeat and fun song abt a depressing subject matter is so so dazaicore

achilles come down:

i mean the whole premise is achilles on a roof preparing to kill himself

"You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you / Achilles, it's not much but there's proof" ada........

"I witness that a lot of people are dying because they consider that life is not worth living. Paradoxically, I witness other people who are being killed for their ideas, their illusions, which give their existence a sense. What we call a reason to live is also an excellent reason to die." <- the french speaking part. do i need to explain why this is dazaicore

"Today, of all days, see / How the most dangerous thing is to love" dazai believes anything good will be taken from him. and yeah once he got close to someone - odasaku - he died. so. loving him was indeed dangerous

"Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, jump now / You are absent of cause or excuse" "It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now" again. do i need to explain why this is dazaicore

"You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing / It's all just conjecture and gloom / And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it / Do not waste yourself on this roof" "Feel your breath course frankly below / And see life as a worthy opponent" this is soooooo odasaku's last words to dazai. to me

the whole part of two voices talking to each other (not gonna copy the whole thing lol), imo, are two sides inside dazai - his instinct of self hatred and suicide, vs his wish to recover. also specifically the "so much more than a rat" line also fits his difference from fyodor that imo is also rooted in his recovery

good luck, clown:

so. to preface. i am basing a loooot of my view of dazai on yozo from nlh. and he quite literally calls what he does "clowning" - putting on a smile and making others laugh so they don't see how empty he is on the inside. btw this is what i mean every time i call dazai a clown hehe

this song is in part about being fake and putting on a show for others:

"I don’t mean to pretend, but I’ve started to be nice on the outside. That’s the fake me / Temporarily pretending to clown around, and writhing before you know it / Wandering into a maze of extremes before figuring out the goal" "Dancing with a forced positivity, I’m Breaking down" "I’m called a clown now, forced grins make me feel ridiculous / Twisted as usual, so I start Breaking down"

27:

"If home is where the heart is, then we're all just fucked" first off. imo. this must be how he felt during his mafia days

"My mind is a safe / And if I keep it, then we all get rich" once again. do i need to explain-

"My body is an orphanage / We take everyone in" he's a whore. to me

"Are all the good times getting gone? / They come, and go, and go, and come, and go" ok lemme explain it that way. if i had to make an animatic with this song. i'd put 2 shots of lupin bar. one of the whole trio and one of dazai alone. and cut between them with every "come" and "go"

against the kitchen floor:

the whole song is about recovery, not feeling human, and saying sorry. i doubt i need to explain the first two, but you might ask, who is he saying sorry to? and my answer is, eh. everyone? (it mostly feels like a mix of odasaku and chuuya to me, depending on the verse) idk man. anyway

i'm not gonna add every single line that's essentially "i'm not that great or special i'm kind of awful" in its vibe bc i mean. yeah

"I swear I'm really trying / I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best / I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet" is sooooo dazai at the agency. to me

"I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much / But I'm not a real person, just the shit you can't make up" i bet you're tired of reading me saying do i need to explain. but. do i-

"I'm just as exposed if I take off my clothes" bandages. to me

"Did I really / Have any of that gravity? Maybe you're quicksand" once again using the animatic explanation. chuuya drinking after dazai left

"I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor / Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" imo. at least at first. dazai at least partially blamed himself for oda's death. in a "if only i got there quicker" way. so. regretting ever becoming a part of oda's life, bc maybe if odasaku wasn't involved with him he'd be off mori's radar, wouldn't get involved with mimic, and thus could live longer

"I swear I will die trying / I'm still in the process but I'm making progress / I promise I honestly want to prove improvement's possible / I swear I'm so fucking sorry / I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, but / Someday I'll be perfect and I'll make up for it all" just. this entire last chorus. recovery babeyyyyy

something's gotta give (lol this came up on my shuffle of another playlist just as i started typing this section):

this whole song's about being a human disaster 👍

"I don't even know myself / I wish I could be someone else / But I don't have a clue at all" well.

"Pull me out / Of this sinking town / I'm dying to live / Something's gotta give" oda did indeed pull him out of the mafia. and in a way, gave him a reason to live, which i think i already made enough analysis posts abt why dazai actually does want to live, even if he won't admit it even to himself

"Maybe I'm a fucking waste / Filling up the empty space / I've been here way too long" well.

and another upbeat and fun song with depressing lyrics!

i am not a robot:

oh my god ok ok this one's actually making me insane in his context. bc. so much of his character and arc, imo, hinges on the idea that he's actually human, even if he has a hard time believing that. he is not some machine that thinks fast and solves problems, he is not a monster who just wants to kill, he's just a very flawed human. so

"It's okay to say you've got a weak spot / You don't always have to be on top" "You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable / You are not a robot" both lines fit this idea

"Better to be hated than loved, loved, loved for what you're not" this connects to the clowning thing i mentioned! constantly hiding his true self, he would never feel truly loved

ok now back to the animatic explanations:

"You've been hanging with the unloved kids / Who you never really liked and you never trusted" mafia days. dazai in an executive meeting

"But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins" him conspiring with mori, or alternatively in lupin with oda and ango who are both outsiders in the mafia

"Never committing to anything / You don't pick up the phone when it ring-ring-rings" dazai in the agency dorms, ignoring calls from the team, drinking or just lazing in bed

"Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing" atsushi grabbing him and showing him he's still loved the way he is

"Can you teach me how to feel real? / Can you turn my power off?" odasaku's last moments. well. you know.

machine:

immediately contradicting the last point lol. but imo this one is about 1 how he sees himself 2 more beast dazai coded tbh

i actually don't wanna explain that one. go read the lyrics/listen to the song and think abt beast dazai and i think you'll get it

beneath the mask:

epic kinnie crossover

again, connecting to the clowning, a song about hiding your true self

"Hiding both face and mind, All free for you to draw / I'm a shape shifter, What else should I be? / Please don't take off my mask, Revealing dark" "A mirror right in front of me / That's where I find / An empty glass / Reflecting the sad truth / It's telling words not to be told / I need the mask" "Just a cage of bones / There's nothing inside" well. yeah. nothing behind the mask, bc he's empty, or at least feels empty, and like there's no real person there

"Is there a way for me to break?" a bit of hope, at least. i do think dazai wants to remove that mask at some point, but is just scared.

dead!:

"Have you heard the news that you're dead? / No one ever had much nice to say / I think they never liked you anyway" i think! this is how dazai sees himself! and why he wants to kill himself, esp how he says he doesn't want to harm anyone with his suicide, bc he has a hard time believing his lovable (and, in a way, he's sometimes even being a nuisance to others to make sure of his own truth, but that's a whole character analysis for later lol)

honestly that's just the whole song. how he sees himself and why he thinks he should die. imo. no point in copying the whole thing just go read it 👍

also another happy and upbeat sounding song about a very dark subject matter! very dazaicore!

half-decade hangover:

"Wonder how I didn’t die / This is not my life, I’m no survivor, I only happened to survive" HOOOO BOY this is like one of my favorite lines from any song ever. and i think after surviving multiple suicide attempts it's a very easy sentiment to have. people are so proud of you for making it this far, but this was very much against your will. and yeah i don't need to explain why this is dazaicore i think

"What have I done? Don't know what I've said / It’s a half-decade hangover, either this, in jail, or dead" as you can guess a lot of this song is abt alcoholism and recovery, both topics which are very relevant to dazai. "either this (recovery), in jail, or dead" is so literally his situation, he even got in jail eventually lol. and it's bc of his past, which is what this is referring to! this is the half-decade hangover! your past catching up to you and having to cope with it now!

"Lender knows I’ve tried to make it right / Give back my life, and if not / Take it, 'cause lately I been thinking maybe I could / Take it or leave it, if I can’t at least break even, then I’m leaving" he's trying to give back, doing good, helping others, and yet through this he's still suicidal

"Please believe me when I say that I’ve poured my whole past down the drain / Say that a second chance is a chance I can take" well. i mean. yeah. very literal stuff here

w.a.m.s.:

"I'm a young one stuck in the thoughts of an / Old one's head" well this one's straightforward i think. being young but being ~an old soul~. with the way dazai was treated like an adult at 14-15 already, yeah i'd say this is fitting

"My head's in heaven, my soles are in hell" can really fit if you read the agency as heaven and the mafia as hell, in a way. or alternatively, head thinking about death, but firmly standing in real life, which to a suicidal person can very much feel like hell

"I'm going to leave you, I'm going to teach you / How we're all alone" i know this isn't the case in canon but i like angst revolving around dazai leaving chuuya specifically <3 so yeah

living is a problem because everything dies:

*cracks knuckles* ok if you read the tags of the original post you'll know this is a big one

imo. this is very much a song that can connect to dazai feeling like he'll lose anything good in his life. but especially oda's death

i mean the name alone is already such a "everything i love dies so what's the point of living".

"I fear God because everything dies babe" one day i'll write a whole essay abt how dazai is motivated by fear. one day

"Well I’ve met God and he had nothing to say to me" this one's isn't direct but like. feels very relevant as a suicidal person. and esp in bsd where there's a lot of talk abt god. yeah

"I pray to God that you’re right before my eyes / Bathed in white light with halos in your eyes" connection to odasaku and missing him

"Everywhere I look someone dies / Wonder when it’s my turn" do i need to explain. do i

"I built a time machine to escape from / All the pain in the back of my car" dazai working overtime to prevent and escape and avoid pain (not physical, but mental)

also it has some little lines that imo fit dazai's vibe but i won't add to this post, i recommend listening to it (it's a very good song, very dramatic) or at least reading the lyrics yourself

valley of the dolls:

like beneath the mask, it's a song about faking your personality to hide how empty you feel

"Got a hole inside of me / Born with a void, hard to destroy with love or hope / Built with a heart, broken from the start" where's asagiri's donut comment. hey.

"Living with identities / That do not belong to me" "Pick a personality for free / When you feel like nobody" to me. dazai has some issues with identity in general. sort of feeling like every mask you put on is not quite right, definitely not the real you, in part due to your emptiness. he's not the ruthless mafia executive but he's not the righteous detective who saves people, even if it may seem like that to those around him. he's just a void

"In my life, I got this far / Now I’m ready for the last hoorah / Dying like a shooting star" HEY REMEMBER THAT ONE SCENE FROM WAN-

fr tho, being tired with life, wanting things to end, basic dazai stuff.

"Back to zero, here we go / I can feel it coming to the end" that flip i mentioned earlier, back to his older self, in a way this is like undoing his recovery so far - going back to zero. and now that there's a real death scare in his story (lbr he won't die. but he doesn't know that!), it's at least coming to an end

ok that's the first 15. i'm gonna stop here to avoid tumblr's limit and also bc i kinda wanna post it to see if anyone'll read. if you do i love you so so much. mwah

every time i listen to my skk or dazai playlists I'm like "I'm a fucking genius I'm the only one who understands them i have the best taste ever" and ngl guys, it's never that serious.

[drangues]

LOOK ITS THE CLOSEST HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE I COULD THINK KF THAT REMINDED ME OF A SWORD OUTSIDE OF A KNIFE. BUT A KNIFE WOULD BE ~EXPECTED~ SO HERE WE ARE. (And! I’ll read it, don’t worry! I can be a bit slow so it might? Take a bit??? And I get distracted easily, BUT it looks nice from the summary alone!!!) Anyways! That is exactly something that Kyouka would do, she can be a little shit sometimes (but we love her). (Nyanon, 1/4)

, and Poor Atsushi just wants to stop sleeping in weird positions so that she has no leverage, but alas, he almost always wakes up oddly anyways. Kyouka and Demon Snow revel in it and all the pictures they get (and I wonder if Demon Snow ever tries to just. Scoop him up in a weird position he fell asleep in, just to see if he’ll stay asleep). But that aside- That makes sense! Atsushi using emojis is cute,, (Nyanon, 2/4)

Poor Kunikida probably mourns the loss of someone texting in proper sentences, but a more casual style with emojis definitely fits Atsushi best... Now that I think about it, I bet he has little emojis next to everyone’s names. Like, Kyouka has a bunny next to hers, Fukuzawa has a cat, etc. (I MEAN THATS FAIR, she probably changes it up depending on who she talks to??? Like, Atsushi and Fukuzawa and probably Kunikida get kaomojis, but! (Nyanon, 3/4)

Since she likes fucking with Dazai she sends him the Weird Ones, you know?) Moving on to an AU Concept, though: Imagine one where Atsushi is just a super advanced AI that was programmed to help the ADA. I imagine it isn’t a super angsty AU- I just like the thought of AI!Atsushi (Aistushi?) slowly learning to be his own,, person? And gaining emotions that are his, rather than a programmed reaction. (Nyanon, 4/4)

(hey man its fine i understand that it takes a long time for u to finish your stuff i just want you to read it whether that is in a few hours or a few months no pressure)

bro wouldnt it be funny if kunikida texts all cutely like- theres this manga called horimiya (it has an anime adaption now!!) where the student council president looks all serious and proper but he unexpectedly texts all cutely once he has exchanged a few messages with you (see down below)

THAT WOULD BE FUNNY DONT LIE.

atsushi putting different emoji on peoples contacts is so funny and so is kyouka giving dazai the weird emojis my GOD (she would also say omnious stuff. i feel kyouka would say V E R Y omnious stuff that makes everyone go ?? HELP??)

kyouka looking at a car, nodding: you can kill and let the dead body in here, thats enough space  atsushi: kyouka i-

OWOWOWO ATSUSHI BEING AI IS CERTAINLY INCH ARRESTING, THERES A GINTAMA ARC WHERE THEY FIND A ROBOT AND LIKE AT THE END THE ROBOT GETS FEELINGS AND I REMEMBER CRYING OVER THAT ARC- EITHER WAY, THAT MADE ME THINK OF THIS. but i- OH MY GODDD

atsushi is an ai that was thrown away by the scientists as a useless ai cause he didnt gain feelings and because of that atsushi did think he was a useless robot and a good for nothing that couldnt even do One basic thing (which is to feel like humans do) and throughout the whole time he thinks hes Not worth it and as he wanders through the streets trying to find a way to CHARGE himself he sees dazai drowning and jumps in to save him cus. he was programmed to save if anyones in danger

and dazais like “tch.” as usual to getting saved and atsushi doesnt know what to respond cause he was never told WHAT to respond with. but either way, dazai asks him what he can do for him and before atsushi “faints” aka Turn Off he says “i need to get charged”

when he wakes up later hes in a car and he sees dazai holding a power bank thats charging him. kunikidas driving the car and dazais like “i was surprised to see that youre an AI, youre quite impressive!” atsushi doesnt know how to respond, “we need your help [mission with smth abt AI and android or whatever that will be used for Evil]” and after the mission, atsushi faints again cus a powerbank can only charge that much

when he wakes up dazai offers him the job and while atsushi wants to accept, he cant cus he doesnt have a heart. theres no way he could actually be a DETECTIVE. a job that serves people. 

as usual, dazai tricks him (like in the actual show) and says “yes ill find you a new job” after atsushi saves him from the suicide barrel attempt. kunikida makes a scene about a bomber, they go there and the usual happens until tanizaki presses the button for the bomb

and in a swift second, without thinking, atsushi pushes naomi away and covers his body with the bomb. and hes like “what am i doing? why do i feel obligated to save her? that wasnt because of my programming, im programmed to evacuate when a bomb is setting off- why did i feel Scared?” the bomb doesnt explode Duh and atsushi is Hired despite fukuzawa being skeptic over hiring an AI

thats when atsushi thinks that maybe he is capable of growing feelings and growing into his own person