#dazai driving

[dazai-lillia]

🩹 Driving;

- Dazai is a horrible driver and has gotten his license taken away so many times that now he can't get a new one anytime soon.

- Dazai has hit more people than he has ran over, but he has never gotten into a car accident somehow.

- When going on cases with Kunikida, Kunikida is always driving because he won't let Dazai drive.

- After Atsushi lets Dazai drive once, Atsushi doesn't get in a car that Dazai is driving anymore because he's scared Dazai will accidentally kill them both.

- Dazai has probably tried to drift and failed.

- Dazai wouldn't drink and drive, he probably either drinks at home so he has no where to go or at a bar that he can easily walk to.

- Dazai wears a seatbelt most of the time, he wouldn't wear one for short distances or that he needs to get out of the car quickly.

[lotus-pear]

partners in crime or smt idk

[etrevil]

these motherfuckers are just one-upping each other every chance they get, even striking the same pose 😭

[pleucas]

most feared duo in yokohama

[yayll]

~ a little something about Dazai and his tantrums ~

"... Hmph. I hope you crash this car and we both die."

The moody brunet mutters under his breath as he looks out of the car window, his arms crossed over his chest, refusing to look at you. He was awfully cute whenever he did this, and oh so vexing at the same time. You learned to acclimate to this very early into your relationship with him.

"What? All I said was that I was going to be driving us, Osamu!"

Your laugh is light hearted as you focus on the road ahead, dismissing his whiny behavior for another one of his... Melodramatic performances, his co-workers once called it. He finally turns to glare at you, but a wicked glint in his narrowed eyes betrays him... You can tell he's more unserious than anything. Playful, even. And besides, he would never actually be upset with you, he just can't stop thinking up schemes to make you roll your eyes at him. Your smile alone makes his thoughts impure, shame on you!

"Yeah, well... I feel dehumanized! overlooked! neglected..." He feigns offense, sighing heavily as he slouches into the passenger seat. He places a bandaged arm over his face, groaning softly but still side eyeing you to check if you're looking at him or not.

"You do that all on your own, silly."

"Excuse me? I'm expressing my grievances and you're calling me silly? Oh, so that's what this is really about. You don't love me anymore! What a cruel beauty you are..."

He gasps, now burying his face into the crook of his elbow, pretending to weep as he mumbles incoherent nonsense about how much you mistreat him. In actuality, he was giddy as hell. You park the car, and turn to face him, a coy smile flashes on your lips.

"Nobody said anything about not loving you. Now, what can I do to fix this, Mm?"

He lifts his head up, suddenly composed and shrugging his shoulders as if nothing ever happened, speaking in a matter of fact voice that somehow deepened.

"Well, definitely don't let me drive. I don't even have a license. I'd kill us in an instant."

"... Then why argue about it?!"

"Because you look so beautiful when you're yelling at me. And you make me feel alive. Anddd, because I'm bored~"

He flashes you a cheeky grin, it's dreamy and sickening. His eyes twinkle with mischief as he leans over the seat and flicks away a stray hair from your face. Dazai then taps the tip of your nose, slowly dragging his finger down to your plush bottom lip, gently flipping it over to expose your teeth. The pad of his finger gently swirls against your canines, and finally, retreats... He knows there's a time and place for his worship prodding. His eyes travel back up to yours, and you can swear they look darker than usual. If only the Port Mafia could see what became of the Demon Prodigy... A new man reborn! A man who loves!

The rest of the day is spent with you indulging Dazai, something along the lines of 'reparations' is what he calls it. Only he knows how much it means to him that you can handle him during his calculated outbursts... or rather harmless tests to prove you won't leave him at the first sign of trouble. He needs you to be in it for the longhaul, just like he is. It's deceptive, but no one has to know! He just loves you and these are simply counter measures. You'd probably call him selfish, but as long as you call him at all, he doesn't give a shit. Because in the grand scheme of things, he really can't drive, and you two are inevitably endgame.

You're the ball, and he's your chain.

[evilkaeya]

As much as I love fics where dazai drives like a madman and everyone else in the car ends up with heart problems, I like to think that chuuya is probably unaffected by it. In fact, I think he loves it when dazai drives.

Imagine the pm and ada on a joint mission and it somehow ends in skk and sskk in a car together with dazai driving.

sskk are in the backseat and while Atsushi looks visibly mortified and scared for his life, Akutagawa is more subtle about it. He looks almost normal. Until you really pay attention and notice the clenched knuckles resting on his thighs and his eyes twitching.

Their mentors are completely unaware of their state. Dazai has a stupid grin on his face as he drives, determined to break every traffic law ever and Chuuya has his head out of the window, looking very much like a kid whose parents agreed to get mcdonalds.

"Take the next right!" The mafioso yells and Dazai swerves hard, missing the fire hydrant by an inch and Atsushi swears, swears, his heart stopped for 5 seconds. Chuuya hollers in excitement.

Akutagawa considers breaking the door and jumping out using rashoumon.

[pebblul]

The ADA’s driving situation is so funny to me when I think about it, like-

Dazai is such a bad driver him even being near the car greatly increases your chances of crashing.

Atushi can’t drive for shit because he was stuck in the orphanage until he was 18.

Ranpo doesn’t even know how to ride a damn train and is so bad at navigating I can’t tell if he’s bullshitting or not.

Kenji probably didn’t even know what a car was until he joined the Agency.

Kunikida can maybe drive but he’s probably going way too fast at any given time regardless of the situation.

I don’t even want to think about what would happen if you put one of the Tanizaki siblings behind the wheel, especially if they were both in the car at the same time.

Have you ever seen Fukuzawa in the same room as a car?

And Yosano is yet to be determined.

So that leaves Kyouka. The 14 year old child as the Agency’s main driver when something comes up. And even she’s kinda reckless.

[originalartblog]

1 year and 4 months later: ANIME EDITION (x)

[bananana2217]

my hands moved on their own and these two spawned in oopsies

[cigwlp]

once more to see you

based off my absolute favourite bsd art (it drives me crazy)

[naetles]

[lady-shadow-and-darkness]

I know that the anime has teen Dazai and Chuuya speaking in their normal voices, but it's infinitely more funny (and accurate) to just headcanon them having voice breaks all the time.

Imagine, soukoku, the most devastating rivals and kissing machines staring down at you menacingly as you come to terms with the fact that you're about to die, the red one starts glowing, you close your eyes and brace for impact, and then...

"AnY LaSt WoRdS?"

All is silent for a moment, before the other one starts laughing hysterically, and you get to crawl away to the sound of two teenage boys yelling at the top of their lungs like preschool kids.

[taireierre]

double black

[mxxldy]

Wheyyy finally did it

[pleucas]

irresponsible illegal getaway drive

[mackerel22]

Kunikida: Why is Dazai late, again?

Atsushi, writing Dazai's report: He said he's going through an existential crisis and won't get up of his futon cause he doesn't know what's real anymore. 😅

Kunikida: 😡