#daydream view
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pumpkin carving :^)
#dude we are SO back#i keep drawing dca content holy shit i missed these guys#also i love drawing sun with his rays spinning#its pretty much the only reaction he has to anything#he's very excitable in his defense#my art#security breach#sun fnaf#fnaf sun#sundrop#sundrop fnaf#charlie daydreamers#sun x y/n#the daycare attendant#dca fandom#also i really like how ive been drawing sun recently#i finally figured out how to draw him from 3/4 view
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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First as Yok in Not Me ↳ Episode 2
"Yok. Who are you drawing?"
#tusernix#tusersilence#tuserrowan#khaotunq#userdragonz#tuserhidden#uservid#usermask#userjamiec#tusermona#userspicy#not me#not me the series#not me yok#yok jade#thai drama#nmyokgifs#gifs#first kanaphan#not gonna lie#from an artist point of view this is a skill#the fact that he's not even looking at his drawing#looks at a guy instead but is so immersed in daydreaming about another guy#who he just met and literally saw for 5 seconds#his hand is just moving and he ended up subconsciously drawing that other guy in perfect detail#AND naked#true skill#he's gotta be a very skilled artist#i for a fact couldn't do that#and i can draw people
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#she lives in daydreams with me#sex lies and videotape#james spader#*#cheering and clapping every time The Freckle comes into view
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An Overanalysis of That Bsd 119 Panel
“If God does not exist, everything is permissible.”
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
With one of the most intense displays of genuine emotion that we’ve seen from Fyodor paired with the Expression emphatically taking up over half the page, I immediately wondered, what does this tell me about Fyodor?
I’ve seen a lot of interesting analysis floating around already, with the main two being: Fyodor doesn’t think Atsushi represents the “noble” beast of his ability, and/or Atsushi’s attitude reminds Fyodor of his past self.
However, to me, it seems that Fyodor’s reaction is a natural culmination of his obsessive and hypocritical search for perfection.
Part I: Fyodor’s Impossible Idealism
Fyodor has always been a romantic.
Not a romantic as in someone interested in ‘romance,’ but a romantic as defined by Oxford Languages: “[someone or something] characterized by…an idealized view of reality.”
From the beginning, Fyodor’s goals has always been steeped in idealism. “Saving” the world! Though thankfully a departure from the omnicidal maniac trope (I hate it! If you destroy the world, what then, genius), saving the world is as nearly nebulous as destroying the world. What does saving the world mean?
To Fyodor, it has been stated that he means cleansing the world of sin: ability users.
But I would argue that a better way to phrase this would be to cleansing the world of imperfection. Fyodor doesn’t only view ability users as imperfect, he views humanity as a whole as imperfect. I hinge this arguement where upon Dazai meeting Fyodor for the first time and talking with him in prison, Dazai says “people are sinfully stupid,” not ability-users, in opposition to Fyodor’s ideologies.
The second reasoning for this arguement is that while Fyodor hates ability users, he has no problem killing non ability users. You would think for someone who puts so much emphasis on abilities users as “sinful” that he would subsequently view non ability users as pure, right? Yeah, no.
“But Fyodor,” someone asks. “After you erase all the ability users how the fuck are you going to fix the rest of humanity?”
For one, he’d be dead (someone correct me on this if he said he’d kill all ability users but himself). For two, if the former () is the case, then is he just going to… write all of the rest of humans as perfect? Is he going to kill them to a write a version of humanity that is perfect? If that’s the case, then what the hell does ‘perfect’ mean to fyodor?
Another popular theory is that Fyodor is attempting to rewrite the world from the beginning without abilities, but that brings up the same issue in my second point—Fyodor doesn’t exclusively view ability users as imperfect, he views all of humanity as imperfect.
His plan is full of holes when you consider how exactly he defines “perfect.”
Therefore, I’d like to go forward in this analysis with the assumption that Fyodor is attempting to kill all ability users, including himself, through the “salvation” of death to create a “perfect” world despite all logistical fallacies.
So… what was the purpose of this tangent? It’s that I believe Fyodor’s search for perfection is futile, he likely knows it, and his goal is simply the largest unwilling suicide pact the world has ever seen.
Part II: Does Fyodor even believe in God?
Before this section begins, I’d like to define religiousness by the unconditional belief in gods or a god.
Short answer: yes. Slightly longer answer: well, yes, but…
Fyodor embodies of the churchgoing villain trope to a tee—at every possible moment he uses religion as a directive to all his actions. God, to Fyodor, is his patron.
What makes Fyodor’s religious zealousness so interesting to me is that highly intelligent, calculating, and cunning villains are often associated with ideologies ranging from relaxed-religiousness to atheism in media. Dazai is an example of this—he a deist who believes that god exists—but has created a world which runs on inconsistencies and absurdity.
Hell, Raskolnikov, the main character from from Crime and Punishment himself is an example of an intelligent character who is non-religious. While Raskolnikov is not a villain or a necessarily an irredeemable person, he is, as opposed to BSD Fyodor (the character of whom he inspired), an intelligent “bad person” who is notably non-religious. The following is a quote from Raskolnikov, in Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment, where he cynically comments about a religious character.
“At first he was afraid that she would worry him about religion, would talk about the gospel and pester him with books.”
Which naturally leads to the next question: why is Fyodor so religious if it clashes against both his literary counterpart and the tropes associated with an “intelligent villain”?
Trick question: I don’t think Fyodor is religious at all.
I believe that Fyodor’s fervent belief in god does not come out of genuine faith, but rather a desperate need to justify his own crimes. After all,
“If God doesn’t exist, everything is permissible.”
That is an adapted quote referenced in BSD 42 from a conversation in another one of Dostoevsky’s books, The Brothers Karamazov. The meaning of the quote is that the presence of god gives moral guidance meaning, and without god, humanity falls into anarchy.
After all, if heaven and hell do not exist, if god does not exist, or if god exists but he doesn’t care, or if god exists but he hates Fyodor, then… there’s no such thing as Fyodor’s idea of perfection. All of his plannning and scheming will be for naught. The slaughter and manipulation he has enacted across centuries will be pointless.
Fyodor must believe in his idealism (his version of god) or else his world views, his idealism, his raison d'etre—crumbles.
So let me ask the question again. Why is a villain who is as intelligent as Fyodor also religious? It’s because he must be, or he’d go insane.
“God is necessary, and therefore must exist... But I know that he does not and cannot exist... Don't you understand that a man with these two thoughts cannot go on living?”
This is a quote from Dostoevsky’s Demons, which perfectly describes what I believe about Fyodor’s motivations. I believe that deep within Fyodor’s fucked up mind, he understands that either god does not exist or that god exists, but hates/doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Fyodor.
However, Fyodor’s idealism has no room for nuance, even though someone of his intelligence must already understand that. Anything that challenges his idea of god, his idea of salvation, his idea of perfection, will challenge his very reason for being alive.
Which is what brings us to:
Part III: My Bad; The Panels this Analysis was Supposed to be About
In the past few years, there has been a recent shift in the fandom’s general perception Fyodor. He is no longer perceived as a character with a god complex, but rather character with a messiah complex(also known informally known as a Jesus complex). This is basically cemented in Fyodor’s last words before ‘death’: “Eli Eli lama sabachthani,” which mirrors Jesus’s words, not god’s.
While both god complexes and messiah complexes arise from the same core insecurities and delusions of superiority, those with messiah complexes are often characterized by their extreme empathy and intense desire to “save” others.
Looking at Fyodor, you wouldn’t think that he is a highly empathetic individual, but it is only because of his advanced emotional intelligence that he understands the human condition intimately enough to manipulate it—and he uses that power to try to “save” humanity the same way he perceives Jesus would.
But… if anything, it’s Atsushi who resembles Jesus.
Atsushi is compassionate; he extended his sympathy and respect to both Kyouka and Akutagawa, two people who attempted to kill him. Atsushi is selfless; from episode 1, he attempted to use his own body to cover a bomb in order to protect the ADA (people who he had barely known at the time!). Atsushi is humble; he denies his power and affability when confronting Lucy’s anguish.
(Arguably, you could say that Atsushi’s selflessness in the beginning was more motivated from self-hatred then true altruism—and you would be right, but once Atsushi learns a sense of confidence, his selflessness does not disappear… it just becomes genuine.)
Compassion, selflessness, and humbleness—all values that Jesus is said to preach.
The prideful Fyodor knelt before Atsushi in hopes a finding a god to his “Jesus,” but all he found was a painfully human boy. Not only that, he found a man who is more of a savior than he will ever be.
To add insult to injury in 119, Fyodor discovers Atsushi is an imperfect being who resides within what he had previously believed to be a perfect being. He is a contradiction—a nuance—and like I said before, Fyodor’s idealism has no room for what-ifs and buts. If he entertains a single contradiction(like Atsushi), his entire world view collapses.
So, Fyodor goes on the defense. In his attempt to rid himself of the so-called pathetic humanity he sees Atsushi demonstrating, he demonstrates some pathetic humanity of his own: For the first time we’ve seen since Fyodor has been introduced, Fyodor forgets his fixed benevolent, lofty, half-amused persona and gets pissed off.
More often than not I believe self-righteous anger comes as a result of insecurity and doubt. I imagine that his inner monologue is going something along the lines of: ‘how could this noble, god-like creature be so stupid, base, human? How could this faux-divine suggest that I am not already saving humanity? How could I have ever believed that he could be the perfect one I’m searching for?’
What I said before, about how Fyodor’s idea of perfection is a zero sum game and he knows it; it is reflected in his interaction with Atsushi. Atsushi’s mere existence and personality is evidence of what Fyodor has been trying to deny this entire time: his ideal of a “perfect world” does not exist.
“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.” —Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
#bungou stray dogs#fyodor dostoevsky#atsushi nakajima#meta#character analysis#bsd 119#there were a lot of things I had to cut from this analysis to keep it condensed in one post…#according to a PSPR study conducted in 2013 there does seem to be a slight negative correlation between religiousness and intelligence#I swear im not talking out of my ass!#the pipeline from the analysis being about ‘fyodor Really likes daydreaming huh’ to ‘Atsushi is Jesus’ is really something#btw god complexes and messiah complexes are not diagnosable disorders#they are viewed as symptoms of narcisstic personality disorder#even still looking at the mental illnesses associated with messiah complex match fyodor to a tee and happen to match a Lot of fandom#perception to a scary degree#I will make a separate post about it
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I’m in middle-of-nowhere Illinois staying in a super cheap motel on a work trip and it reminds me so much of somewhere Sam and Dean would stay during a hunt. I love it.
#can’t wait to maldaptive daydream about hunting with Sam and Dean all night#the lobby light was flickering maybe they’ll show up#it doesn’t get more rural midwest than this#the view out my window is a fucking cornfield#dean winchester#supernatural#spn#supernatural fandom#sam winchester
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My daydream spot
#amatuer photography#daily photo#window view#bedroom#vampire aesthetic#gothic#gothcore#dark photography#photooftheday#vampy vibes#maladaptive daydreaming#just daydreaming#goth girl
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my car is in the shop rn and they gave me a rental...
an audi. a fucking audi. idk about you but that's a fancy as fuck car to me lol.
but i fucking get it now. if a Daddy picked me up in a car like this i'd hand him my panties before the doors even locked. i feel like i need my own Baby. this is a Mommy Car, a MILF car. it is too hot. 🥵
#personal#the beans and i treated ourselves and went to get coffee (lil munchkin donuts for them) and we walked around Target#i have an old car that is super baseline#this mf audi's whole roof is a window#heated seats!#above view camera#the whole little computer in it!#i'm blown lol#definitely daydreaming about it bc i get it now
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📍London, England 🇬🇧
#video#view#lights#fishes#london#england#explore#travel#city#europe#place#trees#flowers#plants#aquarium#immersive daydreaming#immersive theatre#immersion#immersive experience
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its all love is my favorite song in the whole of trolls. one of the things i was scared about at the thought of rewatching this movie was how id be sick of watching this scene because the first time i watched it i put the song on loop in my every day life for DAYS. ive listened to it less recently but it goes to show just how much it tickles my brain bc it still sounds SO good, and the visuals are so nice. they really did hit it out of the park w the funk troll designs
#this entire scene is the single scene that like. probably started my brainrot w this franchise as a whole#i listened to the song a LOT.#pop guilt </3 (slash joke)#i remember being like. disappointed in peppy for hiding something from them AGAIN. but like. their circumstances kinda hit me way later#did peppy even KNOW??#theyve never confirmed it directly i dont think#but that little question just. exploded so much daydreaming about the pop trolls as a whole to me#and its like#what the hell#these trolls fucking sing and dance and hug for a living#wdym im seriously thinking about the implications of their population slowly being devoured whole and their history of stealing the strings#and how that affected their#view on the other tribes and how no one ever came to help#no one ever knew#yapping#twt
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thinking about superheroes unfortunately
#random thoughts#let me daydream about batman in peace#love the dynamic between spiderman and deadpool#it's that kind of dynamic i love where two people have power over each other in different ways#like spiderman is a well-loved public figure and deadpool's idol while deadpool is a dangerous mercenary with regeneration powers#physically deadpool probably outmatches spiderman through sheer dogged perseverance#while in the public eye spiderman is more well-liked AND deadpool is feverishly obsessed with him#i'm gonna keep forgetting the hyphen between spider and man btw fuck the world#loving the idea of a spiderman who KNOWS deadpool can do better and believes in him while deadpool gives him a space where HE can be himsel#like spiderman has so many masks he has to put on around other people#i think deadpool should be one of the few people he can truly let himself loose around#yknow before he can get to a point where he can reveal he's peter parker#also i think peter parker in his ideal state suffers from severe identity and self confidence issues#like he thinks spiderman is a seperate persona he puts on which is superior to himself in every way#(okay seperate thought: DID spiderman. the spider bite being so traumatic it led to him creating a split personality to cope.)#(or separate. whatever.)#also age difference. peter should be in his mid-twenties while deadpool should be in his thirties. need more power imbalance#also they're both sa survivors and their personalities could be interpreted as them handling it in vastly different ways#with deadpool being hypersexual and spiderman being flirtatious yet distant and peter parker being borderline celibate#though honestly i could leave spiderman being an sa survivor given it was a whole 'gay people are all predators' psa#also i think spiderman should have been held back in high school. due to struggles relating to being spiderman#so he graduated late and now he's going to community college#peter parker has the luxury of going incognito. wade wilson will always be stared at no matter what he's wearing#deadpool who every superhero hates. spiderman who every superhero organization is trying to recruit desperately#also i think peter should admire wade. physically. built like a brick shithouse that one#also the third act low point CAN'T be about spiderman feeling guilty because deadpool kills people#okay? it's overdone. we've seen it. it's lame#i prefer when their opposing views on murder are treated in a more 'death penalty or no' way rather than assuming deadpool is always wrong#because spiderman's idyllic 'people can change' beliefs can be just as wrong as deadpool's 'assholes deserve to die' beliefs#and spiderman has definitely killed people are you kidding me. both accidentally and on purpose
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Different points of view.
#Portal#View#Viewpoint#Aesthetic#Photography#Blue#Blue Sky#Experimental#Clouds#Landscape#Skyscape#Travel#Wanderlust#Daydream#Scenic#Reflecting#Window#Naturecore#Photos#Alternative
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Me and Brian because Ive been having an awful day and wanted him to comfort me
This is obviously very self indulgent but I like how I drew myself and I want to share more stuff like this and talk about my relationships with media and characters more often on here
#I want to clarify that the way I miss him is in the way that I daydream about being with him an unhealthy amount#and view him (and other mechs) as my family loved ones and friends more than the actual people in my life#it is something I need to talk to a therapist about but I don’t see a lot therapist until late next month so#writing and drawing and talking about it is the best thing for me to do right now#vent#vent art#bat lover art#the mechs#the mechanisms#mechsona#drumbot brian
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doodles of these 2 lads
#art tag#pokemon#cresselia#darkrai#oc: scylla (pmd)#oc: silas (pmd)#their current arc in the daydream is 'scylla we need to integrate ourselves into society' 'ok lol' (becomes a hermit#scylla stole her name from silas even#theres also that point in time where scylla takes a job that is to just stand near a sleeping guy and she finds out the guy is in a coma#and shes like. i cant possibly take their money for this. the fuck#the towns view on silas vs scylla initially 'its the scary nightmare guy that tried to end the world...!' vs 'she'll keep that guy in check#then the towns view shifted to#'oh thats the nice friendly lad with the unfortunate ability. hes a trusted member of the community' vs 'i think she has rabies'#anyway im not sure of silas' origins but scylla woke up in a desert#stayed in the same spot for several days bc she couldnt figure out how to move#nearly died in a sandstorm#not sure how she got out tho
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I just know Kingsley would be the type of man to never cut you off mid sentence
#istg if one more man cuts me off when im speaking#I will commit a crime#instead I daydream abt Kingsley#green flag through and throughhhh#that man would always let people SPEAK I know it#he also wouldn’t have such a fragile ego yk#he wouldn’t turn into hulk just bc someone had a different view on things#I’d give anything to have a debate with him fr#he’d be calm and smart about it#it’d be so fucking stimulating and gratifying#kingsley shacklebolt
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I'm so fuckinv mad I just wanted to see my little skrunkly man ONE MORE TIME RRRRRRRRRRRR NOW IM GONNA BE EATING ENTIRE TREES EVERY DAY TIL I SEE HIM AGAIB
#zach says#RRRTTSGGSHGJDHDNGNANGKSHGKSJGKSNGNF#BARK BARK BARK WOOF IM IN SANE#goes back n rereads daydream hour i need to view him#actually viewing him isnt enough i need to eat him
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