#day four - all human

[stil-lindigo]

LINK

Israel immediately broke the ceasefire by the way.

[camscendants]

[sylvanfreckles]

I recently started the Drizzt Do'Urdan series, and I'm on book three now. I think I've found my favorite part already.

Drizzt: There's an animal in my cave! Will it be my friend? Hello, friend, look at you stomping your little feet, and aren't those stripes on your back just fantastic?

*five minutes later*

Drizzt: Skunks are NOT friends, and now we have to find a new cave.

[buried-l0cket]

Soul Eater Trigun au doodles except none of these idiots would be able to soul resonate early enough into their relationships to be assigned partners in school sorry shipper nations

Do NOT look at these weapons pls I hate drawing guns

[oozeandgoo-art]

everyone say hi to erica, who is a normal animal and you shouldn't worry about her at all

[hella1975]

in the showing up to the library with an overnight bag part of exam season

[isdalinarhot]

fun evening activities that are alternatives to drinking!

-take a shower

-????⁇

-??????⁇

-take another shower

[andromeda3116]

finally started reading the murderbot diaries because i kept seeing people talking about it and like. shit. okay, fine. this is my candy. space sci-fi set in a corporation-controlled semi-dystopian future, told from the pov of a snarky asexual part-organic sentient robot who has hacked itself into having free will, interwoven with an anti-capitalist, almost-whodunit plotline, and featuring strong platonic relationships as the emotional core of the series?

like, yes, okay, fine. jeez, next time just @ me

[abluehappyface]

I'm going to post what is I guess a story relating to my personal experiences being on this earth. This is mostly for my benefit. Look if you want I guess, but just know that there will be some potentially triggering stuff, but I don't know what it is, so I can't tag it right now

My Life as a Monster

You stare at me like I'm some sort of beast, a thing merely meant to be caged. Something you feel the need to be protected from. You watch, knowing that I can't get you from your bedroom window, at the spectacle you think I am. You aim your camera at me, the flash reflecting off the glass I sit behind, as you film and photograph me for no other reason except that I'm here. When I'm among you, you stare at me with mocking gazes, your eyes becoming yet another set in an endless number of pairs that make their way to dig into mine. No matter how well I think I'm camouflaged, you always sniff me out, and then you let me know how I'm unwelcome here.

I'm especially afraid of women. All humans my same age startle me, but women more so. Women have always been more scornful to me. They told me how unwanted I was for me to hear. They shunned me from their groups, leaving me an outcast as a child. Women do not like me, I know this as fact.

Their actions are always deliberate. Humans make it a point to leave me out, to the point I feel I'm not one. I may have lost my humanity, turned into a beast, or maybe both at once, but I know for certain that there are times where human is something I'm not. I may be the monster stuck inside a human husk that I think I am, or perhaps I'm an outcast being overdramatic, but I know that humans do not like me. I do not fit in. I am but a beast.

As if being ostracized as a child wasn't enough, you continue to gawk at me. What have I done to receive your judgement? Why must you hunt us beasts? Mother doesn't understand why I don't leave the cave, as if I ever could. If I leave the cave, the humans will stand watch, waiting to scout me out.

My existence is a worldly secret, and a secret I shall stay. If I seek out a place amongst the humans they will reject me. No human will want me as a partner or friend. I am a beast in a world where existence is a joke. To avoid their mocking eyes, the cave is where I stay.

I know humans are resilient beings, that they can choose to change, that acceptance of us monsters is not unheard of, but I do not depend on it. When you've lived the life of a beast, you prepare yourself for scorn. Your hopes mustn't be up too high, else you'll fall and break your horns. I wish I was the fuzzy, colorful beast that humans love, but I am not. I am a dark, shaggy beast, with curled, antler-like horns, fangs, claws, and eyes that glow white in darkness. I am not a friend to them, I am something to be hunted.

As much as I love being my beastly self, I fear being myself is what's causing my downfall. I don't want to change to make myself palatable to the humans. They do not deserve it after what has happened to me. Even so, a monster like me still wonders what connection can feel like. To think some humans tolerate me, like me even, but they live too far away... I wish I could be with them.

However, this is no longer the case. Past human friends have betrayed me, apart from one. I have no true desires to befriend humans. As my grandmother once told me, I'm "too monstrous and hostile" for friends. I'm to monstrous for everyone. I'm too monstrous for myself. The human body I reside in is just a defense from the humans around me. I feel no true, meaningful attachment to this body.

I am the metaphorical version of a kitten that wasn't socialized. I cannot connect with others. I do not connect with others. I'm not meant to. I am designed for solitude.

I'm just a creature who's strange. I know I should care not of what others think, and yet I still do. I care because I am afraid. I am still afraid of humans my own age, especially women. If I could get everything I needed without leaving this house, the world would never see me again.

I am such an irrational thing. Here I am, a potential gynephobe who's a lesbian being encroached upon by a beast. Here I am, knowing most people don't care about me, yet I still care enough in case they press record again. Humans could be nice, but I must distrust them for my safety. They'll never know me well enough to know this. I must make sure of it.

I feel it has gotten so hopeless that my younger sister feels that she needs to intervene. She does a lot of talking for me. She pulls at my arms to try and get me to speak with humans. Even if it was a joke, it made me realize how hopelessly helpless I am. She feels I speak to no one, and she is right.

Worst of all, I know that I must change. Eventually I'm going to have to provide for myself. I don't wish to tell mother of my beastly affliction, though I have no reason not to. I suppose I am a cautious beast. How cautious is too cautious I wonder?

The beastly affliction is affecting major parts of my life. I remain in the cave all day. I speak to no outsiders. I rely on my little sister too much. My mother says she feels she has failed me. I do not wish to be a defective child. I do not wish to be a beast. I wish I could cry beastly golden tears until I'm washed clean of my beastly essences.

I am a pathetic beast. I am not strong. I am a lowly creature. I am a strange thing that cannot be understood. I shall forever remain a beast, and society shall forever hate me.

I feel I am stuck in place. I don't often think about my beastliness, but when I do it feels paralyzing. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if it will change. I turn 20 in three days and I'm still the beast from when I was 16. I'm still the monster, I feel I forever will be. I feel the world has gone one without me, but I'm fine with that. I know nothing else at this point.

[iron-niffler]

me desperately trying to get into the humanities classes i need to graduate as an engineering major (most of them are full and those that aren't still have major restrictions)

[todayisafridaynight]

alice

heart ver under the cut inspo’d by the rgg card deck

[itstimeforstarwars]

I need everyone to start moving their shit by train for at least 90% of the journey again specifically because semi truck traffic is making it impossible for me to enjoy sitting outside on my front porch.

[lale-txt]

chief of the autopsy department Y/N and god of the death Matsukawa send tweet

[cowboysuperhero]

3000th image of charlie doing nothing against a blank background my sins are innumerable and weigh on me every day (hes leaning on a table or something i just didnt feel like drawing it)

[pa-pa-plasma]

i keep forgetting to make this post but i wanted to remind everyone that Kitty Softpaws is literally disabled

[fragglerockopinions]

.