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lesservillain · 7 months ago

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alpha!steddie x omega!reader Part Two. summary: after some disappointing news, you start to question your role in this whole situation. also lots of sex cw: SMUT. omegaverse and everything that comes with it. lots of cum, "public sex", mmf, dvp, breeding kink, free use, eddie wears a muzzle, feral eddie an: sorry this took so long! enjoy a lot of must to make up for it.

“Well, she’s not pregnant.”

Steve folds in his chair, face landing in the palms of his hands as he audibly sighs. Eddie shifts next to you in his seat, his knee landing on top of your thigh as he crosses his legs. You chance a look up him. His expression seems fairly neutral, not that he should really be surprised by the news anyway.

After a long two week waiting period, you’d spent the last 4 days waking up and taking a test. You’d wait the allotted time and then, with shaking hands, you’d flip the testing strip over, only to find it negative once again. Every time you’d tell yourself that it was just too early and that you’d try again tomorrow.

Any minuscule change you’d notice in your body had you wanting to rush back into the bathroom again just to check. A little nausea, slight pain in your breasts. Was that an implantation cramp? You didn’t even know what an implantation cramp was until you’d read over the book on pregnancy Steve picked up for you on his way home the week after your cycle. The two of you took turns reading it, discussing whatever contents the book went over during dinner while Eddie did his best to understand what you were talking about.

So when you finally broke it to them earlier this morning that you’d been testing negative, Steve called the doctor right away to get you in as soon as possible. Even if he was trying to hide it, you could still see the sadness in his eyes. His disappointment continued to hang in the air of the small four walled room of the fertility clinic.

“I’m sorry to deliver bad news, but I wouldn’t fret too much.” The doctor who was assisting the three of you in this arrangement was a small, older omega woman. She’d been assisting couples since before you were born and you were able to tell by your first appointment with her that she really knew her stuff.

“Even normal alpha and omega couples can take more that one try to conceive. And the three of you have several factors against you.” She looks at each of you.

“None of you are bonded for starters.” She flips through some paperwork on her clipboard, eyes scanning the page as she talks. “I know that you all are choosing a more…traditional method rather than doing any kind of insemination.”

Steve lift his head from his hands, “There’s no way our insurance would have covered any of it if we--”

“I know, Mr.Harrington. Let me finish.” The doctor says with a slow nod.

“Sorry,” Steve says, shrinking back a bit.

“I’m not here to judge, and, honestly, you’re better off doing what you’re doing. But, I just have some questions I want to ask, to make sure that you’re not doing anything that may make this take longer than necessary. Is that alright?”

Steve nods, and when the doctor looks to you and Eddie over her glasses, you both nod as well.

“Good. Now, are both of you taking part in this process or just one of you?”

“Both.” Steve and Eddie say simultaneously. The doctor nods, “Okay, and are both of you knotting at the completion of intercourse?”

Heat rises to your cheeks at the question. You know it’s part of the process, but talking about your sex practices with another person makes you want to disappear into the wall behind you.

“Yeah, I have been,” Eddie responds, almost gloating thought you’re not sure if he’s aware of it in his tone. “Almost every time.”

“Really?” The doctor raises an eyebrow at him before shifting her gaze over to Steve. “And you?”

Steve shifts, visibly uncomfortable. “I did once.”

The doctor looks at him for a moment before writing something down on her clipboard.

“Well,” she starts, “I understand knotting can be a different experience for each alpha. Usually it’s harder for an alpha to prevent one rather than having troubles achieving one…”

Steve leans forward, waving his hands dismissively. “That’s not--Jesus, I’m not having a problem with knotting. I’m just not…I’m not letting it latch. I’m…I’m pulling out.”

The doctor gives Steve a “what the fuck” look, and you can hear Eddie trying to contain a giggle under his breath.

“Mr.Harrington, I don’t really understand how you think that’s going to help your situation.: The doctor sighs, “But, it only takes one sperm to impregnate an egg, and it seems Mr.Munson is more than willing to make up for your reluctance.”

Steve rolls his eyes, sitting back in the chair with a huff. You place a hand on his leg as a reassuring gesture. He looks down at you, still clearly upset. But after a moment, a small smile tugs on his lips, and his hand comes down to rest on top of yours.

You barely register the way Eddie’s body moves closer to yours when the doctor addresses you directly. You sit up straight, giving her your undivided attention as she asks you a series of questions about your heat cycles and if you’re taking your vitamins. She writes several notes on her clipboard, giving small nods and hums of acknowledgment as you talk.

“Good, good. Everything sounds like they are going as they should. I suspect that your body most likely just needed some time to adjust to being off of your heat suppressants. Sometimes it can take a month or two for an omega to be fully fertile again. But once they body is back in it’s natural state, omegas tend to get pregnant almost immediately.”

Steve’s hand squeezed yours lightly.

“One to two months?” Eddie asked, eyes narrowed as he looked at the older woman.

“Yes? Is that a problem?”

“It’s not necessarily a problem,” he starts, leaning forward a bit in his seat, his hand resting on your knee. “But, what if we go another cycle and end up in this same situation next month?”

Steve looks at Eddie for the first time since you all arrived. You’re pretty sure they’d been talking about you not being pregnant while you were getting ready for the appointment. They seemed oddly distant since you came down and found them not talking to each other in the kitchen.

“Well, there are some things we can do to try an increase your odds for her next cycle. Tell me, when are the two of you due to go into rut?”

“I should have one in about 3 weeks, but Eddie’s not due for a month and a half.”

“I see. And you’re due for another heat here in the next week, correct?”

You nod, “Tuesday or Wednesday is what I’m predicting.”

The doctor hums, then pushes herself on her stool to the little counter top on the other side of the room. She grabs a pad and pen from a drawer and starts writing, tearing the top one off and writing again on the next. Once she tears the second slip, she wheels back over to the three of you, handing Steve and Eddie each a prescription slip with their names on it.

“These are prescriptions for inducers. Go get them filled today, but don’t take them until Monday. They take about 24 hours to kick in, so by Tuesday evening both of you should be in full rut. If you need notes for work let me know and I can write them for you.”

“They have drugs that do that?” Eddie asks, looking at Steve.

Steve shakes his head. “Wait a minute. I get why you’re giving us these, but…doesn’t it seem unsafe for us both to be rutting around her. Especially if she’s going to be in heat?”

The doctor eyes Steve. “Depends on what you’re worried about happening? She’s not your mate so you’re not competing over her. Sure, you’ll be more ‘feral’ for lack of a better word, but the two of you will still know who the other is. Unless you’ve already had issues…”

Steve looks at Eddie with a knowing look, making him curl in on himself a bit bashfully. “I guess you could say we’ve run into some unexpected road bumps.” The doctor looks at all three of you with a suspicious look before shaking her head.

“Okay,” she says with exasperation, taking her glasses off and tucking them in her pocket. “So what exactly are you worried about? Fighting? Trying to mark her? Self control issues?” Steve and Eddie nod in unison and the doctor sighs once more, muttering something about alphas under her breath.

“If you’re worried about fighting,” she says, counting with her fingers,” I would suggest staying in separate parts of the house. Designate times between the two of you to be with her and try to keep interactions with all three of you to a minimum.” A second finger. “If you’re worried about marking her…well there’s always mouth guards like athletes wear. Or you could always get a muzzle. I think ones from the pet store would be the most reliable.”

The mental image of Eddie and Steve in a muzzle made you feel a type of way that you didn’t want to explore in this doctors office right now, so you tuck that into your mind for later.

“And if you’re worried about self control…well, that’s something the three of you will have to figure out on your own. Maybe buy a leash at the pet store as well.” The doctor rises from her chair, barely standing much taller as she shakes all of your hands.

“Hopefully when I see all three of you again we will be having a different discussion. Until then, if you have any questions, try and contact one of my nurses instead.”

“I’m not wearing a damn muzzle, Eddie.”

Steve stands with his arms crossed at the end of the aisle as you and Eddie look at the different size dog muzzles. Eddie crouches down, holding his hair back as you place the different sizes and shapes over his face to find one that he finds comfortable.

“How about this one?” You ask, placing one of the small rubber pieces over his mouth. Eddie looks at you for a moment, then pretends to lunge at you like a rabid dog, making you jump back in surprise. “Jesus Christ, Eddie!” You shout at him, followed by a fit of giggles. He puts and arm around your shoulder and pulls you into him as he laughs.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he apologizes, “Try it again, please.”

Without warning you push the muzzle against his face and snap it shut behind his head. He looks at you with surprise, leaving you to step back to get a better look.

“What do you think, Steve?” You glance over your shoulder to find a very amused Steve eyeing his husband with a raised brow.

“I think it looks great,” he says with a sarcastic lit. “Maybe you should wear it all the time.”

“Awe, don’t be like that, Stevie,” Eddie says with a look of innocence. “How am I gonna suck you off if I have this thing on all the time?” Steve falters for a moment, but regains his composure quickly.

“I think I can manage.” Steve’s gaze lands on you for a barely there moment. One that you wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t already looking at him.

“Are you sure you don’t want one of these? Ya know you can get a little grumpy during your ruts?”

Steve tenses. “That’s because…” A hand runs through Steve’s hair. “Nevermind. You guys finish up here. I’m gonna run next door and check on our meds.” Without another word Steve is out the door. Eddie shakes his head before reaching behind it to unbuckle the muzzle.

“Eddie?” You look up at him with sad eyes. He’s at your side in an instant, hands on your shoulders as he looks at you with concern.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Is Steve…are…are you guys mad at me?”

Eddie reels back as if you’ve asked the most offensive question he’s ever heard.

“What? W—of course not! Why do you think that?”

“I mean, I’m not pregnant, so that would be one reason…”

Eddie steps to the side, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you in for a side hug. His embrace melts away at your anxiousness. He’s warm against you, soothing, even through your layers of clothes.

“We’re not mad at you about that, okay?” He shakes your arm lightly, urging you to look up at him. “Obviously we knew that it might not work on the first try. Did we want it to? Sure. But that doesn’t mean we’d be upset or blame you for it.”

“But Steve…” you bite your lower lip, “he just seems so…off today.” Eddie sighs, letting arm fall from your shoulder and back to his side.

“Steve’s just…he’s a little overwhelmed with work right now. So much happened at his job the last week we took off to, well, you know. I guess someone made an error in some documentation or something and he’s been playing catch up ever since.”

You frown. You had no idea that Steve was going through so much burden at work. He must be a master at not bringing his work issues home with him, always coming through the door with a smile on his face. Him and Eddie seemed to be fine, too. And, despite your worry of it begin awkward after finally sleeping together, you all got along like everything was fine. “Wow, I-I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay, he didn’t want to have you fussing over him about it. He’s probably more worried about having to take another week off than you not being pregnant.”

You nod. Something about Steve not telling you about him being so stressed makes your heart ache. A little voice in your mind is telling you to go find him and comfort him. A little voice that you’ve been noticing ever since you moved in with Steve and Eddie.

It’s almost like you can sense their distress, but it seems to be stronger with Eddie than with Steve. Though, Eddie does wear his heart on his sleeve and likes it when you dote on him, especially when he comes home with a new cut or bruise and you insist on treating it. If you try and bring anything up with Steve, he just brushes it off and changes the subject.

“Hey, we gotta pay for this!”

Eddie’s voice pulls you from your mind. At some point you had grabbed Eddie’s hand and started to leave the pet store, him stopping you just at the threshold.

“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“You guys are still in here?”

You snap around to find Steve right in front of you, a plastic bag in on hand as he holds the door open with the other.

“We’re about to check out,” Eddie says, pulling you towards the line. But you can’t keep your eyes off of Steve. Every stress line on his face becomes painfully obvious to you and all you want to do is smooth them out for him. You guess this is why he didn’t want to tell you. But when had you become someone who gets so upset by things like this?

“Shit.”

Steve shifts uncomfortably in his seat, as the three of you pull up to the house.

“What’s wrong?” You ask from the back seat, leading around to try and see what Steve was worried about.

“Did you tell me Robin was coming over and I forgot?” Eddie asks Steve, nodding towards an unfamiliar car in the driveway. Stave nods, running a hand down his face.

“I told her we would go out with her and Vicki for drinks when they were back in town. I guess I’ve been so preoccupied that I forgot that was today.”

“Okay…well that shouldn’t be a problem…” Eddie says slowly, pulling up next to the car and putting it in park. “But with the way you’re talking, you’re making it sound like it’s a problem.”

Steve huffs out a frustrated sigh, his head rolling to the side to look at Eddie.

“I haven’t…They don’t know about…” Steve’s gestures back to you. Eddie’s eyes go wide, mouth dropping open in shock.

“You didn’t tell them about…Wait, do they even know we were doing any of this?” Eddie’s hands move wildly as he talks.

“I told them we had been talking more about kids, but I didn’t tell them exactly how we were intending on having them.”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie huffs, rolling his eyes. “So we have to walk in there and say ‘oh, hey guys, nice to see you. By the way, this is the girl we’re fucking so we can have a baby.’”

You tried really hard to keep it in, but a snort escapes you and catched both men’s attention. They both look back at you as you cover your mouth with your hand, waving the other defensively.

“I’m sorry,” you say through giggles. “It’s not funny, but I can’t believe you guys didn’t tell your friends. We’re you just going to hide me in my room for 9 months or something?”

“No, no!” Both of them start talking over each other and it only makes you laugh more.

After you reassure them that you didn’t actually think they were going to hide you away, the three of you came up with a quick game plan on how to explain things to Robin and Vicki. It was funny to see the two of them nervous to enter their own home. You could feel the nerves rolling off of both of them as they stepped inside.

You caught a glimpse of Robin, who you’d seen in pictures around the house, sitting at the island. Her eyes were on the TV, mindlessly scooping chips into your home made salsa before she noticed you all come in.

“There you guys are!” Robin scoots off of her seat and comes bounding towards Steve and Eddie, wrapping her arms around the both of them. You couldn’t smell her, but you could tell she was an alpha by the way she carried herself. Tall, with piercing eyes and a sureness about her that told you she could go toe to toe with someone if they messed with her. She was beautiful enough that she could be a model if she wanted to; someone who belonged on a magazine cover.

A smaller, mousier girl rounded the corner. Her curious eyes met yours instantly, and you quickly clocked her as a fellow omega. “Hey guys, who’s you’re friend?”

Robin takes a step back and peers around Steve until her eyes meet yours as well. “Woah, I didn’t even see you there.”

“It’s okay,” you say. You introduce yourself, and look over to Eddie and Steve to take care of the rest.

“Um, Bobbie, Vicki, we, uh…” Steve starts out confident but falters as he starts to overthink everything.

“This is our surrogate!” Eddie accidentally shouts, startling you and Vicki. Robin’s jaw practically hits the floor, eyes darting back and fourth between the two men before landing on you.

“Wait, so you’re pregnant? Who’s is it? Did you guys do like a russian roulette thing or did they like mix your swimmers together and shoot them up her--”

“Robin!” Steve steps forward with his hands up, clearly distressed as Eddie practically keels over with how hard he’s laughing.

“Hi, I’m Vicki.” Her voice pulls you from the commotion in front of you. You take her soft hand in yours and give her a small smile.

“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you guys since I’ve been here.”

“Oh? Do-do you live here?” Her head tilts with confusion. You nod, your confirmation somehow catching Robin’s attention.

“Wait, she lives here?”

“Yes, she lives here,” Steve says, backing up to address the room. He gestures to you, “And she’s not pregnant. We just got back from the doctor to confirm it.”

“Awe,” Robin pouts, “I’m sorry. I just heard surrogate and assumed she was already pregnant.”

“Yeah, well, hopefully that’ll change here soon.”

“That’s so exciting though!” Vicki claps her hands together excitedly. “A little baby Steve or Eddie running around here.”

“Oh, god,” Robin laughs, “Which reminds me that you didn’t answer my question. How are you doing the dad thing?”

“Maybe we should go sit in the living room, then we can give you all the juicy details,” Eddie says, opening his arms to herd everyone into the other room.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Robin--”

“No, sorry, that was a rhetorical what.”

Robin and Vicki sit across from the couch you’re sharing with Steve and Eddie, who just explained to them the basics of your arrangement. Vicki, though confused at times, seemed to be doing her best to understand the dynamic of your situation. Robin, however, listened the whole time with an open mouth smile as if she’s not heard a better story in her life.

“I’m just…I don’t know. Like obviously I’m happy for you guys. Do,” She looks at you with wiggly brows as she says “do”, “whatever works for you.” She pauses for a moment to look up at the ceiling before looking back down. “Can I ask you a question though?”

“Robin,” Steve growls, and you feel both boys subtly move closer to you.

“Guys, it’s okay. Seriously.” You scoot util you’re sitting on the edge of the couch, leaning away from them. “Ask away.”

“Thank you,” Robin says, shooting Steve and Eddie a look. “I’m just curious about what you’re getting out of this. Sure, they’re taking care of you now, and they’ll take care of you until the baby is born. Then they get the baby and live happily ever after…But what about you? Like, you’re just going to go through something super traumatic and beautiful…and then you’re going to leave?”

You’re taken aback a bit by the question. It was all lined out in the contract that you’d give birth and then your role would be complete. What else was there to do? You’d hope that they’d maybe let you recover a bit before finding your own place, but they weren’t obligated to.

But the more you think about it, the more you actually hate the idea of not being around them.

“She’s going to stay here with us until she feels comfortable enough on her own.” Eddie speaks up after a tense silence took over the room.

“I get that, but, like, are you guys going to stay in contact? Is she going to stick around and play nanny to her own kid?”

“Robin.” Steve stands up abruptly, throwing everyone off guard. “I need to talk to you in private. Please.”

“Steve, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to look out for all of you--”

“Please.” You feel yourself shutter as the air in the room shifts. You feel Eddie flinch, and Robin’s jaw snaps shut. She stands up without another word and the two of them head out the back door, leaving you to feel awkward with Eddie and Vicki.

“So,” Vicki finally says after a moment, “How’s the shop going Eddie?”

The two of them talk like old friends, doing their best to add you into the conversation so you feel included. At some point, Eddie put his arm around your shoulders on the back of the couch, his knee resting on top of your leg like it had earlier at the doctor’s office.

“Nothing alcoholic for you I’m guessing?” Robin leans into you so you can hear her over the loud music of the bar.

“I mean, I’m not pregnant, so it’s okay, right?”

She shrugs at you, “I guess you better ask the dingus’s if it’s okay.”

Steve and Eddie stood a few feet away talking to each other about something you couldn’t hear. Hopping down from your seat, you walk over to them, their conversation coming to an end as soon as you get close enough.

“Everything okay?” You shout.

“Yeah, fine,” Eddie says in a clipped tone, turning his body completely away from Steve to face you. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Robin wants to know if it’s okay if I have a drink. I know I’m not pregnant but I figured I’d ask.” Steve looks at Eddie, then at you, frustration written all over his face.

“As long as it’s not going to affect your heat,” Steve shrugs before walking away. Eddie scoffs and rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up in defeat.

“I feel like I’m missing something,” you say to him.

“It’s nothing. Why don’t we get you a drink, huh?” Eddie takes your hand and walks with you back to the bar side. “Oh, and be careful around Vicki. She might not look it, but that girl will drink anyone under the table.”

“Noted,” you chuckle.

The four of you do a round of shots after Robin insisted, your face pinching at the after taste of the tequila. Eddie laughs and takes your hand, bringing the lime in it to your mouth to suck on. You take it and are relieved to have the palette cleanser on your tongue.

“Wow, you took that like a champ!” Vicki shouts. She’s clearly a social drunk, opening up more now that she has a little something in her system. Robin, however, shifts from her seat suddenly, a concerned look on her face.

“I’m gonna go find Steve,” she says with a slight slur. When she takes a sideways step, Vicki follows after her, making sure she stays standing on her quest to find Steve.

“I don’t know why they’re looking for him,” Eddie shakes his head, taking a sip of his beer. “I was just out there to check on him.”

Eddie had been periodically going out to bring Steve drinks for the last hour and a half. Apparently he ran into a old friend from high school and they’d been shooting the shit the whole time. Eddie told this to Robin, too, but the more she drank the more concerned she became.

“She’s a good friend.” You say, looking up at him with a sideways smile.

“Yeah, she is. Funny as hell, can’t handle her alcohol at all.”

“I guess so,” you giggle. You play with the straw in your glass while Eddie finishes off his beer, setting it down on the bar before wiping his mouth with his hand.

“You know, I used to play shows here,” he says, looking down at you with lidded eyes.

“Oh, really?” You knew Eddie played guitar. He has a whole room dedicated to music and his guitars on the opposite end of the house. You haven’t gotten to see him play, but you sometimes here the low strumming coming from the room on his days off.

“Yep, me and my old band. We’d play for, like, 20 drunk guys on Tuesdays. It was fun.” There’s a nostalgic gleam in his eyes as he recalls fond memories from his younger years.

“I’m guessing you’ve gotten a lot of action here, too,” you say, nudging his arm with your elbow. He barks back a laugh, shaking his head.

“God, I wished I had. Believe it or not, I was a total loser back in the day.”

“What? Really? No one was throwing themselves at the guitar player?”

“No, unfortunately I wasn’t any of the 20 drunk guys type,” he said with a sarcastic lit.

“Damn, I would have been,” you say, taking a sip of your drink. “That was totally my type back then. Still is I guess.” The alcohol in your system starts to take over, lowering your inhibitions and bringing out the chatty side of you.

“My ex was a bassist for this suuuuper shitty band. Don’t know how they managed it, but they toured with a couple other bands, opening for them and whatever. Anyway, I went on the road with him because I didn’t trust him. Shouldn’t have even bothered quitting my job and leaving my hometown just to make sure he stayed faithful, because he ended up fucking soul bonding with our fucking waitress at a Denny’s in Michigan.”

“Soul bonding?”

You look up at Eddie, his brows pinched in confusion. “Yeah, you’ve never heard of it?” He shakes his head. “It’s like, when you see someone for the first time and you instantly become bonded to them. Like permanent marking without the bite.”

“Woah,” Eddie’s eyes go wide, “I didn’t know that was even possible.”

“I don’t think it happens super often, but apparently it had to happen to my ex right in front of my face.”

“How do you even know? Like that you’re bonded to someone?”

“All I know for alphas is that they can’t get it up for other omegas, only the one that they’re bonded to. For omegas you can get super sick if you try to have sex with another alpha. I think you can drop, too. You also, like, really feel attached to that person, even if you don’t know anything about them and already have a girlfriend.”

“Wow, that’s crazy,” Eddie says, visibly astonished.

“I guess,” you mumble. Eddie finally catches on to your disgruntlement after the shock wears off. He puts his arm around your waist and pulls your side flush with his.

“Well, that’s his loss. Stupid bond or fate or whatever it is. And I know it still feels shitty, but I feel like…it was a good thing. Because if you had stayed with that chump then we wouldn’t be here now, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.” You didn’t really think much into the meaning of Eddie’s words. Especially not when he asked if you wanted to go with him to get some fresh air while he smoked.

The cool air hitting your face felt so refreshing compared to the heat from the packed bar. There weren’t many people out on this back patio, most of the noise coming from the front smoking area.

“Want one?” Eddie asks, offering you a cigarette from his pack.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Suit yourself.”

You don’t know what it is, but the way Eddie uses his teeth to pull a cigarette out of its box makes you feel a type of way. You’re sure it’s from the alcohol, but you also couldn’t deny that he was attractive anyway. He was rough, tatted, smelled amazing. But he was also gentle, caring and attentive. In another reality, maybe the two of you could have been meant for each other.

“Take a picture, sweetheart,” Eddie teases. You had been staring at him and he caught you. But, at the moment, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

“Not as good as the real thing,” you say matter of factly.

“Hmmm, got me there.” The smoke bellows from his lips as he talks, being swept away with the wind. The chill cuts through for you, making you visibly shake.

“Come’er,” Eddie says, opening his arms for you to embrace him again. You rush into him, your face colliding with the material of his chore jacket. It smells faintly of the grease from his work, but mostly of his natural scent that you gladly let invade your sinuses. He wraps his arms around you, letting his lips land on the crown of your head. The heat of his body instantly warms you up and you feel…at home.

“Eddie.” You move your face from his chest, looking up at him as his face is mere inches from yours. He barely gives you a second to think before his lips are crashing into yours. The feeling of fireworks erupting in your mind has you gasping It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt in a kiss before. You stand in shock, not fully processing what’s happening until you feel him pulling away.

“Are you okay?” His eyes shift between yours, looking for an answer to his question before you can speak it.

“Eddie…you kissed me…”

“Yeah…and?” He says it so passively, as if he doesn’t have a whole husband standing on the other side of the building.

“But--But, Steve-- I--I don’t--”

“Didn’t you say free game in the contract?”

You’re suddenly very aware of how very hard Eddie is as he’s pressed up against you and it sends an ache straight to your core. You did say that you’d be willing and available any time that Steve or Eddie wanted you…

You look up at Eddie through your lashes and nod. The devilish grin on Eddie’s face gives you the chills. And when he kisses you again, it melts those chills away, stoking the flame building up inside you.

Shuffling feet and slamming doors, Eddie pins you against the door of the men’s restroom door. Your lips move feverishly against each others, fighting for dominance in your drunken stupor that you would have given into easily otherwise.

Eddie fumbled with his belt until it finally came undone, wasting no time to get his pants and boxers down just enough to free his hard cock and heavy balls. You mimick his actions, undoing your jeans and pushing them down with your panties in one quick motion, letting them pool at your ankles.

He pulls away from you, a line of spit that connects your lips to his red, kiss bitten ones. His eyes are glassy as he looks you up and down, giving you that predatory glare that you’d became accustomed to from your previous times together.

Suddenly, he’s spinning you around until your facing the bathroom door, leaving stickers and old posters to fill your vision. One of Eddie’s rough hands lands on your hip, pulling on you until your bent at just the right angle while the other grabs his hard cock to rub between your legs. He collects your wetness on his cock, and you gasp when you feel the head catch on your clit.

“Mmm, fuck.” The alcohol on his breath hits your nose as Eddie leans forward, his hand is braced against the door next to your head and pressing you into the cold metal. You feel his hard, broad chest against your back, one of his strong arms wrapping around your waist tightly.

Not a moment later you feel him breech your entrance. The stretch takes your breath away, feeling so different when you’re not under the haze of your heat. He stutters as he works you open for him, doing his best to restrain himself from just pushing all the way into you. A high pitch whine escapes your lips when his head hits that sweet spot.

“Right there, baby girl?” Eddie huffs in your ear, repeating the same movement with a sharp thrust.

“Yes!” You cry out at the sensation, nodding your head vigorously.

“Shit, you’re so fucking tight,” he says, nosing his way into the crook of your neck leaving sloppy kisses into your skin as he starts to thrust into you over and over.

His cold hand sends shivers through you as it snakes it’s way under your shirt, pushing under your bra to grab and fondle your tits. He pinches and rolls your nipple between his fingers, the feeling sending shocks straight to your core. It all feels like too much already, but when his other hand travels down between your legs, you feel like your legs might buckle under you.

Your vision goes white as you come undone, pussy clenching around Eddie’s cock as he fucks you through it. He groans as you squeeze his cock, panting against your ear as his pace starts to pick up. His arm around your waist is putting in work to hold you up as you come back to reality, your legs feeling like jelly from how hard you came.

“Fuck, I wanted to do this all night,” Eddie babbles breathlessly. “Wanted to bend you over the kitchen counter when you came downstairs. Who are you all dolled up for, huh?”

You had gone the extra mile getting ready to go out tonight. It was totally because you wanted to look nice, and nothing at all to do with Steve and Eddie. You totally weren’t trying to get their attention with your low cut top and vanilla perfume.

At least, that’s what you were telling yourself.

“N-no one,” you squeak out between thrusts. Eddie huffs out a laugh, his forehead resting against your shoulder for a brief moment before pulling away from you. His hands hold you up by the hips, keeping you in place as he plows into you.

“No one, huh? You’re just dressed up for anyone and everyone to look at you? Hoping you might catch someone’s attention out here?”

“Maybe,” you say. It was meant to be teasing. You weren’t really sure why he was so concerned about people looking at you to begin with.

But Eddie didn’t like that answer.

“Sounds like I need to remind you who you belong to,” Eddie says with a low growl. And when you thought his pace couldn’t get any more relentless, he started to fuck into you with purpose, barely pulling out before pushing back in. He angles himself to hit that spot inside of you again, sending you hurtling towards another orgasm at lightening speed.

“Fuck, Eddie!”

“That’s right, say my name, sweetheart.”

You chant his name like a prayer until he answers. Your orgasm hit’s you like truck, leaving you speechless as you cum harder than you ever have outside of your heat. Eddie follows right after you, pushing himself flush as he cums deep inside of you, filling you with his hot seed.

“Goooooooood damn,” he groans, keeling over you with full body shutters. More grunts and moans pour from him as he stills, giving you the chance to start to come down as the overstimulation stops.

Just as you feel your post orgasm clarity kick in, you notice a familiar swelling feeling starting to grow inside of you.

“Woah, woah, hold on!” You straighten yourself, pulling away from Eddie as quickly as you can before his knot fully locks inside of you. Turning around, you watch as the base of his cock swells into a ring of muscle around his shaft.

“Ahhhhh, shit,” Eddie says, grabbing his knot and shaft with his hands, taking his bottom lip between his teeth with a pained expression.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie,” you say with genuine concern. You’ve heard about how sensitive a knotted alpha’s cock can be when an omega’s body can’t keep it covered. Apparently any little bit of friction is torture, like sandpaper to an exposed nerve.

“Fuck, why did you pull away?”

A sudden thunderous knock has the both of you jumping. The both of you adjust your clothing back to place, Eddie tucking his still hard cock into the waistband of his jeans, before opening the door.

Fully prepared to do a walk of shame past a stranger out of this bar’s men’s bathroom, your blood go cold when you find yourself face to face with Steve. He looks straight at you, an anger in his eyes that you’d never seen before.

“Oh, hey, babe,” Eddie stutters out, clearly more worried about his own problem rather than being caught by his husband fucking another person in a bathroom. Steve doesn’t even look up at Eddie, his beautiful Hazel eyes locked on you.

“Both of you, go get in the car,” Steve finally says after what feels like an eternity. “We’re leaving.”

“Okay,” Eddie nods. He walks up behind you, grabbing onto your shoulders to walk you forward, when Steve grabs his hands and pushed them off of you. Eddie’s caught of guard by Steve’s actions, pure shock all over his face.

“What’s you’re problem?” He questions his husband. Steve wordlessly grabs you, pulling you out of Eddie’s way until you’re fully by his side.

“We’ll talk about it when we get home,” Steve grits through his teeth. Eddie looks at Steve, the tension between them thick enough that you could cut it with a butter knife.

“Fine,” Eddie finally says, storming off and leaving you with Steve.

“Are you okay?” Steve’s voice was softer now. You dared to look up at him, his brows pinched with worry as he seemed to be looking you over.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine Steve.”

“Did he cum inside you?”

The question has you reeling back. You didn’t know what to say. Obviously he knew the two of you fucked, but the queston didn’t seem to come from a place of anger. Rather, he seemed to be genuinely concerned if Eddie had finished inside of you.

“Y-yes?” You shift in place, as if acknowledging it suddenly made you hyper aware of the sticky feeling between your legs.

Steve sighed, his hands running through his hair in frustration.

“I’m sorry. He gets handsy when he’s drunk. I don’t know why he didn’t just come to me.” Steve moves closer to you, his arms positioned as if he was going to wrap them around you. But, he suddenly backs away with an almost anguished look.

“Steve, I’m so-”

“No,” he cuts you off. “Don’t apologize, this isn’t your fault.”

You’re honestly not really sure what Steve is upset about at this point. Maybe there was something that him and Eddie discussed outside of your arrangement that you didn’t know about? It was probably too much to bring up tonight, but you would definitely need to sit down and talk with them about boundaries first thing tomorrow.

The drive home was anything but quiet. You were almost afraid to get in the car since Steve had been drinking, too, but he assured you he wouldn’t put you or Eddie in danger if he felt he couldn’t drive. Steve drove home white knuckling the steering wheel as Eddie lets out little whimpers and moans from his seat.

You thought his knot would have gone down by now, but his inebriated state and the pressure of the seatbelt across his lap was making him miserable. You felt awful for having to leave him in that state, watching him subtly buck against the strap to feel any sort of friction. But the idea of being locked to him when Steve found the two of you was like a scenario from your nightmares after how upset he was earlier.

When Steve pulled into the driveway, Eddie sighed in relief, unbuckling his seatbelt with lightening speed and hopping out of the car as soon as it stopped moving. Just as Eddie was about to open the front door, Steve stepped out of the car and called for him to wait. Eddie looked back with distress, waiting and watching as Steve rounded the car to let you out.

“I want the both of you upstairs as soon as we get inside, waiting for me on the bed, without touching each other until I get there. Do you both understand?”

Steve’s scent penetrates your nose, putting you in a submissive haze that has you nodding without question. You walk to the door, Eddie’s eyes on you as you push past him into the house and up the stairs.

You sat quietly on the edge of Eddie and Steve’s bed. After a few minutes Eddie pushes through the bedroom door, a prominent wet spot visible on his tee shirt where his precum had been dribbling out from the constant stimulation. He didn’t say anything to you, instead he sat next to you on the bed, just far enough away that you wouldn’t be touching each other. A whimper escapes his lips when his jeans drag down his still hard cock, the outline of it visible as it presses against his shirt.

“Did I get you in trouble?” Your voice comes out barely above a whisper. You keep your eyes on the carpet between your feet, not having the courage to look at Eddie in the face.

Eddie huffs out a choked laugh, his curls bouncing in your peripherals.

“I got myself in trouble,” Eddie’s voice has a sultry lit to it, “But…the punishments are always worth it.”

Before you could really process what his words might mean, Steve pushes open the bedroom door, causing you to jump where you sat. The look on his face was unreadable, which made you feel more uneasy than if he was wearing his anger in his features.

You take the opportunity to look up at Eddie. His eyes were locked on Steve, a shit eating grin on his face as he looks his upset husband up and down. When you follow his line of sight, you see Steve’s cock is straining in his jeans.

“Undress. Now.” Steve commands, looking at you as if to see how you’d react. Eddie begins to pull his shirt over his head, putting his tattooed skin on display for you and Steve to admire.

When you realize that you’re not about to get a lecture, you waste no time in joining Eddie. You strip your clothes piece by piece, trying to keep up with how quickly Eddie is discarding his own. Once you’re down to your panties, Steve stops you before you can yank them down.

“Slowly,” he demands. His features hard as his eyes watch the way you slide your lacy panties down your thighs at a leisurely pace. You advert your gaze from his, focusing on removing your last article of clothing in a way that pleases Steve.

As you pull the material down, you watch as a string of Eddie cum stretches, stuck on the crotch of your panties from where it had leaked out of you. It finally breaks as the panties reach your knees, the sticky spend clinging to the side of your leg.

Eddie curses under his breath, his vocalization snapping Steve out of whatever trance he was in.

“Clean it up.”

Eddie looks up at Steve confused. Steve repeats himself, a thick finger pointing to your leg where the cum was sticking uncomfortably to your skin. You look back and forth between them, unsure of what you should be doing.

When Eddie doesn’t move, Steve sighs, and grabs his hand, leading him over to you. He instructs Eddie to get on his knees, which he does without question, his big, brown eyes on Steve as he waits for further instruction.

“Ugh, do I have to walk you through it?” Steve asks with annoyance. But he doesn’t give Eddie the chance to answer before he’s grabbing the back of his head and guiding it between your legs.

“You made this mess Eddie. Clean. It. Up.”

Eddie’s tongue making contact with your skin startled you, making you instinctively jerk back. The bed behind you keeps you from moving very far, Eddie’s tongue chasing you as you move. You watch in awe as Eddie laps up his own cum from your skin, his blown out pupils looking up at you as moving higher and higher up your leg.

Just as Eddie’s about to reach the apex between your legs, Steve pulls him back by his hair. Eddie’s eyes roll back as he lets out a low grown from the force. He smiles up at Steve, whose expression is back to being stony and unreadable.

Steve says your name, making you stiffen at the sudden attention.

“I want you on your back, head down here,” he says, pointing to the foot of the bed. You wait for a moment for any further instruction, but Steve only punctuates his demand with a sharp, “Now.”

You do as instructed, your head at the foot of the bed and your feet almost to their pillows. Steve tuts, motioning you to move further down the bed until your head is hanging off the edge slightly. After he hums in approval, he directs his attention back to Eddie, whose cock jumps in excitement when his husband looks down at him.

“Don’t get too excited,” Steve says, tugging at Eddie’s hair again.

“Kinda hard not to when you do that, big boy,” Eddie breathes out, his toothy smile on display. Steve sucks in a sharp breath before letting go of his grip on Eddie’s hair. He points towards the head of the bed where your feet lay.

“I want you to get yourself nice and comfortable between her legs,” Steve nods towards you, “because I want you to use your tongue to get every last drop of your cum out of her pussy.” Eddie’s eyes light up, but Steve continues on. “Ah, ah, let me finish. This isn’t a reward. I don’t want you to touch her with anything other than your mouth. No. Hands. And you’re not going to touch yourself either. Do you understand?”

If Steve’s stipulations were meant to upset Eddie, he surely didn’t succeed as Eddie still nodded with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. When Steve gave him the go ahead, Eddie sprang up from where he was on the floor and up onto the bed. The mattress dipped and shook as he crawled over your body, using his hands to part your legs so he could make himself comfortable there. You let out a giggle at his animated movements, his hands rubbing together before settling his face an inch away from your pussy.

“I do want to apologize in advance,” he says, looking as if he’s talking to your pussy instead of you. “I’m a big fan. Never been so close to one of you in person before, though. But I’ll do my best.”

You gasp as Eddie presses his face into your heat, his tongue darting out to lap between your folds. He’s sloppy with his movements as his tongue explores every inch of your pussy. When he gets to you clit, your body jumps from the sensation and you see his eyes light up at your reaction. He repeats his movement again and again, giving you pressing kitten licks that send jolts throughout your body with each one.

A hand lands on your cheek, wrapping around your chin until it has your lips puckering in its grip. Steve tilts your head back to look at him, but all you see is his thick cock hovering over your face, blocking Steve from your view.

“Open up, sweet girl,” Steve coos at you, his thumb tapping against your cheek. You open your mouth without protest. “Mmm, such a good girl,” he says, grabbing his cock and tapping the head on your tongue. His precum lands on your tongue and you moan at the taste.

Eddie’s tongue suddenly breaches your hole, the muscle digging deep inside of you as he laps away at the cum he left inside of you at the bar. Steve takes advantage of your gasp, pushing himself inside of your wet mouth, just enough to not trigger any gag reflex you might have.

Between Eddie’s tongue and Steve’s cock, you feel borderline dizzy at the push and pull sensation of being between them. Steve’s large, alpha cock stretches your mouth to its limits while Eddie’s inexperienced tongue works over you, testing to see what makes you tick until he’s got you bucking against his face.

When Eddie gets his tongue as deep as he can possibly reach it, his nose presses into your clit roughly, moving in a way that has you suddenly seeing stars. Your thighs clamp around him, locking his head in place as you soak him with your slick. Steve lets out a groan as you moan around his cock, his hand suddenly on your throat as he stills himself.

You brace yourself the best you can to take his cum, but he pulls out of you completely instead.

“Fuck, move!” He shouts, motioning for Eddie to leave his spot between your legs. Eddie pries himself from your thighs and scrambles to get out of Steve’s way.

“C-can I--” Eddie stutters in a pussy drunk state, grabbing his cock in his hands and pumping the almost purple tip slowly.

“Do whatever you want,” Steve says between gritted teeth, positioning himself on his knees before guiding his cock towards your entrance. Eddie rounds the bed, taking over where Steve left, positioning himself over your. You open your mouth for him and he chuckles, pushing his cock past your lips as far as you’ll let him go. He whines again, beginning to fuck your mouth while his knot presses into your nose with every other thrust. You can’t quite take the whole thing, so you wrap a hand around it for extra stimulation.

At the same time, the head of Steve’s cock pushes inside of you, slipping in without much resistance after all of Eddie’s efforts to work you open tonight. He slides himself inside of you until he’s fully inside before he begins to rock into you with sharp thrusts.

When you gag hard after a particularly hard thrust from Steve, Eddie stops his movements and lets the momentum of your body do all the work. You feel Eddie lean forward over you. From the angle you’re in, all you can see is Eddie’s balls swinging in front of your face, but you can hear the smacking sounds of Steve and Eddie kissing over your body as they fuck you. It hits you hard how you’re being used as nothing more than a toy for their pleasure, the realization sending you full throttle towards another orgasm.

“Shit,” you hear Steve hiss. And not even a moment later, you feel him push his cock as far inside of you as possible, his hot spend filling up your spasming walls as you continue to cum hard on his cock.

“Oh my god--” Eddie huffs, trying to pull his cock from your mouth. But you keep a firm grip, letting his seed hit your tongue and roll down your throat, swallowing over and over with every spurt.

After a synchronous moment of ecstasy, clarity begins to seep into each of you. Steve pulls out of you with a gasp, grabbing you by the legs and pulling you down until your head is back onto the bed, effectively pulling Eddie mostly out of your mouth. Eddie stumbles back the rest of the way, crouching down until he’s back on his knees, his head landing next to yours on the bed.

Steve leans over your, cupping your face in his hands and bringing your attention to him.

“Are you okay?” His concern is apparent in his pinched brows and shifting eyes. You smile up at him, leaning into his large palms and kissing a freckle there. He lets out a sigh of relief, pulling away from you to sit back on his haunches.

Eddie shifts next to you, his tattooed arms folding around your neck as he presses his cheek into yours.

“Did so good for us, sweetheart,” he coos in your ear, his lips pressing into your temple. You turn to face him, and he kisses you again, his lips pressing into yours softly. You can’t help but smile with how sweet it is.

But the kiss is broken as your suddenly pulled forward. Steve pulls your body into him, his arms wrapping around you protectively. He’s glaring down at Eddie, whose only response is a knowing look and a raised eyebrow.

“Do you not want Eddie to kiss me?” Your voice pulls Steve’s attention. He hates how you’re looking at him, wide glassy eyes full of unwarranted concern.

“It--it’s not that,” Steve says, “it’s just…”

“Steve wants to kiss you too, but he thinks you don’t want to.”

“Eddie--” Steve shouts, scoffing at his husband.

“Steve, you can kiss me.” Steve tenses, his grip on you tightening. “I think it would be silly to say you can’t kiss me after letting you guys put your dicks in my mouth.”

Eddie barks out a laugh. He climbs up on the bed and positions himself behind you, wrapping an arm around you and pressing another kiss to your cheek.

“Come on, Stevie. How can you say no to this face?”

Steve’s eyes dart between yours and Eddie’s, the gears turning in his head to the point you were waiting to see steam come from his ears. He sucks in a breath and you’re certain that he’s going to say no.

But, he brings a hand to your face, holding it in place as his lips meet yours. They’re soft, quite the contrast to Eddie’s rough, winter chapped lips. The fireworks feeling goes off in your mind again. You wanted to blame it on the alcohol with Eddie, but you’re too sober now to convince yourself.

Steve deepens the kiss, his lips moving against yours in a way that has your stomach flipping. You couldn’t help but keep comparing it to Eddie’s. Where Eddie’s kiss was one of desire, Steve’s feels greedy. The way he hold your head in place, it feels like he wants to consume you.

“Okay, okay,” Eddie says, wrapping his arms around you in an attempt to separate you and Steve. “I’m gonna get hard again watching the two of you make out like that. So either we get ready for bed or I’m dinging the bell for round two.”

A second round didn’t sound too bad in theory, but the way your body felt like a bag of sand as soon as Eddie mentioned getting ready for bed had you voluntarily slinking off of their bed and onto shaky legs. Steve and Eddie stayed close behind, the three of you squeezing into their walk in shower and taking turns grooming each other.

The days following up to the start of your heat were��mostly normal. Steve was busier with work as he tried to get everything in order before taking another week off. He spent a lot of time in his office, only coming out to get his plate and take it back behind the closed door. Though, he did add you to his pecking order, mindlessly kissing your temple and then Eddie’s as he read over reports or whatever kept him preoccupied.

But where Steve was absent, Eddie was the opposite. Spending most of his free time with you while his husband was busy, Eddie followed you like a lost puppy. You kept him busy, though, having him help you prep for the three of you to all be cycling together. He helped you prep meals that would be easy to reheat, clean the house, and safety proof their bedroom, along with various other tasks that you could think of.

The day before your heat came, your body let you know by making you insatiably hungry and extremely exhausted. Steve and Eddie took their inducers when they noticed the changes, getting you settled for the day before the two of them would inevitably pass out as the drugs took effect, the tell tale sign of an alpha going into rut being their extended sleep period the hours leading up to the cycle.

As your body slowly started to slip into your heat, you felt yourself wanting to slip into Steve and Eddie’s room more and more. But as long as you still had some sense, you told yourself that you’d be spending the next week with them in their most feral state and to just enjoy the little time to yourself that you had.

But as you lay in your bed trying to sleep, all you could think about was what the outcome of this week was going to be. It would take a miracle for you to not get pregnant by one of them by the end of it all. You’d be lying if it didn’t scare you a little bit. After all of the things you’ve read in the pregnancy books Steve’s gotten for you, there’s no way that you wouldn’t be at least a little on edge.

The end is what was starting to scare you the most. Specifically how you would feel after the baby is born. Robin’s words from the other day playing back over and over in your head.

Even with the naturally nurturing disposition of your second gender, you hadn’t really considered yourself someone who wanted to be a mother. That was partly why you thought you’d be a good match for this gig. But you’d read that even betas go through hormonal changes that omegas go through when they become pregnant and give birth that bonds you with your baby.

You’d thought about bringing these concerns up with Steve and Eddie, but you decided that you didn’t want to stress them out. There was a contract saying you wouldn’t have any parental rights anyway, so it’s not like you had much choice on the matter at this point.

The sound of slamming and clanking woke you up from your sleep. Your body was hot, your tongue stuck to the roof of your very dry mouth. Your mind was in a haze, the smell of alpha pheromones in the air was so thick that it was becoming impossible to think of anything beyond your primal instincts.

Rolling out of bed, you follow the sounds down the stairs and into the kitchen. The mixed pheromones were so strong that you were gushing slick before you could even see the two of them.

The kitchen was a mess. Licked clean plates scattered all about the counter tops. You had a thought coming to your mind about hoping you prepped enough food, but it was quickly forgotten when you were suddenly pushed back against the wall behind you.

The room spun with how fast you were moved. The sudden close proximity with your alphas had your knees buckling under you. Strong arms hold you up as got tongues lap at your skin. There’s a bit of growling between them, but your needy whines keep refocusing them on you.

Opening your eyes after a moment, you look at the two men before you. Goosebumps trail over your skin as you take in their feral forms. Everything about them is enhanced; they’re taller, bigger, having to hunch down for their mouths to connect with your skin.

With almost empty looks in their eyes besides their almost completely blown out pupils, they remain locked on you as if you’d disappear if they looked away for even a moment. They man handled your clothes off you right in the middle of the kitchen, leaving you fully exposed to them in a matter of seconds.

Without warning your being lifted off the ground and whisked away, back up the stairs and into the master bedroom. Your body lands softly on the bed, with Steve joining you first. His hot skin burned into you as your chests collide, the weight of his body pinning you down. Eddie took the opportunity to fully undress while you and Steve distracted each other.

With all the heat and movement, you felt your slick starting to leak from between your legs. As soon as the first drop hit the bedsheets between you, Eddie and Steve stilled in their tracks. You felt a pang of fear as the air became thick with mixed alpha scents.

Eddie lunged towards you, but Steve was on the defense, covering you with his body as Eddie got closer. The bed shook as Eddie tried to pry Steve away from you. It got worse when Steve let go of you, and the two started going at it, wrestling each other on the bed next to you. You panicked, cloudy head unsure of what to do in the moment.

After a beat, your instincts kicked in. Climbing on all fours, you began calling out to them. Your mewling got their attention off of each other long enough for them to see you presenting yourself to them.

They pushed at each other as the crawled closer to you, a hand from each landing on either side of you as if they were making sure you would stay in place. You didn’t have much time to brace yourself as their tongues began to open you up, the two of them lapping at the slick just as soon as it was leaving your hole. And when it wasn’t enough, their tongues breach your entrance at the same time, fighting each other for who would get to go in deeper.

“Fuck,” you hear Eddie huff, and the bed starts to shift around behind you. Steve’s large hands take over, grabbing at your ass and spreading you apart more for him. His thick tongue is able to fully extend inside of you, darting in and out as he attempts to lick you clean. It feels insane, especially as his scruffy chin presses into your clit.

Suddenly, your first orgasm hits you like a brick wall, coating Steve’s face as he drank you up. It didn’t last long, however, because Steve’s face was quickly pulled away from you, most likely by Eddie by the sound of Steve’s reaction.

As quick as Steve’s face was pulled away though, the tip of Eddie’s cock was being pressed against you. Wasting no time, he slid in with ease, giving you no time to adjust before bottoming out. You gasped at how full you felt with the way the head of his cock was pressing into your cervix with how big he had gotten. All the ache you felt from your heat was washed away with the feeling of your alpha’s cock inside of you.

Eddie leaned forward, pressing all his weight into you. You thought he was going to get right to pounding into you, but instead he started moved with a hard hitting grinding motion. As if every thrust was purposeful, punctuated.

His arms were wrapped around you as he fucked you, keeping you under him in a primal way. Humping away, his movements eventually became more rapid and sloppy. It was truly animalistic. His grunting and snarling against your skin reminded you of a feral dog growling at someone trying to take his food.

When you felt something else prodding at your entrance you understood his reaction. You turned your head to get a better look and out of your peripherals you could see Steve from behind Eddie. Eddie started to slow, but it felt forced given the way he was whining in your ear.

When Eddie pulled all the way out of you, leaving just the tip at your entrance, you felt Steve’s tip position itself just underneath Eddie’s. A gush of slick spilled from you at the anticipation. You were happy with just one of your alpha’s cocks in you, but getting to feel them both again had you calling out for them.

The two of them started pushing into you, stretching you open like nothing you’ve ever felt before as their large cocks made home inside of your generous pussy. The feeling of being so full had your eyes rolling back, and you came instantly as the both of them bottomed out.

Eddie’s body shuddered against you, and Steve’s low groan let you know that they two of them were enjoying this just as much as you. Eddie began moving again, not liking that he had been made to stop in the first place. Steve followed after, moving in tandem with Eddie so that you were constantly being filled by at least one of their cocks at all times.

With every passing thrust you felt your brain become more and more like goo. You could only think of two words over and over in your head. Two words that fully expressed how you were feeling.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

You repeated the sentiment over and over, slightly muffled by the bedsheets your face was being pressed against. And you truly were thankful. You’d never felt so loved and cared for in your entire life that you felt being so connected with your two alphas in this moment.

Steve started to pick up his pace, and the stimulation had you cumming again. “Holy fuck, that’s tight,” Eddie grits between his teeth, mouth pressed against the back of your neck.

Everything became way too much very quickly. The constant state of pleasure had you cumming back to back without much of a break in between. At some point, you must have passed out because you woke up to the sound of arguing at the foot of the bed.

Opening your eyes, you see Steve has Eddie pinned down on the bed, their cocks brushing against each other as Steve straddles Eddie to keep him down. Eddie had his muzzle on, and it makes you wonder what happened while you were passed out.

“Wh-whats going on?” You manage to get out, shifting to move towards them.

They stop their fighting, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, breath picking up suddenly.

“Yeah,” you say with a nod, kneeling next to the two of them. The closer you get, the emptier you feel without the two of them inside you. “Miss my alphas.”

“Neither of you came,” you say, noticing the lack of cum inside you.

“You passed out,” Steve says, giving Eddie a pointed look. When you look at Eddie, you see that he’s actively fighting against Steve’s hold on him. He looked almost crazed, eyes locked on you. Dominant alphas are usually able to control themselves better during their ruts, but regressive alphas can be a little harder to handle, especially around an omega in heat.

“It’s okay, Steve,” you reassure. “I always want to help my alphas.”

You place a hand on Steve’s where he’s holding down Eddie’s arm.

“I don’t know,” Steve says wearily. “I think we need to reconsider--”

“Steve.” You say his name firmly. Hazel eyes shift has he looks between yours. With a heavy sigh his grip begins to relax against Eddie’s.

And no sooner does Eddie use all of his strength to send Steve flying half way across the room.

Moving with a lightening speed, Eddie is on top of you in a flash. It’s almost frightening, but you can’t contain your excited giggles as Eddie sloppily attempts to mount you again. You hold his face in your hands, and he stops in place, wide brown eyes looking at you as if waiting for your next command.

“Let Steve up here, first, okay?” You ask him. He nods, his hungry eyes not moving from yours, even as you peck his lips.

Patting the bed, you motion for Steve to rejoin you. The bed dips, shaking as Steve makes his way to the two of you.

“Let me get behind you,” he says, placing a hand on your back to push you forward. Eddie moves with you, maintaining eye contact even as Steve maneuvers his way behind you. Only when you position yourself to sit on Steve’s cock does Eddie have a reaction, a low growl coming from his throat. You shush him, stroking his cheek soothingly.

“It’s okay, Eddie,” you coo, his name coming out as a moan as you lower yourself onto Steve’s hard cock. The feeling has your eyes rolling back again, making you lose the eye contact with Eddie.

In an instant, he’s pushing you back until your laying against Steve’s chest.

“Eddie, take it easy,” Steve hisses, trying to shift his position for Eddie to have better access to your pussy as well. His hand snakes around you and grabs onto Eddie’s cock making him gasp. He begins to thrust into Steve’s palm, moaning and huffing at the feeling of friction.

Steve probably would have been content letting Eddie get off like this, but you were being just as whiny watching them. So Steve pulled out just enough and guided Eddie to your pussy once again. It took a couple tries, but he was able to get him in, and Eddie immediately began fucking into you with wreckless abandon.

The movement got Steve worked up pretty quickly, following with Eddie’s pace to fuck into you again. Eddie hovered above you, practically drooling in his muzzle as his body moved on its own in and out of you. It turned you on to no end to see him so fucked out over you in this state.

After a few moments, Eddie’s hand flew up above your head. His body stilled, cock twitching inside of you as you felt him about to cum. Steve was right behind him, both of their cocks deep inside of you as they began to cum. Warmth filled you, and at the same time their knots began to swell, effectively plugging you to take their seed.

It felt like an eternity before they both stopped cumming, Eddie landing on top of you still trembling in the aftershocks. Steve was breathing heavily beneath you, arms wrapped around you tight as he finally started to calm down, too.

The three of you lay like that for a minute, before Steve makes the decision to shift the three of you on your sides.

“Ow,” Eddie says, sounding more lucid than he has since you woke up.

“Sorry, I couldn’t breath with the both of you on top of me.”

The position was awkward, but more so for the two boys than you. You think their discomfort led to their knots going down at a quicker pace, because as soon as they could they were separated from you. Eddie was out like a light, snoozing as soon as his head his the pillows.

Steve still held you tight, breathing in your scent. His lips touched the base of your neck, leaving a small kiss there.

“Does it hurt?” He asks.

“Does what hurt?” You ask, unsure of what he’s referring to.

“Your neck, here.” He touches where his lips were.

“No? Should it?”

Steve is quiet for a moment.

“Do…you not feel any different…?”

“Not any different than I do during my heats,” you say, unsure of where he’s going with this line of questioning.

Silence again. Steve says your name.

“Eddie…Eddie marked you. Or, he tried to…”

Your blood ran cold. When did he do that? It had to have been when you passed out. You’d definitely remember something like that happening.

“Steve--I--”

“It’s okay,” he shushes you. “I…I don’t think it worked…” Steve lets out a sigh. “I don’t think he could mark you now anyway…”

“What do you mean?” You turn to look at Steve, a look of forlorn all over his face.

“Lets not talk about it right now.” His words become breathy, and you can feel him rubbing his scent on your skin. His hips move against you, and you can feel his hardness against you.

After a few touches and some maneuvering Steve is back inside you once again. You’re trying not to be so loud that you wake Eddie, but Steve’s cock feels so good inside you. He’s working at an angle that has you gripping the sheets with white knuckles.

When he brings his big hands around you to rub at your bud you can’t stop yourself from crying out his name.

“That’s right, baby girl,” he huffs, still moving inside you. His grip around your chest gets tighter, pulling your back against his chest even more. “Tell me who’s fucking you right now. Who is it, baby?”

“You, Steve,” you moan. His demanding tone has you clenching around him even harder. It felt so right to be with him like this, but part of you was missing Eddie, too. It was tempting to wake him up to get him going again. But, you wanted to have your special time with Steve while you could.

“Such a good omega for me, aren’t you?” His words are slurred drunk on the feeling of your pussy hugging his cock so tight. “You’re going to be so perfect with my baby inside you.”

His words continue to make you dizzy. That’s all you want, isn’t it? To get pregnant with Steve and Eddie’s babies and live happily ever after with them. You want to be a good omega wife for them, you’d make them so happy wouldn’t you.

Steve’s movements become sloppy until he’s plunging himself as deep inside of you as he can go. His knot swells again as he fills you up for a second time; the second of countless more times you hope.

You remember that you’ll be spending the next 5-7 days being passed back and fourth between your two alphas and it makes you so happy you can’t help but tear up.

“Hey, whats wrong?” Steve says, snapping out of his trance as soon as he hears your sniffles.

“Nothing’s wrong, Stevie.” You chuckle, wiping the tears from your eyes. “I’m just…really happy to be here is all.”

Steve melts at your words, burying himself in the crook of your neck. He inhales deeply, his hot breath fanning your skin as he presses kisses against it.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Steve whispers just loud enough for you to hear. “He is, too,” he says, nodding towards Eddie’s still sleeping form. “He talks about you all the time. But I’m sure he’d say the same thing about me.”

“You guys talk about me that much?”

“Hmmm, probably more than two married men should.”

Your heart skips a beat. The heat of everything was lowering yours and Steve’s inhibitions. Would he ever tell you this if the two of you weren’t intoxicated on your own hormones?

There’s a comforting silence between the two of you. Eventually you drifted off to sleep again in Steve’s arms, his body heat keeping you warm while you slept.

You’re not sure what time it was when you felt your body being moved. You were being carried bridal style, and by scent alone you were able to tell it was Eddie. The soft click of a door closing had you opening your eyes, eyes adjusting to the low light from the sunsetting outside coming from the windows in the hall.

When you looked up at Eddie, he had taken his muzzle off, but still had a feral look in his eyes. Eyes that were darting around as he took you down the hall and into his music room.

You’d never been in it before. Not that you’d been explicitly told not to, but because Eddie told you that he liked to tend to it himself, so you chose not to enter out of respect. So when you found yourself inside, you couldn’t help but let yourself explore the room.

It was definitely very Eddie; walls painted red, band posters covering the wall, as well as a few frames with records in them. There was quite a collection of guitars and speakers that took up the rest of the wall space.

Besides a desk with a computer, there was a small couch that also furnished the room. Eddie made a bee line for it once he closed the door behind him. He placed you down delicately and lowered himself to his knees. His eyes were locked between your legs, tongue darting out to lick at his lips as if he was a starved animal and you were his next meal.

“Eddie,” you say in a breathy tone. His eyes dart up, looking at you expectantly. “What do you want, Eddie?”

“You. I want you.” His hands land on your knees, rubbing up and down your thighs sensually. The roughness of his fingers gives you goosebumps down your legs.

“Please,” he begs, eyes flickering back and forth between yours and between your legs. Your breath hitches and you nod, slowly parting your legs for him.

As soon as you’ve made yourself open for him, Eddie dives right in, feverishly devouring your sore, puffy pussy. You’re so sensitive already, but Eddie takes your gasps and moans as a good sign and keeps going.

Eddie’s large, tattooed arms wrap around your legs and pull you closer to the edge of the couch as you begin to shake. His mouth is attached to your pussy, drinking you up as you cum hard. Eddie makes an almost pained noise, his own body shaking against the couch after a few moments.

You look down, and the combination of how he looks with the sudden strong alpha smell in the room tells you that he just came. It only turned you on more when you realized it had to have been untouched, given his arms had been snug around your thighs this whole time.

“Awe, Eddie,” you coo, “Did you cum from eating me out?”

Eddie looks up at you pitifully, nodding with shame.

“I-I’m sorry,” he pouts, as if you’re going to scold him.

“It’s okay, Eddie.” You cup his face in your hands. “You just really like eating pussy, and that’s okay.”

“Your pussy,” he corrects. “Yours. It’s the only one I’ve ever had.”

That fact heats up your body head to toe. You’ve been Eddie’s first everything when it came to him being with an omega. It made you feel so special to be able to give him something he’s never had before.

You shove Eddie down onto the plush carpet of the room, his eyes going wide as you climb on top of him. His leaky, still hard cock jumps in your hand as you pump it a few times. Eddie’s big eyes watch as you line him up with you, only for his head to fly back as you sink down onto his length.

“Holy fuck,” he groans, hands running over his face as you being to move, bouncing and grinding on his cock.

“Wanna be good for you, Alpha.” The words come out broken as you bounce up and down, hands digging into his tattooed chest when you start to pick up the pace.

Eddie’s hands fly to your hips, and you think he’s going to stop you. Instead, he uses all his alpha strength to hold you up, adjusting his footing so he can drill upwards into you. It just about takes your breath away, your brain turning to mush as he fucks into you wildly.

He starts to say something under his breath that your brain can’t comprehend. It takes a few moments for you to get yourself together enough to register whatever prayer he’s repeating over and over.

“Get pregnant, get pregnant, get pregnant--”

His words send you over the edge, making you cum hard enough on his cock that your vision turns white, your body going limp in his grasp. He takes advantage of your pliant status, letting your upper half rest on his chest as he wraps his arms around you.

A few more wild thrusts later and Eddie is almost howling as he starts to cum inside you. His knot swells faster than ever to lock you in place on him. His hips move weakly, still chasing the high until he finally stills, letting your weight rest fully on top of him.

The timer goes off in the kitchen downstairs, pulling you from your solo concert of Queen’s greatest hits that you had playing from one of Eddie’s speakers. You set the scrub brush you were using to clean the carpets down before running down the stairs to check on dinner.

The house had been cycle free for a full 24 hours, so Steve and Eddie had gone back to work this morning. With an empty house, you had taken the opportunity to do a deep clean of every square inch of the house. You tried not to think about how you’d spent the last 6 days being fucked on every imaginable surface in this house as you swept, scrubbed, and rinsed everything in sight.

It also gave you a lot of time to think. To over analyze small thing Eddie or Steve said about you during your cycles that felt like there might be feelings budding between the three of you.

Part of you wishes that it could be true, that there might be something growing of you within their hearts.

But it also scares the shit out of you.

There’s no way you were about to be a homewrecker. The last thing you wanted was to think that there was a mutual bond with you and the boys, only to find out that it’s one sided. Or that only one of them feels something for you, leaving the other to feel betrayed and hate you. And it would kill you if either one of them hated you.

You shook your head in an attempt to rid you of your thoughts. The only reason this was happening was because of a contract. If you hadn’t answered that newspaper ad, you wouldn’t even be thinking these delusional thoughts. You’d probably be heading back home with your tail between your legs, begging your parents to let you move back in with them.

There was no way that was going to happen. You just needed to get pregnant and you’d be set for a little while longer.

The sound of the front door opening grabbed your attention. You set the casserole on the stove top and smoothed out our apron, waiting for Eddie to make his entrance.

“Hey there, sweet thang,” he greeted, hanging his keys on their hook and pulling his hair out of it’s ponytail. He still had a dark smudge on his cheek that he didn’t fully clean off before he left work. And when he took off his jacket his arms were put on full display for your eyes to take in.

Damn, were you feeling some residual from your heat?

“Hi, Eds,” you finally muster to say, turning your attention to pulling the plates out of the cabinet.

“Smells good in here,” Eddie says, grabbing the plates before you could, leaning down to kiss your lips. It lasted for a solid few seconds before he pulled away, carrying the plates to the table.

You stood in shock. That obviously wasn’t your first kiss, but it was the first one that felt so…domestic. The first that wasn’t attached to sex. You knew Eddie had been bold with you, even while Steve was around at times, but he’d never kissed you like that, where you ended up with butterflies in your stomach.

The front door opened again, but you were so engrossed in thought you didn’t really register it.

“Hi babe,” you hear from beside you. Eddie greets Steve at the doorway to the kitchen, barely giving him the chance to set his keys on the hook before kissing him deeply. Deep enough it almost made you dizzy.

Eddie and Steve were so in love it was almost disgusting in a cute way. If anyone deserved to have their own family it was them. Even when they two of them are deep in the trenches of their heat they would still make time for each other (which gave you a nice break from dealing with two alphas in rut).

“Jeez, Eddie, you act like I didn’t just see you this morning,” Steve chuckles, taking his coat off.

“I know,” he says with faux bashfulness. “I just missed my two favorite people a lot today.”

Steve looks at Eddie, then to you. For a moment you thought he was going to give you the normal distant routine and you mentally prepared yourself for it.

But after a blink, he sauntered over to the stove, stopping right in front of you. One hand landed on your hip, the other on your cheek. Your heart began to beat like a drum as he leaned in. And when his lips met yours, it felt like fireworks. Like you’d won some major award.

And then you were being crushed. Eddie’s arms took the two of you into a tight hug, almost lifting you both off of the ground. His laugh echoed the kitchens as Steve ordered him let you both go.

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” he says, pecking the both of you on the side of the head.

“Now, I don’t know about the two of you, but I’m starving.”

thanks for reading!

#steddie #alpha!steddie #steddie x reader #alpha!steddie x omega!reader #omegaverse #omegaverse au #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie smut #alpha!steve harrington #alpha!eddie munson #steve harrington x reader #alpha!eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x reader

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hxltic · 1 year ago

Note

Hello! I have a request!

Could you do something where Kenma isn't really giving the female reader any attention because he's busy streaming so the reader sneaks under his desk where the viewer's can't see her and she pleasures him until he eventually cums down her throat?

:) I un-ironically love writing bjs

The shared house was silent anytime after 5 o’clock. Kuroo had just left— his afternoon business management classes calling him in, and Bokuto’s practice overcrowded his schedule to the point where he went twice a day with some gym sessions in between. That leaves you alone with Kenma in your 4 bedroom home off campus that was supposedly his father’s apology gift.

The bills are mainly kept satisfied with Kenma’s profit as his streaming allows you all to live as you do. Of course, there was a sense of independency by your own jobs regardless. There has probably been twice where everyone was in the living room at once, but it’s like there’s a tacit agreement each of you have your own goals.

You can’t be mad at the man for being busy when his job supports his friends and himself.

Kenma has been your friend, now boyfriend, for the longest out of all of them, next in line being Kuroo. Kenma took computer engineering and coding related classes, despite having already perfected building PC’s just out of pure experience. The work is hard. You’ve seen it.

You’ve witnessed him stress first hand about a single error in a strenuous, long line of codes—and you ask him why he doesn’t stop doing it if it bothers him to the extent it does. His determination has grown for activities he enjoys over the years; 12 year old him would have quit.

Kenma’s way to deal with stress is isolation. The entire day he’s been crammed in his room, and with being the only other person in the house majority of the time, you bring it upon yourself to feed him. He gets focused and forgets to eat.

The reminder has you clicking your Ipad off from whatever distraction show you had playing. It was so boring most of the days, Netflix couldn’t even fulfill you. You toss the covers off yourself, then bounce downstairs into the kitchen.

It was so quiet that your feet patting against the floor filled the air. To cure the ennui you felt, you’d take the time to have fun with this culinary experience.

By the time there was fluffy white flour messily coating the kitchen and dishes stacked like game cards in the sink, your dish was plated for two. Maybe you’d keep him some company?

Careful not to fall up the stairs, you prod at his door in attempt to knock with one hand. Somehow you turn the knob successfully.

The fan cuts through the air, every click of Kenma’s pen accompanied with a glance to the paper beside him. He won’t even look up at the waitress bearing goods.

“Hi Ken,” you grab his attention but his slim eyes only dart up at the smell of cuisine. “Have you eaten?”

You know the answer. His hair is pulled back into a ponytail, so when he shakes his head the usual strands that follow aren’t there. You place the plate on his desk, next to the two cans of some energy drink and a diet Dr. Pepper.

“Thank you,” he speaks softly. There was a hint of edge to the sound, like he hadn’t used his voice all day.

“Mhmm.”

You turn on your heels to his bed, then sit criss cross as it squeaks and dips. “Do you mind if I just stay in here? It gets lonely in the house.”

To be honest, you forget he’s there sometimes.

“I’m kinda busy,” he replies. He loves you, and your presence, but he just knows he won’t be able to focus. “I’ll be done soon.”

The pout you flaunt deepens, “You’ve been stuck in here for almost a week now! Come out; I miss you Ken.”

He refrains himself from turning to look at you because he knows when he weighs his options, you’ll always come out on top. The chances of you getting picked multiply with your pout.

“Soon, I just need to finish this.”

“Please?”

He doesn’t even have a valid response for that, so he forces the spoon into his mouth. You’re actually a great cook, but since you all eat so much takeout, nobody’s at the dinner table at the same time to enjoy it.

You huff and negotiate to just sit in silence, as long as you’re in his presence. As long as you know he’s there.

This only lasts about fifteen minutes before you’re whining for him again. You completely understand the heavy load of schoolwork, and that it has to get done, but he genuinely has been at it for so long it cannot be healthy.

“I’m done,” he announces coincidentally, his soft fingers coming up to brush a tendril of hair back as he gathers his things on the desk into a neat pile.

Your head perks up like a puppy at attention. He arises from his chair after closing the laptop, pulling his rubber band from the hair connected at his nape as he steps towards you laying on his bed. You giggle in expectancy when he smiles gingerly at you, reaches his arms forward around your feet to plant his hands on the duvet, then crawls up your body. The hair tie wraps around his wrist to join all the other colorful bracelets and bands.

He makes you swoon by just giving you attention.

His hands grew into proportion as he aged, so now they were relatively large. Large enough to connect at your hips as he kisses his way up.

Stomach, chest, then an abundance on your chin and around your face, just for his thumb and index finger to hold your cheeks in position for his softer, slower kiss right on your lips.

You wrap your arms around him like he’d just disintegrate any second. You can feel his body slump, leaving you with most of his weight to carry and his head withdrawing from the kiss to between your breasts. With one hand massaging the round muscle, Kenma was in his element.

Black with barely-there blonde crowds your vision. His soft skin felt warm as you two lay intertwined in the still house, and if you were to fall asleep it would greatly help that Kenma never keeps the big light on. He moans in satisfactory below you.

You lift your hand to rest over his face, the bigger part of your thumb gliding gently over his cheek.

“I love you,” he mutters.

“I love you too Ken.”

After a while of Kenma following your heartbeat and breathing, you would’ve guessed he was asleep. He clarifies he isn’t when he groans lowly.

“I have to get up.”

The words rest tensely in the air, and maybe if you pretend you didn’t hear him, he’ll lay there and forget about it.

He attempts to raise himself from you, politely grabbing your hand and locking your fingers when he comes to a hover above. His pink lips come to the corner of yours as you blink open your eyes.

Truthfully, he wants nothing more than to be with you, here, resting—but he hasn’t streamed in a solid week because of school. You were completely his priority though, so he would make sure to give you equal attention as his stream.

He finds the little willpower to come off you and the bed. He was genuinely hoping you’d stay there and sleep peacefully, that way he’ll come back to join you and it will feel like he never left.

He flips a blanket over your body before he strolls to his setup usually beaming with bright lights. He takes a seat, making sure to turn the brightness down of everything, refraining from playing music, and ultimately deciding not to turn on any light not connected to his PC anyway.

As much as you hate that he’s not cuddled up next to you right now, you love the fact that he’s a steamer overall because he looks so damn hot doing it. Especially the way his muscles on his forearm flex as he quickly types or plays. His hair that’s usually up is down, because he isn’t wearing his mic.

Or like the way every now and then he’ll pop a piece of gum in his mouth and manspread in his gaming chair to shoot a quick message or check his feed. Or like the way he’s so attent, making call-outs, or whenever he gets angry his brows furrow the slightest bit and his face displays whatever he’s actually thinking. You find it hilarious when his eyes roll.

At some point, he hears you come up behind him into view, and his head relaxes into your two hands sliding up his neck to his jaw. You crouch into the screen and the chat immediately multiples. It’s too quick to read them all. Knowing his viewers, Kenma takes the responsibility of closing it with the click of a button, so fast that it seems he never even did it.

“Cracked, 130,” he calls.

You stood there for a moment to watch him play. He and his team beat the level, game, you don’t know, but he releases his focus from the screen and mindlessly cracks his knuckles.

A donation comes in that’s read aloud. Kenma tenses, but you’re excited to hear it.

“jump1nnit donates $70. ‘girl to girl, is it big?’”

Kenma’s head drops back in your hands, eyes closing in annoyance.

“Jesus Christ,” he mumbles. Where were his mods?

All you were thinking about was how much Kenma was actually earning. 70 dollars in a single donation? How many of these does he get a day? How much more do people pay that’s over 70 when you aren’t here?

You shake these questions away. You knew he was famous. This was not new information; his fans see you sometimes in the background, and they adore you. It’s why your instagram has so many followers and people saying outrageous things in your comments. Ken begs you not to check them.

You find it amusing honestly. God knows what he’s being sent despite his DM’s or what they’re saying in his chats. You know there’s girls all over the world after him, but he doesn’t entertain them, so you don’t either. You trust him completely.

Brought back to reality, you look down at Kenma.

He starts, “Are you-“

To rile up the scene, you nod at the monitor with a mischievous smirk on your face. You bend and kiss his forehead.

“Can I sit right here?” You ask quickly, already pulling up his desk stool because he has no reason to say no. He takes your momentary absence to mute the computer.

“Yeah. yeah, Definitely.”

The blonde’s tone is a little off, but you chalk it up to what just happened. He was just surprised you’d actually respond. He ignores them so he doesn’t get demonetized.

So you sit next to him on your phone playing games, or watching him, or laying on his shoulder. It made it a little difficult for him to play with the last one, but he doesn’t mind. He places a kiss to your forehead, matching earlier actions, and the way you two looked at each other after will definitely reel in some fan edits.

You return to gaming on your phone until you drop it. It tumbles down and under the PC, into the jungle of wires below.

At least with everything included in the setup, that’s what you expect to see, but they’re all neatly accounted for. The seat moves back against the carpet to accommodate for your body, the space you’ve created to retrieve the device. The problem is, you and Kenma occupy this space. You won’t fit.

Kenma heard your phone drop, so he had an idea why you’re down there. He even chuckled a little. Once you pick up the phone, you use his thigh as leverage to turn yourself around, causing him to flinch, and immediately an idea pops into your head.

You could stay down here.

You press the heart of your palm into him once more, the same reaction procreating ideas like a lightbulb.

His voice from above makes another callout.

The lightness of your fingertips glide across his thigh and up to his waist, slipping past the barrier of the thin shirt he’s wearing. Kenma is not ticklish, but his abdomen turns concave to your touch.

By now he has concluded what is happening, or going to happen, and just the thought has him hardening in front of you. Of course it’s something he’s thought about. He hasn’t asked because it feels unnatural—like you would only do it because he suggested it.

His poker face remains stone cold, but the rest gives him away. With every touch you only got closer. You trail your whole hand up the shirt, running this one along the dips of his pale skin, while the other goes back and forth along his thigh. Inwards, then back out. Your phone was long forgotten.

You run the length of your fingers over his center sneakily before meeting both hands in the middle and fiddling with his waistband. He shivers, but continues to play.

He hadn’t been purposely edging himself, and he definitely knows that you would help him whenever he asked, but with all the schoolwork piled on top of him, it never crossed his mind. It was now though, and sensitivity was at its highest.

“No, why would you do that; that’s stupid,” Kenma replies to what you assume is a donation. The technological voice isn’t there anymore for you to hear.

The tips of your nails dive past every ounce of clothing settled at his hips.

He shifts in his seat, whether to allow you to pull the band down just enough or to calm his nerves, you don’t know, but the opportunity was right in front of your face. Literally.

You don’t even do anything but hold his length before you start the up and down motions. It’s enough to turn him on more, having him grow in your hand. You can’t imagine the faces he’s making while his viewers’ minds were already polluted.

“Keep going, push,” he exclaims. Voice still soft, but with some sense of urgency.

He was not speaking to you, but you listen anyway, and do as he says. Maybe you could play a game: see how long it takes before he realizes you’re taking orders.

With this, you stroke him a little faster, then run your fleshy thumb over his tip. It began dripping, a single bud threatening to fall. After swiping it away, you disperse what little you could, then wrap your plush lips around his head.

He wasn’t expecting it right after your slow pace.

“Ugh, fuck- third party.”

The groan he emitted was covered quickly by a call, as if that’s what “frustrated” him.

You pop off as quickly as you came, spread your saliva, and now slide your enclosed hand down his cock steadily. Silky smooth, it took no energy to glide along him. Your unoccupied hand squeezes his thigh through the cotton.

“Down, he’s under and one shot.”

You jerk him off as his breathing barely picks up, occasionally coming down to wet him some more, but you see a significant difference when your hand consistently twists just the tip. You’d swirl your tongue around the reddening, most sensitive part of him before dropping even farther to take his balls in your mouth.

You tug and pull harmlessly.

“Hmm...”

Despite what was going on, the streamer was clever with how he hid it.

He asks, “Hey, what do y’all want to hear?”

The viewers were astonished they were being asked; Kenma has previously told them he likes his music and would play whatever he felt like hearing. He did a stream for song recommendations and half of it was him hating on their music and the other half was his viewers attempting to find songs he would like.

Regardless, he unmuted the sound on his computer and turned on the playlist, only slightly louder than usual.

You took this opportunity to actually wrap your lips around his cock, not having to worry about the sounds. You start on the slower side but it didn’t take long to get comfortable. Whatever you couldn’t fit, you jerked off.

His abdomen showcased whatever his face wouldn’t, stuttering every now and then with his hips correcting their position. You brought the wet hand to his balls once more, and attempted to fit all of him down your throat. There was a deep sigh above you.

You closed your eyes and went again, trying to go deeper. You didn’t gag, but your throat made sounds that was enough implication of what was going on. That’s okay though. Some random band one of his mods recommended was playing.

Once more, you tried to go deeper, actually sputtering this time, but once you got past the uncomfortableness of it all, you could go the same depth over and over. You did, breathing through your nose. He could hear your throat, but chat couldn’t. If they could, they would be saying something.

“Oh shit, oh shit, he’s on me,” he huffs, “I’m gonna twist around to cover.”

You remove yourself, partially to breathe, and take two hands to twist on top of each other in opposite directions. His belly button caves in with some more muscles, pure evidence of his pleasure.

This was the second he knew what you were doing. What game you were playing.

If you wanted to play, he could too.

“Where is she?” he reads chat calmly. “I think she’s downstairs eating.”

Was it calm enough—you’re not sure, because he was fidgeting excessively in the leaning chair.

The double entendre has you giggling silently. With a deep breath, you’re back down on him again. It’s not long until you sputter.

“Do you want me to tell her to come back up?” You hear him spit out quickly.

You do as he says, but not without the price of your fingers doubling speed at his head.

“Yeah, I’ll tell her. Hold on.”

With quickness, he mutes and turns his camera off.

He was sweating and physically overwhelmed. Pushing back on his heels, his chair rolls from under the table with you following, finally in his sight. He could already imagine how you looked.

Red lips. Glowing face. Glossy eyes, smiling and happy. You were ethereal. Your hands are working him, but now with his cock down your throat too? Oh my god.

He held a soft touch at your cheek and caressed your face with his thumb. Picking up speed, you smile.

The other hand of his would do the same, brushing a loose stand of hair behind your ear. Faster.

“Just like that,” he breathes.

“Mhmm?” you deepthroat him.

His head drops back involuntarily. His mouth does the same. The heavy breaths that he was holding from the stream let loose.

One last look at your flushed features and-

He groans heavily, adam’s apple bobbing and cock tightening. Skin usually pale but red with desire, he stills.

You close your eyes. It was so fulfilling with your throat stretched and his hands on either side of your plush face.

Warmth seeps past your tongue and down the cavern. It causes you to choke but Kenma definitely doesn’t mind. His sounds flow into your ears, plus some faint praise as he soon begins to release from his high.

You couldn’t taste anything as you slowly raise yourself from him, leaving his cock glistening with saliva and pink, but the taste just barely started to form once it caught your tongue on the way down. You swallow anyway—it wasn’t bad.

You use the back of your hand to wipe your eyes and breathe freely. You lay your cheek on the driest part of his pants, even though you’ll have to get up. You just aren’t ready to see the red wilts on your knees.

“You are amazing,” Kenma catches his breath. He looks back down with his eyes glossed over and tired, but he still runs his finger over your wet lip. You softly kiss it.

. .

“Are you getting back on?” You climb into his fluffy bed, throwing the covers back.

Kenma shakes his head and follows after you in a fresh new set. He grabs the covers and returns them over you both, pushing his hair back and holding you close.

©️ hxltic

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mentally-unstable-hottie13 · 2 months ago

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⭐️𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐬⭐️

Henry bowers x fem! Reader

Read chapter 1 here

chapter 3 here

Chapter 4 here

Chapter summery: You wander the strange town of Derry and try to get a feel of it as the school year is only a day away. You try to make yourself feel comfortable in a town that is so unnaturally comfortable.

Word count: 2990

Estimated reading time: 14 minutes

A/N: if some things don’t make sense or a character (most likely you) says something out of place about something that looks like it wasn’t mentioned. It’s on purpose! I’m seeding out little parts of back story here and there. You’ll see soon!

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Chapter 2

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥

You are woken up from your peaceful dreams by an abhorrent feeling of something wet and rough on your face. You open your disgusted eyes only to find a huge scary Pitbull smiling at you with his tongue out. You put 2 and 2 together to realize he had licked your face. Where the fuck did this dog come from? He wasn’t around yesterday. You get up from the couch you and Kevin had fallen asleep on yesterday and see that he isn’t there anymore.

“KEVY?” You shout into the house.

“YEAH?” He shouts back from somewhere in the house.

“WHERE DID THE DOG COME FROM?” You ask.

He jogs into the living room shirtless with a toothbrush in his mouth.

“Oh him?” He muffled out.

“Yeah, him”

“That’s killer. I got him for you almost a year ago, he was just outside on the property yesterday”

‘It’s crazy to think all that bullshit went if for a year!’ You think to yourself.

“He was only a year old when I got him. He’s a guard dog with a heart of gold. Unless you tell him to attack someone he’s nicer than a winter mornings air. He’s fully grown too.”

“Killer?” You ask him.

“Hey you told me when you were 8 that if you had ‘scary dog privileges’” he puts finger quotes around the words. “You would name the dog killer because to you it’s a cute name but to everyone else it’s ‘scaaawwyyy’” he mocks you on the last word.

“God I hate you sometimes” you laugh. “How the hell do you even remember that bro?”

“I remember everything, now you have an hour to get ready. I’m taking you into town with me.” Without a protest he turns around and heads back into the ground floor bathroom. You look killer in the eyes and sigh before petting him.

“C’mon boy” you usher as you stand up and walk to the stairs. Killer willingly follows you with a big doggy smile. You get to your room and open one of your bags. It’s a bit colder today so maybe a long white long sleeve undershirt with a tweed jumper dress? Maybe some black pantyhose? You ponder that outfit before ultimately deciding on it. You walk to the bathroom right next door to your room and close the door. You stand there for a few seconds before you hear killer whimpering and scratching at the door. You open the door and look at his scruncly face.

“Go to Kevin, killer. Go on boy.” He looks to where you point and you shut the door once again. It took about 2 seconds before he was back at the door. You sigh and open it again. His big puppy eyes looking at you and wagging his tail. You could see how he would be intimidating if angry but to you he just looked stupid and cute. Realizing he won’t leave you alone you let him in the bathroom with you. He quickly jumps up onto the toilet seat and sits without moving. Like he’s guarding the bathroom. You snort and turn on the shower. Killer lets you shower in peace and doesn't move from his spot on the toilet. Once you finish you wrap yourself in a towel and move the curtain aside. You look at yourself in the mirror for a few moments before opening the door and wandering into your room, with killer of course.

You pick up one of your smaller bags and pick out a small black makeup bag. You don’t need a lot of makeup but it makes you feel put together, controlled, like no one can really see the you, you don’t want them to see. After some quick concealer, eyeliner and mascara you finished your makeup with 30 minutes to spare.

Drying your hair was the worst feeling. Hot air getting into your face was the grossest feeling. You also feel like you just went for a run Every Time you do it, but it’s too chilly right now to not. It is raining season in the little town of Derry after all. After some frantic drying and getting dressed you grab your brown cloth messenger bag and head to the door, killer hot on your tail. You get down the stairs to see Kevin, looking like he was just about to call you down.

“Are you ready, loser?” He asks sarcastically.

“Yes, your royal highness” you mock.

He rolls his eyes at you and opens the door to let you out. You look behind you to see him holding the door open for the dog, unattached leash in hand.

“Is he coming with us?” You ask

“Hell yeah! His owner that he’s been training for a year just got here. He needs all that training to be put in practice” you open the door to the truck and killer hops in before you sitting in the middle seat between you and the driver seat. Kevin locks both gates and y’all are on your way to town.

“How did you even train him for me if I wasn’t here?” You wonder.

“I just showed him pictures of you and momma kept some stuff from your room that still totally smelled like you. No one ever touched it.”

You giggled because of course she did.

“Why did you train him just for me?” You questioned your best friend.

Kevin’s face falls and you think you struck a nerve. “Ther’ea some kids at the high school that ain’t take to kindly to strangers. Especially ones that just came into their town. I know you ain’t a bad kid and you ain’t lookin for trouble, but that doesn't mean they aren’t. I want to feel safe here.” He ruffles your hair. “You deserve it.”

You didn’t see Kevin as a father or a guardian. He was a friend. He’d never yell at you for a bad grade and he didn’t look at you funny when you swore in front of company. You were family- no better than family. You were friends. You two were the absolute closest 2 people could be. You were all each other had. And that’s why it made sense he was so protective over you.

The two of you listen to the music in the car in a comfortable silence the whole ride to the shop. The two of you step out of the truck and Kevin looks at you and killer.

“Ya’know, it’s only” he checks his phone. “9:40, why don’t you and killer walk down to the coffee shop while I do some errands. Yeah?”

You nod. “Yeah that sounds good.” You smile down at your massive dog like he’s a much smaller pup.

“Keep your phone on ya okay? Feel free to explore this part of town but don’t get too close to the red bridge. This is the main part of town. The school is just on the other side but don’t be crossing it today, ya’hear?”

You nod an affirmation before sprinting off with killer. You saw no point in interrogating him on the bridge. Why not just listen to him. Just this once. After a little bit of jogging and seeing a few more people you decide to leash killer and let him walk beside you. It doesn’t take you long to wander to what you can only assume is the town square.

God this place is like a storybook hell. It’s only 9 in the morning and children are fucking everywhere. You can’t even walk a straight line without having to dodge some screaming and giggling tyke. There are kids dancing in the square all of which have the lightest skin you’ve ever seen and platinum blonde hair. Have these kids never even seen the sun? This town is like an old racist man’s dream. Everywhere you look you see people. All of which are smiling, and all of which talking like they’ve known each other since birth. They probably have. This town is so small you wouldn’t doubt it. Your hometown was nothing like this. You can only assume once school starts how many people will be all up in your business. You walk and out of nowhere someone runs into you.

“¿¡Que La chingada!?” (What the fuck) you yell as the person hit you with so much force you think you got the wind knocked out of you.

Killer starts to growl as the boy backs up. You look at the boy to see big square glasses and shaggy hair. People about his age turn the corner. You assume them to be his friends. You were short for your age so they must have been at least a couple years younger. Killers growling becomes more viscous at the boy and you whistle at him.

“Killer” you say sternly. “Down boy.”

The tallest boy of the group comes up to you.

“I-I-I-I’m so s-s-sorry w-w—“ he’s cut off by the shortest boy wearing a Fanny pack.

“What he means to say is ‘sorry we didn’t mean to run into you, we were in a rush’”

“It’s no problem. You just scared my dog” you nod down to your weirdly muscular, furry accomplice

“I thought that fuckin thing was gonna eat me.” The glasses boy says loudly.

“Oh killer? No no no he’s a good dog. Just protective”

“See! Even his name is Killer!” He shouts.

You roll your eyes.

“I-I-I haven’t seen you a-a-around here b-b-b-b-before. You new?” The stuttering boy says.

“Yeah actually. I just got in yesterday. I’m ____”

They all introduced themselves to you kindly. They seem nice enough.

The one you come to find as Richie asks you what school you are enrolling to.

You try to remember then name. Then feel stupid remembering it as the name of the town.

“Derry high” you finally spit out.

“YOO!” Richie yelps. “Us too!”

Beverly steps forward. “We have to be going but At least you’ll know some people at school right? You should hang with us when school starts”

“Definitely” you reply. You walk past the group into the “Derry Dairy Diner” ‘shoot me now’ you think as you read the name in your head. Kevin had texted you his order and what he thinks you would enjoy, so you get in line and wait your turn. Your wandering had already taken you 45 minutes. It will have been over an hour by the time you reach the record store again. You hope this diner allows dogs.

After 20 mind numbing minutes of waiting it’s your turn to order. You speak your peace and within five minutes a bag of food and bottled drinks is placed before you. You pay and wish the waiter a good day before heading back. The walk to the store was uneventful. That was until some assholes in a blue sports car tried splashing you with gutter water. You knew it was on purpose. None of the water hit you but it did sour your mood quite a bit.

You finally reached the store and went inside.

“KEVY! I got your nasty ass order from the DeRrY, DaIrY, DiNeR” you mocked the name again. You could hear his laugh from the back as he walked toward your location in the front of the store by the counter.

“Well gorgeous, what has you in such a good mood?” He teases.

“This place is my hell. Like my own personal ring of hell that Satan made just for me. Laughing children and waaaaayyyy too many people smiling for me to feel safe. No one’s that happy”

“Oh well I’m sorry to hear that” he laughs out.

“And some assholes in a blue car tried spraying me with street water.” You snort.

He stiffs. “What kind of car?”

“No sé dude, a sporty one?” (I don’t know dude)

“Did the people in the car see you?”

“Oh mierda. What now?” (Oh god) you roll your eyes.

“The boys in that car are only bad news. They are the ones you stay away from you hear? If they give you problems this year, you tell me. got it?” He opens his box of food and begins to eat.

“No way I have to go to school with those assholes?”

He didn’t answer, he just grunted at you to eat. And you did. The food from that weird ass diner was actually pretty good. For the rest of the day he helped you understand how to run the shop.

All records are sectioned by alphabet and genre of music. You can usually tell by the cover what type of music they are but if you don’t know ask Kevin. If Kevin isn’t there or busy, set them in the crate in the back and he’ll put them up or tell you where that band usually goes. During the days you work you are allowed full control over aux just don’t play anything that would scare away new customers or grandparents coming in to buy their grandkid a present. The guitars on the wall are free to play but if someone comes in to look at guitars you have to put the one you are playing back on display so they can see it. Decorating is your job now (SCORE) so feel free to do whatever you want but the conditions about aux apply here too. Other than that you are pretty set. Everything is pretty easy.

“By the way” Kev looked at you.

“Hmm” you locked eyes with him.

“You can’t look like that” he said nonchalantly.

“Ugh! What do you mean ‘like that’”

“You look like you’ve never heard a song outside a youth group. Don’t get me wrong, you look cute, you just don’t look like you work here. I’d never come up and ask you questions about which bass is better.” He had a point.

“I dress like this to hide my tattoos!” You had more than just the arm one. All the others were small and not easily visible but you still wanted to hide them. Along with your legs and back.

“But you don’t need to here. I almost never see kids from your school here. After school just throw on a band tee and some shorts over those pantyhose and you are set. You just can’t come in here looking like you’re handing out pamphlets on how we are fucking the earth sideways with global warming.” Another good point.

“Fine, I'll change on the way here.” You huffed.

“Thank you.” He smiled that stupid smile of his.

Today in the store was restock day. As kids, parents and just younger adults were getting ready for the next school year to start, no one really came in. You did some routine cleaning of the store while killer was right at your side. He hadn’t left you all day. You wondered why he was like that.

As the day was beginning to pass Kevin decided to call it a day and announced he had a gift for you. You had no idea what it could be. Kevin took you out to the alley next to the store and walked past his truck deeper into the dark area.

“You stay here and close your eyes. I’ll bring it out” he hollered.

You close your eyes and you hear the sound of his keys jingle. His keys hit some metal and unlock something before you hear something rolling toward you.

“Open,” he says excitedly.

As you open your eyes you are met with the most beautiful red motorcycle you’d ever seen. You pretty much completely cut out everything Kevin was saying as you stared, the only part you caught was “Honda cbr 650”. You step forward and touch it and your hearing comes back.

“It’s my motorcycle and it’s in my name but I don’t see why you can’t ride it sometimes. You got your motorcycle license a while back.” He said. His voice dripped with the fact that he was trying to sound like he wasn’t super excited.

You look up at him with hope. “Can I” you almost beg.

He smiles and reaches to get something from the tailgate of his truck. He pulls out a black leather riding jacket with crash padding and a black helmet with a tinted visor. Oh this fucker planned. You knew he would only let you ride it once in a while but you were still over the moon.

You jumped up and down. Giddy from excitement. He helped you put on the jacket and helmet before telling you,

“Follow me home and be careful on the dirt roads. I’ll take killer with me”

You squeal and hop on the red bike, kicking the kickstand up. You put the key in the ignition and flip the on switch before reving the bike. Kevin’s truck pulls out and you follow behind him. God you missed this. The soothing feeling of the wind. The gorgeous freedom you feel in your chest. You are flying. That is the only word. Flying. You twist a turn through lanes to pull up to lights then speed off at the first flash of green. You can see Kevin laugh as killer hangs out the window with his tongue out. God you don’t want this to end. But it has to eventually. You have to get off at some point. You pull down the dirt road of your “neighborhood” only to see the pig standing at his fence eyeing your shiny new toy. You pull off past him and into the property. God that was perfect. You demount the bike and make your way inside with Kevin and killer.

What a great day. You know you didn’t always have the most positive view of things but that was just your upbringing. You learned to have a hatred for the naturally happy because you yourself had to fight for your happiness. And that is okay. It just means you deserve it more

You, Kevin and killer lay atop the couch once more and again turned on some dumbass movie and ate some day old pizza until you drifted. You’d never felt as safe as you did right now. And that was worth something.

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Hope you liked it! Please leave a comment or like if you did❤️❤️

#henry bowers x y/n #henry bowers x reader #it henry bowers #henry bowers fanfic #henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #belch huggins #it 2017 #it stephen king #90s #reader insert #henry bower x fem! reader

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professional-demon-master · 2 years ago

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Cutting you off pt. 4

Satan

Light angts/comfort. Good ending! Gender neutral MC.

* Satan was an explosive person, most of the time he tried, really hard, to control himself in front of you. At least that’s what you wanted you believe.

* But when he has bad days… you knew it was better to leave him alone

* Today you hadn’t seen him at all though, so when you encountered him in the HoL library you really didn’t notice the way his hands were clenched in the book, or how his lips were pressed together Ina stressful way.

“Satan! I missed you today! Where were you? It was weird being in hexes without you!” You plopped in a seat in front of him. Satan looked up, still frowning but trying to look more relaxed for you. “Just busy, lots of homework”. “Yeah, tell me about it”, you got up to get a book, one you’ve been reading for a couple of days know, thanks to Satan’s own recommendation. Satan returned to his book, trying to concentrate in it to reduce his wrath.

“What’s your book about?” You took your prior sit, Satan exhaled. Breathe.

“Just a mystery novel.” “Sweet” “Mhm”

“Oh! Did you knew that…” “STOP!” You looked at Satan with a puzzled expression, not even able to verbally respond. “You come, waltzing in, like you own the place and won’t leave me alone, you just won’t shut up!” Satan stoop up Ron his place, book long forgotten. “Ugh, you’re just so clingy sometimes. You’re irritating! You make it so hard to stay in control!” He stopped talking when he looked at you and your big eyes looked back at him with a hurtful expression. He wanted to apologize, he really did, but he was still too angry to act completely coherent. “Mc…” you got up, trying to look as collected as possible, and got out of the library, closing the door behind you. “Fuck…”

That same day, at your usual bedtime, Satan appeared in your room. Apologies and explanations escaped his mouth as soon as you opened the door, and they went on until you stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder and taking it back almost immediately .

“You hurt me Satan. And I know you try really hard to stop yourself when you’re like that but it isn’t the first nor it will be the last time that you call me annoying and clingy for existing on the same room as you. I’m sorry but no, I don’t want your apologies. They’re empty for me”

* After that incident, and his failed attempts to get you to talk to him again, Satan kept on trying to find ways to make you forgive him.

* He cooked your favorite human realm food the day he had dinner duty . They rarely did it since some of the ingredients were fairly expensive and difficult to find in devildom, but still, there it was in front of you, spaghetti carbonara, presented like it was from an expensive restaurant. You felt your stomach growl, but after taking just two little tastes you gave offered it to Beel, who accepted it without hesitating. You could feel Satan’s gaze fixated on you during the whole exchange of words with Beel, but still, he remained silent.

* Next day, you noticed hot coco in your place during breakfast, your favorite drink. You knew this had to be Satans doing so the drink stayed there, untouched.

* You even spent the weekend at purgatory hall. The brothers weren’t excited about the news, but you felt a slumber party was the perfect excuse to avoid being in the same house as Satan for at least a couple days.

* On Monday morning you met with the brothers at RAD to exchange hellos and a couple hugs that lasted a little bit too long. They acted like the first time you came back after a week at the human realm.

* Since Mondays you walked home from school with Satan, you decided to pass the time until Beel finished fangol practice so you could walk with him.

* With limited possibilities, you ended up in the library trying to do a little bit of homework to avoid letting your mind wonder into analyzing your gutted feelings and how much you missed Satan this past days.

* The library appeared to be alone, so you took this as your lucky day to be able to spend time alone without the brothers having to take care of you.

* You were too concentrated picking a book to feel the eyes that were following your every move. It wasn’t until you felt a breath in your neck and an arm appeared at the side of your head that you turned around quickly.

“Oh… uhm, hi” you said nervously while trying to move from their imprisonment.

The demon kept his eyes on you, a smirk appearing in his face as he saw you trying, and failing, to escape.

“It’s so weird finding you here. Alone” he smelled your hair. “Without the avatars around you”. You felt your breath getting caught in your throat as you saw him getting closer. “I-I will summon them” cursing yourself for stuttering, you raised your hand to try and position it in one -any- of your pacts, but he grabbed it before you could even register it. You frowned, getting almost as mad as you were scared, you tried to take your hand back. “Let me go!” “You’re feisty, aren’t you?” He got as close as he could, bumping your nose with his, you could notice his fangs showing every time he spoke. “That’s okay, I like that, makes it more entertaining.”

You were trying to look for a way out as his tongue licked your cheek. You closed your eyes in disgust. What should you do? Hit him with a book? Step on him?

Suddenly the icky feeling in your cheek stopped and it was replaced by just a crashing noise and a growl, you were pushed in the sudden movement and feel to your knees. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” You recognized Satan’s voice automatically. He threw a bookcase at the lesser demon. You could see his shoulders go up and down with every breath, filled with wrath; after a couple of seconds where the other demon just stayed on the floor complaining, Satan turned to look at you.

You didn’t knew if it was because you were on your knees, if it was his stoic demon form or the aura of wrath surrounding him, but you could sense the power he emanated with his mere presence. His hand in front of yours took you out of your trance; you took his hand and as soon as you were on your feet he pulled you close. His hand cleaned the side of your face the other demon had licked prior to Satan’s appearance, he turned his head to look at the other demon, you could see the fire in his eyes, burning to take out his anger in the other demon.

“No! Leave it!” Satan turned to look at you again, a bit taken aback “please, I just want to go home. He’s not worth it, and I’m okay now” You pleaded, hands grabbing his clothes in little fists in an attempt to keep him close to you. After a while he exhaled, “it’s okay, kitten. We’ll go home.” He caressed your cheek. He took your hand, before he started walking he looked back, anger invading his factions again, “you’re so lucky she’s here to stop me from destroying you, but I’ll find you again, piece of shit.”

* You arrived the house of lamentation, and ever since you stepped foot in the house, Satan stood by your side, comforting you, prior fight long forgiven, but still in the air, making you feel like there was something pending between you two.

“Satan?”

“Mhm?” He answered without interrupting his lecture, his other hand still caressing you, playing with your hair in a relaxing way.

“I’m sorry for holding a grudge to you even after you apologized, it was dumb of me”

The blond man closed the book at fully looked at you now, “what are you talking about? Don’t apologize. You were completely right.”

“But, you saved me today, and I just…”

“Still, I was an asshole to you the other day, you had every right to be mad at me.”

You smiled, rearranging your position in his chest to keep on talking. “Thank you for saving me.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll always be there to save you”.

#obey me mc #obey me scenarios #obey+me #shall we date satan #obey me satan #satan avatar of wrath #satan x mc #Satan ob x reader

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robinhobiii · 1 year ago

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buttons | professor! j. ww

summery : y/n failed a few classes and now the college needs to speak with a guardian.

Warning: kinda suggestive

Y/n was stressed. The results of all the exams come out today and she’s dreading to pick up the paper. She knows she failed chemistry. She had no clue what she did during a the labs or what she did on the final exam. She’s been slacking for the two months going out and about and not studying. There’s no way she got above a C on the other exams too. What’s worse is the fact that her husband, Jeon Wonwoo, worked at her university as a history and philosophy professor. It was an arranged marriage and she only said yes because she thought he would go easy on the school work load. However, he’s more strict than her father! Always wanting straight A’s and less than 5 absences. However, no one knows about this. He didn’t tell anyone because he didn’t want people to think he was favoring her because she was his wife.

He’s a cold man, but he cares about her. She seen on multiple occasions that he did. Like when it was close to midnight and she’d ask for help on certain questions. Or when it’s that time of the month and he goes out and buys whatever she craves. They’ve been married for almost two years and she’s feels as though they’re almost at the finish line to be lovers. But she’s not too sure on how he’ll react to the report.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing. Strange.

It’s was the student center.

“Hello?” She said cautiously.

“Ah yes, good evening Ms. L/n, this is your advisor speaking. I’m going to need you to come to my office right now please. We need to discuss the sudden drop in your grades.”

“. . .”

“Ms. L/n, are you there?”

“Ah! Yes, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

. . .

“Ms. L/n, your GPA dropped from a 3.9 to a 2.9 in a matter of two weeks. From what I can see, your grades went down during the last few weeks of this semester. You are an excellent student because I can see that before you had a A and B average. However, this severe drop can really cause problems for graduation.”

She said as the advisor looked at her. She had no words to say because honestly she did this to herself. Y/n knew that she was failing but not to the point where it’ll cause her problems to graduate.

“What can I do? I’ll do anything to fix it!” Y/n exclaimed.

The advisor sighed and said “Well, since you’re in danger of not graduating, this is what has to be done. We need to have a meeting with a guardian to make sure that you stay on track and they push you towards graduation. We know you’re a good student, so we’re giving you this chance to redeem yourself. Once we can come to a compromise with you, the guardian, and I, we’ll allow you to retake the classes online.”

“Um, w-when is it a good time to come by? ”

”Hmm, what’s today . . Oh! Thursday. I’ll set aside time for Friday, 4:30 pm, okay? Does that sound fair. “

Ooh, Y/n, you idiot! You’re done tonight.

“Thank you so much for the second opportunity!”

. . .

She’s fucked.

She stared at the paper the advisor gave. She needs to give it to Wonwoo so he can look it over so he has an idea of what meeting will be about. However, she doesn’t have it in her to do so. It’s was close to 9:30 pm and Wonwoo just pulled into the drive way. She gasped and shoved the paper in her pack back. Y/n made her way to the kitchen and waited for him to come in.

He shut the door rather roughly.

Yup, she’ll have to tell him later. He’s not in a good mood and her telling him about the meeting is not a good idea.

“You okay? ” she said softly as she watched him hang his long coat. He merely grunted and made his way to the bathroom. It was one of those days for him. Mondays and Thursday’s were the most difficult for him. Monday’s . . Well they’re just Monday’s. But Thursday’s are difficult because it’s the day before Friday and he just wants the week over.

She nervously plated his food and waited for him. She was too nervous to eat the right now and just wanted him to go to sleep so she can think of a plan. After his shower, he sits down and starts to eat. She looked at his beautiful face and the way his wet hair effortlessly made him look even more gorgeous. He quirked his eyebrow and looked at her. “Why aren’t you eating?” His deep voice sending chills down her back.

”m’not hungry” she said timidly.

He squinted his eyes and looked up and down at her, trying to read her. “Why?”

“Oh! It’s nothing. I just had a big snack earlier, that’s all. ” she said softly.

He hummed and continued to eat.

“How were your exams?”

She couldn’t think of what to say. She was silent and Wonwoo stopped eating and looked straight at her. “Y/n, I asked you something.” His hooded eyes looked into hers and she got way too nervous and looked away. Before he could say anything else, his phone rang. Y/n quickly got up and got it for him and zoomed to the bedroom.

She doesn’t know how or when she fell asleep, but she woke up at 6:32 am. Wonwoo already left as he needs to be there by 6:00 am. She was panicking on what to do since the meetings is at 4:30 and she still didn’t tell him. Maybe she could text him? No, then he’ll be in a bad mood all day and no one deserve that.

Ugh! Y/n you had one job and couldn’t even do that right.

. . .

It was 4:05 pm and she still hadn’t told him. And the meeting was in 25 minutes.

Sigh. It’s now or never.

Y/n walked in to his office and sat down in front of him. His eyes bore into hers, trying to read them. She quickly looked away and sighed for the millionth time. “Wonwoo, I’m g-going to tell you something, but you can’t get m-mad.” She said nervously as she played with his fingers.

“Enlighten me, princess.”

“I-I, uh, well, um, okay. Are you busy in about 20 minutes?”

He raised an eyebrow. “No”

“I need you to come to a meeting with me.”

He looked confused. Why would he get mad at that?

“May I ask what the meeting is for?” He said as he intertwined their hands.

Her heart fluttered but she’s not sure if it’s because he’s holding her hand or if she’s too nervous to answer him. She remained silent for a bit.

“Y/n? You okay, darling? ”

Her heart was beating out of her chest and she couldn’t formulate a sentence.

“Princess. ” He said more firmly.

She straightened up and his hooded eyes looked at her intently. “I asked why? You know I don’t like repeating myself.” Her cheeks flushed pink as she pulled away her hands and looked at the white digital clock behind him.

4:24.

Where did the time go?!

She quickly pulled out the paper from yesterday from her back pack and quickly handed to Wonwoo.

Wonwoo’s eyes skimmed through the paper and boy did he not look too happy. “You failed two of your classes?” He asked way to calmly. “And three D’s. You must’ve not learned your lesson from last time.” She was shaking slightly as the memories from that night resurfaced in her mind and she quickly shook her head no. “W-wonwoo, I-I can explain-”

He stood up and went around the desk to be in front of her. He leaned forward toward her face and lifted her chin up. “What time is the meeting?” His minty breath fanned her lips.

“4:30. ”

He looked at the clock and it read 4:27.

“You’re really in it for tonight, princess.” His deep voice said as he leaned closer.

“Let’s go”

. . .

“So, you both have been married for almost two years?!” The adviser said shocked.

Wonwoo only nodded as he look at Y/n but she was avoided any eye contact from him.

“Well in that case, I know that she’ll have no trouble to get back on track to graduate. ” He chuckled as Wonwoo let out a small laugh.

“I’m just so shocked that a professor’s wife would slack off so much to the point where her gpa drops and she’s in danger of not graduating.” The advisor laughs. Wonwoo clenched his jaw as he glanced at Y/n and she again was avoiding his eyes.

After talking for a few more minutes, the meeting was done and she would restart those class on Monday. To say Wonwoo was furious would be an understatement. The whole car ride home was silent. She saw how hard he was gripping the steering wheel and she was so scared for what will unfold at home.

As soon as he pulls into the driveway, she practically jumps out of the passenger side and quickly makes it to the front door. She opens the door, kicks her shoes off, and makes her way to the bedroom. Just as she goes the lock the door, Wonwoo stops her. He roughly pushes the door open and both of them are in a stand-off position. Wonwoo slowly walks forward and she slowly walks backward.

“Do you know how embarrassing that was, princess? Hmm? Hearing him say that a professor’s wife is slacking off? What will my students think? That my wife can’t even do well even though she has all the resources to do so? You really didn’t learn your lesson last time, did you?”

She shuddered as she remembers the last time they were there before. She gulped. “W-Wonwoo, I’m sor-”

“Uh uh. You’re not. You just love pushing my buttons, don’t you. I thought you were my good girl? Hmm? ”

Her legs finally hit the edge of the bed. Wonwoo places his hand on her chest and pushes her down roughly. He hovers above her.

“I hope you’re ready because after this, I’ll make sure you never ever have an F again.”

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3cremepie3 · 1 year ago

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Peppermint Mocha

. Synopsis - After striking it gold you end up becoming Nami’s assistant. Well, it turns out there are a lot of perks for “working for her”.

. Warnings - 18+, cursing, public sex, power advantages, body fluids, mentions of poverty and wealth

. A/n - First part of my OP series. Thank you for reading Luffy and a Nami Drabble are next! Please read them in order or you’ll be incredibly confused. There might be some grammar mistakes in here but idc.

“Peppermint mocha latte two extra sugars and two extra creams, light on the ice.” Take my card it’s half off on Wednesdays with the promo.” The card was already laid on her desk ready for you to take. This gave her more time to stay wrapped up in her phone. She the social media manager was probably looking for new trends.

You wanted so desperately to say Hi to her. Nami Swan one of your idols was right in front of you! She must’ve got you mixed up with someone else. But you happily marched down to the Dunkin in the building lobby and received her order.

You walked through the vast hallways and you were almost back to her secluded office. Then a woman rushed out of the door in front of you. In her hands was a box full of office supplies. She dropped a ruler and you were quick to help her by picking it up.

“Thank you.” She smiled at you. “The janitors always were the nicest. I’m only sad to leave y’all,” she frowned. “Are you getting a new job,” you inquired. “Yes, I have no other choice. I can’t handle her anymore she’s crazy.” Can’t handle who?” It was your first day at the company and there was already trouble. “You’re a beautiful girl so soon you’ll understand.” But please before you go give this note to Swan.”

You took the note from her still concerned but it was too late to worry about it she went down the flash elevators and by now she would be lost. Not like you had any time to worry either Nami was still waiting. “Here you go ma’am just as you asked.”

You sat down the coffee and the note the mysterious woman wrote for you. “Thanks, Kalifa I need it since today’s a long ass day.” She sighed before finally looking up from the screen that captivated her. “Who are you and why are you in my office?” She looked you up and down wondering how she could even mistake you. “My bad sweetie I thought you were my assistant.”

“It’s okay no problem,” you smiled. “If I’m not mistaken she left you this letter.” You pointed to the letter you left on Nami’s desk. “The god-forsaken letters I’ve got 4 of this month,” She sighed.

She took a sip of her coffee while reading. “We’ll looks like I’m out of an assistant for the 4th time this year. That’s a record of mine,” she chuckled. Who in their right mind wouldn’t work for you?” Oh honey 24 others!” They always leave after realizing the extent of work that we do. They think it’s just sunshine and rainbows. Then the documents and endless coffee orders come.”

“And im stuck with no two weeks notice.” Wow I’m sorry about that Miss that is so unprofessional. If I worked here under you it would be a dream come true! Your eyes lit up at the thought. “But you do work here other wise you wouldn’t be in my office.”

“But I’m just a janitor that doesn’t count for much.” So you really want to work here huh,” She asked. “Yes it’s been a dream of mine forever I loved your guy's toys.” Well, you are already in my room now and I have no assistant.”

“Why don’t you just fill in until I can get another one?” But I’m not trained in that position I wouldn’t want to mess up.” Don’t worry about it I’ll teach you the ropes. Come on just say yes it’s more fun than cleaning after all these people who already have ocd anyways.” She finished up her coffee in between words giving you extra time to think about things.

“Yes,” you squealed. “Okay then let’s go back downstairs then. My coffee order is wrong.” Oh no, I’m sorry,” you frowned. “It wasn’t your fault it was those idiots downstairs.” Nami stood up towering past you into a door in the corner of her office. It opened up to a second lobby this one was empty and adorned with wooden statues.

“So pretty!” You marveled while feeling the handcrafted piece. “Franky made those he’s an expert carpenter.” Wow, the Frankie! He’s an icon I remember watching him on TV when I was younger.”

“How old are you sweetheart you say that like it was a while ago?” You arrived past all the wood displays and into a private elevator. It was small and only big enough to fit about 3 people. It felt even more suffocating with Nami so close to you.

Her perfume smelled nice like tangerine and tulips. “I’m 19 about to be 20,” you bragged. “Wow if only I was that young again,” Nami laughed. “Well, how old are you?”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to ask a woman her age,” she scoffed. “Sorry ma’am.” I’m only joking I’m 40 honey about to be 41,” she groaned. “You don’t look a day over 20,” you gasped. “Haha don’t flatter me,” she blushed. She walked out of the elevator after it landed on the first floor.

“It’s not flattery I’m serious,” you trailed after her. “Wow, we got here quick.” You were already approaching Dunkin. Nami speed walked ahead of you irritated about her coffee. “Camie.” She yelled out at a green-haired employee who was behind the counter. “How many times do I have to tell you liquid sugar.”

“I can’t even drink this without having to swirl it around because nothing dissolved.” You’re lucky I like you or I would fire you on the spot,” she spat. Nami had a temper on her that you didn’t want to cross. But she was hot when she was mad the way her eyebrows furrowed and her cheeks turned red was probably the closest face to the one she would make while degrading you.

“Stop y/n,” you spoke aloud. “What was that,” Nami asked. “Nothing!” You straightened up god you were gay! “Really you look a little funny,” she teased. “I’m fine!” Okay if you say so. You know what Y/n let’s just go I’m tired of coffee because a certain someone always gets my order wrong.”

You heard the other women working at the cafe laugh at Nami’s joke. The green-haired girl smiled too embarrassingly. “Where are we going, Ma’am.” You asked following after the sound of Nami’s pumps. You were too distracted by the gold carvings along the marble floor to look up. And by the time you did you bumped into someone.

“Are you alright honey?” You looked up to see no other than Nico Robin. “I-I I’m f-fine,” you blurted. “I’m sorry oh my god are you hurt anywhere?” I wouldn’t forgive myself if you were.” You checked for any scruffs on her.

“I’m sure she’s fine Y/n,” Nami interrupted. “Nami’s correct I received no damage,” Robin agreed. “That’s good,” you huffed. “Is this one of your friends Nami?” She’s my new assistant starting today! Isn’t she just lovely?”

“Yes at first I thought she was a janitor.” You looked down at yourself humiliated that you forgot to take off your uniform. “Yeah, it’s a new policy my employees can wear whatever they please.” You sure it’s new,” Robin interjected. “Before I could’ve sworn I saw one of them wearing vibrating panties.”

Nami scoffed crossing her arms. “While that’s her business I couldn't do anything to stop her.” You could if you were the one controlling them.” The whole time they bickered you stood there in between the two of them. “Ahem,” you coughed. “I thought we were gonna leave.”

“Oh yes let’s go Y/n maybe I’ll pick you up a pair of those panties since they’re a part of our uniform,” she smirked. Nami walked off and waved bye to Robin who gave you a warm smile back. “Eeek,” you squealed. “I just met Nico Robin!”

“I’m not getting the hype Y/n.” She’s one of the most important people in this company! She’s also one of the dreamiest,” you drooled. “I can’t disagree with those statements.” Nami rolled her eyes. You guys made it outside of the lobby now you stood waiting while she called for her car back from the valet.

Her driver opened up the door for you both and you hoped in the back after her. “Where going to the mall drop us off at the side entrance,” she instructed. The driver shook his head and started off. You looked out the window of the unfamiliar area. You had of course heard of the MerryGo corporation but you had never set foot around the boogie area.

Even with your Sunday best on people could still probably tell that you were an outsider. “Why did you want to work at our company Y/n?” Your guy's toys saved me when I was younger I want to spread that joy to other children.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” Thanks, it was hard to find any work so I had to settle on being a janitor.” We are in high demand this year well at least you got promoted.” Yeah, I would’ve never expected this.”

“And another question. Are you a lesbian I got some vibes back when you talked about Robin?” You laughed at her randomness even though you could tell she was serious. “I’m sorry! It’s just that was sudden but no I’m Pansexual.” Oo so you like a bit everything,” she assumed.

“Yeah pretty much!” Why wouldn’t I when there’s so much beauty in the world.” Tittes,” she responded. You both chuckled as she gave no context. “And pussy,” she added. “Even though you gave nothing I understand.” Women really are top tier.”

After what felt like hours of talking about tits you arrived at the mall. “Let’s stop at Nordstrom first.” You walked over taking her purse to unburden her. “There’s no need for that.” I have to start acting like your assistant somehow.”

“I’ve done nothing so far.” Well then okay thanks for taking my bag those cross bodies do dig into your shoulder a bit.” I know that's why I use backpacks they’re immature but so cute.” Well, there’s some of them in Nordstrom maybe you’ll see something you like.”

“I hope so,” you cheered. You guys walked into the store a sales assistant quickly followed after the both of you. “Hello is there anything you’re looking for in specific today?” Yes, we need form-fitting button-down tops.” Okay, right this way!” You followed after the lady through rows and rows of mediocre clothing.

Nothing was catching your eye you had a peculiar style. A style-only thrift store with random selections would fuel. “What about this one Y/n? You can even wear it without a bra and it’ll still give you lift.” She held it up to your chest. “It’s cute.” You shifted around wanting to get out of the store.

“You know I can tell when you’re lying right.” Her face dropped. “I’m sorry I just have a very different style from typical office wear.” Hmm okay, so what do you like?” You took this time to pull out your Pinterest. “If only I had an app like this when I was your age I would’ve saved so many fashion disasters.”

“There’s a store I think you’d like it is across the street, however.” I don’t mind walking.” You were so excited since Nami had great fashion taste. Her tight business set and tall pumps gave her such a sexy secretary look. “Look both ways before you cross the street.” She held out her arm which blocked you from walking further.

You must’ve been too busy staring at the way she strutted across the crosswalk because a car almost ended you. “Thank you I definitely was not paying attention.” God, please don’t tell me my assistant is an airhead.” I am not,” you pouted! You jogged across the remainder of the sidewalk.

You and Nami arrived at the boutique she was talking about. The display windows were filled with intra-quit blouses that spilled off the tall mannequin figure. “Wow, it’s perfect!” I knew you’d like it,” she smiled.

You walked in and explored like a child in a candy shop. “Y/n over here.” She called you to their formal wear section. “Pick up whatever you want I’ll be waiting in the dressing rooms for you,” she instructed. “Okay.” A sales clerk helped you further holding the large amount of shirts you picked up.

Finally, once you were done you moved everything over to the dressing room. “Wow this is like all those movies,” you giggled. “What do you mean? Nami looked at you confused. “Like the type of dressing room in movies. Where the bride finds the dress that’s the one.”

“Oh, I get it well welcome to luxury.” A woman stepped in with the both of you. “Hi I’m Perona I’ll be your seamstress for today.” Her cold hands ghosted over your arms spreading them out. You stood there for a couple minutes getting measured. You giggled every time she got too close you couldn’t help it.

The only time someone had been this close to you was when you got kissed. “You’re so sensitive Y/n,” Nami teased. “I finished measuring it’s time to try out what you picked.” I picked up so many Ms. Nami can you pick for me?” Sure how about that skirt with the ruffles.” Perona handed you the skirt. At first, you were nervous to undress in front of them but they assured you that they had seen it all before.

Luckily you had worn some decent panties today. “Cute panties I love the cherries,” Nami complimented. “Stop looking,” you blushed. She laughed a bit at your timidness. “You’re too cute sweetie now let’s see that skirt.”

It was a perfect fit but one thing bothered you. “It’s like a belt so cute,” Nami pointed out. It was so short your ass almost hung out. But after twirling around in the mirror you did realize you looked amazing.

“Is it too tight,” Perona asked? “No, it’s good.” I’m glad you’re such a cool boss Nami. Any other office place would fire me on the spot if I was wearing this.” There are pros to working for me,” she mentioned. Perona handed you some other skirts most of them being what Nami picked for you.

You realized one thing. She liked to see you in skin-tight leather. You even got a matching body suit and jacket set. “I look like a biker.” Your hands traced up the zippers that went from your bust to your ass. “It’s so hot in all this leather,” you groaned. Nami got up and started towards you. “That’s why you have these.” Her hands unzipped your body suit. The breeze immediately hit you sending goose bumps up your spine.

“Biker chics are the hottest,” she joked. “And so are businesswomen,” you blurted. Nami was right in front of you her hands ghosting your waist. “Wanna know who’s hotter than a biker chic?” Sure.” A naked one,” she admitted. “Why don't I help you strip down, she offered. Her legs rubbed together ever so slightly awaiting your response. “Come on let the girls breathe,” she smirked. “Can you do it for me my hands are broken all of a sudden.”

“Of course anything for you.” Her hand dragged down your stomach then it bunched up the remainder of the body suit. She pulled you closer to her so close that she could feel your rapid heartbeat. Your eyes darted anywhere but hers as she pulled your shirt up.

A hiss fell from your lips as both her hands wrapped around your shoulders to your back unloosing your bra strap revealing your tits on full display. “Fuck,” she mumbled. “I could take you right now if there wasn’t that woman and the ghost of nosy employees watching.”

“Ugh I hate pda,” Perona groaned as she walked in. “If you have enough money to buy all this you have enough money for a damn hotel.” She was right and Nami knew so too but she was Nami. “Shut up bitch I’ll give you 5 thousand right now if you give us some alone time.” She stepped out of the room accepting Nami’s offer.

“I need a taste of my new assistant.” Now you understood what Kalifa the frantic woman you met earlier was trying to relay to you. As soon as the door closed Nami began to palm at your tits. She massaged the soft mounds like they were freezing and needed to be warmed up despite how hot your body was becoming. You felt the need to strip from the other layer that held your heat. That being the panties she complimented earlier. A string of your wetness followed them to the floor.

Her leg that was adorned with her nylon stockings went in between your thighs rubbing against your drooling pussy. “This is the best day ever,” you moaned. Nami’s lips wrapped around yours silencing your excited pleas. The kiss was hot and intoxicating enough for you to not realize that she backed you against the wall. You were sure to smudge the mirror with your body that now glistened in a layer of sweat.

Your arms tugged at Nami’s blazer until you pulled it off. Her hands worked on her skirt and yours went to her tight polo pulling it over her head. You messed up her neat curls but she could care less. She had her new meal right in front of her. She had you someone who was untainted by the MerrryGo company. So she couldn't let you go. She kissed you again giggling into your mouth.

The beef she had with Robin was mostly one-sided but she still couldn't help but to brag about this lay later. “What is so funny,” you asked. “The fact that Robin was right. Don't worry sweetie this time is so different I want to keep you.” And it seems like you need me.” She was right about that you were ready to pounce on her. She held your hand and led you to the couch she just watched you try clothes on.

She patted her lap and you sat on it. Her hand wrapped around your throat knocking out any of the airflow that you barely had before because you were choked up by her beauty. “Wanna try something? As my assistant, you need to be adventurous.” Sure, you gulped”. Get on top of the couch and spread your legs.” You hesitated but she gave you a reassuring look.

You did as you were told and she quickly followed you her mouth meeting your clit as the couch dipped at her weight. Even after the first stroke of her soft muscle, you felt like you could collapse. But you stayed grounded as you would never want this experience to end in a million years. One of her hands slipped from your waist and into her own underwear. She began to play with herself in time with the many moans you were letting out.

“Ah that feels good,” you cried out. Her tongue inserted your fluttering hole that kept spurting out your arousal. “You taste so good, she mumbled. “I can eat you forever my sweet girl.” Her praise was definitely mending your ego as well. It had been so long since someone was this nice to you. She took care of you well not spilling a drop of your cream.

“I paid for this you can be as loud as you want.” She was right but you still could imagine what the employees were hearing. So your moans were held back. That was until she inserted a finger inside of your inviting entrance. You practically screamed at the sudden and calculated move. “Ms. Nami ahh that feels so good. To good fuck! You exclaimed as she moved faster. Her pretty face and hair were sure to be messy as she was so sloppy in pleasuring you. So was her pussy as she began to scissor herself focusing on her sweet spot.

Her moans sent vibrations into you further bringing you closer to the edge. Your legs couldn't take it anymore you were going numb. Your back arched sending you down onto the seat of the couch. Nami’s mouth followed you not latching off. “So go damn hot.” You turned around admiring the sight of the woman that was about to come undone just from eating you.

She looked up her eyes meeting yours. You could feel her smiling as she came undone wetting the cushion underneath her. Two of her fingers curved inside of you bumping against your sweet spot. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head from the pleasure. “Do I really feel that good?” Yes! You were quick to respond not having any more breath left to say anything.

She knocked the air out of your lungs. And as you came you became a light-headed hyperventilating mess. Your eyes closed tightly together as you rode out your orgasm on her greedy tongue. Flashes of what Kalifa said went through your mind. But you couldn't afford to care after you just got the best head of your life.

“Y/n you okay?” Yes, you exhaled.” Your head was banging as there was no blood flowing into it. Nami helped you to get redressed and you walked out of the dressing room. Employees stared at you both obviously fucked up girls. Perona even laughed as Nami paid for your items. You knew the store was a boutique but damn the clothes were expensive.

Not to mention the 5 grand Nami promised to pay her on top of everything. “Jesus.” You winced after seeing the total was 12 thousand dollars. “This is little money for me sweets Don't worry about it.” She swiped her black card and paid with no problem. Her arm was still around you helping to lead your shaky body. “Wanna pick up your actual uniform or do you want them sent to your house like the clothes.”

“What do you mean actual uniform?” The vibrating panties, she reminded you.” I thought that was just something Robin made up.” Nope, they are the real deal.” That and my peppermint mocha are something you'll be hearing about often.”

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halfmylife · 2 years ago

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I’m Not Going Anywhere

Pairing Sihtric x Reader

Summary your father comes to negotiate terms with your captors

Warnings Slight language and misongyny (reader’s dad is not a nice guy)

A/N okay so I wrote part 2 and then immediately had an idea for part 3 so I just had to write more of them! There will also be a part 4 soon, I just can’t stop myself with this series!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Days had passed and still you hadn’t escaped. Of course you thought about it everyday. Every opportunity would practically scream at you and you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You were afraid and just wanted the easy way out. There wasn’t long now. That’s what you kept telling yourself. Your father would come to get you soon. But there had been no word.

Until one morning when you were roughly pulled from where you’d been sleeping. The Dane had barely looked at you as he took ahold of your hands, binding your wrists once again. Something was happening.

“You don’t have to be so rough.” You said quietly as you struggled against him. If he was insistent on tying you up, you’d at least make it difficult for him. He said nothing for a moment and you hated the silence. In the last days you had gotten comfortable exchanging heated remarks towards each other, it had become normal.

“Your father is coming to collect you.” Still he didn’t look at you, finishing tying the ropes with one last hard pull. The words shook you. He was coming, he was actually coming. You would be free. The shock left you speechless for the first time in a long time and you almost forgot how to breath. “Nothing smart to say?”

“Not right now.” You half joked, your voice breathy. You tried to fight the smile that was spreading on your face. You were going home. And you wouldn’t have to suffer the Dane anymore.

They marched you through the woods until they reached a clearing. Even in the distance you could see a small group of men approaching. The Dane never let go of your arm as you moved forward to meet them. Their numbers matched so even if things went south, no one really had an advantage. You weren’t sure if that was good thing or not.

The silence was palpable when the two groups finally met, both keeping some distance between each other. Every man had their hand on the hilt of their sword, ready just in case. You felt your father’s eyes run over you, inspecting every inch as though you were goods for sale. He was the first to speak and you wished the moment he did that he hadn’t.

“Has she been defiled?” The words were cold and he only looked at the Danes in front of you. You couldn’t hide the drop of your expression, the hurt that rippled through you, showing immediately in your eyes.

“Our men have not touched her.” None of the men casted you a single glance but you had one constant. The Dane’s hold of you. At first he’d only held your bicep guiding you forward but you soon became aware of the hand on you back almost keeping you up. You hadn’t noticed the change at first or even felt him move but he had and it brought you an unusual sense of comfort, knowing he wasn’t about to let you fall.

“How can I be sure? No lord will want her if she’s been humped by some heathen.” The look your father casted you was not a loving one. The disappointment was evident in his eyes and it took all of your might not to shrink back from it.

“Sihtric has been on guard to make sure nothing happened to her.” So that was his name. Hearing it felt weird. He had always been the dane to you. Sihtric’s grasp on you remained steady even as your father cast him a hateful look.

“You have my word.” Sihtric spoke confidently despite the state he was being given, as though it barely affected him.

“And I’m supposed to accept that?” Your father stepped forward, no longer regarding your presence but instead solely focusing on the Dane beside you. The others surrounding you, started to unsheathe their swords in warning but Sihtric didn’t take his hands off of you. “The word of a dane means nothing.”

“Father, you can’t be serious.” You protested, finally finding your voice. His head snapped back to you, looking dumbfounded by the notion of you speaking.

“Are you trying to insinuate that these are innocent men?” He asked, waving a hand towards the Danes surrounding you.

“No but-”

“That settles it.” He cut you off before you could even verbalise a single thought or explanation. Your heart sunk as the next words filled the air. “There will be no deal. My daughter died along with many other women the day you raided our home.” He didn’t even wait for a response or bother to look at you again, instead turning his back on you and walking past his men.

“We shall see you again lord, next time we will take all of your money and women.” The dane spat back, watching as your fathers men followed him out of the clearing.

Your breathing had stopped and you felt like you were going to collapse. But you couldn’t. Not here.

“She is all yours, runt.” If you had a clear mind perhaps the insult would’ve caught your attention but that wasn’t what bothered you. You were his property. His to do with as he pleases. There was nothing to stop him this time. Your father had made that clear.

Sihtric remained still, watching the struggle in your eyes. He waited for the other Dane’s to start marching off before he stepped closer, his lips dangerously close to your ear.

“Let’s go.” It wasn’t demanding in anyway, more of a plea. Yet the words haunted you still. Listen to every order and you might make it out alive but there was no guarantee.

The walk back was silent. The pair of you always remained a few steps behind the others. Though the other Dane’s spoke they couldn’t care less for your presence, you had been a hinderance and you were sure they were planning another raid since the failure of this endeavour. Not that you cared anymore.

Sihtric walked you through the camp as he had before, though you put up much less of a fight this time. Today, you didn’t have the energy. He led you past wondering eyes and crude remarks and headed straight for his tent, pushing you inside before ducking through himself.

When he finally let go of your arm, you took only a few steps before your legs gave out, collapsing to your knees. If it was painful you didn’t feel it, though you were sure to have bruises tomorrow. Sihtric was careful as he moved around you, reaching for your hands again. On instinct you pulled away but he was much quicker.

“You should’ve run whilst you had the chance.” He muttered as he cut your binds once more. It seemed like a threat but you were too angry to care.

“You don’t think I know that.” You spat back, your voice thick with venom. He ripped the rope away, throwing it to the side before standing up. Sihtric looked down at you but this time you weren’t afraid to meet his gaze.

“I’m not the one who did this to you.” His voice was calm, too calm. He held himself with such composure you wondered if all this was a joke. You found a newfound strength in your rage, pushing yourself to your feet to meet him, your bodies inches apart.

“You didn’t do this to me?” Tears started to fill your eyes as you stared at him, your face forming a frown. “You were the one that dragged me here. You were the one who tied me up and tormented me. It was you.” With every sentence you gave him a small shove back and he seemed to accept every one, not putting up a fight.

It wasn’t until you shoved him one last time. He managed to catch your hands and spin you around in a quick motion that you couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. He had you pinned against his chest, his hands holding you in place with ease.

“I was following orders.” He whispered into your ear. You could feel his own heartbeat against your back, thumping almost rhythmically as it matched yours.

“You don’t have anymore orders.” Your voice was unsteady as you spoke. A tear trickled down your cheek as you stared off into the distance. You knew what was coming. He’d brought you inside his tent for a reason. “If you’re going to do it, get it done with.”

There was a pause, a moment when the world stood still. You could only feel his heartbeat. You could only hear the steadiness of his breaths. That was broken when he sighed from behind you, his breath trickling over your neck and sending a shiver down your spine.

“I’m not going to do anything.” His voice was raspier than normal as he spoke into your neck but his hands remained in place. Though there was a change. He no longer had you pinned but was simply holding you against him. At any second you could break away. Yet you didn’t.

“If you don’t, they will.” It was a wonder he’d even manage to hear you with how quietly you spoke. If you were afraid to run before, you were certainly afraid to do anything now.

“They won’t.” He whispered back. The tears on your cheeks had dried and nothing threatened to spill from your eyes. You had calmed in his touch but still you couldn’t believe him. Taking a chance, you dropped your arms and turned to face him. He let you.

Sihtric’s arms hung by his side as you turned to face him, his expression unreadable. Your bodies were still touching, your faces inches apart. Such a small distance yet it didn’t bother you.

“How can you be so sure?” If Sihtric didn’t lay a hand on you, you were sure there were plenty of men in the camp who would gladly take the opportunity.

“I’ll make sure.” He seemed so confident so assured by his own words that it almost gave you hope. It almost made you believe you were safe, that he would keep you from harm. Could you believe it? Would he truly make sure that no man touched you?

“I don’t believe you.” You searched his eyes for a moment before finally pulling away. If there was one thing you hadn’t learned is that he was always much quicker.

Sihtric grabbed you by the waist before you could put any distance between the two of you. He had you pressed against him once more before you could try to stop him. In an effort to balance yourself, your hands pressed against his chest, gripping onto the leather where you could.

“You have my word.” He echoed from earlier. He had meant it then and you knew he meant it now. His lips were so close to yours that the words that fell from his lips landed directly onto yours.

“Okay.” You breathed. He held you like that for a moment and you felt your heart stop. Neither of you wanted to tear away from one another and yet neither of you could close the distance.

Sihtric did the only thing that felt right to him. He let go and put some space between you. Maybe it wasn’t what he wanted to do but he couldn’t go back on his word. He would not touch you and neither would any other man.

Not another word was spoken for a few minutes as you both watched each other, waiting to see what the other would do. Every part of you wanted to collapse to the floor and figure out a way out. Yet there was something nagging inside of you. Something telling you that you should’ve closed the distance.

It was too late. Even as you opened your mouth to try to diffuse the silence, Sihtric couldn’t take it anymore. He spun on his heel, putting as much distance as he could manage between the two of you. Which turned out to be only a few feet, with nothing but the sheet of the tent separating you. Yet it felt too far for you both as you were left alone with your thoughts.

#the last kingdom #tlk #the last kingdom fanfic #tlk fanfic #reader fic #reader insert #x reader #fanfic series #tlk sihtric #sihtric the last kingdom #sihtric x reader #sihtric

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cricket-reader · 2 years ago

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Agony

Masterlist | A03 | Wattpad | Recommendations | Inbox

Summary: Bucky’s girlfriend is sick and in a lot of pain. He just wants to make her feel better.

Warnings: pet names, COVID, sickfic, fluff

Word Count: 655

Prompt: Ache, Massage Waiting Room, Needle

A/N: day 4 of Whumpril by @whumpril

Every breath gave way to a horrible pain in her upper body. It felt like someone was consistently stabbing her with a knife. Her ribs felt like someone had mistaken them for a punching bag. Every breath was agony.

Her chest was full of phlegm and coughing did nothing to help. Every cough, every breath, every laugh sent her head throbbing. She couldn’t get up without feeling like someone was inside her brain, smashing it with a hammer.

She was shivering underneath her blanket despite how warm her body was. She couldn’t fall asleep and she never felt hungry. She knew, realistically, she’d have to eat something, but she just didn’t feel like it. She had never felt so terrible in her life.

She couldn’t even gather the strength to greet her boyfriend when he arrived. She hoped he wouldn’t mind.

“Dollface?” Bucky questioned, concerned about the lack of his girlfriend coming to pummel him with kisses or at least shouting a greeting his way.

He heard a weak groan come from their room and he instantly dashed to her side. He was a bit relieved when he didn’t see any blood. He could see, however, that she was very pale.

“What’s wrong?”

She sniffed. “I think I’m coming down with something.”

He frowned and placed his right hand over her forehead. She was burning up. Turning away, she coughed a few times. He could hear how congested she was.

“It hurts, Buck. Really bad,” she groaned, tears pooling in her eyes. She felt so weak. Who was she to complain about pain when her boyfriend had literally been tortured halfway to death?

“Let’s get you to a clinic, yeah?” He mumbled, grabbing some comfy clothes she could easily change into.

They soon were in the waiting room. Her head was resting against his chest as her eyes drifted open and closed. They heard her name being called and went in.

After some questions, tests, and waiting, the doctor diagnosed her with COVID. It didn’t really come as a surprise to her. She was disappointed, nonetheless.

The doctor prescribed some medicines to help her with a quick recovery. As a hater of needles, she was upset upon learning that she’d have to get an injection. It wasn’t ideal, but as long as she could hold Bucky’s hand she’d be fine.

Her skin was prepped and she held her breath with anticipation. Thankfully Bucky was there, reminding her to breathe through it. He didn’t want her to pass out from an injection again.

Luckily, she didn’t end up passing out. Though, she was exhausted. They quickly got her medicine and went back home. Bucky wasn’t very happy when he learned that she had eaten nothing that day. He could have came home and taken care of her!

So, he let her go to the bedroom while he made her favourite soup. She was halfway asleep when he came in with a steaming bowl and a glass of water. He gave her the medicine that the doctor told her to take at night and told her that she could almost go to bed.

“Shouldn’t I be wearing a mask or something? I don’t want to get you sick. Maybe you should stay at the compound instead,” she worried, suddenly realising that he could easily catch it from her.

“Don’t worry about that, doll.” He smiled. Even sick and she was still putting him first. What did he do to deserve such a wonderful girlfriend? “Super soldier. Can’t get sick.”

She huffed and rolled her eyes, “Of course you can’t.”

He just grinned and joined her in bed. They put on a show to watch as she eats, leaning against Bucky. When she finished the soup, Bucky took the bowl to put it in the sink and got her some more water.

“Cuddle time?” She questions from her spot on the bed when Bucky returns.

“Of course, babydoll.”

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yolowritter · 8 months ago

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A Case of Ladybug Luck Chapter 4

Hello there everyone, and welcome back to Hell! Holy Nooroo it's been so long since I posted abt this AU. Mostly because I'm busy actually writing it and 300k words are apparently nowhere near enough to finish what I started a year ago! Anyway, I'm just going to do a speedrun of posting these early chapters because I want to get to the good stuff already! Believe me, it's worth! So, from now on I won't have a note at the beggining of this, just the snippet and chapter link, kay? Cool! Asks are open btw if anyone wants to chat about ACOLL! Enjoy my suffering!

Nathalie was curled up on the couch, definitely asleep. She looked pale, the same way Marinette would pale when she was worried about him. Like she’d literally been worried sick. His father was sitting in an armchair beside her, reading a book. Gabriel didn’t notice his approach. One of them had wheeled out a TV from the guest rooms down the hall, and it was tuned in on…the news? TVI, it looked like, and they were on an add break. Adrien took a deep breath to steady himself, to throw the image of his seething father almost breaking the dinner table with his fist, right out of his mind.

Gabriel glanced at the screen, stared at the advertisement, something about a new hair product, and went back to his book. It had a full black cover, Adrien noted as he approached. Gabriel heard his footsteps, used a bookmark to not lose the page he was on, and shut the book, placing it next to him on the chair. For a moment, Adrien saw the title. “The Illusion of Living.” Wow. Macabre, much?

“G-good morning father.”, Adrien tried as a greeting. This…was weird. He wasn’t used to seeing his father relax…or at all, to be honest. He looked uninterested, indifferent. Gabriel glanced at the TV, saw the news hadn’t come on yet, and turned to face his son.

“Ah, Adrien. Did you sleep well?”, he asked, seeming genuinely curious. Oddly, Adrien noticed his father wasn’t wearing his tie clip. The empty white spot where it should be drew his eye, but Adrien reigned himself in and nodded an affirmative.

“Yes. But…father, I don’t mean to disrespect you but…don’t I have a photoshoot today? Two hours ago?”, he asked, hesitant.

Gabriel’s expression shifted from his calm. Like a porcelain mask, the façade cracked, and for a single second Adrien thought he saw guilt and sadness in his father’s eyes. He looked so…forlorn. Defeated, even. Guilty.

He nodded, seeing that his father wasn’t going to say anything else. Adrien glanced at Nathalie, concerned. His father’s assistant, always a stern but constant presence…looked so frail. She looked like mom- like she desperately needed the rest. Gabriel sighed when he caught him staring.

“Nathalie is fine, son. She’s just tired. We had an…interesting morning.” A morning that nearly cost Gabriel his sanity, and some pocket change to top things off. Some 50.000 thousand euros to ensure the silence of the hospital staff and discharge him as soon as he was stable. He was fine, really. The problem wasn’t physical. Dizziness overcame him, suddenly. Emilie had said the same thing, once.

Adrien nodded again, not knowing what else to do. “I…Am I free for the day, then?”, he asked his father.

Gabriel didn’t even pretend to consider it. “Yes, free for the week. I’ve cancelled all your lessons and photoshoots. You’re…welcome to stay home, if you’d like. I’ve delegated my own duties for today, so if you require anything…please come talk to me.”, he said, sounding like the words struggled to leave his mouth.

“Adrien, remember. You are my son. I am your father. It’s my responsibility to make sure you are well. I will be there when you need me.”, Gabriel tried, testing the words. They sounded…right, this time. An odd sense of numbness washed over him again, and he turned back to the television. “You should go to your room, sleep some more. It’s been a long week for you, I’m sure.”, he added as an afterthought, his tone monotonous and dry. Almost robotic.

“…Right. I- I’ll go and lay down, then. Good morning, father.”

Gabriel blinked, as if the time was news to him. Right, the night was over. It was a new day, now. He didn’t feel like it. He barely felt like anything at all. “Of course, son. Now go.”, he insisted, eyes glued to the final, fading advertisement, before the screen switched to Nadja Chamack. Adrien obeyed and began to ascend the stairs again, and Gabriel unmuted the broadcast.

“Welcome back, Paris. As I said before, there have been no further news on the case. Poor weather conditions lasted all throughout the night, and police have had no luck finding any trace of…”

Adrien stopped in his tracks, midway up the staircase. He breathed deeply. “Father…did something happen?”, he asked hesitantly. Something had to have happened. This…couldn’t all be because of Lila, could it?

Gabriel’s eyes seemed to glance back at him, even though his head didn’t move an inch.

“We’re standing by for news on any new developments, and are hoping for the best. Please wait for more information.”

“Not to me. I’m fine.”, he said coldly, the air of indifference returning to his tone.

Adrien hoped it wouldn’t be followed by another outburst. He hung his head, and obeyed his father’s order, going back to his room. Maybe he could mess around with his piano? Last they’d met, Luka had given him some inspiration for a song. Hadn’t he said something about…masks? Adrien would have to text him, see if he remembered.

Plagg was there when Adrien opened the door, hovering over his unlocked phone. He looked…sad. Making a face of realization the same way Adrien would do when he could guess that more photoshoots would be added to his schedule. Like an inevitability had just come true. The kwami spun to face him when he came in, but Plagg’s face betrayed nothing of what Adrien had just seen.

“Hey kit! Morning! Wow, good thing your pops let us sleep in today huh? Say, I’m full of energy! How about we go for a run, huh? Get your muscles going?”, Plagg said, looking frantic and desperately pretending to be happy and excited. Adrien knew a thing or two about playing pretend.

Plagg never lied to him. Not unless something was very wrong, not after the Sandman incident. He’d promised. Plagg hadn’t lied to him since. Adrien let the worry he felt for Plagg show on his face. Words weren’t needed between them sometimes, and he didn’t think he should say what he could show. Plagg tried to keep his smile up. Adrien saw him strain himself, the widening of his eyes to look restless, the same expression he’d make when he got bored of flying around his room.

Adrien stared at him. Plagg stared back, a pleading look to please pretend he was oblivious, go along with it. After a moment, the Kwami faltered, and his mask broke.

“K-kid.”, he tried to speak, voice cracking as if his throat had been hit by a Cataclysm. “Do me a favor.”, Plagg begged him. Adrien had already opened his mouth to agree when his phone rang. “Don’t answer that. Please.”, Plagg insisted.

Adrien checked the caller ID. It was Nino. He shot Plagg a look. The cell rang again. Adrien ignored it to swipe down on the screen and check his notifications. 37 missed calls from Nino. 2096 unread messages. Half of those from Alya. What the fuck? The ringing seemed to get louder. Plagg’s whiskers dropped, his face fell.

Adrien reached out a hand to pet him, to offer comfort for whatever was wrong, but Plagg retracted. “Kit…I’m so sorry.”, he offered meekly, and flew up to his spot, curling up in a ball. Adrien thought he heard him sobbing. He picked up the phone, worried and confused. Why was his father acting like that? Why was Plagg acting like that?

Nino’s voice sounded horrible. Like he’d been crying. “A-Adrien?”, he asked, stuttering in near disbelief. “Thank fuck, are you okay? No, sorry, stupid question. How are you…holding up, dude?”

Okay, now Adrien knew something was very, very wrong. He tried to mask his fears with confusion. “Nino? What happened? I just woke up, are you okay?”, Adrien asked with genuine concern, trying not to panic. He’d kept himself together while fighting supervillains, he could get through one conversation without letting his worries eat him up.

Nino sobbed on the other end. Went silent. Adrien heard Alya’s voice, just barely, as if they’d moved the phone away from them.

“Nino…do we tell him?”, she asked, sounding frightened.

Nino failed to hold back a sob. “Babe…we have to.”

Nino moved the phone closer. “Uh…dude. You might want to check the news…”, he said awkwardly. Adrien was downright panicked now. He didn’t respond to Nino, he rushed back downstairs to his father, to the broadcast. What was happening? Why were his friends walking on eggshells around him? Had he done something? Did Lila do something?

“Please hold on, we’ve just received a statement from Officer Raincomprix. Stand by for-”

Gabriel had the book in his lap, reading calmly. Miss Chamack’s voice didn’t seem to bother him. She paused mid-sentence, and moved off screen.

She came back into frame, looking like she was about to cry. Her professionalism was in shambles, Adrien saw the way her face twitched with silent tears, holding back the urge to sob.

“I- I regret to inform everyone that we’ve received official word from the Parisian Police Department. Marinette Dupain Cheng has been confirmed dead. It was ruled a suicide.”

#miraculous ladybug #ao3 fanfic #a case of ladybug luck #marinette dupain cheng #it's peak angst #a *lot* of angst #adrien agreste #gabriel agreste #marinette f*cking died #for real this time #i swear #once again i cringe at my old chapters #i've gotten so much better #i swear on Nooroo himself #mental unhealth #when is it not #adrien agreste needs a hug #he gets it from the local terrorist #hope you enjoy

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babyppsthoughs · 4 months ago

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Lacey Cat (2024) #4

Finally here comes the pic with by belly showing :P

I took some pics for the now useless verification first, then a couple dozens more in some rather usual poses. I didn’t really have many new ideas, and the outfit didn’t seem especially exciting anyway. I wanted to showcase the text on the back of the shorts, but taking pics when facing away from the cam was still challenging as ever.

Then it came to the video. I wanted to put in some cat-like movements at first, but I also felt I’m a bit too old to act overly cutesy or innocent, so I kinda dropped the act pretty quickly and just tried to be sensual and sexy.

With the windows closed, I felt myself getting warm before long, so I started stripping away the garments one after another. I didn’t want to get too much sweat on the bed sheet, so I had to place a towel under my body despite it not matching the theme. I guess I’ll have to buy a pink or cream towel some day.

The insertion in various poses went pretty well, but unwilling to bring in another off-theme tool to the scene, I didn’t use my usual acrylic board to keep the dildo in place for easy mounting. I had enough trouble getting a good angle to shoot in cowgirl positions to begin with, now needing to use one hand to keep hold of the dildo just made it way too physically taxing. So I think I’ve only shot a few minutes of those.

It was about 2AM and I started to hear my stomach making noises from time to time, so I figured I should finish things up before I was too exhausted. I knew that I wouldn’t reach a climax from anal alone any time soon, so I just started to rub my soft nub down below.

Oh I’ve forgotten to mention that I’ve tied a wire around the base of it. I thought of using ribbons but I only had red and black ones. I had pink and orange wires (those for art and craft, with some soft fiber wrapped around) though. As a bit of decoration and a bit of a chastity device I suppose. Looking back, it created unsightly folds around my sac at times and I couldn’t notice them during the shooting. The same old “I can’t see all the small details from the small phone screen when I’m busy stuffing my butt” problem.

Anyway, I finished in the comfy position lying on my back, hoping to give viewers a bit of a POV experience. I’ve only noticed that I came quite a bit more than I felt when I watched the video afterwards. And it seemed at least a bit of cum landed on the dildo and got pushed into my butt like lube. Hope some people would find it hot and not weird or gross. At least none of the cum landed on my sac like last time, which I found ugly.

I’ve now reviewed the recordings, can’t say I’m totally happy with the result. There’s just not much new in it so it may be a bit dull. And I’ve only realized after the session that, after removing the top and the shorts, the lingerie was actually almost identical to the one I used in a previous video. It’s true that I don’t have too many options now, but still I would like to not repeat myself if possible.

A bit more to say next time and that'll be the final entry for this set.

Continue to Part 5:

#babypp #crossdressing #2024 #lacey cat

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jodilin65 · 9 years ago

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SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2015 Might not finish this entry today, but to get started… I began to panic when Tom started to take off by himself to go to Walmart, so I stopped him and went with him. I guess I felt it was too soon to be left alone after Friday’s attack.

So we went out and didn’t have any close calls on the road like yesterday when some bitch in a Mercedes pulled out in front of us. Luxury cars are great at stopping fast, even at 12 years old.

I got Click My Hyperpink Megalast lipstick by Wet-n-Wild and it’s definitely hard to get off just like that girl said. It looks great, and lasts long, but is a bit dry and stiff, so I have to go over it with lip balm. I hate my lips overall, though. Too narrow, too thin.

Meanwhile, the first toilet is installed! It took almost 2.5 hours, and I didn’t even panic when he left me alone to go get longer hoses after I TOLD him 12” would be too short since these are taller toilets. Sometimes his wife really does know best.

Lifting toilets that weigh nearly as much as I do isn’t easy, but yes, I’m doing nearly as much work as he is. It definitely takes longer to pull the old one out than to get the new one in. The hardest part is setting the new one down because you don’t want to disturb the wax ring or the silicone along the base, yet you also want to set it down straight. We’re about to install the master bath toilet, so more details to come later!

Later…

Both our 32-year-old giant toilets that flushed super slow and took forever to fill are now gone. History!

I assisted with gathering tools as he needed them… Allen wrenches, crescent wrenches and a hacksaw to try to cut through the rotted bolt holding the tank to the toilet, but it just wouldn’t let go. He had to carry out both toilets as a whole using a dolly.

I thought it would stink like hell when the hole in the floor was opened but it didn’t. Actually, the silicone he applied around the base of the toilet stunk more.

They also don’t flush when you stand up like I thought they did. You have to wave your hand within 3 inches of a button on the side of the tank. It has 4 AA batteries and should last at least a year. The button has a blue light when it’s activated that glows red when the batteries get weak, and a small gray knob to do a manual flush. What’s amazing is how FAST they flush! The old ones flushed slower than I’d ever seen any other toilet flush. Even Andy said he’d never seen a toilet flush like that when he visited nearly a year ago. It took so long that sometimes it had to be flushed twice just to get the toilet paper down. These flush in just two seconds and fill up much faster. They don’t flush any louder than regular toilets, as Andy asked. Toilets only flush super loud when there’s no tank, like in public bathrooms.

I like that you have to wave the button to flush it rather than have it flush when you stand up because then every time we went near it the thing would flush.

I’ll go ahead and post this tonight, but pictures and other details have to wait. We’re just so beat. He’s already gone to bed.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2015 Very long, busy day, so I’m gonna update as quickly as I can as I’m getting a bit tired.

Had blood drawn yesterday and the nice Asian guy had to use a butterfly needle on my tiny veins. Wondering if skipping my meds last Sunday is going to really affect the numbers all that much or not. I hope not, or else I’ll have to explain that I skipped that day, but will probably just say I “forgot.”

I totally dread seeing her next Tuesday! What has to be said in person that can’t be said online or over the phone? I want to go back to 75 for now and that’s that. End of story. I like the woman, she’s fairly attractive for her age, she’s intelligent, but she also has a very commanding and somewhat intimidating personality. I know my body. Again, she may be the expert, but I know what’s normal for me to feel and what’s not, and I know I feel like shit on anything over 75. I’ll just tell her this and that I can always try 88’s again later on and see what happens, and hope she’ll be willing to consider how I feel and not her numbers (not that 10.61 was that bad anyway) and hope she’ll leave it at that. Some doctors have an all-or-nothing attitude where you either do as they say, or they won’t see you. I’m not refusing the meds altogether; I just can’t stay on a dose that makes me feel like I’m gonna die on and off. I just really hope I’m not going to have the hassle of having to find a new endo, even if one that’s closer would be convenient.

Either way, it’s been an overall good day health-wise. I felt a little questionable a couple of times where I thought my heart was going to race and as if it was thumping a little too hard, but nothing serious. It was probably just because I was standing out in the bright sunlight for a while and was dressed a bit warmly. My pulse was a little over 100 today like it was the day before yesterday. During the medication attack, it probably shot up to 140.

We first went treasure hunting at Goodwill. I got a small cute doll and a cat figurine for less than 2 bucks. He browsed the electronics, as usual, but didn’t find anything interesting.

Then we hit Carl’s Jr. I loved the girl’s lipstick that took our order, though that particular color would probably look like shit on me. It was very vivid and even and she said it doesn’t wipe off. It’s Wet-n-Wild’s Megalast. Looked it up on Amazon. Kinda like Pinkerbell.

Anyway, we got two deluxe motion-censored toilets with easy-to-clean bases that oughta be way cool. They’re American Standards and they’re supposed to have great flushing power because of the size of the hole that fills the tanks faster and all that. The only thing that sucked was that sure enough, a piece on the tank was broken and we had to return it. They were kind enough to switch it out for us, rather than tell us to return it for a full refund like Home Depot did, and then buy all-new ones.

We were going to get basic toilets for $100 each, but then realized it’s not like we do this every year or even every few years, so we might as well go all out. It’s going to cost close to $500 after the rebates, but should be well worth it for the 12-30 years we may be using them for. Wish us luck with tomorrow’s installation!

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2015 I have both great and shitty news. The great news is that my wonderful endo messaged me online to inform me that my thyroid numbers are now perfect. Perfect! My TSH is 3.71 and my T4 is 1.3.

She also let me know that they would retest me to check for accumulation but that she has labs ordered anytime I need them before our scheduled December test/appointment. Lastly, if my symptoms worsen, go to the lab and come see her sooner.

Well, yesterday I had mild tightness in the lungs and mild anxiety, but today’s the day it really got me, booming heart and all. As always, I was batshit terrified. No wonder I thought I was going to die the first time I experienced this and didn’t know why. It is the most scariest and miserable feeling I have ever experienced. I would rather have the worst period cramps in the world, puke my guts out, gain 50 pounds, and have all my teeth pulled at once.

I felt anxiety well up within me, then I felt warm and my heart started racing/booming, along with the other symptoms of lung tightness, the runs, low appetite, a little weight loss (despite not watching my calories or working out the last few days) and jitteriness. My legs felt like rubber and I could barely type the message I sent to my doc or Skype Tom.

I’m now virtually certain that the tightness is not something in the air and the IF diet isn’t what triggered my anxiety. I’m also sure there’s no way I can continue on this dose, perfect numbers or not. I’m going to have to dive back to 75s and try again in six months to a year or so. Sometimes the second time’s the charm for me. It was with the 75s and with endo docs, after all. I swear the more I learn from her, the more I realize just how much information my old doctor withheld from me.

I won’t be able to get in to see my doctor until November 3, but I am going to the lab today when Tom gets home from work. I was so terrified earlier that I almost had him come home. I’m surprised I started feeling better as fast as I did because it usually takes time to recover from this sort of thing, but this time around I was armed with lorazepam and a doctor who actually gives a shit. I didn’t have to resort to the beta-blocker, though.

I don’t know if it was caused by a pocket flare within the gland or what, but I just know I don’t ever want to go through this shit again. But it seems I do whenever my numbers dip below 8 or so. I would still rather be a little hypo than suffer. I respect the fact that the doctor thinks this is the right dose for me, and while it might be the right dose number-wise, it’s not the right dose for how I feel. I could kick myself for agreeing to go to the 88s when I had been feeling so good on the 75s. Again, maybe we’ll try again in the future.

Will write more later when I’m not as busy and not as rattled.

Later…

Doing another entry now because I expect to be busy over the next few days. We’re going to be picking up the toilets tomorrow and installing them on Saturday, and NaNoWriMo starts on Sunday. Still feeling stable after this morning’s terrifying scare, but worried it’ll get me again at any moment. It’s random and unpredictable.

Here’s a health update on Tom. He went to his doctor yesterday and he got right in in no time at all. As he said, he’s Middle Eastern so no one wants to see him. Female doctors are definitely way more sought out the male doctors, especially American ones because nobody wants to deal with the funky accents of foreigners that can be very hard to understand. As for me… while I do prefer females, as long as I can understand them and they know what they’re doing, any color or race will do.

His blood pressure is up even more so his doctor doubled the dose of this medication. This medication (I forget the name of it but it’s a very standard drug) doesn’t make him cough nearly as much as the stuff he was on before. It’s a diuretic so it should help the swelling in his feet.

I asked him why he has high blood pressure and he told me it’s because he has a family history of it, is obese, and isn’t getting enough exercise. He sits at the computer all day at work and then he works such long hours that when he finally gets home he has no energy left for working out. He just wants to eat, watch his show, and go to bed.

He’s determined to change this and lose 30 pounds before the trip. I’m the last one who would ever condemn, pick on, or discriminate against heavy people. Some people truly can’t help it, especially if they’re older or have certain medical conditions. But I’m all for him taking steps to a healthier him. Now that I know the IF diet wasn’t causing my anxiety (I figured as much) I may even eventually lose 20-30 pounds if I can, just not right now. One thing at a time. First I have to get my medication regulated so I don’t have the “heart attacks” from hell. It’s not as critical for me anyway because I’m just overweight whereas he’s obese.

He’s going to work on getting his passport next month, and next month we should definitely have vacation dates.

Marie happened to catch me on Facebook yesterday, which I use more for messaging than anything else, and she was going crazy due to her situation. I figured it was girl problems. I’m just glad I was there for her because she’s been there for me in the past. I guess Lori gets a little touchy-feely with men and she doesn’t exactly like it. I told her that no relationship is perfect so if she’s just flirting and not actually acting on any of her attractions/fantasies – which we all have – then I wouldn’t call it quits. As she said, Lori is really sweet otherwise. Besides, she’s not getting any younger, and she herself said she doesn’t want to die alone.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2015 Not much to say today. Tom’s got an appointment with his PCP and I’m still waiting for my thyroid numbers to be posted online.

Still doing my experiment too, to try to isolate the main cause of what was making me anxious. At this point, I’m still leaning toward the dosage increase, regardless of what the numbers may say, but will know for sure around mid-November. I’m skipping Sundays for 3 weeks, then I’ll go back to 88s every day. I want to see if it backs off by skipping (and so far it has), then returns when I’m on 88s daily. The IF diet may still have had a hand in it, but probably not much of one.

My lung tightness was minimal yesterday and I made sure I didn’t burn any incense. As Tom said, all it takes is one new ingredient I may be allergic to to have a negative effect on me. As much as I’ll miss it, once what I’ve got left is burned up, that’s it. No more. I don’t want it staining our beautiful new chandelier or other things. Smoke is smoke be it from cigarettes, incense or something else. I’ll still have the wax warmers.

I finally mapped out basic plots to 5 short stories for NaNoWriMo in which each story will be about 10K words.

Also, I finished categorizing thousands of pictures I’ve saved from around the web and am arranging boards on Pinterest. Then I’ll back up to Facebook and Amazon’s cloud.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2015 Got through yesterday without tightness or anxiety. Today I feel a bit tight, though, and again I’m not sure what to make of it. I just hope it’s something in the air that will pass soon enough and isn’t connected to my medication. It’s supposed to be cloudy today and rainy tomorrow. Hopefully, it really will rain and that will cleanse the air a bit.

Today I have been keeping a journal for 28 years! Not bad, huh?

I dreamed I was in jail (I don’t know why) and went off on one of the guards for some reason. She had been yelling at me and I shouted back about doing the best I could or something like that. Then I wrote a letter to Tammy.

Then I was watching TV somewhere and a news report said some woman who shot someone in self-defense wouldn’t be charged as she was left to pick up all her scattered possessions in some field somewhere.

Then I got a text message or voice message from Paula to which I replied by asking her if she’d be ok with spending just a couple of days out here and not half a month. I doubt I’ll ever hear from her again, though, and personally, I don’t want to any more than I want to hear from Nane. I looked in on Nane's latest travel pics in real life and she still looks good, but the longer I go without hearing from her, the less I miss her. She was just too judgmental. People that bash fatties, then bash you for bashing violent groups of people is no one I wish to associate with.

In another dream, Tom had brought some bottles in to be recycled and he complained that loud music was blaring all around him every time he did. We were standing by the car as he told me this and I looked up and found an umbrella floating high above the car that was tied to the back bumper like a helium balloon.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2015 Going about my business while embracing myself for the inevitable storm to come. Sooner or later the anxiety will bite, my lungs will tighten up, and on top of that, I’m sure someone around here will annoy the shit out of me with their noise. If the tightness is due to something in the air, though, as Tom suspects, then why is this the first fall that I’ve experienced it?

I’m trying to think positive and hope for the best as hard as it is. I’m doing a test where I skip my meds every Sunday for 3 weeks. This will put me back down around 75 mcg. If the anxiety subsides, then it was likely that 88s were just a bit much for me. I will then ask my doctor to put me back down to 75 and try again at a later date to do the 88s. Sometimes the second time around works out. It did with the 75s. Meanwhile, my lab numbers should be posted soon too, but regardless of with they may say, it’s how I feel that counts.

I felt well during most of yesterday and became a bit anxious and tight toward the end of my day at which time I took a lorazepam.

We ate at Denny’s and went to Walgreens afterward. There I found a dual Chapstick, something I’ve never seen before. One side is banana and the other is strawberry.

For just a couple of bucks each, I got body mist in a pink glitter bottle and one in a purple glitter bottle. The bottles look nicer than the sugarplum and strawberry scents smell. It’s like the smell has been watered down or something. It barely smells.

Got a headband with clear gems and a similar-looking barrette wide enough to gather my thick hair. It’s not as thick as it used to be, but it’s still kinda thick.

Got pink glitter duck tape that was to be strung across metal bands we were going to string across the couch and dresser legs to keep Roomba from getting stuck under there, but then Tom read that all we have to do is just glue little knobs on top of it. So now I have all this beautiful tape, but nothing to tape, LOL.

After we came back home we took the bikes out and it was after that that I started to feel bad. So just maybe there is something out there. We’re skipping our morning ride today. I’ll hit the treadmill instead.

We decided that rather than get taller oval toilets with an overflow system, we’d just get shorter round toilets like what Jesse had. Our toilets seldom overflow anyway.

I asked Tom if he thought we stood a chance of ever moving to Hawaii and said that I didn’t think we ever would because all we could probably afford was attached living. Well, even if we were all on one floor with concrete foundations where you couldn’t feel the vibration of heavy footsteps, we’d still get the blasting TVs and other things that you don’t hear in houses. Old folks love to blast their TVs, and if there were cabinets along the dividing wall, you’d hear those being closed too. Unless there was a firewall between the units, of course.

I lived in a couple of different 4-story brick buildings back east, a common apartment set up there, and never heard these two sisters whose place ran alongside my kitchen and bedroom. That was because of the brick firewall between us. Meanwhile, I could hear the lady on the other side of me playing the radio that sat on her kitchen counter from two rooms away.

What was funny was the point he made in his response. He said, “I can’t possibly know what the future holds. Had someone once asked me if I’d ever move to Oregon, I’d have said probably not. If someone told me I’d drive a Cadillac someday, I’d have doubted that, too.”

LOL, I’d never have guessed I’d leave New England, learn so many languages, quit smoking, be happily married for so long, share my journal online for all the world to see, or publish books even if I didn’t make shit doing it, etc.

A large boat “crashed” ashore in my dreams last night, though I don’t know what beach I was on. It struck me that that was just how those kinds of boats “docked,” and I watched as people began to trickle off the boat.

Then Tom and I moved into a strange house that was in the shape of a long L. Its long corridors and polished floors suggested it might have once been used as a non-residential building. Tom’s bedroom was at the very end of the long part of the L, toward the left. Mine was further up the hall on the right. I was standing in the doorway of his bedroom where he was trying to sort blankets that were twisted around him in his twin-size bed as he readied himself for sleep. I asked him if he wanted me to close his door, saying I didn’t care if it was left open or not, but I needed to know so I could be sure the rats didn’t wander in there.

Then I ran up the hallway, shoes echoing off the painted brick walls, past my bedroom where my sound machine softly played white noise, and over to the rats’ cage on the left, straight across from the short end of the L in which the kitchen and then the living room were located.

In the last dream, I might have been in a therapist’s office. The woman, whoever she was, told Tom, who sat next to me, that when I called it “home” and not just “where we live,” I would then be in the right place.

The dream therapist then asked me to close my eyes, visualize myself in a nice place, and then describe it to her.

“I’m floating on a cloud,” I said. “Only that cloud is the ocean. I think it’s in Hawaii. There’s so much color all around me. So many pink flowers.”

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2015 Just when I thought my endo was going to blow me off, especially being a Saturday, I received a message from her confirming the lab for both yesterday as well as the week before I see her in December. So I’m back to loving Doc O again, just not her location, LOL.

As soon as I got the message, we got me to the lab and I not only didn’t have to wait long, but Kylie was my vamp for the second time. She always gets my tiny little veins on the first try.

It turns out she was Doc O’s patient as a kid before Doc O started seeing adults only. She liked her a lot, saying she was the only one that seemed to really care. I agree. I’m just not sure she always gets just how much a dosage increase really does affect my anxiety levels. I know levothyroxine is the same thyroid hormone our bodies are supposed to make anyway, but for some reason, normal or not, an increase seems to be a bit of a shock to my system. The extreme dieting may have had a hand in it, but dieting has never affected me to this degree while this medication has. I’m still leaning towards the medication as the main culprit.

Until it gets close to my next lab check-in, I’ve decided to skip the meds once a week to lower my levels just a teeny bit (this will almost put me back to 75 mcg) until I feel better. The anxiety has been coming and going. I’ll have a day without it and then I’ll feel anxious, and back and forth and back and forth… I’m not going to tell her that I’m skipping, of course.

It was great to be able to grab a bite to eat and have my coffee the instant I got up, just like old times. It sure would be nice to be able to have my coffee as soon as I got up on vacation so we could get going sooner, but I can’t go a whole week without it. I would feel horrible as my body began to crash. This can take months to recover from, too. I passed the point of no return a long time ago. Just a short break from this medication and I feel like shit, gain a million pounds that never comes back off, and retain enough water to solve all our drought problems.

I’m going to have mixed emotions if my numbers turn out okay. If it were the medication, it would be simple enough to adjust the dose. If it’s not, I may wonder if the diet really did screw up everything. I started the IF diet around the 8th of October. It was on the 13th that the anxiety kicked in. Seems a bit long if it was the diet. Shouldn’t I have felt anxious that day or at least the next day? I still think it’s the medication which means that after I’ve had time to adjust I can one day attempt the IF diet again since it works so well. I will probably wait until after our vacation.

Maybe the numbers don’t have to be bad, though, to make me a little anxious. Or maybe I have simply developed an anxiety disorder after last year’s trauma. I just don’t know for sure and not knowing is what makes it frustrating.

Receiving broken toilets is also frustrating. We were going to install them today, but when Tom pulled one out of its box yesterday he noticed it was broken. He called Home Depot and they said they wouldn’t replace it. Instead, he had to bring it in for a full refund and buy another one. Not trusting that the second toilet didn’t have cracks in it, he returned them both for a full refund and on Wednesday he’s going to go to Lowe’s for replacements. Hopefully, we’ll install them on his next three-day weekend.

Last night I had ratty dreams, but don’t remember much about them.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2015 Bob’s back to being loud and distracting. Yesterday he was hammering something at the lower side of his garage door. The only thing I can guess that’s in that area might be the gutter. My first thought was, great, he’s going to keep me up all day. But I didn’t hear anything when I got into bed. Either the sound machine did a good job of blocking him out or he stopped. Still, how many weeks is this new project going to take? I’m tired of having one of the noisiest people in the park being right next to us. Just totally sick of the computerless, restless outdoor neighbor who never wants to be indoors. The only thing this guy doesn’t have that Jesse had is the motorcycle and mutts.

Sure enough, the doctor didn’t confirm that it would be okay to go to the lab on Saturday, as I asked her to, and if she still wanted me to go to the lab the week before I saw her as originally planned. I'm sorry, but there's no excuse for this and I don't care how many patients she has. This may not be a matter of life or death, but she - or someone - should be able to handle that much. Her not having time to respond to my second to last message, as I was told by the nurse I spoke to, is no excuse either. If she had the time to read it, she could’ve jotted down a quick reply. Her answer didn’t require much thought let alone a novel. I mean what’s the point of the portal if you’re not going to use it?

Maybe the negative feelings I sensed in her the last time around weren’t in my imagination after all. It was nothing she said but just something I sensed like a dog senses fear. It was in her body language and while she may have a bit of a commanding personality no matter what and she might have just been having a bad day, I really think she dislikes me and doesn’t have much tolerance for dealing with anxious people.

She may be knowledgeable and she may be sorry that I was traumatized last year, but could it be time to look for a new endo? I have been considering it regardless because she is just too long of a stressful drive, and the valet parking is a real nightmare.

In last night’s dream, I had just woken up in the late afternoon. I stumbled into the living room with a yawn where half a dozen people stood waiting for me. I muttered something like, “Sorry. Been working graves online. Government project.”

Then I noticed one person was a woman wearing a long fancy gown which I complimented.

Next, I was back in the bedroom where the radio was playing and a new song came on that I liked. As I listened to it I looked at the window before me and noticed that the curtains were fading. Then the bedroom melted away and I was in a pool with some guy and what I assumed was his daughter who was in her late teens or early 20s. The water was cold at first but then it felt nice. Sitting on a nearby lounge was a naked girl of about eight years old. Ignoring the odd sight, I turned back to what was probably her older sister and said, “New curtains are definitely in order for the bedroom.”

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2015 After my last entry, my anxiety picked up to the point that I took a lorazepam, and even my stomach decided to get in on the action. I had the runs. So after having to be redirected FOUR times to endocrinology, I got a hold of a nurse who said the doctor had read my message but hadn’t had a chance to respond as of yet. Hadn’t had a chance? But I left the messages days ago and they usually say just 1-2 business days to get back to you. That’s how it usually is anyway.

When I got up there was a message from Chris saying that the doctor contacted me online and that I didn’t have to call her back. So I picked up the doctor’s message, and she still doesn’t seem to think that the dosage increase is affecting my anxiety, from what I understand, though she says extra labs can be done. At least I think that’s what she’s saying. I asked her to confirm that it would be okay to go Saturday to the lab and if she still wanted me to go to the lab the week before I see her as originally planned.

She also mentioned seeing my PCP. Not sure why, but I already have an appointment scheduled with her for early December.

Regardless, she may be an expert, but I know my body. I’m not saying it’s 100% responsible, but I really believe it’s got a definite hand in it. The timing is just too coincidental. I was right the first time around, so why would I be wrong now? I’m sure worrying about it doesn’t help either, but when they get me close to normal it does seem to affect my anxiety.

But fine. I’ll continue the 88s as she advised, I’ll go to the labs, and we’ll see what the numbers say. Worst case scenario, I can just skip one day a week and that’ll put me back to 75s. If the numbers are too high I’ll just tell her I may occasionally “forget” to take it.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2015 Tom upgraded to Mac’s El Capitan, but I’m still using Yosemite. El Cap just doesn’t seem to have any new and exciting features I really need. What would be nice would be if Firefox wasn’t so damn slow, but since it has more features I need, I’m kind of stuck with it for now.

No anxiety yesterday. My heart did race me awake, though, and today I’m borderline anxious but it’s backing off. Really starting to wonder just what the fuck it is I ever did to deserve this on-and-off suffering I’ve been going through for over a year now. As soon as I think I’m over it for good, back it comes. I’ll give it a few more days and see how I feel. I might call the doctor’s office on Friday or Monday. The wacky diet may have had a big hand in my anxiety, but I can’t rule out the dosage increase yet either. The biggest telltale sign of hyperthyroidism is rapid uncontrollable weight loss, a symptom I haven’t had. Nor have I had a booming heart, the runs, or a decrease in appetite, though my appetite is down a bit and I’m not holding weight as easily as I usually do.

So while it’s unlikely I’ve been flipped from hypo to hyper this doesn’t mean it can’t make me a little anxious. Or can it? That’s what I hope to find out. What’s almost as frustrating as the anxiety itself is not knowing for sure what’s causing it. It’s hard to help ourselves when we don’t know where to begin. Stopping fasting was a start, though. That definitely seems to help. If it is the meds at all, I don’t know if I’ll adapt and the anxiety will eventually go away for good, or if it will still go away if something else is causing it. It’s hard to believe, for whatever reason, that one could suddenly develop an anxiety disorder like this, but things do change with age.

Speaking of doctors, I got a weird message in which all that was said by automated voices was that the call was on behalf of (then they say my name) and that I could press 1 for customer service or call their toll-free number at my convenience. I would normally ignore calls like this but since my name was used, I first wondered if it was connected to whoever’s been using my name and number, according to that guy in Auburn.

But then I looked up the number, which is supposedly the payment center of my medical group, and other people wonder if it’s a scam of some kind. I think it might be because never in the message did they identify themselves, and I don’t know why they would be calling us about money. We either pay in person or online if they don’t send us a bill. I’ll run it by Tom when he gets up and see what he thinks. I only just discovered the message recently. Goes to show how much more I’m online than on phones.

I hope his leg is better when he gets up. He bumped his shin really bad while picking up the second 98-pound toilet. They’re sitting in the laundry room waiting to be installed this weekend with hopefully not too much drama along the way.

Still think it’s kind of weird that no one got back to me regarding my messages about the anxiety. You know I love to spy on people, and she’s been pretty consistent with her Facebook game-playing. Even when she was in New York she was playing games. But this daily habit has ceased to exist lately.

Given that she has only 13 friends, 3 of whom could have 2 accounts and be the same person, I wonder if she’s the loner type when she’s not working or if she’s just not a very well-liked person. Her tone and attitude on the job suggest she may be a real bitch in her everyday life.

I have always been a loner myself and have always enjoyed spending most of my time alone. Not all of it, but most of it. I’m more productive that way. But lately, I wonder if I would feel better and more secure if either Tom was home all the time, or a couple of people lived with us (that we both knew, trusted and felt comfortable with) and someone was always home. I don’t know, though, because sometimes the anxiety kicks in when Tom’s home. His presence certainly helps, but it doesn’t prevent it completely.

Andy's not doing much better either. He’s frustrated because he stopped losing weight, and within less than a 24-hour period, both his refrigerator and his washer crapped out. His washer is fairly new, too. I really feel for him. When we lived in Arizona it seemed that our stuff was constantly breaking. As soon as we fixed something, something else would break.

Not sure if I’m going to be doing this year’s NaNoWriMo because I’m struggling to come up with ideas. I’ve got 10 more days to figure it out if I’m going to.

Still having loads of fun creating boards and pinning pictures on Pinterest, as pointless as it may be. Then again, almost everything we do in life seems pointless at times. It’s just a fun thing, sort of like putting together a puzzle of a picture, only I’m putting together a “puzzle” that consists of many, many pictures.

During the millions of times I woke up, I remember bits and pieces of interesting yet senseless dreams. I was sitting at this weird desk in what almost looked like a giant warehouse. I was working at a computer when I looked up above me and saw several cobwebs and what looked like this strange fungus dangling from the ceiling. I hunted for a vacuum to suck it up with, but couldn’t find a vacuum hose long enough to reach them, or anything stable to stand on.

I know that I also had dreams involving Charlotte and Molly, but I don’t remember much of them. It seems like I might have been walking somewhere when I crossed paths with Charlotte. She kept asking me for a favor but I couldn’t understand a word she was saying.

The Molly dream might have had to do with us writing in paper journals.

I also had a dream that I was out riding my bike and rode by Andy's place. His front door was open and I knew he was hauling groceries in from his car. I stopped when he spotted me and said, “I know you weren’t expecting any company, but since I happened by, need a hand?”

I don’t remember what his answer was, but the most interesting dream was the letter sent from Stacey that she meant to send to someone else. That was the sexy bitch of an apartment manager Andy and I both had to deal with back in the early 90s down in Arizona. The letter contained about five non-digital photos. There was a guy standing by a pool in one where Stacy had written, “My friend Dave.” Then there was a picture showing these battery-operated fish swimming through her pool. Neat idea. :-)

I planned to write her back and ask if she wanted me to send her the letter and pictures back, or if she wanted me to forward them to someone.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2015 What a shitty night last night ended up being. It was absolutely horrible. After I ate the first time around the anxiety backed off, but then it hit me again and it eventually turned into frustration, which turned into depression. I was literally in tears. Then I took a lorazepam and laid down for about an hour but didn’t sleep. Naturally, I felt better when Tom got up and we discussed it. Both he and Aly think it’s the diet and not my medication.

I have totally stopped the diet altogether because one of us is right and I need to find out who it is so I can fix this. Again, before about a year ago, I never felt these kinds of emotions. I’ve been depressed at times, but I never had this kind of anxiety. I’m also not accustomed to feeling any negative emotions without a damn good reason either, like after losing a pet or something like that. Even when we were dirt poor I didn’t have this degree of anxiety. As I was telling someone recently, I’d rather be broke than go through this. Both are hard to deal with, but being poor was an easier kind of hard. It was more straightforward. There was no mystery to it and you knew that even if it may take time, someday it would end or at least not be so bad. But I’m not 100% sure what’s causing this anxiety and I don’t know if this is something I’m going to suffer with on and off for the rest of my life for what. Today’s been good so far, though.

Let’s just say that extreme diets make me sick or mess me up emotionally, and I have no willpower to stick to the reasonable ones. Alli messed up my stomach and skin, low carb makes me gassy as hell, and IF diets love to play on my moods/emotions. The so-called reasonable ones? They just leave me hungry and moody. A bit sluggish too, for the few days I can stand to actually stick to them.

I didn’t diet yesterday but the day before I did. Also, the day before yesterday I didn’t have any anxiety at all, while I dieted the previous day. So it seems to affect me the day after I diet. If I diet tomorrow then I’m likely to suffer the next day. Not worth it. Not worth it at all.

I’m kind of surprised the doctor never responded to my messages. I’m pretty sure that they’re obligated to respond to them, so I wonder if something’s up with her. Even if there was, why hasn’t any other doctor contacted me? Well, if stopping the diet doesn’t continue to make me feel better, I will call them and ask to go to the lab so they can check my numbers.

The only negative thing I feel today is an achy crown. It does that at times, but it doesn’t feel like it’s loose or anything.

Been using LiveJournal since 2008 and I'm still learning things about it. That number rating I’ve been going by is my all-time rating, not my daily rating. Today I am in the 7286th position while my all-time rating is now up to 12,785. And all because I started answering the daily questions I only recently discovered, LOL.

Yesterday evening was chilly, so I wasn’t out riding for long. I went out for 15 minutes an hour ago, and later I’ll spend 5 minutes strength training various body parts and then hit the treadmill for 10 minutes.

Last night I dreamed we just moved into this place and it was horribly cluttered. Tom went out to run an errand that had to do with something financial. Some financing or payment connected to the place. While he was gone I took the opportunity to try to sort through our stuff. A cat suddenly appeared and I assumed it was Simone. She was rubbing against me affectionately and purring away. I then said, “This time you’re here to stay no matter how much I suffer.” Then it suddenly hit me that Tom was taking an awfully long time to return.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2015 Didn’t sleep all that well. The traffic decided to wake me up this time around, and then I woke up to pee, and then for no apparent reason at all.

I was a little surprised to find that my endo never got back to me online. They usually get back to me in a day or less, and if they can’t, another doctor does. I had no anxiety at all yesterday but today I was borderline, so I ate earlier than planned. Tom thinks it’s connected to the diet but I don’t know what to think at this point. I’d rather stay fat and feel better if that’s the case, but rather than decide to quit or diet, I’m just going by how I feel day by day. I will say that the anxiety did pass in less than two hours after I ate a frozen dinner of cheesy rice with chicken and broccoli and had some fresh strawberries for dessert. So I got a good balance of carbs and proteins. Maybe my dear hubby is right after all. He is a very smart guy. So I guess it’s either be fat or be anxious. I’ll take the extra cushion, thank you.

My LiveJournal user ratings are now 12,921.

Again I had snippets of very strange dreams. In one I brought my PCP three or four vials of my blood supposedly for future blood tests. She asked why I brought them and I told her I brought them because she asked me to. Then she insisted that she never asked me to bring any such thing.

In another dream, I opened the front door of a house that seemed to be in a remote and mountainous setting. The mountains weren’t as steep or as green as they were when we lived in Auburn, but they gently sloped downward and off into the distance. I couldn’t see any other houses at all and I looked at a particular spot across the street and imagined Alyssa living there. I was thinking of her last night, so maybe that’s why I dreamed of her.

Next, someone was looking for somebody, and as I was telling them where to find them, I mentioned having a crush on them, not knowing that the woman I was talking about was standing right behind me. Who knows how well they took the news, whoever they were, because that dream only lasted a few seconds.

In the last dream, I opened a small box that was filled with bottle caps and Styrofoam peanuts and I wondered why the person(s), whoever they were, kept returning the caps of the bottles I gave/sent them.

I placed the box down and looked around the room I was in. There were about three twin beds side-by-side along one wall and my own twin bed was on the opposite wall facing the other direction. I realized the room was an absolute mess and I demanded that those who slept in the room put all their belongings on their beds because I was about to vacuum the floor.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2015 Just checking in to the sound of thunder. Earlier it was the faint strains of polka music coming from the clubhouse. Yes, once again we had a live band here (Oktoberfest), and once again I’m thinking about how I came here to escape what I just can’t escape. Someone drove by with loud music a few times yesterday, and today it’s the band. Fortunately, they don’t have live bands playing here as often as they do landscaping and other annoying things. It didn’t last as long as the last band they had.

I decided to try my best once again on the IF diet since I’m probably going to feel anxious at times anyway. Diets have never made me feel anxious. Only this damn evilthyroxine has. It got bad enough last night that I decided that rather than wait and call (and risk the nurse misinterpreting me), I’d leave the doctor a direct message online, and I did. That way it’s in my words and she can tell me directly if she wants me to go to the lab. I’m stable at the moment, but I just never know when it’s going to hit me. It turns itself on and off at random. At some point in the night, I realized I was no longer anxious. It just clicked off light a light switch. Maybe part of that is because I lost myself on Pinterest. I try to do things to distract myself and my mind from dwelling on it when it hits me.

Pinterest has been around a while now, yet last night is when I got really into it for the first time ever. At first it seemed pointless and I didn’t really get how it worked, but it’s a great way to create picture collections. Pics are one of my hobbies, especially nature and animal pics. They have every subject under the sun there to search for, plus I downloaded their tool to allow me to pin pics from all over the web.

Tom printed out a little holder for a thing that can recharge our trash bin’s batteries. This way we don’t have to keep going through batteries. I scold him and tell him he should’ve gotten just a basic pail. We don’t need a motion-censored one. :)

No new toilets this weekend cuz one of them isn’t due to arrive till the 22nd, and he would like to install them both at once. With me helping, of course. :)

Andy got kicked off of Ask and accused of using a bot. Well, not only would he never want to use one there, but he probably couldn’t figure out how to create one any more than I could put a Rubik’s cube together. That’s just not the guy’s thing. So we swapped messages and pics in chat on Facebook till he discovered his account was accessible again and we returned there. Because we sometimes make funny comments/answers, the system probably thought it was a bot cuz it seems like gibberish to outsiders. We’ll randomly grab half a sentence off the web somewhere and the other has to finish it in a goofy, funny way.

Tried Kiwi berries for the first time. They’re ok. Not bad, but not great. Aly recommended golden raisins for lightheadedness caused by low iron, so I put those on next week’s grocery list even though I’m not big on “boogers.”

Last night I had a dream I moved in with this family who had a girl of about 16 or 17. She was so unhappy about my moving in and had other family problems that she ran away. About 5 years went by and I overheard someone talking about finding her to tell her that her father was dying. I was glad the girl had run away because I knew we wouldn’t get along, but I was also worried about her as well.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2015 We got a pretty good thunder and rainstorm late last night at around 2am. It rained a bit today too, and we hurriedly took off on the bikes to go “rain riding.” We were hoping to ride through at least a little drizzle, but sure enough, it cleared up. The roads are all dry now.

Feeling flashes of anxiety again, but I don’t know what to make of it. I’m feeling it more emotionally than physically. My heart isn’t booming or racing up a storm or anything like that. I just feel odd feelings on and off that again, just don’t seem normal for me. I guess it is now, though. It’s hard to describe the feeling and it’s as subtle as it is obvious, but I guess it’s anxiety. It’s just that fleeting feeling of unease, dread or doom. That’s the best I can describe it.

Eating does seem to help, and at first I thought that since I was dumb enough to go riding on an empty stomach, I just needed to eat when we returned and I’d be fine. But I continued to feel it intermittently. It’s hard to believe this is all about food since starting the IF diet, but to find out for sure, I decided to swap eating times. I was to wait until I’d been up 8 hours before I started eating, but then I decided to eat during the first half of my day instead to see if that helped, but it hasn’t made a difference.

I still worry it’s the dosage increase. Coincidently or not, these are the same feelings I had several months ago, though I don’t see how my numbers could’ve been that far off every time I’ve felt this way. All I know is that I never felt this before last year and I sometimes worry that last year’s trauma has given me a whole new and permanent anxiety disorder. I just might not feel anxious every day, though. Tom doesn’t think it’s the meds. He thinks I’m just worried about the meds and that I’ll settle in after another month or so.

The only other symptom I feel at times is tingling in the lips and that’s another symptom of anxiety right there. But WHY? Is it me? My eating habits? The meds? Something else?

I know I’m not in any danger or anything like that, but this isn’t a very pleasant thing to live with, so I really hope it backs off. I’ll message my doc if it doesn’t.

Had a dream I was in an RV or some other large vehicle when we ended up lost at the end of a dead-end road tightly flanked by trees, much like we did when we moved to Oregon. As Tom got out of the RV to check out the best way to get turned around, the RV’s brakes released and started moving backward with me inside of it. Neither of us seemed too alarmed, though.

Did I expect to hear landscaping and projects here? Yes. Just not nearly every day. Did I expect to hear car stereos blast by the bedroom THREE times in one day? No, not at all. Really, if you can't escape this shit in a retirement community where CAN you escape it? I doubt most of them are people who live here but more like people visiting or who work here. Still, the owners should remind them that this isn't the ghettos.

Later…

No way. Just no way. This anxiety I’m feeling, which is worse today, is almost certainly connected to the new dose and not the diet I was doing. It’s got to be. I ate more yesterday and today, yet I’m still having symptoms of anxiety. I’ll be damned if I’ll put up with this shit again. I’m calling the doctor’s office on Monday as Tom suggested since even he can't be entirely sure of anything. Not even a lorazepam has helped. I should have known better. I was feeling fine on the 75s and that’s where I should have stayed. All that should matter is how I feel and not their damn numbers. When you don’t feel good, then screw the numbers. I really hope the booming/racing heart isn’t next.

What I’ve got to find out is whether or not this medication can cause anxiety even if your numbers aren’t bad. I mean not bad in a certain way. I can’t believe my TSH has dropped too low, but I wonder if my T4 could have gone a little higher. She will probably send me to the lab to find out, but I’m thinking I’m going to have to dose back down to 75.

Another reason I’m starting to suspect the medication (besides the fact that it’s getting worse) is that no diet has ever made me feel anxious before no matter how extreme it may be. It can make me sluggish and shaky, but it’s never made me anxious. I swear this isn’t normal for me. Not even in the worst of times in life. Things I worry about can be on my mind, they can mess with my sleep, and they can sometimes give me the runs, but these flashes of anxiety I feel well up in my chest… that just shouldn’t be happening. Not unless it’s possible to suddenly become this way for some reason.

I’m just tired of suffering on and off and wondering what the hell I did to deserve it. I was doing so well for months, and now it’s back. Again, being poor was easier. It’s frustrating and depressing to have to once again deal with anxiety I’m not used to. This isn’t like when we stress or worry over something that eats at our minds. This is worse.

One of the toilets hasn’t arrived yet, so we might just install one of them tomorrow.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2015 Got a lot done today… laundry, making out the grocery list, cleaning, etc. Now I can finally relax and do some writing. I could skip my workout with all the physical activity I’ve gotten today doing things around the house, but I don’t want to. I like riding and getting some fresh air.

Tammy left a message and I first decided I’d call back in a week or two when there was less going on. Remember, we’re installing new toilets this weekend. They’ve arrived at Home Depot and all we have to do is pick them up tomorrow.

But then I realized she’d be there for me if I wanted to talk. She always makes time for me as soon as she can, and I knew that a 10-15 minute chat wouldn’t kill me as much as I prefer Facebook to phones.

She had both good and bad news to inform me of. I’m thrilled to learn she and Mark recently quit smoking and I hope they STAY quit. Yes, she will suffer for a while, and yes, she will gain weight cuz her metabolism is about to take a hit, but the cravings will pass and the weight can be lost later on.

The bad news – and I didn’t know this – she’s had diabetes for years. I know of others who had it, changed their eating habits, lost weight and got rid of it, but it might not be that easy for her. She can eat right, but the steroids she has to take can cause both weight and water gain, and she’s exercise-challenged cuz of her knee and arthritis.

It gets worse. She needs an insulin pump and her damn insurance has denied her cuz her numbers are too high.

What. The. Fuck?

When it comes to state, government or medical insurance, I am sooo sick of them not taking care of their own. Meanwhile, if you’re a foreigner or you’re in another country, they’ll give you EVERYTHING. It’s totally beyond fucked up.

So she has diabetes, our mother had it, and our grandfather had it. That means I could be next, even though I’m not that big and I’m pretty active. Still, she inspired me to get a good 20 pounds or so off. I think I might be able to do it now that they’ve got my thyroid meds regulated and I’ve found that IF diets work for me so long as I don’t overdo it. They can make me weak, shaky and moody and therefore I sometimes have to eat earlier than planned. Still, like with quitting smoking, you usually have to suffer a bit to make changes in life.

She and Mark, like us, are doing projects around the house little by little. Their place is a lot newer than ours, but they still want to customize it to their tastes. I guess screens need to be replaced every few years there cuz of the storms. Meanwhile, we still have our 32-year-old screens, LOL. She isn’t worse than us in all ways. She’s never needed heat since she’s been there, the lucky girl!

She wants to go on a cruise someday, too. I think she’d love it. This will be our second one. After the first one, I thought it was a hectic pain in the ass since we lived in such a tiny town that we couldn’t fly to and from. We had to Amtrak to and from the airport. But after the shit we went through upon moving here, I realized how much fun it was after all, though yes, cruises are rocking with all kinds of wild and fun adventures. It’s like a giant playground in the middle of the ocean. If you want to relax, don’t go cruising.

Got some goodies arriving tomorrow, including a realistic miniature chipmunk. That was an add-on for just a few bucks. I can add it to all my other animals. I also want to get the skunk and possum.

The hairpiece came today and I wish it hadn’t so I could’ve gotten a refund. Dumbest waste of money yet, even if it was just $5. I can’t get it to stay in place.

My LiveJournal ratings are still rising. I’m now at 13,148. I changed themes and couldn’t find the old one afterward so now it has a new look.

I dreamed my cyber friend Christine adopted a baby, and the pill dreams are back, too. This time I went to shake a pill into my mouth and ended up with a whole mouthful which I was struggling to spit out. I’d never be so dumb as to shake a pill from a bottle full of pills into my mouth in real life, though.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2015 I couldn’t believe I was out well after dark riding my bike in shorts and sandals in mid-October, but I was. I’m loving this endless summer! They’re still claiming we’re going to get a lot more rain from January through March, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

Tom needed to get some vitamin C on Amazon, so we also got some goodies while we were at it. He got when he usually gets… Computer/electronics-related stuff. I got some wall stickers to replace a couple of wall stickers in the hallway. They’re silhouettes of birds on branches with a few flying around them.

When I went to apply a 31” sticker of a figure skater I accidentally “twisted” her ankle. She’s also got a kink in her knee. I also have a sticker of a giant eye that I’m kind of sick of.

I also got a couple of bronze lady figurines from this series I’ve been collecting. Got about a dozen now, all in different poses.

Every now and then I check Mary's pathetic tweets just for shits and giggles. This is the one that let her crazy ex kill her baby and that I stupidly let use me to type her “story” from jail. I worked my ass off and didn’t get shit in return. Actually, I did get something. I got falsely accused of bashing her in my blog (better be careful what you accuse people of lest they actually act on it in the future), she blocked me on Facebook, then she unblocked me, and that was when I told her I was done with her. All she does is suck whatever she can out of people.

Anyway, she’s ”overwhelmed” and “miserable.” Oh, poor baby. She must not currently have a bad boy to use to buy her things. I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t gotten knocked up since her release.

She is otherwise intelligent and a great writer, so it’s too bad that she has to be so selfish and paranoid and befriend people under false pretenses.

No landscaping or wood chippers running today, but here we go again with the small plane circling round and round. I don’t understand why they do this at times, but when they do it’s kind of annoying.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2015 It turns out that not eating was definitely what was messing up my moods. I guess my blood sugar got too low. Tom was wonderful about it after work. He let me whine all about it and then he took me out to eat. We just grabbed some fast food from Jack-in-the-Box, but it was sooo good. Never knew there was such a thing as vanilla Sprite before. Going to have to try their peach and raspberry versions in the future.

After Jack’s, we went to a grocery outlet where I grabbed some fresh strawberries and orange juice. I was already feeling a million times better. It seems that the better a diet works, the shittier they make you feel. One doesn’t need to give up on this sort of thing altogether, but it’s definitely best not to be so extreme about it. Maybe do it every 2 to 3 days instead of every single day.

When I researched IF diets it said that it helps toughen you up to hunger and makes you able to withstand going longer periods of time without eating. This is definitely true. I guess it’s like that with a lot of things. Having more pain can toughen you up to it, so this makes sense. You just gotta go easy with it and not get so carried away.

I really felt horrible yesterday and it was frustrating until I knew for sure what it was. When we lose a pet and we get depressed we know exactly why we’re depressed. But I wasn’t sure at first what was causing my anxiety and depression. I couldn’t help but keep thinking that being as poor as we once were was so much easier. That was straightforward. With anxiety and depression, there can be a number of possibilities. Usually, however, I don’t feel any negative emotions without a reason. But until you know what that reason is, it can make it seem even worse.

At the grocery store, I also got a wind chime with three little cowbells. I got this one more for sound than for looks. It sounds different than anything else I’ve got out there. We just have yet to have enough wind to move it.

Today has been amazingly and unbelievably quiet so far. The last two days were horrible with all the landscaping in tree cutting I heard for hours at a time. Today, though, is totally dead quiet. I don’t know that it’s ever been this quiet in the middle of a weekday.

Last night consisted of many quick and senseless, silly fragments of dreams. It was the other way around where it was Fran that was still alive and he was making funeral arrangements for his dead brother Rick. In real life, Rick is the one who’s still alive.

In another dream, I was excited that this woman who made a movie gave it the title I suggested. I was trying to get a copy of it to send to my parents, LOL, who seem to be alive and well and half my dreams.

In another dream, I seemed to have moved in with a woman I was attracted to (Nane?). I don’t know if we were in a relationship or if we were just roommates, but we were in a large room watching a movie when I decided to leave. She said something like, “Yeah, it’s down to just 50° in here.”

I mentioned calling my parents and she made the comment about it only being a few days since I last called them. I said they might be worried about me since I just moved in with her and wanted to let them know I was okay. I asked her how often she would call her own parents and she said every week to 2 months.

As I rose from the couch we sat on, I also mentioned the book I was writing and said, “If we did what I’m about to write about, you would cringe.” At least I think that’s what I said. I’m not entirely sure about the last part.

Then I was walking in high heels along the street and was surprised at how easy it was to walk in them. Some guy walked by and said I should walk closer toward the side of the road. Then he told some girl who magically appeared that her joke wasn’t funny and was suddenly holding a rat that I realized was mine.

My user ratings on LiveJournal are now up to 13,370. It’s listed on my profile page there. I’m probably getting more viewers because I just noticed they have daily questions that I’ve been answering, although my tracker isn’t reflecting much in the way of new activity. This is probably thanks to all the mobiles out there. Trackers are blind to them and since more and more people are using them I don’t see most of my blog visitors anymore.

I sincerely hope the video I shared on my Facebook wall of a rat attacking a pigeon grosses Andy the hell out because he is continuing to drive me crazy with the food talk and it’s more than obvious that he is not a true friend at all. The more I hint or even bluntly suggest he quit driving that subject into the ground, the more he discusses it. Well, that tells me something about him right there; that he’s not a true friend. So I wasn’t just paranoid in suspecting that he truly does enjoy annoying people. Well, anyone who can get off on doing that is obviously not a friend no matter what they may say, and therefore I’m not checking in as much.

I’m even fucking with him at times by using Ask’s constant technical issues as an excuse to delete his questions and comments to me about food. Obviously, I won’t delete them all otherwise it would be obvious, but I do delete some of them and just say that I never got them.

Regardless of the fact that he obviously enjoys annoying people, I still think he has a serious food addiction. His whole life is nothing but Facebook, food, canning and cleaning toilets. Well, I’m sure there are some porn and dreaming of young studs he can never have mixed in as well. Either way, if he’s stuffing the shit out of himself as I suspect he may be, I would be genuinely concerned for my health. He totally overdoes things. First it was cigarettes and pot. Then it was alcohol. Now it’s food.

Heard someone drive by with loud music. It was the black person who lives a few houses down. Figures. I thought it would be the young guy who visits, but nope. It was actually the old lady that lives there. They just can’t drop their ghetto ways no matter where they go, can they?

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2015 I didn’t have an asthma attack, but sure enough, my heart raced me awake at 1:30 AM. Well, I’m not sure if it raced me awake on its own or if the dream I had caused it to do so where I was in a crowded mall or something in some strange place, and lost track of Tom. All I know is that I had to take a lorazepam for the first time since last spring to help me fall back asleep.

I awoke slightly anxious and depressed but with no booming heart. I don’t feel jittery at all. I’m just frustrated because I don’t know for sure what’s causing what. Is it the dosage increase or is it just me? Every time I think I’m home free and I gain my confidence, something happens to pull my sense of security down a notch. Once again I am dealing with a kind of anxiety that I have never experienced before in my life and it gets to me at times. I usually feel confident and carefree, and hopefully I will be feeling that way soon enough and not progressively worsen. If I do then I will have to get to the labs so they can check my TSH, but especially my T4.

It’s frustrating because when I’m not experiencing something bad I spend too much time worrying that I will. I have been anti-psych drugs due to the fact that they can be addicting as well as carry side effects. However, if this keeps up and they rule out my thyroid dose as being the culprit, I’m going to tell that shrink in December to just go ahead and give me a full-time prescription regardless of the possible risks and the fact that it may make me drowsy. I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to too, as that’s how they make their living. They’re licensed drug dealers, in a sense, only they spent time chatting with you while they’re at it. It’s still hard to believe that something that wasn’t normal for me in the past could now be normal for me, but I guess anything is possible.

The good news is that my lungs are like they usually are, crystal clear and wide open. I had a little bit of congestion when I woke up and I worried I might have an attack, but I didn’t. Fortunately, Tom was still home but my mind still went “what-ifing” on me. What if I have a severe anxiety attack when he’s not home or what if I have a severe asthma attack? That attack was the worst I’d had in 10 years. I’m keeping track of everything I feel and experience for my doctors, but hopefully, I won’t have to get in to see them sooner than originally planned.

I’ve lost a surprising 5 pounds in just 6 days. Fasting 8 hours a day may also be playing on my moods. Yesterday I felt both weak and shaky so I needed to eat a little earlier than usual.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2015 So I survived the night without another asthma attack. Sure woke up a million times along the way, though, but I feel rested enough.

It wasn't even 9 o'clock when sure enough, the weekday racket began. I heard a wood chipper running on and off somewhere.

Not much else to report on this chilly morning that is supposed to turn into a 94° afternoon other than that I had a dream that the cops pulled up to where I was living in the dream, and that appeared to be a strip of one-story apartments or condos. I must have either done something bad or thought the cops might believe that I did something bad because I was definitely not happy to see them. I woke up trying to decide whether or not I should answer the door when they knocked or if I should go run and hide and hope for the best.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2015 After a productive day of installing our beautiful new chandelier, bike riding and other things, I ended up having a rather scary night. I got into bed and was just about to knock off when I felt what I thought was a little glob of phlegm stuck in my lungs to cough up. But then I just kept coughing and suddenly started wheezing my ass off and felt as if my lungs were full of mud. It was the worst asthma attack I’d had in years and for a fleeting moment, I considered going to the ER since Tom said he heard they stopped selling Primatene Mist OTC. It shocks the shit out of me just how unexpected, sudden and fierce the attack was, but our little finger reader did say I was 99% oxygenated and my pulse was a comfortable 84.

Tom feels confident I just got too carried away with my obsession for good smells… perfume, incense, wax… and I hope to hell he’s right and that this isn’t the beginning of a whole new problem for me. As it is I’ll be a little nervous going to bed tonight. Pretty sure whatever it was was in the bed because that’s where it started and it eased up whenever I’d leave the room. Also, I did run out of Febreeze fabric freshener and I did spray some patchouli on the bed. So all the bedding will be washed today. All of it. Including the mattress pad.

Unless it keeps happening after refraining from my smellies, we doubt it was caused by my thyroid dosage increase. He found online that asthma can be an indicator of Hashimoto’s (I guess the whole auto-immune thing is connected), but if you’re going to experience an allergic reaction to the thyroid meds (rash, tightness), it should happen right away. Some people are allergic to the fillers that hold the meds together.

The only other thing he read was that adjusting your thyroid meds can affect your asthma meds if you’re taking any, and I’m not. Sure wished I had an inhaler last night, though, even though that might’ve made me more congested at first. If it happens again I’ll contact my doctors. I’m glad I have a better team of doctors than I had last year and that they deal with me in a quicker, more efficient manner, but hopefully, it won’t be one more thing I have to worry about in the end. I’m trying to be positive and not remind myself that most of my problems aren’t short-lived.

I’m still a little shaky, tight and congested, but I am recovering. Hot caffeine and a shower helped a lot. Gonna take it easy today and just see what happens. I just know I’m sick and tired of this fucking on-and-off medical drama.

Later…

Still alive but a bit shaken up both physically and emotionally over last night’s asthma attack. Tom was a huge help whacking my back (pulmonary cupping) to help loosen things up and kick up the congestion, making me coffee… that sort of thing. I just hope it doesn’t happen again! It was scary, but not nearly as scary as when my heart took off on a run last year. I still have on-and-off tightness and when I cough it tastes like shit. All the bedding has been washed, though, and I’ve stayed away from the perfume and incense.

When choosing a cheaper insurance plan that should save us a grand or two per year, Tom noticed I had a couple of notifications on the health site saying 2 of my 4 appointments have been canceled (ear and PCP). Tom suspects the doctors are either going on vacation at those times or there was a glitch in the system. The ear isn’t critical, but I would like to see my PCP so I can get an inhaler that won’t mess with my meds in case of another emergency. Even as a non-smoker, I’m bound to have occasional attacks, though 99% of the time my lungs are crystal clear and wide open.

We ordered new toilets that will hopefully arrive on Friday because Tom will have 3 days off. They’re just basic oblong-shaped toilets that are 16” high. The only fancy feature they have is overflow systems. It’s like what our dishwasher has. They were $150 apiece.

As Tom said, I’m getting to be a real home improvement expert. LOL, yeah, he’s taught me well. Not just in Phoenix and Maricopa, but here I learned more about how carpet is laid. I’ve helped change faucets, change ceiling fans, change chandeliers, and next, we’ll be doing toilets and then eventually floors.

A few nights ago I dreamed I called my dad and told him I had good news and bad news. The bad news was that we’d have to rent a place for a while, but the good news was that the house we were renting was nice and it seemed to be a quiet neighborhood.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2015 I still have over 100 more lessons to take in my Dutch course, so I probably won’t finish this year. Dutch may not be that tough overall, but the spelling is the toughest of any language I’ve ever studied!

Came up nearly 200 places in LiveJournal’s user ratings today.

Chatted with Tammy on Facebook yesterday. She’s really having a rough time of it health-wise. She developed arthritis when she was only in her 20s and got 6 shots in her neck yesterday. That hurts just thinking about it! She also has Fibromyalgia, which I read was very common. It’s where your muscles swell around the nerves, and I guess she may need surgery to cut the nerves. It’s like something up there really has it in for her at least in that department. As tough as it’s been I’m glad she has a beautiful home and doesn’t have to suffer in some uncomfortable dumpy place in a shitty neighborhood with shitty weather. And she’s not alone either, since she has Mark and the girls.

My first 2 weeks on the new dose have been a success and my T4 is now where it's going to be. About 6 more weeks for the TSH to settle in!

I was a little shocked and even a bit worried when Tom told me his pulse was just 45 when he got up. The lowest it’s ever been upon waking up was 49. I told him to tell his doctor about it, which he will see soon. It climbed into the 60s in no time at all, but still, I wonder if that could be something to be concerned with.

I’m just the opposite. Even calm and relaxed my pulse can average about 90.

Later…

My period snuck up on me today without any warning. I’m amazed I wasn’t hungry as hell yesterday as is usually the case the day before my period. Especially since I started an IF diet. I guess I can write about that, though I won’t make this public just yet, since I have no reason to believe that the same thing won’t happen again where I continue to diet but my body refuses to give up more than a few pounds. I’ve been sticking to it religiously, too.

Experience has proven to me that I simply cannot stick to having 1000 calories a day long-term in order to lose weight. I’m up an average of 16 hours as are most people, and trying to spread a measly 1000 cals over that many hours is just way too hard. So I gave up on dieting and assumed I was simply meant to be heavy just like your average middle-aged person. I knew that I would have to resort to something a bit extreme in order to lose weight if I was ever going to. The question was what? I wasn’t about to take any medication and risk side effects, I didn’t have the willpower to starve myself indefinitely, and could never stand the thought of puking up my food, all of which is unhealthy anyway.

But then I read some other people’s journals about IF diets, which means intermittent fasting. This is nothing new and it’s not like I haven’t heard about this before, I just never gave it that much thought. Three days ago I decided to try a 16/24 variation where I don’t eat until I’ve been up for 8 hours. I’m on the third day of doing this. Yes, it’s very hard, but it’s hard in a different kind of way than it was when I’d try to stretch 1000 calories over an entire day. By cutting my stomach’s typical hours in half, which is what I’m doing in a sense, I only have 8 hours in which to consume those 1000 calories. I live 16 hours a day, but my stomach only lives 8 hours a day. This means that I spend those 8 hours eating hourly, and not feeling hungry at all. It sums up to me being asleep for 8 hours, satisfying my hunger for 8 hours, and spending 8 hours being hungry instead of 16 hours being hungry. I could still go to Denny’s or someplace like that every so often and eat all I wanted so long as I did it toward the second half of my day. I chose to fast during the first half of my day because that’s when I’m typically the least hungry.

I also learned that as long as you don’t get carried away with the fasting, no, you don’t lose your muscles and you don’t become dizzy or sluggish. In fact, I’ve had just as much energy as I usually do. I’m actually surprised at just how good I feel on this diet despite being hungry. As with most things, if you overdo it, then it becomes dangerous. Intermittent fasting is said by some doctors to actually be good for the body. It’s a sort of detox for the system. At least this is what research has told me.

Thursday, the day I started this, I woke up at 151.2 pounds. Yesterday I was 149.4 pounds. Today I’m 148.8 pounds. The big test will be to see if I can get under 147 pounds. The last time I was under that amount was when I was sick. My body usually holds its weight and refuses to cross that threshold under other circumstances. At least it’s been that way since 2009 anyway. I should know in a few days. If it keeps working I will decide whether or not to actually continue losing weight. There are pros and cons to both, and both need to be considered. I know I would be healthier if I lost 30 pounds, but now is not a good time to be getting new clothes since we want to save as much money as we can for vacation. I started this more out of curiosity than anything else, and being curious by nature, I am likely going to want to see how far I can take it if I continue to be a success.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2015 Yesterday I ranked 14,099 out of LiveJournal’s top 100,000 journals and today I’m at 13,949. Interesting tidbit of information.

We’ve got 3 insurance plans to choose from and we’re probably going to go with the middle one. They each have their pros and cons. The third plan is good for if you rarely see doctors or are sick, but our current plan isn’t the greatest if you need a couple of specialists like I do (ear & endo). The only way the middle plan could cost us a lot would be if one of us were ever hospitalized.

So yesterday I’m sitting at my computer when I hear Bob’s blower start up and I’m like, WTF? It hasn’t been a week since he’s blown his place. He never blows himself more than once a week. Then I saw him on the roof. He was obviously blowing leaves out of the gutters.

I stepped out front and said hello. I thought he might ignore me, but he and Virginia (who I didn’t notice right away) were actually very friendly. So I took the time to admit I probably shouldn’t have said anything before, since one does have a right to repair their walkways, they were here first, and I can’t expect my neighbors to be silent 100% of the time.

They were actually friendlier than ever and we had a pleasant chat as I swept down the patio. Can’t deny it felt good to know we were on good terms. I really thought they were mad at me, and well, no one wants hostility so close to home, do they?

They asked when I was going on vacation, which they thought was sooner. We talked about the weather, and Bob asked how my writing was going. He said if I had anything published he wanted to read it. “Good luck with that,” I told him, LOL. He’d need a Kindle for that. What I didn’t tell him was that I highly doubted I wrote the kind of stuff he’d like to read. :)

I haven’t published anything in ages. Just not enough money to be worth the hassle. The writing world is so all or nothing. You either make a fortune (and become famous which I wouldn’t want) or you don’t make shit.

I should finish Rainstorm’s visual editing today. Tomorrow I’ll start the electronic read-through. Then I’ll share.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2015 I caught the mailman yesterday and told him I accidentally gave him a DHL number when he asked if I ever got the package. Our money was refunded actually, and it probably didn’t even make it into the country before it got lost.

I mentioned the nice weather as he placed the mail into the boxes and how he must really appreciate the dryness doing what he does. He said that at least he didn’t have to mow the lawn. He also said he didn’t get why they won’t spend money to bring water down from Alaska while they have no problem sending money to other countries. I don’t get it either. Maybe someday the government will let us in on their reasons why it is so important to give so much money to other countries so that it can finally make at least a little bit of sense to us. There’s got to be some logic to it and it would be nice if they would tell us about it. No one throws away billions of dollars like that without good reason, or at least I would hope.

I walked through a bank in my dreams last night where they were searching for someone who stole 2 million dollars. I was heading to take a train home as I struggled to pull a hoodie over my head when I realized I didn’t have my purse with me. I raced off hoping to hell my purse was still where I left it and fearing I would miss the train.

In another dream, Tom and I were in the car and marveling over how we haven’t had any money issues for years now. I was polishing my nails red in the car of all places. I’d gotten 2 nails polished when we pulled up to one of my doctor’s offices. I sat on a stool in the waiting room and resumed polishing my nails, but after just 2 more nails the stool toppled over and I hit the floor. As soon as I hit the floor, the nurse came to call me into an exam room.

Later…

Andy is continuing to annoy me with the daily food talk. Really, I am so fucking sick and tired of having to know it every goddamn time he eats. He is either seriously obsessed with food or deliberately trying to annoy me. It’s probably a combination of both, but knowing that he knows how constant repetition bothers me yet continues to go on and on about it excessively, makes me question the validity of his friendship yet again. What the hell kind of friend goes out of his way to annoy others they’re supposed to consider a friend?

First he was saying that he was eating some chili that Marla, who’s returning to Cali tomorrow, made while she was there. I ignored it, as usual, by responding with a different subject. 45 minutes later he reports that he just finished lunch.

45 minutes to eat lunch? Obsessed with food or not, I highly doubt it took that long to eat lunch. I swear it’s like he just wants to annoy me, but that will be met with me checking in less and less. Maybe the dumb shit will put two and two together eventually.

He did say one thing that was funny, though. I told him I was proud of myself for figuring out why I lost sound on my computer, but was glad to know I had Tom here as a backup. Then I said, “Maybe you’ll want a BF someday and he’ll be a real computer techie.”

He replied with, “I couldn’t get that lucky. He’ll be a jobless loser living with his mother.”

LOL, I hate to say it, but it’s so true. This was all I used to get as well, and I wonder why that changed for me but not for him. Maybe because he never matured personally or intellectually?

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2015 Decisions, decisions. Do I work in the laundry room today no matter what? Or do I wait and see if Bob starts any shit out there first?

Sometimes I still think maybe it was silly of me to be bothered by the walkway work since he does have a right to do repairs, but then I remember his shit attitude and that wipes any guilt or regrets away.

I’ve been making a point not to run into him so he doesn’t provoke me in any way. If I assaulted someone between 18-70, they’d do a fraction of what was done to me for the “letter.” But an 86-year-old would get me imprisoned for at least a decade or so. Society has a “But they’re defenseless!” attitude. Not a “They don’t have much longer to live anyway,” attitude.

Then again, does he not really have much longer to live? He could easily be fit enough to use hammers and power tools for another 5-10 years, which would be like a lifetime to me, of course.

I hated to do this, but I realized that if something suddenly happened to Tom, I would be so distraught that I would have a hard time thinking clearly as I did what I wanted to do before killing myself and then actually killing myself. Therefore, I wrote out some final steps to take. I still think he’s going to die first, and that means I will almost certainly one day have to carry these plans out on my own, as terrifying as they may be. But death can suddenly sneak up on us when we least expect it. How can I be sure the pigs won’t knock on the door to say he was killed on the way to or from work? Therefore, I knew I needed a clear plan mapped out before my eyes because I sure as hell wouldn’t be thinking clearly as the sadness, loss, fear and anger engulfed and consumed me upon hearing such tragic news. Whether he dies younger or as an old man, no one will be here to calmly tell me, do this, then do this, and then do that. But the list I made will.

Later…

My goal has been to learn at least enough of the basics or beyond in as many languages as I can. But sometimes I wonder if I should perfect my best language instead, which would be Spanish since it’s so common here in the US.

Then I say naw, I don’t think so. If you come to my country, then my language takes precedence over yours, like it or not. You wanna cry discrimination for that, fine. But I’m from here and if you come to my land then you should be willing to learn my language. Besides, I still know a great deal of the language. I was stuck in a jail cell in Arizona with someone who only spoke Spanish and we got by just fine, as did the housekeeper and I who cleaned our hotel room up in Oregon. I don’t use the language every single day, but I still read things online in Spanish from time to time and can understand the gist of what I read. Speaking and hearing another language is always harder than reading, but let’s just say that I don’t expect any problems in Mexico any more than I expected them in Puerto Rico.

Anyway, we went out bike riding. It was chilly, slightly breezy, and very comfortable for a rigorous ride. I wanted to go even faster, but Tom always complains if I go too fast, LOL.

I got an idea on how to make my own treadmill desk so I at least have the option of using the laptop there if I ever want to. Taking two of the old fan blades and stretching them across the rails, I can epoxy them together. Then I can run cable ties through the screw holes to secure it to the rails. Then again, this may look totally goofy in the end, so I don’t know.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2015 Yesterday was fun, productive, loud and annoying. We went to Home Depot shortly after they opened to look at ceiling fans and toilets. Apparently, the Disabilities Act has caused toilets to go from a standard 14” in height to 16.5”. Not a very good thing if you’re as short as I am, but they do still have some 14’s and that’s what we’ll probably get. We decided on elongated bowls rather than round, but this is still a couple of weeks away.

They charge 100 bucks per toilet for installation, plus 25 bucks for each of the old toilets to be hauled away, so we decided to save $250 and do it ourselves. Except for the carpet, we’ve always been do-it-yourselfers.

We got a new ceiling fan for the living room. It’s the same 52” and the same brand as the old one, only this one is white and it has five blades instead of four. It was $70. Our living room is cavernous, so on really warm days the old one barely moved much air toward the corners. It has three thick frosted light fixtures that are sort of cone-shaped. We put the LED bulbs in it that were in the old one, which should last around 20 years.

While we were looking at ceiling fans, my eyes casually swung to the nearby chandeliers, and then I spotted one that totally made my jaw drop. I was just like, OMG, that thing is gorgeous! The original chandelier in this place isn’t ugly and it does go with the place, but it’s not me. Once our new gorgeous crystal chandelier I'm surprised was only $99 is installed, I’ll take pictures of the old and the new like I did with the fans.

After Home Depot we went to Walmart where we got a handful of goodies. He got some storage containers for electronic and computer-related parts that will help him organize things better, and I got Emeraude perfume, which has a unique fruity smell.

I also got a beautiful tropical calendar for next year and a semi-realistic-looking vinyl king snake that I placed by the door and wished my mother could come back to life long enough to visit, LOL. It’s not as realistic as my rattler, but it’s enough to jolt the heart of the unsuspecting. We would see these snakes every now and then down in Arizona. The way they move is really cool. There was an all-black king snake that one could easily mistake for an old tire scrap that used to watch us when we would be out and about on the land. It would usually stick its head up out of a hole in the ground. These were harmless snakes, but the Western diamondback, as cool looking as it was, was one to be careful of. Tom came as close to death as he’d ever gotten the night he started to go out and get something from the car only to be greeted by a rattlesnake right outside the door. With the hospital being nearly an hour away, that would definitely not be a good place to get struck.

I also got some scented wax cubes and the most sparkly eyeshadow I’ve ever seen in six different colors. It was the only one there. Am I too old to wear glitter eyeshadow? Yeah, probably. Do I care? Definitely not. Damn, I love being too selfish to care what others think! ;) I wish I had this attitude half a century ago.

Our Walmart purchases were free since we had gift cards.

I also have a couple of collectibles on the way to me from Amazon… a sexy “secretary” and an anime doll.

I’ll write about the shit we came home to later on.

Later…

So the shit we came home to. That would be the very loud process of a tree being cut down behind the house. Yeah, we can’t go much more than a month or two without something going on here, can we? And this is on top of all the landscaping and traffic noise I hear almost daily.

Heard about 6 whacks of a hammer somewhere too, but if it wasn’t Bob doing it just to make me hear him, then I don’t know where it came from. The only sound I’m sure he made was when he was blowing leaves for about 15-20 minutes.

Anyway, they worked on the tree for about 3 hours. Not the all-day event I thought it would be like when they took down a tree next door last year, but it was just as loud, especially the wood chipper. They sawed the branches down, then they tossed them in the chipper, then they blew leaves out of the road.

Unfortunately, I’m almost back on days, so I can just imagine what shit I’m in for today. If nothing else, it’ll be the Tuesday landscapers and God knows what from Bob.

I’ve had a few moments where I thought I felt a bit anxious, but I have otherwise had no problem on the new dose. I wish it were December already. If I can make it to then without incident, then I should be fine.

After dreaming about my dentist selling wallpaper and finding a huge bug with a strange paisley design on it, I awoke to find my hips oddly sore. After I get up after sitting for a while, it’s very uncomfortable. I don’t understand just what I did to get this sore. I helped with the fan installation, but I wasn’t the one climbing up and down the ladder. I just opened and handed him stuff so he wouldn’t have to keep climbing up and down. I did a lot of walking yesterday through the stores, so maybe I just need to do that more since biking works different muscles.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2015 As of this day I have been smoke-free for 18 years… yay!

As of yesterday, I decided the next series I would watch on Netflix would be Criminal Minds.

About 6 hours ago, we went out bike riding. There was thunder and lightning all around us in the distance, but not a drop of rain here. Not surprisingly, there’s no rain predicted over the next week. Just some clouds with temps in the 80s.

I had a dream I met Aly somewhere. First I was pissed because I forgot my meds. She searched her car but couldn’t find them anywhere.

She was then humming some tune while happily cooking something in the kitchen of what looked like a regular house in which I was standing just outside. Behind her stood a washer and dryer that looked familiar. I pulled out my smartphone and texted her that I think I once had that same washer and dryer. Haha.

Then we were at a hotel and I was pissed again because she brought along two other women she didn’t tell me she was bringing and they never shut up. Every time I tried to initiate a conversation with her, one of the women would butt in.

The following morning I woke up, turned the portable sound machine off that I had brought with me, and found that I was alone in the room. Then I got up to use the bathroom. The toilet lid was decorated with hearts and a little bookcase stood nearby. As I lifted the lid and sat down, I plucked what appeared to be a horror story off the shelf and tried to decide if it was worth stealing since we were leaving that day.

Later…

Many people on Facebook "liked" that I've been smoke-free for 18 years except for my sister and nieces. Figures, too. I mean I knew they wouldn’t. I started to make excuses for them in my mind from them being busy to them having too many posts in their news feed to read through, but that just doesn’t seem like something family should miss. Norma “liked” it and she’s just a distant cousin.

When Tom and I were talking about places we may possibly travel to in the future, we both agreed that Europe isn’t very appealing. Most of it is too old, cold, and crowded. I like tropical places anyway. The only country there that I might consider is Greece. It has some very beautiful sections that really stand out from your traditional European setting. I doubt we’ll go there, though.

It pisses me off just how tight so many of my clothes have become. A year ago, when I was temporarily scared off my thyroid meds, I gained a few pounds that I haven’t been able to get back off ever since, thanks to the incompetent assholes that didn’t care to help me. I keep whatever I put on, so that’s why it’s important not to gain any more weight if I can help it.

There is just no way I’m ever going to have the willpower to stand the hunger, irritability, dizziness, and sluggishness that would come with having 1000 calories every single day for the many months it would take to lose 30 pounds. I might be able to lose it on 1200 a day, but even that isn’t very doable. I really need about 1500 a day. I hate feeling so powerless when it comes to my body, but that’s just life for most people. Nobody chooses to get cancer, break bones, have heart attacks and so much more… including getting so damn fat.

There are things that are a normal everyday part of life, and then there are extremes that continue to make me wonder if there isn’t something up there that has singled me out and picked on me for reasons I’ll never understand.

I consider myself agnostic as opposed to atheist because I have no idea if there is a God or not. Every time I think of reasons that suggest there could be, I am then presented with reasons to suggest just the opposite, and that God is just a fantasy fabricated as a means of controlling others and coping with this thing called life. I don’t know if there’s an afterlife either, and if there is one, I don’t know what it is.

But let’s say there is a God. One that picks and chooses what happens to us, good and bad. What made me turn against God? some people have asked. What was it that finally made you hate Him so much and when?

My hatred grew and my faith faded in stages. Four stages, actually. Funny too, because there are four stages of cancer, the fourth being the deadliest.

Stage 1: When I was struggling to conceive a child back in the 90s was when I really began to stop and take a good hard look at things stemming all the way back to my childhood. The childhood abuse, the constant rejection, not being able to get a woman I really lusted for, sexual/infertility problems, and then money issues, all made me start to wonder. WTF? What is this shit??? Could I really be cursed?

Stage 2: Yeah, I could be. At the hands of a God or just because? Well, I may never know, but when I was legally railroaded in 2000, I looked back and saw a clear and frightening pattern emerge. Everyone who ever screwed me over had gotten away with it. Totally! It was as if something up there had been protecting them all along, and this was when I really felt myself start to turn against God. I’m sure you can imagine what it was like when we lost our home in Arizona and then our land up in Oregon a few years later.

Stage 3: From 2007-2011 we suffered immensely financially and this is what really drove my hatred for any possible God home. We were pushed within a fraction of an inch to having to choose between the streets or death. Both of them would have meant death either way; the question was whether or not we wanted to get it over with quickly or die a slow miserable death in the streets. Our answer was obvious, although we certainly didn’t want our lives to end that way and that young, knowing we still had another 30-40 years left. We lived in a bummy old trailer with shit for space, and we didn’t always have enough money for necessities.

Stage 4: Ah, the final killer. That would be last year’s medical scare. It was one of the most terrifying and traumatizing experiences of my life. Even though I didn’t technically have a foot in the grave like I did a few years ago, this was what drove the nail firmly into the coffin. If anything could be up there with more power than any of us could ever have and it chose to sit back and allow for us horror, then I have no respect for it whatsoever. So God… if you exist, fine. If you hate me, fine. But I will never ever forgive you for the pain and suffering which you have allowed to be unfairly and unnecessarily inflicted upon me. Ever.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2015 Sometimes I find that it helps to get my anger toward certain individuals out by fantasizing about violence against them. At my hands, of course, and without ever getting caught. For years I fantasized about taking a huge yacht out in the middle of the ocean along with everybody that screwed me in Arizona. There I would slowly torture them in so many different ways, letting them believe they would be killed in the end. Only I allow them to live so that they are forced to live with the memories of what I did to them unless they so choose to end it all themselves.

My latest mental target is Bob. I’ve been on nights, so for all I know he might have quieted down recently. Still, he really pissed the shit out of me. Not just with his racket being so close to our house, but with his attitude and the way he suggested I consider getting an office somewhere. That was just so incredibly rude. Why doesn’t he consider shutting up?

Because we’re neighbors, I have others do my dirty work in one of my fantasies. In it, I take advantage of the fact that they love to keep their front door open, and a small group of strange men they’ve never seen before suddenly step inside while they’re just a few feet away eating lunch at their dining table. One guy holds Virginia down so she can’t call for help (hey, she’s the quiet one after all) while the others surround Bob and accuse him of owing thousands of dollars in gambling debt which he of course knows absolutely nothing about.

Because he was supposedly ordered to pay up a few times and didn’t do so, the guy decides to go “Turkey” on him. In Turkey, they cut off the fingers of a thief. In this fantasy a guy places Bob’s right hand upon the table after picking up the heaviest object he sees and smashes his fingers, thus disabling him from ever picking up a hammer or a circular saw ever again, but allowing him to live so Virginia doesn’t move and possibly leave me to get someone worse over there.

My guess is they’ll be here another decade. The next people would certainly be younger, but their chances of having kids would be iffy with more and more women being pressured to work rather than have families. Dogs? I don’t know. I thought everybody but us would have dogs here, but given that this is the West and they must be brought in as pets only here, I think that’s why a lot of people don’t bother. They just don’t think it’s right to take a dog indoors.

Even though these are just fantasies, vicious or not, I don’t want to post this publicly. What if? Just what if somebody actually does something to them? Well, I wouldn’t want these fantasies sitting out there for anyone to see at that point. Other than Tom, I’m not even going to share this with Andy or Aly. Just my sister.

I don’t get it. I just don’t get it at times. So many people half his age can barely walk half a mile. I’m sure my parents couldn’t conceive of riding a bike by the time they hit their mid-70s. Yet here’s this 86-year-old who can do anything a guy in his 20s can do. He walks 2 miles a day, rides his bike, operates his little workshop, and goes out every day. Never ever have I seen him take a day off to just stay inside and relax at home. It’s like he has an endless supply of energy, and based on how often I see lights on over there, they only sleep about 6 hours a night. The lights seemed to go off at 11 PM and come on at 5 AM, another thing I won’t say in public. They don’t have a computer, but what if their kids looked me up? LOL… LMAO! “Mom! Dad! The lady next door wants to smash your fingers and she knows when the lights are on, too!” ROTFL

I had to laugh when I saw a Sex Positions adult coloring book on Amazon. But all you would need was just one color… flesh tone. LOL

Tom and I were both looking at different brands of colored pencils and who would have thought there would be so many! Not so many brands, but so many different types of pencils for so many different types of projects.

I have just one episode left of Law & Order SVU on Netflix, and then I will need to find a new show since they don’t have a steady stream of movies I want to watch.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2015 I was up longer than I thought I would be and didn’t sleep as long as I thought I would, so I was a bit tired today.

Cousin Norma shared an article with me on Facebook about these heroic African Pouched rats that can sniff out old landmines as well as tuberculosis. I’ve heard of this before but it’s still just as fascinating. :)

Doing laundry now and looking forward to Tom’s 3-day weekend. Some of it will be spent picking out a new ceiling fan for the living room and new toilets as well.

We visited Tom’s sister in my dreams last night, and on the drive home, I asked him why he thought her house smelled so good even though she had dogs. He said, “Some people use flowers.”

LOL

On with the laundry and grocery list now.

Last night I had that feeling again where my head felt a bit off, kind of lightheaded, and I even felt slightly tight. I know I had a little wheezing and congestion during one of the many times I woke up yesterday because I remember coughing it up when I got up to pee.

I felt slightly bummed too, and the more things go well for us, the more I will return to worrying about the future and who’s going to be there for us when we get old, and how much suffering we might have to go through.

The nights may be peaceful, but there is something that can be a bit depressing about it at times. I guess because it's just all wrong. It's just not normal to be up all night. I should be in bed along with everybody else, but I have been denied that basic human right for half of my life since I can only sleep at night half of the time. But then I would also hate always being on days because then I’d always have to listen to people’s shit around here. Almost always, anyway.

In regard to my sleep schedule curse, Andy really annoyed me with his big mouth by butting into that post Norma made with the rat article. He said something about me going to sleep but he was sure I would appreciate it once I got up.

As I told him in a PM, just like it’s nobody’s business what his work schedule is, it’s nobody’s business what my sleep schedule is.

I realized I don’t have as much of an I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude as I thought I had and would like to have once it hit me just how uncomfortable I am with discussing my sleep disorder. It’s the one thing I’m actually a bit ashamed and embarrassed of. Until people’s attitudes change or it becomes more common, it’s not something I can just easily up and talk about with just anyone. Despite the fact that Norma is a very open-minded individual and would never assume something doesn’t exist just because she may not get it, I have become a lot more private than I was years ago. There was hardly a subject I omitted from my public journals in the past. Not anymore, though. You just never know what information can be used against you in ways you can’t control. Yes, I’m still a big stickler for free speech, and if I’ve got something to say I’m going to say it. However, just because I’m not ashamed that I was in jail since I was innocent and didn’t deserve it, no one needs to know that, do they? Why disclose unnecessarily? It isn’t what they think I worry about with some subjects, but what they may try to do.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2015 It didn’t get as cold in here as I thought it would early in the morning, but it did drop to 72° and I kicked the heat on for a few minutes before going to bed at which time I slept horribly. First, a loud vehicle woke me up because I forgot to insert my earplug, and then it seemed I just kept waking up for no reason at all. No racy hearts, though.

Sometimes when I think how I’ve got a dozen or so more winters here, and in a place with so much traffic, it kind of gets me down. Today was gorgeous, though. Tom and I went out on the bikes early in the evening.

Aly does have the early stages of leukemia and I guess they’re going to continue with the blood transfusions for a few months and inject some kind of medication into the blood while they’re at it. I really hope this gets rid of it!

I had a series of strange dreams. Tom overslept because he didn’t feel well, and then I was getting dressed to go somewhere with my mother. I grabbed a high-heeled sandal and slipped it on my foot. When I was unable to find the other one, I switched to flats and said, ”These are much more comfortable anyway.”

Then I might have been staying in some fancy hotel suite where housekeepers were doing my laundry and changing the bed sheets.

It seemed there was a cat in my dreams, too. Lots of cat dreams since Simone left.

Then two of my doctors were in my dreams. In one dream I was seeing my PCP and I said something like, “It seems there’s one thing after another. As soon as you take care of one problem, you have a new one to deal with.”

In response to that she said, ”We never realize the time in between.”

Then I was in a large swimming pool with my endo and some guy. I was doing all kinds of intricate dives that I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to do in real life. That was the only fun and entertaining dream… watching myself flip, twist and spin through the air and into the water. LOL

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