#damn me when i think i can go into mythology without being overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings

[the---hermit]

Currently reading the Iliad because why not, and now i have to deal with a lot of thoughts and feelings

[kopivie]

LOTS OF PERMISSION‼️

-🦫 🫵🎤

okay hi hello i'm here. school is tearing me apart and i feel like crying every single day but i am Here.

for context: something i discovered recently is the fact that i really do have some fixation on mythology that allows me to sorta.. vent my frustrations with religion. i grew up seventh-day adventist (just another one of the millions of christian denominations) and one of the biggest things that freaked me out as a kid was the fact that i had to fear god. i was supposed to have unending love and faith that this god was going to handle things on his own time -- that didn't bother me at the time. (it does now, though.) but what bothered me -- what terrified me -- was the fact that one wrong step or even one wrong thought could potentially damn me to hell.

and like... how fucked up is that, right? god punishes you for minor intrusive thoughts, works on his own time -- like fuck you and your needs and deadlines, god will get it done when he feels like it -- and any outcome is part of his plan? are you being fr? a close family friend lost her daughter in a freak accident two years ago. that woman was so devout; every other sentence was something about praising god. and her daughter was just like her mother. but she's just... gone. and you're telling me that was part of his plan? if god were as benevolent and gracious as you say he is, why isn't he doing anything to stop, oh i don't know, literally anything bad from happening.

so... that's the basis of this world, i suppose. let me explain:

the titans (yes, this is primarily greek mythology) created the world and mankind, but couldn't directly teach these humans what they needed to know to survive because their brilliance would overwhelm a human. so each titan consulted rhea, who is the mother of most of the olympian pantheon, to create messengers (or divine proxies) to teach the humans everything they needed to know. these divine proxies were simply the titans in a watered down divine form that mortals could tolerate and communicate with. but the proxies gained independence through faith. because the humans could only trust the divine beings that they could see and request help from, they began to worship these divine proxies (rhea's creations).

i like to think of faith as a power source for the divine. the titans don't necessarily need faith to sustain themselves and retain their divinity as they're fashioned out of pure cosmic energy. their power is infinite and eternal. but these divine proxies (henceforth called the pantheon) rely on faith to maintain their hold on mortals. without faith, worship, and devotion, they will inevitably wither away and die, or, if it's a minor niche deity, be absorbed into a larger deity's power.

and this is because in the real world, can god punish you for anything if you have no faith in him? not that you disparage him necessarily, but if you legitimately don't care/have never been introduced to god, how much hold can he really have on your life? all that "the end is nigh!" shit that doomer christians spew really doesn't concern you -- climate change does. i suppose this is a very epicurean take on things, but you get what i'm trying to say.

so anyways, the titanomachy occurs because the pantheon attempts to usurp the power of their creators. the titans can't really fight back without causing destruction on a cosmic level (i.e., wiping out every mortal in existence or changing the course of the stars), so they really have no choice but to sacrifice as much power as the pantheon can feasibly handle. after all, the pantheon is strengthened by the human's belief in their abilities. plus, like i mentioned earlier, the humans have no reason to believe that the gods of the pantheon aren't their real makers -- the titans could never interact with them without harming them, remember?

but as years, millienia, eons go by, the titans' abilities have decreased just enough for them to start using mortals as their proxies. as in, they choose a mortal who has the appropriate amount of energy to either withstand direct communication from the titan themself or house the titan's consciousness for a brief period to deliver messages or complete tasks. and because these mortal proxies exist, now the mortals have reason to believe that their true creators aren't the gods of the pantheon, but these cosmic beings who virtually exist on another plane.

so the world is split into different beliefs, basically. cults that revere the titans and churches that worship the gods.

(fun fact: the avrigian empire's imperial family actually have divine blood, as the god of the sun chooses a partner once every set number of years to maintain his hold on the people's faith. the xedian queendom, on the other hand, allows for the titan goddess of the moon to speak through the sitting ruler whenever she is summoned, allowing the ruler to be a titan's proxy and have the blessing of longevity, amongst other gifts. the two nations's primary source of conflict is religious, as xedians revere the titans while the avrigians revere the sitting pantheon.)

but, regardless of who you worship, neither divine being is willing to assist with the affliction. this affliction is essentially divine rage made into a physical miasma that poisons and kills any mortal being it comes into contact with. in its final stages, it blackens the appendages and kills someone. thaumaturges are meant to cleanse this by absorbing this divine hatred into their own bodies, cleansing it internally, and releasing the excess energy back into the world. however, if the affliction has progressed to the stage of limb darkening, the afflicted patient is likely beyond the point of saving. at that point, the disease must be cleansed lest the patient be revived by this otherworldly hatred and go on a rampage.

and i may or may not have a main antagonist who weaponizes this affliction to create an undead army and conduct human experiments on his wife and children first, then form a cult based on this. to him, the gods will never be happy, and the affliction is proof of that. they will forever maintain this rage, this hatred that poisons life -- wipes out entire ecosystems -- only for mortals to be the ones who are forced to suffer in their attempts to fix it. no amount of worship will save the mortals. your gods, titans, whoever you pray to will never listen. they want you dead. the point is to cause enough non-believers (or basically just kill enough people) to wipe out a major god of the pantheon. he and his supporters destabilize religious villages and revel in the destruction and death it causes with no regard for who it affects, man or god.

this cult is drawn to negativity, as they follow the stench of hatred. they try to infiltrate communities to incite violence amongst the people, inflict them with the scourge (the aforementioned affliction) and continue on the warpath of destruction. the goal is to cause the two biggest nations who have a long history of colonization and war (the avrigian empire and the xedian queendom) to go to war once more, as that could most certainly spell out doom for the entire world.

whew. i'm ngl, some of the stuff that i mentioned wasn't actually ever written down. revisions come to mind as i type, so i'm gonna be revising my notes once i finish my assigned reading for the day. (and start drafting a paper since it's due friday...)

[peaches-writes]

journey to the moon

description: lee minho of the southern village is as reckless and crazy as he is intelligent and curious but sometimes that’s okay member: minho / lee know genre: fluff, strangers to friends (?) au, historical au, mythological / fantasy au, implied forbidden lovers au word count: 3.1k warning: mentions of blood & a self-inflicted wound, implied death, explicit language, minho defying the laws of nature notes: repost bc it won’t show up on the tags for some reason?

Minho’s face reflects eerily vivid on the surface of the clear volcano lake illuminated by the bright silver light of the full moon, etching his furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips on in great detail the more he leans closer. Next to him in a similar kneeling position, his friend and guide, Bang Chan, teasingly places a hand on his back and pretends to push him in at this, chuckling when the other boy then leans back in response to glare back at him. “Careful there, Lee,” He reminds in between his amused laughs, deliberately ignoring the daggers being shot right on his face. “the lake, as much as it’s still for now, is still home to a 30-foot serpent.”

“I know, I was just admiring my face.” Minho rolls his eyes, eliciting more laughs from Chan. “Now, what do we do?”

“Now?” Chan raises his eyebrows, the younger boy nodding eagerly at this. “Now, we wait.”

“You said the serpent will come out at midnight—and it’s midnight.”

“Do you think monsters care about the time?” Chan only scoffs teasingly, gaze now trained to the vast lake ahead. “Don’t worry, the Priestess said that this particular monster will only come out around this hour! We won’t have to wait long.”

Minho sighs in frustration but eventually mirrors the older boy’s far-reaching gaze anyway, leaning back on the rocks and grass that cover the shore beneath him as he grips tightly on the arnis stick and bolo on both of his sides in preparation for his plans to prove Hyunjin and Jisung’s theory once and for all.

It’s the stupidest idea ever, even to the standards of his two aforementioned friends who accidentally planted the theory in Minho’s mind over a harvest ago. Climbing on the back of a lake serpent—even if it’s just a 30-feet one, considered a mere baby compared to the others of its kind around the archipelago—is unheard of in all of the islands for obvious safety reasons. As Seungmin has reasonably pointed out earlier this evening, “It’s better that you’re on the ground, banging pots and pans at the sea serpent to make it come back down, than being on its back and flying up to the moon with it.”  

But Minho insists on doing it and proving it possible, anyway, even when Hyunjin and Jisung have made it apparent that they only talked of it lightheartedly. Proving a clearly dangerous idea aside, he stubbornly doesn’t want to admit it to his friends that he has another reason to go through all this trouble—an even wilder and far-fetched motive that can, unfortunately, only be satiated by climbing on the damn serpent.  

As much as Minho is smart, he can be too curious about reckless and crazy things too.

“What in the name of the gods—? What the fuck, Minho?” After a dragging moment more of waiting, Chan turns to Minho and catches him impulsively slicing his arm open with his bolo, squeezing blood into the water. “Minho, no—stop!”

“It’s taking too long—fuck, ow, that hurts,” Minho hisses against the pain, shaking his fist for more droplets before resorting to placing his entire hand in the water. “maybe the damn monster needs an incentive.”

At this, a low grumble echoes in the distance, steel grey eyes peeking out of the lake right on the foot of the volcano. Chan’s own eyes widen at this, his hand instinctively flinging to Minho’s wrist and taking the boy’s hand out of the water. “Now, you’ve done it!” He exclaims in his panic, pulling himself and the younger boy up to a stand.

Seemingly unfazed, Minho only sheaths his bolo and removes Chan’s death grip on his wrist, wincing slightly in the process. “Well, at least, it worked or else we would’ve waited the entire night!” He points out as he then kicks his slippers off and dips a foot in the cold water with a shudder. “Anyway, I’m off! This monster’s going to take me to the moon!”

“Do you have a fucking death wish, Lee?!”

“I thought that was obvious when I asked you to accompany me tonight.” Minho chuckles dryly, proceeding to dip his other foot in and walking further in the water. Glancing over his shoulder to Chan’s mortified expression, Minho then sends him a wave before fully sinking in the water, swimming towards the fast-approaching serpent. “See you later! Don’t come in unless my head’s already decapitated or something!”

“What?! No, I’m coming i—” But before Chan could even finish that thought, Minho’s already throwing his arnis at the shrieking monster, the wooden stick hitting its eye and effectively distracting it. “Fuck.”

Right in the middle of the lake, Minho swims as fast as he can towards the wildly thrashing serpent, eliciting more sudden movements as he climbs onto its back. “Well, this is—this is easier than I thought,” He grunts in his struggle to hold onto the monster’s scaly skin, managing to climb up after with more effort. “The ride better be fucking—better be fucking worth it!”

Turning to Chan’s general direction as he climbs further up the serpent’s back, Minho then manages to flash a thumbs up at the older boy all the while avoiding the serpent’s attempts at turning around and devouring him. “I’m good!” He yells into the silence of the night, almost making Chan faint. “I’m all good!”

“Oh, dear, in the name of all gods,” The older boy sighs in complete worry, a hand now permanently glued to his temple as he tries his best to restrain himself from going in the water himself. “Damn it, Minho!”

But, as if Chan’s worried tone entered one ear and escaped to the other, Minho only climbs further, unsheathing his bolo once he’s reached the very back of the serpent’s crown and thrusting it deep into its scales that causes a violent and deafening shriek to echo across the entire island. “I’m sorry, buddy, I know it hurts,” Minho sighs impatiently once more, his free hand reaching forward to grip its equally scaly crown. “but I really need to get to the moon and you’re the only available ride on the island.”

The serpent throws its head around wildly in pain as Minho digs deeper into its flesh with the bolo until eventually, as if it finally understood his intentions, it begins lifting itself up from the water and into the night sky. Yelping both in surprise and victory, the boy then holds onto his bolo even tighter, resting his head on the serpent’s scales as it quickens its pace in rising out of the lake. “Wooh!” He exclaims into the cold air that welcomes his ascend upwards, looking down on the ground gradually growing smaller below his dangling feet before closing his eyes shut and turning his head back upwards. “Fucking heights.”

Clearly, Minho did not think too much on the possibility of succeeding.

Fortunately for him, the serpent’s ascend to the heavens is quick enough to cover his view of the earth below with the clouds not long after, prompting another sigh from his lips but this time in relief. Gazing up ahead, the moon grows bigger almost in the same pace as the earth disappear right behind him and effectively distracts him from his fear of great heights, its moonlight illuminating his curious eyes almost blindingly if not for the monster’s thin crown lining its entire head that provides a flimsy protection for his sight.

Minho now knows why humans can only look at the moon from the earth. “Wow…” He trails off in pure amazement, mouth falling agape and his free hand unconsciously reaching for its surface as it draws near.

In the distance, wood and ceramic could be faintly heard being banged against each other as people gaze up into an unexpected lunar eclipse. Minho can only imagine Hyunjin and Jisung cursing up at him from their homes at this hour, making him chuckle to himself. This’ll show them.

Finally, Minho then reaches the surface of the moon when the serpent stops and engulfs the heavenly body’s visible surface with itself. Quickly, he then takes his bolo out of the serpent’s flesh (much to more of its painful cries) and slides down from its back and onto the fine rocks of the ground, breaking into a sprint until he’s at a reasonable distance to not be devoured easily once the monster finishes tending to its wounds.

“So this is the moon…” He muses out loud, voice echoing into the overwhelming nothingness of space as he whips his head around in different directions.

He walks for a bit, observing the rocks and naming the nearby stars under his breath; only noticing your presence when he cautiously looks back over his shoulder at the lake serpent after. Taking a surprised step back, he catches your attention when he almost trips on a rock in the process, eyes widening and lips falling agape when your eyes meet.

Minho has an even wilder and far-fetched motive besides proving to Hyunjin and Jisung that riding the lake serpent is possible and it’s to prove your existence, the guardian of the seventh moon.

You stand next to the lake serpent with your hands hovering gently over its scales, producing a blue light that contrasts your red robes but more importantly seems to heal the stab wound faster. When your eyes meet Minho’s because of the sudden gasp that leaves his lips, you only laugh at his clumsy antics before beckoning him over with your hand. “I knew this serpent wouldn’t come here injured without bringing along its perpetrator.” You gesture to the lake serpent, now seemingly calm under your touch. “Come here.”

“I’m sorry—what?” Minho blinks twice and furrows his eyebrows, his bare feet unconsciously planting itself firmly in place because of his confusion.

Your soft smile doesn’t waver in front of him one bit and you beckon him over again with another wave of your hand in response. “The serpent won’t wake up until much later, don’t worry.” You assure him. “Come here, it’s rude to barge in someone else’s home, you know. The least you could do is introduce yourself.”

“Also, you’re injured.” You point out after as an afterthought, too, gesturing to the dried blood on his arm. “I saw from up here. Your friend was sort of right—you do seem like you have a death wish.”

If you were another person, Minho would’ve fired a witty retort at your remark but he decides on politely biting back his tongue for now as a precaution to what you’ll do if he unknowingly crosses a line with you. After a brief pause, he finally musters up a nod before cautiously striding towards you. Briefly looking up at the monster right above your heads, he then meets your eyes for the second time and shakily extends his clean hand out in the awkward space between the two of you. “I-I’m Lee Minho from the Souther—Southern village.”

You gladly accept his hand once you see the serpent’s stab wound fully healed from the corner of your eye, making Minho’s eyes widen again at the surprising warmth of your palms. “Y/N, guardian of the seventh and last moon.”

Minho didn’t know that you have a name. The elders often just referred to you as the Guardian of the Moon and its other variants. He reminds himself to remember this for later.

“So,” You snap him out of his daze right after, chuckling when Minho’s gaze perks up. “what do you want from me on this fine night? Besides healing your self-inflicted wound—can I?”

“What? Yes?” Minho furrows his eyebrows, letting you take his wounded arm in your hands anyway to quickly seal off the large cut.

“Minho, I don’t have to eavesdrop on your conversation with your friends to know that you wouldn’t go through all this trouble for nothing so tell me: what do you want from me?”

“I-I don’t,” Minho shakes his head slowly at you as you place his fully healed arm back on his side, still a bit cautious in your presence. “I don’t need anything from you. I was just curious—about the lake serpent and the moon.”

You nod in satisfaction and Minho’s unconsciously tensed shoulders relax at this. “That’s…huh, that’s a first. From what I’ve heard of my goddess and other protectors of the devoured moons, people usually climbed up to the heavens in the hopes of getting wishes or seeing the father god, things like that.” You muse out loud, shaking your head when he raises a curious eyebrow at you. “I don’t grant wishes, though, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I really am just curious about the serpent and the moon.” Minho repeats, earning him a nod from you. “Actually, you see, my friends said it’s impossible to get on the its back and climb up the moon but I wanted to prove them wrong—and also find out if you actually exist since I’ve always heard of you and the other protectors of the old moons from the elders.”

You smile even wider at this, heat rising up your neck. Waving dismissively at him, you clarify, “You’ve probably heard of the one before me, actually, the original protector of this moon. I just came here 48 harvests ago from when the moon goddess found me; that’s probably why your villagers either confuse my name or omit it altogether from stories.”

“Huh?”

You giggle at his returning confusion. “The original protector fell in love with a shapeshifter on your earth many moons ago so the goddess had to banish him from this realm. Changbin’s a demigod so it caused great confusion among everyone, both on this heaven and the earth, as much as it was difficult to replace him.” You then decide on elaborating further, the gears on Minho’s head immediately turning at the mention of the familiar name.

Of course he knew Changbin from one fo the neighbouring islands. With unmatched trading and leadership skills that is currently the talk of the elders, it’s no surprise to find out that he’s actually a demigod. He’s always seemed to carry himself rightfully high, after all. “Is that so?” Minho muses anyway, making you nod again.

“I’m seriously new to this whole thing and you’re my first human visitor, actually.” You point out. “Usually, it’s just the lake serpents coming over.”

At the mention of the monsters, Minho looks up at the sleeping serpent once again, gently stirring as if it had a cue and looking uncharacteristically peaceful as compared to just minutes ago. “Do they not try devouring your moon?”

“They try,” You sigh with pursed lips, letting out another giggle after. “but the high gods have made it impossible for them to do so. What would the earth be without the last moon in the night sky, right?”

Minho nods in agreement, half of his mind already wandering somewhere else —or rather someone else.

Observing you more casually now, he really does think he’s seen you somewhere before.

“So,” You snap him out of his daze again but this time, he barely gives a big surprised reaction. “Is that all you need?”

You have a faint inkling that he wants to ask you something more but he visibly shakes the thought away and answers, “No, I think I have everything I need.”

“In that case,” You then remove your bracelet from your wrist, detaching a small teardrop-shaped charm off of it and placing it at the palm of his cleaner hand. “Take this, in case your friends ask you for proof.”

“What is it?” He asks, his gaze flickering down to the dainty charm now on his palm.

Somehow, it looked familiar—almost like a distant memory that seems to replay in Minho’s head like a dream.

But you shrug, an unexpected response that makes him furrow his eyebrows again. “I don’t know either, to be honest. The moon goddess said she found me with it but it’s enchanted and brings rain in the evening.” You answer. “It’d be good for your village. It hasn’t rained in a while, right?” 

“How?” Minho asks next, whether it was directed to asking you about how the moon goddess found you or how the charm brings rain he’s not even sure anymore.

You answer both anyway. “The moon goddess found me on the brink of death from a small epidemic in my village—I just can’t remember exactly where I came from.” You frown before your eyes wander off to the charm and you quickly add, “Oh, wait, you mean the charm? You tie it around your rain maker and pray to the moon goddess! Sorry, that was really unnecessary information!”

“Oh, I see...I’m sorry about your—how the goddess found you, um,” Minho nods anyway, closing his fingers around the charm before looking up at you again. “I should...I should get going now, should I?”

He sees a small frown on your face but you quickly hide it away with a smile, nodding back at him. “Would you like to go back with the serpent or should I just send you home?” You ask him after. “I can’t grant wishes yet but I’ve been practicing enough magic to get to places!”

“I think I trust you with the magic more.” Minho chuckles as well, gulping nervously when the lake serpent comes into his peripheral vision once again and the thought of having to look down on the ground from a great height crosses his mind. 

“Alright, then.” You conclude, wearing your bracelet back on and clasping your hands together. “Just close your eyes and visualize where you want to go, I’ll take care of the rest.”

And Minho obliges, closing his eyes and thinking of the lake where below. Chan still better be there or else.

The last thing Minho remembers of this journey is the feeling of your warm hands on his temples and your soft chant to a spell in your ancient tongue.

When he opens his eyes again, Chan’s hovering over him worriedly, the moon glowing faintly just behind the red-haired boy.

“Are you okay?” He asks tiredly, helping the younger boy up to a proper sit. “I just came back from the village. What happened?” 

Opening his closed fists, Minho and Chan immediately freeze at the sight of the teardrop-shaped charm and that’s when it becomes just slightly clearer to him.

“Is that—?” Chan asks in disbelief, pointing curiously at the unmistakable trinket.    

“The moon goddess found me on the brink of death from a small epidemic in my village—I just can’t remember exactly where I came from.” Your voice seems to echo back in Minho’s thoughts. 

Only then does he realize that he’s definitely met you somewhere before and it’s all the more reasons for him to try and see you again.  

[kirnet]

32 for benny/raiden!

32. things you said right after hello, taken from this prompt list here

1.8k words

Benita’s nailless fingers burned as she dug them into the guard’s cheeks, but she was well practiced at ignoring the pain.  It might have been more threatening if they hadn’t been ripped off one by one by the torturer a few minutes before; she could have clawed, drawn some blood to mix with the guard’s pitiful tears and mucus. But ultimately it didn’t matter. Her torturer lay dead on the floor of her cell, and if his sniveling was any indication, this guard knew exactly what she was capable of.

“P-Please,” he sniffled, bringing a hand up to grab Benita’s wrist. “I just work here! I have a -”

“The storage room,” she interrupted, her voice hoarse from all the screaming, barely audible over the blaring alarm. The guard whimpered as she pushed against his face. “Where is it?”

“And you’ll let me go?”

She didn’t deign to answer him, instead letting the light build behind her eyes. “I will not ask again.” 

Moments later Benita had her answer and the guard’s body lay spasming on the floor, the electric charge she had forced through his skin still making its way through his muscles. She dropped to her knees and rifled his service belt, passing over his firearm with disgust in favor of a pocket knife. It was much smaller than the spear that had been forged to fit perfectly in her hand, but she would make it work.

Pushing down the pang of sadness at the thought of her sacred weapon, she started down the corridor, her bare footsteps muted by the alarm. Anti-Themi reinforcements would be arriving soon, with Benita their top priority. If she wanted to leave this station alive, she would need what remained of her armor. With any luck, the prison break would engulf the whole station and her fellow escapees would be willing to give her a ride out of here.

And if not, she could make them.

Despite the urgency, she slowed as she passed her neighbor, Cell 46. It was open and empty. Odd. Hers had been the only other cell opened on this block, though most of the cells here were empty. This was the maximum security ward. The “Gallows,” as the guards had called it when they dragged her sedated body to the cell, was reserved for either the most dangerous inmates or the ones with the most information to be tortured out of them. Benita had the misfortune of belonging to both groups. Who escaped here?

She shook the thought away. Storage room. Armor. Spear. Escape. That was all that mattered.

The guard had spoken true, and soon Benita found herself at the down the hall from the storage room. The journey had been easier than expected. More and more detainment blocks opened as she moved, overwhelming any resistance she would face. The sedatives they kept her constantly pumped full of dulled her senses, but adrenaline and pure rage had given her enough power to dispatch any guard that had crossed her path. The knife has been abandoned, imbedded in an enemy’s chest. She had no more need for it. Not with her spear within reach.

“I need the-” 

“Could you hold on a fucking minute?”

Benita paused outside the ajar door. Guards? Or other prisoners?

“My father will hear about this.”

“Not if we’re all dead. But please, keep screaming and alerting any guards who weren’t already aware of us.” A new voice. So not guards. 

Remembering her hunting training, Benita silently inched the door open. The storage room was filled with stacks of crates, most of them carefully organized and arranged in aisles. The exception was in the middle of the room, where four people riffled through individual crates that had been brought down from the taller stacks. Two of them, a pale redhead woman and a dark haired Asian man, were dressed in ill-fitting guard uniforms. The other two, a beautiful dark-skinned woman in a lab coat and a tan man in the same prison jumpsuit that Benita wore, were quietly arguing as they searched. Recognition tingled at the back of her brain, but she couldn’t quite place where she knew the other prisoner from.

The redhead gasped and pulled something from the crate, the excitement on her face falling as she held it up. “It’s a… cylinder?” 

The light surged behind her eyes again, matching Benita’s rage. A cylinder? It might appear as such to the ignorant, but that weapon had been created by the finest Justiciar craftsmen for- Benny relaxed her fist. This should not matter to her anymore. She had forfeited all claims to any Themi glory. Still, she wanted the spear back.

Dropping low, she stalked forward behind the redhead, the others too invested in their own tasks to notice. Rising, Benita wrapped her arm around the redhead’s throat, her arm just short of crushing her windpipe. Her victim gasped and dropped the collapsed spear, which Benita snatched from the air with her free hand. Sucking in a breath of her own, she tucked the spear under her arm and pressed her palm against the woman’s head. Her companions seemed not to have noticed, their noses still in their respective crates. “If you comply, I will not harm you,” she whispered in the captive’s ear. She could feel her heart hammering through her throat.

The man in front of them, still seemingly unaware of her presence, gasped and tore something from the crate. “Holy shit,” he muttered as he held it aloft. Benita’s grip tightened on the woman’s neck. In his hands was a light breastplate scarred by both blaster bolt and spearpoint. To Benita’s relief, the small orange nodes on the shoulder straps seemed to be intact.

Ignoring the sudden heaviness of her body, Benita cleared her throat. “Excuse me?”

The dark haired man jumped, but to his credit, he recovered quickly. He turned smoothly on his heel, a hand inching towards his sidearm. “Well,” he looked her up and down, an audacious smirk forming on his lips. “Hello, there”

“If you want your friend to live,” Benita rasped. “Put that down, along with your rifle.” She shot a glance at the other woman. “And anything that you have.”

“You’re not seriously going to-” the woman in the lab coat silenced as the man gently set the mangled breastplate down, then removed his rifle sling and side arm. His smile remained, though Benita noticed that his hands trembled as he brought them up from the weapons. Good. So he knows what I am.

“It’s alright, Doc.” The man leaned back on the crate as the doctor dropped her weapon, his hands still in the air. “It’s ok, Esther. She won’t hurt you.”

“You sure about that, Raiden?” the redhead - Esther- croaked feebly against Benita’s arm. 

Raiden raised his hand to silence whatever outburst the other prisoner was about to make. “Oh, sure. If she wants off this station, why would she kill our star pilot?” His smirk grew wider.

Benita scowled. She released Esther, who fell to the floor gasping. The doctor rushed forward, dropping to the ground and gently checking her throat. Benita ignored them, pushing past Raiden and snatching up the breastplate. She had to force herself put it on slowly. “You are responsible for the prison break?”

“Yeah. Thanks for being such a great distraction. They’re scrambling to find you.” Despite Raiden’s relaxed pose, Benita could feel the tension radiating off him. He unclenched his jaw. “So where’s the rest of the armor?”

She slipped the breastplate over her head. Despite the added weight on her shoulders, she felt lighter than she had in...weeks? Months? When had she first been captured? She shook her head. That wasn’t important right now. What was important was how much this man knew of her. Few uninitiated could distinguish the truth of the Themi from their bloated mythology. Fewer still could identify one on sight. “Whatever you think you know of the Themi-” 

“I know enough to strike a deal.” He turned to her fully now, sparing a glance at Esther as she got off the floor. “I need to be somewhere else. These guys need to get to the ship safely, and I can’t be there to protect them.” His companion’s protested, the other prisoner the loudest, but Raiden just leaned in closer. “We have a ship in the hangar and one hell of a pilot. Get these two and our cargo,” he nodded towards the prisoner, “through any guards or prisoners and we’ll drop you off on some backwater colony. You can start over.”

Tempting, but...“And stoop to your level?” Benita palmed the spear, grateful for its comforting weight. “Why should I help you escape with him?” She closed in on the prisoner, the “46″ visible on his chest as he backed away from her. Ah yes, I remember now. “Don Lepora’s son, no? I am certain the Themi have a warrant out for your execution.” She tapped him on the chest with the collapsed spear, tilting her head as he whimpered. “I could do it right now,” she growled.

“And I’m sure you would if you were still a Themi, right?” Raiden slung his rifle strap back over his torso, ignoring Benita’s glower. “Oh, come on. No armor and you’re in prison? You’re just as bad as the rest of us.” His scruffy face suddenly changed, smile dropping. He pulled the glove off of one hand and extended it towards her. “You could put that behind you. Or at least escape the torture.”

The Themi code was quite clear about how to proceed. She should kill Raiden, then Lepora, then the other two women, then everyone on the damned prison station. There would be no redemption, no exceptions, just pure justice. But Raiden was right: despite the code’s persistent hold on her, she was no longer a Themi. She had spat on their code and spurned their traditions. Now she was nothing but a common thug, naked without her power armor. Perhaps this was her divine punishment.

She took his hand, her bloody fingers staining his own as she squeezed. “I will escort them.” Raiden had the audacity to wink.

She would hold up her end of the bargain, that much was only honorable. And she would go as far as that ship would take her from this accursed station. But one thing was clear to Benita as she unsheathed the spear from its collapsed state: this man was her enemy.

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Top 10 Things I Love About Supernatural

It’s been almost half a year since the show ended and now that the dust has settlIed, I just want to list ten reasons I love this show. Despite it’s flaws, it’s been quite the ride.

1. Team Free Will

When I first got the idea to make this list, I originally planned on doing entirely separate entries for “Sam & Dean” and “Destiel”. Except then I wanted to pay tribute to “Sastiel”. And then I wanted to do an entry for “Team Free Dads”. By that point, I was already halfway through the list and I hadn’t even moved on from the main characters. A few months ago, I made a post about why I love every single pairing in this group. Obviously, Sam and Dean are a legendary duo. Obviously, Dean and Cas have an unparalleled story. Obviously, Sam and Cas are an underrated team. As for Team Free Dads, I’ve always had a soft spot for father/mentor figure characters and and all three tackle the role in different ways. I love Jack, too. I love how everyone in this bizarro family is “broken” in some way. We’ve got the Allistair’s prized pupil, the spawn of satan, the boy with demon blood, and the angel who nearly obliterated all of heaven. But they help each other heal by being supportive and seeing the good in each other. They all love each other so deeply and when together, nothing can stand in their way. Not Michael, not Lucifer, and not God himself. They tore up the book and wrote their own story. And it was a pleasure to watch it all unfold.

2. The Suppporting Characters

To list every single supporting character I have loved and lost in this show would take way too long. I don’t know if it’s the writing or acting performances, but I love pretty much every single supporting character on this show. Even villains like Azazel or Allistair are top-notch villains. Hell, I even like characters like Metatron, Lucifer, Mary, and John! Characters like Rufus, Charlie, Crowley, Rowena, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mick...how am I not supposed to love them??? All of their stories were cut so short. I’d watch a show about any of these characters. The Wayward Sisters were robbed. So many ships were gone too soon (Sam/Rowena, Dean/Jo, Cas/Meg, Etc.). So many heartbreaking deaths. I want to be best friends with all these characters. Why be a “dean-girl” or a “sam-girl” when you can be a garth-girl? A kevin-girl? A claire-girl? A bela-girl? There are so many great characters with interesting and compelling backstories and so much untapped potential. I could go on forever on this, but I digress.This show has one of the best supporting casts I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

3. The Themes

It’s no accident that I got addicted to this show at the time that I did. Namely, my Senior Year of College and 2020. Graduating college and entering the “real world” felt like it’s own sort of apocalypse. 2020 definitely exacerbated my worst tendencies. Messages like “family don’t end in blood”, “you can write your own story”, and “always keep fighting” really resonated with me. I could definitely relate to the feelings of insecurity these character’s felt and the ways they suppressed/repressed their issues instead of facing them. I could relate to the feelings of not fitting in and I could definitely relate to the loneliness. This show helped remind me that I’m not alone. That it’s okay if my values and identity don’t line up with the what I envisioned for myself. And, most importantly, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that I should never give up. If Dean, Sam, and Cas can keep moving forward despite their demons and despite how bad it gets, so can I. Regardless of how the story ended, these themes resonated with me and I’ll still hold them with me. A single episode can’t take that away.

4. The Fun Episodes

This show has so many legendary standalone episodes. Changing Channels. Ghostfacers. The French Mistake. Fan Fiction. Tall Tales. Bad Day at Black Rock. When this show goes for the absurd, it goes all-in. It takes the risks it needs to take, it gets completely insane, and it pulls it off. So many of these episodes could have easily been the moment that the show “jumped the shark”. Yet, time after time, the show delivered on it’s potential. I don’t know how much I can say about these episodes except that they made me laugh out loud, made me fall even harder for these characters, and that they’re the episodes I remember best. If I were to rewatch any episode, it would be one of the fun ones. This show knew how to not take itself too seriously and how to poke fun at itself. I’ve always had a soft spot for shows that can make me laugh and cry (X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Doctor Who, etc.), and this show definitely nails the fun part. 

5. The Sad Episodes

Death’s Door. Hammer of the Gods. Despair. Carry On. Abandon All Hope. In My Time of Dying. Swan Song. When this show wants you to cry, it doesn’t pull the punches. It gets downright devastating. No character is safe. Literally every character you love will either be forgotten or will die. Or both. The amount of trauma Sam and Dean have to go through is insane. Both have literally been to hell and back. Both have killed countless people, including innocents. When this show decides it wants to wreck you, it’s overwhelming. I sobbed when Bobby died. I sobbed when every single member of Team Free Will died for the final time (I still can’t watch any of those scenes). I still wish Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Kevin, Mick, and Gabriel had been given more time to tell their stories. Being a hunter means a life of endless angst. Being an angel or demon doesn’t get you off the hook, either. I remember going into this show thinking it couldn’t hurt me. My favorite character type is “mentor/father figure”. But holy hell...I don’t think every single sad moment was necessarily good writing, but when it was? Damn. 

6. The Biblical Themes

I’m not a relgious person. But, despite this show being steeped in Christian mythology, it really touched on my feelings about the Old Testament in a profound way. Well, really just Ben Edlund and Robbie Thompson did. I’ve never seen a show really hit the overall feel of the bible the way this show does. The idea of Angels as mystical and terrifying creatures. The idea of God as a flawed father figure with a penchant for wrath. The sheer epicness of the biblical stories. The idea of family members constantly being turned on each other. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Essau. Moses and Ramses. Moses and Aaron. Abraham and Isaac. The bible is full of stories of family drama. This show doesn’t always give angels and demons weight. Sometimes it’s silly and stupid and cheesy. But when it hits right? It’s epic. This is more of a personal thing I love about the show, but definitely a plus!

7. The Music

The early seasons music is so good. I really miss the classic rock of the golden era of the show. I mean, there are still some great musical moments later on, but damn. I loved hearing songs I recognized and I loved learning new songs. I loved when the song and the scene hit perfectly in time (Death’s intro. Cas’s return in Season 13.). Also Supernatural wouldn’t be Supernatural without the ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’ song at the end of every season. Even at the end of a season I didn’t love, that recap would always get me pumped. Also Chuck singing Fare Thee Well? Dean and Lee singing together? Fan Fiction? All great. 

8. The Cast & Crew

I never care about the actors or actresses in a show. I definitely don’t bother with the names of specific writers and directors or their styles of writing/directing. They’re just random people who happen to write for or play these characters I love. They’re not actually the characters. But these guys? Well, for one, I’m pretty sure half this cast actually is their character. At least to some degree. They’re also just...really cool people? Who are all friends? They make a point to do community service, to interact with fans, and to promote positive ideas. Jared’s Always Keep Fighting campaign. Misha and GISH. The fact that they all participate in fundraising opportunities and encourage fan engagement. Do they all have issues? Definitely. Have they said stupid things? Yes. But the good far outweighs the bad. They’re an entertaining bunch whether onscreen or not and I hope they all do well in whatever their future endeavors may be.  

9. The Fandom

I joined this fandom late. To be honest, I thought this fandom was obnoxious before I found myself a part of it. Now that I’ve been in the trenches? It’s got it’s ups and downs like any fandom. There are some parts that are more toxic than others. A lot of people yelling that their opinion is the only opinion. But overall? The good outweighs the bad. And the good? The good is great. Some fanfictions I’ve read are better than actual books I’ve read and just as moving. The fanart? Incredible. I love reading all the metas about random aspects of the show I never would have noticed. I love the music videos and I love the analytical videos. In real life, I’ve made many friends through our mutual love of this show. Hell, even getting sucked into GISH once or twice has given me some solid memories and brought me closer to friends. I wish all fandoms were this much like family. I’m so glad I got to be a part of this fandom and I can’t wait to continue being a fan. After all, nothing ever stays dead in Supernatural.

10. The Chaos & Insanity

Season 16 has been a time. First, Destiel went canon. Then suddenly Sherlock was having a 5th season, Putin was retiring, and Georgia was going blue. Destiel going “canon” and Joe Biden winning the presidency will always be correlated in my mind now. Things in the fandom went from quiet to blaringly loud real fast. Carry On happened. The fandom went into a civil war. I can’t even remember half of what happened in Season 16, but it’s been a wild ride. There’s been ups (my personal favorite being the french dub and the Saileen wedding). There’s been downs (Jared’s controversial statements and the original scripts being leaked). At one point Misha Collins had sex with Bill Clinton???? It’s been a wild time. It’s honestly gotten me through the end of this pandemic. At least it’s entertaining. I would say that at least all the craziness is over, but is it ever really over? Every time I say that something else completely insane happens. But it’s been fun. I’m glad I started watching this show despite my reservations and here’s to whatever happens next. 

[doctorgerth]

Matchup for @hashirass

I'm 20 years old, 1,68m, ENFP, female, bissexual (with a *slight* preference for men), scorpio with asc in capricorn and moon in sagittarius. I'm have very short and curly hair, pale skin, green eyes and a slim body. Both my ears and right eyebrow are pierced and I have a huge japanese tattoo on my back. I love books, video games, music, sports and greek mythology, very nerdy when you got to know me lol Hmmm i think i'm very independent and ambitious, i won't drop my dreams in any circumstances. I'm really open to talk about anything, preferring to solve my problems with someone without a scandal. In general a people person, very easy going, laid back and a bit chaotic when i'm pumped up. I love to tease the hell out of my dear ones, although I'm very respectful with people's limits and delicate subjects. I can't tolerate any kind of prejudice and will snap with someone who's being a jerk without second thoughts. Also, sometimes i need my own space to figure out what i'm doing with my life lol. Ooooh and i love affection, not the gross clingy type but please gimme some cuddles? Some kisses, and hugs, too! And AHDUWHHSHAHF well, i'm a bit naughty sometimes. I like to explore my kinks and i don't consider sex as a taboo. Totally open to try new things.

So happy to do a matchup for you, love! Hope you enjoy who I’ve picked for you. 💖

Your match is...

Koala (Scorpio, ESFJ)

Appearance wise, you two look absolutely adorable together! Two short-haired beauties with beautiful back tattoos that you both adore on each other. Your style next to her cutesy steam-punk style makes you two look so so cute when side by side. 

As for personality, she absolutely adores your nerdy habits and hobbies. Koala can be considered a bit nerdy herself, so you two find a lot of things in common. But she is more than excited to be introduced to some of your favorite things. Some have become her own favorites and she enjoys that you two can gush over stuff that makes you happy. Even if it’s something she doesn’t care for, she still supports your infatuations and could listen to you gush all day long. Having a nerdy girlfriend is cute and she loves to brag about you. Since you’re so interested in various topics, you’re a well-rounded person and can make any conversation exciting with your random knowledge. Koala is deeply attracted to your intelligence as it’s one of the sexiest things about you to her. 

Koala is pretty independent herself, so she also appreciates that you two don’t have to constantly be around each other. You can both go off and do your own thing with no complaints that you two don’t spend enough time together. This is especially helpful as Koala has to be away from you quite a lot due to missions and meetings. Knowing you’re not upset with her for being gone for weeks, maybe months at a time, really eases her mind while she is away. That doesn’t mean you two don’t miss each other of course! When she returns home, she makes sure to bring you a new book or a record every time, or some other kind of trinket that reminds her of you while she was away. 

Your openness and determination to fix problems is truly beneficial in your relationship. Koala is much happier in life now, but that doesn’t mean her past demons don’t come back to haunt her every now and then. She has some trust issues that will resurface occasionally and when she has bad days, they are really bad. Thankfully, she has you. You give her a love that she’s never experienced before, a kind of deep, unconditional love that makes the bad days better. She would never do anything to jeopardize that, but remember to be gentle with her. She can shut down at times, but don’t take this as her shutting you out. You can understand as you like to have space in order to figure things out when life gets overwhelming, so there really shouldn’t be any misunderstandings in your relationship. 

Another thing she loves about your relationship is that you two truly radiate as a couple when around others. The both of you are very outgoing, kindhearted people that know how to have a good time. Koala is a bit more relaxed, but she’s used to chaotic nature thanks to Sabo. So, when you’re having a grand ole time, she much prefers to sit back and watch you with the biggest smile on her face. 

She might get pouty and puff out her cheeks about your teasing, but you both know she really loves it. She actually gets concerned when you go a whole day without teasing her! Through time, she’s really learned how to dish it right back, so when you two are in your teasing mood, you both come off as very flirtatious with one another. Which is pretty cute, especially after years of being with each other. 

Your dislike for prejudices and the desire to protect those who are being mistreated is arguably what she most loves about you. You two share the same ideals, and she’s even offered you a chance to join the Revolutionary Army because of your drive to fight for justice. Aside from the Revolutionary Army, you two get involved with your community in any way you can, giving help to those in need! You two feel happiest when working together to help others. 

Oh, Koala is an absolute sucker for your affections. She’s a bit touch starved, but also still a bit jumpy when it comes to people touching her without warning. You have to overcome this imbalance, but once you do, Koala is definitely down for some cuddles. She’s never over the top with it, unless you are wanting Koala bear cuddles, but just sitting beside you and laying her head on your shoulder, her legs in your lap, or even holding your hand is enough to make her so full of love for you! She’s also very much a giver when it comes to cuddles; playing with your hair, massaging you, and just running her fingers along your skin until you fall asleep in her arms! Forehead kisses are her favorite type of kisses, both giving and receiving. There’s something so innocent about them, but they're also a symbol of the immense love and respect between the two of you. Tender is a good word to describe your physical affections!

As for sexy times, Koala is an open book. Anything you’re wanting to try, she’s willing to try at least once. Nothing is taboo to her and she’s never shy in any kind of discussions on sex. She has a fair share of kinks herself (light bdsm, role play, just to name a couple) that she’d love to introduce you to if you have yet to try them. The two of you have a wonderful sex life because you recognize that communication is most important in making things pleasurable for both parties! You two always know how to have fun with each other, whether you’re having a super kinky night or the most vanilla love-making in the world. What makes it incredible is that it’s you two taking the time to love each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Other potential suitors:

Sabo (Pisces, ENTP) - I don’t find it coincidental that Sabo and Koala have similar tastes. You’re quite similar to Koala, so it was kind of inevitable for you and Sabo to get along as he has a good relationship with her. But, in some ways, you’re also quite similar to Sabo. There are enough similarities and differences in your relationship to keep things exciting! You two are both full of energy when together and always know how to enjoy each other’s company. He’s definitely just as independent, a free spirit, but ever since forming a relationship with you, he finds himself more grounded and wanting to be around you more. One of the best people to go to for cuddles, because he’s so warm! And he won’t say no to holding you in his arms. That feral energy of his definitely comes out in the bedroom, and if you add yours in, damn is the sex gonna be wild. Also, just wanna add - if you’re into polyamory, I could totally see Koala x you x Sabo as a thing. 

Bonney (Virgo, ESTP) - Ah, the chaotic energy that spills forth when you two are together. Truly a force to reckoned with, and your life with Bonney is never short of exciting. The pirate is balls to the wall with nearly everything she does, and that includes loving you. She’s very passionate about you and it shows in every aspect of your relationship. Even if she is a little tsundere at times...thinks your nerdiness is adorable and can definitely take some teasing from you. But you better expect to receive some back! Can surprisingly be clingy when she gets in certain moods? But she never tries to overwhelm you. Gets a little blushy when you lay your head in her lap. One of the kinkiest bitches out there so you might want to prepare yourself. She feeds off of your naughtiness and will wear you out every single time. Better work on your stamina.

Law (Libra, ISTJ) - When I think of nerdy, I can’t help but think of Law. I mean come on, he’s a total nerd himself. And he needs an extroverted, nerdy girlfriend. Thankfully, there’s you! You two have a lot of similar interests and therefore, Law could never be bored with you. You’re much more outgoing than he is, but instead of contradicting each other, it actually brings a good balance into your lives. Law is a grade A tease, both in and out of the bedroom, so to have someone to challenge and tease him back? Well, I’ll just say he really likes that about you and that really *ahem* adds some spice to your relationship. He’s a little shy with showing affection at first, but damn is he a great kisser. And you receive lots of them, behind closed doors of course.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

The sequels to Curse of the Black Pearl are, in a word… divisive. Some think they’re pretty good. Others think they’re pretty bad. Still others argue over which ones are good and which ones are bad, saying there’s a noticeable drop in quality after a certain point, while some such as Doug “The Nostalgia Critic” Walker go as far as to say all of the sequels suck and only the first is any good. And while I’m certainly willing to admit most of the sequels are bloated, messy, and if not bad at least not up to snuff, I will go with the popular consensus here: the second film is a damn good film.

Now, of course, it has some serious problems, problems that would eventually consume the franchise. This is where the abundance of slapstick set in, the major focus on Jack, and the bloat of numerous subplots. However, unlike later films (especially the fifth, which tried to juggle way too many subplots), I think this is less of a huge issue here. It definitely is a bit more goofy than the first film with a lot of physical comedy being a lot more overt and a lot more jokes being in the script, but I think it works generally speaking, particularly in regards to Jack. And speaking of Jack, while he definitely hogs the spotlight more than ever in this film, at this point he is still amusing and entertaining, and there is actually solid focus put on the old characters and the new ones. Characters like Norrington return and get enjoyable expansion to their character arcs, while new additions like Tia Dalma and Bill Turner make their mark on the franchise and earn their place in the series.

The one thing I can’t particularly excuse is the bloat, as this movie does have a lot going on, but at the same time it is FAR less than the sequels. Still, runtimes don’t lie, and this film is two and a half hours long and feels it. Some of this definitely has to do with some sequences that could have been easily trimmed down or cut out without effecting too much, such as the detour to the island of cannibals or some of the scenes in the middle of the movie. Hell, even if it is plot relevant the trip to Tortuga seems a bit tacked on. Still, these detours do lead to a lot enjoyable sequences, so even if they do drag the movie on a bit, am I really going to complain? How mad can I get at the cannibal sequence when it has the iconic image of Jack being chased by natives? Am I really gonna get mad at Tortuga when it gives me the sight of Norrington chugging rum he steals off people in a big pirate bar fight while Jack steals people’s hats during that same fight?

The other thing I dislike, though it is relatively minor, is the rather forced love triangle between Jack, Will, and Elizabeth. Despite what some fans made it seem like, this wasn’t really a huge part of the plot, and it certainly doesn’t overwhelm the story, but this film certainly does not do itself any favors by setting up such a contrived source of drama. Speaking of contrivance, this film really has a lot of characters conveniently wander right where they need to be to partake in the story, and it gets a bit corny after a while. Still, these things are dumb but they don’t overwhelmingly ruin the film in any meaningful way.

One of the things I think this movie does genuinely well is ease the series into more high fantasy aspects. While I am a bit sad they couldn’t stick to the simpler, low fantasy elements that made the first film so cool and unique, it’s hard for me to be mad when they craft such a rich, intriguing mythology. This movie introduces The Flying Dutchman and its undead crew; they were originally to be little more than ghosts, but it was decided by cooler, more intelligent heads that they should all be a bunch of horrendous aquatic abominations, which leads to some unique and grotesque designs. The fact the ship can also summon a kraken is nothing short of awesome, and the mythical beast is put to excellent use in this film

Of course, the very best thing about this film is easily Davy Jones, the grotesque and cruel captain of The Flying Dutchman. I mentioned in my review of the first film that he is easily the best villain of the franchise, and I stand by it due to three factors. The first is the writing; while it is definitely expanded upon to great effect in the third film, here is where the foundation is built for the ultimate tragedy of the character. Davy Jones is a broken man, a man driven by his own pain and bitterness. He lets the suffering that ruined his life consume him and in his anger he lashes out at the world, taking his anger out on others. The second is the fantastic motion capture. Even now in this day and age, Jones looks fantastic and even realistic to a degree. You can tell that the team who worked on him was proud of him, because they really showed off with bringing all of the difficult textures to life, from his slimy tentacles to his barnacle-encrusted coat. Jones is a character who looks and feels like he’s there, and he’s the sort of motion capture character I think others should aspire to. Of course, the third and biggest reason he’s amazing is Bill Nighy’s fantastic, hammy performance. The animation can only do so much to bring Jones to life; you need a fantastic actor to really seal the deal. Bill Nighy is that actor. He gives Jones a hammy Scottish accent, he swaggers about, he moves and twitches and gives the perfect inflections and mannerisms to make Jones a truly memorable antagonist.

While he’s overshadowed by Jones – and let’s be fair, who wouldn’t be – Lord Cutler Beckett definitely establishes himself as a cunning antagonist. He’s much less of a physical threat and in this film is more set up as a greater-scope villain, but since I imagine they wanted him to be established as a smug, condescending bastard you want to see get taken down, they definitely did their job well. He’s definitely better in the next film, but I think they do a decent job of establishing him.

This film also carries on a lot of the good qualities of its predecessor, namely the wonderful action scenes. Things are far more over-the-top and even silly this time, such as the iconic water wheel duel between Norrington and Will (contrary to what you might believe, Jack is not on top of the wheel; that image is one you may have picked up from Epic Movie), but I think generally speaking it works here. The score is, of course, fantastic, the sets are wonderful, the costuming is great, and the special effects are very good and hold up well. This is a very solid film that I think succeeds at it’s main goal despite its problems, and that goal is giving audiences more wacky adventures with Jack Sparrow.

This is certainly no perfect film, and it’s not on the same level as the first one, but I think this is a great film all the same, and it’s frankly a shame the sequels could just not keep the pace up. I think this is one of the rare times where a movie that is clearly and obviously setting up a lot for a sequel is still an enjoyable standalone film in its own right; it’s sort of like The Empire Strikes Back, just… well, not as good obviously. This is the last truly great Pirates film, and while I do have fondness for at least two of the sequels, neither are as good or memorable as this or the first.

If nothing else, this movie has some of my favorite stories about the development of the franchise. The first is Jack’s little “jar of dirt” song, which was unscripted and left in; you can see Orlando Bloom looking to the director, wondering if he’s going to cut the scene. The second is the ending; everyone thought Zoe Saldana would be walking down the stairs in Tia Dalma’s hut, but Saldana was never coming back and had almost quit acting due to her negative experiences on the first film. So when you see everyone looking on in shock as Geoffery Rush’s Barbossa descends those steps and takes a huge, cheerful bite out of that apple, that’s their genuine reactions.

And you know what? It really is a perfect ending right there. It still gets me to this day, it’s just so effortlessly cool. And I think that’s what makes this film truly great even with its baggage. It still finds ways to just so effortlessly be cool that you forget some of the dumber bits bogging it down, excuses that the later films just couldn’t muster up. Oh well, at least this made sure Barbossa was in those other films.

[thesinglesjukebox]

LANA DEL REY - THE GREATEST

[7.71]

The discourse is lit...

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Lana Del Rey's embrace of decades-old American culture has always been a window into the present, so it's no surprise that her invocations of rock music and Dennis Wilson's deaths on "The Greatest" are signposts for our own inevitable demise. But even before she concludes the song with ruminations on California wildfires, Hawaii's false missile alert, and the possible necessity of colonizing Mars, you can sense the knowing dread in the midsong guitar solo and her affected vocalizing. She declares that she's "wasted" with poise and romantic longing, stretching the word out into a rallying cry; she intimates that debauchery is not just an expected response to contemporary anxieties, but an empowering action in times of seeming powerlessness. She channels that same depressing spirit in her semi-ironic delivery of the song's most memorable couplet -- "The culture is lit and I had a ball/I guess that I'm burned out after all" -- toying with its dual meaning to succinctly portray how escapism in end times isn't indecent behavior, but a necessary means toward survival and acceptance of one's fate. The sparse guitar strums and piano melodies that close out the song anticipate the somber eventuality that awaits us, but can that be much worse than right now? Worse than a time when "dancing with you" and "doing nothing" can be nostalgic pastimes due to never ending stress? Whatever the case, we'll collectively watch as it happens; it's the "live stream" that Lana hints at in the final line, and it'll be of cinematic proportions: "the greatest loss of them all." [9]

Joshua Copperman: "The culture is lit, and if this is it‚ I had a ball." This line is everything I hate about the aesthetics of this decade, but it IS the aesthetic of this decade, at least the latter half. Apart from rare, usually unintentional exceptions, something about 2010s voice-of-a-generation songs always felt pat, apparently because they had hope. We need songs for an age when everything is so overwhelming and impossible that there's nothing left to do but give up, give in, and bide your time until the flames -- the literal ones or the David Foster Wallace ones -- consume you too. (Who by fire, who by water vapor.) The cool, detached gloominess of "The Greatest" sends the opposite message to the one producer Jack Antonoff sent years ago; I don't want to get better, because there's no time left and no point. Lana was "doing nothing most of all," and that's why she's become the figurehead for this decade's music. Not Gaga. Not Beyonce. Not Lorde. Lana. Lana won the race to the bottom because she was there first; maybe a writer once took her sadness out of context, yet if someone said "I wish I was dead already" today, the response would not rise beyond a shrug of 'mood.' I don't even like this song that much as a song. It's slow and dreary, and that "culture is lit" line sounds hackneyed and pandering in its own way. But it's because of that artificiality that the line feels authentic, which was Lana's whole thing in the first place. Maybe I'm just bitter that she became so important when I wasn't looking. To paraphrase another, equally 2019 line, I hate to see it. Especially when I was so blind the whole time. [7]

Josh Buck: "I miss New York, and I Miss you. Me and my friends, we miss rock and roll." As Lana del Rey laments her Big Apple days, it feels like a lifetime since she was a Brooklyn Baby, singing Lou Reed with her boyfriend's band. She ventured out west to create an entire California fantasia and over a handful of albums, she built a cinematic version of the Golden State that was vibrant and full of endless sun and limitless romantic possibilities; even if it was all tinged with just a dab of noir-ish danger. It was a world as fully realized and teeming with mythology as a great novel. And "The Greatest" is where she watches it all burn down. "I'm facing the greatest loss of them all." California dreams are beautiful, until you have to wake up, so she sparks a cigarette and raises a glass to the ride. But if "The Greatest" is a moment of personal reflection, it's also a celebration. It's a toast to a new Greatest Generation. A generation that created and protested, that fucked and traveled and loved in spite of a planet threatening to burn them alive, and world leaders determined to end things even quicker. It's an anthem for thriving in the face of the apocalypse. It's my favorite single of 2019, and just thinking about it triggers a million competing emotions. If all somehow make it through this moment, we'll have one hell of a story, and a hell of a song to go with it. The culture is lit, but we had a ball. [10]

Michael Hong: A couple of cycles ago, that line probably would have drawn mass scorn from critics, but for now, it may very well be the lyric of the year. Part of that may be attributed to the way the culture has shifted their view on Lana Del Rey, but another part of it is that Lana sounds the most honest she's ever sounded. "The Greatest" is an ominous but sincere reflection of the current state of the world, and Lana no longer seems content with empty depictions of American touchstones. Lines like "I miss New York and I miss the music" still rely on those same symbols, but they now feel like lived experiences rather than empty nostalgic musings. Hell, Lana Del Rey even manages not only to make "me and my friends, we miss rock 'n' roll" work but sound like one of the most profound statements you've ever heard. Lana Del Rey's hushed vocals paired with the gauzy instrumental are quietly disarming, playing out like the cinematic zoom-out at the edge of the apocalypse. And if this is it, those final laments on the outro might be the greatest way to go out. [9]

Alfred Soto: She's not the greatest, nor does she think she's the greatest, so long as she thinks the "culture is lit" and she's "having a ball," whatever that means, but I suspect it means more than the guitar solo. Narcissism as plaint. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: The core Lana Del Rey problem is that she confuses narcotic with dramatic and droning with sweeping. "The Greatest" mitigates those faults a little, but only a little, and only by borrowing some faults from classic rock. The track also smothers what could have been a fine torch song in overproduction -- the culture can't be lit if you snuff it out with a million moles of echo. It shouldn't happen that I felt more genuine things about ghosts and missing things from a perfume newsletter than this. [4]

Ian Mathers: So here's the thing; I originally wrote about and scored this song before the more exhausting parts of the whole Lana Del Rey Conversation that engulfed Music Twitter last week had happened, and I was basically saying, yeah, the conversation is interesting and has some good points but I mostly receive the song outside of it and I just like that song (and generally do, with her singles). But then... it got worse. And between the artist herself showing her ass and all of the assorted takes, the thought of listening to any of LDR's music just got more and more enervating. Some would say it's unfair or incorrect to adjust my opinion of this song, or at least to admit that those events have, in fact, adjusted my opinion of the song. But I'm a guy who wrote a Master's thesis at least partly on the idea that the context around a work of art justifiably changes not only our aesthetic relationship to it but the ontological status of the work of art itself (which is not a physical thing, not even as data). The classical example is finding out, say, a painting is a forgery, but honestly this whole thing is a great example too. Doesn't make me outright dislike "The Greatest", but does legitimately move it from being a real bright spot to a song I enjoy that I need a bit of a break from. [7]

Stephen Eisermann: Hats off to Lana and Jack for really creating an atmosphere of nostalgia that you fall into the second you hit play. Lana's vocal is tender and understated, further reinforcing the sense of longing the track aims to create; but, hearing her sing the word "lit" and the Kanye West reference stand in stark contrast to that moody guitar lick and I... I just can't reconcile the two. [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Lana Del Rey is deeply aware of the fickleness of the music industry. On Born to Die, that manifested in her almost-trolling approach -- aggravating, almost-rap cadences, weird production choices, even weirder lyrical ones -- that wormed its way into the pop consciousness. For her middle three albums, she refashioned herself as a thinking person's pop star, working with more respectable (and more male) figures like Dan Aurebach and A$AP Rocky as a way of positioning herself as adjacent to prestige. The music was better but also more boring. Now, with Norman Fucking Rockwell!, she has cashed all the checks that a decade of practice and following the rules of pop earn you. "The Greatest" is a thesis statement for the album's ambition. It's not just the title -- although that is a helpful indicator. It's everything: the classic rock guitars and big drum fills, the nostalgia for doing nothing of the lyrics, the way she sings them. On "The Greatest," Lana sounds done. Not exhausted, but complete, as if she could walk away from this all and not miss a second's worth of sleep. It's a big damn classic rock song that's aware of how bombastic it sounds, and yet its self-awareness does not undercut its narrative and sonic heft. It's the kind of song you can't make without making a lot of worse songs that dance around the same topics. But here, where it really counts? Lana nails it. It's a buzzer-beater of a song, rattling around the rim four times before falling in -- all the sweeter in glory for the bumps on the road before it. It's likely not the last Lana Del Rey single we'll review, but if it is, it's a fitting send-off: in response to all the fickleness of the industry, Lana rewrites her story on her own terms, and makes it sing. [9]

Jackie Powell: Norman Fucking Rockwell started as such a fascinating paradox, but didn't really continue building and evolving on what made its first third so successful. "The Greatest" is lyrically relatable and sonically beautiful. Jack Antonoff, being the wizard that he is, finds a way to wean Lana Del Rey of her noir and whining tendencies. He overdubs her potential for a beautiful vocal pairing it with brighter arrangements. It's pellucid and mellow but not a snoozefest. But its placement on this album really sold the track short. NFR loaded its most compelling tracks at the top of the project. Del Rey placed "The Greatest" after "Fuck it I love you" in a double feature of a music video, which where it should have been placed on the album. In the visual, Del Rey floats around and almost above her surroundings contemplating what's next. The haunting but gorgeously comforting guitar solo brings the listener along with Lana herself back down to earth. Lyrically and through its soft piano, the outro is what gives this song its weight and a sense of profundity. Her cultural references which include Kanye West's physical and emotional transformation and David Bowie's "Life on Mars" allow us to reflect on what we've become. Lana Del Rey does that here and on almost every record. I just wish "The Greatest" was given the proper stage to achieve the status of its moniker. [6]

Joshua Lu: The majority of "The Greatest" feels unbound by time, as Lana Del Rey reuses Extremely American words that apply to the '80s as much as today: Long Beach, New York, the Beach Boys, rock 'n' roll. Only the outro plants the song firmly in the current year -- with mentions of Mars, Kanye, global warming, and that time Hawaii thought it was about to get bombed -- and with this passage of time, these signifiers bring no joy to Lana anymore. Her sprawling sense of nihilism seeps through in her languid voice and the turgid, psychedelic guitar as she laments how her generation's time is ticking away. Tempting as it is, I'm wary to read into this song as some kind of political statement, in part because the epochs that Lana fetishizes were also rather shitty, and also because I think Lana herself wouldn't prefer this reading, as it would play into that "p" word she, erm, has expressed adversity to. Maybe that's the song's trap, that despite how alluring it is to try to ascribe some deeper meaning, it's better to just do what the song does: sit back, observe, and mourn. [8]

Alex Clifton: Lana Del Rey has a beautiful and occasionally overwhelming voice. It's haunting but for me it can be like ingesting too much cake in one sitting -- extremely rich to the point where it feels exhausting to listen to more than one song at a time. Having said that, "The Greatest" is a song that works well with Del Rey's vocals. When the first pre-chorus hits -- "those nights were on fire, we couldn't get higher" -- her breathiness feels less like an affect but sadder and more wistful, the awareness that she'll never be able to get that life back again. It's a grandiose song, strings and languid piano and a chorus of a dozen Lanas sighing "if this is it, I'm signing off," but for once the grandiosity of the production fits the message. My issue with Del Rey's persona back in the Born to Die days was that I couldn't quite make out who she was under all the artifice, flower crowns and American flags. I know that's the appeal of artists like Del Rey, whose entire careers are built off of specific personas (despite what they claim to the contrary), but I don't deal well with facades that are built that tall. Arguments about personas and performativity in music can quickly dissolve into arguments about authenticity and how much that matters to the music, and I want to stress that I don't care about authenticity in the slightest -- I just like the moments where artists aren't invincible but human. In "The Greatest" those walls crumble down and Del Rey revels in her sadness in a way that hits close to the heart. She's vulnerable and mourning over a real love rather than a fantasy, and for once I feel like persona or no, I understand the appeal of Lana Del Rey. [8]

Vikram Joseph: At 2am this morning I found myself in the smoky bedroom of a guy I hadn't met until two hours earlier, half a bottle of red wine deep and still high off the fumes of the MUNA show I'd just been to, discussing the aesthetics of Lana Del Rey's music videos (as a kind of emotional foreplay, I guess?). It struck me that this, right there, was actually a pretty good representation of Lana's aesthetic -- unlikely moments that shimmer at the fringes of reality, a doomed romanticism that bleeds into a laconic, blissful sort of nihilism. There's so much heightened emotion (close to melodrama) in her music, and yet there's a simplicity too in what she craves -- men, bars, California, sun -- that Vice described as a "revolutionary pleasure." It feels like an extremely LDR move to draw a direct parallel between lost love and the end of the actual fucking world, but it's testament to her songwriting, those aesthetics that she's worked so hard on, and the spellbinding, crystalline production on "The Greatest" that she pulls it off so completely. From the opening bars -- dignified piano chords, soft-focus acoustic guitars and cinematic strings -- it feels like an elegy; I can't help but see the crumbling, sunlit edifice of a gorgeous building when I hear this song, especially during that billowing, washed-out guitar solo, or the slow nuclear decay of the outro. "The Greatest" feels like a culmination, and a kind of closure. It's a veteran of an iconic club scene reading the memoirs of her golden years out loud, or the last time two people who once loved each other ever speak, or a beach scene at the end of civilisation. Sonically and aesthetically, it sounds cast adrift in time, and that's why it's so effective. It's the end of the world as we know it -- I don't think Lana feels fine, exactly, but maybe there's a certain comfort in finally knowing for sure that it was all for nothing. [10]

Will Adams: Lana Del Rey made a career writing elegies to American culture, which is what makes "The Greatest" as moving as it is heartbreaking. The patriotism of "American" has turned bitter. The sprawling luxury of "Shades of Cool" has fizzled. The worries expressed in "Coachella -- Woodstock In My Mind" have been realized in twisted, terrifying ways. So it makes sense that, after a few minutes of misty-eyed farewells presented with a smile ("I had a ball"), it all collapses to rubble. The gleaming classic rock evaporates into three descending chords. This, it turns out, is the greatest loss of all. Not rock 'n' roll, not a past lover, not Long Beach, not Kanye West, but everything. In that final minute, the song sinks to the ocean floor, the flaming city fading from view, the monuments and culture blurring into nothing. Del Rey is gone, too, as there's nothing left to say. There is nothing except the brutal end. [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[theskyexists]

Rewriting captain marvel

Having talked and thought it over, the problem with this film is that they:

1. Did not build in any surprises for the audience related to Carol's emotional journey - there was only the skrull-kree twist, and they did not even clarify her previous team's or even her mentor's ACTUAL moral position afterwards (did they know that they're agents of genocide?)

I.e. they should have kept the flashbacks to a minimum at the start. Just indications of them but not actual insight into them. Lawson appearing as the Supreme Intelligence should have been enough to do exposition on Carol's background - and give a sense of bereftness (I don't even know who the person I admire most is!!?) Only during battle should the traumatic incident of crashing, Lawson standing over her, the skrull shooting at her flash by. This will be an implicit 'emotions are bad and stop digging' confirmation because it gets her captured. It is also a symbolic bridge to Talos and Talos' parallel family circumstances - who she meets at that exact moment.

2. Following from that, they should have played her Kree status extremely straight, her belief in the noble hero warrior myth and the only thing that's a 'problem' is her eagerness, her emotions and her gut feelings (the underlying humanity). But it's subtle. Her eagerness can also be genuinely taken for enthusiasm for her life as a warrior that simply needs to be channeled.

The deep dive into her head should focus around Maria. The skrull keeps wanting to go to Lawson and the coordinates but she keeps getting caught up in memories of Maria which he dismisses. Or attempts to. Then her whole escape and crash is overlayed with flashbacks - she's disoriented etc. She should show real confusion and distress at this enormous crack in her sense of identity. What are these memories?? They're not Kree??

Then when she lands, she should be proud, disdainful, smug and acting like a superior alien who thinks earth is a "shithole". It could be overcompensation or just a nice contrasting twist on her actual origins and a flaw of her virtue of confidence and a little foreshadowing of the way Kree look at everything beneath them.

Fury should be a first wake-up call that these humans are pretty alright and competent. Choosing to go save him should have been tenser, should have had a moment of close up and conflict. In fact, it would have been possible to build in a parallel to the Kree operation where her teammates return to their ship without her on strict orders, choosing not to save her because of overwhelming numbers of enemies. When they get closer and closer and find Maria, the flashback overlays should return with more power (instead of disappearing!). And this should cause distress! She should try to play it off with her sense of humour.

Maria and the kid should show a sense of loss, in their home, in their first interactions 'Carol...' Maria cant believe her eyes. (I think it was a poor choice to have the kid make first contact). Aborted gestures of affection that Carol almost returns but then steps back from. A chasm between them. "why do I remember you?" They also need to give a sense of the family's lives as the ones left behind, a hole where Carol used to be, a texture to the lives they lived without her love - a loss of support for the family (financially) a loss of dreams for Maria (she's no longer flying professionally).

In the actual film, Carol is so calm through all of it, that her one moment of distress in the film falls flat. It's badass...but it makes her character so...undistinctive. the only thing that plays across her surface is her determination and her humour and powerful smugness. but not a single moment did she seem to be truly touched by what happened to her - they could have made aforementioned elements to her personality more striking.

There should have been more of that 'my hands are filthy too' moment - when she runs out into the field after the coordinates flashback, she should be feeling self-loathing, she should recount everything that she thought the Kree were, that she was told she was, the things she's DONE - but they STOLE HER. "Stole my life from me, my family, you" to Maria. To fight their war (disgust). "And who am i now? I can't even remember!" THEN Maria steps in and affirms her identity as Carol Danvers, making reference to what she means to HER. And she still sees her when she looks at her.

There should have been a moment of parallel between Carol and Maria's kid and Talos' kid with the pinball machine. Carol looking at them, then telling Talos, I will do anything to protect your family.

There should have been real heartbreak in Carol having to leave HER family behind to make it so. Give me some damn tears. "Do you really have to leave? You just came back." "I won't be long." Bittersweet because we know or realise that it WILL be. "I've got to do this." - to Maria.

3. They should have shown just a bit more of Kree civilisation, of being Kree, of everyday life. Why? Because it's fun worldbuilding, because it grounds our perception of what Carol thinks she is, and it gives us a sense of sci-fi mythology. Letting the coolness of that mythology speak for itself. A greater narrative about Carol's position in what was once her society. Maybe she's recognised as a hero-warrior. It gives her and us a chance to mourn the life she had as the lie that it was.

[atricksterproblem]

Fanfiction: Trickster’s Twosome

Here’s the last one. Unsearchable tag removed by reposting instead of reblogging.

Oh my god, you guys. All right. The Prompt of Doom has been answered and the resultant hot mess is below. Also a link to AO3, if you’re into that. Please to note that this is the first sex scene I have ever written, so I apologize in advance if this is terrible.

Notes: M/M, a bit on the rough side but consensual. Characters are Papa III and Loki. It’s Tom Hiddleston’s portrayal with a random overlay of actual mythology, because that’s how we roll around here sometimes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326416

The stranger in Papa’s office gave him a winning smile. “I have a little commission for the Band Project,” he said.

Papa raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, really? And what exactly does this little commission involve?” You’re cute, whoever you are, but there’d better be a good explanation for this.

The Band Project was typically under the sole direction of the Church, and Papa Emeritus III was its primary creative genius. It was unheard of for an outsider to show up at the abbey like this with a special performance in mind.

The stranger only grinned wider. “Permit me to introduce myself. I am Loki of Asgard. You may have heard of me.”

Papa folded his arms and glared up at Loki. “You are telling me you are a God, yes? And I am to believe this? My Infernal Father is the Father of Lies, and I have heard them all. Prove it.”

Loki tilted Papa’s chin up with one long finger till their eyes met. Before Papa could shake him off or protest, he fell into their depths and saw a vision.

Afterward, he could never describe exactly what he saw there. Every time he tried to pin down an image or a memory, it fragmented into chaos. But when it ended, he knew the stranger spoke the truth.

“Does that answer your question, little avatar?” Loki purred.

Papa bristled. “Who are you calling LITTLE?” You may be a God, he thought, but did you have to be quite so much taller than me?

Loki laughed. “Only a figure of speech, I assure you. Now come. Let’s to business, shall we?”

“All right. I’m listening. For now. What is it you want the Band to do?”

“It is my will that things on Asgard be…shaken up a little, let us say. It is a hidebound place. Things change but rarely, and slowly. This does not suit me, as I’m sure you can imagine. I require Ghost to perform a Ritual that will shake it to its core. Consider it, if you wish, a sort of practical joke of epic proportions.”

Papa grinned, a gleam in his white eye. “Now you are speaking my language, Trickster. Let’s talk business.”

“What do you MEAN, you want the Ghouls to wear DIFFERENT COSTUMES?!”

Talking business was not going as smoothly as Papa would have liked.

Loki rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stubborn. I have a purpose in mind.”

Papa stood in front of the God and glared at him. “I don’t care WHAT you have in mind. You may be a God, but we don’t honor Gods here. We told them to fuck off ages ago, you may have heard about it. We don’t take orders from ANYONE. Not even you, Trickster.”

Loki glared right back at him. “Your drop of demon blood means nothing to me. You’re one of mine, little one, whether you realize it or not.”

Papa’s voice could have frozen a fire solid. “Call. Me. Little. ONE. MORE. TIME. Don’t TEST me, Trickster.”

Loki smiled, leaned in close, and looked him in the eyes. “Aww. Aren’t you cute when you’re angry.” He pulled him close and kissed him hard.

Papa growled in protest for a moment, and then melted into his embrace. The taste of Loki’s mouth on his was intoxicating. He felt the familiar warmth of desire spreading outward from his core.

You’re not playing fair, he thought. I can respect that.

But you’ll not have it all your own way.

His arms were over the God’s shoulders in a loose embrace. He wound his gloved hands into Loki’s long hair and gave it a sharp pull.

Loki broke the kiss with a gasp. “Like it rough, do you? I knew it. If that’s how you want it, that’s what you’ll get!”

“Oh, really?” Papa said. “Not while I’ve still got your hair in my hands, pretty boy. That’s a real liability. Perhaps I’ll cut it for you, eh?” He gave it another tug.

Loki laughed. “I don’t think so, little one. Not while I can still do this.”

He moved a hand to the front of Papa’s trousers and stroked his already obvious erection. Papa shut his eyes and moaned. “Ah!–You bastard!” He squirmed.

“Tsk. You’re already hard for me. Admit it. You want me.”

“You–fucking–stronzo!” Papa spoke through gritted teeth. Involuntarily, he released his hold on Loki’s hair, overwhelmed by outrage and sensation together.

“You say the sweetest things, my love! So, not ready to admit it yet? Well. I can fix that.”

Loki unzipped Papa’s trousers and freed his cock. He licked his lips. “They don’t call me Silvertongue for nothing, you know.”

He knelt on the floor, and took the length of him into his mouth.

Papa bit his lip to restrain a cry of pleasure. He bucked his hips, helpless to resist, nerves afire.

Loki grabbed his ass and pulled his hips close, taking him all in, teasing him with his lips and tongue until Papa could no longer hold back his cries.

As soon as he heard him, Loki stopped and withdrew. Papa whined in frustration.

“Ready to admit it, little love?”

Papa’s breath was ragged and his eyes were squeezed shut. “Yes, goddamn you YES!”

Loki grinned. “Good boy.” He pulled Papa close and gave him a sharp bite on the neck. He made a sound halfway between a gasp and a laugh. “You sly fucker. How the hell do you know what I like?”

“I told you, little one. You’re one of mine. I know you better than you know yourself. And now, you’re going to turn around for me, and bend over that desk of yours, and I’m going to fuck your brains out.”

Papa looked up, mismatched eyes full of mischief, right into the eyes of the God of Mischief himself, and laughed. “MAKE me, you crazy fucking bastard!”

Loki slowly shook his head. “The nerve of you, to speak to a God that way. Good thing for you there’s nothing I’d like more!”

The Emeritus bloodline is very, very strong.

Gods are still a good bit stronger.

Loki grabbed him, bent him over the desk, and pulled his pants down. He gave him a stinging slap on his bare ass that made him yelp.

Loki leaned over him and pinned his wrists down with his hands. “Now, little one,” he murmured, “You are going to tell me what you want me to do to you.”

Papa moaned. He tested Loki’s grip and found it implacable. The feeling of being forcibly exposed and made to submit was too much. The tips of his ears turned red as he blushed beneath his skull paint. He was already achingly hard after Loki’s teasing, and now he was desperate.

“Tell me!”

“Please–”

“Tell. Me.” Loki ground his hips against his ass.

“Ah!–Please fuck me! Please–”

“With pleasure!”

Loki unbuttoned his leather pants. He spat into his hand, lubricated himself with it, and thrust his cock in up to the hilt.

Papa gasped. “Oh hell–”

“You’re so tight–fuck–”

Loki took him slowly, withdrawing nearly all the way before filling him once more. Papa moaned. “Please–”

“Please what, little one?”

“Harder, damn you!”

Loki laughed. “Think you can take a pounding, you little slut? So be it!”

He complied, thrusting into him hard and fast. Papa cried out, fingers clawing at the wood of the desk.

“That’s right, slut! Take it!”

Both of them were close. Loki took Papa’s cock in his hand. “Say my name,” Loki growled.

“Loki–”

“Say. My. Name.”

“Loki!”

“SAY. MY. NAME!”

“Ah, fuck, LOKI!”

Loki came inside him with an ecstatic cry, and the hard pulses inside him pushed Papa over the edge, spending into Loki’s hand, crying his name.

The two stayed entwined for a moment, breath slowing, hearts still pounding. Loki tenderly kissed the back of Papa’s neck.

“You were delicious, my demon,” he whispered.

Papa laughed, still a bit shaky. “As were you, you savage God.”

The gradually disentangled. Papa pulled some tissues from a box on the desk and pushed the box over to Loki.

Loki smirked. “Good thing you have these.”

Papa grinned at him. “Surely you don’t think this is the first time I’ve had sex in my office? What do you take me for?”

Loki threw back his head and laughed. “I think I took you for all you were worth!”

Papa laughed. “You smug bastard! This is why we stopped worshipping you all eons ago, you know!”

Somehow they managed to get cleaned up in between verbal jabs and laughter. Papa looked up into the God’s eyes.

Loki gathered him into an embrace, gently stroking his hair. He kissed the top of his head.

“You’ve my blessing, avatar, though you do not want it.”

“You’re right that I don’t, Trickster, but it’s the thought that counts, eh?”

Loki released him. “I’m not going to get you to agree to the changes I want for the Ritual, am I?”

“Not a chance. Ghost is mine, Silvertongue. My way or the highway.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine. I do have one request, though.”

“And that is?”

“…Make sure you play ‘He Is’ as part of your setlist, avatar. And think of me, when you do.”

The lyrics ran through Papa’s mind.

He is He’s the shining and the light without whom I cannot see And he is Insurrection, he is spite, he’s the force that made me be He is Nostro dis pater, nostr’ alma mater He is

He shook his head and laughed. “It’s not about YOU, Trickster.”

Loki smiled at him. “No. But it could be. This once, avatar, when you sing He Is, do it for me. Please?”

“All right, FINE. But only because you ask so nicely.”

Loki smiled back. He imagined the scene on Asgard as a praise song to the Trickster himself resounded over the Ritual’s livestream. The court would have a fit.

“I think you and I might get on all right after all, Demon-boy.”

“Don’t push your luck, Liesmith!”

They grinned at each other in perfect accord.

The two would never have peace between them. But there didn’t need to be.

There would be Chaos. And it would be sweet.

[brisadelmarrrr]

V - Sam Wilson

He did not want to be here. No, definitely not. From the moment the boy took out his cell phone in the elevator he knew there was something terribly wrong. Cell phones and most of the technology, for demigods, are like free food signs, since monsters can locate them by means of them. And, apparently, Peter had no problem with technology, which is even more disturbing. He knew from experience that when things went beyond the limit of normality that marked the unofficial laws of the demigods meant that the child was a chosen by the gods, a child of the errand, (cannon fodder). The least he wanted was to get involved in this type of search, but nooooo here is Sam, sitting in a nice red chair and drinking a cup of tea in an uncomfortable silence with an adorable and happy demigod and a young aunt overwhelmed.

For these and many other reasons, he hated Scott, the damn satyr. Sam played the emotional part of things, he had a doctorate in psychology and a graduate degree in child psychology, so it was easy to help the kids with their problems and he was very good with that. Like every satyr, he received training to defend himself and the demigods, but Sam always stayed in camp as much as possible, avoided searches and helped the kids, and now, because of Scott's asshole, he is in a situation that his heart can not stand.

The moment they entered the apartment after the awkward scene with the strange neighbors next door with faces that perhaps he know, the tension tripled. His posture tensed, his expression hardened and he was silenced by the pain and resignation that always came when he snatched a child from his parents. Mrs. Parker had a painfully resigned look, like that of a prisoner who accepted his fate in the electric chair. His heart fell to the ground and he took a deep breath, accepting his tea kindly with a forced smile.

He sat in the single chair while the Parkers sat in the two-person, behind the small table that divided them. The boy seemed nervous and he didn't blame him, it's a kind of environment he might not be used to. He looked at his chamomile tea and his stomach churned. His hunger was gone.

He looked at the family again. May Parker had a hand resting on his nephew's knee, moving his thumb gently around while the kid looked at her with affection and concern, could almost see the gears of his head spinning, trying to formulate an answer to this situation or shouting to the air his doubts (perhaps he was a child of Athena), he looked like a puppy. The dynamics in their eyes, the way they fit perfectly into that sofa made him question if he was doing things right, but he could not do anything, being honest, just fulfilling what was asked of him.

He really hated being a satyr, could not he be a normal damn psychologist?

Mrs. Parker cleared her throat. "I see I'm going to have to be the one to get the elephant out of the room." She left his rate intact on the little table and took a deep breath.

"Peter, have you heard of the mythological gods?".

"How Hercules, Zeus and them? Why do you ask me?" He looked confused. She just laughed a little and Sam remained motionless, waiting for the right moment to speak.

"I will tell you directly, because I don't want this to last too long and I don't know how to tell you otherwise". She admitted. "Peter, the gods are real and you are the son of one of them".

He was silent for a moment. "I-I guess you do not say it in a religious sense, right? As, 'we are all brothers and children of God, praise the Lord, blah blah'".

He wanted to hug this child and put him in a bubble, away from the cruelty of the world where he belonged to protect his innocence. He found his voice and spoke at last.

"You'll see Peter, the gods were always real, Olympus is their home and, sometimes, they have children with mortals, who are called 'demigods'. You, apparently, are part of that group".

"B-B-But how? When? Which of my both parents? Who is that god?". His breathing started to accelerate.

May interrupted his panic. "Honey, calm down. We will solve what we know, but we need you to calm down". She took him from both shoulders and looked at him maternally, affection shining in his eyes. Peter's breathing returned to normal. "All right. Your mother was an adventurous woman, strong, with a courageous soul who loved life and loved Richard. When she was pregnant with you, she confessed that you were a son of a god. I know, I did not believe it myself, but the way she looked at me she told me she was serious. She told me he was blond, handsome, a ray of sunshine, like a hippie, but without being arrogant and without drugs. They walked together through the park, you know, like those corny couple of movies. In the end, she got pregnant with him, but he never told your father that you were not his. She, leaving you here when they flew with Richard, left me a phone number of a pleace where you would be safe. That's why Mr. Wilson is here, t-to take you there. - The woman's voice trembled.

That disconcerted him. He only knew a blond sunbeam god, and, gods do not listen to him, he was very arrogant, like, too much. Apollo could have nice and cute children, but he was still a god and all the gods had a considerable degree of arrogance. Another thing to add to the mystery list that was Peter Parker. And he didn't want to add anything else to that list, being honest.

The boy's hands trembled in his lap, he looked at both of them, as if he expected someone to shout: 'Surprise! It's a joke, does anyone want cake? ", Although with the child's incredulous face almost made him want, it didn't happen. Instead, a tense silence settled for a few minutes that seemed like hours.

"Did you know all the time? And you did not tell me anything?" His expression became a little hurt. May sighed.

"Yeah, and I'm so sorry, but it's not like I could say 'Hey, Pete! Guess what? You are a demigod but I do not even know what the fuck that means! '"

"... Where will they take me?".

"To a camp, on Long Island, only in the summer, but you can stay longer if you wish". Sam replied.

"But, aunt May, you'll be left alone for the summer, I can not leave you alone like that!". Everyone was standing now, Peter was gesturing with his hands in exasperation. Mrs. Parker kissed his forehead.

"I'll be fine. Maybe I'll finally get into a cooking class, or hang out with someone, or I'll just settle for getting rid of your sass". She played with his brown hair.

Peter laughed, with small tears crossing his cheeks, 'auch' he thought. "Even if I go to a monk's prison you can't get rid of me. I'll call you every day until you think about cutting your cell phone plan".

Sam felt bad being present in that moment of intimacy, so he just sat back down and had his tea.

"Come on, go pack your suitcase". May said, giving him a pat on the shoulder, and then the kiddo went down the little hall to, what he supposed, was his room.

Sam sighed, this situation was going to end soon. He would leave the sweet child in Hermes's cabin until he was recognized by his divine father and he would send Scott to hell.

Before he could take her keys, the woman caught his attention.

"You better take care of him. He's a good kid and he does not deserve any kind of trash with what's happening to him, okay?" Wow, that woman could be intimidating when she wanted to.

"Y-Yes, Mrs. Parker, your nephew will be in good hands".

May smiled at him and he knew he didn't like what was coming.

[bastardsunlight]

How the storm raged outside, roaring it's thunder over head, over this damaged and run down temple Raiden had brought them too, it was worrisome. Winds rushing through open doors and cracked walls, sending frigid shivers through the thin frame of the mortal woman standing here. But she paid it no mind, thinking not much of it, not that it mattered. Blue had long ago since come too terms with any sort of suffering or unpleasant feelings she may feel as those of her own short sighted thoughts, or her own fault in some sort of punishment for whatever she had failed to do with her hands or failed to live up with her spirit. She hated herself to not care what may happen towards her own being for so many years. That had been shown quite obviously within the damned asylum.

But now it all changed, since traveling as she had. Now arriving back with the closest friend she ever had. Despite how he'd admitted the truth of it all, the fate that should have awaited a mortal body, could still if nothing was done, still Blue counted Raiden as the closest she'd known, even if it had been a brief few months. When one had nothing and no one, then such tight bonds can be forged rather quickly within cold empty walls. Within that time, so much had been learned and understood. The tales woven, history revealed. Blue's long time love for history and mythology hadn't been wrong and only been vindicated with confirmations, and even corrected, by The Thunder God back then. When her moments of full lucidity could absorb it all. The mental state was in such shambles... After his escape, the assisted death and rebirth by her hands, that caused the divine blood to seep within her being, it had redoubled the spark of determination within her that had long ago been snuffed out.

"But, Raiden-" The way he spoke with such a strong tone left little room for argument. Blue was but one singular human, and not even one of any consequence. Should her death mean a return of some of his power, to help protect this world and those better that lived within it? That was a better fate than she could have ever asked for- yet that was the exact opposite of what Raiden wanted. He refused it. And then he came closer, prompting the poor woman to flinch ever so slightly. But the moment their foreheads met it was as if a rushing calm had beaten down the ever growing pressure that had been lingering within her soul. That was Raiden's own power within the woman's mortal spirit, she recognized it. Every ounce of power just melted into a calm vibration, while the warmth his physical body exuded put her fears too rest, soothed the aching tired bones. This was an action of emotional genuine care, one that she hadn't experienced since being a little girl. Even then it had been brief... No, this was real. And it put all her thoughts into a skidding halt.

Everything was quiet in this serene moment between two friends, their fates entwined, souls tangled. The dam broke, everything Blue wanted to keep bottled fell apart. Her hand that had tightened it's hold upon the Thunder God's own released, and both her arms were suddenly thrown around his larger shoulders, pulling the two of them into a tight hug then, while she began to cry into his shoulder. Not one ounce of fear from touching more. The thin frame of the mortal body was frail, showing the strain from hard travel, lack of food, or self care. But still strong enough to keep going. Her spirit, though damaged, was powerful on it's own. "Thank you, thank you- For... Showing me real kindness. For care. Your heart is strong, don't let it be hardened or break, Raiden. You're better... Better than you know." Then came her admittance there after. "It hurts. I'm scared."

Her gentle thanks were more than he could have ever asked for or needed or dared to want. Raiden had not realized just how very lonely he was until he had been trapped in that horrific place, deliberately isolated from even “other” humans. The poor souls also trapped within those walls sometimes had little idea what was happening, but he knew—forcing his divine perception down to even less than that of an average human being had been agony. He had actually felt his mind slipping away from him. The irony was not lost on the god of thunder. He might have laughed, but for the circumstance.

Was he truly better, or was it simply the delusion of a girl accustomed to being treated far worse than the lowliest beast that skittered the depths of Earthrealm’s joyless places? He was not yet ready to confront that question with any kind of authority and so set it aside in favor of what was currently needed. The removal of his power was foremost on his mind and would have to remain that way if he was going to extract the lightning without permanently damaging Blue.

“I know,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her suddenly and tightly, pulling her close to his broad chest and enveloping her in his powerful embrace. She was crushed to him, but also protected from the rain that leaked in and the banshee shriek of the storm without. He was warm in a way no human was, a radiant sort of thing that buzzed with power. If it overwhelmed her, he would be there to catch her. Always.

“I am sorry. Please endure it a while longer.”

[suckerfordeansfreckles]

Emoji Ficlet (New Year’s Eve)

I finally finished the thing I’ve been writing for @jhoomwrites ‘s reverse emoji ficlet challenge ! 

(Took me long enough... I procrastinated A LOT and ended up stressing over it, because that’s just who I am and how I work best, apparently.) 

It’s a super fluffy Destiel AU, and the story takes place on New Year’s Eve. A few swear-words, otherwise honestly just fluff.

The emojis are:  💐😠🐝✨ (bouquet, angry face, bee, stars/ sparkles)

“Come on, Dean! Don’t act like this is such a big thing. It’s New Year’s Eve, we said we’d spend it together,” Gadreel shouts, looking up at where Dean’s head is hanging out of the window of his apartment on the second floor.

 “You cheated on me, after just three weeks of this goddamn relationship! Don’t you dare tell me how to feel about this!!” He screams back, furiously. He doesn’t even care that it’s already 11 p.m. and their shouting might disturb his neighbours.

 “Chill out. This was never meant to be, anyways, was it? You are head over heels for this best friend of yours, the one you can’t stop talking about. How do I know you never cheated on me with this Cas, huh?!” Gadreel looks more annoyed than angry, but this guy has always been really weird about expressing his emotions, so Dean can’t really be sure about what’s going on in his head.

“Oh, you know what? Fuck you. Leave, this is so over!” Dean isn’t even in the mood to shout at him anymore, he just kind of spits those words out, his tone lacking any kind of emotion.

 The thing is, Gadreel kind of has a point. Dean really has never been serious about their relationship, it has always been a way to distract him from his feelings for his best friend. That wouldn’t have been fair to either of them, had Dean not always known that Gadreel took their relationship exactly as seriously as he did himself; not at all.

 Which doesn’t make him any less angry. Dean would have never cheated on Gadreel, even if he miraculously had a chance with Castiel- he just isn’t that type of person, and he would have thought his ex-boyfriend wasn’t either. Well, joke’s on him now. He’s just glad he accidentally found out about Gadreel’s unfaithfulness this morning.

 “You know what?! You’ll realize what you’re missing out on soon enough,” Gadreel screams and grabs the bouquet of flowers he had brought to apologize. Before Dean can even react, Gad chucks the flowers in the direction of his window, turns around and literally storms of.

 And because his day hasn’t been bad enough already, Gadreel’s fucking flowers hit him square in the face before hitting the floor in front of Dean’s feet with a dull thud. Thank fuck Gad was too cheap to buy him roses, he really doesn’t want to know how this hit would have felt if the flower had had thorns.

 Well, then. Time to figure out how to spend his New Year’s Eve instead, he thinks grimly. First, though,  shuts his window and throws the damn flowers in the trash.

 While pacing the room, Dean thinks about his options. He could just stay at home, watch a couple movies, drink a couple beers and fall asleep alone on his couch.

 Or he could go and visit his best friend. Cas had planned on staying home alone, anyway, what with Dean having plans with Gadreel and their good friend Charlie spending her evening with her girlfriend.

 Which, looking back now, makes Dean sound like a huge dick. He really should have made plans with Cas, who has been his best friend since they met in college six years ago, instead of his boyfriend of three weeks, right?

 The thing is, Cas wasn’t even angry about any of this when Dean told him about his plans. He’d just been nice and coy, as always, had even encouraged Dean to spend time with Gadreel, since “he obviously means so much to you, Dean”. And that just convinced Dean that his decision was the right one, because it didn’t seem like Cas had wanted to spend time with him at all and he sure as hell didn’t sound jealous about Gad. Which… had kinda hurt.

 That’s the thing with Cas, in all of the six years of their friendship he had never once shown interest in Dean. Castiel isn’t exactly celibate, he had dated a couple guys and girls over the last view years, but never once had one of those dates progressed to something more than one night spent together. But Dean? He never even hinted at being interested in more than their friendship.

 To be fair, Dean hasn’t done that, either. He’s been struggling with his feelings for Cas for years, until he finally stopped denying how hard he’s already fallen for the guy about a year ago. He would have told him, were their friendship not the most important relationship Dean has ever had outside of his family. He couldn’t handle losing Cas just because he’s made him uncomfortable with his feelings.

 But… Castiel wouldn’t just end their friendship because of something like that, would he? Cas is such a nice, kind and understanding guy. Maybe he’d just accept Dean’s feelings? Or maybe… maybe there is a tin chance he actually feels the same way? Wouldn’t it be better to tell Cas how he feels now than continuing to wait and blindly hope for something, being unable to get over him?

 In the end, Dean doesn’t even make a conscious decision. He just somehow ends up wearing his jacket and boots, sitting in his car on the way to Cas’ place just outside of the city. The drive is over way to quickly, and before he can talk himself out of it, he’s knocking on his best friend’s door.

 Cas opens his door in his flannel pyjamas and with a blanket thrown over his shoulders. The cheesy, blindingly colourful bee blanket Dean had given him for Christmas this year. Literally a bright blue blanket, covered in tiny cartoon bees. Dean honestly can’t explain how he does it, but Cas looks so cute wrapped up in the damn thing that it’s actually kind of disgusting.

 “Hello, Dean!” He looks pleasantly surprised as he takes a step back and looks at his friend curiously.

 “Hey, Cas. I’m sorry for showing up here literally twenty minutes to midnight, but I was kinda hoping you’d want to spend the rest of this year with me?” Dean asks, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

 “But- Where is Gadreel?” Cas looks at him with a confused squint.

 “Uhm… that thing with Gad didn’t really work out. Turns out he cheated on me.”

 “What?! That’s horrible, I’m so sorry! How are you dealing with it?” Cas’ voice is laced with genuine worry and immediately wraps Dean up in a tight, comforting hug.

 “Hey, it really doesn’t bother me that much… Wouldn’t have worked out between us, anyway. I’m good.” Dean mumbles into the crook of Castiel’s neck, dismissing his concern but lingering in his embrace nonetheless. “So, you up for some company?”

 “Of course, Dean! I don’t have plans and you know I always enjoy spending time with you,” Cas pulls back from the hug and smiles softly, motioning for Dean to enter the house. “Do you want to do anything specific?” He asks as he walks a few more steps back.

 “I was thinking we could just go out and watch the sky? Like, stargaze and wait for the fireworks?” He suggests with a faint blush.

 “I’d love that! Do you want to drive out towards the woods? I think we’d have a nice view over the city and the fireworks from the edge of the forest…” Cas suggests, as he shoves his bee blanket into Dean’s arms and starts hurriedly putting on his beloved trench coat.

 “You maybe wanna put on some real clothes before leaving the house?” Dean snorts, watching as Cas struggles to get into his boots.

 “No, we don’t have time for that. Take the blanket with you, lets get going or we won’t be able to watch the fireworks!” Cas stresses and starts pushing his best friend through the door before locking it. “Are we gonna take baby?”

 “Yeah, we sure are. Come on, I parked her a little down the road.” Dean feels bold all of a sudden and grabs Cas’ hand out of impulse to drag him to his car.

 The drive to the forest is quiet and Dean feels giddy beyond believe, almost like he can actually taste his own anticipation in the air between them. He’s fixing his eyes on the bumpy road and tries his hardest to ignore his best friend’s overjoyed smile for now.

 When they arrive at the edge of the forest, there are only five minutes left to midnight and they immediately step out of Dean’s car to climb onto baby’s hood. They snuggle up next to each other under Cas’ blanket and start looking for stars and constellations, which is a thing they’ve actually been doing for years whenever one of them has felt down or needed to be distracted.

 Neither of them is wearing a watch, so they just wait for midnight to make itself known through the fireworks above the city. It makes them feel like the two of them are living in their own little world without any concept of time, snuggled up warm against the car’s cool, black hood. Dean catches himself wishing to be able to stay here forever when he looks over at Cas, who is now animatedly talking about the greek mythology surrounding the Great Bear constellation.

 When the first fireworks light up the clear, dark sky above their heads, Dean finds himself once again overwhelmed with feelings for his beautiful, kind-hearted, nerdy best friend.

 As Cas stares at the sky in amazement and points up whenever he sees an exceptionally beautiful firework, Dean can’t stop himself from leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his friend’s mouth.

 Castiel’s eyes shoot over to Dean and widen as they take in his dopey grin. “Dean- what…?”

 “Cas, I need to tell you something. I’ve decided that it’s time, you know- New Year’s and everything. People making resolutions and shit… I thought I’d do, too.” Dean speeds through his impromptu speech, oddly confident about this, considering how fucking terrified he’s been ever since he decided to actually do this on their way here.

 “I’ve been in love with you for a very long time and I just can’t hide it anymore. Like, I’d totally understand if you don’t feel the same way or anything and I won’t pressure you into anything. I just promised myself I’d tell you. Actually, Gad kinda got me thinking. He made me realize it’s never gonna work out between me and him or, really, me and anyone else. Anyone except you, I guess.” Dean finishes, hoping that his bright pink blush is well hidden by the darkness surrounding them.

 “So, yeah. Thought I’d tell you,” He murmurs eventually, after waiting for Cas to break the silence for several painful heartbeats.

 Another burst of fireworks lights up the sky in gold and silver and blue, and as the colours reflect on Cas’ face, Dean realizes that tears make their way down Castiel’s cheeks. “Cas? Are you- Is everything okay? I’m sorry I put you on the spot like that. If you don’t wan-“

 “Are you serious about this?” Cas interrupts him, voice breaking on the last word. He’s looking at him with something very close to amazement.

 “Well, yeah, of course I am.”

 “Oh god, finally!”

 Cas doesn’t clarify any further, but when he leans over and kisses Dean gently, they both kind of forget to talk about this whole, huge thing between them.

 After nearly an hour spent kissing and cuddling and just feeling each other in the quiet darkness, Cas murmurs a quiet “I love you so much.” and suddenly everything feels undoubtedly and absolutely right.

[disregardcanon]

so..... raven cycle characters in the good place au? featuring pynch and chengsey but not in large doses 

contains major spoilers for the good place if anyone hasn’t seen that and would like to go in unspoiled. for real, you don’t want to be spoiled for this show by a textpost version of an au 

for those of you that have seen it, this only follows up to the end of s1 but i might continue that later. if that were to happen the chengsey would probably become sarchengsey 

THIS IS MORE THAN 5K WHAT THE FORK 

a very brief, approximate rundown of character roles

ronan as eleanor shellstrop with some hints of jason mendoza

henry as jason mendoza... in the jianyu way but not the jason way, really

gansey as chidi anagonye

adam parrish as tahani al-jamil 

blue sargent as michael

noah czerny as mindy st. claire 

“you, ronan lynch, are dead,” blue sargent tells him, “welcome to the good place.” 

blue sargent is apparently the architect of the neighborhood and not human (who would name a real human baby blue sargent?) and not actually a tiny human woman with kinky hair and light brown skin and a face that goes from perky, service worker smile to resting bitch face at the drop of a hat. she gives him the rundown of being in the good place. she informs him that he was an avid environmentalist who used his personal fortune to help fund national parks, efforts to save endangered animals, and animal shelters across the country. 

this, however, was not ronan lynch’s life... and he definitely isn’t supposed to be here. after his worthwhile life of blowing through his trust fund, spiting his brother for thinking that he’s better than ronan is and trying to control him, doing drugs in the back of kavinsky’s mitsubishi. and then setting off illegal fireworks and setting shit on fire and having angry hate sex with kavinsky and street racing with kavinsky. he died after stealing his brother’s car and wrapping it around a tree, half on purpose. so yeah, there’s no way that he’s supposed to be here in the good place and he knows it. 

blue sargent, however, does not need to know that. so ronan lynch does something that he’s never done before, he lies. 

“yeah, that was me,” he says. because really? if he’d done good things in his life, saving animals probably would have been one of them. that’s a life he could have led, if he were less of a shitbag. he always liked animals. 

sargent brings him to a frozen yogurt place to meet his soulmate, and pretty much everything about that statement seems ridiculous and out there, but he’s in the afterlife, and it sure as fuck ain’t the pearly gates or the fire and brimstone his catholic raised ass was expecting, so he supposes that this is just his new normal. 

“some soulmate pairings are romantic,” sargent says, “and some are platonic. yours is platonic. fated to be best friends- closer than brothers” 

“great,” ronan says, which is not great at all because he was hoping that maybe there would be some sap on earth who was fated to fall in love with him, and not just be a dude he hated but couldn’t stop having sex with. since they have the wrong history for him, he can’t even complain about declan or talk about how no one would EVER be a better brother than matthew, who was ripped from the world far too young. 

he hopes that matthew and his parents are in another neighborhood somewhere, living it up as happy as they could ever be. if anyone deserves to be in the good place, it’s his family, or at least the dead parts of it. 

“ronan lynch, this is your soulmate, richard gansey the third” blue says with a wide smile. seeing him makes it even worse, because he’s handsome, but he’s off limits because it’s “platonic” and ronan wants to put his hand through the fucking wall. 

“just call me gansey,” he says with a big, wide smile, “that’s what all my students called me.” 

“students?” 

“i was a professor of moral philosophy,” gansey says, “but i also taught a few courses on welsh mythology and history.” 

“what a nerd,” ronan says before he can shut his god damn mouth. gansey smiles

“that’s the other thing that my students called me,” he says. ronan’s not sold yet, but ronan might not totally hate this guy. that would be a first since his family died. 

they tour the neighborhood, sargent telling them all about how new and improved this place is over earth even though it just looks like suburbia. at least, somehow, the afterlife is environmentally friendly? that’s what sargent says, at least. ronan doesn’t know how that would even work. 

sargent introduces them to another pair of soulmates about halfway through. the first is adam parrish, who was apparently a high powered lawyer back in life who helped like, the environment or some shit (suspiciously close to ronan’s fake backstory, ronan will have to be careful treading around that topic with him), and his soulmate jiyanu, a taiwanese monk who took a vow of silence. 

at least ronan got someone who talks. he’d feel bad for parrish, if the dude weren’t so fucking pretentious that it makes him want to puke. parrish is also really attractive and has hands out of ronan’s dreams but like.... that’s not relevant. the point is that he’s a pretentious dick not that he’s an ATTRACTIVE ONE okay? okay. 

ronan is probably pricklier than someone who’s actually good place bound would be, but parrish responds with exactly the level of passive aggressive that ronan would expect from a jerk back on earth, so ronan’s probably alright. if this dude deserves to be here, then ronan can at least match his level of passive aggression without people suspecting that he’s not supposed to be here. 

no matter how little ronan wants to admit it, though, he always sort of enjoys talking to parrish. it’s nice to have a break from gansey’s overwhelming cheer or sargent’s “benevolent alien anthropologist” act. jiyanu doesn’t talk, so it’s harder to get to know him. or even care about getting to know him. he looks perpetually uncomfortable, though, which is a weird thing to look in paradise. ronan hopes that he doesn’t look that uncomfortable.

but then again, ronan’s a big, muscly guy with a full back tattoo and leather jacket and a shaved head in a neighborhood that looks like suburbia ate candyland and then shat this monstrosity out, so he was probably going to stand out no matter what.

he stands out a whole lot more the next morning when the good place malfunctions in a multitude of ways that tell him that HE’S the cause. so, he decides that he should probably talk to his ethics professor soulmate to figure out htf he’ll get to stay here. 

“so, you’re my soulmate. soul friend?” 

“best bud,” gansey suggests.

“and you would never do anything to hurt me, right?” 

“yes?” and then ronan confesses that he doesn’t belong here and gansey’s like yup i guess this is my life now and it increases his anxiety tenfold but he promises to help if ronan promises to take ethics classes so that he can learn to be the person that deserves to be in the good place and ronan’s like okay, sure, i guess. books are stupid and learning is stupid but being tortured? is probably more stupid so he’ll deal with books and schools to not do that

he finds out that jiyanu doesn’t belong here pretty soon afterwards, after having a fucking heart attack that the guy was going to rat him out. it turns out that jiyanu isn’t even named jianyu. his name is henry cheng and he’s a drug dealing, backpacking dj from vancouver. his mother’s a mob boss. he’s sometimes involved in her business, sometimes not. he’s always a wayfaring stranger, or a hopeless wanderer, or a druggie bum from vancouver, one of those words that means he’s a traveling dude with no life prospects. 

“i’m not even taiwanese, dude. i’m forking korean,” henry groans, and ronan feels like he’s found a kindred spirit in all of this shit. this is way easier to deal with than an actual monk knowing his secret. now they just get to be assholes together. 

they meet up in henry’s “bud hole” which he definitely doesn’t call a bud hole, because he has some class. he calls it mr roboto because it’s his secret secret he’s got a secret. he actually says this aloud, singing and all, and ronan starts singing the murder squash song and a beautiful friendship is born. 

friends. weird. ronan never had a lot of those. or any, if he’s being honest. 

“not being able to talk? that’s the worst thing for me,” henry says, “do you know how much i like to talk?” 

“i can guess,” ronan says. 

“like, words don’t always work right for me, but i still love to talk,” henry reiterates 

“yes, cheng, i get it,” ronan says, because he really would like for the silent monk to go back to being silent, please. 

“it’s like torture, lynch, absolute torture. like, if i actually were in the bad place, they couldn’t have come up with a better way to torture me than that.” ronan thinks that’s a bit of stretch, when in the bad place they could literally pour lava over you for all of eternity, but the thought sends a bit of a shiver up his spine. 

the good place isn’t so good. 

he pushes the thought to the back of his mind. it probably means nothing. he and henry might be here and miserable, but they’re not supposed to be here. gansey? parrish? they might be assholes sometimes, but they did do legit good things. gansey was a fucking ethics professor, and it sounds like parrish took a lot of cases for charity and did all kinds of philanthropy. even though ronan and henry aren’t supposed to be here, those two still are. 

---------

back on the topic of henry, henry cheng was a backpacker who dealt drugs and was working through a trust fund of his own and working through more romantic and sexual partners than ronan can even imagine. apparently, his mother was a crime lord from vancouver. he was kidnapped for ransom as a child, and his mother barely cared to get him back. the last thing that happened to him was when one of his former, scorned lovers kidnapped him and demanded ransom from his mother, she refused and that’s how henry cheng died. the scorned lover killing him part is a point of pride. the fact that his mother let them? not so much

---------

gansey finds out about henry soon afterwards. he agrees not to rat out henry either in exchange for even more ethics classes. 

“gansey, you are a prince among men,” henry says. and gansey does not blush, he DOESN’T but ronan glares at the ground. the universe gave him a soulmate who’s actually into dudes but not into him? what the fuck, universe. what the fuck. 

they take ethics classes, and they get better. and better, and better while feeling worse, and worse, and worse. the neighborhood deteriorates. it seems like everyone’s mental state deteriorates too, even the two that are supposed to be here. 

sargent tries to find gansey a new hobby after ripping into the book he spent his life writing. parrish snoops around sargent’s office, and finds out that he had the lowest good person score out of anyone in the neighborhood. he tries as hard as he can to up his score, until he realizes that because he’s dead, he can’t. it eats away a little at him to know that he’s even below ronan lynch, even if the guy isn’t quite as bad as he first thought. at least he can TALK to him, unlike his soulmate monk-ey mcsilence

everything seem to be getting worse. 

and then, sargent tries to take credit for all of it. the breakdowns- the tremors- all the things that ronan being here has caused, and tells them all that she will basically be brutally murdered for her failures- ronan’s failures. he hates that gansey made him grow a little bit of a conscience. ronan comes clean. he’s pretty sure that gansey’s disappointed face as he stares at henry is the only thing that gets henry to come clean with him. 

parrish doesn’t seem delighted that ronan isn’t supposed to be here, but he does seem pleased- almost smug about it. 

“all you rich kids had everything handed to you, and i had to work so hard to get where i got. even here, in the good place. you glided in here on a technicality.” 

“you want them to send me to the bad place?” ronan asks, “that’s still a possibility, you know.” if parrish wanted him damned, he probably could make it happen. with lawyer powers and social clout combined, he could probably get it done. 

“well, no,” parrish says, “i don’t.” and of course, no actual good person would want another person to be tortured to spite them. to be honest, ronan doesn’t really wish that on any other person, not even declan or kavinsky. 

“plus, that gives me at least two people i’m better than here,” parrish says. ronan raises his eyebrow. 

“points wise,” parrish says, like that explains everything. they have an in depth conversation about when he snuck into sargent’s office and searched through the scores and his existential crisis about how low his numbers were, and ronan can’t help but laugh. perfect parrish was the worst one here? 

“hey,” parrish says, “at least i deserved to be here.” it might have been the least out of any of them, but he still got in on his own merits. ronan got here due to a clerical error. 

“you probably had like, ten thousand more points than me if that helps,” ronan says. parrish tries to shrug it off, but ronan can tell that it does. gansey’s across the room, looking like he’s coaching henry on how to get through this situation, and ronan wonders if there wasn’t a clerical error with the soulmates too. 

if any of them are soulmates, romantically, it certainly isn’t the pairings they’ve been assigned. gansey and henry might be soulmates, really. and well, looking at the way parrish smiles and the way that his hand curl and the way that he’s feeling- god- fuck- ronan thinks that they might have a possibility too. 

adam and henry have a Talk which consists of 

“sorry for not speaking for six months” 

“i don’t really think i like what you have to say, anyways.” 

“that’s fair. we’re definitely not soulmates, are we?” 

“i’m not sure we’re even friends” 

“ouch, parrish, harsh” and then eventually, they kill each other a million times in video games and decide that it’s alright, i guess. kind of. they’re not going to be friends, but they’re not going to hate each other either. not even enough for hate sex, don’t worry, henry checked. 

they bring the person that ronan was apparently switched with up from the bad place. he’s a real environmental lawyer who’s also named ronan lynch, a clean cut Black man with a warm smile and no tattoos who seems liked someone who would have walked across hot coals to help a stranger. 

by pretending to belong here, ronan condemned him to months of torture. he probably deserved it when people start calling the other one “real ronan” and him “fake ronan”. that doesn’t mean he likes, it, though. they could call them suit ronan and leather jacket ronan or something.

apparently, henry cheng was somehow switched with an actual taiwanese monk named jiaynu because they died at the same time. who knew?

there’s a whole big plot to try to keep ronan and henry here in the good place, spearheaded by parrish’s lawyer brain and gansey’s ethical heart, and maybe a lawyer heart and an ethical brain too. he thinks that both of them possess both organs, at least. 

the bad place sends a demon named trevor to pick up him and henry. trevor  reminds ronan too much of kavinsky for comfort. much more than any person should, really. it’s uncanny, and it sets off that same unpleasant feeling in his stomach as henry’s comment about not being able to talk did. the same way that he feels whenever sargent pulls gansey off to do something that gives him anxiety attacks. 

gansey tries to balance his best friend energies very carefully between the two ronans, as to not play favorites when either one of them could be his soulmate, really? how are we supposed to know hahaha oh isn’t this gREAT. gansey’s anxiety is a fragile thing, always like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken to the point where if you open it, it WILL burst. people were always too difficult, which was why he avoided them most of the time. they were hard to put up with, harder still to please. gansey preferred his own company. 

--------

gansey loves learning. that’s kind of always been his thing. he loves school. he loves knowing things. he loves sinking into a good book and trying to piece together what information from it is relevant. people? not so much. people are tricky. people involve interactions constantly, love and affection. he knows that he could, but that involves taking time away from whatever the obsession of the day is, and gansey never met someone who was interesting enough to detract from his obsession of the day back on earth, even his family. 

his sister tried to get him to come to his mother’s congressional campaign events, even one. so did his father and his mother. 

“yes, i’ll be there,” gansey promised absentmindedly, not really planning to. he did not come. he was reading through phillipa foot’s “moral beliefs”. 

“your studies will always come first, won’t they?” his mother

“shit, dick. this is just- this is too much. can’t you do this one thing? fuck you” helen

helen didn’t call again. neither did either of his parents. gansey tried not to think much about the sting. learning was his thing. he was doing it. that’s all that matters. 

he tries to grab the first copies of his dissertations and his copy of death and that original welsh manuscript he picked up a while ago and oh god, he can’t forget his laptop that has so much work on it and- 

the flimsy remains of the roof collapse on him, and richard gansey iii burns to death in that building, along with his research. 

---

gansey’s not decisive, and he’s not a big fan of people, but he cares about ronan and he cares about henry, and he goes to sargent to demand that they remain in the good place. which, for a boy whose indecision killed him, is a pretty big step. sargent is quite impressed, and decides to accept the request and do everything that she can to make it happen. 

parrish suggests that they accrue points so that they can stay, which is an admirable suggestion but doesn’t work because they’re already dead. it’s the reason that he couldn’t move any further up the list to begin with. sargent calls in an impartial “undead judge” to hear the case to see if ronan and henry will get to stay in the good place. 

ronan decides to say fuck it instead and and he and henry steal the dude’s train and hightail it somewhere no one can touch him. apparently, there’s a medium place where everything kind of sucks but no one gets tortured. 

it has exactly one inhabitant, a guy named noah czerny. he was a cokehead skaterbro when he was alive, and the night before he died he came up with an idea to end world hunger and save a ton of kids: the most comprehensive idea for a charity ever, really. his best friend hit him over the head with a skateboard and stole it, but he started up the program that noah thought up. no one could decide whether or not noah should get the points, so they made him a place in the middle. 

a sucky, medium place. like cincinnati. or being dead but not dead in the first place. it’s just a sub par house in the desert with warm beer and mediocre movies, but it’s better than eternal damnation. 

at least, it would be if they didn’t get a message about a decision to send gansey and parrish to the bad place in their stead if they don’t come back. what the fuck is that? who decided that was fair. 

“i guess we need to go back,” henry says sadly. 

“yeah,” ronan says. they do need to go back. ronan doesn’t want to, but he knows they need to. 

“you don’t if you don’t want to,” noah says, “you’re free to stay here.” but ronan grew a conscience back in the good place, and that conscience’s name is gansey. and gansey doesn’t deserve to go to the bad place, and frankly, neither does parrish. ronan’s not about to say that one out loud, though. just because the dude’s hot doesn’t mean that ronan wants to confess any sort of affection for him. 

he’s not an affectionate sort of guy. he loved his dad, and his mom, and his little brother, but all of them are dead. after that, he told exactly two people i love you: stone cold steve austin and a guy in a dark club that he mistook for stone cold steve austin. so yeah, any sort of affection is foreign to him. his only long lasting relationship consisted solely of hate sex. 

they get back to the good place, and they go see sargent. it seems that the problem has become worse since they left. or, maybe better. apparently, they aren’t demanding gansey and parrish specifically anymore, or even ronan and cheng. the immortal judge, apparently, doesn’t give a fuck who they decide to give him, as long as they send two people to the bad place. 

the other ronan (good ronan, real ronan) offers to go, but that still leaves two spots to fill, one of which he is DEFINITELY taking. 

exactly none of this ends well, with a combination of self sacrificing and pure selfishness as they shout at each other, like something out of the lord of the flies or some shit. it finally clicks in ronan’s brain why he’s had that feeling of wrongness. 

“gansey and i are going to the bad place,” ronan says firmly. 

“i didn’t agree to that,” gansey says. 

“what about real ronan?” blue asks. 

“nope,” ronan says, “gansey and i have this covered. call the train.” 

“actually,” the judge says, “ronan and henry were the ones that were originally bad place bound-” 

“nope,” ronan says, “you said any two of us. gansey and i are going.” bambajan bursts into the room with an enormous book open in his arms. 

“i found a way to keep all of you in the good place!” bambajan says.

“shut up, bambajan,” ronan says. sargent’s eyes widen for a moment. she knows that he’s caught on to her throne of lies. 

“ronan, what’s happening?” gansey asks. 

“i just figured out what’s been wrong about this place the whole time. they can’t call us a train to the bad place, because we’re already here. this is the bad place” sargent seems shocked for a moment, but only a moment, before she regains her composure. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” she says smoothly. 

“bullshirt, sargent,” he says, “i’m right.” gansey laughs, nervously. 

“this is a joke, right? please tell me it’s a joke,” he looks down at his hands, “my stomach hurts-” 

“of course it is,” sargent says firmly. shit, this can’t be good. if sargent denies it and no one else believes him, then it won’t make any difference that he knows. it will all just go by the same way until she finally gets him to shut up about it. 

“no,” henry says, “lynch is right- he’s got to be.” sargent sits down, and puts her head in her hands. 

“you’re going to tell them they’re crazy, right?” parrish demands. sargent looks up, and lets out a maniacal laugh. 

“five years of planning,” she says between laughs, “five years down the drain because ronan lynch grew a brain.” 

“actually, i’d say i grew a heart,” ronan says smoothly. 

“that’s a reference to something,” blue says, far too calmly for someone who just admitted to torturing them, “that musical about the green woman who’s in love with the pink one?” 

“close enough,” ronan says. gansey looks like he’s going to die of his stomach ache. 

“what is going ON?!?!” 

“i’ve been torturing you,” blue says, “this is the bad place, do keep up.” 

“what do you mean?” parrish asks, “that can’t be. it can’t be.” sure he was ambitious, but he never did anything wrong. maybe he didn’t do as much right as he could have, but he never did anything actively wrong. 

he wasn’t corrupt- he was smart. he never did anything that was wrong, really, and he tried to do some good too. he belongs in the good place- he has to. 

he worked his way up from nothing, less than nothing really, starting with a loveless, abusive upbringing, then onto a good college and a law degree in record time. he lived the american dream.

when he finished school, he started defending the highest bidder at any cost, in any case. and he took a few charitable cases, stuff that would make him look better. 

blue sargent keeps on laughing. 

“you rich boys, boys who never did anything to help anyone- the definition of idle wealth. all humans are awful, but the four of you?” blue laughs again, that harsh, strident laugh that cuts through the air directly into his soul, “you’re something else.”

“i wasn’t born rich,” adam says adamantly. he might have gotten there, but he wasn’t born into it like the other three. he had to climb a mountain of lava to get where the rest of them started. 

“you weren’t,” blue says, “but did you do anything to help people who were still poor?” adam gets really quiet. 

“you know, how ‘bout i just show you how you died. that’ll clear this all up.” 

“no-” adam says, because he doesn’t remember how he died, but he doesn’t care to. dying has to be traumatic, right? he’s got enough traumatic memories from his lifetime, thank you. he doesn’t need to add deathtime memories onto the scars that his parents left him. apparently, blue doesn’t care what he wants, though, and he’s pulled into the memory. 

---

he’s at a resort, somewhere tropical. he can’t quite remember where he’d decided to go, but it was tropical and set on a cliff side, only about a twenty minute drive from the beach. he always preferred the view from higher up. he could see above the tree tops and the resorts and then the beach and the ocean. swimming in a pool’s simpler than swimming on the beach anyway. 

no sand in his toes or his hair or his ears or anywhere else he won’t be able to wash out for months. he’d tried to like the beach, he really had, because it’s supposed to be a rich leisure activity, but he just couldn’t force himself to. he spent enough of his life getting grimy, thank you very much. now he’ll just appreciate the pool and the view. it’s one of the many things that his high profile job can buy. 

the job was a way to acquire status, same as smoothing over the accent and befriending celebrities and charity banquets and speeches and whatever else he did for his image.  

he’s walking to the pool along a mountain path, beside a small wall separating him from the cliff side and the ocean far below. he’s wearing nothing but a soft t-shirt, a pair of swim trunks, and sandals that cost more than his entire high school wardrobe cost. life is good, at least until he meets up with another guest on the path. 

“adam parrish,” the guy says, like it’s a curse word. adam hasn’t heard his name said that way in a long time. he can’t say that he misses it. 

“yeah?” adam demands. who the fuck is this guy? what’s his problem? he seems familiar, but adam can’t quite place him. he’s known a lot of people in his life, and a lot of them he’s tried to forget. 

“born in 1985 in henrietta virginia,” the guy rattles off, “grew up in a trailer.” 

“i did,” adam says in his clipped off fake east coast accent, “i’m not ashamed of it.” he is, actually, that’s why it’s not public knowledge. he’s not about to let this guy know that, though. 

“you know what you should be ashamed of? getting a murderer off the hook.” 

“alleged,” adam says. there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him in the minds of the jury, so there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him in adam’s mind either. he’s just doing his job. 

“yeah, well that “alleged” murderer killed my mother,” the guy spits. 

“i’m sorry about your mom,” adam says. 

“you aren’t yet,” the kid says, “but you will be.” he takes off his backpack, and then takes out a fucking scrapbook. then he shows it up for adam to see everything he’s ever been embarrassed by staring him back in the face. 

every single incriminating to embarrassing thing that has ever happened to him- every case he’s ever taken that might make him look bad, familial information he’s hidden- ex boyfriends he’s buried for the sake of staying ostensibly straight for his career- every single thing he’s never wanted to come out confined to a single blackmail scrapbook. the craftsmanship is actually impressive. the kid’s dug up secrets that adam has forgotten about himself. 

“what do you want for it?” adam says, handing the book back to him. he’s a little freaked out that the kid dug up this sort of dirt on him, angry to have it shoved in his face, but he’s mainly impressed. it’s the sort of thing that he could and would do. 

“nothing,” the kid says. 

“what?” 

“you can’t have it. i’m taking it to the press.” 

“then why the fuck did you show it to me?” adam says. you don’t pull a play like this without demanding the ransom. you can’t just rip the rug out from under them- 

“i wanted to see the look on your face,” the kid says. then, he turns around to stomp off. adam reaches forward to grab him by the shoulder and turns him back around. 

“you can’t do that,” adam says. 

“yeah,” the boy says, “i can.” he breaks free of adam’s hold, and then grabs his book as he starts to walk away. adam feels rage boiling inside of him. he can’t just- just do that. 

adam doesn’t know if this would be a career ender, but it could hurt him badly. badly enough that he can’t deal with it, not now not ever. he runs towards the guy, in between him and the edge, and grabs the book. the kid keeps his grip tight. 

“let go,” he growls. 

“you let go,” adam demands. 

“fuck off,” the guy shouts as he tries to rip it back away from adam. adam’s more determined, though, and he clutches it as tightly as he can, digging his fingernails into the flimsy material. he has a stronger grasp on it, and then he throws his weight to the side- the side with the short wall over the cliff. he flies into the wall, and then he flies over the edge. he plummets directly down to the rocks below. 

--------

“holy shirt,” adam says. 

“yeah,” blue says, “wonderful, wasn’t it? you all had such entertaining deaths. i’ll need to figure out how to incorporate them better for the next try.” 

“next try?” henry asks. 

“oh yes,” blue says, “i’m going to clear your memories and then try again. really, this was such a learning experience. next time i’ll work all the bugs out.” 

“you can just do this over?” henry asks, sounding horrified. 

“of course,” blue says, “you’ll have your memories erased and we’re going to start again. can’t just leave you like this. it’s no fun torturing you this way if you already know what’s going on.” this explains so much about all of their experiences here in the good place. everything makes sense now. 

“well, i’m a demon,” blue says, “comes with the territory.” 

“a demon,” gansey says, like he still can’t believe what he’s hearing. gansey obviously isn’t present enough to figure out a way out of this mess, and parrish is still reeling from reliving his death. henry’s slightly more put together, but ronan doesn’t think he’s got any ideas for how to stop this either. that means that ronan has to figure out something to save them from this cycle. 

blue did say that this happened because he grew a brain. maybe he can write himself a note or get another tattoo or- 

“i promise after i fix this, you’ll all have long, unhappy lives,” blue sargent says with her widest service worker smile. she snaps her fingers, and then the world goes white.  

bum bum BUMMMMMMMMMMMMM 

if anyone’s interested in a continuation of this, i might do season 2. but the most important part of season 2 is the millions of reboots with different soulmates so here are a few examples 

“gansey, this is your soulmate, the physical manifestation of henrietta virginia” 

“jianyu, this is your soulmate, madonna” 

“adam, this is your soulmate, ronan lynch” 

“ronan, this is your soulmate, stone cold steve austin” 

“this is your soulmate, a raven” 

“this is your soulmate, orla,” blue says, gesturing to the woman. female person. not someone that ronan’s sexually attracted to in the least. 

“this is the bad place, isn’t it?”

“ah fork it all,” blue curses. then, she snaps her fingers and the world resets. 

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Well it’s about damn time estimate two half years ago I made this marble synthetic universe in chronological order video ever since then the question is in the most is wins election coming out so with avengersand Cindy working out in about a weekand that is a big sign is a need to do one last one of theseand yes this will most likely be the last of theseand seek analogies because after this this university to be weighted a trick out this video is high enough to make already just be the moviesand TV shows in the short filmsand even the tying comics as this video is ridiculously hilariously long but considering everything a document here in total is about 256 hours long condensing ends in two hours I think is not bad but maybe to watch this on one setting or do be impressive to just put a few disclaimers upfront if you must get themand find the video you can click to this time go had I will be too offended 170 states are to be 100 accurate that you might be assumptions recipe name hereand there because there are a lot of weird names of artifactsand planets also considering the stuff I need to cram into this I will be painting with a pretty broad brush for some of these especially TV shows I can go into every tiny subplot of agents of shield as much as I’m I went to’s that wasn’t super obvious spoilers ahead for everything like having everything I know I said sit back relaxand let’s get this thing started before we had to get into the eventsand everything are few things you should know about this universe is elite think of this universe is having two main sections there is the normal universe first which has earth that branches off to the rest of space goes to the galaxiesand planetsand guardians even further to planets like Asgardand the restaurants now in other card realms not planets but for my researchand understanding that realms are just planets deep out in spaceand is not specifically are connected to each other by Qaeda system called Yggdrasil basically just think nine important different planets connected to each otherand it got names from Norse mythology for the sake of not starting massive argument in the comments plan arounds from the out the nameplate around his Asgard with aliens living there have technology so advanced that they appear to be godsand also yeah have some magic powers that make them pretty godly then be on this regular universe in this other section there are hundreds thousands infinite number of parallel dimensions to this world all this is called the multi verse we mainly say our dimensions at this but in the story to be a lot of references to other dimensions basically universes that existed Dr strange portal with Myers so there planets switched rounds find twoand then there are the dimensions which will point out along the way okay I don’t Arity lots of people not set up but now it actually it started before the universe existed several billion years ago there were six singularities that eventually morphed into tiny gems with the powers of the universeand the powers of time power reality space the souland the mind in this pre universe darling on us to call it is a race of aliens called the dark elves who rule this place cousins are comprised of darknessand the love that I can’t get enough of darkness then the universe starts the dark elves don’t like this is no more infinite darkness so they would return the universe to how was before without of these planetsand speciesand whatnot so the albino leader of the dark elves Malikand gets his hands on the reality stoneand turns it into a substance called the ether basically turns a stone into a substance he can use as a weapon then as the universe evolves these giant spaceguard type things called celestial startup where we don’t really know the power to manipulate huge massand energyand so they are able to use the most powerful objects in the universe the infinity stones these into planetsand civilizations wherever they want is there just got pics like that of the celestial’s called egoand he finds being spaceguard disk kind of lonely he discovers he can manipulate the matter around himand create shells ponchos himself until he is an actual planet being a planet boring though so creates a smaller avatar from self to explore the universe over the next millions of years he finds tons of planets around the universeand decides he must conquer all of them he does this with a well thought out plan we start supplanting little seasonal planets that can turn this planets into extended versions of himself but to activate them the power of another celestial so how do you get another celestial you bang anything that moves in the entire universe apparently ego gets busy across the universeand since people church or the kids he makes for him one of these retrievers is eventually undo but were getting out of ourselves as pre pesto because none these kids inherit his celestial powersand so their useless 10 so he kills them all in stores the corpses in the lower part of the planet just technically inside of himself ill I at this point earth has finally formed kind of an immediate right filled with a superstrong element called by brainyand crash landsand what will become Africa because it’s awesome the rebellion gives the pilot around it special powersand extra strength had a few million yearsand now humans have evolved on earth in Africa five tribes of humans discovered the vibratingand decide to build a home around itand call it Wakonda that drives us fighting until one day one of the tribes warriors gets a message from the panther goddess passed to consume this plant affected by the librarian called the heart shaped herb okay pods yes there is apparently a panther goddess maybe this was just a hallucination as guy had a something because there’s really no expiration plan is universe whatever maybe does exist in part but anyway is he consumes the vibrating power plant superstrength speedand enhancing sinks from losses like yeah right as prequel he should be arcaneand so the tribes are united under his ruleand live in peace in Wakonda except for Jabari tribe who decide to live in the mountains instead a guy who eats the heart shaped herb also becomes the Black Panther the warrior protector of a condo over the centuries the natural kingand Black Panthers passed down with the help of the heart shaped herb also because they have a boatload by brainy him over the centuries work on it develops into an incredibly technologically advanced country far more advanced than anywhere else in the world however they decide to hide themselves so they don’t assure the techand wealth with the otherwise pretty sucky world of timeand so discuss themselves as a poor Third World country meanwhile this being somewhere else in the world who might be human might not it’s not really clear called out tomorrow discovers the Mystic arts basically realizes magic Israel Mr guards essentially allows you to manipulate those alternate dimensions I mentioned beforeand also do other cool stuff like make magic shields because this secretes a little club called the Masters of the mystic arts with a bunch of humansand start training in this art of energy manipulation magic really at some point he uses his magic powers to get his hands on the time infinity stone which he uses to make the Iraq Amato so he can control it as their fancy necklace he puts of three symptoms around the world to protect the world from threats from other dimensions these are symptoms in Hong Kong Londonand New York or what will eventually be displaces threats from other dimensions you ask my ass like for example this big amorphous that called her mother who is the Lord of the dark dimension that our dimension is one as many dimensions that exist out there in the multi verse time does not exist there that’s important detail the mother wants to conquer every dimension in the multi verse is he’s a giant superpower for bad guyand so he just wants to consume worlds it’s also possible to draw power from the dark dimension that old let’s say let you live for superlong time by is generally not a good idea to do so because the memo can influence youand come throughand destroy literally everything it’s not recommended now over to I called Oden who is the heir to the throne of that plan around the mentioned before Asgard currently the king is this guy called bore Asgard is a tale told of ragged rock this event that will destroy Asgardand sci fi demon called starters can do that using the eternal flame which basically gives them loads of powerand can resurrect that people like the sound of any of that so he fights orderand locks up on another plan around called Miss Lewis behind Danny Locke’s eternal flame is big screen textile vault back homeand Asgard will be stubborn rock from ever happening please take note as does the first of countless times Oden sucks at hiding stuff fast forward of itand the convergence is happening physically this means that all the nine plant rounds align with each otherand so they’re much easier to get to like literal portals open up between themand the fabric of reality starts getting weird so that race of aliens from before the universe called dark elves who are credentialing on the planet realm of content it take this opportunity to try destroy the universe again using the ether reality stone their stop by these guardians led by King Borer who also take ether from corpus either way were known find it kind of delicateand some of his troops managed to escapeand put themselves in hibernation until the next chance comes now back outthere’s a space of aliens called the Cree what you need to know about them is that they’re just the worst like pretty much all the time there also were with some other aliens at this particular time their suffering huge casualties in the war anyway to get the upper hand so they’re trying to search for that eventually they come across Earth set aside humans aren’t exactly good weapons but if the modified they can become good weaponsand so they decide to make in humans is not because the next part of this is slightly gatedand very important to the rest the story Cree experiment humansand give some of them powers that only manifest exposed to a missed called carriageand missed this mist is released by Turgeon crystals this process is called terror Genesis when she becoming human usually does get some sort superpowerand maybe deformity does the Cree put these Turgeon crystals in these weird shipping is called diviners while they were there the Cree decided also to go to Puerto Rico where they built a giant underground city where you can easily release the Turgeon list to activate your dormantand human powers if human with the inhuman Jean touches this divider Turgeon crystal carrier they had visions of a big that cities so they go thereand get their powers confused or just going started the Cree are happily making superpowered humans but after a while they like a these kind of suck let’s get out here when the first humans are made from this mine Hunter turns out to be a super powerfuland dangerousand human called hive who has a tentacle face is so powerful that the Cree want to get rid of them so they find a planet called Navistar Mavis found the universe call Mammothand build a portal called the monolith to easily transfer the human there to get rid of him they do soand he destroys the entire planet turning it into a barren wasteland however this hive has some followers back on earth that they believe that eventually can be brought back to rule the world so they started trying to get them backand built a whole society around the idea this secret organization became known as Hydra yes Hydra wasn’t always crazy Nazis they were originally crazy tentacle monster worshipers one point Hydra gets its hands on the monolithand transitionsand people to get hive but they never come back anyway the Creekand hallway from Earth but one poor Cree died while thereand so’s corpses just left behind at some point years well something humans that are left on earth find a way to get to the moon or a portal maybe anyway they get to the moon build a city thereand set up their own monarchyand society where the people who get good powers get to be royalty in divorceand lives while the people who get less can powers have to work in the mindsand remember you’re supposed to root for the rich people here for some reason back Asgard has become the King he has a daughter called hello who is now the heir to the throne decides he wants to expand as God’s powerand brings kingdom more glory does run the nine plant rounds of helloand conquers them sometimes that means that aren’t necessarily very sanitary eventually though multi lung style house a mission goes too bigand she gets a little too let’s say crazy with murdering so I banishes her to the plan around of hell is only capable realized yet is kind of a bad dude I was getting ashamed of all the terrible stuffand held it together so we just covered a lot then act like it never existed like the hero hits out finally were in the 80s metal multi verse thing where there are bunch of different dimensionsand another one of these dimensions theirs is awesome mystical city called Conlon which appears on earth somewhere in China about every 15 years or so in the city this group of monks called the order of the Crane mother teach the art of G this mystical life energy in every living thing is we can help you heal people superfast or can be used for fighting purposes also did I mention that dragons live in the city because they do that without style dragons over the years often die out except for one college shall allow is also always one special trainee in the order of the Crane mother who if there super amazing at punchingand kicking testified the Dragon shall allowand when the powers of the immortal iron fist the damage eventually achieve one fist to make it really strong busing heal peopleand you’re really good at fighting the orifice job is to defeat the enemies of the order of the Crane motherand got a secret passageway to come onand the metals passed down from generation to generation think of it as the city’s Black Panther minus the cloth it but things are all sunshine shall beatings and their five students one immortality using the Chi door of the grandmothers likeand so these five get banished to earth those five are called because no madam gal Alexandra Murakamiand so one day they been together to form an evil organization called the hand very sinister name figure out around the world their opponents while those dragons died scattered undergroundand through these bones they can get an elixir that lets you bring that people from the dead take elusive on time which is what they want has to strive to conquer Asia getting their own little army of ninjas together so the group called the chaste who don’t like that stand up against themand they battled for centuries to come the chased a big believer’s income line in the iron fistand they’d really like iron fist to help them out they had to go around being able to one point destroy the city of Pompeii is still a twin helland she hates it so she tries to escape ownsand his army of super bass worriers called the Valkyries to stopper they do it but all the Dina process except for one of them called Brunhild make a medical doctor for the rest of this she’s pretty shaken after seeing literally all of her friends get murdered so she goes off of the universe as her faith in Asgardand all that is shaken Jens Obama’s junk planet on space called cigar more or less all the garbage in the universe goes where she slowly turns in a Han Solo mixed with archer also has another kid with his lovely as guardian wife Freda called Thor Thor is now the heir to the throne of Asgard as hell it totally doesn’t count later on in another plan around cardio nine there’s a species called the frost giants who want to conquer earth they came that guard which again guest yes Earth is another planet realm so they start invasion in the heart of the earth Scandinavia in Norway these guardians meet themand paddle them all the way back to your nine where they defeat them also licking the frost giant has a baby but he just is not to die outand find that baby is like God’s cute so he keeps in the namesand Lokiand he raises him with his actual son Thor never telling him that he’s actually frost giant nice of negotiate a peace treaty with frost giantsand take their source of power at the casket of ancient winters he also present on his vault Loki grew up togetherand they love each other even though they don’t always get along snake transformed into himselfand make Loki’s generally just kind of envious of Dorcas secretly gets more attentionand Thor also gets kind of writing area as he grows up as a is a prince those blue aliens called the Cree welder still hated by actually everyoneand so the end of starting a war with this huge Empire space called the no vampire this empire spends a lot of planets that were last for a long long time don’t worry we’ll get back to it Asgard also has his army of special soldiers a bit super enragedand store everything called the berserker Army one member of this army after a battle on earth decides to stay thereand he ends up living in a quaint little monastery in Ireland is berserker staff makes a person superstrong so he split it up into three piecesand distributed around the world is still a pretty busy kingand so he gets his hands on another infinity stone the space stone which is also called the Tesseract is IK the subject of insane power the most secure place in the universe Norwayand so he does also this as guardian woman whose voice ensnares men called Laura lie goes around nine plant around collecting an army of slave men she stoppedand imprisoned by as guardian where your name sift though still in Asgard yes a bunch of as good stuff happens this time there’s this blacksmith called how dear which if I was using my Danish voice would probably be had to buy this videos in Danish so hold dear anyway this guy finds artifact called the cup of glory but Loki seizes him because he’s Loki things a plan to steal it insults hold yearand gets chased by Holger sunblock Thor stuff the Chaseand Loki says it should have a contest of skill intelligenceand virtue to settle the matter in teams together this challenge enters tricksand schemes Loki steals a cup of in the process however through circumstances that really unimportant here Thor is arrogantand tries to take the cup they are realized the companies at the worst of them looking at what he did how do those crazy with power because the cupand trust sealed until Thorand then Thor was the fightand that’s the end of that Burger King time comic I’m not getting nothing really important happened for about 300 years by the 1800s hydra still sitting people through portals to the novice to get their tentacle leader back I on the other side keeps killing themand taking on the bodily forms to stop himself from dying some pieces also cut off from the monolithand given to the biggest fatcatsand Hydra now over the next 100 years hydra sort of moves away from the Holton Gloucester thing becomes more focused on just world domination as you do still doesn’t the above there are still big passing also the hand still rock about just being eviland stuff just don’t forget in the 1930s this kid called Howard Stark make some pretty crazy inventions because he’s a genius uses these at his other brilliant ideas to become a multimillionaire at a relatively young age there’s this sickly skinny sad kid called Steve Rogers in Brooklyn who has a heart of gold this other guy called Bucky Barnes helps them with some bulliesand so they become testes for decades to come like a lot of decades 1934 one of the biggest members of hydra is a guy called Johann Schmidt now that the Nazisand taking over Germany you want to join up with them Schmidt meets with Hitler is IK unable your evil let’s do thisand it was like sounds good to also needs the scientist called Arden Zola yes Arden not Armen starts working closely with him Hydra is now the Nazi deep science divisionand Schmidt has quite a few things on his to do list was a turn itself into a super soldier weapon for hydra he wants to adopt special weapons for the Nazis to use is looking defining the mythical Tesseract since it’ll probably be pretty useful in the whole taking over the world thing Howard Stark in his billionaire ring also meets Dr Abraham or Scott a German scientist was working on a serum that enhances a person’s physical abilities to the max super soldier serum if you will that is like KS it was a serum convenientand so Schmidt capturesand forces her skyand make the serum threatening to kill as a family Hydra continues to develop high tech next suits weapons but don’t have the extra to make them super laser heand cinematic yet the rafters Steve Rogers’s mom Sarah Rogers dies of tuberculosis is not often but Bucky helps to get through the tough times is with them to the end of the line over in Soviet Russia the red room program is started by the Soviet government is designed to brainwashand train young women to be super deadly assassin’s physical tank of shooting forceful sterilizationand ballet a little girl who would later be called Dottie Underwood is draining this program to become a superspy out Stark has all this moneyand all this tackling around so he starts of the company for all his awesome inventions called Stark industries which start stealing scienceand eventually weapons with the help of his own resources Stark also comes across in that I bring him that still left over in Africa takes the tiny man he finds back USA to work on now there’s this woman called Peggy Carter she’s a code breaker in England working for the British she doesn’t get married to this guy called Fred her brotherand BFF Michael recommends her to be a field agent because she such a badass the pays like I can fight this guy you hate Michael but then Michael diesand this pushes Peggy to become field agentand call for wedding needs to start working with Chester Phillips in the US Army. And see you want to show in and on our supposed to possibly kill the enemy and and not the no feverish and will will in this and that’s not the problem is not going all five and you sold me know you are and that they go to the oh so real about is moving company off the money I will be in this will not only the cost know about me goal so don’t go now and that I was in this is that some smart is not okay what portion they know what they will about 1 See Other Shirt: There Was A Girl Who Really Loved Baking And Dogs It Was Me T Shirt

[panda-noosh]

Idk if you have read Percy Jackson but can you do a head cannon where the paladins find out that their s/o is a Greek demigod like a child of Poseidon or Ares

 I'm such a fan ofGreek mythology oh my lord. Here you go! x

   Shiro:

   obviously,the news would be a bit of a shock to him. so much so, that it takesa while for him to even believe it.

   hearingthat you were the child of Poseidon was something he wouldn't evendream yousaying. you were never one for making jokes – so he had to giveyour statement a bit of thought.

    andthe longer he thought about it, the more it made sense.

   therehad been a few times where you and him were together and water wouldjust start freaking out. the taps would burst whenever you got tooexcited sometimes, and he'd always said it was just a coincidence –faulty plumbing.

   thenthere was that time he pushed you into the ocean at the beach and youcame out of the sea completely dry – upon noticing that you were,in fact, bone dry, you made your clothes wet to try and hide it,buthe had noticed.

    sowhenever you finally tell him the truth, he would put all of thesesituations together and realise that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't aswild as he once believed.

   hewouldn't make too big of a deal over it, even though he wants to. hewants to ask so many questions about your father, but he knows youdon't really fancy talking about it.

   “hewasn't very kind to me, Shiro. he wasn't in my life for very long, soI don't really have a lot to tell you.”

   hewould understand and treat you normally, even though now he's fullyaware of your demigod powers.

   Keith:

   flusteredboi???

   Idon't know why, but I can imagine him getting properly flustered.like, red in the face and things.

   becausehe's new to relationships, okay? his first thought isn't ohmy jesus christ the person I love is a demigod whose mother is thegoddess of revenge.

   hisfirst thought is ohgod how am I meant to introduce myself to the goddess of revengewhenever I meet her?

   yes.he's more worried about meeting Nemesis than the fact that she isyour mother at all.

   andthat shows. it reallyshows.

   youtell him about your parentage and his cheeks suddenly start glowingred, and he literally throws his head back and groans like he's sometoddler not getting what he wants.

   “areyou serious? itwas hard enough meeting your father because he works as a CEO. nowyou expect me to be cool around an actual greekgod?”

   he'drun his hands through his hair and shake his head and start askingyou what Greek Gods liked to eat and what her favourite football teamwas.

   youhad no intentions of showing Keith off to your mother, but seeing himlike this – getting so prepared for it – was more or less makingyou like the idea.

   italso showed you just how serious Keith was about this relationship. alot of people would have just run off at the news of you being ademigod, but he was ready to face that life with open arms.

   Lance:

   “babehonestly, i'm just trying to work.”

   hewouldn't believe you at first. he would think it was all a big joke,because how in the hell can you be the child of Ares? that'simpossible. Ares isn't real.

   soit would take days.daysupon days of telling him who your father is and where you're from andwhat you can do, and he would just look at you like “thisjoke is getting old now.”

   sinceAres kids don't reallyhavepowers, per se, it would be incredibly difficult to prove to Lancethat you're telling the truth. plus, Ares isn't on your birthcertificate, and you very rarely have to use battle weaponry when youhave space weaponry, you know?

   soLance just spends a couple days telling you to cut the crap.

   untilone day, Allura brings in this pile of on-earth battle weaponry –knives, guns, swords, axes – and you finally get to show yourskill.

   youpick up a sword and just start absolutelydominating andLance is just kind of staring at you with his jaw wide open and hishands clenched at his side.

   becauseshit. you weren'tlying.

   oncehe realises you were telling the truth, he would be sointerested.he would want to know everything. the questions would be neverending.

   youwouldn't be able to sleep. he'd be laying beside you, hands on hisstomach as he stares up at the roof, and he'd just be rattling offquestion after question until you have to tell him to shut up and goto sleep.

    Hunk:

   hewould be so overwhelmed, but he wouldn't show it.

   hishead is running at one thousand miles per hour, and he can feel hisbody kind of lurching and he's really confused.

   buthe would just kind of smile at you and be like, “that's okay.”

   tobe honest, he isn't overly surprised, but that doesn't take thestress out of it.

   like,you've just told him you're the child of Zeus. he isn't just going toshrug that off.

   buthe wants you to think he has, because he knows that it took a lot totell him the news in the first place and he doesn't want to make youfeel like he thinks of you any less because of it.

   sohe does his own research on his own. asking Pidge everything sheknows about Greek mythology, but Pidge is just kind of like “isyour S/O not a literal descendant of a Greek god? why are you askingme?”

   andyou know full well that he wants to ask you questions and he'scurious and he's confused, but you let him deal with it on his ownfor a little while, just to see how he's taking it.

    wheneverhe hasn't completely disowned you, you sit him down and tell him toask you anything he wants to know, and the questions are light.

   he'sstill quite nervous, and he doesn't know what's appropriate to askand what's not.

   sohis questions are only small, like, “so is Zeus a nice guy or...?”

   uponhearing that he doesn't really interact with his demigod kids, Hunkwould feel a little bit of anger at that.

   hedidn't know you had grown up without a father. the topic had nevercome up in conversation, so he always assumed you just had theperfect family life and everything, because he knew that was what youdeserved.

    youwould tell him that it was okay and that your mother was the onlyperson you ever really needed, and Hunk would try to keep his calmafter that reassurance.

   buthe was still fuming at a god lmao.

   Pidge:

    “Pidge,my mother is the Greek goddess, Aphrodite.”

   “iknow you're good looking, Y/N, but comparing yourself to the goddessof beauty seems a bit narcissistic, don't you think?”

  Pidgereally just wouldn't be having it for the first few times you tellher. like Lance, she wouldn't believe a word of it until you had somesolid proof.

   butthe thing with being the daughter of Aphrodite is, you actually haveproof.because she gave birth to you. there are records somewhere in Olympusthat state your parentage.

   soyou get them for her. you barely even try to show off yourCharmspeaking skills or anything like that, because you know thatPidge will find someway tofind some logical explanation for them.

   theonly way to get Pidge to believe you is by showing her the actualreceipts.

   soyou get in touch with the Big Guy's Upstairs and you get thedocuments after some hardcore convincing for Hermes, who insistedthat you can't just take property from Olympus.

   hegives you them anyway.

   andthen you're showing Pidge the documents, and she's flipping throughthem with this awestruck look on her face.

   “myfuture mother-in-law is a Greek Goddess? do we have to invite her tothe wedding?”

   “yes.we have to invite them all.”

   “damn.no pressure on me, then.”