#cuz the rage is gonna be there no matter what. its nice to let it out and have matched too

[kojakaj]

being an older sibling is like fine and fun. until its like. “oh my intense desire to protect and defend you is because i traumatized you throughout our entire childhood on accident. and somehow you still managed to live a better life than me in every aspect. and the only way i will ever be able to make up for how much i scared you is to constantly be in your service from far enough away that you never know.”

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

[art-gelato]

Twice as Shiny

1. a little worse for wear, practically walking on air

Ratchet bit off a curse halfway. “If that young idiot is hanging his hopes on Starscream, of all mechs, I’ll kill him myself.”

Miko supposed that Ratchet was probably the only one around who could get away with calling Optimus Prime either young or idiot. “What hopes?” she asked. [AO3] [prev]

Miko had been given strict orders to stay out of the med bay ("I mean it, Miko," in that commanding Prime voice), so of course she set about getting in as soon as she was left unsupervised. Her timing was perfect—she approached the door to the converted storage unit just as Ratchet was exiting, and she slipped through the door behind him as he headed towards the other end of the hallway. Inside were a few beeping monitors, and a makeshift stretcher-thing that was too high up for her to see onto properly. She craned her neck, but she could only catch glimpses of a few sharp silver angles and the wings that poked out over the sides.

Undeterred, she clambered up the stretcher, which looked like it used to be some heavy-duty machinery that lifted really big stuff—probably aircraft, if its current use was anything to go by. She reached the platform with little difficulty, and found herself at the occupant's pointy feet. He wasn't moving, and his eyes were closed, and plus his wrists were chained to the rails, so she figured it was safe enough. She half-jogged along the platform until she reached his shoulder, and gave the armor plating there a nudge with the toe of her shoe. When that didn't elicit a response, she kicked him.

There was a low hum of activating machinery, and his eyes slowly opened. The creepy red glow of them was unfocused, though, and his gaze drifted aimlessly around the room before finally settling on her. "You," he croaked, and she wondered what was going on with his voice box to make it sound so crackly. It reminded her of the way Raf sounded after he pulled an all-nighter to finish his extra smart-kid homework.

She didn't like that. It made him seem more like a person.

"Me," she said, hands on her hips. "Got a problem?"

He stretched his jaw back and forth, like he was trying to get used to his own face. "Can't even remember your name," he said eventually. "But I suspect you have a problem with me."

"Duh," Miko replied. "Maybe it has something to do with all the times you've tried to kill me and my friends!"

Starscream sighed, a staticky rush of boredom. "Get in line, sparkling."

"My name is Miko," she said, giving his shoulder another kick. She wished it would leave a dent, and then maybe he'd stop looking at her with that cross between mild annoyance and vague amusement and take her seriously.

"You think I care?" Starscream asked, one side of his mouth twisting up in a mocking smile.

"I think you'd better!" Miko snapped. "Because if you do anything else to hurt my friends, I'm coming for you."

Starscream rolled his eyes. "I'm shaking." He sounded more awake now, and his attention shifted to take in the room properly. "Where's the medic? I'm surprised my new benevolent masters saw fit to allow you in here alone."

Miko crossed her arms. "They know not to underestimate me."

He looked her up and down, which didn't take him long at all. "You snuck in," he said, and his grin was almost genuine. "Nice to see a healthy disregard for authority in the youths, at least."

She burned with rage at the thought of Starscream approving of any of her actions, and she opened her mouth to give him a piece of her mind when-

"Miko! What are you doing in here?"

"NothingI'mnothere!" Miko yelped automatically, scrambling for the edge of the stretcher. She tripped on Starscream's wing, but before she could fall, Ratchet's hand was there to catch her. His fingers closed carefully around her, and he carried her out the door and deposited her in the hallway.

"We'll talk later," Ratchet said through gritted teeth, and slammed the door shut.

Miko let out a long groan, then pressed her ear to the door. Ratchet was speaking, sounding way grumpier that usual. She hadn't even known that was possible.

"-a day to make sure the transplant takes. Absolutely no transforming before then, or I'll rip that T-cog right back out of you with my bare servos."

"Charming," Starscream drawled.

"If you want a smooth talker, go back to Knock Out. Optimus will be here soon to get those coordinates from you. No," Ratchet added, apparently cutting off Starscream before the former 'Con could object, "we're not waiting until you're cleared for flight. There's too much at stake. The T-cog will take, I just don't want you to strain it. Ready or not, you're giving us-"

"Miko," said a deep voice far above her.

Miko jerked away from the door and looked up. She hadn't even heard Optimus approaching—he might be twenty tons of solid metal, but the guy was stealthy. He was also very, very good at making her feel guilty when she was doing something she wasn't supposed to. Maybe it was because he didn't actually try to make her feel guilty. He just would be disappointed, but he wouldn't say he was disappointed even though it was written all over his face. Sometimes she wished he would just get mad about stuff, because she knew how to deal with angry people, but he was too nice for that.

"I went in while Ratchet wasn't there," she admitted, so it wouldn't all get drawn out.

Optimus made a contemplative sound, then crouched down so they could talk easier. She liked it when he did that, because she really felt like he was paying attention to her. Not many adults gave her the courtesy. "Starscream shouldn't be disturbed too much right now," he said. "I know you're curious, but he did just have surgery."

"I'm not curious," she said, a little too defensively. "I was making a point."

Optimus gave her a bemused look. "And what point is that?"

Miko punched her palm. "I'll scrap him if he even thinks about double-crossing us."

"I see," Optimus said. "Was he suitably intimidated?"

"No," Miko grumbled, scuffing her shoe on the concrete floor. "But I'll show him."

Optimus reached out and placed a gentle finger on her shoulder. "Starscream is our ally, at least for now," he said. "Perhaps showing him some compassion will be a more effective way to keep him so."

"That creep probably doesn't even know what compassion is," Miko said, crossing her arms.

"All the more reason, in that case," Optimus replied with a small smile that quickly faded. "However, I would prefer it if you stayed away from him."

"Aw, c'mon!" Miko whined. "If he's gonna be here, I'm gonna run into him! What, am I supposed to leave the room if he walks in?"

"Starscream is dangerous, intentionally or otherwise," Optimus said. "He's not used to being around humans, and any of you could get hurt if he isn't careful. And if he is planning to betray us, you children would likely be his first target as the most vulnerable among us."

"If?" Miko echoed back at him, hooking air quotes around the word. "OP, he definitely is. This is Starscream!"

And Optimus… hesitated. He was quiet for a moment, clearly trying to decide how to reply. "Under normal circumstances, I would agree," he said at last. "But as it is, I am certain he no longer feels any loyalty to Megatron. He's on his own side now, and I'm hoping…" Here, he trailed off, his usually steady gaze turning inward.

Miko put her hand on his finger, still resting on her shoulder. "Are you okay, Optimus?"

Optimus closed his eyes and took a deep breath (or vent or whatever it was giant robots did). "My apologies," he said. "I don't want to concern you."

"Hey, no, it's okay!" Miko said, grabbing onto him tighter, with both hands, as he began to pull away. She couldn't actually stop him, but the attempt made him pause nonetheless. "If you wanna talk about something, I'll listen. You have a hard time being vulnerable around the bots, cuz they look up to you and stuff. But you're not my boss, you're my friend. I'll listen." The words fell out of her, quickly, desperately, before she could think about them. He always gave off an aura of distant leadership, even when he was being nice to her. Now, she'd caught a glimpse of something more underneath, something small and sad and almost scared, and she needed to know.

"I- believe that would be unwise," Optimus said, and now he did pull away. Miko's hands felt empty and cold. He must have seen the disappointment on her face, because his own softened. "Miko, the strength of your heart is admirable, but this is not a weight I can lay on it."

Miko clenched her fists. "Gimme- gimme something I can do to help, at least." Because she could see it—he needed help, and the problem wasn't something punchable, or shootable, or even medically fixable. It wasn't something any of the Autobots could help him with, she was sure of it. She wasn't certain she could help either, but she wanted to try.

Inside the med bay, Ratchet and Starscream were arguing, their words muffled but the vitriol coming through loud and clear. Optimus' eyes flicked in the direction of the closed door before returning to Miko. "This is not your war," he murmured. "Perhaps you can see things in another way."

With that, he pushed himself back to his full height, and Miko knew the conversation was over.

She threw her arms out and shouted at him anyway. "What the scrap is that supposed to mean?"

Optimus just gave her a faint smile and opened the door.

"-not a prisoner my aft! Take these chains off me right fragging now, Hatchet!"

"Sit still, you insufferable glitch, I told you-"

"I hate to interrupt," Optimus said, and that shut them both up.

That was one of the many things Miko thought was really cool about Optimus—his ability to just stop people right in their tracks, no matter what they were doing. Often just by showing up. She aspired to have that kind of power someday.

But she knew the start of a boring conversation when she saw one (something something keys, something something coordinates), so she skulked off. Bulkhead would certainly be looking for her by now, anyway. It was almost dinner time, and she had to be home in half an hour or her host family would… worry, or something. Who knew.

Besides, she had some stuff to think about.

=

The next day was a Saturday, which meant normally Miko would have slept in past eleven. But this Saturday, she woke up with a weird knot of anxiety in her gut around eight and couldn't fall back asleep, so she shot a message into the group chat with Jack and Raf.

u guys up?

Almost immediately, Raf responded. Wow, I'm surprised you're awake.

cant sleep, Miko typed back. i wanna head over to base u in?

Yeah why not, Jack said. My shift isn't until later anyway

Is something going on? Raf asked. I mean, besides the stuff with the Omega Keys.

Miko's thumbs hovered over her phone for a minute before she settled on a reply. idk lets talk on the way

After that, she sent a message to Bulkhead, asking him to pick the three of them up. Then she rolled out of bed and got ready as fast as she could. She pulled her hair into its second ponytail as she crept quietly down the stairs, hoping no one from her host family was around. Luck was on her side as she snagged some breakfast from the kitchen—they tended to sleep in on the weekend as well.

"Oh, hey, hun," said a voice behind her. "You're up early."

Miko's groan was muffled behind a piece of toast. So much for luck being on her side. "Morning, Mrs. Jones," she said, not bothering to swallow her mouthful of bread first. She poured coffee into her travel mug and dumped in a few heaping spoonfuls of sugar. Then she added cream, screwed the cap on the mug, and shook it.

"Big plans for the day?" Mrs. Jones asked.

Miko turned around, looked Mrs. Jones in the eye, and took her time washing down the toast with the coffee. "Yup," she said, popping the 'p'—a neat trick to insert attitude into a simple word that she'd picked up from some of the girls in afterschool detention. "I'll probably be back late."

Mrs. Jones had a tense smile. Miko wasn't sure if it was always like that, or just always like that for Miko. "Hanging out with your friends… James and Roger?"

"Close enough," Miko said, and was saved by the honk of a horn outside. "I gotta go. See you, Mrs. Jones." She brushed past the older woman and hurried out the door.

Sure enough, Bulkhead was waiting by the curb. She was usually last to get picked up if one Autobot was getting all three of them, but when it came to Bulkhead, she had automatic dibs on the passenger seat. When she opened the door, she saw Jack behind the wheel and Raf in the back seat. Both boys gave her a wave.

"Morning, guys!" she said, feeling a sudden surge of energy as she hopped in and deposited her travel mug in the center console. "Okay, so, something super weird happened yesterday."

"Seatbelt," Bulkhead reminded her.

"Weird how?" Jack asked, simultaneously.

Miko huffed and buckled herself in, and Bulkhead began to drive. "So I snuck into the med bay after Screamer got his appendix removed or whatever," she said.

"That's where you were?" Bulkhead exclaimed, then added reproachfully, "I was looking everywhere for you."

"And you didn't look in the one place I was told not to go? C'mon, Bulky, you know me better than that."

"I-" Bulkhead paused. "Yeah, that's on me. Wait, Starscream didn't do anything to you, did he?"

"No, he was just, like, kinda rude," Miko said, flapping a dismissive hand. "The weird thing happened with Optimus, actually. I was listening at the door after Ratchet kicked me out, and Optimus came up and gave me one of his dad lectures about compassion and stuff. That's the boring part. But he seems really convinced that Starscream isn't gonna double-cross us. That's weird, right? Like, double-crossing is what Starscream does."

"Mmph," Bulkhead said. He'd never been particularly good at subtlety. All three kids' full attention was immediately on the steering wheel, Raf even leaning forward through the gap between the front seats.

"Do you know something?" Miko asked.

"N-o," Bulkhead replied, drawing the word out into two uncertain syllables.

Miko drummed her hands on the dashboard. "Yes, you do! What's going on?"

If a Jeep could squirm, that's what Bulkhead would be doing. "I don't know!" he insisted. "Not anything specific!"

"But you know something," Raf said.

"Okay, okay," Bulkhead said, able to weather the worst Decepticon interrogations but caving under the pressure of a few determined juveniles. "I was with Prime when we went to negotiate with Starscream for the keys. Then halfway through, just when Starscream's threatening to go to Megatron out of spite or something, Optimus sends me 'n Smokescreen back to base! I don't know what went down, but after that, Optimus brought Starscream right into the base. Now we can't treat him like a prisoner, but we still have to take turns babysitting him just in case he decides to cause problems despite our deal—which! We don't even know the full terms of! We're getting what we want, but there's no way Starscream only wanted his T-cog replaced. Sure, we're not hunting him for sport either, but there's gotta be more, right? I think he and Prime hashed something out, but for some reason Prime ain't telling!"

The end of his rant was met with a few moments of silence.

"You… really needed to get that off your chest, huh," Jack said eventually.

"Maybe!" Then Bulkhead sighed. "Things have just been weird around base, y'know? It's great- beyond great that we've got this shot at bringing back Cybertron. But having Starscream with us for it feels…" He trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Icky?" Miko suggested.

"Icky," Bulkhead agreed.

Miko took a slow sip of her coffee as she thought. She couldn't bring herself to tell Bulkhead the last thing Optimus had said to her, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe because it had felt like it was just for her. Or—no, that wasn't right. It just wasn't for the other Autobots. That was why he'd said it to her. Because he couldn't say it to anyone else. It had been a moment of… weakness, or something that could be easily perceived as weakness.

But she couldn't figure this out on her own, and Jack and Raf had just as much insight into how Optimus' brain worked as she did.

"Would anyone know what OP is thinking?" she mused aloud.

"Ratchet, maybe," Bulkhead said. "He's known Optimus the longest. Since before the war, before the Primacy, before everything. If anyone's got a clue, it's the doc. He won't talk to us about Optimus, but maybe he'll talk to you."

=

When they got to base, the Autobots were holding a discussion in the main area. They stood around a stack of crates which the four Omega Keys sat atop, fused into a pyramid shape with a holographic blue orb floating above the point.

"-all the good a map does us," Arcee was saying. "We can plot routes through the wastes as much as we like, but that doesn't change the fact we can't even get there."

Bumblebee chirped something.

"Because using Megatron's spacebridge worked out so well for us last time," Ratchet replied wearily. "We've been over that already."

"They've been at this since before I left to pick you guys up," Bulkhead muttered to the kids. "Talking in circles. I was ready to make up my own excuse to get out of here by the time you texted me."

Smokescreen, separate from the rest of the Autobots, was the first to notice them. He was clearly on Starscream duty, since he and the former 'Con were leaning back against the wall to the right of the entrance. Smokescreen seemed unsure if he was disappointed about being left out of the argument or relieved. Starscream just looked bored.

"Hey!" Smokescreen called out, jerking away from the wall and making half a step towards Bulkhead and the kids before remembering his task. He glanced expectantly over his shoulder at Starscream, who made a big show of rolling his eyes and pushing out of his slouch to follow Smokescreen over to the newcomers. "They're all kinda deep in it," Smokescreen said apologetically.

"It's a wonder you lot ever get anything done," Starscream grumbled. "I've spent the last half-joor reorganizing long-term memories just to break up the monotony."

"If you would like to add your wisdom, Starscream, you are welcome to," Optimus said, his voice cutting easily through everything else. Nearly all the bots in the room jumped in surprise, and Starscream's wings flared upwards.

Then he settled them back to their default position, and slowly turned to face the rest of the Autobots. All of them were glaring at him, with the exception of Optimus. "I doubt my insight would be appreciated," Starscream said.

Arcee scoffed.

"Could you think of a way to access the spacebridge without alerting Megatron?" Optimus asked.

Starscream was quiet for a moment. Miko couldn't see his face, but his hands were clenched behind his back, one wrist caught tightly in his clawed fingers. "No," he said. "And whatever trick you used to sneak around him last time won't work again. He's a fast learner. You'd have to defeat him first to get to the bridge safely—but if you had the means to do that, you'd have done so already. Wouldn't you have?" That last bit felt pointed somehow, but the meaning was lost on Miko.

Optimus, as always, was unfazed. "Any other ideas?"

"Oh, I don't know," Starscream snapped. "I don't suppose you picked up any ancient artifacts that can just magically transform your groundbridge into a spacebridge?"

"The Forge!" Smokescreen blurted. "What about the Forge?"

Now everyone's attention was on Smokescreen, and he grew uncertain when no one said anything. "It could do that… right?"

Starscream tilted his head, turning to look at Smokescreen in an exaggerated motion. "Are you referring to the Forge of Solus Prime?" he asked, incredulity dripping from his tone. "It's real? And you have it?"

Smokescreen opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"Well," Bulkhead said. "I wouldn't say we… have it."

"That would work, though," Arcee said. "Wouldn't it?"

"I don't see why not," Ratchet replied.

Bumblebee let out a string of beeps.

"You just have to get it?" Starscream echoed. "Get it from where?"

The room fell silent.

"Ah," Starscream said, putting the pieces together. He straightened his back, suddenly exuding smooth confidence. "Well, that shouldn't be too hard."

"Oh, yes," Arcee said, cold and acidic. "Stealing a powerful artifact from Megatron will be a walk in the park."

Miko had already begun sidling around to where she could watch the full show, and she could see the shift in Starscream, like he was coming to life. Before, he'd been idling, only physically present because he had nowhere else to be. Miko was intimately familiar with the feeling—it was how she passed most of the time in school.

Now, the thin slash of his smile sharpened with purpose, and a low fire blazed through him, burning away any submissiveness in his posture. Even his eyes seemed to glow a little brighter. "Why not?" he said. "I know the Nemesis inside and out. I know where Megatron hoards his treasures. I know all the past guard shift schedules and I can accurately predict possible future ones. Even after going rogue, I was able to sneak aboard and raid the energon stores without getting caught. And with Hot Shot's favorite toy-" He gestured to Smokescreen. "-I could be in and out like a ghost."

"No way," Arcee said, taking a threatening step towards him. "There's no way we're letting you anywhere near the Nemesis. Especially not with the phase shifter."

"My apologies," Starscream said with false sweetness, mirroring her step forward with one of his own. "I wasn't aware you had another flight frame readily available. The Nemesis, in case you've forgotten, is quite high up."

Smokescreen shuddered. "Extremely high up."

"Arcee is right," Optimus said. "We can't trust you on a mission like this. Not alone."

"Not at all!" Arcee exclaimed with a swift chop of her hand, her glower fixed on Starscream.

Optimus laid a hand on her shoulder. "We have no other way to get aboard. Soundwave would detect the energy spike of a groundbridge. But if Starscream could carry someone-"

"Who?" Arcee said. "Bulkhead? You? I'm the only one small and light enough for him to…" Her eyes widened with realization.

"No!" she and Starscream shouted at the same time. They gave each other appalled looks.

Starscream coughed into his fist, struggling to regain his composure. "I could probably carry the yellow one."

Bumblebee jabbed a finger at Starscream as he chirped something distinctly displeased, his eyes narrowing.

"…carry Bumblebee," Starscream corrected himself through gritted teeth.

"You'll need speed and maneuverability on your side," Optimus said. "The less weight you're carrying, the higher the odds of success."

"Then don't make me carry anyone at all!" Starscream snarled.

Arcee's hands curled into fists. She began to move forward, opening her mouth to retort, only to be stopped when Optimus' grip on her tightened.

"Starscream," Optimus said, his voice somehow both soft and warning. "Compromise." It sounded less like an order and more like a reminder.

Starscream's wings flicked one after the other, as if he were physically trying to shake away his agitation. Then he took a shallow breath and straightened his spine, his hands going behind his back again as his stance became more formal. "Very well," he said, tone and expression carefully neutral. "I understand why I cannot be allowed alone on a high-stakes mission. Logically, Arcee is the best choice for infiltrating the Nemesis with me." His gaze shifted from Optimus to Arcee. "It would be foolish, at this point, to allow personal feelings to stand in the way of the restoration of our home planet."

Arcee's face contorted in fury—Miko felt scorched by her glare just by being in vague proximity to Starscream. Then she closed her eyes, breathing deep. When she reopened her eyes after a couple of moments, the harsh boil of her anger had reduced to a simmer. "Fine," she said, and looked up at Optimus. "Can we talk?"

"Of course," Optimus murmured, and followed her out of the main room.

After the two of them were gone, an uncomfortable silence settled over the room. Bulkhead, Smokescreen, Jack, and Raf were still clustered by the entrance, and the rest of the Autobots were by the Omega Keys. Starscream stood alone between the two groups, looking in the direction Arcee and Optimus had left in with a strange, unreadable expression on his face.

Miko decided to take action. She strode over to Starscream. "Hey, birdbrain," she called out. "You'd better not pull any tricks on Arcee."

Starscream didn't so much as twitch, eyes still fixed on the hallway. "What would you do?" he asked, sounding oddly far away.

This threw Miko for a loop. "Huh?"

He blinked, coming back to himself, and looked down at her. "What would you do?" he repeated irritably. "If it was just you and me. If you had no weapons, no powerful friends at your back. What course of action would you take? How would you, alone, damage me?"

Miko opened her mouth, but her mind was blank. Heat rose to her cheeks.

"Back off, Starscream," Bulkhead said.

Starscream's eyes widened, and he swiveled his head towards Bulkhead. "Are you seriously telling me you've allowed these organics to follow you onto the battlefield multiple times, and never gave them the tools to defend themselves?" he asked, his irritation congealing into outraged disbelief.

"Hey!" Miko said, crossing her arms. "I took out an Insecticon, you know!"

"And just how did you do that?" Starscream said, and Miko knew her answer wouldn't hold up under the weight of his condescension.

"Wheeljack's ship," she mumbled anyway.

"So you can use your surroundings, at least," Starscream said, which wasn't exactly the scathing insult she'd been expecting. "But you won't always be so lucky." Then, to her surprise, he dropped to one knee. At the sudden movement, every Autobot in the room started towards him, and he waved a hand. "Relax, I'm just going to show her something." He crooked a claw at her, beckoning her closer. "The other two should know this as well."

Miko exchanged uncertain glances with Jack and Raf, and then the three of them warily approached. Smokescreen and Bulkhead followed, while the rest hung back and watched.

Starscream traced the tip of a claw down a seam on the outside of his ankle. For a Cybertronian, it was too small to easily access, but Miko figured she could probably stick her arm in there. "Cybertronians vary massively in design, but there are always gaps at the joints, to allow for movement," Starscream explained. "Inside those joints, you will find sensitive wiring, especially in complex areas like this. If you find yourself facing an enemy you can't beat, your goal should be to cause enough of a distraction to facilitate an escape. In that regard, ankle joints should be your prime target. Use a tool, something sharp or hooked, and long enough to get to the circuitry. Just don't actually reach inside, since that would be an excellent way to lose those fleshy little servos of yours."

"You mean hands?" Miko asked.

Starscream ignored her, continuing, "The combination of pain and surprise should be enough to buy you time. If you're lucky, you may even impair your enemy's ability to give chase, albeit mildly. However, when you are so much smaller and weaker than your opponent, every advantage counts, no matter how slight." He rested his forearm on his knee. "After that, run. Not in a straight line—our motion algorithms can easily track you. Keep your movements unpredictable and seek cover. Anything that puts objects between you and your pursuer, preferably something that disguises the direction you're headed in. Find somewhere to hide, and wait for backup."

While Starscream was talking, Raf had ventured even closer to peer through the seam Starscream had indicated, trying to get a better look at circuitry. "Cool," he breathed.

"Was nothing like that ever explained to you?" Starscream asked. The annoyance, which had begun to fade during his lecture, was back full force.

"We've gotten the 'hide and wait for backup' talk a few times," Jack said.

"Unbelievable," Starscream said, aghast. "How did I never manage to kill you?" His tone was weirdly impersonal—a little frustrated, but mostly marveling at what he seemed to view as a massive oversight.

"Well, thank you," Miko said, and realized that she meant it despite his last remark. "For telling us all that."

Starscream gave her a hard look, as if trying to assess her sincerity. When he found her guileless, his eyes flicked away, discomfort crossing his face. "It's about time someone did," he muttered, and pushed himself to his feet.

At that moment, Optimus and Arcee returned, and Starscream stepped away from the kids. Miko turned her attention elsewhere, trying to ignore the fact that she hadn't felt threatened at all while being so close to him. He was a creep and a jerk, and he probably had some sinister reason for giving them potentially life-saving advice. Yeah.

Yet she couldn't help thinking about yesterday. Starscream's voice raspy after waking up. Optimus talking about compassion and war.

Miko shoved her hands in her pockets, stepping over to Jack and bumping shoulders with him. He bumped shoulders back, and she felt a little better.

Arcee still looked furious, but also a lot calmer about it. She clapped, a sharp sound that shot across the room and drew all eyes to her. "Alright, everybody," she said. "Let's plan a heist."

=

While the bots plotted, Miko totally thrashed the boys at Mario Kart. The three of them were, under normal circumstances, pretty evenly matched at video games. Today, though, Jack kept shooting worried glances at Arcee, and Raf's attention faltered every time Bumblebee spoke. Miko couldn't blame them, because she was anxious, too. She just channeled her anxiety differently. That was, directly into kicking ass at Mario Kart.

Eventually, Jack had to leave. His shift started at 4, and by then the planning was over, so Arcee took him. She looked like she was dying to get out of base anyway. Miko couldn't blame her.

Now, Optimus and Ratchet were looking at something on one of the big screens, and Bulkhead and Bumblebee had joined the remaining kids for TV time. As for the last two mechs in the building…

"You don't have to shadow my every step," Starscream snapped.

"You're pacing," Smokescreen said. "It's making me nervous."

"If you don't leave me be," Starscream said, his wings vibrating with tension, "I'll give you something to be truly nervous about."

"Starscream," Optimus said in reprimand, not even looking away from whatever he was working on.

Starscream let out a low growl, flexing his claws like he was aching to sharpen them on something. "Ratchet," he said, his tone cajoling. "Hasn't it been a day already?"

Miko and Raf watched from over the back of the couch, the monster truck rally on TV forgotten. "What's he mean?" Raf whispered to her.

"Docbot's making him wait a day before he can transform again," Miko whispered back. "Overheard it yesterday."

Ratchet was close enough to the couch to hear the hushed exchange, and he gave Miko a taste of his best glare before he turned it on Starscream. "Not quite," he said.

Starscream responded by taking on a pose that could only be described as 'toadying'—bent slightly at the waist, one hand curled over the other in front of his chest, his wings dipped to a nonthreatening angle. "Surely a couple of, er, hours won't make much of a difference. We need to make sure I'm in top condition for this mission, after all. With such a skilled medic as you, I'm sure I'll be-"

"Alright, alright," Ratchet said, holding up a hand. "Just stop doing- that, and we'll head up top."

Starscream straightened up, a smug smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"I wanna go," Miko said instantly. The only times she'd seen Starscream or any Decepticon transform was either from far away or while she was worried about her immediate safety. Without the threat of danger, there was no way she was gonna pass up the chance to see a giant robot turn into a fighter jet up close.

"I'd like to, as well," Raf said, apparently having the same thought.

"No," Ratchet said.

To her surprise, Starscream backed them up. "Oh, what's the harm, doctor?" he purred. Miko wondered if he was physically capable of not sounding like he was up to something sneaky at all times.

Ratchet squinted, looking between Starscream and the kids. Miko and Raf smiled at Ratchet, giving him their best puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," Ratchet grumbled, and he extended his hand to the kids. "But I'm gonna hold onto you. Ap-bup-bup!" he added when Miko opened her mouth to complain. "I'm not leaving you anywhere you can get accidentally squished."

Miko groaned, but Raf was already clambering into Ratchet's waiting palm, so she followed.

They took a cargo elevator to the top, which creaked ominously at the weight of two Cybertronians. Ratchet didn't seem worried, though, so Miko tried not to worry either. At one point, she thought she saw Starscream watching her from the corner of his eye.

The ceiling above them opened, and the platform grated to a halt once it was level with the flat rock around it.

"Nice view," Starscream remarked, casting a judgmental eye over the desert expanse. "So this is where your precious base is."

"Don't make us regret letting you in," Ratchet said, and held out a small disc to Starscream. "Optimus tell you about this?"

"Oh. The tracking device." Starscream's lip curled slightly, but he took the disc.

"Put it wherever," Ratchet said. "You can take it off, but we'll know if you do."

Starscream fiddled with it. "And if it gets damaged in the field?"

"Comm us and explain."

"Would you believe me?" Starscream asked.

Ratchet let out a harsh sigh. "Optimus will, at least."

Turning it over one last time in his fingers, Starscream said, "I suppose that's the best I'll get," and slipped it under a ledge in his chest. He cricked his neck, stretched his arms, and walked right up to the cliff's edge.

He inhaled deeply, his wings twitching in anticipation. Then he clicked his heels together and did a neat little about-face, giving the kids a smirk just before he tipped backwards off the edge. He transformed as he fell, and Miko found herself holding her breath as he dropped out of sight.

Engines roared, and Miko couldn't help whooping as he shot straight upwards, so fast the gust of wind he created made her and Raf stumble. Starscream must have heard her, because his wings waggled in what felt like acknowledgement. He kept going up, up, nosecone pointed to the clouds, until she had to shade her eyes to keep watching him. Abruptly, his engines cut out, and he seemed to hang suspended for a moment before toppling backwards again. Miko gripped Ratchet's index finger as Starscream spun around and around, plummeting towards the ground in freefall.

"Relax, kiddo," Ratchet said. "He's just showing off."

Miko couldn't tear her eyes away. How could falling like that be showing off? And then, just when she thought Starscream wasn't going to be able to pull up in time, his engines fired and he righted himself with a quick flick of his wings. He turned freefall into a graceful dive that hooked around the tall mesa that disguised the Autobot base, only half of one wing visible like the fin of a shark as he circled them. Then he was up and away again, doing loops and flips and barrel rolls, all because he could. For the sheer joy of it.

She wondered what that would be like, to have the wind as a friend and gravity as a plaything. She wondered if she could get him to tell her honestly.

"Hey, Ratchet," Miko said, still watching Starscream. "Optimus said something to me yesterday."

"Go on."

"It was after you kicked me out of the med bay. He seemed sad about something, so I asked how I could help, and he said that this isn't my war, and maybe I could see things another way. But then he wouldn't tell me what he meant."

Ratchet bit off a curse halfway. "If that young idiot is hanging his hopes on Starscream, of all mechs, I'll kill him myself."

Miko supposed that Ratchet was probably the only one around who could get away with calling Optimus Prime either young or idiot. "What hopes?" she asked.

Ratchet let out a heavy sigh. "He's got this notion of ending the war without winning or losing. Where both sides come back together to rebuild the world better this time. It's-" He made a frustrated grinding noise. "No one else would think it's possible. I sure don't. But he hopes." His free hand clenched, and he sounded so old and tired as he murmured, "Primus save him, he hopes."

Raf crouched to give Ratchet a comforting pat on the palm, but Miko just kept holding onto his finger, still watching Starscream. She didn't really know what any of that had to do with her or her ability to see things another way, and yet… she had a strange feeling she was starting to kind of understand.

Maybe it was something about the way Starscream cut through the sky. Exuberance radiated off him—there was nothing calculating or scheming in the twirl of his wings, the gunning of his engines. He'd been on the ground for so long, and now he was celebrating flight. She couldn't deny anymore that he was just another person, with his own motives and dreams and history. And if Starscream was a person, what about the rest of the Decepticons? She knew plenty of people did plenty of bad things for plenty of reasons, but she was used to applying that mentality to humans. It required another shift of thinking to apply it to alien robots, especially when she'd been taught by most of the Autobots that Decepticons were just plain bad.

And maybe they were bad people, but Miko was starting to think that maybe it wasn't all that simple. If Optimus thought there was a way to reconcile their differences, maybe… maybe…

Miko didn't know. But she was going to find out.

"Alright, pack it in," Ratchet said into his comm. "That's enough fancy flightwork for today. Save some fuel for your mission."

Starscream veered back towards the mesa, transforming again as he landed. "Killjoy," he said, but he was grinning, exhilarated and sincere. Then he caught himself, and the grin shifted into a haughty sneer.

Miko came to a decision. She wasn't sure if it was the right one, but that had never stopped her before. "Woo!" she crowed, throwing up horns with both hands. "Starscream, that was awesome!"

Starscream gave her a startled look, then quickly composed himself. "Of course," he said, lifting his chin. "I'm the best there is."

But some of the sincerity had returned to his smile, and Miko knew she could do this.

[haikyuu-loves-thiccies]

hey hey heyyy can I request Oikawa, Bokuto, Tsukishima and Sugawara being jealous over their crush (who is also their best friend and manager),, thank you! PS. I love EVERYTHING you do \ (•◡•) / ((uhmm, well, i'm not english, so i'm sorry if something is wrong with these sentences ;-;)

Your english is great!!! better than mine and I’m a native speaker XD. This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever written- all have similar ending styles, but hey... It made me laugh so :3

Oikawa

  Oikawa is a wildly jealous guy- its pretty damn well known. So it's no shock that whenever anyone else on the team tries talking to you, he'll butt into the conversation and slowly “scare” off the other guy, so that all of your attention is on him. You were one of his best friends, so you knew just how shitty he could get over stuff as small as a glance your way, but you didn't think anything more of it. It's just how he is, right? A flamboyantly jealous highschool boy who needs everything to be about him. Yeah?

  Well, either way, you liked conversing with the other guys, even Kentarou, and Kentarou seemed to like talking to you too! Even though he's very brash and will one hundred percent tell you you're an idiot or a dumbass or whatever insult is on his mind, the two of you do actually get along. Not just on some volleyball-player-to-manager level, but as friends, in and out of school.   So it's safe to say it was pretty shocking to feel his hand on your plush thigh. When you looked at your friend, he was staring at you, almost as if he had just realized where his hand was. Kentarou's face burned red, but he was frozen in place. You could hear the stomping of an angry brunette coming towards the both of you. Oh fuck.

  “Y/N! KENTAROU!” Oikawa shouted, his face fuming. Kentarou- without moving his hand- snapped to Oikawa and made a sour face. “What ARE you two doing?! And in the gym of all places!” He gasped dramatically, tilting backwards with his hands on his chest. “How dare you pull off such PDA on school grounds!”

  “O-Oikawa it's not like that-” you tried to explain but found yourself flustered and stumbling. God, he was a hypocrite, talking about PDA as if he hasn't been all over girls ALL OVER SCHOOL. But being called out like this- for something you weren't even sure was intentional on Kentarou's part, was making you burn with shame.

  “Don't yell at her you fuckstick!” Kentarou snapped. His hand finally let go of your thigh, leaving your skin cold from the sudden exposure. The two boys stood nose to nose, Oikawa burning with a rage  anyone could see if they knew what he was truly like- and Kentarou anyone could see no matter who they are.

  “Oh what, standing up for your girlfriend Kentarou? Is she your girlfriend now? Is that what's happening?” Toru teased, his tone not close to being as it usually is when he tries to get under someone's skin, instead coming off as pure burning hatred.

  “No you dumb fuck! We aren't anythin'! My hand missed the fuckin' bench!” Well, that did seem true. But you were still caught between the two boys arguing, so all you could really do was fade into the background towards the rest of the group while the two argued it out.

  “Save me.” You whispered to Hajime, who merely sighed at his friend's display.

  “Y'know Y/N,” he looked to you. “One day Toru will get the stick out of his ass and actually confess to you properly.”

  “HUH!?”

Bokuto

  Outside of the friendship Bokuto had with Kuroo Tetsuro- and outside of the almost boyfriendship he has with his vice captain, Akaashi, you were one of Bokuto's closest friends. You two trusted each other a great deal, telling each other things you wouldn't tell just about anybody else.

  It took approximately one minute and five seconds of a semi-flirty conversation with Nekoma's captain for Bokuto to be all over you, whining and grabbing places he most definitely should not be grabbing. Sure Bokuto could be jealous, but it was always more of a “I'm going to stand here and grumble/pout” kind of jealousy, not the “I'm going to purposely get in the way and cry until you pay attention to me” way.

  “H-Hey Bokuto could you um-” You tried to swat the boy's hands off you, but they had been firmly placed onto your stomach, squeezing your tummy all-to-intentionally for you to think it anything else

.   “Y/N why are you giving him your attention?” Bokuto pouted. “He doesn't deserve it! He doesn't even go to our school!” Kuroo feigned being offended by his friend's words, but was most obviously amused by the situation.

  “W-We're just having a conversation, Bokuto!” You tried explaining while unsuccessfully prying the boy's hands off you.

  “Doesn't matter! The coolest guy here is right here!!”

  “Well I can't see him if he doesn't let me go!” With this, Bokuto finally released you, pouting like a wounded puppy.

  “C'mon Y/N, it's not fair when the only pretty girl who talks to me talks to my best bro instead!”

  “Bokuto he just asked me if- oH.” Your face burned and, with an involuntary reaction, you smacked Bokuto's shoulder. “D-don't say that stuff!”

  “Whaaaaat? It's true!!”

  “Shut up! My face is going to melt off!”

  Kuroo snorted from somewhere behind both of you. “Wow, you two really are meant for each other.”  “WHAT?”

Tsukishima

  A jealous Tsukishima is a funny sight.

  You never expected to witness it, really, but you weren't complaining. You were friends with him for a while now- though some may see it as a one sided friendship, considering how the French fry can be. But you know better. You two are friends, plain and simple.

  Or at least that's what you thought.

  Now, here, talking to Yamaguchi about love and all that gushy stuff, you're starting to think Tsukishima might have feelings for either one of you- it's hard to tell who, but he doesn't seem very happy that the both of you are discussing dating and what your “types” are.

  “So your type is the excitable... Sweet kind?” You asked Tadashi, unable to stop an amused chuckle from seeing Tsukishima's sour expression behind your shared friend.

  “Erm- well, yeah, I guess! But I don't think having a type really means much. Like, I guess if anyone asked me out- or anyone nice, I'd give it a shot?”

  “Yeah, I can see that.” You agreed, leaning back in your seat. “Though, I know my type. One-hundred-percent bad boy lover right here~”

  “You... do seem like that kind of type.” Tadashi hesitated, smiling almost cheekily.

  “Haha, but I'm serious. A like a guy who could make me feel all rough and tough- and protected! It's hot.” Your words made the boy flush, so he merely nodded along. Behind him, however, Tsukishima was shifting in his seat uncomfortably. You couldn't hold back anymore.

  “What about you, Tsukki?”

  “What about me?” He responded, a small edge in his voice.  “Weeeelllll... What's your type!?”

  “Don't got one.”

  “Bullshit!”

  The blonde tch'd at you impatiently, which made you only more curious to get a real answer from him.

  “C'moooon Tsukki.... If you like Yamaguchi, you can just say so!” At his name, the smaller boy freaked out, waving his hands and babbling over himself, trying to get a coherent sentence but failing. Tsukishima merely growled, sending you a dark stare.  “Wrong friend, dumbass.”

  “Huh? Then what about Kuroo-san?”

  “Never in a million fucking years.”  “Language, Tsukki!”

  “Whatever, babe.”  “B-BABE? WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?”

   Tsukishima shook his head, looking the other way to try and hide an all-too obvious smirk. “Nothing, if you can’t figure it out, dumbass.”

Sugawara

  Sugawara isn't a jealous type, riiiiight? No, no. The boy is actually very jealous. Very very jealous. It just depends on who it is. You wanna flirt around with Daichi? Be his guest! Hell, he'll probably join in! But you wanna flirt with- mmm, say, Terushima? Now that, he has a problem with.

  You knew Sugawara was a protective friend, so it wasn't a big deal when he pulled you aside after you were chatting with the overly-excited and flirty Terushima. And you knew what he'd say, so you just went along with it.

  “I just think you should be careful around him, Y/N!” Suga looked at you worriedly.

  “I know, Suga. But he's not as bad as everyone says. Yeah, that one thing with Kiyoko was kinda messy, but like, he really is a good guy, just kinda.. stupid?” You chuckled at yourself, but Suga didn't seem impressed.

  “I'm serious Y/N.”

  “I know you are, Suga, and I appreciate you looking out for me. But please, tell me, why do you think he's such a bad guy to be around? One interaction with Kiyoko isn't enough to go off of, really...”

  Suga pouted, casting his eyes downward and mumbling.

  “Cuz' he doesn't respect women.”

  You deadpanned. You actually deadpanned. Looking at Suga, you took more than a couple seconds to get your words working again.

  “I'm sorry... That was the most white knight think you've ever said- g-give me a minute-” Laughter escaped you before you could finish yourself. Suga watched you laugh, seeming to lighten up at your giggles. “Okay, okay. You think he doesn't respect women, yeah? Okay... I hear you. But like, really, what is there to go off of? I'm not gonna ostracize him over one bad interaction. Maybe giving him a chance is just what the guy needs?”

  “Well.. Yes... I see where you're coming from- and normally I'd agree with you! But...”

  “But...?” He was twiddling his fingers together, and after a small moment, he mumbled.

  “I don't want him asking you out before I can...”

  “...OOOHHHHHHHHHH.”

Thanks for the ask!!!

[lilaclovestowrite]

Arcade Chaos (Katsuki x Cheerful!Reader)

“ Bakugo oneshot with cheerful!reader at arcade plz? ”

Type: Request from Quotev

Words: 2556

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Pairing: Katsuki x Reader

Genre: Hint of fluff, lots of Katsuki rage lol, and mainly humor

Summary: Somehow, you’re able to drag your crush, Katsuki Bakugou, to an arcade for the day. Of course, this creates chaos, since the Bakusquad happens to be there as well. But maybe, after all the chaos, you’ll finally be able to confess your true feelings to him!

Warnings:

None

💥💥💥

 “Why the heck are we in this lame place!?” questioned an irritated Katsuki.

“Cuz arcades are fun!” I answered, leading him in by the hand. He was very resistant—but he was no match for my nonexistent strength.

 “Fun? This place is for nerds who live in their mom’s basement. Just like stupid—”

 “Deku, yeah, yeah,” I finished for him with a blasé attitude. “I’ve heard it all before. Why don’t you just focus on something else besides Midoriya?”

 “Pfft, like what?”

 “Uh, something that actually matters. Video games, obviously.”

 “I’m leaving.” Just as he tried to escape, I pulled him back.

 “Get yer hands off me!” He flicked his wrist away from me, and huffed as he scanned the arcade’s interior.

“Come on, please stay with me for just an hour? PLEEEEEAAAASSSEEEEEE~!?” I forcefully smiled, holding my hands together in a purposely pathetic pose.

 “Well, you already kidnapped me so—whatever. And what’s the difference between these games and the ones on my phone? Only geeks play these chunky, 8-bit fossils.”

 “Trust me. You’ll see,” I vaguely left as an answer.

After I dragged Katsuki around the building, I asked him if anything caught his eye. “So, do you know what game you wanna play?”

 “’Nuke the Zombies’ didn’t look too trashy, I guess.”

 I blinked once. “Uhh, how about something more child-friendly?”

 “Fine. How about ’Blow up the Bunny’ then?”

 Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

 “Let’s not.”

But what we didn’t know, is that our other friends happened to be here as well! Eijiro, Denki, Hanta, and Mina approached us all at once.

 “Wow! Hey, guys! Nice to see you here,” Eijiro greeted.

 Hanta laughed. “Didn’t really expect to see you two here. . .specifically, together.”

 “The heck you mean by that!?” Katsuki nearly erupted, but I held him back.

 “Oh, y’know—just figured you’d be at home plotting your revenge for Midoriya or something.”

His response only earned him a snarl from Katsuki. But Mina, on the other hand, decided to push all of Katsuki’s buttons without thinking.

 “Maybe they’re on a date!!” she gasped. “WAIT, ARE YOU—”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!! This isn’t a heckin’ date!” Katsuki debunked. “She bugged me nonstop about coming to this trash hole, and finally got on my nerves, so I came.”

 By the smug look on my friend’s faces—they were obviously not buying it. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have minded it if were a date. Considering I’ve always had a thing for Katsuki. People may have thought I was crazy for liking someone so spastic with anger management issues—but there was more to him than just his atrocious personality. He had a lot of admirable qualities like uh, well, I’ll think of some later.

 “Alright then~” Mina giggled.

 “Guys, when can we play some games?” asked Denki.

“Right now!” Eijiro made an immediate beeline for Whac-A-Mole. “Bakugou, you gotta try out this game! I used to play it when I was younger, and it’s so much fun.”

 “The heck is it?”

 Katsuki stormed over and studied the attributes of the vintage game, while Eijiro explained the rules of it to him.

 “And when the mole thing rises up, you just hit it with this mallet!”

 “Pfft, sounds like a baby game. Pass.”

 “Aw, c’mon!” I joined in, trying to convince him to try it out.

 Hanta agreed, “Yeah! Don’t be such a wet blanket, man.”

After all our nagging, he eventually gave in and reluctantly picked up the game mallet. “Gross, a thousand brats probably got their diseased germs all over this thing.”

 “They’re not as diseased as your attitude, that’s for sure—”

 “COME AGAIN, KNOCK-OFF PIKACHU!?!”

 “Hey, hey,” Eijiro tried calming. “Just try one round at least!”

 “Ugh, fine.”

Once the game started, the plastic moles slowly rose up from their holes, and each one was hammered by Katsuki. He displayed his obvious boredom through stance and expression.

 “This game is about as fun as watching paint dry.”

 “Oh, it gets harder,” I snickered.

 “This is about as hard as using Deku as a football.”

But he was soon showed otherwise—as the game’s difficulty increased. The moles now only stayed up for half a second now, and even Katsuki was having a hard time keeping up.

��“C’mon, dude! Whack them!” Eijiro cheered.

“THIS STUPID MALLET ISN’T WORKING!!!” he screeched, causing the rest of the people around us to stare. It was a bit embarrassing. But that’s my penalty for going out in public with Katsuki. “DIE, RATS, DIEEEEEE!!!!” So, he dropped the mallet, and just started exploding the moles with his hands.

 And of course, the result was he melted the arcade machine. All the moles were now nothing but liquefied plastic, which was totally uncalled for compared to the games standards.

 I walked back to my friend’s table with Katsuki by my side.

“Alright, I just called Katsuki’s therapist and he was able to, er—scream out his issues. So, I think we’re good!” I informed with a thumbs up.

 “My therapist can bite rocks.”

 I let out a sigh of disappointment at his rude response.

 “Hey, (Y/N)! Did you see any games that caught your eye?” Hanta wondered.

 I answered with, “Hmm. . .well, I did wanna play Whac-A-Mole. But now it’s melted into the flooring, so. . .”

“It wasn’t even fun,” Katsuki downplayed. “I have more fun beating Deku. Wait—they should make a game called Whac-A-Deku. Now, I’d play that.”

 We only stared at our friend, mildly disturbed.

 Hanta said, “Pac-Man it is, then.”

 After playing a few more games, we headed to the eating area. We ordered some pizza and soda, so we just chatted as we ate.

 “You guys, what do you think is better? Pac-Man or Ms. Pac-Man?” asked Mina.

 “They’re the same thing, Raccoon Eyes.”

 “NO, PAC-MAN IS A MAN, AND MS. PAC-MAN IS A WOMAN.”

 I awkwardly nibbled on my pizza, watching the conversation between them take a nosedive for the worst.

 “Guys, is butter a carb?” Katsuki asked us.

 Denki replied, “I don’t know—I don’t watch Gordon Ramsey.”

“Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries.” He launched his pizza in the trash can (which he carelessly missed), and headed back to the ordering station.

 Just as Katsuki got out of earshot, Mina immediately began interrogating me.

 “So. . .ya sure you two weren’t on a date~?”

 I went red with total shock and embarrassment. “What? No way! He doesn’t like me like that.”

 Hanta chuckled. “He liked you enough for you to literally drag him here. That’s like, a deathwish for most people.”

 I knew he had a point.

 Eijiro said, “Plus, he needs a girlfriend. He needs someone to keep him fairly sane.”

All their talking had me blushing. Yes, I liked Katsuki a lot—but I never thought it’d go any further than that. However, you never know about these kind of things.

 “So. . .should I ask him out or something?” I hesitantly questioned.

 “Go ahead! I mean, there’s not a line of girls trying to date him, that’s for sure.”

 I took it into consideration. Maybe today, I should try to make a move. I mean, YOLO, amirite?

 “Alright, I’ll try next time I see him,” I gulped.

 They all smiled uncontrollably, but instinctively stopped once Katsuki returned to the table.

 “Why’re you idiots all staring at me like a bunch of idiots?”

“Oh, uh—well. . .” I mentally prepared myself for rejection. I knew all my friends were bursting at the seams, waiting for me to confess my feelings to Katsuki. But it was just so awkward. So, I chickened out. “I uh, wanted to know if you were gonna share your cheese fries with me.”

 “What does share mean?”

 I could hear Eijiro facepalm. So, I ended the awkwardness with, “Nothing! Just eat your fries—”

 Later, we all continued searching for what else to play.

 So, I cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention. “Ahem. How about we do something that’s multiplayer?”

 “You mean like a competition?” Katsuki wondered, a psychotic smile forming on his face once the idea of winning first place entered his mind. Now, we were all scared.

“Uh, you’re smiling like a psycho again—I MEAN, uh, yeah! We just need to find a game that allows two players. . .and one that isn’t taken.” As I examined the room and every one of its consoles, I found one that caught my eye.

 Dance Dance Revolution (DDR).

 “Hmm, I know! That one!” I excitedly pointed to the one I was referring to.

 “OMG, that one is so cool! I used to play it when I was younger!” Mina beamed.

“Oh, great. Dancing? I thought you’d pick something that would actually hold my interest. Like no-scoping zombies or something.”

 I crossed my arms and said the thing I knew would make him do what I wanted. “What? You think you can’t beat me? Think I’m gonna win instead~?”

 “Pfft, in your dreams. I’d beat you at any game at any time of the week. You’re a lame gamer.”

 “You think so, eh? Well, let’s just find out!” I skipped over to the DDR machine and patiently waited for the two children to finish up their round. However, patience wasn’t an idea Katsuki could process in his arrogant brain.

 “Hit the road, punks! I’ve got a game to win!” He shoved the two kids off, and cleared the platforms for both of us. I tried mouthing an apology to the two schoolboys, but they had already escaped to find their parents.

 Katsuki extended his arms and stretched out his fingers. Eijiro and Hanta approached me, asking if I was sure this was a good idea. I knew Katsuki was unhealthily obsessed with winning, but that only made it more fun being his opponent, at least in my opinion! (Plus, seeing him fail was ten-times funnier).

 “Go easy on her, dude,” Denki tried helping out.

“No way, Calamari. I’m not a braindead loser like you.” Finishing up his mini exercise, he stepped onto the dance platform. “What’re you waiting for, girly?” Katsuki snarked at me with a confident smirk.

 I stepped on mine as well, and scrolled through the list of songs to perform. “We could start with easy mode,” I offered.

 “No way. Go for the hardest mode you can find.”

 Someone was going to break their legs, and it wasn’t going to be Midoriya this time around.

 “Oh. . .well, uh—alright!” I landed my finger on this Vocaloid song called The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, which was apparently the most challenging one on this menu. “Alright, there’s the modes: Beginner, Intermediate, Pro, Master, and uh, Death.”

 “Choose Death then.”

 With a cloud of anxiousness looming over my figure, I pressed that option. I didn’t know what to expect—but I was scared.

 “How bad can it be?” chuckled Eijiro.

 Oh, but it was pain. It was the most torture I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

When the gameplay started, it wasn’t too hard in the intro of the song. But when the fast part came, it was like we were dancing to save our lives. People in the building came to spectate us and our anguish—but our friends cheered us on the entire time.

 “REEEEEEEEE, END MEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Katsuki screeched as he barely managed to touch the flashing tiles on his platform.

I felt as if I was jumping across a room full of nails sticking straight up. I could barely keep up with the beat of the song, and I was already exhausted. But we weren’t even halfway into it.

 “BEATING ALL FOR ONE IS EASIER THAN THIS TORTURE MACHINE!” roared Katsuki.

 “You’re almost to the beat break!” Hanta reassured.

Finally, the first verse of the song ended. So, our legs could take a break for a few seconds. Katsuki and I were desperately trying to regain oxygen, since it was such a rush. When we looked at our current scores—I saw that I was luckily five points higher than Katsuki.

 “WHAT THE HECK!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?” he raged.

 “HA.”

 Everyone cheered for me at the moment, but Katsuki wasn’t having it. He was more than determined to beat me now.

When the gameplay resumed, we continued to push ourselves to dance on the correct tiles. Our scores were nearing closer together, and it was only a matter of time before one of us passed each other for good and won.

 “ALMOST THERE,” Katsuki spoke to himself, as he glimpsed at his own score.

But just the moment before it was all over, Denki accidentally activated his Quirk due to the hype building up in his system—and it shot out at the DDR machine, causing it to short-circuit and die.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Katsuki bellowed out, as he fell on his knees and placed his hands on the now black screen. “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, STUPID PIKACHU!!!”

 However, it was pointless because Denki already fried his brain and went dumb. “Wheyyyy~”

Eijiro couldn’t help but laugh hysterically, along with Hanta and Mina. It only made Katsuki’s blood boil—and frankly, I couldn’t help but giggle too.

 “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS PAIN.” Katsuki stood up and stalked out of the arcade. Of course, I followed him.

 “Katsuki! Don’t be upset. It’s only a game.”

 “I WAS SO CLOSE TO WINNING!” he fumed. “I COULD HAVE BROKEN THE STUPID RECORD—”

“Shh, just relax! They’ll probably fix it, and we can always come back later.” I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, which he surprisingly didn’t flick off.

 “Hmph. I’m never playing that demon game ever again.”

 I laughed softly. “Well, there’s plenty of other games. But other than the fact Denki shut off the game—did you have fun?”

 He turned his head to me, and for I moment, I swear I saw his eyes soften by a fraction. “Maybe a little—but not that much.”

 I’ll take that as a yes, coming from him.

But now that we were together with no other distractions, I decided to take a risk and slide my hand into his. He widened his eyes—since affection was probably a concept far removed from his unfriendly mentality.

 I looked down at the floor and smiled, saying, “I was thinking, Katsuki. Would you uh, would you consider being my Player Two?”

 I didn’t even care how cheesy I was being at this point.

 “The heck does that mean?”

 Our friends screamed from a distance, “SHE’S ASKING YOU OUT, GENIUS!”

Katsuki stiffened up, since he was struggling to find a riposte to throw back in my face. But it was relentless. Instead, he let out a sigh and told me, “That’s the sappiest and most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard—but sure. You’re not as annoying as the others.”

 I strained my cheeks from smiling so much, and I threw my arms gleefully around Katsuki. The others were probably afraid he’d blow up or something, but thankfully, he didn’t. Instead, he returned the favor by awkwardly rubbing my head.

 “They’re so cute together~” sighed Mina.

 “Yeah, Bakugou better not screw it up,” Eijiro added with a smile.

 “It’s Bakugou, he screws everything up.”

 “True.”

 Maybe coming to this place was a good idea after all~

[monkey-network]

The Fiasco Finale of Future [1/2]

So in the penultimate episode of Steven Universe 2, the climax of both the season and series as a whole... is a group hug. As I expected, plenty were not too pleased with this turnout. Some felt it was anti-climatic, some felt it was resonating, and others tried to own the critics by digging deep into the scene like they always do sucking this show’s co- Coming from nearly a month later, I’m... split. One hand, I didn’t mind the climax. On the other hand, it was pathetic compared to plenty of other finales I’ve seen in media. It’s like this show as a whole, I enjoy it, but I also enjoy smacking it upside the head cuz it made some Karen-esque, All Lives Matter type stupid shit that I just cannot get behind. So you know what, Perry the Platypus, let’s mix it up. I wanna express the good and bad of this climactic end to the show and see where we can go from there. You ready?

What’s Good:

You truly wanna know what makes that final hug a great scene? A real showstopper? I have the truth, the best truth behind this, you won’t believe me but here goes. The climax worked because A Hug Is Nice. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it beyond a hug being nice. “But Monkey, you incel troll, there’s should’ve been more to that. The episode shouldn’t have taken that long to get to that point.” Well, in typical fashion, let me put it this way by talking about Spider-Man 2 (better than Spiderverse, don’t @ me). The whole movie is centered around Peter’s life getting shat on. He’s getting fired left and right, his people are abandoning him, he even loses his powers, he’s just at his utter lowest. But at his apartment, while contemplating, in comes his landlord’s daughter, Ursula, who offers him some chocolate cake and a glass of milk.

We can say the scene comes out of nowhere and that this is all that happens, feeling pointless, but I say this is an important scene because after everything that happens to him before, this one gesture from somebody out of nowhere to be honest was one of the nicest things he’s received in a while. It’s the seedling of a scene that keeps Parker going before Doc Ock comes to make him truly spring back into action. Above everything, it was nice. Like a hug.

I don’t need to be philosophically deep with SU2′s meta to tell you that a hug can be a worthwhile thing to get more than anything. It doesn’t resolve all the baggage Steven has in his mind, but a group hug from the people closest to you (and the Diamonds) can be a gesture so nice, it can numb you out, if only for a moment. Only other times where Steven got a hug was when he felt everything could be okay. With Lars, Peridot, and Connie after her “rejection”, and it’s after that “rejection” where he slowly loses it in his attempts to shake off that harsh feeling of abandonment and that everything can be okay. It is something where he can turn to the others for help but the concern of their response makes him reasonably suffer in silence. That last part is a little dumb, but I’ll get to that later. He can’t really hug himself because it doesn’t work like that. The point being that Steven, at his lowest, just needed something nice to consider. And a hug from everyone who loves him (and the Diamonds) can be that piece of chocolate cake he needed to be at ease, again, if only for a moment.

Like let me tell ya, as a deliriously depressed man that constantly wishes for death, a hug shouldn’t be spat on. Whether it be from your friends or mommy, a good hug can, at the very least, keep you sane and going. It isn’t medication, let’s not get it twisted, but a healthy remedy nonetheless, especially if you’ve ever felt touch-starved like I have before. It’s an affectionate gesture that for what it’s worth, should never be taken for granted. And while Steven could’ve well gotten this big type hug at almost any time he desired, I can at least appreciate the show for saving that at the right time. Whew. But, while the moment itself is nice, it’s predictably almost everything around it that unfortunately puts the moment in a vacuum and me with a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s Bad: 

Let’s get this out the way, because I’m such a literal bastard... *inhale*

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

Congrats on those with the corrupted!steven theories who no doubt had it hard on when this horned trunk ascended, hung its head high, and beat its meaty chest with blind rage, the crewniverse certainly had the balls to go with this design and a long discussion of utilizing Monster Steven’s full potential. And if you think I’m nasty about this, hoo boy, be glad that words are all you’re seeing right now because artists no doubt had a field day potentially ruining this design for you even more. I’m surprised Tumblr’s flagging system hasn’t taken down whole posts with this. HEHEHEHAAAAAAAA!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of this Diamond Dinodildo’s design (say that 5x times fast). I mean Rebecca could be as horny as she pleased with this show, but this is next level, I tell you. But seriously, it honestly sucked that this is what they came up with when it served no purpose to Steven thematically other than him being a literal peen of a monster. Said this before, but what does becoming a corrupted looking amalgamation mean to him beyond “he’s a monster”? Corrupted gems weren’t the worst things in his world, they were products of a even worse thing. Turning into a diamond like figure would’ve said something about the cycle of abuse making you not feel like yourself, but a reflection of who you not only resent more than anyone, but were the indirect causes of your newfound issues. That would’ve took his struggle in the Diamonds Days arc to its next logical extreme, and brought most of Future’s episodes centered around Steven’s issues to a sensible turning point. Being a warped Diamond version of himself would’ve meant finally embracing inhumanity, and that would’ve conveyed the peak of Steven harshly feeling less like a human over the course of the season, especially when we had several episodes and new powers centering around him being inhuman. And a previous episode had him try to shatter a Pink version of White Diamond, two beings generally responsible for everything that’s happened to him. And it isn’t the design that made this a turn off.

What was Steven even gonna do as a monster? He does nothing to the town, he never even makes it pass the cliffside. He doesn’t even try to attack anybody, the only times he does is when he’s provoked by either the Cluster, the Diamonds, or any of the gems. Spinel raised more hell than Steven. So on the look back it’s insultingly sad they hyped up this big dick energy only to do... genuinely nothing. He already didn’t deserve turning into Pinky the Phallisaurus, but having him not even do anything as a monster left far more to be desired. Mob Psycho 100 did this nearly identical, but better. You can’t deny that it would’ve worked better with 22 minutes, actually give him something to do beyond screech and stomp like he’s Scrat from Ice Age. As much as I don’t like Change Your Mind, 45 minutes worked to its favor to do everything it did. Oh wait, this episode did make good use of time... with a fucking pity party.

They wasted my baby

This is. The WORST scene in the entire series and I’ll stand by that 100%. It’s one thing to show something offensive, but it’s another to have something be completely pointless. Yes, Connie talked some sense into them, but we didn’t need to waste time having White Diamond and the others bitch about something everyone who isn’t a toesucking simp should’ve figured out at that point. Not like it mattered, the Diamonds and Spinel never show up after this episode anyways, so good job making them count for something, I guess. This as well as minorly acknowledge the fact that the gems had a lot to do with Steven’s mental trauma because hey, we don’t have to hold these gems too accountable for child neglect. Speaking of which, where was Jasp- This plays well into my previous point, we aren’t shown what Steven was gonna do as a monster, so what else is the episode to do beyond holding him back in time to just make the characters go “All is lost” for one second before getting back up like this is Marvel’s Captain Driftwood?

Friendship is Magic had this type of moment in its penultimate finale but in that, more time was given to show the villains getting the upper hand, Twilight at her low point, her turnaround with her friends, and the lead in charge to defeat the villains. While some moments felt convenient and downright insulting, they made the most of their limit. The same can’t be said for this and it makes no sense. Speaking of things that make no sense:

Was this shapeshifting or corruption? Rushing or dragging? This personally bothers me because people are saying he shapeshifted even when they were also on board with him corrupting. But what was the point where monster Steven cums cries into the ocean turning it pink?

Now if Steven got himself corrupted, this would make sense since the three Diamonds are there with so fully turning him back to normal wouldn’t be an issue. Questions would arise about how corruption can happen to a human, then again this is Steven Universe, fans never really wanted you to ask questions. But if this was shapeshifting, then why have this permanent monster form? It would’ve made a little more sense of Steven changing his shape depending on his emotions, like what we’ve seen before. Additionally, Steven should have been capable of talking normally instead of roaring and growling like he switched brains with an actual animal. Just because he kinned Godzilla’s joystick doesn’t mean he was unable to speak to anybody, that is if he shapeshifted. Lastly, and this is more implicit than my previous points:

This season shouldn’t have tried tacking mental issues and trauma onto this dickslap of a climax. I’m on the side where we should’ve seen more from monster Steven, but what does this tell me for the topic of mental health? Nearly killing people on three separate occasions didn’t help, but having him transform into a near mindless beast is a backhanded way to convey post traumatic stress. Let me put it this way, if we didn’t get that episode where we learn Steven had held up trauma and stress from Doctor Priyanka, everything surrounding it afterward wouldn’t feel as fucked up as it did. Yes, understanding a root of a character’s problems is good, beneficial even, but having your character nearly, sporadically, commit MURDER THREE TIMES only to then have him become a wildin’ creature does nothing, if not disgust. It's disgusting when you talk about PTS one minute and have your main character be socially dangerous the next. You’d feel sorry for him, sure, but I gotta say nearly killing people is not something we should just hand wave. That is not a good or realistic depiction of depression and post traumatic stress; especially when you trying to discuss this with children. And don’t try to justify it by saying it was necessary for his downward spiral. Having to think and see death before my own eyes in real life, there should’ve been a better way to make Steven hit rock bottom without putting other’s lives on the line. It wasn’t compelling or resonating to see him become a witless creature after saying he could get away with anything, it felt jarringly hallow and teeth gritting sadistic to think this was acceptable. It took him turning into a literal creature to finally go to therapy or a throwaway line about therapy in this show’s case? Are you kidding me?

The hug is a nice moment on its own, but it took far too many kneecaps to get to this point and think it’s believably or justly earned. I can make fun of the monster design all I want, but what they put Steven through to get to this point is the most insulting writing I ever have to think about. Because you know what that hug told me, personally? It’s that you can commit near irrefutable atrocities, you can behave like a blithering rampaging beast all you wish, but that won’t matter. Because you’re valid and your people will love you. That is not only asinine, but it kinda pissed on what I went through growing up. Like, as idealistic as that felt, it didn’t add up because it made the mentally unstable come off as more unstable than they mostly are. You can disagree all you want with this, it won’t change the baffling fact that I came to this conclusion in the first place when I didn’t want to. “But the crew said in an interv-” NO, just nope. If the message the show gives is this polarizing for those that invested or were concerned with it, maybe the message wasn’t clear enough, who knows? I can believe Mr. Rogers never fucked this up when he made his show. I tried thinking of this differently, but I can’t excuse what they did and how they did it. Bojack Horseman never pulled this with its main lead and when it truly did, that was given more time to sort out; not an 11 minute epilogue in its final moments. The hug was nice, but this episode was trash.

Speaking of which, next time...

We Finally Look to the Future

Here’s Part 2, if you’re up.

[wavyplastic]

wrote an alt version for the same prompt cuz, why not? also this was the og direction i wanted to go but couldn’t figure out the words ‘til today. dedicated to the awesome whump queen @panchostokes!

———

“No! Don’t tell me to calm down!”

Greg couldn’t take it anymore. From doctors to nurses, crims and fellow colleagues; everyone had been telling Greg no all day.

No you can’t do this, no that doesn’t help the case, hey don’t go in there—Warrick had even blown up at him in a fit of emotional rage. Greg was handling it all as best he could, that is, until the paramedics arrived.

He hadn’t dared ask if he could ride with them. Greg was aware tag-alongs were solely up to the discretion of the driver, but Warrick and Catherine had silently claimed the coveted seats; which was already two bodies too many.

Instead Greg had to sit back and watch with the rest of the team as Warrick and Catherine loaded into the ambulance and drove off. He still remembers Nick’s hand idly sticking out, contracting and searching for something other than the company of his two best friends. Greg even noticed the gut-wrenching agony written all over Grissom’s face; a sickly silence of digestion rather than observation.

Like a vulture circling its prey, Greg had stood watch at the hospital all day. Hoping, waiting for everyone to clear out, but they never did. Nurses continued to stroll in every few hours to check Nick’s vitals, making sure he was stabilized. Catherine and Warrick had also taken it upon themselves to assist with bedside duties, though no one asked them to. Even Grissom himself had entered Nick’s room a couple hours ago, never abandoning his post since.

However the real test came when Nick’s parents, the honorable Judge William Stokes and Dallas County District Attorney Jillian Stokes, stumbled into the room with heavy hearts and vengeful eyes.

No one knew about their relationship—and they both preferred it that way. But neither person had taken into account what would happen if an emergency like this were to arise. Who would they tell? How would they find each other?

“Sir I’m going to ask you again to please sit down.”

The nurse motioned for Greg to take a couple of steps backwards.

“I know you’re just doing your job but you have to let me in there.”

“I don’t have to do anything for you, sir. Like I explained earlier, you can wait over there or in the hospital lobby. Only immediate family and law enforcement officials are allowed at this time as it is still considered an active crime scene.”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you! I am law enforcement! Do you need to see my credentials? Look, we work together and I helped rescue him, helped solve the case—”

Much to her dismay, Greg pulled out his CSI badge and waved it in the nurse’s face. Though it was understandable considering his current mental state, Greg was still imposing a little too closely into the nurse’s personal space. Something she certainly did not appreciate.

“Calm yourself or I’m going to call security.”

“Please!”

Such an anguished howl had never left the depths of Greg’s diaphragm before; not even in his darkest moments. But he was at wit’s end and didn’t care who saw anymore. Greg was now reduced to weeping at the nurse’s feet with fistfuls of his own hair entangled between his fingers. She shook her head and withdrew her shoes from his pathetic grasp.

“His room’s due for clean up in about seven minutes. I’m going to clear everyone out for about five, you have until then to see him. After that, you better be gone or so help me God—”

“Thank you...thank you.”

“Five minutes.”

Greg wiped his sullied face and picked himself off the ground as the nurse headed towards Nick’s room.

Just like clockwork, a grieving horde of adults were ejected, each of them confused and angry like Greg had been all day.

“I suggest everyone take a five minute break and grab some coffee or water down at the cafeteria on the second floor. He needs y’all to be in good spirits.”

Greg tried not to smile as the nurse forcefully corralled everyone outside, her stern voice echoing throughout the sterile white halls.

“How dare you say that to us? My son’s in there!”

“Jillian, please! I’m sorry ma’am, we’re just...adjusting to all of this. Jillian, let’s get a cup of coffee like this nice nurse has suggested since we’re gonna be here awhile. Grissom, Warrick, Catherine, care to join us?”

They all nodded and somberly walked towards the elevator as Greg slipped into Nick’s room like a ghost. Seeing Nick’s lifeless body on the hospital bed covered in lesions and speckles of dirt made Greg’s breath halt in his throat.

“That you?”

Greg instantly fell to his feet and captured Nick’s hands as softly as he could to not disturb the fragile condition he was in.

“Sorry. They wouldn’t let me—doesn’t matter. I got five minutes. I love you. You’re safe. That’s all I wanted to say.”

Nick chuckled, despite his inability to actually do so properly, and for the first time since Nick had been kidnapped, Greg laughed along too.

“Knew you’d find me. It’s my turn to do the laundry and there’s no way you’d let me live that down. Spiteful.”

Greg tightened his hold on Nick’s hands.

“I might be convinced to take over laundry duties for a week or two. Maybe. But only if you listen to everything the doctor says. Don’t pull anything, I’ve got eyes and ears all over the place, Stokes.”

“Oh. Do ya now?”

“How do you think I got in here? Got a nurse doing covert missions for me, no big deal. Anyways I have a minute left. I’ll be around, just...be back soon. Okay? Take it easy and we can talk more about this at home. When you’re ready. Love you...you big dumb idiot.”

Greg carefully released Nick’s hands and kissed his forehead before departing. He was halfway around the corner when he heard Judge Stokes’ voice resounding in the hallway.

“Warrick, we owe you everything for saving our boy. Talks about you all the time and it’s nice to finally put a face to the name. You know, Nick’s lucky to have friends like you watching over him. Puts me and Jill at ease.”

“Warrick, we’re flying you out to have dinner with the family in a few weeks. I hope you can keep your schedule open then. Grissom, did you hear that?”

Grissom knew better than to deny Jillian Stokes anything, so he just nodded.

“Thank you sir, ma’am, I appreciate that. But I can’t take all the credit. The entire team was looking out for Nick, including Greg over there.”

Greg stopped dead in his tracks, embarrassed at suddenly being called out.

“Who? That kid?” Jillian asked in disbelief.

“With all due respect ma’am, he’s not a kid. He’s the CSI that figured out the mechanical component to the...well thanks to him, we found Nick.”

“Well then...we’ve gotta meet him. Young man, come here!” Jillian shouted at Greg, nearly causing him to malfunction. “I don’t remember seeing him this whole time.”

“That’s because...he’s a bigger person than all of us, Mrs. Stokes. Does his job efficiently and quietly but doesn’t get the recognition he deserves.” Warrick finishes, and Greg feels understood for the first time in his life.

READ MORE ON AO3

[muthaz-rapapa]

StarPre: Zodiac Forms

Now that I’ve got the good quality official art, c’mon, did anyone seriously think I would not ramble about the zodiac forms in another long post? :P lol

Crap, I should be studying my Japanese since I’m traveling to Tokyo next week (GONNA GO VISIT THE PRECURE STORE, WOOOOT~!) but I want to get this post out first cuz I know I won’t have time or internet access to do it later.

So let’s do this!

Taurus form – BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSS

8D

This one I like best out of Star’s two forms (but Pisces is awesome too!) for that reason but I also love how they changed her short tutu-style skirt into an asymmetric, flowing one. And that cow pattern is to die for~! <3

The butterfly earrings and horns are a very nice touch as well! *chef’s kiss*

Pisces form – I can’t explain why or how Hikaru pulls off the mermaid look so well…but she just does, okay?

Maybe it’s the twintails.

Anyways, super cute! Adding a touch of blue and deep magenta to the overall light pink theme really makes her look more tropical.

Then there are the sea accessories and ugh! Sometimes when I look at this, I’m reminded of Mermaid Melody except the way Star is designed here looks a lot more fun.

Before I get into this, I just want to say that we can now celebrate Lala’s bubble shorts blooming into space dresses! Aaaaaahhh~ <D

Leo form – Y’know when I saw Lala go “RAWR!” in the movie trailer, I was like “This is it, if this is the last thing I see, I’ll be happy I lived”, hahaha!

Lion imagery is just so cool, y’know? (as Gelato can testify)

The wild hair, the crown.

Yeap. This pretty much confirms it. Lala is Space Queen. ;D

Cancer form – I’m simultaneously gushing over her crab hair, how much I love this shade of yellow green and giggling mad that she resembles a jellyfish more than a crustacean. xDD

*sigh* Really, I think Lala’s forms turned out the best. They faithfully captured the aesthetics of the Star Princesses while retaining Milky’s original design and without making it overly gaudy, too.

Lala, you are perfect! <3

Libra form – Normally, I would say that’s too crazy for even crazy magical girl hair but then I remember Felice’s Alexandrite form and how extra that was in all its Mother Nature floral glory…

…and I just shut my trap.

Still, it seems like Libra form had the least effort put into it.

I mean, yea, they moved some colors around (more like seeped the orange into the ombre of Soleil’s hair) and extended the reaches of her dress but it’s practically the same thing save for Libra’s hairdo…which looks more like a wig she put on that anything.

That’s just it. The dual cornucopia there catches your attention right away on how…fake it looks that it’s as if the rest don’t matter as much. Which is sad cuz the Libra Star Princess is perhaps one of the best Star Princesses based on what little personality we did get from each of them. And I just wanted to see something more creative for her form, that’s all. :(

Maybe it’ll look better in motion? We’ll just have to see if that happens in the movie. As of right now, this still picture isn’t really helping my impression of it.

Scorpio form – Much better. Absolutely adore the slimmer cut and my, does Elena look downright gorgeous with a ponytail! <D

I’m always reading about how “full of passion” Scorpios are and while I don’t let those descriptions get in the way of appreciating their characters, have to admit that “passion” was the first word that came to my mind when I saw Soleil in this form.

She literally looks like a goddess of sunsets. Beautiful.

Capricorn form – Still not sure if I’m the type of person who favors something just because I so happen to share a quality or trait with that one certain aspect of a character…

And I freely admit that the Capricorn form is not the best of bunch (though it’s definitely not the worst)…

…but it looks unarguably lovely regardless and I love it with all my heart because me is a Capricorn, after all~ <3

The tiny hearts themselves may be a bit much but it’s part of Capricorn Star Princess’s design so honestly, I have zero problem with it. They’re adorable~

Then I kinda squealed because Selene traded her umbrella/lamp shade skirt for a fancy bed canopy! LOL xDD

But most of all, it’s simply wonderful to see Madoka with wavy hair (AGAIN WITH THE HAIR!). Ooooo, gotta love that transition from light purple to fuchsia! X3

Like I said before, they made the Cures’ respective color schemes and the Star Princesses’ color schemes quite compatible. But that’s a given since they’re within close range of each other anyway.

Sagittarius form – Ok, I may have said Lala’s forms looked the best but I believe the Sagittarius form alone can blow everyone else’s out of the sky.

I mean, look at her! Isn’t she friggin’ STUNNING?!

The long side pony tail (*SCREAMS*), the mature vibe the long gown gives off and most of all, MADOKA HOLDING AN ACTUAL BOW AND ARROW AND LOOKING LIKE A WARRIOR MAIDEN DESCENDING FROM THE HEAVENS TO PURGE THE EVIL FROM THIS WRETCH WORLD!!

HAAAAAA……I dunno why I get so emotional over form changes, I just do.

Alright, first things first. This is not the place for me to spill my grievances about Cosmos in general so rest assured, I won’t do that. But I am allowed to say one thing.

Toei. I don’t understand your incomplete logic.

Cure Cosmos is a rainbow Cure. You either give her all twelve differently colored forms or you give her none at all.

Seriously, it makes no sense that she gets four zodiac forms, leaving the other girls with only two when we could have had:

1) the original starters with three zodiac forms each

2) Cosmos with either twelve (because SHE’S THE CURE OF EFFIN’ RAINBOWS!!) or one exceptionally glorified rainbow super form (with seven cat tails because RAINBOWS!!)

This is less about midseason Cure privilege (which Cosmos has heaps of) or the fact that they won’t be able to fit so many forms in an hour long special (it’s movie budget so piss off!) and more about not doing your math right to get the best, maximum output! xP

*sigh* Ok, petty raging done (for now). Moving along…

Aries form – As some of you may know, I’m not a fan of Cosmos’ rainbow skirt but I find I can easily overlook that (along with the cat ears, the flat top hat décor, the weird braids and the dorito clips) to appreciate the full picture.

And the Aries form may just be my most favorite out of Cosmos’ forms. Since Aries is the ram constellation, the white wool trim looks appropriate, especially against the crimson of her outfit. Frankly, I think Cosmos looks better in this red design than her normal blue-rainbow Cure form.

Then there’s the poofy (kyaa~!) hair that just acts so well as a backdrop to the ram horns.

Mm, yes, definitely my favorite. *nod nod*

Gemini form – Again, where the fuck were you when Met Gala was happening this year?!

Like, this would not only fit right in with the camp theme but could’ve won best dressed that night!

The only thing I’d consider getting rid of is the rainbow but then it’d probably look less campy so maybe not.

Anyways, I was the least fond of this form when I first saw it but the more I look at it, the more I’m learning to like it…??

The red cape (and cherry earrings) provides a sharp contrast to all the green going on, too.

Virgo form – Azure blue complements light pink and white in a very angelic sort of way. Pretty~

Cosmos’ hair also looks delightfully charming when it’s curled and has a flower decoration in it.

…That’s all I have to say, really.

Oh no, wait.

It’s extremely odd to me that Cosmos gets two zodiac forms that correspond to other Cures’ birthday signs and she doesn’t even get the form of her own birthday sign.

Hikaru’s is Aries and Elena’s is Virgo. Look who got those forms.

Yuni’s sign is Libra. That form went to Soleil instead.

…WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! >:/

Aquarius form – Is it just me or do the rainbow pleats actually work here?

We’re dealing with water and the droplet beads attached to the ends really reminds me of the rain so that’s probably why.

Cosmos’ hair also looks mega good in waves, too.

And the stars~! Exquisite!

On another note, again she always comes as a strange package because if cats in general hate water, then pairing Cosmos up with Aquarius is the biggest mismatch of them all, them both having a blue theme be damned. xD;

~~~~~

*SIGH* Finished!

…Or not. One last thing. There’s always one last thing.

It’s just a real shame that these forms are exclusive to the movie. I mean, I know we all have our opinions on whether or not Form Changes are actually useful in the tv series (I don’t care, I just like looking at them and that’s reason enough for me)…

But the stock footage was severely underwhelming for StarPre so having these in the show may have done some good to alleviate that feeling.

Also, the Zodiac forms have a much closer relation to the space motif than the Twinkle forms do. Seriously, the most noticeable things about the Twinkle forms are the tiaras and it’s weird because we already have the Star Princesses. So WHY do we need to put tiaras on the Cures? They’re not aiming to become princesses themselves, they’re channeling the powers of the stars (aka the Zodiac princesses!) so they should take on appearance respective of the star signs!

Again, I really don’t understand Toei logic.

……AND ONE MORE THING! OMGODD

Is there anyone out there who tried to draw what the first four Cures would look like in the forms that went to Cosmos? And if there is, may I see them? Please, pretty pretty please please please?!?!?

[dinviataunuitiptrans]

#dinviataunuitiptrans

It's 2020 and my only resolution is to take it easy on me and go walk whenever I feel the sadness circling my soul, so this day I do just that.

I woke up freezing because the heater got broken and I know that if I stay indoors I'm gonna fall into some sort of despair so I go and brew some few cups of tea, purr them in bottles, roll up my last blunt from the stash, eat some pasta left overs from new years eve, dress myself in pretty colors and head out. It's been one hour of walking therapy so I stop by McD. to pee and then head out to the small park to have a smoke and rest my legs.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tii de adiere băşită" is the best my brain could think of when the wind blowed away the tobacco from my rizla while trying to roll, so I start all over.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tii...", this is my second attempt, the tobacco is all over my pants so I take a deep breath and keep on trying.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tiiiii!!!!"

That was my 3d attempt to roll but the wind had other plans for my lungs. But then you came bye amused by the words you didn't understand, holding a pack of cigarettes and inviting me to stop fighting the wind and have a smoke from your pack. So I take one and you take a seat next to me and we lit up the cancer tubes, I say thanks and you say I'm very cute and smile. To scare the shyness away I pretend to flip my hair in the gayest way possible:

- Oh, just cute? and I thought I was beautiful, now you destroyed my dreams to ever be an instagram sensation.

You start laughing and tell me I'm actually beautiful and we start playing this game where we kinda make fun of how dumb we as humans are, I'm cracking up silly jokes and you do the same, I tell you I find you very cute also and I apologise for shattering your dreams of being an insta model, you laugh and you give me another cigarette and then move a bit closer to me.

- You're very smart for such a young guy...are you seeing someone?

- Love, you're sweet but I'm not that young...

Then you touch my hand and tell me you already like me and that I don't have to lie to impress you because you have been with guys younger than my age. That's how I find out that I'm most likely 22 or 23 and that you're just few years older than me, you're 25. I tell you lies are not my sexy kink and that I'm born in 1984, on the 31st of May. You laugh but I see the awe on your face so I tell you the good looks run in my family and that if you see my brothers you'll know what I'm talking about.

- Show me

You say that and then cuddled so close to me that you give me no option but put my arm around you while I start pulling out pictures from the phone.

- Here is Patrick, he's the love of my life and one of the sweetest man the Universe has given us. He's gonna be 35 this year.

You say we look alike but that I'm prettier than him so I turn a bit red and start feeling kind of uncomfortable so I swipe away.

- In this picture he's with Max, they are at a court hearing. Max is the oldest one, he is in his 40s and he lives here in UK but up north. I haven't seen him for ages and I miss him and his signature paranoia very much. This is Andrei, I have tons of pictures with him, we live together and he is so sweet that every time I think of him my heart melts. Probably the reason I take secret pictures of him while sleeping.

I show you more pictures with him and tell you the story when I had to sleep in his room and how he cuddled close to me when we were sleeping and you press yourself against my body and tell me you get it why. This makes me feel even more uncomfortable cuz you kinda took up every cm of my personal space but I don't know what to do so I brush it off.

- He's 22 and he might be one of the sexiest of us but he's not the youngest, Gherman is. See? This is Gabi but I call him Gherman, this is a screenshot from one of our chats, I always do this pictures when we talk so that I have them to look at when I miss them. You would say he's 14 but actually he just turned 18. He's an adorable pain in the ass but with the soul in the right place. And this is Chriss, look how gorgeous this guy is and his heart is pure gold. He's such a talented artist but unfortunately he wasn't discovered yet, he draws nudes and erotic art and it's mind fucking blowing. This is a photo with Chriss, Rami and Teo, I almost cried when I got these pictures of them. Rami represents the whole notion of humanness and he's shy just like me.

- This guy is blonde... is he also your brother?

You pointed out to Teo so I show you more pictures with him and then pull up pictures with Andreas also.

- Yeah, we have few blondes in our family but we decided to love them nonetheless. This is Andreas, not only that he's blond but he's also a very wise man. It's always such a pleasure talking to him. He's in Germany now. Just like Leo.

I'm looking for pictures with Leo so I start scrolling for the screenshots from the last whatsapp conversation and you decide to take a break from your cuddle and have a smoke. Now I feel more comfortable even though you're still resting your body next to mine.

- Here is my adorable Leo.

- He looks alot like the first guy without the beard..

- Like Patrick?

- Yeah

You see the pictures with me and Vlăduț and you like him.

- This is your brother also, I can tell. Is he old like you?

- No, actually he's young like you. And also an amazing musician and sound therapist. He makes sounds with weird instruments and then you feel a bit better. But he's not in London anymore, he returned home, he wasn't feeling very good here.

I feel you're a bit disappointed and probably thinking that you'll have to settle with me but once you get me started with my brothers it's very hard to make me stop.

- And this is Aris, he looks like an artist because he is one, he's a painter and a tattoo artist. And this is Elias, if you're ever looking for a smart conversation then he's the guy to go to. Him or Alexander. The difference is the sarcasm of Alex versus the warmth of Elias.

Then I show you Alexander and you smile and ask me if Elias and Alex are twins but I have no chance to answer because now you're handing me your phone and ask me to pull up my fb and I do just that so you start looking around while I'm getting even more nostalgic going through the pictures in my phone. I'm looking for a picture with Abel but I have no more time to show it to you

- You're transgendered?

- Oh love, there's no such thing as being "transgendered", nobody can transgender me, I am transgender because this is how I am.

- You mean you're not a real man?

- I'm just as a real human as you are love, and for sure am a man. Just that I'm a trans man

- And you're proud of this sickness...

And then you show me my cover photo.

I felt your disgust even since you said "Trasgendered" and I know very well that look in your eyes, I once had a crazy girlfriend who used to look at me just like that and somehow it feels so fucking familiar that I sense what is going to happen next so I try my best to avoid it. I tell you that each of us has its own life to live and that people must learn to accept and embrace diversity if we want to heal this human race. I tell you that body parts are just that, body parts and that gender identity is not defined by sexual anatomy. I want to tell you more but I was right and you snap into rage mode, slap the shit out of me almost poking my eye out with your nails.

- Fucking disgusting predator, man with pussy, you should be burned alive.

You walk away in anger showing the middle finger, shouting "fuck you", so I shout back that you wish to have the luck to get fucked by such a proud trans man but that I don't fuck crazy bitches anymore so you turned around and you were fuming so I told you that if you come back to hit me again I'm gonna punch you in the face. You left. I start rolling one and feel sorry I got angry and yelled back but somehow so relieved that you went away.

Dear L.,

You have my FB now and somehow I hope this message gets to you: please get some medical help you are in desperate need, and you won't get to meet nice guys like me everywhere.

I know you have serious mental issues cuz a healthy mind wouldn't let you go to total strangers looking for their attention and affection on a bench in a park, you don't cuddle with strange men and expose yourself like that.

I lived with a girl like you, extremely violent and unstable that is, for a whole year and I know that you were just looking to meet somebody that looks like a nice guy but actually hoping to get an asshole so you can have an excuse to violently manifest your pain. Been there through that already so I know the drill. The fact that you discovered I'm transgender was just the trigger you were looking for, and I didn't feel you hated me but I did feel that you wanted to make someone suffer and you found me, so it was just a matter of time until something would have triggered you.

PS: I'm sorry I threatened you but I don't like being hit. I wouldn't have hit you back but I would have called the ambulance because I learned that being a sweet person doesn't help when somebody suffers like you do.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

so being abused the entire first 2 decades of your life: what’s up with that? Night Posts Edition

- classic when finding some “uh oh relatable!” content abt various Disorderres and there’s some thing like “many symptoms overlap with ptsd” and it’s like ooh which one is applying to me?? i mean spoilers the idea that The Grouping Of Non Nt Traits And Experiences Into Distinct Classifications is not actually...an exact science and for all intents and purposes it makes no difference if i am going “oh god #me” at an informative post about adhd if actually its ptsd acting exactly the same anyways so. but yknow it’s wild n zany being like “am i overstepping my bounds b/c this was caused by coping with trauma possibly? what audacity” and etc when it really....that doesnt matter....

- also ugh @ retaining things that downplay abusers’ responsibility for their actions (in specific things you’re personally dealing with, not like, as a general stance) and shift blame onto yourself like........you have to get so used to treating someone’s Abusive Behavior as something inevitable that you can’t ever expect them to stop doing, and thus pretty much considering someone abusive like a force of nature because they’re just gonna do what they’re gonna do whenever they next get Set Off rather than like.......a person who is responsible for their own behavior and in control of their own choices and like. especially zany when you’re a kid and they’re your parent so there’s the Power Imbalance of them being an adult and the other power imbalance of them being in control of your whole existence. but so like even just the other year i was taking the blame for calmly speaking back to a grownass man close to thrice my age raging at me and saying like, not verbatim but the idea of like “ugh i know it was partly my fault for even saying anything back to him because i knew he’d just continue to yell but unfortunately i just refuse to weather that kind of behavior without standing up for myself at all anymore” but like no!!!! that’s shifting all the responsibility for this other person’s behavior onto myself, like i Made him choose to shout at me at like 4am because he sucks and has some kind of superiority power trip issues. cuz i am well within rights to respond to anyone addressing me and it’s Not my fault at all that he chooses to react the way he reacts. 

- also that i was ready to excuse my being blamed for this by others because they were closer to that person than they were to me and i was gonna be like “okay i Get wanting to defend someone who’s closer to you” but no!!!! actually!!!! i may get it but i don’t condone excusing anyone’s horrible behavior in the least just cuz you know them or they’re friends or family or something. in fact that’s terrible. i’m just primed to be Used To It because of the weird situation of parental abuse where there’s other people also trapped in this location and daily life with an abuser and if someone “causes” the abuser to start being shitty then they’ll get blamed / resented for that. me and my siblings seem more like friendly acquaintances b/c we had to be pitted against each other in these kinds of ways for eons until we were all in our teens and got some more Space and kind of realized that we weren’t each others enemies and got closer and my dumb little brother was old enough to stop being a whiny binch and Owed me for helping him with math hw over the phone from 2 hrs drive away lol.....jk, sort of.....we did get along great eventually but then i left thanks to said abuse and us talking via twitter isn’t at all the same as us being able to talk in person :/

- also one thing that sometimes Strikes me is that when i’m like blandly recalling incidents of abuse like “oh yeah, that time” it bothers me less to think about stuff that happened to me specifically than to think about times it was Other people who were being treated that way. the latter was always equally or probably more upsetting and it always felt just as bad in the moment anyways, there was no major distinction in the Abuse In Progress experience if it was directed mostly on you than on other people

- all my life i’ve also been super stubborn which never helped and even Abuse MaGee would have to try to get creative with Disciplinary Systems and there was this golden “punishment” which was eat dinner in your room by yourself and i was like oh my god can i really. the horror of Family Dinner was like, this dark comedic farce playing out in that house for all our lives. christ. speaking of being stubborn this one time my sister cut my toe with a knife (half accidentally) because i refused to stop swinging my legs despite her holding the knife under the table lol and i also refused to tell on her b/c we were All In This Together (that is, Us vs The Abuser, which always took precedence over any internal conflict in our faction lol)

- always remembering how my “’”””””””defining”””””””””” trait was always getting good grades except the only reason i ever felt this pressure was the time my sister caught shit for getting a C, and i wasn’t even getting A - F letter grades yet and was already like jfc guess i can’t like....get a single C ever.....the joke is i’ve always been a godawful student who hates school, i just also managed to get great grades fairly easily, b/c of the devil probably. i’m sorry

- love to wonder what interests i might have been able to explore if i didn’t want to hide anything i was genuinely interested in and other True Thoughts And Feelings from my ‘rents. who knows!!! even now i’m not sure what i like and my vague ideas about it are all mostly In Theory and i don’t have any hopes and dreams b/c of never being able to really consider my own interests and desires and also because when every day of your life is basically spent in survival mode about everything else, that’s not really conducive to having dreams and ambitions. see also: like, being really poor

- The Weird Experience when only one of your parents is abusive and the other parent is also experiencing spousal abuse and so like, even though they’re your parent, you know that they don’t really have equal power as the abusive one because they too are being abused? it’s a complicated thing b/c that’s how every individual experience with abuse is (complicated). and so you’ve got this bizarre situation where maybe someone cares about you but they can’t really protect you from this other person. and like, my dad is crap and in some areas even a crappier person than my abusive mom and also i hate him, but i only hate him for certain things lmao not for being abused or some ways he tried to deal with it. i know what’s trash and what’s not

- the zany experience of No One Will Help You Ever.....lucky for me i eventually figured out on my own that what i’d been living with all the time had actually been abuse for real all along! and yet still i knew that like, there wasn’t much i could immediately do with that information because..........yknow, what do you actually do. i was basically already 18, so. and even if i hadnt been. there’s nothing to do for it!! just sucks to be you, basically. but an exception is that when one day i texted my friend to ask if i might be able to leave my house overnight and crash at their family’s place for a little bit, their parents immediately were like Yes Of Course and they let me stay there for a week and were very nice about all of it. between them and the nice trans lady who gave me some more Housing Assistance by letting me stay in her spare room for like, most of december.....my Allies. plus someone who talked to me via online once i bailed on my ‘rents! if they read this they know who they are and they have continued to be so kind and generous ugh love and appreciate you

- god just individual occasions of “THIS bullshit that i went through this one time” of especially ridiculous incidents.....i could go on for eons

- sort of tangentially related and related to the first point but ugh specific memories of Moments In Which It Continued To Be Revealed To Me That I, Individually, Was Prone To Being Kind Of Socially Ostracized.....like my ass started noticing that shit as soon as i was around other kids aka preschool aka 4 yrs old.......like i’m usually somewhat withdrawn and cautious and quiet in social situations especially what with the association that “misbehaving” = trauma exposure so, yknow, that might be a way that you’re pressured into just keeping to yourself and keeping your head down. but talk about “i don’t really relate to other people my age” lmao like i always preferred interacting with adults really while by and large dealing with the other kids felt like a challenge that i was never gonna actually come out on top of and i still remember individual Efforts i’d make to ~fit in~ and Participate that just fell flat or got me actively excluded....Ugh City........and it’s like, i could make a list of Social Traits i think i have that help make it difficult for people to be interested in interacting with me, or “contribute” to those joyous occasions when you get to sit back and take in the thinly veiled contempt directed at you by various shitheads, but like, even that’s not really the right way to explain it. its kind of more a Greater Than The Sum Of Its Weird Parts sorta combined experience where i guess i just have this kind of Negative Je Ne Sais Quoi that gets ya the social brushoff / rejection. c’est ce que c’est. the joke is i actually like people and socializing In Theory, i just usually don’t get to do it. shoutout to the advanced relatability of alana calling everyone Acquaintances b/c i literally did/do that lmao......like are we friends if we don’t talk all that often? it’s part on me cuz i’m crap at being the person to initiate conversation cuz too often i assume i’d be an annoyance and also b/c conversation with me is like, not great lmao but still......ce’st l’a v’ie

anyways (clip from that fuckin song where it’s like WHO CAN RELATE lmao.mp3)

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Lola Thomas

Will she friend us on Facebook yet? Lola has been accepted! Send in your blog and faceclaim!

out of character info

Name/Alias: lexi (yeah im gonna try this again because looks like the negativity is GONE. BLESS.)

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 18

Join Our Discord: Yeaaaah

Timezone: central

Activity: 7 ( i do work so activity will prolly bump before 2pm and after 8pm lmao )

Triggers: nada

Password: jimmy can fast pass my ass ;))

Character that you’re applying for: Lola Thomas

Favourite ships for your character: going in this with a clean slate so try and give me a favorite ship? ’,:)

in character info

Full name: Lola Diane Thomas

Birthday: May 20th.

Sexuality, gender, pronouns: pansexual, female, she/her

Age and grade: 16 (almost 17) && senior.

Faceclaim: Taylor Hill

Appearance:

Head: Lola is what you call a tall glass of water. She’s refreshingly attractive. Her eyes are neither blue or green but a weird combination of the two colors, making them pop against her naturally darkened complexion. Her hair is soft and wavy and like to tangle near the ends by the time Lola is out of school and on the way to work. It’s color likes to change with the rare sunlight, meaning if she is outside in the sun all day every day natural highlights will appear in her honey chestnut tresses. Her nose is like a little button that deserves to be booped constantly. Her lips are full and plump- to that she owes genetics. Lola believes it is her only good trait.

Body: A natural looker. She stands at about 5'8, so be prepared if you’re tiny. She will tower you with her legs for DAYS.  She doesn’t have particularly large assets but they are there. And it’s a nice handful on either side of the equator. You just gotta look for them behind her non-stop barrage of sweaters. She likes to say she has a white girl booty- its cute && snooty. Her shoulders and cheeks are very, very, lightly dusted in freckles you can only see in the winter. Despiter her tall figure, Lola is NOT a bean pole, she’s slim thicccc weighing about 145 pounds and it’s not in her face.

Style: Lola dresses like she lives in Goodwill, trendy and thrifty. She would kill for knee socks and button up blouses. She aims to look like ‘The classic look of a teenager in the 90’s’. Her shoes will never don a heel for she believes she is 'too tall’ for them. She likes to keep a mellow color scheme for all her clothing items. Tan, green, white. Sometimes she looks like the first instagram post you see tagged * v i n t a g e. *

Personality: 

First off let’s get this straight, with Lola it’s not a personality but more of how she adopts a personality to fit each social clique she is suckered into that day. If you dig deeep deeeeeep down pass the meme references and pop culture shout outs- she’s awfully shy and hates making the first move in ANY kind of situation. She is sympathetic to most of the problems she hears- other than relationship ones. What’s a feeling for someone else other than your cat? She doesn’t get it. Skittish doesn’t even cover how much of a fraidy cat she is.. One little boo when she’s not expecting it is enough to get Lola to shriek and jump three feet into the air. She does have a nuturing instinct, finding it rather difficult to see anyone lonely or upset.

Once you get to know Lola, she is a sweetheart with a soul of gold. She would freeze in the frigid temperatures to keep her friend warm. She’s the girl who will sneak you into her house so you dont have to go home if you’re scared too or can’t. She is quite snarky however- as if a dam broke and every witty thought ever spun in her head rushes out. Once you get her talking about something she is personally interested in, good luck shutting her up. Lola is also a very superstitious person. Never one too step on a crack or split a pole. Her biggest quirk would have to be her need for reassurance that her jokes are funny. She thinks of herself as a comedian but is already sure everyone thinks she is trying too hard. She is a rather dull girl on the outside, moody and solemn. But if you can crack into her cold shell there’s an ooey gooey sweetness inside. Lola is often easily upset- movies to road kill make her tear up. Anytime she even gets mad the salry reminders if her lameness well up in her eyes. And that only pisses her off more.

Despite having a cool exterior she can and will snap- just push the right buttons. 

History:

Lola wouldnt deem herself an outcast yet she would always feel that way. Whether she was cheering with the girls or writing lists with Jenny, her feelings were uncontrollable. Her anxiety makes it impossible to determine if someone is being nice to her or if they have a plot to harm her. In middle school, Lola secretly dreamt of becoming a goth kid- going as far as painting her nails black for two years. But her fears never made her set out to do it. Plus everyone was a little then so isn’t that technically confirming? Her school work was the only thing Lola was ever certain in. Work was easy, you couldn’t fuck it up by being a complete oddball. It was practically memorization. After starting high school, Lola was practically a wallflower. Hell she was the wall and the flower all wrapped in one. She dropped every friendship and dedicated herself to her studies and her pets. After she got a job she was allowed to have them finally and her fur babies were the only things she cared about truly and deeply. For they could never hate their mother.

Things were always tough for Lola, socially or economically, but that didn’t mean her childhood sucked. It just meant instead of a Barbie dreamhouse for Christmas she got the summer edition Barbie. Not a house. Just the doll. Jealousy is an emotion often clouding her anxieties and judgement on people. It caused her to lose her best friend since.. Well, as long as she could remember. Lola grew jealous and almost possessive over Jenny. She probably didn’t mean too but when she saw Jenny getting along with people when she couldnt caused a burning rage to settle in her chest. It got so bad Lola didnt even speak to anyone for a week before blowing up and ruining her only real friendship.

Just because she looks innocent doesn’t mean the brunette is. There are probably a few flat tires and keyed cars residing in South Park that are Lola’s own doing. Not to mention she is a total bystander. You wanna skip school? Cool, yeah I’ll watch for a teacher. You wanna smoke pot in the bathroom? It’s all good as long as she gets a hit. These are all childish 'bad behaviors’ but as Lola sees it, there’s no point in trying that hard to be bad. After all the one time she tried it, the poor thing almost died from hypothermia after blindly listening to a slumber party dare.

You aren’t supposed to sneak out in slumber parties. Or streak in Wal-Mart. Or jump of a bridge into negative temp waters. But these are all things Lola did too prove she was cool. And it ended up with her grounded, being hospitalised for pneumonia, and gaining a large fear of heights. And a hatred for party games.

Sample paragraph:

Of course, it was another cold blustery day. Chestnut tresses fluttered in front of her sight along the whole way home, it didn’t matter how many times she forcefully blew the bangs out of her face- they always flopped back down. Numbing fingers clutched tighter to the soft cloth lining of her jacket pockets. The index fingers and thumbs of both hands pinching at the materiel. Gosh- why is it always freezing? Dull orbs flittered around the blank scenery of the all too familiar path from her house to the school. The only sounds Lola could hear were the crunching of her flats against the snow and the wind whipping furiously around her. Boring. It was all white and boring. Lola was tired of being bored. She imagined that would be the only feeling she could muster for the rest of her life and it made the corners of her glossed lips tug down.

She shook her head as if to clear the thoughts instantly, humming a tune to distract herself as she continued on her trek.

One step, two step, three step…

…Sixteenth step-

Lola really needed a friend. A small sigh lifted her chest and as it billowed past her mouth she noticed movement in her peripherals. Was she really looking down this whole time like an idiot? How embarrassing! She clenched her hands into fists, further rumpling the jacket from its own pockets. Avoiding any kind of eye contact she swayed over to the side near the street and hurried her steps along. Too fast to count now. She passed the figure and her hands slowly unfurled. The blood rushing to her digits made them quite warm and her face flushed as well. God she was awkard.

Just as she thought she was in the clear, Lola felt a tap on her shoulder and her heart stuttered in its cavity as she stumbled to a stop. Fuck.

Headcanons:

🌟 owns a bike but rarely rides it.

🌟 has one cat- a black kitten named sparrow.

🌟 also two rats- yin and yang which are little chocolate colored sisters.

🌟 3.8 GPA

🌟 wants to learn french

🌟 owns a polaroid camera kinda girl

🌟 gardens in her free time

Anything else:

Im really insecure so if it takes me time to reply its cuz im demeaning myself and my baby and my words. 

[lunarrpmemes]

Adventure Time: Elements Starters

Skyhooks

“That was definitely the longest adventure we’ve ever done.” “Let’s go take hot showers!” “Look at this fish. It’s... gummy?” “We’ve gotta get to the bottom of this hot shower.” “Home always looks different after a long trip.” “Everything being pink is probably not a big deal, and also I’m tired.” “Why do you worry so much, worry baby?” “Don’t worry, we’re only teasing you because you’re a baby.” “Hey! You look like me!” “Welcome, stranger! It’s so cool that you’re inside our house!” “We’ve obviously stumbled into an alternate dimension where everyone’s a different version of themselves. Yawn.” “I’m in control of my emotions.” “Drink up, babies!” “I used to have a LOT of fear and sadness - but now I’m FINE!” “No! That is body juice.” “What’s that? Do you spurn my fluids?” “Looks like someone’s feeling a little SOUR.” “Stop striding! It just keeps you agitated!” “Hey! You’re meat!” “They look so happy. Like dogs.” “Something smells nice. Nice and toasty.” “She’s everywhere.” “You fixed ‘em? But they’re your friends!”  “Goodbye, boys! It’s better this way!” “They’ll be back. They have nowhere else to go.” 

Bespoken For

“Why does it look like a four-way pizza?!” “Everyone is not dead. It’s much worse.” “What am I gonna do without my besties around?” “Bird watching sounds cool.” “I’m going out to get some magic ingredients.” “Cool. Bring me a snackie.” “You a toucan?” “I’ve tried so hard to help you.” “It’s saddening, it’s maddening, I’m rapping, and- and--” “No, I don’t remember who she is. But I know how to find out.” “It’s okay. I know you don’t remember me.” “Hey, wanna go on a date with me tonight?” “I think she might be an exotic bird.” “You need to get a nice bespoked suit.” “No, that’s just the muumuu, dawg. I’m jacked.” “Pretty fly for an ice guy.” “I’m really into skulls and old teeth in jars, too.” “Well, that was terrifying.” “Maybe you’re going after someone who doesn’t exist anymore.” “Why not take him as he is? After all, you’ve been through a lot of changes yourself.” “It sounds depressing when you say it that way. Think of a different way to say it.” “I don’t wanna be that guy who just hangs out with his girlfriend all the time and doesn’t see his friends... Man, I wanna be that guy so bad.” “These are some low-grade fairies.” “Where did the weird lady go?” “I wonder if my roomie has any more of these soothing donuts.” 

Winter Light

“We’ll enter via the sewer line.” “This is a place mat from a seafood restaurant - and this word search is way too hard!”” “I made these sweaters and ear muffs for you guys. They’re bespoke.” “It’s a lot colder now, too.” “Oh, I get it. The top one’s fake.” “This is crazy. It’s like being at the bottom of an ocean.” “Ice to meet you.” “You betta believe it, bucko.” “Do you wanna come with us? We’re on a secret mission.” “She’s, like, ruined the whole world and all our friends.” “Yes, I draw elves. It’s what I like to do!” “It’s not a sewer, but it’ll have to do.” “Oh no, you have an icicle. You look like your kids!” “Back in my old basement, where it all began.” “Cool boy say what?” “They denied their precious birthright.” “Instead of embracing their powers, they were overrun by them.” “Monstrous. Like life itself.” “If you’re so upset about this, you should fix it.” “The universe is an abyss of suffering.” “Best Friends Gang, retreat!” “Everyone leaves, except me. I remember Father made me stay at the table until all the eggs were eaten.” “Well, that sucks and I hate it.” “The goose... Is loose.” “My mystic soup is great for combating Ice Magic.” “I feel drained like a dirty bath tub.” “Ancient magic was actually my major.”

Cloudy

“Woah, neat-o.” “Graduate student? What the heck is that? You graduated, but you’re still a student? Doesn’t make any sense.” “Can the Dog do anything about this?” “What are you doing? Swaddling me?” “Look what happens when you go to sleep!” “Turn around! I can’t go when you’re looking at me.” “Yes sir. I sure like cuttin’ hair.” “All this stuff happened because I acted selfishly.” “I was talking about important stuff!” “I’ve been trying to distract you from all this, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy with the way things are going!” “You know what I’ve been thinking? What if we’re dead?” “I try to keep my worries hidden, but where does that send ‘em? To my kidneys? That can’t be good.” “I can get into that. Maybe when I’m thirty-five.” “I don’t care, don’t look in this direction. It makes me feel like you can hear my most private business.” “Since when is it such a hassle just to take a whiz?” “Are you being digested in there?” “Thanks for not digesting me.” “Nothing happened to us, so now we get to fix it.” 

Slime Central

“Here’s some trail mix for the road.”  “They’re two wack-a-doodle peas in a wack-a-doodle pod.”  “Something about it makes me feel weird in the ethics.” “You don’t wanna stare at happiness too hard, yaknow? Cuz it stares back, man...” “This smells like a locker room for a dead fish.”  “Okay, you look dope.”  “You guys on a team, yet?”  “No, you can’t be on my team!”  “You got something to say?”  “As always, the prize is absorption into the body of our bumpin’ leader.”  “Skate to assimilate!” “Isn’t assimilation amazing?”  “It might be comfy, like a hug that turns you into a hug.” “She can’t absorb us if we’re self-absorbed.” “You need a three person team to compete, and I’m taken.”  “But I’m the plucky underdog!”  “No, you’re just terrible.”  “No, wait! Discontinue the beat!” “They love me! I’m a true Cinderella story!”  “Today’s losers will now be punished with shameful absorption.”  “It’s like being in a warm bath full of snot.”  “It’ll work out somehow.”  “May as well give in to it...”  “This isn’t an uplifting underdog ending.”  “I’m not assimilating!”  “She’s gonna be rejecteeeed.”  “No, I totally faked it.”  “Even though I shoplifted this super cool outfit, I still didn’t fit in...”  “I guess I don’t fit in anywhere.”  “Whatever happened, he was always like... ‘it’ll work out.’“ “Stop being so selfish, I’m the one hurting here!” Happy Warrior“He’s probably having fun, and doing way better without you.”  “Your laugh is really annoying.” “Don’t talk that way about the skyhooks!” “Please keep your hands and bags away from the cloud’s edge.” “Don’t torture yourself! And don’t drop your phone into Fire Kingdom, dummy.” “If I don’t, you’ll die. Hah!”  “So... You guys wanna do something? Got any music?”  “You guys aren’t just, like, boring and old, right?”  “This doesn’t look so bad.”  “You see that bird? Gross.” “No, I’m just super cool.” “I got RAGE!”  “You cannot defeat me!” “Let’s take his armor.”  “I’m going, but I swear vengeance, okay?”  “Your cooking stinks!” “Man, this place used to be nice... er.” “I can’t, she’s like family!” “My flame shield protected me from the Change. The rest of the kingdom... Is lost.”  “She is spicy with anger.”  “We used to really bond over music, and.... Stuff.”  “This is as far as I go.”  “She said some... Hurtful things.”  “I’ll give her a good talking to. I’ll talk her into next week.”  “My wolf is also a loner.”  “When did he get cool? Everyone slept on that.”  “Die in a ditch!” “You used to be about the laughs!” “You can’t run the saw, then stay outta my woodshed.”  “The duck found a secret tunnel!”  “We’re just friends, and I’m proud of that friendship. Getting there took a lot of trust building and emotional growth.”  “... Do you do squats?”  “That big, gross dragon is your ex?!”  “This place is a toxic, aggro-macho-scape.” “That was messed up, and not who you really are!” “The only friend I have is violence, and the only thing we do when we hang is FIGHT!”  “I’m gonna ruin your universe.”  “Honestly, I could still see those two working out.”  “This is terrible, nobody’s paying attention to me!” “That’s a huge extrapolation from what I said.” “Surely, this is the end of all things.”

Hero Heart

“Is this about your ex?” “This is about the purity of battle.”  “Just listen to the beat of your hero heart!” “I only hear the drums of war.” “You’re hurting me physically and emotionally.” “Becoming a crazy, fiery bad boy has made you even more of a babe.”  “It’s a real magic flying carpet!”  “We lost him to the flames of war!” “You got any lotion? Your skin is so... Hydrated.”  “Aw man, I don’t think you should play this game ever again.”  “Look at all these thirsty customers!” “Ice cream pies for all our hot new friends.”  “Jeez, who sneezed in your cornflakes?”  “Look, weird lady - I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but we’re the only sane people left in this crazy, mixed-up world.” “Lets get in there and mash their potatoes!”  “My children have come home.”  “Oh, a dragon, how fun!” “I see you’ve been playing with matches.” “Fight me, nerd!”  “Ooh! Are we wrastlin’? Fun!”  “Everyone I know is spazzing out on each other.” “Is this the end? Will I be the last witness to the glory of this world that I chose above all others?” “I don’t think I can save the world on my own.”  “Curse these superior genes.”  “Your face tastes like my happy place.”  “My little Sugarplum - you’ve returned to accept your sweet fate!” “This charade has run it’s course.” “In your hearts, you are all sweet!”

Skyhooks II

“You left my friend down there.” “Don’t worry, I’ve got a new plan - a plan where nothing that happens here matters.” “He sees me like a handsome older brother.”  “Its me! I��m saving your tight butt!” “Maybe you’re not made of the same stuff as us.” “No more learning!” “Huh, musta dozed off. And bound myself.” “People say ‘you shouldn’t live in the past.’ But I say ‘why not?’“ “This book is strange, but when you puzzle it out, it’s mostly all charges and frequencies.” “My wonderful ___ will never become this sad, pathetic creature strewn before me.” “I thought I could do it, but I can’t. Being with you is like looking at my old life through a funhouse mirror.”  “I think you need to be the most ‘you’ that you’ve ever been.”  “I do believe in myself. I’m a blossoming debutante on the war path.” “Just relax, you’ll be obliterated soon.” “I - I guess I’m a special person, and I am worthy of respect!” “Can you turn this off and we can talk, maybe?”  “Boy, did I fail deep.” “Maybe I’ll try again in another thousand years.” “I’m not sticking around to see how this ends.” “I didn’t like being ditched earlier.” “I already saved your life, so quit telling me what to DO!”  “You mean these jewels love me more than they love those dum dums?”  “You bossed him back to normal!”  “The jelly is out of the tube!” “Oh, blessings. What a trip.” “Uh... Did you recently get a haircut?”  “Please be careful with yourself.” “I’m... A hero.”  “You really donked up.” “You and I can fix whatever this is, together. Whenever.”  “I was really scared when you left.” “I love you.”

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 14

lol gotta love John’s enthusiasm of being part of the movers and shakers getting shot down cuz he hasn’t actually flexed his Main Character Muscles in quite a long time

though he’s honestly taking his mid life crisis very well all things considered, its good he cares more about his kids than anything else and I like the bond he’s getting to make with Harry, it’s nice!

Now what’s a million times funnier though is the same thing happening to Vriska, she is decidedly NOT taking her midlife “but but I want to be important too!!” crisis not nearly as well as John is haha

VRISSY: I guess you Did go Viral, 8ut the news moves so fast these days. I don’t think Any8ody is like...

VRISSY: Glued to their phones Waiting for your New Hashtag Resistance content.

Yeah Vriska, you’re so 15 minutes ago :P people have moved on

what, did you think you were going to be important forever?

VRISKA: What’s the point of me even coming to this shitty fake reality if I’m not supposed to fix it?

to have a mid life crisis about not being important anymore obviously :P

VRISSY: Yeah, they told me about That stuff, but a Lot of the Shit that Happened in the Session if just not in the History Books.

VRISSY: You weren’t Really mentioned that Much.

VRISKA: Excuse me?

I Am Living For This Whole Conversation

VRISKA: I SINGLE H8ND8DLY!

VRISKA: CURED YOUR MOTHER’S FUCKING ALCH8LISM!!!!!!!!

JOHN: uh, vriska, everything okay over there?

VRISKA: EVERYTHING’S FINE, J8HN!

JOHN: okay.

JOHN: do you girls want a snack?

ASJHGFSHFHWE yeah calm down Vriska have a snack 

ahh, loving it

Turns out, History is written by the people who were left who decided to give a damn about writing it, and if those people Don’t Like you, they can just decide to not mention you, no matter who you are or what you did

All your “important” accomplishments are for naught and have become meaningless because you’re an asshole and other people didn’t like you enough to decide that you mattered in the long run

Congrats! Infamy doesn’t matter as much as Connection

Aww, cute with Annie getting hug bombed by her moms

Though, Rose definitely has a stronger bond with Annie than just being her surrogate it looks like

I understand this family situation just fine, if Annie really was just supposed to be a way for Jade to overcome her lonliness, and Rose was her only functional way and only person she could approach with this idea, and Rose responded out of care for her friend

Rose, shouldn’t really have a distinct mom attachment here, because then it implies a stronger than platonic relationship with Jade

but it could just be a great example of “this is why you don’t agree to create a child with your friend purely because said friend was crying out of lonliness out of failed relationship and wanted a child to fill that void of lonliness but who then shoves said child off the sidelines and doesn’t interact with her at all and leaves her in the hands and care of a supposed enemy and

yknow, I think I’m just gonna stop there before I remember Jake also knew about Yiffany existing so if the only ones who didn't know were John/Dave/Karkat and Kanaya then what was honestly the point of hiding her in the first place

Its not the fact that Yiffany exists that Im finding hard to believe, its just hows she treated narratively after she started existing thats stretching my rubber band into a dangerous area

“ROSE: Is it the libidinous power rush that comes from snapping your fingers at men with guns, or are you worried that you might accidentally do something heroic?

(its the latter)

“She stopped thinking about how she would be received, and more about how she could play to the people she knew would receive her favorably.

Looking up she sees Tavvy with tears in his eyes. Rage and guilt surge inside her. This situation is not her fault.”

Gotta Justify It. Gotta Justify It.

Doesn’t matter if I’m Right or Wrong, if enough other people validate me than Everything is Fine and I’m a Good Person.

JANE: So before you accuse me, take a look at yourself!

JANE: I'm the only one who has taken any interest in her upbringing or education!

JANE: Or have you forgotten who has been paying for her schooling and taking charge of her introduction into society?

JADE: i never asked you to do that!

JADE: you offered!

Okay but Jade, you DID let Jane have Annie in the first place and then presumably washed your hands of her, when supposedly the only reason Annie exists is because you wanted a daughter with whom you could have a loving relationship with

You gotta, explain you’re thinking there Jade cuz I still don’t get this bit

Though in thinking about it, I think I know why this happened

Jade grew up isolated from any person, but still loved her grandfather, despite his absence

to her, family relationships didn’t involve any sort of personal work, they were just things she had because she had them

did she just believe the same would happen for Yiffanny? that she could paradoxically still have a relationship despite long absences? Annie doesn’t seem to have any resentment here for Jade or Rose so I mean ???

“ If they were to kill Tavros, the entire world would see them commit this war crime. And weighed in the balance, Lalonde and Harley would be off the playing board. Saving your daughter certainly counted as a heroic death, and with the damage they'd done to humanity, it would also probably be just. “

She hates them both so much she’d let Tavros die for it

But also, she really does calculate everything in terms of how the Masses would view their actions as Just or Heroic

so yeah, she was absolutely about to let Tavros die, damn Jane

literally the only thing that stopped you was that Jake viewed the threat as a real threat and was about to do something stupendously Heroic to save Tavros and you decided you didn’t want Jake to die a heroic death

On the flipside, oh damn, Yeah Vriska’s going full throttle right on the nose ahead with the obvious audience expectation, that there gonna make another sburb session and get the obvious group of important 4 kids to god tier

that’s clearly the path vriska wants and expects, but hey, just imagine if what Vriska wanted to happen didn’t happen this time, imagine if the kids were just like “nah im good?” when it comes to a god tier

The narrative is making it super clear that at least 3 out 4 kids are kinda not feeling all the outdoorsy action and excitement of a game of life and death

Annie though I could hella see her down to play sburb and get a god tier, shes got that whole “isolated childhood trauma and parental issues pressure cooking her a strong will to take her life into her own hands” energy

Vriska, go see Annie, her strong willed butt is more of the action girl you’re looking for I think

At least if they do end up playing the game and getting the tiger, Annie feels like the first one to do it or the action catalyst of their session, like how Vriska was for hers, or Dirk for the alphas, or

hmm. who was is that kinda, moved things along for the Beta’s again? I think it was Rose, but Dave did a ton to move things along as well, but also their trolls like Terezi and them gave everything big nudges, I think Rose counts as the equivalent Beta in session mover and shaker though

Side note: the panels with vrissy and vriska here very feel cartoonish and light hearted, interesting choice

but it does give off Major “Play Game: Level 1″ vibes if that makes sense

What the fuck is with the Dave Soldiers

I mean, they look more like Red Johns?Jakes? with the black hair

the glasses throw me off though-

UHH DID THEY JUST FUCKING KILL HARRY ANDERSON??

HOLD ON. HOLD UP

TAVROS AND ANNIE: WITH ROSE/JADE/JAKE/JANE

VRISSY: WITH VRISKA DOWN BELOW

HARRY: WITH JOHN. ON JOHN’S COUCH.

JOHN IS ALSO STILL HERE, MEANING HARRY SHOULD BE WITH HIM.

yeah he literally just went outside for a second to see where the V’s went and then the house gets bombed, and we get three whole panels dedicated to John slowly sitting down in the wreckage

Harry Anderson just got fucking killed holy shit.

oh my god, they were leading up to it too.

We just had three seperate death flags for the other 3 kids in a row

Brain Ghost Dirk warned Jake that Annie was gonna die via electrocution unless he stepped up

Jane was gonna let Tavros die vie neck snapping (even though Kanaya really wouldn’t have)

Vriska and Vrissy discuss god tiering, and what it would mean for Vrissy, death is a subtle implication there but still there

Now to see if Jane’s ever revived Harry Anderson before in the next update I suppose :o

*edit*

They did not kill Harry Anderson, I saw pumpkins in front of the house that got exploded and didn’t see it looks different than the other bland white suburban house that John actually left, so no one died, Harry just got his implied death threat turn

Harry is at Roxy’s House, John sits in the smoldering ashes of his childhood home, languishing in the idea that Jane, the girl who might have in another reality been his loving grandmother, actually wants him and his kids dead for realsies

he never really got to sit and think about the hole where his home was that the meteor struck when he entered sburb huh? (I know his house came with him, giving the allusion all was well in the Medium, but a real meteor still struck the place that he stopped existing on OG Earth, to an outside observer, it would look like a meteor destroyed his home)

with Vriska talking about sburb to Vrissy, it is nice imagery to imagine the implications of the Kids god tiering from Earth C

and the destruction left in their wake

[castlehead]

beauty seems to be really funny most of the time and i like dat.

this idea that sends pop definitions of beauty running for the hills makes for some

quality distance, if only one step back.

what if i had any idea who i was but could see into everybody else

phone home cheeky cosmic touch m8 gonna think this is too easy

yeah but not let’s feel this way without before examining ourselves

for anything fake about it first parting from the idea that there wasnt anyway

and then parting cuz that knows so much

that part of me knows so much abt what do you call it extreme fear of maudlin

i run naked thru the grass singing abt yesteryear

                        ...There’s a move in social situations I like to call, “around the sun” whereby you wait for the game to end to play music, or wait patiently for one plan of another to say its peace so you can say yours. I like to take it to a more extreme level and say, turn down the fuckin tv, I want to listen to a thing I find beautiful.

SONG ONE : like the earth

1. Sit back and dream of clouded metaphors Reveal the schemes that we devised Back in the day, when ur hands were small And the WORLD splayed out colorfully Before our eyes

(chorus)

Take ur thronging bussloads of the living dead Take all the lifetimes of a million busy heads Ur sly intellectuals that laugh in the dome The only place, the only place is in the peaceful tones Of singing birds perched on ascending wires, like notes

2. Caught u up past three, sitting on the porch I woke up from a dream that I immediately forgot That seems to happen a lot, especially if previously I torched a dutch and passed the fuck out But from the ether of my dreams I heard, from the scope of reality I heard you shout

(chorus)

3. The sun and the moon both live in a box And the box is a square made out of lead And the square lies motionless in ur head Like a body on the rocks

Watch the hour tuck away into an evening A day nestled in afternoon light From the beginning In ur mind that made all minds the same The twilight creeping across ur paper brain And I can only burn and burn and burn

And I can turn round like the EARTH And I can be a sphere like the EARTH And I can stitch up the nations With fear, like the EARTH

(chorus)

                        ...people who call it a false flag just don’t wanna think it’s their own who bomb, if it can’t be a towelhead.

SONG TEW : the rainbow

The sinister rainbow blinks over the clover And the dawn is a monster in my brain I'll take a picture before this song is over And I’ll fix u in a wheel to keep me sane

Don’t break out the gin for the old lady creepers Smoke until the blur makes ur head float around I live in hades, burn my tongue on the heater When I lick this heaven ill taste yur sound

(chorus)

What Im saying isnt deep What Im stealing isnt cheap But I know that if i play it loud and long That this song in my head will instead Form a beat

Like a stranger in the rain Slowly driving me insane There's a fork in the road And I dont know whether Or when, all this shit will come together In the end

2. I got a stupid friend who lives in a pause He takes life from the tiger’s jaws, and prays

That life begins again, after it is over And the rainbow shines like a dream, in a daze

Ill take u thru the eye of the needle Ill breathe a testament to ur false gods Ill tell the truth, and contaminate the evil And zap u like a lightning rod

(chorus)

3. Dont you know that the rainbow is the world? Dont you know that the news is already told? Im gettin too old to be unfurled Im seein the rainbow in my mind Im waking up for the daily grind Im singing useless things for useful people The rainbow is not evil, its kind Dont u know that the color kings rattle like a marble In a tin can? And the rainbow eats the darkness like a mother Without a son? Dont u know that u can never be a man? And the rainbow drags across the empty land And the rainbow drags across the empty land

(chorus) (chorus)

                        ...the only division is classical and romantic. all else is contributory to these two. postmodern, modern, no. romantic. it all follows the romantic objective. one is ruled by the time at which it occurred, and the other is ruled by the mechanism of breaking from any present time.

SONG THREE : an ending that promises to begin again

1. A legend sleeps in yur head somewhere You take yur trembling hands And grope for mine, like a bum for spare Change... You cant explain

This strange perdition that engulfs Yur position in the sane... And the trouble of the pulse That leads a broken synapse Up into my eccentric brain... Theres a clot in my neck And the ruins of time Keep me from being able to find A comfortable spot to rest

(chorus)

Im stuck in erasure--a constant exposure To the elements still provides me with eyes To see bad karma writhing in my spleen And I wonder if ill dream While the whole WORLD is awake Will I be the manufactured figure, Will I be fake?

Or will I take these petty abstractions And roll them up into a ball And put them in my pocket Just to feel the reason stall In my throat... Is life a puzzle, or a joke?

2. The life you led one sunny afternoon Is the life you never led again... I can appreciate the reasons For why you did not blend Like a chameleon in the room But cant discern the seasons Of the moon

Yur whispers prosper, loud Like a passionate apostle And the lords are proud of ur Painting on the wall... That skritter of an evening gone Is enough to scatter colors When the sky finally falls, And the lords are like the brothers Of what lorded over them... Take these idols and shatter them... The racket in my brain is loud And does not end And does not end And does not end, even when the jig is up Cuz ive gotten fucked by time: Its an ending that promises To begin again

(chorus)

                        ...Nobody starts an Apollonian, and only those are Dionysian who have the capacity for restraint needed to confer the Apollonian chariot, tho some die without a revision of the vision etc. some die restraintless

SONG FOUR : chauncey ames and the case of jenny preston

1. Chauncey loved the flowers Chauncey loved the trees Chauncey smelled the wind And knew that he was free

Chauncey took a cab home Chauncey felt the air flow Thru the window He paid the driver extra Just for keeping him From being alone... Back, once again To the place that he had left Long ago

In fact, it had been years and years and years Since the man had seen walls Not fortified in concrete... In fact, it had been years and years and years Since this man had put to rest That lying cheat

(chorus)

Chauncey was a killer That was his disease Got off on manslaughter: Fingerprints on a pair keys Got him twelve years For offing someone's daughter Even tho she was eighty three Cuz no matter how old u are Everyone Is a daughter or son To someone

2. Now he's out, but he has his fears... Maybe people will not like him For his past It is unclear Even after all the facts Had been presented... Whether Jenny Preston Was murdered, or just had a bad fall Onto a bed of broken glass They found her in the hall At the head of the stairs, flat on her wrinkled ass

(chorus)

Chauncey was a man of few words But in the end he was unheard His eyes were petrified In delirium His arms shook As he held the gun He took aim On the good book Instead of his brains just to prove a point His neck is craned His eyes like coins That shine their milky matter On the barrel of a luger

(Chorus)

                        ...doubt any of y'all would live up to the wit/confidence/sardonicism y'all judiciously sculpt for hours on the book of face.

SONG FYVE: my summer home

1. This is food for thought Write it down in chalk: The chimney puffs From the fire in the fireplace And erupts in a black plume And with luck The old man Balances a spoon On his nose He sits inside a room As the room grows Smoking from a pipe While its raining outside And the light Is waning, slowly waning, outside

My fingers and my toes Are numb to the bone And I will have my wish To swim with all the fish In the sea of my mind In time ill find A little spot in the country Somewhere peaceful and secluded Ill save up all my money And hope im not deluded And hope that I can find a place Thats nice, a lush spot For a good price

(Chorus) Do you feel that I feel you? Do you feel that you feel me? The time is right to live again To let the atoms wiggle In our spherical galaxy That seems to have no real end But the one that we assume Is reality, and soon We'll eat up all the doom

2. Concentrate upon a single understanding Dont let the sisters on the throne Rage in the dome And find out that this trip Needs more planning to exist

The sky is silver and the universe is green Ill show you things in this world That you have never seen Things that have been waiting So long to be unfurled Things for boys and things for girls Without an explanation Ill bring the nation together And hold it by a tether Show you things for boys And things for girls

(Chorus)

                        ...for example i would never be able to muster the cognitive stones to say all of this, in order, amongst the company of people, even friends

SONG SIX : notion

#1 im in the middle of this phrase Stuck between the lines Bless these simple chains I'll see what I can find In my simple mind To lead to some way out The drip, drip drip of water From the trippy rusty spout Keeps me awake I'll explain that to ur daughter The world is fake The world is miles away:

Chorus: Put a notion on the river And see it travel downsteam Suspended on liquid creature dreams I sweated thru the fever And, between the middle of this phrase Passed all my days in solitude And grew weaker, as the days Passed on in solitude

You can call me daft You can say im frozen In technicolor time That im stranded on an island In the middle of the ocean But I dont have the spine To wiggle thru the shaft And give you back This simple notion

#2 I gots a paper boat Lofting on the water It travels down ur purple throat And dissolves in the water

I set a fire just to see if it could think And I questioned the venom Just to see if it could blink Nonsense on the edge Of the bullshit day Chillin on the ledge, you shape the clay And drive the screws on down And drive the screws on down

I thought of you, thought of you And I felt like a clown

(chorus)

#3 I crawl out, I crawl out I crawl out of bed I walk down the hall To turn the notion into thread And whisper rumors to the dead Sometimes I try to talk And my voice drops Sometimes the vague paralysis Defies analysis And you are left sitting on a chair In a yellow room That is a technicolor tomb Without a door, confined and spare, I crawl, I crawl I crawl out of bed And walk down the hall And fall and fall and fall Into the creation of sound Until I hit the ground And everything is mother night And the imperfections in yur eye Spangle in the strange notion of the twilight

(chorus) (chorus)

                         ...the broad concept of subjectivity has as much to do with a detailed exegesis of one tenet of it as death itself with the specific way we die

SONG SEVEN : collected and connected

You're a sharp one You're a dumb one You got nobody But the people in yur head

And everybody is connected But you aint connected to them Yur a ghost, on the interim While the fringes die out You live them out To the last splinter Until it is winter And the trees are all white with snow And the blue wind blows

Yu spend twenty minutes Feeling for the lightswitch In a room made out of figments That you shovel into a ditch And bury, along with all yur Dangerous ambitions And as you drive away, you feel The religion Of yur memories corrupt u And yu reel

CHORUS. Cuz everyones connected Everyones collected Into the same intangible organism That lives life in the schism Of ur teeth I watch ur lips move And cannot hear u speak I pick up on the clues and watch the pressure leak Until all of it is used And nothing much is left To be abused

Everyones connected by a string That trembles across the space Of every living thing The fractions of my face illuminate in the light I shake when i sing I am a yellow kite Mangled in a tree Forgotten by the breeze I am a thing, wafting in the breeze But I have begun again, my friend, Just by following the string Follow, follow the string

#2 Two days ago the WORLD was made of angles I opened my eyes to the lost ways And came upon a shallow swale The brush and branches tangled And the rays of the sun, barely Coming thru the jail Of the scary fray

Dont you think that yur fellow men Would like to lend a hand? And dont you think That this desert you have crossed Only gets u more lost Until u arrive at the brink Of the sahara, and find A single, solitary house Where a mumbling old man Is confined

(CHORUS) (CHORUS)

i always dress nice when i have no place to go. otherwise i look like a sweaty coked up hobo. its my chic, paranoid hobo chic. my comportment u say? quirky to the acquaintance, somewhat sad to the friend, an endearing mix of both with a dash of worry to the best friend, and an embarrassment to the significant other. im usually the life of the party bc i bring drugs so people are forced to tolerate my horror of a personality.

rejection is a rare and beautiful flower my time is spent tending it my life wants it to be a gift i water the flower it sits next to my bed it is next to a lamp littered under the lamp are dead ladybugs ladybugs are all over my house but if i am not meant i am not meant and i cast my line of poetry here trying to figure out if it was meant to be there wonder exactly why what is innumerable can be rare and think of lots of things

[musicofthenightphantomoftheopera]

Voltron Demigods

alright alright. So for a while now I've been seeing Demigod Voltron AU's floating around as well as character comparison between the paladins and some of the Percy Jackson characters, as well as headcanons about the paladins traveling to the PJO reality and them getting claimed by the gods. IT seems to me that the PJO fandom got assimilated into voltron (which I am highly ok with since I am a fan of both), but in a very comedic way if you ask me. Keith and Nico often get mistaken for each other in fan art a lot to the point where its kind of an inside joke; even to the point of Keith earning the nickname "Space Nico". And now that I'm on the subject, that is exactly what I'm talking about today! The other paladins of Voltron seem easy enough to figure out:

Shiro: Son of Zeus

Lance: Son of Apollo

Pidge: Daughter of Hephaestus

Hunk: Son of Hephaestus

Allura: Daughter of Hecate

But there is one particular character that people seem to be divided on. Everybody's favorite space emo, Keith. People seem to be divided on weather he would be a Son of Ares, or a Son of Hades. After seeing a post about it on Volrton Amino, I put my two cents in there and I don't have anything better to do, so I'm gonna put it here on tumblr too to give my fellow nerds some food for thought, as well as my stance on this whole thing. Grab some snacks,cuz this is gonna be a long post! This is about why I think Keith belongs in The House of Hades (see what I did there?)

 Alright, to start off, let's think about the reasons people put Keith in the Ares cabin. The main reasons I have heard is because of his fighting ability, his temper, and because he wears red. and those are some very good reasons, but only if you're looking at Keith's character on the surface. There is so muchmore to him than that, as most of us know. Let's look at how the Ares kids are described in the PJO books, shall we? They are normally described as loud, rowdy, violent, ill tempered, rude, always listening to very loud rock music, and always looking for a fight. This is in direct contrast with who Keith is as a person. Keith is a grade A badass in a fight, but he  is almost NEVER actively looking to fight someone. Keith is definitely not a loud person and not very sociable. He's emo, yes, but not an angry emo. He's more closed off and reserved. now the only thing to explain now is the temper thing and oh boy, do I got a point for this (which will come in later)

Now there isn't a general description for Children of Hades, seeing as he had very few children and only two of them can be alive at the same time (RIP Bianca)! So, I'm just going to have to skip this part. Now we're getting to the meat! I think Keith being a Hades kid would fit more with Keith being half galra since according to him "Being galra is a big deal" just like being the child of the LITERAL GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD is a big deal. It further "alienates" Keith and makes him a thing of his own. It also fits in with his emo image and his ability on the battlefield. Plus, Keith (like Nico) can seem really intimidating at first, but once you get to know him, he's actually a pretty nice guy. Not to mention how Nico did the same thing Keith did by the way of pushing himself away before he can be rejected, when in reality everybody loves them. And now, for the point of his temper that I made earlier! The final nail in the proverbial coffin, as it were. Fatal Flaws are a big deal and a major theme in the PJO series. Every demigod child has one. For children on Athena (ex: Annabeth) it's Hubiris. For Children of Poseidon (aka: Percy) it's unwavering loyalty to friends (homeboy will literally do ANYTHING for his friends no matter what). And for children of Hades, Its Rage and holding grudges. Now who does that sound like? I know that at first glance the holding grudges thing seems like a bit of a stretch, but you CANNOT tell me that Keith isn't at least a LITTLE mad at his mom for leaving him. Hades kids can't be 100% chill all the time, you know. I remembered the fatal flaw thing when I was first thinking about this whole thing the first time and suddenly Keith being a Hades kid made ten times more sense  when you add that in as a factor, so don't think I was gonna just leave that little pat out;)

Besides, like I said in the beginning, they're already getting mistaken for eachother in fan art anyway, so might as well make em' brothers and give Keith some sort of a family!

And this, Ladie, Gentlemen, Others, Guys, Gals, and non-binary pals, is why I think Keith would be claimed as a Child of Hades

Thank you for your time.

[hinatamyqueen]

35 for NaruHina?

First of all, let me apologize for how long this took. Second, let me apologize for the length.

35. “Aboutthe baby…. It’s yours”

This wasthe 13th village he’d searched today and he was tired. What he wasdoing was beyond reckless, leaving Konoha to his clones while he searched forher was madness. But he had to do it. He had to find her before the Hyuga clandid.

When sheleft, leaving only a note to explain her departure, the Main Branch of the clandecided she was to be labeled a missing nin and had to be found as soon aspossible so the Byakugan and its secrets wouldn’t be lost.

Only twoclan members of the main opposed this idea, Hinata’s father and sister.

Thevillage’s council also expressed their concerns, they were living in a time ofwar and so no valuable information to Konoha should be lost.

Naruto wasforced to send squads to hunt down his own wife.

Threesquads to be precise, each one of them had Hinata’s former teammates as missionleaders, so Naruto knew she would be safe if she was found by them. He did not wantto know what would happen if the Hyuga found her first.

“She’s anspecialized tracker, if she doesn’t want to be found, no one will find her”Kiba told him in a dejected tone; still, he and Akamaru promised to do theirbest to find her.

But Narutoknew better, if anyone was going to find her it was him. Hinata may be able tohide her tracks, but he could find her chakra signature in Sage mode fasterthan any other chakra sensor.

He wascurrently in the Land of Lighting, far from the Hidden Cloud Village, and hewas freezing his ass off.

He closedhis eyes and concentrated, after a moment he could feel all the differentchakra coils around him. He sighted and concentrated on the familiar, gentleglow he had gotten used to. She would undoubtedly be suppressing her chakra,but a single second of carelessness on her part would mean victory for him. TheOrange Hokage breathed deeply as he searched for the faintest traces of…

Blue eyesopened in a flash.

Bingo.

His legsmoved on their own. He ran like a madman, jumping in flashes from rooftop torooftop, barely disturbing the snow around him as he moved.

In mereseconds, he was on the other side of the small village. There, on theoutskirts, sat a small humble hut, no different from the ones around it.  A flickering glow could be seen on the closedsingle window and a small trail of smoke coming out from the chimney.

He lingeredoutside the hut for a moment.

There shewas. And she wasn’t alone.

His sensingabilities told him the man inside was no shinobi, his chakra coils were therebut hadn’t been developed at all. From his chakra signature, this man couldvery well be a child still on the Academy.

Now then,how did Naruto know it was man inside with his wife?

He heardthem laugh.

The man’sdeep boisterous laugh was accompanied by hiswife’s soft giggling. The sound of her voice was heaven to Naruto, but thethought of another man making Hinata laugh was venom.

Hinata.Finally, Hinata. After 5 months he found her. Five long months while he wassearching, leading a Village, hoping she would come back, fighting a War,begging for more time, drinking to fall asleep, asking around if she had saidanything before she left. Before she left him. She had left…. And now she waswith another man….

Narutoknocked on the door.

And he wasgreeted by blue eyes.

It was herwife’s face, but she had blue eyes. He wasn’t fooled, and even if he had been,her expression betrayed her. A small sound slipped from her mouth as Hinatastared at her husband.

“Natsumi!Who’s there?” a deep voice called from inside.

The blonds blueeyes were frozen over as he gave her a cold smile.

“May I comein, Natsumi?”

The smallwoman took a step back and lowered her head. As she turned around to let himthrough he noticed something that wasn’t there 5 months ago. Her clothes hid itwell, but he knew his wife’s body perfectly.

Hinata waspregnant.

“Looks likeyou haven’t wasted time”

Thevenomous words were out of his mouth before he even realized. He might haveregretted them instantly if it wasn’t for the dagger he felt in his heart.

His wifedid not meet his eyes.

Just then,the man inside the hut decided to make his presence known. He coughed a littleto gain the couple’s attention.

“So, Nats,who’s your friend?” he asked as he stood up from the chair he was sitting andwalked to Hinata’s side.

He was asmall man, Naruto noticed, barely taller than Hinata but that was no feat.Brown eyes and brown hair, with a little stubble he was desperately trying togrow no doubt. He wasn’t handsome nor looked very bright, the only redeemingquality he might have had was perhaps his brawn.

The smallman seemed to think he could intimidate Naruto.

“Kenta,this is my cousin Neji, the one I’ve told you about” said Hinata in a small butconfident voice.

The smallman’s entire disposition changed abruptly.

“Oh! Yourcousin Neji!! I must have known, your eyes are the same as Natsumi’s!” he saidwith a laugh. “I’m sorry, I’m intruding. You two must have a lot to talk about!I know I would if I hadn’t seen my cousin in five years, hehe”.

Narutocontrolled the urge to punch his face.

“Well, I’llsee you tomorrow, Nats!” he said with a beaming smile. Naruto noticed 3 crookedteeth.

“Yeah, seeya” said Hinata with a small smile. Naruto could see it was her ‘polite’ smile,the one she always wore to Clan meetings. The small man was satisfied however,he really wasn’t bright.

“Oh, andnice to meet ya, Neji!” said Kenta, almost as an afterthought.

“Right backat ya” replied Naruto, but the brown haired man was already out the hut.

A smallmoment of silence passed between the two.

“I gottasay, Natsumi. You’ve downgraded”.

Hinatasighed and walked towards the chimney. A small hand supported her small bump.

Narutoalways knew she would be an incredible mother. She was soft and patient, butcould be stern at times too. Her children would grow to be kind and hardworking, humble and strong.

There was atime when Naruto would think about Hinata’s children and picture blue hairedkids with the Byakugan, exact replicas of her mother. Back then, Naruto didn’tunderstand how genetics worked.

Then, aftersome years, when he thought about Hinata’s children the picture changed. Bluehair turned to blonde and white eyes changed to blue. Perhaps they’d have ablue haired kid with blue eyes, or a blond kid with white eyes. Perhaps theywould get his whiskers too…

But now, hesaw brown. Brown hair and brown eyes.

His eyeswatered a little.

“What areyou doing here, Naruto-kun?” she asked. The flames behind her and the hand onher stomach made her look like a fierce lioness, willing to kill to protect heryoung.

She wasearnest in her question, but the dagger was still embedded on Naruto’s heart.  

“Oh, sowe’re done with the charade, cuz?”

Her blueeyes faded into lilac white as she undid the henge.

“What areyou doing here” she wasn’t asking anymore, she was demanding the answer.

“I shouldbe asking you that, Hinata”

Her browfurrowed, almost as she regarded him as a stranger. She was barely two or threesteps away from him, her small hut not giving them much room, but she feltleagues away. Much further than she had ever felt when he was searching forher.

Had hiswife changed so much in just five months?

He onlyneeded to look to her belly to know the answer.

“I left anote”

Naruto sawred.

“FUCK yournote! If you think three sentences were gonna keep me in Konoha while you leftto…to…” To run away. To be with anotherman. To have his child. He wanted to say so many things, but didn’t believehis heart could take it.

But it wasalready too late, despite his rage, he could feel the tears rolling down hischeeks. He wiped them off.

She had thedecency to look remorseful. A hand clutching at her heart, while the othersurrounded her growing stomach.

Narutosearched for her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them meet.

“I hopehe’s worth it. I hope he’s worth leaving your family and friends behind” Leaving me behind, but he didn’t say it.“Kenta, right? He looks like a good guy” Bullshit.

“He is” shesaid in a small voice.

And thatshattered Naruto’s heart.

“Yeahright, he’s such a good guy to get you pregnant while you’re still married TOME. Does he even know you’re married? How much have you lied to the both ofus??”

Hinatareplied in a coarse voice.

“I neverlied to you, Naruto-kun”

“Bullshit.You DON’T get to say that. You said you loved me, but you don’t do this to thepeople you love. You said you wouldn’t go back on your word! And when youmarried me, you promised forever! And then you left, Hinata!” the tears werenow flowing freely, for both of them.

“You leftand not only me! Your dad! Your sister! Even Kurenai-sensei, Shino and Kiba! Doyou know how much we suffered? How many nights we waited for you to come back?How many times I sent Team 8 to search for you, because they refused to be sentto do anything else? How your dad and sister have been fighting their own clanjust so the other Hyugas won’t hunt you down?”

“Stop,please” Hinata was openly crying now too, she stepped closer to him.

“They toldme to stop too! Do you know how many times Sakura and Sasuke asked me to stoplooking? To stop searching because it wasn’t healthy anymore? And the counciltold me to stop too… Said they would destitute me if I continued to searchfor you while we were at war, they stopped when I told them to go to hell.Because I wouldn’t stop. Because I love you”.

He wipedhis face with his sleeve. She looked so small now, so vulnerable. His bleedingheart was screaming to go to her, to console her, to tell her it would all beok, that she was forgiven and whatever happened didn’t matter anymore.

Narutodidn’t feel like a man now. Even after all the hurt she had caused him, hestill loved her, she was still his wife. It didn’t feel right to make her cry,even if all the words he’d said were true.

And hestill wanted her back. Even if she had left, even if she had cheated, even ifshe carried another man’s child.

“I loveyou, Hinata. Please come-“

“Youremember the night we had a break in?” she suddenly said, her eyes fierce.

“What doesthat have to-“

“It was amonth before I left, I believe” she paid him no mind and continued. “They surroundedour house because they thought you’d be there. But you weren’t. They had gottentheir intel wrong”

Hinatalooked so crestfallen now.

“I was theonly one there. It was the Hokage’s house, Naruto. The war shouldn’t havegotten to our house…”

“But youkicked their asses, right?” he said with a small smile

“I foundout I was pregnant that night”

The blond’seyes opened like saucers, his mouth opened but no sound came out.

She lookedat him in the eyes and said:

“About thebaby… it’s yours”