#nh drabble

[gravitywonagain]

another 400 word “drabble” on new information

.👀.

He knew. He’d known. He’s very good at his job -- gathering gossip and keeping the Jianghu rumor mills grinding and in check. Moreover, he’s not blind, and Da-ge has all the subtlety of a bear yaoguai crashing through an autumn-dry forest. So of course Nie Huaisang had been aware, in the abstract way of gleaned knowledge, that Da-ge and Lan Xichen were more than “close friends,” “strengthening sect ties” with frequent visits and joint nighthunts.

But, while Nie Huaisang would call himself a connoisseur of erotic works, written and illustrated, he had never -- never -- wanted to see his own brother sweaty and flushed and pounding away into their “closest ally.”

Nie Huaisang slams the door shut, more grateful than he’s ever been for anything in his life when the silencing talisman reactivates, cutting off Lan Xichen’s voice mid throaty moan. He whips his fan out from his belt, waving it furiously, attempting to redirect his mind elsewhere.

He’d had a question when he sought out his brother, he’s sure of it. Something important.

He turns on his heel only to find Lan Wangji standing there, still as a stone carving.

The younger Jade’s face is as unreadable as ever. No creases or tightness to be found. His gold eyes continue staring impassively into the middle distance like nothing in this world could possibly interest him. Like he hasn’t just witnessed his brother being absolutely railed by the heir to the Nie Sect.

For a moment Nie Huaisang considers the possibility that he hasn’t. That the door had shut quickly enough to spare him, or even that he simply doesn’t understand what it is he might have seen.

But there, just there, at the tips of Lan Wangji’s ears, Nie Huasiang spots a touch of color. A camellia petal pink that deepens with every passing second until it is as red as a fairy crane’s crown. Nie Huaisang watches the blush seep down the curve of his ears to the bottoms of his lobes.

He hides a grin behind the leaves of his fan -- though Lan Wangji’s eyes are still distant and unfocused, and Nie Huaisang is starting to think that might be entirely on purpose.

Nie Huaisang lets his eyes flick between the jade-carved features of Lan Wangji’s face and the now virulent color painting his ears -- only his ears -- and thinks, perhaps, he’s learned something new today after all.

[fortune-maiden]

“Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” - NHS helping SQX, I have no idea how this is happening but I trust your skills 👀

:D

The probably more expected version

Shi Qingxuan’s life is over. His best friend – a vengeful stranger. His brother – an even worse kind of stranger. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to fix this. “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” He doesn’t even know why he’s here. Hiding in a worshipper’s home, barely containing his panic, all while the worshipper makes him tea and coaxes him to sit down – some heavenly official he ever was! (Never was.) “I know how it feels, to be kept ignorant…” Nie Huaisang isn’t a useless little brother like him. Maybe he does know.

(in which sqx manages to escape both swd and hx somehow)

and the shamelessly self-indulgent version :D

“Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” The swallow shrieks as Nie Huaisang untangles the fishing net from its leg. It pecks and swats with drenched bleeding wings. The net’s weight lifted, it yanks itself free, only to stumble forward a few steps before collapsing again. Nie Huaisang assesses the damage. A twisted leg, and a broken wing. Carried by the unrelenting river and pelted by fish, its lucky to be alive. As he scoops it up again, the little swallow trembles, but looks up with bright trusting eyes. Nie Huaisang secures it gently and carries it home.

what if birbs

[a7-notebook]

[drabble: the blue cup]

I keep thinking about initiation night. The hazing. The blue cup and the betrayal. That blue cup which now stands between you and I, where we used to stand shoulder-to-shoulder.

It always comes back to that blue plastic cup. Why can't you let go of it? We do the same thing to everyone who joins. Because accepting a drink from a friend is a ritual of trust, and that trust was violated. I feel violated, sick to the stomach, even though nothing happened. That drink-from-a-friend was a safe space, and now it isn't anymore. The rest of them weren't my friends then, but you were, and you were the one who passed me that blue plastic cup with your own hands and a casual smile.

For a group of men—I don't know if you'll understand in the same way, what that might mean for someone who was born a girl.

[neighboringheart]

alright boys whose holes am I ruining today in honor of those who have served (cunt)

[liverbiver9]

Nie Huaisang stands at the top of the stairs in the perfect spot to see all the incoming sect leaders with ease but also hidden enough to hide from dage who was surely looking for him by now. He taps his fan to his chin as he eyes Sect Leader Ouyang’s arrival.

“Whatcha doin?”

Nie Huaisang startles, jumping in the air.

“Wei Xiong!” he whines. “You can’t do that to me! You know how sensitive I am.”

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes and sidles up next to him.

“Sooo,” he sings. “What are we doing?”

“Watching the arrivals.”

NHS gives WWX a critiquing glance over, running two of his fingers along his black sleeves.

“Hm. You get silver. Points for the red ribbon, I do love a signature, but hemp cloth? For a Discussion Conference? Really, Wei Xiong?”

“What’s wrong with hemp?” he frowns, looking down at his robes. “It’s very durable and rarely stains, especially when dyed so dark.”

NHS rolls his eyes. “Hemp is all well and good for training or night hunts or whatever, but not for a conference. Look at Sect Leader Chang from Yueyang. He gets gold—nice silk with a gorgeous brocade, delicate layers but not overly heavy or gaudy. That shade of blue really isn’t his color, though.”

“So…” WWX frowns. “We’re… judging their clothes?”

“Yes, Wei Xiong; do keep up,” NHS sighs.

“What’s the ranking?”

“Copper, silver, gold, jade.”

“Well shijie obviously gets jade,” WWX says. NHS, wisely, doesn’t argue. “And Jiang Cheng gets silver only because he punched me earlier today.”

“Jiang Cheng does have good taste in robes,” NHS admits. “Did you see Jin Guangshan?”

WWX wrinkles his nose. “He looked like gold threw up on him.”

“Absolutely dreadful. All that money and not a lick of good taste. Copper for sure.”

“Sect Leader Yao looks like he’s covered in grass stains,” WWX remarks.

NHS snorts. “Whoever dyed that silk needs to find a new job.”

They go back and forth for a while, scathingly judging the cultivation gentry’s appearances for the Discussion Conference. When the Lan climb the stairs to Koi Tower, WWX gets suspiciously quiet. NHS pays him no mind and continued his critique.

“Erge looks regal as always. Ooh, I helped pick out that brocade! It looks gorgeous on him, I’m almost jealous. Definitely jade. Lan ergonzi looks… as stony as usual. His robes aren’t nearly as flashy as erge’s but they’re a nice, muted accompaniment. I’ll be generous and give him gold.”

“No!” WWX suddenly says, voice almost loud enough to draw attention towards them. He shrugs off NHS’s shushing. “Look at the finer layers of his robes. He has more embroidery than Zewu Jun, it’s just subtle. And the way the blue under layers ripple beneath the white makes him look like a river god walking on water. He absolutely deserves to be jade.”

NHS looks at WWX silently, but the other boy is too focused on watching a specific Twin Jade to notice.

“Yeah,” NHS agrees slowly, tapping his fan to his chin. His eyes don’t leave WWX’s face, parsing his complicated expression with a knowing smirk. “They are the Twin Jades, after all.”

My friend said that Discussion Conferences should be the MDZS Met Galas

[xcalkenf]

⌯ᨒ: men 🥰🥰

—

“fuck, it’s really tight— mmh”

“haah..hah! slow..down!”

He's bending you over the kitchen counter, one hand on your clit, massaging it while whispering dirty fucking things to your ear. You can feel the veins around his cock in your pussy as to his rough thrust. Your vision begins to blur, and tears well up in both of your eyes. His cock was then met with the sudden tightness of your pussy, sucking in his entire length.

He grabbed your neck and forced you to face him with your messed-up face, kissing you messily, wiping the tears away.

“c-cumming...nh~” “hha, cum for me baby -fuck..” you both came at the same time and some were spilled out but he then fucked his cum back into your tiny tight pussy!

“did a fucking great job for me, *smooch* love you baby”

GOJO, toji, sukuna, nanami(?), megumi, CHILDE, itto, haitham, kazuha, kaeya, diluc, rin, atsumu, SUNA, bokuto, kuroo, kei, or your man (atp imma use “your man” on every drabbles when i can’t think of any men no more or yo man aint there) ☠️☠️🙆🏾‍♀️

© mototoxoxo , 2022 | do not steal/repost on any other social medias, nor plagiarize. interactions are very much appreciated!

[exhaslo]

Miguel Bday Drabble

So apparently it's Miguel's Birthday??? I literally hunted the internet to find out, but fuck it. Here is just a pure horny drabble for him 😏

The present before you was going to be as good as it got. It wasn't the best, but to be fair you only found out about Miguel's birthday today. Actually, you weren't even supposed to know. It was a slip of the tongue by Peter at the Spider Society. Either way, you were going to take advantage of it. Miguel was your crush!

You skipped into his office, hearing nothing but ferious tapping. He was working hard again. Hopefully, this present will cheer him up somehow.

"Excuse me, Miguel? Are you busy?" You called out to him.

Miguel let out a heavy sigh upon hearing your voice. Now was not a good time for you to show up. He was running on coffee from 3 days of no sleep and sexual frustration. All Miguel wanted was to finish this last anomaly report and go home. At least it was just you, but that was not going to help him with horniess.

"(Y/n), I'm a little busy," He said lowly. You pouted,

"I brought you a birthday present."

Miguel's ears perked up. Was it really his birthday already? That explained the missed phone calls from his brother and others. Great. Jumping down from his platform, Miguel made his way towards you. You, with that skin tight suit on. You with that gleam in your eyes. You with that sweet scent that turned him on more.

"Thanks, I completely forgot." Miguel muttered as his hands stroked yours while grabbing the gift, "You didn't have to get me anything."

"But I wanted to! If you ever need anything...just ask..." You glanced away from his intense stare. God he was so hot.

"Anything?" Now the horny was talking.

Miguel grabbed your hand, placing it near his mouth. He watched your eager gaze with anticipation. He bit down on your fingers, watching your cheeks flush. That sweet smell you gave off getting stronger. Anything. You were just as horny as he was.

"I may ask for something unreasonable," Miguel licked the palm of your hand, his other placing the gift down to grab your waist, "Are you still willing?"

"Y-You're the birthday boy."

"Dios mio. (My god)"

In the next moment, Miguel had you laying against his desk up on his platform. You were a moaning mess as he pumped two fingers into your soaked pussy. Miguel was leaning marks all over your body with your torn up suit beneth you. You couldnt think about much, except how good his finger felt inside you. With a sudden curl, you arched ypur back, crying out your first orgasm.

Miguel only responded in a chuckle. He took his fingers out and licked them clean. His pupils were dilated as he focused on his cock entering your throbbing pussy. You spread your legs out for him, giving him pernission to ravish you. To make you his. How nice and obiedent you were.

"So tight, nh" Miguel groaned as he held your waist, pushing his cock inside your folds.

"M-Mig-" You whimpered, feeling his tip alone stretching you out.

You body was struggling to adjust as Miguel kept shoving his cock inside you. He was so big. Every time you clentch down you felt more of him enter. Drool rolled down the side of your mouth, knowing that he was going to wreck you. His little drabbles in Spanish were making you wetter too. Gasping, you felt Miguel hit you so deep that it made you see stars.

"Finally, all the way in. Look at how well you take my cock. A perfect fit." Miguel smirked, "Made just for me. I'm going to fuck you so good that you'd wish it was my birthday everyday."

"M-Miguel...I-It can....be" You admitted, enjoying his long, thick cock inside you.

That alone made something in Miguel snap. He gripped your hips tightly, thrusting his dick inside you deeper. You moaned loudly before gasping as he started to slap his hips roughly into you. His tip slamming into your cervix with each thrust. You threw your head back as Miguel went feral against your pussy. His cock was pounding you so good that allyou good was moan his name.

"You want my dick everyday, huh? You want to be my personal slut. God, what a good fucking girl you are. Your pussy just keeps sucking me in for more. I'll fill your womb full of my cum, is that what you want?" Miguel was starting to get pussy drunk. He needed this.

"Y-YES!" You cried out, cumming hard.

Miguel grunted as you tighten around him. A white ring forming against hiscock from your juices. Of course, you wanted his cum. Miguel slapped him balls deep before givinf you your first fill. He watched as yoir body trembled.

"Dont relax yet. I still have a full hours left of my birthday." Miguel started to thrust into your abused hole once more, "I'm going to make sure you know who you belong to now."

"Y-Yes, Miguel!"

Needless to say, Miguel kept you at the Spider Society until late at night.

-------------

😍 Happy Birthday to our favorite Spider-Man! Kinktober update will be tmw! Happy Friday the 13th!

[talk-danmei-to-me]

♡ Welcome to the #Danmei Fanfic Nightclub! ♡

A place where rather than going to the club, we bring the club to us and write fanfic. Every Friday.

At the Danmei Fanfic Nightclub, writers are treated like DJs, you can go into their ask box, request a fic based upon their menu and get a drabble in return. In the spirit of a Friday free for all, you can drop an ask at any time.

Please be aware some writers may take longer to respond than others and that timezones may affect how quickly your prompt is filled. Some of us love a walk of shame fanfic 😉

Writer's menus below the cut. Happy reading!

@talk-danmei-to-me

Ships: Ranwan, Ximang, Chengxian

Fic Requests: Smut, AUs, Angst

Will not write: I'll write pretty much anything apart from female versions of characters and any kind of being domestic with babies within omegaverse. Omegaverse itself is fine though. I like the world building.

Ask me about: Kingmaker, Body in the Abyss, Heart in Paradise, The Space Between

@petitechocopie

Pairings: WangXian, RanWan, HuaLian, TianWang, YanShen, XuanXian

Fic Requests: School Day AUs, General AUs, Smut, Slice of Life, Angst, Fluff

Will Not Write: BingQiu (I never read SVSS)

@sunbunnyyy

Ships: wangxian, nieyao, nielan, 3zun, zhuiling

fic requests: anything really!

will not write: character bashing (?) classical mpreg. i don’t really have hard limits at this point that might change later.

@sleepyssnail

Ships: Any Svsss, Mdzs or Guardian pairing

Fic Requests: AUs, hurt/comfort, fluff, humor, canon divergence, inquire for more!

Will not write: - smut (may change in the future, but not right now), kinks, non con, or dehumanization

@isolapyrena

Ships: I'll have a go at any 2ha, Yuwu, SVSSS or TGCF but my favourite characters for having their own new stories are Mei Hanxue, Liu Qingge and Feng Xin and I have no problem in solving romantic lost causes with threesomes.

Fic Requests: anything within reason. I like fix its best.

Will not write: - Anything tasteless. Not intentionally anyway.

@yiling-laozu-is-loml

Ships: I'll happily write: Wangxian, Mingxian, Xixian, Hanxian (wrh/wwx), Sangxian, Songxiao, Xisang (lxc/nhs), Huaxian (hc/wwx), Hexian (hx/wwx), Junlian

Can write: platonic dynamics like junior trio/quartet, Wen siblings + Wei Wuxian, Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian, Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian, etc, feel free to ask and maybe I CAN write them. Other than that, any bottomxian m/m ships are those I am more inclined to write compared to others (romantic) including Chengxian

Won't write: f/m ships like romantic Wen Qing/Wei Wuxian, Mianmian/Wei Wuxian, etc, polyamorous couples, Wei Wuxian/cql original character

Fic Requests: Humour, banter, AUs, Angst, Major Character Death/last moments/mourning, fluff, parent-child relationship (not necessarily parent...like wwx and juniors type), idiots in love, canon compliant (no cql sorry, only novel/donghua canon)

Will not write: smut (unless i feel confident enough and in that case, switchxian or topxian), infidelity, animal death, miscarriage/child death, polyamory, F/M...i think thats it. Oh and anything with cql elements or jiang clan/jiang cheng positive (unless its chengxian)

@etherealiity

Ships: Ranwan, Bingqiu, Bingjiu, Jiuyuan, Tianjiu, Moshang, Wangxian, xiyao, 3zun, xuexiao, xueyao, sangcheng, cezhou, TYK, wenzhou

Fic Requests: Canonverse, AUs, smut, angst, hurt/comfort, comedy, horror

Will not write: - anything like bathroom kinks (watersports, scat play, etc.) or mpreg

Ask me about: trembling before the machinery of other skeletons

@scholomancefan

Pairings: Any Svsss pairing

Fic Requests: comedy, angst, smut

Will not write: fluff unless it's kidfic

@fiftysevenacademics

Ships: Wangxian

Tropes: Fluff, Angst, Crack

Will not write: Smut, High School AUs

@marloviandevil

Ships: HuaXuan, HeHuaLian, PeiFengQing, and any variation of the aforementioned ships involving either all of them or just two of them. No seriously.

Fic Requests: Smut, overall silliness, crack, fluff, fix-it, idiots in love, uncanny ghost kings, ABO. kinks (bondage, praise, worship, waxplay)

Will not write: Horror, whump, hurt without comfort, character death.

Ask me about: Feel free to ask me about the pool noodle ships, if you're brave enough.

@fixation-central

Ships: i'm writing for everything mxtx

Fic requests: i'm peddling angst, hurt no comfort, fluff, and hurt/comfort!!

Will not write: no smut currently

[jingyi-ma-boi]

I think the perfect kiss scene for maximum angst and pining would happen at Qiongqi path, under the rain, right before WWX flees with the Wen remnants!! Just imagine them having their first (and what they think their final) kiss as a parting gift bc WWX wants to live without regrets, and that means kissing LWJ at least once before he gets reviled by the jianghu for all eternity.

When I tell you that this would BREAK them so hard and specially so when they meet again at thr Burial Mounds, and LWJ arrives to see WWX with a kid that he claims is his, acting all nonchalant. But we all know that WWX is actually pining and wishing to kiss him again #so hard!!! He wants to beg LWJ to stay with him and help him raise A-Yuan with all of the Wens and LWJ wants to be asked bc the moment WWX says a word, he will leave everything behind for his zhiji, his fated one.

And then, ofc, when WWX gets resurrected, he doesn’t remember the kiss nor having heard Wuji while feverish on the Xuanwu cave. This ofc adds yet another layer to LWJ’s hurt and jealousy bc what do you mean you’re playing our song for WN when you know how I feel about you? We kissed!

You’re doing this on purpose.

And although I see how you look at me and I hear what you say to me, I cannot trust that you’re doing this only to further punish me for my inaction when it mattered, for my relinquishing of our promise and my love towards you for the sake of propriety and intersect politics. And so, I will keep stating my love for you in silent manners while I wait for a signal that you sincerely return my feelings. I will let you go from my side once again if that’s what you want because I know now that I was wrong in wanting to keep you for myself. I can only hope that you will forgive me for my wrongdoings and that you see I did everything I could to give the next generation, to give A-Yuan, the peace they deserve.

If you could put ONE kiss scene between the boys in The Untamed when would it be

Oh damn this is a dynamite question and SO HARD TO ANSWER, given that my favourite genre is 'canon divergence where they kiss during canon events'. Every possibility is delicious.

However, if we're talking how I would change the actual show as it stands...my love of maximum mutual pining probably wins out, and I'd put it right at the end, an extension to that reunion on the hillside. Make us all earn it.

Although because I'm also very attached to the final shot in the show and think it's a perfect ending, the kiss would probably have to be like...a mid-credits scene or something lol. But a very long, indulgent mid-credits scene.

Thank you for this ask, sorry for the boring answer, and I encourage others to weigh in with their preferences (I suspect the jingshi-in-the-snow scene would be a popular choice)

Asks!

[slutfactory]

HAKKAI SHIBA DRABBLE — gn!reader ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ [not requested]

‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌warnings,, car sex(?), handjob (giving), pet names (baby/doll), edging, implied voyeurism.

‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ author's note,, THE KING HAS RETURNED. also hakkai is my sweet bby boy i love him sm it's unreal.

<65O words.

“geez. couldn't even wait until we got home.” you whispered to your boyfriend, making him shudder a little, feeling your warm breath tickle his ear. “naughty boy. what if the chauffeur notices? the partition may be rolled up, but i'm sure he can hear you moaning like a little whore.” hakkai whimpered in response, bucking his hips into your fist. he didn't know why, but the thought of being caught turned him on even more—that combined with your hands on him; he could lose himself–

“shiba-san? are you alright back there?”

hakkai snapped out of his momentary trance, now making eye contact with the driver in the rearview mirror through the now halfway lowered partition. there wasn't enough light passing through the tinted windows to see his expression in the mirror, but you could. his face was beet red, probably wondering if he had gotten caught. even if that were the case, hakkai would try to lie his way out of it. as he did. “i'm okay. i just uh.. have a bit of a stomach ache. r-roll up the partition, would ya?”

“if you say so.” the chauffeur replied, rolling the partition up as he was told.

you chuckled. “that little act of yours was adorable, doll.” you began pumping your boyfriend's cock in time with his pathetic thrusts. he slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the startled cry that threatened to slip past his lips. “let's see how long you can keep it up.”

with how you were spoiling him with your hands, he probably wouldn't last much longer. you knew this, but teasing hakkai was too entertaining. it was cute how he tried not to cum, despite his body betraying him, begging for release. you slowed your pace to a stop and released your grip on his shaft, knowing full well that he was close. he gave you a pleading look, which you pretended not to notice.

“y/n, please—” hakkai whined between ragged breaths. he leaned against you. “i want more.. please let me cum– nh-.." as much as you wanted to play with him, you couldn't resist him in this state; you often wondered if he knew that and acted accordingly. but he wasn't the best liar so that perished the thought—after all, he was a model, not an actor.

you sighed softly. “well since you were a good boy and begged without being told—” your hand once again held hakkai's twitching length in a firm, but gentle grip. hearing him gasp softly at the sudden touch, you smirked, but only for a second. “i guess i should reward you, hm?” continuing at your pace from earlier, you began stroking him again. he probably got sensitive after being edged, since he was squirming around more than he was before, biting his lip to hold back his voice. “mm.. ‘kai. kiss me.”

without a moment's hesitation, hakkai did as he was told. he immediately melted into it, moaning into your mouth, feeling your tongue dance against his. as it was he could already barely breathe, but now you were stealing it from him, making him drool and pant like a dog for the few short seconds you allowed him to take a breath. “mgh– ‘m cumming–.. ” he mumbled into the kiss before he once again started thrusting into your fist.

it wasn't long before he came, his body lightly spasming as he shot thick ropes of cum onto the back of the driver's seat and his own body. his vision faded in and out and he struggled to steady his breathing. you always thought hakkai looked beautiful—a broken mess after an orgasm.

“you've made such a mess, baby.” your eyes shifted toward the slightly lowered partition. you could just barely see the driver's flushed face in the mirror—and how only his left hand rested on the steering wheel. “but maybe you weren't the only one.”

luv you lol thx for reading <3 also this was pretty long for a drabble lol

[pfhwrittes]

the aftermath.

rating: mature audiences.

pairing: john "soap" mactavish x simon "ghost" riley.

word count: 1.8k

notable tags / warnings: transgender john "soap" mactavish, fluff, humour, very light angst, references to offscreen sex, egregious use of scots, banter, swearing.

A/N: i wrote this instead of sleeping, it was meant to be the set up for another part of my trans!soap drabbles but it took a wild left turn into feelsville and so no actual smut occurs in this fic. however, it is funny and fluffy (in my opinion). as always this can be considered to be very lightly edited so typos and weird grammatical goofs are likely to remain so for that i apologise.

–––

unsurprisingly, it’s kyle that catches on and confronts him the following afternoon as johnny pushes some truly god awful looking peas around his tray in the mess. 

“so, who’d you fuck last night then mate?” 

kyle plunks himself into the seat opposite johnny, dropping his tray with a clatter. the shepherd’s pie on his tray sags slightly and johnny feels a disarming bolt of empathy for the oozing mince and potato blob. sue him, he’s still feeling a little tender in places, alright? not that he’ll be admitting that to garrick of all people. 

“dunno what you’re oan about pal.” johnny sniffs and pokes a particularly dehydrated pea with his fork. there we go, nice and breezy. no need to give the game away son. 

kyle scoffs and aims a kick at johnny’s shin under the table. 

“oi! ya fuckin’ roaster, the fuck wis that for!” 

“i know you fucked someone last night. price was complaining about the stink in his office this morning.” kyle points his fork at johnny’s chest accusingly.

well, shit. johnny knew he should’ve got simon to crack the window before he got fucked seven ways from sunday. again, not that garrick needed to know that particular practical tid-bit of organising a secret rendez-vouz with your superior officer. 

johnny clears his throat nonchalantly and picks the spot over kyle’s left ear to address. 

“who’s to say it wasnae the captain gettin’ some last night?” 

the look kyle directs at johnny could probably be used to store clean cut finnish ice directly from fucking lapland with how freezing it is. 

“because he was with me, you tosspot.” 

johnny can’t help the way his face slips from carefully blank neutrality into something a wee bit more salacious. 

“oh aye, is that right?” johnny abandons looking at kyle’s ear to shoot him the dirtiest smirk he can muster. 

“fuck off mactavish.” kyle scowls, “you know what i meant. he was watching the bloody footie with me.”

“is that what you kids are callin’ it these days, eh?” johnny waggles his eyebrows knowingly just to watch kyle glare even harder as he leans forwards to stab johnny in the chest with his fork. 

“hey! mind the nipples, they’re fuckin’ custom! i spent money on these things!” johnny pouts and rubs gingerly at his top, pulling a face as he smears mashed potato into the fabric. gross garrick. 

“shut up, you got ‘em on the NHS like everyone else, you dickhead.” kyle shoots back.

what was sure to be a brilliantly witty retort gets silenced as price appears from nowhere, glowering down at his two sergeants like he’s just found two of his wayward puppies rolling in something long dead and incredibly pungent. 

“mactavish. a word.” 

johnny gulps and shoots kyle a betrayed look as soon as price’s back is turned. 

“oh sorry mate. must’ve slipped my mind. captain’s looking for you.” kyle grins, looking for all the world like butter wouldn’t melt in that clever wee mouth of his. 

bastard. 

––

johnny does not fidget. not even once. he’s cool, he’s calm, he’s co-

“it was reported that you were seen leaving this office - my office - at 0300 hours this morning, sergeant.” price rumbles from behind the - his - desk. 

-mpletely and utterly fucked. 

and not in the way he was only twelve hours previous. in this very room. over that very same desk. steamin’ jesus. 

johnny pointedly does not meet price’s gaze, instead he continues staring at the cinderblock behind his captain’s shoulder like it contains the secrets of the universe. or perhaps a false brick that when nudged just right would open a portal to hell under his feet. 

the chair under price’s bulk creaks as he settles back, watching for any sign of guilt or admission. the cigar propped on the edge of the cut glass ashtray sends a smoky tendril into the air as it drifts lazily to the window that johnny can see is cracked open a fraction in his peripheral vision. 

“nothing to say, sergeant?” price’s voice is deceptively soft and a shudder runs up johnny’s spine unbidden. fuuuuuuck. the way he sees it, he’s either fucked once if he admits to being somewhere he very much shouldn’t have been with company he definitely shouldn’t have been fraternising with, or fucked twice if he tries to deny it without knowing all the facts. he is, as the big bastard himself would say, in a spot tighter than a nun’s cunt. 

johnny swallows drily, preparing to take possibly the stupidest risk of his career and possibly his life so far, when a solid knock on the closed door saves him. thank christ. his heart soars - 

“enter.” price commands. 

almost immediately the hulking figure and current cause of johnny’s predicament steps through the door near silently to stand shoulder to shoulder with johnny. just a hair too close to be considered professional.

“lieutenant riley, good of you to join us.” 

- and promptly falls out his arse. 

good to know that there was a third and far worse option available to him. 

––

centuries or possibly even aeons later, a knock rouses johnny from the light doze he’d slipped into immediately after clambering into the tiny twin bed provided in his room. sent away from price’s office in disgrace, the sounds of his shouting still ringing in his ears. but even worse, the way that simon - ghost - simon had refused to even look at johnny before he turned on his heel and stalked down the corridor. away from him.

“nngh.” johnny grunts intelligently and swipes a slightly tacky palm over his face before letting it drop to brush against the worn carpet tiles. fuck getting up to let price in here to yell at him some more, or to deal with gaz’s kicked puppy look. he’ll stay exactly where he is ta very much, despite the way a spring in the lumpy mattress is poking into his right kidney something fierce. and the fact that now he’s awake he could do with a drink to rinse away the gummy feeling in his mouth. eurgh. 

the knock sounds again. 

“fer fucks sake, come in then ya -” johnny calls out grumpily, lifting his head from the pillow and his eyes flying open so he can glare at the door from his supine position.

and once again, simon “here to make shit worse for him specifically” riley steps through the door.

“- prick.” johnny finishes weakly. oh. well this is awkward. 

simon hums quietly in agreement and quietly shuts the door with his foot. johnny blinks, not entirely sure if he’s agreeing with being called a prick or if the situation is awkward. 

“bit o’ both really.” simon rumbles. ah, right yeah. johnny’s always had a habit of saying the first few thoughts that pop into his head immediately after being woken up. always makes one night stands a bit awkward in the mornings. 

“hm. is that the reason you’ve never let me stay the night then?” simon asks as he drops heavily into the tactically acquired chair in the corner of the room paying no mind to the fact he’s sitting on johnny’s freshly laundered skivvies. 

“somethin’ like that, aye.” johnny swallows awkwardly, christ he needs a drink of water, “that an’ i thought we’d get -” 

“caught.” simon finishes tiredly. 

johnny huffs out a sound that if he was being charitable could be considered a laugh under the right circumstances. this isn’t the right circumstances. obviously.  

“aye. yeah. that an’ all.” 

a silence stretches between the two of them then. it’s uncomfortable to say the least, aching in a similar way to johnny’s neck as he continues to peer at simon, who is sagging like a half-empty rucksack. johnny lets his head drop back onto the flat pillow underneath him so he can gaze sightlessly up at the water stained ceiling tile. what a fuckin’ mess. 

“‘m sorry.” 

it’s said so quietly johnny could half believe he imagined it. 

“‘s not yer fault, don’t worry about it.” johnny says flatly to the water mark on the ceiling. he closes one eye and squints, hm. looks a bit like a pair of knickers like that. johnny hears simon take a steadying breath from across the space. oh. johnny opens both eyes and lifts his head, his expression carefully blank. 

simon is hunched over now, his elbows resting on his thick thighs and he’s staring fixedly at the carpet just in front of his boots, purposefully avoiding johnny’s eyes. 

“simon?” it’s a gentle nudge but johnny watches as simon’s broad shoulders tense up, his biceps flexing as he fidgets with his clasped hands. oh. that’s more of an admission of guilt or responsibility than anything simon could say. johnny knows this man, inside and out at this point. he’s economical with movement in a way that can only ever be learned through being completely aware of your size and surroundings. never a fidgeter. always still. always controlled. 

“‘m sorry.” simon repeats quietly, allowing his head to hang down and exposing the soft nape of his neck where his balaclava gapes away from his shirt. in better circumstances johnny would get up and chance a kiss on his exposed skin just to hear him make a soft pleased noise that always reminds johnny of a cat purring out a raspy mrrr of contentment.

“did ye go to price an’ tell him then?” johnny asks levelly despite the way his heart has suddenly decided to reside in his large intestine again for the second time today.

simon’s head jerks up and he frowns. 

“no - i - no.” simon states firmly and johnny takes a shuddering breath. good. 

“good.” he says out loud. “i didnae think ye would.” johnny tacks on just to watch some of the tension in simon’s shoulders leak away. the urge to comfort simon wells up behind johnny’s ribs, it’s a tender thing and it makes johnny’s breath hitch a little unsteadily. he sighs dramatically to cover it and flops his head back onto the pillow again. 

“c’mon then, get over here ya big bastard.” johnny orders faux-peevishly. 

“what.” 

johnny groans and rolls his eyes. simon can be unbelievably dense when it comes to intimacy that doesn’t involve being bent over the nearest suitable surface sometimes. 

“‘mon then, i want a cuddle before price decides to split us up for the rest of our careers.” johnny raises his arms and makes a grabbing motion much like a wee toddler would to demand being picked up. johnny tries not to be insulted when that seems to be the reason that simon hefts himself to his feet to stand awkwardly at the side of the bed. 

“‘m not gonna fit.” he states and johnny rolls his eyes again. 

“sure ye will, just don’t squash my tits, alright?”

there’s a pause before simon states in his usual blunt manner - 

“how th’ fuck am i meant to do that, you ‘ad ‘em chopped off at eighteen.” 

and for some reason that makes johnny burst into relieved laughter. 

aye, they’ll be alright.

[fortune-maiden]

Drabble challenge: 72. “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.” - Nie brothers!

Thank you! <33

Going right for the gut punch haha

(possibly it's cheating a bit to use prompt how I did but... I think i'm allowed to make my own rules a little)

Huaisang is calling him. In the golden haze, his figure alone is clear, small and distant, hunched over, soaked with blood. He stands completely still, wide eyes leaking silent tears, staring straight ahead with raw unbridled terror. In the fevered frenzy, a single thought forms. Huaisang isn’t supposed to be afraid. Not of him. Nie Mingjue lurches forward. His knees trail dark coarse blood. A trembling arm reaches for the shrinking figure. Just smile, he tries to say. I really need to see you smile right now. His silly little brother. Huaisang’s lips twitch. A sound escapes. Nie Mingjue falls.

[lundenloves]

welcome to my projection.

i write sometimes. it’s primarily just to pass the time instead of moping around my room like a lazy bastard but hey-ho, some people seem to gravitate towards the nonsense i write. british comedies by the looks of it *hitting my chest with pride* humour me or i’ll fall into another spiral ‼️

all works listed are owned by me unless stated otherwise, do not copy or use any of my material as your own. minors do not interact. also take note that everything i write is fictional.

→ request info | taglist

→ couples counselling one 1.4k | two 2.4k | f!oc | angst, mentions of sex although nothing explicit

[ aleta and javier peña have been married for ten years, only now do they realise love isn’t reciprocated between them anymore. ]

→ home comforts req | 1k | gn!reader

[ you're struggling to cope after the DEA. fortunately, your partner is there to help you. even with awful jokes. ]

→ dad!simon masterlist

[ where you’ll find your favourite big broody man turning a page in this fatherhood bollocks. a journey. you may even get emotional but don't blame me. thanks. ]

→ ¹ when it rains, it pours smut 6.3k | f!oc

[ after relentless drunken encouragement from 141, simon riley decides to take a girl home whom he's caught eyes with a few too many times. what he doesn't expect however, are the unknown feelings in his chest after her simple acts of affection and pleasure he was always deprived of. ]

→ ² pouring through rainfall part two of the above | 3.4k

[ thea and simon meet again, their year told through seasons and summarised to the ending we all wanted. ]

→ therapy session 2.5k

[ mandatory therapy at base as set by price. simon is not for it, uncooperative mf with glares and the lot featuring a price cameo omg ]

→ johnny's scene 1.3k

[ simon refuses to come to terms with soap’s death and it eats at him. his grief follows him into the house and you’re growing tired of it, ultimately resulting in a fuck off argument. explosions totally happen. or not. ]

→ general headcannons

[ late night thoughts, thrown together with zero process ]

LONG DRABBLES ↓

→ simon hates photos | 500 words

→ pregnant with his third child | 700 words

→ that’ll do, johnny req | 1.1k | gn!reader

[ your soulmate, johnny mactavish. that’s it. that’s the ficlet. ]

→ price teaches you how to smoke req | 700 wc | gn!reader

[ praise, price and cigars, what more could you want? ]

COMFORTABLY NUMB (dr!price au)

〔 you’re slotted right into the service of doctor john price, an elite head of division and self titled marmite character — you either love him or hate him. you personally can’t quite decide, but he knows for certain that you’re not for him. what will you do after being forced to learn under his wing? 〕

→ ¹ welcome to the nhs 3.1k | check warnings

→ first hc

DAMON ALBARN

→ platforms 120k | f!oc | 18+ | complete fic ✓

[ “I’ll show you where things are, and then you can shut up and put your head down. You work for me now.” His accent was sharp.

"I work for money, not for you." In which Amelia's already testing Monday morning is ruined even further by a certain irate man. The two automatically don't get along and soon become sick at the thought of each other. What happens when Amelia finds herself working for the enemy? ]

[ominoose]

𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐆𝐫���𝐧𝐭 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫-𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

Summary: Random drabble's about Steven Grant meeting other Oscar Isaac characters. No Marc or Jake co-concious, only referenced. Characters: Basil Stitt, Leto Atreides, Poe Dameron A/N: This randomly hit me and I wanted to write it because it was funny. Used a spinny wheel for it. Also idk if BB-8 can do that but now he can.

London was it's usual muggy, busy self as Steven ran down the street, hoping to catch the bus to work. It had been hard enough to get a job after the Museum Incident, but maintaining a position was proving to be a much harder endeavor between his abnormal sleeping patterns and head mates.

"Oi! Wait, please!" Steven was within touching distance just as the bus sped off, and at the lack of anything to rest his weight on or break his fall, the man found himself tumbling face first into traffic.

☽ 𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐭 (Lightningface)

+ When Steven first wakes up in the apartment, his first thought is that he's woken up in a bomb site. The apartment is a mess, furniture and clothes strewn everywhere haphazardly. He's momentarily glad Marc isn't replying in his head, knowing the American would have an aneurysm over the state of the place.

+ Basil is the one to find Steven, jumping up from his spot on the couch and staring at him like he's an alien. The first thought in his mind is that Ricky the Monkey did some crazy magic and brought a clone to replace him. Poor Steven barely has a chance to process the situation before he's trying to calm his scarred, other American look alike down and explain his situation. Nothing manages to convince Basil there isn't some magic going on here, but he stops viewing Steven as an evil replacement.

+ After the initial shock and awkward introductions, they manage to sit down and chat for a few minutes. Basil shares the story of the lightning strike, insisting that its imbued him with magical powers. Steven, bless his heart, immediately believes this and boasts about his own moon powers too.

"You know, I've always wanted to try jumping off the roof and flying, have you done that?"

"Oh no, my mate Marc usually handles that, but maybe we can practice together? Have you got a suit as well?"

"Yeah, it's this paper bag and bed sheet I fixed up myself! C'mon, I have a stool on the balcony-"

"Wait, hang about.... Actually, mate, on second thoughts, lets not."

+ Steven ends up convincing Basil to properly fix his apartment, not just brush away the broken shards and dust. So that's what they do for a while, busying themselves as they theorize on how to get Steven back home with only a handful of brain cells between them. Basil listens with surprising intensity when Steven ends up branching off into Egyptology tangents, and likewise Steven nods along when Basil brings up all the documentaries he'd watched recently. In the end, the apartment does end up in much better shape, and the pair become quite chummy.

"Damn. Thanks for the help... Maybe I did overreact a bit."

"Yeah, it's no problem bruvs, it happens. Surprised the doctors didn't give you anymore meds, though I suppose over here its not like the NHS."

"Oh, no I didn't go to the hospital."

"...You wot?!"

𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 (Dune)

+ Coming to on hot, sandy slabs is enough of a trigger point to Steven Grant as they come. Coming to on hot, sandy slabs with weird astronauts in suits pointing space guns at him goes beyond frighting and circles back into 'Shit yourself' territory. Thankfully they seem to speak English. Unfortunately, his high pitched screams and babbling British noises don't make sense to them while they peer down their guns at him with confusion. It isn't until a booming voice draws everyone's attention that Steven gets a chance to breath.

+ Said breath is swiftly knocked back out of Stevens lungs when a wiser, nobler and older version of him walks into the room, commanding the attention of every single space soldier in the room. The man stares down at him as he lays huddled on the ground, curled into himself, and quirks a single well groomed eyebrow at him.

"I am Duke Leto of House Atreides. You have penetrated your way into my home. Who are you?"

"I-I-I'm S-Steven Grant. Of the... Giftshop."

The Duke continues his stony stare at Steven for a few seconds longer before holding out a calloused hand.

"Well Steven of the Giftshop, I think we both have many questions for one another, and hopefully some answers."

+ When Steven finally gets over being starstruck at the dignified, royal version of himself, and when Leto makes the accidental mistake of mentioning that they're billions of years in the future on another planet, Steven freaks out, having a 10 minute long panic attack. When that's over he geeks out instead, asking a million questions about technology, using apologies as commas and full stops.

"Do people still know about Khonshu in this era?!"

"I'm afraid I am not familiar with that name."

"Lucky sod."

+ Leto thinks the strange, weird sounding clone of himself is a schizophrenic long lost cousin, but at lease he isn't trying to kill him over a title. It's not as common in Arrakis, or the general noble courts, to find someone as earnest, honest and willing to learn as Steven seems to be, which earns him a surprising amount of respect from the Duke.

𝐏𝐨𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧 (Star Wars)

+ Waking up in a space ship that's doing somersaults mid-battle while dodging and weaving around beams trying to explode it out of the sky was almost as stressful as waking up on a London bus at 8am. Commendably, Steven didn't scream or cry, but simply had a silent panic attack until a rolling white and orange ball started beeping at him, or rather the ridiculously handsome version of him currently flying the plane.

"Who the hell are you and how did you get on my cruiser?!"

"Bloody hell, not another handsome American me!"

"What?! BB-8, check for a concussion!"

+ After being given a water bottle by the polite little droid, Steven finally managed to calm himself down by the time the ship touch down and the pilot in matching droid colours sprang before him, launching question after question. When he clocked Stevens face, he was speechless, brows slowly knitting over his eyes as he tried to make sense of what was in front of him. Mid stare-down BB-8 nicked the Brits skin, running a quick diagnostic test and beeping the results out to the pilot who's eyebrows swiftly un-knitted at the noises.

+ Taking advantage of the silence, Steven tries to explain himself and his situation, insisting he comes in peace and simply wanted to get home before Donna got another excuse to give him the sack. The pilot finally introduced himself as Poe, the best pilot in the resistance at that, and with a sigh he promised to try and figure out how to get Steven back to whatever galaxy London was from.

+ Poe tries to explain the resistance and the empire to Steven, who in turn compares it to Ammits cult and jointly rants about those who take choice and freedom from the innocent. Poe is happy enough that his weird blood ancestor is with the resistance, even if he does constantly regard him with a quirked eyebrow, wondering how in the universe he managed to evolve from this walking concussion. For a second time Poe is rendered silent as Steven mentions being Moonknight.

"Oh yeah, I've done that too, at least those Jedi blokes doesn't send their jackals after you though!"

"You've... fought? In battle?"

"Course, yeah. Fought off giant gods back to the underworld, stopped the day of reckoning as the souls of the living were flooding the underworld. It was just the other day actually."

"...You killed god?!"

+ Steven absolutely adores BB-8 and Leia, a feeling the bot and all of the resistance seem to happily return, much to the dismay of Poe. Steven's quite flustered from all the attention and questions, leaving Poe to drag him away in a huff, claiming they need to get back to figuring out how to send him home. It feels like a babysitting gig more than anything, but deep down it strokes Poe's ego when Steven ooh's and ahh's at all his resistance tales.

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Introduction

Hello, I’m Cabbage! You can find me as Cabbage_Vampire on AO3. My icon is from Eleanor’s KissCrew Maker! This blog is 90% Rolan (and so is my writing!) but I do love discussing the writing process and reblogging all sorts of wonderful BG3 fan art. Please note my writing is explicit, and this blog is 18+ only. Anyway, on to the master list!

Rolan Fics!

Steel Weave Series (Rolan x f! Human Fighter Tav, E Rated, Second Person POV)

Sharp Teeth 41,316 words, Falling in love with Rolan over the course of the game’s events, and annoying the Hells out of each other. That’s amore! (Complete)

Tail and Tongue 2,475 words. Fluff and smut on the Elfsong roof before the Absolute’s defeat. (Complete)

Sharess’s Sundries 10,804 words. Working out the kinks (gags, strap-ons and spankings…) with Rolan, as he explores his submissive fantasies and after a non-zero amount of prodding finally tells you (Tav) what he wants. (Complete)

Laced Close 4,569 words. Inspired by all the wonderful Rolan corset art on Tumblr! A trip to Figaro’s results in some kinky tight-lacing and a very flustered Rolan manning the counter at Sorcerous Sundries. (Complete)

Combat Training 7,572 words. Sometimes the only way to get Rolan to talk about his feelings is to pin him down and threaten him with a good time. After a lot of playfighting, of course. (Complete)

Along the Chionthar 6,654 words. A wedding, a honeymoon, and… watersports. Lots of watersports. (Complete)

Planar Tears (Rolan x OFC (Catrin), E rated, Third Person - Rolan’s POV)

Planar Tears 78,890 words. Isekai romance about an NHS doctor from our plane dragged into Rolan’s, when he casts a spell far beyond his capabilities. There’s no other option than to bring Catrin to Baldur’s Gate with them, hoping Lorroakan can send her back - but getting there involves almost insurmountable danger. And as Rolan’s feelings grow, could he ever ask her to stay? (WIP, 26/40)

In Service of Magic (Rolan x OFC (Phaere), E Rated, Third Person, Royal/Concubine Femdom AU)

In Service of Magic 20,320 words. Rolan has long cherished the dream of being the one to break Queen Phaere’s curse. For her incredible magic library, of course - although her preference for male submission is secretly rather enticing. A shame that his arrogant tongue has already made him enemies in court… (WIP, 5/25)

Fast Times in Faerûn Series (Rolan x OFC (Lennie), E Rated, Third Person, 80s Camp Counsellor AU)

Short Shorts (And Cold Beer) 2,597 words. Lennie has had enough of Rolan’s shirking ways. When she finally confronts him over it, things get a little more heated than expected. (Complete)

Other

As You Wish (Rolan x GN Reader, E Rated) 2,441 words. Rolan wishes to be your obedient service sub… and you take full advantage. (Complete)

Bunchflower and Leeblossoms (Rolan x GN Tav, T Rated) 3,127 words. Rolan wishes to learn Druidic magic, and Tav is very happy to help. More than flowers bloom. (Complete)

Nailed (Rolan x F! Tav, E Rated) 2,003 words. It's hard to get a strap in the Shadow Cursed Lands. Luckily, though, Tav has her trusty warhammer - and its nice, thick handle is just the right size to blow Rolan's mind. (prompted by barbwillbrb <3) (Complete)

Other Stuff!

Sharp Teeth Rolan portrait, commissioned from luinen-bluewater <3

18th Century Rolan feat. ripped stockings, commissioned from orangekittyenergy <3

Phaere x Rolan Portrait commissioned from Goromimii <3

Steel Weave Tav spanking Rolan, commissioned from Viv/HoldingTwoPens <3

Nailed illustration by Viv/HoldingTwoPens! <3

Catrin choking Rolan gifted by darkurgetrash <3

Steel Weave Tav Backstory Bash.

Rolan, Cal and Lia backstory headcanon

Claws Out! (goofy lil Tara & Astarion fluff, there might be more in future if I’m feeling silly)

Rolan NSFW Alphabet

Rolan Finds Tav’s Sketchbook prompt, GN Tav

Steelweave Tav x Rolan “Ship in 5 Minutes”

Ballet AU Rolan drabble

Fae Bindings Rolan x Fae series: 1 2

Talk to me!

I love getting tagged in things, and getting asks. If you want to know why I wrote something a certain way, prompt some Rolan filth, or just want to kick your feet about Rolan together (my number one activity), my ask box is open ✨ or y’know, ask what I had for breakfast. I’ll answer that too lmao.

LIMITS: Request/ask rules. In case it’s not absolutely obvious, I’m here for subby Rolan only! [PROMPTS TEMPORARILY CLOSED - chatty asks only!]

If you ever do fan art for my characters or fics, I’d love to see it! <3

generally #cabbage writes and #cabbage answers are where the fun stuff lies on this blog! Or #cabbage trash for some filth ;)

And, as always, there’s much more Rolan writing to come.

[seventypercentvodka]

I need a drabble where huaisang leaves his fan lying around somewhere for whatever reason (maybe chaos who knows) and the cloud recess gang try to pick it up but just can't. It's somehow ridiculously heavy despite looking made of paper.

And then a scene like avengers where everyone is trying to lift the hammer to no avail. And when they are lying in the floor defeated, tiny, soft huaisang comes in like 'oh! I knew I had left this around here somewhere!' And gingerly picks it up with like 2 fingers.

JC: HUAISANG WTF?!

NHS: What like it's hard?