#cuz i dont have anything set up for that
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do you plan on signing up for the asltriozine? your art would be so much fun to be seen in there! :))
ahh, it would be so cool !!! but i’m terrible at doing things on a time limit, and i haven’t had energy or ideas lately, so i feel i wouldn’t do very good anyways………. and i hardly have colored pieces HSJSB
also i am not 18 and i think that’s required. maybe if i didn’t look at it wrong
#if i needed to pay for something i wouldnt be able to#cuz i dont have anything set up for that#i dont know how zines work dont take my word on anything#</3#soul spouts
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Never gonna be over how unutterably pathetic and in dire need of ANY kind of companionship or friendship that doesn't revolve around their band the entirety of dethklok are. I love these horrible idiots who are so devoid of any real connections outside of themselves that they will latch onto anyone unfortunate enough to get too close to any one of them! And GOD help anyone they latch onto!!
#jay talkin#metalocalypse#im thinking about the doubles episode where they just seem genuinely happy to have 'friends'#who arent like. industry people. these men are so starved of any kind of connection#and it takes them four seasons a rock opera and a movie to realise they can find that in each other lmao#also thinking about how quickly any of them bond and become really intense abt anyone in their life#aka: NATHAN TOWARDS ABIGAIL. oh dear poor abigail oh dear#but also toki to damn near anyone and this goes for the entire band tbh as well they all do this at least once#and yeah its mainly cuz 10min eps mean u gotta progress stuff fast#but also holy shit. charles these boys want friends so bad u gotta set em up on playdates or smth#maybe it'd get some of their dumb stupid idiot energy out and they'd be better behaved. well. no they wldnt but... u can dream#i do think theres smth to be said that yeah all of dethklok are cool theyre metal superstars they r good at what they do#theyre also fucking prophesised saviours too and theyre also incredibly dangerous idiots and terrible ppl#but never forget that they are also. so so SO pathetic and isolated and dysfunctional#these men have not lived in the real world in decades and are disconnected and unsocial and spoilt and u can see that this does impact#the way they interact w the world! they need like. anything other than the band in their lives hah. they do need to pal around#im glad they find that in each other eventually!!#i dont want 2 sound like im babying them or infantilising them these r grown asshole idiot men but like. listen these shitheards r lonelyyy#everyone in their lives is like. assigned to be there and is set as beneath them in a class and workbased system#they dont rlly have ppl who r just there cuz they like em. outside of fans. and fans arent rlly a real connection yknow#their only connections come via work networking sex and violence and worship baby!!!! its fucked up!
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HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS ABOUT CYRUS BEING CANONICALLY AUTISTIC
well sure but I figured we all knew that for years due to his nature? One of the most obvious autistic characters ever invented right behind Fegan Floop of Spy Kids fame.
#nothing in that leak changes the way I see ANYTHING#except like marginally getting Arceus' sigil better but I kinda Figured it was tied to her kids#stuff happened to line up with shit we've been saying for forever and everything that didnt well... who care...#didnt get IN the games so it do not mattaaarrr#I do really like those REALLY fucked up myths though those were COOL#dont quite feel like pokemon cuz theyre like beta stuff but I can see some cleaned up ones fitting well#well beta + everythings translated pretty cockroach shit style atm#oh and those early concept arts... cacturn literally looks like a creeper of minecraft#would LOVE to know which artist those were!!!#idk I dont think they imply a darker tone to the games or anything thats not super how concept art works#anyways idk I have a hate but mild interest relationship with leaks[ONLY HATE FOR LEAKS OF THINGS SET TO BE RELEASED LATER]#and also I feel he was like. obviously canonically autistic from day ONE#look at him.#sorry I rambled mwah
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The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!
#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything#like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take#it if you wanna do something about it.#you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is#i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them#and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and#i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened?#the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice.#something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself#like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time#yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now#and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice#and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand#i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought.#so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he#cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest#do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done#and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore#i promise its okay. take a break.#im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better#then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do#dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hsr spoilers#oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk#long post
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Idk if anyone ever experience this but sometimes my drawing process goes:
I need to draw this guy, i forgot if he has [A] or [B] though….
OR
I wanna draw this character…[only vaguely remembers how they look like from memory]…yeah i can draw them right?
Is literally one click away from google to look up how to draw them with proper reference
Also me: i can do this w/o ref pfttrt who needs those
[after finishing the drawing then finally looking up the reference and realises how severely off I was being]
Why tf did i not look up references
#rambles#idk is it ego or just plain dumb#look sometjmes i have a good set up with my tabs and i just dont feel like opening a new tab and messing up the flow!!#flow is so important to be like its such a bad thing to depend on i know#cuz like#if i cant draw a circle right#on my first few tries especially#then I literally just wont draw anything ever LMAO#cuz my chibi style literally involves around squish circles spheres and shit#so if i cant get that vibe right initially then jt all goes downhill EVEN if they look okay#anyways#gummmyspeaks#this is usually the shit i say on twt LMAO#since im taking a break from there yall about to witness how fucking stupid i am
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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ensekai has the new ui now! I've been playing around its settings to see what works for me and orz... I still end up motion sick... But, at least the changes I made lessened it by A LOT, so I'm happy bout that!
#aria rants#im feeling slightly motion sick but that might be a cumulative effect from me testing out what settings works best#one things for certain tho is that the fade/muted scheme that the new ui has is the one fucking me up#i cant look at the transition between sections now cuz of the transparent look combined with the bright light#my new settings now consists of basically keeping the old notes look and putting the bg brigtness as low as possible#i wish colopale lets me lower that more than 50% cuz i really need it badly. my lane transparency is at 100%#its good enough... not the best tho cuz i also wish colopale lets us change the brightness of the notes effect#yk-- the light that comes out of the notes whenever its clicked? thats also fucking me up a bit so when i tested it out#i made sure to look up as much as i can so i dont have to see the light effects o<-< and thats all that i can change#i tried to change the note speed in case thatd contribute to the motion sickness but changing to a slower speed fucked me up more#so im keeping my 10 speed and 3 timing otherwise i wouldnt at all be able to play this game anymore cuz of the Wretched new ui orz...#if theres anything im sure bout the new ensekai is that i wouldnt be able to tier anymore cuz id have to lessen my play time of it#cuz of the new ui fucking me up even with the changes i made with the settings so id have to take longer breaks when playing orz...
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blinks at you politely as i get on my knees and clasp my hands together, please can i request cujo with the stigmata palette 🫶🫶
im about to start working on it and. i went over the ref page and hi. local white man captures my heart yet again,,, but not as much as the tiger images you keep sharing omg,,,
my honest reaction,, thats one of the images to exist Ever. holy shit.
ALSO STARES AT THE COLOUR PALLETE YOU SENT AND NODS VISCIOUSLY....
stares at this and at all the scars he has,,, ehhehheehehe,,,,
#god i hope im not hyping this up for nothing#psa: i dont promise anything will look good ever. im. sorta fucking arounf finding out over here#esp cuz its a guy ive never drawn before;;; cuz romanas and johan already have a set vibe and ive drawn those 2 fuckers numerous times#cujo however;;; im sorry if i bastardize you </3#response#izak-gov
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there is undeniable opportunity to make bellum x linebeck fucked up but i dont have it in me. im a sucker for it just being fine with a side of like. light nautical crimes against nature but i cant make it toxic or w/e after a certain point. theyre chilling
#bellum x linebeck#salty talks#this is a light hearted post btw this is me celebrating enjoying making it soft at the end of the#the fucked up stuff is reserved for whatever happens during possession and also when theyre not romantically involved#ie. a lot of my aus. tbh tho they do also border on romantic? in a ‘canon’ ph or ph adjacent setting theyre just chilling#theres nothing straight up like really toxic with those bc 1 not my thing and 2 woulsnt really add anything imo#like i do think they can just strike up an agreement to not screw with each other and bellum figures he doesnt need to mess with linebeck#its the bonus of bellum can’t verbally communicate without showing that he has a human form#anyways. ive decided i cant actually warch gravity falls until i finish the fic anyways#i need to be able to say i havent seen it while i write this fic. there are too many possible connections i need this#also like. the most impact gravity falls has actually had on my life has been me seeing those twink humanizations of bill years ago#and that therefore being the main fucking reason why ive been fighting tooth and nail to get to the bellum humanization i have now#that fucker has caused me so many problems and i only recently found out what his fucking voice sounds like#anyways surprise surprise the person writing this fic for self indulgent reasons is catering heavily to themselves#tbh in post this fic and post ph (where its less like theyre dating and more like he occasionally makes it a polycule)#all of the bad shit is gotten out of the way before anything actually starts#with the aus where its a little more fucked its more just like. homoerotic. with different relationships around it#THO i do feel like theres somehow a pressure to make it fucked up? cuz its the default yknow. but i dont rlly like that so no#i think its more interesting for the work to be put in for it to be decent. i mean square one is bellum using linebeck as disposable bait
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gah i need to ramble. i dont know how itd work/how to not make it push things too far/itd be useless anyway since akira knows 0 about fighting/does noooot have the stamina most ppl who end up fighting does<3, but taking the whole "can help oz use magic at night" into a buffer concept.......cuz i dont find a way to use that stuff/the sages book/etc in aus enough T_T something something when akira forms bonds with ppl............. so i was like "ig their evol could be something where i can work around it into that" BUT I DONT WANT THEM TO HAVE ONE........my normal little guy............who somehow can enhance u should the need come......
BUT it means i end up thinking about the time oz killed someone in front of akira. cuz it was at night/dawn. 'have u seen a wizard turn to stone' 'no' and holding them in a way so they wouldnt see auughhhhhh...........->figaro who ALSO has killed someon(something) in front of akira. and how quiet akira is after. no further comment i should reread that spot story now that its voiced
#stardust speaking !#also in the same(???) line thinking about thise specific oweaki fanart sometimes. i need to look at it again i forgot the dialogue#i just think about it sometimes#cuz i think akira & the northern wizards r so funny (guy getting annoyed with owen......<3333) so anything thats them#in situations where they have to be the one to keep akira safe no matter the reason is situations im fond of#(even more so considering the times akira almost dies cuz of them(mithra) LOLT_T#stuff like fausts tanabata where akira does a thumbs up to show owens secret didnt get found out.........#'fine i wont help u next time ill leave u alone bye' I NNEEEEEEEEEDDDDD AKIRA VOICED FOR OWENS AFFECTION STORY ALONE#FUNNIEST CONVO IN THE WOORRLLDDD#idk i think a lot about stuff the twins & figaro has said too. about how refreshing(?) it is to be viewed in ways thats not immediate fear#and stuff like oz & the younger wizards who dont fear him (his relation w riquet especially) and akira who has called him a fool multiple#times. oz who trusted akira and told them about arthurs prophecy. as well as akira who treats the rest of them so normally too#(before being jumpscared by them again)#akiras concern for brad when he disappeared in that summer event. akiras overall convos with mithra. akira trying to protect owen from#a unicorn likeeeeeeeeeeee#i think theyre great#ok all ramblings done. um. ill try to set up the q today + read pt2 a bit.....T_^ assuming i dont get caught up in other stuff#otherwise itll happen tmrw
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boy son and girl daughter are the only characters who matter in kaiju no.8
#yall think im joking but im not#can i complain for a second?#i think kaiju no. 8 is one of the most clear examples of shounen degredation that ive seen in something that hasnt been axed#ok so im caught up but i havent read the spinoff and like#who even are these character?#what do we know about kafka other than his motivations????#uhh hes middle aged and ummmm hes childhood friends with mina.......... uhhhhh hes nice?#yall its been 100 chapters#that extends to literally every character#boy son( reno) what do we know about him#we know his sad backstory but like we dont even know what he was doing prior to taking the exam#girl daughter (kikoru) we know more about but shes got other story problems#but i still dont think i could list anything other than her involvement with kaijus#it just feels like we've went from big action to big action and it feels hollow cuz i barely know these people#and i get it maybe we learn more about them from the spinoff#but i shouldnt have to read a spinoff.... to know the main character#after 100 chapters#and its really not even the authors fault#the character interactions we get? ARE GOOD#its just so apparent that this is what happens when you have to always be amping up the action to not get cancelled#we're losing so much#if you asked me who my favorite character was and what about them i liked i dont think i would be able to honestly answer#and thats sad#kaiju no. 8#sorry this is a really complainy post i just i really wanted to like this manga#and its not even bad its just disapointing#on a brighter note after binging the whole thing in like a day i had a dream set in the universe#and it was like kafka and mina's relationship but instead of childhood friends it was 2 guys who were actually married#so it gave me that at least
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ur grading people and if they get an f theyre blocked? my main you aint a kindergarten teacher this is a microblogging platform
yeah, that's why there's that function called blocking! :) cuz this is a microblogging site! that's what microblogging platforms have! :) so you don't have to put up with people's shit! :) interesting that kindergarten teachers where you live are capable of blocking people in real life, hope you had fun with that
#spot says stuff#this is the INTERNET You are the one who curates your own fucking experience and if i dont like someones vibes or what theyre saying to me-#-they are going to get blocked! ''grading'' people??? its called judging people and having set boundaries and self respect#im not here to conform to strangers tastes n the need to Watch Me i dont care about that more than i care about myself#i am not a ''content creator'' i am not someone with some power like a ''kindergarten teacher'' i am a stranger to All of you and-#-just another tumblr user and i dont owe you fucking anything just like nobody Here owes me anything besides base respect#n base respect includes watching what you say to people. i dont have to put up with strangers faults. im holding everyone here accountable-#-for their actions and words because i believe that you are capable of being a good considerate human person n acting sensibly#what would happen if i blocked a person on Tumblr Dot Com. the goddamn apocalypse? please. blocking isnt controlling people around you-#-its Boundaries. you can get over some random bitch blocking you on the internet. its not my responsibility if someone decides that their-#-entire emotional wellbeing depends on a *Stranger*#i have P@NSEAR blocked cuz i just Dont like their content. if someone ''gets an F'' from me for behaviour then MAYBE theres a REASON?#''ur grading people'' goddammit man who Isnt judging the people around them and the interaction they have with them#HOW many times ive said ''feel free to block me!'' in a positive way cuz of smth as small as a too gorey design. what do u think-#-blocking is ysee??? ''you are acting entitled'' because i AM! i AM entitled to having a good comfortable experience on the INTERNET#just like ANY OF YOU. please anon! you dont like my way of treating myself on the Internet do just that! block me! i wont throw a fuss??#if Anyone here doesnt like the smallest aspect of me judge me. i invite you to. judge me and if that aspect is too loud for you Block me#to get along with this anons absolutely correct n in place anecdote: Grade Me. give me an F. boot me from the school whatever That means#keep yourself safe and make your experience on the internet comfortable#i cant tell if youre one of those dumb anon askers who r just lookin for attention or fight Or a reasonable person but heres my look at it#entertain it before you disregard it. got me pissed off from the moment i wake up u dont even know bout my whole blockin system dear god
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if im being honest and allowing myself to vent a bit about it ... another red flag was when the DM went 'wow i love the detail of your backstory but idk what i can do with it tho ):'
#[static]#it immediately made me feel bad for trying to make a character work with the aesthetic she had given us tbh#i could already tell she didnt seem to be super character story driven so i just made a pretty simple drifter-type#for a post-apocalyptic setting n such and made a group that tied into the whole over-arching premise#i also literally just did bullet points cuz i could tell she wasn't gonna want to read one of the backstories i usually do#and as someone who has mostly dm'd in the past i did my v best to make a character that was super easy for the dm to incorporate in any way#like a solid reason for being there a reason for wanting to adventure with strangers a reason for seeing the mission through no matter what#made a whole small faction and connected them to the overarching theme and plot in multiple ways#wrote down lore and npcs she could use for the faction if she didnt want to make up her own#like all the works and all i got was two sentences back about it ... one of them being like 'cool but i dont like the extra details'#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh#ok im done yelling now i just need to vent for a second#i feel bad for feeling kinda bummed about the experience because this is the first time i got to play at a physical table in years#and i know how hard it is to DM#but also when you come to the table with zero notes for the first session its ... probably gonna be disappointing jkfghdf#i DID have fun however because the party banter was hilarious and it was fun getting to hang out with ppl!#but communication between DM and players was not great#also let me be clear she did like that i made so many connections and hooks into the story and it helped her a lot#she was NOT interested in my character's past like ... jobs or npcs#but also u could just Not say anything about it and just be like 'sweet cool thanks for the info' LMAo
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something that annoys and upsets me is when people dont set proper boundaries with me and get upset over topics that if they WERE established as a boundary i would avoid but because they didnt i dont know and now ive upset someone that i didnt mean to and potentially hurt someone that i loved. like just talk to me please. i dont question boundaries at all you tell me to not mention something either i say "you got it boss" or MAYBE ill as a followup like "should i spoiler the text or just avoid it completely"
#this isnt about anything specific that happened btw it just upsets me#im a bit of a hypocrite but like idk. i just want all my friends to be comfortable and if im saying something that makes them uncomfortable#then i wanna stop saying that#or at least i want them to say 'i dont like this topic and im going to leave the conversation' yk. cuz im shit with boundaries i feel like#im always walking on eggshells until i get to know a friend better. and even still if they have an obvious boundary but i dont know where#the line is it can be really stressful. i dont wanna fuck up but even if i do i wanna KNOW how i fucked up so i can try not to in the futur#anyways this is your message to go set boundaries with your friends because it can be stressful for all parties involved if you dont
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roommate got a new laptop but can't get her wifi connected from the kitchen so she's taken it back to her room to set up..... huge loss for annoying nosy ppl everywhere :-(
#glad shes back but also miss being home alone a little bc theres so much i dont have to think abt when its just me#no one tell her i said that.. pros of having roommates outweigh cons by far but still. love to not be reminded of all my insecurities#not that its her fault!! im also just grumpy cuz i slept pretty badly and ended up getting up earlier than i wanted to#bc she wakes up Early + makes a lot of noise but again not her fault im a sensitive sleeper n i was drifting in n out before then anyway#blegh. well i should get my chores done i guess so at least i dont have to do that tomorrow#i think i need to lie down and cry a bit first idk why im feeling so upset this morning its not related to anything i dont think#just strung out i guess. whatever man. ill set a timer so i dont wallow too long i have a list of shit to focus on after anyway#.diaries#actually just remembering i had some kind of upsetting dreams too i woke up crying a few times i dont really know what happened in them#so maybe its just a knock on from that. man.
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#ive also been trying to get used to the like oh different people have different relationships thing#cuz i did talk to her about how i dont feel close to her in group settings lol so i didnt know if we were close at all and like idk i think#im more now okay with her giving me little attention in group settings esp if i know i wasnt overvaluing our one on ones#i just kinda wanna take a step back from just wanting to constantly be a presence in her life#and be okay to be the person that'll just be there if she needs an ear for anything#so again just very unsure if as a friend i should bring it up or not but#cant tell if its coming from a place of true concern as a friend (part of it potentially) or bc of my other feelings (prob also true)#but idk my other friend also had a slow ish burn with this one dude like 8 months of her going back and forth about it and i didnt tell her#to consider shes leading him but that being sAID she was aware she was unsure about her feelings#this girls straight up like yeah its nothing more for me and i lilterally didnt notice how we act#like bruh.#at that point i dont know if its like good if someones like heyyyy have u considered maybe....#or if its just better to leave her be and let her come to realizations on her own#she did say she enjoys being told things cuz things arent as obvious to her but#rambles
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