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lazodiac · 9 months ago

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Part 2 of all the mono-black cards in OTJ. Lets see what we've got!

BLACK

A max-level Hellspur stabbing a dude in the gut. Aint no way we can tell where this fella is from, but we know they're from Thunder Junction now.

The major players of Oko's gang get cool little enchantments like this. The secondary members deserved these too dangit! The Cecani's Join Up as a blue-black legendary zombie enchantment would kick so much ass you KNOW it.

Anyway, like Tinybones, this is Dominarian.

Look at this friendly little guy! I love him so much! Tinybones is from Dominaria.

I don't really have a reason for it beyond vibes, but this lady feels like she's from Ixalan to me. A former pirate gone bogging.

Not the last of the ol' "tied to a rail road track" references in this set, but certainly the first. This is a Thunder Junction original.

Something about the regality of this guy's shoulder-cape makes me think he's a former Eldraine knight. Times are tough when your queen fucked Urabrask...

Okay I'm gonna pull out a wicked theory with Vadmir over here. He's got a very classic vampire look, which would make one think Innistrad... except, his title is New Blood. Innistradi vampires who are "fresh" are berserker types. This is a refined, elegant man... with razor sharp talons. This motherfucker's a Sengir vampire, and the newness of his blood suggests he's imported straight from Ulgrotha.

I love this lady's look, plus the fact that she just straight up has a Gunblade. She strikes me as a New Capennan girl- probably a former Riveter.

Onto the commander cards, with another bunch of got-damn Hellspurs. I'd tell them to go home but they already are, on account of the mutating themselves with the plane's natural energies.

Another max-level Hellspur with a bone to pick with anyone who dares to be alive and not on fire.

Do you think a gathering of Hellspurs is called a kindling or a starter? Either way, this is camp sight for the fucked up mutant lava freaks.

Holy shit a card that isn't from Thunder Junction. It's good ol' Gonti, establishing some of their empire upon the wild-lands of Thunder Junction. If you don't recall they're an aetherborn, unique to Kaladesh. More on that once we hit the multicolours.

The Orochi are unique to Kamigawa, so this lovely individual is from there.

Varmint's are some kind of natural critter to the plane, a sort of mini-beast where the only thing you can really say about them is that they are vaguely mammalian monsters. The scorpion tails are cute! Given its mechanics and the flavor text I'm thinkinng these are convergent evolution with Kaladesh's gremlins- aether eating pest-creatures. The ones on Thunder Junction are just a bit nastier than those delightful little elephant shrews.

And that's all of the black mana cards! Fascinating set, lets look at the numbers...

BLACK

Azgol 1

Dominaria 3

Eldraine 2

Gastal 2

Innistrad 4

Ixalan 1

Kaladesh 1

Kamigawa 1

New Capenna 4

Ravnica 1

Theros 1

Thunder Junction 20

Ulgrotha 1

Zhalfir 1

... now you could easily argue my decision to lump all the Hellspurs and undead into "native to Thunder Junction due to transitive properties of death-rebirth" as somewhat irresponsible, but I feel like it makes sense.

Thunder Junction is a plane about new beginnings- some of these folk show it, and some don't. Some that don't show it have tells that let you make assumptions, or a specific vibe. And some, like the undead, like the Hellspurs who are so mutated they look like demons from my very own writing, are so changed by their new start on life that this place may as well BE their home.

I think there's something beautiful in that.

It's time once again to ramble incoherently about magic cards. Lets try and divine where each of the cards of Outlaws of Thunder Junction are from, why don't we!

You can find the first two parts here and here! And today we're covering...

BLACK

Starting us off with a native to Thunder Junction. God this critter is spooky looking. Love it though!

Aaah, the Hellspurs. I'll get more into them once we meet our first creature Hellspur, but for now just accept that this magmatic thread of doom is native to Thunder Junction.

Another native creature of Thunder Junction! Vultures are important and regal birds and shouldn't be so villainized, I think... but I can't deny they do sometimes look this nasty.

While we've seen a number of vampires in magic practice ye ol' Sanguimancy, the plane most often shown to do this (and the plane most likely to pop their collars THIS ridiculously) is Innistrad.

As mentioned with ghosts in the Blue cards, dead and revived means you're bound to the plane- zombies are native to Thunder Junction, regardless of where they're from previously.

Sweet lord kill it with fire! This abomination is from Thunder Junction and if it's not I never wanna see where it's from. Snorses are wonderful an idea but god they look comfortable.

Gonna say something controversial about this one- the way the lady is posing, her culty robe, and the predominance of ash in her fire, makes me think this is a deep-cut to Azgol, last seen in MOM. It's got similar vibes to various Hellspur aesthetic stuff, but the woman is clearly just too alive to be one of them- more on that later.

Okay this is probably the best place to bring this up. Hellspurs! One of the criminal factions of Thunder Junction. Lawbreakers, murderers, and thieves to a man. Each follows the brutal scorpion-dragon outlaw Akul, and almost every single one of them is mutated beyond all belief by the Chaotic Thunder of the plane.

As a result, much like with zombies and ghosts, these guys have fully stripped away all of their previous life in exchange for lava hands and shit. So, there's gonna be a lot of folk who are native to Thunder Junction purely by this metric, and it'll skew things a little. This is why I'm counting the numbers by colour, since the Hellspurs are predominantly red and black.

A natural (and very spooky!) magical mirage of death. I love this art.

See? This is what happens when you don't "lower" yourself to feeding on animals. You end up shoving your stupid ass face into a cactus. This is a Ravnican vampire, since we've seen before they're often stupid enough to pull this exact trick.

*Dry bones falling apart noises* Tinybones' funny trick and/or prank! This is from Dominaria since that wonderful friend is from Dominaria too.

Raised on the plane, native to the plane. This skeleton owns by the way, this is a good ass skeleton.

Gisa Cecani is, much like her brother, one of my favorite characters in Magic. She's Innistradi born and raised, and seems to fit in like a glove on this plane.

Really unsettling art on this one! Ghost, so native to Thunder Junction... though we can actually, likely, identify the body here; four arms suggests a Mirran Vedalkan. Neat!

Our first actual look at the main antagonist of the set (for as much as that means in a villain focused set). Akul, the Scorpion Dragon of Gastal- a fact revealed right before I started doing this!

Kaervek! The Merciless! The Conqueror! The "too big a deal to be dealing with this shit", imo. Everyone's upset at Marchesa being here but Kaervek is the one that bugs me the most- this man is a country-conqueror, not a petty crook!... but, it's fine, because it's clear in the story Kaervek is insulted Oko's recruited him for such trivialities.

Anyway, he's from Zhalfir. I hope he gets to kill Oko.

Swing your partner round and round, rip their corpus from the ground! Gisa doing a barn-raising in the most literal sense, a uniquely Innistradi way of waking up the dead, with a Thunder Junction flavor.

A hellspur bursting his way out of a shallow grave- oak box included. Funny, and native to the plane.

No real way of figuring out where this guy is from or his gaseous death-cloud... so I'll say Eldraine, based purely on the fact that it's the plane most likely to have such a simple burst of "sleeping" poison.

An easy one! He may be a rat man but he's called out as a Nezumi and that's a Kamigawan thing.

There are a couple places this delightful fellow could be from... but given the pickpocketting and the general demeanor, he's from New Capenna.

Azul, laying a horrific waste to his "friends" to benefit. The scorpion claws being a vent for his breath weapon is exceptional a design, incidentally.

A ridiculous piece of art for many reasons, this one is native to Thunder Junction purely by the fact that this is where the gang was born.

The reason why this is ridiculous is because every single height here is wrong. Vraska is taller than basically everyone to the left of her. Oko is using magic to make himself look taller that's literally canon so that's fine, but Kellan? Annie? One's a baby (described as small for his age) and one's a grandma. Tinybones is also probably far too big. The only person here who is the right height is Rakdos, whose height is "whatever height he wishes to be he can change shape depending on how excited he is". Wild shit.

The only plane with actual snakes-for-hair gorgons is Theros, and even then only half of the time. So this lady is from there. Fitting too, apothecaries making booze and poison is within Pharika's perview absolutely.

As fun as it would be to say this is a raven from Dominaria, implying the presence of Omenpaths are allowing the (currently suppressed and trying to fight his way out of Lili) Raven Man is doing some work, naw. This is just a normal raven.

An all-natural undead member of the Hellspurs, double erasing his identity. God dangit.

This being an ASSASSIN vampire suggests New Capenna. It's kind of their jam, you know?

Gisa showing she is more impulsive than a monkey-goblin obsessed with explosives is why this story spotlight (that isn't given a story spotlight tag) is happening. Innistradi magic running wild and giving us a real Train to Busan energy.

A later card explains that the demons that are natural to the plane grant gifts like this, so this scorpions and their soon to be scorpionman friend are native to the plane.

Fun fact; scorpions do just glow like this. Bio Luminescence is fun!

Jana has the exact same vibe (and the same demon-snake familiar) as Elnor from Yuma's story, so I'm calling it for New Capenna here. Also, funny flavor text AND reminder text. Fantastic work.

And that's it for part 1. Tune in momentarily for part 2 of Black!

#Magic the Gathering #Outlaws of Thunder Junction #OTJ #MTG #nerd stuff #black mana

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thiswaycomessomethingwicked · 4 years ago

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What do you think Grima and Eomer are most scared of? Apart from being left alone with each other, of course :) I think Eomer is terrified of spiders - he has to ask Eowyn to remove them. Grima's fears are probably grander and more philosophical e.g. non-existence, failure, imperfection. But I bet he's terrified of weird stuff as well - exposed knees, clowns, steep stairs...

Oooooooh I love this question!! (granted I love any and all questions about these two)

[Oh god this got so long, I’m sorry but also not sorry.]

So I mean, it would depend what kind of fear we’re talking about.

In terms of day-to-day fears/things that spook you or creep you out. I think Eomer has a REAL problem with house (mead hall?) centipedes.

‘Too many legs, Grima. They have too many legs. I did not sign up for this.’

Once. when Eomer was like 10, he woke up with a house centipede on his chest and he’s never recovered.

Grima just shoos the critter outside. Eowyn lectures her brother about their importance in the grand ecosystem. Eomer doesn’t care.

Like when Eomer sees a house centipede all the hair on his body stands on end and he feels that cold wash of terror. I mean, if he had to, he could deal with it himself. But he’d be internally screaming the entire time. Stoic externally, of course. He is a brave rider of Rohan! But inside? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I think Grima gets creeped out by uncanny valley things. Mostly dolls. I think he assumes 90% of all dolls are cursed. One time his niece left her doll behind and Grima had to lock it in a box and hide it in a storage room and he was still a little convinced that it was going to escape and murder them all. Chucky style.

Eomer: I want to get my sister a doll for the baby she and Faramir are about to have. How about this one?

Grima: W h y would you traumatize a baby like that Eomer? Are you a monster?

Eomer: This .... this is a cute doll. It’s not going to haunt them.

Grima: You don’t know that for certain. Look at those beady eyes. Always watching.

Eomer: Ghosts and draugr are fine but not dolls?

Grima: My undead brother might be a pain in the arse but at least I know what to expect from him. Mostly his trying to eat people. But it’s within the bounds of reason. That fucking doll on the other hand? Who knows what it thinks in the dark hours of the night. Who knows what secrets it holds in its heart.

Eomer: . . .I think I’ll just get the kid a stuffed animal horse.

Grima: Much better.

I also think Grima gets easily spooked by flying insects. Like once he ascertains that the sudden movement within his line of vision isn’t going to hurt him, he’s fine. But his initial reaction is to get up and leave very quickly and let Eomer deal with it. Grima has a strong association between sudden movements and getting punched. Reasonable, really.

Shared thing? I think Eomer and Grima both find teeth to be really creepy.

Eowyn: They’re just bones in your mouth. It’s fine.

Grima: MOUTH BONES??? DON’T CALL THEM THAT.

Eowyn: Mouth! Bones! Mouth! Bones!

Eomer: I hate all of this.

Eowyn: Mouth bonessssss!

Eomer shows up in Osgiliath, hasn’t seen Eowyn in like two years, she gives him a hug and whispers ‘mouth bones’ into his ear just to freak him out. Because they’re loving and caring siblings like that.

Eowyn: My daughter is just starting to get her mouth bones in.

Grima: I refuse to engage with this.

Faramir: Babe, why are you like this??

Eomer: I brought this doll for her.

Eowyn: That is so cursed, I’m surprised Grima let you buy it.

Eomer: I don’t know, I think it’s kind of cute.

Eowyn: hmmmm yeah well you’re sleeping with that thing over there so I don’t know that your judgement can be trusted.

Grima: h e y.

Faramir: What kind of family did I marry into??

Now, for deeper fears.

Eomer is the one who has a deep seated fear of failure. Of not living up to the expectations set on him from a very young age. Both as son of Eomund, who is like local hero 101, and as nephew to the king. Being orphaned at a young age, I suspect he had a lot of pressure placed on him to Be the Man in the Family. To Take Care Of Everyone etc.

And it’s hard being the son of someone who has a bit of a legend around them when they’re alive, let alone when they’re dead and so they become an impossible standard to live up to.

This isn’t to say Eomer is a stick in the mud and doesn’t get up to mischief. This is the man who drops sick burns for a living and can be described as “compulsively truculent”. Like, Eomer at 18 was absolutely a bit of a mad lad. But, there was always this fear and anxiety hanging over him of having to live up to great expectations - most of which he’s placed on himself but he’s not aware of that.

Later, I’ve always headcanon-ed that he does a bit of that daft thing of comparing himself to Aragorn and is like “I’m not living up to the story book legend who rules the neighbouring kingdom” and despairs.

Eowyn: You’re doing fine. And really, Boromir and Arwen run 80% of everything. Aragorn disappears into the mountains at any given moment.

Eomer: But what if I’m somehow failing everything at all times? Have you thought about that? That I’m failing our parents and ruining our father’s legacy and destroying our uncle’s trust in me??

Eowyn: . . . yeah that’s not happening. You’re fine.

Eomer: BUT AM I???

Eowyn awkwardly pats his hand, ‘You’re fine.’ Eomer despairs.

Grima: Can’t do worse than me.

Eowyn: Yeah! You can’t do worse than Grima.

Eomer: That bar is so low it’s underground.

Additional to this, I think Eomer is scared of letting things go - like giving up control in situations. Because he’s got it into his head that so long as he is in control he can keep everyone safe and no one will die (i.e. his sister). And he’s terrified of things heading down the Road of Chaos.

Which like, Eomer, good luck with that. You live in Middle Earth and Grima’s still around being the agent of chaos that he is.

Grima: I’ve had a thought.

Eomer: Oh no. Put it back where you found it.

Grima: Too late, I’ve told Eothain and he thinks it’s great.

Eomer: Gods preserve me.

Eothain: Ok but hear us out --

For Grima - he’s got a long of weird, existential fears. The World Ending being the biggest of them. He’s got a bit of a nihilistic, hopeless streak in him that can get quite philosophical in terms of dread.

But for more personal, grounded fears, I think the main one is that he’s terrified of being seen. Of being vulnerable. Because if people see him/know him, surely they’ll hate him and leave him and that would hurt so, so much. Therefore, if he’s mean to everyone, including himself, then people can’t hurt him because he’s already doing their work for them to himself.

Yet, he’s also afraid of being alone and so desperately wants to love and be loved but doesn’t know how to go about making that happen in a healthy, normal manner. So he self-sabotages. Tells himself things like, “I was not a lovable child, and I’d grown into a deeply unlovable adult. Draw a picture of my soul and it’d be a scribble with fangs.” - Gillian Flynn

This just creates a fucked up freeze/thaw cycle of “I want to fit in and belong somewhere, but if people know me they’ll see what an ugly thing I am, better that they don’t know me, so let me shut them out/be mean to them etc., no one cares for me because I am unworthy of it, this hurts a lot, and I think fitting in and belonging would probably stop it hurting, but if people know me they’ll see what an ugly thing I am, better they don’t ... so on and so forth.”

So yeah. His deep seated fears of being vulnerable + being along make for some twisted thinking and lots of self-sabotaging.

Grima; What is emotional vulnerability?? Never heard of it.

Theoden: You could give it a try, you know.

Grima: No. I refuse.

Grima does that thing that Carrie Fisher talks about: “Of all the violence I have known in my life, I have not known violence like the way I talk to myself.”

Thank you so much for the ask! This was an absolute blast to answer. I loved every minute of it.

I love all Grima and Eomer questions.

<3 <3

#Grima Wormtongue #Eomer #ask #anon #reply #LOTR #lord of the rings #lotr headcanons #Grima is scared of everything except things he should be scared of

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madatobiweek2019-2021 · 5 years ago

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��Are you sure this is a good idea?,” Madara stared at his idiot friend incredulously. “If we die in here, I’m going to kill you Hashirama.”

Hashirama paused his snooping, turning away from the test tubes balancing precariously in his hands. He set them down on the table, a smidge too close to the edge if you asked Madara but whatever. That was Hashirama’s problem when Tobirama saw how displaced everything was. Brown eyes peered woefully at him, tearfully vehement as the other man pouted, though ineffective with the messy state Hashirama was in. Scraps of parchment paper were stuck in his hair, ink streaking across his cheek and speckling his fingers.

Madara crinkled his nose, chucking a handkerchief into Hashirama’s face.

Hashirama beamed, rubbing the cloth against his cheek and smearing the ink more. “I don’t think it will be that bad Madara. Tobirama has a lot of protective seals around his lab to keep it safe!”

“Seals that you’ve no problem getting around!”

It was worrisome really, as foolish as Hashirama was, being related to Tobirama and married to Mito had left him with many chances to learn basic skills. While he could not fully understand the way seals functioned or how to lay them, he knew much too well how to disable some. Some like the ones Tobirama had around his lab.

Not to mention his willingness to disable them.

“Now Madara—,” Hashirama began, shoving the napkin into his pocket before snatching up another scroll that looked newer and striking through yet another one of Tobirama’s protective seals.

“See! Like that! You even took down the damn wall with your Mokuton just to get in here! If we don’t die because of whatever disasters are in here then we will die at your brother’s hands!”

Madara shuddered. The last time he aggravated the younger man he’d found himself on the receiving end on some awful seal that summoned nearby birds and critters to him, drawing them to burrow and nest in his hair. Villagers had flocked around him, curious and far too amused, tittering behind hands as they watched the animals lay siege to Madara’s hair knowing he was too busy running away to scream at them. His hair was ruined, bitten off and tangled so horribly that he had to chop the strands to a length he hadn’t had since being twelve years old.

He can already hear the sharp snap of the younger man’s voice— “Don’t go in my lab without me!"— as if he were standing right there.

"It’s important! He’s been in here for weeks—" Hashirama exclaimed, puppy dog eyes on full force.

"Three days! He was in here for three days and he actually came out to eat and take naps—”

“—and who knows what he’s been getting up to! He could be getting hurt or devising something awful—”

“He’s been making food preserving seals for the past month!”

“Do you remember the chain-reacting explosive tags? The undead jutsu? He said he was working on enhanced storage seals!”

Madara froze, mouth opened to yell, and clamped his lips shut. Tobirama did have a way of spiraling away from his original intentions— it wouldn’t hurt to just look to make sure nothing was too….deviated.

“Fine,” he huffed. “But if anything happens I’m chopping your hair off!”

Hashirama squeaked, hands coming up to clutch at his hair. And knocking over the test tubes, sending them careening to the floor with a resounding shatter. Madara watched in horror as the liquids met the black lines of a seal Hashirama had left on the floor— to be analyzed with Mito, he said— and lit them. Colored smoke filled the air and Madara could hear the ground breaking apart moments before Hashirama used Mokuton to send them upwards away from the mess. With a quick wind jutsu, weaker than usual he noticed as his vision swam, Madara sent the smoke into the vent system Tobirama had incorporated early on in case of explosions or dangerous fumes.

Madara rubbed his eyes, carefully lowering himself to the ground. His body was aching— much like the summer over a decade ago when he’d grown almost half a foot in what felt like a few short nights. Coughing, he looked up to see how his friend fared and shrieked.

Sitting in front of him, rubbing his eyes, was Hashirama. But a twelve year old Hashirama. With too big clothes and that godforsaken bowl cut.

“What the fuck! Hashirama, you're—”

“Oh my god, Madara you—”

Madara glanced at his hands. His smaller than before, less calloused hands. “We’re kids again. What the fuck? How? Hashirama!”

He snarled, throwing himself forward to tackle the other man, no, boy, to the ground. “The fuck did you do Senju?!”

“I don’t know— ow! Madara! Don’t, not the face!”

“I'll end you!”

———————————————————-

Half an hour and a semi brutal spar that resulted in Hashirama’s entire face being painted in ink later and both boys were sitting sullenly in the debris they had made of the once pristine lab.

“Tobi’s gonna kill is,” Hashirama sniffled, tears cutting through the black. “I won’t even get to see what my baby looks like.”

“If they’re lucky, nothing like you,” Madara sneered, pulling at the sticky glue-like substance that he’d tumbled into during the fight, snarling angrily as his sleeves still stuck together.

He was surprised his clothes even stayed on, they were so big, but the ties must have worked for something. Hashirama had already wrapped himself up in the excess cloth and tied it off as tightly as he could with his obi and other straps of fabric that he tore from his haori. Madara, on the other hand, would just have to wait.

He tugged at his sleeves again, cursing the glue and Hashirama.

“Ah Madara, don’t be mean!” The brunette sobbed. “My baby would be cute! Even if they looked like me!”

Madara opened his mouth to respond— wanted to sneer that it was good Hashirama knew he wasn’t attractive— but froze as the door opened at just that moment. Red eyes peered distractedly over a thick book, widening as they caught onto the state of the lab. With careful movements, Tobirama lowered the book and set it down, hand reaching for his sword.

“Anija. Madara. What did you do?” He snarled low in his throat, biting through every word like a separate sentence.

The boys blanched, glancing to each other and then shunshinning to the window only for Tobirama to slam his hand against the wall, a seal stretching across the metal to form a barrier they couldn’t get through.

“It was an accident!” Hashirama wailed, gasping through his crocodile tears. “I-am-so so-rry o-tou-to.”

He ran over and clutched at Tobirama’s yukata, burying his messy face into it. “I’m such a bad brother!”

“Anija! Stop that! You’re dirtying my— get off you idiot!”

“I just wanted to make sure you were safe and—!”

“By destroying my lab?” Tobirama shoved at Hashirama, stumbling when the boy’s grip didn’t let up. “Damn it, you poisonous vine, let go!”

“Tobi—!”

“I will get Mito-nee in here so fast—”

Hashirama yelped, letting go with a heavy pout. “You don’t have to be like thaaaat,” he whined, scuffing his foot on the ground. “That’s a really low blow, Tobi. How could you do that to your precious brother—”

“After he destroyed my lab and turned he and his idiot friend back into children?” Tobirama snarked, leveling both of them with a sharp glare. “I’ve no idea.”

Madara shuffled guiltily, wincing as he took in the mess they made.

“We can clean it up!” He offered quickly. Hashirama squawked, shaking his head.

“Oh?” Tobirama quirked a brow. “Properly?”

Madara could feel Tobirama’s chakra rise and fall, unsteady and bothered like a riptide, dragging him closer to anger and not letting him calm down, and nodded hastily. Hashirama became frantic in his head shaking, panicked as he looked at the mess miserably,

“Absolutely. No problem. It’ll take an hour. Tops!” Madara promised, grinning a touch sheepishly even as he tossed his friend a glare. “I understand why you’re upset— we shouldn’t have invaded your privacy and we certainly shouldn’t have made such a mess of things. We were concerned but we should have respected your boundaries. You’ve my sincerest apologies Tobirama.”

Tobirama’s gaze softened and he huffed out a breath, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

“It’s fine. You haven’t gotten into anything too important. We now need to figure out what you two have done and fix it. None of my seals were meant to do this.”

Hashirama slumped in relief, “Oh thank god, I hate cleaning— what?”

———————————————————

“Oh wow, I haven’t seen Hashirama look that awful in years," Touka breathed out in wonderment. ”I almost forgot he was such an ugly bastard.“

"Touka-nee, you’re supposed to keep an eye on him so he doesn’t destroy anything, not keep an eye on his confidence to just destroy it,” Tobirama sighed over his brother’s wailing. Then, speaking over the sound of Madara pummeling his brother, asked, “Mito-nee, will you be able to handle the Hokage’s duties in your state?”

His sister-in-law and he were able to deduce that the jutsu, since many had overlapped and were then combined by the liquid soaking through the papers and smudging the inks, would eventually wear off on its own, a few days at most given the seals were not meant for major bends in time and space. And, even without that, it would, or at least should, not take them too long to devise a remedy.

But that was for tomorrow. Now, they were much too tired and irritable.

“My pregnant state, Tobirama?” Mito arched a brow. “You’d be amazed at what I can handle in this state, brother-in-law. The bigger concern is will you be able to handle Madara while Izuna is away?”

Tobirama looked at the two boys now disguised as other, unidentifiable children. Too many people remembered them as children or at least would recognize their features. With their weaker abilities it was best to keep them hidden and separated (they couldn’t last too long without bickering and yelling each other’s name in rage, like the complete idiots they were) to not give away the precarious situation the Village had now found itself in. The jutsu that changed Madara’s haír to a soft, pale blue, gently wishing about his face and skin to an olive tone did nothing to hide the fire in his chakra boiling beneath.

A new student from a distant place— Cloud Country perhaps— that was the story they would go by. A student adopted from parents Tobirama had saved.

The younger man felt a sudden tiredness fill his bones watching Madara blow flames at Hashirama’s shoulder length purple hair only to be slapped at by many flowers that erupted quite spontaneously from the wood paneling on the wall.

This would be a long few days if they couldn’t undo the mess that was made of Tobirama’s work.

“Izuna may find himself rather alone if he doesn’t hurry back,” he rubbed between his eyes, hand glowing green to chase away the headache. “Who knows? He might thank me.”

He ignored the smirks on his cousin and sister-in-law’s faces, snatching Madara by the wrist and all but hauling him out of Hashirama’s home to his own. Madara glared and very pointedly took his hand away to instead clasp Tobirama’s in his own, twining their fingers together and smiling triumphantly when Tobirama did nothing but sigh.

Oh yes, it’d be a long few days indeed.

———————————————————

The walk home had been silent, the streets much too empty for distraction and they were inside Tobirama’s home before he could properly gather himself. He could admire the timing, if anything. Just yesterday his house had been strewn with far too many papers and even some dust, given the time he spent in the office or his lab instead. Messes from ruined meals had been spattered across his kitchen and his dirty laundry pile had consisted of all of his clothes save for the set on his back. That was the breaking point, sending him into the cleaning frenzy that lasted clear into early morning, until every corner was cleaned to pristine, his laundry washed, dried, and packed neatly away. It was the most presentable and welcoming his home had ever been and the first time Madara, child or not, would actually step past the threshold.

He resolved to give himself a silent pat on the back, watching carefully as Madara took everything from the bookshelves to the altar in, knowing those hawk-like eyes were looking for dust as his clean freakishness often had him doing and finding none.

The tension seeped from Madara’s shoulders and he carefully took off his shoes, setting them neatly aside as he wandered furthered in, already growing comfortable in Tobirama’s small space. At least, if anything, Tobirama could rest knowing he had made a good impression, hoping it would serve him well when the jutsu finally wore off.

“You know,” Madara began over his bowl of noodles, slurping the noodles gracelessly. “I don’t think your brother would’ve wanted me to come stay with you if he knew I was courting you.”

“You’re a child at the moment— that’s hardly relevant right now,” still Tobirama felt his face warm and he swallowed some of his food quickly to disguise it. What they had while Madara was an adult was— nice. A small secret for just the two of them while they got comfortable with each other.

Just the other day he and the older man had a picnic besides a lake closer to the edges of Konoha, waded deep and relaxed beneath the stars— quiet because they hadn’t needed any words to enjoy just being with each other. It was smiles upon eye contact, soft laughs at little quirks. Thinking of slightly chapped, languid lips against his own, gentle like the brush of fingers on something so invaluably precious and irreplaceable, the feel of coarse hair twisting in his hands and just the comfort of a body pressed to his to block the chill of night air made something warm build in his chest and spread to his cheeks.

It wasn’t so nice a memory to think about when his beau was a mere twelve years old to his twenty-eight however.

Madara set his bowl down carefully. “Does it bother you?”

“Hm?” Tobirama wasn’t used to the other man, boy, being so pensive. He put his scroll down and met Madara’s eyes, concerned.

“Does it bother you to be with me?” Madara clarified, clearing his throat as he sat up straight. “I know with our past, the rumors, and our temperaments— they don’t exactly make for an ideal relationship but…”

Tobirama interrupted. “But yet I have not rejected you or your gifts,” he frowned. “Madara, my only problem before was that— well, I had wanted to keep things private for a bit and have time for us before Anija started planning a wedding and now, well you’re a child now,” he scrunched his nose in disgust, giving Madara a pointed look when the boy stared at him with a fondness much too heady and mature for his age. “It’s best not to think of my attraction to you given the circumstances.”

Madara flushed, looking away quickly. “Ah right.” He paused for a long moment before a cheeky grin pulled at his lips. “I suppose I won’t be allowed to sleep in your room then?”

Tobirama scowled, throwing cold tea into Madara’s face, relishing, privately, the crack of the boy’s voice, so much more high pitched than how Tobirama knew it to be.

———————————————————

“You can’t do that Shouta,” Tobirama hissed between gritted teeth. It was only the second day and he was ready to throw Madara, now going by Shouta, into the deepest, roughest river he could find.

Drawing a deep breath to calm himself, he willed water from the air to douse the flames engulfing the now terrified shopkeeper’s stall.

“He was flirting—” Madara bristled, crossing his arms. “He deserved it!”

Tobirama huffed, apologizing quickly to the shopkeeper and pulling Madara away. “He asked where I got my kimono—”

“Because he was admiring the way it fits you!”

Tobirama cringed. Madara’s voice as an adult never, not once no matter how much he was yelling, ever got so shrill. He would need to invest in earplugs at this rate. Glancing around discreetly, he shoved Madara around the corner, away from prying eyes and dropped to a crouch so they could talk face to face.

“Because he liked the fabric and wanted some pieces made for his daughter! You are completely insufferable, even as a child!” Tobirama snapped.

“I’m protecting your virtue! Hashirama said you never realized when people were interested. And that shopkeeper was interested. I know he was!” Madara protested angrily, before turning away and crossing his arms, grumbling curses under his breath.

Rubbing at his nose— it was a wonder the shape hadn’t changed after all the times his frustration had him irritating it— he sighed explosively before swallowing a quick, calming breath. Younger Madara lacked maturity and sense apparently so Tobirama needed to gain patience.

“Madara, you trust me, correct?” he asked softly.

Madara turned back to him curiously. “Of course.”

“So why would anyone showing interest in me be a reason to get so angry unless you thought I would leave my courtship with you for them? That is a lack of trust towards me Madara,” Tobirama explained. He’d seen too many people treat their partners in such a manner and he detested it. He wanted to be able to be himself without worrying how others would perceive him— he had lived much too long with others in mind.

Madara fiddled at the braided bangs Tobirama had put his hair into, pinky finger touching his lip.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” he whispered. “I just…don’t like it.”

Tobirama smiled softly. Madara, no matter his age, was always much too protective. He couldn’t fault him though. Not now.

“Let’s go, I have to get some shopping done. I think you already finished all the food I had in the house.”

Madara blushed fiercely, ducking his head so his hair fell in front of his face though he still took Tobirama’s hand in his.

“You said I could have whatever I wanted!” Madara’s free hand was back by his lips again.

“Ah right. Whatever, everything. I see how you could get the words confused,” Tobirama ribbed gently, easily pushing down Madara’s hand so the boy wouldn’t bite his nails. “That’s a bad habit, don’t do that.”

As they passed the still horrified shopkeeper, Madara stood upright, pout replaced with a haughty sneer. “You talking to him won’t change anything. He’s mine.”

Tobirama flushed, letting out an awkward laugh as the other villagers eyed him in curious amusement.

“New student,” he grimaced through an explanation. “You know how they are.”

“We know how they are with you Tobirama-sama!” Someone called out, drawing more chuckles from the crowd.

“He’s so cute!” A lady smiled, gently patting Madara’s head as she passed by. “If only people closer to our age were like this, hmm, Tobirama-sama?”

Madara preened under the attention, tugging Tobirama closer and intertwining their fingers, much to the growing entertainment of the entire marketplace. Tobirama thanked every kami for his happuri, casually activating the seal on the side to cool his flaming skin.

If he let Hiruzen test his monkey summon on Madara later that day, no one would have to know (something that was more terrifying without the ability to use his sharingan anymore, having been sent back to an age where he did not have them).

Not that that stopped Madara from yelling at anyone that showed a smidgeon of too much interest in Tobirama to “get their own boyfriend”. ———————————————————

“Madara, you needn’t carry everything,” Tobirama sighed, watching fondly as the boy shifted the basket and bags about in his arms, stumbling along as they made their way back to Tobirama’s home. “I am perfectly capable of carrying my own groceries.”

It was only the fourth day of Madara’s stay and they’d run out of groceries again. Especially the few sweets he had bought just for Madara. Those were gone within moments.

Madara squawked suddenly, one leg tripping over the other, and went sprawling to the ground. With a quick shunshin, Tobirama dropped a scroll onto the dirt to catch all the groceries, letting his free hand shoot out to grab Madara and pull him upright. Straightening the young boy’s collar, he snatched up the now rolled scroll and tucked it into his pocket.

“Like I said, perfectly capable of carrying my groceries,” he drawled. Catching sight of Madara’s embarrassed pout— and oh, he made that exact expression as an adult too!— hair moving forward to hide his face again, Tobirama pushed the unruly strands back with an indulgent smile. “How about we get some dango?”

The word koibito hovered on the tip of his tongue but he bit it back. He was getting rather impatient waiting on this jutsu to let up.

He ignored the flicker of ire and almost-sadness, grinning as Madara’s face lit up. If anything, he was given quite the ideal opportunity to know his suitor. He could enjoy it while it lasted.

———————————————————

“Save me,” Mito snarled as soon as he and Madara stepped through the door. Her face was splotchy and she seemed less composed than ever. “Before I kill your brother.”

Tobirama blinked, eyes searching, landing on his brother sat in the corner and facing the wall. “Mito-nee—”

“Because Hashirama doesn’t realize being in his childhood body doesn’t mean he can act like a child. He keeps making messes and being too loud and, Hashirama if I hear you wailing one more time—”

“Breathe Aneue,” Tobirama held his hands up placatingly.

Mito heaved a breath, pushing her hair behind her ear before resting her hands on her belly. Her eyes were watering when she looked back at Tobirama. “We need to work on the jutsu Tobirama. I can't— with the Hokage duties and watching Hashirama and feeling sick all the time—”

Tobirama nodded. “Go sit, Aneue. Madara—”

“I can make you some tea, Mito-hime,” the boy said, bowing quickly and heading to the kitchen. “Ginger maybe? Or chamomile?”

Mito stared at him in wonderment. “How—I thought he’d be like Hashirama. I was sure of it. Has he been well-behaved this entire week?”

Tobirama smiled sheepishly. “More or less.” He frowned, sending a hard look to the boy all but wilted over himself. “Has Anija been giving you a lot of trouble?”

“Not really—” she glanced at the boy. “Hashirama, can you be a dear and help Madara in the kitchen please?”

Hashirama sprang from his seat, wiping his eyes and nodding hurriedly. “Of course Mito-!”

The rest of the sentence was lost as he scurried away.

“I just need my husband, Tobirama. Not this child who can’t keep his hands off my belly or food in his mouth. I— he’s not even being bad! Not really, just—”

“Overwhelming?”

Mito gave a small nod, looking horribly miserable.

“He was like that as a child. He only learned more restraint as an adult when he realized he kept accidentally hurting others in his enthusiasm,” Tobirama rolled his eyes, heart feeling a little too fond given the grievances his brother had put him through. Once, Hashirama had fractured his ribs with a hug. He’d hoped, however, that Hashirama would not fall back on childhood habits.

He should’ve seen it though— Madara had after all. The flailing, the quirky habits, threatening with fire— wait no, he did that as an adult— but everything else was so painstakingly innocent. Tobirama should’ve really kept a closer watch on Hashirama.

“I’ve been working on the jutsu, a little while longer and I believe I will be able to undo everything,” he reassured.

Mito sighed in relief, pulling Tobirama into a hug as best as she could around the swell of her stomach. Tobirama let her hold onto him for a few long moments, talking softly of the progress he made with the seals and making note of her suggestions, before coaxing her into the kitchen to eat.

And let Mito freeze, hiding his smile at her surprise. Dishes were neatly laid across the table, a cup of steaming tea covered with a small plate and placed by Mito’s seat. Madara grinned at them from beside the stove, turning at a pot.

“I’m making ramen! I know it’s nothing fancy but you seemed stressed and tired so I thought you might want something easier to eat so you can go rest sooner.”

Mito blinked. Settled herself into her seat and took a sip of her tea, humming appreciatively. “I didn’t even remember having those spices.”

“You didn’t,” Madara frowned. “I don’t know what the hell you two are eating but without these,” he gestured to the various small bottles he had set on the counter, “it can’t be anything good. I sent Hashi to Tobi’s. I made him buy these earlier.”

Hashirama grinned, swinging his feet from where he sat atop the counter. “See! I helped! I even set the table!”

He looked at Mito hopefully and she smiled. “Thank you Hashirama. Thank you Madara.”

Both boys beamed proudly though Madara quickly ducked behind his hair, adorably bashful. “It’s very simple. I hope you find it as pleasing as the effort.”

Mito smiled encouragingly, taking the pot from Madara and helping share it into the bowls. “I am certain it is delightful Madara.”

Madara blushed a bit brighter, settling quickly in front of his own bowl.

“Itadakimasu!”

Tobirama grinned, making sure to limit his own portion as he watched his brother’s and sister-in-law’s eyes open with surprise, noises of appreciation slipping past their lips as they dug in with a little more vigor than would be polite. Mito and Hashirama were sure to want seconds. Maybe even thirds.

Madara’s eyes darted to Tobirama’s bowl and he looked up with confusion, eyes silently asking if Tobirama were okay. Smiling gently, Tobirama glanced at their other two companions before dropping Madara a wink.

It was okay. He’d get Madara to cook for him later.

———————————————————

“I uh want to go look for berries at the river! From over there!” Madara called out awkwardly, shuffling from one foot to the other.

Hashirama looked up from the berries he and Tobirama were picking. He looked bemused for all of two seconds before his lips spread in a wicked grin that he hid behind his basket. “Okay!”

Tobirama, too busy separating the berries (and perhaps sneaking a few to eat) just nodded distractedly, only looking up when Hashirama stood up a few minutes later. “Anija?”

“Let’s go look at the river too, Tobi!”

Rolling his eyes, Tobirama let himself be pulled down the path Madara took, frowning when he heard something like a trickle of water when usually the river was silent during these times of low-tide. As they neared, he could just faintly make out Madara’s hair and, just before he could call out, watched Hashirama throw himself out of the bushes right behind the other boy.

Madara’s back went ramrod straight.

“Still can’t go when someone’s behind you?” Hashirama laughed loudly, finger pointing.

Madara whirled around just as Tobirama stepped through the bushes, face cherry red and mouth open to scream at Hashirama. Upon seeing Tobirama, he burned even redder, looking for all the world humiliated and betrayed as he hissed at Hashirama to shut up.

And suddenly so many other things made sense. Madara’s insistence to wait until Tobirama was far too distracted or not even in the house to use the restroom, mumbled excuses of needing privacy to go do something like clean or having to water plants of all things (“better for him to get the job done correctly”) keeping the bathroom door firmly locked even though Tobirama had not once known him to be body shy. Hell, just that morning Madara thought it appropriate to walk around the house with nothing but a small towel wrapped about his waist.

Madara was shy to use the bathroom around…anyone apparently. Tobirama bit back a laugh, frowning instead when he saw Madara hide more behind his hair, the tip of his nose reddening as he curled as much into himself as he could.

Tobirama could feel the headache coming. Why did he think agreeing to watch over both of them was a good idea? Oh right, so Mito could rest and Touka wouldn’t feel tempted to commit treason by killing one of the two brats. Especially given the fiasco that happened yesterday when Touka was in his shoes so he and Mito could work on the seal more.

He really was too kind for his own good.

“Anija!” Tobirama snapped. “Stop wasting time bothering Madara.”

“But Tobi—” Hashirama whined. “I—”

“We are going to pick berries at the river mouth—Madara already has this area covered.”

That would put them far off out each other’s sight so Madara could have his privacy and still be close enough for Tobirama to come if anything were to happen. He dragged his brother away without another word, missing the besotted and grateful look Madara shot him.

It wasn’t too long until Madara joined them again, flicking his hands through a much too familiar sign and setting the edge of Hashirama’s clothing on fire. Shrieking, Hashirama took off upstream before Tobirama could douse him with water, passing the place Madara had been and diving beneath the river surface.

“I suppose that was fair,” Tobirama mused. “I don’t think he got hurt at least.”

Madara scuffed the ground with his shoe, voice soft when he responded. “Yeah.”

“There’s no need to be embarrassed. While I’m certainly surprised your bladder cooperated with your discomfort in quite the opposite manner than I would have expected—”

The boy flushed deeper. “No! I um yeah that’s odd but I um, I actually have something for you!”

“Oh?” Tobirama raised a brow. “Did you get something you were with Touka?”

Madara shook his head, determinedly looking at his shoes. “No I, I meant to give this to you earlier but then,” he waved his hand about awkwardly. “-all of this happened instead.”

Tobirama squinted, nose wrinkled. “Before you do that, did you wash your hands?”

The Uchiha squawked. “Of course I did! I’m not your brother! Stupid Senju—!” He shoved a small box in Tobirama’s hands as he continued his tirade against the Senju Clan.

Ignoring him— Tobirama had gotten quite good at that even before they began courting— he opened the box carefully and stilled. Inside was a small chain with a circular tanzanite pendant, a silver dragon figurine curled around one edge, its tail curling up to connect the pendant to the chain, and a silver leopard figurine stretched along the opposite edge. Their eyes were little red gems, pyrope, and almost exactly the shape and shade of his eyes. The only difference was the trace of black cutting through the red, carving Madara’s mangekyou into the dragon’s eyes.

Tobirama felt his breath catch.

“Madara—”

“You like both those animals! And, and you said I'm— that having me around is like having you’re own personal dragon so I…” his voice fell to little over a whisper. “I had that made for you. So it’s like I’m always around, like we’re always together.”

And now Tobirama’s eyes were watering, happy tears, and wasn’t that an idea. After so much grief, after never once even humoring such an absurdity as crying happily like his brother, Tobirama was well on the verge of doing the same.

Falling to his knees, he pulled the Uchiha into his arms, habit leading him to tuck his face against Madara’s hair. “I find myself really wishing you weren’t a child right now.”

Madara stroked a hand through Tobi’s hair, returning the hug tightly with a disgruntled pout. “Me too. This is fucking annoying. I want to kiss your pretty face, damn. Why’s that so much to ask for?”

“What!”

Hashirama stood gaping behind them, horror and anger twisting his features. “You’re dating my brother?”

“Anija—” Tobirama sighed, hand going right for the bridge of his nose.

“No!” Hashirama yelled, stomping his foot, childishly if not for the Mokuton poking through the dirt. “No, you don’t get to say anything! You were supposed to tell me before— don’t bother explaining or, or giving excuses now! I forbid it!”

Tobirama reeled back in shock. Not once, not even in the worse of Hashirama’s anger, had he ever tried to silence Tobirama.

“What?" Madara growled. "You what?”

Hashirama snarled. “I forbid you from dating my brother.”

The plants and grass were growing, leaves and stems thickening, hardening, and coiling up towards Madara.

“You can’t do that!”

“I can! And I will! I know you! I know your habits—”

“My habits?”

“All that damn time— you can’t handle a long-term relationship! And I’m not letting you use my brother, you backstabbing—” Hashirama was shaking with rage. “You, you bastard!”

With a yell, he lunged towards Madara recklessly only to be thrown over the Uchiha’s shoulder. Madara kneeled onto Hashirama’s chest, wrapping a hand around his throat, body also trembling with fury.

Tobirama moved to separate them, hands grabbing at Madara’s shoulders.

“I love him!” Madara yelled. “I love him! And you don’t get a damn say in any of it!”

Hashirama stopped clawing at Madara’s hands and Tobirama’s own hands went slack. Madara spun to look at him, sharingan burning in his eyes. Something like desperation seemed to spin in the commas.

“You hear me? I love you.”

Perhaps with the best timing ever, the air filled with smoke, startling them all apart. Tobirama covered his eyes as a bright light danced between the wisps and tossed the scroll he’d kept packed with Hashirama’s and Madara’s clothes into the fog, right at the red eyes looking back at him. When it dissipated, a Madara, an adult Madara (thankfully somewhst properly dressed) was standing there, sharingan still spinning in his eyes as he stared at Tobirama. No words passed before the two men pressed their lips together, hands tangling in each other’s hair. Something wet trickled down their cheeks and Tobirama couldn’t tell if the tears were coming from his eyes or Madara’s.

“I love you, I love you,” Madara whispered between kisses. And Tobirama nodded as of to answer some unspoken question.

“You love him?” Hashirama whispered, eyes flooding with tears. He tugged a haori over his shoulders. “You love my baby brother? You’re not just— Oh. Oh Madara I thought you were— oh I’m so happy!”

They weren’t paying attention to Hashirama’s babbling though, too transfixed and overly emotional at the admission of a confession they had been denying themselves.

“I’ve missed you,” Tobirama murmured, pressing his forehead against Madara’s. “Don’t ever go in my lab without me again.”

Madara laughed shakily. “Never. I’m never going anywhere without you ever again."

———————————————————

Omake:

Hashirama wailed, squirming against the chains and seals in vain to get away as Madara used his kama to shear his long brown locks down to the base of his scalp.

"I told you I’d chop your hair off, bastard!” Madara cackled. “Now stay still before I accidentally take your head off!”

“I can’t believe you disguised yourself as Mito!” Hashirama sobbed. “I can’t believe she and Tobirama helped you! Traitors!”

Madara just laughed louder and continued hacking at Hashirama’s hair.

#madatobiweek2020 #de-aged #fanfiction #submission

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professorchaos · 4 years ago

Note

IF UR STILL DOING THE CHARACTER ASK MEME. pippey wippey :3

Why I like them

he's very sweet and i LOVE his design. his voice is cute. he has a lot of wasted potential, imo, and it's always really cool to see what fans do with that. he reminds me of the very early days of the show, and thus makes me feel very nostalgic!

Why I don’t

i don't find his character particularly funny - the recurring gags with him (slapstick violence, relentless bullying and a british accent) got old extremely fast.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

probably damien! i also have a massive MASSIVE soft spot for two guys naked in a hot tub.

Favorite season/movie

maybe season 3? i don't remember it that well but i know that he's in that one and that i like it better than 1 + 2. i kinda like season 4 as well but i don't remember pip being all that prominent, aside from in pip (though i may be wrong here! i don't rewatch those early seasons all that often).

Favorite line

"i'm the head whicker nicker, and you are all little whickershams. we all sing 'the merry tune of stratford' until i say 'terah!' and then you all fall down laughing, and i join you, as i find it funny too." (excuse me?)

Favorite outfit

his metrosexual look was so cool!

OTP

i don't really have one! fan content of dip is very cute and i often find myself absolutely adoring it, but in canon it didn't speak to me all that much. i can really see why people love it so much though, there's a lot to be explored there and their designs look great together.

Brotp

i forgot to put this in butters' one but i have so... so many thoughts n feelings about pip, dougie and butters as a little trio. some of the "foreign kids" fan content is really fun too! fanon estella i care you

Head Canon

because he's such a strange and lonely child, as well as because of how he attempted to befriend damien, i feel like he's the type to get really engrossed in mythology and folklore and try and talk to ghosts and fairies... from a classical literary standpoint i think that there's something very satisfying about a ghost-loving kid who ends up slowly disappearing and then dying. it's like an old ghost story. whisked away by the fairies or stomped on by mecha barbra streisand... what's the difference, really?

Unpopular opinion

to me, because of how it was framed, his backstory as outlined in pip is not necessarily canon. i find it more interesting in many ways to imagine that he might just be a really weird and lonely kid with a sad home life who decided to tell the class the story of great expectations as though it were lived experience. because of this, i don't tend to consider joe, estella and pocket (etc) characters within the south park universe as many do (though of course, they could be representing other people or concepts in his life)!

A wish

some kind of nod to him in current lore would be AMAZING! iirc there was cut content in one of the games that included pip's skull - i sincerely hope for another game in the future where this concept is revised and brought in. i'd also love to see some phone destroyer cards for him! perhaps it'd be weird to have a dead character, but there are undead characters like satan and unreal characters like the woodland critters, so it's not totally off the table. the ideal in my eyes would be for him to get a supervillain persona, but even just a reference to him would be really awesome!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

he already died so it's hard to think of anything HAHAHA

5 words to best describe them

cheeky nandos bit sad innit

My nickname for them

pippy, pippy wippy, pippywise

#ask games #villainpip

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nerdythebard · 4 years ago

Text

#3: Ah Muzen Cab, God of Bees

Hello again, gods and goddesses!

This time, we focus on a very unusual figure. I'll be(e) honest, I had no idea there was a separate function as the God of Bees, but apparently, several ancient religions do have somebody for that specific task. Plus, there is surprisingly very little information on Ah Muzen Cab, who holds that position in the Maya pantheon, but when you think about it, it actually makes sense: honey was believed to have medicinal properties, it has an almost infinite shelf life, and is used as the main ingredient for mead... no wonder people would think of bees as divine creatures and honey as a sacred food. Sure, why not. Let's see what all the buzz is about!

Next time: When there's no more room in hell...

Now, let's set up some goals for this build. What do we need to make Ah Muzen Cab sting:

Bees: Goes without saying, what's a god without his minions? We gotta get those lil' buzzers somehow;

High Movement Speed: Pretty obvious, you're a bee god, you gotta zoom around;

High Attack Speed: Your sting stings and many stings sting even better. Let's make sure we can get a few extra hits on our turn;

Honey: Bees are cute and their puke is delicious. We have to include it somehow.

When it comes to Ah Muzen Cab's race, there were several options. I could've made him a Simic Hybrid for the nice carapace feature; or maybe a Gith, to reference his mysterious origins; at some point, I believe I even considered a winged Tiefling... but luckily, Wizards of the Coast came to my rescue with their latest Unearthed Arcana 2021: Folk of the Feywild.

Ah Muzen Cab is a Fairy. He's not the largest of gods in SMITE, so making him a size Small shouldn't be an issue. Fairies get a ground speed AND flying speed of 30 feet each, and a +2 and +1 to two stats of your choice; let's go with +2 Wisdom and +1 Dexterity. Instead of humanoid, we're now considered Fey creature type, and we have innate, unlimited flight ability (with hovering). We know Common language and one more of our choice (I suggest Sylvan) and we get the Fairy Magic feature, which gives us two spells from the start: Druidcraft, a cantrip that lets us interact with nature in one way or another (by for example opening flower pods, making them bloom, creating harmless sensory effects, etc.), and Faerie Fire, which marks everything in a 20-foot cube range with a bright aura, essentially preventing invisibility if a creature fails the saving throw (it's normally Dexterity, but we can pick Wisdom here, and so we shall). Another curious ability is Fey Passage, which allows us to squeeze through an opening even 1 inch wide.

For Ah Muzen Cab's background, to reflect his solitude and mystery around his very being, we're gonna pick the Hermit. We get proficiency in Medicine and Religion skills, proficiency in Herbalism Kit and we get to learn one language of our choice. We're now prepared to gather pollen and make our own honey. We also get the Discovery feature, which means we possess a particularly important piece of information. It honestly can be anything, from a crucial part of the campaign's plot to something more personal (for example 1001 recipes involving honey).

ABILITY SCORES

For the quick and nimble Ah Muzen Cab, Dexterity will be our first stat. We will be a caster in some degree, and our casting ability is going to be Wisdom. Follow that up with Constitution, for some Hit Points, then Strength and Charisma, and finally we'll dump Intelligence.

CLASS

We have yet another no-multiclass build. Ah Muzen Cab is going to be(e) nature-themed, quick, and ready to deal a plethora of ranged damage. He's a Ranger (Revised) start-to-finish.

As a Ranger, our Hit Dice is a d10. We start with Hit Points of 10 + our CON modifier, proficiency with light armour, medium armour and shields, as well as simple weapons and martial weapons. For Ah Muzen Cab, I think we should go with studded leather armour and a hand crossbow to mimic his carapace and stinger. We don't get proficiencies with any tools, and our saving throws are Strength and Dexterity. We get to choose three class skills, I'd say Animal Handling, Perception, and Survival fit Ah Muzen Cab's personality best.

---

Level 1: We start this build by choosing our Favoured Enemy. That's right, using the power of fantasy racism we can select a type of creature we are most effective against. We have an option of being the natural enemy of beasts, fey, humanoids, monstrosities, or undead. I'd say to choose either humanoids or fey, but this is to be adjusted to the campaign played. What's important is that we gain +2 damage against the chosen enemy type, we have an advantage on Survival checks related to tracking an enemy of said type, and Intelligence checks to recall any information about that type. We also get another language of our choice.

Another 1st-level feature we get is called Natural Explorer. As a master of the wilderness, we receive various benefits:

We can ignore any difficult terrain;

We have an advantage on initiative rolls;

On our first turn of combat, we have an advantage against enemies that hadn't acted yet.

Additionally, we grant the following benefits if we travel for an hour or more:

Difficult terrain doesn't slow our group's travel;

The group cannot be lost (unless by magic);

Even if we're engaged in some activity while travelling (foraging, tracking, etc.), we cannot be surprised by enemies;

If we're travelling alone, we can move stealthily at a regular pace;

We find twice as much food while foraging;

While tracking creatures, we learn their exact size, numbers, and how long ago they were at our current location.

Level 2: At this level, we get to learn some spells. Although we don't get any cantrips, nor can we cast ritual spells, there are a few tricks that will enhance our build. Wisdom is our spellcasting ability and we begin with two 1st-level spell slots and we learn two 1st-level spells: Alarm lets us put a 20-foot cube under magical surveillance for 8 hours. If any undesignated creature enters the cube, we are notified of the intrusion. We can flavour this spell by creating a small hive with bees buzzing around the perimeter. Hunter's Mark puts a target on one enemy for 1 hour (or until our concentration is broken); until the spell ends, the marked enemy receives extra 1d6 damage and we get an advantage on any Perception or Survival checks we roll in order to find it. If the enemy dies while marked, we can spend a bonus action to mark another creature.

At this level, we also get to pick our Fighting Style and Close Quarters Shooter lets us eliminate the disadvantage while shooting at a target that's within our melee range. We also ignore half-covers and three-quarters covers within 30 feet, and we get +1 to our ranged attack rolls.

Level 3: Our bond with nature deepens at this level. We get the Primeval Awareness feature; we can establish some basic-level communication with a non-hostile beast - we can learn of its emotional state, or if it's under any magical influence. Additionally, we can spend a minute of concentration to detect our Favoured Enemy within 5 miles of our current position.

This is also the level at which we pick our subclass and the Swarmkeeper Conclave finally lets us get our bees!

Our Gathered Swarm is a buzzing bundle of bees, which stays with us until we die. On each of our turns in combat, the Swarm can assist us in various ways. After we successfully hit the enemy:

The enemy receives additional 1d6 piercing damage;

The enemy has to succeed on a Strength saving throw, or be moved by our Swarm up to 15 feet horizontally in any direction;

We can be moved by our Swarm up to 5 feet horizontally in any direction.

We also gain access to Swarmkeeper's Magic feature, which grants us extra spells when reaching specific levels. At the 3rd level, we'd get Faerie Fire but we already know it because of our racial features. So we either forget about it or ask our DM if we could replace it with an extra 1st-level Ranger spell.

We also get another spell: Ensnaring Strike is applied to our ranged attack. On a successful hit, the enemy has to make a Strength saving throw or be restrained up to 1 minute (or until the concentration is broken) by magical thorny vines sprouting from the ground... or perhaps a puddle of extra-sticky honey? While restrained by the spell, suffers 1d6 piercing damage at the beginning of their turn (perhaps some bees hide within the honey and sting them).

Level 4: We get our first Ability Score Improvement! Let's raise our Constitution by 2 points, to get some more Hit Points later on. Survivability is important for the quick and nimble ones.

Level 5: At this level, we get our first subclass upgrade and it's... Extra Attack. We can now attack twice instead of once during a single action. It helps with our target goals, so it's good.

We also gain access to 2nd-level spell slots. Animal Messenger lets you select a critter and charm it to act as your courier for the next 24 hours. You speak a short message (up to 25 words) and describe a target and the creature does its best to deliver your words. I don't need to tell you what kind of creature to use, right?

Your Swarmkeeper's Magic feature also gives you an extra spell: Web fills a 20-foot cube space with sticky webbing. Creatures caught in the web must succeed on a Dexterity saving throw or be restrained. Once again, we flavour web as honey and we're good to go.

Level 6: Our power of Fantasy Racism grows even stronger with Greater Favoured Enemy. We can pick another type of creatures to gain advantages against. This time, we get to choose from aberrations, celestials, constructs, dragons, elementals, fiends, or giants. We once again learn another language, and our bonus damage against both types of Favoured Enemies changes to a +4. Once again, choose whatever suits the campaign best.

Level 7: Time for another subclass upgrade. Writhing Tide lets our Swarm form a pair of wings around us, giving us flying speed of 10 feet for 1 minute. This ability seems a bit pointless, since we have a much better one from our racial background, so I would consider asking the DM if we can apply this for our party members and give them some slow flight instead.

For this level's spell, I think we should get Healing Spirit - we call upon a nature spirit (gee, I wonder what form it would take) to reside in a 5-foot space. If we or our allies movie into that space, or start our turn there, we get 1d6 points of healing. The spirit can heal only 1 + [our spellcasting modifier] number of times and disappears after the final healing. As a bonus action, we can move the spirit up to 30 feet to a space we can see.

Level 8: Another ASI! Let's put one point in Constitution and one in Wisdom.

At this level we also get Fleet of Foot, which lets us use the Dash action as a bonus action.

Level 9: We get access to 3rd-level spells: Conjure Barrage lets us magically multiply a projectile we shot. Each creature in a 60-foot cone must make a Dexterity saving throw or take 3d8 points of damage (half on a successful save), the type of which is the same as the projectile used.

We get another spell from our Swarmkeeper's Magic feature: Gaseous Form transforms us or whoever we touch into a cloud of smoke (or perhaps pollen). While in cloud form:

We have flying speed of 10 feet;

We can occupy another creature's space;

We have advantage on non-magical damage;

We have advantage on Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution saving throws;

We can slip through cracks and narrow openings;

If we're stunned or incapacitated mid-air, we don't fall.

While in this form, we cannot speak, use items, attack, or cast spells.

Level 10: At the midway point we get Hide in Plain Sight, which helps us hide so well we reach Drax levels of invisibility

When we choose to Hide, we can decide to not use any movement on our turn. If we do so, any creature that attempts to detect us receives a -10 to their Perception check until the end of our next turn. As long as we do not move, we can use this feature indefinitely.

Level 11: Another subclass feature! The Mighty Swarm feature gives us more bees than before. The damage dealt by our Swarm increases from d6 to d8; if a target fails their saving throw against being moved by our Swarm, they are also knocked prone; when we are moved by our Swarm, we get the benefit of half-cover until the start of our next turn.

We also get another 3rd-level spell: Protection from Energy gives us, or any creature we touch, resistance to one damage type of choice - acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder - for up to 1 hour (or until our concentration is broken).

Level 12: Time for another ASI! Let's raise our Dexterity by two points.

Level 13: We don't get new class features, but we do unlock 4th-level spells; Grasping Vine creates a wiggly plant tendril in a point within 30 feet from you, which can be directed to lash at a target within 30 feet from it. The target has to make a Dexterity saving throw or be pulled 20 feet towards the vine.

We also get another Swarmkeeper spell: Arcane Eye creates an invisible magical beacon that we can use to scout our surroundings for up to 1 hour (or until our concentration is broken). As an action we can move the Eye up to 30 feet without any distance limit; although it cannot enter other planes of existence, or pass through solid barriers, it can enter through an opening even 1 inch wide.

Level 14: We get to put a little extra sneaky to our build with Vanish. This allows us to take the Hide action as a bonus action (which pairs really well with our Hide in Plain Sight).

Level 15: For our final subclass upgrade, we get Swarming Dispersal. When we take damage, we can use a reaction to transform our body into a swarm of bees for the best representation of Naruto's Substitution Jutsu.

We gain resistance to the damage dealt to us and we teleport into an unoccupied space within 30 feet of where we started. We can use this ability the number of times equal to our proficiency bonus and we regain all uses when finishing a long rest.

We get to pick another 4th-level spell: we use Locate Creature to name a creature familiar to us and learn their location as long as they're within 1.000 feet from us. If the creature is moving, we will detect that as long as they don't live that range.

Level 16: We get another ASI! Let's cap our Dexterity with those two extra points.

Level 17: Here we unlock our spellcasting limit - 5th-level spells: Swift Quiver is a bonus action spell that turns our ammo supply into the infinite quiver of Legolas. For 1 minute (or until concentration is broken) on each of our turns, we can take a bonus action to make two additional attacks with ammo from our quiver. Combined with our Extra Attack, this lets us attack one target four times during our turn for 1d6+5 piercing damage.

Level 18: We get a feature called Feral Senses, which helps when fighting invisible enemies; when we attack something we cannot see we no longer get disadvantage on attack rolls. We are also aware of any invisible creatures within 30 feet of us, provided we're not blinded or deafened and the creature isn't using its Hide action.

Level 19: Final ASI of the build. Let's round-up our Wisdom into 18, and with one point to spare we can't do much so allocate it wherever.

We also learn our final spell for the build: Steel Wind Strike lets us do a flourish with our melee weapon, and turn it into an invisible blade of slashiness. Up to five creatures within 30 feet of us have to make a Dexterity saving throw or take 6d10 force damage. Additionally, we can choose to teleport within 5 feet of one of the targets that we hit or miss.

Level 20: For our capstone we get Foe Slayer: once on each of our turns, we can add our Wisdom modifier to the attack roll or the damage roll of an attack we make.

---

Now, let's see what came out from this build for Ah Muzen Cab.

I think we've reached all of our goals. We got our bees, we've got honey-flavour in some abilities, we get extra Movement Speed with Dash as a bonus action... we even get a good Attack Speed with Extra Attack and Swift Quiver.

Our Spell Save DC is 18, AC is 17 if paired with the studded leather armour, and we've on average 164 Hit Points.

Unfortunately, our Intelligence and Charisma scores are pretty low so any checks and saving throws involving those might give us trouble. We are also pretty much range-oriented, with just +1 in Strength.

But that's it! Hopefully you guys enjoyed this ride, and I'll see you for the next one!

Nerdy out!

#ah muzen cab #SMITE #ranger #d&d 5e #dungeons and dragons #fairy #dnd 5e

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ensorciels · 3 years ago

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Say Hello to my Little Friend || Self-para

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of violence, death, fire, bad jokes, burns and burning, biting,

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄: Azim Patel 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: Petting Zoo, Equinox Fair

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Azim gets saved by an unlikely pair and an equally unlikely friendship blooms.

Azim had been having a rip roaring good time. Until the Strigoi attacked. Many fair goers mobilized to fight off the Strigoi and protect those who couldn’t fight themselves, but it seemed that Strigoi were having the upper hand. He knew how strong Dhampir were, even Dragons would give a Strigoi a run for their money. Why were they having trouble? No sooner had that thought crossed his mind that Azim was slammed into with such force he was thrown into the petting zoo. The dirt did not make for a soft landing. His groan was met with a pair of loud mocking laughs from a pair of Strigoi. He assumed one of them was the one to hit him.

“Told you I could send him farther than fifteen feet! Pay up!”

That they were so casual, so nonchalant pissed Azim off more than being tackled did. While they were yucking it up at his expense he reached for a coin in his pocket. One he already enchanted with some serious bad luck. “Yeah yeah so hilarious. Who said undead psychopaths didn’t have a sense of humor,” he spoke with sarcasm dripping on every word. With more effort than he cared to admit Azim lifted himself off the ground. Thankfully only having a couple of scrapes. For now.

“A prize for the big man.” Azim said as he tossed the coin at the Strigoi. The bigger one caught it with a confused look. Both of them looked at each other and begun their laughter again.

“I haven’t laughed this hard since Montreal, Chet.” the other, Chet nodded in agreement. “Same, Brett.” His fist clenched. Usually the magic would’ve kicked in by now. Sure luck magic tended to take a little time or it’s effects were too subtle to really notice. However Azim was hoping that Lady Luck would smile on him once more and make this bad luck potent. Nothing happened. Both of the strigoi shrugged and proceeded to stalk towards him. This wasn’t the end. Couldn’t be the end for one Azim Patel.

SNAP. CRASH.

All three of them shot open their eyes as something, or someone let out the most unearthly sound. Az couldn’t help the grin from his face. Luck wouldn’t abandon him. However unlike the explosion of bad luck he was expecting Az watched a chicken flew from the barn towards Chet’s face. The strigoi letting out a surprised sound while the chicken pecked at him. It didn’t last long as he grabbed the bird by it’s feathers and tossed him at Azim. The magician catching the critter before it fell.

“You fucking piece of shit. No one makes a fool of me.” Chet growled. He charged straight him faster than Azim’s eyes could keep up. The chicken let out one little ‘bakaw’ before fire came from it’s beak. Burning Chet alive. While his buddy Brett watched in shock and rage. Once the bird’s fire stopped Az was grabbed by his neck and held against the barn. Wood cracking behind him, some of the splinters being shoved hard against his skin that some penetrated. “Biggest and last mistake you will ever make magician.” Brett knocked the chicken across the petting zoo.

On instinct Az threw a punch at the strigoi’s face, but with a smirk the guy caught his wrist. “I enjoy it when my food willingly bares their skin for me.” Brett opened his mouth that Azim would say was reminiscent of a snake about to strike at it’s food. And he used to love snakes. Yet before the strigoi to could bite his arm another crash came. Even thought Brett made sure the chicken couldn’t help Azim out again the strigoi didn’t bet on their being TWO chickens at this petting zoo. It blasted fire at the strigoi immediately. Catching Azim’s arm in the blast and he howled in pain, kicking himself free he crumpled to the ground as Brett died as his friend did. Chicken fried.

Cool dirt felt wonderful on his burns. Azim almost didn’t want to move. Then again he found himself unable to as two chicken made themselves comfortable on his chest. His vision was coming and going, but he looked up at the two birds anyway. “I’m calling you Bill and you’re Ted. You better work on your cute faces cause we’ll have to convince Desi to let me keep you two.” If he didn’t die here.

Before he passed out from the pain, his vision slowly going dark Azim heard the sounds of howls in the distance and a dark brown wolf hovering over him.

#thread with azim #self para with azim #event para [say hello to my little friend]#death tw #violence tw #burning tw

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patchdotexe · 4 years ago

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explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

#leo chirps #ttrpg #explorers of arvus #OKAY WE'RE CAUGHT UP NOW sorry abt that lmao

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