#cut off from reality

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . stewing in her own juice, living a totally unreal life, the life of a gilded cage which might at any moment turn into a padded cell . . .

L. P. Hartley, from The Hireling

[fluffylord]

GIDEON SHEPHERD THE DEVIL’S HOUR | SEASON 2

[cowboysmp3]

i am both a phoenix kristoph enemies w/benefits truther and a phoenix and miles relationship develops softly in visits to europe truther no i will never elaborate on how it would work

[spotaus]

If I have energy I want to draw out some designs for an au I'm spontaneously writing.

(Medieval times, there's a Prophecy. Nightmare rules over this kingdom and is supposed to complete this prophecy, he refuses to because it would harm the people. Dream was sent away and banished by Night because he was dis-illusioned into thinking the prophecy was a Good Thing abd what he was raised to complete. Night collected his Knights (Killer, Dust, Horror, and Cross most recently) and trains them and tells them the truth of the prophecy. They're loyal to him. One day the magic of the prophesy (Apple Magic) leaves Nightmare unexpectedly, returning him to the state he was in before he accepted the mantle. This puts a target on his back and gives Dream a huge advantage in maybe making a comeback. The Knight's decide that their King (newly a young lad and variably scared and frightened) must be protected and they run the kingdom as he normally would, while also ensuring he survives and that the prophecy can't be completed.)

[writing-is-hard-af]

Okay, I know we've talked a lot about Eddie FaceTiming Buck (after he calls Chris and also for no apparent reason given to us) but that scene also shows us that Eddie always calls his parents before he talks to Chris. Like he has to get their permission or something to call him. And I feel like it's telling that he calls them first instead of just calling Chris (except seemingly the one time in 8×08, when Chris is almost immediately called away by his grandparents). Like not only does it seem like Helena and Ramon are working actively working against Eddie and Chris reconnecting and fixing their issues, it seems like up until this point Eddie has somewhat let them, like he thinks it's for the best.

The FaceTime scene just hurts in different ways every time I see it.

[i-ran-into-a-lampost]

Lying on my bed tearing up I really really miss Crew GUYS...

[cosmic-walkers]

i love how the main message in the wolf hall trilogy is how power, no matter how humble the person is, will corrupt and will make them a mirror of the people they hated. thomas spends a lot of time speaking poorly about the boleyns, the howards, gardiner, henry, etc., but he starts to mirror their personalities. he becomes cutthroat, treacherous, cruel, yet thinks he's untouchable.

what i don't think the message is, is that a low born man shouldn't come into power. because arguably, he was the only one there who could do the job right.

it is just interesting to see how he's transformed and essentially doesn't even realize it. but he becomes a darker, colder person and he starts to mirror that.

[theycallmelittleangel]

I miss when I used to make paper stickers, they were so cute 💕

[sysig]

Bad time of it, all things considered (Patreon)

[remembertheplunge]

5/10/2023. Wednesday. 8:37pm

“With the switch of the ox’s tail everything can change (Zen Koan) eg; a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer..

Everything is unstable. Transitory.

I started reading one of Zoe’s journals this evening. I love the drawings Mostly they are of her. Self portraits. Labeled “martyr” or “hero”. In one entry, she said that pondering suicide (for her) is a hobby! Her journals, like mine, are a living thing Her essence will live on through her journals.

There is a sickening feeling to this experience (Zoe’s dying process) I asked Skyler at Zoe’s mid afternoon how he was doing with this? He said “Not good. At times I cry” I said  "I want to be somewhere else."But, we are there dealing with it.

 I want to be there. I have to be there.

Zoe seems to want to do this dying thing alone. Because of the pain. Maybe because she wants time to contemplate her life. And, to contemplate her dying experience. She’s beginning to lose her awareness of her situation Alex, a hospice worker, said that the strong survive longer. Perhaps the morphine, etc., will cause her to relax and let go into death.

I need to get her will done.  And call Mary, the hospice Chaplain. Zoe said if Mary comes, Zoe will consider suicide. 

As for me, there is no one to talk to—No book to read to help me through this. Just live every unpredictable twist and turn of this. No one can save me from it.

The huge silence from th family is background noise to this play.—

End o/f entry

Notes: May 10, 2024. One year later

May 10 may be the day last year that I saw Zoe sit out in her beloved garden for the last time. She set first further out in the garden. Then in a chair by the sliding glass door. She was saying good bye I think.

Mary, the Chaplain, never did visit. Which was a good thing. Zoe wanted to do her exit journey on her own. She was her own spiritual guide. She  had led a vey spiritual life. She had many ghost encounters throughou her life, including in the house where she would soon die. 

Zoe also had flirted with suicide for decades. More than once she gave me a time and day she would kill herself. But, the appointed time would come and go and she would say nothing else about it. I’m glad now that she didn’t kill herself. It would have denied me the privilege to be with her as she exited this existence.

Our extended family had cut us off almost completely between 2009 and 2012 around inheritance issues. The exceptions were cousins Debbie and Ruth Ann. The overall silence of the major part of the family echoed through and beyond Zoe’s dying experience.

[shokuto]

I wonder if they’ll get into how Gwenpool’s life was before she became a comic book character. I bet it sucked lmao

[snekdood]

when ppl are like "do u know ppl of x minority that ur still in contact with" as a gotcha ig to say ur not actually as open and progressive as you say you are but bud... i dont talk to anyone from my past, lmao, I dont think thats a fair metric to go by quite frankly

[gobstoppr]

mami tomoe i miss you....

i ordered a physical copy of The Different Story manga and i have to wait like a week till it comes in... i wanna reread it Nowwww tho

[triaelf9]

Piece of media: Here’s a society that thinks a lot of things, some of which are very bad and you have to deal with ppl IN THAT WORLD who might not think they are bad, just kinda like the real world, and you gotta stand up and decide if you want to challenge this bad thing, or let the world go status quo, even if it’s not the popular option in the place/land/town you’re in

actual people who interact with the media: THE CREATORS OF THIS MEDIA THINK THIS STUFF IS OKAY AND ALSO THE MEDIA IS TELLING ME IT’S GOOD B/C IT’S SHOWING A SOCIETY THAT IS FLAWED WITHOUT BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH THE FLAWED STICK AND ONLY GIVING ME SUBTLE CUES AND ALSO I literally know these things are bad in real life and yet I still don’t know what to think. I AM INCABABLE OF MEDIA LITERACY

[butterflygemini]

bruh idek what i'm supposed to do at this point. like the only way i could physically make enough money to pay all of my bills including making a payment of $250 on my credit card (which would have me making payments for the next four years btw), my student loans, and my current rent, and be able to reasonably afford to eat i'd have to make like $2500 after tax, so basically 21/hr. i have no fucking clue how to make that much money

[novadreii]

hold up. pause.

i couldn't get 15 minutes into the finale without crying. had to stop and write this. my heart SO goes out to marissa! i relate to her so hard, having been in a weirdly similar situation to her. was also with a two-faced performative leftist Nice Guy who looooooved that i'm a Strong Woman with intense energy in the beginning, and once we moved in together decided actually, i was too much. EERILY similar to ramses.

"that's what every guy feels. they love the first few months of dating me, cause the energy is so fucking great. like i get it, i've heard that before." i wanted to hug her so badly!!!! it's the most vile feeling on earth for someone to use the reasons they used to love you as the reasons they don't anymore.

meanwhile, marissa sees their difference in vibe/energy (ramses being the "calmer" one and marissa being the more intense one) as something to be celebrated and just worked around where consideration is needed. her love supersedes and she doesn't have a need to be in a relationship with someone who is exactly fucking like her.

the poor girl was so shooketh. she couldn't believe how suddenly he changed his mind, from one minute loving everything about her and wanting to get married to wanting to break up the next. god, i understand the whiplash from that shit. she is going to need therapppyyyyyyyy.

we as women need to stop thinking that men are just having a great time in a relationship with us if they haven't brought anything up!! they do not communicate the way we do. women being quiet = everything is fine. men being quiet = everything MIGHT be fine, but he could just as equally be deeply unhappy and plotting his escape/affair. they actually are sociopathic in that they can act like they love us to placate us while they find a way to fade out of the relationship. us women know that if we're done we can't even touch him anymore!

i'm so tired of seeing the pure love of women be fucking corrupted by user men. please understand that a man's emotional landscape may as well be an alien planet, they do not experience love the way we do at ALL. women love unconditionally, faithfully, like mothers. a man's love is conditional to the dopamine he gets from your presence. that's it. and because dopamine and therefore feelings fade in and out, you point blank cannot trust a man to stay by your side throughout all of your seasons of life.

maybe he's good for right now, sure, but don't depend on him being in the picture long term. imagine when you give birth and experience physical and emotional changes, or if you go through an illness, experience a personal loss, etc. most men will not hesitate to cut you loose the moment you don't make him feel good 24/7 anymore and need to lean on HIM. they don't want to be depended on, because dependence = expectations, and expectations = control = loss of freedom to a man. there is nothing more important to a man than the freedom to do whatever the fuck he pleases at all times.

please watch this show as a way to better understand how duplicitous men operate. i don't care if you don't watch reality tv bc you're better than that, neither do i, but this show is the exception.

every SINGLE man on the cast this season has displayed GIANT red flags from day 1 IF you know how to look. there isn't a single man on S7 who i would say is real husband material. whether it's being a liar, unfaithful, hiding things about their pasts, and being actual man children who have never had to lift a finger in their entire lives, it's clear this season that the casting of the men was meant to be a cautionary tale.