#cuddy pretending she wants house to do doctoring

[callisteios]

everybody in this shot should have their medical licence revoked

[elizabethsnuts]

OH MY GOD I SAW HOUSE MD IN YOUR RECENT POST AND I RAN TO YOUR ASKS😭

what about young or toddler daughter seeing house as her hero and really looking up to her dad. asking for verification if she’s doing it right and plays pretend as a doctor all the time with him as her patient.

Maybe she comes into work with him and everyone sees how soft he is with her and the sweet nicknames he has for her and is surprised (except cuddy who is use to it)

anyways…love your writing! you’re soooo talented:)

Baby House

Gregory House x Daughter!Reader

Summary: House takes you to work with him where you play doctors together.

A/N: I really hope you like this!! I find House being soft with a child so adorable!

———

As a person, House wasn’t exactly someone to look up to. As a doctor, of course, but as a person in general? Not so much. Unless you’re Chase that is. He was a jerk, he had a horrible bedside manner and was a general asshole, except to you of course. He was your daddy, in your eyes he was the best person in the entire world, the coolest guy ever. He was pretty cool in your defence, he was a world-renowned diagnostician, being able to figure out patients' mysterious illnesses with no explanation was pretty damn cool.

House had taken you to work with him, no one could stop him and Cuddy loved you so as much as she told House to stop, she never really did anything about it. You were Mini-House, a baby medical genius, or that’s what House called you because apparently, you were smarter than all his stupid team members.

You were getting pretty bored of just sitting in your chair while the others kept throwing out ideas of potential diagnoses for the patient. You wanted to play doctor, not listen to doctor. You let out a little huff, looking up at your dad who was standing by the whiteboard. “Daddy, play doctor?”

House looked down at you, nodding before looking up to the other three doctors in the room. “We can play doctor when someone says something that can actually fit the symptoms.”

Foreman crossed his arms, sighing. He was getting annoyed at House as always, especially when he kept shutting down their ideas. “Lupus.”

House just let out an exaggerated groan and you copied, throwing your little head back in annoyance. If there was one thing House taught you it was that it never was Lupus. He looked down at you, leaning on his cane. “Y/N, what is the diagnosis never?”

You let out another huff, looking at Foreman like he was an idiot. “Never lupus!”

House nodded, pointing to you. “See, even a 2-year-old knows more than you, morons.”

Chase spoke up, shrugging slightly. “You suggest lupus all the time!”

House rolled his eyes dramatically. “No, I don’t.”

You were getting more bored, so boring. You wanted to play doctors now. “Daddy! Doctors!”

House shooed the team off, telling them to go do a lumbar puncture on the patient. He brought you through the door to his office, handing you your doctor-play kit. “Alright, we can play now.”

You let out a happy giggle, you had taken Wilson’s doctor coat to really fit the doctor role. How was Wilson meant to say no to your adorable little face just wanting to play doctors so bad? He caved. You waited for House to lay on the floor, opening up your kit in the meantime, pulling out a plastic pretend needle.

“Shots!” You stated firmly, putting on your best ‘serious’ tone.

House looked to the side to where you were standing with the toy, he let out a mock-dramatic cry, shaking his head. “No shots.”

You tried to hold in your giggle, giving House a sympathetic pat on the head. “Shhh shh, it ‘kay. Just pinch.” You shoved the blunt top of the needle toy, pretending to give him the shot. You quickly whispered to him quietly, not wanting to break character too much. “Daddy, it right?”

House nodded, whispering back to you quietly “Perfect, good job, little lady.” The both of you quickly got back into character, patient and doctor. House made an exaggerated expression of pain to make you laugh, he held his arm like it was searing in pain. “Ow! That hurt! I could sue you, y’know.”

You let out a sigh, shaking your head and putting the needle back in the box. “Not legal issue.” You picked up a toy stethoscope, putting the ear pieces in your tiny ears and the chest piece on House’s chest. “Daddy, dis right?”

House smiled, gently moving the chest piece a little higher on his chest to where his heart was. “Yep, you got it. You’re very good at this, Doctor House.”

You smiled happily, taking the stethoscope off and putting it back in the kit. “Tanks! You all good, Daddy.”

House put a hand to his heart, turning over to you. “Are you sure, Doctor House? I think it might be exploding, there’s too much love in it, I think it’s bursting.”

You giggled softly, putting a hand on his chest. The both of you were oblivious to Foreman, Chase and Cameron standing in the doorway, as well as Cuddy. You hummed curiously, pretending to feel his heartbeat. “Hmm… how love there?”

House pretended that his heart was about to blow up. “Well… there’s this little girl, named Y/N. She makes my heart blow up! Can you believe it?”

You gasped in surprise, a big grin on your face. “Hey, dat me! How we fix?”

House smirked, immediately grabbing you in a tight hug. “I need a kiss! Right now! Before my heart bursts and explodes, you can lose your license for that y’know?”

You just giggled, hugging House tightly, burying your face in his shoulder. “All better!”

Meanwhile, in the doorway, the three diagnosticians were standing there with the most surprised looks on their faces. Foreman whispered to Cameron and Chase next to him. “I didn’t think it was humanly possible for him to be affectionate.”

Chase nodded in agreement, staring wide-eyed as House hugged you. “Did he take extra Vicodin?”

Cuddy just rolled her eyes in amusement, looking at the three of them. “Don’t get used to it, he’s only like that with her. He might fire you if he sees you.”

Cameron, Chase and Foreman stood for a second longer, before quickly scrambling off, no doubt going to have a long long discussion about this while testing the patient, just like they always did, gossiping in front of patients.

You smiled as you saw Cuddy, oblivious to the others who saw, not like you’d care. “Cuddyyyy!”

Cuddy smiled, walking into the office and looking down at you. “Hey, beautiful girl! Are you playing doctors again?”

You nodded, making a silly face at House who just made one back to you. “I save Daddy!”

House may have been the least affectionate and loving person, but not to you, you were the one that kept him sane, kept him going when it was hard. You were his daughter, as much as it surprised him to even hear himself say he had one.

[notfernintheslighest]

This has probably been said before, but House doesn’t really believe that Stacey, Wilson or the doctors are at fault for his leg. House blames himself, it’s pretty much directly stated in the episode “Three Stories” when he says “everybody lies” when referencing his choice to claim it wasn’t his dog who bit him. House’s mantra, the mantra of a man who believes lying to the doctors is the most idiotic thing to do, comes from when he lied to a doctor, and was left permanently disabled. Wilson would have known him for 10-15ish years at this point. Wilson and House’s continued relationship despite the fact that Wilson definitely should have stopped caring makes a lot more sense when how much of a personality shift House must have gone through after the event with his leg.

Obviously, House didn’t do a complete one-eighty, things like his stubbornness are mentioned to be previous traits, but he is a lot more jaded. He went from being a man who would give up his life for a dog, to someone who pretends to not care about anything. Wilson no longer sees House as just his eccentric, smart friend, he also starts seeing House in the way he sees his wives and his patients, as a charity case, something to fix. This is at the root of so many of their conflicts and I don’t think it’s talked about enough. I genuinely think the reason they are dating in the show is because Wilson probably only started acting “romantic” towards House five years before the series. Bonnie says that part of reason for their divorce is Wilson always being there for House, but not for her and they broke up somewhat recently to the beginning of the series. It is extremely likely that him doing that was a recent development, after House’s leg. Wilson knew House when him and Bonnie began dating, so she probably wouldn’t have married him in the first place or stayed with him for over a decade if this had always been the case. Which brings me to my final point, House and Wilson aren’t dating for the same reason he claimed he didn’t want to date Cameron for, they both want to care for and rehabilitate him instead of a mutually beneficial relationship, like the one he has with Cuddy and formerly Stacey. This is also why they definitely got together in the time Wilson had cancer since it would be them helping each other.

Ok, I’m done, have a great day, bye!

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

Be Kind - James Wilson x peds!reader

description - When your job surrounds you with so much sadness and negativity, it is hard to maintain your own sunshine. But James will always be there to pick up the pieces of your broken crown.

warnings - angst, crying, blood, CPR, mentions of death

word count - 1.9k

requested - no

authors note - yeah I do really like writing angst. I think it's just because I want someone to comfort me how James comforts the reader.

Masterlist

REQUESTS OPEN - request here

-x-x-x-x-x-

Y/n trotted down the corridor on her way to House’s office. Her arms were ladened with various crafting elements. Paper, glitter, glue, and scissors but not proper scissors, only the really blunt ones. Cuddy had warned her if there was another ‘crafting incident’ she wouldn’t be allowed to play with the kids for at least a week. Cuddy knew where to hit her as y/n couldn’t think of anything worse. She still needed to pick up her special box of buttons and ribbon she’d left in James’ office last night. He’d stayed late to finish some paperwork, and she hadn’t wanted him to be alone, so she stayed with him. She had sat criss-cross on his sofa, busily constructing a special sign for a little boy’s room. James had found a tumour and the boy would need to stay in for radiation. James had told her all of this and she had immediately set out crafting wanting him to feel as comfortable in his hospital room as possible.

Y/n finally arrived at the glass office of the differential diagnostics team. Her arms were so full she knocked using her pale pink sneaker. Yes, she could have just entered but she didn’t want to be rude, and they did seem to be in the middle of a case so she didn’t want to interrupt.

“I’m going to let you in anyway, so why bother knocking, especially when you don’t have the corresponding body part available.” House pushed himself up from the table he was leaning on and hobbled over to open the door for the bubbly doctor.

“I didn’t want to assume.” Grinning at the kind gesture from the morose man, she made her way into the room, continuing to juggle her many objects as each began slipping more and more. Cameron rose from her position quickly to relieve her of the glue and scissors. She was rewarded with a soft thank you and a chuckle. Cameron placed the objects on the table and returned to her seat. Each of the three House minions looked on at the woman with curiosity.

“Nice crown.” House gestured up at her head with his cane. Upon it sat a sparkly, plastic, gold tiara which was adorned with pale pink fluff.

“Why thank you! Today I have a very important tea party with Princess Melissa in room 103.” She spoke to the room as if announcing a royal wedding. She became giddy when her gaze landed on the three doctors whom she had yet had a chance to bond with. “Ooo you guys should come too! She’d love more people there; I worry she gets bored with just me. What do you think?”

The three were affronted with such a weird question. Chase was the first to speak after clearing his throat.

“We do have a case on.”

Foreman was the next to give his opinion. “Yeah, a woman with 24 hours to live means we can’t exactly sit around playing pretend.”

Cameron, ever the ‘nice one’ finished with “But thank you for inviting us.”

“Oh, I see.” Her face fell slightly. “Another time then.”

House silently observed his team. Paying close attention to their minute reactions.

Collecting herself, y/n then turned to House. “Cuddy wanted me to tell you, and I quote, ‘the nurses aren’t morons and that in the clinic the nurses record their own time, regardless of what time you give them when you leave.’” House suddenly struck a face like a child who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

The silence in the room became suffocating and y/n couldn’t take it anymore, fearing she’d said something wrong when she looked at the uncomfortable expressions of Chase, Foreman, and Cameron.

“I should go, I left something in James’ office.” She picked up her supplies and left through the door. Her feet shuffling slightly more, and her shoulders had a more noticeable slump. When the door closed Foreman exhaled the breath he had been trying to hold ever since the ball of pink clouds entered the room.

“How did that girl even get through medical school. She can’t be serious. We’re here working against the clock to save people and she’s down there in peds drawing pictures and sipping on air.”

“Who’s she helping doing that? What if one of her patients went into cardiac arrest, how long would it take the ditzy princess to act.” They all let out a giggle at Chase’s joke, trying to imagine the bubbly doctor doing CPR whilst wearing a tiara. Foreman high fived Chase.

“Interesting observations,” House finally spoke up, curious at the opinions of his team. “What about you?” He said directed towards Cameron.

Cameron opened her mouth but nothing came out. She finally relented. “She seems nice, but we’re here to do a job and when we don’t, people die. She looks after kids. You can’t mess about there.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

*your pov*

I stood just to the side of where the glass of the office began. I took in a breath, willing my tears away after listening to them. I know I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but they should have waited at least a minute after I left to start talking about me. That’s how you successfully talk behind someone’s back. I couldn’t believe their words. We hadn’t known each other long but they had all seemed nice and I was excited to get to know them all. Maybe I came on too strong and that’s what put them off. I’ve been told to tone down my enthusiasm before, and I didn’t want them thinking I’m a joke. These thoughts swirled through my mind as I dragged my feet down the hall to James’ office.

I knocked on the door.

“Come in. Hi baby. How’re you?” James immediately noticed the change in my body as I slumped down into the chair opposite him. I fidgeted with my fingers so I could avoid looking into his eyes, afraid that one gaze would break the dam. But he knew me too well.

“What’s wrong?”

“Am I a good doctor?”

He was shocked by such a question and exhaled in a sort of chuckle. “Darling, why would you ask me that, you are the most talented doctor in this hospital.”

“House is in this hospital.” I said, smirking at his exaggeration.

“And he doesn’t hold a candle to your brilliance. Being a doctor isn’t solely about intelligence. There needs to be compassion, drive, empathy, persistence, optimism. In those respects, you are ten times the doctor he is.”

A tear dripped out of my eye, and I furiously rubbed it away whilst I smiled at what he said. “Thank you.”

Seeing this was more serious than he thought, he rounded the table and kneeled in front of the chair. James gathered me in his arms and stroked the exposed skin of my arm with his thumb. It instantly soothed my nerves.

“What’s brought this on, darling?” He spoke whilst kissing my hair. I dragged the forgotten tiara off of my head, suddenly embarrassed by its presence.

“You can’t deny I am quite a weird doctor. I play games, I wear crowns, I do arts and crafts with patients for crying out loud. Maybe if I didn’t spend so much time playing, I could be a better doctor and do more for my patients.” He was taken aback.

“How dare you say you could ‘do more’. No one in this hospital does more than you and every patient who passes through your care is lucky to have you!”

This did pull out a genuine smile from me.

“You can be anything in this world, and, everyday, you choose to be kind. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

I turned in his arms and pulled him into a bear hug. I squeezed him tight as I buried my head in his neck, practically inhaling the comforting smell. When we ended the hug, he picked up the forgotten tiara.

“By the way, Henry has already put his sign up on his door and wanted me to thank you and invite you to his room for biscuits that I snuck away from the lunch trolly.” He placed the tiara back on my head. I gazed down at him, my eyes still slightly teary, and thanked every star above us for bringing this man into my life.

His face took on a sterner appearance. “Darling, what brought this on?”

-x-x-x-x-x-

*Wilson’s pov*

I ripped open the door of House’s office. Anger bubbled through my veins and motivated my movements.

“Do not speak about her ever!” The three minions jumped at my sudden loud voice, having rarely seen my temper.

“We’re actually kind of-“ “Stay out of this!” The finger, pointed at the three, then warned House to stop speaking.

“I am going to say this only once. I do not know exactly what you said but I do know that she is upset and that is unacceptable. If you have a problem with the way she goes about her job, keep it to yourself, as her many accolades and track record show she is doing an excellent job without your help. Her patients trust her, their families trust her. And if to gain that trust she has to put on a tutu and go to a tea party once in a while then she’s going to do it because that is the kind of person she is.” By this point my voice was raised to the max before it became yelling. I stared each of them down, so they felt the full extent of my words.

“Believe it or not, that stuff you view as frivolous, she enjoys doing. The children who come into her care don’t have much and she brings a little bit of light back into their lives.” By this point my anger had clouded my mind and I’m pretty sure I was just on a tangent now. I couldn’t think of an end for my rant, my head was just filled of her, and thinking about how upset she had been physically hurt me.

After pacing for a few seconds and rubbing my hands over my face, I made my way towards the door. But I stopped short and turned back to the stunned faces of the three doctors.

“If there is one thing from house’s lessons that I am going to un-teach you it is this; never mistake kindness for weakness, or positivity for stupidity.”

I left the room with a veritable slam of the door.

-x-x-x-x-x-

A silence settled over the room after Wilson had left. No one wanted to speak as the power of the rant still hung heavy in the room.

“As punishment, you’re all on ER duty.” House broke the tension and was met with a resounding mix of complaints and shocks. “Enough! Get out!”

They were all shocked into submission and left the room. They had all heard House angry before, of course, but rarely in the defence of someone else.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Chase, Cameron, and Foreman entered the ER, ready for a shift of vomit and broken bones. The rattle of a bed being wheeled down the hallway quickly was heard by the three and they all jumped out of the way in time. The sight they were met with after the bed broke through the door of the ER stunned them all into silence.

A stretcher on a bed was pushed through the door by two paramedics. On top lay a girl, no more than 8 or 9, who was bleeding profusely on the bed. Y/n kneeled over the girl administering CPR, covered in blood up to her forearms whilst barking out orders to the doctors and nurses around her.

After the bed passed by, no one dared speak. None of them knew what to say in the face of that image. Unbeknownst to the three, House had crept up behind them after, proudly, witnessing the same scene.

“How’s that for a ‘ditzy princess’.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

[all-pacas]

s1 house kids avoiding one another in the supermarket:

chase and foreman do the sensible thing and pretend to not notice one another, perhaps do a Cordial Nod if it is required. cameron however is all "wow!! great to run into you guys!!"

"now that we're out of work we should interact socially isn't that right robert and eric" and they s w e a t

she's actually doing it passive-aggressively

foreman sucks it up and has a polite conversation, but chase unapologetically turns 180 degrees and walks away when he sees her at the end of the aisle. he is not being paid or rewarded by sucking up to her and so he Refuses (yes i am aware they date later)

cashiers flirt hard with chase. foreman will do the "fine how are you" thing but with a grimace of "don't you dare prolong this conversation." cameron Engages

but she doesn't actually want to. like she does it because she thinks it's what doctors Should Do and Community Ties and she gets real passive aggressive about it

she and wilson have gotten into polite chitchat death spirals in the produce section. mutually dying inside. unable to stop.

foreman buys a lot of health food but hates it

cameron likes to imagine she's a good cook but throws out half of what she buys because she doesn't actually use it

chase feels like a "lives off pizza rolls" kinda dude

honestly so does wilson

chase does house's grocery shopping for him. he does it Well. he knows all the right Brands. he is very possessive of this knowledge. house has never once thanked him and never will

cuddy drives across the city rather than risk running into anyone she knows at the store (was whole foods around in 2004), but keeps running into house anyway.

[irenespring]

Sorry House writers you are not going to get me to like Stacy. What she did is fucked up. House was being a stubborn idiot but it's his body. She forced a medical procedure on him he did not want. People should have their bodily autonomy respected.

It could be argued that Stacy asserting her will over the patient (House) and forcing him into a life of constant pain because She Knows Best is the foundational malpractice of the show. The inciting incident. The Primordial Malpractice resulted in House's pain (contributing to his anger and depression and causing his drug addiction) and established that patients' views do not need to be respected. Why should House care about what patients want if he's a renowned doctor and no one respected him?

Additionally, pre-meditation. It's not like he went into cardiac arrest again and she made an emotional decision to try to save him. She told Cuddy her plan before he was unconscious. She knew his wishes and formulated a plan to take away his choice, knocking him unconscious while he still thought she respected his decision.

Finally, cowardice and/or incompetence. If you are going violate ethics and turn towards evil, don't go for the middle-of-the-road option. She wanted to cut off his leg. This was the only option that would almost certainly not cause him chronic pain. One should not half-ass evil. This whole middle-ground thing she chose was probably to make herself feel better. It let her pretend that she wasn't making the choice she was, because his leg was still there. If she really believed her own logic as strongly as she claimed, she would have had them remove his leg. She didn't. This just annoys me. If you're going to be evil, put your whole ass into it.

In conclusion, despite how desperate I am for complex female characters in House, I still hold that Stacy can kick rocks.

[immeasurablesaladagere]

Hello salad 🫶 Can I please get some little Taub or Park headcanons please? My underrated kings 🙏

I'll do both!

Taub

Is a middle regressor with an age range of 12 to around 16.

In his ✨💀emo phase💀✨ almost all the time when he's regressed. If he has a say in what he's wearing than it's all black with band T-shirts, skull accessories, too many bracelets, and beanies. He might even get into dark eye makeup if he's feeling fancy that day.

His teenager brain really hates being bald. Almost never without a hat.

Actually becomes really good at using liquid eyeliner when he's regressed, and that skill doesn't transfer to when he's big somehow.

Very "stereotypical 80's movie teen". Kind of has an apathetic "ugh, whatever" attitude about most things and doesn't like being told what to do, lots of demand avoidance.

He is willing to help caregivers out with babysitting though. He pretends he doesn't care but he does and everyone knows it.

"Taub, turn the music on your iPod down, you'll hurt your ears!" - Wilson, yelling

"Yeah whatever, Mom!" - Taub, yelling back (he turns it down secretly)

Stops liking coffee and switches to sugary energy drinks for his caffeine intake instead. He also consumes much more caffeine while regressed if no one stops him.

Most of his emotional woes are being chronically unhappy with his life choices and having a simultaneous quarter and mid-life crisis at the same time.

Touchy about his appearance, as all self-conscious teens.

Likes playing Mario and Legend of Zelda games.

Doesn't have stuffed animals, but he does have a lot of game/band keychains.

Owns a few fidgets like a fidget cube and a Rubik's cube, and has a little collection of magnets to mess with.

Journals (He insists it is not a diary)

-

Park

Little age anywhere from 2-8. She's usually all the way on one end or the other, but occasionally goes in-between.

Didn't know what the heck was going on with her when she first regressed starting in med-school because of the stress, and of course, being a med-student, she jumped to the worst possible conclusion and thought she had a brain tumour or something.

She just nervously sat on that information until her psych class discussed age regression, and then just went "Oh."

Regresses almost entirely involuntarily and due to stress or fear (she also regressed that one time she was on acid, only House really picked up on it). It doesn't happen very often, usually when she's sleep deprived and otherwise upset.

Has a box of the bare-minimum in the way of little gear. A pacifier that's light blue, a colouring book with some crayons, a white bear with a pink bow around its neck, and a little whiteboard list of self-care things so she remembers to actually do them.

Refers to her caregivers very respectfully, using Mr. and Mrs. for everything, or in the case of her coworkers, Doctor [name]. She will not stop calling them that even though they've said she doesn't have to.

Asks people bluntly if they can shut up so she can read her picture books.

The kind of kid where if you sit them down at those restaurants with the paper on the tables for colouring she'll do her best to make a masterpiece and impress the workers.

Will ask you why you look so ugly. She's not being mean, she genuinely wants to know. Absolutely no filter.

Rambles about her current interests and will just keep going if you don't stop her.

Her favourite caregiver is Cuddy, she likes to give her the pictures she draws.

Watches nature documentaries about the ocean and unironically watches the Telletubbies. She loves how creepy they look.

[straightbaittournament]

only the option with the LEAST votes will be eliminated. propaganda under the cut (and more always welcome!):

tyler rake and nik khan:

They’re very close, have lots of chemistry, but have never been acknowledged in canon. At this point they are just work friends who save each others’ lives on the regular.

lisa cuddy and gregory house:

The show spends 7 seasons hinting that House is going to end up with Cuddy, and then writes her out in season 7. In the finale, he has a flashback of people who impacted his life and she doesn’t even show If House and Wilson can’t be together, then House and Cuddy should

kipo oak and benson mekler:

It only lasts a few episodes, but this is a very clear INTENTIONAL straight bait from the writers, as it's a female main character with a male major supporting character, and Benson even takes Kipo to a carnival, which Kipo interprets as a date, until she confesses attraction to him, where he tells her he's gay and just wants to be friends.

tan:

ok so it's complicated? like he's the lead love interest in a show that was very explicitly marketed as queer but I'm calling him straightbait because he literally straightbaits like every character in the show? So there's this girl (Jane) and everyone jsut assumes that he's dating her? Like she gets (spoiler!) murdered in ep 1 and the police are like "the body was found by the victim's boyfriend" and they mean Tan. Bun the main character drunkingly kissed Tan in the first episode as well and then saw Tan and Jane at an event holding hands and he was like....... wow this is awkward and also is he cheating on her with me??? (he was best friends with Jane). Anyways like this continues with Tan being under suspicion for Jane's murder because he's was her lover apparently and Bun is like living with this guy now and Tan is like laying it on thick about his attraction towards Bun but Bun is still suspicious and then Bun's talking to one of the kids that Jane and Tan taught and the kid is like "yeah so Miss Jane's boyfriend...." and Bun is like "right, Tan." and the kid is like "what??? mr tan never dated miss jane she was with this other guy." and Bun is confused (rightly) until like a few episodes later or so they're staring at their red string board and Tan is like "yeah so I was literally never with Jane we were just good friends" and is then also implied to be like gay as well so he's not even bi. Which ok straightbait over right? Wrong! Jane's actual boyfriend gets murdered and Tan gets arrested for it and he's like "what motive do I have to kill him??" and the police are like "well you two were fighting over Jane's love clearly" and he just kinda scoffs and smirks with a whole "these idiots have no idea that i'm currently planning on how to propose to my boyfriend of like a week" but just doesn't say anything?!?!?!?! he actively makes himself more suspicious and a greater target by pretending to be straight instead of just being like hey guys you know I was just buddies with Jane right? and i'm currently hooking up with the doctor who keeps giving you guys problems?? Anyways he's not straightbait in the sense that it was any surprise to the audience that he ended up with a boyfriend. but he did pretend to be straight for no real reason and literally endangered himself by doing so (this universe didn't seem to have like any actual homophobia stuff)

bruce wayne and selina kyle:

So a while back there was a whole thing about their wedding with SO much buildup. Like a whole mini series, a couple arcs in the main batman run, Superman and Nightwing threw him a bachelor party. Then when it was time for them to get married Selina fuckin left him at the altar. She left him at the altar man

himmel and frieren:

https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-015.png https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-016.png https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-017.png https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-018.png https://64.media.tumblr.com/ccb9c16bab47d917d2e11dd22c9b88e7/828182d720d735af-ea/s500x750/210c55d7128139c2ce032383b34ad487df067514.jpg

hardwon surefoot and moonshine cybin:

They’re DnD characters so they’re bi disasters canonically. Just not for each other The best way to describe Hardshine is this: “They’re soulmates” “Platonically or romantically?” “Yes” Literally they care so much about each other. Moonshine cured Hardwon’s vampirism by reincarnating him into a half elf and he told her “I’ve been half elf ever since I met you”. Moonshine is a high level elf druid which means she’ll basically live forever and literally the most emotional scene where she asks her mom “How long do half-elves live?”. Hardwon was always a fish out of water who never really fit in until he found Moonshine and the Crick. Are they dating? Queerplatonic partners? Siblings? Idk man they’re just in love it doesn’t matter how.

willow park and hunter:

THEY ARE NOT STRAIGHT THEY R BI4PAN BUT IT IS AN M/F RELATIONSHIP They are an M/F relationship in The Gay Show and they are hinted and teased but never confirmed

tim drake and stephanie brown:

Tim and Steph are a thing for most of their history. Then stuff happens and they break up and soon after that Tim is confirmed to be bi and starts dating Bernard (former random side character who nobody thought would ever be relevant again)

rowena macleod and sam winchester:

Their relationship was clearly going in that direction before the writers killed Rowena.

good luck everybody! now go vote!

[ris-multi-fandom]

Here’s day 18 of Housevember! This one has some Chase/Cameron in it but there is still House/Wilson (it’s quite subtle but it’s there)

Fandoms: House MD

Pairings: Gregory House x James Wilson, Robert Chase x Alison Cameron.

Characters: Gregory House, James Wilson, Robert Chase, Alison Cameron, Eric Foreman.

November 18th: Medieval.

“What the fuck are we doing here House?” Foreman asked as they looked around at all the people dressed in medieval clothing.

”Team bonding, apparently every department has to have a day out together to increase positive attitudes among peers,” House explained, “according to Cuddy it’s what the board wants and we can’t get out of it.”

”How come we’re doing this though instead of going bowling or something?” Chase asked.

”Because I thought it would be hilarious seeing you all in fancy dress,” House told them, turning to look at them all and pretending to admire their costumes, “pretty sure we wouldn’t have seen Foreman around in those times though,” Foreman rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored the comment.

”If it’s a department thing then why is Wilson here?” Cameron asked.

”Cuddy asked me to babysit House,” he replied.

”Apparently I can’t be trusted to look after the kids on my own so mommy had to come with us,” House said, “now you each get a dollar, go spend it wisely,” he joked. The three younger doctors walked off, knowing that they weren’t getting any money from House.

————

“This is so dumb,” Chase complained as they walked around.

”I dunno, some of this stuff is actually pretty cool,” Foreman commented as he marvelled the collection of swords that were on display.

”According to this, there’s going to be a dual in an hour,” Cameron said, showing them the leaflet she had picked up.

”Great so we get to watch nerds that are dressed up as knights pretend to hit each other,” Chase grumbled.

”Hey we’re here now, we may as well try to enjoy ourselves,” Cameron told him.

”Oh my!” They heard someone say behind them, they turned and saw a young man looking at Cameron, “you are the fairest maiden I have ever seen,” he said, he looked around and saw some wild flowers growing nearby. He picked one and handed it to her, “For you, my lady,” he got down on one knee and held it out to her.

”Thank you,” she said as she took the flower. Foreman snickered next to her and Chase glared at the man.

”She’s already taken,” Chase told him, putting an arm around Cameron’s shoulders.

”I’m not surprised, such a beautiful lady could have any man she pleases, are you sure this is the man you want?” The man asked. Chase took a step towards him and Cameron put a hand out and stopped him.

”Don’t Robert,” she warned.

”Stay away from her,” Chase said to him before the three doctors turned away.

”I challenge thee to a dual, the victor wins the maidens heart,” the man said. They all turned back around to face him.

”Really?” Chase questioned, “I’m not going to fight you for the woman I’m dating, because I’m already dating her.”

”Are you saying you wouldn’t fight for me Robert?” Cameron teased. Chase looked at her before looking at the stranger again.

”Fine,” he said.

————

“Do they serve any normal food here?” Wilson complained as he and House wandered around, “seriously, why can’t they serve burgers or hotdogs or something?”

”Because they didn’t have burgers or hotdogs in those times,” House responded, “have you seen these maces? I wonder how much they’re selling them for.”

”You are not getting a mace, the sword in the apartment is bad enough,” Wilson said.

”But that’s why we need the mace as well, if there is a burglar then only one of us would have a weapon, which means you’d have to cower behind me as I protect us,” House told him.

”Yes I’m sure any burglar would be terrified at the sight of a cripple with a sword,” Wilson replied.

”Well every time I get it out you seem worried,” House said, “and the sword too,” he winked. Wilson rolled his eyes.

”You seem to be mistaken, it’s not big enough to worry me,” the oncologist told him, “oh, and the sword too,” House tried not to smile at Wilson’s joke.

”Well played,” he said, “but for your hurtful comment I think you should buy me a mace.”

”Fine we can get the mace but I get to pick something out as well to go on display since I know you’re going to want this on one of our bedroom walls,” Wilson replied.

”Deal,” House said quickly, picking up one of the maces, “I want this one,” he swung it around slightly and Wilson stepped back.

”I can tell I’m going to regret this,” he mumbled. He watched for a little while longer as House limped around looking at everything in excitement before checking his watch, “House, there’s a dual starting in a five minutes, we should head over if you want to get there before it starts!” He called out.

”Coming honey!” House replied, they headed over to the stands and sat down. They spotted Foreman and Cameron at the front on the opposite side but couldn’t see Chase.

”Looks like we’ve lost one of the kids,” Wilson said.

”He’s probably in the bathroom,” House replied, “if not then great, it was started to get over crowded in the office,” Wilson was about to say something when two men walked into the middle of the makeshift stadium.

“I’d that Chase?” He questioned, looking at the blond who was now wearing armour and wielding a sword.

”Holy crap, it is,” House replied, “oh this is gonna be good.”

————

Chase breathed heavily as the man he was fighting lunged forward again, trying to knock him off his feet. He didn’t realise just how difficult it was to have a sword fight in full armour, it was heavy and he found himself tiring quickly. He brought his sword up to block the oncoming attack and tried to get a blow in himself but missed. He fell to the ground when he felt metal hit the side of his helmet, knocking him off balance. He laid there for a moment, trying to catch his breath and when he looked around he saw his opponent walking over to Cameron. The stranger got down on one knee in front of her and took a hand in his.

He didn’t stay there for long though as Chase got up from the ground, he stumbled over to where the man was on his knees and swung his sword into the man’s side. The man fell to the ground, dramatically holding his side.

”I yield!” The man called out and the crowd cheered. Chase stuck his arms in the air in celebration before dropping to the ground and laying on his back, panting heavily. He felt his helmet being pulled off and looked up into Cameron’s eyes. She pulled him into a kiss and the crowd cheered louder. When they broke apart he saw Foreman standing behind her.

”Well done,” he said, helping the younger man to his feet.

”Thanks,” Chase replied, Cameron began to help him remove the armour when House and Wilson came over.

”Do we even want to know how you ended up in a duel?” Wilson asked.

”Honestly, I’m still not entirely sure,” Chase replied.

”Well, you did us proud,” House said, smacking him on the back, “seemed a little cowardly though to hit a man when his back is turned.”

”Do you know how hard it is to fight with armour on?” Chase asked him, “seriously, grab some armour and find out.”

”So now you want to fight the disabled guy,” House commented and Chase gave him an unamused look.

”C’mon, let’s go grab some dinner,” Cameron said, “then you can let Cuddy know that we have successfully bonded as a team,” they all chuckled at this before leaving to find food.

[lovelenivy]

slides into your asks - what is this i see about a hilson bet??? Or a hilson college au??? Tell me more

OKAY HERE WE GO so the hilson bet fic is actually pretty recent, but ! it's about house trying to get out of clinic duty and the only way cuddy will allow it is if he goes on a date with wilson. the conditions? wilson has to know that it's a date but he isn't allowed to know about the reasons. cuddy doesn't think he can do it. house goes to chase for someone to bounce ideas off of on how to go about it, and that's as far as i got 😭 here's a little snippet:

;

House decides that Cuddy is an evil witch sent from hell to rain misfortune and misery upon his life.

How the hell is he supposed to get Wilson to agree to go on a (real) date with him and then "no homo" his way out of it, without being able to explain why he's doing any of it? A sane person would just accept defeat and continue to work in the clinic, but House is not a sane person, and he really can't stand the clinic. And at this point, he's taken this as a challenge.

House is at his desk when Chase comes in with a potential case for him. House interrupts him halfway through to ask, "Hypothetically, how would you ask out another man that you don't actually want to go on a date with?"

Chase blinks, confused. "What?" he questions, looking both a bit unsettled and stupefied.

House huffs at him, not wanting to repeat the question for obvious reasons. Still, he tries anyway. "How would you–" he begins, but Chase stops him with a wave of the hand.

"No, I heard you, it's just…" Chase trails off, shaking his head. He looks at House as if the older man has lost his mind. "What? What the hell kind of question is that?"

"What do you mean?" House replies, getting a little defensive, but he isn't quite sure why that is. "It's a valid question. How would you ask him?"

"I… wouldn't?" Chase offers as a response, but House frowns. "Why would anybody ask out someone they're not even interested in?"

"Because a month off of clinic duty hangs in the balance?"

;

as for the college au, it's a fic i came up with, with some help from @lovelucigoosey ! basically the idea was that it was a fake dating au set when wilson and house are in college – house is tired of being asked out and "isn't ready for a relationship just yet after things end badly with stacy", so he to lies to cameron and tells her he's seeing someone. he can't ask cuddy to pretend to be his girlfriend because she's friends with cameron. or that's what he tells wilson anyway when he asks him. so, wilson gets to set all of the rules and boundaries AND house has to do whatever he wants when it's all over, but wilson initially refuses. when he later agrees, house tells him he can't take it back and then tells him the real reason – house likes cuddy, and cameron made a bet with him that he couldn't stay in a fake relationship with one of his guy friends until the halloween dance at the end of the next month. everyone has to believe it (except for cameron). if house loses the bet, he has to go on a date with cameron once a week until the end of the year, but if he wins, they stage a break up and she talks to cuddy about her dating house. since wilson can't take it back, they come up with a few rules. the wip ends before the first kiss that's supposed to make everyone aware of their "relationship".

featuring lacrosse cheerleader!house who sucks at driving but has a car and rides a motorcycle anyway, and wilson who writes poetry and is studying hard to be a doctor when his best friend ruins his plans to focus. here's a snippet + the rules:

;

Wilson watches as House starts playing with some stuff on the table. "I need to be honest with you," the older of the two suddenly admits, his ice blue eyes flickering up to meet Wilson's honey browns. Wilson sits up a little, puzzled, eyebrows drawing together as he waits for House to continue. "I sort of lied about the reason I needed you to be my fake boyfriend. Oops."

Wilson frowns, finding himself rather confused now. "Care to elaborate?" he questions, trying not to sound upset even though he is a little ticked off that House lied to him to get him to agree. God only knows what the actual reason is. It makes sense though; that's why things felt off. It's not that House was afraid to come clean to Cameron or anything, it's just that that was a lie too. Definitely seems more like House - Wilson shouldn't be surprised, honestly.

"I knew you probably wouldn't say yes if you knew the real reason," House sighs as if he's bored, leaning back against the window and stretching his legs out across the seat of the booth. "So I told you something different. But I can tell that you knew that something wasn't right and you'd probably figure it out, so here it is." House looks over at Wilson now, almost smirking. "I like Cuddy."

Wilson blinks, not understanding. "You want me to fake-date you…" he starts, trying to make sense of things, "because you like Cuddy?"

"Well, essentially, yes," House replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

Wilson rolls his eyes, his next words full blown sarcasm, "Oh, because that makes a ton of sense."

"Look," House begins, tossing and annoyed glance Wilson's way, "Cameron and I were having a conversation this morning when she suddenly made me a bet. She bet me that I couldn't stay in a fake relationship with one of my guy friends until the Halloween dance late next month, and during that time pretty much everyone has to actually believe we're a couple."

He pauses for a moment as the waitress brings over their drinks, and House quickly takes a sip from the straw. "If I lose – meaning, if someone finds out that it's fake before the dance – then I have to go on a date with Cameron once a week until at least the end of the year. If I win, Cameron will talk to Cuddy and get her to go out with me. I, of course, agreed to the bet, confident that you would help me, but I knew I'd have to tell you something slightly different to get you to agree. And now that we've shaken on it, you have to go through with it." He's smirking now as he adds, "No take-backsies allowed, Jimmy."

Wilson leans back in his seat, baffled and dumbstruck. "You're an idiot," he says after a long moment, and House's smirk falls. "You could've just told me the truth from the beginning and I probably would've been more willing to help you out. Instead, you told another lie and made me think something was wrong with your head."

;

edit: whoops, forgot the rules! here they are

#1: no telling other people that the relationship is fake.

#2: Wilson has to attend all lacrosse games House is attending.

#3: House buys every meal they have together.

#4: first name basis when around others.

#5: no embarrassing pet names.

#6: House has to do any one big thing for Wilson when it's over.

#7: minimal touching only.

#8: no kissing unless necessary/expected.

;

there we go, that's all :D

[dilfhanni]

No one at the hospital knows you two are married.

“How’s the husband? Still too busy for a vacation?” Mrs. Johnson was trying to make friendly conversation with you – like she did every time you saw her – by asking about House. Or ‘the husband’ as she knew him. Anyone else who knew him wouldn’t be so fond of him, but you were lucky enough to tell her about all of the good things he does and how good he was to you. The last time you saw her, you were stressed from how heavy a workload you had and were in desperate need of a vacation. You told her that House (‘the husband’) wouldn’t be able to go and you refused to leave without him; apparently, she remembered that.

“Yes, unfortunately. But work is so much better now, I’m no longer in dire need of way too much sunlight and sand in unwanted places.” You gave her your warmest smile and she let out a soft laugh, hanging her purse over her shoulder. You lead her to the door and followed her out of the room.

“Tell him that he needs to take you anyway, you look like you could use some sun.” You shook your head slightly and set her chart in the file holder beside the door.

“I thought my vampirish glow was working for me.” You walked to the nurses station and waved her off with a goodbye, grabbing another patient file. You might as well try to fulfill your clinic hours while you were here. The doors to the clinic opened and you could see a small group of people walking in, one of them with a distinct walk. Something you could recognize anywhere. You set the file back and walked around the opposite side of the clinic, avoiding him like the plague.

You two made a pact to ignore each other at work and to pretend like you didn’t know the other existed. It was easier for you two that way, no arguments to have over a patient or annoying things to dispute about your relationship with talkative nurses. You could hear the collection of footsteps following you at a somewhat faster pace and House say something to them, your eyes searching the clinic to see who was paying attention. You turned your head to look over your shoulder at them, seeing House looking back at you.

“Need a consult.” You stopped and turned your body to face him, seeing his fellows standing behind him and watching with curious faces.

“Come to my office, I’m not doing this here.” You walked out of the clinic and to the elevators, knowing that House would be following you. You pressed the button and tucked your hands into your lab coat pockets, feeling the presence of someone standing right next to you. You spoke so only House could hear you, your eyes staying on the elevator doors. “There’s no one else you could get a consult from? Or are you still mad about last night?” You stepped into the elevator as it opened, turning to face the doors and seeing his fellows looking at you two with their eyebrows scrunched together. He stepped in beside you and pressed the button for your floor.

“Sorry, no more room.” He spoke to them and you watched as the doors slid shut before turning your head to face him. He looked down at you and raised his eyebrows slightly. “No, I’m not mad because I know I was right and so do you.” Your mouth hung open a bit as you scoffed.

“There is no way in hell you were right. Admit it, you just want to tell everyone that you love me and you’re tired of hiding it anymore.” The doors opened as you were finished talking and you smirked at him, walking out of the elevator backwards and watching as he rolled his eyes. You turned around and lead him to your office, finding his team already sitting and waiting. You smiled at them before sitting at your desk, clasping your hands together on the top of your desk.

“Fever, joint pain, rash, seizures, kidney function declining.” House was the first to speak in the room, his eyes focused on the window and his hands tapping his cane up and down.

“And you needed my expertise? It sounds like autoimmune.” You watched his face for a moment before resting your head on your hand, raising an eyebrow. “Do you need me to tell you it’s lupus? Because I can. Gladly.” He turned to look at you and narrowed his eyes.

“It’s not lupus.” You raised your hand to get him to stop his tangent before he even started, his fellows surprised that he listened.

“Is the ANA positive?” He sighed and nodded, a smirk spreading on your lips. “It’s lupus.” You watched as he grumbled to himself, the only female fellow speaking up; you think he called her Thirteen, but you can’t remember.

“Do you two know each other?” You looked between her and House, wondering if you should tell them the truth, before sighing.

“Yes. He’s my husband and currently being an idiot.” You watched as he crossed the room to stand beside you at your desk, some stupid remark about to come out of his mouth. “It’s lupus and you need to start treatment.” You could see his fellows watching you two carefully, trying to figure out if you were lying or not. House looked at them and picked your left hand up, showing them the ring on your finger.

“It’s real, you can stop looking at us like that. Is it so hard to believe someone would want to marry me?” You rolled your eyes and took your hand back, looking at the four doctors in front of you.

“You can ask Wilson if you still don’t believe us.” You stood from your chair and walked to the door, opening it and gesturing outside. “Now that you have what you needed, I have to get back to my job. Go treat your patient.” House walked to you, his bottom lip pushed out in a pout. You shook your head and shoved him out of the door, nodding towards him to get the other four to follow him. “No, don’t look at me like that. It’s lupus.” You shut the door behind them and went back to your desk, looking down at your calendar and seeing that you had a patient to see in ten minutes.

--

You opened the door to Wilson’s office, seeing House sitting on the couch and quickly entering the room. You shut the door behind yourself and sat in the chair in front of his desk, sticking your tongue out at House before turning your attention to Wilson.

“He told his team our secret.” You watched as Wilson looked between you and House, his eyebrows scrunching for a minute before realization dawned on him.

“So, they know you’re married. It’s not a big deal, it’s about time you told people.” Your mouth hung open slightly and you looked back at House, his face mirroring yours.

“Can you believe this guy? He thinks we can just tell the hospital about our personal lives and be fine with it.” You turned your attention back to Wilson – who was shaking his head in annoyance at you two – and heard House speak behind you.

“She thinks I can’t behave myself if people at work know we’re married.” You nodded and looked back at him, his fingers playing with a loose thread on the couch.

“I know you can’t behave yourself, House. When we had to tell Cuddy, you were bursting with the need to tell her about our sex life in as many innuendos as possible.” You raised your eyebrow at him, his argument deflating as you stared him down. You turned back to Wilson and saw that he was ignoring you both, his eyes focused on his paperwork. You reached forward and grabbed a pen off of his desk, leaning forward and scribbling a stick man onto his calendar. You gave the stick man a cane and drew a speech bubble, writing ‘Wilson Sux’ in it. Wilson reached out and grabbed the pen from you, putting it in his drawer along with the rest of his stationary.

“Wilson…” You looked over to the door and saw Thirteen standing in the doorway, Chase behind her. You smiled at them and they seemed a bit taken aback. “I was just wondering if you’d seen House.” You looked over at House and watched as he stood up, walking to the door. He stopped beside you and leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. When he pulled away you smiled at him, missing his touch already.

“Forgot to ask, do you want takeout tonight? I can stop on my way home.” You stood from your chair and walked to the door, stepping around Thirteen and Chase.

“Don’t get the one with the bald guy, he forgets half of our order every time.” You gave him a thumbs up before stepping into the elevator, needing to get some paperwork done. Thirteen and Chase stared at him in disbelief, Chase the first to speak up.

“You’re actually married? Not just going insane and thinking a hooker is your wife?” House narrowed his eyes at him, leaving Wilson’s office and heading to his own with Chase and Thirteen in tow.

“Believe it or not, she’s the one that pursued me.” He sat down in his desk chair, Chase and Thirteen standing in front of his desk and looking at him like he had two heads.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Thirteen thought she was catching onto a clue that it was made up, trying to get him to admit it.

“We made an agreement to keep it under wraps. It made things easier; no one to distract me during a case and no one to scare her patients away.” Chase looked over at Thirteen, his eyebrows raised. Foreman came into the room, holding lab results.

“His kidneys are improving.” House groaned and tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling tiles.

“Don’t tell (Y/N) she was right.”

--

“How’s your patient?” You sat with your legs crossed, facing House with the remnants of your dinner sitting on the coffee table. You had your head resting on your hand, your elbow propped up on the back of the couch. House was staring intently at some guy showing off a sponsored power tool, his feet propped up on the coffee table and his hand rubbing at his thigh.

“Stable. Apparently, lupus is a real thing.” You laughed and climbed carefully onto his lap, not putting any weight down on his bad leg. You placed both hands on the sides of his face, leaning down to press your lips to his. You pulled back and smirked down at him, his eyes closed now.

“Tell me I was right and I’ll make tonight fun for you.” You placed kisses along his jaw, moving down until your lips were at the collar of his shirt. He placed his hands on your hips, sighing in frustration before mumbling something to himself. You looked up at him and moved your hands to his belt, unbuckling it while raising your eyebrow. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” You unbuttoned his jeans and paused, waiting for him to say it louder.

“You were right. Happy now?” You smiled and kissed his neck, unzipping his jeans slowly.

“Very happy.”

---

I found this prompt on the gregory house x reader tag ! I can’t remember who wrote it originally but I wanted to give it a try <33

[imogenlefay]

oooh, a ship game! tagged by @perfectromanceinmymind​ who i just started adoring more for reading Imzadi. ok, let’s get into this!

rules: Movie/TV ship questions; answer with a GIF; no repeats

1. First ship - Janeway and Chakotay (Star Trek: Voyager)

yeah, I KNOW. since i started my rewatch i’ve been complaining about how boring chakotay is and how captain mom - i mean mommy - i mean janeway deserves someone way more interesting. hell, i’m pretty sure i’ll be shipping Q with her over chakotay. and just see waht will happen when seven of nine shows up. ...but yeah. sue me. it’s THERE. it’s obvious. it’s just also very, very boring. 

2. First OTP - Lily and James (Harry Potter)

so, i know, tons of issues with harry potter. but that was a fandom i was super invested in. ctually, not sure that’s the right way to put it. i was super invested into the books, waxed and waned a bit... and the funny thing is, i didn’t care about the whole harry-ron-hermione-ginny thing until i started reading fandom things and was totes fine with whatever was happening (actually kinda rooting for ginny since book 2). didn’t really care about these ships. but lily and james? from first finding out about the marauders, i was on board of that ship. also, snape was a creep and a horrible person, and a nice guy, and that was not romantic

3. Favourite current ship - Sebastian and Blaine (Glee)

do i have to say it? seblaine from glee. these two have barley 15 minutes of screentime, but the chemistry is just there. i still think they were set up to be at least a midgame ship that fell through when grant gustin was busy with the flash, which given the writing on glee and the insistance on klaine as an endgame might have actually been for the better, but there’s just something about them. if blaine’s in the room, sebastian’s eyes are on him. when sebastian shows up, blaine’s mood lifts. Just so much potential, wasted again - but that’s the glee thing. 

4. Shipped from the first minute - Dean and Castiel (Supernatural)

sooooo, i won’t say they’re canon, but they’re half-canon and broke the internet. now, keep in mind, i stopped watching supernatural around season 8? the one in which metatron showed up, idk. it got so boring how every season another main character was the bad guy, the winchesters got more toxic, and of course, the treatment of cas. so i’ve seen from gift that got super toxic. but come on. i’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. best entrance ever, electric chemistry, gradually growing connection... i’m ignoring most of supernatural canon, but that was magic. 

5. Wish they had been endgame - Barney and Nora (How I Met Your Mother)

my shipping history with himym is... spotty. i liked ted/robin, was fine with them breaking up, and reaaaally got into barney/robin. until they got together, were awful and broke up. sure, i blamed the writing, but that short stint killed my enthusiasm. enter nora. sweet, smart, confident nora who is not ashamed to admit she’s a romantic and clearly state what she wants, who calls barney on his bs and won’t let him walk all over her. and also, the first woman barney actually wanted to be in a relationship with. even with robin, lily had to bully them into it. i thought she was really good for him, and he was at his best with her. hated how she was pushed aside to bring back more barney/robin drama (who srsly brought out the worst in each other) still my headcanon that he runs into her again when he’s more mature, caring for his daughter. but alas, has to remain a headcanon. (also, it’s a pic cause i literally can’t even find a gif)

6. Wish they had been canon - Bashir/Garak (Star Trek: DS9)

sorry, not sorry. the dynamic between is amazing - the brilliant but naive new doctor, excited like a freaking puppy, meeting the mysterious spy pretending to be a tailor while trying to move away from his past. there is SO much chemistry, fascination, intrigue between them, even if they aare so fundamentally different. just... damn. except at some point midway they stopped giving them scenes. were they afraid of the chemistry? idk but i’ll spread the rumor. because we were cheated. 

7. Ship everyone else hates - Ted and Robin (How I Met Your Mother)

i get it. the writing had issues. writing an endgame ahead of time can backfire. ted backtracking to robin again and again gets really annoying. the mother was seriously amazing and i still can’t believe they pulled her off so well after all the buildup. and the pacing of wasting a whole season on a wedding for a couple that gets divorced within like five minutes is awful. i know all that. but i honestly think they work. their first relationship was seriously sweet - nothing like the trainwreck between barney and robin - and for them to come together when the timing is right, they both grew and matured, and are in the right places in their lives... idk, they work for me. 

8. Don’t even watch the show but still ship - Rory and Jess (Gilmore Girls)

i literally only know gifsets of them. they look cute. 

9. Wish they had a different storyline - House and Cameron (House MD)

i seriously shipped them so much in season 1. their date was sweet, especially how before wilson told her to please not break house’s heart. but after the date, they just threw it out. i had some hope again when she left his team and returned as head of the ER, just cause i thought it changed the power dynamic and maybe they had a shot. that’s what i would have liked to see. that they work together occasionally, and he starts seeing her more as an equal and maybe build something from there. would probably been way healthier than the toxic crap with cuddy. 

10. Actually endgame - Emma and Hook (Once Upon A Time)

oh hi, jennifer morrison, haven’t seen you in a bit. so, i also stopped watching once upon a time, as the stories got too wild and i never got into regina’s big redemption, which consisted of *checks notes* deciding she’s redeemed now and screw anyone who disagrees. but i did love captain swan. did not see that coming. like, sure, hook flirts from their first interaction, but i was against them, given how antagonistic they were. but come season 3 and neverland, and their kiss? and damn. they took chemistry, and actually built something from it, and this time, it freaking worked. which is rare. so yes, so many issues with the show, but these two? ready to set sail, captain! 

tagging @blainesebastian​, @seblaineaddict​, @glitzgustin​, @ejaycaswell​ and @liloandsoon​, as well as anyone else who wants to take a spin at this

[ramajmedia]

10 Sassy Quotes From House M.D. That Are Still Hilarious Today

For eight seasons, House M.D. was one of the strongest dramas on all of television, featuring a stellar ensemble cast including leading men Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard. But though the series was ostensibly a drama about damaged doctors and the patients they treat, the series also had a lot of biting humor in it, thanks in large part to Dr. Gregory House's sharp wit and total lack of a politeness filter.

RELATED: House MD: 5 Best (& 5 Worst) Relationships

Even over a decade after the series premiered, the series' humor still largely stands up. Though some jokes have aged poorly, with changing social beliefs and mores, much of House's own humor stands the test of time and remains truly hilarious to this very day. Here, we've recapped just 10 of the best examples of the jokes we're still laughing at after all these years.

10 "I'm sorry. I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone."

Dr. Gregory House isn't exactly known for having the best bedside manner in the history of television doctors. If any potential patient is known to mildly inconvenience him in any way, his rude and short-tempered personality rears its head and usually gets him in trouble.

Take, for example, when an elderly man portrayed by Carl Reiner is told to consult with him regarding an ongoing medical issue. After the patient is given House's phone number to contact him at any time, House's patience immediately wears thin, leading him to hang up on the old man in spectacularly rude fashion.

9 "There's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me' though, if you jumble it up."

House isn't exactly known as being a real team player, either. Despite having a team of qualified medical professionals under his guidance for the entire series, even though the team changes a few times over the course of the series' run, House often does what he wants, regardless of what his subordinates or superiors think.

This behavior is evident as early as the series' first few episodes, including during a charged confrontation with his superior Dr. Cuddy in which she reminds him, time and again, that his team's participation in consultations is essential. His above response perfectly summarizes his feelings on the matter.

8 "There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is in fact a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."

The back and forth love story between House and Cuddy was one that the series stretched out for entirely too long. Regardless of whether you rooted for these two, there's no denying that fact. But there's also no denying that their drawn-out rapport led to some moments of great humor, particularly between House and his best friend, Dr. James Wilson.

RELATED: The Ellen DeGeneres Show: 10 Hilarious Guest Star Quotes That Are Too Funny For Words

In the series' third episode, Wilson tries to confront House about the nature of his feelings for Cuddy. But before Wilson can get in the real questions he wants to ask, House offers this pitch-perfect sarcastic response.

7 "I cared for eight seconds, then I got distracted."

House likes to act like he never cares about anything or anyone because it's easier for him to live that way and not have to fear being hurt by anyone. House likes to be in control of everything in his life, even the tiniest things he clearly has no control over.

RELATED: MBTI® Of House MD Characters

In the sixth season episode, "Baggage," House is reunited with Alvie, his friend from his stay in a psychiatric ward portrayed by Lin-Manuel Miranda. During the episode, Alvie is scheduled to have a court hearing regarding his citizenship, and House, discussing this matter with his own therapist, simply deflects that "I cared for eight seconds [about Alvie], then I got distracted."

6 "Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?"

As we've just explored, House likes to live his life in a way that allows him to care about as few people at any given time as possible. One of the people he pretends not to care about for as long as he can is Dr. Cuddy, for whom he harbors long unrequited and eventually briefly requited feelings.

Many of their earliest interactions, therefore, find House being unnecessarily cruel to Cuddy as a way of deflecting his true feelings and keeping himself at a safe distance from her, including in the second season episode "Humpty Dumpty" when he icily asks her the above question regarding a patient she is close with.

5 "What's the opposite of 'thank you'? I'm pretty sure it ends in 'you.'"

Sometimes, House gives voice to the kind of brutally honest and snarky remarks that we all wish we had the bravery to say. He never expresses any kind of filter, no matter who is present at the time, and he somehow always knows exactly what to say to get his point across, no matter how savage it might be.

In the eighth season episode "Blowing the Whistle," House masterfully tells off his new team of subordinates in a way that is totally cheeky, and a perfect way for the series to get a clear swear word laden remark past the censors.

4 "Well, as the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can't always get what you want.'"

The Rolling Stones are a recurring theme in the entire series of House, as their songs pop up frequently in key moments and crucial episodes alike. The song "You Can't Always Get What You Want" is one that appears in references and uses multiple times, and it perfectly encapsulates House's beliefs on life.

As early as the pilot episode, House is stating his world view when he references the so-called "philosopher Jagger" who gave voice to his own sarcastic and jaded worldview.

3 "He did however just get hit by a bullet. Just mentioning." "He was shot?" "No, somebody threw it at him."

One of the series' best episodes is the season two two-parter "Euphoria," which finds the medical team rallying together to save the life of one of their own after Foreman is afflicted with a mysterious illness. The two episode arc starts with a different case, however, after a police officer winds up in the hospital from a gunshot wound, only to present with the same mystery illness that Foreman eventually catches.

RELATED: 10 Best Friends Guests Stars, Ranked

During the initial debrief of the case with his team, House is given the perfect opportunity for one of his snarkiest remarks of all after Cameron, clearly missing the point, asks a needless question regarding the patient's current state.

2 "I'm gonna pretend to go to work now."

House likes to avoid difficult emotions whenever he can, as we've already discussed. But he also relishes in taking the childish way out of difficult conversations, often to greatly hilarious effect.

In the sixth season episode "Remorse," House gets into an argument with Wilson about his inability to apologize to Cuddy for some of his latest cruel behavior. But rather than engage in a meaningful conversation, House tells Wilson plainly, "I'm gonna pretend to go to work now," before comically and loudly typing on his computer keyboard and making typewriter noises.

1 "I've heard your name." "Most people have. It's also a noun."

Sometimes, the opportunities present themselves for the perfect time to make a pun, and you just can't resist them. House finds himself in one of those all too perfect to resist scenarios when a hospital inspector arrives in the series' fourth season.

Clearly having real fun with the man from the moment they meet, House is presented with the opportunity to humiliate him in public pretty quickly. After the inspector tells House that he's heard of him before, by saying "I've heard your name," House simply can't resist, totally embarrassing the man when he retorts, "Most people have. It's also a noun."

NEXT: 5 Ways Friends Has Aged Poorly (& 5 Ways It's Timeless)

source https://screenrant.com/sassy-quotes-house-md-hilarious-today-tv-show/

[cosmospoons]

House MD season 2

30 second episode recaps from someone whos just watched em for the first time and has bad recall

Ep1: they gotta cure the death row dude so he can go back to death row to b killed, cameron is Bad at telling ppl they're dying, house n Wilson had lunch with the coma guy, they cured death row man, also they changed the theme and I hate it Ep2: House has hayfever lmao, this cancer girl with hallucinations is honestly just the coolest she's so positive I love her, shes nine and got chase to kiss her hero,, house an Wilson have a shared balcony amazing, Wilson is so good and pure and is amazing at his job holy shit I love this man. House actually 'temporarily killed' the patient to cure her and made people run drills on a dead man. House is 400% going to buy a motorbike Ep3: i prayed for Cuddy's handyman to fall off her roof past the window and then god answered my prayers and he did, house broke into Cuddy's house mainly to look at her underwear lbr and then won the 'can we chop off his arm' argument, house secretly speaks spanish and waited for the most dramatic moment to reveal this, they gate crashed a cock fight (ayy) and saved the patient Ep4: the patient is a doctor with an ego ((according to house lmao pot, kettle)) who wanted to sit in on the diagnostic process and honestly is actually full of himself,, house puts him on a tippy table and cranks it up, foreman made a patient cry except he was pretending to be house lmao house got in shit,, Cameron needs to stop please, can the patient get his head out his arse please. house gatecrashes the press conference that the patient called and managed to put him into cardiac arrest on live television and eventually cured him of everything cept bein a knob Ep5: Wilson's handwriting is such doctor handwriting and house definitely bought a motorbike and made Wilson pay for it he's so pleased with himself. The kid keeps getting electrocuted but like,, by his own body. House is avoiding his parents but Cameron n Wilson aren't letting him get away with it. I love house n Wilson's friendship so much it's worth 5k apparently lmao. These patients are fukin serial liars jc why are ppl like this, it was rADIATION wow houses dad is a fucking DICK. There were so many good interactions and the house/wilson ship is sailing Ep6: there was a cyclist who took a LOT of drugs which turned out to be curing him of the thing he had, house is a douchebag but we all knew that - he may b a dick to mark but m sure mark deserves it n I love him anyway. Wilson remains a sweet boy even if he cheats idgaf he's adorable look at him ((wilson: i net someone who made me feel funny, me: was it hOUSE)),, he n house are balcony buddies and house shud stop stealing his food, and he should definitely stop digging thru stacys life but actually fuck it why not he's not gunna let go of this why is she so pissy i wanna know Ep7: I love houses new pet rat Steve McQueen,, Wilson is 4000% done with houses Stacy related antics which is fair tbh he should stop but I actually don't give much of a shit about Stacy I've taken against her....he did deserve what she said after reading her file tho. The patient may have given Cameron aids and Cameron got high and slept with Chase, who she may have given aids lmao these ppl r messes but not as much of a mess as that father/son relationship jc...i dont remember anything else about the patient whoops Ep8: chase is being suuuueeeeddd and he keeps lying about why lmao,, house fuckin reamed him one which was probably called for but maybe not like that, turns out chase screwed up cus his dad died and foreman is houses boss ((supervisor)) now how well do u think that's gunna work (((not very))) Stacy's still a bitch and has ~~feelings~~ Ep9: foreman is in charge and house is doing his utmost best to be the dick of the year and it's fucking hilarious honestly I love this man the shit he pulls jc,,, Wilson is super aware of houses antics as usual and had a mild gay panic when foreman started to question him about house,, the patient was a big ol Faker™ but surprise surprise she was actually sick this time ((house totally injected her with a load of stuff so she’d b readmitted after they’s released her)) Ep10: house solved a case thru the phone alone and spent most of the ep at the airport except for those five minutes when he almost slept with Stacy who once had a terrible experience with curry apparently and called house a vindaloo, nice restraint very well timed phone call thank fuck,,, they will sleep together tho and I am Not Happy about it....the power play amongst the fellows is a boiling pot of trouble - the patient was v interesting I enjoyed the word scramble game Ep12: WHAT A GOOD FUCKIN EP so the patient orgasmed in the white chamber while unconscious and covered in burns but more importantly house gatecrashed the lecture of his old archenemy that he had arranged just so he could disturb it and criticise the dude who got him thrown out of med school for snitchin on his cheating all whilst Wilson told him to get better hobbies (('a hooker anything please')),, to test this dudes migraine meds he gave deliberately himself a migraine and the meds didn't work (unsurprising) so the fellows turned out all the lights while he had a nap under the table,, wilson took a diff approach and deliberately made a Lot of noise because he is a Shit even if he hides it better than house,,,, then house dropped a tab of acid and took a bunch of antidepressants, and cured his migraine as well as the patient Ep13: houses leg was super duper sore but at least we got some fantastic house/wilson interaction when wilson pretended to be God during that MRI, even if house hit him with a cane.... The patient was a teen supermodel who seduced her own father to get whatever she wanted,, house was super sure she had cancer and it turns out she did but it was testicular because she had xy chromosomes and was immune to testosterone - which was really fucking interesting...... Also cuddy played house like a violin and gave him placebo saline instead of a morphine shot to prove to him that his leg pain was psychological Ep14: House is stealing organs now. Ok so technically he did get the husband's permission to steal his newly dead wife’s heart for the dying old dude with a strangely young daughter but only after he kneed house in the balls super hard. House spent the whole ep goin on at wilson about the affair he thought he was having and at the end wilson showed up on houses doorstep but sURPRIse !! It was his wife who was sleeping around!! poor baby Wilson I know what goes around comes around but he's such a kicked puppy cmon Ep15: Wilson and house living together is a recipe for disaster and I'm living for it so good so many good interactions I love that house is gunna keep him for his food ((I'll never b over house hearing the voicemail about Wilson's new place, looking over at him sleeping on the couch and then deleting it so he has to stay)). The patient had a super cool marriage and didn't have lupus except whoops actually not a happy marriage his wife is tryna kill him thru gold poisoning. House needs to stop accosting ppl in bathrooms and should also stop destroying marriages Ep16: oh man good shit so,, first of all house n Wilson are still living together and there are some Domestic Antics happening right here including but not limited to a prank war which house desperately tried to get Wilson to participate in, the peak of which had house making Wilson wet the couch and Wilson sabotaging houses cane. The patients mum was ridiculously overprotective and house essentially kidnapped the patient to find the tick noone else thought was there,, surprisingly Wilson helped set that up despite the fact house was the reason he woke up wet that morning Ep17: first things first house could absolutely clean everyone out at poker if he knows Cuddy's tells that well through just a phonecall,, also he needs to stop calling Wilson out on his toenail varnish habits lmao. The patient was a smol boy who presented the same symptoms as an unsolved and dead case that house had 12 yrs ago so he really wasn't gunna let this one go cus he's like a dog with a bone. They were in formal wear all ep which was a Good Look™ and Wilson's retelling of how he won the poker championship may have been one of the cutest things I have ever seen Ep18: Emma from Glee is here and she has the black plague,, her gf decided to donate her liver n Cameron was all het up cus house had worked out plague girl was gunna leave her and sending the gf in blind would be ~~unethical~~ but turns out she knew and deliberately did that so Emma would stay with her out of guilt lmao. In other news Cameron's pissy cus foreman 'stole' her article and house spent most of the episode napping cus wilson is fuckin up his sleep cycle ;) I'm upset there was no physical wilson Ep19: the most annoying patient so far appears in the form of a 15 yr old faith healer with herpes. I feel like the degree to which unrelenting niceness irritates me rly says something about me but eh oh well. Chase (ofc it was chase) kept a tally on who was winning God or house, faith healer managed to shrink a womans cancer tumour through giving her herpes (((a miracle praise be))) and during poker night house called wilson out on sleeping with said cancer patient and discovered wilson was actually living with her whoops bad Wilson ((he totally regrets his life choices ((he should)))) Ep20: HOLY SHIT ITS A TWOPARTER AND FOREMANS GUNNA DIE !! Ok so,,, there was this cop who couldn't stop laughing till he could but then it got a lot worse and then foreman caught whatever it was which they began to realise when he smirked as house shot a corpse to see what a bullet in a brain would do to an MRI ((spoilers it broke the machine)) anyway long story short it wasnt the pigeons and the cops dead and foreman is gunna die even after that shitdick move he pulled where he stabbed Cameron with a needle so she'd go to the apartment Ep21: HOO BOY OK SO a lot happened so much happened the most important thing is foreman by the end of the ep is mostly kind of ok - he's just a bit muddled on his lefts n rights. During the ep house was stressed the entire time cus even tho he denys it he does love n care for his ducklings,, he even cares enough to deliberately attempt to poison Steve McQueen which didn't work but can be added to the list of stressful events. Cameron grew a spine a lil bit I literally yelled when she berated cuddy and she forced the biopsy cus foreman had the foresight (ayyyyy) to make her his medical proxy even if house managed to find the problem anyway so it was ultimately unnecessary and has just resulted in some possible brain damage Ep22: house keeps trying to pick a fight with foreman and failing because Foreman's all happy go lucky now, the patient was mad because of a thing and killed her baby accidentally on purpose, the music that played during the baby autopsy was super unnecessary and bizzare, and in the end the woman had cancer but she's refusing treatment cus of the baby guilt. Cuddy didn't have cancer, which we know because Wilson ((WILSON NOT HOUSE)) stole her dna and ran secret tests in the middle of the night, but it still wasn't a date Wilson despite what house said about skin lessions she was actually just going to attempt to use u as a sperm donor - have fun at the L-word marathon with house you big sad loser (I love u) Ep23: we meet an old house friend which is Super fun he is ridiculously naive and I love that he calls house g-man holy shit. House is now giving cuddy injections as part of a fertility treatment which is nice of him especially seeing as his leg was in a Lot of pain this ep,, like a LOT...he's self-injecting morphine now which is probably bad :/ house's friend's daughter was the patient at one point she pooped out her mouth gRoSs and house ran a paternity test n told the girl she was actually the dudes daughter ((except he was lYINg in support of his friend)) he does care Ep24: HOUSE GOT SHOT WHAT IS IT WITH THIS TEAM SUFFERING RN JC this was a very fun episode of 'guess when house is hallucinating', spoilers the answer is all the time the whole ep takes place in his head. That aside I absolutely loved the hospital gown/trainer combo (no I won't apologize) and the fact that house did almost none of his physio - instead relegating it to others which is....not how it works. The hallucinatory clinic patient was freaky deaky his eye exploded and so did his dick but dw cus to escape the hallucination house killed him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can u do. At the end house woke up n requested ketamine we'll see how that goes

Season 1

[scriptmedic]

Anatomy of a Medical Drama: House, MD

This post is part of a series on the Anatomy of a Medical Drama.

The first thing to know about House, MD is that Dr. Gregory House is One Cranky Jerk.

The second thing to know about House, MD is that it isn’t a medical drama.

Oh, sure, it pretends to be. We get all the furniture of a medical drama: the dying patients, the worried family members, the gruff attending physician, the compassionate and sensitive younger doctors. We get death and we get life and we get medical miracles.

But that’s not the true genre of House. 

House is a detective show. In fact, it’s a medical adaptation of the classic Sherlock Holmes.

Instead of  a doctor, I want you to consider Greg House to be a detective. (Even the name House is supposed to get you to think of Holmes.) He’s arrogant, he’s rude, he’s problematic — and he’s brilliant.

Instead of a disease, I want you to consider whatever improbable virus, condition, or disease to be a criminal, a devious mastermind out to do harm. The symptoms, the actual disease process, are thus its crimes, and the patient is its victim. The loving family members are witnesses to the crime with valuable information for our detective, while the junior doctors, House’s intrepid fellows, are the junior detectives.

Lisa Cuddy, the hospital’s chief administrator, plays the role of obstructor and leader. She’s the less-than-brilliant chief who’s supposed to see things done the “right” way. She is the Lestrade to House’s Holmes; she’s there to get in his way.

And what would a Sherlock Holmes be without a Watson, or in this case, a Wilson? A best friend who enables and supports our main character not because he doesn’t see his flaws, but because he loves him in spite of them?

House, my friends, is a crime drama.

Thus we’ve discovered House, MD‘s Content Genre: Crime Drama (Medical), also known as a Diagnosis Drama.

The Reality Genre of the show is aimed to be Realistic, grounded in reality and the cutting-edge medicine of the day. The rules of the world are ostensibly the same as the one you and I live in: magic, elves, and science fiction take no part in this show. That said, the show’s connection to actual realistic medicine is tenuous at best, as we’ll discuss below.

What Makes House, MD Great?

There are a number of things that contributed to House, MD‘s success over its eight-year run.

First, the acting was great. Hugh Laurie brought depth and a tremendous amount of weight and poignancy to the character of Greg House. The supporting cast, including Lisa Edelstein (Cuddy), Robert Sean Leonard (Wilson), Jennifer Morrison (Cameron), Omar Epps (Foreman), and Jesse Spencer (Chase) made the first few seasons absolutely riveting, and adding in talent like Olivia Wilde (Hadley / “13”), Kal Penn (Kutner) and Peter Jacobson (Taub) in later seasons only improved things.

Second, House’s mindset is absolutely fascinating: Everybody Lies. (The question that makes things interesting is how they lie, to what degree they lie, and, most fascinating of all, why they lie; this is part of the fun of House, MD as a show.)

House has been criticized for being formulaic, and I can definitely agree that it is, and yet something in the formula that drove the show was incredibly compelling. House was always doing something absolutely crazy that we knew was wrong (because the episode was only half over), Cuddy and his staff were always trying to keep him on the sane and level path, and what’s even better, the show recognized it. It was acknowledged in multiple episodes, and even by House himself, that his colleagues were the reason House could stay sane and keep from killing his patients.

In fact, House and Wilson fall into (or at least adjacent to) the “Buddy Cop” trope, what Roger Ebert called a “Wunza” relationship: one of the pair is a calm, competent, mild-mannered oncologist, while the other is a dramatic, abrasive, neurotic, brilliant critical care doctor. It doesn’t contain all aspects of the traditional Buddy Cop relationship — we don’t see them hate each other in the beginning like we do with most buddy cops — but the relationship is there; we see it after it’s stabilized.

And that drama, that tension between the egomaniac with a syringe and a helpless patient and those who want the best for both of them, made House an incredibly tense show. That tension carried us through to the inevitable end — that House would solve the case, the patient would get better, and because the patient got better, all would be forgiven.

House also had consequences for the character’s actions that played out over multiple episodes. At the end of Season 1, House is shot because he was such a jerk — which resulted in his getting a certain kind of anesthesia (ketamine) which eliminated his pain and gave him the ability to walk and run pain-free again for a limited time at the start of Season 2.

House’s unorthodox treatments (such as prescribing cigarettes for Irritable Bowel Syndrome) landed him in hot water with Medicare, which threatened to pull his license. His constant abuse of drugs, a cornerstone of his character, landed him in rehab more than once, and addiction is a theme that plays its tune throughout the show.

All in all, House was a very good show with a lot of strong qualities.

Where Does House, MD Fail?

First, we need to get something out of the way: we get a lot of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. from House himself — he is, in a sense, the show’s social villain. He’s portrayed as a man so offensive that the only reason he keeps his job is because he’s too brilliant to fire for his childishness and gruff exterior.

That said, hearing some of the awful and offensive things he’s said come from a “medical professional” and the show’s protagonist is damaging and hurtful. There were ways the showrunners could have made House a jerk without resorting to insults based on someone’s identity.

(It’s also worth considering its place in time; the show ran from 2004-2012, an era in which minority voices were far less recognized in TV than they are even five years after the show’s end. )

The show fails the realism test on several fronts. In fact, speaking as an ICU paramedic, the medicine is often laughably inaccurate or hyperbolized. Things progress at a pace that suits dramatic storytelling, not reality; diseases layer that are astronomically unlikely; hell, House’s entire specialty — “Diagnostic Medicine” — doesn’t exist, because all doctors diagnose and all doctors treat.

But that’s not the big problem with the show. The biggest problem with the show are its ethics.

The number of unethical and outright illegal measures House takes to “get the job done” would have gotten any real doctor fired in their first year. They are, frankly, a scary thing to normalize in the minds of non-medical viewers.

Speaking of getting fired, fun fact: while medical staff who come to their employers and admit addiction to a substance are generally treated well — [estimates of substance abuse among nurses run from 10-20%] — they’re not allowed to practice stoned. Many employers will give time off for rehab, but staff must be compliant to practice.

Moreover, the repeated displays of unpunished bad behavior lends itself to a mindset that “the ends justify the means,” which is incredibly dangerous. A great many awful things have been “justified” in this manner.

Is It Good TV?

This is the most irritating part about House. Because with as many inaccuracies and flaws and mixed messages and damaging representations as the show has, as many bad stereotypes as it engaged with — it was still damn good TV, at least for the first 4 seasons. Characters changed, at least a little; the stakes were constantly escalating; House the Bully was often, let’s face it, hilarious in his cruelty.

House might have been bad in a great many senses, but it was damned compelling TV, and for all its faults, that fact is undeniable.

In short: House is great to watch, but don’t try to be a Greg House.

How Can We Write Like House?

If you wanted to produce a book, movie, or TV show along the lines of House, MD, my first suggestion would be to get very, very comfortable with the genre conventions and obligatory scenes of the crime drama, and consider how they can translate into medicine.

If we truly want to classify House, MD, we would likely call it a diagnosis drama to differentiate it from a crime drama, though really all that’s changed is the furniture.

Here are some of the Obligatory Scenes and Genre Conventions for a diagnosis drama, and the parallel scenes in a crime drama:

The Disease Strikes. (The Crime) Whether something has been building up for a while or comes to a head, we need to see a character felled by a disease or injury. This must occur early in the story/plotline and is essentially the Inciting Event.

The Doctor & The Team. (The Detective & Sidekick(s)) We must have a lead character, usually a doctor, trying to solve the medical puzzle, usually working with a team. The interpersonal dynamics of the team are crucial to establishing drama and hooking the audience.

Gather Symptoms and Information. (Interviewing Witnesses; Red Herrings.) The doctor must try to gain as much information as they can to solve the case. In House this often involves burglary for reasons not entirely clear.

Diagnose / Treat / Fail / Repeat. (Red Herrings & False Accusations) As the drama wears on, the patient gets worse, often by the hands of the doctor treating them. The team iterates over their work, trying new approaches that must get riskier and more dramatic as time goes on.

It Gets Personal. There must be some reason the doctor (and thus our audience) becomes closely entwined with the outcome of the case. Either the patient and doctor or team must form a personal bond, the doctor’s reputation must hang in the balance, or the rising tension between the team (who must think differently from the doctor) can only be resolved by solving the case and helping the patient.

The Final Diagnosis. (J’accuse!) The doctor must make a final diagnosis that will either save or kill the patient.

A Life Saved or a Life Lost. (The Justice Theme) Our story must end with either the patient’s life being saved or their life being lost. This may come with an ironic twist: the doctor may save the character at the expense of a relationship they value dearly.

If you’d be willing to take a piece of advice, though… check the misogyny, racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. at the door. Take the best things from this show, not the worst.

For more reading on genre conventions and obligatory scenes, I recommend Shawn Coyne’s excellent guide to editing, [The Story Grid], and Blake Snyder’s [Save the Cat!], both of which are excellent books on storytelling from wildly different, and yet similar, perspectives.

What Medical Drama Should I Analyze Next?

Drop a comment or reblog and let me know!

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

[disclaimer]

[Free Email Course: Injuries in Storytelling]

  Anatomy of a Medical Drama: House, MD was originally published on ScriptMedicBlog.com

[all-pacas]

no one asked but here’s my informal listing of house’s fellows from “rotates them in my brain” to “whomst”

Chase. God’s least favorite princess. Nepobaby who keeps failing up, but make it tragic. The more his career succeeds the deader his eyes become. Starts off as a cheerfully lazy loser and ends as a nihilistic cynical slut. Looks better with short hair. Secretly kind of a Sports Guy. No one has ever loved him. I like to imagine sitting the baby doctors down in S1 or 2 and breaking it to them that Chase will inherit diagnostics someday. They'd all be horrified. Foreman would be so mad. If House had hugged him and told him he was proud one (1) time, 46% of Chase's trauma would have dripped away like squeezing a dirty sponge.

Cameron. Because I love her and Chase so much I keep wanting to think of ways they could work and failing. This is honestly very attractive of Cameron. Insufferable little control freak who probably, just a little, reads Wellness and Crystal shit and goes HMM. Has absolutely no idea that she is deeply mentally ill. This is crucial. She truly believes she is normal and healthy and well-adjusted. She unironically says girlboss. Chase has never topped, not even as a special treat, but they're both into that.

Thirteen. Love when she just wanders around making Sarcastic Quips instead of being useful. Kind of thinks she's a Cool Girl and she has no idea what she's doing, but because she's really good at pretending to be her chosen archetype she's like what? We aren't all doing it intentionally? I thought this was like a bit? Can be insufferably aloof/smug but when she has her little crying breakdowns I forgive her. Very silly actually. Dating Foreman was a character flaw.

Foreman. I like him best around others and in relation to others, which is ironic because he clearly never wants to interact with a human. I love him because like Cameron his self perception is a total 180 from who he actually is. I think he truly believes he's good with people. By himself he's kind of dull but force him to interact with anyone and he turns to gold. I like to give him a hard time because he deserves it, but it's ok because he still kind of thinks he's better than everyone else and can take it.

Taub you heard me. Unapologetic. A hypocrite. Has the insane grace and humility to go from a House/Wilson/Cuddy senior partner in private practice to best friends with Kutner without it really becoming an ego issue. Decided to start over not by going into general surgery but taking a random fellowship in a field House invented. By S8 he doesn't even need to be here he's just having fun. Just a little guy. Unlike his taller and younger coworkers, has no illusions that he's a cool and sexy main character with no flaws or weaknesses. Deserves everything he has coming.

Kutner. Just happy to be here. Intriguing mix of super clever and super incompetent. Love how tight he and Taub and 13 were as a team, it's a shame we never really got to see him with the others. I bet within 15 seconds of meeting Chase, Kutner would have him convinced of the most outlandish conspiracy theories. We were robbed. Worst thing Obama has ever done.

Park. Could be annoying!! Like she was intended to be annoying and that's fine, but sometimes on a meta level the show is just HA HA SHE UGLY AND WEIRD and that's the part that irritates me. Calm down. We get it. I like how punchy she is. Loved her staring Chase down in an elevator until he agreed to get drinks with her. Could be Too Much but she had a strong and developed sense of character and I'll always take that over bland.

Masters. Like the concept! Super morality plus being younger and not a real doctor yet is actually a really interesting dynamic since she can't pull a Cameron and pull rank even when she wants to. Just never quite clicked, and wasn't around long.

Adams. :( This is what happens when you don't have a strong and developed sense of character. She is a series of facts. I consistently forget she has a first name. Feels like she is probably a Horse Girl.