#cucumber uses

[nibbelraz]

Let's make some Coffee and rant about novels together with my submission for the 2024 @mxtxfoodzine!

Definitely believe these two would drink Coffee all night to talk, edit, and review airplane bros writing

You can find the recipe and other beautiful works for free here!

[disgracefulthings]

AU where Luo Binghe is actually Shang Qinghua's son. Shang Qinghua has a one night stand with hot demon lord Tianlang-Jun, and the system decides to change up the story to make Shang Qinghua pregnant with the protagonist. Because of this Tianlang-Jun eventually ends up with Su Xiyan, who does not die this time because she isn't pregnant. (She and Shang Qinghua can become friends and does not mind that he is carrying her lover's child). Eventually Mobei-Jun comes into the picture, upset that his servant has been seeing other demons (Shang Qinghua has to reassure him that he's still completely loyal to Mobei-Jun, it's just Tianlang-Jun is really good at the sex. For some reason this does not make things better). Mobei-Jun decides to be the best step dad and tries to out dad Tianlang-Jun (and hints how he could totally be a better lover than he was).

Meanwhile Shang Qinghua tries to avoid the death flags that comes with being the protagonist's mother, and it eventually comes to him being kidnapped by the Hua Huan Palace Master, but he is saved by his new family, Mobei-Jun+Tianlang-Jun+Su Xiyan, and maybe some of his sect siblings because they've learned to appreciate him (and maybe they're a little afraid that the sect might fall apart without him)

And they all live happily ever after!

(Years down the line when Luo Binghe is an adult, and the system decides to spit out Shen Yuan who is very confused with what happened with PIDW. Shang Qinghua is fine with his son falling in love with his favorite anti-fan because he knows no one will love him more than peerless cucumber does)

[transgendz]

Emergency Commissions

One of my checks was a couple of days late last week, and the more lucrative of my 2 proper jobs has given me only one day of work this week (seems to be system issue?? I'm waiting for a reply from my higher up, there seems to be a queue of sorts) I have no idea when I'm going to get my check this week, either. Although it's supposed to come in on Tuesdays, I have heard from coworkers it is likely to be delayed again. On top of all of this, I have had wifi issues for a week, and I work from home.

I was already going to have to do some commissions to make rent this month before the reduced work hours and wifi issues. I have to pay rent on Saturday, and I do not get a grace period. I cannot emphasize how screwed me, and both of my disabled roommates are if my check doesn't come in on time, which is apparently not likely to happen.

I am setting this goal for $600 which is how much I am going to need for rent if my check does not go through in time. I will update this post accordingly, and turn off rbs if I get my check before rent is due, but tbh if i thought that was happening I wouldn't be making this post.

Anyone who help with this can contact me at my art blog @theartistrans for art like you see above. There may be a bit of a wait because I have 2 jobs and this, but I will mail you the piece if you pay the shipping also.

Dm me for proof or more details. More details are also in my tags.

$C V PP Kofi

[aspiringjester]

I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING (cumplane) BUILDING AGAIN

anyways I need a regular world au where people know what SQH looks like bc idk he tried to make it on social media as a writing influencer or did live streams or something BUT he has no idea what peerless cucumber looks like bc bro is ANONYMOUS

SQH is picturing between the username and the vitriolic comments about how awful the porn is that he's either some bitchass teenager or a middle aged man with nothing better to do and he seems to be So Annoyed at being called his "cute hater/#1 fan" so if course he has to be something lame right? Right?

imagine SQH's (horny) shock when they meet through whatever slapstick circumstances follow these two clowns every day of their lives and mr hater is in fact the Prettiest Twink he's seen in a MINUTE and is so easily flustered and quick to be a BITCH to him--

yeah no he needs to make this cute pretty thing his IMMEDIATELY lmao

SY of course has no idea and thinks all the time this hack author is staring at him in silence while he rants means he's making Flawless Arguments and SQH simply has nothing to fight back with so TAKE THAT HAHA YOU DUMBFUCK AUTHOR

(he doesn't get a clue for a While)

[egophiliac]

I feel like F/P/S was still a pretty weird one, even by Lance's standards.

sorry for (in an ironic twist) not doing much Ride Kamens art now that it's actually started; I've been pretty slow going through it and I feel weird posting about things I'm not caught up on! though I'm. definitely gonna have to set aside some time to actually get through episode 13, after what they posted today. (w-what did they do to my Leon) (NOBODY TELL ME I HAVE TO FIND OUT ON MY OWN) (LEOOOOOOOON)

[tooquirkytolose]

God bless the field worker neighbors and family friends who bestow upon us the literal fruits of their labor 🫡

[renjunnipeikko]

dunno if this has been done yet but: airplane didn’t first become aware of peerless cucumber in the comments of pidw, he first saw peerless in the comments of a different web novel (that perhaps was one of airplane’s earlier works?) and so when initially drafting pidw he was inspired to write a villain just like cucumber bc “he’s MEAN MEAN for no reason, a literature snob, and pretends to be all high and mighty while looking down on others. also likes to kick down the little guy” and boom. sqq was born. cut to years later post-transmigration when sqh just casually drops this info with “lol i always did find it funny how much you hated the guy considering he’s literally based off you”

[blu-raes]

the blorbos are on a playdate

[vellichorom]

that one " Draw Your Comfort Characters " meme i'm sure you've seen everywhere but i had to reach deep into my psyche for it

they all wanted mcdonalds but they were not allowed any,

( using the cleaned up template graciously provided by @ UsagiEroArt on twt! )

[wyyvoren]

How does one even angst cumplane

well it’s simple. you put them in a situation.

[alittlelessalone]

Fun Scum Villain fic concept:

So Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua are sent back to their original world temporarily due to system shenanigans and need to wait x number of days until they can go back. They wake up at the times of their deaths and get to use this time to do some final things in the world before returning back.

So Shen Yuan of course wants to spend the time with his family and getting to see them again and say goodbye in a less depressing way. But Shang Qinghua doesn’t have that and he’s just finished PIDW.

Shen Yuan makes sure he has enough money to get him through the timeframe (after learning about Shang Qinghua’s financial situation), so he doesn’t need to work to keep himself alive, so he decides he wants to write something a little more heartfelt as a sort of last hurrah.

He decides in honor of the two lives he and Shen Yuan stole, he’s going to share the backstory of Shen Jiu and write a story about Shang Qinghua.

Shen Jiu comes first and it’s mainly just a tale about him and Yue Qingyuan using his unposted backstory, but in the end he decides to make some minor changes so it’s not as depressing. Namely, that when they died, their souls were both sucked into Xuan Su. The pair ended up trapped there, but they were trapped there together in a world that couldn’t hurt them anymore and allowed them to finally be together.

It’s a poignant and bittersweet story that doesn’t excuse Shen Jiu’s behavior, but it does a lot to explain it and expand his character. And while it of course has its detractors, people generally like it and Peerless Cucumber is there in the comments singing its praises for all to see (and there in Shang Qinghua’s apartment smacking him over the head with a rolled up magazine and scolding him for being by such a good writer and selling out on PIDW).

The Original Shang Qinghua story doesn’t really have any old notes to go off. He was never meant to be a fleshed out character and was always just a plot device villain. But Shang Qinghua feels bad for PIDW’s Mobei-Jun, so he decides to write something for his sake too.

In this story, it’s revealed that Mobei-Jun didn’t actually kill the Original Shang Qinghua, but instead worked with him to fake his death after Lou Binghe ordered him dead. Shang Qinghua reveals that the pair were actually lovers and maintained their secret relationship over the years and that was why Mobei-Jun never seemed interested in romance.

And most readers are like wtf except for the bl fans who love it. And even Peerless Cucumber is a little more hesitant to praise it since it sort of came out of nowhere, but he can admit that it’s clever and well written. And Shen Yuan can tease Shang Qinghua relentlessly for it, even if he also approves and finds it very sweet.

Depending on how much more time they’re stuck there, maybe the pair can also write one more story, giving the original Lou Binghe a happier ending too.

Eventually, it’s time for them to go back. Shen Yuan says goodbye to has family and Shang Qinghua says goodbye to PIDW and hopes that his changes and additions can bring people some peace, even if it’s probably too late for those who need them most.

Shen Yuan realizes that Shang Qinghua was trying to alter the canon in hidden ways so that the system could silently incorporate them into the world without breaking anything. He figures it’s mainly for Bing-ge’s universe that’s still more or less PIDW, but being the mega-fan that he is, he decides to put a theory to the test.

It takes a lot less time with the help of the sect, but he manages to grow another plant body like his own. And then with Yue Qingyuan’s permission, he uses some of Shang Qinghua’s new hand-wavy canon to reach out to Xuan Su. And the next thing he knows, Shen Jiu is waking back up in the plant body after years trapped inside the sword.

And of course there’s a lot of questions and Binghe tears, but Yue Qingyuan gets his Xiao Jiu back and Shang Qinghua realizes that his changes must have taken in the other universe too, now meaning there’s less suffering there as well. He gets to curl back up in his king’s arms that night and rest assured that no matter what universe he’s in, both his king and that universe’s Shang Qinghua are well and truly loved.

[disgracefulthings]

Luo Binghe: Shang Qinghua!

Shang Qinghua, startled: Eep! I mean, how can I help you Junshang

Luo Binghe: I'm planning a surprise for my husband and I need you to distract him during the afternoon as I prepare it

Shang Qinghua: Say no more! I have a sure fire way to distract Cucumber-Bro for at least a couple of hours

Luo Binghe: See that you do

At the Bamboo House

Shang Qinghua: Cucumber-Bro! I have an important question

Shen Qingqiu: Make it quick, I don't feel like wasting time with you today

Shang Qinghua: Who would win in a fight: A billion lions or all the Pokemon?

Shen Qingqiu: ...

[pastelshroomsbasement]

HELP I SAW THE TWEET AND HAD TO DRAW THIS SO FAST

[slow-reader-reads-books]

Lesbingyuan au where it’s the normal set up of post extras Bingge dimension traveling into another universe to find his own Shen Yuan. Except the world he arrives in (and is stuck in, can’t opt out of this gender journey) is a slightly genderbent one.

(hidden under a read more bc this turned basically into a wonkily grammatically tensed mini-fic)

Our darling Peerless Cucumber is a 20 something self-proclaimed straight girl with untapped soft butch potential, and is currently recovering from the harrowing trauma of the sunk cost fallacy. She’s spent a lot of time spending money on, reading, and participating in the online fandom of Proud Immortal Demon Way, and she’s currently also dealing with the fact that all her hard work in making herself heard to Great Master Airplane was seemingly for nothing. You see, Shen Yuan had the brilliant idea to create an account that appeared to be a perfectly demographically targeted straight male fan of YY novels who could critique Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky as his fellow but also his better and be listened to and receive great accolades from all frequenters of Zhongdian Literature and be validated for her hate of his writing.

“Airplane’s stupid pen name is a dick joke, I guess I gotta make mine one too… Just to, you know, seem legit and like we have common ground.”

What this charade accomplished was very little, but Peerless Cucumber did become very infamous for three things. One, his nitpicking (“It’s hardly nitpicking if it harms the integrity of the whole story1!!”). Two: his Luo Binghe fanboying (“As a protagonist he’s clearly just a cut above the rest when it comes to soul and wit, the story just rarely ever shows it off”). And three: his skipping of the steamy scenes (“I highly doubt this near identical scenario that also happened twenty chapters back but with a different wife of the week with this exact same cliffside flower giving off the same aphrodisiac mist to Bingge and new wife below will now suddenly be of any plot consequence for the next arc. It didn’t last time either, SKIP!”).

His fervent online activity garnered him the reputation of being an Airplane anti-fan, but also the assumed personality of a submissive simp who hates the easily dominated women that populate Luo Bingge’s harem. 

“lol thats why he must like mingyan so much. she never let bingge push her down. cucumber-bro must want a girlfriend who’ll chain him up and whip him! hes a pervert just like the rest of us, just a worse type kek.” 

Shen Yuan, when looking at such reply comments, gets shiver-inducing flashbacks to when her meimei left her BL comics out for everyone and the Buddha to see. She accidentally witnessed frightening scenes of thin, long-limbed men pushing each other down, tying each other to beds and cracking whips on skin until they shed blood, tears and semen, the shou begging for the gong to stop and the gong never listening. 

Shen Yuan tries to put such things out of her mind if only to preserve in amber the precious, innocent image of her meimei she knows to be true, but also secondarily to focus on the insulted male pride she’s supposed to be feeling after being accused of being a wussy submissive deviant in bed. That sort of accusation requires an in-depth 10,000 character response in order to remain in character as a straight male YY novel connoisseur.

Shen Yuan, as Peerless Cucumber but also as her true self, was undoubtedly straight. Staying in character, Peerless Cucumber made sure to extol the beauty of characters like Liu Mingyan— “She’s an intelligent and cold beauty and is written with a clear and vivid personality! A true equal for our Bingge on the battlefield and in matters of the heart!” As well as occasionally Ning Yingying— “She’s not the boring choice, you all just don’t know the special value a loyal shijie character brings, even if she does lose 99% of her personality to that one singular trait…”

But don’t get it twisted! This is a part of her performance! In real life, logged off and touching grass and breathing fresh outdoor air, she’s your run-of-the-mill average girl who is just a part of the pack. 

Her goals in life are simply not ambitious, is all. If there was a competition with ten available spots to win, she’d have no qualms placing tenth and simply feel honored to have participated. If there are ten girls and nine of them bag a good boyfriend, Shen Yuan doesn’t mind being the tenth who gets unlucky. She’s just kind to her meimeis and jiejies like that! As if she’d take that away from them! They'd probably been wanted those boyfriends for a long time! 

Shen Yuan is hardly a sore loser, and she knows the great importance of girl code and female friendship.

So, Shen Yuan being the normal average and totally straight and cisgender girl that she is decides to wallow in her Airplane-induced misery by going to a con, donning her homemade Mobei-jun cosplay. She worked hours of her life learning how to sew just for this project to the point her family thought she was finally thinking about settling down and learning wifely skills. 

Unfortunately for her ignorant family she’s actually just investing in a really elaborate excuse to cross dress. Well, it’s not really crossdressing, it’s just cosplay! Cosplay is totally different and not about taking on the gender of a character, but their larger identity! She didn’t want to explain this to them, and internally felt afraid and hesitant about it, as if they’d view her as weird for wanting to do this, so she didn’t bother to try at all.

So, Shen Yuan in her 160 centimeter/5 foot 3 inch glory decked out in dark blues and blacks, fur lining the shoulders of her outfit for style points, and wearing a long white wig styled mostly loose but with a few thin braids, chances upon a particularly striking Luo Binghe cosplayer. Not just any Luo Binghe cosplayer, but the best one! He’s tall, must be over 180cm/6 foot but also svelte and willowy in surprising ways. His hair is long and flows down his back from a ponytail ornamented at the base with a thin metal guan. Parts of his cosplay seem very benign, but others seem meticulously crafted and exquisite in quality, especially that sword at his hip! Just looking at it intimidated her, yikes! Job well done, cosplayer!

This Luo Binghe also had the most beautiful and delicately boned face she’d ever seen, eyes dark and deep and highly reflective like that of a lake on a dark and starry night. The cosplayer’s voice was also deeply melodic and enchanting.

This cosplayer… is also a woman! Shen Yuan nodded to herself internally, yes that must be it! No man looks like this in reality, this is a fellow female sufferer of Proud Immortal Demon Way impersonating a fictional man for similar psychological reasons as her. A surge of female loyalty spawns in Shen Yuan’s chest, and she doesn't even bother resisting the urge to walk over and strike up a conversation with this Luo Binghe.

She spat out her name in quick order and immediately started on the topic of female character writing in the novel. The Luo Binghe cosplayer was looking at her quietly and with a heavy amount of gravity, ink-brush eyebrows sitting elegantly low above her eyes in attentive focus. What a good listener this lady is, Shen Yuan thought. She can’t remember when someone last listened to her this closely. She hypocritically chooses to not pay attention to that train of thought any further. “In a world like Proud Immortal Demon Way,” Shen Yuan began with slight smarm, “who would choose to be a woman? I certainly wouldn’t if I wanted to see the interesting parts of the world that drew me into the story in the first place. A male protagonist can explore it freely, but the female characters are all locked away in either the marriage bedroom or the highly isolated harem palaces. Great Master Airplane clearly didn’t eat enough walnuts as a child, he must have some sort of brain deficiency when it comes to writing proper characters— ” 

The tall Luo Binghe cosplayer suddenly spoke up. “Choose?” “Hm? Yeah, I mean, in a world like that, there’s basically no choice, yeah? Gotta serve the narrative and readers and all. But the real world doesn’t have a narrative, we only have ourselves and each other to guide us. So we just do what we want, figure it out as we go. Like us two! We wanted to dress up as these male characters from this asinine story and attend this con and we figured out how to do it! We’re kindred spirits, you and I, we’re zhiyin!” “So when you leave this con, you will also choose to take this manner of dress off and wear something else?” “Obviously. Though, my go-to outfit is just a big t-shirt and sweatpants, or athletic shorts. This kind of thing is the extent of me dressing up.” Shen Yuan didn’t notice, but the Luo Binghe cosplayer’s eyes mildly glazed over in irritated confusion at the unfamiliar terms. Nor did she notice the slight expression of planning that developed in that gaze, as if they were imagining a future shopping expedition to find an outfit Shen Yuan would want to dress up in that wasn’t a facsimile of Luo Binghe’s right hand man.

“I… also want to leave this con and wear something else.” “The busyness getting to you, huh jiejie? You must have gotten here a lot earlier than I did, you poor thing. I guess this is it, it was nice talking to you—” “I don’t have any other clothes with me, and am unable to go back home. Can you help this poor one, jiejie?” “Jiejie—” Shen Yuan coughed. “Am I… wait you can’t go back home? Did your ride ditch you or something, aiyah what a scummy thing to do! I do have extra clothes on me, though I don’t think they’ll fit you. But let’s go find out. I guess if I have to take care of you like this, it does make me feel like a jiejie. Your height made me assume you were older than me, haha.”

Shen Yuan laughed, and the Luo Binghe cosplayer rapidly relaxed and took on an easy smile. “An innocent mistake. Jiejie must often be assumed to be younger than her actual age.” Shen Yuan hummed absent-mindedly. “Eh, not really. I’m only 22, and I think I look it. It’s you who looks like a jade immortal, uh, meimei.” She stuttered when she realized she hadn’t yet caught the other cosplayer’s name, and for some reason it felt weird to just call her Luo Binghe without her also LARPing along as Mobei-jun. Shen Yuan by this point had taken the tall meimei’s hand, it pale and slender much like the rest of her, and had been pulling her along towards the public bathroom to make use of her backpack’s change of clothes, walking along the wall to avoid foot traffic. However, the moment she had finished her sentence and called the other one meimei, the Luo Binghe cosplayer suddenly slammed her free hand on the wall and yanked hard on the one Shen Yuan was holding, pulling her in close to herself, caging her in from behind. Shen Yuan squeaked and found herself crowded against the wall. Her back was encased in a warm and dark heat and she could see above her that jade-white hand curled tightly in on itself, heel practically grinding against the wall. It looked like it was trembling slightly. An earth-shatteringly tight grip squeezed the fingers of her still held hand to the point of hurting slightly. Shen Yuan winced at the sensation.

Shen Yuan heard sharp, heavy breathing above her. Not knowing what to do nor quite what was going on, she squeezed back the hand that was keeping hers hostage and leaned back slightly. Comfort is what she’s doing this for, right? Feels like the reason she’s doing it. 

Shen Yuan felt the other cosplayer jolt behind her. After a tense beat, a forehead slowly dropped onto her shoulder. Shen Yuan was wearing fur along the top half of her outfit as a part of her Mobei-jun cosplay, but nonetheless she could feel the vague contour of the other’s nose through it, burrowing deeper into its warmth. Shen Yuan now felt awkward for only bothering with faux-fur for her cosplay. But with that face resting upon her shoulder and an odd sense of vulnerability wafting off of her, a sharp sense of broad awareness filled Shen Yuan's mind mysteriously. Her mind filled up with sensory information on the one behind her, naturally taking note of every detail with ease.

“Meimei…” the Luo Binghe cosplayer trailed off, muffled slightly by Shen Yuan’s cosplay, but also seemingly by her own emotions being stuck in her throat. “Can I really be jiejie’s meimei?” Shen Yuan didn’t really know what to do or how to respond, so she simply continued to lean her weight back onto the other. She then pulled on the elbow that led to the hand positioned above her until it was brought down far enough for her to grab properly. Shen Yuan took both hands in hers and placed them in front of her in a comfortable position. They were slightly cold, so she rubbed at them with her thumbs.

The Luo Binghe cosplayer picked her head up and looked down at the sight with watery eyes and a warbling lip. Both of her hands were cradled in that grip, gently held in front of the shorter’s stomach in a tender and intimate fashion. Their arms were bent parallel and their front and back slotted together in a way that, to the taller one, felt predestined.

“Can you, what kind of question is that, of course you can. But, I’d like to have your name too, if you don’t mind? Only calling you meimei sounds like I’m calling out to my real little sister.” Shen Yuan laughed and looked up over her shoulder nonchalantly. 

Somewhere in the distance, she can hear people giggling and snapping pictures of the two. She felt a twinge of embarrassment. Of course this moment looks compromising from the outside, they’re cosplaying Luo Binghe and Mobei-jun!

Shen Yuan was suddenly working very hard to maintain a cool poker face in front of her very tall and newly minted meimei.

Bringing up her real little sister and then suddenly being thrust into this type of self-aware of cringe violently and nonconsensually summoned forth invented images of a dog blooded BL scenario that wouldn’t be out of place in her real meimei’s leisure literature.

Fellow con goers, please have mercy on us two women and don't be thinking of what I'm thinking! We’re merely having a pure hearted, early friendship bonding moment! Skinship is very much common and normal between people like us, disregard the kabedon! Totally normal female friendship is blossoming here, get your homoerotic dog blood tropes out of our personal lives!

“This one is called… Qiu Bingbing.” Her voice hitched and quavered with some sort of ineffable, delicate emotion. “Bingbing, ah? Written with the same character as Binghe, meaning ice? And Qiu, is that with the character meaning the autumn season or the character meaning a grave mound?”

Qiu Bingbing hummed and nodded lethargically to the first question and spoke up for the second, hesitating slightly. “Qiu as in autumn.” “What a pretty name, “autumn ice”. You fit the bill of Luo Binghe perfectly, but with a name like that it’s nearly a pity to go by something else. You’re a miraculous find in a place like this, Bing-mei.” Shen Yuan complimented with abandon, eager to make her new friend feel good, and turned around. Still holding one hand, she impulsively took the chance Qiu Bingbing’s still bowed head offered and patted it softly.

She did that for a while, not paying attention to anything else. A euphoric smile opened on Qiu Bingbing’s lips. She was lost in the moment too. 

The rest of the world fell away. As long as Luo Binghe, no, as long as Qiu Bingbing can worm her way into every crevice of Shen Yuan, she’ll be fine. He before was always grasping at any semblance of peace and security only for it to slip through his grasp like sand, but she’s found it. She’ll nestle in and hibernate inside Shen Yuan’s veins and she’ll never let go. She will never.

“Let’s go get you those clothes. Good thing I like them oversized, they should be mildly presentable on you, even if they aren’t anything girly.”

“I can live without anything girly, anything of yours will do.”

“That’s good to hear, let’s go then.”

[happypeachsludgeflower]

It’s Cucumber-bro 🥒

[airplanecrashingtowardstheground]

shang quinghua is the type of person who complains about all the work he has to do but the moment he gets a break or vacation he's going stir crazy within two days not having anything to tinker with or work on