#cs go bets

[halfbaked00q]

office work CC culture is so funny to me. sometimes the person you email just CCs a random person or several random people in with no explanation, and you never find out who these people are or why they needed to be included in. They never say anything. Do they even read these emails? maybe it just clogs up their inbox

Also funny is ppl who care about the nebulous hierarchy of importance or power as represented by listing order in CC. OBJECTIVELY funny thing to get worked up about; and yet, some people do

I can't decide if Q should have no opinions on this, or sets of Highly Nuanced And Specific Opinions about it.

Maybe it's both-- *he* doesn't care, BUT he knows exactly who DOES, and absolutely weaponizes it when he deems necessary.

for example

"Dear Quartermaster,

Thanks for taking care of xyz! Just as a gentle reminder, emails should be listed in the CC field in order of importance of the receiver's role in the project.

Best regards,

Janet Walker"

"Dear Ms. Walker,

Thank you for the very valuable contribution on this highly significant project. However the receivers list was correctly configured. If you have concerns about the division of duties within the project feel free to discuss this with your supervisor offline.

Have a good evening,

Q"

Like. it's gotta be fun, right? to be able to snark so openly but plausibly deniably. It's, like, recreational. Like if you're gonna PVP *him* about it oh boy you better be ready to catch rocks.

[quatregats]

Barbara Wellesley deserves her own series I need to see into her messed-up mind as well

[oppositeslut]

being up this early and having work later is going to make me say slurs

[gglbet]

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[rieaj]

“i love you, but that dick is a plus.” ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

———

who in enha has the biggest dick? (hyung line only)

warnings: enha hyung line x reader (seperate !!), smut, unprotected sex, blowjobs, missionary, p in v, talks about dick sizes, dacryphilia, mdni !!

others: enjoy this for now, cause ive been losing motiv for a couple if days cs its been hectic asf 😭 ill post more content soon. but for now this is enough to feed y’all’s horny selves 🫶

———

lee heeseung. this man 😖. he’s big alright. 6’0ft tall he’s got big hands, feet, etc. meaning to say he’s got a big dick too. 8 inches when soft, 9 1/2 when hard. i feel like he wouldn’t be as thick as jay or jake. but this man is for sure long. i also bet he and jay would have big balls. he’d prolbably have shaved hairs that were slightly the same as sunghoon’s not too hairy or too shaved down. heeseung is the type to love blowjobs. sucking down on his long cock, just to have him push your head just to hear your whimper and gags. he’d like to fuck you in missionary just to watch his cock slowly go in and out of you whilst watching your teary eyed face.

park jay. he’s thick for sure. 7 inch when soft, 8 1/2 when hard. thick girth and a mushroom tip that would be an angry red type of color. the base would be a little tanner than his skin, and for his hair, i bet he shaves it every 2 weeks max. its neat and not so hairy. gotta be clean to satisfy his girl (>.<) jay would also be the type to be the softest and most loving in bed. he loves reassuring you and talking you through it. this man would also have the best aftercare. jay could also go rough and hard, only if he would be in a bad mood or jealous. (we’ll discuss this soon !) overall, jay just has big dick.

sim jake. thickest. 7 1/2 inches when soft, 8 when hard. jake isn’t exactly the longest. but he beats them in girth. he’s a thick boy. even just the tip inside your already stretched out so wide. his base color would be a little darker than his skin tone. he has a big tip that whenever he was hard it would be such an angry pink and constantly leak pre-cum. jake would not have any hairs at all. poor baby always feels so guilty whenever he sees you in tears as soon as an inch of his dick stretches you out. always shushing you and reassuring that the pain would be gone.

park sunghoon. i feel like he would be the biggest. a positive, 8 1/2 inch when soft. a solid 9 when hard. sunghoon would most like be the one to know his dick the best, and also use it correctly. his dick is girthy with a usual peachy color on his tip. the base color would be a the same color as his usual skin, and he would most likely have a neat shave, something like the hair still being there but at the same time it’s not too bushy. sunghoon would also have some best dick game. there is never a time you won’t be pleasured after being with him. he would also most likely HATE wearing condoms. unless that is, you want him to. anything for his girl <3 but for me i think he wouldn’t really like it cs he wants you to feel every inch and vein of him pulse inside you :0

———

yall ive been busy this is all i could come up w rn. its not my best work, but ive just been too lazy. i’ll do better soon 😞

[bullet-prooflove]

Commitment: Frank Langdon x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @julessworldd @yousigned-upforthis @travelingmypassion @julius-ceasar

Companion piece to:

Hypocrite - Frank struggles to make amends for a past wrongs.

Crash - Almost getting you fired wasn't the lowest point of Frank's addiction.

Rock Bottom - Frank hits rock bottom when he sees the devastation his addiction's caused.

Little Black Dress - Frank starts to spiral when he realises you're dating.

Every Damn Day - A drunk text leads to a confession.

Wet Dream (NSFW) - Frank sometimes dreams about the life you had together.

War Stories - A realisation about your coping habits leads you to Frank's door.

The Three Cs - Frank and you finally discuss your issues and pave away towards the future.

The Wall - A date at the climbing wall leads to a revelation from Frank.

Frank’s worried when he steps inside your new home. He’s worried because there’s twelve tiny liquor bottles, all empties lined up in a row along the back wall in your garden. Beside him, you light up a cigarette and the scent of tobacco floods his senses as he takes a deep breath, inhaling it.

“Is this you asking for help?” He asks, this mouth dry, his heart fluttering.

“No.” You say as you hand him the cigarette. He takes it gratefully, placing it between his lips. “This is me making a commitment and having fun with it.”

You take out the slingshot you confiscated from your nephew before scooping up a couple of stones from the rockery in the corner.

“These past few months with you have shown me that you are making a real commitment to your sobriety, to us and the reason I invited you here tonight is because I want to make one of my own.” You tell him, loading the slingshot. “From now on my home is going to be a dry home, no booze or anything like that. I want you to feel comfortable when you stay here, to not have to worry about being around things that might trigger you.”

“Ivy, we haven’t talked about staying over yet.” Frank reminds you, taking a drag of the cigarette. “And you still haven’t told me what the bottles are about.”

“Sleepovers are something we’ll be discussing in depth later over dinner.” You tell him before lining up your shot. “And I thought since we sucked so hard at glass blowing, maybe we’d be better at glass breaking instead. I bet I can do five of these by the time you’ve finished that cigarette.”

“No fucking way.” Frank says shaking his head before you release the stone. It sails through the air, smashing through the glass, creating an eruption of tiny glittering shards along the back wall.

“Five and you stay the night.” You barter and he hides his smile behind the cigarette.

“Ivy.” He says, blowing out a stream of smoke out the side of his mouth. “If you want me to stay, you don’t have to best me in a competition.”

“I know.” You say, concentrating on lining up that second shot. “But it’s more fun that way, don’t you think?”

Love Frank? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[love-fictional-ppl]

Pegging Mammon

Summary: headcanons for pegging Mammoney

Pairings: sub!Mammon x dom!Afab!MC

Warnings: language, smut, pegging, lots of anal play, handjobs, sex positions, overstimulation, color system, premature ejaculation, cum eating, etc.

A/N: ignore the gif I just love the way he looks in this😭😭 also sry if this is shit this was written on my phone.

I’m going to start this by saying, you had to beggggg mammon. He would never be caught dead asking you or giving in so easily to being pegged, I mean he’s the Great Mammon.

You probably only got him to agree by making a bet, he lost obviously.

There was lots of complaining up until the final act, so much so that you actually asked him a couple times if he wanted to stop. Mammon’s response was prolly sum like this, “No! Wai- I mean- pfft! Only if you want to stop, human.”

Once you lubed him up and inserted a finger, he became putty in your hands. This is the way to get them noises.

Once you stretched him to fit three fingers and he came you lubed up your strap on

The cock would hopefully be perfect size for Mam. It was 6.5 inches, a decent girth, and a dark purple. The straps were slightly uncomfortable but not too much.

First time you’re probably in missionary, feeling more intimate that way and allowing Mammon to see your face. After the first time, feel free to explore more positions. Mammon would probably wind up liking doggy and lotus.

The greed demon clung to you once you prodded his entrance with the fake cock. Once you were inside of him you stilled to let him adjust.

“What color are you?” You asked.

“Green!” Mammon’s eyes were shut tight.

Mammon the entire time stayed at green, much to your relief.

You started with slow shallow thrusts, working your way up to a pace you both liked. You eventually found your rhythm, your hips rocked into each other at a steady pace.

Mammon came quick without warning, strings of cum shot onto the both of yours’ stomachs and onto his chest.

Mammon had tears falling from pleasure, he was fucked dumb. The white haired boy kept babbling nonsense.

All you could respond to his babble with was, “I know, baby.”

You tried to pull out but Mammon wrapped his legs around your waist locking you in place.

You gave in and continued fucking Mammon, his eyes were rolled back, tears and drool running down his face, cum covering his abdomen, all while being drilled into. Mammon was a fucked out mess.

Your hips were meeting with such force, you could feel and hear the vibrations of the bed frame hitting the wall. You felt bad for Satan whose room was on the other side of the wall.

You wrapped your hand around Mammons painfully hard, leaking erection. You jerked him off at the same spread you were fucked him, movement in sync.

Mammon stiffened and bit your shoulder, cumming again. Your hand was covered in cum, you put your ring and middle finger up to Mammon’s mouth offering him to taste himself.

Mams quickly complied and sucked on your fingers greedily, licking your fingers clean of his essence. When you pulled back your fingers, he opened his mouth to show you he swallowed everything.

“Good boy,” you praised him.

Mammon smiled at your praise, he grinded his ass back against you, wanting to go another round. You denied Mammon what he wanted, also seeing the exhaustion evident in his face.

Long story short Mammon enjoyed getting ass fucked and would do it again.

Btw Satan was pissed.

A/N: sorry for any spelling errors, Not Proofread! Ending was rushed cs I didn’t know what to add😭

[kasiewrites]

Push-ups

Jake hangman Seresin x f!reader!pilot(roosters cousin)

Your call sign: y/cs

“So how about we make this interesting.” Coyote asks before getting up. “What do you have in mind?” “Push ups 200, you get shot down you do ‘em.” After everyone agrees, you all get ready and head out to your jets.

The first three get shot down fast, next up is Coyote and fanboy. They also got shot down very fast. The last ones going up, were you and hangman. You’d always been very competitive, especially when it came to your careers. You were all three up in the air for the longest and it was clear that hangman thought he’d win. His attitude worsening by the minute, you’d all been up there for 15 minutes when hangman finally got shot down, now just ‘cause hangman was dead and had to do 200 pushups and there was nothing you’d rather see than see him struggle you also really wanted to win.

After being in the air for 5 minutes after hangman left, you were getting tired but continued anyways. Right when maverick thought he had you, you pulled a stunt that no one other than the man himself would do, and therefore he wasn’t prepared for it. You ended up getting a lock on him and when the two of you got back down to solid ground every one congratulated you. You all stood and counted as maverick did his push-ups.

It only was there the bet that Coyote and maverick had made, and everyone else had joined in on, you and Hangman had also agreed on making a bet but you would only say it out loud once you’d won. And well since you’d won, you could now do whatever you wanted to hangman and while that sounded very nice, you ended up with a saying that you remember your aunt Carol always saying to your uncle goose.

So while at the bar, after getting a little tipsy. “So what’d you win?” Hangman asked. “Take me to bed tonight or lose me forever” clearly that caught him a little of guard since he almost choked on his beer, “excuse me, what’d you say?” “I’m sorry that was totally out of line, uh you don’t need to do anything” you answered now very embarrassed.

Hangman pulled you out the back door, “what’d you say?” “Take me to bed tonight or lose me forever.” You answered barely above a whisper. But soon you felt Hangman’s lips on yours, moving in sync. You moved your arms up to meet behind his neck, biting st his bottom lip.

[ddejavvu]

HI MEIII gnawing anon again (I feel like i might need an emoji soon CS gnawing anon is a lil silly sounding 😭) n e wayyy I have another request for you! Flynn rider w a really spoiled gf who (as much as he complains abt it) always gets what she wants from him.

Alsoo i don’t really send requests/asks too often, so if my etiquette is a bit off I sincerely apologize!

this spoke to me anon i love him. i used flynn instead of eugene because that's what you said in your request <3

"You wanted me to stop stealing." Flynn reminds you, ever-so-slightly tugging on your arm to get you to move away from the window of the shop you're enamored by.

"Hm?" You're peering intently through the dusty windows, watching the shopkeeper's hands flick back and forth with every miniscule movement of her knitting needles. Her work is truly awe-inspiring, and you can't imagine the hours she spends poring over each garment.

"One of those shawls would cost us a horse." Flynn reasons, and Maximus snorts from beside him, wholly unimpressed with the idea of being used as a bartering chip, "And we were going to use our money to restock our apple supply."

You're running dangerously low on the horse's favorite snack. He's truly insufferable when he's deprived, and you weigh your options, heart aching when you look away from the knitting in the window.

Flynn and Maximus try leading you away in sync, one motivated by apples and the other by the desire to remain intact through the night without horseshoe-shaped bruises littering his skin. You succumb to the weight of both of their gazes, but you cast one last longing look towards the store to find the woman inside staring right back at you.

Or rather, staring at Flynn.

You stop in your tracks, and both of your companions huff and puff about the minimal ground you'd covered. But a smirk forms on your lips, one that usually decorates Flynn's own face.

"Flynn," You croon, a tone that always results in something embarrassing, physically demanding, or frustrating for the man. He braces for impact, brows furrowing as he waits for you to drop the bomb.

"She likes you." You laugh, a wicked sound, "It's not stealing if she- say, gives something to you. Then it's good hospitality. It's accepting a gift. And I bet if you sweet talked her a little, she'd part with the green shawl in the corner for fifty percent off."

"That's dirty." Flynn scoffs, "Cheating a little old lady out of her craft?"

"She's staring at your butt." You raise a brow towards Flynn, "And she marks up the prices by double whenever tourists come by. She's practically a scam artist."

"Fine. I'll flirt." Flynn acquiesces with a sigh, squeezing your hips, "But this is the last time I'm schmoozing a little old lady for your own personal gain. I know I said that last time, but I mean it. No more senior citizens."

"Just go get me that shawl." You grin, your hands slipping down to rest idly against Flynn's trousers before you dig your nails in for a squeeze that makes him yelp, "And don't forget to work the ass, Flynn."

[fleshengine]

A lot of HDG stuff I see boils down to “this would be a fun setup to getting domesticated” and isn’t really an exploration of the world or anything. Like… a human and an affini make a bet that the human won’t last 30 minutes on class Cs without confessing her love, the affini changes the rules to trick the human into getting domesticated, whatever. It’s fine, I liked it, when I was feeling subby earlier it gave me gut tingles.

Maybe I’m just a POS english major and shouldn’t be judging ficlets as harshly as I am but like… where’s the conflict? Where’s the story? What does this say about the world of HDG that affini can do something like that?

I think that’s why I’ve been enjoying Courtship by teagan_the_doll on ao3 so much. It has a predestined ending, we know how this is going to end like with most HDG stuff but in Courtship it is established as being firmly in the far future. It has so much more to say about the world and I think does a great job of doing it. Humans have conversations about their friend who’s a floret now. A human thinks about her own feelings towards being a floret in the future. There even seems to be a nod at the “traditional” HDG story with one of the characters getting domesticated in like a week after a funny encounter with an affini. I’m less than halfway through it and I absolutely love it.

Go read Courship by teagan_the_doll on ao3. NOW

[koenigsbleachedshirt]

Please I need some emotions...I need how all three would react to finding YN beat up or something. The emotions, the angst, the possessive and protectiveness....PLS I BEG OF YOU

Bet 🙏🏻

TW: graphic violence, fighting, shooting

y/cs = your callsign

initial situation -> you were out on a mission with your team to deal with a no-name terrorist group. Everything had gone well until the last standing member managed to slam the butt of his gun against the back of your head. You toppled to the ground in pain, vision peppered with black spots. "Fuck... you piece of shit." You hiss when he gets you on your back and starts beating down on you.

Ghost

He hadn't seen or heard of you after calling through the comms, so he grew worried. "Cap', y/cs hasn't responded to my inquiries, I'mma go 'ave a look." Ghost informs Price, who nods in return.

He was decently close with you, so it left a bitter taste in his mouth when you didn't respond. What if someone had managed to mortally injure you and you were laying somewhere and bleeding out?

Ghost hurried through the rooms of the mostly cleared building and came to a stop when he spotted one of the terrorists on top of you, his fists continuously beating down on your, by now unconscious, body. Then he saw red.

Simon ran towards the fucker who dared to touch you yanked him up by his vest, literally throwing him a few feet away from you before proceeding to punch his living daylights out. "Ya fuckin' dare to hurt one of our mates?! I'm gonna fuckin' kill ya, damn cunt!"

He doesn't stop bashing his face in until it's a bloody mess, his fists dripping with the man's blood. He doesn't spare him another glance before going to check on you, blood running cold when he sees the state you're in. Simon's heart is beating out of his chest at the sight; your lip is busted and still slightly bleeding. There's also a laceration on your cheekbone and a nasty bruise forming around it, and not to forget the black eye you're starting to get.

Ghost exhales a shaky breath and gently scoops you up into his arms, careful not to hurt you any further. That bastard has probably beaten more places than just your face.

And he's going to kill them all by himself if he has to.

König

He had just finished absolutely obliterating five of the terrorists in another room and was about to check up on his team when he heard your pained cries from across the hall. König didn't waste any time, running to the source of the sound and kicking open the slightly ajar door.

The man was sitting on your stomach, violently beating you up; you try your best to kick him off, but he's too big. All you can do is try to shield your face, but it doesn't do much because he still got a few good hits on you.

But then you see your Colonel behind your attacker, distracting you enough to catch a fist to the jaw, and suddenly, you're out cold.

The giant colonel did not enjoy that. He picks the asshole up by the back of his collar and puts him in a chokehold. "You made a giant mistake here, du kleiner Bastard." König says into the terrorist's ear, sounding almost demonic, before he manhandles him around.

And then he breaks his back, like a stick that's being snapped over his knee. The man screams bloody murder, but König isn't done. Next, he breaks the arm he used to beat you up with, snapping it so hard the bone broke through the skin. And then the man went limp, either fell unconscious due to the pain, or straight up died.

He couldn't care less, though, as he tossed him aside and moved to kneel down next to your knocked out form. A pang of panic went through him as he hurriedly picked you up to evacuate and get you to a medic as soon as possible.

König is not going to lose you. Not when he finally found a new purpose.

Keegan

He witnessed it all through the scope of his sniper rifle, jaw clenched tightly. How dare this terrorist scum hurt you?

"Sergeant Russ here, I'm going in." He says into the comms before quickly making his way to where this man decided to touch something that wasn't his.

When Keegan arrived, you were already knocked out, his blood running cold. "You dare hurt my y/cs? Oh, you've made a grave mistake there." He says, voice dangerously low as he raises his assault rifle.

The terrorist on top of you freezes, arm raised back for another punch, but not plowing down again. "Get the fuck off of them, hands in the air."

The man does what he's told, but right when he's back on his feet, he moves to take out his gun, probably trying to shoot Keegan.

But instead, he aims it at you. Keegan's eyes widen, and without thinking, he shoots the terrorist straight through the forehead. The man's aim falters but still pulls the trigger, and the bullet lands inches from your face on the ground.

Keegan drops his rifle from the shock; that fucking man almost killed you right in front of him. His whole body is shaking as he flops down next to you, one hand gently caressing your cheek. "You're safe now. Let's go back to base." He says before slinging his rifle around himself and then picking you up and carrying you out of the building.

[oliversrarebooks]

Fitz's Costume

Masterlist

a quick Halloween snippet, idea courtesy of my lovely wife

October 1998

"Good evening," said Fitz in a terrible fake accent, stalking up to Lex.

"What on earth are you wearing?"

"It's my costume for Lily's party!" Fitz wore a ridiculous grin and possibly the worst costume Lex had ever seen. It consisted of a cheap, wrinkled ruffled shirt, a plasticky red cape that barely reached to his waist, smeared-on white stage makeup, and worst of all, plastic fangs that he'd somehow jammed on top of his real fangs. "I'm a vampire! Bleh!"

"Yes, I'm aware," said Lex, trying to gather a sufficient response. "You're not seriously planning to go to Lily's party as -- this."

"I'm a creature of the night," said Fitz, halfway climbing on top of Lex. "I vant to suck your blood."

Lex fought back his smile. "Shouldn't you be using that line on one of the thralls?"

"It's you who I vant. Such a beautiful, innocent, helpless victim vith such delicious blood." With one finger, he tilted Lex's face upwards. "Look deep into my eyes and fall into my power."

"Oh, no, you've caught me," said Lex in an amused deadpan. "I cannot resist the amazing and powerful Phantom Fitz."

"That's right," he said, barely able to keep the toy fangs in his mouth. "And now, I feast on your blood! And turn you into one of the cursed undead!" He began to kiss up and down Lex's neck in a way that would be enticing if it weren't for the plastic teeth.

"Anything but that." Lex gently pushed Fitz away.

"It's too late! Mwahahaha!" With a flourish, Fitz reached behind him and somehow pulled out a bag containing a second shoddy vampire costume. "Now you must be a vampire!"

"Oh no, I am not wearing that thing."

"You have no choice! I've hypnotized you!" Fitz dropped to his normal voice. "Besides, it'll be hilarious. I bet Lily will think it's funny. Did you have a better costume idea?"

Unfortunately, he did not.

Masterlist

Happy Halloween!

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin

@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist

@vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @und3ad-mutt

@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada

@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia

@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@enigmawriteswhump @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot

@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme

@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump @tippytappytyping @natthebatt @fire-bugg14

@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe @demetercabingreen-thumb @the-broken-pen

@pokemaniacgemini @jumpywhumpywriter @basica11ywhumped @anoontjecanush @cepheusgalaxy

@whump-me-harder @whump-till-ya-jump @the-monarch-whumperfly

[nowimabeliever]

hey i heard something about professor doug... tell us more pls... *bats eyelashes*

(original post)

(another ask)

Some more professor Wreden fun facts:

About 25% of the time, he'll show up to class looking semi-professional. The other 75% of the time, he'll be in shorts and a t-shirt. Even in January.

Most of his classes are upper-division machine learning classes, but he teaches a couple sections of CS 210 because he likes seeing people get visibly better at programming over the course of a term

His doctoral thesis was on some machine learning thing that he still builds on as part of his research

He clearly knows his stuff conceptually/theoretically...

...except every time he tries to demo code for the class he fucks something up and you wonder a little bit how he managed to graduate undergrad

"Five minute coding adventure" is still a phrase he very much uses

His upper division classes are used to this and will just shout out that he forgot the semicolon or whatever else he fucked up

He's very good at explaining his mistakes (and also, on the assignments you get back, your own mistakes) once he figures out that he made them

His office isn't actually in the computer science building, since that's under renovations because it's actually the zillion-year-old math building and they ran out of space in there. Instead, he's been shoved into a random office in the business building

Which is how he met Dr. Parkzer, professor of finance and business operations

They've been friends for 4 years and are still in offices next door to each other (which doesn't bode well for the completion of that building)

About half the time anybody tries to find him for office hours, he's in Parkzer's office instead, working on his laptop and pestering Parkzer with hypotheticals

People speculate on whether he's in a relationship with Parkzer all the time

A couple of the younger instructors/postdocs have a bet going on it

He still streams on Twitch every so often and has a devoted following of about fourteen people who watch him code dumb shit in GTA

He'll take his glasses off to work in his office, leave them there when he goes to teach class, and then wonder why his own slides are so blurry

He has two grad student TA's- both of them also think he's hot

Also he still makes stupid jokes and drops insane lore randomly

He tells the linear algebra lube story at one point and everybody in the room who's taken linear algebra just kinda nods (i was so tempted to do this for my organic chemistry midterm ngl)

He's a fair grader but there are secret extra credit points if you're particularly creative on an assignment or make a good enough joke in class/at office hours

[l0sercat]

I keep coming back to request 2012 shredder fics and I’m doing that again

Could you possibly do a regular civilian x shredder (gender neutral possibility???) getting tangled up with his work

Also thank you for writing these fics I am deprived and this is were I get my feast 🙏

I love you so much, thank you for sending requests about my fav! And it's my pleasure I'm always happy to write about my bbg, I'm glad I'm able to feed you lmfao. This is kinda trash cs I think he's a little ooc but I hope you enjoy anyways:)) Idk I just want him to be all soft w me 😭🥺

2012!Shredder x reader

Maybe you were a civilian who liked to explore abandoned buildings and you stumbled upon him and his henchmen with the mutagen

Or you simply stumbled upon him fighting the turtles, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time, and after he had his ass beat because of the turtles plot armour You gasp and help him, thinking some weird mutants or aliens beat up this poor dude, yeah its strange he is wearing all that armour, but maybe its his hobby or something

If it's the second option, he is in so much pain that he can't register that your some stranger pushing debris off of him and tearing your clothes so you can make them in makeshift bandage's for him, your ready to call an ambulance when he grabs your wrist and shakes his head

He stares at you with a unknown look in his eyes, your confused and before your able to speak he says something "Who are you?" You blink at him and give a awkward smile "I'm ____, your badly injured please let me call help" He groans as he sits up and stands up although he's shaking

"That's not necessary, leave now and do whatever you were doing before, don't tell anyone what you saw or else" You give him a bewildered look "I- what? Sir your critically injured I don't think you should be walking anywhere. You are likely to collapse please at least let me help you get wherever you are going..?" Saki sighs and turns his head to glare at you

You are so persistent in helping him, he wonders why. Do you expect something out of him? Or are you truly a good person? He knows your right though, he is likely to collapse on his way back. His vision is blurry and it hurts just to breathe. "Fine you can take me to my place" you beam at him and rush to his side, you side yourself under his arm and let him lean on you for support

He suppresses the sounds of pains, he doesn't want to seem weak. His whole body hurts, but he can't deny that you helping him makes it hurt less. You try to start some small talk but he doesn't answer. You get the hint and stop talking, you let your eyes roam over his body.

How his face seems a little scarred under the helmet and mask, his eye is bloodshot. His muscles are evident and you can't helo but admire them. His biceps and his thighs are big and strong. You bet he has at least a nice pack of abs under the armour. You can admire the dedication and work he must have put in to get that buff. And gosh you'd be lying if you said he wasn't attractive...

Saki notices your staring, your gaze burning into his skin. How your face heats up and you let out a startled sound and whisper an apology looking away when he looks down at you making eye contact. He raises a brow a small smirk forms on his face. You were amusing, his hand grips on you upper arm.

When you finally reach the big building your eyes bulge. You were expecting an apartment not a huge tower. You stuttered and looked at him "Are you sure this is your place? Did your head get hit too hard?" He chuckles and immediately regrets it as his body is shot in pain. "Yes..I'm sure..Come on" he talks slow as to not be in more pain

You nod your head and you help him inside, your arm that's wrapped around him tightens. A little intimidated by how creepy the building is, how there are so many people dressed as ninjas. You dare not say anything though, you don't want to offend him. You both make your way to the medical facility. You let him sit down on the bed. He sighs and lays down, his body is on fire.

You don't know what to do. "Um excuse me sir, do you need me to help you? Or am I free to go?" He eyes your form, you look so nervous, your fidgeting with your fingers. It adorable "Go get supplies to fix my injuries, and then you can leave if you want" You nod your head and you make your way towards the cabinet

He peels off his armour, not worried if you would try to attack him. You were small and weak compared to him. He knew you wouldn't try anything and if you did, even in this shape, there wasn't much you could do. You see his topless form and can't help but to bite your lip, damn did he look good. But you shake off those thoughts and help him. You tend to his wounds, your touch is gentle and everytime he groans you whisper an apology.

Saki doesn't remember the last time he felt such a gentle touch. Someone who is nice with him, he'd be lying if he said he didn't like it. So he did the only thing logical, he asked you to work for him. More exactly, act as a doctor for him and you would receive many benefits. You would stay in the tower in your own room. Everything you need would be provided, you just need to be able to take care of Shredder and his mens wound's.

Although Shredder doesn't like sharing his little nurse, he wants to keep you for himself. Not let anyone feel how gentle you are or hear your laughter. He is a very selfish man, but he knows his men need someone to help them. He would always make sure he is last so that way you can take your time. He talks with you more than he talks with anyone. You are the only one he is vulnerable with.

He feels some kind of comfort and is very relaxed with you. He likes the side you bring out of him. It took you some time to bring down his walls slowly. But he eventually, little by little, lets you in. He always visits you even when he doesn't need to. Invites you to eat dinner with him and Karai. Karai doesn't say anything but she smirks, she'll make a private comment to him later. Tease him about having a soft spot for someone. He'll just grumble under his breath and storm off all moody.

But the truth is, she's right. He knows, everyone knows it. It becomes obvious to you to, but you just don't know how to approach the subject. So you keep on doing your duties, you know he'll purposely act like he's hurt. You can tell he inflicted some of these injuries. You know how he loves the attention you give him. You love how his eyes soften and his face reddens, his lips form a very small smile, how his body relaxes when you brush your fingers over his skin. How you coo and make a 'fuss' over him. "Reprimanding" him for always being so careless.

Like always you take care of Shredder, applying ointment and then wrapping up the wounds. Without thinking you brought his scarred and bruised knuckles to your lips. You placed a soft chaste kiss into them, letting your lips linger onto the skin. Shredder's eyes widen and his whole body tenses. You don't even realize what you've done before it's too late. You pull back immediately and profusely apologize. He gets up without a word and walks out, placing his helmet back on his head.

Your trembling, scared you just ruined everything. But he isn't mad, no infact he couldn't be happier. His heart races but he doesn't know how to confront his feelings. So he decided to run away, he may be very intelligent but not emotionally. No, so instead of being a man and talking to you. He avoids you, even when you try to talk to him. He dismisses you and ignores you. Even if he is seriously hurt he refuses to go to you. He just doesn't want to confront his feelings, his 'weakness'. He is closed off again, Karai frowns and tries to convince her father. To try to talk to you that this isn't good for him. But he doesn't listen, he gets harsher to everyone.

So your only option is to go to him when he is just sitting on his throne. Sulking like always, it makes you smile. He was so childish sometimes, he notices you and stiffens. He gets up and tells you to leave, but you ignore him. You confess your feelings to him and he stares at you. He doesn't know what to say, but his body moves without thinking. His hands cup your face, his head leans down and your foreheads press against each other's. He closes his eyes and yours flutter shut as well. He doesn't say anything but you know he feels the same way

He takes your hands in his and brings them close to his chest. Letting you feel how fast his heart is beating. Under the mask his face is flushed and he has a small smile. (I know this is sooo ooc and honestly should be more slowburn but damnit I want him now! Plus who cares imma self indulge, idc if he'd kill me/us in canon, in fiction that man wants me/us)

Now if you discovered them with the ooze. That's even more slowburn right there. Maybe your a test subject for the mutagen. But instead of turning you into a hideous mutant. It only works halfway, giving you animal features. You have ears and a tail but your not fully formed. Shredder is intrigued and keeps you as a personal pet. You do little task he wants you to do.

And he rewards you, he also loves to infanilitize you. He will talk down on you for the power trip, he loves feeling superior. He'll pat your head, scratch behind you ears. Maybe even play with them and then mockingly boop your nose. He pulls your tail to get your attention. If you try to attack him he'll threaten to declaw you

You are his property and he doesn't start to see you in a different way until a over a year. You both have to break down each other's walls. You are the first to break, starting a small conversation with him. He is the only one your around most of the time. Your so lonely and isolated and you break and try to converse with him. He responds and converses back with you. If he has nothing better to do than to ponder on plans, then he'll tell stories of his past or missions. He'll walk you around the tower so you both can clear your head.

He only opened up because he felt a sense of trust with you. He knew you wouldn't say anything to anyone. Plus it felt nice getting everything off his chest and sharing with someone. He soon stopped treating you like a pet and more like a 'friend'. Now I use the word friend lightly because friend is a strong word when it comes to him.

In every scenario, You have to confess first, Saki is too headstrong and prideful to do so. But he will accept the confession and say he feels the same way. And things turn out good, Saki is very sweet and loving in his own way. And Karai couldn't be happier for the both of you. Saki is found someone else to obsess over. He is still wanting to kill them, but it doesn't consume his mind as much anymore.

Only happy endings for these routes!!!!

[qoldenskies]

poverty au alternate names:

Empty Pockets

Sleep is for those with money

Fuck Coffee is expensive

giggles cause i got a name idea (thank you for the crane wives and thank you specifically that person who recommended mad dog to me. ive taken to calling it the kickback universe in my head so i guess that's what its called now) but that is definitely a vibe. i bet they splurged on that coffee machine soooo hard but they have like dollar store grounds and it tastes like shit and no creamer could save it. donnie drinks it black anyway which is a sin

its not like i could call it the "donnie is the only one with college opportunities because mikey is barely skirting by with Cs, leo had to drop out because unmedicated adhd, and raph skipped most opportunities for higher education especially with sports to focus on providing for the family, so donnie's doing running start while also working a job because his father's dercums progressed to a point where he cant even really go outside without being in immense pain because they dont have enough money or insurance to afford any real care (and no extended family to fall back on because splinter was cut off from them, other than a cousin across the country) and rely on april to drive them around, and then the landlord unexpectedly raises rent in an attempt to get them out and donnie because he's taken on the job of managing their finances decides to hide this from them and start working a SECOND job under the table that includes the fucking graveyard shift with a boss that barely pays him enough under the table and its partially because he's blasian AND trans, and this is also while he's going to running start college, while having a job to go to right after running start college, and also he has to worry about tutoring mikey and helping leo get a GED and groceries and like everything because he doesn't want to put more undue stress on raph who is the only line of support he would normally have here" au. although maybe it would be funny if i did?

i got carried away when making the joke. there's the premise i guess. i'll probably just write one big oneshot but because all of them have Prablems maybe i'll expand a little, right now im keeping the scope small so dont expect anything for a while since i have so much to do atm, i'll talk about if people want to hear more though! .... i did not expect to get as invested as i did. CANARY CONTINUITY FIRST

[captain-stretch-nuts]

I have an insane, possibly cracked out Claims Adjuster theory.

I believe it is Luigi Mangione, and I also believe he set himself up to be caught on purpose, on his terms. Reviewing the evidence:

He sets up a video on his YouTube channel predicting that he will be arrested by the time anyone sees it. This makes sense and it's an easy form of "dead man's switch." No one will go to his random YouTube channel if they do not first know his name.

We know by the shooter's actions that he has an affinity for flair; the engraved shell casings, the backpack of monopoly money, getting away on a rideshare e-bike of all things, the flippant disrespect for cameras that were probably in plain sight to him. In all honesty, what better way to turn the surveillance state's cameras to your advantage than to let a guaranteed-sympathetic public see your face and know your name?

His politics. He has something for everyone in his politics. He follows all sorts of people and makes all sorts of statements, in general it seems that regardless of his personal beliefs he kept his ear to the ground, politically speaking. Immediately, they dispel the illusion that he is perfect. In the publicizing of his political views, he reminds the viewer that he is human.

He is found in his home state. Why would he flee home? It's the first place cops would look. Lo and behold, there he is, which means the investigation doesn't drag out any longer, and a trial can commence where he will probably use the publicity there to communicate other things to the public. Additionally it would be easy to say to the McDonald's worker, "Hey, I'm gonna wait for the cops here in town. They're gonna catch my ass for sure. Say you found me and collect the bounty. Enjoy the fat stacks."

He has a master's in CS. He knows the limitations of the surveillance apparatus that surrounds him.

He has a pretty gnarly looking back surgery. It is likely he lives in constant pain not to mention the contents of his manifesto which he was found with. This is more than enough of a motive.

He was wearing all the evidence, probably to make himself unmistakable as the shooter. There's not another good reason to do this.

He understands the idea of society as an organism because he read the book that describes it as such, and regardless of his politics he committed an unequivocally good and necessary act which furthers societal growth and understanding through class consciousness.

The lack of a lot of hard evidence surrounding this so far. It's making the NYPD look like a bunch of clowns no matter what they do. They found him because he made it easy for them. The execution was so perfect that if he wanted to, he could have disappeared completely.

He is a conventionally attractive white man. I don't need to explain why the NYPD would rather that he wouldn't be a conventionally attractive white man.

So yeah I bet it's him, and all the weird shit he did? I also bet it was on purpose. The actual shooting was just way too clean. Done way too well. We'll see when he goes to trial but I'm placing my bets now.