#cs go bets

[quatregats]

Barbara Wellesley deserves her own series I need to see into her messed-up mind as well

[oppositeslut]

being up this early and having work later is going to make me say slurs

[sweetshuga]

MS ✰ String you out ✧ CS

───~𓆩♡𓆪~───

Warnings⚠︎ Smut!, Suggestive remarks!, strong language!, threesome!, size kink, lowkey breeding kink, pet names, p in v, dp, unprotected sex (do not), oral (m! receiving), squirting, vibe, slight intoxication (but full consent), etc.

Word count. 3k

Note. English is not my first language! Not proofread!

Psa. Matt refers to reader as "pretty" and Chris refers to reader as "ma", just so you don't get confused with the dialogues.

Sum. Everything goes south when you show up at the campus Halloween party in a tiny black witch costume; becoming their prey for the night.

You weren’t prepared when your best friend came knocking at your door with a big duffle bag, trying to convince you to come to the annual Halloween party, but you had already decided to stay in your dorm room and continue doing your assignments.

"C’mon, don’t be like that, I even bought us matching costumes," she stepped inside, letting you close the door behind her. "I can help you do your make-up, please?" Your friend begged, plopping down on your bed. You sighed and rubbed your temple, "I told you already, I’m not going, that Halloween party will probably be just like a frat one and you know how I am about frat parties."

Your friend crossed her arms with raised eyebrows, "no, it won’t be like a frat party, but I guess there’ll be those fraternity guys there since you know... Campus party, everyone’s gonna be there–" you cut her off, "except for me," causing her to collapse back onto your bed.

"Pretty please?" She pleaded again, jutting her bottom lip out dramatically, making you laugh. "No, like I said–" she cut you off with a groan, "c’mooon, Halloween happens only once a year..." her voice trailed off as a grin made its way onto her lips, "if you go this once, I won’t bug you again, like I promise I won’t ask you to come to frat parties with me."

You couldn’t help but be tempted with the deal, clearing your throat as you looked at her, "you serious?" She nodded vigorously, "yeah, I am, I am dead serious, so? will you?" You sighed and nodded, eliciting a happy "yay" from her.

She immediately spilled the contents from her huge duffel bag, tons of make-up products and two matching witch costumes. You picked one up, inspecting it. The costume was incredibly short and could almost pass off as a long shirt.

"Are you serious? This is what you picked?" She gave you a deadpanned look, "it’s Halloween! You know what they say, the only time of the year to be as slutty as you want." She nudged your arm, grinning, "plus I bet guys would go nuts when they see you in this."

𓆩♡𓆪

Your friend helped you with your make-up, and as you looked in the mirror, you felt like you were someone else, in a good way. The costume was short, but it made you feel a bit more confident than usual. The black heel boots you had lying around – that you’ve been wanting to wear for so long – seemed to match the vibe of the dress.

The long sleeves and overall style of the costume had already started to grow on you. "Not too bad," you said as you curled your hair, "yeah? told you so," your friend grinned triumphantly, making you roll your eyes in a playful manner.

The moment you arrived at the party, your ears immediately rang at the loud music, "fuck, why is it so loud here?" you shouted to your friend, trying to get your words across the short distance, but the music drowned out your voice.

"It’s always this loud, you’re just not used to it, c’mon, let’s get drinks!" She dragged you towards the table of drinks, expertly weaving through the crowd. Alcohols that you didn’t even know the names of were stacked in an oddly neat way along with soft drinks, water and way too many solo cups.

A girl standing by the table, dressed as the grinch, offered to make you and your friend drinks, halloween specials. As you were sipping on your drink, you noticed a pair of guys, almost identical looking.

"Holy fuck, you know who they are?" you nudged your friend, jerking your head at the direction of the guys dressed as vampires. She followed your gaze and looked at them, "yeah?" she chuckled, "you don’t?" Shaking your head as you kept your gaze on the guys, unable to take it off of them.

"Of course you don’t, you’re always buried in schoolwork," she clicked her tongue, "they’re quite famous around campus you know?" You let out a huff, taking another big gulp of your drink, groaning at the burn of the mixed alcohols. "So? Who are they?"

"The one with the cap is Chris and the one that doesn’t have a cap is Matt, obviously, they’re identical triplets, but I don’t think Nick’s here today." You let out an "oh" sound of understanding before you took another sip of your drink.

"Heard they got a bro code or whatnot, like they wouldn’t hit the same girl," your friend shrugged, telling you all she knew about them, "yeah... couldn’t care less, c’mon let’s just dance or something," you said pulling your friend away from the table of drinks and onto the dance floor. You couldn’t help but feel interested despite your words.

After one too many drinks and a few stolen glances later, you found yourself in a bathroom, two pairs of hands roaming over your body while you shared a kiss with one of the guys—the one with the cap.

The other one kissed your neck, trailing it down to your collarbone and leaving love bites there before going back to your neck. The one with the cap broke the kiss, "you know our names ma?" He breathed out, "uh... you’re Chris, and he’s Matt, right?" you asked hesitantly, the slight intoxication making your mind a jumbled up mess.

"Mhm—bingo, pretty," Matt whispered, his lips grazing just under your earlobe, causing a shiver to run down your spine. Butterflies swarmed in your stomach as they continued to kiss and caress your body, your body reacting to every word and touch from them, making their faces light up with smirks.

Their fake fangs nipped at your skin, causing you to gasp softly each time. "Say, let’s go to a more comfortable place?" Chris suggested, "Yeah, can’t really do much in a bathroom," Matt chuckled as he added.

They led you out of the bathroom and weaved through the crowd of people dancing. You tried to find your friend to tell her you were going but you couldn't find her in the crowd. Suddenly, you got a message and a photo from her apologizing saying that she was gonna head home with her boyfriend since it was getting late. How convenient.

You sighed and let the guys lead you out of the party, your costume rode up ever so slightly as you tried to balance on the heel boots in your slightly tipsy state. You were very much aware of your surroundings and the two fellas, dressed as vampires, leading you towards their car.

"Where are we going?" You asked, a bit puzzled but willing. Matt and Chris both chuckled in unison at your confused state, "oh yeah, we’re gonna go to our place, you mind?" Chris asked as he looked back at you, "I mean, if you don’t feel comfortable with that, we could always hit up a hotel," Matt shrugged.

You hummed, looking back and forth between them before making your decision, "no, yeah, i’m good with your place," they both visibly relaxed and grinned, "alright then, hop in, pretty," Matt said as he opened the backseat door.

𓆩♡𓆪

The drive to their place was fairly fast, accompanied by small talks and laughter, but that quickly turned into heated kisses and breathy moans once you got inside their house. Stumbling into one of their rooms, they started to strip you out of the skimpy costume.

Gently pushing you on the bed before they started to strip themselves, your gaze raked over their bodies as you waited on the bed, biting your lip in anticipation. Once they were matching you in nakedness, they sat on either side of you, starting to lavish attention to your body once again.

"Fuck, you’re so beautiful ma, so fucking beautiful," Chris murmured against the swell of your breast, "mhm... so pretty" Matt whispered an agreement in your ear before kissing along your jawline, his hand caressing your body, slowing inching down to cup your mound.

You hissed softly when his fingers made in contact with your swollen clit, slick with arousal, and throbbing for attention. The brothers quickly picked up on your growing need and desperation as they saw just how wet you had become.

Your folds glistened in the dim light of the bedside lamp, the obvious need evident in your tone when Chris plunged a finger inside your tight heat. "Fu—ck," you moaned softly, your breathing a lot more ragged now that he was moving his digit in and out of you, slipping in a second finger and smirking at how you seemed to suck in his fingers.

"Someone’s eager," Matt chuckled, his voice a bit deeper than usual, betraying his arousal. The pads of his fingers started to circle your sensitive bundle of nerves, eliciting slightly louder moans from you.

The feeling was already so pleasurable, and you didn’t know if it was the alcohol making you feel more than usual or just the brothers themselves, either way you knew you were incredibly turned on.

They adjusted your position, easily manhandling you, but their touch was gentle– almost tender if you will. The new position gave them more to work with. You were on your hands and knees and they stood on their knees on either side of you, still squeezing and caressing every inch of skin they could touch.

They were big – huge even – it made you feel a bit nervous. They were easily 10", and who knows how thick, standing tall and proud. You gulped softly when Chris gripped your hip with one hand and led his length towards your aching pussy. The tip of his cock slid up and down your slit, making you whine and push back against him.

They chuckled at your needy gestures and sounds, "you’re so responsive ma, ’s intoxicating," Chris emphasized his words with a slap on your ass, causing you to jolt and whine, his hand gently caressing the reddening skin.

Matt, being the one in front of you, caressed your cheek and made you look up at him by lifting your face by your jaw. Smirking when he saw the desperation in your eyes, "what’s up pretty? Can’t handle a little teasing?" He spoke with faux sympathy, making you all the more desperate.

Before you could open your mouth to speak, you felt the sudden stretch, causing you to move forward—trying to get away from the sensation, only to be held in place by two pairs of hands. Chris clicked his tongue, "relax ma," his hands squeezed your ass, sinking his fingers in your plush flesh as he moved forward, filling you completely.

"Oh fu—ck, Chris too big–" your moans got muffled when Matt fed you his length, groaning at the sensation of your mouth on him and the vibrations from your moans as Chris took you from behind.

Chris’ pupils dilated when he saw the way your ass recoiled against his hips with each deep and slow thrust, he gripped your hips tighter and surged forward with increasing fervor. The force of it pushed you forward, each thrust making you involuntarily deepthroat Matt, making them both groan at the pleasure.

Chris suddenly pulled out, and stood up, "I think I’ve got something nice." Matt chuckled when he understood what Chris implied and pulled out of your mouth with a wet pop. You looked at them confused, feeling empty and still aching with need.

A few minutes later, Chris came back with a vibrator and a bottle of lube in hand. You blinked rapidly as your gaze flickered between the brothers, making them chuckle, "don’t worry pretty, we’ll make you feel good, ’promise." Chris sat on the bed behind you, getting in position again.

"Alright ma, up," he playfully slapped your ass before helping you back in the position you were in moments ago, but this time you were facing Chris with Matt behind you. Your moans filled the room once again when Matt entered you, stretching you deliciously.

Your moans were quickly muffled by Chris’ cock, which you eagerly let in your mouth, and the pleasure was already bordering on too much. Your body tensed when you felt vibrations on your clit. Matt groaned loudly when he felt you clench around him like a vice, his hips picking up pace in response.

Your moans vibrated around Chris’ shaft, making him buck his hips faster, fucking your mouth as he gripped your hair in a makeshift ponytail. Your eyes rolled back briefly as Matt hit that spot deep within you, the one that made sparks dance behind your eyes, the one that made you moan louder.

The vibrations of the vibe increased, making your legs shake as you tried to ground yourself from the intense pleasure that you wondered if you could take any more of. That was when Matt held you by your waist and started to target a specific spot—your g-spot.

The feeling of him hitting your g-spot with such precision and the vibrator doing its job on your throbbing clit, made you squirm, trying to get away from the intensity of it all, but their hands kept you in place. With a loud muffled moan you squirted, unable to warn them due to Chris’ cock in your mouth. The brothers let out breathy chuckles when they saw the mess you were making, but didn’t stop nevertheless.

They followed you soon after, their releases filling up your holes. You couldn’t even keep yourself steady on your legs and arms anymore, it was all threatening to buckle under you any second.

Carefully, they laid you down, and seeing the wrecked state you were in just seemed to fuel their desires further. Their semi-hard lengths hardened once more as they gazed down at you. Your disheveled hair, the hickeys adorning your body, Matt’s release trickling out of you and Chris’ dripping down your chin.

Matt’s hand came up to caress your side, causing a breathy sigh to escape your lips, "you think you can go one more round pretty?" Chris chuckled softly, "mhm—ma, don’t think we can get enough of you, think you can take us both?"

"Both? like at the same time?" you whispered, your voice already hoarse from overuse. They nodded, chuckling as they helped you into a sitting position, "yeah, we’ve got lube, but it’s fine if you’re not up for it, pretty—" you cut him off, "well, I don’t mind, i mean... if it can fit that is..." your voice trailed off as you looked down at their laps.

"Don’t worry, ma, we’ll make it fit," is all you heard before they got in position. Matt laying with you on top of him and Chris behind you. The pop of the lube cap made your body shiver in anticipation, the mildly cold oil jolting every nerve as it ran down your slit, making you shudder.

Matt slowly pushed inside, eliciting a soft moan from you, and as you finally adjusted to his size, Chris nudged himself on your already full pussy. "Shh— ’s alright, pretty, just relax," Matt cooed from under you, his arms holding you in place as Chris entered you from behind. You squirmed under their touch, moaning loudly, and the stretch being too much, too big.

Chris grunted at the tightness as he pushed inside, stilling when he bottomed out inside you, "shit ma, so fuckin’ tight," he hissed through his teeth. Matt chuckled, his voice huskier, "yeah, you like how we stretch you, pretty? how fuckin’ big we are?" You could only mumble a "yes" that sounded more like a whimper.

They let you adjust to their sizes—the fullness and the stretch. Their hands caressed your body soothingly, whispering sweet nothings in your ears, and kissing your shoulders and neck.

You finally relaxed around them, moaning softly at the sudden pang of pleasure from being filled to the brim. Your pleasure didn’t go unnoticed by Matt and Chris, chuckling to themselves as they started to move. Your world blurred as you felt an immense pleasure you’ve never felt before.

Your body moved on its own, meeting their thrusts, wanting more of that delicious feeling. And all that only made them move faster – harder – thrusting into you with renewed fervor. Your hands clutched whatever you could hold, grounding yourself so you wouldn’t get consumed by the pleasure.

"Fu—ck pretty, so fuckin’ tight," Chris mumbled an agreement, both of them holding you in place as they took what they wanted. You could only hold on, and moan for them. "Shit, gonna fill you up so good— swell you with my cum, ma," Chris groaned, "Yeah, fuck— you ready for us pretty?" Matt added, muffling his sounds of pleasure on your shoulder.

You mumbled a plea for them to cum inside you—to which they gladly did, groaning and moaning as they filled you up. Their combined release spilled out from the sides, making a mess.

Gently pulling out from your well-used hole, their chests heaved with exertion. In spite of their softening cocks, they couldn’t help the feral, almost animalistic, feeling when they saw the sight of their mixed release trickling out of your pussy.

They both groaned under their breaths before exchanging knowing glances, a silent conversation between them, and slowly alerting you about their insatiable desires for you. "You okay, pretty?" Matt’s hand caressed your cheek while Chris squeezed your ass, "we’re not done with you ma, not by a long shot."

They chuckled as they saw you look at them surprised, but didn’t protest or say no, instead pulled them closer – a silent plea for more. "We’re gonna fuck this pussy so good," Matt whispered in your ear, "and fill you up with our spend until you swell with our babies," Chris added, whispering in your other ear.

Their words were filled with promises, and that alone made you feel immense pleasure, a need for more.

The next morning, you woke up with a bad headache, and sore all over. It wasn’t a surprise that you had a hangover but it was a surprise when you became aware of your surroundings. You were in an unknown room, entangled with not one, but two guys. It didn’t help that they were brothers, identical brothers.

"Heard they got a bro code or whatnot, like they wouldn’t hit the same girl." Your friend’s words echoed in your head. Guess it wasn’t true after all, their bro code.

𓆩♡𓆪

wc. 3,086

Isa's notes. I've never written a Chratt fic before, or anything with two love interests, or a threesome in that matter so like... my bad if it's shit.

xoxo 𓆩♡𓆪

Masterlist 𓆩♡𓆪 Taglist

Taglist: @strnilolover @mattsfavoritestar @sophand4n4 @tpwktahlz @lilyyliloo @slut4angstt @pvssychicken @poolover123 @loud-sturniolos @inlovewchrissturniolo @queenshet @chrisstopherfilmed @grace-sturnz @billiesbabya

© sweetshuga

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[rieaj]

“i love you, but that dick is a plus.” ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

———

who in enha has the biggest dick? (hyung line only)

warnings: enha hyung line x reader (seperate !!), smut, unprotected sex, blowjobs, missionary, p in v, talks about dick sizes, dacryphilia, mdni !!

others: enjoy this for now, cause ive been losing motiv for a couple if days cs its been hectic asf 😭 ill post more content soon. but for now this is enough to feed y’all’s horny selves 🫶

———

lee heeseung. this man 😖. he’s big alright. 6’0ft tall he’s got big hands, feet, etc. meaning to say he’s got a big dick too. 8 inches when soft, 9 1/2 when hard. i feel like he wouldn’t be as thick as jay or jake. but this man is for sure long. i also bet he and jay would have big balls. he’d prolbably have shaved hairs that were slightly the same as sunghoon’s not too hairy or too shaved down. heeseung is the type to love blowjobs. sucking down on his long cock, just to have him push your head just to hear your whimper and gags. he’d like to fuck you in missionary just to watch his cock slowly go in and out of you whilst watching your teary eyed face.

park jay. he’s thick for sure. 7 inch when soft, 8 1/2 when hard. thick girth and a mushroom tip that would be an angry red type of color. the base would be a little tanner than his skin, and for his hair, i bet he shaves it every 2 weeks max. its neat and not so hairy. gotta be clean to satisfy his girl (>.<) jay would also be the type to be the softest and most loving in bed. he loves reassuring you and talking you through it. this man would also have the best aftercare. jay could also go rough and hard, only if he would be in a bad mood or jealous. (we’ll discuss this soon !) overall, jay just has big dick.

sim jake. thickest. 7 1/2 inches when soft, 8 when hard. jake isn’t exactly the longest. but he beats them in girth. he’s a thick boy. even just the tip inside your already stretched out so wide. his base color would be a little darker than his skin tone. he has a big tip that whenever he was hard it would be such an angry pink and constantly leak pre-cum. jake would not have any hairs at all. poor baby always feels so guilty whenever he sees you in tears as soon as an inch of his dick stretches you out. always shushing you and reassuring that the pain would be gone.

park sunghoon. i feel like he would be the biggest. a positive, 8 1/2 inch when soft. a solid 9 when hard. sunghoon would most like be the one to know his dick the best, and also use it correctly. his dick is girthy with a usual peachy color on his tip. the base color would be a the same color as his usual skin, and he would most likely have a neat shave, something like the hair still being there but at the same time it’s not too bushy. sunghoon would also have some best dick game. there is never a time you won’t be pleasured after being with him. he would also most likely HATE wearing condoms. unless that is, you want him to. anything for his girl <3 but for me i think he wouldn’t really like it cs he wants you to feel every inch and vein of him pulse inside you :0

———

yall ive been busy this is all i could come up w rn. its not my best work, but ive just been too lazy. i’ll do better soon 😞

[love-fictional-ppl]

Pegging Mammon

Summary: headcanons for pegging Mammoney

Pairings: sub!Mammon x dom!Afab!MC

Warnings: language, smut, pegging, lots of anal play, handjobs, sex positions, overstimulation, color system, premature ejaculation, cum eating, etc.

A/N: ignore the gif I just love the way he looks in this😭😭 also sry if this is shit this was written on my phone.

I’m going to start this by saying, you had to beggggg mammon. He would never be caught dead asking you or giving in so easily to being pegged, I mean he’s the Great Mammon.

You probably only got him to agree by making a bet, he lost obviously.

There was lots of complaining up until the final act, so much so that you actually asked him a couple times if he wanted to stop. Mammon’s response was prolly sum like this, “No! Wai- I mean- pfft! Only if you want to stop, human.”

Once you lubed him up and inserted a finger, he became putty in your hands. This is the way to get them noises.

Once you stretched him to fit three fingers and he came you lubed up your strap on

The cock would hopefully be perfect size for Mam. It was 6.5 inches, a decent girth, and a dark purple. The straps were slightly uncomfortable but not too much.

First time you’re probably in missionary, feeling more intimate that way and allowing Mammon to see your face. After the first time, feel free to explore more positions. Mammon would probably wind up liking doggy and lotus.

The greed demon clung to you once you prodded his entrance with the fake cock. Once you were inside of him you stilled to let him adjust.

“What color are you?” You asked.

“Green!” Mammon’s eyes were shut tight.

Mammon the entire time stayed at green, much to your relief.

You started with slow shallow thrusts, working your way up to a pace you both liked. You eventually found your rhythm, your hips rocked into each other at a steady pace.

Mammon came quick without warning, strings of cum shot onto the both of yours’ stomachs and onto his chest.

Mammon had tears falling from pleasure, he was fucked dumb. The white haired boy kept babbling nonsense.

All you could respond to his babble with was, “I know, baby.”

You tried to pull out but Mammon wrapped his legs around your waist locking you in place.

You gave in and continued fucking Mammon, his eyes were rolled back, tears and drool running down his face, cum covering his abdomen, all while being drilled into. Mammon was a fucked out mess.

Your hips were meeting with such force, you could feel and hear the vibrations of the bed frame hitting the wall. You felt bad for Satan whose room was on the other side of the wall.

You wrapped your hand around Mammons painfully hard, leaking erection. You jerked him off at the same spread you were fucked him, movement in sync.

Mammon stiffened and bit your shoulder, cumming again. Your hand was covered in cum, you put your ring and middle finger up to Mammon’s mouth offering him to taste himself.

Mams quickly complied and sucked on your fingers greedily, licking your fingers clean of his essence. When you pulled back your fingers, he opened his mouth to show you he swallowed everything.

“Good boy,” you praised him.

Mammon smiled at your praise, he grinded his ass back against you, wanting to go another round. You denied Mammon what he wanted, also seeing the exhaustion evident in his face.

Long story short Mammon enjoyed getting ass fucked and would do it again.

Btw Satan was pissed.

A/N: sorry for any spelling errors, Not Proofread! Ending was rushed cs I didn’t know what to add😭

[coryosbaby]

ugh yes !! Ward has that power over season 1 and some of season 2!rafe and he uses it to his advantage !! He’ll touch us on our back or on our thigh and rafe knows it’s wrong but he’ll go along with it and ignore it cause he’s his father !!!!!!!

not me in my Ward era

18+, MDNI

But YES. Ughh and I bet he’d get all cocky about it because let’s be honest, Ward is fucked in the head. He’ll be hugging you whenever you come over, his hands getting extremely low on your back, or you’ll be talking and his hand will somehow find its way to your thigh. And Rafe is like 👀 cs what the fuck bro. But he always listens to his dad and he’s his favorite person so he makes excuses. Little does he know that you’re getting your back blown out every night and your pussy ate like it’s Ward’s last meal.

Even when it comes down to Rafe getting suspicious of you cheating because he finds condoms in your house that don’t match his size. And he’s like “the fuck? Are you cheating on me?” And you js deny, deny, deny. You go crying to Ward about it and he isn’t even phased.

“It’ll be okay,” he says, as he kisses down your body. He spreads your legs, cute little cunt on display because you’re wearing the crotchless panties he bought you. “Because this is our little secret. Right, baby?”

And you nod shyly, agreeing because he’s spreading your folds apart and slipping his tongue inside your sopping hole, humming as he licks up your sweet juices and brings your clit in between his lips. Crying against him, legs wrapping around his head.

“R-Right, daddy. Never gonna tell.. gonna be such a good girl for you.”

He’s got you wrapped around his finger like that, whenever he takes control and gets you pliant under him. It’s something that Rafe does in all the wrong ways.

And when it comes down to the next time that Ward sees his son and the boy consoles him about it, he convinces him that you probably just got the wrong size on accident. It’s hard for women to know the exact size of their boyfriend— the fact that the condoms were bigger is probably a good thing.

(If only he knew, LMFAOO)

[kassade]

Push-ups

Jake hangman Seresin x f!reader!pilot(roosters cousin)

Your call sign: y/cs

“So how about we make this interesting.” Coyote asks before getting up. “What do you have in mind?” “Push ups 200, you get shot down you do ‘em.” After everyone agrees, you all get ready and head out to your jets.

The first three get shot down fast, next up is Coyote and fanboy. They also got shot down very fast. The last ones going up, were you and hangman. You’d always been very competitive, especially when it came to your careers. You were all three up in the air for the longest and it was clear that hangman thought he’d win. His attitude worsening by the minute, you’d all been up there for 15 minutes when hangman finally got shot down, now just ‘cause hangman was dead and had to do 200 pushups and there was nothing you’d rather see than see him struggle you also really wanted to win.

After being in the air for 5 minutes after hangman left, you were getting tired but continued anyways. Right when maverick thought he had you, you pulled a stunt that no one other than the man himself would do, and therefore he wasn’t prepared for it. You ended up getting a lock on him and when the two of you got back down to solid ground every one congratulated you. You all stood and counted as maverick did his push-ups.

It only was there the bet that Coyote and maverick had made, and everyone else had joined in on, you and Hangman had also agreed on making a bet but you would only say it out loud once you’d won. And well since you’d won, you could now do whatever you wanted to hangman and while that sounded very nice, you ended up with a saying that you remember your aunt Carol always saying to your uncle goose.

So while at the bar, after getting a little tipsy. “So what’d you win?” Hangman asked. “Take me to bed tonight or lose me forever” clearly that caught him a little of guard since he almost choked on his beer, “excuse me, what’d you say?” “I’m sorry that was totally out of line, uh you don’t need to do anything” you answered now very embarrassed.

Hangman pulled you out the back door, “what’d you say?” “Take me to bed tonight or lose me forever.” You answered barely above a whisper. But soon you felt Hangman’s lips on yours, moving in sync. You moved your arms up to meet behind his neck, biting st his bottom lip.

[fleshengine]

A lot of HDG stuff I see boils down to “this would be a fun setup to getting domesticated” and isn’t really an exploration of the world or anything. Like… a human and an affini make a bet that the human won’t last 30 minutes on class Cs without confessing her love, the affini changes the rules to trick the human into getting domesticated, whatever. It’s fine, I liked it, when I was feeling subby earlier it gave me gut tingles.

Maybe I’m just a POS english major and shouldn’t be judging ficlets as harshly as I am but like… where’s the conflict? Where’s the story? What does this say about the world of HDG that affini can do something like that?

I think that’s why I’ve been enjoying Courtship by teagan_the_doll on ao3 so much. It has a predestined ending, we know how this is going to end like with most HDG stuff but in Courtship it is established as being firmly in the far future. It has so much more to say about the world and I think does a great job of doing it. Humans have conversations about their friend who’s a floret now. A human thinks about her own feelings towards being a floret in the future. There even seems to be a nod at the “traditional” HDG story with one of the characters getting domesticated in like a week after a funny encounter with an affini. I’m less than halfway through it and I absolutely love it.

Go read Courship by teagan_the_doll on ao3. NOW

[koenigsbleachedshirt]

Please I need some emotions...I need how all three would react to finding YN beat up or something. The emotions, the angst, the possessive and protectiveness....PLS I BEG OF YOU

Bet 🙏🏻

TW: graphic violence, fighting, shooting

y/cs = your callsign

initial situation -> you were out on a mission with your team to deal with a no-name terrorist group. Everything had gone well until the last standing member managed to slam the butt of his gun against the back of your head. You toppled to the ground in pain, vision peppered with black spots. "Fuck... you piece of shit." You hiss when he gets you on your back and starts beating down on you.

Ghost

He hadn't seen or heard of you after calling through the comms, so he grew worried. "Cap', y/cs hasn't responded to my inquiries, I'mma go 'ave a look." Ghost informs Price, who nods in return.

He was decently close with you, so it left a bitter taste in his mouth when you didn't respond. What if someone had managed to mortally injure you and you were laying somewhere and bleeding out?

Ghost hurried through the rooms of the mostly cleared building and came to a stop when he spotted one of the terrorists on top of you, his fists continuously beating down on your, by now unconscious, body. Then he saw red.

Simon ran towards the fucker who dared to touch you yanked him up by his vest, literally throwing him a few feet away from you before proceeding to punch his living daylights out. "Ya fuckin' dare to hurt one of our mates?! I'm gonna fuckin' kill ya, damn cunt!"

He doesn't stop bashing his face in until it's a bloody mess, his fists dripping with the man's blood. He doesn't spare him another glance before going to check on you, blood running cold when he sees the state you're in. Simon's heart is beating out of his chest at the sight; your lip is busted and still slightly bleeding. There's also a laceration on your cheekbone and a nasty bruise forming around it, and not to forget the black eye you're starting to get.

Ghost exhales a shaky breath and gently scoops you up into his arms, careful not to hurt you any further. That bastard has probably beaten more places than just your face.

And he's going to kill them all by himself if he has to.

König

He had just finished absolutely obliterating five of the terrorists in another room and was about to check up on his team when he heard your pained cries from across the hall. König didn't waste any time, running to the source of the sound and kicking open the slightly ajar door.

The man was sitting on your stomach, violently beating you up; you try your best to kick him off, but he's too big. All you can do is try to shield your face, but it doesn't do much because he still got a few good hits on you.

But then you see your Colonel behind your attacker, distracting you enough to catch a fist to the jaw, and suddenly, you're out cold.

The giant colonel did not enjoy that. He picks the asshole up by the back of his collar and puts him in a chokehold. "You made a giant mistake here, du kleiner Bastard." König says into the terrorist's ear, sounding almost demonic, before he manhandles him around.

And then he breaks his back, like a stick that's being snapped over his knee. The man screams bloody murder, but König isn't done. Next, he breaks the arm he used to beat you up with, snapping it so hard the bone broke through the skin. And then the man went limp, either fell unconscious due to the pain, or straight up died.

He couldn't care less, though, as he tossed him aside and moved to kneel down next to your knocked out form. A pang of panic went through him as he hurriedly picked you up to evacuate and get you to a medic as soon as possible.

König is not going to lose you. Not when he finally found a new purpose.

Keegan

He witnessed it all through the scope of his sniper rifle, jaw clenched tightly. How dare this terrorist scum hurt you?

"Sergeant Russ here, I'm going in." He says into the comms before quickly making his way to where this man decided to touch something that wasn't his.

When Keegan arrived, you were already knocked out, his blood running cold. "You dare hurt my y/cs? Oh, you've made a grave mistake there." He says, voice dangerously low as he raises his assault rifle.

The terrorist on top of you freezes, arm raised back for another punch, but not plowing down again. "Get the fuck off of them, hands in the air."

The man does what he's told, but right when he's back on his feet, he moves to take out his gun, probably trying to shoot Keegan.

But instead, he aims it at you. Keegan's eyes widen, and without thinking, he shoots the terrorist straight through the forehead. The man's aim falters but still pulls the trigger, and the bullet lands inches from your face on the ground.

Keegan drops his rifle from the shock; that fucking man almost killed you right in front of him. His whole body is shaking as he flops down next to you, one hand gently caressing your cheek. "You're safe now. Let's go back to base." He says before slinging his rifle around himself and then picking you up and carrying you out of the building.

[oliversrarebooks]

Fitz's Costume

Masterlist

a quick Halloween snippet, idea courtesy of my lovely wife

October 1998

"Good evening," said Fitz in a terrible fake accent, stalking up to Lex.

"What on earth are you wearing?"

"It's my costume for Lily's party!" Fitz wore a ridiculous grin and possibly the worst costume Lex had ever seen. It consisted of a cheap, wrinkled ruffled shirt, a plasticky red cape that barely reached to his waist, smeared-on white stage makeup, and worst of all, plastic fangs that he'd somehow jammed on top of his real fangs. "I'm a vampire! Bleh!"

"Yes, I'm aware," said Lex, trying to gather a sufficient response. "You're not seriously planning to go to Lily's party as -- this."

"I'm a creature of the night," said Fitz, halfway climbing on top of Lex. "I vant to suck your blood."

Lex fought back his smile. "Shouldn't you be using that line on one of the thralls?"

"It's you who I vant. Such a beautiful, innocent, helpless victim vith such delicious blood." With one finger, he tilted Lex's face upwards. "Look deep into my eyes and fall into my power."

"Oh, no, you've caught me," said Lex in an amused deadpan. "I cannot resist the amazing and powerful Phantom Fitz."

"That's right," he said, barely able to keep the toy fangs in his mouth. "And now, I feast on your blood! And turn you into one of the cursed undead!" He began to kiss up and down Lex's neck in a way that would be enticing if it weren't for the plastic teeth.

"Anything but that." Lex gently pushed Fitz away.

"It's too late! Mwahahaha!" With a flourish, Fitz reached behind him and somehow pulled out a bag containing a second shoddy vampire costume. "Now you must be a vampire!"

"Oh no, I am not wearing that thing."

"You have no choice! I've hypnotized you!" Fitz dropped to his normal voice. "Besides, it'll be hilarious. I bet Lily will think it's funny. Did you have a better costume idea?"

Unfortunately, he did not.

Masterlist

Happy Halloween!

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin

@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist

@vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @und3ad-mutt

@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada

@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia

@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@enigmawriteswhump @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot

@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme

@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump @tippytappytyping @natthebatt @fire-bugg14

@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe @demetercabingreen-thumb @the-broken-pen

@pokemaniacgemini @jumpywhumpywriter @basica11ywhumped @anoontjecanush @cepheusgalaxy

@whump-me-harder @whump-till-ya-jump @the-monarch-whumperfly

[qoldenskies]

poverty au alternate names:

Empty Pockets

Sleep is for those with money

Fuck Coffee is expensive

giggles cause i got a name idea (thank you for the crane wives and thank you specifically that person who recommended mad dog to me. ive taken to calling it the kickback universe in my head so i guess that's what its called now) but that is definitely a vibe. i bet they splurged on that coffee machine soooo hard but they have like dollar store grounds and it tastes like shit and no creamer could save it. donnie drinks it black anyway which is a sin

its not like i could call it the "donnie is the only one with college opportunities because mikey is barely skirting by with Cs, leo had to drop out because unmedicated adhd, and raph skipped most opportunities for higher education especially with sports to focus on providing for the family, so donnie's doing running start while also working a job because his father's dercums progressed to a point where he cant even really go outside without being in immense pain because they dont have enough money or insurance to afford any real care (and no extended family to fall back on because splinter was cut off from them, other than a cousin across the country) and rely on april to drive them around, and then the landlord unexpectedly raises rent in an attempt to get them out and donnie because he's taken on the job of managing their finances decides to hide this from them and start working a SECOND job under the table that includes the fucking graveyard shift with a boss that barely pays him enough under the table and its partially because he's blasian AND trans, and this is also while he's going to running start college, while having a job to go to right after running start college, and also he has to worry about tutoring mikey and helping leo get a GED and groceries and like everything because he doesn't want to put more undue stress on raph who is the only line of support he would normally have here" au. although maybe it would be funny if i did?

i got carried away when making the joke. there's the premise i guess. i'll probably just write one big oneshot but because all of them have Prablems maybe i'll expand a little, right now im keeping the scope small so dont expect anything for a while since i have so much to do atm, i'll talk about if people want to hear more though! .... i did not expect to get as invested as i did. CANARY CONTINUITY FIRST

[captain-stretch-nuts]

I have an insane, possibly cracked out Claims Adjuster theory.

I believe it is Luigi Mangione, and I also believe he set himself up to be caught on purpose, on his terms. Reviewing the evidence:

He sets up a video on his YouTube channel predicting that he will be arrested by the time anyone sees it. This makes sense and it's an easy form of "dead man's switch." No one will go to his random YouTube channel if they do not first know his name.

We know by the shooter's actions that he has an affinity for flair; the engraved shell casings, the backpack of monopoly money, getting away on a rideshare e-bike of all things, the flippant disrespect for cameras that were probably in plain sight to him. In all honesty, what better way to turn the surveillance state's cameras to your advantage than to let a guaranteed-sympathetic public see your face and know your name?

His politics. He has something for everyone in his politics. He follows all sorts of people and makes all sorts of statements, in general it seems that regardless of his personal beliefs he kept his ear to the ground, politically speaking. Immediately, they dispel the illusion that he is perfect. In the publicizing of his political views, he reminds the viewer that he is human.

He is found in his home state. Why would he flee home? It's the first place cops would look. Lo and behold, there he is, which means the investigation doesn't drag out any longer, and a trial can commence where he will probably use the publicity there to communicate other things to the public. Additionally it would be easy to say to the McDonald's worker, "Hey, I'm gonna wait for the cops here in town. They're gonna catch my ass for sure. Say you found me and collect the bounty. Enjoy the fat stacks."

He has a master's in CS. He knows the limitations of the surveillance apparatus that surrounds him.

He has a pretty gnarly looking back surgery. It is likely he lives in constant pain not to mention the contents of his manifesto which he was found with. This is more than enough of a motive.

He was wearing all the evidence, probably to make himself unmistakable as the shooter. There's not another good reason to do this.

He understands the idea of society as an organism because he read the book that describes it as such, and regardless of his politics he committed an unequivocally good and necessary act which furthers societal growth and understanding through class consciousness.

The lack of a lot of hard evidence surrounding this so far. It's making the NYPD look like a bunch of clowns no matter what they do. They found him because he made it easy for them. The execution was so perfect that if he wanted to, he could have disappeared completely.

He is a conventionally attractive white man. I don't need to explain why the NYPD would rather that he wouldn't be a conventionally attractive white man.

So yeah I bet it's him, and all the weird shit he did? I also bet it was on purpose. The actual shooting was just way too clean. Done way too well. We'll see when he goes to trial but I'm placing my bets now.

[nexstage]

Sugarggedon

What could’ve…

“Aaaghhhh!” He screamed. In seconds, his head hit a hard, cold surface making him curse, gritted teeth. Opening his eyes again, the dread and terror he felt moments ago was replaced by the deepest level of confusion for he found himself in his room. His old childhood room. “What the—?” His hands went to his face. His skin felt smooth, a bit oily, a few pimples from acne in the chin.

What happened to all the back pain, the arthritis, the scars, the wrinkles, the cataracts, the—? Wait a second, since when his future looked so old? And why was that by the way?

He flexed his fingers and hands. They were young. He was young.

“Stan, are you ok?” Broken out of his stunned thoughts, he glanced at his brother.

Lively and healthy. Uh, why was he thinking about a future with wrinkles and health issues again?

“Stan, what happened? Was it a nightmare?” Ford gently placed a hand on his forehead. “You have no fever. What about your stomach? Did you eat something before going to sleep?”

“Uh… No no. Just… Just a dream. I mean, I had a dream, but I thought it was real.”

“By the look of your face, it seems that this dream went to the extreme in making you feel that was the reality.”

“Eh… You could say so.” He murmured an ouch as he rubbed the bruised part of his forehead. He hoped that didn’t leave a mark. “You can’t believe how crazy it was, you know, in my head.”

“Tell me then, we have some time before the clock goes off.”

“You won’t believe it! It was insane!”

Stan went into a long ramble describing a town called Gravity Falls in Oregon, invaded by all kinds of aliens and monsters, a colossal pyramid floating above the forest surrounding the town, the sky painted in all the colors ever known by man, fire and destruction everywhere, and they were there in the middle of it running from something. When he described their appearances, Ford’s eyes gleamed at his own description as some kind of adventurous researcher fighting alongside Stan who was wearing a businessman/mafia boss suit and even glasses.

“You weren’t kidding. That’s unbelievable!”

“Yeah and—“ Stan’s breath hitched as he saw part of the room where Ford’s trophies usually were. Correction, where Ford’s AND HIS trophies usually were.

He stood up and scanned all of them. His twin’s prizes were outstanding for obvious reasons. He was a genius beyond anyone’s league. Stanley, on the other hand, was just there. Pure brawn and troublemaking, struggling in academics.

Except that he was good at sports. Basketball, football, boxing, the medals and trophies said it all.

There were even photos where he had invited Ford to be part of it, both smiled so big their cheeks hurt.

“Amazing, right? In the end, your bet with Pa worked out.”

A bet? A bet with Pa of all people? What was Six—? Oh. Oh yeah! He remembered now.

Pa with his typical lack of faith in him and stoicism simply said that it would be a miracle if he managed to graduate without dragging Ford down in the journey until graduation.

Stan had always wanted to impress his father, to get that gesture of approval and recognition he only gave Ford. Being average and the extra Stan were the bane of his existence, however, for his twin excelled in every class while he got Cs, or in the best of scenarios, a B. And Pa hardly went to his boxing matches, expecting Ford to report him about his progress and barely saying “Mhm” before focusing on the newspaper.

Then when he said he would win all the matches in boxing and get all medals his father scoffed, “I bet my fedora that you couldn’t even be this disciplined with boxing or any other sport.” Stanley took that personally and organized himself. He became part of many sports clubs, attended all the classes, and impressed the coachers.

Suddenly, the few medals he obtained for boxing multiplied in tenfold just like the others from football, basketball, wrestling, etc.

As his mind processed the information, the clock rang incessantly taking him by surprise.

“Welp, time to go to school.”

A wave of anxiety washed over him due to Ford’s words but why? It was just school. It’s not that something life-changing would happen, right?

**************

“Mr. Pines, Mrs. Pines, let me be frank with you if I may.”

Stan couldn’t stop drumming his fingers into his knees despite his best efforts. This better not be a problem he accidentally or willingly dragged Ford into but as far as he remembered, they hadn’t gotten into more conflicts with Crampelter and his goons, and the rest of their classmates minded their own businesses.

What else could it be then?

He wished he had his notebook with him. For some reason, his wacky dream had clung to the darkest corners of his mind, pushing him to draw every detail. Doodling instead of keeping up with the lesson of the day was something he was known for like any other student but his gut seemed to be desperate to keep sketching those apocalyptic scenarios, and the pyramid, what was with that pyramid that—?

“Being frank is the only way I speak.” Filbrick’s voice cut through the haze of his restlessness. Stanley slightly gulped, wanting the whole deal to be over.

“You have two sons here,” the principal pointed at him and Stanford. “One excels in sports and the other in academics.”

“What are you trying to say?” Caryn asked. Stanley mentally did the same. What was he getting at?

“I’m saying that your sons are soon-to-be stars, Mrs. Pines!” Uh… What? “Stanley here has gotten the attention of the best football coachers of the country. Many teams are fighting over him to get him on their side. The scholarships are raining! Ohio, Alabama, Michigan, Southern California, North Dakota, Montana, even Harvard!” Harvard?! “And let’s not forget Stanford. He’s an unparalleled genius! All his teachers are going bananas over his science project! Have you ever heard of West Coast Tech? Best college in the country? All his students have turned science fiction into science facts! This guy could change the whole world! Your sons might be famous millionaires, Mr. Pines!”

“I’m impressed,” Stanley was this close to fainting. Pa said he was impressed. He even smiled! Pa never smiles. He has never been impressed of him! And now he was!

*************

The night at the swings was tranquil. The soft waves barely moved the Stan O’ War and his nose inhaled as much sea air as he could. If someone had told him that one day he would make his father proud and have a future beyond scrapping the barnacles off of a taffy store -wait, where did that thought come from?- anyway, if he had been given those news, he would’ve laughed and ignored it.

Stanford was the guy with the brilliant future. He had the brains, he would go places, he could beat the odds with whatever plan he concocted. Stan was another story.

Of course, the world decided he could do better. He even made the impossible happen! He would be a famous football player, Pa was impressed of him, his parents were proud, he would leave Glass Shard Beach and meet famous sportsmen, maybe win the hearts of cute babes, who knew.

And yep, his hands were still twitching and fidgeting. Why though? No idea.

“Can you believe it, Stanley? We’re going to college!”

He chuckled. “More like you are. I have to choose from a pool of pamphlets.”

“This is the amazing thing, though! You have lots of options. It means all your hard work paid off.”

“What about, uh, West Coast Tech? Happy with only one option?”

“Having more than one college to go sounds excellent, but I’ve read the pamphlet, Stan. This college has everything. The best teachers, the most advanced equipment, the best environment. Maybe… Maybe there I could show everyone that I’m more than the freak they see. That someone like me can change the world.”

“I know you will. I bet that in a few years we’ll be living in huge mansions while Crampelter and his friends will be working as taxi drivers.”

“Now that’s a depiction of a perfect world!”

Both laughed uproariously.

The echo of their laughter travelled throughout their neighborhood but not one soul opened a window to shout a complain. As they calmed the pain in their stomachs for laughing so hard, the salted, humid air reminded Stanley of the bittersweetness ahead of him. He had a great future but in exchange he would leave behind stuff he loved like their childhood dream and the Stan O’ War.

It felt weird to be excited to go to another path that wasn’t connected or fused to Ford’s. When they were children, the “Us against the world” motto was all they knew and mattered. Did it still matter? They weren’t as close as before and their talents had pushed them to different goals but they still enjoyed each other’s company.

Things were changing but others were still the same.

“What are you drawing?” Drawing? Stan peeked at what his hands were doing. A bricky-like triangle over a bunch of houses and trees. Wait. “This looks like my dream.”

“Is it causing you trouble again?” Ford asked concernedly.

“More like it’s a song on a loop. Bit annoying.” But still his hands kept doodling different shapes reminiscent of what he’d dreamed. As if they were telling him something which was nonsense! I mean, these were his hands. Hands don’t talk, they don’t think.

“You know, this gives me a great idea!”

“What kind of idea?”

“It’s more for you than for me. What if you make a comic out of your dream? I know the details will vanish with time but if your dream is this persistent, then maybe you can make the best out of it. You may not see it, but you have talent drawing, Stanley. This could be a pet project during your breaks in college and football training. And who knows, perhaps in the future, you will also be known by your art.”

Being known by his art… “Heh, you’re putting a lot of faith in a simple project, Pointdexter.”

“Because it could be a great opportunity.” Ford watched the stars mesmerized. “The future does look promising after all.”

“Yeah… It does…”

[fartp00py]

JOSH/BRAD HCS 💕

listed under the cut

josh/brad

— because of brad’s bad relationship with his dad, and the fact that josh’s parents are never home, brad practically lives at josh’s house. Only going back to his to check on his younger sister

— josh can cook/bake really well and brad will js sit/stand there and watch him

— josh has a cat and it hates brad

— brian and greg made a bet on their relationship before they told anyone they were dating

— they MET through the whole prom joke . (the promgoers rigged it so that josh would win prom queen and brad won prom queen)

— they keep their relationship on the downlow for a gooooodd while just because brad cant be out as gay

— adding to that, josh has a plain blue hoodie with brads number in white on the back

— brad will still flirt w josh like they arent actually dating yet

— brad was an asshole to josh at first, but josh wouldnt really give up on just trying to HELP him. brad would make comments like “youre alright i guess”

— brad is physically clingy if theyre alone

— josh is brads only emergency contact in his phone

— josh ALWAYS has music playing in his house for background noise and brad got used to it so now when its not there he feels weird

josh

— josh is an old music + jazz guy

— josh’s parents are good parents, theyre were around for his whole childhood up until he could fully and genuinely take care of himself, so from 16+

— rhe reason theyre never home is because josh’s family is very well off so theyre very work oriented

— hes 5’9

— josh knows violin

— he lived in NY until he was 4, and then he moved to Connecticut

— really likes horror

brad

— cannot STAND horror

— lived in cali until he was 11

— has a little sister

— even though hes not a great person hes a really good older brother

— fav movie is superbad

— hes 6’1 but tells people hes 6’3

— he knows calligraphy becausehis mom made him learn it

— said mom is now absent because they left her in california

— ok whole brad huff backstory. Brad lived with his mom and dad in cali. dad cheated on mom but then had to keep the kid (his sister) cs neither mom wanted anything to do with them and so they had to move away 🥶

— brad genuinely doesnt listen to music but if he does its always rock

[rayless-reblogs]

Goldstone Wood and the Oddness of Christian Fantasy

Princess Varvare in a kingdom of roses

I want to share some illustrations inspired by the Tales of Goldstone Wood series by Anne Elisabeth Stengl. It's a Christian fantasy series that I really like. Give me a moment to talk about that – unless you absolutely love Christian fantasy, all Christian fantasies, in which case, maybe skip this.

I spent a chunk of the early 2000s defending fantasy as a genre to a variety of Christians I ran across – not the majority, but still a variety of them – both in my head and to their faces. The preacher who said, from the pulpit, that Harry Potter was Satanic. Writers explaining why JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis were (of course) okay, but all other fantasy novels were suspect. Websites that dissected the occult symbolism you never realized was buried in fantasy media. My friend who frowned at me in concern and said she wouldn't want to have to explain to God why she read “that kind of thing” when she met him after death.

This is Rosie (and her goat Beana, who talks.) I love Rosie utterly, she tries so hard and she feels things so much. The next image is a spoiler, showing her unveiled.

I think that's partially why I'm interested in the genre of Christian fantasy, this attempt to make these two things fit. For me, the fusion often doesn't work. Either writers mix theology and fantasy in a weird confusing way. (Wait, you just had your heroine marry an angel. Do you actually think that happens? Which parts of this actually reflect your belief system?) Or they play things extremely safe and traditional. (Oh boy, another story about a young farm boy who's going to go on a quest and fight the Satan figure and become a hero while his girlfriend does... something peaceful off-screen.) Or they try to be another Lewis in the belief that since Lewis and John Bunyan did it, allegory is an acceptable vehicle for fantasy, and let's be really obvious about the symbolism. (I bet this demon symbolizes evil.) I read Christian fantasy, but it's partially optimistic curiosity, it's partially pessimistic irony, and I haven't found many that I'd recommend.

Rosie unveiled.

But I do like Tales of Goldstone Wood, at least what I've read so far (still missing a few of the installments). I like it enough that I would recommend it to a Christian who wants to read fantasy, or a fantasy reader who doesn't mind Christian themes. Anne Elisabeth Stengl often approaches the Christian elements indirectly, from less obvious angles, so you don't have all the heavy-handed symbols you see in the Lewis and Tolkien knockoffs. She has many, many interesting female characters and a lot of humor. Her series also builds, adding complexity to the world and characters with each installment, many of the characters showing up in multiple books.

Varvare and the unicorn. This unnamed unicorn is one of my favorite elements of the third book – beautiful but dangerous and eldritch. Corrupted – but not exactly evil.

Stengl's also not afraid to get weird and fey with her fantasy elements, at times reminding me strongly of things like Labyrinth, The Neverending Story, and no end of Celtic and European folklore. Her magical characters are unpredictable, merry, fearsome, and unabashedly over the top. Her heroes have depth, flaws to go with their heroism, and never become morally perfect even after their conversions – unlike in so much Christian fiction. Much of Christian fantasy bears the thumbprint of CS Lewis; in Stengl's case, though her writing shows clear nods to Lewis (and not just his Narnia books), she isn't trying to replicate him. These aren't books that Lewis would have written.

Daylily and Lionheart. If the series has a protagonist, it's probably Lionheart there on the right. He seems to be doomed to keep showing up in different story arcs, and he's always interesting.

I recommend you begin with the first one, Heartless. Though Heartless is the least ambitious/unique entry – it's straightforward and, of all of the books, the most directly allegorical. (I bet this guy's the Jesus figure. Yep, yep he is.) But it lays the foundation for the world and establishes many of the central characters, including my favorite Eanrin, the blind cat-shapeshifting bard-knight with the heroism of a knight, the selfishness of a cat, and endless flair. Stengl does explore Christian themes, but at the same time she clearly wants to create beautiful language, memorable characters, and engrossing stories. The stories and characters don't feel secondary to the message.

Eanrin, I like him a lot. He also shows up in almost every book, at least the main books, sometimes pre-injury, sometimes post-.

My favorite book is Starflower, the fourth, because of its courageous heroine (who grows into the librarian-knight Imraldera we see in other books), its twisted echoes of “Beauty and the Beast” and Till We Have Faces, and its focus on, who else, Eanrin in his younger years, before he's really gotten that whole hero thing worked out.

Imraldera. (She's looking at Eanrin.) The series is allegedly over, but I feel like there are still some narrative threads hanging, including with Imraldera here. My hope is that the author returns to the series someday.

As with any recommendation, this isn't a blanket recommendation; you may find things in here you don't like. I don't sign off on every element as perfect. But Christian fantasy is a small genre, it's a weird genre, in my opinion it's often a clumsy genre. Goldstone Wood is proof that it can produce interesting, original material – stuff not merely “good for a Christian fantasy”, but just a good series, period.