#cryptids!batfam

[sadlybeans]

Gothamite, not meta human

(this is based upon a post i cannot find for the life of me so if you do know it, i’d appreciate a tag to give proper credit since this isn’t my original idea!)

There’s something about her that is… different. Maybe it was always there, maybe it came after, but everyone knows that once she sinks her claws on you, you’ll never be the same. She’ll tear you to pieces and build you back up an entirely different way.

It doesn’t really happen to everyone, at least by what little observations can be done. Or well… it does, it’s just that most are lucky enough to substain little damage— most are lucky enough to not catch her attention.

Sam down the street can see perfectly in pitch black darkness, and Jennifer who lives in the fifth floor always knows her way no matter where she is. A lot of the kids in first grade can walk without noise, some fourth graders can pass unnoticed unless they speak.

But some… oh, some she likes. Those she doesn’t want to ever let go of, those she can’t bear to see part.

They can never get rid of her, they can never run.

Her gift is a curse and the curse is a gift.

Nobody really pays attention to the random neighbours and school aged kids when you see them on your screen. It’s them and their curse you’ll remember.

They say Nightwing can truly fly, ever since he was just a little Robin. Maybe he can, maybe he cannot, nobody really knows for sure. All everyone knows is that there’s no fall big enough to hurt him and that some can swear they never see a grapple line pulling him from building to building.

Black Bat is a bit of a mystery, nobody dares talk about her behind her back, but she can fuse in the shadows perfectly or so say those who had the misfortune of crossing her path. Is she a shadow herself? Or are the shadows just at her mercy?

Red Hood can’t die.

Oh yes, many have tried, from the inferior clown to Black Mask, to other desperate people trying to contain his rampage, but it never sticks.

Before he used to be gone for a little while, but he just needed practice it seems. Now he doesn’t stop walking after a gunshot pierces his head.

He’s always been her favourite. He’s always been her dear child.

Red Robin is… a bit of a mess. People can’t tell if he can alter reality or if he just knows what’s going to happen. Or maybe it’s all just an illusion like all the times you could swear you saw him talking to someone that’s not there the next second. Or maybe it’s about all the times it seems he’s many places at once. Maybe.

At first people thought there were many Robins, but pretty fast it became obvious they’re all Robin. They’re everyone you cross on the street, every voice and every face. Do they even know who they are anymore? Were they someone at any point, even?….

Batman never talks much. He’s not shy. Alright, maybe a little awkward, but it doesn’t correlate.

He tries his best to not open his mouth at all, but judging by how much family drama there seems to be, he always speaks at the worst possible moment.

He tries to not say a word. If he does then there’s nothing you can do to stop it, not until the effect wears off.

It feels exhilarating when he compliments you. It hurts like a million knives piercing your heart when he doesn’t.

[psychokatrixxxy]

Love when the Justice League thinks Batman is a cryptid. This believe is only further enhanced by the face his sidekick, Robin, is clearly a shapeshifter, what with changing their height, hair style, skin tone, and even gender.

Batman clearly thinks that by having Robin look different every couple of years, it will show that they aren't cryptids like it would if Robin didn't age.

But the Justice League is too smart for that. They figured it out! But they are good friends (colleagues) and won't spill Batman's secret, but they will drop hints to him that they know, to show that they are smarter than he gives them credit for (they aren't.)

-

When the batkids learn that the league thinks this, they start periodically going to the Watchtower with Bruce, taking turns dressed up as Robin.

The League is surprised as Robin seems to prefer taking the form of a child, perhaps to have villains underestimate them? But they just assume Robin is trying out something new.

The batkids definitely tell eachother about what was said/happened as to further sell the act of Robin being a shapeshifter, because clearly it has to be the same person, Robin knows what happened, so it couldn't of been someone else dressed as Robin.

[puppetmaster13u]

You know what I need more of? The Batkids completely fucking with the Justice League and their rogues and coming up with stories for their existence.

Like I am talking about the creation of demigods sort of stories, like Loki sort of stories.

Duke has convinced all of Gotham that he's the Bat Signal brought to life and that's why he's never seen at night and why the signal literally doesn't work during the day. He's waiting giddily for the story to spread outside of the city.

The batkids have convinced half the League that Nightwing is quite literally Batman's lovechild with Justice. Hey, Constantine had a one night stand with the manifestation of a city and they've dealt with gods before, so surely it's not that surprising? Right???

I need more of the Batkids being little shits, of Alfred the-greatest-enabler Pennyworth backing them up and Bat(the-biggest-troll)man to never confirm the stories, but he doesn't deny them either.

[radiance1]

Danny has been reincarnated.

Which was an odd thing to realize, it wasn't even a slow one he just... snapped into it one day. One moment he was staring at a wall out of boredom the next, well, he was staring for an entirely different reason.

It was a task for his now young -he thinks around three years old?- mind to work its way through the memories, but it wasn't like he had much else to do honestly. So, what does he know?

His name is Danny, like, his actual name and not just a moniker. He was once a halfa and he already knows he's going to be missing invisibility and intangibility. He, well, died. For like, a second time which actually makes sense because reincarnation-

Anyways.

He was a clone of two people from this thing called the Justice League which, weird name but probably some government or activist group. Wonder Woman and Superman. Which were pretty weird names to name your kids but eh.

He doesn't really remember much besides that from this life, or the one from before but he's an adult! He'll figure things out once he gets out of this containment tube thing.

Did he mention he was in a test tube? He's a tube baby now. He thinks? Or maybe it's more like he's being contained.

Whatever.

So he breaks out. Thank you apparent superstrength that he has no idea why he has but he's not going to complain! He then wandered around all of the other test tubes, able to remember just enough of English to see that yea, they're dead.

He probably was too, before he had memories zapped into him. Or a vegetable.

He then finds this really big container, checks it out, then opens it because the clone inside isn't dead!

'Project Match' it said. He'll just call him Match.

Was he thanked for helping him? Nope. You would think that he would be thanked or at least somewhat respected for saving this guy but nope!

He was, quite literally, held up by his leg and dangled in the air. Who dangles a three-year-old?! Well, he was technically and adult but still! The next few things were a blur but after pulling off the old Fenton charm he found him and Match outside as he tried to stop him from attacking random people.

Luckily the charms and privilege of the youngest (he's assuming he's the youngest, because he's physically three) was more than enough to get through to him. Sure, the guy couldn't form words, really aggressive for literally no reason, really weird but also absolutely cool looking eyes. But he worked around the first issue by developing their own personal language from like grunts and stuff, the second he once again used his youngest privilege to boss him around and the third a pair of sunglasses easily fixed.

He just had to steer Match clear of those random S crest mark thingies. Which was a weird thing to hate but hey, he's not there to judge.

[escapismisaddicting]

You know that thing where we’re like “Joker shouldn’t have a backstory” because it ruins the mystery and whatnot? That but with Alfred.

Screw all the comics telling us that he’s an ex-intelligence officer or that he’s just a regular guy that got promoted to being a butler. I want Alfred to basically be a cryptid. He just kinda showed up one day and the Waynes rolled with it. One time when Bruce’s parents were still alive he asked them how they met Alfred. And they were just like; “…That’s a good question.”

And whenever Alfred is asked he always comes up with the most absurd lies.

“Oh, yes Master Bruce, I met your parents after a blood ritual gone wrong and now I am forced to serve this family forever.”

“I was an assassin sent to kill your parents and pilfer their riches but alas I grew to attached to them and their adorable little rascal of a son.”

“I tripped and fell from the heavens because of how distraught I was at your Father’s complete and utter lack of self-preservation”

And the Batkids will sometimes try to get the truth out of him but give up pretty quickly. Except Tim. Tim seems to have figured it out. That’s gotta be why both of them have seemingly stayed the same age all this time.

[dclovesdanny]

In an AU where the batfamily are seen as Cryptids, and Danny is friends with the family, I 100% think he would help.

I am just imagining that there is a summoning of some kind that the justice league is trying to avoid happening, and when it does, the bat in question is smiling and pretty happy and everyone else is freaking out. There should definitely be someone noticing that the bat is smiling and wondering why and maybe trying to yell at them, but that dies down pretty quick when the being shows up and it’s like this ethereal of stars and glowing green, and everyone feels like they’re going insane until the bat makes a chirping noise.

Then, the being(Danny) looks at the bat and changes shape, and now appears similar to them except for little more human(He takes normal ghost form except for a few extra features he takes from their costume). Then Danny greet them back in the same language of chirps, and when asked about it, Danny lies his ass off about knowing them for many many years or even doesn’t lie and just implies things that aren’t true.

I just feel like Danny would love helping them look more Eldritch, and a being of the infinite realms knowing them would go a long way with the assumption of them being cryptids

[snaileer]

Wrong Number? Wrong Answer.

It was the usual deal that the Justice League Dark dealt with… way too often honestly.

Initially, it had been just Wonder Woman, investigating a cult that had attempted to abduct her earlier in the month.

Diana had defeated them. Easily. Of course. But upon questioning them, their reasoning had concerned her.

They had attacked her for a ritual to open the ‘Sarcophagus of Eternal Sleep’, a ritual which required ‘a blade blackened by the ichor of time.’

Once again, she was being targeted for her parentage. Did it ever end?

Of course, she questioned them further, what other ingredients did they need, what artifacts they would be hurting others to create.

A ring carved from the bone of an unfreed slave.

A crown made of lava untouched by human hands.

And sand directly from the pouch of Dream of the Endless themself.

It was an eclectic collection of items.

And yet, they had told her that only the blade remained to be created.

Again, it was concerning.

So Diana left the fools to be taken care of by men’s authorities, and focused on tracking down just what they were doing and if necessary, how to stop it.

After depleting her academic resources, and her connections within with nothing to show, Diana finally called in her friend through the league, Zatanna.

Zatanna had been frazzled by it, showing up in her living room before they’d even finished the call.

Together they tracked down the cult to Gotham… which was also a problem.

It was the reason why Diana was running through the caves beneath the crime ridden city with one of her closest friends in men’s world and a magician by her side.

All too quickly, they were surrounded by fanatics, each carrying sharp blades solely focused on her.

Working in sync with Batman and Zatanna throwing spells above them, Diana believed it would be a well-won battle.

Until a golden light flashed across the cave, blinding her for a precious second as she felt a sharp sting cut across her arm.

When her vision cleared, her arm was dripping blood and John Constantine stood in front of her.

“Sorry about that, love,” Constantine smirks, “No harm done?”

Diana’s teeth grind together as she turns away from him, fighting her way through more followers. The one who had injured her is nowhere to be seen, and the blade with them.

Even once the rest of the swarm is beaten, their numbers no longer being replenished, Diana does not feel content. The sense of danger lingers.

“Constantine.” Batman growls, “What are you doing in Gotham?”

The Brit rolls his eyes as he lights a new cigarette, “You know I don’t actually have to tell you every time I enter the city right? But besides, that’s news to me, portals are a tricky business, I’m tracking my own problem.”

Batman glares at him.

“Someone stole from me mate. And whatever they stole it for can’t be good, so I’m here ta get it back. Thought you’d be proud of something like that, Batsy, insteada leavin’ it for someone else?”

Batman’s eyes darken, “We’re tracking a group trying to open the Sarcophagus of Eternal Sleep, is your artifact related to that?”

“Fucking shit it is yeah! Bollocks I didn’t think they’d be using the dream sand for something like that, what sort of mannies are these?!” Constantine exclaims, hastily grinding his cigarette beneath his shoe.

“Hn.”

Suddenly, there’s a rattling boom, the ground and walls shaking around them as dust rains down and they are all forced into stabilizing stances.

They barely share a glance before all three are running down the hall to the source, Constantine left scrambling to keep up.

The scene they come to is equal parts confusing as it is problematic.

The cultists are each in states of disrepair, crusting on the edges or yelling at their leader. The leader is the first to notice their arrival.

“You! You say you are a child of Zeus and yet your blood does not work! You lie of your ancestry!”

Diana steps forward, “I do not! I am the daughter of Queen Hippolyta and Zeus, grandchild of Kronos! The fault of your magic does not lie with me!”

The leaders face twists, mouth open to shout, but a flash of gold slams into him.

“Z, the book!” Constantine yells, arms outstretched as he flings more spells at the surrounding people, glowing ropes binding each.

“On it! Etativel em dna eht koob!” Zatanna shouts, lifting into the air as a book the leader had been holding flies into her hands.

Immediately she begins turning pages with desperation, “Wohs em eht stsitluc lleps!”

The book flips to a distinct page, and Zatanna’s face drains of color.

“Batman, we need to be careful, this spell looks legitimate, we might still have a risk on our hands.”

Batman hummed, looking at the chalk lines of the summoning circle drawn out before them, drawing Diana to do the same. Looking closely at the artifacts placed at each cardinal direction, including a short dagger with her blood nearly completely dry on the flat of the blade.

Batman moves towards the gathered and bound cultists as both magicians whisper over the spell.

Diana continues to look out on the evidence of the ritual, confusion warring in her.

She lays a hand on the lasso at her side. She knew she had not been lying about her heritage, so then why….

‘A blade blackened by the ichor of time.’

She looks at the bloodied dagger once more. It didn’t make sense, even if they had managed to harm a godly descendent, pure ichor would be gold; and even her blood was simply a humanly deep crimson red, not black; not until it-

Diana lunges towards the knife, fingertips brushing its hilt just as her blood dries a flaky black.

Her body slams into the cave walls in the next second, percussive force rippling through the air.

She crumples to the ground, struggling to lift her head.

White boots pass in front of her eyes.

She watches as they move towards her colleague, her friend, only to be surprised as they stop in front of the cultists instead.

As the air returns to her body, Diana lifts herself up, shaking arms supporting her as the weight of the atmosphere presses down.

She looks at the being, the sight almost making her collapse once more.

Mist curls around its form like a mountain peak, iridescent light glowing near its head, pitch black night covering its body, the pinprick of stars so small you can’t see them straight on, claws like a falcon’s beak: unhidden and meant to tear apart. And more importantly, wrapped around the leaders neck.

““̵̨̮̣̀͊̓Y̷͖̊̒o̸̤͈͍͌̈́͘u̶̗̭̲̍ ̵̬̤̞̀̑ā̴̟r̸̹̝̉e̴̞̦̮͑̍ ̴̣̩̖͑̓͛a̷̮̞͍͊͆͝ ̶͍̀̈́́f̷̖̄ò̸͈̓͝ǫ̷̅̀̔l̶̹̥̹̋͌͠.̴̤̲̈́͋̀”̶̛̫̺̈́”

The voice rattles her heart within her chest. She watches as Batman continues to try and stand.

The cultist struggles against the hand, mumbling screams behind Constantine’s bind. The creature tears it off with one claw.

“We summ-moned-… the king! Pa-pariah-!“

The creatures hand barely twitches, but the cultist breaks off in a scream. She is surprised to note the other cultists react exactly alike. As if linked.

“̵̻͝Ý̷͚o̶͈͝u̷̦̐ ̶̆͜d̶͈̄ǐ̸̢d̵̲̓ ̴͖̽n̴̘̅ȯ̸͍t̵̛̯ ̴̫̐ŝ̵̗u̴̹̇m̶̨͠m̴̡̽o̴̱̐n̵̘͝ ̴̪̈h̴̨̀i̶͝ͅm̸̰͗.̴͍͆”̸͔̔ The creature growls, “À̴̳n̸̛̜d̶͒ͅ ̴̤̃y̸̬͝ǫ̸̒u̵̫͗ ̶̘͛a̴̫̐r̷̠̈e̶͂ͅ ̶͔̋ḽ̶̔ủ̷͜c̷̥̍k̴̲͊ÿ̸̯́ ̶͓́f̷͇͝o̷͎͒ŕ̴͇ ̶͔͝t̶̞̀h̸̲̉ȧ̸̮t̷̩͝.̷͔̍ ̵͙͐I̸͎͌f̶͖͛ ̶̜̇y̵̜͗o̴̩̍ṵ̶͆ ̵̫̈́h̴͛ͅā̴̼d̸̤͆…̵͍̈́i̵͍̐t̸̡̉ ̴̭͂w̷̥̔o̷̟̅u̴̪͂l̸̞̏d̵͚̀ ̵͓̃b̴̢̽e̵̗͠ ̸͕̉m̸̠͆u̶̖͘c̷̯͘h̴̤̎ ̸̥́w̷͚͝o̸͐ͅr̶̦͐s̵̨̿e̸͕͆ ̸̙̑f̴̧̂o̶̱̓ȓ̷̟ ̴̠͗ÿ̸̥́ö̵͜ŭ̶̟.̵͎̉”̶͍̀

The man whimpers under the claws.

"I̴n̷s̵t̴e̷a̵d̸,̶ ̵y̸o̷u̵ ̴g̵o̷t̶ ̷m̸e̸,̴I̴ ̶g̵u̸a̷r̶d̴ ̶h̶i̷s̵ ̶p̸r̸i̵s̵o̵n̶ ̶b̶e̷c̴a̷u̴s̶e̸ ̵I w̴a̸s̴ ̵t̴h̸e̷ ̸o̴n̸e̴ ̷t̸o̶ ̶p̵u̴t̵ ̴h̸i̴m̶ ̵t̴h̷e̸r̶e̴ ̵o̶n̵c̸e̵ ̶m̶o̸r̸e̸.̵”̴ The creature leans into the cultist, arching ever higher, angles sharpening, body distorting, "“̸̝͋a̵̱͋n̶͓͛d̵̘́ ̵̡̍f̷̱͊o��͚̓r̷̪̎ ̴̭̑a̷̬̓s̷͙̅ ̷͍͌ĺ̵̫o̸̻͆ņ̵̀g̶̚ͅ ̷̬͌a̶̮̿s̵̩͊ ̸̫̌t̸̲̕h̸̢̉e̷̖͗ ̴̰̋c̸̹̀ȍ̸͎s̷̡̃m̵̥̍o̷̜͋s̷̗͐ ̴̜͆e̷̛̙x̸͓̑i̶͉̿s̸̹̀t̵̛̺,̴̡͠Í̷̢ ̷̣̽w̵̠͋i̶̺͒l̴̠͐l̸̮̃ ̴͍͌k̴̰̑e̸̠͐e̷̟͋p̵̲̏ ̸̙̂h̷̘͋ị̸́m̸͕̚ ̶̳̋t̶̡̒h̷̩͆e̷̪͝r̷̒͜e̵̡̔.̵̭͗”̵̮̔

There’s a dull flash as light flashes beneath the cultists skin, beneath all of the cultist’s skin, before they drop to the ground unconscious.

All too quickly, air returns to the room, pressure lifting like a deep breath into the room.

The creature turns, eyes meeting Diana’s for just a second as he turns towards the chalked lines of the circle. Diana lifts herself to her feet, drawing closer to Batman as they both watch him, hesitant.

On the other side of the room, Constantine and Zatanna also struggle to their feet, eyes filled with fear and caution as they take in the scene.

As the creature moves, mist still rolling off him in waves, his features fall away with it, gradually smoothing to a more human visage. It looks… young. Boyish.

Those same white boots crush down on the formed crown, the cooled lava rock crumbling under one step. Next is the ring, held carefully in two hands the creature whispers over it, breathy wind carrying it away as it turns to dust. He holds the blade with one hand, flakes disintegrating off as he lifts it.

Diana’s arm tingles.

Then the creature is standing in front of the last point, holding the small brown pouch of sand with consideration.

Silence reigns in the room.

Constantine, of course, is the one to break it.

“I believe that’s mine, mate,” he cuts in, stance still laden with suspicion.

“Oh?” The creature smiles, almost mockingly as he turns to Constantine, “Is it? If I wasn’t mistaken, this ritual calls for Dream’s sand. Are you Dream of the Endless, little magician?”

Constantine visibly swallows, “I’m not.”

The creature huffs a laugh, fangs glinting in his smirk. He moves swiftly, pivoting on one foot to toss the pouch at Constantine, “Catch.”

Constantine lurches forward to try and catch it, only to find it vanish in the air before it reaches his fingers.

The creature cackles, floating backwards, “What did you do to get your hands on such an amount of Dream’s sand, magician? I’m curious.”

“It was a family present,” Constantine grinds out as he turns back to the gently levitating humanoid form, “You can drop the kid facade by the way, you’re not tricking anyone here looking like that.”

The creature shrugs, “And if I’m comfortable like this?”

Diana steps in to stop Constantine from snapping back, “Who are you, spirit, to be summoned by such a ritual?”

The creature watches her for a beat, “I am Phantom of the Dead City, Protector of infinite realms. They did not bring me here, but I knew who they wished to summon and came because of it.”

Batman steps forward, voice interrogating, “The Sarcophagus of Eternal Sleep-“

“Remains sealed. The Tyrant King remains trapped and at rest, do not worry.”

Somehow Diana does not think that soothes Batman, even as a great a warrior as he is.

“Hn.”

“Now, about that spell book,” Phantom turns to Zatanna, waving a hand and the book flies to him. He hovers a hand over it, and Diana watches in fascination as the chalk on the floor begins to burn away, the drawing in the book following.

Phantom looks at her once more, eyes too wise and strong for the age of his face, and then from one moment to the next, he is gone.

The book drops to the floor with a slam, cover open to aged blank pages as the last of the sigil burns away.

Hesitantly, Constantine goes to it, the rest of them following. When Constantine lifts the book with careful hands, they watch another image fade into view on the paper.

A cool colored image of Phantom rising over a city skyline outlined in green against a deep violet sky. Even on paper, his visage shifts constantly between the boyish figure and the ethereal danger of the form he’d appeared in.

Beneath the city lays a large coffin covered in chains.

The lock glows a pulsing toxic green before fading to a steely gunmetal grey and going still.

“Well that was the best encounter I’ve had with a dangerous dimensional figure and I still lost the dream sand.”

Zatanna’s slap echoes in the cave.

[aceissomunster]

shes a little terror. a freak of nature. a creepy crawling critter. she consumes my every waking thought.

[garpen]

I love Gothamites thinking that the batfamily are Cryptids when they're not.

I also love the idea that to begin with, Gothamites know Robin has been a bunch of different human kids that the: Definitely a Cryptid Batman™ (bc let's be honest that thing is not human) has taken under his wing.

I think it makes the Robins scarier to them. Like "There's something fucked up enough about this kid that the Demon Bat took them in." And they're all pretty sure that every time there's a switch in Robin's it's bc the Cryptid Demon Batman thing probably killed them off or something.

They always try and warn off whatever new Robin he's taken in, but whenever they do the New Robin always laughs them off or attempts to assure them that they're fine and not worry.

[veryrockyraccoon]

I think the Batfam acts differently outside of Gotham than they do in Gotham

They’re more intense in Gotham, lean more heavily into the cryptid/eldrich horror thing. They move in a way that’s not quite human, their words are just too close to chirps and whistles.

Outside of Gotham they behave like normal humans, well as normal as they can be with all their training.

This leads to theories that they’re all pretending to be human but because Gotham is their home or because of all the cursed/supernatural things there they can’t hide their own supernatural nature aswell. People also believe this is why they’re more aggressive in Gotham.

[castrian-amore]

DC x DP Prompt

Danny hasn’t used his powers in so long. Ectoplasm is trackable, hence him settling in Gotham with just enough ambient energy to keep the GIW from getting too close. He doesn’t realize how his power is increasing as he gets older, or how the city bends around, or how he begins to loose sense of what being human is. What looking human is.

Enter the Batfam.

[violent138]

I feel like the Robins probably watched horror movies to really up their game, taking notes on the gestures and body language that would creep you out. "Criminals are a superstitious lot", so yeah the guy in full body armour that could beat you up would suck, but a small child, somewhere in the dark, with an echoing laugh all around you as you fire off a hail of bullets, somehow dodging everything and gleefully messing you up. That's psychological warfare.

[puppetmaster13u]

Cryptid Batfam Prompt- But in Memes

[alyakthedorklord]

Back on my genderfuck batcryptid shit (this doesn’t make ANY sense whatsoever)

Some reporter, after a Justice League fight with a villain that happened to be gender non-conforming, being rude about trans ppl, trying to get a comment from the justice league, steamrolling past any and all niceties and no comments, Superman about to pop into a rant that Batman just KNOWS will be twisted out of context and turn into a PR nightmare.

So Batman chooses not to anger, but confuse.

Batman, in his deep gravelly voice: “So I’m a woman then?”

Reporter: “…what?”

Batman, either trans or lying: “you just defined a woman as being capable of carrying a child. I have the biological capability to bear young. Does that make me a woman?”

Some other reporter: “But your name is BatMAN.”

Batman, going all in on the cryptid thing: “Gotham named me. I am partially of the species ‘man.’ Gender is irrelevant to the name. I suppose my womb makes me a woman then.”

Reporter: “I… yes? Yes. Women have wombs. Men have dicks.”

Batman: “Oh. I also have a Dick.”

(Robin falls over cackling)

Reporter: “You what?”

Batman: “What does that make me?”

Wonder Woman, rolling with the punches while the rest of the JL are either confused or trying not to laugh: “Whatever you feel you are, my fellow warrior. Tell me, would you rather I refer to you with She/her? As a shield sister? Or they/them?”

Transphobic reporter, squawking in horror:

Green Lantern, supporting the bit: “We can call you Batwoman!”

Batman: “I would be honored to be referred to as your sister. I do not care what you refer to me as, but I have become used to he/him. And I am keeping Batman. It is the name Gotham gave me. I will not change it for my genitals.”

Transphobic Reporter, pissed now: “But you’re a woman!”

Batman, nodding: “So you have explained. Tell me- when I grow too old to bear young, will I become a man? Is that why it’s called menopause?”

(Robin sits up and cheers)

[dark-dragon-8]

Can someone please recommend fics where Dick talks about Jason as his "Baby brother" and people always think he's a kid or something, but then they meet him and just blue screen, because this is a 6'0 dude, decked out in guns as though he's a Christmas tree and they're his ornaments, (bonus points if he threatens to shoot anyone making a move on Dick), and built like a fridge standing next to the superhero version of a flexible sunshine.

Please, I'm begging you, I need these fics for my 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭.

Also, on that note, if anyone has any fics where Bruce talks about all his kids as his "Babies" and then introduces them to the JL and pretty much the same thing happens, only Bruce adds the whole "I birthed them all" thing (whether it's as a joke or he's actually a cryptid, I don't care).

Please 🙏

[analviel]

Cryptid batfam.

Robin playing with a baby while Batman deals with the criminals because they got injured and need to take it lightly: *making faces, quiet chirps, and soft growls*

Random nice citizen: Aw, goochikoochi baby~ you wike our Wobin fwiend yes~ Aren't they so bwight~ Wellow so nice yes~

Baby: *laughs*

Robin playing with a baby while Batman deals with the criminals because they got injured and need to take it lightly, bored:....... Aw, goochikoochi baby~ you wike our Wobin fwiend yes~ Aren't they so bwight~ Wellow so nice yes~

Random nice citizen:....

Baby: *laughs*

Robin, no longer bored, still in the same voice as the random nice citizen, secretly preening at the videos being taken of the first ever recorded instance of Robin speaking: Borrow. Thank you.

Random nice citizen:..........haha

Random nice citizen:......... That doesn't come with my soul, right, haha?

Robin, no longer bored: Just for a week.