#critisism is acceptable but it has to be constructive | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thecharlestonroyalfamily · 3 years ago

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Here’s the thing about the royal simblr drama..

So I feel like I’m a fairly neutral party in the middle of all this drama (kinda fitting considering that’s what I build my nation as as well). I know and have worked on my story both with the people accused and those who haven’t. All of them are lovely people who I’ve enjoyed working with and who gave me no hard time. Now sadly I’ve found out that this isn't the case for everyone. However as I too care about this community I want to help and make it a better place.

Here are some points of observation from someone with years of studying and first hand experience in psychology about the situation: (It’s a long post)

1. The “cliques”. Now we as humans naturally tend to form “cliques”; groups of like minded people who we share interests with. This is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed off. And we as people also tend to not get along with everyone. This too is also fine and completely normal. It is completely okay and acceptable to vent about people/things/concepts you don’t like or find annoying to your friends. We all do it. Yes, even as adults, cause guess what we don’t all get along and that is fine. Is this an excuse to treat someone like shit? No and that’s where the problem begins.

2. Power corrupts. Shortly when we as humans are placed in a position of power aka a situation where we feel we have the upper hand or are in some form “above” others it gets to our heads (take the 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment as an example). Now I’m not saying that these people necessarily think themselves better, I’m saying that with bigger follower number and more influence your behavior might change. Maybe they don’t even consider themselves being mean or gatekeeping.

3. Original ideas. There is no such thing as an original idea. All of us have had our stories inspired by other stories, real or fiction, to some extend. However this does NOT mean you can flat out copy someone else’s storyline. But what is counted as copying? If you take another creators scene, plotline, etc. and add it your story without making any or barely any changes THEN you’re copying. “But I have a scene just like XXX and now I’m being blamed for copying.” If you didn’t intentionally do it, it’s not malicious copying and you can still fix it. If you’re unsure talk it over with the other blog and/or just re-take the pictures from a different angle or re-write dialogue. Being inspired by others if fine! Just know and learn the difference between inspiration and copying.

4. Gatekeeping. Now this is a tad tricky. You see those who first started telling royal simblr stories, and in doing so created this community, might have had or might still have ideas and wishes for what this community looks like. However since this community is this large it’s simply impossible to have those wished granted. We all have different sets of skills and amount of time to put into our stories. While to some this is like making their own book or tv show, others just want to take pretty pictures of sims in grand palaces and tiaras. Both of these approaches are fine and valid! The problem is that when you hold something in high value to yourself and see someone else just “mess around” with it you feel hurt. How can they not take this seriously?! But the thing is they are, just as you. They just have a different set of goals and motivation for their story. Not every book is a bestseller and that is okay.

5. False positivity. False positivity helps no one however there’s a difference between being falsely positive and being supportive. The main difference? What you wanted out of the conversation. A person looking for criticism to improve their work does not want or benefit from just supportive comments alone! If that’s all they get they’ll get frustrated and that’s where bad feeling towards other start. Same thing other other side, a person looking for encouragement does not want criticism! What they need is your thumbs up emojis and a few positive words. If they get unasked for critique they don’t receive it as such, to them it’s easily just bullying.

How to fix the situation:

Now please note that these are just MY individual ideas. There’s no simple solution to this and it surely doesn’t happen over night but change can be made.

1. Make two separate channels on the server; CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM and ENGOURAGEMENT. Those looking for support can choose which variety they want and need. Now this also means that if you go to the criticism channel that’s what you’ll get! Everyone needs to take personal responsibility on this and not go on the channels they don’t want. If you don’t want criticism from complete strangers DM a friend, or ask a specific creator if they’d have the time to give you critique.

2. Own what you’ve said, and apologize. Those that have said mean words need to own up to them, apologize from the individuals affected and stop. Private messages shared between friends is fine (it’s human nature), however if your discussions revolve around judging and/or belittling others you might want to reconsider. Also if you’re not directly involved or asked keep your opinions to yourself. No one likes unsolicited comments.

3. NO MORE GATEKEEPING! Now this is should be obvious to everyone. This is a community which means people are going to do things differently. Don’t follow blogs who’s stories you’re not interested in. Don’t send anon hate cause you don’t like what they do. Unlearn the idea that there’s only one way to tell a royal simblr story. If you can’t do that, grow up.

4. Say no. If you don’t want to collab with someone say no. Seriously. Going around this will only create more behind the scenes trash talking. And if you’re told no, accept it. Most of us are adults, we can or at least should be able to handle a no. It sucks when the other person doesn’t share our enthusiasm for an idea but that happens. With so many stories out there sadly not all of them are going to align. Luckily we’re a big community so the odds that someone out there likes your idea is quite large! Which brings me to the last point 5. Keep an open mind. As said we’re a big community of different people from all over the world. We come from multiple ethnicities, religions and countries, we’re individuals of different sexualities and genders. We all have our own set of ideals and ideas we’d like to see. We’re storytellers and readers, weavers of massive intricate worlds, or people who just like to keep it simple. Our difference is a richness. You might not like every idea but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. Let people be and do their thing.

So that’s it for me. I hope I didn’t cross any lines with this. Thank you for taking the time to read what has been the longest Ani’s rambling ever. Let’s work towards a more healthy and welcoming community. My asks and anons are on.

Love, Ani

#royal simblr #ani's ramblings

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accio-jungkookie · 3 years ago

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shine on anyway - spider-man x reader (ch. 5)

a/n: hey hi hello! welcome back :) i hope everyone enjoyed last weeks chapter, and i hope this one doesn't disappoint! i would greatly appreciate any and all constructive critisism you have! also, i'm planning out and starting to write a new fic, and i'm split between doing an oc or making it a (y/n) main character. just thought id share bc who else am i gonna tell about this? XD enjoy the chapter!

summary: A kid from Milwaukee has to grow up far more quickly than she should while facing threats that men half her age would never dare go near. So, when she has to uproot after losing everything, does she lose herself too?

word count: 4.4k

warnings: Mentions of anxiety and depression, swearing, minor character death, blood and injuries, fighting, mentions of bullying, nightmares, and an inappropriate joke about sa. please let me know if i missed any! :)

last - five - next

The last few days were a living hell. Or at least the closest you thought you could get to it. You weren’t allowed to sleep at your own home, you still had to go to school and pretend everything was okay, and the police had been in and out of your house more times in the last three days than you had in the last month. It wasn’t fair that you couldn’t sit in your home unbothered anymore. It wasn’t even technically your home anymore, anyway. Your grandparents didn’t have a will, so while everything defaulted to you, it was unrealistic to think you could pay for the house and all its bills while you were a full-time high school student with a part time job. It was in the process of being evaluated to be sold by the time the funeral came around.

The funeral felt like torture. Ky was by your side and, while it helped, it still wasn’t amazing. You spoke about them, crying no less than three times as you described how gentle, kind, and understanding they were. How, no matter how many times you messed up, they were still there to guide you in place of your parents. Ky had given a speech too, something about being her stand-in grandparents, since hers were still in Japan. One of their friends spoke, talking about their love for animals and adventure. It was heart breaking and beautiful.

You thought you could pretend everything would move on as it had been, but the day after the funeral, your case worker told you that a decision had been made, and you were to be put into the foster system, become a ward of the state. You knew it was coming, but it didn’t worry you any less.

You had a few days to process everything, to pack up what you were going to bring with you. Ky had been over multiple times with her mom, helping you pack and talking through options. They had tried to file to take you in, but it wouldn’t work. They didn’t have the financial income to support another kid, so they were denied. You were orphaned with no family left, and you had to finally accept it. You were going to become another statistic, a number on a paper somewhere, and the idea upset you, but it wasn’t foreign. You had just finished packing your bag, ready to call for a ride to wherever you were assigned to stay, when you heard a knock at the back door. You were shocked to see Tony Stark, since you hadn’t seen him since before the funeral.

“We need to talk.” He said sternly, and you just nodded, opening the door to let him in before you closed it behind him. He looked around, seeing how empty the kitchen looked, before he looked back over to you. You sat down on the ground, leaning against the cupboards before looking up at him to listen to whatever he needed to say.

“I know what you’re going through, or at least close to what you’re going through right now, and I want to just say that I am so sorry for your loss.” He started, and you just stared at him. If he was just here to apologize like every other person you had talked to recently, he could just leave now. You were preparing to say just that when he spoke up again. “I know now isn’t a good time for big changes, but if you agree or not, things are going to change anyway. I just want to help, ok? I went back to New York for a few days, talked to Pepper and Happy, and if you agreed, we would like you to live with us in New York. We can work out the nitty gritty of it all later, but you could live upstate with us, or we can get an apartment near the school you go to, and you could stay there on school nights with a guardian. We would all sit and talk it out, but it would ultimately be up to you how all of this works out.” Mr. Stark offered, looking at you with something akin to hope. He was watching your eyes hoping to catch any emotion you might let through, but he couldn’t see anything.

“No.” You said quietly after a few minutes, standing up and grabbing your bag, ready to leave now. It hurt to sit here and not hear your Nana ask about hot dates, or hear your Papa talk about self-protection for the tenth time that day.

“No? What do you mean no?” Mr. Stark asked you, obviously blind-sided and confused that anyone would turn down what he thought was an easy choice. He thought he was giving you a saving grace, so when you rolled your eyes at his reaction, his eyes narrowed in warning.

“I once heard that generosity is linked to guilt. I don’t need your pity, Mr. Stark. Plus, I hate New York. Both my parents died there.” You stated objectively, straightening out again as you prepared to leave. You still had to make the call for a ride, but hopefully Mr. Stark would take the hint and leave you alone. But alas, it’s Tony Stark. He doesn’t take hints.

“It’s not pity, kid. It’s understanding. I was in a similar situation, once upon a time, and I know someone else who is also in a similar situation as well. What you’re going through? It’s going to easily be one of the hardest things you will ever face. I want to help ease some of that, like I wish someone could have done for me.” He admitted with a sigh, ignoring your statement about hating New York. He didn’t want to let on that he had gotten a hold of your state records and already knew about your parents. You were going to argue with him before he began to speak again, causing you to stare at him in annoyance.

“Now, I’m sure you know what happens when you leave here. You get herded into an over-filled house with kids who won’t like you, your quality of life drops, as does your potential. You grow up hating life, maybe you get a decent job, but statistically you become homeless after you age out of the foster system in a few years. Or you could join Happy and Pepper and I in New York, and defy the odds stacked against you. You could go above and beyond what anyone would ever expect from you. You could go to amazing schools, have an amazing education, and have your entire life to live.” He finished, eyes heavy with meaning as you looked down at your shoes, debating what he was offering. Truly debating it, not just pretending to get him to leave you alone. And honestly, what was holding you back? All you had left in Milwaukee was Ky, and the house would be sold any day now and everything left in it shoved into a storage unit. If you went to New York, you could call Ky every day and visit whenever school had breaks. You were about to agree when a question popper into your mind.

“How would I be able to? The process to be approved for fostering takes forever, and I have to leave today.” Mr. Stark almost seemed happy when you asked him, because in his mind, it meant that you were agreeing to everything. If that was your biggest concern, then he could take a breath and know you would likely be going back with him to New York.

“Pepper and I are already approved for it. She wanted to foster a kid last year, and it fell through, but we still got our certification. So, what do you say, (y/n)?” Mr. Stark asked you, not worried you would even say no. When you took a few moments longer than he expected, he started to get anxious until you answered.

“Fine,” You mumbled, peering up to see Mr. Stark’s relaxing face. “But I want to bring stuff with me. More than one backpack.” You compromised as Mr. Stark nodded. You were going to give yourself the best shot at life that you could, and right now, your best option would be to go with Mr. Stark.

“Of course, kid. We’ll leave tomorrow, so pack up or mark what you want sent up to New York, and rest well, ok? I’ll have Happy pick you up to take you to school to grab your things, then we’ll head to New York.” He said as you nodded.

“Happy is the guy who drove us to the police station?” You asked quietly, getting a nod from him.

“Yes, that’s Happy. Sleep well, kid.” Mr. Stark said as he left out the same door he came. So, you spent the rest of the night going through all of your belongings, through your grandparents’ belongings, and choosing what to bring with you.

The next morning was more hectic than you anticipated if you were honest. You had packed until almost midnight, then went patrolling until three a.m. It was a good stress reliever to just feel the wind nip at your cheeks as you swung around your city, for what would probably be the last time. It felt almost bittersweet, saying goodbye to the only city you ever really knew. It was a hard night, and a rough patrol if your ribs were evidence enough.

You had woken up on time, barely. You stayed in your pajamas since you were just going to school for a little bit. You sat around until Happy knocked on your door to let you know it was time to leave. You looked around your house one more time before you left, sniffing to try to keep your emotions in. On the drive to school, you talked to Happy to distract yourself.

“So, uh, Happy? How are we getting to New York later?” You asked quietly from the back seat. He looked at you briefly through the mirror before looking forward again.

“A plane.” He stated like it was the most obvious thing, looking back again to see your eyes widen almost comically. “Let me guess, never been on one?” He asked as you nodded slightly. You had a few bags in the car with you, mostly clothes and the more important things you thought to bring. You looked at them then, thinking of what you knew of planes.

“Where is my stuff going to go if there’s so many people?” You asked, getting another look through the mirror.

“People? No, it’s a private. All the space in the world, just you, me, and Tony.” Happy clarified, getting another small nod from you.

As you pulled into your schools parking lot, you huffed out a few rough breaths as you prepared yourself to say goodbye to Ky. You got out of the car, waiting for Happy to join you, before you walked into the building. You quickly cleaned out your locker before your turned to walk towards where your class was before you stuttered to a stop. You weren’t going to class You were going to find Ky. So, you turned and walked in the other direction, finding Ky’s class, and seeing she was in there early. Ky ran into the hall and hugged you tight, and you hugged her back as hard as you could without hurting her.

“I’ll visit all the time, I promise.” You said into Ky’s hair before you both pulled away, just looking at one another.

“You better, or I’ll hunt you down and beat you.” Ky joked, laughing as she wiped away a few of her tears. You laughed with her before you debated telling her the truth about yourself, about being Night Crawler, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. As much as you wanted to invite her into every part of your life, the only person left who knows you, you couldn’t put her at risk like that. Every person who has ever been close to a superhero gets hurt in the end, so you couldn’t bring yourself to invite her in.

“I love you. I’ll text you when I land.” You said, giving Ky one more hug before you turned to Happy, telling him that you were ready to leave.

You were trying to distract yourself from the pain of leaving Ky behind, but everything you would think of would just bring you anxiety. You were thinking about your dogs, who were waiting on the plane in crates. Then you were thinking of all the impossible ways the plane could go down and you would be helpless. All the stressing, however gruesome, proved to pass time since, the next time you looked up, Happy was getting out of the car on the tarmac. Your eyes widened as you quickly followed suit, grabbing your bags, and following him in a rush to keep up.

“Where is Mr. Stark going to meet us?” You asked Happy, speeding up slightly to keep pace with him. When you looked forward, you could see how massive the plane was.

“On the plane. He’s running a bit late, finishing off your papers or something. He should be here soon.” Happy responded, and you nodded at that. You followed him all the way onto the plane, setting your belongings down into a seat and sitting directly next to it. You fidgeted in your seat a bit, unsure of what to do before you pulled out your phone, playing a few different games to ease your mind. A few minutes after you had switched to reading a book, Mr. Stark walked onto the plane. You stood up to greet him, feeling awkward sitting down. You said your hello’s, then settled back into your seats. Mr. Stark had asked you a few questions you didn’t quite listen to, shrugging him off before he asked you a question, noticing your anxious fidgeting.

“Scared of planes?” He asked simply as the captain, you assumed, told everyone to buckle up. You did as you were told, shaking your head before nodding.

“Sort of. More scared of heights, really. Falling.” You mumbled, fidgeting as the plane started to move and gain speed. You missed the perplexed look on Mr. Stark’s face at the blatant irony of your fear seeing as you swung around on buildings for fun at night; you were too busy staring out the window with wide eyes, tearing up when you felt the plane start to lift off the ground.

‘Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe if I say something now, they’ll let me off-‘ Your mind suggested, quickly descending into madness as you felt the plane leave the ground, clutching onto the arm rests of the chair as hard. You were breathing heavily, squeezing the arm rests even harder as you watched the ground get farther away. You were nearly about to ask to stop before Mr. Stark moved to sit in front of you. He got your attention simply by being in your field of vision. You looked over at him, watching as he reached to close the window before he turned back to you.

“So, a kid who spends her time in the sky is scared of heights?” He asked you, almost bewildered at the idea. You wiped the few tears that had managed to fall, quickly letting Mr. Starks poor attempts at distracting you, well, distract you. You sniffed and cleared your throat before you spoke next.

“Not heights, Mr. Stark - falling. The view is beautiful from the sky but coming back down to Earth is terrifying.” You said, slowly starting to relax into your chair. You took a few deep breaths, and Mr. Stark took note of how you started to relax back into your chair with the distraction of conversation. Mr. Stark nodded in understanding of your fear, thinking back to the Battle of New York. The flight up had been beautiful if you ignored the missile. He couldn’t remember the fall back. Mr. Stark changed the topic, trying to find anything to keep you engaged.

“So, what exactly do you do? Spider-man 2.0?” He asked you sarcastically, not at all shocked when you rolled your eyes.

“I guess. I don’t know. I just kinda help the little guys out. The ones who can’t really help themselves, the ones who are ignored, ya know?” You mumbled, eyes on your lap before you sunk back into your chair a bit. You were only a bit self-conscious in front of the world’s first superhero. You blinked heavily, yawning slightly before you winced at the pain in your side. Mr. Stark squinted at you, taking note of the discomfort you seemed to be in.

“What happened?” He asked immediately. He watched you shrug again, settling into your seat in a way that wouldn’t bump or stretch out your side too much. You thought you were pulling one over on him, but he used to do the same things when he didn’t want Pepper to know he was hurt.

“Nothing.” You mumbled, refusing to make eye contact, even as he sought it out. Again, the world’s worst liar.

Mr. Stark rolled his eyes, obviously not buying the lie.

“Sure, nothing happened and we’re not on a plane. What happened?” He asked again, more sternly, but you were determined not to crack. Even if you were a bad liar, at least you stuck with it.

“Nothing. Probably just moved wrong, I guess. I dunno.” You mumbled again. Your eyebrows drew together as Mr. Stark spoke out loud into the plane.

“FRIDAY, check her side.” He commanded. You were about to ask what the hell he was doing, who he was talking to, until a voice spoke out of nowhere. You jumped in shock, looking around to find either another woman on the flight, or a set of speakers. You were a little more than confused when you found neither.

“Puncture wound to the side, result of a knife or a similar sharp object. Sutures are in place.” The voice answered as you pouted.

“Hey, that’s not fair.” You mumbled with a frown. Mr. Stark rolled his eyes, standing up above you now. You looked up for a moment before wrapping your arms around your abdomen, deciding you would not be looking up again.

“Let me see, kid.” Tony demanded, and you faked concern.

“Oh no, Mr. Stark. Are you asking that I, and underaged child, remove her clothing?” You said in the most irritating voice you could manage, batting your eyelashes as the man above you scoffed. You watched him scoff at your weird tactic of trying to force him to back off, but you heard Happy snort a laugh at your bold attitude towards Mr. Stark.

“I’m trying to see the stitches, (y/n), to make sure that nothing is infected. Speaking of, who the hell even gave you stitches?” He asked you, obviously caught off guard by what you had said to him. You groaned and rolled your eyes before standing up.

“I did them. Learned how to a few months ago.” You mumbled, lifting your shirt to just above the bottom your ribs where the healing wound was. Honestly, it wasn’t the worst thing that has happened to you, and it would be gone by the time you woke up tomorrow, but it still hurt nonetheless.

Mr. Stark investigated the wound, careful not to touch you as he nodded.

“Not half bad from a 14-year-old.” He commented, standing up again and letting you sit down and relax. “I’ll get you some medicine when we land. I usually don’t bring spidey-kid-strength medicine on board with me.” Mr. Stark offered as he walked back to a different chair, effectively ending the conversation and leaving you to your own devices now that you were calmed down. You frowned, knowing the conversation was over, but you had a new set of questions now. Why didn’t he just make the magic voice lady check for infection? Why did he know that you couldn’t use regular strength pain killers? Did you tell him it was a spider that had bit you? And how long was the plane ride, anyway?

You frowned and settled comfortably into your chair, deciding to try to sleep for the rest of the flight. You were tired from your lack of sleep the night before anyway, so you might as well catch up while you can.

You woke up, yawning as you stretched in bed. You heard footsteps from the kitchen above you, smiling at the thought of your grandparents making breakfast for you all. You climbed out of bed, frowning slightly as your body felt oddly heavy, almost hard to move even. You dragged yourself up the stairs, practically dragging your feet behind you, moving so incredibly slow that it started to concern you.

“Nana, Papa? Why can’t I move?” You cried out, voice wobbling in fear. You heard your grandmother start to respond before your heard glass break, a scream that pierced your heart, and tires screeching in your kitchen.

“Nana, Papa?” You called out hesitantly, trying your hardest to finish the stairs. When you heard nothing, you cried out a little louder.

“Nana?! Papa?!” You yelled, finally making it into your kitchen. When you could finally see, you wished you couldn’t You saw your grandparents bleeding out, their heads pressed into the windshield of their car. You sobbed, bile coming up your throat as you saw the aftermath of their death.

“Nana-“ You cried out, voice breaking as you tried to run to them. Maybe you could save them. If you had been there, you could have saved them.

A pair of arms held you back, clamping around your stomach when you leaped towards the car. You collapsed onto the floor, sobbing as you tried to pull away.

“Please, please, please-“ You cried over and over again, struggling to reach them. Every movement was painful, shoving the glass on the floor into your hands and knees. You turned to look at whoever was holding you back, planning on tearing them a new one before you saw who it was.

“Mom?” You whispered, your voice heavy with emotion. Her eyes weren’t seeing, not focused on you yet looking at you. Straight through you. “Mom!” You tried to turn to hug her, both happy and grieving as you looked her in the face. When she wouldn’t let you move to hug her, to comfort her, you looked at her with sad eyes. “Mom?” Your broken voice asked.

“Why weren’t you there? Why weren’t you there? Why weren’t you THERE WHY WEREN’T YOU THERE!?” She started screaming over and over again as she held you to the floor. You sobbed harder, shoulders sharking as you cried out ‘I don’t know, I’m sorry’ over and over again. You tried to put your head in your hands, crying blood, when you felt the arms vanish and the floor change texture. You opened your eyes, seeing dusty gravel underneath you. You stood up, brushing the gravel from your knees as you did so, before hearing a scream. You wiped your face as you looked towards the woman, then followed her eyes towards the sky. A plane, flying directly into the Twin Towers. You could hear his scream from here, smell the hair burning off his head. You could hear him plead for someone, anyone to save you. You heard him cry out your name, your moms name. You cried again, checking your wrists for your web shooters. As soon as you saw them, you took off.

You were swinging and climbing your way up dozens of floors, looking for the floor you had never seen but knew by heart anyway. You sought out his unfamiliar voice, eyebrows drawn together in confusion as you got closer, but yet he sounded like he was growing more distant.

“Dad! I’m here, please! Please, Dad I’m here now! Don’t go!” You cried, not seeing him until he was right in front of you. You had seen his pictures before, memorized his face, and yet you could barely recognize him. His hair was nearly gone, eyes devoid of life as he lay in a ring of fire.

“No.” You whispered, determine to get in and help him. To save him. Your eyes widened when you heard an airplane suspiciously close, and when you looked up, yet another plane was flying directly towards you, into the tower parallel to yours. You watched helplessly as it hit its mark, the explosion strong enough to throw your body from the building. And then, you were falling. For what seemed life forever, you fell facing the sky with tears in your eyes. All you felt was pain and loss, unable to comprehend a life without it.

You didn’t bother with your web shooters, resigning yourself to fate.

“If they couldn’t live, why should I?” You mumbled, still crying. You were looking into the sky as you saw the portal open, aliens pouring in. You were still falling, watching with fear.

“No, no no no no-“

“No!” you screamed, tears flowing down your face as you stared into eyes that you could not recognize, in a room unfamiliar to you. You sobbed, pushing away your mom as she held your shoulders down, forcing you to see her dying face. But it wasn’t your mother. It was Tony Stark, and he looked concerned.

You took in shaky breaths, trying to find reality again as you looked around the room frantically, noticing Happy watching you with concerned eyes as well. You looked back at Mr. Stark above you, watching his lips move but not hearing what he was saying. You looked him in the eyes, tears still flowing freely, and asked a question that broke his heart.

“Why not me?” You cried, voice hoarse from yelling in your sleep. You saw his face break, and he nearly cried for you. He understood what you meant. He knew what it felt like to live when no one else had. He understood survivors’ guilt just as much as you did.

“Because life still has plans for you.” He mumbled, giving your shoulder a squeeze with a sigh before backing away. Your eyes were still blurry from tears, but you ginally started taking in more of your surroundings. You noticed for the first time Pepper Potts standing next to your chair, her hand softly on your shoulder. It was also then that you realized that the plane was no longer moving, and the door was opened to let in fresh air.

You had finally arrived in New York.

#peter parker #spiderman x y/n #fanfic #spider-man #iron man #marvel #spiderman x reader #tony stark #fan fiction #iron family #iron dad #happy hogan #tom holland #pepper potts #rdj #angst #fluff #marvel mcu #mcu

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shatouto · 4 years ago

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Your last post on how “social media is bad for you all” got me. I mean it’s all good and well if you have friends and your family accepts your interests, but if not you are basically stuck with your own art and if you never show it then you won’t grow bc without constructive critisism it’s basically impossible.

i am truly sorry that you don’t have friends, if that’s the case.

i agree; you won’t grow without constructive criticism. but i ask you this: do you sincerely believe that strangers on tumblr or twitter (basically the biggest outlets right now; and i guess deviantart to an extent) would give you constructive criticism? the very strangers who can’t be bothered to even reblog/retweet to the point where creatives have to beg them to do so every once in a while?

and, okay, to be fair, maybe some of them do, sometimes. so let’s say that you are a newly starting artist, you need concrit, and you are getting concrit from posting art to social media. is it still worth it, though, to deal with the rest of the mental baggage? if you think it is worth it, go for it. if you are the kind of person who can deal with it all, please do go for it. im just one artist with very small impact stating what i believe to be true based on my personal experience, and you have every right to dismiss my opinion.

when i say show it to people you trust, i did not mean it has to be irl people offline. it could be a small friend group on the internet. it could be that one single friend you talk to all the time. little groups where you can exchange. it’ll take off your shoulders the pressure of posting to a huge big audience, and wouldn’t that be nice? wouldn’t it be nice to go at your own pace and focus on the process of creating instead of being influenced into worrying about how well your post performs? if you don’t have friends, maybe this will be where you make friends - artist friends, on top of that.

again, my post was an unstructured ramble. i don’t presume to speak for anyone or preach to anyone. hell, im still using social media, because i also crave the goddamn validation. i know i do. that’s why i said what i said. it’s poison and i don’t want it and i can’t imagine how much worse it would be for artists who are only starting out.

#anon #ask #you know what #let this be the last of this #oh and also?#my family doesnt accept my interest either.#i had classmates who also drew but they all saw it as hobby stuff #by the time i was 18 i had One (1) friend left who is still actively drawing and seeking to improve #that friend is now an ex-friend for reasons unrelated to this #i don’t have any irl artist friend anymore #but i do agree that i had friends who also draw when i was just starting out as an artist (like primary school)#and that is why i suggested the little friend group thing #it is lonely to do things alone

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the-real-slim-shady · 5 years ago

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Transgender and Non-Binary People: The Facts and Science Behind Them

I wrote this essay a while ago, after I had an argument with my mom about transgender people, and I figured I'd share it, it’s really long, so feel free to just skim it and find the important parts lol.

In recent years, gender issues have become much more prevalent in our society. People who are transgender and non-binary finally feel comfortable being who they are, but there are still people who think transgender and non-binary people don’t exist. Some believe that they’re just seeking attention, or that all of their problems could be solved with therapy. This is a tricky topic because it is hard to scientifically prove how a person feels in their body.

People usually think of the words “sex” and “gender” as interchangable, but this is in fact incorrect. In general terms, the word “sex” refers to the biological differences between men and women, such as the genitalia and genetic differences. “Gender” is more ambiguous, and harder to define. Gender usually refers to the role of a man and woman in society or an individual’s concept of themselves. To put it simply, sex is in the body, gender is in the mind. Sometimes a person’s genetically assigned sex does not line up with their gender. These individuals usually refer to themselves as transgender, non-binary, or genderfluid.

We all learn in middle school that the last pair of chromosomes we have determines our sex. XX for a woman and XY for a man. Sex, however, is not that simple. The male/female split is often seen as a man-or-woman binary, but this is not entirely true. Some men are born with two or three X chromosomes as well as a Y, and some women are born with a Y chromosome. In some cases, a child is born with a mix between male and female genitalia. This is sometimes deemed intersex, and parents can decide which gender to assign to the child, but sometimes the child feels neither male nor female or disagrees with their parents’ decision. A person can be female if they have an X and Y chromosome but they are insensitive to androgens, so they have a female body. A person can have an X and Y chromosome and have a female body because their Y is missing the SRY gene. A person can have two X chromosomes and have a male body because one of their X’s has a SRY gene. A person can be female because they only have one X chromosome. A person can be male because they have two X chromosomes and one Y. A person can be male because you have two X chromosomes but your heart and brain are male and a person can be female with an X and a Y because their heart and mind feel stuck inside the wrong body.

Most people’s sex and gender line up. The expectation that if you’re assigned a male at birth, you’re a man, and you’re assigned female at birth you’re a woman, lines up for people who are cisgender. But for people who are transgender or non-binary, the sex they’re assigned at birth may not align with the gender they know themselves to be. The concepts of gender and sex are socially constructed. We as a society assign gender and sex based on socially agreed upon characteristics. Dresses, the color pink, makeup, long hair, painted nails, and high heels belong to women, but we have seen in the past that this wasn’t always true, and as time goes on, the gendering of the aforementioned products is fading. This doesn’t mean that body parts and functions are “made up”, it just means that we categorize and define things in ways that could actually be different.

The transgender and non-binary identity has long been associated with poor mental health and trauma that can be “cured” by therapy. Science however, says otherwise. Transgender women tend to have brain structures that resemble cisgender women rather than cisgender men. The bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc) in transgender women is more similar to cisgender women than cisgender men, and the BSTc in transgender men more closely resembles that of a cisgender man. Science tells us that gender is not binary, it may even be a linear spectrum. Like other facets of identity, it can operate on a large range of levels and operate outside of many definitions. Transgender and non binary individuals are not suffering from a mental illness or carefully “choosing” a different identity. The transgender and non-binary identity is multi dimensional, but it deserves no less respect or recognition than any other facet of humankind.

It is essential to understand the difference between transgender people and non binary people. Transgender people feel like their assigned sex is wrong, and therefore change their gender and sometimes undergo surgery. Non-binary and genderqueer people identify themselves with neither an exclusively male or female gender, their gender identity is beyond the gender binary, sometimes fluctuates between genders, or rejects the gender binary. People who are genderqueer or genderfluid alternate between genders. Kind of like a craving for food, one day they will feel like one gender and wish to be addressed as such, and maybe in a day or a week they’ll feel like another gender and some days they will feel like no gender at all. This may seem to some people like they should just make up their minds, but trust me, if they could they would. Non binary people, however, feel like no gender, and will always feel like they belong outside the gender binary. Science has yet to provide an insight into the non-binary identity and whether there’s any scientific basis to them.

Some people say that transgender and non binary individuals are just feeling gender dysphoria, and they can overcome it. Gender dysphoria is actually just a name for how transgender and onbinary people feel before they come out: feeling that your emotional or psychological identiy as male or female to be opposite to your biological sex. Gender dysphoria is a strong desire to be rid of your sex characteristics because you feel like they don’t belong to you. It is a strong desire for the sex characteristics of the other gender, or no sex charecteristics at all. It is a strong desire to be treated as another gender. It is a strong conviction that you are not the gender you were born as.

Some people believe that gender dysphoria for transgender and non-binary people can be solved by therapy. However, researchers analyzed survey responses from more than 27,000 transgender adults accross the US with a roughly even mix of transgender women and transgender men. People who had undergone conversion therapy at some point in their lives were twice as likely to have attempted suicide than someone who had not. About 70% said they had talked to a professional at some point about their gender identity and of those 70%, 20% had undergone conversion therapy. All of the aforementioned people are still transgender.

In addition, many medical associations and academies have spoken out against conversion therapy. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry “finds no evidence to support the application of any “therapeutic intervention” operating under the premise that a specific sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression is pathological. Furthermore, based on the scientific evidence, the AACAP asserts that such ‘conversion therapies’ lack scientific credibility and clinical utility. Additionally, there is evidence that such interventions are harmful. As a result, ‘conversion therapies’ should not be part of any behavioral health treatment of children and adolescents."

The American Academy of Pediatrics says “"Confusion about sexual orientation is not unusual during adolescence. Counseling may be helpful for young people who are uncertain about their sexual orientation or for those who are uncertain about how to express their sexuality and might profit from an attempt at clarification through a counseling or psychotherapeutic initiative. Therapy directed specifically at changing sexual orientation is contraindicated, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no potential for achieving changes in orientation."

Since the beginnning of the non-binary movement, it has gathered skepticism, critisism, derision, and even violence. Many non-binary people (and transgender people too) are accused of being “special snowflakes” or “drama queens” and “attention whores”. However, this criticism ignores the fact that gender identity is largely personal. In addition, something as simple as the way you wish to be identified tends to cause hatred to be sent your way. There is little critisim towards non-binary people that can be directed towards them in a constructive matter. If a non-binary person is in fact “just doing it for attention” the name calling and hatred would just be feeding into their desire for attention and giving them exactly what they want!

Finally, if exploring your gender identity is a “trend” as some have called it, then isn’t it better than the previous trend of feeling isolated and alone and having absolutely no way to be who you are and say what you feel? In light of the current lack of any scientific evidence as to the biological nature of non-binary transsexuality, it is best to act in the same way as any situation where there is a phenomenon yet to be proven by science: doubt, skepticism, and open-mindedness, which accepts the potential for truth, but does not assume it.

Some people are against the idea of calling a transgender or non-binary person their chosen pronouns because they disagree with the way that said person identifies themselves, and they reserve the right to their freedom of speech. Dr. Jordan Peterson is one of these people.

Dr. Peterson is a psychology professor at the University of Toronto. He released a video lecture series taking aim at political correctness. He was frustrated with being asked to use alternative pronouns requested by trans and non-binary students and staff. “I’ve studied authoritarianism for a very long time, for forty years,” Dr Peterson told the BBC. “It starts by people’s attempts to control the ideological and linguistic territory. There’s no chance I’m going to use words made up by people who are doing that, not a chance.” Dr Peterson is concerned proposed federal human rights legislation will elevate his refusal to use alternative pronouns into hate speech. There is currently a bill in Canada that prohibits discrimination under the Canadian Human Rights Act on the basis of gender identity and expression. Under this bill, Dr. Peterson is not guilty of hate speech, but he could face sanction under Ontario’s human rights code which extended protection to trans people in 2012.

Conservatives like Dr. Peterson have conjured up images of good people being dragged off to jail for not calling a person by their chosen pronouns. To the contrary, as legal scholars like Brenda Cossman and Kyle Kirkup have patiently explained, the bill in Canada cannot lead to anything remotely like this. But the milk has been spilled, and rants have been recorded, and the subtext is that there is a segment of society accustomed to others accommodating their freedom but not the other way around.

Some people are confused as to why calling someone by their chosen pronouns constitutes as human rights, but I am confused about something else: In what kind of society does the question of whether we should respect people provoke a major debate? In what kind of society does the sentiment “you can’t make me” constitute a compelling argument?

In conclusion, there’s no reason to discriminate against non-binary people or transgender people because contrary to the popular belief, you’re not being morally or intellectually superior, you’re just being rude. Use their prefered name and pronouns. I promise it won’t kill you.

#transgender #non binary #social issues #transgender essay #non binary essay #LGBTQ rights

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lumilasi · 5 years ago

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i don't like that anon very muchಠ_ಠ

I don’t think anyone appreciates it when you are being rude and demanding with your critiques, or anything for that matter. Ultimately the person you critique decides if they find your advice helpful, for better or worse. Getting so up in arms over being declined is a tad childish I have to admit. (Which is why I suspect the anon is a child/teen. It would explain the behavior somewhat)

Critisizing is a big part of my studies as a graphic designer student, so it’s not like I don’t get it on a daily basis anyway. I do very much listen to the feedback there, because it has genuinely helped me improve my works.

Saying I don’t accept critique over me declining one - which this kind of seems to be the case of, why anon got so upset - aspect of given advice for now is pretty stupid.

I know i’m kinda rambling here now, but....

You don’t see any of my classmates acting like this when their critique gets declined or the person reasons why they disagree with the said critique. They also don’t give the critique with an attitude that says ’you MUST do this or else!’ They can be very blunt and harsh about it, but they say it in a constructive, fair manner, instead of having this kind of attitude to them.

The way the anon went about it is DEFINITELY not how to do it. My teachers would be pretty appalled too about the second response, not gonna lie.

Getting rude and demanding over someone politely declining your advise is not exactly how you get people to listen to your critique. It makes them VERY MUCH not take it in most cases, because that’s just how us humans work. We are emotional sacks of flesh.

Sorry for the ramble. It just feels kinda tiring when people have this attitude where sometimes declining or disagreeing with your critique partially or fully means you don’t accept it at all. That’s not how the world works, it’s not that black and white.

#noorichu #look at me ramble #I just found this part especially annoying to me #given I give and receive critique on a daily basis at school #so the anon going on a tangent and claim I don’t take it is pretty thick #just because I disagrees with YOUR critique somewhat at this moment #doesn’t mean I always decline it.#and lets not forget I did very much agree with the first part they said #that I need to ease up on the text effects #I do it too much

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alittledizzy · 6 years ago

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i kind of don't understand the critisism culture in the phandom. you can critisise dnp for whatever you want but if you tell a phanfic writer sth that can be considered critisism (i'm not saying hate) then everyone is ready to come at you. to clarify i can understand both points of view but why are they so polarised and extreme when they come from the same person? is it only about money?

To answer very simply: yes. It’s about money. It’s about the fact that one of them is profit-based content (still creative, but decidedly for a profit) put out by someone who is a professional in their field, and the other is a creative content put out by someone who writes fanfic as a hobby (not a reflection of quality, just of intent) out of passion for writing and love of the characters.

It’s wrong to say that you can never leave crit to an fanfic writer, though. All writers are free to make their own decision about what level of comfort they have with critique. Personally, I’m accepting of constructive criticism, I welcome it - conditionally. I don’t want it from anons. I would prefer if it not be left as a public comment. To me it’s most helpful in conversational form where I can talk out the point someone has and really understand their perspective. That’s why I love having beta readers so much. It’s a conversation I can be involved it and not just something I’m forced to read and take or leave with no deeper interaction. If you’re too scared to give your criticism any other way but anon then I think it probably isn’t something that needs to be said to begin with.

So basically what I advocate re: concrit and fic writers is just that your very first step to be to ask if they want it.

#anon asks #phan asks #Anonymous

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blackrosemii · 6 years ago

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Okay, now that I’ve gone through the 5 stages of grief I’ve finally reached acceptance. I can finally see the last season and the fandom through neutral eyes without being emotional. And I have to say this:

Am I dissappointed? Yes. Can I see what they’ve done wrong? Yes. Am I going to attack the creators or fans that actually liked it? Hell fucking no.

I know why people are mad and that’s okay. Everybody has the right to feel whatever they want to feel. But that doesn’t excuse harassment, threats or insults. That is just immature. If you want to tell them your opinion, do that in a calm manner. State clearly what was wrong and what mistakes they made. Maybe even give them some ideas of what they could have done better. That’s what constructive critisism is about. But don’t be immature little brats and attack the creators.

And about the twitter posts going around lately: As long as nothing is confirmed directly, I take it with a grain of salt. IF it’s true, then I’m severly dissappointed that LM and JDS would make such a decision as some kind of punishment for the fans. That reaction could also have come from a gradeschooler. They had a vision and they should have seen it through, regardless of what the “fans” (or in this case Antis, because they were the ones attacking them) think. If not, then I still want a clear answer from them why everything went downhill. And no matter what’s true, I still hope that they say something about this whole dilemma. Because they really have to.

To me, despite all the flaws, the plotholes and the whole mess of a story, Voltron is still a great show. I’ve really really enjoyed it and I’d watch it again and again. There have been many things they’ve done right. But people just love to pick the mistakes and make them overshadow everything that was good. There’s nothing perfect, I know that. But people should learn to enjoy the little things in something. Voltron is a great show. It had a lot of potential, but they wasted most of it.

In the end, we’ve all learned from this. The creators: 1. If you start a show, learn about your audience. And remember that no matter how old that audience is supposed to be, there will ALWAYS be a fandom of teenagers and older as well. Study about how fandoms are and learn how bad they can be. 2. If you have a vision, see it through to the end. Never start a plotline when you can’t promise resolving it. 3. Don’t lie. I know they can’t spoil anything, but if you don’t have another choice, just don’t say anything.

The fans: 1. Be intelligent human beings and talk about problems in a civil manner. Attacking people won’t get you anywhere. 2. Don’t forget that we as fans still have fanon if something doesn’t go the way we wanted. There are so many great artists and writers around. Just forget it ever happend and turn to fanon. 3. This isn’t your show. If you want to change something, study animation and become a producer yourself.

#voltron

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lukescheekglitter · 6 years ago

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Long-term Kik role play!

This is gonna be a long post!

Hiya! My name is Lou, and I’m interested in finding some new Kik role play partners! Just because my current partners aren’t as active as I’d like, or just I want something fresh and new to play with. So I’m gonna give you some key information&points on what would help you in deciding if you’d like to role-play with me or not!

Facts:

- My name is Alysha (Hello!)

- I’m 17!

- My fave/sunshine is Ashton!

- My characters expiriences are not my expiriences, my muse will never be based off myself, I don’t live through my characters. If my character has been raped/abused/had a bad experience, it’s all made up.

Rules:

- No ddlg! (Daddy Dom, Little Girl)

Calling the male “daddy” in a non-sexual setting is ok, bottles,binkies,diapers,talking/acting like a baby isn’t tolerable for me (sorry!)

- No pet play!

Tail plugs, Clip on ears, Clip on tails, and collars, calling the s/o “kitty” “bunny” “doe” or even “baby bear” or “puppy” in a public/private/sexual setting is perfectly ok! No fur suits! And Eating/drinking out of a bowl, going to “kitten/bunny space” is not!

-No scat/water sport kinks, PERIOD!

- No killing off main characters without discussing it with me first!

- No domestic abuse!

In instances, pushing is acceptable, such as, if muse A goes out to a bar and gets drunk with his/her friends, and comes home with hickeys on their neck and muse b has a meltdown over it and shoves muse a out of the way, that’s ok.

- No body shaming!

Your muse should NEVER tell mine to loose weight/work out, encouraging healthy decisions is ok, but saying things like “should you be eating that?” Or “babe you’ve eaten so much today!” Or “Wow, you look so skinny in this picture!” This will NOT be tolerated.

-No super short replies! Make it at least 5-10 lines please, but half-a full page or even hitting character limit is greatly appriciated!

-No leaving me on r/ not being active for days/more then 30 minutes at a time.

Being busy is ok! If your going to school/work/doing things/going to bed/taking a nap, just tell me! If your going on vacation and won’t have service or are going to a sleepover and your replies will be slow, just say “Hey! I’m doing something right now/am super busy, I’ll be active again in 1 hour/tomorrow/next week”, or “I’m going to bed I’ll reply in the morning/when I wake up!” It’s not that hard! And it makes things easier for me, as I’m not left hanging (:

Please do:

- Encorperate your kinks! Kinks that are attractive/acceptable to me include but are not limited to:

Daddy kink (love this one!)

Kitten/Bunny kink (specifically tails&ears&collars&pet names)

Light BDSM (Spanking, Light choking, grabbing of the face, rough sex, light over stimulation)

Dirty talk! (Your my little slut/whore/toy/fuck doll/cum whore/cum slut)

Cock-warming (for when characters want to be extra close during cuddles (;)

Public sex! (Obviously not when people are watching, but sex on an empty beach, or fucking in the bathroom at a club/party is ok!)

These aren’t the only kinks I’ll do! Any others just talk to me about and I’ll be open minded about it!

-Detailed thoughts/feelings!

Don’t just say “I smiled” say things like “I smiled, my perfectly white teeth in view the way you loved, my mood brightened by your compliment.” It makes everything more fun! I’m a slut for detail (;

- Tell me if you don’t like the way my charicter is acting/being played, or portrayed, and I will fix it to the exact way you want the character to be, I thrive on constructive critisism.

Most of my role-play partners find it offensive when I tell them for instance their character isn’t romantic/loving enough, please don’t be! I try to put it to you as gentle as I can, and if I’ve see your best, and your giving me half effort, I’m only trying to make sure everything is ok!

- Talk to me! Message me about how much you love the boys/ your sunshine! I’d love to be your friend and not just your role-play partner!

- Add as much detail as you want!

My reply’s length mirrors yours! So if you send me half a page, I’ll send half a page back, if you send me 2 messages that both hit character limit- I’ll do the same.

- Be as dramatic as you want!

If you want to say “my teardrops were falling like rain drops on a car window in a thunderstorm” then please reply like that! I love dramatic styles of writing, it’s so fun!

- Use I/you pronouns

I’m ok with “I looked at her with that dark, hungry look in my eye.”, but I would prefer it to be “I looked at you with that dark, hungry look in my eye.”

- Play in first person!

First person is the only role play style I do.

- Build your muse a back story!

I really, really, really love back story’s. Really detailed ones to be exact. Your muse talking to mine about their life before them is so interesting to me.

- This is gonna sound pretty brutal, but if your muse was sexually/physically/emotionally/mentally abused by a parent/relative/ex bf or gf and is opening up to my muse about it feel free to explain it in detail, I love hearing it, and having my muse be helpful and sympathetic about it.

- Use pictures/gifs if you want! You can use this for;

Face claims

Smut scenes

Outfits

Bedrooms

Houses

Pets

Anything really!

No no’s:

- Your character being a horrible person, this includes

Being a former rapist.

Being a bully.

Being abusive.

Being a serial killer.

Being a hit-man.

Triggers:

- I’m lucky enough to not have any! I love brutal gory stuff, (I’m going to be majoring in psychology in college, so making another mind is really interesting to me)

- Acceptable plot twists/tragedies to me include:

Car accidents

Cancer (I’ll do it, but I’ll most likely time skip as I have had family members with cancer and it’s quite sad to see someone die slowly and painfully/go through something so tragic)

Rape (not your muse to mine but a random person raping my muse is ok)

Hurricanes, tornados, Wild fires, House fires.

School shootings (these are hard for me to deal with as it’s my biggest fear, but I can do it if I keep reminding myself that this is only role play)

Terrorist attacks (same as school shootings)

Mental illness (bipolar disorder, schitzophranic disorder, manic episodes, any other mental illness)

House break ins/ robberies

Being held captive

Plane crashes

Child deaths (this one is really hard, but provides a lot of character growth)

Pet deaths (same as child deaths)

Marijuana use

Cigarettes

Drug abuse

Alcohol abuse/alcoholism

If you aren’t interested/are triggered by any of these things let me know! I will steer clear of them, I promise!

My plot interests

- Cliche plots! This includes;

High-school AU’s

Collage AU’s

Gang AU’s

- Age gaps!

I’m okay with 3-5 years difference, but the older has to be the dominate, and the younger or older can’t be younger then 18.

Age differences more then 5 years won’t be tolerated.

- bxb (; my ships are:

Cashton

Lashton

Cake

If I’m playing Cashton, ashton would be the dominate, same for Lashton, for Cake, Calum would be the dominate.

- For bxb my muse will always be gay and very very fem.

- I’m open to any plot ideas you have!

Post continued here!

#5sos #calum hood #michael clifford #luke hemmings #5 seconds of summer #5sos rp #5sos roleplay #5 seconds of summer role play #5 seconds of summer rp #ashton irwin role play #calum hood role play #michael clifford role play #luke hemmings role play #role play #kik role play #rp #kik rp #5sos fam #5sos fandom

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